I swear I have read your big post regarding Peter Parker's neurodivergence and why it is best to avoid labelling him, but he definitely has a weird brain
Can't find it and feel kinda sad about it cuz I deeply related to it
i know exactly which post you're talking about and i can't find it either! i've raked through my archive, and it's just - nowhere to be seen. i think tumblr eated it (it happens.)
really, tumblr's search functionality is so so useless, i don't know what to tell you. there are plenty of keywords i can search to find it that post, but the search functionality actually just does not work!
undiagnosed audhd-addled peter parker, my darling, my light, my life, my everything.
i think peter parker's such an interesting creature to write, because a lot of people will point to a certain behaviour about him and say "this is an autistic thing, right?" but a lot of those behaviours are actually, in my head, tied to certain traumas in peter's life too.
people say "oh, the food thing, peter's a picky eater because he's autistic" and yes, absolutely. but also it's tied to his trauma with his parents.
peter gets overstimulated, and yes, it's an autism thing, but also he was bitten by a radioactive spider and his senses are dialled to 11.
it's a similar case i've found for myself, too – where a lot of friends i have kind of diagnose me because i have autistic traits, but actually - i'm hesitant to claim the label or pursue diagnosis because, actually, i know where these certain behaviours come from, and they come from certain traumas. there are events i can pinpoint in my life and say "yep. that's where this behaviour comes from."
so - i think there's a lot of overlap between trauma and autistic traits. the brain is very complex! i think the reason for that overlap is maybe as simple as the fact that people with autism and people with trauma are both doing the same thing - developing behaviours to protect themselves or soothe themselves. so - i think it's nice to be able to see a character like peter parker, who may or may not be autistic, but recognise behaviours in him and see yourself in him.
people who go undiagnosed for whatever reason - people who are really good at masking - so good, in fact, that they have no idea they might be on the spectrum - everyone and anyone at all can look at peter parker and recognise themselves. because i think we discredit the thought that every single brain does the same thing! develops certain behaviours in order to survive. every brain has that same software - we've just all been faced with different hardships that we need to overcome, and that's were all the differences come in.
autism is a spectrum, i guess - everyone falls into it to some degree. and i think events in your life probably push you along on it. but i don't know, i didn't study brain science. probably what i'm saying is very stupid and uninformed. of course there's brain chemistry involved. but i know people in my life living with autism and certain events in their life have exacerbated certain behaviours or made coping with it a lot more difficult. so maybe trauma is a catalyst.
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Somehow, even though I haven't watched in years - and am 0% tempted to tonight - I've still got this tiny sliver of anxiety about the ending of The Blacklist. Is that crazy? It's like I know they can't possibly wrap up the story in a way I'll be happy or satisfied with (and after the 8th season I mostly gave up caring about what happens in "canon")...and yet I'm sure when I hear about what happened in the finale it's going to feel like one last, poorly written gut punch.
How are you feeling about tonight?
Hiya, anon ❤️ Ugh, can I just say that you summed up my tangle of feelings absolutely perfectly? 🥺 More specifically, no, that is not crazy at all. I am in the same place as you with not caring about any of it anymore - not since 8.22 ripped my fucking heart out - & I literally can't think of anything I'd like to do less than watch the series finale. But even in the years since 8.22, there was still that awareness that the show was still out there somewhere, even if I only heard drips & drabs, & I scoffed at it all, & I didn't give a tiny rat's ass what happened. And while that remains true, the fact that it's OFFICIALLY ending (despite the fact that it ended for us two years ago) is... a little sobering. For me, I think it's a reminder of the pain & grief of The Terrible Awful™️ 😓
Also, yes, anon, I completely understand the sliver of anxiety & dread... I felt the same thing when I heard that they were finally blessedly cancelled & again when I realized the last ep was coming up... I can only speak for myself, but I think it's bc I still care at least a little about Red &, deep down, I still want a happy ending for him, even though I fully believe he can't have one without Liz. But I have zero faith in TPTB & I'm sure they will make it a nebulous, "cool" ending with no real answers, like always, or they'll confirm godforsaken R*darina, or they'll just kill off Red because they're incapable of writing anything else. And I'm sure every other aspect of it will be disappointing, like Ressler being the hero or something (LMFAO) & it will be awful all around. I have no other expectations & I suppose I have to either accept it and/or ignore whatever happens AND/OR consider it all a crap AU & Lizzington as our canon. But the way you describe it, "one last, poorly written gut punch", perfectly describes how I feel. I tell myself that none of it matters anymore - it's not like we're getting a Lizzington ending lolz - but I think I'm just afraid of being hurt again bc, for all my posturing, I know TPTB still have the power to do that, simply bc I still care just a tiny bit. Despite all the heartbreak I've already felt... a little remains of the show, the characters, & my heart for them to destroy 💔
Idk if that made any sense at all, anon, but I hope I communicated at least 3 things: 1) you're not alone in the way you feel, 2) the ending will probably hurt & ache & betray in just the way we're afraid of, & 3) we simply have to deal with the residual hurt, know that TPTB failed us & it's not our fault, &... cherish what we had by holding our Lizzington AU close to our hearts & keeping them alive through fanfic... at least, that's what I plan on doing. So, feel free to drop another ask if you want to talk more, anon, I would certainly love to commiserate & work through our feelings together tbh, & btw I'm very flattered you came to my ask box with this & wanted to know how I feel, thank you for being so sweet. In the meantime, hang in there, anon, you're definitely not alone, & much love to you, my friend ❤️
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Okay guys just remember, you love me <- about to post something that sucks
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I have a whole essay in my head on how kisa and neji are the same people with the same problems but in different fonts... but I have to wait until I actually do neji's route (which will be... a while) in case the game throws something at me that debunks this
but like. to me. they are the same though. kisa just has more People Skills and doesn't get the benefit of being seen through an outsider's perspective (unreliable narrator kisa my beloved, forced to be a self-insertable otome protagonist) (neji would also be an unreliable narrator if we're in his pov. but we aren't)
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