theshanashow
ShanaRose
She/Her | UNC Charlotte c/o 2024 | Sigma Kappa | English Major | Communications | Journalism | Writer | Future Somebody, Going Somewhere | instagram: @shana.r0se | Twitter: Th3ShanaShow | Snapchat @shanar0se
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(I know Bilbo isn’t really blonde but the vibe still stand with the characters and ships)
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Can't wait to see y'all dressed as furniture at Love On Tour
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Hi!!! I’m ShanaRose, this is my blog, here’s a photodump of me and also my little baby kitty girl, Princess Tiabeanie.
#photo dump#selfie#my face#cats cats cats#plus size woman#dont look at my feet#disenchantment#tiabeanie but make her a cat#wannabe author
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Break ups are weird
So I went through my first college relationship and subsequent break up a few weeks ago. I met this guy semi-naturally through bumble and a mutual friend. He was very sweet; he checked all my boxes from physical looks to emotional connection (i'm a sucker for brown curly hair and freckles). We matched each others energies, we both fawned over my cat, we had similar friends, and we just genuinely enjoyed spending time together. I was really seeing something start to grow longterm for us, until one random Monday afternoon I get a text from him
"can you please come over? there's something that we need to talk about"
In my head, I jump to conclusions and think the worst. This is it, you fucked it up again. I had instructions to come on into his apartment, the door was unlocked. He's sitting at his desk chair with his hands clasped firmly in his lap.
"Uh oh, why so serious? We about to break up or something?" I joked
He was silent.
"Wait are we really about to break up?" I could feel my face and neck start to heat up turning my pink skin a bright shade of red.
"Let me explain" he begins
After a few minutes of him apologizing and dancing around the point, I zoned out lost in my head. My ears perked up when he says "I just can't ever love you". What? We had only been dating for two months, a proclamation of love was a long ways away in my mind.
"I don't want to lead you on anymore"
With that I stood up, took his shirt that I was wearing off, and walked out of his shitty college apartment in my running shorts and sports bra. The once soft and comforting shirt suddenly felt like it was on fire. Pins and needles ran across my chest and shoulders, and then it was on the floor. I think that may have been the craziest thing I have ever done. I walked half a mile home shirtless.
I cried as I walked, maybe from embarrassment of having my stomach out on campus, maybe from being dumped, I still don't quite know. But I cried that ugly, wet, snotty cry that only toddlers can do. When I made it back to my dorm I sat on the couch and cried to my friends on the phone. We got takeout and drank wine that night. The next day I dyed my hair.
I could go on about him and what a dick he was, but he wasn't. He did the right thing, and I respect him for that. Sure, men are trash and they always will be, but at least he had the decency to save us heartbreak and be truthful with me. Sure, the words "I just can't ever love you" are forever branded into the insides of my eyelids, but I don't regret a thing. College is about learning not only from your classes but from your life choices and experiences. I learned that I love fast and strong. I am not afraid to be emotional with people, and I am certainly not afraid to trauma dump. I learned that romantic relationships aren't one sided, they take a lot of work and a lot of commitment; something I honestly wasn't prepared for.
It's been a few weeks now and I'm still getting over it. It doesn't hurt anymore, thank god. It was probably the greatest lesson Ive learned since I moved out and started school. I know myself better now, and I feel reconnected with the new me. I've already seen some new people, danced with strangers, and had painfully dry hinge conversations. Life goes on, and break ups will forever and always be weird.
#help im screaming into the void again#wannabe author#breakups#moving on to better things#i'm gonna go kiss women now#my writing#my thoughts#breakup rant#my friends are so tired of hearing this already#i needed to write this#trauma dumping#venting#bisexual#lgbtqiia+#plus size woman
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Back to Tumblr after six years
I was that obnoxious chronically-online preteen in your third period english class. I wore superwholock merch every day, jelly bracelets that said "mcr saved me" and "we're all mad here", and the same red hoodie everyday (because I thought it made me look like Dave from Homestuck). I had that awful fringed haircut with purple and blue streaks of dye in it that every young bisexual had at one time or another. I wore beat up black converse high tops and drew stars on the white rubber. Random doodles adorned my arms and my legs where there were holes in my black skinny jeans. I had blue glasses and crooked teeth, winged eyeliner to my temples and the occasional cat whiskers on my cheeks. I was that girl.
But now I am a twenty year old college student entering my junior year. I'm studying english and communications at UNCC. And, I'm in a goddamn sorority. If twelve year old ShanaRose could see me today, she would be repulsed. She would hate my brown hair that I stopped bleaching blonde. She would hate that I'm plus size and proud. She would hate that I dress like a typical college girl. She would hate that I go to parties, or that I have any form of social interaction whatsoever. But she would also be proud that I came out at eighteen. She would be proud that I made it through high school. She would be proud that I am pursuing writing as more than a hobby. She would be proud that I can look into a mirror and smile. She would be proud of how I look after my family. She would be proud that I have a group of friends that truly love me for who I am. And she would be very proud that I am a cat mom.
Tumblr made me into the socially awkward preteen that I was. It guided me to finding my love for reading and writing. It helped me understand my sexuality and begin to understand my gender identity. This goddamn website gave me the tools that little ShanaRose needed before she needed them. I left tumblr not only because my mom found my blog, but because I had outgrown the era of SuperWhoLock-ShanaRose. And now I return to tumblr as an adult in a new era. Picking out my interests while making my new profile put the biggest smile on my face as I chose education, writing, photography, design, poetry, art, and of course television series. I am able to see this website as something new all over again. It feels like an old friend welcoming me home, but this friend repainted the walls and got new furniture since I was last here. So after six long years, through all the ups and downs, I'm back to scream into the void with a new outlook on life.
I'm happy to be home, where it all started.
#my thougts#screaming into the void#writing stuff#life update#personal rant#back to tumblr#maybe i still like superwholock#my writing#i really did think I looked like Dave in that musty red hoodie#I cosplayed as Levi from aot for halloween in seventh grade#writers on tumblr#tumblr made me a loser#college student#wannabe author
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Recommendations of feel good, funny or wholesome movies:
Pride and prejudice
The mummy
Mean girls
Rough night (one of my favorite comedies, great casting, amazing story)
St trinians
The addams family (90s version)
Dark shadows
Shaun of the dead (zombie comedy - hilarious)
Get duked! (amazing comedy, social commentary and produced by Tobey Maguire)
Blockers
But I’m a cheerleader (LGBTQIA comedy)
The incredibles 1 and 2 (classics)
Shrek 1 and 2 (classics)
Some like it hot (Marilyn Monroe comedy, really lovely)
Gentlemen prefer blondes (classic Marilyn Monroe comedy and musical)
The cabin in the woods (horror movie homage, a mix of horror and comedy)
The faculty (aliens invade a highschool, a tiny bit of horror and good comedy, with Elijah Wood)
The devil wears Prada
Toc toc (such a wholesome Spanish comedy. Patients that have OCD are booked for the same appointments at the same time but the doctor is nowhere to be seen)
The birdcage
Heathers (80’s dark comedy about highschool where they murder the most popular bully in school - Winona Rider is amazing in this)
Monty phyton and the holy grail
Funny face is a very sweet fashion musical with Audrey Hepburn
Breakfast at Tiffany’s (Audrey Hepburn classic movie)
I would recommend all of them. They are wholesome, beautiful, funny, comforting, they make you feel good while not demanding that much attention or thinking to understand the plots.
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