Holding carbonated water in your mouth just to feel something

What my type in apocalypse movies used to be: the rugged survivor who can beat alien ass all day and wears a leather jacket with fingerless gloves

My type in apocalypse movies now: the dad. He is stressed. He wants to keep his children alive. He is extremely competent. Very tired

Every episode of River monsters is like

(River Monsters intro music)

British professor who is at some British museum: this fish doesn’t eat people because no fish eats people on purpose

Jermey Wade:(narrating) so I went to the Amazon and asked the locals if the fish eats people

Every single local he asked: my grandma was eaten by the fish in front of my eyes

Jermey Wade:(narrating) I guess we’ll never know definitively if this fish eats people

(River Monsters outro music)

Me waiting for a family to leave so I can clean the table and watching the parents encourage their children to tear up the foam cups and throw food onto the floor because “its their job to clean up after the customers”:

Literally I could not care less about someone’s political beliefs especially since I don’t know them like I get that you don’t agree with them or whatever but I’m not interested in anyone’s opinions on their opinions I’m here to read questionable reader insert smut so either give me the smut or get off my fyp I’m not on tumblr for this type of stuff if I wanted it I’d go to twitter or something

Every few months I remember “oh yeah, that character canonically died that actually happened and he was 17 and never saw a happy ending” and I have a few days of despair before gaslighting myself into believing he made it again and continuing the cycle

Ever season Glenn almost dies or is presumed dead but nothing ever keeps this funky little man down

Every single Jurassic park/world movie is like:

Scientist/sexy dude: it’s a bad idea to use these animals you created out of nothing to make a profit you’re gonna get eaten

Evil businessman: nonsense im about to make so much money

(An hour and a half later)

Evil businessman: AHHH IM BEING EATEN

Scientist/sexy dude: this is a lesson to never do this again

(3 years later)

Different evil businessman: holy shit I have an amazing idea

Like I get it that it’s a balance but just kill the bad one so there’s only the good one left I feel like that would solve so many issues in so many stories

Those episodes of clone wars where anakin Ahsoka and Obi-Wan are stuck on that weird ass spirit world type shit planet are cool and all but like- the whole premise of those episodes are that they’re trapped there because the old guy’s two children bring balance to the force together or whatever and can’t be split up but like one of them is a beautiful Galadriel type princess who’s power is beauty grace and being elegant in space and then there’s the motherfucking rat bastard son of a bitch who literally craves violence like yeah ok they’re supposed to be symbolic and parallels to anakin and ahsoka but like- just kill the fucking son

Those episodes of clone wars where anakin Ahsoka and Obi-Wan are stuck on that weird ass spirit world type shit planet are cool and all but like- the whole premise of those episodes are that they’re trapped there because the old guy’s two children bring balance to the force together or whatever and can’t be split up but like one of them is a beautiful Galadriel type princess who’s power is beauty grace and being elegant in space and then there’s the motherfucking rat bastard son of a bitch who literally craves violence like yeah ok they’re supposed to be symbolic and parallels to anakin and ahsoka but like- just kill the fucking son

Triston or whatever the fuck his name is after he finds out Miley is Hannah Montana:

Wait you’re telling me this guy is 15/16 like bitch that’s a 19 year old with a cowboy hat on

I’ve never seen Hannah Montana Movie or any of the show thing but this isn’t what I expected so far

There he is- the inexplicable random attractive guy who appears out of no where in her time of need

I’ve never seen Hannah Montana Movie or any of the show thing but this isn’t what I expected so far

This girl is lowkey a bitch ngl but I guess that’s what parents want their young girls to act like?? Like tell me if I’m wrong ig

I’ve never seen Hannah Montana Movie or any of the show thing but this isn’t what I expected so far

Oh to be like 11 and not know what was going on

I’ve never seen Hannah Montana Movie or any of the show thing but this isn’t what I expected so far

These hair cuts be taking me back to before I could remember things like this

I’ve never seen Hannah Montana Movie or any of the show thing but this isn’t what I expected so far

Aight so it’s def 2010

I’ve never seen Hannah Montana Movie or any of the show thing but this isn’t what I expected so far