#you dont have to try and fucking GRADE it
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My friend sent me the Lily Orchard Dungeon Meshi final rating (I am a big dungeon meshi fan (the rating was an F+ (no idea what she was on about)))
And genuinely?? I wish I had the power to banish this woman off the internet forever. Like I wish she had a no-internet aura so every time she got on a computer it's internet was off. She needs to share her opinions among like-minded friends or keep them to herself and she needs to go outside.
#simon says#legit this woman is a fucking menace to media reviewing communities#she just... always has the worst takes ever#an F+.... how can one be so wrong#just say you didn't like it personally#you dont have to try and fucking GRADE it#anyways that's just my opinions about her after seeing that#i wanna vent because it feels like every 6 months she's back to stir shit up and nothing else#im clearly not wishing her harm i just wish her a very simple: stop sharing your opinions online. go outside#go get a normal job or something#she's just really loud about her really bad opinions#real ones remember her awful awful writing advice thread that was just wrong
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my top controversial Zim headcanon is that Zim actually performs absurdly well at skool because
1. he's a perfectionist with a compulsive reaction to ANY system of scoring
2. I 100% believe test scores are this guy's forte because he had to become an Invader SOMEHOW and he sure as hell wasn't passing based on the practical
3. He has hyper-advanced alien AI to do his homework for him. like come on.
meanwhile Dib is really only scraping by on raw intelligence and the inherent educational advantage of having a mad scientist father. He doesn't have TIME to study, there's an evil alien he has to stalk and besides, you know what's better than a high school diploma? The Nobel Peace Prize for proving the existence of extraterrestrial life.
#invader zim#zim#dib#zadp#iz posting#natterings#not actually my top controversial headcanon but i believe in working your way up to the cancelable stuff#anyway dib may or may not get more serious with it as he gets older#but at twelve years old i do not believe for a minute this kid gives a fuck about grades handed to him by stupid people#hes probably doing pretty okay at math and any sciences but i dont even want to IMAGINE how he performs on say#literature#he doesnt have time to read a whole BOOK hes trying to save the world here#though naturally if anyone pointed out to him that hey isnt it fucked up the literal alien is doing better in human subjects than you#we'd see a turn around REAL fast#that or hed just spend all his time trying to prove that zims been cheating which#yeah not likely to get him very far
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Sometimes I think about ATSV Pavitr's design, and I just. man thought an integral part of his costume is to have his hair out. like it's just there, a full mane of hair, perfectly styled with 0 effort, out in the sunshine for all to see.
He's so full of himself, to think that his hair is an important aspect of his presentation. Narcissus-level of self-love. You know I'm right, that the top portion of his mask is open so that his ego can just ooze directly out of his brain to moisturise his scalp and oil his hair
#this is also proves my point that EVERYONE finds him not only incredibly smart but also UNBELIEVABLY BEAUTIFUL#(coffee bean gang is on their knees trying to figure out how to kiss this guy who is always so infatuated with himself)#do not lie to me you know i'm right#i have to know. is he the kind of guy to get his hair oiled by maya aunty? please tell me he does. please tell me he has hair days with may#maya aunty is literally the only reason pavi has such beautiful hair. fucking rakes her fingernails through his hair and it pops out perfec#(source: me. mum destroyed my poor head back in sixth grade. now i've got the best hair in the family ay ay ayyy)#this post is actually a maya aunty appreciation post i dont see no one talk about her#i will save you my queen. i will write and draw in your name. my dear maya aunty. thank you for raising my blorbo. giving you many kisses#pavitr prabhakar#atsv pavitr#spider man india#atsv#agnirambles
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sometimes i'll think abt a Fandom and wish it were bigger, and sometimes i'll read something from a fandom.. and wish it were smaller
#ppl seeing a confident black man : FINALLY! A PERFECT ANTAGONIST FOR OUR STORY!#THE CORRUPTOR!! THE ASSHOLE! MR KNOWS ALL!#i want to be bigger into football. i rlly do#but . omg. sometimes seeing just So Much . side eye shit is . like imagine my exhaustion#and this isnt me trying to be the behavior police like let ppl write but sometimes seeing such. Fun. patterns can be like#idk man it's sad like damn thats rlly how the world is and obvs i KNOW how it can be but it's real wack#real wack being reminded even in ur supposed happy place ur supposed lighthearted little break from the world#it's still not . idk. it's just not#oh the poor pale blond qb just a little anxious baby oh and his evil zany teammates trying to corrupt him oh theyre so terrible for my angel#:/#.. that is. a Grown. Man .#it's like replaying my 2nd grade teacher ******** me bcs i was a troublesome kid and it made her feel young and alive and bad again#like wtf am i corrupting you with maam? skibbity toliet ? leave me alone !!#listen. if it were smthing like 'x rlly likes tomatoes' when he actually likes idk carrots? i would not give a fuck. infact i prefer carrots#but bad patterns have smthing more to say bcs patterns in general have a story#it's more than 'he would not fucking say that' it's 'WHY tf are YOU making HIM say THAT of ALL people & THINGS???'#like i love having asshole characters in my stories too. and they can be poc ! NO ONE is a saint!#but having one just to fuel the only one u actually care abt? having their problems solely be for plot?? & making that one#a SPECIFIC kind of person ?? is kinda giving me 'u dont view x as a human which could mean you dont view x race as humans'#WHICH IS !! IT SUCKS ! THAT SUCKS!#i know i need to just suck it up and ignore it but thats like the life quote of being poc isnt it#ugh#it sucks
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crippling anxiety hours let's go
#a biscuit's rambles#theres a presentation due tomorrow we did Not prepare#and my partner is super anxious and the type to Need Perfect Grades#and she had a question and tried to call me several times and i saw too late and texted i was here now but then stupid whatsapp didnt tell#me when she called again so now i feel horrible#and honestly this presentation can go fuck itself i literally could not care less#im trying to do at least the tiniest minimum of Something for my friend but gosh. i do Not want to#just can't bloody get myself to do anything#doesn't help that i Know shell handle it because. she cant not without getting Way Too Stressed Out#i dont wanna leave her hanging with all the work like that but gosh im so tired#i just. cant. idk#on the bright side i did listen to a couple more tma episodes so thats something i suppose that was fun#........... i really need to do less stuff#i dont have a single free weekend for all of april and the beginning of may#goodbye emotional stability it was so nice to have known you even if for just a short while
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hchkvgjvfj
#csa warning for tags#goddd being raped at 6ish and brutally bullied is a hell of a combination#i was the one kid in not only my grade but multiple above and below me as well that the boys would dare each other to 'ask out'#absolutely CONSTANTLY. like jesus#by the time i was raped i'd already been bullied pretty badly for a while. including being constantly told i was ugly by all the boys#which is like. a huge reason i was raped in the first place. i still dont know who it was but i can only assume he took advantage of me#being constantly bullied to abuse me. as child rapists so often do#but like i was always the one that would be 'asked out' as a dare bc why would any of them want to talk to me#it was so inconceivable that any of them could want to be near me let alone 'go out' with me. they didn't even bother trying to hide the way#they laughed. like they didn't try to hide it bc they knew no one would do anything#and this happening to me fucking constantly for years on end throughout my ENTIRE childhood. that fucks with you man#like i dont think its even possible for anyone to like being around me at all. let alone find me attractive#there's still never been a single person who's had a crush on me or whatever#like all my friends have stories about annoying boys having crushes on them when they were younger. and what does it say about me that im#the complete opposite. and like it's so stupid because who fucking cares what 10 year old boys thought in 2016 but it really really fucks#you up bad man. like if anyone ever does come to be attracted to me for whatever reason i dont think im ever going to be able to believe it#i'm always going to be waiting for the joke to end and them to start laughing. i'll always be waiting for the other shoe to drop#and the worst part of it all is that i fucking want to be raped again#being raped as a little kid is the only time anyone has ever wanted me. it's the only time i've ever been desired. and i dont even like sex#but it's just the only time anyone has ever loved me in a non parental way#like i have one crush story to all my friends'. and it was a grown man that raped me when i was little#and i want to be raped again so fucking badly not because i would enjoy it but because it would prove that someone actually fucking wants me#i want to be sexually harassed and not in the way i usually am. i want to be catcalled and have to be scared walking around alone#i want men to grope me and say disgusting things and rape me because then i would finally be fucking wanted#it would prove that i'm actually likeable in some capacity. that i still am#im so scared that now that im grown im just a lost cause. because i was only desirable when i was little. now im just nothing#and i know i shouldnt even care but its so fucking hard to shake. i just want someone to love me#and i love my mom so much but i want them to love me because they want to and not because they have to#rambles#vent
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One of the most beautiful things Deltarune story has is the fact that you cannot remove its tragedy, because it's thru that very same that hope and love is born. You cannot change the past but you can take what you learnt and thru it build a brighter future.
#luly talks#some things are rough and nasty but they need to happen so lessons can be learnt and so one can grow from them#its a game about the importance of mistakes and you see it everywhere#like i tapped on this lightly today in a post about spamton#for as tragic and painful as his fate was it needed to happen#he needed to try it. to try reach heaven#se tenia que sacar el gusto como quien dice KSJGHBNUY#half joke because yeah like.he had to do it and realize thru his own actions that he was reaching for the impossible#and thru that he grew and was like well maybe i can at least do something else#same with the ending of chapter 1#ralsei had to heal the king to understand that you cannot be good to everyone. even if it costed everyone's lives.#hell EVEN WITH US in one moment i adore in the ending of chapter 2#when you're talking to catty (katty?) and threre's that dialogue option about family#and i dont remember the specifics but its so normal to pick the ah family is good tho <:) option#bc taht's what we would think yeah. but she makes it very clear that that's not something kris would say#and when i first saw that i was MORTIFIED like omg im gonna get a bad grade in being Kris#but... i think its part of this all too. because we are learning how kris is. how they even were before us.#had we not fucked up maybe we'd have not know that#this is a game about doom and hope both <333333333#deltarune
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If I get one more comment on this discussion board telling me I'm brave or strong for being deaf I'm tearing into the professor for making this stupid fucking assignment
#stupid flighty bullshit#stop forcing people to be vulnerable and talk about deeply personal topics with strangers for a grade maybe!!!!#i normally dont care because people just lie but my god!#you realize that youve put so many people in such a hard position here right???#it's either talk about incredibly hard topics and get scrutinized or talk about surface level pain and get pity!#and neither of those options are appealing!#and i dont want to have to respond to anyone else either. i dont want to give or get pity. fuck that#and you realize that in doing this youre forcing your more marginalized students to become educators right?? youre forcing us to teach#our classmates about being less privileged and how NOT to be total dicks about it#and that's YOUR JOB#also you know by prompting people to talk about sexuality and gender that youre prompting people to come out to an entire group of strangers#you know that right???#you know how weird and unsafe that is right??#you know that a majority of your class has publicly talked about being christian and are from the midwest. one of the worst places ever#right???????#i dont know these people. i dont trust them. and you cant FORCE people to trust them#which is what youre trying to do#and it's quite literally already turning out horribly
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Istg I actually need to sit down and write a proper bio for Riku because even I get confused af as to what his personality is sometimes.
#oc tag#“but prince he's your oc how tf did this happen” he has a mind of his own trust me#i mean this is literally one of the parts of his character he is literally so good at adapting his personality#because he felt he needed to as a kid both in school and in the business world#that barely anyone knows what he's actually like#like one minute he's a suave overconfident guy who can take on anything#but hes also the quiet dude in class who never participates is probably asleep but somehow gets everything right and is top of the grade#he loves to flirt but will absolutely blue screen if anyone flirts back because despite the fact he flaunts himself-#he doesn't think hes attractive LMAO#his biggest motivation is spite and he doesn't know when to quit#this boy has so many fucking issues istg#def one of those characters who has so many masks that he hardly knows himself#i have a fear that he's nearly too complex to the point where he's a confusing character and i personally dont think thats a good thing#so i really hope that's not the case for you guys 😬#over my break ive really spent time trying to iron out his character and just make him into soemthing im even more proud of you know#the good thing is that at least his story now has a clear arc and theme which im really proud of#so im gonna use that to build off and iron him out even more#the way i put more work into this funky dude i came up with than like my entire uni work#i love him so much sorry to be mentally ill about a guy i made because i liked a ship too much (and crossover i was having fun with too)#one day i will have a proper post for him with references and everything for him his outfits his personas the lot#one of these days
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its just. when i start thinking about it its already a bad sign that something terrible (me not going to the exam) is afoot. i really am just. not gonna end up going tomorrow and ill endup having to study for 4 exams in less than 2 weeks huh
#who (me) thought this was a good idea (no one did but im stupid as fuck)#i just feel terrible for not going to exams but i know that i will feel even worse by going#I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT THEYRE GONNA ASK ON THE EXAM. i hate when that happens#i need to go prepared and know EXACTLY what theyre gonna ask#should i even try to study anymore today.......................#let me tell you guys (if yall are even reading up to this point which i wont blame you if you dont) about all of this:#i already have 2 exams: one on the afternoon of the 28th and another in the morning of the 29th#then im waiting on the grade for an exam which i took a week and a half ago. i would say i have 50/50 chances of passing that one#if i fail that one. the make-up exam is on the 7th. and the one tomorrow. the make-up exam is on the 5th#so idk if its viable or not. knowing how i usually manage exams/exam season in general i would say its NOT viable at all#but i dont know anymore. i dont know anything and im just feeling so lost#i also feel like i cant talk to anyone irl about it bc theyre just gonna think 'there she (me) goes again skipping exams' so 😭😭😭#xarraire
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Im still thinking about it. We spent 5 lessons in a softwear designed for typography and he decided to make his typography based final project in procreate.
#its non of my buissness. weve neved even said a direct word to each other. but man. i lie awake at night angry at this.#the whole thing THE WHOLE THING would have been so much easier to make a template and input text onto it#you learnt how to do this i was there with you and you did it in procreate? why? was it easier? it couldnt have been#and it looked un even. and it was wonky within each lay out and inconsistent page to page. brother. you could have done better#i was going to say i belived in you but i dont. the other girl who fucking sucks in class has good ideas. like she should have done#graphic design or advertising (LIKE SHE WANTSD TO. BTW.) but cant execute so well but its#fine bc conceptually it works and she trys different stuff. but you. by god but you. ivs seen your work. what the FUCK was that#social media project? what the HELL was that? brother. pick out your own colours at LEAST. dont use the default colour oaklet which is#200% saturation. brother i want to help you because you dont want to do this work. if i get the same grades as u im gonna bomb ur house.#me op
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The fucking horrible school apps. Has a single person with UI experience ever touched one of these. They all look and feel and navigate like they were designed by real estate baboons.
#they dont have textbooks anymore so you ask them what theyre doing or what they need help with#the answer is I dont know#they havent been taught where to store files so the number one goddamn reason younger kids have shitty homework grades#is that they started it and cant fucking find it#its horrendous#and its not their fault they have been failed and kneecapped by their useless elders activey trying to pull the ladder up after them
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This entire post is just me ranting about how much I hate the middle grade book The Glass Witch. So if you don't want to read that, skip this post. Reblogs are off for a reason. It's not deep it's just me being pissed off.
(No I have never and will never tell the author any of these things. I left a frustrated 1 star review on Goodreads and stopped. Authors don't need to see hatred. It's fucking rude. I'm sure she's a lovely person even if I personally never ever want to interact with her ever again after this book. This is my blog and my personal feelings and I have no intention to ever ever share these things to her. That'd be RUDE.)
You ever read a middle grade book and go "wow. this author has no idea how to write adults apologizing." and realize that it undermines the entirety of the work? Like the adults, guardians, authority figures spend the whole book being rude, or dismissive, or abusive, or controlling, or just plain mean and in the end they don't have to apologize and the main character learns "Oh gosh they never were mean I was just an asshole and they were trying to help me!"
And you close the book and go "This is the worst thing I have ever read for kids and if I read this as a child it would have genuinely destroyed me." Because the adults were abusive and dismissive. And they were awful. And now all of it has been swept under the rug as "caring" and the kid being argumentative.
Because that's what The Glass Witch by Lindsay Puckett did to me and it's been a fucking year and every time I see that cover I get unbelievably upset thinking about how much it dropped the ball on the abuse. That entire book is the adults being god fucking awful to that kid and then at the end the kid goes "Oh they were NEVER awful, it was ME being awful and they were trying to HELP".
I screamed when I read that page. I read the rest of the book fast trying to see if the adults would apologize.
They didn't. They never fucking did it.
If it wasn't a library book I would have thrown it. I grew up with an abusive mother who tried to control my body. A family that pushed me around like that. And that book genuinely would have done so much damage at 12, 14, even 18. Even now it's clearly done damage. It's just. Bad.
I just don't understand how you can write an entire book about adults being assholes and think "I don't have to have them apologize." Like bruh, author, what the fuck? Not once. Not one fucking apology to this poor kid who has been dismissed and yelled at and abused and talked down to and ignored and pushed into doing shit she hates.
Blocked, unfollowed, never reading a book by her again. Never watching her videos. Never interacting. No. Fuck that.
JFC I cannot believe how badly it missed the mark and how no one else who has read this book seems to notice. Like this book's theme at the end is just "It doesn't matter how much your family forces and shoves you into things, they're doing it because they love you and you should shut up and do it and be grateful" and I cannot find another theme in this book. I can't do it. I just can't. It reads as excusing all this behaviour from the adults as perfectly acceptable and the KIDS as the only problem.
And like that's not even the plot of the book. The plot of the book is about a fucking monster getting free. And I think the monster was the only part of this book I DON'T remember because I'm too busy thinking about how the awful impact of these adults is gonna fuck this kid up more than fighting a monster.
They didn't care what she wanted. They just wanted her to do what they wanted. They belittled and argued and abused and dismissed and were just. Awful.
Why? Why did they not apologize? Why did this book think adults never have to apologize? Why is this book excusing the abuse of a child under 'its care'?
What the fuck.
#rant#hate#lace speaks#not trying to start fights it just been a fucking YEAR#and i CANNOT stop hating this book#and i cannot stop being frustrated that no one else notices this#so yeah#its going here because journalling and DMs havent helped so maybe public discussion will#if anyone else has read it and noticed these things#and yeah yeah books dont HAVE to be morally correct#but in a middle grade book#if you say 'its okay for parents to never apologize'#you're a bad person#period
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i do fr need to work on differentiating between "actually middleclass" and "doesnt live paycheck to paycheck" lmao bc that is something i struggle with... obviously ik i have more in common with like. even somebody whos fr middleclass disney vacations every year. I know i have more in common with them than i do with bezos but god at least i dont have to see bezos being annoying in front of me every day KJANDJKLNLJD
#bc its like this. i obviously have way more contempt for a billionaire. obviously. but ive never met an actual billionaire yfm. and i Have#met middleclass ppl and A lot not all but a lot. are so insufferable and ikkkk not all of them or whatever but like. i constantly got shit#for being poor from middle class kids and like. ik im supposed to be class solidarity with them bc were all poor when compared to a#billionaire but goddd fucking damn they make it difficult . ik its like well the upperclass Wants the lowerclass and middleclass to be at#eachothers throats bc it means they dont pay attention to the upperclass walking over the both of them. i knowwww. but i can multitask#major in hating rich people minor in hating the middleclass...#THIS ISNT RLY RELATEDFTO THE LAST POST AT ALL i just have a lot of like. complicated feelings abt classism basicallyy.#like. i wouldnt wish poverty on anybody it fucking sucks. but as a kid i did sometimes fantasize abt swapping lives with my classmates who#had more money than me Not even bc i wanted to live their life but just so they would like. see the apartments i lived in and see the room#i shared with both of my siblings (weeman didnt exist yet lmao) and just like. look in the fridge. bc i just rly wanted ppl to get it lol..#there was this one assignment that was like. wants vs needs and ppl kept putting needs as like. A big backyard. vacation once a year. my ow#personal bedroom etc and ik they were kids but it was like. insanely frustrating to have these kids who had like. never had to live without#Wants. yk. bc then i would just write down like. food. shelter. water. thats it lmao i even had clothes as a want instead of a need. and#they were making fun of me bc my list was so short and its like . look man i have gone without these three things on multiple occasions. yk#and now i try to be like. its good that there are ppl who have never experienced that i dont want ppl to have to experience that especially#like. that was in 4th grade lol. i was 9. i shouldnt have been worrying abt bills and stuff and none of my classmates knew anything abt tha#and thats a Good thing they shouldnt have. but theres this selfish part of me that wishes they did KANDJNS bc its so insanely isolating to#have ppl like. interrogating you abt why your shoes are so worndown or why your winter jacket is too small yk. and you cant say 'my family#cant afford better/new ones' bc they dont even understand what money is. yk. IDK. im just very sensitive abt these kinds of things KANDNW..#perhaps a bit too oversensitive at times but yk. im working on it and im working on not being spiteful abt it bc like. yes it was isolating#but it was a good thing that the kids didnt relate to it yk. kids shouldnt relate to that and i shouldnt have felt that way bc no kid shoul#im also Ik i bring it up constantly but im still so mad abt that time my friends heard me say Yeah i have to go to court against my dad nex#wednesday . and they didnt say anything and then one of them went Ughhh my dad wont buy me the newest iphone hes buying me the newest#samsung instead But i have an iphone app that i spent 50 dollars on that wont transfer !!!!!! and then she endedup getting the iphone#anyways. sry ikk its grudge and i need to let it go but im still peeved... brinn there are people that are dying .#and also now i know that like. a lot of the other kids in my class Did understand and were just like. posturing. yk. a few of those kids#were from the same neighborhood as me lmao i was just too autistic to realize we werent supposed to be honest 💀 but yes. sry for this like#manifesto i am just thinking out loud..... well not bc this is text famously a written form of communication but we all understand. anyways
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hands and knees begging myself to be responsible tonight bc i have so much to do but i can feel in my heart irresponsible brain is going to win and im gonna end up drawing and making myself more behind and stressed but like i spent 8 hours researching and writing art history texts at my internship do i fucking want to research for my history class tonight even tho i should so i can let the professor know if my topic is viable? no i want to draw. and like even research aside i need to do dishes and laundry and pack
#which frustratingly the relevant articles are from a journal our school doesn't subscribe to and like i could just ask her to change my topi#but like if i wait until after thanksgiving that is pushing it too close UGH#i hate school#i hate how busy i am right now ugh i was on the phone with my dad and he was like you sound really unhappy and i was like well thing is i#am and like i just have to slog through the rest of this semester but it is a hard slog#call my schedule oatmeal the way its fucking GRUELING#they werent lying that 25hrs a week internship but 1hr walking there and back 5 days a week (so 30 hours time) is a fucking LOT on top of#classes and teaching like im physically sore im tired and burnt out im behind on grading#i love the work im doing at the internship and i love teaching it is just challenging to balance both#and like i knew grad school would be hard and I knew this semester would be hard and i can get through it and i will get through it#i dont even like complaining about it bc like i signed up for this knowingly and i knew what i was committing to and the internship is so s#so helpful for me career wise and i really enjoy it and like my classes are also important career wise#im just constantly treading water but im drowning a little#every like mental health problem i have is being exacerbated#i feel like i have two parts of my brain like rational logical brain that knows what i need to do to get the tasks done and then wild#impulsive fun brain that just wants to goof off and that part of my brain has the steering wheel most of the time and i have to wrestle it#away to get work done anytime im not like in an office#which like yes that is a metaphorical way to describe executive dysfunction but i have not had time to try to get any diagnoses even tho#we've been suspicious for 6 years now
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sigh
#eli.txt#dont mind me im just. overwhelmed about school again. as usual#being stupid. for lack of a better word. is not. fun. being dumb is not fun.#no one in my life is as dumb as i am. everyone can pass a test if they study. everyone can memorize the info they need. i cant.#i try. i try and i try and i try and i am still too fucking dumb to do anything right.#and what happens. what happens when you keep trying and you keep failing and no one understands you because youre way too dumb.#you give up. you stop trying. and thats exactly what i did. im done. i dont care anymore. im about to graduate i dont need to care#but school is a popularity contest. you get better grades the more teachers like you. and they dont like you when you give up.#because they dont believe you when you say youre dumb. they say youre not trying hard enough and if you just do better you can do it!#but you know you cant and when you tell them as much they think you just have low self esteem when youre just stating a fact.#i am too dumb to learn. i havent learned anything in school since sixth grade. i am too dumb. i am at peace with this#im ok with it! really! just let me graduate so i dont have to be dumb anymore!!#because the only reason im dumb is your standards!! i would be smart anywhere else! i AM smart anywhere else!#im just dumb to YOU! im smart anywhere else! but god that intelligence that i DO have means NOTHING and keeps getting repressed#i cannot fucking wait to get out of this school.
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