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waynedunlaptheorgandonor · 3 years

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hey so “find me” dropped on premiere and i just watched it, so you know what that means??

it’s review time!

(super rambly as usual) spoilers under the cut

before i say anything, let me say, IT’S FINE, Y’ALL. as predicted. people are gonna be dramatic bc there are daryl/leah scenes, but like...we been knew? and some of them were rly important caryl-wise. (tbh, the episode was kind of boring and just a set-up for other stuff, lmfao)

okay, review:

opening credits, which i think most of us have already seen, were cute. obvi there was some weird tension with daryl that leads to the coming-to-a-head thing at the end, but their banter is still cute af

they went fishing and daryl’s reaction to carol was adorable, and there’s an important parallel later on, so bookmark this

similarly, there’s an important parallel to carol’s “the dead catch up to us eventually”/daryl’s “i ain’t gonna let it”, so bookmark that, too

dog is the instigator for the flashbacks, so if you wanna blame anyone, blame him. he races to the cabin, which for some reason daryl, who spent five years in this forest, seemed surprised to see? didn’t you literally map out that whole area, my dude? whatever

cue flashback!

i might have the scene order mixed up, but i think it starts with daryl being all sad by himself, and then dog as a puppy shows up and he’s like “!!! a dog!!!” which is v cute, and then he runs back off. we don’t meet leah yet

we see carol and daryl having a conversation while standing on opposite sides of a river for no reason except to probably symbolize distance or maybe covid, lol. the conversation basically goes:

carol: things are different

daryl: yeah

carol: how long are you gonna be out here?

daryl: -shrug emoji-

carol: i get why you’re out here, and i’d join you if things weren’t...

daryl: different

carol: yeah

daryl: yeah. anyway, it’s gonna rain, and also i’m having emotions, so ttyl

the end

at some point we see daryl sitting with an extremely unhappy face while it pours rain on him in the dark, and i want that as a reaction gif IMMEDIATELY

also the rain destroys his “where in the world is rick grimes?” map, which makes him v upset and scream-y, and we get the idea that he might be going a bit bonkers being all alone looking for a dead (or, ig, kidnapped by helicopter) man

in present day carol finds the note, and is like “oh dunk, she lived here??” so she knew about leah, and daryl’s like, “i already told you everything,” and carol’s like, “no you didn’t,” so we go back to flashbacks (but i’m still not sure what parts carol didn’t already know?? whatever, it’s not that important)

i’m just gonna hit the highlights of the flashbacks bc they were not that thrilling:

first time daryl meets leah the dog leads him to her cabin, and leah ties him to a chair and holds a gun to his head being like, “what are you doing on my land?” bc apparently you can claim whole forests during the apocalypse, and daryl says very little, and eventually she lets him go

next time dog finds daryl and he brings her back and leah is like, “the dog likes you” and they’re kinda flirty, and then daryl says very little and leaves

next time daryl is surrounded by walkers and leah shows up and helps and they hide in a tree and are awkwardly close to each other and daryl cannot handle the close physical contact so when the walkers pass he says very little except to tell her to never come back again, lmfao

the next flashback is my favorite bc daryl just fucking

goes to leah’s cabin and throws a fish at the door???

i laughed for ten years

he throws a fucking fish and then stands there for a minute like “is she gonna notice that i gave her a fish??” like, no, dumbass, you didn’t even knock, you just threw a fucking fish at her fucking door, what is wrong with you??

no wonder it’s taken him and carol so long if he thinks throwing fish at people is a smooth move. boy has NO fucking game

anyway, leah gets him back by finding him and throwing the fish at his head, being like, “wtf, don’t throw fish on my porch?” which, fair, leah

IMPORTANT CARYL PARALLEL (from here on out known as “caryllels”) #1: so earlier i mentioned the carol fish thing, and apparently the same thing happened with leah, where she speared a fish on her first try and daryl was like “tf?” v blatant “we are supposed to be thinking about carol and daryl’s relationship during this scene” sort of thing

leah’s backstory is bland. had a family, they got eaten or disappeared or something. she, her adopted son, and dog’s mom got away, but the kid was bit, and died the same day dog was born, bc ig when god closes one door, he replaces your dead son with a puppy, or however the idiom goes

ONLY PART THAT GOT ME LEGIT EMOTIONAL:

leah asked daryl who he lost, and he says, “my brother”

asklfdjaslfdjskl

god i miss rick

i hated rick for so long and now i miss him so much

but i digress

IMPORTANT CARYLLEL #2: leah and daryl have the same “the dead get you eventually”/”i ain’t gonna let it” conversation as caryl had earlier, only daryl is playing the role of carol in this scenario, so again we’re supposed to be comparing the two relationships. lemme get through the rest of the summary and then i’ll tell you my opinion on what that means

fuck what even happens next?

i have these out of order bc they were all the fucking same, but the two of them get closer, and there is the vaguest suggestion of sex ever. you literally only see daryl’s hand

then jump-cut to them sitting at the table being emo, ig bc daryl was gonna go back to look for rick for a bit, and leah is like “who do you belong with? your brother you won’t stop looking for? your family that you left? [side note: that seemed rather pointed, like, “hey hoe, you abandoned your family, that was kind of a dick move”] or me?” and he says he doesn’t know, and she’s like “yeah you do, now choose”

jump-cut to caryl scene where carol finds him at the river and says that she won’t be visiting as much, and daryl’s like “k” and they have a brief argument where daryl’s all snippy, like, “what? do you want my permission for you to move on with your life? i’m not still emo about the fact that you’re moving on with your life, and i also don’t think it’s contextually significant that every time you show up in my flashbacks you explicitly mention that you’re married and have a kid,” and carol is like, “bro, you need to Get Your Shit Together and come home”

jump-cut to daryl having what i’m assuming is an epiphany that carol/fam have all moved on while he was out being emo, and so he decides to go be with leah, except, plot twist! she’s gone. the picture of her and her son is gone, but dog is still there. daryl leaves the note, which says, “i belong with you, find me”

for those freaking out about the wording about the note, may i remind you that she specifically asked, “do you belong x, x, or with me?” so he was just answering the question

aaaaaand back to present day

carol is like, “what do you think happened to her?” and daryl is all -shrug emoji-, and then she’s like, “...do you think she might have just...you know...left?” and daryl gets rull offended, which was kind of funny

(she probably just left, bud)

carol tells daryl to stop thinking that when people leave it’s bc of him, and connie’s name gets thrown into the mix, and daryl gets a “oh here we fucking go” look on his face, and it sets him off

he said basically what we were already spoiled for. “you just want to run, you don’t know when to stop, i shouldn’t have taken you off the boat bc you still just want to run” etc

and carol looks fucking HEARTBROKEN, which hurt me, and she goes into the other room and we end the episode with daryl staring forlornly out of the window

the end

okay

so quick analysis

i think the significance of this episode is supposed to be so we have an understanding of why daryl is suddenly so !teamfamily, and !teamfuture, and how badly he wants carol to be there with him. at one point, one of them even says, “this isn’t about leah, or connie,” or anyone but the two of them. the title “find me” feels significant, bc the whole episode is daryl grappling with where he’s supposed to go, and what his purpose is, and by the end, he says to carol, “i know where i belong,” (implying, with her and the fam), pulling us full-circle. in the first flashback onward he is lost, but by the end he is found -cue amazing grace-

daryl and leah were flirty, but to me it felt very much like something that was just being used as daryl character development. we barely got anything that juicy between the two of them (except the fish throwing thing, that was amazing), and i still don’t think that it would make any sense, regardless of the showrunner, to pair daryl up with some rando after having so many other choices that people would have preferred. i don’t think we’re meant to #endgame ship it, so much as we are supposed to be like, “oh, ok, daryl learned the power of family and stability and leveled up, -you know what that is? growth gif-” as a result, i literally have no idea what leah’s role is gonna be in s11, but i don’t think it’ll be a huge plot point

so now we firmly know where daryl stands. he is all about moving forward, not looking back, and doing the best he can, and he’s frustrated bc when he took carol off the boat he wanted her to be in the same place as him so that they could grow together, but she wasn’t and isn’t there yet

so my guess is that what’s next for carol’s storyline is her reaching that same zen-level daryl’s at

once they’re both there, then they get to ride off into the sunset and make passionate love under the moon casting shadows over the vast desert wasteland

whew

anyway

tl;dr: idk, episode was fine, if not kinda boring. lots of caryllels. can i go back to writing my vietnam war au now?

the end

(stay hype, stan kang, and get daryl to call carol sweetheart 2k21),

-diz

#thank god i can move on with my life now #caryl #caryl spoilers #twd s10 spoiler #dunlap tp

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blackfemmecharacterdependency · 4 years

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11. You Used to Love It

This chapter is the last good one for a while. I mean, there’s some pain here, I suppose, but nothing like what’s about to happen in the next few chapters. And, I’d like to dedicate this particular one to the apex of the Mall Rats shippers @scipunk63 and of course, my Infinity Train fandom ace boon koon @i-am-a-passenger 3668 Words

Even the idea of going back to school after the awesome summer that she had SUCKED. She halfway had the mind to tell her parents that she’d like to go back to personal professors, but she knew that ship had sailed. With her father being up in arms about her academic career and the fact that she hadn’t yet started looking for colleges… She didn’t NEED college, and if ever she did, she’d have enough to go then, so there was no need for her to lose her mind over it like he was.

“Grace!” Ah, finally. Some good fucking company.

Simon rushed to her and grabbed her from the ground to squeeze her into a tight hug. He immediately began talking to her about school. She sighed. They had one more weekend before school began, so she straight up just cupped her hand over his mouth and shook her head. Then, she removed her hand and eyed him suspiciously.

“What’s happened to your face?” she asked.

“What’s… happened… to it?” He repeated, confused.

“Did you do something?”

“Is this like that time you thought my eye color changed?”

“No! This is real… WAIT. Did you do your eyebrows? AND shave off your peach fuzz??” She was on the verge of laughter.

“I think it makes me look more presidential,” he said, straightening the collar of his hoodie.

She laughed, “Sir, you are the junior class president…”

“Also debate captain, academic decathlon, I have a position in journalism,” he grumbled, ‘Two actually,” and completed his list, “As well as STILL the top of our class. People won’t take me seriously if I don’t take myself seriously. That’s one thing that my dad taught me.”

“He should’ve added that they won’t take you seriously if you take yourself too seriously, because I definitely do not.”

“Rude. I shouldn't give you your welcome home present… But, I already spent money on it.”

“You… spent money on me? Simon! You KNOW that you don’t have to do that!”

“Yeah, but I wanted to, and I rarely ever do. Besides, it’s a special occasion. The Apex is back together.” He pulled a gift basket out of his bag and presented it to her.

“This is from that fancy custom basket place near the mall!” she said. That was WAY out of Simon’s budget, but also, not returnable. “Simon!” She fussed.

“Please, just tell me that you love it.”

“I do!” She accepted it with damp eyes and a trembling lip. There was a boxed honeycomb, a bottle of honeysuckle nectar extract, and a honey bun shaped like a bear. “This is really cute, Simon. I really love it. It’s one of the best gifts you’ve ever given me.” She reached out to hug him and he went in for a kiss. She gasped and he startled, then she rested her head against his chest and he rested his face on her hair… both confused as to why the other acted that way.

Honey had become one of Grace’s things, because of the products she represented and her natural branding, over the summer, she’d been being called, The Internet’s Honey, and so she ran with it. Apex members were putting the little honeypot emojis in her comments, brands started sending her their honey - which she loved because she could use it for SO many health and beauty purposes, but also, she was reckless and sometimes, just wanted to eat it. Her favorite way was to eat the honeycomb, with a fancy soft cheese and some fruit - generally honeydew melon, just because there sort of was a flow of collaboration.

Simon had commented on a post she made while she was on the road that she should do one of those ASMR eating honeycomb videos… More people liked that comment than she expected. She wasn’t planning on doing ASMR anything and thought it was such a weird thing for Simon, of all people to comment on a post of hers! But, even though she wasn’t going to do one of those at this point in time - she just felt weird about all of her followers watching her eat, even if it was trendy - she still ate around Simon, and on their calls he kept asking her to do the honeycomb thing.

“What is with you, Dude?”

He blushed a lot and shook his head, “I just like it. There’s something soothing about watching you eat and it’s something you love, and I really like the sound, too.”

She gave him a look but reached for her snacking sack and looked through it. “I’ve got mostly fruit snacks in this thing. Ummm… some dried mango, banana, pineapple… a jar of country peach preserves…”

“Are the preserves chunky?”

She examined the jar, “There are pretty big peach pieces in here, actually.” She looked at the anticipation on his face and wondered, “What, you expect me to just eat this with my hands? I definitely don’t have a spoon in here,” she glanced around the hotel she was staying in.

“What’s wrong with eating with your fingers?” he wondered.

“It’s messy! Then, I’ll have to suck my fingers, and this is already weird enough, Simon. What… is this gonna do for you?”

He shrugged his shoulders, “I don’t know, it’s relaxing, and you’re just usually the person who helps me relax the most.”

“The anticipation of school got you riled up?”

“The anticipation of things with your dad.” he sighed.

She nodded, “He stresses me out too.” She laughed at herself, shook her head and said, “Fine, fine. I guess… here I am eating peach preserves out of a jar, with my fingers, for my best friend.”

“It’s a show of love,” he said, as he began recording her on their video call.

Presently, she asked him, “Are you gonna wanna watch me eat the contents of this gift?”

“Very intently.” She laughed. She didn’t get it, but also… It did seem to help him out the times she’d done so on his calls, and it didn’t seem sexual or anything.

Over the weekend, he was with her at the house. Her parents were away, and most likely wouldn’t be back until the week after school began. That meant that Simon would be spending every night that they weren’t there with her. She didn’t want to stay in the house, either. Especially if they were going to be milking the boyfriend/girlfriend thing. She wanted to be out and about with him, maybe cause some trouble, do some secret destroying.

He was perfectly content to just stay inside, just the two of them, because they hadn’t been able to be that way for a while. Of course, her desires won out. They went to the mall that evening. It was only open for a few more hours, but they loved the mall. They used to frequent it and were actually banned from a few stores, but they hadn’t been in a while and she wanted a corn dog from the Corn Dog Express.

She generally didn’t have any pockets, and Simon generally had several large ones (some with buttons), so he always carried her wallet and whenever they (she) bought something, he usually handed over the card. She thought about carrying a fanny pack, because it latched on to you, but she just couldn’t rectify the thought with the fact that those things were hideous. Maybe if she were trapped in uncivilized society...

So, whenever they got to the Corn Dog Express and ordered, she turned to look at him when they were given the total. “I… don’t have it..” Simon told her. She furrowed her eyebrows and patted herself down. Did she… forget her wallet? And her cell phone?? The clerk looked annoyed while Grace looked worried. She could have sworn that she picked them up on their way out of the door..

“Did you two really order all of this without any money?”

“Chill out. She may have forgotten her wallet. It happens.” Simon said, annoyed at the guy’s tone. He went to the back and Simon heard him say that there was “some Black girl out there trying to scam” them. He immediately was not pleased with that, and he saw from Grace’s face that she’d heard it too.

“Let’s just go,” she said, softly. “I should’ve been more attentive.”

“Mmhmm,” Simon said, but he didn’t budge, save to pull out his phone.

She made a sad face. She really wanted the dogs. “Simon? Did you hear me? I left my wallet at home, not to mention my cell phone. No need for me to further embarrass myself. I don’t even think we’ll have time to go get it and come back before the mall closes.”

But whenever the clerk came back with the manager with him, Simon began announcing, “This null who works at the Corn Dog Express just described Grace Monroe, of the Monroe Square Monroes, as ‘this Black chick trying to scam them.’ Scam them. At the Corn Dog Express. In the mall. That’s it. That’s the entire post.”

Grace covered her mouth and said, “Umm… Simon…” She was actually even more embarrassed, because obviously, these people didn’t know her. They weren’t her target audience, probably had only seen her family name on the plaques of buildings, and she really just wanted to go.

“You are fucking lucky that I don’t make you bob for corn dogs in that hot grease, you…” Grace pulled Simon’s arm and called his name. “You fucking short sighted, beast faced, insignificant little prick. She could buy this entire mall, never touch it again and STILL be above you. Who do you think you are?” The clerk was grateful that they had a plastic display between him and Simon. He looked terrified and the manager was confused but trying to speak on behalf of the company that they didn’t intend to upset Ms. Monroe...

“Simon! Can we PLEASE. Just. Go?” He looked over and she had her fists clenched and she was shaking. He didn’t know if she was mad or sad… or what. It was unclear, but she was asking for them to go. That was clear.

“Are you sure?” he asked her, an eyebrow raised. He had been two seconds away from hopping the counter after this guy.

“I’m positive,” she said, through her teeth, tugging him by the sleeve to come with her. He knocked over everything on the counter, with purpose, looking right into the eyes of his target of anger as they passed it. “Sorry,” she told the workers. She would make sure that they were compensated for that entire scene.

Simon was casually on his phone as she dragged him outside of the mall and whenever they got to the parking lot, he said, “Posted it! We’ll let the Apex at him, now.” She groaned and released him with a shove of the hand she had been clutching his sleeve with.

“What?” He asked.

“Simon… I left my wallet at home. That experience was because of MY mistake, and you just attacked that guy like he was some kind of enemy combatant.”

“He was very rude to you and I didn’t like his tone when he spoke about you. I was defending you. How is that a problem?”

“Because, I have a reputation, Simon! I have a brand. An image! I can’t just go around slapping things off of counters whenever I can’t pay the man at the counter! People SAW us! Some looked like they were recording!” She was highly upset. “You… are gonna go to college, get a degree, build a career. You have several talents and intelligence and pathways. I’ve got THIS, Simon. MY future is nested inside of my personality, and the world can’t think that I’m this person that goes off on people like a rotten brat. I can’t believe that you would put me in something like this!”

“I thought we were in this together. The Apex sticks together.”

“I wish you would’ve stuck with me when I was asking you to leave!”

He ran his hands through his hanging strands of hair and shook his head, “I thought you’d be happy. You used to love when I defended you.”

“We’re not kids anymore, Simon! You can’t DO THAT to people!” she snapped and walked off, hugging herself. “You can’t do that to people,” she said softly and sniffled. Where the hell was she going? He followed her, silently. He had already apologized. Why wasn’t she… doing something to make him feel better about her being upset with him?

“Okay. I’ll follow your lead, Grace. I won’t react next time unless you tell me to.”

She looked at him. She seemed like she wanted to say more to him, but she just gave him a small smile and collected him by his hoodie string. “Let’s just go home and order in. We can watch one of your fantasy movies, or something.” he still looked nervous, like he was worried that she was still mad. She… didn’t ever get mad at him and she was realizing this as she watched him process how she’d just yelled at him in this public space. “That okay with you, Eyebrows?” he chuckled and wrapped an arm around her with a single nod.

Still… They both felt it. Something just wasn’t right between them.

It blew up. Of course it did. What started with Simon’s post generating a massive amount of hate at the Corn Dog Express and the employees there, spiraled into Apex stans making death threats, doxxing these people, and harassing their family members. Grace went live several times to remind them not to do this and to explain that it was indeed her fault that she couldn’t pay because she left her wallet, and assuring fans that she paid after the fact and held no hostility for the staff there.

“I am demanding that the real Apex stand down this time. I’m human. I made a mistake. Yes, the clerk could have been nicer, but I don’t know what kind of day he had or what’s happened to him before. I didn’t take it personally. Simon is a little bit more sensitive about these things happening to me and he got upset and tried to defend me. We’ve talked about it. We’re on the same page. Please leave that guy alone, Apex. Come on. Listen to your Honey.”

With the incident going viral, in those comments appeared a very aggressive woman who wanted to draw people’s attention to her post from a few years prior. It was a post where she cried on camera, showed off bruises and described two kids that beat her up on the train.

Grace gasped whenever she noticed her. Apex members were cussing her out and accusing her of lying, but she was claiming that she even tore out a handful of the girl’s hair and that she was POSITIVE that it was the girl in this video, and she knew that Simon was the same boy, because he looked exactly the same, but longer. She meant taller, and Grace hadn’t thought about that woman in almost as much time since her hair grew back.But, she definitely recognized her whenever she went to her profile.

Then Shana’s little bitch ass comes in to comment, “Actually, I very clearly remember her showing up in society with a shaved head around that time, so I believe you. They call her the Internet’s Honey, but she’s actually a violent, destructive sociopath and I hope that you get your justice.”

Grace’s head was spinning. She didn’t know what to do with bad publicity and this felt like it was a lot. Should she call her mom? Her mom would kill her!

She saw Simon arguing with Shana in the comments, “Do you realize that whenever Grace went natural we were 12? You’re going to believe this stranger when she says that unprovoked Grace and I just beat her up for no reason? I know you’re a jerk, but I thought you were smart.”

The woman fussed, “You put me in a choke hold and crushed my esophagus while she punched me in the ribs and stomach!”

“Prove it, null,” Simon almost instantly typed.

“I still have her hair!”

“And what? You think that your lawyers are going to be able to demand that she release a sample to check it against the hair that your nasty ass has been carrying around for god knows how long? FOH. You deserved to be thrown to the wheels of the train and you got off easy, Jealous Null. You’re jealous of her. Every hater is jealous. Shana certainly is. She’d say anything to try to look better, since the hair weave and makeup doesn’t help.”

“If it doesn’t help, how come you think I’m almost as pretty as her?”

Grace waited for Simon to respond, but instead, she watched as both Shana’s and the woman’s comments vanished… Simon had obviously signed into her account and blocked them. She was both relieved and upset.

This was EXACTLY the kind of thing that she wanted him to not do on her behalf. She started crying. Moments later, he was calling. “Hey… I spoke with your dad. They’re gonna take care of it, okay?”

“What? What did you say?”

“I said that a woman who attacked you a few years ago on the train is claiming that we beat her up, when we actually defended you against her and I gave him the time and date and train, in case they need to go back and check out the surveillance. If it still exists.”

“What?? My parents can’t know that I got into a fight on the train, Simon!”

“You defended yourself on the train. We were 12. That was a grown ass woman and she hit you first.” There was silence. “Grace, please don’t tell me that you’re mad at me again for fixing the problem for you?”

“No,” but she was frustrated about all of this. “I just… My dad… how did he sound?”

“He said he was pleased that I thought to call him.”

“I just don’t want them to be disappointed in me. I don’t want to hurt them like that, and I don’t want them to hurt me.”

“They won’t.” He heard her sniffling on the other end of the calling as she read the comments. “I’m coming over.”

“We’ve got school in the morning.”

“Yeah, which we would’ve rode together to anyway.”

“Simon…”

“You don’t need me?”

“Of course I do!”

“Then, I’m on my way.

Grace cried a lot, curled up in a ball in Simon’s lap. It wasn’t their usual. She didn’t generally come to him with things. She cried on her own, but since he had insisted on being there and insisted on holding her, that’s where she landed and she had to admit that it wasn’t bad, at all. He had told her father that he was going to keep her company and make sure she was safe and sound all night and her father had advised them both to go to school the following day and if anyone asked anything about that woman and her accusations to tell them that they are not at liberty to speak about it.

Grace just hoped that this weekend was not some indication of what type of school year that they might have. She woke up to see Simon climbing out of her bed, shirtless? When did he take off his shirt? Probably in the middle of the night, because he was always hot and always in long sleeves. She had never seen his physique before, that she could remember. Even when they went swimming, he generally wore a wetsuit that was tight fitting, but still covered up everything. He heard her gasp and he jumped and looked at her. “Simon, what happened to your arm?” She asked, climbing out of bed to rush to him. “… Did your mom do this to you?” She wondered, touching his faded tally marks.

He quickly grabbed his undershirt and said, “I won’t like to talk about this.” She bit her lip and wished that she could help him somehow. He smiled softly and kissed her on the forehead, “It’s okay. Don’t worry about me. Just… If you need me today, say the word.”

“What should I even say?”

He thought for a while, “Say, charge.”

She laughed, “Are you gonna charge?”

“If you say charge, somebody is getting messed up.” She laughed lightly. She needed his sense of humor.

“I’m not saying charge, Dude. The way that the Internet has reacted to me telling you NOT to do something? I say charge and they’ll crucify me. My mom’s gonna wind up taking over my social media again.” She rolled her eyes and went for her uniform.

“A signal, then. I need to know when you need me to attack.”

“Simon,” she laughed. “I don’t ever need you to attack. Remember that you’ve got college courses starting this year and college is like super important to you?”

“You’re super important to me too,” he confessed, casually.

Soon, they were dressed, out the door, and heading for the campus. More kids were around outside than typically and Simon knew that it was because they were all waiting for them to arrive. He met Grace at her door and helped her out of the car. They checked each other out, gave a nod to each other that both were good to go, and turned at the same time to walk into the school.

Simon was confident. He had nothing to be ashamed of. Grace had gotten upset over the weekend, but he had done nothing wrong and she was clearly just stressed out, because last night, she’d let him comfort her and be her support system. She had let him hold her and wipe her tears and lift her up. She had let him back in. He was confident that the Apex was going to become stronger than ever before, and keep growing. They stopped at the stop of the stairs and she leaned on his shoulder. A couple of the boys that Grace had kissed on the cheek the previous year rushed to grab the doors for them and the other present Apex kids gathered behind them, following them inside when they went into the building.

#If They Didn't Get on the Train #AU Infinity Train #Infinity Train #Nesha Fanfiction #Infinity Train Fanfiction #fics

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fortunatelylori · 6 years

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Why the Jon/D*any romance doesn’t work (Part 3)

When everyone and their mother has a different take on the same line of text

I must warn you in advance. In this 3rd post in the series (1, 2) we will go down the rabbit hole every woman has found herself in while reading her Tinder messages trying to extract some sort of meaning from a seemingly unrelated string of emojis.

Yes, boys and girls, now is the time to try and answer the all-important question that has plagued womanhood since the beginning of time: What does Jon mean when Jon says words?

Answering this question is extremely difficult since most of what he says can be interpreted in different ways. People have chalked it up to bad writing, rushed storyline and the actor’s limitations but is that really a fair assessment?

When analyzing the Jon/Dany scenes more closely, you begin to realize that they work on multiple levels both plotting wise and emotionally. It’s that both the direction of the scenes as well as the actor’s mannerisms aren’t what people expect them to be in that situation. The writers aren’t doing a bad job at presenting you a generic romance, they’re working overtime to both give you the basic structure of said romance while at the same time subverting every trope that they employ.

When trying to take things at face value and analyze the scenes as romantic in nature, the more I was hit with lines upon lines of dialogue that were vague, banal and impersonal. I started envisioning my scriptwriting editor taking out her red pen and cutting out these lines with notes like: what does that even mean?!? Because no editor in their right mind would’ve let this dialogue and these scenes as they are.

So why were these allowed to be filmed into a production of this level? My explanation for this is that these lines and scenes, while uninspired and unflattering to the character or the actor forced to speak them, do have the advantage of allowing the audience to read whatever they want into them, which they will because of how hotly anticipated this ship was. They’re simply allowing you to get tangled in the web so they can pull the rug from under your feet in season 8.

It might seem like I’m exalting the Ds writing abilities to extraordinary levels. But I’m not. It’s not that brilliant, to be honest. It’s a trick, nothing more. And they do it because they can. No other TV show could get away with inciting a ship this way only to annul everything put on screen later on. No show except Game of Thrones and no other ship except Jonerys. Why? Because Jonerys didn’t need to convince people to root for them, those people were already on board the ship long before Jon and Dany danced the devil’s tango. This has been one of the most hotly anticipated romances in TV history so the scenes only came to enforce what people wanted to see.

So do the writers really have anything to lose by trolling us? It doesn’t matter if Jonerys is real or fake, underdeveloped or the world’s most epic romance., everyone on planet Earth will still be tuning in to see every episode of the next season. If the Ds decide to confirm their fans dreams, then everyone who isn’t onboard will have to shrug off the inconsistencies and move on. If the political!jon theory is revealed in season 8, they will be hailed as the greatest twisters in the history of twisting. Every TV critic will write about it, will publish think pieces and then one day they will stumble on to Tumblr and discover my metas and I will become famous the world over …. Hey, a girl can dream, right?

So, let’s forget for a second that Dany and Jon were the ship that broke the internet and let’s look at the rest of the island scenes keeping in mind both the romance but also the possible subversion of said romance.

Scene 6:

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Happy to report that Dany did not ask Jon to bend the knee in this scene.

Yay!

Progress!

Sort of …

There are 3 major things that are wrong with this scene in terms of the romance subplot:

1. Jon’s reaction to Dany’s temper tantrum.

He looks like he’s about to send her to her room, with no supper. Btw, I hate it when people say that Kit Harrington is a bad actor. He might not be acting out what people want to see but his micro expressions are pretty on point.

Jon isn’t wrong in being frustrated by Dany’s public humiliation of her hand. However, it does undermine the romance, particularly since Jon’s reaction goes unnoticed by Dany. And the whole thing could have been avoided had the people behind the camera simply not shown us his reaction at all. These types of reaction shots are not filmed simultaneously with the rest of the scene so it’s actually a lot of extra camera work, positioning and actors doing the same scene over and over again just to show us that Jon is annoyed by Dany but chooses not to say anything. And they do this because the script, the blueprint of the story, told them to do it.

Alternatively, you could have these reaction shots take on a positive connotation by having Jon intervene and lecture her on her rudeness, for example. That would position him as the only person willing to tell her the truth, another romantic trope that pops up in couplings all the time. But the script doesn’t go there, instead planting this seed of Jon as being duplicitous in his interactions with the woman he’s supposed to have developed feelings for by now.

Like I said, the writers don’t have a lot of time on their hands. They need to get us all on this ship as quickly as possible; there are only 3 episodes left. And yet they continue to torpedo our trust in this romance at every turn.

1. Dany turning to Jon for help is unearned.

As we’ve already established they’ve spent the last 5 scenes talking about knee bendings, white walkers and little else. There is no common ground between the two of them that would make this request remotely romantic. So when Dany, out of the blue, decides to ask Jon what she should do, we can’t go: “Oh, look! They trust each other now. They’re a team.” On the contrary, we’re as taken aback by this as Jon is.

2. He doesn’t actually help her.

The conversation goes like this:

Dany: what do you think I should do?

Jon: Don’t burn people alive.

Dany is moved by his speech, so moved in fact that she doesn’t notice he didn’t actually give her any advice on what to do, just a general rule of thumb on not turning people into torches.

This a pretty blatant subversion of what is a very useful trick writers use to build trust and intimacy in a romantic plot: have one of the partners help the other with a problem that they have.

By writing yet another general, non-committal response from Jon, they’re denying us, the audience, the reason to cheer for this romantic pairing and thus frustrating the momentum needed to credibly build up this relationship.

Scene 7: (or as I like to call it the “there’s a bridge I’d like to sell you” scene)

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It doesn’t do this scene any favors that whenever Missandei starts talking about Dany, all I can think is “cult recruiter”.

It’s like she’s heading the welcome parade into Jonestown…

Leaving that disturbing imagery aside, why is this scene so deeply unsatisfying?

In order to answer that, what we really have to ask ourselves is what is the purpose of this scene? There are no useless scenes in scriptwriting. Every scene must serve a part in telling the story.

Is the purpose here to show that Missandei idolizes Dany? It can’t be. We already know that. Is it foreshadowing for Davos moving to Narth because it sounds like a “liberating” place? Doesn’t quite sound right.

It must be a scene that pays service to the Tyrion/Jon scene where Jon is advised to seek out people close to Dany. So the purpose of this scene is to see Jon learning some very positive things about Dany, from her number one fan. This feels like a very natural progression, because we’ve seen this done in stories a million times before. So I think most people will not really look very deep into this scene to really realize why by the end of it, the romantic plot hasn’t advanced at all.

The reason why this scene doesn’t serve its romantic purposel is because the whole structure of it is wrong.

Let me explain. We start the scene with

Davos: What do you think about her?

Jon: I think she has a good heart.

This line is problematic to begin with because we have seen Dany do nothing that would indicate to Jon that she has a good heart. Since he’s been here, he’s been turned from King to Lord, to simply Jon Snow, he’s seen her humiliate Tyrion, refuse to help him fight the white walkers and develop a troubling bended knee fetish. So what is it that would prompt him to say that?

Well … what is the number one argument that Dany’s fans always bring up when people criticize her? I think it goes along the lines of: But she was doing it for the right reasons. She’s a good person … She has a good heart.

I think this is the writers at their most trolliest giving people deeply invested in this ship something to cling onto when saying that this romance does actually exist, while simultaneously making people that dislike the ship tremble in their boots a little at the thought that it might be reciprocal.

And just to make anti-Jonerys’ tremble even more, they double down with this little gem:

Davos: A good heart? I’ve noticed you starring at her good heart.

Yeah … sorry writers, I ain’t tremblin’. I’m a woman. I’ve developed a sixth sense for men checking out a girl’s … wolf bits. It looks a bit like this …

Nice try though!

How does Jon respond to Davos’ appraisal? Does he get flustered that he’s been found out? Does he reject it outright as a vile falsehood?

Jon: There’s no time for that.

And here I must ask again: what do the words that Jon ejects from his mouth mean?!? Does he use the excuse of the white walkers to hide his secret attraction? Does he mean it literally? Is Dany like the Flash, so quick there’s no time to look at her cleavage? Or is he letting out his frustration at having to play out this parody while the world is on the verge of annihilation, as the political!jon theory would support?

The point is we don’t know. We can claw each other’s eyes out over this all we want. The line is left vague for a reason. We, unlike Jon for once, know nothing.

Then we get to Missandei’s speech. She’s essentially the Pope of Daenerism. The main message of her speech is

Missandei: My queen has a good heart

Great. So why did we need this scene again?!? So Jon could find out what he already said he knew? Maybe he needed some reinforcement. What was his reaction to Missandei’s ode, you ask?

Can’t read my … can’t read my … nobody can read my poker face …

Followed by the old, faithful romantic classic

Jon: Is that a Greyjoy ship?!?

So … a 2 min scene of writers trolling and an aerial shot of a ship … and absolutely no progress on the romance front. No wonder this scene is frustrating.

Humor me for a moment and imagine this scene in a different sequence.Move Missandei’s speech in the beginning and end the scene with Jon saying Dany has a good heart. Eliminate the ship altogether. Doesn’t it feel like a better set-up and make the scene less repetitive and more romantic?

Scene 8:

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The first part of this scene is breathtaking. Leaving aside everything else, it’s astounding to see how far television has gotten in terms of what they can present on screen. Everything from the CGI, to the scope of the shot, to the colors, music and scenery is stunning. It’s perhaps the most memorable moment of the entire season. Plot wise, it’s also extremely meaningful.

Because of the stunning imagery, this has led people to interpret it as romantic in nature. But it isn’t. This is not about the Jon/Dany romance at all, but rather about R+L=J, about Jon himself and his nature. We’ve never seen another person apart from Dany get so close to Drogon before, let alone pet him. And all this is punctuated by Kit Harrington playing Jon as completely overwhelmed. As he should be. He’s doing something that people haven’t been able to do for 300 years and, more importantly than that, he’s doing something that feels strangely familiar to him.

That’s why all those gif sets showing Jon as completely in awe that imply he’s looking at Dany are so frustrating. Watch this scene again and you’ll see that he’s holding eye contact with Drogon throughout, punctuated even by a close-up of the dragon’s eye looking at Jon. It’s only Dany that looks at him curiously, seeing him interact with her favorite pet/child.

If you’re going to frame those looks as romantic in nature, you shouldn’t be shipping Jonerys at all but rather … Jonon? Drojon? Can’t decide …

So, if we eliminate this first part, and concentrate solely on Jon and Dany’s conversation, what happens?

They disagree on whether fire breathing lizards are beautiful, gorgeous, beasts or children.

Dany: They are not beasts to me. They are my children.

Jon’s face says it all really … (gif courtesy of @thelawyerthatwaspromised)

No resolution is reached on this front. So Jon abruptly changes the subject.

Like I said in my previous post, romantic couples don’t reach this type of communicational impasses. They duke it out to the end or reach common ground. That’s what makes them work.

But it gets worse. Not even the awkward transition to another subject leads to anything.

Jon: You weren’t gone long.

Dany: No.

Jon: And?

Dany: And I have fewer enemies today than I did yesterday.

Silence … Very awkward silence … Dany literally has to push the conversation forward and …

Dany: You don’t know how you feel about that

Jon: No, I don’t

…it still doesn’t go anywhere. The writers keep breaking the momentum of their dialogue over and over again and frustrating both Dany and the audience.

Just look at that face. That’s the face I pull every time I come back home from a bad date.

But Dany is a stubborn girl. She tries again, with another awkward change of subject.

Dany: When you first came here, Ser Davos said you took a knife to the heart for your people.

Jon: Ser Davos gets carried away.

This would have been the perfect time for Jon to open up, at least a little bit. He thinks she has a good heart after all, right? But no. He not only avoids the subject, he lies outright. Why? Why would he lie? And more importantly why do the writers want to keep Dany at arm’s length from Jon this far into their relationship?

Dany doesn’t completely believe him but have no fear!

Luckily the plot intervenes before Jon is forced to answer. Heaven forbid that we get a meaningful conversation between 2 people that are about to have sex a few scenes from now. The less 2 people talk, share their feelings and experiences, the more impactful their romance is. Isn’t that how it goes?

The introduction of Jorah in this scene is significant because the dreaded competitor for the maiden’s heart is a trope used to excess in romantic plots.

No matter that the writers haven’t built up enough of a connection between Jon and Dany for us to feel the stakes of introducing this new element into their romance. Finally, now we have the opportunity to see Jon look jealous and feel that his bond to Dany is threatened by someone with whom she shares so much history. Sure he might be standoffish and cryptic when it’s just the two of them but surely he won’t be able to control himself when he sees his lady love hug another man. So what do you say, Jon?

P p p poker face, p p p poker face

Scene 9:

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I won’t analyze this entire scene because most of it is not linked to the romantic subplot and also … it’s stupid. The whole hunt plot is stupid and Tyrion should lay off the bottle immediately. It’s affecting his intellectual skills.

We will resume ourselved to the 3 romantic beats withing the scene.

So, we start promisingly enough with Jon letting everyone know that Arya and Bran are alive. There’s no context as to why he decided to announce this in front of a room of strangers so read into that what you will. Perhaps he wanted to share the happy news with Dany …

Dany: I’m happy for you

Silence

Dany: You don’t look happy.

Silence

Perhaps we could tell from his expression?

Lady Gaga ran out of lyrics, you guys … sorry about that …

End of topic. No need to explore this momentous event for Jon or have the opportunity to see him sharing his happiness with the love of his life. That’s what fanfiction is for.

Then there’s the part when Jorah offers to hunt down a zombie to bring back as trophy for his heart’s desire. This has, of course, prompted people to speculate that Jon decides to go on the hunt in order to one up him in Dany’s eyes. Which is not outlandish, per se. That’s what happens in a love triangle after all.

However there are two issues with this.

One - there is absolutely no one in the audience that thought Jon would not go on this hunt since the moment it was proposed. He was Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch, he’s the only one in that room who has gone beyond the wall and the only one who has actually fought the army of the dead. Jorah or no Jorah, the scene would have ended with Jon going on the hunt. That sort of undercuts the whole jealousy angle.

Secondly there’s this peculiar sequence of lines after Jorah says he’ll go:

Jon: The free folk will help us

Davos: They won’t follow Ser Jorah.

Surely, if jealousy was what the writers were going for, those two lines should have been inversed. That could be construed as an attack on Jorah’s abilities by Jon and could lead to a starring context between the two, right before they’d take their shirts off and duke it out in the rain while Dany watches in rapture from the window.

Does that sound like a ridiculous, over the top, infantile scenario? Sure … But let’s make one thing very clear. Writers do not introduce romantic triangles into stories because they want to keep it classy. They introduce it so that at some point we can end up here:

The last of the romantic plot in the scene comes right after Jon says he’ll go on the hunt.

Dany: I haven’t given you permission to leave.

This line pulls double duty in terms of plotting. It just does it in the wrong direction. On one hand, it torpedoes the love triangle because Dany clearly doesn’t want to let Jon go while she doesn’t have that many qualms about Jorah potentially freezing to death or getting killed. So with 8 words a triangle that started a scene ago has been turned back to a straight line for the audience. That’s no way to build up tension between your characters.

The second thing it does is that it shows, once again, just how one sided this whole relationship is. Because Jon is not at all touched by Dany’s concern for his well-being.

In fact he seems rather annoyed by her attempt.

Jon: With all due respect, your Grace, I don’t need your permission. I am a King.

This has been described as a ‘panty dropping’ line. Except that depending on where your alligencies lie, the interpretation for why it pulverizes underwear is different. People that are invested in this ship say that this is the moment Jon proved himself a good King to Dany. People that reject this ship see it as the moment when Jon regains his agency and status, after being humiliated by not only the queen, but also her servant when denied his rightful title.

Again, this is a problem. Because you shouldn’t have two contradictory explanations for one line this late in the plot. By this point we should all agree on the basic meaning behind what Jon says, whether we like the pairing or not.

Also:

Jon: I put my trust in you … a stranger […] Now I’m asking you to trust in a stranger.

We end this scene with Jon calling the two of them ‘strangers’. It kind of feels like we’ve been through 9 scenes and three episodes of romantic build-up and we have nothing to show for it.

Scene 10:

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This scene has been analyzed a lot so I won’t dwell too much on it. The reason why it’s gotten so much interest is because of the ‘look back’ trope.

Jon not looking back is not, in and of itself, a problem. In isolation, it can be seen as a missed opportunity on the writers’ part. Adding the fact that Dany does follow him with her eyes for quite a bit just like the lovely John Thornton does with Margaret Hale in the gif above, does put a blemish on the whole thing.

But then the writers for some reason double down on this motif by having Jorah look back at Dany. And then the camera also includes Jon pointedly NOT looking back.

Look at the boy go … It’s like he’s trying out for the Forest Gump remake. Run, Jon, run!

Once you put all of these elements together in one scene it becomes less of a frustrating lack of romantic fulfillment and more of an intentional message that is very hard to ignore.

But let’s leave that to the side and talk about their last words to each other.

Jon: If I don’t return, at least you won’t have to deal with the King in the North anymore

Dany: I’ve grown used to him

Jon: I wish you good fortune in the wars to come, Your Grace

I’ve already pointed out in my first post of the series how deeply unwise it would be to have Jon say good-bye to Dany by using Mance Rayder’s last words to Stannis if we were to look at this scene in a romantic way.

It isn’t just the fact that Stannis and Mance were enemies. It’s also problematic because Mance was on his way to being burned alive for not bending the knee. Fire is something that the audience connects to Dany immediately. And what was the main bone of contention for these 2 characters throughout Jon’s stay on the island?

Aside from that, the dynamic between them is exactly the same. Dany’s attempt at warmth and intimacy is flanked by two general, formal statements by Jon, the first of which is actually a bit passive-aggressive if you remember that Dany requested he bend the knee so she could name him Warden of the North.

Also, this is put in direct contrast with the way Jorah says good-bye to her.

Dany: We should be better at saying farewell by now.

Jorah: Your Grace, I …

Jorah’s line is interrupted by Dany grabbing his hands. This touch elicits such a powerful emotional response from him that he can’t continue his train of thought. He simply bends his head and kisses her hand.

If you were saying good-bye to someone you love, which one of these two responses would feel more bitter-sweet and romantic? Which one would you like to receive?

If you say Jon’s …. Well then:

(source: @dreamofspring)

Thank you guys so much for all your great feed-back and a special thank you to @thelawyerthatwaspromised for supplying me with some of the gifs in this post. They were a life saver. The rest of the gifs and clips also do not belong to me. I picked them up from all over the place so if you recognize your work, let me know and I will add the source below the pic. Thank you!

Also:

stay tuned for part 4

#asoiaf #got #got7 #anti-jonerys #my got meta

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sasha-whos-askin-racket · 7 years

Note

Jecker + 102

102. “I had a nightmare about you and just wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

(Everyone always picks Jecker, and it’s nice because JECKER, but can I also get some other ship requests? I do Jess/Emily and stuff, not just the canon pairings. Thank you in advance, and I hope this lives up to your expectations.)

The phone buzzed.It buzzed and it buzzed and it buzzed and then the person it belonged to lifted their head off the pillow and grabbed it.They pulled it across their chest as it gave a last pathetic vibrate and then went still.Squinting irritably at the bright screen, Becker was unable to make out the small chocolate bar emoji where Jess’s contact name should have been.

He rung whoever it was back and then checked the time on his bedside clock.“It’s 2 in the morning, I swear to God if this is you Temple I will-”He was cut off by the quiet sound of sobbing, and then a throat clearing.“Jess?” His voice, which had been previously annoyed, was now drawn tight with concern, “Are you alright?”When she didn’t respond aside from a whimper and a half-hearted cough, he sighed. “Jess, I’m coming over. Unlock your door.”

He pulled the closest T-Shirt he had over his head, not caring it was the same one he’d been wearing for the past 3 days, and then spent 2 minutes wrestling with his pair of jogging bottoms.Stupid Therocaphilian making him take two weeks off work.Stupid Becker for going in alone.Stupid kids for wandering through a school.Stupid, stupid, stupid.He pulled on his old trainers and ran a hand through his bedraggled hair, cringing at the greasy texture.Ugh. He really ought to have a shower later.

Completely ignoring Matt’s warning not to drive, he pulled off the curb outside his house and practically bounced the damn vehicle down the road.He contemplating heading to a 24 hour supermarket and buying a bar of chocolate for her, and then remembered he had one in his glove box.

He arrived outside Jess’s apartment and was grateful it wasn’t one of those where the house owner had to buzz him in, because there was no way Jess would he doing that.He then realised how out of place and suspicious he must look here at midnight, dragging his right leg behind him, clutching a bar of chocolate.Oh well.He’d clear it up with the other residents in the morning.

Jess had apparently neglected to open her front door, as he had instructed, and after checking all of the horribly cliched places a person would hide a spare key, he reached the rather annoying conclusion that he would have to go and speak to another resident and see if they had one.

The first door he’d knocked on had refused to answer, and the second had done so, only to slam the door in his face.He turned away, and then noticed that there was an elderly couple watching him wearily from behind their half-open apartment door.He raised his free hand in acknowledgement, then crossed the hallway towards them.“Excuse me, I don’t suppose you have a spare key for that apartment over there?” He asked the old lady, giving her a tired smile.“Jessica’s? Yes, we do have an extra key, though do you mind if we ask why?” The old man responded, and there was something in his tone of voice that informed Becker that this particular couple were extremely protective of Jess, and that he should probably explain himself before he got the crap kicked out of him by a walking cane.

“She rung me, you see, and she um….” He swallowed thickly. “She sounded somewhat distressed, so I thought I’d come over.”The woman nodded knowledgeably. “I see. You’re the boyfriend…”He blushed. “Not exactly no. I’m a colleague of hers.”The man scrutinised him, and Becker shifted uncomfortably.“You’re too tall to be Connor, not Irish enough to be Matthew, and too military to be Lester. So I presume you’re Becker?” And there was almost pride in his voice.Becker nodded. “Yes sir.”The man smiled. “Ahh yes, Jessica often speaks very highly of you, although she neglected to mention how respectful you are. Very well, give him the key Joanne.”The key was handed too him, and the older gentleman lent forwards. “She’s a keeper, young man. You’ll never find a woman like her again.”His wife elbowed him sharply, and then beamed. “Give her our regards.”He nodded again, slightly at a loss for words. “Yes ma’am.”Then the door was closed in his face.

He backed away, giving a slightly bemused laugh, and then turned back to Jess’s apartment door.He slipped the key into the lock, opened the door slowly, lent over the threshold, called “Jess? I’m coming in,” then let the door close behind him.

The whole apartment was in darkness, and he reached out past the door-frame for the light-switch.He clicked on the light with a hiss at the noise it made, and then dropped his hand.Her apartment was nice, he realised.It was small and sweet and warm and Connor’s mess was scattered across the work-top because he and Abby hadn’t quite finished moving out yet.The door directly opposite him was ajar, and all logic told him it was Jess’s bedroom.The lights were off in there too and Becker sighed, before crossing the room in a few determined strides.

He pushed the door open and it creaked with a noise that sent goosebumps down his spine.He stretched out to switch on that light too, and found it was a lot dimmer than he had expected it to be.It washed the whole room in a vaguely orange glow, including the curled-up lump pressed into the furthest corner of the room that he assumed was supposed to be Jess.

Becker approached her nervously and crouched in front of her, gently placing his hand on the top of her head.“Jess?”She didn’t respond, only curled further into herself, and Becker shifted from a crouch to kneeling in front of her.He pulled her slight frame closer towards him, and then across into his arms.He stood carefully, keeping his balance as he crossed the room and sat down on the foot of her bed, Jess still gathered in his arms.

He shifted carefully so she was facing him, and then slid his fingers under her chin, lifting her head until she was looking at him.Her blue eyes were wide and brimming with tears, and her face was pale and drawn.He sighed sympathetically “What am I going to do with you, huh Jess?”She shrugged, the flannel of her patterned pyjamas brushing against Becker’s bare arm.She looked so child-like, staring up at him with this almost innocence, and he remembered with a sudden jolt that he was only 19.19.Why had they let a 19 year old do this job?Who the hell had decided that was a good idea?He’d have to bring that up with Lester later.“So, what’s wrong huh?”

She was still watching him, though he noticed her face flush slightly in the light, and she dropped her gaze to the floor, looking sheepish.She twisted her fingers together, and spoke in a quiet tone, her voice shaking.“I had a nightmare about you and just wanted to make sure you’re okay.”He took a breath, and felt his heart break a little bit. “Oh, Jess.” He whispered, in the way one might talk to a small child who told you they were scared of the monsters under their bed.“Come ‘ere.” He wrapped his arm around her shoulder, and tensed slightly as she burrowed herself into his side.

“Look at me,” he said softly and when she didn’t respond he ran his thumb down her cheek.“Look at me,” he repeated, and when she did, he smiled and offered her his hand.She took it, and he ran his thumb over her palm.“I’m here. I’m here and I’m alive and I’m safe and so are you and everything is fine and everything is going to be fine.”She looked, for the first time, into his eyes, and felt the warmth radiate from them like a campfire, she could practically feel the concern billowing off him in waves and he gave her hand a squeeze and smiled at her, and she smiled back.

“By the way,” he said suddenly, an un-Becker like mischievous look in his eyes. “You might want to convince that lovely sweet couple across the corridor that I’m not your boyfriend. Although, they are clearly fond of you, and that gentleman seemed to be impressed by me, so you might want to just let them believe.”Jess shrugged, never blinking her wide eyes once, and again Becker felt like his brain had turned to mush and was slowly melting out of his ears.“But you ever make me get up at 2am again, I shall kill you.”She giggled, and it was such a Jessica Parker sound that Becker couldn’t help but grin too. “I’m just glad I’m not alone.”“Me too Jess. Me too.”

“Can I have another hug?”Becker laughed shakily, and then drew her back onto his lap, nuzzling his face into her hair and wrapping his arms around her body protectively.“Sure…”

#my writing

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