#words to get through life
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There needs to be a scientific study done on how Rockstar Games' Arthur Morgan is able to provoke the most earth shattering emotions I didn't even know I had in me
#you guys get me right#like you feel it deep in your chest#the joy the anguish the grief#it feels like words aren't enough#and I don't mean it as in “sad moment in video game makes you sad”#I mean it as in “a deep and well written moment that has been slowly building is fleshed out in a video game and I think about for weeks”#when I say I lose sleep over this game I really mean it#I spend hours just laying in bed thinking about everything that happens in arthur morgan's life#it eats at me#I'm not ashamed of how much I have cried over this game#it fucking gets to me#playing rdr2 is the best form of escapism until the story hits you like a stab in the chest but the blade just pushes in further and further#until you're left with a gaping wound#“wow michael I didn't know you were so emotional over pixels on a screen”#except those pixels were acted out and performed by real people and voiced by real people and designed to look like real people#the game's main target was historic realism emphasis on REALISM#to provoke emotions through amazing storytelling#it's okay to feel strongly about things!!#this game man#this game#rdr2#red dead redemption 2#mick squeaks#mick thinks#arthur morgan#red dead redemption 2 spoilers
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I’ll be completely honestly. I will judge you based on how you view Lottie Mathews. If you watch Yellowjackets and go calling her “psycho” “crazy” and judge her abhorent and manipulative for literally just having symptoms of her psychosis while UNMEDICATED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING WILDERNESS, I won’t trust you for shit.
#like#I get the girls thinking that#because they are in the wilderness with her going through the same stress in the freaking 90’s#and her delusions had serious impacts in their lifes and in their survival there#and the mysticism they formed around her and those delusions had a lasting impact#but you won’t see Lottie going around saying that her visions are the Word of God#heck#she spends almost the entirety of season two sitting by the window praying for the best#and what she does she does because in her mind those things are helping people#and it’s not her wicca tea sending people into murderous cannibalistic rampages#bestie needs actual therapy#and to go back to taking her meds#and KEEP HER AWAY FROM ELECTROCONVULSIVE THERAPY#That shit is barbaric#I feel very strongly about lottie matthews#particularly because I struggle with similar shit and really get her#yellowjackets#yjposting#lottie yellowjackets#lottie matthews#lottie did nothing wrong#i support womens wrongs
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the deer prince and the golden doe
from chapter 34 of Salt00's fic Chick Magnet
please click for HD tumblr is killing this one
#what's up nerds#fire emblem three houses#claude von riegan#fe3h#chick magnet took over my life for like 2 months#i've never managed to get through any fic over 150000 words before but uh..... here i am#i'm on chapter 79#its like really damn good#i haven't even played the golden deer route yet but i would die for all of them#i feel like the shading on this one is way better than what i did for Dogs of Heaven#i'm getting better! i need to learn how to not do soft shading tho jeez#on the plus now i know how to make glowing molten gold which is the best part of the whole picture tbh#the working title was 'dear deer prince' which is very fun to say#i am going to TRY 52 pieces 52 weeks again but i'll see what happens#but this is week one! and pic one#all my rat
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I think about how possessive Harvey is at least twice a day. How very few people are allowed to touch his things. I also think abt how Mike just came in and started to fiddle with his vinyl player on day one, how he just gets to play with Harvey’s memorabilia. Maybe it’s because Mike is as much his as all of those things.
#marvey#and they don’t even mention it really. like it’s so okay and normal for Mike to idk#I mean obv Harvey’s told him to not touch his things but it’s almost like he only does it for the pretence#halfway through at some point he gave up too lol#my point is: Mike is part of Harvey’s life and has burst into his inner circle the same way he stumbled into that interview#Mike is also Donna approved so… it doesn’t get better than that#BTW I’m proud of my for thinking of the word memorabilia instead of BALLS thx
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trying to create when u are mentally struggling is such a Process. it's like...making things makes me happy. but making things takes so much energy. energy i do not have. but i want to make things! i like making things! Being Creative is my happy time. but can't.
AND THEN WHEN I FINALLY DO MAKE SOMETHING™ I LOOK AT IT LIKE
BECAUSE WHAT THE HELL DID I MAKE. THAT'S NOT COHERENT.
#text post#it's hard to put this shit into words. but if u get it u get it#i dont like to blast my personal life or get too depresso on main because thats embarrassing but ur girl is GOING THROUGH IT!
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Happy 38th birthday to two of the greatest to ever do it, two of the best to ever step foot in the squared circle, and personally my favourite wrestlers of the modern era, period. The Usos.
#jey uso#jimmy uso#wweedit#the usos#mygifs*#jeysuso#wrestling tag#*#HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY MANS.#my favourite tag team. favourite wrestlers. favourite people. i love them so so so so so much.#even though jimmy's technically ruined this whole thing by being a lil bitchy bitch it's fine#because i can count on jonathan to be wonderful. <3#but on the real. i've been watching these two grown ass men for... over a decade? through youtube and clips online#and getting to see them at their peak has been... as cringe as it's gonna sound#it's been one of the most fulfilling experiences of my life icl#i always knew they were destined for something amazing but seeing them achieve that? no words.#i'm so proud of the things they've done within the company#and i hope they're still around for years to come until They say it's over.#they the ones baby. always & forever.
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*gulp* deacon/iris "please just kiss me" intimacy ask........ NYE party- (i am shot)
@oldworldwidgets — [ intimacy prompts ]
It's in the stars, it's been written in the scars on our hearts
We're not broken, just bent, and we can learn to love again
pose reference
#if u need me I'm gonna be on the floor thinking abt the doomed love of the disaster besties#aud.. aud my love my darling.. this little scene we crafted has been rotating nonstop in my brain for months#it has fundamentally ruined me#but it's so perfect it hurts so good I love seeing the lines blurring I love them not being able to get it right#struggling to communicate through the heartache *chefs kiss*#him.. him being the one to ask..#I am unwell you are always sending me banger prompts my dear AND you always know how to help put my chaotic ramblings in the perfect words#OUGH miss aud oldworldwidgets I love you with my entire heart and soul you are such a ray of sunshine in my life#also I still have the other two intimacy prompts u sent me for them in my back pocket.....#I've had some ideas of how they can spend the night on the roof under the stars together......#more on that later#ANYWAY#ilysm I am blowing you so many kisses rn#finally the people get to know who miss iris really kissed on new years eve on this fine day of *checks watch* valentine's day#(sorry nicky ✌😔 just bestie things u know how it is)#my art#sole survivor#fallout#fallout 4#fo4#deacon#deacon fallout 4#deacon fo4#oc x canon
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He went FULL princess with the singing birds and sparkly eyes. “Hate you? My God, I could never.”
Picture him saying this to Daniel…
#AU where they meet up again long before the Karate war and Cobra Kai show#Johnny had been working so hard to live a better life like he promised on that hill#Sid grew meaner after the tournament and Johnny was left raw from Kreese and he’s just…more demure and cracked like porcelain#The good thing is that he was able to get in touch with his emotions (Bobby was a big help-his bestie who understood everything he’s been#through and was also so desperate to be a better person. They did a lot of inner work together)#Daniel isn’t exactly bitter about the past but he thought Johnny’s ‘You’re alright larusso’ was a flicker of light in a bad person#but then Johnny shows up at his place apologizing? Getting tearful? Smiling prettily and saying he never hated him?#Should he ask him out but word it as a hang out for reconciliation? You bet#lawrusso
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................ he
#i feel like I posted this already but I also can't find it in any recent posts so...#......he#cats#EVEN if I did post it.. why not poast himb again? it's he#I'm like halfway through actually editing aforementioned costumes and stuff and i WANT to work on sculptures again and I have video#s and that worldbuilding slideshow and all of these things so hopefully like.. more usual stuff soon maybe.. to be posted#for now though yeah.. just cats#The end of the year is also when I panic about the passage of time and how little I've gotten done and how I will never actually be a#sucessful game maker slash author slash cat cafe owner slash set designer slash costume designer slash psychologist#who lives in like Scotland or somehting and also owns my own candle company or something ghbjhb#and will probably just be a mentally ill hermit recluse all my life who dies early of mysterious health issues with 5000 projects left#undone and blah blah the crushing weight of chronic illness and capitalism and so on and so forth#So then I scramble to get projects done to try and meet some goals but usually that means I scatter between projects#so it takes longer to finish all of them. Like instead of dedicating 8 hours to one thing and finishing it one sitting. I'll do 2 hours on#this then 2 hours on that then 2 hours on another things. so they all get done slower even though I'm still technically making progress on#them all. This is also a very poo poo pee pee stink brain way to work and is not like. the most efficent thing but it's just how my brain#organizes tasks sometimes lol#***#(<ignore this its part of an OCD compulsion lol. anytime you see me type three asterisks I'm not bleeping out a curse word#it's just a Special Secret Foolish Thing I Have To Do At Specific Uncontrolable Times When Brain Says So gbjhhj)#ANYWAY... eeeee#Still haven't resolved my mystery chest injury though so being at te computer for too long is also kind of achey-inducing#Better get over it though because I have like 30+ hours of slideshow vidoe to edit hahaha hee hee hoo!!!!!
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here’s an idea: what if the “anti-aging” device that kuusuke made was originally an attempt at finding a way to slow down or even reverse the uncontrollable growth of kusuo’s powers?
#the limiter was never a permanent solution and he probably knew that#plus he did make the ‘power get ridder-of-er’ device so it’s not like it would be ooc for him#ooo kuusuke trying to help his brother even if he doesn’t even want to stop his powers#he really does want to be a positive influence on kusuo’s life he just does it the only way he knows how#with machines#kuusuke isn’t a good older brother but he tries guys he’s trying trust me trust me im not feral stick your fingers through the bars of my e#nclosure#saiki brothers oh how you wound me even in little ways#im normal#saiki k#talking at 42 words per second#saiki kuusuke#saiki kusuo
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Oh Timothy, those lines were blurred a long time ago… and this is just the beginning!
#The irony though...
#the rookie#chenford#lucy chen#tim bradford#chenfordedit#chenford edit#So technically some of them happened after he stopped training her#But I'm still cackling at the fact that he said that with his chest#When Lucy has been helping him through his “messy social life” (his words) from day one (or two)#Or the fact that an hour later he was the one trying to get her to open up about her revenge fantasies#Denial isn't just a river...
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thinking about how akio sees his younger self in utena and wondering if there's any fondness there. doesn't change the horror of what he does to her obviously but i do wonder
#akio and utena#m#long ramble in the tags sorry:#the thing about akio is that he's so evil bit he's also so human#he has feelings. i just don't know what they are (if anything) toward his victims#he loves anthy at the very least i'm sure of that. even if he hates her too. just like she loves and hates him. the lines are blurry.#and i just. i have to wonder whether any of that extends to utena at all. we know anthy at times feels similarly about utena and dios#(and akio by extension.) the simultanious love and resentment. so it's not too unlikely i think.#like. even though he never had anything but bad intentions in getting close to her#i'm not sure it's possible to do everything he did and feel nothing#not that he has any meaningful amount of guilt or remorse for it. i don't think that.#and i obviously don't think he “loved” her in any of the ways she might have thought he did#but did he not care at all? did he not feel any kind of fondness or sympathy or just. idk. pity? for her?#whatever the case it wasn't enough to reconsider having her killed so you know. how much does that actually matter anyway#idk. i think about it a lot. how abusers are rarely entirely indifferent toward their victims#the role he's playing in her life is so fucked up but it IS a role he's playing and i wonder how much he you know... internalizes it?#how much does he believe the illusion of family that he invites her into? because akio DOES often buy into his own illusions.#(similarly i think it's possible that akio is fond of touga too. their mentor-protégé relationship is horrible and abusive#but that doesn't make it less real. you know? maybe real is the wrong word.)#when he talks in episode 25 about wanting utena and anthy closer that's obviously so he can continue to groom her#but is there something genuine there too? i don't know.#again. it obviously does not make anything he does better or even different. but it is interesting to think about to me.#on the other side of that coin does seeing his own past youth and naivete and desire to do good that he (maybe) once had#reflected back at him through her mean anything?#is there resentment there? that she is what he couldn't be? or more likely he just thinks that idealism is stupid.#either way it's something he wants to take from her. anyway ramble over.#i talk a lot about utena's feelings toward akio (familial vs romantic love and the way the two are intertwined in fucked up ways)#but not much the other way around. probably because utena is actually a sympathetic character whose feelings the show very clearly#wants you to analyze and think about.#which is... less true for akio i think. though he's still a complex character with complex motives. he's just harder to get a grasp on.
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Thinking about Psychonauts and how much I love the Aquato family once again
They mean the world to me your honor
#They are a strange little family with so many issues and generational trauma and YET they still LOVE EACHOTHER#DO YOU KNOW HOW IMPORTANT THAT IS TO ME???#Nona; Augustus; Donatella; Dion; Frazie; Rasputin; Mirtala; Queepie-#I love you all and I owe you my life#DION AND DONATELLA ESPECIALLY; Y’ALL GET SO MUCH HATE FOR HAVING UNDERSTANDABLE NEGATIVE EMOTIONS AND IT DRIVES ME UP THE WALL :(#Aquatos get behind me; I’ll protect you from the people who think you abuse Raz and should just get adopted by Sasha and Milla#that’s a bad take and they should feel bad. like; he can still see Sasha and Milla and alternate parental figures; that’s fine-#But Raz; CANONICALLY; would NEVER give up his family; EVER#That boy would force everyone to have a heart on heart with him until everything is better because he DOES that in the GAME#When you talk to you family in Psychonauts 2 you can tell how much he loves them and how much they love him; even if it’s strained at the-#moment from how stressful the past THREE DAYS have been#YES EVEN DION AND DONATELLA#They love Raz so much!!! They’re both just going through it™️ atm and need time to clear their head: remember; everything that has happened-#has been in the span of 3 DAYS and their whole lives have been completely flipped upside down#I think they’re allowed to be upset; in fact; it would be weird if they weren’t#sorry this is word garbage I just love that family so much it makes me wanna drink paint#prince rambles in this chilies tonight#aquato family#psychonauts aquatos#psychonauts 2#psychonauts
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Get Your Life Together AU
#kaiji#kaiji itou#akagi#akagi shigeru#FKMT#edit: updated this illustration bc some of the rendering was bothering me#if you dont know what Kaiji is just pretend these are my OCs bc they might as well be for how unrecognizable they are. Also read/watch Kaij#why did i draw an AU where Kaiji gets his life together & becomes a tattoo artist and f.t.m Akagi is there? anxiety i guess??#i've been unemployd as flck and my coping stratergy is that i terraform my blorbos#i know tattooing is kinda tabooin japan bc of yakuza but kaiji and akagi are pariahs so why not. not like he can keep a normal job anyway#it puts him in the flow state he craves but instead of gambIing away ungodly amounts of money he just draws a w ee d leaf on kazuyas a s#i put thought into the tatoos and stickers etc i want to explain them but i doubt anyone would read all that. but please enjoy the details#HEY HERE'S A FUN FACT ABOUT THIS POST#it wasn't showing up in the fkmt fandom tags for a while so i complainted to tumblr about it bc i was feeling petty#apparently tumblr looks through all your tags and all the individual words within your tags to see if its sensitive material#so i went through and changed words until it showed up in the tags#and then changed some back to see what would keep it in. and i know for a fact that one of the sensitive words was f////t///////m#so thats cool.
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so in the past I have made themed gifts for people who have helped me* and it's been a little weird but like. Understandable to the person I am gifting the thing to weird?
My current problem is that I want to make something for my endocrinologist because he has improved my quality of life hugely** but endocrinology doesn't have an easily themed gift and my endocrinologist reminds me very very strongly of like a sad greyhound or a whippet but I cannot explain to this very nice, very normal man that "hey I made you a plushie of a dog because I wanted to thank you for the steroids and you remind me of a dog. In a good way!"
*like teeth plushies for the dentist who helped me figure out I have to have dental anesthetic without epinephrine in it, or a chicken plushie for the people at the chicken restaurant that went the extra mile to get their ingredients list that were the reason I figured out I'm allergic to coconut
**I had what would have been a severe allergic reaction and it wasn't pleasant but I didn't end up in the hospital and I didn't take like a week minimum to recover and
#the person behind the yarn#I realize this is a problem of my own making#and that I very much do not need to make my endocrinologist anything#but it's such a HUGE difference in my life#he really does have like sad dog energy idk how to describe it#he wears very nice flannel shirts that I am slightly envious of because I'd never seen a blue and orange flannel before#and is like somehow even more obviously unthreatening than I am#like. I have PTSD. Had PTSD? Have? Not sure how to word that#I have worked through most of my major PTSD triggers but one thing that still gets me is people touching my neck#to the point where I have like flinched off the medical bed darted across the room kinda avoidance in previous medical appointments#I can mostly manage to sit still and let doctors touch my neck if I see it coming but I always flinch and I always hate it#and this guy is so incredibly unthreatening I didn't flinch at all and didn't even notice it was weird I didn't react negatively#until after I'd left his office#I am also (usually) seen as very unthreatening but mine is something I worked on deliberately for a while#(when I was working with toddlers) and also is made easier by the fact that I am very short and look younger than I am#idk how to describe how much this dude reminds me of a greyhound. WAIT NO he reminds me of a borzoi!#the wizard version of a greyhound
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Ok so I love your Wesker drawings and i was wondering if you could draw him reacting to a survivor who begs for mercy? and how would he react if Jill begs him to spare her? 🥺 pleas ty ily 💕✨
#okay so it’s not EXACT…. but this is what I’ve got for ya haha#jill doesn’t strike me as the someone who would beg for themselves (unless it’s in an uh….nsfw situation) but might beg for others#this was the best middle ground I could think of…a fresh into the realm wesker having the time of his life hunting down his counterparts#Jill still seeing her captain (even if this is the same man who betrayed her and the team)#attempting to get through to him#anyway this was fun and thank you so so much for the kind words 🥺🥺🥺🥺#my art#dbd#dead by daylight#fanart#albert wesker#resident evil#wesker#jill valentine#re
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