tivywrites
TIVY Writes
22 They/Them
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D&D - Making Friends
Cleric: This is not what I meant when I said that you should, "Make new friends."
Druid: You never said anything about humanoid friends.
Ranger: Though I did get the implication that they didn't want more animals around the party.
Monk: It could be worse.
Ranger: Obviously, animals are great!
Rogue: Better than those arcane abominations.
Sorcerer: His name is Steve!
Bard: This little fella of raw arcane energy is under our protection.
Paladin: As long as they're under control that's fine. I'm more worried about Wizard's friends.
Wizard: The DOUBLE STANDARD! Everyone is cool when Cleric speaks with the dead but when I do it you throw a fit.
Rogue: To be fair I think it's only Cleric and Paladin who are concerned.
Warlock: Can they wear funny hats?
Monk: Never change, you sweet child.
Wizard: Are they coordinated?
Warlock: They can be.
Bard: I want in!
Druid: What about you two?
Fighter: Goblin-Cleaver!
Paladin: You're dripping blood everywhere.
Barbarian: You should have seen the Goblin.
Ranger: Why?
Fighter: They were so nice. Barbarian also got Goblin-Roaster.
Barbarian: It's a sword imbued with fire magic, thus Roaster, having obtained it from a lovely merchant Goblin-Roaster.
Wizard: Couldn't people assume you roast goblins?
Warlock: Why? I think one would be more likely to assume it was made by a Goblin.
Bard: Fair enough.
Cleric: That's it. There's no hope for you lot. I'm going to bed.
Paladin: Well you tried and I guess that's all we can ask for. So just be safe.
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D&D - Your Father’s Eyes
Sorcerer: Mom always said I had my father’s eyes.
Bard: Why’s that?
Sorcerer: He died before I was born.
Rogue: I believe I can rectify that statement.
Wizard: I agree.
Rogue: All I need is an address.
Cleric: You’re not corpse looting!
Wizard: What if we revived him?
Rogue: I wasn’t but don’t let me stop you.
Paladin: No necromancy either!
Warlock: I have a solution!
Monk: And that is...?
Warlock: “Mom always said, ‘I have eyes like my father.’” Problem solved.
Barbarian: This poor sweet innocent child.
Bard: Aren’t they older than you?
Sorcerer: It’s about how old you feel, not how old you are.
Rogue: Incorrect. Feeling like an adult did not stop the authorities from trying to interrupt my youthful drinking.
Druid: What if Sorcerer had their father’s aye-ayes?
Ranger: That would be adorable!
Fighter: Sorcerer’s dad was a sailor?
Sorcerer: No.
Wizard: Aye-aye, like the animal?
Druid: Exactly.
A pair of eyes are thrown on the table.
Warlock: Eep! Where did those come from?
Rogue: The bottom of my bag. Your guess is as good as mine.
Bard: Let me see that...A pair of Ersatz Eyes.
Fighter: So what are they?
Wizard: A fairly mundane magical item. They can be used in place of one’s actual eye should it be lost or damaged beyond use.
Sorcerer: My father had a pair of these when he was younger.
Bard: So you really do have your father’s eyes.
Sorcerer: I’m concerned where Rogue got these but they are alarmingly similar to the ones mother described my father having.
Rogue: Well all’s well that ends well.
They rush out of the room.
Monk: That both darker and less disturbing than I expected.
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D&D - Standing Up For Yourself
Fighter: Don't take anything lying down.
Rogue: Unless you're talking about thievery. Then take EVERYTHING any way you can.
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D&D - Not Worth It
Recently my morally ambiguous character (you can’t say they have a criminal history if they’ve never been caught) was posed with an interesting question having just looted a body of a shotgun out of ammunition.
“Would you shoot me in the head?” The annoying leader posed.
Mach pondered for a moment. That was a rather tough question. They would absolutely kill the appointed leader but did not believe it was worth expending a bullet on. Not when they had a perfectly sharp knife in the sheath at their waist.
“No...” The leader could wait and may very well serve as a meatshield against whatever could kill them on this hostile planet.
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D&D - Height Augmentation Device
Wizard: What is this?
Bard: My ad for fashionable height augmentation devices.
Wizard: Like I said, “What?”.
Rogue: Heels and the like.
Wizard: Then why didn’t they say so?
Warlock: Marketing reasons.
Bard: Height augmentation device will attract a larger demographic.
Rogue: And only some of these are designed for use as weapons.
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D&D - Rogue and Bard Discuss the Personhood of Undead Beings
Bard: You know what Paladin said to me?
Rogue: That if you murder a murderer the number of murderers stays the same.
Bard: They told you too?
Rogue: Yeah, which is why you don’t stop at one. And you won’t believe Cleric.
Bard: What about?
Rogue: I use Paladin’s argument on them and they say that the undead have given up personhood.
Bard: Really?
Rogue: Yes! So what if you made a pact with a questionably evil entity AND you’re technically undead? That doesn’t make you any less humanoid. I mean they get along fine with Sorcerer’s dad.
Bard: I know!
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Thoughts that came into being.
Also a chaotic little Newt.
What if everyone was technically correct? What if Newt! MC was an animagus and could turn into a newt? [I thought of this because of the Monty Phython, "She turned me into a newt...I got better."
Possibly, as I said I leave background and additional skills the reader wants to add to Newt!MC up to them because it's their choice to imagine how MC is for them. We all have a different way of envisioning how Newt!MC may be for ourselves.
I just keep the skills that I listed in a previous post for writing purposes. If someone wants to have a whole different background of Newt!MC than I do, that's fine and remember that every Newt!MC may differ from others.
Stay safe and take care of yourselves!
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I will state that within TWST there is not mention of the existence of narcolepsy and with consideration of Epel’s Unique Magic it’s probably not magic.
What if Silver's Unique Magic is putting people to sleep? Him falling asleep could be a side effect (or the yet to be discovered narcolepsy).
it could be! that's actually be pretty interesting imo, to have magic that allows you to essentially incapacitate someone without actually having to strain yourself (other than the sleepiness)? it'd be just as effective as like...Riddle's magic, but less obvious!
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D&D - Rogue Wants a Frankenstein
Rogue: I want a Frankenstein.
Wizard: You mean Frankenstein's monster.
Rogue: No, I want a scientist of questionable ethics so I can violate so many laws AND blame it on someone else.
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D&D - Going Out
Rogue: You’re not going out like that!
Bard: I dressed Warlock perfectly fine.
Rogue: You missed something extremely important.
Warlock: I have the heels. The long flowing dress. And the necklace. What am I missing?
Rogue: A weapon. Here, take my emergency dagger.
Warlock: Thanks!
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Rogue & Warlock - Winter Holiday Gift Giving
Started this in IDK November? Didn’t have the full party. Waited a few months, remembered it was still in my drafts. Finished it. But in my defense it is still Winter.
Cleric: Rogue, Warlock, what are you doing up this late?
Rogue: Getting everyone's Winter Holiday presents.
Cleric: You mean stealing?
Warlock: Actually no. Paladin's only wish for this Winter Holiday was to not steal any of the presents.
Cleric: And why should I believe you?
Rogue: Barbarian wants the biggest stick we can find. We're getting them a tree.
Warlock: Druid and Ranger want an animal companion but it'd be cruel to take one away from its family so if we don't find any that want to come with us we're going to find the most exotic flora in the woods and give it to them.
Rogue: Bard has challenged us to make an instrument out of spare parts.
Warlock: Meaning they said, “If you make me an instrument it’d certainly be unique.”
Cleric: What about Sorcerer? Didn’t they say they wanted something extremely valuable?
Rogue: I’ll give them a shiny rock.
Warlock: There’s reasonable odds of finding some quartz. It’s fairly common but still very pretty when polished.
Rogue: Fighter has challenged us to find something they won’t eat.
Warlock: With the caveat that it’s something that is edible.
Rogue: There’s so much disgusting things in the woods that you technically can eat. That or Druid and Ranger have been lying to us.
Cleric: Don’t tell me Wizard wants a book.
Rogue: Nope. They requested a bag of bones.
Cleric: What!?!
Rogue: Necromancer, obviously.
Warlock: So we’re going to see if we can find some animal carcasses. They did mention something about wanting a familiar.
Rogue: Monk wanted to punch the biggest thing possible.
Warlock: We’re taking them to an ocean. It’s nice and big and shouldn’t do harm to any of the parties involved.
Cleric: Alright, but what do you two get out of this?
Warlock: The joy of seeing everyone happy.
Rogue: Proof that I can do things other than stealing.
Cleric: And...?
Rogue: Obligation that they get me gifts.
Warlock: But what do you want, Cleric?
Cleric: I don’t know. I always spend time making sure the rest of the party is in order.
Rogue: So you want a day off.
Cleric: Yeah. That would be nice.
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D&D - How to Succeed - Rogue
Rogue: I made my way here through hard work, determination and only the slightest bit of murder.
Bard: Slightest!
Cleric: Murder?!?
Rogue: Yes!
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D&D - Planning a Murder
Warlock: I'm planning a murder for Druid.
Rogue: For as in helping or for as in killing Druid?
Warlock: Helping.
Rogue: Need some assistance with that?
Warlock: That would be delightful. Here’s the list.
Bird seed, nightshade, tiny teacups, whatever you think will be useful.
Rogue: Nightshade?
Warlock: Yeah. Druid showed me a picture.
Later in the day a plethora of ravens arrived and one happened to eat some bad birdseed.
Rogue was shocked that it was a gathering of birds but pleasantly surprised when there was indeed a murder.
Druid: Thanks for the help and for not telling Warlock.
Rogue: I wouldn't have expected you to murder someone.
Druid: Somebird if Warlock ever finds out it was intentional. And all they did was plan a lovely party. Where there happened to be a murder.
Rogue: Of course.
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Oh. You mean these papers?
So we were researching some monsters. Queen said to kill what’s been destroying the crops in 48 hours or we’re dead. [We might have accidentally killed her guards. *Killing intentional, but accidentally mistook out target].
So in the library the Rogue just pockets some research papers.
I as the bard ask the librarian if he knows anything. These are some pretty recent events. Scholarly articles would contain useful information while books are outdated. His research paper is missing. We investigate and how the Rogue reacts when I ask him...
“Research papers? What research papers? Why would we need research papers?”
“So we can not fucking die by the Queen’s hand!”
“Oh. You mean these papers?”
I then proceed to politely throw him under the bus by returning the papers to the librarian with the comment that they were left on a table. How terribly rude of them.
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D&D - Asking for Digits
Bard: Why don't you give me your digits?
Warlock: Weird way to ask to hold my hand but super cute too.
Sorcerer: Glares in jealousy.
Paladin: Can I please have your digits?
Rogue: Like hell I'd do that! You're just going to use my fingerprints to falsely accuse me of a crime!
Druid: Falsely?
Rogue: I haven't done anything...that you can prove.
Cleric: Just give us your digits!
Wizard: I need them to reanimate this corpse!
Ranger: Wizard, this is an intervention. You need to stop.
Barbarian: Can you give me your digits?
Fighter: If you need help with math just ask. Ask someone else though, I'm clueless too.
NPC: I'd love your digits.
Monk: Sure thing. Punches them.
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Anything's free for the taking if you just take it.
Rogue
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D&D It's a Bit Muggy - Part 1
Bard: I hear that it's a bit muggy today. You'd better be careful.
Cleric: If you put all the mugs outside I will be very displeased.
Sorcerer sips from bowl.
Cleric goes outside. Gets hit by mug wielded by Rogue.
Rogue: I thought Bard warned them.
Bard: I did. Cleric just didn't listen.
Warlock: That was mean.
Rogue: But still funny.
Warlock carries Cleric and tucks them into bed.
Bard: I have no regrets about doing this.
Rogue: Me neither.
Wizard: All the mugs were dirty anyway.
Sorcerer: This soup's really good.
Bard: And now we'll actually do the dishes.
Monk: Where'd Rogue go?
Wizard: They left a note.
I have more mugging to do. Be back when I'm out of mugs or out of targets.
Paladin: We should stop them.
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