Another One *Vine Boom*

I am not the only trans man in my class anymore. It is a little comforting. He's been offering me rides home since sometimes my partner is in an appointment or something similar and can't pick me up when we get out of class. For the sake of his anonymity I won"t go into a ton of detail. It is good to see however.

Our instructor was telling us about how the industry has been changing, and how much more diverse companies are trying to be now. I just hope he's right, and that what he said applies to me.

The biggest issue I'm having at the moment is I need to change my name, but I have the misfortune of living in a state where it is incredibly expensive. It's about $400 when everything is combined, and that's if the judge approves of the name change. If I get unlucky and get a judge that won't approve it, that will cost more. Thing is, that's a third of my rent. I don't have that sort of money. I was thinking of doing a gofundme or making art for people to raise the funds. I'm hoping having a legally changed name will save some awkward conversations and some headaches for whatever IT people would have to scratch their heads trying to change my name in a ticket system.

I found a company that has the early morning shifts I would want to work. I'm a morning person and like to get out mid afternoon. I'm also not trying to work a majority of my shift in the heat of the day. I'm going to apply but for the reasons I've listed above I'm hesitant. I'm also not sure how I'm going to manage two jobs and school. I'm sure I'll figure it out when I get to it.

Life Update (It's Good)

It got better.

It's been a hectic last couple of months so I'll try to keep it brief. First we'll start with what happened with the car. Since we settled I can talk about it. The man who hit us got full liability, he made a rolling stop at a stop sign which is not legal in our state. We got the value of the car plus our deductible back and our insurance did not increase. We were able to make a sizable downpayment on a really nice car for a good deal. It sucks that we're making payments now but honestly I believe this is the best outcome for this situation we could have gotten.

Using public transportation was not as bad as it could have been. Since I was going at odd hours (very early in the morning and about 2pm) there weren't a lot of people to be worried about. I did have a small confrontation at a gas station where I was waiting but the person left pretty quick when he realized I was not going to budge. Someone asked me for money, I told him I didn't have any but would get him some food and he called me some choice words. None of them transphobic, so I guess I have that going for me. I get approached quite a bit, maybe I look friendly. My issue is I am friendly, life sucks too much to add to it with a nasty attitude toward people.

What really sucked was the weather. It's been cold and rainy/snowy. The wait for the bus and the walk to it wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the weather. Luckily a couple times school was cancelled for bad weather so I didn't have to walk in it, but for the days it wasn't cancelled I did not have a great time. You know what though? It is what it is. Sometimes life sucks but we get through it. That's how I've been viewing a lot of things, it doesn't make it easier in the moment but it makes the other side seem much more attainable. Maybe it makes me stronger, I wouldn't know.

I wanted to make this update post for anyone worried about the last one. Thankfully everything worked out with the car and I didn't get hate crimed on the bus.

Life Update (It's Bad)

On Saturday my partner was in a car wreck. He is okay but the car is total so we're in the limbo of waiting on insurance to assess the car and come to an agreement on how much money we'll be granted from the wreck. Since it's still in development I'm not sure what else I can (or should) say.

I'm currently shopping around for a personal injury lawyer in case insurance does not cover another car and his medical bills. However, both our insurance and the other party have been incredibly helpful so we doubt it will come to that.

What does this mean for me in the trade? Well, a surprising amount. I do not have school on the weekends so I didn't have to try to figure out a ride Sunday, but today and yesterday was another story. Since I do not have money for ubers, and they generally don't run early in the morning, I've had to use public transportation.

Public transportation is one of the scariest things a lone trans person could traverse. The current trans panic makes this fact 3x worse. I'm scared of being clocked as trans and followed, robbed, or even taken. This fear began a couple years ago when I took the bus and a man hassled me about my gender (my voice hadn't dropped quite yet). He was under some sort of influence and asked me my gender. I told him but he was not satisfied with my answer. He began grilling me, almost hysterical with his accusations. He called me "baby boy" and "lady boy" and grabbed my arm twice to get my attention when I tried to ignore him. Thankfully the woman he was with along with a man who was standing nearby intervened and I was able to slip away from the situation. I do not know who that man was that stepped in but I wish him the best. I hate to think of what could have happened if they hadn't been there.

Yesterday and today were thankfully incident free. I believe it is because I pass way better than I used to. However, I can't help but worry. A family member offered us a car to drive but it won't be ready until the 21st. I have one more day of riding the bus to school and one day of riding it to work. Hopefully it remains incident free. I will update if anything happens.

Two Months In

It's been about two months now. More like one in and a half but it's close enough for me. There's enough to say.

From what I understand, in HVAC first you get your apprenticeship and then you get a journeyman's card. There's also a contractor card you can get later down the line but it's optional. I don't think the stress of running my own business is for me, but I may think differently about it when I get there. After school I'll be working an apprenticeship job. Finding one won't be difficult, I've been made offers already. Finding one that will accept that I am transgender may be difficult. When it comes to looking around for jobs, even entry level, I've found my applications denied despite being more than qualified. I like to think that perhaps they had already filled the position, or I had done something else (like flunk one of those online tests that many places have you take) but there is a pessimism that tells me that it could be that I'm trans. That's likely not true for all of them, but I'm sure the issue will come up later.

My solution is to have my name changed. This is free to do on a federal level, however in my state a name change can cost 200+ dollars for whatever reason. I can't help but think this is very classist. I cannot afford that, $200 dollars pays for my electric and procured interest for my student loans. This is assuming I have no other hoops to jump. If the judge or admin I'm paired with feels like being difficult that could cost me more money. I could wait until I have a nice apprenticeship job but I want the name change to make that process easier. I've thought of starting a gofundme or something similar. Perhaps a small business where I make stickers or something. Those are a dime a dozen so I'll need some brancells to get that one really going.

I'm also trying to cope with the idea that I may have to grind out many hours a week working an apprenticeship and my current restaurant job. Student loan payments begin six months after I graduate, adding a whopping $400 of extra expenses onto me. I know many people are just fine working two jobs, and I'm not special, it's just something I've never done before. At the moment I cannot drive (due to a past seizure disorder) but I should be able to get my license in February assuming the seizures do not come back. I've been through hell and back trying to figure out what they are and used a lot of insurance money. Specialists and doctors alike are stumped so they can come back whenever they feel like and there's not much I can do about it. I'm terrified that it could come back while I'm trying to work in this field. It's all a bit much.

Back to the driving thing, I mention it because it means my partner had to drive me everywhere, which would be incredibly inconvenient if I'm working two jobs (not that it's not inconvenient now). I'd also have to either pick up a cheap used car (as if those exist anymore) or start making car payments.

If anyone has any ideas, please let me know. My inbox is open. I'm a no nonsense kind of guy but I have a sense of humor. I also have no clue how tags work, I've been winging it. If someone could help me out there I'd be appreciated.

The Beginning

It's been about a month.

If you couldn't guess by my URL, I am a trans person (FTM) who is entering the HVAC trade. This is for a few reasons.

As the economic crisis rapidly sends us streaming forward toward poverty, my entry level job was not making us (my partner and I) enough money anymore.

Gifted kid burnout caught up to me a long time ago, and with the affordability of college being completely impossible without loans I would never have a hope of paying back, I turned to trades as an option of higher education without the ridiculous price tag.

I am more of a hands on person. Sitting down at an office desk was never for me, and I'm not sure why I ever thought it would be. I want to get my hands dirty, and have a new adventure every day.

Why HVAC specifically? Good question. I was interested in trades in general, how things work has always fascinated me. HVAC was a matter of elimination. Medical was not for me, blood and high stakes stress me out and the cost of those courses are very high. I've already flunked out of engineering classes in high school so anything related to it was a no go. Welding was another good option, but with loud sounds and bright lights my autism and bad hearing were not going to have a good time. The last two I was considering were HVAC and electrical. Each excellent fields and I had high interest in both, so I applied for EMT which is a combination of both (electrical mechanical technician, not the medical worker).

Now a new issue arose, one I have dealt with my whole life.

I am transgender.

The current trans panic, living in the bible belt, not passing well, and the already intimidating trades were a lot to take in a navigate, but I believe I have been very fortunate.

The first step was shopping around for a school and being very up front with how I identify and the situation. Emailing schools made it easier to imagine the school as an entity rather than a collection of people each with their own political views that make them view me very differently. I was ghosted by a couple schools, I am unsure if this is because of my identity or if they thought I was a spammer, but for my sake I'd like to think it was the ladder.

I managed to get pell grants, a few scholarships, loans that are far smaller than they would be for a four year degree, and finally an approved application.

The first couple of months were intimidating, there is a lot to learn in a small amount of time and a recent head injury was not helping. However, I do not give up easily. I found that passing had never been more important to me than ever, and I'm not entirely sure why. Perhaps the far more masculine men around me make me feel more inadequate. Perhaps the trans panic has indeed instilled a terror in me of being clocked as trans far more than I originally thought. Perhaps it is simply paranoia and the unknown. Whatever the case, I've found myself taking more steps than I usually do to pass, including binding. I never really did befores since having covid binding has restricted my breathing when any strenuous activity is involved, my chest is not large to begin with, and the mentioned current economic crisis has made it impossible to save for top.

There have been a couple instances when I was misidentified as female, thankfully my voice saved me in that regard, but when I am stopped up due to the weather, it is not as convincing.

In one instance the wrong name was called (since I have been unable to change it) so I had to pretend like my name was simply not on the roster until I could correct the person in private, embarrassing everyone involved. My existence is very alien, so there is no system in place to change my name or inform staff other than by email or word of mouth. It is all very overwhelming.

Other than all of these moving parts, day to day has been very smooth. I can update in the future if there are any incidents or new challenges come up. Thank you for reading.