HP headcannon

TW: A shit load of reading. tears, and feels, lots of them. Also this was inspired by the sentence in bold which I was going to use in my standardized test writing section. And this makes no sense chronologically (im adhd af alright.) 

Voting is important because if there was a vote then Sirius Black wouldn’t have spent 12 worthless years in Azkaban and harry wouldn’t have been raised in an abusive household rather with wolfstar dadfoot and mommy.

Harry would’ve known all about the marauders and by the time he enters Hogwarts he knows all the secret passages and where to find the map. He also knows where to hide from Filtch, prefects doing their rounds and teachers. Harry has long since been an animagus. He would’ve entered knowing all about his parents (siriusly all about them, good and the bad.) he would have entered being a pranking god and reusing some of his dads old tricks. Every time Harry  pranks he gets a howler from Sirius about how proud he in which sirius proceeds to flirt w Dumbledore, gossip w Minnie, tell Draco to tell his dad that he’s a bitch, also tell Draco that if he doesn’t stay over for christmas he will have to listen to Sirius sending a howler everyday of him singing, and then Sirius going on to roast tf outta snivellus and properly cuss him out (he also adds in some hair flips and talks ab how supperior he is.) Harry 100% would call minerva Minnie and Minnie would be like a grandma who visited a l l t h e t I m e. He would be a flying god by the time he enters Hogwarts and is immediately on the team (Sirius likes to credit himself but we all know it was Minnies excellent coaching.) In first year when he has to get the sorcerers stone he roasts tf outta voldy “I thought a bitch who couldn’t kill a fucking baby said sum,” “no literally mate you coulda just thrown me out the window but noooo,” “don’t talk to me till you get a nose you fuckin wanker.” Harry would’ve flirted with Dumbledore to get out of detentions. Harry would’ve grown up hearing stories about Regulas and about Sirius’s family and how he was brought up. Instead of shutting down Malfoy he would’ve frickin adopted him and they would be bffs; as close as Sirius and James. Malfoy would 100% join in on pranks and plan some of them but he would never get caught. Harry hating Lockhart and cONSTANTLY pranking him (almost as much as he pranks snivey) Harry constantly reminding him of how his uncles repeatedly outranked him for the hottest wizard award. When Harry is sorted he would’ve been a MAJOR hat stall because the hat would really push for him to be in his true house *cough cough slytherin* but harry doesn’t want to leave Malfoy, he also doesn’t want to leave Minnie nor does he want to leave his parents house (and uncles) and most of all, he doesn’t want ANYTHING to do with Snape. Instead he meets Ron and Mione in the house and introduces them to Draco, at first Draco really doesn’t like them but once he starts to know them he questions his families teaching (silently of course) and decides he doesn’t want to be like them. Harry being bffs with Nott, Zabini and Pansy (they were all actually crucial in the taking down of the dark lord. When Harry hangs out with them it's just all sass and sarcasm and dark jokes (the number of people they have SCARRED). Draco and Mione being the only responsible ones and help them study all the time. Draco and Harry never sitting separately and if they do they always find some other way to communicate. Draco and Harry sitting at each others house tables ALL THE TIME and it really pisses Snape off (that may or may not be why they do it.) Draco hating Snape with a passion and yelling at him whenever he’s mean to Mione. All four of them having nicknames for each other. Draco and Mione came up w a playbook together with long elaborate shit like “initiate Page 387 paragraph 4 up section 3 clause 12.” Draco and Mione tying for first every year. God help everyone when they start to compare owls. TH E S L E E P O V E R S. All of them spending so much time in the kitchens. Draco is soooo nice to house elves because of that and actually co-founds S.P.E.W. Draco and his Slytherin friends sleeping in the Gryffindor common rooms because the password is too bigoted and they refuse to say it. The golden trio promptly begins to help, Mione looks for a spell to reverse it, Harry and Ron forcefully trying to remove the portrait meanwhile Neville brings snacks, blankets and says that they did a good job (Neville also being the one the Slytherins go to when they feel bad because of blood supremacy, Neville promptly reminding them that the fact that you feel bad and refuse it shows how good you truly are.) All of them are Neville defence squad and Neville supremacy 100%. They all repeatedly tell him how they would die for him. Draco hating Bellatrix for what he did to Neville. Draco and Harry immediately trade schedules to see what classes they share and swapping common room passwords. Draco is actually an heir of Slytherin but they all know its not him doing the attacks. Draco being with Harry in the chamber and trying his best to call off the basilisk while also telling Tom how he disgraces the Slytherin name. Draco being so nice to muggle-borns and creates a club where he helps them adjust to the Wizarding World (Sirius hears and promptly send sweets and howlers about how proud he is saying “I knew he was good oh you Lucius spawn you I’m so proud.”) Draco being really happy because Sirius knows that the Sacred 28 families look down upon affection so he doesn’t get told this by his parents. Sirius dotes on Draco always giving him affection because of this. The first time it happened Draco was like “what is this” and the golden trio’s heart broke, from then on they always display physical affection to him, hand holding, hugs forehead kisses, pet names you name it.) Draco also crying a lot because it’s the first time he’s had this since he was like 2 and doesn’t think he deserves it because of how his parents are. Draco threatening anyone who says shit about any of them and the four being as close as the marauders (so much so that all the teachers have flashbacks and ptsd from all the pranks.) Harry H A T I N G Snape for all the shit he did and calling him snivellus. Sirius hears and cries because he’s so fucking proud. Harry having to be held back from tackling Snape anytime he makes a lily reference. God have mercy for anyone who was unfortunate enough to be there when he saw snapes patronus because “it’s not love you nazi bitch! you fucking betrayed her and then got all but hurt you stalker esque bitch.” Remus literally keeping Sirius 100% in the loop when he is dada teacher man knows everything going on. Harry going to Hogsmade only to see Sirius “coincidentally” there. Sirius and Draco actually having a lot in common and Sirius completely loves the kid like wtf he’s Malfoy blood I have to hate him. When Voldey returns Draco beating up anyone who calls Harry a liar. Draco working as a spy for the order and doing little undetected acts of rebellion to help Harry. Instead of outright trying to be disowned Draco just uses everything to his advantage and is on the umbitch (Draco came up w the name) too spy yet again and healing anyone who had to use the fucking quill. In seventh year Draco and Neville begin to really work together and really like each other (platonically though) but god they are so FUCKING SARCASTIC WHEN THEY’RE TOGETHER. Draco teaching Occulmency and how to pretend like you're being Cruciod. Draco and Neville being actual besties. At the battle of Hogwarts Draco saving both Sirius and Remus and calls them both dad (they both teared up a LOT.) In the battle of Hogwarts Sirius shows up and fuckin runs over voldy w his motorcycle, Sirius also bringing a machine gun and going insane. Draco ends up killing nagini and his aunt. Draco also being known as a savior.