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weepylucifer · 6 months

Note

For the dialogue prompt: 24 with Steban and Ulixes? :)

24. “You’re trembling.”

A loud knock at the door pulls Steban quite brusquely out of sleep. The bedside clock shows somewhere around two in the morning, and for a moment he's tempted to pull the blanket up around his ears and wait for the knocking to go away. But, he figures, this late at night it can only be an emergency, so he extracts himself from the blanket, puts some clothes on and goes to open.

Uli is outside, which is odd, because Uli's supposed to be on the other side of town, and a great, nameless turmoil is in his face. He looks so pale and shaken up that it wakes Steban fully, and he doesn't even gripe about the lateness of the hour.

"Uli?" he asks. "What's going on?"

"Oh- Steban, I..." Ulixes says, then looks him up and down and, studying Steban's sleep-mussed form in his underwear, seems to realize that it's the middle of the night and how highly unusual and alarming this all must seem. "I'm sorry, I should have waited until tomorrow, I didn't consider... I didn't mean to wake you up. I only... only needed..."

The words leave him in a confused jumble, and he's practically vibrating with that unnamed emotion. "It's okay," Steban says. "Did something happen? You're trembling..."

"I..." Ulixes takes a deep, shuddering breath. "I finally told my parents. About us."

"Come inside."

Steban sits back down on the bed. Instead of joining him as expected, Uli starts pacing. This moment had to come sooner or later, and they've both been aware of that, but now that it's finally here, Ulixes seems profoundly unsettled.

Steban doesn't quite know what to say. He feels absurdly guilty considering his own, relatively harmonious family life, which has done nothing to prepare him for the present situation. He's gotten the awkward "tengo un novio" confession out of the way months ago, resulting in nothing but some good-natured ribbing from his cousins and a promise to his mother to bring su novio around to dinner. With Ulixes, things... were bound to be more difficult.

"I take it things didn't... go well," he says as delicately as he can manage.

Ulixes huffs. "Well... they didn't immediately take me off the will, which I suppose constitutes a net win."

"Still..."

"Most of the fight was about politics, really."

"Which is... better?" Steban attempts.

"Eh. My father seems to think it's all... a phase he expects me to grow out of. Like obviously once it's time to take over my share of the family business, I'll obligingly turn into a lap dog of capitalism. Because that's just what humans are like, everyone acts in their own self-interest, everyone's weak to the promise of money, and someday I'll see reason and admit that to myself. You know how he is. He has his views on how everything is, and nothing I say will ever get through to him. It's like... it's like, to him, I'm not even there."

Steban hasn't met Ulixes' father and therefore doesn't know how he is, but he feels it's not the time to bring that up. Instead, he asks, "What is the family business?" because, come to think of it, he doesn't think Uli has ever told him. "What does your family do?"

Ulixes waves a dismissive hand. "Nothing. Father owns shares in Saint Baptiste."

Ah. And there's the reason why Uli never told him.

"Wow. Maybe you can score me some antidepressants?" Steban says, trying to lighten the mood, but he's not good at jokes, so it falls utterly flat. A bit sheepishly he adds, "I'm sorry, Uli."

Ulixes ceases his irate pacing and suddenly slumps. When he sits on the bed, he looks defeated. "If only he would yell or throw me out or hit me. Then at least I'd know I made an impact. That I'm not just some nuisance to be easily brushed off. That I matter at all."

Steban reaches over and puts a hand on his shoulder. "Ay, cariño," he says quietly.

"They didn't even really mind the gay stuff as much as I thought they might. 'As long as you keep it to yourself', they said. Same with the communism. But then I... I told them your name and some stuff about you, and then... suddenly, they minded."

Right. They asked him where I'm from and what my family does, and he told them. Steban nods.

"Mother said some things..." Uli pauses, discomfited. "Things I don't care to repeat."

"Well, I don't care to hear them," Steban says bluntly, because he can imagine fairly well what kinds of things Gottwaldian bourgeois might say about him. It doesn't come as any kind of surprise. He knows Uli doesn't think of him that way, and that will have to suffice. "Come here," he suggests and pulls up the blanket, shifting to make room.

Uli complies all too readily. Until now, the force of his righteous anger and indignation have kept him going, but his energy seems to be running out. When he curls up against Steban, he is silent, and he burrows underneath the blanket and smushes his face into Steban's chest like he doesn't want to make eye contact. This is, Steban knows, still the only way Ulixes can sometimes accept comfort. Uli is not well-versed in physical contact. One discovery that came with their relationship becoming physical is that Uli doesn't really... know hugs, or kisses, or pats on the head. Well, Steban knows all these things in abundance, so he wraps his arms around Ulixes and nuzzles into his hair. Uli has not taken his glasses off, so they poke awkwardly into Steban's shoulder, but that's okay.

There's still a tremor running through Uli's body, and Steban recalls that, while he insists he was never physically harmed, Ulixes does fear his father. It makes Steban wonder what it must have been like for him growing up east of the river, surrounded by the bright and impersonal ease of wealth and never acknowledged or touched. He doesn't really know what to do about any of this except call his own mother at the earliest opportunity and thank her for every kiss, every cuddle, every little sacrifice that compounded over the years. For now, he strokes Uli's back and murmurs, "Shh, shh, you'll be alright, I'm here," and hopes it will be enough.

#answer'd #middle class uli verse #idk something about the thought of uli's bourgeois dad who is Big Pharma and would utterly refuse to help his son's bf who can't afford to #have his mental illness treated #i'm imagining his parents made him some offer like ''of course you can secretly shag your [insert slur here] as long as you DO #marry an appropriate woman and have appropriate children for the public image''#and that's when uli went ''what?? public image?? i'm a communist''#uli's parents live in a jane austen novel while he lives in mazovian yaoi #writings by me

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bi-kisses · 10 months

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Sorry if this isn't a good question but. do you think there's such a thing as "too tall to pass"? Like, the tallest cis woman I know is 1.80 m and that's still 13 cm shorter than me, and both heights are far from the average in my country. I know if I pass otherwise it will probably be fine, but still idk if that's one of those things people are gonna look and Know or if I'm being too self conscious :-:

Well you may be happy to hear 1.8m (5ft11) is definitely NOT the tallest woman I know by a long shot. There was a girl in my year who grew to 6ft by the end of high school (I know she's cis, we've known each other since preschool) just as an example, but then there are female celebrities like Gwendoline Christie (6ft3, only an inch shorter than you) that prove women can be taller than your average guy while still being visibly women.

In my opinion, there's no height limit to being passably female. I'm 5ft10 (thought I was 5ft9 but guess I had an adult growth spurt at some point) and that's considered pretty tall around where I live, and there's that 6ft girl like I mentioned, so I can tell you from experience that the most we get is the "wow do you play basketball" comments. Height alone really isn't enough to make (rational) people question your gender/sex, we've all known someone absurdly short and/or tall in our lives.

Love your body and your height!! You're a tall woman and there's nothing wrong with that.

#anonymous

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thebreadvansstuff · 1 year

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OMG ANOTHER ROUND!!!!

Please do "Fuck where did that leg come from?!"

This is kinda crack-y, but I hope you'll enjoy it!

"They've been doing it for an hour!"

Harry doesn't dare to blink as he blindly reaches for the bowl of popcorn on Louis' lap.

"I know!" Louis exclaims around a mouthful of popcorn, crunching noises interrupting the constant flow of sex noises coming from across the window.

"How can he still be hard?" Harry asks in disbelief. He watches with widened eyes as his very hung and very hard neighbour fucks into his partner, whose mouth is hung open, letting out the most obscene of muffled moans.

Their windows are close enough that Harry and Louis have an unobstructed view of the couple, who haven't taken a single break in the past fifty-four minutes.

Louis exhales, shaking his head in Harry's peripheral vision. "Man, I don't know. You can tell the bottom isn't faking it either. Wow."

Harry nods, watching with rapt fascination as the couple change positions, with the top now turning his back to the window, and the bottom arranged in an impossible position in front of him.

"Fuck, where did that leg come from?" Louis exclaims, pointing to the bottom's leg absurdly curled around the top's shoulder.

Harry groans. "I don't know, but I'm so jealous right now."

The tops thrusts mercilessly into his partner, flexing the muscles of his shapely butt and muscular thighs.

Harry and Louis have been hypnotized by them, not looking away once since the foreplay started.

Louis is the first one to break the trance. "You realize we're watching porn. On a Friday night," he deadpans.

Harry groans as he tears his eyes away, dragging his hands down his face. "You're right!"

Harry stands up, needs to physically turn away from the sight lest he get carried away again. "We're twenty-two, Louis! And single! We should be having sex right now!" he ends the sentence with a mournful whimper.

Louis stands up, too, pulls the curtain shut and faces Harry again. "I know..." he trails off. He clears his throat and scrunches his nose before speaking again. "You really liked that, huh."

It's not a question, but an observation, and Harry follows his line of sight, and lands on his own tented sweatpants.

"Jesus," he exclaims, cupping himself as a reflex. "Sorry," he blurts out, whole face heating up.

"Oh please," Louis scoffs, looking down to his own bulge, and Harry instinctively does so, as well.

Hell, Louis is hung.

Harry quickly averts his gaze, his arousal growing to a point of no return.

"I don't get why they have to give us a show every time," Louis says, as if they haven't just acknowledged their hard-ons. "Not that I'm complaining. My right hand is tired though."

Harry knows that Louis is mostly joking, but in his confusing state of arousal, the mental image pops up like a blast of colours behind his eyelids.

Shit, he's dripping in his boxers.

"I uhm..." Harry stammers, racking his brain for a continuation of the sentence, something that will get him out of the living room, and into the privacy of his own bedroom, where he can jerk himself off, preferably with that mental image of his roommate getting off at the same time.

"You know what I really want?" Louis interrupts, eyebrows raised and lips pursed in thought. "I want to give them a show. Then we can see who's better."

He crosses his arms against his chest, as if he's stated the most significant plan of all time.

And Harry's brain stops functioning for a moment, words leaving his mouth without second thought. "I'm down."

Louis quirks an eyebrow at him. "Really? You could go that long without a break?" His tone is challenging, eyes mischievous.

"I can," he confirms, chest puffing at the same time as his cock twitches in his pants.

"Challenge accepted."

Send me a line, and I'll write a snippet! - NSFW edition!

#send me a line and i'll write a snippet #my writing

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thestargirlfromoon · 2 years

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Saeran x Reader

Tender love,Cottagecore

and Lupine flowers.

One shot

⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾ ⋆⁺₊⋆

Summary:

To celebrate the 4 months of dating, Saeran buys you a house in a beautiful forest. In addition to winning a good romantic moment and finally living together, you two gain a new friend in the forest, a little lost rabbit in one of the bushes close to lupin flowers.

Today it's been 4 months since me and Saeran were dating. He had said he would have a surprise to celebrate our dating anniversary and I waited patiently, when he arrived he was wearing the pink suit that I loved so much because it matched the ends of his beautiful hair, he brought me a beautiful bouquet of pink flowers and said to me get in the car with him to show the surprise, as soon as he showed the surprise he have I was impressed.

Saeran had taken me to a little house in an absurdly lovely forest, the house was pretty and modest, I couldn't help but smile at that.

I observed the forest enchanted, there were many flowers on the ground and very green trees.

-So we're going to spend our 4 month anniversary here? I asked excitedly while hugging him and he reciprocated.

-Uh...actually this house is ours now, when you told me how cool houses in the woods were I couldn't help but get lost in my imaginations, but of course if you don't feel ready for us to live together since I am being a bit hasty I'll wait as long as it takes until you're ready.” Saeran said a little awkwardly with a flushed cheek.

I stared at him perplexed, he remembered that I said that when i was younger i dreamed of being able to live in a forest like in fairytale movies, but after some time I i stopped thought much about it because it wasn't such an easy decision to leave everything for a new life in the countryside.I get emotional that he remembered this little detail that even myself had forgotten about.

“Of course I want to live with you!” I said as he held my hand.

-R-really? I'm so happy!He said with a gentle smile lifting our hands still together, bringing them close to his lips and kissing my hand.

Saeran guided me to the door of the house and opened it with the key, I entered and I was amazed by the decoration, it all seemed so magical.

-Wow, was it you who decorated it? Saeran is so beautiful. I declared observing everything smiling.

-I think I was very excited hehe, glad you liked it. He said embarrassed to see that I was surprised to see that he had already decorated while closing the door.

I went towards him and hugged him again while I kissed his face and then I gave him a passionate kiss in his lips.

-Oh, your present! I remembered and reached into my bag to give him the gift I had prepared for him.

I gave him a little embarrassed the personalized box with several details of flowers that I had handmade for him because I thought it was very simple compared to his present, there were some sweets that I cooked, drawings that I had made of him, several seeds of different flowers to him to plant them all separately in bags with photos of each flower because i know that he love flowers so much and a letter expressing how important he is to me.

-Mc this is...Saeran opened the box while observing everything and curious about the letter detailed with flowery drawings.

-It's kind of simple but I hope you like it. I said while waiting for his reaction, hoping it wasn't bad.

We sat on the soft carpet in the center of the room and he began to look carefully at everything inside the box, as soon as he finished reading the letter and seeing the drawings a tear fell from Saeran's eye and I looked at him in bewilderment and worried.

-Uh, it's the first time I've received a handmade gift with so much affection…sorry just a moment. He said while trying to dry his own tears.

I tried to comfort him by stroking his shoulder, when he calmed down he looked at me with a bright smile.

-Thank you very much Mc! I love you. He said still a little emotional.

-I love you too darling. I replied as i guided my hand to his face.

Saeran approached and started to kiss me, I returned his kiss placing my hands on the back of his neck humming and he pulled me into his lap deepening our kiss, I crossed my legs around his waist.

I started to take control of the kiss and pushed him back a little and he was just propped up on his elbows.

To try to regain some control Saeran held my back and tried to lift us off the carpet while I was on top of him and he failed miserably, physical strength was never his strong point. I thought it was so adorable to see him pouting in frustration and I got off his lap standing up and extending my hand to him, which he accepted and stood up embarrassed for looking weak physically.

-I think it's easier to get up this way. I said to calm him and Saeran was quiet for a while just looking at me.

-Okay that was kind of embarrassing. Saeran finally spoke in embarrassment as he covered his face with his hands.

-It's okay, I thought you were very cool hehe. I smiled amusedly stroking his hair.

-But what were you trying to do anyway? I asked curiously trying not to laugh at his cute way.

Saeran must have noticed my amusement at the situation because he stared at me intensely and there was something a little dark in his eyes.

-I wanted to lift you up, carry you outside, then lay you down on the grass and show you how much I love you. I felt my face burn up with his words, he took my hand and guided me outside, I didn't have time to react or understand what was happening because when I came back to reason i was already lying on the grass with him above me.

-S-Saeran wait out here on the grass is a bit...I tried to explain frantically and embarrassed as I felt my heart racing.

-Why not? The grass is soft and we can watch the clouds in the meantime.Saeran said and started to bring his face closer to mine.

-What if someone sees us? Wait I-I'm a virgin... I closed my eyes a little desperate as soon as I felt him kiss my forehead. I stood there waiting for what he would do next but nothing happened, I could only hear the gentle sound of the swaying trees.

Suddenly I started to hear Saeran laughing, I opened my eyes confused and was even more confused as I saw him chuckling.

-Saeran don't make fun of me! I complained embarrassed as soon as I noticed that he was laughing at me.

-Sorry my love hahaha, what were you thinking? I brought you here to see the clouds together, your words surprised me for a moment. He said teasing gently while laughing.

I whimpered in embarrassment that I sounded perverted at getting it all wrong when he just wanted to have a lovely time watching the clouds together.

-You're so cute that i want to make more fun of you. He said trying to stop his laughter kissing my face and I couldn't help but smile.

He got off me and lay next to me on the grass.

-You don't know how happy i am being here with you, I always dreamed of being able to see the clouds together. When you and Saeyoung escaped that night I just lay down and watched the clouds until I fell asleep wishing you were by my side even when I having decided back then that I had to let you go. Saeran confessed and I rested my head on his chest as I hugged him.

-I'm glad I didn't follow your request to leave you behind and come back to save you.

Saeran just hugged me tighter and whispered several I love you, we stayed for a long time lying on the grass enjoying each other's company.

-Mc look, Lupin flowers! Saeran got up calmly and dragged himself to the bushs.

-Wow, beautiful! what is the meaning? I asked behind him smiling still lying on the grass.

Before Saeran could answer me, there was a small rustling in one of the bushes next to him and suddenly a small white rabbit jumped into Saeran's lap and Saeran squealed in fright.

“Saeran are you okay?” I sat down on the grass and crawled over to him and looked carefully at the little rabbit on his lap.

"Looks like we have a new friend." Saeran said with a small smile relieved.

-Is he lost? I approached my hand to caress him and the small animal sniffed my hand and promptly accepted the affection.

-I have no idea but he is so cute. Saeran started to pet the rabbit too.

We were playing with the rabbit while Saeran told me all about Lupin and the meaning, when it started to get dark we decided to enter our house, Saeran calmly put the rabbit on the floor and we got up.

-See you, little friend. I smile as i gave the rabbit one last pat in his head and Saeran waved at the rabbit with a small smile.

When we got close to the door we noticed the little rabbit was following us.

-Is it a good idea to leave him around at night? There may be wolves around here, will he be okay? I asked worriedly as I watched the little rabbit playing around us.

-I think we can let him in and eat some carrots. Saeran took the rabbit in his lap and I opened the door and went in holding the door for Saeran to pass.

As soon as Saeran came in with the rabbit I closed the door and he put the rabbit on the floor which he explored around curiously sniffing everything.

Saeran led me into the kitchen and opened the fridge.

-Wow, you even made sure to keep our fridge full. I smiled.

-I have to make sure my princess eats well. He said looking at me passionately.

He took the carrot and started to cut it into pieces.

-Let me help you.I took a knife and helped him to slice the carrot, when we finished he took a bowl and put the pieces, we went to the living room and I put the bowl next to the rabbit, who sniffed for a moment and then started to devour everything happily, We watched the scene smiling.

-What do you think about naming Lupin's rabbit? Saeran asked me.

-It's a great name! after all it was thanks to Lupin flowers that we met him! I said happily.

-Tomorrow we'll walk through the forest and look for his family in case he's lost, but if that's not the case i think we can keep him. Saeran suggested.

-So that means we'll be parents? I joked.

"You could say so." Saeran chuckled lightly.

(...)

I woke up in Saeran's arms, last night he made sure to show me where each location of our new house in the forest was.I got up calmly and my gaze went to the little rabbit in the corner of our bed sleeping, I smiled to see that he quickly adapted to being with us.

Today Saeran and I would go for a walk in the woods to get to know our new home better and take the opportunity to see if we could find out if little Lupine really was lost or just had nowhere to go.

-My love, are you up this early? This is very rare. I turned to Saeran as he spoke and yawned.

-Sorry darling, did I wake you up? I asked apologetic.

-Don't worry, I usually wake up early anyway. He got up while kissing my forehead.

-So... this is our new life, I can hug you every time I go to sleep... is this a dream? I asked lovingly.

-If it was a dream, I would never want to wake up since I'll be busy resting in your warm arms and smelling your scent. He said with a sweet smile.

-Ok you won, you always win when it comes to speaking sweet words. I joked.

Saeran laughed and said he would make us breakfast giving me a hug and heading towards the kitchen. I sat at the table patiently and watched him cook, he looks so beautiful.

"Something wrong my love?" Saeran looked at me confused due to my gaze on him as he got ice cream from the fridge to accompany the pancakes he was making because he wasn't a fan of eating bread.

-You are so beautiful... I commented dreamily, when I realized I had said it out loud I covered my mouth in embarrassment.

Saeran's eyes widened and he blushed, he awkwardly tried to disguise his embarrassment at the compliment talking about our plans for today.

-When we're done, we're going to walk in the woods with Lupine right? He tried to confirm with a blush.

"S-sure." I agreed to change the subject and took a spoonful of the ice cream to my mouth as he handed me the bowl.

When the pancakes were ready we started to eat.

-Wow, this is amazing! I took another bite of the pancake excitedly and Saeran thanked me kindly.

I looked out the window and sighed, relaxed at the sight of only trees, grass and flowers.

-I'm surprised to see that you haven't made a garden yet, we can plant several flowers and also use the seeds I gave you. I commented eating more of the pancake.

-Of course! I was kind of expecting you to say that hehe. He laughed as he gently wiped my mouth.

We exchanged passionate looks and I fed him some of my ice cream, which he graciously accepted and gave me some of his as well.

When we finished breakfast I went to wake up little Lupine giving him a piece of apple and carrying him on my lap and placing him on the carpet in the living room.

When I went to the wardrobe I remembered that I hadn't brought my clothes yet.

-Saeran, do you have any extra clothes to borrow?I asked Saeran and he started walking and I followed him, when I saw him rummaging in the huge closet in the closet room he finally spoke.

-Uh...I hurried and bought clothes for you...you can consider that this is also part of my gift to you...He confessed embarrassed while opening the closet.

I looked surprised at the clothes that were there, they had several lace dresses that resembled victorian outfits, they were so beautiful and detailed.

I thanked Saeran and said how lovely they were, when I was trying to decide which dress to wear, excitedly Saeran asked if he could help me choose one, I agreed with a smile.

-I think this is a good option. He said with a wide smile on his face holding a beautiful long sleeved black lace dress with a small pink ribbon in the center. Saeran seemed very happy just to help me choose my clothes, he is so cute.

He helped me put on the dress and we went to see how it looked in the huge mirror, I couldn't help but blush when I saw Saeran's passionate looking at me in the mirror. After that I went to comb my hair on the chair near the dresser while Saeran changed.

When he finish changing he was using a pink sweater and black pants.

-Come here. I called him and got up from the dresser as soon as I finished combing my hair for him to sit down and I could comb his hair too.

-Wow your hair is so beautiful and soft. I said while brushing it and Saeran just blushed and said that he likes my hair more than his, I thanked him with his compliment and when I finished I went to the living room to get Lupin and finally go for a walk in the forest.

When Saeran came closer to me he was holding a basket.

-I think it's good to enjoy and have a picnic after we walk. He said smiling as he helped me open the door.

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atamascolily · 7 months

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princess tutu re-watch, episode 5

Wow, uh, the opening monologue is really not subtle about the fragment of the prince's heart in the clocktower, is it? This is the third or fourth time that particular shot has shown up.

It took me this long to realize that the song that accompanies Neko-sensei's threats of marriage is Handel's "Weddng March". lolololol.

Drosselmeyer literally rolls in on a fourth-wall breaking cogwheel - 10/10 for style, but minus several million just for existing flkadljlkjfd

seriously, this man is so punchable, whoever designed him is a genius

Mytho gets a very nice hat with a feather in it. It's a good look for him.

Fakir: "Well, if she walks like a duck…" *muffled quack from Ahiru* "…then maybe…. nah, never mind, that'd be too WEIRD and I am a completely normal guy."

Ahiru carrying her clothes and shoes around while in duck form is so CUTE ahhh

unsurprisingly, Fakir is unimpressed with Mytho's fashion choices.

Fakir resorts to locking Mytho in a broom closet to keep him out of trouble. It doesn't work, because he forgot about the secret trap door (which, to be fair, probably didn't exist ten seconds earlier).

Edel: I'm here to deliver some cryptic commentary and a direction, right on schedule.

Ahiru breaking into the library in duck form is EXCELLENT

SECRET LIBRARY CATACOMBS LET'S GOOOOOOOO!!!!!

you know, this episode gives new meaning to the "sexy lamp" trope

This time, Ahiru breaks out into a rousing rendition of "This Little Light of Mine" as she dances and it totally works!

FINALLY A GOOD EMOTION FOR MYTHO TO BALANCE OUT THE PAINFUL ONES

Mytho: "Sorry I'm late, I was kidnapped by a lamp." Rue: "Please come up with better excuses in the future."

Rue: "Oh, shit, he has FEELINGS for me now, I can't cope with this."

Fakir: "SEE?! I told you no good could come from FEELINGS."

Drosselmeyer: "So much for love bringing people together! Better luck next time!"

SHUT UP DROSSELMEYER

I want Ahiru to keep the lamp and use it in her dorm or something, I am absurdly invested in this relationship now.

#princess tutu #lily liveblogs

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coulsonlives · 1 year

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Hi, how's it going? I just saw your post about spoons and how people in this RPC act like you're an ableist asshole over it, and holy shit do I relate, because it's literally happened to me too. Rant incoming, but I thought I'd pass some validation your way... I have a lot of feelings about this.

Like you said, tumblr users have become absurdly brazen with the "you're ableist" accusations towards people with disabilities who are just trying to enjoy a hobby, and trying to ensure their needs are met by making them clear/upfront in their rules. Like, jesus christ... If you have depression or low spoons, and you easily burn out from high partner/character turnover, or if you don't spend a lot of time online, or if you get really disoriented if you log on once a week and see a lot has changed re: your partners' blogs and such, that's a valid concern. It's not being fucking "ADHD ableist" to say you burn out if partners have a high turnover with their blogs or characters, so you prefer to follow people whose blogs and characters are more stable. It's not "ADHD ableist" to say you prefer writing longform posts rather than one-liners. It's not "ADHD ableist" to say you have memory issues, so you can't manage when threads or characters change a lot. That last one about memory is very ironic, because ADHD can literally affect working memory too, sometimes you need to take the exact same approach with it! Anyways, long story short, there's no "right" way to roleplay. My approach to roleplaying isn't going to be compatible with everyone else's, that's just the way it works. But some assholes don't understand that at all, and they throw fists over it, and I just? Stop.

We're not saying "if you roleplay this way, you suck ass", or "this way of roleplaying is better than the rest", or "if you read these rules, you must do as I say because I'm a bossy controlling high-maintenance bitch", but that's literally what the Reactive Outrage Crowd seems to interpret from our rules... Which we've put upfront out of courtesy, before people even interact with us. And I'm sick of it. I've seen it happen to my friends, and it's happened to me, I'm sorry to hear it's happened to you, too, ugh. You can be the nicest person, and you still get shit because people take screencaps out of context or whatever, and they think their disabilities and ND traits give them full license to order us to conform to their own specific needs, which they wrongly believe is the only "right" way to roleplay, so we must conform to them, and them only.

What the hell happened to, "we are fundamentally incompatible as writing partners, so instead of trying to force each other to fit into a mold, which is only going to lead to frustration, let's acknowledge we are too different, and find partners who are more compatible"?!

Honestly, these last few years.

The worst part, in my opinion? How tumblr's RPC is full of petty-ass roleplayers who like to pretend they're inclusive, and understanding of people who are ND or who have disabilities, but as it turns out... They're only accepting if you're the "right" kind of ND or disabled, fuck you if you're anything else.

Are you autistic, and do you have very blunt or direct rules that are formatted in bullet points? Maybe you'll hear, "wow, if I wanted to apply for a job and check off boxes, I'd go on indeed, lmfao" (I wish I were kidding, this has happened). Have health problems and need to explain the specific ways it affects your writing or blog organization, which involves a lot of tag lists and explanations? "Wow, these rules are so long, nobody with ADHD is going to read a textbook, lmaoo." (Yes, I've also seen this.) Prefer not to follow people who are super into one specific fandom, because you don't want to hear about it, or because you don't want a higher likelihood of seeing that content on your dash (due to accidental untagging or something)? "Lmao, this person sounds like a wet napkin".

Are you kidding me?

Some people are so ready to shit on rules and posts that do literally nothing wrong. The only things these rules and posts do is show incompatibility with the person's own roleplaying style, in a totally non-judgmental way. But people equate these rules and posts to ableism and rudeness, because they've gotten it into their heads that their own way to roleplay is the "only way", and then they start stirring up the Outrage Porn mobs. Hey, look everyone, here's the latest in "shitty ableism," let's all stare and wonder wtf is wrong with this person who's done literally nothing even remotely offensive! Like that's not a super fucked-up form of entertainment. And why is it always "ADHD ableist", like you said? I feel bad for the people with ADHD who genuinely don't give a rat's ass about people's rules or finding faults in everything, and who just adhere to the live and let live mindset.

Like… Come on, people. There is nothing wrong with ADHD, or with preferring high-turnover threads or short rules and things... Just like there's nothing wrong with the alternative. Just shut the fuck up with the rules bullshit, regardless of your disabilities, and stop acting like you know what's best for all people and their own disabilities. People who are clearly incompatible with you don't owe you shit, especially if they're not hurting anyone or forcing you to do anything. You need to stop being so entitled and learn how to walk away like an adult. And stop calling everything ableist without it warranting it, because not only are you hurting ND/disabled people more often than not when you use it (sometimes without even realizing it), especially on a website like tumblr, but you're grossly watering down the term, and that's going to bite all of us in the ass one day. You shouldn't be proud of that, you should be ashamed.

Okay, I'm done lol.

(Shit like this is why I don't go on tumblr anymore, for the record.)

This needs to be framed and displayed in the tumblr rp museum of excellence, thank you for saying it

#hi jazz 🥺#it's going good!!#this is good shit tho really good shit #i want to ask what fandoms this is worst in but i feel like i know the answer lol #i really have nothing else to add #tumblr rpc #ableism ment cw #tumblr rp #bullying

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alabama-metal-man · 6 years

Text

conciliate

rated: PG-13; spoilers from Existence to MSIV.

Some time ago, @scully-loves-ruthie sent me a 5 Headcanon prompt in which Mulder makes an imaginary scrapbook for William while he and Scully are on the run.

This was actually the basic plot of a story I’ve wanted to write for a long long time so I was thrilled to receive it. I took some liberties with it and it ended up being very long (the rest is under the cut). I had several versions of this idea worked up already and decided to go with this one for a variety of reasons. I sort of rushed through the ending because I just couldn’t stand trying to perfect it any more. I hope it’s all coherent and doesn’t drag too much. I tried placing themes throughout and I hope they’re not convoluted or lost in all the prose. Thank you so much for this lovely prompt and for inspiring me to finally put this story together. I hope you enjoy it.

---

1. From under the last three weeks’ issues of the New England Journal of Medicine, stacked neatly on her coffee table, the grey and white striped corner sitting askew catches his eye. He runs his thumb across the smooth edge, nudges the journals aside, pauses. Welcome Little One the tidy cursive embossing reads above a small, grainy black and white sonogram inlaid to the cover. His fingers graze the image, he touches the letters.

A gift from Tara, Scully soon informs him as she comes in from the kitchen. His hand snaps back to his side, the ghost of the book’s lettering burning into his fingertips. He tries not to dwell on the shift in her eyes, the nearly imperceptible drop at the corners of her mouth.

He feels loose, untethered. Like he’s drifting. Like he just doesn’t fit anywhere anymore. Too many false awakenings while he was gone left him trying to reconcile nightmare and dream, fantasy and reality. He wanted to come home, wanted it so badly, but didn’t know how. He still doesn’t know.

They sit awkwardly, the steam from two tea mugs and her 32-week-round belly and a galaxy between them. It’s quiet.

2. He remembers the book some weeks after. After he declared his family as his Truth then shunned them in the same breath. (“It’s the only way to keep you both safe,” he’d tried to convince her, tried harder to convince himself. “I’m going to end this,” he said, his tongue tripping over tentative promises he only hoped he could keep.) After he wiped the tears from her cheeks and slipped from their bed. After he held his sleeping son to his chest and listened to his soft snores, felt the warm puffs of breath against his skin. After he kissed them goodbye. After he packed a suitcase with some clothes, some files, and a Dreft-and-William scented blanket and slipped quietly and away into the dewy morning.

The New Mexico desert sweltered on, dry and desolate, the answers he sought swallowed into the void. Answers to a Truth he was sick of seeking.

He misses them. Misses them so deeply in his bones that he can hardly feel anything else. He’s heard stories about amputees who can still feel their severed limbs, still feel the pain there. Phantom limbs. At once gone but somehow still there. It feels like that.

And he wonders if Scully has added to the book. He wonders if she even will. He knows she’s worried about him, terrified for them, but he hopes that their son can still have a babyhood as normal as possible. Joyous, carefree, full of love. He remembers finding his own baby book as a kid, and Samantha’s half finished one, reading through them with a fascinated nostalgia for memories of his childhood he couldn’t even recall. The pages filled with firsts, milestones, hopes and dreams. He spends his time between Truths imagining.

A photo of William in a onesie covered in rockets and planets and little cartoon aliens— ‘like father, like son.’ A satin blue ribbon, once tied around a gift from Maggie, tied into a bow and taped in with care. ‘3 months and getting so big! 14 pounds, 27 inches!’ Another picture— William in his bassinet, his eyes wide and twinkling like the desert stars.

...

The days, weeks, months drag. He keeps searching, forcing back the urge to run, run back home. He’s less and less resistant every day. Some days, he almost does it. Almost says fuck it all, come what may we’ll fight the future together, whatever the hell that even means anymore. But something he can’t identify, something he’s come to hate so viscerally, holds him back. He doesn’t know what else to do so he keeps searching. Keeps dreaming of his Scully, their William. He fills the imaginary pages of the real baby book with firsts that he won’t be there for. The firsts he’s sure he’s already missed.

Baby’s First Smile! Baby’s First Tooth! Baby’s First Word: ‘“Mama?” Actually, “more.” He’s a hungry boy! Like father, like son, indeed.

It’s what keeps him going. They are his strength, the drumbeats of his heart, the very essence of his life. He thinks it’s the only thing that keeps him sane, this unrelenting hope of hopes that he’ll see them again. That he’ll save them. Save them all.

3. He’s in a military prison when his son turns one. Baby’s First Birthday! He holds onto a little glimmer of hope, the only light in this dark dark place. The Truth will prevail, the conspiracy will be revealed. It has to. And he’ll be able to leave it all behind, to do what he’s so desperately wished to for so long now. To be free. To go home.

Skinner is the one to tell him. And his hope is crushed.

His brain mocks and taunts him.

Baby’s First Kidnapping! Baby’s First Cult! Baby’s First (Second, And Third) Near Death Experience! Baby’s First Plane Ride! Baby’s New Parents!

She held him. Kissed him. Said she was afraid he wouldn’t forgive her. Oh, Scully… no…

He wishes she would slap him. Hit him. Scream and yell at him. Hate him. Call him a selfish bastard. But instead her own forgiveness is soft and aching and so so tender. He clings to it, to her.

The only truth he learned, the only one that matters now anyway, is that he’s a guilty man. He’s failed in every respect. He deserves the harshest punishment for his crimes. All that they’d lost, all that he’d taken... And he– cowardly son of a bitch that he is– can’t even tell her what it was for. It will crush her, he’s sure. He’s terrified that she’ll finally see how he failed so completely, understand that her greatest sacrifices were for nothing. He hopes for her sake, and dreads for his own, that she will finally leave him. He wishes the earth would open up and engulf him in the hellfire he surely deserves– wonders briefly if he should just help the hellfire along– but he also knows his loss will irreparably break her and he just can’t willfully cause her any more suffering. He’s caused her enough heartache, more than anyone should face in one lifetime, but she still stands so strong against it. Refuses to believe his complicity. He slew the albatross yet she, as always, wore it around her neck as her burden to bear, the vicious stench of rot and ruin lingering as a reminder of his defeat.

She just holds him and whispers hope into his ear. He tries to believe.

4. They run and run and run. Months slip easily into years, days and weeks blurring in a haze of asphalt, sweat, bleached cotton sheets, and the improbable loneliness of their shared sorrow.

He begs her, guilt and desperation and so much love forcing him to ask, for stories of their son and she gives them to him, her eyes glistening with aching reverence as she speaks.

The habit he formed in the desert, while changed some through the years, still lingers.

Their son is two. He laughs and kicks when his belly is tickled. He never lets go of his favorite blanket. He calls his parents mama and daddy.

He just turned three. He talks in full sentences. He has a dog, big dog, named Comet that he tries to ride like a horse. He always loses his shoes.

He’s four. He had his first trip to the zoo. He had lemon ice for the first time and screwed his eyes shut at the tartness. He pressed his face against the aquarium glass and let his breath fog over the lionfish. He likes the gorilla enclosure. The hyenas scare him.

They look for him everywhere, in each redheaded and brunette little boy. She asks him once, wrapped up in him on a cold winter night in their new old house, if he thinks they would really recognize him. He admits that he struggles sometimes, trying to imagine their son as he ages, his only real memories of a squirmy, fresh, days-old newborn.

But then he remembers Samantha at 14, so different from the eight year old he knew yet somehow exactly the same, and says yes. He can’t exactly explain how he knew then (and realizes with a small prick of shame that he never really told her before) but he tries; the flutter and twist in his gut, his lungs constricting, chest tightening, heart hammering, blood pounding in his ears, one streaming thought– it’s her it’s her it’s her it’s her. Pure instinct. A muscle memory of the heart, the soul. She nods against his chest, satisfied for now, and he pulls her closer.

…

He always tries to tell her how sorry he is. He tries to tell her with words, with little pleading kisses to her shoulder as he spoons up behind her in bed. He tries and tries and tries but it never feels like it’s enough.

She assuages his guilt with gentle touches, soft moans, whispers of love and reassurance. (“He’s your son, too. You did what you could to protect him. To protect us.”) She tries, at least.

…

She studies, renews her license, and gets a job at a hospital, working pediatrics. He sees the joy it brings her, helping people, but beneath that he sees the hurt and longing. He wonders, somewhat absently, if she does it hoping one day to find their son admitted (for nothing dire, of course, perhaps just to set a broken arm or a routine tonsil removal). And then his mind wanders down a different path, old and overgrown and dark dark dark. Maybe she hopes to help these children the way she couldn’t with Emily.

He flashes to a life adjacent. Newborn William held in his big sister’s arms for the first time. Emily encouraging babytalk stories from her months old brother. Playing in parks. Climbing trees. Riding bikes. Barbecues. Birthdays. Christmases. Snow angels. Road trips. Pictures of them both unabashedly littering the house and their offices and wallets. He mentally shakes himself. That way, madness lies. He’s beginning to think madness lies everywhere.

…

The firsts keep coming, rushing in waves, trickling in droplets. They always hit him hard no matter what, these imaginings. The milestones and adventures he hopes his son is having.

First day of school. First little league practice. First time at the beach. First camping trip. First Big Kid Bicycle. He used to share the ideas with her and she used to smile, counter with a few ideas she’s had. But then he noticed how, as time continued on, she stopped smiling with the stories. How it offered less hope and more regret as the years went by.

Eventually, they talk about him less. And less. And less. Then they almost stop talking altogether.

5. She’s been gone for almost 6 months and he’s been gone much longer. The X-Files are re-opened and they’re suddenly thrust back into each other’s everyday. They don’t talk about the important things, just skirt around them, ducking behind file folders and cabinets and autopsy tables to avoid them. They’ve been free for nearly a decade but, he knows too well, old habits die hard and running has become their new normal.

But Maggie Scully’s death brings with it a clarity found only in the darkest of griefs.

Like her daughter, she had watched the weight of his guilt crush his spirit over the years. And, like her daughter, she had been unable to soothe him. But with her final breath, she tries again to ease his pain— always a mother, unwavering in her kindness, even as she stood at the precipice of beyond.

“My son’s name is William, too.”

They talk— really talk— for the first time in what feels like years. Maybe it has been. And suddenly, the dam bursts, the floodgates open, the emotions rushing forth in a wave of honesty and relief, and they finally finally step out of hiding. He stops making hollow promises, trades them instead for purposeful action. He finds renewed meaning in his work, his beliefs, his life. They try again.

…

Maybe for the first time in his life, he truly doesn’t want to believe. He wanted so badly for none of it to be true, she wanted the same, and he tried so hard to keep her from spiraling. But they both knew. He felt it the minute he laid eyes on him, knew she felt it too.

The heart pounding, the chest tightening, the blood rushing. It’s him it’s him it’s him it’s him.

Their son is 17. He lived in a typical two-story suburban house. He had parents who loved him, wanted the best for him. He admired Malcolm X and liked drawing and dabbling in the dark web. He collected snowglobes.

Their son is 17, and he’s dead.

His blood boils, his heart crumples, at the image of their son with a bloody hole in his temple, their son in a body bag. The guilt creeps back, despite Scully’s years-long efforts. How can he not blame himself? How can he ever believe he holds any claim to William– Jackson, he constantly forces himself to remember– after everything? She’s the one who carried him, felt him, held him, soothed his cries, let him go. He just ran.

…

He tries not to focus on himself. Instead, does what he can for Scully. Does everything he can to find Jackson, to protect him. The next few days rush by in a blur of instinct, adrenaline, and raw emotion.

He’s safe. Or as safe as he can be right now.

Later, much later, Scully asks him to stay with her. And in the dark, as it has always been, she soothes his worries, kisses away his pain. She’s not free, but she’s somehow lighter. Stronger than ever. He takes her light, takes her love and her strength, and pushes away from the brood of guilt constantly at his heels. They hold each other, tears of respite soaking their skin.

…

They try to live again after everything is over. After their son dies twice and resurrects himself. After that cigarette sucking bastard is cold and rotting. After burying the last of their friends. After putting away their guns and badges for good this time. After their daughter is born.

Baby books aren’t common practice anymore, most precious memories being stored in the digital stratosphere, but they decide to make one anyway. A new beginning, a new chapter. The pages fill, one by one, with photos, memories, firsts.

On the plain grey cover is a photo. Their weeks old daughter, fingers peeking out of soft blankets, watching her brother in wide-eyed wonder as he smiles down at her.

#wow i'm so sorry this is so absurdly long #and i'm so sorry it took so long to write #i really loved this propmt so much #and i kinda used it as an excuse to write out an idea i've had for a long time #that's why it's so ridiculously long and wordy haha #but i hop eyou enjoy it #can you tell how hard i tried to tie it all together at the end?#my writing #i guess this counts as my first full length publishing on here too #huh #and if anyone wants to send me more 5 hc prompts #bc you somehow enjoyed this #and don't mind possibly waiting a while lol #please send them along

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nemotakeit · 2 years

Note

for the ask game: 3, 4, 5, 7, 9, 10, 11, 13, 15, 21, 22, 25, 28, 29, 30, 32, 33 and 34 (wow thats a lot sorry!!!) -Clancy/Ty/Blurry

noo I LOVE getting asked q's!! thank you🥰

3: What is your favorite Blurryface theory?

- tbh I don't have the time/energy/enthusiasm to follow every single thing going on with the lore but hmm I liked the Sally Sacarver the Traitor theory, don't know what became of it though lol

4: Tyler Joseph or Josh Dun?

- this is like 'mom or dad?' but harder LOL

- umm I really don't want to have a bias because I genuinely love them both but when someone asks I just say I'm in the middle lane but slightly tilted toward tyler's

5: What’s your favorite song on Blurryface?

- I can write a whole thesis on Hometown but I won't:)

7: Which music video is your favorite?

- damn it used to be Lane Boy, then it changed to Fairly Local, then it changed to NATN, then... I don't know anymore! it changes every season(?)

9: Do you have/want any Twenty One Pilots tattoos?

- I don't, and I probably won't get any because I personally don't think it's a good idea (for ME). I might, in the future, design my own that could possibly be influenced by their musical message, though.

10: Which album is your favorite so far?

- it always has been BF but recently... Trench's been plotting to take over...

11: Which lyric(s) has the most meaning to you?

- man, this is hard...

- 'please don't be afraid of what your soul is really thinking' stuck with me for a long time

- 'in Trench I'm not alone' gets me every time

- 'I don't wanna go like this, at least let me clean my room' absolutely shatters me

- etc etc

- in short, too many to pick from 🥴

13: Can you rap the second verse of Ode To Sleep?

- my brain says yes, my tongue says no.

15: If you met Josh & Tyler, hug, handshake or fist bump?

- I get so absurdly awkward in these kind of situations I might end up randomly saluting them ajdjsk

- but I prefer handshake because in my culture hugging a stranger is not really a thing 😂

21: Self-titled album or Regional at Best?

- these questions are...damn

- self-titled though!! sorry!

22: What was the first Twenty One Pilots song that you learned all the lyrics to?

- I can't remember? but I'm guessing either SO or Heathens because I sang them over and over again in the karaoke lol yeah I know, boring /j

25: Have you ever been recognized in public for wearing Twenty One Pilots merch?

- unfortunately (haha) I have... at a teaching institute where I was working a part-time job, by a student. I was so shocked because it's HIGHLY unlikely that anybody in my country will recognize them.

28: Have you ever been recognized by Twenty One Pilots on social media?

- yes!! recently!! on Tyler's bday! he liked my art on twitter and I thought I was hallucinating because I was SO sleep-deprived

29: What is your favorite Twenty One Pilots song?

- 😭😭noo

- Hometown was my soul anthem for 3 years but it's not that intense anymore, sadly. ughh my fav from sai is NTI but it's def not my overall favorite?? I really don't know😭 I love Bandito, March to the Sea, Slowtown, [insert every tøp song ever] and so on...

30: Have you introduced Twenty One Pilots to any of your friends?

- yes! I intentionally or unintentionally do that to every friend I make lmaoo

- but in fact, the closest friends I have that I can literally die for are all clikkies! we met through tøp and we still bond over them :'))

32: Can you rap Zack’s verse of Kitchen Sink?

- no and I don't think I ever even tried.. hds and ots are hard enough 🤪

33: Who is your favorite Twenty One Pilots Tumblr blog?

- omg I can't really pick because I love every single one of you even though I'm not that active 🥲 <3

34: Ukulele or piano?

- listening to: umm...piano, I think.

-playing: ukulele. definitely. it's easier to not mess up.

#phew that was one hell of a ride!#it was v fun! thanks!!#ask #tøp #nemotakeit

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delta-roseblr · 4 years

Note

Hi Delta! It's that tattoo anon. I was wondering if after you've finished the absolutely insane amount of prompts you have right now, you could maybe write one about Felix getting his tattoo and Dean thinking it looks really hot on him and his reaction to it? Maybe a smut request, maybe just a "omigod-my-boyfriend-is-so-hot-and-he-somehow-just-managed-to-get-even-hotter-WTF" fic idk haha :) I'm looking forward to all these amazing projects you have coming in 2019 & wishing you a Happy New Year!

Hi, Anon-

So, I finally finished this prompt and I came to post it and that is when I realized this has been in my inbox for a year!

Like, fuck! I’m sorry this has taken me so long! I hope you still enjoy it!

Even though the weather was finallystarting to warm, Dean wasn’t particularly happy about the parking spot hefound around the corner from Felix’s dorm. Yes, California winter barelycounted as winter at all, and the walk really wasn’t far. Still, it added tothe time it would take to see Felix, which was unacceptable. With midterms,Dean and Felix hadn’t gotten to see each other nearly as much as Dean wouldhave liked. That was going to change starting that day. Midterms wereofficially over, and Felix was going to be spending the weekend at Berkeley.There was an LGBT association event that night that Dean had gotten roped intohelping with, but after that, it was just the two of them.

Dean couldn’t wait.

He was at least thankful for the girl fromFelix’s floor that was exiting the building as he and Benny jogged up to theentrance. She noticed them, smiled, and greeted, “Hi, Dean.”

She held the door for them, and Deanreally wished he remembered her name. He was pretty sure it started with an S,but beyond that, he was completely blank. He caught the door with one hand andnodded graciously as he passed her on the way into the building.

Benny followed him inside and up thestairs. They passed a few other people Dean recognized, or at least theyrecognized Dean if their greetings were any indication. They passed the fourthor fifth person on their way up to the sixth floor when Dean heard Bennychuckle. “It’s like you go here,” he commented with such obvious amusement.“Are you going to transfer?” he questioned teasingly.

“Shut up, dude,” Dean retorted as hecontinued to climb the stairs.

It was such a Benny comment Dean was morethan a little surprised he hadn’t made it before. And, in all fairness,everyone in Felix’s dorm seemed to be recognizing Dean that day. Also, Deanwasn’t completely proud of it, but he had considered transferring. Maybe notseriously, but still.

It wasn’t that he hadn’t been excited whenFelix had gotten accepted to Stanford and decided to attend college there. Itwas pretty close to Berkeley, so they could see each other more than four timesover the school year. Still, there was just such an appeal to them both beingat the same university. Ultimately, he hadn’t pursued it for a variety ofreasons like his scholarship, but he had considered it.

“Felix’s dad would love that,” Dean addedmore under his breath. Dean and Leonard had actually got to a good point, or atleast Dean thought they had but then Felix decided on Stanford and Leonard wasless than pleased. He didn’t even attempt to hide that that was because Felixand Dean would be so close. Dean was pretty sure if he transferred to Stanford,Leonard would lose his mind.

“Also, you would be abandoning me,” Bennyreminded with clear disapproval, “Which would be unacceptable.”

Dean stopped to grin back at the otherguy. “You’d visit,” Dean commented with absolute certainty. “I couldn’t get ridof you that easily,” he added before turning and once again starting back upthe stairs.

“You are probably right,” Benny admittedas he once again followed Dean up the stairs. They reached Felix’s floor andstarted down the east wing of the building heading toward where Felix’s roomwas nestled in a corner on the far side of the building.

Dean would freely admit he didn’t have themost acute hearing. He grew up with a musician, and he had definitely picked uphis dad’s affinity for listening to music at absurdly loud volumes at a veryyoung age. So, the fact that he even heard the crowd of people from halfwaydown the hall was rather impressive.

When they reached Felix’s room the doorwas open. That was pretty typical for Felix and his roommates, but the crowd ofpeople that seemed to fill the room wasn’t. A corner dorm and a triple, Felix’sdorm was a little bit bigger than what was probably standard, but even itlooked especially small with at least a dozen people crammed inside it. Themajority of people were sitting, some on one of the beds, others in chairs, butthe majority were scattered around on the floor. A few people were standing orleaning up against furniture. Everyone’s attention was focused on thetelevision. A 52-inch flat screen balanced precociously on top of severalgaming systems, all stacked on top of a mini-fridge.

Even in the crowd with his back to thedoor, Dean had no trouble finding Felix. He was sitting on the floor staring upat the TV just like everyone else. The tension visible in his shoulders and theoccasional twitch served as a telltale sign that he was playing something.

Dean stopped in the doorway for a secondto take it all in and figure out what exactly he should do next. “Look at allthe nerds,” Benny whispered into Dean’s ear, and Dean could hear the smirk inhis voice.

The term wasn’t exactly inaccurate, butDean wouldn’t ever have used it in earshot of Felix. It was selfish, but Deanenjoyed sex, especially with Felix, and he wasn’t going to do anything to getin the way of that. Calling Felix a nerd would have had him going sexless for awhile, of that Dean was positive.

“They’re called gamers,” Dean whispered inreply. He felt a bit like he was the narrator of a nature documentary talkingabout some wild and elusive creatures found only in the deepest most secludedwildlands. With Dean’s heavy southern accent, he doubted he would be narratingany documentaries anytime soon, but Felix could certainly act like a wildcreature in some settings.

Despite their talking, almost no one inthe room seemed aware of their presence. No one even dared to look away fromthe television. The only acknowledgement they got was from a guy who wassitting on one of the beds. He waved a hand in their general directions withoutlooking at them as he stated distractedly, “There is money on the desk. You canleave the pizza.”

Dean heard Benny let out a muffled laughas he exclaimed, “Wow!”

He couldn’t disagree with that sentiment.Felix lived in a building specifically for freshmen in majors related tocomputer science and engineering, so a certain level of nerd type behavior wasjust par for the course. Video game marathons that lasted for multiple days,gathering in the common area to watch E3, and the guys down the hall from Felixthat had built a beer dispensing robot had all become part of the charm forDean. And it really did make his visits interesting. This, however, might havebeen taking things to a whole new level. Dean was pretty sure he and Bennycould have started pulling things off the desks and walked out with whatever withoutanyone questioning it.

He might have chuckled a little too loud becausethe whole thing really was ridiculous, and apparently, that was enough to catchsomeone’s attention. Not Felix’s, who was still focused on the television withhis cute tense shoulders and his perfect hair. But one of the guys on the bedturned and looked in their direction. Dean recognized him as one of the guysfrom Felix’s floor, but his name was a mystery. Felix’s room was like thesocial hub of the damn building, so Dean had met so many people it was hard tokeep track of who was who.

He saw Dean standing in the doorway andclearly recognized him. “Oh, hey man,” he greeted with a little surpriseturning back to the apparent focal point of the room, “Felix, your boyfriend ishere.”

Dean was never going to get sick of beingcalled Felix’s boyfriend. It might have been his favorite thing.

“Hey babe, I just need to finish this realquick,” Felix called to him without taking his eyes off the television as hecontinued to play, “Come in.”

Dean spent so much time at Felix’s dormsometimes he felt like he practically lived there, but he still tried to keepsome level of boundaries. Felix had made a big deal about proving hisindependence and doing his own thing when picking colleges. He had gottenaccepted to Berkeley but refused to really consider it because he didn’t wantto just follow Dean to school. Dean wouldn’t have thought of it that waybecause Berkeley really did have a great computer program from what he couldtell, but Felix saw it differently. In the end, Dean was just happy Felixdidn’t choose to go to MIT and tried to respect Felix’s space. He usuallyknocked when he visited and waited for an invite.

He took a few steps into the room and tooka quick look around before asking, “What is this exactly?”

“Felix is fucking killing the latestDestiny Raid,” One of the girls declared with such condescension it was clearthat she thought it was the most obvious thing. That should have been annoying,but it was pretty much tradition for Dean to get a response like that tosomething he said. Felix had been so sweet to share the Skype installationstory during one of his visits, and Dean was pretty sure Felix’s roommate Samlaughed for five minutes straight. It really wasn’t that funny, and Dean wassure he wasn’t the first person to have a hard time figuring out how to installSkype.

Benny leaned over Dean’s shoulder and questioned,“What does that mean?”

Dean was so glad he had brought Bennyalong because he was probably the one person on the planet that knew less aboutcomputers and gaming than Dean. He grinned and replied, “No idea.”

Their little conversation was clearlyoverheard because everyone, but Felix turned and looked at them with cleardisgust. Felix kept his eyes on the television and continued to play as hechuckled. “Ignore him,” Felix called to the others with clear amusement, “He’snot tech-savvy.”

“And you’re dating him?” One of the girlsquestioned before popping a couple of pieces of popcorn in her mouth. Dean recognizedher as well. He was pretty sure she lived on the second floor of Felix’sbuilding, but she hung out in Felix’s room so much it felt like she practicallylived there. Dean really hadn’t known how to feel about that for like the firstmonth or so until Felix told him she was obviously into his roommate, Siris.Once he knew that, he could see all the signs, and he found he liked her a lotmore. Of course, that comment didn’t really endear the girl to him any.

Dean watched Felix’s shoulders move upwardbriefly in the obvious sign of a shrug. “He makes up for it with other skills,”Felix answered matter-of-factly.

Siris made a little amused noise beforejumping in, “Let me translate that from Dude-speak for you,” he declaredclearly very pleased with himself, “That means he is good in bed.”

“Pretty much,” Felix was quick to agree.Dean could hear the grin on his face in his voice.

“Thanks, babe,” Dean called out trying tosound sarcastic and dry even though he could feel his face burning. Deanwouldn’t have described himself as modest, and he could definitely brag abouthis sex life. Why shouldn’t he? It was pretty fucking incredible. Even thoughboth he and Felix had been pretty busy with school they managed to see eachother plenty and seeing each other typically meant some sex. And sex with Felixwas always beyond amazing. Still, there was something inherently differentabout bragging to friends about your sex life and having details broadcasted tostrangers.

“I only speak the truth,” Felix retorted.He was still focused on the screen in front of him so Dean couldn’t see hisface, but the wicked grin he was wearing was more than evident from his voice.

Dean’s cheeks burned even more, andBenny’s snickering didn’t really help with that any. Neither did the look oneof the girls sitting nearby gave him either. Complaining would just assureFelix would do that shit more so he just grumbled, “Love you.”

“Love you too,” Felix called back brightly.

Benny would have definitely had somethingto say about that because he just loved to tease Dean about how lovey he andFelix could get. Dean normally didn’t care and would take the opportunity toremind Benny as someone who struggled to maintain a relationship for more thana few months he should really keep his opinion to himself. Benny didn’t get achance to say anything because almost immediately after Felix spoke somethinghappened on the screen, and everyone in the room gasped in absolute horror.

“Dude!” Sam practically shouted withdisapproval at Felix, “Speak less, focus more!!”

Felix made an amused and dismissive soundas he continued to play obviously unaffected by whatever happened. “Chill, Igot this,” he assured confidently.

The room fell into an almost tense silenceas everyone watched Felix play. It was ridiculous, but Dean didn’t dareinterrupt it. It made time move more slowly and then something happened on thescreen, and the entire room lost their damned minds. At first, Dean didn’t knowif it was a good thing or a bad thing, but when people started congratulatingFelix, he figured Felix had won.

Dean felt Benny clasp a hand on hisshoulder before leaning in and questioning, “How does it feel to be dating theking of the nerds?”

Dean smirked at that because he wouldn’tsay it out loud, but Felix was this super sexy computer geek, and his passionfor those things really turned Dean on. Also, it was nice just to hear peopletalk about how he and Felix were dating.

“I fucking heard that,” Felix declared ashe hopped off his spot on the floor and tossed his controller aside. He walkedover more or less ignoring the people that were continuing to freak out abouthis apparent victory. When he reached Dean’s side, he pushed up on his toesjust long enough to place a quick kiss on Dean’s cheek, and it really waseverything Dean could do not to literally melt. “I’m fucking starving, so webetter be getting food,” he commented instead of a more traditional greeting.

“Yeah, we can,” Dean agreed. They had sometime until they needed to get to be back at Berkeley, and at that point, theysort of had a tradition of getting food at a little restaurant near campusevery time Dean picked Felix. Since Benny was with them it wouldn’t quite bethe intimate little meal it was most of the time, but it would still be fun.

Out of reflex Dean reached over andwrapped his hand around Felix’s, and that was when he noticed that somethingwas off. He felt the graze of something rough on Felix’s wrist. When he lookeddown, he saw that Felix had a white gauzy bandage wrapped around his wrist.

Dean hated seeing Felix hurt even if itwas something small. Having seen Felix almost get killed by a monster probablyhad something to do with that. It took some serious effort not to immediatelyfreak out at the sight of the injury, so the fact that his voice only came outa little high pitched was pretty impressive. “What happened? Soldering ironmishap?” he questioned nervously.

“Nay,” Felix shrugged after a quick glancedown at his own hand and then looking back up, “I got a tattoo.”

Dean blinked. He had not expected that,and the surprise of it was enough to leave him confused. “What?” he questioned.

“You didn’t tell the boyfriend you weregetting inked?” one of the guys in the crowd commented with a mix ofdisapproval and surprise, “My girlfriend would murder my ass.”

Felix rolled his eyes hard before lookingover his shoulder and calling to the guy. “Glad I’m not dating your girlfriend!”

Dean wasn’t Will. He wasn’t going to freakout because Felix got a tattoo, or at least he wanted to say that. It was hardto swallow down his initial desire to go into overprotective boyfriend mode. Hewas also a little surprised. Felix had made some off-handed comment about kindof wanting a tattoo the last time they had met up with Will and Nico but beyondthat he hadn’t expressed much of an interest. Also, he and Felix talked dailyso why he wouldn’t have at least mentioned he had an appointment, Dean didn’tunderstand.

“A call would have been appreciated,” Deancommented and immediately regretted it when he heard how whiny he sounded.

“It was sort of a last-minute decision,”Felix replied with a shrug, “And you had office hours.”

Dean hated Felix’s casualness, and hereally wanted to remind him that office hours typically consisted of Deansitting around grading extremely poorly written essays and counting the secondsuntil it was over. He could have taken a phone call or read a text message.Thing was, Felix would have given him endless shit for getting so bent out ofshape about it, so he let it go. “Can I see it?” Dean questioned. He reachedout to grab ahold of Felix’s bandaged wrist but stopped himself last minute. Hedidn’t know where the tattoo actually was, and he didn’t want to accidentallyhurt him.

“Sure,” Felix replied as he began rollingthe bandage off his wrist, “I only had it covered so I could play.”

With a few swift movements, the whitegauze was gone from Felix’s wrist, and the fresh tattoo underneath wasrevealed. It was a series of lines radiating out from around the slightlyprotruding bone on the side of his wrist in a pattern that was clearly modeledafter electronic circuitry. It wasn’t very large, but it was incrediblydetailed. Dean couldn’t imagine how long it had taken to be completed. Felix’swrist, the skin around the tattoo, looked a little red and slightly swollen butnot in a worrying sort of way.

“Hot,” Benny commented dryly remindingDean that he was there.

Dean turned and smacked Benny’s chestdisapprovingly even though he knew he didn’t look at Felix like that. Hissnickering was just more evidence that he was teasing. He then turned back toFelix and commented, “It’s cool.” It really was, and it was very Felix, but itwas just that it looked red. “Is it supposed to look kind of red?”

“It is pretty much a decorative open-woundat this point, so yeah, pretty much,” Felix answered casually, and he took hishand back.

That made total sense, and Dean absolutelyhated it. “Did it hurt?” he asked knowing it was a stupid question but notbeing able to stop himself. Maybe secretly on some level, he was hoping Felixwould say it didn’t just so Dean wouldn’t have to imagine his sweet boyfriendin pain.

“Fuck yes,” Felix dismissed like it wasnothing, “It was literally needles being jammed into my skin over and overagain.”

“Does it still hurt?”

“It’s a little tender,” Felix admitted ashe looked down at his wrist for a second. He poked the slightly swollen flesh acouple of times in an experimental way before adding, “It’s not that bad.”

Dean hadn’t noticed that Felix’s wrist wasswollen until he watched Felix poke at it, but now he could see that it wasmost definitely swollen. Felix might have described it as a decorative openwound and some irritation would make sense but swelling seemed like it could bebad. Felix could have an infection. Ignoring that could be seriously dangerous.Dean went for his phone without even really thinking about it as he offered, “Icould probably call Will, and he could meet us.”

“Oh my god, Dean, chill,” Felix insistedwith a good-natured laugh as he reached out and patted Dean’s cheek. “I alreadycalled Nico for tattoo care tips,” he assured. “I’ve got to keep it clean andput on this ointment-” Felix produced a bottle of ointment from his back pocketand held it out for Dean to see before returning it to his back pocket. “Itisn’t that fucking hard”

That was all totally reasonable, and ifanyone knew how to care for a new tattoo it was Nico, but Dean still didn’tlike it. He stopped actively grabbing his phone from his pocket, but he stillhad his hand wrapped around it. “I still think-”

“Nico is covered in tattoos and hasn’tdied,” Felix pointed out insistently, “I’m going to be fine.”

Dean still didn’t like it, but if hecontinued to argue it was going to get really fucking annoying. Also, he andFelix were going to be spending the entire weekend together so he could keep aneye on Felix. If it seemed to be getting worse Dean could just call Will. Hesighed as a sign of surrender, “Fine.”

With Felix it was always so easy to forgetother people were around, and that moment wasn’t any different. It wasn’t untilBenny perched his chin on Dean’s shoulder that Dean remembered they had a bitof an audience. “What’s it liked to be pussy whipped by the king of nerds?”Benny questioned teasingly.

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