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royalarchivist · 1 year

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Maxo: I haven't received an answer. Is there no one else on the island? Is it only us and The Federation?

How are we going to find answers about this mysterious island? This island, with a challenging but beautiful landscape, has pushed us to find out what hides in its depths.

With each sunrise our hopes to find life signs beyond our little community vanish... leaving a void in our souls. This is the story of people obligated to stay on an island looking for answers and a path or the truth... in the midst of an enigma that seems endless.

As days pass by, our courage and determination are being tested by the challenges of the island revealing secrets that threaten our view of reality.

The members of the Federation, an enigmatic and almighty organization, seem to be the only ones who possess any information about this place.

But their intentions and loyalty-

[Subscriber TTS plays]

Silence!

But their intentions and loyalty are questionable. Will they guide us to the truth? Or will they guide us further into the abyss of the unknown?

#AgenteMaxo #Maximus #QSMP #QSMP Federation #MAN. MANNNNNN. MAXIMUS IS SO FRICKIN COOL YOU GUYS.#Fell in love with his character during KarmaIand and haven't looked back since. Man's got such a great understanding of storytelling #also his voice ROCKS #when he did Sapo Peta I was like ''IS THAT HIS REAL VOICE??''#then I heard his usual voice and I was like wtf that is. it's just a little bit deeper for Sapo Peta #wild #Anyways. This is a Maximus appreciation post #I did not translate nor subtitle this I yoinked this directly from the QSMP official updates account #but no one talks about Maximus on here so I'm rolling up my sleeves and doing my part #Not to sound like a Snob BUT-#[proceeds to sound like a snob]#I'm very picky about subtitles because some can be very hard to read #and one of the subtitling styles the updates accounts has been using sucks #it's way too bouncy for me #and distracting #they've dialed it down in recent weeks which I really appreciate #but I think this is my favorite format they've used thus-far #Thank you QSMP editors and updates accounts I owe you my life o7

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cybertron-smash-or-pass · 2 months

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#poll #maccadam #transformers #unicron trilogy #tfa #tfp #bulkhead #this feels like pspspsing at number 1 bulkhead fan lola #which it kind of is a little bit bc his tags make me very happy #but also i really truly love bulkhead and i hope this gets more ppl posting about him #also sorry this is a day late ya girls been distracted #and stoned :]

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skrunksthatwunk · 6 months

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thinking about when guts sent a bunch of his men directly into zodd's meat grinder without even knowing demons like him existed. and that moment after the fight where casca runs to griffith unconscious on the floor and tells guts it's all his fault. and the time gambino tells him he's bad luck and should have died instead. and about how he tells griffith he cares about his men, and how casca doesn't seem to see it. and the time guts is thinking about casca telling him it's all his fault (after he got griffith hurt) and then griffith comes to him and says (like it's nothing) do i need to give a reason every time i come to save you? or whatever. like he's worth it. like he's worth dying for, and like it can be a choice people make because they value you. like he's a good luck charm, like griffith needs him to reach his goals, his full potential. like griffith is not enough to make it without him. like griffith finds out when guts leaves. fuckin.g gnawing someone else's legs off because i still need mine to run into traffic

#so guess who's rewatching berserk 1997 lol #berserk #i hate griffith i hate him i hate him he's bad i hate him (<- deeply tragically attached to him. im so not normal about him it's fucked)#aghhh can't wait until break so i can read more. i've ended up just consuming the golden age arc over and over for various reasons #and it's so good it fucking rules i just need to keep reading past that too bc that's Also good #and i have! i just have more to read oh hey it's midnight my paper's due haha #(it's fine it doesn't matter genuinely i will be fine)#anyway my older sibling's been buying those bigass tomes they sell and he got a bunch more a while back so like. more to read more to read #also side note but they smell so fucking good it's actually unfair #but anyway i keep on being like nooo i gotta go start over so i can get the momentum and then i get brainstuck/distracted and don't actuall #get very far past the lost children subarc (which i've read i think 1.5 times now)#ANYWYA. berserk good. no i don't ever make content for it but every like 4 months or so it infects me quietly

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darkwood-sleddog · 7 months

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6.5 km today and a nearly perfect run! So happy!

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shitouttabuck · 9 months

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wip wednesday

tagged by @rewritetheending @onward--upward and @alyxmastershipper 💓💓💓

i haven’t reeeeally started writing anything other than planning this out broadly because it’s very plot heavy but got a little lost thinkin about the intimacy of shaving the other day so this is from x files au in some shitty shared motel room while they’re cryptid hunting or chasing aliens idk we’ll figure it out

When he emerges, hair towelled dry and in clean clothes, Eddie frowns at him. “What?” he asks. “Promise I didn’t finish all the hot water.” “No, you just look—” Eddie gestures at Buck’s face, “—scruffier than usual.” “Oh,” Buck says, running a hand over his day-four stubble. “I forgot my razor.” “Oh,” Eddie’s face clears, “just use mine.” Buck swallows. “Um. Okay. Thanks.” Eddie nods at him and goes back to squinting at his phone, so Buck about-faces and re-enters the bathroom. It’s not a big deal, he tells himself as he foams up his face. It’s like—like sharing a hairbrush. Intimate, sure, not something you’d tend to do with people you don’t know well, but it’s not a big deal. He wets the razor and brings it to his throat, heart hammering there so violently it feels like his Adam’s apple is trying to get out. If his hand doesn’t stop trembling he’s going to nick himself, and God, he is being absolutely fucking ridiculous. Deep breath. The razor glides over the thin skin of his throat, muscle memory even as he stares at himself in the mirror. Doesn’t think about Eddie doing this every morning, using this very razor. Blade edge kissing his jaw the same way it kisses Eddie’s. Doesn’t think about Eddie doing this for him, hand holding his chin as he shaves Buck carefully, grip firm when he turns Buck’s face this way and that. Doesn’t think about Eddie kissing where the blade kissed him first. Doesn’t think about any of that when he rinses the razor clean and slots it back into the travel mug, where Buck’s toothbrush rests against Eddie’s with such easy familiarity it’s about to spark a whole new crisis.

tagging @try-set-me-on-fire @jeeyuns @housewifebuck @anxieteandbiscuits @forthewolves @zahlibeth @athenagranted @buckactuallys @transboybuckley @icecreampotluck @diazblunt if you have anything to share today or later!

#since starting t the last couple months i've had to start shaving my face and it's quite weird actually! gender is so [waves hand] like idk #but didn't have anyone to teach me. and was just thinking about how it wouldve been a pretty intimate thing if i had #also i think this fic will have switching pov which is very exciting to me #but also. it's a mammoth one even just planning it and i have so much real life shit i've been ignoring #and also writing a shorter silly thing that im having fun with rn so might put this on the backburner #but also x4 my foster puppy just got taken to his new home and im sad and miss him like a goddamn lung #so i need something to distract me every empty minute and eddie diaz as dana scully is going to be that i think #but ALSO there’s so much fic i want to catch up on READING #ain’t enough time in the day. and yet i never seem to do anything #sorry for these endless tags #tag game #wip #x files au

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cocoa-rococo · 17 days

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Koopaling Headcanons: Iggy

The wild child, the mad lad, the resident scientist himself! I think about him a regular amount.

Left-handed.

His powers are more plant-based, and he's very good at controlling them, but inventing is a big hobby of his that plays into how he attacks. To put it in other terms, he's got Artificer software running on Druid hardware.

His eye color is a rare mutation of his draconic koopa biology, though it does give him some issues with his vision, hence the glasses.

He's definitely wacky, but he's not actually ‘demented’ or ‘insane’ like most think he is. That being said, he likes to play up the whole ‘mad scientist' act around other people because he enjoys their reactions. Maybe a little too much…

April Fool's is a banned celebration in the castle because of him. Not that it stops him from pulling pranks on any other day of the year.

His favorite fruits are more tropical things; kiwis, pineapples, and starfruit.

Prefers Chain Chomps and other animals to people, as he's not great with conversation nor predicting people. Rumor has it that he can actually speak with them, but whether it's true remains to be seen.

He occasionally gets nonverbal when an experiment goes awry, or when he’s so upset he can’t find the words for it. His siblings check in on him every once in a while, and he does end up speaking again after a few hours / a day.

His hair naturally falls into a mohawk like in his earlier depictions; he just likes styling it back to differentiate himself from Lemmy.

Doesn't have much of a sweet tooth, but he's a big fan of savory things. That said, he does have a fondness for carrot cake.

He actually made his glasses when he realized his eyes didn’t see well with traditional lenses… and because he needed something that was fireproof, blast-proof, and freeze-proof, just to name a few. When he realized he could market it on a professional basis, Iggy’s Glass was created.

He's a big fan of his veggies! He's not a strict vegetarian, nor is he opposed to meat whatsoever, he just likes his greens more. Like I said, Druid hardware.

Speaking of food, if he's craving something, he often decides what to have not by flavor, but by texture. He looooves crunchy stuff or things he can rip into, like sandwiches with hard bread or jerky sticks.

He helps Wendy with her baking hobby! Baking is just another form of chemistry, after all, and he likes having something to do with his hands. He doesn't like cooking much, though. Too much guesswork.

His love language is gift giving. He makes so many things for his siblings for holidays and birthdays, and is always touchingly surprised if they get him something personal or practical (not that he shows it).

He got Morton a camera for his tenth birthday to support his scrapbooking hobby, and is secretly very pleased that Morton takes such good care of it. He also denies crying when Morton showed him the page he made of the two of them with the photos he took.

His handwriting is the worst out of the seven. Given how fast he needs to write to keep up with his experiments, and his habit of using short phrases that only he understands, it's really legible to just him.

He genuinely is pretty funny. His humor is skewed towards shitposter memes thanks to Roy and Larry, but his sense of comedic timing to drop a bomb or punchline is perfect.

Will respond to highly cursed memes and images along the lines of "Oh, that's AWFUL. I LOVE IT."

His currency is amusement. You wanna get on his good side or impress him, making him laugh. This is harder then it sounds; if he can tell you’re trying too hard, he’ll just blast you with sarcasm.

Ludwig is teaching him how to play the accordion. It’s just as chaotic as it sounds.

He's a big fan of bad B-movie horrors, making fun of them while also unironically enjoying how terrible they are. He's got a few posters of them in his room.

He was the dog version of a warrior cats kid. I'm sorry, but it's true.

He likes to collect bugs! It's not a very big collection, seeing as the Darklands is uninhabitable by a majority of insects, but he likes learning and talking about them to anyone interested.

One of the most terrifying generals out of the Koopalings to the troops; not because he’s especially mean or strict or anything, but because you’ll have no idea how he’ll react to something. He is, however, perhaps also one of the the least military-inclined out of his siblings, much preferring his lab to a war room.

Will wear the UGLIEST aloha shirts with zero concerns. Will also wear socks and sandals. Wendy loathes him.

Doesn't like coffee; the taste makes him nauseous. He's more of a soda guy, anyway.

He and Larry are huge sci-fi nerds, and enjoy bonding over comics and mecha anime and going to cons together. Also a big fan of horror; the more gore, the better.

Cannot draw people for shit. Animals and plants he can do okay at, but more in an anatomical kind of way then any artistic sort of style. Blueprints, however, are a different story.

Genuinely likes pistachio ice cream. None of his siblings know why, nor do they want to know.

Like Lemmy, he's very much a fan of pulling a prank and doing the "ohhhh I'm just a little guy, and it's my birthday, I'm a lil birthday boooy" routine. Unlike Lemmy, this rarely works for him.

His lab is his safe haven; it may be a mess in some places, but it's his mess. If you touch something you shouldn't, be prepared to get whacked.

Can and will pick up bugs and eat them. Bonus if they’re dipped in chocolate.

He doesn’t have any particular favorite flowers, but he's got a side hobby of cross-breeding and mutating plants for both science and in the sense of, in his own terms, “fucking around and finding out.”

#smb #super mario bros #super mario #koopalings #iggy koopa #iggy #gif #headcanons #cocoaposts #IT'S HERE #got distracted by trying to size the gifs right which became. a thing. anyways #i have. SO MANY THOUGHTS about this lil genius #he's got very saturday-morning-villain energy to me and that's why i love him

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laundrybiscuits · 6 months

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let me out my head, let my mind run free / let me just pretend that I feel like me / need a flicker start ‘cause I’m ready / anything to spark a new beginning

That murky summer was the longest of Eddie’s life. It had started in rapid-fire panic and death like a blockbuster horror flick, and tapered off to a dull ache that seemed to stretch over his body and soul like a shaky meniscus.

He moved slow, that summer. He’d never thought too much about his body except as something that had inconvenient wants and needs sometimes; it cleaned out the fridge and cupboards faster than Wayne could fill them, it kept shifting and fidgeting when he knew damn well that he had to sit still, it had strange hungers that he swallowed down again and again.

In the spring, he’d opened his eyes to a pea-soup fog of pain, and for a little while it had felt like he didn’t have a body at all, just a useless collection of twitching flesh pieces strung together with chicken wire.

It got better. The docs threw around words like “miracle,” but it didn’t feel much like one. Mostly it just felt like getting back to his old body, but with all the dials turned down. Slower, especially at first, and stiffer, and weaker. Everything took twice as long to do, and consequently the summer became longer and longer. It might’ve had the same number of minutes in it that all of Eddie’s summers always had, but every one of those minutes was soaked through with a grey kind of languor.

Dustin didn’t really get it, but he kept coming around anyway. With him came Steve Harrington.

Steve didn’t talk to Eddie a lot. Not that summer. Not at first. He was just sort of there, flipping through a magazine in the corner of Eddie’s hospital room like a blurry apparition, then shepherding in Dustin and sometimes Mike and Lucas (and even Erica, once or twice) while Eddie held exhausted court from a recliner, handing them off like a pack of puppies for Eddie to watch for a couple hours.

Eventually, Eddie roused himself enough to ask: “Where do you even go while they’re here, man?”

“Just around, I don’t know,” said Steve. “I drive around. It’s nice out.”

“That’s really dumb. Just stay here,” Eddie told him. So after that, Steve stayed.

It was easier when Steve could say hey dickheads, Eddie’s tired, let’s go. And then ten or fifteen or twenty minutes later it’d be quiet again, and most of the time Eddie wouldn’t even bother moving, he’d just curl up and fall asleep on the recliner.

He was just so worn-out all the time. There didn’t seem to be any such thing as rest for him. Even when he wasn’t actually sleepy, getting through the day felt like slogging through calf-deep sand.

The first time Steve showed up by himself, Eddie wasn’t sure what to make of it.

“I thought Henderson left for camp this week,” he said. Steve had a key by that point, to save Eddie having to get the door all the time, so he’d just walked in and started unloading groceries.

“Yeah,” said Steve, like it was obvious. “That’s why he’s not here.”

Eddie didn’t ask the conspicuous follow-up question, but he thought it real hard as Steve shut the fridge.

Maybe the bat bites had psychically linked them after all, because Steve huffed out a sigh and turned around. “I brought a couple of those movies you like—the werewolf one and the zombie one. Plus we just got Jewel of the Nile, so I figured if you wanted a change of pace…” Steve wiggled his eyebrows, and Eddie found himself laughing without really meaning to.

“You thought I’d like Jewel of the Nile for a chance of pace?”

“No, I thought I’d like Jewel of the Nile and you’d put up with it because you’re such a good friend,” Steve said. “For a change of pace.”

So that’s how Eddie found out they were friends.

After that, it was easier. That was about the time Eddie started being able to move around a lot better too, so it all got tangled up in his head: Steve, and movement. Freedom, and Steve.

It was a lot to put on Steve’s shoulders, so mostly Eddie tried not to. But Steve kept coming around by himself sometimes even after Dustin got back from camp, and the back half of the summer passed a little smoother and a little sweeter like that.

The kids started preparing to go back to school, and Eddie didn’t. Steve very blatantly tried not to ask about it until one evening, sitting on the porch, he finally said: “School.”

He pressed his lips together like he hadn’t even meant to say that much. Eddie just shrugged.

“Got my pity diploma in the mail, dude.”

“What? When?”

“Like, uh. A month ago? Maybe two?”

“Shit, man. You shoulda told me, I’d have—we’d have—the kids’d go nuts, you know that.”

“Yeah, I know that.”

“What, uh. What’re you planning? Like, what’s next?”

Eddie rolled his shoulders. “I dunno. What’s next for you?”

Steve leaned back, bracing himself on his hands and looking up at the violet sky. After a moment, he said, “Guess I don’t know either. Maybe we both need, like…a fresh start. We could, I don’t know. Go somewhere.”

“Ste-eve Harrington.” Eddie smiled up at him. “Are you asking me to run away with you? Whatever will the society papers think?”

Steve didn’t take the bait, though. He just grinned back at Eddie and said, “Maybe I am. Whatcha gonna do about it, Munson?”

Eddie hesitated, but what did he have to lose? Or rather—what did he have to gain?

He reached out, slow and careful, and settled his hand over Steve’s. It felt like a circuit connecting. Like something was clicking back together inside of Eddie at last.

Steve didn’t say anything about it, but he didn’t move, either. They just sat there for a while in the twilight, watching the light change.

DVD extra:

“I’m going to see Eddie!” Lucas hollered, halfway out the door. “I’ll be back by dinner!”

“Uh-huh, and I’m not good enough for your stupid boys’ club?” Erica shrieked, tearing around the corner and skidding to a stop so she could plant her hands on her hips and glare at Lucas.

“What?” said Lucas.

“It’s just a little suspicious how there’s no girls allowed when you go see that long-haired freak,” she sniffed.

“Do you…want to come with me?” Lucas said slowly.

“Of course I don’t, dumbass! Why would I want to go?” Erica pushed past Lucas, swinging her backpack over her shoulder. “But someone’s gotta make sure you stupid boys don’t burn the place down.”

“Hey, Lucas,” called Steve, leaning out of the car window. “Erica coming with us today?”

Lucas made frantic throat-cutting motions.

“Huh?” said Steve. “She’s…not coming with us?”

Lucas groaned and jogged up to the car. “She’s coming, just don’t talk about it,” he hissed.

He thought for a second about trying to slide over the hood of the car like cool guys in the movies, but if he messed it up, Erica would never let him live it down. She’d be telling the story at his wedding and his funeral. So he just walked around to the passenger side like a normal person and got in.

“Seatbelts,” said Steve.

“I remember you being less of a nerd,” said Erica. “Now move it, the king of the nerds is waiting.”

#I caught the Panorama tour at Koko! it’s been a very dykepop year in live music for me #this is a very chill uptempo song about depression/anhedonia and tbh it was a struggle to keep it from ending too dark #but also this was a distraction from writing the next fill which will in fact be straight-up pornographie #so hopefully that will balance things out a bit.#ask games

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mainapnifavouritehoon · 11 months

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hi guys i-

#Hey so i wanted to talk about this really bad this has been bothering me for quite some time #i have been busy a lot these days and i dont get time at all to do anything but i can see myself wasting my time just scrolling #I have school and then coaching and then ofc i have to study on my own for which i barely take out time as im highly careless #My last 2 exams went absolute shit and that fucking scares me because i'll be having my JEE soon #Mummy has been telling me to stay away from my phone and ik she trusts me but she but she deserves a daughter that studies ig?#And now i kind of consider that as an option because this phone is very very distracting #I have been thinking about deactivating but i realized it would mean i would lose all my precious posts and interactions #So i wont be deleting this blog as i am too attached (i will be coming back istg)#I will be taking a break and ig thats what yall call a hiatus #I will be giving away my phone to my parents (trust me i have to)#Ik this will be hard for me to just leave all of a sudden so i'll slowly start vanishing if that makes sense?#This message also doesnt mean that i will be shutting down my phone rn at this moment and that this is goodbye #This is just to prepare the people that i love and who love me that i will be highly inactive and not come online for maybe months #This is not an impulsive decisions i have really thought through this #Also just to tell you again MAIN ABHI GAYAB NAHI HONE WAALI BUT THODE TIME MEIN I WILL GO ON A BREAK THIS IS JUST A PRE HIATUS MESSAGE #Also i hope you guys will still love me and remember me once i come back #Because coming months are going to be hard for me #I hope you understand and ily guys okay?#(Oh god why am i so dramatic about everything) xoxo

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frnkiebby · 4 months

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#too much time.#i physically have to restrain myself from doing as such at work #thinking about wanting frank to physically restraining me #which is very distracting at work or in classes #sir you are interfering in my life #and i’m not gonna stop you #frnkiebby #frank iero #mcr #frnkiero #frnkie #mcrmy #my chem

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silveredsound · 2 months

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How you go from harry styles to hockey I will never understand.

I was going to make a little joke, as I do, (would have been v hilarious, best joke ever pls know this) and leave it at that. But like, it's been raining for over 24 hours, it's 2am and it might be good for me to reflect a little.. So sorry anon I am going emote all over your ask (which (the ask) sounds a bit judgey tbh but the written word is NOT a great conveyor of tone so that might be on me.)

On one hand it's just fandom. And, I think it's been pretty clear that as much as I love Henry Stars, I'm not like, a 'Harry is the be all and end all of all music creation and creativity and actions.' I like him for the good and the bad, and I don't leave critical thinking at the door. (Not saying I'm the only person to do this, just that it's hard sometimes in fan spaces and Stans definitely do..)

Which, can make it hard to participate in fandom as a lot of people are not great at irony, or accepting that someone else can say, god damn that is a terrible song - and that it's okay for that to happen. It doesn't mean that the person who expressed the neg opinion is not still a fan of the artist they were speaking about. Same with if the artist you are a fan of does something that gives you the ick.

I def learnt this when Harry went to Google Camp the first time. Like obviously I've been around 1d fandom in some way since 2012 ish I think it was - and it was my own reaction to Harry going to Camp Douchebags the first time that made me go, oh jeez Silv, you are a bit too involved in the parasocial relationship here. Like I was genuinely upset that he'd done something I thought was so dumb and wanky.

Anyway, clearly I still loved - love - him and I celebrated him and spent a fuckload of money on him and engaged in fandom and etc etc. But I just did at that point I think turn a little from heading in a very blinkers on version of fandom to one that's def more me - where you just get to have fun, make fun be creative, make friends! and have a bit of a perv depending on the silk cream vanilla ice cream outfit Harry might be wearing in Nashville.

I like RPF. I mean I like all transformative works and fandom extending and enhancing source material via creation, but I don't have an issue with RPF. I believe in 4th wall. And I clearly have written 1d fic. A lot of my good fandom mates, and real life best friend(s) are people I have met through sharing a love of writing in fandom spaces. Obviously all the best writers in 1d went to Hockey. And I stayed here. And I tried. I wanted to be where my friends where. I had fomo and I was lonely! My fandom had changed in a few ways all around the same time.

But Hockey is very confusing, (for starters as I often say to Angela or Joanna, snow is fake) and nothing clicked for me - it seemed large and I had no idea where to even start and I didn't really try.

But I think the change in some fandom fellow participants, and also anons being mean when they would get even a glimpse in their peripheral that I might have vaguely indicated that Henry did something that I thought was dumb or embarrassing, or just not that good, (it's no fun sharing a thought and feeling chatty about it, and wanting to engage with other people's thoughts if some random is going to anonymously tell you that you are a dumb c*nt and should delete etc etc so I stopped sharing any thoughts at all.) Of course Nick leaving breakfast and then R1 altogether - as well as obviously my whole life narrowing to a point that was just tend Mama- work - tend mama - work - tend mama - sleep - grow a tumour - tend mama left me not so much time for proper joyful engagement.

And then, in Jan/Feb this year, I think as I'd been looking at book reviews and as soon as you search for a book on tik tok they push book tok romance reviews into your feed and I think then that pushed an actual hockey clip (which is a really shite 4th wall issue as is the whole Kraken thing etc) and I can't even remember what it was but I know I then swiped through and watched other videos on the account and like 1d being adorable shites repeating stock answers and sitting on top of each other I was intrigued by what seemed to be very dumb and very entertaining.

But Silv, you cry, what about the emotions! You need emotions! Ah, yes, see, because I am nothing but devoted I had followed Angela and La's hockey blogs, and something La posted grabbed my attention and I followed a link and read an article and I was like. Oh, I want to read more about these kids. So I did. And after a little while I reached out to La and was like, um, I think I get it. And I posted something about the Fantilli Bros and then Max reached out and tbh I don't think anything says it better than my wide eyed enthusiasm reply. (You are probably by now thinking, Silv why is your answer to Max so short, why didn't I just get a paragraph? This is an endless essay with no conclusion or indeed a thesis statement, (that is if you have even made it down to here) & anon I can only apologise.)

I am really enjoying learning so many new things, being welcomed into a new space of connection and joy and silliness and emotional breakdowns. It's been so lovely to meet new people who are so excited to share their niche interest with you and no one minds how many questions I have and everyone searches out Primera and Important Past Instagram Posts from the archives - and of course reconnecting with people who I have always been friends with, fandom changes didn't change that, but it's delightful chatting much more often. The other day Angela and I watched an Avs game together via Tumblr chats, which was delightful, to learn about the team and to talk about random other things, and I've spent my last month of Saturdays watching umich with lovely people who La introduced me to, and having MANY EMOTIONS. (It's like hanging out all posting about a show's fits and one liners and if he's going to sing medicine but it's many pantomime gooseberrys. The performative homoeroticisim, wild hair, jokes, punching (only now during not pre show work outs ) and very goddamn impressive skill and physicality is actually pretty similar). Meghan and I have been able to chat through our very similar horrible experiences with cancer and mums with cancer and it's been so lovely and strengthening to be able to share that experience with a person who beyond gets it, and then also I've been able to announce to her that I want to write a fic about 5 ways Nolan saw god with the UMich Bible Study Group but didn't find faith. which is obviously a completely ridiculous concept but equally worthy of discussion. It's this that I love so much about fandom friendship - you share SO much because you are sharing something that gives you intimate joy, so the relationship always starts from a place of an automatic mutual understanding and empathy - and from there we make it our own.

But also, I really like the game. Like I love watching them play, all of them! It's fast (obviously - and oblig have to say - ice is slippery) and it's hard - and they make it look easy. When one of the special players (they are all special, but one of the ones who play almost with innate ability) makes a pass or a turn sometimes it's almost almost magic, like how the fuck did they see that gap between four players, and did you see how they kept the puck a moment longer so they could release it perfectly into the lane !! Hot.

The game can be all encompassing and it's SO SO SO silly. Like it's the dumbest sport. It's The Show. I'll put on ESPN and stream a match while I'm working during the day (the time difference is perfect for once) and I'm spending time cos I want to, learning the rules and the logistics and business side of it all. And of course, the differences between college hockey and the show. Idk. It just clicked on so many levels for me.

And so, I have no idea why it took me so long to transition from Henry to Hockey, but I am not surprised I did now that I have - it def wasn't something that I was bloody expecting. And Anon I will say this, the last few years of my life have been sad, hard, and tbh shitty. Now, I know what it's like to have fucked years, so I am not saying this to try to be and show off but 2024 feels a bit better. I feel clearer, I have started to lose some weight (15ish kg so far depending on the time of the month) and now I have a meeting w a PT on Tuesday as I actually don't care what I weigh but I want to get stronger and reduce my visceral fat as it will be better for hormones which is better for lessening my cancer reoccurrence %.

God knows it's (2024) not all roses, I literally had surgery again a fortnight ago and the cost of living in Sydney is giving me so much anxiety. I am still a terribly disorganised mess, my work is undergoing a complete restructure (thanks NSW gmnt) and my clean washing is NEVER folded and put away, it's always in the basket - but I feel so happy and entertained and creative - I am writing again! like it's joy. It's ye olde you are who you are at this moment but you are also the 4 year old you and the 15, 27, 34 year old you - girlhood (non gendered concept of not literal interpretation) and I love it. 💛🩵🌱

#sorry anon this is very much non con silv thinks about fandom and emotions and processes on main #there's a boy who has harry energy although more spoiled and sarcastic and this is delightful as i do actually think #which also i got a rude anon about once #that harry is not as nice as eveyone thinks #i think hes professional as fuck definitely #but i think hes a sarky little perfectionist and this delights me #but chemistry with everyone - thats the harry curse and blessing and the **** ****** one #sorry anon i know this was annoying #but i genuinely just really needed to get this out of me and acknowledge it all #fandom and fandom participation is something that is so important to us all #otherwise why would we have a little blog #let alone create posts of fic or gifs or edits #and god last year i said multiple times to shifty that i wished i had a fandom that i could wallow in as a happy place distraction #its very nice to feel engaged and delighted by something #i hope we can still be mates #i am a popstars and radio dj lover for life #i didn't even touch on teams i like and players and such cos not the point #tw: cancer #tw: death #tw: weight loss #sorry! i should have added those tw before!

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