Btw, if you have not had tragedy dropped on you before, grief does fuck you up in unexpected and physical ways. If you can’t sleep or sleep more than expected or have more or reduced appetite, or energy goes weird— your brain just had a bunch of emotions dropped on it and sometimes it reacts by hitting every button in your brain. It will pass. Just try to not get too frustrated with yourself.
It’s also fine if you feel normal. Grief literally hits everybody differently, and some people are made to be able to to keep the farm going the day after a death, and some of us turn into sleepless gargoyles and get really into trying to help, and some of us are just unspeakably sad. Grief is weird. Be kind to yourself.
you can tell me it's my own doing and i feel extremely stupid saying this at all but i genuinely wish "gay way of sitting" and "bi way of sitting" and whatever else were never a thing, i didn't think it was a problem until it was and now my legs are fucked up and it takes insane effort to sit in a way that's kind to my body and not actively destructing it further