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taleweaver-ramblings · 4 months

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how can there possibly be a way to make grape nuts taste good?

Ok, here's the thing. Grape Nuts taste great. Most people, as far as I can tell, are just eating them in a non-ideal way. Granted, I like Grape Nuts eaten cold, as long as you give them a minute or two for the milk to soak in. However, they're best eaten hot, and are far superior to pretty much any of the other hot-grain-product-in-a-bowl breakfasts except maybe baked oatmeal (in addition to already being the superior box cereal).

With that in mind, here's how to enjoy Grape Nuts in the best way I know how.

Wake up on a dark winter morning before work, a morning cold enough that even you, a morning person, don't really want to get out of bed.

Wonder if "sick of the cold" counts as being sick.

Remember that there are Grape Nuts open downstairs and decide that getting up is ok, actually.

Downstairs, acquire Grape Nuts, milk, and a microwave-safe bowl.

Put your desired amount of Grape Nuts in the bowl.

Pour milk into the bowl. You'll need to experiment a few times to figure out your preferred Grape Nuts-to-milk ratio. Some people put in enough to cover the cereal so you have floating pieces. I like just enough milk that you start to see it amid the Grape Nuts, but not enough to fully cover them.

Put your bowl in the microwave and heat for about a minute. Again, you'll need to experiment here to figure out what length of time gives you the results you like best. I tend to heat mine for a little less than a minute because I like to still have a little cronch.

Don't take your eyes off of it. If you look away, it'll boil over and make a mess, and then your morning will be decidedly less good.

Remove the bowl from the microwave. Careful, it may be hot.

Let cool just long enough to say thank you, God, for this food or your mealtime prayer of choice.

Dig in. Discover that the hot milk has softened the cereal so it becomes pleasantly textured, but not too hard, and the heat has also brought forth a delicious nutty, slightly molasses-y flavor (which was always there, but wasn't as pronounced before).

Finish the bowl. You're warm now, and your stomach is full, but not so full that you can't consider your taste buds' suggestion that another bowl would be a good idea. (Note: You can listen to them, but be aware that with Grape Nuts, like grilled cheese, the second in one sitting is never as good as the first.)

Steps 1–3 are optional — I can and will eat hot Grape Nuts in summer if I can get them — but I genuinely have cheered myself up on some cold weekday mornings by remembering that I'm having Grape Nuts for breakfast. I'm aware this makes me sound like a character in a cereal commercial, and I genuinely don't care.

If you've already tried Grape Nuts hot and you still don't like them, I recommend testing different amounts of milk and different lengths of microwaving. On the other hand, if you just flat out don't like the flavor . . . I'm sorry. Your life is sad and tragic, but it is the one you must live, and so you'll have to make the most of it.

#grape nuts #yes I am absurdly passionate about a breakfast cereal #this is possibly one of the hottest takes I have #no regrets #food #taleweaver answers #lady merian

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