I wonder what g would think if he knew I was dating someone 2 years older than he is

R sent me a ring size measuring tool and I think he may be thinking of a promise ring or even an engagement ring?? He had me give him my ring size right away after I tried it. I was shaking but I was really excited deep down I was hoping he would think of that sort of thing soon.

But we haven’t even been dating for a year yet and he still hasn’t met my parents officially yet so I just don’t know how to feel. It’s like I am happy so far but what if things change? And I’ve been against the whole concept of marriage for forever and I feel like I’m all love-fuzzed where I’m blind to the economic, social, emotional commitments of marriage that I used to be worried about.

And honestly, I’m not ready to turn the page from g. I need to see him one last time in my life, and I don’t want to be married when and if he sees me. I really hate how conflicted I am about everything.

And r is so much older I feel like I need to sacrifice my youth so he can be a husband and a father while he’s still young, but it’s against everything I ever wanted. He assures me he wants me to finish my goals but all I can think about is how old he would be by the time I graduate college, and how long he might have left when and if we have a child..it’s just so depressing and idk what to do or how to feel :(

Was there ever a single, quiet, unrecallable thought for even a split second you pictured me the same way I do you?

I imagine my tc finding this blog and reading through my posts before realizing their about him 💀

Remembering how he brought donuts for my class, and my class only, during the exam week when every period was 3 hours long.

And he told me before how much he disliked the rest of my class. Like…why? And anyway I didn’t even eat a donut because I was too shy to eat in front of people. Sorry, g.

The fact I filled up almost an entire journal full of letters that I can’t ever give to him. Thinking of posting some excerpts if they mean anything

I mean, sometimes remembering can really destroy you

Benjamin Alire Sáenz, He Forgot to Say Goodbye

One day I will stop falling in love with you. Until I do, I'll be thinking of you.

k.b. // laufey, philharmonia orchestra - let you break my heart again

read up a bit on limerance and oh my god there's something so validating and invalidating about finding out what you're feeling isn't real love but also that you're not crazy

I advanced to the interview step of the 3yr biomedical research program I applied for and I’m so excited guys!

My interview is tomorrow plz wish me luck! This is like the most amazing opportunity I’ve ever had in my entire life and I’m in LOVE with my major I really want to get myself in a lab

I’m serious guys does that sound open-ended or am I being delusional? 💀

Am I reading too much into this? I did say happy birthday but I kept it simple. He did too; I just feel put off by why he mentioned it’s been a quiet weekend, if that means good or bad. I don’t know, I think I’m just thinking too hard. I’m lucky he responded, really. now I’m going to leave all of this behind me until next year.

I’m gonna be honest I emailed the birthday thing on a whim. I was thinking about it the whole week before and debating on schedule-sending something the night before but I just didn’t. Then I realized what day it was, on the day of, and sent it as soon as I realized. (after some more debating.) I don’t know, but this time his response didn’t make my bones feel like jelly so I guess that’s progress. Even though I’m moving on I still hope he’s doing ok and gets the birthday time he deserves.

Am I reading too much into this? I did say happy birthday but I kept it simple. He did too; I just feel put off by why he mentioned it’s been a quiet weekend, if that means good or bad. I don’t know, I think I’m just thinking too hard. I’m lucky he responded, really. now I’m going to leave all of this behind me until next year.