#which is not how that convo was going at all | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

b2cute · 2 days

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nerd!matt x popular!gf

HCS/FICS??

NERD!MATT x POPULAR!GF

warnings: slight smut, cussing

a/n: first time doing head cannoned let’s gooo! lmk if u guys want any more and reminder that requests are open!

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sfw:

• you guys for sure met each other in the school library. you were looking at books for an upcoming project and matt sat alone, during lunch

• you thought he was cute, instantly recognizing him from your class, and asked him for help to which his cheeks grew red, but agreed anyway

•the more you went over to matt’s house, the closer you guys got, eventually meeting his brothers and going on dates

•one time matt forgot his wallet when out at dairy queen and insisted on making up for it by kissing you until you forgave him, you were never upset and loved treating him, but his kisses were so innocent and sweet, so you acted upset

• matt loves teaching you new concepts in any subject, especially all curled up by your side. he loves when your sitting on the beanbag in his bedroom and he’s curled up on your side, glasses slightly tilted down, and a textbook in his hand

•matt’s favorite treat is seeing you do good on a test, it reminds him of how capable you are and feels as if he too got an A

•when around your friends, matt gets nervous that everyone will laugh at him, the way he dresses, and how he stutters, but you always reassure him with a quick “don’t worry, baby, anything happens i’m here to stop it okay?” your reassurance calms him down as his hand creeps up to yours, instantly interlocking them

•matt was completely wrong, your friends absolutely loving him. the guys teaching him how to properly take shots, and even showing how to smoke without coughing, all of them clicking even though they had nothing in common

•the girls loved the shyness and softer side of matt, the way he follows you around, and gets too nervous to make convo with another girl, afraid of upsetting you which you don’t mind. they enjoy having sleepovers with you and seeing the way your smile glows and your screen lights up with matt’s phone across the screen

•you got along with nick and chris as well, both of them teaching you how to tell them apart, and going out with you and matt occasionally. chris loved that you played video games, running the craziest match of whatever game is trending. nick enjoyed sharing a similar music taste, going to concerts together and sleeping over together, matt of course getting upset that your not with him

nsfw:

•begs for a release after studying all day. you guys managed to throw the books aside and have some fun. matt sits on the edge of your desk chair, you on your knees sucking and jerking his cock. “p-please y/n i’ve been good”

•gets shy when wanting to learn how to eat you out did the first time. he doesn’t know how to ask you without making it weird, so he asks as a math equation with the answer being, y= u4dinner.

•matt loves when you sit on his face, especially after seeing you at school, dressed in a revealing top and shorts. his eyes never left your body, leaving his hard in the school bathroom to jerk off to your memory. he will hook his arms around your thighs and sucks on your clot like a starved man. “just like that m-matt, so good to me mmghf”

•matt secretly loves when you let him take control. he craves your begs to cum and having you underneath him. matt’s favorite thing is the sight of your tits bouncing up and down when he’s fucking so hard into you, his glasses on the bridge of his nose and his button up halfway down.

•study session at the library when chris and nick are home quickly escalate when you steal matt’s glasses, but weirdly, it turns him on. you notice a change in his conversation and take him to the back where so one can see you guys, and ride him. “gotta stay quiet matt, c-can’t let anyone hear. you whisper but the only thing coming from matt was a string of groans

•when you’re on top of matt, he sits against the wooden headboard, holding your waist. his eyes turn to the side when he gets close, making your hands grip his chin so you can look at him “eyes on me matt, wanna see those pretty eyes when you cum”

•when a late night study sesh finally ends, matt is left exhausted, so you agree to let him sleep the night. what you didn’t expect is to wake up to his moans and cries to what looked like a wet dream. you laughed to yourself and snuck a hand underneath the waistband of his boxers, slowly pumping up and down matt’s length. his moans became louder and cries became whinier before releasing all over your sheets and hand.

•moments later matt wakes up to see your hand still covered in his release, lying on his bare chest and your leg lazily over his. your boobs were pushed together and your ass was practically out in your shorts, only making him hard again.

˖ ݁𖥔.☁︎.𖥔 ݁ ˖

masterlist

taglist:

@mqttittude @luverboychris @knowingnothingnoel @whicked-hazlatwhore @mattsdinosweater @n00dl3zzz @sophssturn @sstvrnioo @sturnioloenthusiast @lolasturniolo @mattsleftnipple03 @gracealwaysdisgrace @guccifrog @hearts4chriss @sttzee @stunza @fawned01 @sillysillygyal @skyslondon @stu2719962 @domaniquessidehoe @junnniiieee07

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zoonotic · 7 months

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thanksgiving isn’t complete without getting shouted at and disrespected by your uncle’s freak brother! good times!

#he butted into a conversation that did not involve him and said ‘you shut the fuck up!’ to me #and literally all i was trying to do at the moment was add context to the conversation. like i literally was about to mostly agree w/ him.#and then he went into a rant about how pharmacists are overeducated and overpaid useless pill pushers #which is not how that convo was going at all #obviously i was very upset by this bc i work in a pharmacy and i tried so hard to defend myself and he just started screaming at me #like was literally looking for a fight and got pne #my uncle didn’t say a fucking word or make him apologize #but he kicks my dad out any time he even gets close to a political fight…#no one said anything to him #i just stormed out and spent like 20 minutes outside crying in the 20°f weather #no shoes or anything #it reminded me of my dad and getting into arguments with him #but even he never said anything like that to me during an argument #.txt #i am never going to that motherfuckers christmas parties again

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fisheito · 4 months

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my princess nonsense is being encouraged watch ouyt imabout to be eneaabled

OK WHATF ATHAT'S SO CUTE I HAD TO MAKE IT i know realistically there's little to no chance that rei DOESN'T know how to work heels 🤣 BUT IMAGINE.....ING.... YAKUMO GENTLY GUIDING REI IN HEELS, WEEKS BEFORE THE BIG GALA AND HAVING NONE OF HIS NORMAL FEAR OF PHYSICAL TOUCH BC HIS [TEACHER MODE] IS OVERRIDING HIS INSECURITY

#rei looking directly at the camera like why are you subjecting me to this. i do not need any of this. i know how to do it #rei wearing stilettos the size of your head so he becomes ur very tall bird goth gf #you know how yakumo gets when he instructs someone on how to cook something #he becomes confident and just tells ppl how to do stuff without his usual amount of stutter and secondguessing #i'm gonna pretend that after his stiletto training in misty vale he gains a TINY MOLECULE of confidence due to experience #like [i can help you if you've never done it before?]#honestly i can't imagine this scenario happening because i am so SURE that rei can walk in heels HAHAHA even tho nothing has proven that #SOMETHING COME PROVE ME WRONG SO MY DELUSIONS CAN SLIDE CLOSER TO POSSIBILITY #anyway even if rei didn't know how to wear heels #would he ever mention it? would yakumo ever learn of it?#rei would probably be all . i don't need to wear heels. they can't even see them under the dress. i'll wear my practical shoes #but if he can't get away with that and will be forced to wear heels at the party...#maybe he'll go [meh. i'll figure it out] and just not wear them until the day of the dance #at which point his feet will hurt after 20 minutes and for the whole night he takes any chance to sit down #rei can be frequently spotted on SOME surface SOMEWHERE in the palace. sitting all splayed out and uncaring of propriety #because he is in PAIN and these shoes are STUPID and why do people wear them for ANYTHING . Royals are so IMPRACTICAL #yakumo keeps trying to avoid heels for the dance because he doesn't want to be any taller than he already is #i bet there's a full convo about it between him and eiden #eiden trying to reassure him that if he wants to wear heels then he shouldn't let others' perception stop him from doing so #but if he genuinely doesn't want to wear them then that's ok too #eiden craning his neck up at yakumo in heels like you're my pretty princess 1-2 heads taller than me your height doesn't matter 🥰#i'm now torn. yakumo and rei both wearing heels now? in order to stay at similar heights?#or. rei starting out with heels. getting tired of them. going barefoot for the rest of the night lol #yakumo and rei still dancing in their ballgowns together but a much shorter rei leads a yakumo in heels #yes. yes this is the vision #yakurei #replies #nu carnival yakumo #nu carnival rei

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green-tea-lemonade · 9 months

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hii can you please draw applebees/davesol/soldave/honeycrisp... they are my lifefurce....

Heeeeey anon

Sorry that this legit took so long to get to but this one and another actually stumped me a bit! But lets go ahead and talk some Honeycrisp!

It's funny but as I'm starting to go through ships, I actually find that Sollux is surprisingly moldable to ship with in most quadrants with any character with just a few characters that I think it's pretty obvi he'd be one way or another with them. Dave is one that I can actually see these two being an all-around deal. I think it's actually extremely easy to see either of them together in a red, pale, or pitch manner. Personal opinion though, I think I could see them shift from pitch to pale. However, I do understand the idea of them in red! Trying to go down a little bit of the more romantic route, Dave can somehow get Sollux to be pretty talkative when working if he says the right things. Both of them are pretty tall so there is a pretty frequent amount of them coming up behind the other and attempting to use them like an armrest just for the hell of it. Sollux's constant amount of electronic-like noises from his powers is actually fuel and used snippets in some of Dave's music. I see them being somewhat private about affections towards one another mostly because they don't feel like its anybodys business to glimpse into those parts from the outside of their lives. They're really casual about it though.

#art #digital art #homestuck #davesol #soldave #dave strider #sollux captor #i also got a davekatsol one i gotta do which is kind of giving me a struggle mentally as to how i would see the three of them being #im trying to dig into researching ships i dont really have opinions on or arent familiar with so I CAN form an opinion about them #kind of see what others see and how i can understand it #i did see a lot of mention though actually about how sollux and dave dont ever really interact much??? if at all??? which is shocking #i kind of dug around and yeah i didn't really find anything so i had to go off thoughts and a few fics #i think they should though because having a one-on-one convo with one another i would see being really funny #but yeah sorry this took forever anon and other anon i swear ill get to the davekatsol once i figure it out #davesol personally i see being just really annoying to one another before mellowing out and being decently chill to one another #maybe seeing them in a pale quadrant is a slight stretch but i can see it enough that i can agree with it

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seagull-scribbles · 1 year

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Was inspired by @mushtoons HC’s and came up with my own silly little thought 💙💅❤️

#TMNT #TMNT 2012 #leonardo #raphael #mushtoons #okay so I was looking at all of mushtoons Leona stuff and spent like 14hrs straight Saturday coming up with my own story and headcanons #which I have shared with them but cba ever doing anything with #but that was like an origin story for this being a like weekly occurrence in the TMNT sewer household #and then yesterday I doodled in while painting my nails on the train #I know I’m terrible but regardless #when I got to where I was going I saw an old friend who loves turtles and she mentioned how I have a thing for nail polish #and she’s right btw I do so since it was relevant I shown her this as a wip #and at the end of the day we had a deep convo but she also gave me a massive pep talk #because she doesn’t have tumblr and doesn’t see my stuff much #about how good I’ve gotten and how I could pursue this seriously #so I also wanted to finish this for her #also also also #me and my twin watched 2012 when it came out and out faves where raph and Leo #so this one silly thing has so much personal meaning in it aaa #oh also if you know the song they’re singing your cool ily #wow with all these tags I probably could have just out the story behind this in the tags oops…..

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carefulfears · 11 months

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Explain what you said on Twitter

assuming that you're talking about when i said that imo the conversations around "scully, you're making this personal" aren't aligned with the intent/impact of the scene (actually i think what i said was that the scene is very serious but y'all never talk about what's serious about it so you loop back around to being unserious) and tbh i can do a post on my own feelings about the scene sometime when i'm feeling more with it if y'all want but i just meant that people bitch about that line every single day talking about how it's hypocritical and how infuriating it is and how much you hate mulder in s6 etc etc but i literally never see anyone even think about like...the actual meaning of the scene and implications of the line and the context and where they're each coming from. it's all just a very shallow and reactionary discussion in my experience

(i ended up talking more in the tags lol i never shut up in the tags)

#interesting to watch byers' reaction in that scene tbh. considering he's the one who said he 'always wondered' why mulder and diana split up #he very much has a look of 'don't go there' when scully keeps pushing it #as pointed out in randomfoggytiger's analysis of the scene which is linked on their page #this obv isn't shade to anyone who's talked about the scene lol #asks #scully LOATHESSS diana lol and has literally every reason and more #i just think the convos around that scene are missing the biggest emotional aspect (scully's violation in relation to diana's participation #to like.....focus on a totally different angle and blow it up #when i say that the scene IS very serious but never in the way discussed #i mean that it's very much about scully begging to be heard and kind of quietly betraying how much her own exploitation impacts her #how much it IS personal #and it's also kind of a last ditch effort to try to get the person she loves out of this abusive/manipulative situation using evidence #and he IS listening to her (he goes from there to check diana's apartment and tells diana he has doubts about her. which he didnt before)#but she doesn't know that bc she just hears 'scully you're reaching' 'scully you're making this personal'#my interpretation of the line is that he's talking about her criticism of diana. which we know she's been vocal about from her #'you KNOW what i think THAT woman is' in the previous episode #i think he's taking it as input on HIS personal life and what he does with HIS relationships and HIS ex (wife) (lol)#but what makes the scene serious and kind of haunting is that that actually is not what she's talking about at all #she's talking about the chip in her neck. she's talking about her dead daughter. her dead sister. HIS dead sister. the dead MUFON women.#all things that she KNOWS diana is involved with. but she can't MAKE him see that or believe her #(even though he does take in her input moving forward)#they're just not on the same page for once and they're not talking about the same thing #like it's a very deep and very very difficult conversation because it's so convoluted in abuse and power structures and trauma #but my main thought on it is that like...i never see anyone think about the implications or even the aspect of scully's personal history #all anyone ever says all the time is like omg of course it's personal to her i hate him for this men are so stupid #NO ONE EVER EVEN REMEMBERS WHAT THE SCENE WAS ABOUT #and ofc people are allowed their jokes and not every post on every scene is gonna go into how people think about it or how they interpret i #it's just always a very shallow conversation surrounding a very important scene which bothers me! that's all

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silasplaskett · 20 days

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i have to continuously think about how tommy really believed that buck just got ahead of himself and wasnt ready to be fully out at the drop of a hat but the actual situation was that. buck was all in on being out and proud basically as soon as he realized and the date only went badly bc of the exact specific circumstance of buck not being able to tell eddie about it in exactly the situation that he wanted to. which is so crazy.

#in my mind buck had planned to debrief eddie about all of it. just after the first date to see how it would go. which makes complete sense.#and then eddie being THERE threw him so hard he had to say some of the cringiest things that have ever come out of his mouth #bc he didnt ever really think that eddie would mind him dating a guy. but he wasnt entirely sure how he would process him dating tommy #and thats literally how the convo ends up going bc eddie never seems to directly express that bucks queerness even catches him by surprise.#just that hes dating tommy. or that tommy is dating him.#911 #911 abc #911 fox #bea.txt

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horsemage · 1 month

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I think we should bring back basic etiquette lessons such as shutting the fuck up when you’re watching a movie in a group that is not exclusively your friend group 🙂

#welcome to another Mick Airs Out Their Grievances and by god is it a VERY long one #prob best if u don't expand the tags #am I being maybe a bit meaner about this than I would be for any other movie? maybe but pac rim is one of my favorite movies of all time #so I think I get a pass on this one.#one of the groups on campus is hosting movie nights & I went to this one bc I've only ever watched pac rim on my laptop and wanted to watch #it on a larger screen. yay yippee I love this movie!#there r maybe 10-ish of us in this room and a three person friend group is sitting on the couch one of whom has seen the movie and two who #have not. okay so far so normal.#and then the movie starts and they won't! stop! fucking! commentating! the whole fucking movie!!! I don't have a problem with doing that #when I'm in just my friend group because I know that I can tell my friend to stop talking or pause the movie or whatnot but not when I'm in #a large group w people I'm not good friends with ffs #and the comments aren't even funny or anything they're all oh this is JUST like in iron widow!! oh they're SO gay and autistic!!! and #they're talking so loud about this that it completely drowns out the movie audio which has already been turned up a few times #like. be considerate!! some of us want to yknow actually listen to what's going on and not whatever bullshit you're saying #I nearly walked out three or four times before I actually wound up doing so #I may have been a bit of a bitch at the end but I don't care. I got up to leave because this was not an enjoyable environment and one of #them offered to turn the movie down if it was too loud. this caught me a bit off guard since I expected them to still be so wrapped up in #their convo and. well. I may have said 'it's not the movie that's too loud' before closing the door #this also reminds me a lot about my issues with online shipping culture and it bleeding through into how we interact with media irl #this is probably heavily influenced by my aromanticism but I'm so sick of people constantly reading romantic relationships into everything #AND placing more importance on those relationships than any other form. I don't mind romance in media. I think if done right it has great #emotional impact on a story but when a movie is running and when other people who may not want to hear it are in the room watching it too #is not the time to be loudly saying 'he's autistic!' 'they're in love!' 'she has a crush on him!'#I have my own interpretations of the movie some of which agree with what they said and some of which don't but that's beside the point of #knowing how to coexist politely in public #anyway. I think they were awful and annoying and they ruined my night out.#I think I'm just so incredibly mad about this because I love the movie and I was looking forward to watching it in a group of people who #found it cool as well while still having some modicum of politeness #I almost wish I had been meaner but that's the extreme annoyance talking I think #hater hour over love u guys bye

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judicent · 24 days

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Yeah, I did fill 4 sketchbooks in 4 months so far this year. Huh? Am I gonna post even an ounce of it? Well, you see, I am allergic to my phone, so you will have to come CATCH ME

#da #nooo but I am so saddd it's so much easier to show stuff off irl 😭#if it could look even halfway decent I've considered doing flip throughs of sketchbooks on video #except I draw in pencil and cameras hate that and want me to explode #idk it is truly just better to somehow gain access to my terrible trove of sketchbooks #no but man that sounds like such an ideal hang out. get all my oc lore by sitting on my floor with me as we go through the archives #gosh I should count how many I've filled up at this point #I love that the number increases exponentially as the years go on #like I think 2018 began the precedent of 4 a year minimum which was kinda wild #another ridiculous difficult project I have given a lot of thought to: combing through every sketchbook and either redrawing #or printing off important story related bits and compiling them all into a convenient binder. maybe binding them into a book.#anyway it's pretty much all a drag no matter how you slice it #come to my HOUSE and look at my CREATURES #u don't know this bc I've learned to be silly sneaky but I have stayed up wayyyy too late AGAIN #but I've scheduled this to post at a normal time so you'll never know. unless you read the tags. but that's its own punishment isn't it #hey bonus enticement to look at my boo stuff that doesn't get on the blog. there's smut. and you KNOW I'm a coward who shan't ever post that #actually we'll be lucky if I'm not the same coward in real life too #it's only Dick and Vinny. they get rights. i don't care if anyone else has sex. I don't care if I have sex.#the one song I hope I don't have sex. I hope we both don't have sex. that's actually Vinny though.#I'm more sex favorable and sex positive than he could ever be #y'know this is a very 4am convo to have and actually how prepared am I for this to live in a pm afternoon time #welp. maybe I should stop being addicted to tags and letting loose all my secrets #I shan't grow I shan't do better and I shan't ever change. this is the da promise <3

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1eos · 4 months

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What’s your take on Taek always posing with Starbucks lately? I’ve been so conflicted. Many people have tried to educate him but he hasn’t stopped

hmhmmmm. what im abt to say isnt exclusive to him this is just my general stance when it comes to ppl w privilege being out of touch but its one of those things where im not gonna defend it. obviously. if anyone criticizes him (or anyone else i like) im not gonna fight them or try to make excuses but im also not gonna fall into the trap of centering all talks of palestine around a celebrity!

i purposefully havent been talking abt who has and hasnt been boycotting starbucks since november bc i saw someone point out that if you searched palestine on twitter the results were literally clogged with shit abt idols and that's not productive esp bc a lot of ppl have not spoken a word abt palestine until a famous person was caught w starbucks and suddenly theyre mobilizing to get them to stop posting their drinks but will never mobilize IN GENERAL

and this isnt just about kpop i remember being skeeved out by the beyhive for palestine stuff bc theyre STILL focusing *beyonce* when she's a millionaire! she's not starving! and she said nothing when break my soul became a fucking war song for isnt real which is way worse than starbucks i can admit that. and i remember during the big wave of black lives matter how frustrated i was that everyone just wanted to make it all about what this celebrity donated or how this celebrity was forced to post abt blm and to make ethnic cleansing abt idols is just a million times more fucked up.

i say all this to say that in general. me, personally, im always gonna try to put more effort in actually centering palestinian issues. i do feel guilty bc as much as i would love to be immune to the celebrity machine im not 😭 and i have the privilege of escapism when millions don't. like i slipped up and thoroughly enjoyed ushers half time show without even thinking and woke up the next morning and saw all the zionist shit he had posted months earlier. BUT instead of letting that guilt propel me to try to push a celeb to boycott to make myself feel better im gonna use my energy and privilege to send money every paycheck, boycott myself and spread awareness and talk to the ppl i *can* influence :')

and i hope this doesnt sound like one big cope 😭😭😭😭 ive been disappointed in a lot of ppl including really close friends who hate isnt real and are sympathetic to palestine but aren't consciously boycotting and resolving myself to do more and focusing on the ppl who *are* doing what needs to be done has been better than worrying abt how *i* feel when in the end of the day im (relatively) safe

#asks #🧎🏾‍♀️i talk way too much #some ppl just dont care enough to boycott and its hella disappointing i talked w some irls #and we had a great convo abt how fucked zionism is and then they said they werent going out of their way to boycott #well how tf do u expect anything to change?#which is why i wont jump and say anyone who doesnt boycott is automatically zionist but they arent anti-zionists either #and all i said above ive perpetrated too like looking back ive def given more heat to a celeb #than given more care to the actual issue and ive really been reflecting on it 😭#like can i have a redo of 2019-2021

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thehallstara · 7 months

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i just like. wish ppl would realize how bad things are for most diaspora jews atm and like. take that into account wrt how they talk abt stuff

#s.txt #every day i see another dozen posts that make me want to cry and further avoid social media #like. i'm sorry i need white gentiles to realize that part of their job here is working to make the diaspora safe for jews!!!#do you know how much harder it is to convince my family that israel isn't the solution when houses in my neighbourhood are getting shot at #and vandalized for having mezuzahs??? which we also had up until they were ripped off by someone a few years back???#and like those are very necessary convos to have and i'm gonna keep having them and doing what i can and everything #but then i come on here and see shit like all zionists deserve to die no matter and it's just like. yall just want to see jews dead actuall #a free palestine is imperative i believe this to the depths of my soul #and things are also very scary right now!!! these are two things that can and are coexisting rn!!#sorry for the essay lmao #and yeah i'm not really on here besides my queue atm bc most of my energy rn is going towards irl convos+stuff and that's good frankly #sorry coming back bc i remembered the thread i saw from a white gentile leftist last week #that referred to israelis as pests that need to be eradicated #in those exact words and like sorry that's just straight up antisemitic rhetoric in so many ways like pls listen to yourself

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switchytransboy · 8 months

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i have this sinking weird feeling that i may be losing a friend of mine over the Israel vs Palestine conflict.

as a white jew, i stand with the Palestinians and 110% see the truth. i am not blinded by my judaism or my privilege and i did the research i needed to do, i did the unlearning of everything i had been taught in Hebrew school growing up. i am entirely anti-zionist.

but my family is jewish, i have many jewish friends, and i am the only one out of them it seems so far that went and did this researching, learning, and unlearning to understand the truth and the evils that my people committed.

as a jew, so many people stop their thinking at “well the jews survived the holocaust so they deserve a land that is theirs” and that is why so many jews are zionists, blind to the fact that the way israeli’s went about taking the land was by means of genocide, torture, and wiping out an entire population of palestinians. these actions of the israeli people is what created hamas in the first place.

i may be losing a friend because so many jews in my life fail to think critically, to learn, unlearn, and understand a new pov. but i flushed out all my conservative friends in 2020, i’ll do it again now if i have to for this.

#i might be losing this friend not even bc i’m mad or bc we fought #we had a debate #i had an answer or was able to point out a lie or bias or something in every point they made #not bc i’m cocky but bc they were wrong and i was going by history aka the truth #the points they were making were all pro-zionism which is what i was brainwashed to be as a kid too #so it was so easy to debunk and shut down each and every one #and they didn’t like that lol #that’s why i say #before you open your mouth #before you debate #READ. LEARN. EDUCATE YOURSELF.#she shut down from anger and frustration #she chose to end the convo bc she had no points left to make and i could’ve kept going and making more on the side of the palestinian people #so if this is how our friendship ends bc she can’t separate debates from just us talking as people too #so be it #i choose to be on the side of human rights for ALL #not the side of genocide

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jangyeevns · 6 days

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sometimes it's nice to just let others decide if you're worth their time versus constantly wondering if you're imposing

#2024 is the year of realizations i think #bc i don't wanna spend my time starting convos with people who don't wish to talk to me fr #like.. that's wasted energy and just forcing something that isn't mutual and that benefits no one #and no this isn't a specific thing.. just thinking some things over recently. recollecting irl trauma with one-sided friendships #and tbh.. i'm kinda just tired of lying to myself that reaching out first all the time isn't a big deal when the writing's on the wall LMAO #like for some people like my cousin it's so valid bc she's got 2 boys under 4 and a dog to look after #but for others? you've gotta let them go when it's just you making an effort. which is hard enough bc i'm not That social #yet i go out of my way tidjfkd #but yeah just some thoughts #idk if i'll ever know how to make and maintain friends but knowing where i stand with people Now is a start so 🤷‍♀️

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gloriousmonsters · 10 months

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read camp dama.scus. enjoyed some stuff, really wish i didn't have the experience so often reading a book that's Good and Progressive and about Queer Affirmation etc of feeling like i'm side-eying the author like 'and you know that delineating the people that oppose you as pure evil that therefore deserves torture or death or being eliminated from society entirely is bad, right? you know that, right??'

#it's kind of funny bc the main character is a jack chick tract atheist in a way bc #she rejects her religion (REALLY quickly and easily lol) and immediately starts... conceiving of HERSELF as a prophet/god #as in. starts making up 'bible' verses that are about Her and how awesome she is #and how she's going to bring down her enemies with the righteous flaming sword of vengeance and wrath and truth etc #which i would love as a character Thing if the narrative didn't just treat this as 'super metal' with absolutely no further examination #(seriously she casually drops that she's been making up bible-style verses abt herself and her ideas #in convo with her Token Good Christian friend. by CITING ONE OF THEM #LIKE IT'S A BIBLE VERSE. and then going 'o yeah i've been making those up'#and her friend's reaction is just 'haha that's sick' and moving on)#listen i'm all for god complexes and edgy bullshit but the presentation along w the general #descriptions of the Enemy as 'cartoonishly pure evil' and implicit 'haha nice!' around the idea of THEM getting tortured forever #just leaves me ://///#i might be oversensitive to this after stuff like Sorrowland and Pet but.... just. ech. i wish i didn't have to play the game of #'do you think torture is ok if it's someone you don't like?' and 'do you consider people who do bad things as human?' in the first place #also it was just a HUGELY underwritten book lol it'd make a decent movie but viewed as a book it gets funnier the longer i think about it #was marketed as conversion camp horror. 0 conversion camp content bc IT ALREADY HAPPENED #0 relationship development bc the two people the MC connects with she ALREADY HAD RELATIONSHIPS WITH. THAT SHE FORGOT #so you can 'i'm falling for x again' all you want dr tingle that's not what's happening the work is not there #also ofc the other two people are just. The Tech Guy and The Cool Hot Nice Love Interest (2 aesthetic traits no personality)#so yeah like. some very good horror moments/concepts! but some Problems. For Sure #vic talks #book talk

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hella1975 · 1 year

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yes im trying not to be so mean yes im working on my temper but under no section of my Healing Contract does it mention that these things must apply to my sister. in fact if you read the fine print it says im actively allowed to make her miserable. for my mental health

#she's so mean all the time like constantly telling me im stupid and shit #which probably didn't hit as hard before this econ degree but now every time she does it im just kinda like :/#and i laugh it off obvs bc am i fuck about to look put out by it #so she genuinely doesnt have any reason to stop bc ive not set any boundaries or communicated or yk. done anything correctly #i instead just let it frustrate the fuck out of me until one day im in a bad enough mood that i'll give as bad as she does #which i HATE bc as tough shit as she thinks she is i always think being mean - specifically the primary school way she does it -#is SO embarassing as a conflict method like girl 'you're stupid' is really the best you can come up with? bffr 😭#like when i say IM mean and SHE'S mean im talking about very different things #im mean less often than her but when i do it it's effective bc i literally catalogue people's insecurities and use them against them #like some fucking anime villian like it's actually uncomfortable to watch and i hate myself every time #whereas her way is effective bc it's all dumb comments ANYONE could make but she says them repeatedly until she wears you down #and of the two methods they're both shit but at least my way isn't cringe LMAO #so if i ever get so frustrated i revert to her method i just get v annoyed with myself like IM better than this she might not be but i am #and we've just been moving things in the garden with mum which is a flashpoint anyway #and me and my sister were just GOING at each other and it was all jokes until i said something she didn't like #and she was like 'what's your problem? it's fine when we're joking but you always take it too far' girl.#like i cannot accurately explain on here how ridiculous that statement is coming from HER #and if id said something actually horrible id get it but the convo was literally just #her: mum can i wear your watch for the chem ball coming up?#me: why do you need a watch for that?#her: ive got a dumb tan line on my wrist that i want to cover #me: i really dont think anyone is going to be looking at your wrists #THAT WAS IT LMFAO??? YOU HYPOCRITICAL LITTLE BITCH #ironically i had a field day with it like her saying that was the worst thing she could have done #latched onto it like a bloodhound fr my eyes must have lit up #i was like 'dont be such a baby' which is basically a fucking trigger word in our house #thought she was gonna hit me with a spade <3 peace and love on planet earth #godddddd i cant wait for her to go back to uni i HATE sharing a room i cannot escape her she's literally here as i type #i hope she knows im slagging her off to my niche online micro-community #hella goes home

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beautifel · 8 months

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i. hate that i cant ignore any longer how fucked up i am

#ask 2 tag idk what to tag this but its negative. idk if i’m hormonal or whatever. it’s just that i’m so extremely emotional lately #like i always havebeen but it’s insane lately and i know some of the reasons but i have no idea what to do abt it. which is bad #i wish i knew how to confront …it all. im so avoidant it is genuinely pathetic #and even if i wanted to confront anything iwouldnt know how… n how to tell ppl around me #the pains ive taken to ignore my issues over the yrs n by that i mean suppress the knowledge that they even exist Lmao it is so pathetic #let alone the pains ive taken to hide from other ppl that which im suppressing. and to hide how badly i cope with anything #like any problem at all not just things that have anything to do with The Thing #i finally told my girlfriend about something i never thought id ever say out loud to anyone n it was so hard #the whole convo was so hard bc shes dealing with so much too and shes been getting help for 3 yrs n i know #with her baggage of trauma a relationship is one of the hardest things #n ive never ever regretted our relationship but with the things we are both dealing wtih. or rather not dealing with in my case #it is so . hard.. and i feel like ive been so unfair bc i havent been getting help even tho i need it. and she has.#the sheer irony of me refusing to get help or even admit 2 myself i need it even tho im literally about to be the person who helps others #this cannot go on lmao. the only thing im sure about is that i wanna spend my life with her but with everything tht we have on our plate #its so.. unsure i feel so powerless . i cannot change the past i cant change either of our previous experiences #its so unfair how we risk losing the best thing that ever happened bc of things out of our control #ive genuinely never been more scared of anything than i am of the idea of losing this relationship #we had such a deep conversation today and it was necessary and good but god we’re fucked up people #so i .contacted the uni psych today finally but im so fucking scared and idk what to even say when i get there #ive never until today said it out loud ive never even written it down anywhere

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