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alvie
⎊. consist everything that i adore.
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The chemistry. The passion. The intimacy. The angst. The heartache. The devotion. The love. My God, no one will ever touch these two pairings. They’re above everything and everyone.
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“Furthermore, he always dances with her one more time than is considered de rigueur…
…considering how many husbands don’t like to dance with their wives at all, this is romantic stuff, indeed.” - LADY WHISTLEDOWN’S SOCIETY PAPERS, 10 JUNE 1814
Julia Quinn, The Viscount Who Loved Me (Bridgertons, #2)
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just a small observation after rewatching episode 6 [4/4] for the millionth time: in the credits, both mew and top are associated with water imagery. in episode 1, we see mew sitting next to a fish tank, his hand against the glass of the tank, looking from the outside in, unable to touch the water. in episode 6, we see top sitting in a bathtub, his hair and skin wet, a large window (glass) behind him. so one of them is on the outside and can't reach in, the other one is on the inside and can't reach out. could this be foreshadowing for anything?
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Top is the fantasy type of addict, the kind of person who can quit without hesitation and will stop instantly for any reason.
Ray is the real addict, who smiles and promises to stop but never does because it's not so straightforward or simple and he can't just stop.
And that's why Mew loves Top and fell for him so hard.
Because Top fulfills his fantasy of fixing someone, of making them better, and it happening just because of him being love and him being there. Top stopped using drugs to stay with Mew. Top stopped fucking around to stay with Mew. Top acted like the hero out of a novel, repressing and changing all his vices to fit into the box Mew needs for dating and love. Even Top's trauma is 'easily fixed' by just sharing a bed and cuddling at night.
But Ray could never do that. Because Ray is messy and hurt and aching and broken and he is using alcohol and drugs and sex to cover up the pain he can't hide from and pain he can't run from. His trauma isn't solved by cuddling, he can't stop drinking because Mew tells him to and he keeps turning to Mew without taking his advice and without changing himself for him.
Top is a fantasy. He presents himself as a fantasy to Mew and he lives that life. He quits drugs, quits sex, turns monogamous and, yes, he might really have feelings for Mew but that doesn't change that he's still giving Mew a chance to live that literary and romantic fantasy and someone changing themselves for the sake of love in the most simplified fashion.
Ray is a reality. Ray is an addict who might promise to drink less but can't follow through. Ray is an addict who cannot simply stop. He is struggling and drowning in his own addiction and he hurts people and he hurts himself and he aches and he calls Mew ready to kill himself because he cannot fight his demons alone and his demons are all around him. He struggles and he falls and he hits the bottom and he keeps going and he calls for help again and again and he is constant work, constant effort, constant neediness.
Mew has, openly, always wanted that fantasy. He wants to live out the romance in books because they always end up in a predictable way and those fantasies include people who change themselves for love because love is enough to heal their issues, love was enough to heal their trauma, love was enough for them to fundamentally change as a person.
That's why Mew is so hurt by Top sleeping with Boston. Because that is proof that Top didn't change. That all the fantasies he had about Top loving him enough to change himself entirely came crashing down around him. Because no one can fulfill an impossible fantasy and loving someone because they can shape themselves into your fantasy is a hard way to love someone.
(Mew punched Ray because he had a specific fantasy about how he would reveal his knowledge of Top cheating and he was willing to sacrifice Ray to that fantasy, to punch his best friend who told him he was being cheated on, because the reveal being public didn't fit his own dreams of the event. Mew will pick his fantasy over real people again and again and I wonder how that will play out in this new era after Top's cheating was revealed.)
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Wherein Mew has a natural talent for showmanship
Mew: Oh you're a villain alright, just not a super one.
Boston: What's the difference?
Mew *sex tape starts playing in the bg*:
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Only Friends Ep. 6 + Kisses
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Ray + Proving Boston Wrong
Even while his heart is breaking, Ray is trying to reassure Mew, let him know that he's okay, which makes the punch that much more painful.
But Ray heard Boston's accusations and he knows that he doesn't want to be like Boston, he knows that what he really wants is for Mew to be happy. He "knows" that he's not worthy of Mew (because Mew saved him, and that's a level of devotion that you can't easily shake, and is almost impossible to live up to).
But he also knows that Mew deserves better than someone who doesn't stay faithful. Ray isn't going to let Boston think he's right, but he's not going to let Mew be taken advantage of.
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I don't think I'm that important to him anymore. // I'm not that special.
ONLY FRIENDS (2023)
EP. 4 // EP. 5
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"Stop with those puppy dog eyes."
ONLY FRIENDS (2023)
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— anthony + looking at kate
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Bridgerton Season Two ⤐ Victory
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#you know what that is? growth
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"You looked at me!"
"Not in the way you looked at me."
"And how exactly did I look?"
Like a whore, Anthony... like a whore.
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