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transamorousnetwork · 5 days

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The False Bible Truth That Keeps Killing Trans People

Some Christians will dispute this, but the Bible itself seems clear on the issue: God hates gays. At least that’s what Christian evangelicals will tell us.

As does the Bible. I mean, it’s clearly stated many, many times throughout the “good book”. And it’s not just gays. Apparently, god also hates trans people. People who love them too.

But is that all really true? Or might the Bible have it all wrong?

I’ve always seen the Bible as something other than the word of god. It’ can’t be the word of god because god didn’t write the Bible. No matter how a theologian will try explaining it, god did not pen the Bible. Man did. And man is fallible.

This post is about a new documentary I watched. It’s called 1946: The Mistranslation That Shifted Culture. This film examines one of the biggest bombshells Christianity dropped on humanity and the massive destruction that bomb created. Turns out that bombshell was based on a lie.

The problem is, that lie shaped the world we see today. One where a lot of Christians don’t act very Christian. One where a lotta far right Christians persecute trans people, believing they’re doing “god’s work”.

Let’s dive in.

The Bible’s original intent was pure

1946, the film, is great. It offers extremely compelling evidence supporting its contention. Its contention is the white, presumably straight, men who translated the most popular versions of the Bible got it wrong when translating two critical terms. They conflated those two terms to mean “homosexual”. Then, publishers used that conflation to fill the entire Bible with the word “homosexual”, thus creating the weaponized version of the Bible many evangelical lay persons and their leaders use to condemn trans people today.

The difference that conflation created sent human civilization on a totally different trajectory than if that translation error never happened.

Not only does the film offer proof, it offers proof that’s extremely compelling. The 20 men translating the Bible were theologians. It’s clear from factual examination of these men’s own notes that their intentions were pure. After the conflation happened, however, another man saw the group’s translation. This other man happened to also be a theologian.

But something else about this guy made him the perfect person to get involved: he also was gay. And he also was a pastor.

This person wrote a letter to the group. He urged them to reconsider the conflation. And he gave compelling reasons why they should. What’s amazing, given today’s Christian perspective on gays, is the group’s leader was super interested in this guy’s opinion. The two exchanged extremely cordial letters about the conflation. In the end, the group leader agreed with the gay pastor: the translation was wrong.

^^A question that can change the world. From the film’s website.

Sacrosanct words meet politics

However, our process-driven society amplified the problem. Some years would pass and the error didn’t get fixed. In those years, publishers published two other versions of the Bible. Those versions also contained the mistranslation.

Then Billy Graham and Jerry Falwell popularized those translations. They gave mistranslated versions of the Bible for free to congregants. Back then, these two men were Christian rock stars. Their audiences were HUGE. Which meant a lot of people got those Bibles.

Right about this time, Ronald Reagan became president. Politics and Christian values birthed the Religious Right. And that was all she wrote. Needing a foil to keep Christians agitated and engaged, the Politicized Religious Right focused on gays as “the enemy”.

Right around this time AIDS happened. AIDS was the perfect example of homosexual depravity. The Religious Right claimed AIDS was divine retribution for homosexual sin. Momentum took over from there.

This explains why, today, the Bible contains the word “homosexual”. Accurately translating those two words would put the Bible in a completely different standing on gay and trans people. The documentary offers undeniable proof about this. Unless you believe the Bible is the word of god.

And yet, many Christians will not consider this proof. Even though it comes directly from the men who did the translations. Again, many Christians believe the book is the word of god. It is therefore infallible. They don’t consider these words the words of man, translations prone to error.

The power of belief and momentum

The film maker’s family shows how powerful belief in the book as the word of god can be. The film maker is lesbian. Her father is an evangelical pastor. He swears the Bible is the word of god. As such, he believes what the Bible says about homosexuals. Even when presented with proof documentarians found, he’s unwilling to budge. It’s the word of god, he says. End of story.

Not only does this pastor’s example show how powerful Christian belief is, even when it’s based on distortion, it also shows how powerful beliefs in general are. Beliefs and momentum literally create our realities. So many Christians believe like this pastor does. Other pastors believe this too. And they pass that belief on to their flock, using oratory fire and brimstone, thereby creating even more fervent believers.

And so generations have believed this lie. Generations of congregations and generations of Christian leaders too.

Even some gay Christians find themselves believing. They can’t reconcile who they know themselves to be with what their religion tells them. Indeed a central figure in the film is another theologian. Like the pastor who challenges the conflation, this central figure is gay. At one point, inner conflicts drove him to nearly kill himself. In the film he says his life is significantly diminished compared to what it could be had the Bible not been translated the way it was. He claims the Bible destroyed his ability to form intimate bonds with people.

Our beliefs matter. They literally shape reality. Some literally shape society and culture. They are nottrifling matters. Decades have passed with many tragedies happening because of this one translation error. A translation error picked up and weaponized by fanatical politicians as well as religious fanatics.

There’s hope

And yet, this documentary can potentially alter our future. I’m holding space for it to reach those who can do something about this egregious lie perpetrated by so many who have come before us. So many claiming to be Christian.

I also hold space for people to watch the film. Some of it is hard to watch. Especially interactions between the film maker and her father. I know after his transition, he’s going to be shocked when he discovers how wrong he was.

And yet, I must offer both the father and the film maker kudos. Despite this enormous difference between them, they maintain a relationship. One seemingly based on love and….tolerance of one another….if not outright acceptance. That’s not something I could do.

I prefer a life where life is peaceful and joyful. People with gross distortions, such as the film maker’s father, don’t appear in my life.

I like it that way.

Whether you’re Christian, gay, trans or otherwise, watch this film. It’s powerful.

#transgender #transamorous #mtf #transattracted #transgirl #transisbeautiful #transsexual #transamorous men #transattraction #transamorous network

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transamorousnetwork · 12 days

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Do Americans Really Hate Trans People Now?

I read a story on Medium recently that took the United States to task for hating transgender people. It’s author recently listened to a podcast series about parents navigating difficulties they face as parents of trans kids.

What happened here is instructive. The author took a country of over 300 million people and reduced every person into transphobic bigots. How she got to that conclusion shows how powerful stories create reality. Her example also shows why it’s a terrible idea to look at things that make us feel shitty.

Let’s take a look at what happened here so we can learn from the wonderful gift this author gave us. Then, let’s look at what really is happening with American’s views about transgender people.

Radicalization: it’s not a good look

So the author, who is trans, listened to what supposedly is a supportive podcast for those with trans kids. I’m not including a link to it, or to the author’s post, because I prefer offering empowering and supportive content. Not content that radicalizes people. Especially content that doesn’t appreciate the bigger picture. A bigger picture that screams: Hey! The world is getting better and better for transgender people!

Apparently, according to the Medium author, the United States is an “ocean of hate” and this podcast represents an island of queer positivity. And yet, according to the author, the podcast focuses on how these parents are “terrified”, “worried” and “concerned” about the lives of their trans kids.

How is terror, worry and concern positive?

The deeper into her article we get, the more it becomes clear that the Medium author lost perspective. Binging the podcast got her all riled up. What’s really interesting is, in her article she critiques the United States as a hatred-filled radicalized “banana republic” while at the same time expressing views herself which border on hate. Views which are way off the mark about what is really happening in the United States.

In other words, she allowed the podcast to radicalize her beliefs. And in her radicalization she has become the very thing she’s attacking: someone who allowed herself to adopt a drastically skew perspective of what’s really going on. Then she lashed out with judgements about people she doesn’t know.

Transphobic people are doing the exact same thing.

Radicalization is not a good look. It doesn’t matter if liberals or conservatives do it. It doesn’t matter if transphobes or transgender people do it. It’s the same. It’s disempowering, and it’s ugly.

Is America An Ocean of Hate?

But more importantly, radicalization backfires. It turns the radical into a parody of him or herself. And, taken to the extreme, it tends to get a lot of people hurt. Often that includes the radical. Every mass shooter is a radical. So is every suicide bomber.

That’s enough about the article and the podcast. Let’s instead now look at what “America” really thinks about transgender people. This is going to be interesting…

For a more balanced look, let’s turn to Pew. Pew is a leading research firm. It gathers public opinion on almost everything. Including opinions Americans have about the transgender phenomena. What did Pew find in their research? Well, like I wrote above, it’s interesting:

Most [Americans] favor protecting trans people from discrimination, even as growing share say gender is determined by sex at birth. – Pew Research

Here’s what that looks like in a graphical breakdown:

Yes, people are still stuck thinking a person is a man or woman as determined by sex assigned at birth. But you know what almost totally is to blame for that? SCIENCE. That’s right! Science has convinced people there is nothing beyond physical reality. And most people swallow that crap hook, line, and sinker. So they believe sex and gender is a physical construct. It’s not.

Sex and gender are determined well before birth. And that determination is A CHOICE.

Cultures that pre-date science knew better, as many trans people know. That’s why Hijras and two-spirit people have been things far longer than modern civilization, to mention two examples.

Youth change reality

Meanwhile, as old, crusty farts holding to conservative views die off, young people’s attitudes are more closely matching a more nuanced view of transgender people. Their views also promise better futures for such people. Look at this, for example, which also is from Pew:

In other words, in America, the younger the American you ask, the more supportive that person will likely be. Moreover, politically progressive people lean more supportive as well.

So where are these radical, hating, transphobic Americans? Is America really an “ocean of hate”?

These data seem to debunk the assertion. Just ten percent of Americans express strong opposition or just opposition to the transgender phenomenon. That means LESS THAN TEN PERCENT “strongly” oppose. Meanwhile, an overwhelming 64 percent of Americans STRONGLY FAVOR or FAVOR protecting transgender people. It seems, then, that America is an ocean comprising a majority of tolerance, acceptance and support. “Hate” is an exclusion to the American norm.

Let’s look at another source

Ipsos is another polling agency. Last year, they conducted a poll of Americans on the transgender issue. That poll showed strong disinterest among Americans for having trans women, for example, compete in women’s sports competitions. But other results they found are consistent with Pew’s.

On providing gender-affirming medical care, for example, Ipsos found an overwhelming majority of Americans support such policies. Read that headline below carefully. It’s not written very well in my opinion:

A better headline would have been “The majority of Americans SUPPORT GIVING trans youth gender-affirming care”. Here’s another Ipsos graph presenting the same information. It may be easier to understand. An interactive one can be found on the NPR website. You’re wanting to look at totals representing the “opposed” categories.

It’s getting better!

What shall we take away from all this? Well, first, your stories (beliefs) matter. They shape your reality. They also determine your behavior. The Medium author’s radicalized beliefs caused her to write a way inaccurate story about the United States. And that happened because she listened to a “supportive”, “positive” podcast for parents of trans youths.

Stories/beliefs also attract to us evidence that will tell us our stories/beliefs are “true” . So if we think the world is terrible for trans people, that’s what we’re going to see. But that doesn’t mean that’s the whole story.

Sure, there are those who hate what trans people represent. Those people are frightened by what they see. Trans people confront their long-held beliefs. But that’s not your problem! Indeed, no trans person need encounter such people. Not if they don’t want to.

^^One of my mentors putting it plain. Those who hate you hate out of their own suffering.

The problem is, a lot of trans people want to encounter them. They don’t intentionally want to. But their beliefs, choices and actions cause them to encounter such people. Some do it because they believe they’re changing the world. That’s great. But others do it while not knowing they’re doing it.

What we resist persists! What we complain about we get more of! If we stop putting attention on the tiny minority of people out there living their lives in deep pain, those people will gradually self-select themselves out of our experience.

And, if we put our attention on all that’s going great for trans people, we’ll see more of that. Then we’ll feel better about life. We’ll feel better about OUR lives. And when that happens, our lives WILL GET BETTER.

That’s how the Universe works.

Don’t believe me, try it

Now, you may think you have enough evidence to prove what you just read wrong. That just proves my points! Don’t take my word(s) for evidence! Test it out! The Universe will prove it to you! That’s guaranteed because that’s how the Universe works.

It continuously wants us to know life can be as great as we want it. That’s why, when we focus on things we think are “going wrong” we feel bad. We feel bad because that feeling tells us we’re not looking at the world the way we could look at it. And, as a result of looking at it the way we could, we could feel better. And then have a better life.

If you try it, if you try looking for evidence of everything going right, evidence will show itself to you. But you must know where to look to see it. Otherwise, you miss it. I can help you not miss it. Let’s chat.

#transgender #transamorous #mtf #transattracted #transgirl #transisbeautiful #transsexual #transamorous men #transattraction #transamorous network

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transamorousnetwork · 19 days

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How Hate Turns On Itself: A Great Lesson For Trans People

Almost exactly a year ago, conservatives offered a wonderful lesson for trans people. Unfortunately, I don’t think many in our community understood the lesson. So they let the opportunity slip by.

I caught it though. And that’s what this post is about. What happened shows precisely why trans people and those who love them getting on the “hate” bandwagon is not in the best interest of the community.

It seems foolish to “turn the other cheek” these days, given violence waged at our community. And yet, it’s the best option. At no time is such a strategy more needed. Not because it is good for the world, although it is. But because it is good for every transgender individual. Trans-attracted men too. That’s because we can’t help but become what we hate. That’s what conservatives showed us last year.

I’ve seen examples of this over and over. Especially in the trans community. The same dynamic plays out in love relationships between trans women and men looking for trans women partners. We can’t find love if we’re looking at the opposite of that. It’s very hard to have a relationship when we’re complaining all the time about not having one.

But this story isn’t about love. It’s about hate. And it’s a story worth pondering. Let’s look at what happened almost a year ago.

A witch-hunt for “woke”

Last year, conservatives were in a tizzy over “woke” culture. They’re still in a tizzy, a year later. For sure, they’re using woke as a whipping post. In doing so, they’re whipping up lots of donations. Those donations are coming from dominant culture folks (i.e. white people). Folks who are either too busy trying to make a living, or too ignorant to contest what they hear from their “leaders” to really understand what the term “woke”, actually means.

Anyway, these poor people (and a lot of them are economically poor) swallow talking points that point to diversity as the reason their lives are going so poorly. This dynamic really got underway in 2020. Even though woke as a positive diversity message got started as far back as the 1930s.

Last year though, conservatives, especially Fox News, left no stone unturned in their pursuit to vilify woke culture and, thereby attract more viewers, subscribers, votes and advertising income. As a result, corporate diversity initiatives such as Diversity, Equity and Inclusion (DEI) programs got caught in conservative pundit crosshairs.

Which brings us to the crux of this story. This story is a perfect example of how the haters become the hated.

^^A woman draped in a pride flag carries a sign with a “woke” slogan. The term “woke” has been around a long time. As early as the 1930s. (Photo By By Montanasuffragettes – Own work, CC BY-SA 4.0)

Enter Chick-fil-A

Chick-fil-A is a conservative darling. It’s arguably one of the most successful fast-food franchises in the US. It regularly ranks as America’s favorite fast food chain. The business is owned and lead by a conservative Southern Baptist. As a result, the company sticks to Christian values. This includes the stores being closed on all religious holidays. That includes every Sunday.

Interestingly, the company has a very “real” Christian approach to dealing with people. According to a Chick-fil-A spokesperson speaking for the company in 2012, “The Chick-fil-A culture and service tradition in our Restaurants is to treat every person with honor, dignity and respect –regardless of their belief, race, creed, sexual orientation or gender.”

That’s not very Christian from today’s far-right perspective. Christians claiming to be so on the right and far right certainly do not act in that way. Still, it’s a respectable way to run a business. And, that way has created a successful restaurant chain. That and their amazingly delicious chicken sandwiches. Seriously, have you had one?

It wasn’t surprising then, given its stated perspective on diversity, that Chick-fil-A designed and implemented its own internal corporate DEI program. And that’s what caused conservatives to turn on one of its own.

That’s right. Once a darling of conservative culture, Chick-fil-A faced a backlash a year ago. Lauded before by conservatives for its support of anti-LGBTQ groups, many of those same conservatives called the restaurant chain out for its “woke” DEI programs. The company also came under fire when its chairman, Dan Cathy, argued publicly that white people should speak up about racial injustice toward Black people.

^^A Chick-Fil-A location in Hillsboro, Ore., a city near where I live. (Photo By Kingofthedead – Own work, CC BY-SA 4.0)

Be like Pollyanna

What we saw last year is a common dynamic. It happens when people lose touch with their humanity. And anyone in “hate” has lost touch. Hate is a VERY powerful emotion. It literally alters the way we see the world. It can turn an otherwise kind person into a killer or terrorist. And, if that hate festers long enough, it will turn on itself. Before long, everyone becomes worthy of hatred to the hate-filled person…Until there’s no one left to hate. That’s what happened when conservatives turned on Chick-fil-A.

The alternative is to let people be. To let people be and for us to be happy. To only look at things that are positive. Yes, that sounds Pollyanna. Do you know the story of Pollyanna? Pollyanna led a happy life. And we can too.

But not if we become the hate that others level at us. And, there’s nothing that can come into our experience that we don’t invite. In other words, if we remain happy, looking only at those things that we feel happy about, in time, our life fills ONLY with happy experiences. That’s because life is a reflection. Our outward lives reflect of our inner lives; the life made up of our thoughts and beliefs.

Doesn’t that explain why Chick-fil-A got caught up in the conservative “woke”-hunt? Conservatives got so riled up, that the only thing they could see was that which they hate. Even in a business they once loved. This also explains why so many on the right believe their way of life is under attack. It’s not really under attack. But insecurity born of fear creates a reflection matching that. So there’s no way to convince conservatives their way of life is not under attack.

Get the message?

This is a good lesson for the trans community. We become that which we focus on. And then, that which we focus on dominates our experience. So rather than focusing on those who hate us, we should instead focus on those who love us.

Ah-hem: ladies…are you getting the hint here? If you’re hating those men who love you, calling them chasers and worse, you’re aligning yourselves with a world reflecting back to you your hate. Men: if you’re bemoaning your struggle to find a trans woman who will NOT call you a chaser, then you’re aligning yourself, through your bemoaning, with a world that reflects back to you exactly what you’re bemoaning.

In both cases, ladies and gentlemen, you become consumed by your struggle. Then the world reflects that back to you.

None of that need happen. But it does happen. And for good reason. It happens to show us all what we’re creating. SO THAT WE CAN DO SOMETHING ABOUT THAT.

Most of us, however, will just keep on complaining. And keep on getting results that validate our complaints.

It’s time to take ourselves out of that dynamic. Take a lesson from conservatives. It’s not in your best interest to hate. Hate no one. Especially hate no man or woman who shows interest in you. Especially give up hating yourself. If you don’t accept what you are, or you think what you are is somehow less than, then you are hating on yourself.

What I’m suggesting is easier to do than it seems. If you’re having trouble, I can help show you how easy it can be. Get in touch. Let’s talk.

#transgender #transamorous #mtf #transattracted #transgirl #transisbeautiful #transsexual #transamorous men #transattraction #transamorous network #woke #wokeness #woke liberal madness #political #hypocrisy #conservatives

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transamorousnetwork · 26 days

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Relationship Anarchy: A Perfect Way To Cis-Trans Love?

A relatively new relationship dynamic is emerging. More people find it a satisfying way to express themselves romantically and intimately while finding companionship. Trans people especially are finding it supportive. It’s called Relationship Anarchy (RA).

In this post we’re going to look at this new relationship model. Especially what it offers for trans and trans-attracted people. Instead of getting into it deeply, we will compare it to what we recommend regarding relationships. That’s because, it’s a definite improvement on humanity’s past “success” with relationships. And it offers greater flexibility for those uninterested in cis-het traditions. But it still falls short of the ultimate relationship: that one relationship that gives us everything we want. Including satisfying relationships.

So let’s take a look at RA. Then let’s contrast that against the ultimate relationship. The only one through which we get everything we want.

What is RA?

Andie Nordgren coined the phrase Relationship Anarchy in 2006. Her English manifesto on the matter, written in 2012, gives broad strokes on what it looks like. The way Andie describes it, RA sounds great!

Among the broad strokes is the assertion that love is abundant. RA says entitlement runs rampant in traditional relationships and that entitlement should be replaced with love and respect. Andie recommends that people define their values, then use frequent communication to infuse their relationship with those values, alongside a partner who shares them.

The biggest shift from traditional relationships is Andie’s suggestion to “customize” one’s relationship and commitment. Rather than relying on social norms, Andie says, we should define our relationship on our own terms while ignoring society’s expectations.

It’s no wonder then that Wikipedia includes RA in its non-monogamy and polyamory series.

Because of this flexibility RA fits nicely with trans/trans-attracted relationships. With RA, it’s possible to create a relationship that works no matter what values one has. Especially if one’s values run contrary to societal norms. And every cis-trans relationship does that.

The rise of domestic partnership laws across the country play a role here too. They make benefits once reserved to married people, accessible to LGBTQ people.

Anarchist affiliations…not good

And while Andie describes it optimistically without comparing it to something else, Wikipedia takes a different tack on RA. This is where problems start show up.

That’s because the word “anarchy” itself is problematic. It brings a lot of bad vibes to the table. Further, most people familiar with the term see anarchy as destructive. Even though anarchists claim the concept to be constructive. Historically, the movement has not been constructive, however.

The result is anarchy is seen mostly as “anti-“. It’s also often associated with violence.

We can’t be “anti” something without enflaming that thing we’re against. Which explains why anarchists have made virtually no progress in creating society based on its ideas. And that brings us back to RA. RA and Wikipedia.

The anti relationship

The Wikipedia entry on RA describes its principles as pretty much anti-everything. At least when it comes to relationships. I would argue Andie doesn’t see RA that way. Andie’s characterization is fresh, positive and encouraging. But the Wikipedia entry. Well, see for yourself:

Indeed, this article, featuring two people in an RA relationship, speak in similar language. It’s interesting that one person in that relationship is transgender. The other; lesbian. Their sexual practices are decidedly outside the norm. It makes sense then that RA is a good fit for them.

And yet, both contrast and define their relationship by what it’s not, comparing it to existing, undesirable relationships. Both also inject politics into the mix. I get politics is important to many. But it needn’t be an influence. Especially in one’s love life.

Now it could be the Wikipedia contributor who wrote the article is biased. He could interpret “anarchy” as “anti”. But the article linked in the above paragraph also characterizes RA as a “political” take on relationships. One trying to redefine what relationships look like. One also striving to “fix” power dynamics some RA folks think are bad.

But can we really define something based on what it is not? I think Andie does a better job describing the concept. It seems, however, others turned the concept into a political idea. I’m not sure Andie meant it that way.

The best relationship

Which brings me to the point of this piece. RA is great. It’s offers a fresh view of relationships. It certainly offers better options. Better options for those who feel uncomfortable with amatonormative edicts. It’s again not surprising the couple in this article includes both a trans person and a queer woman.

And yet, all relationships with other people fall short when compared to the one relationship that gives us everything we want. That is, our relationship with our Broader Perspective. While it’s nice finding love in another’s eyes, that love will nearly always be conditional.

Even in an RA relationship.

For even there, a person must find connections with people who have similar values. That makes sense. But even then, people will sometimes end up in conflict. What the couple does in that case depends a lot on how stable each person is within themselves. And there’s no better stability than that found in our Broader Perspective.

Besides, our relationship with our Broader Perspective opens us to a love causing other loves to pale in comparison. It’s strong. It’s lasting. Our Broader Perspective’s love literally overwhelms us in its depths. And it feels freaking great!

Furthermore, through our Broader Perspective, everything is possible. Including finding the perfect partner. That is, if one wants that. In so many ways relationship with our Broader Perspective offers what human ones cannot: a foundation from which to live one’s life authentically.

^^When we put our Broader Perspective relationship first, other relationships happen easily. (Photo by Oziel Gomez on Unsplash)

Literally all we want..including freedom from death

Our Broader Perspective relationship is here to lead us to everything we want. All our desires get fulfilled through it. Our Broader Perspective showers us with that which we’re wanting. When we put that relationship up front, those things flow easily into our reality.

Human partners can help us get things. They can connect us with jobs. They may even connect us with financial opportunity. But those too often come through filters, filters that often aren’t in synch with what we really want.

In other words, our Broader Perspective knows us best. It knows what will thrill us. It knows the best path to everything we want. Whether that be a material thing, or something else.

But the biggest thing that relationship offers is something no human can touch. It offers freedom from the fear of death. I know, that sounds crazy. After all, so many of us are too busy living. Too busy living to think about death.

Well, it seems that way.

But most people’s fear of death is front and center in their lives. It’s one reason people worry about time running out. Their fear of getting old has its basis in death. So does their fear of being single.

Fear of death takes many forms

The fear of death is pervasive in the world. It doesn’t feel like it’s about death though. That’s because the fear hides behind other fears.

What kind of fears? Fears of being cast out of a group, for example. The fear of losing one’s job is another. The fear of being unable to support one’s family is yet another. As is the fear of one’s human partner betraying us. There are plenty more.

These fears mimic the ultimate fear, which is the fear of dying.

And so people respond to all these fears in predictable ways. They’re impatient. They’re demanding. Some take unsatisfying jobs. They are desperate and insecure. And in that, they cut themselves off from the one thing that can relieve them of all these fears and more: their Broader Perspective.

^^The fear of ending up here can take many forms. (Photo by davide ragusa on Unsplash)

Now I’m not saying don’t have human partners. What I am saying is, first, ground ourselves in the one partnership giving us everything we want.

When one does that, there’s little “need” for anything else. Because everything else flows from there. Including human love.

I’m in favor of RA. I wish it had a different name. RA is closer to the Broader Perspective love I’ve described in this post than any of the other coupling humans form. Including parent-child bonds. Even with RA, however, there’s still a ways to go though.

The better it gets the better it gets

And isn’t that the great thing about life experience? There is always a ways more to go. Because life is eternal. We never get to the end. We’re never perfect. But in the perfection of the now, we are perfect. Not perfect as in “complete”. Not perfect as in “done”. But perfect in our becoming more.

Standing there, I see this RA concept fitting what I want in partnership. With my stability rooted in my Broader Perspective, I know what I’m wanting is on the way. I’m eager to see it unfold. I’ve had tastes of it. And I’m patient for further unfolding.

Andie’s onto something with their RA concept. I’m clear something better exists though. I enjoy that now. Which allows me to feel excitement. Excitement and joy about those finding satisfaction in RA.

Good partnerships elude many. That’s because many look there for something that’s not in a human partnership. That something only comes from a relationship with themselves. I write this blog to show people how to “know thyself”. And in doing that, find happiness from within, instead of looking for it outside themselves.

My clients are finding that happiness. Along the way, they get more of what they want too. Their examples fill me with eagerness. They also amplify my own happiness.

Maybe you’re ready for your version of that? If you are, contact me. Let’s get you started. Let’s find out how “better” life can get.

#transgender #transamorous #mtf #transattracted #transgirl #transisbeautiful #transsexual #transamorous men #transattraction #transamorous network #trans relationships #relationship anarchy

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transamorousnetwork · 1 month

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What Happens When My Advice Inspires A Man To Write A Book!

I enjoyed an hour-long conversation with a guy this morning. He’s writing a book about his trans-attraction-to-transamory journey. His is a wonderful story of leaving his marriage in favor of living authentically. Living authentically meant enjoying a nice relationship with a trans woman. A relationship he’s currently in.

He said the main reason he began his journey was because of my post “How to embrace your trans-attraction and be married”. I feel appreciation that one of my passions is changing the lives of trans-attracted men (and, by extension, trans women) for the better.

As a result of sharing my passion, this guy now feels his passion too. His passion and appreciation for trans women he feels no shame about. Because of that, this guy, Brian, is now writing a book about his experience. A book I’m sure will help make the world a better place for trans women. I feel honored I played a part in that.

Men are doing their part

I always knew living my passion would change the world. I’m excited about Brian’s choice. He’s going to change the world too.

Many trans women complain that if men would step up, the world for trans women would improve. They talk about all the men on the DL. Men living in the shadows, shamefully hiding their trans-attraction. Meanwhile, I’ve been out for at least five years proudly, publicly sharing my transamory experience. Another man wrote a book about this trans attraction some time ago. Many men are out on social media proclaiming aloud their attraction. And now, here’s another man doing his part by writing yet another book.

In other words, the men are doing their part.

^^The initial exchange between Brian and I.

Not enough men, you say? There are enough though. Not all of them are writing books. Not all of them are writing blogs or sharing on social media. Some are just dating trans women. Many are doing their parts by becoming comfortable in their own skin. That’s the process. In everyone contributes in their own way.

However, if trans women keep complaining about their complaints, they can’t see the world getting better. They can’t see the men doing their part either. And yet the men are.

Get over the anger and pessimism

And that’s the rub. Life is nothing but a series of moments. And each moment adds to the next. Which is why, if you’re complaining about something, your in-the-now complaint adds to the next moment, creating an experience of more to complain about. Especially in love.

I suggest trans women focus on all the things going right in the world. I talk about them all day long in this blog. Trans-attracted men should do the same. Do that and both parties will find themselves meeting positive, high-quality potential mates. People who see the world getting better. People eager to enjoy life with someone who is positive.

Which is why I work with people. People experience a lot of things in life encouraging pessimism. That’s because pessimism sells. A lot of people make a lot of money keeping you angry, in other words. Meanwhile, a lot of other angry people are looking for people like you. And so you meet such people in your life.

Give up negative judgement. Give up being angry too. When you do, you’ll find yourself getting more of what you want. And less of what you don’t. While you’re learning to do that, I can help.

#transgender #transamorous #mtf #transattracted #transgirl #transisbeautiful #transsexual #transamorous men #transattraction #transamorous network

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transamorousnetwork · 1 month

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Why Trans People Are Better Off With SELF-Validation

The external world offers unlimited opportunity to bless transgender and trans-attracted people. It also offers unlimited opportunity to put us in bondage. Which we experience depends on what we think. What we think about ourselves. And what we think about the world around us.

For many transgender and trans-attracted people, the latter is more important than the former. We think what the world around us thinks about us is more important than what we think about us. This is a trap. It’s a gateway to hell in a sense. That’s because putting others’ opinions on a pedestal binds our experience of ourselves to what they think.

Freedom comes from giving that up. If we get validation from our own opinions of ourselves, we come into tremendous power. For in choosing to believe in our own value, we can create worlds that otherwise are unavailable to us.

A perfect example of this came into my awareness this past week. Let’s take a look at what happened.

An excellent opportunity….maybe?

I’m going to write about this experience in more detail in a future post. But what came to mind in the experience is so valuable, I wanted to share this part of the experience right away.

A trans woman who works in the television industry reached out last week about a program she’s considering putting together. Like some transgender women, this person realizes a key component to greater acceptance of trans people lies in trans-attracted men being more out about their attraction. So she wants to put together a show about that. The show will follow trans-attracted men through their dating experiences.

The point of this story is the narrative shared. I don’t even know if she’s conscious of the highly limiting perspective her narrative forces her into. Nor do I think she’s aware of how her narrative — which will inevitably find its way into the show — limits what’s available to trans people.

When she contacted me, she had a lot of great things to say about trans-attracted men. Again, she recognized their importance. She also acknowledged how society largely ignores their experience. Furthermore she knows these men staying in the shadows doesn’t help. It doesn’t help them, it doesn’t help trans women, nor does it help humanity progress. Thus her desire to do the show.

But in thinking about casting men, she specifically described these potential cast members as “straight, trans-attracted men.”

^^Are “straight” men the key to greater trans acceptance? We’re not so sure. (Photo by Ashley Jurius on Unsplash)

Narratives aren’t often overt

Several times in our conversation she used this phrase. “Straight trans-attracted men,” she said, emphasizing the word “straight”. At the time I didn’t question this. It interested me more to help her project. I wanted to connect her with quality men from my network.

So I did that. Of the five men I contacted, four reached out to her. But after that success, I thought about her focus on “straight” trans-attracted men. I thought about it because the idea of the men needing to be “straight” belied a powerful story active in our conversation.

Interestingly, after talking to one of the men I recommended, that man came to me asking my advice. I knew what he wanted to talk about. Can you guess? That’s right! He was concerned about this trans woman’s narrative!

I wasn’t surprised by his perception. He’s not straight. Indeed, he’s about as queer as it gets. But he loves trans women. Not only trans women though. He’s finding himself, like me, embracing something more along the lines of post-transamory, which is something I’ll write about later.

The point is, both of us picked up on this person’s focus. When he contacted her about this, she said her show was indeed open to all kinds of men. I told my client that, in most cases, people aren’t aware of what narratives are shaping their reality. Still, we both agreed this show was important and needed support. So he agreed to go forward with it. I thought that was a good idea.

What “I’m straight” tells us

Here’s the thing: It’s my speculation that trans women wanting to date only “straight” men, is the flip side of another dynamic happening within the minds of trans-attracted men. I see this happening with some of the trans women I’ve worked with too.

Often, you will see on dating sites, men expressing their interest in trans women. But they’ll be sure to mention how “straight” they are. Often, the reason men do this is due to their internalized homophobia. It also reflects their stories about transgender women. They must emphasize their straight-ness because they believe being trans-attracted must mean they’re gay, which by extension means (to them) that trans women are something other than women.

Notice you’ll never hear a [presumably straight] man emphasize his straightness to cis women. I don’t know if that’s ever happened. Except perhaps when a woman questions the man’s heterosexuality. And in that case, a whole different thing is happening.

The fact that men feel they must assert their straightness is the same dynamic happening in trans women who demand only straight men show them interest. Let’s explore this further.

^^Something hidden’s happening in men asserting their straightness. (Photo by Aarón Blanco Tejedor on Unsplash)

It’s not in our best interest

Generally, trans women wanting only “straight” men are looking for a guy who is, presumably, heterosexual. Getting such a guy would confirm for her that she’s a woman. In other words, she’s wanting a man to validate her. And the more straight that man is, the more validation she gets. You could say she’s using the man. Using him for something that she could get from herself. Something she would be better off getting from herself.

If she KNEW herself to be a woman, she wouldn’t express a desire for a straight man. Just as pretty much all cis-women don’t bother expressing the need that her potential partner be straight. It’s just assumed because they see themselves as women. There’s no internal conflict.

Some trans women enjoy this internal integrity cis women enjoy. These trans women see themselves as not only whole, but a prize for ANY man lucky enough to be with them. But some other trans women don’t see themselves this way. To soothe what they think is missing, these women seek validation in the eyes of others. That sets such women up for a lot of problems.

That’s because the universe is organized not to give us what we want, but what we focus on. And the biggest thing that dynamic is designed to do is have us develop deeper levels of self-love, self-appreciation and worthiness.

When any person relies on another to validate themselves, they’re going to attract experiences showing them why that’s not in their best interest.

Lack of self-love and appreciation and worthiness invites people into our lives matching all that. Which means, we’re going meet people who equally are not self-validating themselves. Which explains why many trans women struggle meeting secure men. It’s because they, the trans women, are equally insecure.

What’s really happening

In the human dating dynamic, all kinds of people meet all kinds of people. It’s quite often that a bi-sexual man, for example, will end up with a “straight” woman. Vice versa too! I know a woman who married her high school sweetheart. They married right out of high school. Twenty something years later, she came out as gay, divorced her sweetheart and hooked up with a female. She’s been with that woman ever since.

^^People hook up often before each person understands themselves. (Photo by Oziel Gomez on Unsplash)

The fact is, all kinds of men will find themselves attracted to trans women. That’s because many trans women are attractive! A bi man might find a trans woman attractive enough to want to have her as his partner. A non binary person might as well. Labels people give to themselves and one another don’t matter, really. A preferable option: give up on trying to label our partners. We’ll enjoy greater freedom.

But if a person depends on their partner for validation, such as some trans women do, then they’re setting themselves up for trouble. In a lot of cases, men asserting their “straight-ness” don’t make good partners. They’re insecure. Some struggle with “toxic” masculinity. They’re also often still trying to figure themselves. And they will sometimes end up leaving a partner they once chose. Because that person was someone they chose out of themselves being unclear about who and what they are.

So while this television industry worker is doing something great for the trans community, inherent in her effort will be the trope that the only valid men for trans women are “straight ones”.

Holding out hope

So audiences, particularly men, will once again get mixed messages. Those struggling to see themselves as straight, even though they may not be, will think this show is saying “you’re wrong because straight men don’t suck dick.” Or “straight men don’t take it up the ass.”

Both of these are bullshit tropes. There are plenty of men who take it up the ass who are heterosexual. And, there are plenty of men who like sucking dick who aren’t attracted to men. I should know, I’ve spoken with MANY OF THEM.

Nothing is perfect because everything is seeking greater perfection. I think this show is going to break ground. It will open new avenues of understanding among people. It may even bring trans women and trans-attracted men closer. And yet, I’m slightly disappointed that the creator of this awesome idea holds to a distorted idea about the men she hopes to liberate.

I could be wrong. I hope I am. Let’s hope, should the show get the green light, that it helps more men – and trans women – than it hinders.

#transgender #transamorous #mtf #transattracted #transgirl #transisbeautiful #transsexual #transamorous men #transattraction #transamorous network #mental health

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transamorousnetwork · 2 months

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How Dune Might Actually Be The Best Trans Movie

It is not possible to say whether Frank Herbert had a transgender agenda in mind when he envisioned Dune in 1965, but his idea of the Kwisatz Haderach, whom his main character Paul Atreides is discovered to be, is a perfect metaphor for the current rhetoric surrounding queer, trans and non-binary bodies.

While Mr. Herbert’s magnum opus has been analyzed and dissected in countless ways and through the lenses of many different philosophical, anthropological and social studies, it is important to point out that ultimately, the author has rested the fate of his galactic world in the hands of a human who transcends gender.

The Kwisatz Haderach, the savior of the Empire, is a trans/non-binary person, and it is actually because and through this subject’s trans-ness that they bring peace to the universe.

What is the Kwisatz Haderach?

Within the magical world of Dune (1965), an elite sisterhood of space witches, the Bene Gesserit, hold to a prophesy: that the sisterhood will genetically cultivate a male member of their sisterhood. That male will end the thousand-year-long feud between royal houses.

The Bene Gesserit, being female, can access only feminine aspects of their consciousness and eternal memories. But this male will be able to access both the male and female regions of knowledge. The Bene Gesserit’s hundreds-of-years-long breeding program eventually fulfills its prophesy: They end up producing their prophet, the Kwisatz Haderach in the human Paul Atreides.

Paul Atreides eventually does evolve female/male consciousness. That consciousness allows him to bridge time and space. With the blending of Paul’s gender also comes unbelievable knowledge and power. By becoming something outside of the gender binary, Paul discovers and launches both a terrifying and thrilling new human reality.

As Elana Gormel says in Science (Fiction) and Posthuman Ethics: Redefining the Human. The European Legacy (2011) “The post-man subject is both a vision of the future and an echo of the past.” (p340) Thus Paul becomes a non-binary, post-human entity capable of all knowledge. With that knowledge comes tremendous power.

Further commonalities with trans people

If gender is indeed a “norm” as Judith Butler says in Undoing Gender, “Gender Regulations,” (2004) and “a norm operates within social practices as the implicit standard of normalization” (p41) Then Paul can be seen as the echo of the gender binary that produced him. The same binary construct that dictates his life. That is, until he assumes the opposite gender’s consciousness.

However, the parallels between Paul’s experience and the trans experience do not end here. Despite being a conscientious person, Paul, like many trans people, is shoved into society’s margins, just as all minorities have been historically shoved in our reality.

Through all this, Paul doesn’t only think like a trans person, his experience very much mirrors the trans experience. Like trans women of color and non-binary folk, he is pushed to the limits of survivability: out into the desert, the wastes of Dune. Dune, also known as Arrakis, is seen as a backwater itself. The Empire only values its spice. The desert waste Paul finds himself in is even more desolate than the planet itself.

But what he finds there is a rich culture, much like trans people find among themselves. A culture that embraces and enriches him, further expanding what he is (the Kwisatz Haderach). It’s in the desert among the Fremen that the Kwisatz Haderach really comes into its fullness. Much like how trans people often blossom once they find their place among those like them.

Exile’s end brings peace

But after many years living and creating a community with all the other unfortunate souls hiding, but thriving, in Dune’s wasteland, it is Paul’s ultimate return to the very mainstream civilization that exiled him that brings an end to an era of conflict.

To quote Butler once again, “Persons are regulated by gender. To veer from the gender norm is to produce the aberrant example that regulatory powers […] may quickly exploit to shore up the rationale for their own continuing regulatory zeal.” Imitation & Gender Insubordination (1990) (p317).

In Dune, the emperor repersents the ultimate of regulatory powers. But he uses the Harkonens and his Sardukar to express those powers. But Paul’s outside-the-binary-norm status grants him sufficient power to resist the emperor. To resist him and ultimately defeat him. In doing so the Kwisatz Haderach introduces a new set of norms.

It could be said trans people undergo a similar path. Not all of them succeed, of course. That must be acknowledged. In fact, a fairly small number do, if we measure success as “significantly influencing a societal expansion beyond binary consciousness.” That influence success often looks like severe push-back from the binary.

And isn’t that what we’re seeing today in the resistance brought towards Dylan Mulvaney and others who achieve mainstream status? How about reactions towards trans kids and their parents?

The rise of the power inherent in trans people

Perhaps this is what Dune’s Kwisatz Haderach represents. After years living on the “outside,” Paul comes back to the palace he once inhabited. He confronts the royals, the Bene Gesserit sisterhood, and the powers that expelled him. He asserts his place as the rightful heir and ruler of the Arrakis. Then he exerts his dominance throughout the empire for thousands of years. It should be noted that his rule goes way off the rails after that. But that’s another story.

We see trans people have this kind of influence today. Laverne Cox, for example and other transgender actresses are influencing Hollywood. Trans women are significantly changing business, science and technology and more. They’re doing so with changes that have altered humankind’s trajectory.

And this is where the metaphor between Paul and the trans experience reaches its apogee. As more trans people own and expresss their authenticity, much like Paul does as the Kwisatz Haderach, we could perhaps bring stability to the increasingly unequal and unbalanced social and economic structures that people find so oppressive. So oppressive they become vulnerable to leaders who use marginalized people as scapegoats for people’s suffering, thereby gaining control over the suffering masses.

Frank Herbert created the savior for his fictional world as the Kwisatz Haderach. Perhaps he was aware that there already is such a being in the real world: the trans people living among us. Perhaps he wasn’t aware. In any case, the comparisons between his Kwisatz Haderach and trans lives are hard to ignore. As is the newest installment of the Dune Franchise, which is in theaters now. Go watch it.

#transgender #transamorous #mtf #transattracted #transgirl #transisbeautiful #transsexual #transamorous men #transattraction #transamorous network #dune part 2 #dune movie #kwisatz haderach

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transamorousnetwork · 2 months

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How A Hidden Truth Kills Off Trans And Trans-Attracted Love

The following experience happened a couple years ago. Sometimes, I start writing about an experience, but then my intuition tells me to wait. That’s what happened with this story. It’s still pertinent though. Because it shows how powerful our stories are.

Our stories literally shape our reality. They shape our relationships too. Even when our reality offers evidence disproving our stories, stories will still dominate. When they do, we can’t see disproving evidence. All we can see is evidence proving our stories “true”.

That’s a problem because it kills off potentially satisfying love between trans-attracted and transgender people.

Even if the Universe tries to give us experiences disproving disempowering beliefs, we won’t see them. So we stay stuck. Stuck in unsatisfying lives. Lives we keep creating with stories about what’s “true”.

If we want a more satisfying life, especially in love, we first must soften our holding on to stories creating our truth. This post offers a perfect example of how hard that can be. Our stories become so true, they (the stories) recede from our consciousness. When they do that, the life they create – to us – occurs as “that’s just the way life is.”

The stories become hidden. Then we’re stuck.

Let’s look at this excellent example.

The set up

Two years ago, I lived in a house with several others. One day, I went for a walk. I had just crossed the block when I looked up and saw someone sitting on their porch.

“Hi,” I said.

“Hello,” they said back.

I’m a friendly person. Usually, when I cross paths with someone I’ll say hello. Especially if I grok that they’re open to talking with a stranger. Sometimes it’s clear they’re “inwardly focused”. Or something’s got their attention and their “I’m closed for business” sign is on their door. In those cases, I’ll remain silent.

In this case, however, it felt right to say hello. So I did.

When the person – who was presenting as a girl – said hello back, it triggered my trans-gay-dar. Now, trans women, don’t be offended. I’ve often heard some trans-attracted and transamorous guys say they can tell when they spot transgender women. It doesn’t matter how passable they are, these men say. It’s just obvious to them.

I think that’s because they are pre-wired to perceive accurately what they’re attracted to. Just as some people are instantly aware that the person they met is someone they’ll end up married to. It’s like that.

That’s my experience too. It’s like “gaydar” – the ability of a gay man to recognize other gay men. I call this trans-attracted ability trans-gay-dar. (Now women, I’m not using that phrase to imply trans women are gay men. So don’t go there, ok?)

I get to know her

So when I saw this person on her porch, even before she said hello, I knew she was trans. Of course, it helped that it was obvious she was in the early stages of her transition. Ladies, you know what signs I’m referring to so I won’t spell all that out. Let’s just agree it was obvious.

It also was obvious that I was interested in her. Not as a potential partner though. Even back then – yes two years ago is a while – I was clear I’d rather enjoy my own company than be in a traditional relationship. So my interest was more about befriending this person. Not getting in her pants. Or even going on a date with her.

The next time I went out on a walk, she was on her porch again. This time I was returning home. She saw me, I saw her. She said hello first this time. I said hi back. A beer can sat on the small wooden table beside her chair. She took a drag on her cigarette while I continued past.

This happened a couple more times before I decided to chat her up neighborly style. Rather than passing by, I walked up the short path to steps leading to her porch. I stood by the rail and introduced myself. She told me her name, then she invited me up onto her porch. Once there, we enjoyed a pleasant exchange typical of neighbors meeting one another. I enjoyed it. I think she did too.

Next-level neighbors

The next few times I passed by her house, she happened to be on her porch, smoking her cigs and drinking. Turns out she’s a fairly-known musician. She started her transition not long ago with her band mates fully supporting her. I told her that was really cool. She didn’t ask what I did and I didn’t offer any information. I really enjoyed hearing about her. Consistent with my experience with meeting trans women, she was super smart, interesting and creative. I liked that about her. And I was clear being neighbors was all I was interested in.

Then one day I was baking some biscuits at home. I make killer biscuits. This time, I decided to make them with cheese and ham. While making them, I had a thought about giving a couple to “Ally”. I thought it would be a neighborly thing to do.

I knocked on her door, but she wasn’t there. So I left them with one her housemates along with instructions on how to warm them up. I also asked her to return the container I put them in. I included directions to where I lived.

A couple days later I received this along with my container:

^^She’s right. They were a delight.

I thought that was sweet. It felt like we had made a nice, neighborly connection. And now I also had someone I could share my baked goods with!

Truth rears its ugly head

Ally told me more about her music and her transition over the next couple times we happened to see each other. We met each time on her porch “coincidentally”. One day she asked: “What do you do?”

These days, my pat response to that question is: “As little as possible”. For me, life is about BEING. Not doing. I’m told westerners habitually jump right to what a person does for work when they make small talk. Not so, I’m told, in Europe. There, again, I’m told, people are more interested in YOU, not what you do for work.

Back then though, I did what every American does when asked that question. I told her that I write stories, particularly stories to help trans-attracted men and transgender women find partners.

Now, remember what this story is about! It’s about people’s “truth”; that their truth comes from their stories. And once their stories become their “truth”, they can’t see evidence disproving that “truth”.

The moment I stopped sharing what I “do”, A distinct shift occurred in Ally’s demeanor. It was clear I triggered some beliefs she had. I explained again that I had no amorous intentions toward her. Instead, I said, I just wanted to be neighbor-friends. The next few exchanges happened over Instagram, where we had followed each other.

^^The exchange on the topic of Ally’s shift. Blacked out paragraphs in the exchange are on an unrelated topic.

The result…

So what happened? Ally’s “truth” about trans-attracted guys dominated her ability to understand her CURRENT experience. Here she had a non-threatening, awesome opportunity to MAKE FRIENDS with someone who could LITERALLY help her re-write her beliefs about past experiences. It could also soothe some fears she has about her life. Instead, her beliefs caused her to see a threat. Even though she expressed openness and a desire – at some point – to re-engage, she never did.

Now, I’m ok with that. It’s her life. She has a right to it. And her experiences are valid.

But…

If you’ve read my stories before, you have a sense of what kind of person I am. You also have a sense of what I think about trans women. A neighborly relationship with me could have significantly altered Ally’s trajectory. I represent a data point totally inconsistent with her past experiences.

But those past experiences, and more importantly, her stories about those experiences, didn’t allow her to see disproving evidence I represented.

How often has this happened with you? Probably at least a few times.

I get it can feel scary trusting in the absence of evidence, or even worse, in the presence of evidence that trust can’t be given. And I’m not asking trans women do that. What I am asking is that they be aware that their stories are creating their reality. Then do something about that. I write every week about what “do something” looks like. And there’s no risk to doing that. Instead, it’s all upside.

Ignoring some “truth” will set us free

I don’t fault Ally for where she is. Again, her experiences are true for her. But her beliefs and conclusions drawn about the past perpetuate those experiences into the future as expectations. That makes it very hard to avoid bringing those experiences into her present. And this is what happened between her and I.

Still, I enjoyed getting to know her. She’s super smart, creative and fun to talk with. But her past colored her experience with me, someone who wasn’t like those guys she may have experienced back then. Even when I explicitly pointed out the difference she couldn’t shake loose from her beliefs.

Ally’s a great example to compare with your own. Whether trans-attracted of transgender, conclusions we draw about past experience re-creates those experiences today. We don’t even need the experience! Our beliefs will cause us to see even a totally different experience the way we experienced that past experience, leaving us unable to enjoy what’s unfolding right before our eyes.

And this is how we all usually create our reality. Thus proving the adage: past is prologue.

So leverage comes from knowing what you’re reading. For then we can do something different. We don’t have to listen to what our stories are telling us. We can create new ones. And in that creation, we can create better experiences. Better lives. And better interactions with potential partners.

It’s not easy seeing one’s active beliefs if we don’t know where to look. It is easy once we know where to look. And it can help having someone like me showing you were those active, but invisible, beliefs are causing you to have the same experiences over and over. Let’s get you out of that pattern.

#transgender #transamorous #mtf #transattracted #transgirl #transisbeautiful #transsexual #transamorous men #transattraction #transamorous network

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transamorousnetwork · 2 months

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What Happens When Your Date Doesn’t Go As Desired

In December, I met this amazing trans person. How I met him was so awesome, I wrote about it in a previous post.

Now, before you get triggered about me using “he/him” pronouns, a warning: don’t make assumptions. This story has a bunch of awesome twists in it. Including one having to do with this guy’s gender identity.

So keep reading.

I wrote that previous blog gushing about how the Universe coordinates events perfectly. So perfectly meeting him was a foregone conclusion. After meeting him that first time, I was smitten. He gave me his number. Then we set up time to meet. It would be our first real date. An opportunity to sniff each others’ butts…so to speak.

I felt we were a perfect match. But it was clear Quinn wasn’t so sure. I was up for the exploration, knowing however it would go, it would be perfect.

Take note!

Did you notice that last sentence? It expresses the purpose of this post. I’m writing this post as a followup. But I’m also, as always, offering advice on how to effortlessly meet your match. And to share what to do when your match doesn’t go as desired.

What you do when things seem to go wrong determines your future. This shouldn’t surprise regular readers. Your thoughts in the present shape your future. Negative thoughts align you with future experiences that will match that negativity. Positive thoughts align you with future positive experience.

So when your date doesn’t go as planned, you have a choice. You can create a future that looks like the experience you just had. Or you can create a future that looks different. How you think is how you create. And most trans women and trans-attracted guys are creating futures resembling their past experience. Which is why so many in both camps are unhappy in love.

So take note!

The fact is, your dating life is going perfectly. If it sucks, that’s showing you something you really want to know. It’s showing you that what you’re creating isn’t aligned with what you want. So change your creation approach!

Unfortunately, almost no humans understand this. So they double-down on stories creating their unpleasant results. Doing that, they create more unpleasant results! You don’t need to do that.

The Universe always reveals

The first indicator something was up was the frequency with which Quinn communicated. Bottom line: there was no frequency, because there was no communication. That was a red flag. I sent a confirmation text, to be sure he gave me the right number. I didn’t get a reply until the next day. When I replied to that message, I didn’t get a reply at all.

Something was up.

Of course, he could have been busy. But think about it: if someone really wants to get to know you, won’t their behavior match that? The answer is yes! If they’re not matching your eagerness then they’re not eager. And if they’re not eager, that should give you pause.

Now, what you say to yourself about that is important. Positivity is more important than the truth. Because while people think the truth will set them free, most of the time, the truth binds them to things they don’t like. Especially if the “truth” they’re looking at is unpleasant.

I knew some of what was up. But the whole story, I also knew, would soon come out. That’s because I know the universe always reveals to me what I want to know. (<—-that’s a powerful story you might want to steal from this post!)

In our first encounter I mentioned my ex-wife. When I did, I noticed a shift in Quinn’s being. It was subtle. But my “spidey senses” told me something changed. That got confirmed later.

He drops a couple bombs

Quinn eventually did reply. Then we set a time for our date.

I got there early. He came on time, looking disheveled because he just got off work. Still, to me, he was radiant.

The first thing Quinn said was he is married…for 20 years! Married to his High School sweetheart! At that news I was crestfallen. But, knowing what I know, I quickly recovered my positive disposition.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked.

“I didn’t want to scare you off,” he said. Ok, I thought. Positive sign…I guess.

Then Quinn described how he started transitioning a few years ago. He and his wife no longer see each other as intimate partners, so they’ve opened their marriage. She has a few partners she is seeing. Quinn has none (this is important for later).

Quinn and I then dwelled a bit on his transition. I gushed about how attractive he was, both physically, but also energetically, which he could appreciate because, it turns out, he’s also heavily into spirituality. Quinn acknowledged a hormonal condition that naturally has him presenting extremely androgynous. In fact, despite having begun transitioning, he said he was taking testosterone.

“Why?” I asked.

He replied that he’s started to de-transition. “I believe my wanting to transition was self-directed homophobia,” He said. “My unwillingness to accept that I’m attracted to men.”

Wow. This was getting really interesting! So he transitioned because he had a story “only girls are attracted to guys. So I must be a girl.”

Personal expansion stares me in the face!

It was also getting interesting because in that moment I was discovering something about myself. Something that, again, made us perfect matches.

You see, in my spiritual practice, what I’ve learned is real love is unconditional. Real love ignores conditions. Real love doesn’t care about sex. It doesn’t care about gender. Real love doesn’t care about how much a person makes, or what that person does to make that money.

Personal preferences do care about those things. And personal preferences can trump real love, turning it into something other than that. And let’s be frank: personal preferences change. They typically are based on beliefs. A lot of beliefs about ourselves. And beliefs about what others might think. Including what they might think, for example, about our partner and how that reflects on us.

We all are all living, thinking, walking, being love. We ARE love at our core. But relationship expectations and preferences can thwart that realization. What I was realizing right around the time Quinn dropped these bombs was, maybe I could enjoy loving a guy. Why not? I am love. I want to love unconditionally. And here was the Universe bringing me a guy who reflected exactly what I was contemplating and throwing him right in my face!

It was LOVELY. And it endeared me to Quinn even more. Not less.

By this time, I couldn’t help it. I just let it all hang out. I told Quinn that, in no uncertain terms, if he was game, I’d like to explore this more and see where it goes. Quinn agreed we had a lot in common. He wanted to see me again and see where things went.

But I also sensed some hesitation in his vibration. And that was the next red flag.

Making him own his stories

After talking about his transition, or rather, his de-transition, Quinn asked me about my age. Or rather, as I prefer to put it, “the age of my body”.

Age is a big sticking point for humans. It can wreak havoc on all kinds of goals. Especially relationship and love goals. It’s something I’m working through myself. As I come more into being unconditional love, I’m letting go of stories about my age. Which is why I was able to talk with Quinn. He’s 36. I’m nearing 60 (although I don’t look it). I think the age of my body concerned Quinn. Particularly given the relatively short time he’s been in his.

^^Age is a big sticking point for humans. (Photo by Gert Stockmans on Unsplash)

So we talked through that issue and it was clear his concerns weren’t mollified. That’s ok, I thought, his concern has nothing to do with me. It’s about his preferences. Preferences that probably would block potential enjoyment he could have experiencing “us”.

Did you get that? That paragraph above is yet another positive story. In telling it, in my reality, I forced him to accept responsibility for his stories. In other words, I didn’t make his concern about age diminish my knowing of what I offer another. Nor did I let it invalidate my self-worth. That’s an important skill to cultivate as you explore relationships with other humans.

Quinn and I talked about other topics. Things we have in common, for example. We talked about his home remodeling project and our mutual love for BMW cars. That we both love walking and riding bikes as means of transportation was another thing we talked about. We did have a LOT in common.

However, I think Quinn couldn’t focus on the many things we had in common. Instead, he focused on things he saw as red flags.

What happened?

We never had that opportunity to meet a third time. Although he asked me to reach out to him in a couple weeks, when I did, he didn’t reply. And here is where the dating advice gets important.

At this stage in a relationship –– presumably the “end” –– what you do next is CRITICAL. What you do next either creates more futures consistent with what you just experienced, or, it creates CHANGE in your relationship experience. Since I know this, I created the latter.

What I’m going to share may not resonate. I’m in a much deeper, spiritual experience than you likely are. So what I did you might not be able to do and be sincere about it. But you can create your version of what I did next. And doing so will serve you tremendously.

After not hearing from Quinn, I did what I recommend all my clients do when a potential partner poops out: I created stories bolstering my positivity. Looking back at what Quinn shared, I could create several such stories. Stories that put responsibility on Quinn for doing what he did (ghosting) instead of making it about me:

He’s de-transitioning. That must be wreaking havoc in his head. I don’t blame him for behaving this way. He probably has a LOT of things he’s thinking through.

He’s married in an open relationship. I know from experience that open relationships can be hard. I imagine it’s even harder for a cis-trans couple married for 20 years and negotiating opening the relationship.

This is his first attempt with a guy. He’s likely overwhelmed with the idea of facing his shame and self-loathing (he called it self-directed homophobia). My openness and willingness probably overwhelmed him. I told him with extreme clarity that I found him desirable. He probably doesn’t see himself as desirable.

His wife has partners, he doesn’t. I know it’s one thing for a partner to have lovers. But when that partner’s partner starts seeing someone, it can be hard…for both parties. He’s probably finding it difficult to share. Or maybe SHE’S finding it difficult to experience.

These four stories, fostered a deep peace within me. They also had me feeling compassion and understanding about Quinn. It doesn’t matter if they’re true or not. What matters is how the stories make me feel. Because if I feel positive (and compassion and understanding are positive) that means I’m aligned with a better, even more positive future.

But I wasn’t just feeling compassion and understanding. I felt (and still feel) deep love for Quinn. An unconditional love. I could have been with him no matter what he was going through. And isn’t that what humans are looking for in a relationship?

Unconditional love: what it looks like

Unfortunately, most people who have an experience like what you just read will resort to blame. They’ll attack and accuse. They’ll make up stories that demean the other person, or themselves. Trans and trans-attracted people especially do this.

The problem with that is, one, the person you’re attacking doesn’t know what you’re doing. They’re not affected by it. Not one bit. Two, YOU ARE AFFECTED BY IT. And your future is too.

After a suitable time passed, I sent Quinn a text. My (unconditional) love for him was so strong, it just came out of me:

This is the thing: if you need someone you love in your life, or if you suffer because they no longer are, you’re loving them conditionally. That’s not what you are. It’s inauthentic.

I get it though. Society trains us out of our unconditional love. Movies, songs, parents, even potential mates do this. No wonder there’s so much suffering in the name of “love”.

My clients are finding their way out of that suffering. You can too. Contact me to learn how.

Quinn gave me a huge gift. One I’ll cherish. No matter who he ends up with, I wish him the best.

#transgender #transamorous #mtf #transattracted #transgirl #transisbeautiful #transsexual #transamorous men #transattraction #transamorous network #trans relationships #relationship advice

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transamorousnetwork · 2 months

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More Evidence Of The World Getting Better For Transgender People

We assert here at The Transamorous Network that the world always improves for trans people. And, the more a person focuses on improvement, the more improvement they will see. This applies to everything. Including finding love. If a transgender woman or a trans-attracted guy believes there are no eligible people out there, it’s going to be very difficult for them to find a partner.

But when they start looking at all the positive signs supporting their desire, finding a partner gets easier. Then it gets fun. Then the person ends up in a relationship!

This post, however, isn’t about relationships. It’s about the world getting better for transgender people.

As far-right pundits and their followers rage against trans people, just as many people are doing things to support trans people. Far more people actually advocate for trans people than those opposing them. Consider the large number of parents supporting their kids, for example. Think of all those kids supporting each other on social media. And nonprofit organizations offering support in all kinds of ways. Then there, of course, are trans-attracted men doing their part.

But the most recent support comes in the form of news from the movie industry. Hat tip, btw, to Mathea Magdalena for posting this in her Facebook feed.

The news broke back in December. We write our blog posts five weeks in advance. So while the news may be old, its impact on trans people is not. And it’s still worth celebrating. So let’s get to it!

Another movie star takes action

Late last year, Cate Blanchett announced a partnership with USC and her film production company co-founder to annually award $50,000 short-film awards to eight trans, nonbinary and female film makers. The program, called the Proof of Concept Accelerator Program began awarding in January.

According to LGBTQ Nation the actor launched the partnership after a “disappointing” movie set experience. She explained how the industry professed embracing diversity. Yet, when she arrived on set, not only was she the only woman in front of the camera, she said she was the only woman on set.

^^The announcement in LGBTQ Nation

Apparently this is often the case in movies. And while other actresses are making dents in that area, most notably actress/film makers such as Olivia Wilde, Reese Witherspoon, Issa Rae, Shonda Rimes and many, many more, men and their attitudes still dominate the industry. This is well known, but not often publicly talked about.

USC’s Annenberg Inclusion Initiative, a partner in the accelerator, recently made a notable discovery. Although it’s not earth shattering. According to their annual report, women comprised only six percent of directors across 1,600 top-grossing movies from 2007 to 2022. Meanwhile less than a third of all speaking roles in those films were girls, women, trans, or nonbinary characters.

In other words, Cate’s idea is sorely needed. Especially for trans actors and actresses and film makers.

^^The world we see is the one we create through our thoughts and beliefs. Transgender and trans-attracted people can vastly improve their lives by looking for and appreciating things going right in the world.

Life is getting better

We’ve always said life is improving for trans people. Our friend Mathea is in the film industry. She’s excited about what Cate is doing. I am too. It’s just one more piece of evidence showing how great life is getting for transgender people.

Again, the more we look at things going right in the world, especially for the transgender community, the more things will go right in the world for us as individuals. And as our lives get better, we sow seeds that inspire others to improve their lives.

It’s always good to help another person improve their life. But if that person keeps telling stories about how sucky their life or the world is, improvement will be slow in coming for them. If it comes at all.

That’s why learning to look at life in a positive way can benefit. All my clients are seeing those benefits happen in their lives.

Perhaps you’re ready to see them in yours?

#transgender #transamorous #mtf #transattracted #transgirl #transisbeautiful #transsexual #transamorous men #transattraction #transamorous network

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transamorousnetwork · 3 months

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The Lovely Hypocrisy Of Conservative Transphobes

TLDR: The author shares the revelation that conservatives who publicly oppose trans rights secretly search for transgender content. They suggest telling more compassionate stories about conservatives to effect change, emphasizing the power of emotions and personal influence. The hypocrisy of conservative transphobes fuels momentum for the future inclusion of trans individuals.

When I shared what you’re about to read with my trans women friends, I was shocked. Not because what I shared was shocking. Although it was shocking. At least to me.

But what also shocked me was my trans women friends’ reaction. Or rather, their lack of reaction. They thought it old news. Old news! In other words, they already knew what I shared.

And, to be honest, what I found wasn’t news to me either. What was news was the trove of data supporting the fact.

I’m so glad I found the supporting data though. The data support anecdotal instances that have peppered the news…for as long as humanity has been around.

So what is the news/old news? It’s that conservatives are hypocrites. Especially when it comes to sex. Especially when it comes to trans people. That hypocrisy creates a lot of unnecessary nail-biting and hand wringing. It also creates a lot of wasted time and expense. Not to mention anxiety and self-loathing among those I love.

After all, unless one is positively focused, loving oneself is really hard in today’s society. Especially when swaths of the population hate what you are.

So let’s look at data validating the hypocrisy. The hypocrisy conservatives exhibit. Then, let’s look at this evidence through a different lens. One that can empower trans women rather than disempower them.

Conservatives are trans-attracted

The supporting data comes from Lawsuit.org. Interestingly, a trans-attracted guy gave me the links. He’s becoming an outspoken trans advocate. Kind of like me. He reached out after deciding to write a book. A book inspired by what he’s read here at The Transamorous Network. (See? We’re positively benefitting the trans community! More on that in another post!).

After a wonderful hour-long conversation, Brian shared the link. The conversation enriched us both. But the link offered me pure gold.

^^Brian’s lovely message to me via The Transamorous Network.

It linked to a Lawsuit.org article. The article claimed conservatives are “obsessed” with searching for transgender porn online.

It starts by talking about what we all know. In 2022 Republicans mounted a huge legislative effort negating trans lives. I’m not going to rehash all those details. They’re well known. What isn’t so well known is a lot of data supports the unseemly double-standard Republicans hold when it comes to trans people: they secretly love what they publicly hate.

According to the article, Republicans are trans-attracted. I would say they’re trans-obsessed. The data sure support that. Let’s take a look.

Conservative trans-obsession mapped and analyzed

According to Lawsuit.org’s research, of the almost 5 million trans and trans-adjacent porn Google searches each month, the majority of them happen in red states. The red state with the highest concentration of trans porn searches?

Texas.

^^Search terms for the list ranking include only: “shemale”, “tranny”, “femboy”, and “ladyboy”

Lawsuit.org didn’t just look at map visualizations. They wanted to be for sure about correlations they saw in the data. So they used good ol’ statistical analysis to drive home the point. What they found was…well…confirming:

While the maps and rankings might make it seem obvious that there’s a correlation between conservatism and searching for transgender porn, but by plotting linear regression trend lines, we can better understand the strength of the correlation. In these views, we look at search volume for three different keyword groups vs metro area political leaning. Each dot represents a metro area. Dots are colored their ratio of Democratic vs. Republican votes in the 2020 presidential election. The higher the value (more red), the higher the percentage of that metro area voted for Donald Trump.

How to use this information

As I said earlier, all my trans friends, including Muriel, my gf, know this intuitively. But it’s good to see it literally mapped out for us. So what can we take from this? Can we, and by “we” I mean the trans community, which includes trans-attracted and transamorous men, benefit from this information in some way?

The answer: yes.

Probably not in the way you’re thinking though. So I’ll spell it out.

As we say here all day, every day, we all create our reality. No one else does it. That means we each enjoy tremendous creative potential. We create our realities through stories we tell about reality. And, because we are free to tell any story we want, we can create any reality we want.

But if we keep telling the same stories, we’ll keep getting the same manifestational results. Don’t believe me? Look at many trans women and trans-attracted men and their dating lives.

So here’s how we can best use this information: we can use it to tell better stories about people who call us evil. And when we do that, eventually, those people will change. How that change happens doesn’t matter. The how is not our business anyway. But the change will come. If we hold to better-feeling stories of, for example, conservatives wanting to do away with us.

Erasure is pain manifest

The best stories about such people, the most empowering stories, the ones most aligned to what we want have us feeling compassion and understanding for conservatives. Not hatred and anger. Hatred- and anger-generating stories are the least empowering, the worse stories we can tell. From the standpoint of wanting improved futures, stories creating hatred and anger in us miss the mark.

If we want conservatives to change, we must literally be the change we want to see. That means telling better-feeling stories. That, in my opinion, begins with understanding what conservatives are going through. What is it that has them so upset about us?

The goal of the stories we create is, again, to engender in us compassion and understanding. Those two emotions tell us the new, improved stories are working.

So what stories can we tell? How about these:

Conservatives live in fear

They must arm themselves because of the fear they feel.

They’ve learned from their leaders that the world is scary and non-conservatives are out to get them. That has them feeling vulnerable.

Conservatives can’t accept their own humanity. Including what they naturally desire. So they attack others who are doing and having and enjoying what they can’t allow themselves to do, have and enjoy.

Conservatives are suffering. And they don’t even know it.

It’s not about you, or us

In the end, their struggle to bring back a world that can never again be has nothing to do with you. Or us. While they may see limited success in the short term, in the long term, their plans will fail. Their plans can’t succeed because those plans rest on shaky foundations. Foundations of hypocrisy and pain.

What’s more, the trans experience is expansion. It is in accord with All That Is. Nothing can prevent it. Nothing can stop it. In fact, we could tell the following story. A story that is 100 percent accurate:

Conservative anger and hatred focused on trans people only adds momentum to the trans experience becoming more. Because the more a person resists something, the bigger that thing gets. And a group of people resisting amplifies that momentum even further.

Some trans people might say “well, you don’t live in Texas, Florida or any of the other red states enacting anti-trans legislation. Easy for you to say.”

My response: That’s right. I don’t live there. I don’t have to live there to influence what happens there though. But here’s the even better news: those trans people living there have even more leverage to influence what’s happening in states like Texas and Florida. But if they’re feeling fear, insecurity and anger, they’re not leveraging the power they possess.

We are powerful beings

As individuals, we are unlimited in our abilities. But that power comes not from our action. It comes, rather, from who we’re being. Our emotions help us know moment-by-moment who we’re being. And when we’re feeling empowered, joyful, and in appreciation we are at our best.

At our best, we can have tremendous influence. Influence not needing a lick of action on our part. Or help from others. But unless you have proven this to yourself, it’s hard to believe it.

I know it. My clients are getting to believe it.

You can too.

The hypocrisy of conservative transphobes offers the trans community a lovely gift. It is the gift of momentum. The fuel that stokes the flames making those flames glow even brighter. The flames of individual trans and trans-attracted hearts and minds. Brian knows this. I know this too. The future includes trans people. Conservatives can’t stop it.

And in their efforts to try, they make that future more and more a fait accompli.

#transgender #transamorous #mtf #transattracted #transgirl #transisbeautiful #transsexual #transamorous men #transattraction #transamorous network #transphobia #transphobes #conservatives #republican

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transamorousnetwork · 3 months

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“I’m Sick And Tired Of Being Angry” – Trans Woman Says

A transgender client this week spoke for many trans women we know who struggle with love. And with life.

It’s not that her life is bad. Or that she’s failing at love. She’s doing well at both. In fact, this client’s realization came at a high point in her sessions. But the revelation was sobering for her. I’m sure it will be for many reading the following account of what happened.

It really is an amazing testament of what clients get from this practice.

Let’s dive in.

The hard shell of false self protection

This client, “Madge” is an advanced practitioner. As a result, she’s starting to explore more esoteric aspects of the practice. That exploration begins with meditation.

Our specific meditation method is powerful. Which is why Madge had what happen, happen. In fact, what happened, happened in her first meditation session. That’s how effective our meditation practice is!

The meditation lasted only five minutes. Half-way through, Madge revealed something she never revealed before.

“I’m so angry all the time,” she said. “I’m sick and tired of being angry all the time.” As she said this, tears streamed down her face.

Now, tears are a good thing. Despite some people demeaning the act, crying indicates a great release of resistance. That’s why, after a good cry, people feel better!

Resistance is a major impediment to getting what we want. Particularly in love. We create resistance when we tell stories contrary to our desires. That resistance makes getting what we want hard or impossible.

Madge’s anger is an act of self protection. But it’s also a sign of resistance. Her anger emanates from her and everyone can feel it. Especially Madge. That keeps everyone at a comfortable distance from her. Including men who might otherwise be interested in her.

Her intense, smoldering anger also explains why Madge takes “mood stabilizers.” That hard shell of protection emanating as anger also triggers a lot of anxiety. Anxiety telling her that protection is unnecessary.

Your emotions matter

Certain emotions tell us how much resistance exists within us. Anger indicates very strong resistance. After five minutes were up, Madge and I talked about why she was angry. The conversation was quite revelatory.

“I’m always holding a guard up,” She explained. “I believe I need to because if I don’t, I feel I’m at risk of being attacked.”

Madge believes that, because she’s trans, she’s at greater physical risk. Now, many transgender people will agree with this belief. And while statistics show a correlation between being trans and increased risk of violence, those statistics break down when it comes to individuals.

In other words, whether a transgender person, or anyone for that matter, experiences violence depends 100 percent on that person’s stories. Not stats. And many stories transgender women tell about anti-trans violence are out of touch with what’s actually happening in their lives.

Everyone is in touch with their emotions though. And Madge’s anger was telling her that her stories were creating experiences Madge would not like. Including her being alone.

Her beliefs are also a major factor as to why she’s chronically anxious. Anger and anxiety are both strong emotions. For Madge, most of this occurs at very subtle levels. Mostly because she’s let these beliefs fester for so long.

That the meditative practice surfaced them was a great thing. So we explored it further.

Confronting what’s actually happening

Madge lives in Portland, Oregon. The city is well-known as a haven for trans people. I was shocked Madge believed she was at risk here. So I poked at that belief:

“How long have you lived in Portland as a trans person?” I asked.

“Over seven years,” She said.

“And in those seven years, how many times have you experienced physical violence?” I asked.

Madge had to think about it. I already knew the answer.

“I have never experienced violence,” Madge said thoughtfully.

“OK, and how many times can you remember receiving verbal insults related to your trans-ness in those ten years?” I asked.

“None,” She said.

By now Madge was seeing obvious discrepancies between her fears and her actual life. This was very important, of course. That’s because Madge really wants to be in a relationship. And all the men she’s meeting reflect her fears and worries: They are on the DL. They haven’t fully embraced that trans women are ok to be attracted to. In other words, they feel risk, just like Madge does. No wonder such men show up in her life. She’s a match to them!

Serendipity: the best dating method

I assert many times in this blog that the best way to meet your match is through every day activities out in life. Not online dating. But if a person is afraid of the outside world, I can see how they’d resort to that sucky online experience.

Madge is afraid of the outside world. That fear emanates from her. It blinds her too. It prevents her from seeing guys checking her out. She also can’t tell when a guy compliments her about her appearance. When they do, she ignores it. Or tells the most disempowering story about it. Other times, when she notices a guy staring at her, she nearly always interprets his stare as threatening. When instead, the stare could indicate romantic interest.

Madge and I talked about this in the past.

So if you’re afraid of the world around you, it’s impossible for the Universe to match you with your ideal partner. Your stories create your experience. You also can’t enjoy the fun of such an in-real-life rendezvous! Like this. The Universe is sending matches your way, but if you’ve got that hard shell of protection erected, you’re not going to even notice them.

Its all good tho

The good news is, this situation is reversible. Meanwhile, the Universe will never tire of bringing you ideal matches. That’s something to celebrate. Many people worry that the pool of eligible partners is too small.

Poppycock!

There are an unlimited number of people looking to be with you. Just because you don’t see them, doesn’t mean they’re not there!

The good news for Madge is, she now realizes something that’s been blocking her for a long time. Now she can start dismantling it. And in doing so she can let in the men she wants to meet. She’s already made progress. The men she meets are improving. Meanwhile, there’s a lot more progress ahead.

Maybe you’re struggling to meet your match. Let’s figure that out. It 100 percent has to do with stories you’re telling. Thankfully, telling positive stories and weeding out disempowering ones is my speciality. So let’s talk.

#transgender #transamorous #mtf #transattracted #transgirl #transisbeautiful #transsexual #transamorous men #transattraction #transamorous network

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transamorousnetwork · 3 months

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Why It’s Not Bad When People Get Romance Scammed

I suppose most people think being scammed is a bad thing. But a scammer taking advantage of you tells you something really good.

No, it doesn’t tell you you’re stupid. Or that you should be more aware…although you probably should. What it is telling you is that there is something happening inside you that makes you a match to that experience.

Yes, the scam “victim” draws that experience into their life. Being scammed isn’t a random event. No event is. Instead, it’s a reflection of an inner state, a vibrational state. As with every event, getting scammed vibrationally matches a similar inner state, so it shows up in the scammed person’s experience as manifested reality.

This is what happened with a client recently, although she caught it early enough to avoid being scammed. Just like I did before.

I wrote about what most people would say was the positive side of this experience last week on my other blog. But this week I’m going to share another positive side. A side most would probably think was “negative”.

But it’s not. It’s very, very positive. And it’s something that could improve every trans woman’s and trans-attracted man’s experience in finding love.

Desperation: a great money maker

As I wrote last week, this client finds herself attached to a certain guy. This guy waffles in his affection for her. The client knows she deserves better. But because of beliefs causing her attachment, she can’t pull herself away from the guy. I mean, she could, but she feels compelled notto.

As a result, she wants him to change. But he won’t change. That’s because her focus remains on his waffling behavior. She doesn’t like that behavior. But because she fixates on it, it persists.

Not only that. It’s getting stronger.

And as it does, her desire for it to change gets stronger too. So the two amplify each other. That amplification leaves my client feeling desperate. And desperation is what the vibration feels like that makes one a match to scammers.

Especially scammers who use the potential of finding love as their leverage.

No where are people more desperate than in their pursuit of love. That’s especially true in the trans community, which includes trans-attracted people. Folks are willing to spend thousands to get it. They’re willing to kiss a lot of frogs too!

Meanwhile, the endearing, unconditional love people seek in the world around them exists right there inside them. It’s the connection between them and their Broader Perspective. And when a person connects to that, love from another human pales in comparison.

The irony is, when a person has this inner relationship front-and-center, human relationships get better. And love one wants from another human gets better too.

Conditional love or unconditional love?

The client in question doesn’t have this Broader Perspective relationship front-and-center though. Instead, she’s allowed her relationship with Mr. Waffle to displace that relationship. And this is why she feels desperate. Because love from another human always comes with conditions. Broader Perspective love, however, is unconditional.

Displace that unconditional love with conditional love and the immediate feeling is insecurity. Keep it there long enough and insecurity turns to worry, concern, fear, jealousy and even hatred. These emotions happen when that unconditional love another human brings to the table bears out as unconditional: when they get mad at us for not meeting their expectations. Or for doing something they don’t like.

Our Broader Perspective has no conditions we can’t meet. It doesn’t get mad at us. We don’t irritate it. It just loves us, period.

A person trying to rely on conditional love can develop feelings of desperation when everything they try fails to coax their partner into behaving the way they want. That’s what was happening with this client. And that’s why she was feeling desperation.

Finding her way

So last week when those four new perfectly-matched dating options showed up, the client was overjoyed, at first. As she explored one of them more deeply, however, he turned out to be a scammer. A scammer preying on people desperate for love.

This revelation had the client feeling angry, then sad. But what was happening wasn’t sad. It didn’t have to be anger-inducing either. That’s because the experience showed my client exactly where she was vibrationally. And if she didn’t know where she was vibrationally standing, she couldn’t do anything about it.

Thankfully, the client’s Broader Perspective got her attention well enough to trigger skepticism about this person. She looked into it a bit more, then discovered the plot.

She’s still struggling though. She hasn’t yet found her way through disempowering stories on various subjects. Stories that have her feeling vibrationally low. And creating circumstances, events…and men, projecting that low vibration back to her.

And yet, improvement is on the horizon. So long as one persists in their focus, their desire to improve their vibration, that will happen. Then the world must reflect that improved vibration back to her in the form an improving life experience.

In the meantime, this client already has created enough evidence on other subjects proving telling positive stories works. So she’s going to persist. Which means she’s eventually going to get everything she desires. Including a satisfying relationship.

#transgender #transamorous #mtf #transattracted #transgirl #transisbeautiful #transsexual #transamorous men #transattraction #transamorous network #dating advice #dating tips #online dating

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transamorousnetwork · 3 months

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The Universe Is The Best Trans Dating Service

I so love when the universe helps clients realize they can trust it, instead of “doing”. That’s what happened this week with a client seeking love.

If you’ve read some posts here before, you know I encourage readers avoid online dating. It’s costly. It rarely succeeds. And it’s not very fun. Especially for trans or trans-attracted people.

Recently, a client came to her own understanding of this. She realized, unconsciously, as most clients do, that the Universe is a wish-granting jewel. It constantly fulfills every desire.

Just because it does that, though, doesn’t mean we receive every desire fulfilled. To receive, we must be tuned in. We must be on the same frequency of the fulfilled desire. That means, of course, following Broader Perspective impulses. If we do that, we end up at the perfect place and time to real-ize fulfilled desire.

However, most of us don’t know how to hear impulses. So we move through life haphazardly. Doing that, we learn to rely on “doing”. Especially when looking for that perfect trans woman. Or that guy who will accept us for who we are. We try making things happen, instead of allowing them to happen for us.

That’s what lead to my client’s epiphany.

Attachment breeds unconsciousness

My client currently is in love. Rather, she thinks she is. Actually, she’s in very strong attachment. Strong attachment over this guy she thinks is “The One”. The problem is, no person is that. The only “The One” in our lives is us. In other words, we each are our own “The One”.

Most of us don’t realize this though. That’s because human society talks us out of our inner knowing. We then forget we are eternal. We forget we are eternally loved and that no love can compare to that. Especially conditional love of another human.

This client finds herself thus. She’s struggling, therefore. She’s struggling because she’s experiencing things about this guy she doesn’t like. Every time they spend time together and get close, for example, he freaks out. Intimacy frightens him. So he’ll waffle. One day he’s all Lovey-dovey. The next day, he “needs space.”

This pattern may sound familiar.

The problem for my client is her attachment. She wants so bad for this person to change. But he can’t change when she focuses so much on his behavior. Behavior reflecting her own waffling way of being.

That’s right, my client realizes in this contrast presented by this guy that she was this way in relationship for decades. So here she is having her dominant way of being in relationship reflected back to her.

I told her this was the purpose of this relationship. To have her see what stories she’s telling. To have her see them so that she can change her stories.

But she’s not having that. Which has her suffering in indecision and strong resistance. Resistance she thinks is desire. Resistance she thinks is love.

Which is why what happened next is so compelling.

The Universe delivers

While my client holds onto her attachment for dear life, her focus on what she doesn’t want already has created what she does want. The Universe already answered her desire for a better relationship, in other words.

And even though she witnessed this unfolding, which I’ll describe in a moment, her attachment still has her pining for this one guy, rather than going with the flow of her unfolding manifestation. Here’s what that looks like:

“I was on my Facebook profile,” she explained one session. We were talking about her dating possibilities and how the Universe keys up an infinite stream of better quality men for her.

“I rarely visit that profile,” She said. “But when I did lately, I noticed I had 150 new friend requests!”

Then she changed the subject: “I’m on eHarmony,” She said. “None of the men I see there are attractive to me. It’s depressing.”

The client said she wondered while viewing her online dating profile if she should date only widowers. She thinks such men would be better matches. That’s because, supposedly, they had long, enduring relationships right up to the bitter end! Then she said she also thought she should date only engineers, since she gets along with such guys easily. (She used to work in an engineering-heavy industry.)

“So when I looked at the friend requests,” She explained, coming back to the original subject. “Four of them were really handsome men. All four were widowers and all were engineers! And…each of them expressed interest in me! That’s so weird! “

“Weird” means “I’m oblivious”

“Weird” is a common refrain from clients. Like the majority of people, they don’t get how consistently Universe delivers on all desires. So they don’t experience enough evidence of this in their lives. When I point it out as happening, they can’t believe it’s just how the Universe works. They instead see these experiences as standing out. As strange. As “weird”.

In time, anyone will move beyond “weird” to just accepting their worthiness. But until then, people just can’t accept that these “coincidences” are how the Universe works. In other words, they’re oblivious. And that obliviousness blocks them from seeing their desires fulfilling themselves, like this client seeing the Universe give her matches without her having to do anything.

This obliviousness is why people are dating online. And trying to “make” other things happen in their lives. They think “doing” is the key to getting what they want. When in fact, relaxing and trusting will make it happen easier and with more fun.

People make a lot of money off other people thinking “doing” is the only way.

I encouraged my client to get this. That the Universe knows better how to deliver what she wants. And that no amount of doing can replace the power and leverage of the Universe.

She’s still attached. So she’s still struggling. But the wonder wasn’t wasted on me. I reveled in the awareness giving me insight into the gift the client received. Even if she didn’t enjoy that awareness fully…yet.

Because I know, in time, should she continue, she will gain that awareness. It’s the natural unfolding of All That Is. All That Is, which is what we all are.

Discover how the Universe is serving you with utmost loyalty. Contact me. Let’s get you started in your own practice.

#transgender #transamorous #mtf #transattracted #transgirl #transisbeautiful #transsexual #transamorous men #transattraction #transamorous network #dating advice #dating and relationships

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transamorousnetwork · 4 months

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How To Easily Meet Your Transgender Match: A Perfect Example

I know. It sounds like an impossibility. Trans women are hard to find. Men who love trans women who aren’t chasers are even more rare. Am I right? And besides, people are subject to their own whims and desires, right? Free will and all that? We can’t really create people, can we?

Why yes, we can…

It’s accurate that others are their own creation. But they’re also a co-creation. We all participate in each others’ becoming. And, as I’ve stressed before, the people we experience aren’t the same people those people are. Instead, they’re our creations. Which explains why trans women who complain about “chasers” usually meet exactly that. And why DL men meet unsavory trans women…

But this is a positive post about how I created another person in my reality. You can too. In fact, this post is really about being joyful. Because what happened was such a delightful, and yet, expected, surprise.

The setup was awesome

One day this past summer while riding my bike, I came across a celebration. Portlanders – in their weird way – were riding around on old-style roller-skates. Dressed in costumes and carrying signs, these folks were partying over something I didn’t understand.

I did understand they were enjoying themselves, though. That was obvious. As a mobile DJ blasted tunes, the revelers wound their way along a circular path cones outlined on the street.

As I rode past, I noticed a woman on her bicycle. She was tall, with dark hair to her shoulders. She drew me to her with an enthralling quality.

Now, I have a “trans” version of “gaydar”. I can just spot trans women. So I knew this person was trans. The moment happened so quick though. I saw her, rode past, then focused on the revelers.

Still, riding away, I chastised myself. Why didn’t I stop and say hi to that woman? But in my self-reproach, I realized what I was doing. So, instead of staying in that story, I decided I would create a future reality where I’d see her again. I therefore casually said to myself “Wouldn’t it be nice to see this person again?”

Then I focused on how pleased I would be to rendezvous with that probable future reality. Notice: I did this casually, lightly and only for a moment.

You can probably guess what happened next…

We create everything we experience

As creators, we are the only beings in our reality. Everything we experience, therefore, is a reflection of our massive, eternal awareness. We constantly create new realities as we move through our created reality. This gives rise to multiverses science is only recently coming to acknowledge exist.

We create people in our realities as we create everything else. The versions we create are cooperatively created along with the entities those people are in their reality. So it’s not like we’re doing anything against anyone’s will.

What this means is, we have complete control over experiences we have with other people. But usually, we let our observations reign over what we create. Especially when it comes to other people. Rather than creating them deliberately, we let our observations do it. So people occur as individuals totally separate from us. We experience physical reality the same way for the same reasons.

When we realize, however, that we create our reality, including others, we come into tremendous power and leverage. We can literally call people back into our experience, provided those people are willing to have that experience too.

That’s what happened here.

Hearing inner guidance

After affirming a future rendezvous with this person, I dropped it. I let the idea go into All That Is, knowing the Universe took hold of it.

Yesterday, over three months after seeing her, I got the impulse to go for a walk. I had just meditated for an hour and was vibing really high. So I put on warm clothes and headed out.

I knew I was vibing high because of how I felt. But also based on people’s reactions. They were superfriendly. Strangers stared at me. When you’re vibing high, you stand out like a sore thumb. People notice you. I greeted those people and they were friendly in return.

As I wound my way back towards home, I started crossing one of the bridges spanning the river bisecting downtown. On the way across I spotted a person coming the opposite direction. I knew this person was trans. She was also walking a Corgi. Something else about her was very familiar. But I didn’t know what.

About 20 meters away, we locked eyes. I said hi. She smiled and nodded. I felt a jolt of clarity. I recognized a connection between her and I in that moment.

We passed one another. Then my Broader Perspective suggested I stop, so I did. I leaned against the rail and took stock of my inner awareness. Something important happened that I wasn’t catching. But my Broader Perspective’s signals were strong enough to give me pause.

^^The bridge where it went down

Then the big reveal

I looked back and saw her walking in the distance. A part of me wanted to catch up with her. It wanted to introduce myself and strike up a chat. Another part didn’t. It wanted to go home. It was getting dark. Soon it would be too cold for the clothes I wore.

Screw it, I decided. I wanted to follow through on the first part urging me to go introduce myself. By now she was a good 500 meters away. I turned back and went to catch up with her.

About 50 meters away, for some reason, that’s when she decided to stop and sit on a park bench! It was a perfect set up! I was so pleased this happened because it worked perfectly for me to approach her. When I did, I introduced myself. She invited me to sit and talk.

After talking with her a while, it struck me: This was the girl I saw last summer! In my excitement I told her so, but she didn’t remember. Most people don’t remember much about things they consider insignificant, so that wasn’t surprising. Inside though I knew this was the Universe responding to my request.

Long story short, we talked for 30 minutes. She gave me her number. We’re talking about seeing each other again.

The more we believe, the more we see

It’s so fun meeting people this way. It’s so fun I wonder why people rely on online dating to help them meet people. This is way more fun. The serendipity, the surprise, the unfolding are all wonderful characteristics of cooperating with the Universe to meet people we want to meet.

It’s so easy. And, if we’re relaxing into the desire, it happens relatively fast.

But a lot of people don’t believe anything you just read. Or they believe what you just read is just a big coincidence. I’ve had this exact experience happen too many times though. So many I’m convinced this indeed is what’s possible. Not just for me. But for anyone.

We create our realities. That includes other people. The more we believe that, the more we’ll see that bear out in the world we experience. That means we can have anything in our reality: lovers, wonderful rendezvous, and everything else we desire.

It’s just how the Universe is organized.

Try it for yourself. Test the Universe and watch it deliver.

Need help with the how? I’m available.

#transgender #transamorous #mtf #transattracted #transgirl #transisbeautiful #transsexual #transamorous men #transattraction #transamorous network

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transamorousnetwork · 4 months

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A Trans Woman On The Ins And Outs Of Anal

I’m constantly on edge in my relationship with Muriel. That’s because I never know when she’s going to blow my mind.

That’s what happened this morning while chatting with her online. We talked about having sex with trans women. As our conversations usually do, this one got deep, quick.

Balls deep.

Specifically, we talked about the ins and outs of anal sex. No pun intended.

Some transgender clients express slight frustration with particulars of that sex style. After all, vaginal sex doesn’t require preparations necessary for good, clean anal. So some of my trans clients have less interest in sex at frequencies compatible with what they believe men will want.

Men will want sex more often than my clients, they say. Because of that, my clients fear they won’t be able to satisfy their men. It requires too much preparation. Other clients express lack of sexual interest due to HRT medication. That too, they fear will cause dissatisfaction in their partners.

Sorry, I don’t have a vagina.

As my GF and I talked about this, she went off. She shared a perspective I wasn’t prepared for. A perspective offering a no BS take on what anal is really about, what it offers and what it doesn’t. She also waxed poetically on a problem she thinks many trans women have:

I wonder how many trans women look at their sexual parts this way. Help me out: do you think you offer a substandard alternative to vaginal sex? Are you also thinking their partners won’t want anal as an alternative?

Muriel obviously has thought this over. Perhaps it’s something every trans woman must come to grips with. Muriel has come to a great place on it:

I think she has a point about trans women seeing themselves as second class. Second class to cis women. AND second class in terms of what they offer male partners sexually.

But there are plenty of men who enjoy anal sex. And, just to be clear, there are plenty of cis-womenwho enjoy anal over vaginal sex too. I even dated one some time ago. She LOVED getting it in the ass!

Meanwhile, as we all know, anal sex comes with poop. Trying to clean all that out prior to sex does offer logistics that can put the kibosh on spontaneity. It doesn’t have to though. Nor does the butt need to play second fiddle to the vagina. For women without a vagina, the “anal isn’t an alternative to vagina” must be unraveled. It’s not an alternative. It’s something altogether different.

No apologies

And this is where self affirmation comes in. Self affirmation means finding worthiness in who we are as we are. Self validation is another word for it. It’s the opposite of “outside validation”, which I argue a lot of trans women have trouble with.

So do trans-attracted men, btw.

After all, trans-attracted men on the DL are on the DL because they fear others’ opinions of their desires. In other words, they validate their desires and selfhood based on what others think about those things. Some trans women do the same thing. And that’s why both DL men and some trans women find one another. They are perfect matches.

Muriel isn’t about any of that. She’s not about apologizing for what she is. I love that. That and her humor:

It’s not about the sex

Obviously the choice to have a vagina or not has more to do with identity than where one wants a dick. Many (most?) trans women who opt for a vagina do so because it completes them. Sex may be a secondary consideration. Or, maybe, sex doesn’t even figure in.

So trans women who want a vagina needn’t be triggered by this story. It’s really not about them. This story is really not about sex either. It’s about my GF opinions. Opinions I find endearing.

I shared these opinions with a trans-attracted client of mine. His response: “I love the confidence expressed in these texts” he said.

I agree.

Muriel’s confidence is so attractive. So is her self awareness. I can see how cleaning up my own stories about myself, my transamory and about trans women have made me a match to her. For that, I’m grateful for what I’ve done.

I think Muriel is too.

#transgender #transamorous #mtf #transattracted #transgirl #transisbeautiful #transsexual #transamorous men #transattraction #transamorous network #Anal sex

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transamorousnetwork · 4 months

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When A Chat With My Trans GF Creates Something Great

It’s just so awesome seeing how life delivers really fantastic surprises. That’s what happened recently. I was talking with Muriel about the trans community. Specifically we were talking about violence and trans people. I recently wrote a blog in response to that conversation.

But what I didn’t share in that post was how the story evolved after Muriel and I had that conversation. Muriel always inspires me. She’s super smart. She also has really insightful views, informed, probably, by her life experiences. Too bad I can’t share some of those, because they’re quite interesting.

But I respect her privacy.

So, anyway, we talked about violence and radicalization. We specifically talked about certain trans women. Women who want to take up arms against transphobic people. Our conversation had us both thinking we could write something about what we talked about. Muriel shares her views on a blog. I do too, obviously.

After we talked, I went on a walk. I thought a little about the conversation while out and about. And then, I came across this:

I featured this photo in my previous blog. What’s interesting about it is it exactly matches or substantiates what we talked about. That it did didn’t escape me. Which is why I immediately shared the experience with Muriel.

It’s not coincidence

It’s not coincidence I encountered this specific graffiti. There’s really no such thing as “coincidence”. Everything we experience is purposeful. It springs from our conscious focus, aka, our stories/beliefs.

Muriel and I together, focused on a particular subject. That focus had me choose a path that rendezvoused me with this graffiti. That’s because my Broader Perspective knew it would delight me. Which it did!

I shared the photo with Muriel. She said she’ll accompany her blog with it. I did the same, of course.

So why am I sharing this?

It’s because this little event offers the framework available to us. One that works with anything we desire. Focus on that desire exclusively and watch as the Universe will conspire with our Broader Perspectives to bring us that which we focus on. We’re already doing it. Which is why so many transgender women complain about men, yet don’t find love. It’s why so many trans-attracted men say their “type” doesn’t exist then don’t meet any.

We must focus on what we want to get that. We can’t get what we want through focusing on the opposite. My life is rich with examples like this. Muriel is an example of this.

And you can be too. Let’s get you the love you want. Or whatever else your heart desires. Contact me.

#transgender #transamorous #mtf #transattracted #transgirl #transisbeautiful #transsexual #transamorous men #transattraction #transamorous network

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