lithromantic problems

Can people please stop being raised with the thought you have to be sexually attracted to someone to truly like them

Cause it fucks with you, it really does

There’s been people I dated and while I was, felt guilty that I couldn’t even picture myself sexually with them, nor did I ever want to.

I’ve broken up with someone I really liked because I wasn’t attracted to them sexually. 

And its not just “a phase” or an “age thing” because plenty of other people younger than me, older than me, and my age are sexually active and sexually attracted to people. 

But there’s also plenty of other people younger than me, older than me, and my age, thinking theyre broken, or somethings wrong with them, or are undeserving of love because they aren’t attracted to people in that way. 

i have lgbt friends and they defend asexuals. i have a bisexual friend who tells me asexuals have it harder than anyone, and it’s people like you that are part of the reason why she says that. we are not heterosexual/heteroromantic, and thus we are a sexual orientation in the minority, and we DO get discriminated against, just like you, and just like other lgbt members. we belong in the community, because we certainly dont belong anywhere else. if anyone should fuck off, it’s you.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/without-prejudice/201209/prejudice-against-group-x-asexuals

theaceminds I’m tired and that post is old news so tl;dr:

read that diagram again and fuck off you don’t belong simply for being ace/aro that doesn’t make you lgbt shut up and listen to an actual lgbt person about who should and shouldn’t be in the community

Today’s Bi Headcanon of The Day is: Aromantic Bisexual Lydia Martin

Got bored and made some asexy pics. Follow my facebook page too;) https://www.facebook.com/pages/Asexual-Humor/1009273962420987

Love you all my ace friends (and allies)!

If you think aro and ace people aren’t part of the queer community please get your ass away from me as fast as possible and block and unfollow me so I don’t ever have to see your bullshit again (also if your against demi and bi people too ill fuckin fight you you piece of human trash like your as problematic as the westboro Baptist church, bye!!!!)

i dont think you really have any right to say cishet aro/aces dont belong in the lgbtqia+ community. they are NOT straight, that is the whole point of them identifying as ASEXUAL. there is a whole part of the heterosexual experience that they don’t relate to and feel ALIENATED, EXCLUDED, and BROKEN for. they are not just trying to be “special snowflakes”. these people get discriminated against, by family, friends, etc. you can argue that they shouldn’t identify with the reclamation of the slur “queer”, but don’t you dare tell us that we have no place in a non-straight/cis community, because we’re not heterosexual/romantic, we get discriminated against, we don’t identify with the rest of society, and we need a safe-place. that’s the whole point.

I’ve been thinking about the whole debate over het aros/aces And I’ve come to a conclusion: Het aros/aces don’t get to reclaim the q slur because it’s never been used against them historically; it’s used for people who are, or are perceived to be, same gender attracted or trans. If you’re cis het aro/ace, you don’t get to reclaim it because you are straight to some degree, the same way a gay aro/ace person is still gay They are welcome in aro/ace spaces! Very welcome because they’re still aro/ace. However, when debates are going on about homophobia/transphobia/etc you need to be quiet and let other people speak because it doesn’t effect you

Conclusion: cis het aros/aces aren’t queer and don’t get to reclaim that identity. But they are very welcome in aro/ace spaces

recently, i’ve been thinking about my journey through labels and why representation is so important and it’s because for 9 years i said i was bi, not because i was, but because i had no idea anything more than LGBT existed and i knew i looked at girls the same way i looked at boys

then i said i was pan because i never considered someone’s gender in whether i deemed them attractive because it didn’t matter to me and well, that’s what i learned pansexual was

but i finally settled on asexual because i was never taught (until i taught myself) about different types of attraction. logically, i knew the difference between romantic and platonic and familial, but in many cultures, aesthetic=sexual and the separation isn’t considered, so for years, i was thinking just because i found someone attractive, i should want to have sex with them even though i never even considered sex an option for me

and this is why we should be teaching about what exists because for 10 years of my life, i didn’t understand myself because i never had the resources to show that asexuality existed

Ok, so, no. Asexuals cannot claim the word queer for their own use. Asexuals can feel broken and hurt and like they don't have a place and uncomfortable, but this isn't based on systematic oppression through power. LGBT people have been beaten up, murdered, abused, denied reproductive rights, denied marriage, denied adoptive rights, segregated, suffered violent language (incl queer). Heteromantic Asexuals are made to feel bad for not having sex. No comparison. You do not get to take queer.

I am so tired of having to fight this fight but the fact is, somebody’s gotta do it, and this keeps coming up in here because I don’t know, our blog is apparently a magnet for invalidating, identity policing acephobes. 

Anyone who is not cisgender, heterosexual, and/or heteroromantic is free to reclaim queer at their discretion. 

Asexuals have experienced all the same sorts of oppression you just listed off. Sometimes because of being asexual - have you ever thought about domestic violence, marital rape, corrective rape, and specifically acephobic language when you think of oppression? Because that’s our reality. Sometimes the oppression an asexual faces looks a lot like the homophobia you’re used to - because some aces are in relationships with someone of the same gender. Do not try to play the oppression olympics. It’s bullshit. All oppression is bad. It doesn’t matter “who has it worse” - we all have it bad, and in very similar ways. 

Then to go a step further and say that specifically heteroromantic asexuals don’t get to reclaim queer… you are identity policing. You are saying “I’m sorry, the fact that you like people of a different gender in some capacity means you are too straight to be here.” Do you say that to bisexual folks? To pansexual folks? No? Oh, right, because it’s a load of bullshit. A person can still be attracted in some capacity to people of a different gender and still be queer. 

Do not come into our space and tell us that we aren’t oppressed or oppressed enough. We are erased. We are beaten down and broken to the point where asexuals are afraid to even realize their own sexuality because of how they will be treated and the rights they will be denied. 

Asexuals are specifically excluded from non-discrimination laws in many places, where the identities that people can’t be discriminated against are listed out and asexual is not included in the list. Asexuals experience more bigotry from straight people than homosexuals do, and we get the added bonus of bigotry from other queer people too. Asexuals have been subject to corrective rape. Asexuals in relationships are subjected to domestic violence and marital rape. Asexuals are bullied and insulted - maybe “inhuman” and “broken” don’t sound like the insults you’re used to, but that doesn’t make them hurt less. Some young aces experience anxiety and depression and suicidal thoughts like many other queer people because of their orientation. Asexuals who come out are sometimes disowned, cut off, thrown out of their houses, etc by parents. Wow, when it’s laid out, it sounds like… we experience the same thing other queer people do! 

Give me a break, anon. Pull your head out of your ass and learn some fucking empathy. 

-Kiowa

ace people can't identify as queer IF they're heteroromantic or aromantic and cis... Queer is a slur born out of hatred towards people who weren't straight or cis, and those are the only people who get to reclaim it. I would be super glad if you could change your FAQ to include this. Not all ace people are queer!

Not gonna happen. 

Queer as it’s been reclaimed is for anyone who is not cisgender, heterosexual, or heteroromantic. All asexuals are not heterosexual. Therefore, all asexuals can identify as queer if they so choose. 

What you’re doing is identity policing and erasing the oppression that even heteroromantic and aromantic aces face. You’re saying “because you appear to be cishet, your oppression isn’t enough to count.” You’re telling people “your experiences don’t count“ and that’s garbage, anon. What you’re doing is a different flavor of the same erasure asexuals face from cishets. 

Just because an asexual appears to be cishet to the uninformed observer doesn’t mean they are, or that they’re treated that way. Asexuals can have a really hard time interacting with cishet folks because we don’t understand their feelings and motivations, and they don’t understand ours - but we are expected to figure it out and pretend to behave like them, while they get away with belittling and bullying us. We’re discriminated against at a higher rate than other non-heterosexual orientations - and this is regardless of romantic orientation. Yes, homoromantic, biromantic, panromantic, and different grayromantic orientations have it “worse” in that we get homophobia on top of acephobia, but this is not about who has it worse. It’s about the fact that we all have it. 

When you say that only some asexuals can reclaim queer, you’re ignoring the fact that all of us face erasure, discrimination, invalidation, abuse, assault, and other mistreatment at the hands of cishets - and sometimes at the hands of our fellow queer people. You’re making attraction to the same gender, in some capacity, or not identifying with the gender assigned at birth the requirements for being queer, and you’re isolating people who don’t fit those requirements, but still aren’t cishet and still don’t fit in there. You are taking a safe space and a community of sympathetic and empathetic people away from folks, leaving them out in the cold. 

Don’t be that asshole, anon. Don’t abandon people because they don’t fit your narrow view of what queer should be. Recognize that the world is run by and for cishet folks, and all asexuals are, by definition, not cishet. We don’t belong there; we belong here. Asexuals are queer, regardless of their romantic orientation. 

-Kiowa

Adding onto this because I agree with Kiowa 100%. I also think it’s important to note that this Anon specifically states that it’s a slur for people who “aren’t straight or cis.” You know who’s not straight? Heteroromantic Aces.

Yes, heteroromantic and cisgender aces get to “pass” as straight, whether they like it or not. You know who also gets that? Pan, bi, and poly people in relationships with people of a different gender, especially cis ones. Does that make them any less queer if they have a partner of a different gender? No. It’s the same for ace people.

We will not tolerate this hate and invalidation on this blog. I 100% support all aces. Every. Last. One. This is a safe space for them.

-Kieren

Help us make a Comprehensive Asexual Academic Publications Masterlist!

Help us make a Comprehensive Asexual Academic Publications Masterlist!

So I mentioned this on tumblr earlier today, but I wanted to put out a more formal announcement: help us crowdsource a comprehensive record of academic publications about asexuality! Asexual Explorations already has a pretty good bibliography that makes for a good starting point, but it’s not updated very frequently, so it can be missing a lot of newer works. Asexual Explorations is also a…

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I am honestly so supportive of young women and girls who don’t want to present themselves as sexual, whether they’re asexual, sex-repulsed, politically celibate, women who don’t want to feel or be sexy, or women who just don’t want to discuss it. I’m supportive whether this is something temporary or permanent, whatever the reason for it. If sex isn’t liberating for you, that’s great. There’s nothing wrong with that and I’m sorry you’re being sold the lie that you’re repressed and/or unfeminist.

Don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise!

Late for #AceDay but I was stuck at work all day, boo!

This is a message to all spectrums of ace peeps out there, from the Ace Trainers: Me, kynimdraws and shoelesscosmonaut!

“Romance and love and sex are a part of human nature.”

Asexuals and Aromantics: *look at each other* 

Gods?

Gods.

Person: of course I support everyone !! :) heteros, lesbians, gays, bisexuals, transgenders and... (looks at smudged writing on hand) avocados

[”YOU’RE BEING SELFISH” (Asexual Alligator) AND YOU TRYING TO GUILT ME INTO HAVING SEX WITH YOU ISN’T?]