tothewickedwest
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My life without you is so much calmer. More than the past few months, at least.
Is it less bold? In some ways - I miss our highs, and the lows, when we had the comfort of equilibrium to return to. But the sea of our sins washed those shores straight way. We were either drowning or flying only to crash when I decided to flee.
Because, at the end of the day, we were both creatures who liked to garden, feel the dirt, knowing we had a home.
- I wish you were still my rock, my anchor. I wonder if you ever think of me and remember. // I think that could be the first thing to go —— you were my home along with my everything. Now I'm alone.
star-bleu
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“I have late conversations with the moon; he tells me about the sun, and I tell him about you.”
—10:47 AM
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Tis better to have loved and lost than never have loved at all or whatever, but 14 years just to lose you again is fucking stupid
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the number of hours we have together is not so large btw. you can linger in the doorway uncomfortably if you want idk. you can forget your scarf in my life and come back later for it if you even care
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Memory
We were 15.
It was messy,
really messy,
but it was beautiful.
We didn't know what we were doing.
We didn't know how to behave around each other.
We were so nervous.
But we did it.
Even though we are not together anymore,
I'm following you from a distance about what you're doing currently.
I hope you are doing the same thing for me.
We are now 22.
You are now a memory of mine,
and I'm glad about it.
I hope you are too.
By Val (18.04.22)
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As the fire lights…don’t forget heavy breathing can put it out…
Dav - 12 word
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“I have late conversations with the moon; he tells me about the sun, and I tell him about you.”
—10:47 AM
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You moved across the country and I am stuck in our town driving by places that make me ache thinking about my hand resting on your thigh while you drove
I love your letters and even though we aren’t together you are my deepest star-crossed lover
#in another lifetime#excerpts from my journal#spilled ink#i still love you#original poems#poems on life#spilled ink poems#poemsdaily
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Someone will dance with me in the seattle rain and we’ll kiss by a window with a beautiful view, they’ll tell me that no one uses umbrellas there and that they could listen to my thoughts all day. They’ll laugh that I moved from DC to Nebraska to Washington and that makes sense how I fit into the city so well, everyone is unfriendly in seattle and Midwest nice didn’t run in my veins no matter how hard I tried over the years
And it will be okay, probably, it’ll be worth all of this pain
When we drink tea in the living room with our books and my low expectations, they will raise the bar to the stars and then we’ll go dance in the rain
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My costar says I live in an accelerating swirl of complication relationships and I think so too. I think about the men I’m dreaming about, the ones I shouldn’t be stuck on, my coworker who says that needle exchange programs are crazy who I know I won’t morally agree with and my ex who I sleep with every 5-7 days that I don’t tell my trauma therapist about, who helped me with my trauma from that same ex
I think I rely on external validation and the men who don’t want me are the ones I want and who I fantasize about which is crazy because I’ve had a love that told me I was beautiful everyday and I didn’t want that, I didn’t deserve that
How am I supposed to learn what love is when I’ve only loved unhealthily by force and then by choice, I pushed everything away and I’m still doing it
I know there’s this magical love who I will write fairytales about, who makes me feel light and magical and someone who matches my soul perfectly
For right now I’m chasing ex high school sweethearts in a town I begged to leave, and now I’ve been accepted to a university across the country in my dream city and somehow there’s a million excuses not to go
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Why are you at work when you could be brushing my hair and we could be talking about everything under the moon and how much I still love you
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This isn’t high school anymore, I left you years ago, but I didn’t regret kissing you last night
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