thinking abt the doctor!abby request i have in my inbox that sounds so hot but could also get me cancelled <3

How would you react if someone close to you found out you enjoy Diabolik Lovers and then accused you of glorifying Laito’s actions by drawing fan art of him? I don’t think it is shameful to enjoy fiction with themes of abuse as long as one can differentiate between fiction and reality and right and wrong, but I was just wondering if you think it is worth ending a whole friendship because of this dispute. My friends think I am someone who supports sexual assault through this series and it hurts.

Coming back from the dead to answer this question

Oh goodness, first of all, I’m very sorry anon. I’ve been in that exact situation with a friend when I first got into DL six years ago. They’re not my friend anymore due to some other things that happened in early high school on top of that, but trust me, it’s something that I’m familiar with too.

I was also ashamed of myself as well for some time. But, after when I was first sexually assaulted, I still didn’t mind Dialovers, and in fact, it was a coping mechanism for me (probably the healthiest I could find at that moment too). Although, Laito’s HDB route definitely hit very very hard because it is his darkest route in the series. But you can still watch something and be like “oh god this is a terrible situation” but know it’s still fictional, and since Laito’s HDB route is a well written one, you can appreciate it from an artistic stance. Art and media shouldn’t be limited to drawing the positives. Sure does it glorify nonconsensual situations??? Maybe a little but it does show Yui’s deterioration and trauma. Which is why I don’t think it glorifies it too much in HDB, considering what Yui’s thoughts are can be very real.

(Also not saying all sexual assault survivors will have the same opinion of this anime, I don’t speak for all survivors. But there’s your perspective from one :))

Regardless, the fanservice of DL, at its core, is a ravishment fantasy franchise. Sure people are here for the lore too (I know I am), but they can also be for the fanservice. I am unsure how old you are, anon, but considering this petty argument is occurring between a friend and you, it sounds like some high school/late middle school drama to me. I preface this considering I’m gonna be arguing something from the 18+ scale too. If you’re not 18+ this doesn’t rly apply to you (since no minors should be practicing kink) but there is something called CNC, or “consensual non-consensual.” Also known as “rape roleplay.” It’s a kink that can be used in BDSM, and is enacted by consenting adults. Is it nonconsensual? No way! However, in order to practice this, you need a lot of communication and trust, and it’s something that you shouldn’t start out with of course. Also, see Netflix’ “Sex Explained” and I think the first episode is on sexual fantasies. Many women have ravishment fantasies, but that doesn’t mean they want it ACTUALLY to happen to them!! With those types of fantasies it’s just in a D/s (Dom/sub) power play situation, which again, is performed by two (or more) consenting adults.

When it comes to that argument as well, it’s kind of like saying “if you watch and like slasher horror, you support serial killers” which,,,, is far from truth. Murder and rape are both terrible things. We’re just more used to seeing glorified violence on mainstream media rather than rape in general. There’s a whole slasher fandom! With people who love the lore and people who love the characters! It’s pretty similar to this fandom given the circumstances. But there’s people who have crushes on real life serial killers, and that’s just,,,, that’s a huge issue (abs very gross), and very different. Since one’s fantasy, and one’s in real life with real life actions that have affected legitimate families that exist. Even going from the slasher serial killer, it’s like “if you like Deadpool, do you support his actions?” (Which yes he’s an antihero but he does pretty illegal things) which no!!! It’s fun to explore dark and illegal exposition in a fictional world! It’s an escape! It’s looking at a story and still having empathy and sympathy for the characters.

So no!!! Liking DL is not supporting rape!! That’s legitimately such a stretch, and if you want to get technical with this, it’s a type of fallacy called the “slippery slope” fallacy. I believe it’s a combo of others too, but it’s making a claim and having the conclusion be way out of left field. I believe it falls under poor deductive reasoning (but it may be unsound inductive reasoning, it’s been a while since I’ve had to use those skills oops). For an anime specific example, let’s just say you know someone who has a crush on Yuno Gasai from Future Diary. Many people do. Many people love her character. Yuno’s a very flawed, traumatized character just like the ones in DL. But people love her! But you’re not supporting her incredibly unethical actions and murder by liking them!

Even if you know that this is a fictional universe, if you knowthat the characters are flawed but still like their characters, that doesn’t mean you’d support their actions irl. If they’re an interesting villain like legitimately all the characters (except Yui) in the first game are (the diaboys become both the villain??? And the hero??? It’s blurred in the later games but that’s what I love about DL), but you can appreciate their characters and flaws, that’s not supporting their actions at all. It’s a goddamn fictional universe and if you know not to do that and you know the repercussions of it irl then your friends should know you well enough that you have a good head on your shoulders!!! Shit makes me wicked mad, but it’s nothing to lose a friendship over unless if they’re being very toxic (that ex friend I was talking about earlier was a very toxic person and that’s also part of the reason why I’m not her friend anymore but it wasn’t DL related). Sure you can disagree with liking DL, but you still have to respect them. I’m linking a video from Markiplier made four years ago with a powerful message.

I’m very sorry you’re going through this. It’s completely normal, healthy, and inconsequential to be exploring a dark fictional world but not its contents in real life. Your friends shouldn’t be treating you like that. It’s hypocritical of them in my opinion, assuming that they also watch stuff with violence and illegal/unethical acts in them—I don’t know a single person who doesn’t, considering there’s even kids cartoon violence. Best of luck you you though, I hope I was able to help.

Hakuoki Yuugiroku 3 Fall Saito Story

managed to recover my first post of the year which seemed to have disappeared from tumblr via exporting it…

hope everyone had a safe and happy new year… recently hit 500 followers over the holidays so I’d like to say thanks for appreciating the stuff I’ve uploaded and my translations (I kinda feel the need to say this but: I am an adult who occasionally uses crude language so please be aware of that. Also, i don’t run an image-focused blog. i only wanted to post everything that I thought wasn’t available as clean images online so that people would be able to find and access more Hakuoki content… and i do believe i have done that for the most part).

Threw together a list of things that I hope translate this year into in one of my other posts today… here’s hoping that it will be less volatile than 2020… tho im not expecting much given the news yesterday though i can’t say that i didn’t expect it.

Anyway. translation. Story from the 3rd Yuugiroku game.

The CN of the title I have for this translates to the effect of “The fate/return/destination of (a) migratory bird(s),” which I think looks weird and I’m not sure how accurate that tl is, so I’m just going to categorize these stories by season and char lol. not that it’ll be any time soon before I go and translate another one of these since this did feel quite long…. and it’s not like anyone else is translating these (please someone translate these xD there are 2 side stories per route and i am not looking forward to torturing myself with them!).

also, a significant portion of the punctuation and stuff wasn’t used in the tl i found for this, so that will be reflected in this… will fix it later.

Hakuoki Yuugiroku 3 - Fall Saito Story

Translation by KumoriYami

That day I was delivering Hijikata-san’s message and came to Saito-san’s room.

Yukimura Chizuru: Saito-san, are you there?

[I] Called him from outside his door but he didn’t seem to hear me.

Did he go out?

But the other warriors clearly stated that he was in the room.

Using a slightly louder voice, I called again.

Yukimura Chizuru: Ah, Saito-san are you there?

Saito: Yukimura, is there something [you need]?

Yukimura Chizuru: Hijikata-san said that he had something to say to Saito-san so I was asked to get you.

Saito: Vice-commander? I see.

I got it/I understand I will go at once, you’ve worked hard, Yukimura. [I’ll check the game for punctuation later….probably?]

Yukimura: It’s rare, for Saito-san didn’t hear me calling you.

Saito: I was concentrating, [and] I didn’t hear your voice.

Yukimura: Concentrating? Was it on sword maintenance?

Saito: nn, more or less.

Yukimura: ．．．．．．？

It was rare for Saito-san to answer questions in such vague terms.

Saito: Isn’t (the) vice-commander calling me? I’ll hurry up.

Saito: You can go back.

Yukimura: I understand, then I’ll be going now.

I gently lowered my head and prepared to leave Saito-san’s side.

Yukimura:．．．．．．

His unusual mood made me feel a little worried.

Afterwards at dinner, there was a strange/unusual incident.

Saito-san who finished eating earlier than everyone else set down his chopsticks.

Heisuke: What’s wrong are you already full Hajime-kun?/Hajime-kun you’re already full?

Saito ……Nn.

Yukimura: There’s more of Saito-san’s favourite tofu.

Saito: I’ve had enough for now, I’ll be leaving first.

Leaving behind those words, Saito-san bought his plate into the kitchen.

Nagakura: What’s wrong with Saito? It’s simply unfathomable for him to only eat a small portion of tofu.

Harada: It doesn’t look like he’s feeling unwell, so maybe he secretly ate earlier?

Yukimura: What, Saito-san isn’t a person who would do something like that.

Toudou: Hajime-kun’s been acting weird lately. In the morning today, he went back to his room right after practice.

Nagakura: did he have a headache? Sano, did you ask him?

Harada: If he doesn’t want to say anything, then I can’t ask.

Nagakura: If this continues, perhaps something permanent might happen [gave up rewording for now lol].

Yukimura:．．．．．．

What was wrong with Saito-san?

Was something bothering him?

A few days later.

For the sake of mending the warriors’ uniforms, I went to the common room [tl is large main hall].

Chizuru: Ah, you’re here, Saito-san.

Saito: ! Yukimura——

Saito-san hid what he was holding behind him in a panic.

What was it?

It looked like a book.

Saito:……Will you be mending clothes here?

Yukimura: Yes, will this bother you?

Saito: No, it’s no bother.

Yukimura: Then I’ll be mending/sewing here.

I took out my needlework box and began mending the clothes.

Saito-san seemed to be hesitating about if he should stay or leave/ leaving or staying.

Yukimura: Um.

Saito: What?

Saito: Was Saito-san reading something just now?

Saito: Ah, um, nn, more or less.

Yukimura: Don’t mind me and continue reading.

Saito: But.

Yukimura: Am I bothering you?

Saito: No, but……

Saito-san looked very confused, after…

Saito: Yukimura.

Yukimura: What is it?

Saito: I hope you don’t tell anyone else that I was reading this book.

Yukimura: Don’t tell the others?

What was going on?

To actually not want any of the other warriors to know about this book.

Could it be that this book was on something, like assassination techniques, that shouldn’t be passed onto others?

I felt a bit uneasy.

Yukimura: I understand. I will never tell anyone else.

Saito: I believe you.

With a sharp glance at me, Saito-san began to read again.

The cover of the book looked badly worn.

Yukimura: Is that a manual on kenjutsu?

Saito: Yes, I happened to find it a few days ago, and took it to read. As a result, I’ve started reading this without stopping. If I have time, I’ll read. [reword later]

Yukimura: So it was like that.

That’s why Saito-san has been behaving strangely lately.

Yukimura: But why don’t you want to let the other warriors know?

There was no need to hide a swordsmanship manual.

Saito: That, because. The author of this book and I are not from the same school. Reading manuals from other styles is considered unethical.

Yukimura: I see.

I couldn’t help but laugh at such serious reasoning.

But, that truly was Saito-san’s style.

I started sewing again as Saito-san to read again.

We focused on our own things, and while we were in the same room, it however was natural for there to be no dialogue.

Retreating to the tranquility of the autumn night with only the sound of cicadas, [reword later] and the occasional sound of Saito-san turning a page.

Suddenly I was very interested in that sound and was looking in/looked in Saito-san’s direction.

Focused on reading, his entire posture was completely serious.

My heart felt happy just by looking at him, and I unconsciously smiled.

As a result, he noticed my staring, and while his gaze didn’t leave the book, he asked me a question.

Saito: What’s wrong? Is there something on my face?

Yukimura: No, Saito-san’s expression is very earnest/serious.

As a result, Saito-san tilted his head slightly, murmuring quietly.

Saito: So there’s nothing strange. I don’t understand what you’re thinking.

Yukimura: If I’ve upset you, I’m sorry.

Saito: I’m not upset.

Saito-san lightly sighed, adjusting the way he sat slightly.

Yukimura: Saito-san really loves kenjutsu.

Saito: I don’t have any other skills, but I do have some knowledge about kenjutsu/experience.

Yukimura: Ah, a talent/Oh my.

The conversation ended like this, and Saito-san once again began focusing on the manual.

From time to time, there was the sound of pages being turned.

The silence was soothing. I continued sewing the clothes.

A few days later.

I finished washing the clothes, and was about to head back into my room.

Nomura: Spare me, Saito-san. There’s no way we can defeat Saito-san./How could we beat Saito-san!

I saw Saito-san, Souma-kun and Nomura-kun practising with the blunt side of their swords [check jp mtl].

It looked like he was trying to put what he had read in that book a few days ago into practice.

Saito: A little bit more, just a bit more and I’ll have grasped it. One more time.

Souma: But we’re going on patrol next. Regardless of what is said, we can’t neglect our duties as members.

Saito: I’ll finish this as as [you?] obtain a point. There won’t be any problem.

Nomura: To quickly get a single point, what the hell is that! This is terrible.

Souma: But it’s pointless to continue like this…

As of the three of them talked, Nomura noticed me an started speaking with me.

Nomura: Ah, Yukimura-senpai, you’re just in time.

Yukimura: Ah, just in time for what?

Nomura: Why don’t you ask Yukimura-senpai to practise with you, Saito-san?

Saito: Ask Yukimura?

Yukimura: This, that’s not something I can do, there’s no way I can fight Saito-san.

Nomura: That doesn’t matter, we’re about the same [skill] level.

Yukimura: But…

Nomura: We have to go on patrol later, so please help us.

Souma: Nomura, don’t force Yukimura-senpai like this. Yukimura-senpai is also very busy.

Yukimura: ．．．．．．

Fighting against Saito-san will be incredibly difficult.

Yukimura: Saito-san, am I okay [acceptable?]?

Saito: Is that okay? Have you been instructed to do anything?

Yukimura: I’ve already finished with those things. However I don’t know if I’ll be of any use.

Saito: That is more than enough, thank you, Yukimura.

Yukimura: Not at all.

Nomura: The we’ll be going to work, so we’ll leave this to you, Yukimura-senpai!

Souma: Is this really okay, Senpai?

Yukimura: There aren’t a lot of opportunities to learn/This is a good opportunity to learn.

Souma: Then, we’ll be leaving/take our leave.

Yukimura: Okay. See you.

The two of them went directly back into headquarters to prepare for patrol.

Saito: Then, let us begin, Yukimura. Are you ready?

I took a stance a distance away from Saito-san, and held up my kodachi.

Yukimura: Please advise me. [well not sure what the JP equivalent of this is….]

Following the silence, my entire body was filled with a sense of tension [reword later].

After.

At the sound of my foot stepping forward, in a split second, Saito-san was facing me.

Chizuru: !

I hurriedly prepared myself, but he was faster than I was.

Yukimura: Ah!

My kodachi flew in an arc and landed on the ground.

Saito: Ippon.

Yukimura:……

Saito-san’s killing intent left me speechless.

Saito: As expected, knowledge acquired from reading needs to be tested in real combat.

As Saito-san spoke, he picked up my kodachi, which had fallen onto the ground, and handed it back to me.

I received it with trembling hands.

Yukimura: Thank you very much.

Saito-san became stronger again.

Saito: The fact remains that you have also improved, Yukimura.

Yukimura: Is that so……

Saito: Let’s return now. It’s about time to prepare dinner.

Yukimura: Yes!

Afterwards, Saito-san and I helped prepare dinner together.

—-end—

next week’s post is Saito’s 7th Ginsei no Shou chapter!

Unfortunately, if Sunrise makes Sessrin canon, it won't bring much issue to them, the japanese fans love this ship, and in Japan there's this whole lolicon culture, 10 year old idols and schoolgirl pin-ups which are also accepted there. I still can't believe Japan doesn't see any issue with child grooming and exploiting underage girls, and seeing the series that put a mark on my childhood going through the same direction, makes me sad and concerned.

Howdy, nonnie! Happy weekend. 😚

Even though there are many Japanese fans out there who are antis like you and me, I'm well aware of the fact that there's an overwhelming number of fans there who not only celebrate this ship but are quite fanatical about it, too.

Of course I acknowledge that culture plays a role in how people learn to perceive certain relationship dynamics as they grow up. Their fans appear to think we're naive on that matter, but obviously we're more than familiar with Japan's infatuation with lolicon. Why else would we be so enraged over this ship in the first place? Because of shipping wars?! How many times must we repeat that this goes beyond petty fandom squabbles. This is about real life, and this is about protecting our kids and their future. Tell me, what could be more important than that?

What some of their fans fail to realize is that culture shouldn't be the only deciding factor we take into account when determining right from wrong. Culture isn't the ultimate form of defense either, and it's unethical to use it as an excuse to justify glorifying the sexualization of underage girls. It's ridiculous to believe that culture is "above our morals" so to speak, as if past and present cultures haven't tried to pass off messed up ideologies as mere differences of opinion.

At first glance it may not appear to some like it's a serious issue because "it's just fiction," which must mean people putting this content out there can get away with it then, correct? Oh, well sure they can since they've already been doing so for the longest time! The thing is just because it's "acceptable" and has been around forever doesn't make it right.

I urge you Sessrin shippers to please reflect on that for a moment and try and imagine what the future holds for our children if we persist in normalizing these harmful tropes where girls continue to be placed in highly inappropriate sexual contexts. How do you think putting a positive and romantic spin on a relationship like that will bode for them if they were ever to encounter a situation resembling it in real life? I know it's not exactly the image any of us want to picture, but can't you at the very least admit it's a possibility that a child/teen may potentially mistake a predator's intent as romantic because of what they've been exposed to in the media? I'm not saying that's proof every single child will be susceptible. But truly consider this: isn't one child risky enough?

It's engrained in girls at an early age, especially in places like Japan, that we are but visual appreciations for men AKA what you may know as the "male gaze." It's supposedly natural for men to look upon us women so it should be expected and even sought out. Phenomena like lolicon only take it further by romanticizing it and in turn validating this kind of predatory behavior in society.

Fiction has the power to remove all the questionable and ambiguous areas and focus on the super unrealistic flowery parts instead. But guys, just because a particular culture has found a loophole to portraying a relationship synonymous to real life grooming in a positive light does not mean they can and should get away with it. And especially when we got literal children watching!

Please please please read this short meta on this subject I'm addressing now. I recommend you read the comments section too, because there you'll hear from so many people who can relate with their own personal experiences. It's quite harrowing to see how many of us are out there.

This just goes to prove that it's crucial everyone understands this because we gotta start calling out the people responsible for this content and holding them accountable. That includes the authors, the screenwriters, the animators- you name it! We can't allow these sexualized images of young or pre-pubescent girls to be the norm anymore. I don't care how much it's a part of your tradition, because bear in mind that many immoral things were once tradition.

Now that you've read this far I want you to ask yourself this: Why do you think Rin- a character we've only ever known as a young girl in this series, mind you- is automatically associated with sex right off the bat? I mean, how do we know that she'll even be married or want to be married? Or hell, that she even likes boys?? What if she grows up and likes only women or perhaps both?! Or maybe she's not attracted to either!!

The point I'm trying to make is that we have absolutely no information on adult Rin, and she does not exist as far as we know. I hope she's alive, but what I meant to say is that I don't believe it's been officially confirmed that she's in the sequel yet. (Please correct me if I'm wrong though!) So the real question we should be asking ourselves right now is why are we so concerned with her love life? Why is this ever the only subject of importance in Rin's future? It's not for Sesshomaru but why is it for Rin? Don't you think it's sad that the first thing we as an audience associate a young girl around an older male figure with is sex and romance; like that's all she's good for and as if there's no greater purpose for her to serve.

We really oughta stop perpetuating these demeaning and inaccurate beliefs of what a woman's life should amount to. This idea that Rin doesn't want anything more than to be with Sesshomaru wherever he is no matter what completely diminishes her character to nothing more than ironically enough that little girl he once traveled with. Essentially the only reason you're aging her up is so she can have sex with him, but you still expect her to have no agency and follow him around blindly. A child may do that but not a full grown woman. Nope, not even in feudal times.

What that basically tells me is that you believe her character growth is non-existent and she's only in this story to serve Sesshomaru's plot and never her own outside of him. He needed to learn to think of others besides himself? Rin did that! He needs romance now? Well, that's what Rin is there for!! To satisfy his every need. Because apparently his character development only extends to her and her character's significance doesn't go beyond him.

Wow, such an honor to be reduced to nothing more than some pretty little sex object. But as long as Sesshomaru is happy then I suppose that's all that matters, right?

I could go and on, but best I stop. Lol Thanks again for the ask, nonnie. Here's hoping one of our favorite childhood memories will be salvaged! 2020 has already been shitty enough as is. 😆

Hello Elle, I’ve a question and I think you (and everyone who may stumble upon this ask) might help me. It is kind of a long ask so bear with me.

How do you seperate the art from the artist? I really admire people who can do this and wish I could do this too. But I feel like I’m just too emotional lol.

I started watching F1 around the time Max came up. I was very intrigued by him, he was the youngest driver on the grid, around my age and very very talented so I was a big fan of him.

Couple seasons later I started to notice Max personality change. The weird thing is when Daniel was his teammate I didn’t noticed Max being a bit disrespectful towards his colleagues or even his engineer. But when Alex became his teammate I started to see Max’ personality change (definitely not blaming Alex for this!!!). It may be that Max has always been like a hot head, but I am only now noticing it.

So now it’s hard for me to cheer for Max because I’m not able to seperate his bad behaviour from his talent. And I feel kind of bad about it because Max already apologised for the things he has said and done. What more can one do right? But yet I find it hard to root for him. I really try to be less emotional and just watch the race without holding a grudge against Max but it’s hard. I feel like I’m holding him to a high standard and that’s very unfair of me but how do I stop?

I hope I’m somewhat clear 💖

Please anyone feel free to answer in the comments or tags if you want to. I love reading tips, thank you!!

hey Anon!

you know what… I’m going to be completely honest here; sometimes I don’t think we should separate the art from the artist, but I think that should be an individual decision for everyone to make. if you have a hard time cheering for Max because you dislike his behavior, I think that’s probably your subconsciousness telling you that maybe you shouldn’t. you mentioned how you liked Max when he just started in F1 and you were a big fan of him, which I think is absolutely okay. but I also think it’s okay that people change, and feelings do too. if that means that you find it hard to root for him, then I feel like you shouldn’t force yourself to. I think even when somebody apologizes for something, we should still be allowed to say: “you know what, it still went too far for me. I didn’t like that, and the apology doesn’t feel enough for me, so I’m going to move on with my life”. you shouldn’t trap yourself into a situation just because somebody apologized. the apology shouldn’t become some sort of guilt-trip (“I apologized, so get over it” – it really doesn’t work like that). I think there is more to remorse than apologizing and there is also more to affection than staying with a person out of guilt. it really made me a bit sad how you mentioned that you’re “too” emotional and you’re trying to be less emotional. you know, I am a very emotional person, I think that’s very visible on my blog and in the way I answer questions, but I believe there’s nothing wrong with being emotional if you find mature and healthy ways to cope with those emotions. I don’t think you should tell yourself to be different from the way you are, Anon. the way you are now is fine. it’s 100% okay.

and I completely understand the affection and the feeling of attachment. especially when you’ve been following a figure like Max for a long time; basically saw him grow up, rooted for him at most races, I completely understand that you’ve become attached to him. I know it’s not easy, but forcing yourself to forget something that doesn’t feel right in your heart, that’s just not being fair to yourself. that’s like taking advantage of your own good intentions.

I do also want to point that just because I believe everyone should decide for themselves if they still want to support somebody, that doesn’t mean I encourage anyone to support somebody who has expressed themselves in an extremely unethical way (e.g. racism, homophobia, transphobia). I don’t support that at all, but I’m also very aware of the fact I cannot decide for other adults what they do and don’t. if those adults actively decide to still support a person after they've expressed themselves in such a way, then obviously I’m not going to be very friendly with those people. we’re just never going to be friends, because I don’t support excusing that kind of behavior.

I hope this explains my thoughts well, Anon. have a good day! 🧡

In the Name of Science: Chapter 2

Fandom: Sonic Movie (2020)

Rating: T for unethical experimentation, implied violence and gore, and implied torture

Summary: Tom and Maddie didn’t make it in time to rescue Sonic from Robotnik. Hopefully it’s not too late to save him now.  Unfortunately, hope is hard to come by in the labs of the mad doctor himself.

Note: things are going to start getting really unpleasant from here on out. This chapter is still pretty tame, but proceed with caution.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dr. Ivo Robotnik, M.D. Log 2

Subject regained consciousness at 10:12 MST during initial quill examination, and was verbally hostile upon contact with lead scientist (Dr. Ivo Robotnik, M.D., PhDx5). Subject placed in temporary holding enclosure for injury recovery as well as spoken interview, which was conducted at 10:30 MST. Transcript attached below.

…….

Sonic is brought into a much larger room than the one he’d woken up in. From his position between the two floating egg-robots, he can see that this one is set up with a lot of strange machines and tables and equipment that he couldn’t possibly hope to recognize, much less name. It almost looks like a secret evil lab from one of Tom and Maddie’s movies.

This association is what really makes the reality of the situation sink in.

“Hey, uh, what’s that?” He stares at a giant tube-looking thing in the corner, trying to distract himself from darker thoughts.

Robotnik ignores him, fiddling with his recording equipment, but Agent Stone follows his gaze.

“That’s an MRI machine.”

“Oh. What’s that do?”

“It’s a –”

“I know you’re having a splendid time fraternizing with the alien lifeform, Stone, but the most important homo sapiens in your life would very much enjoy your full attention.”

“Of course Doctor, sorry!” The assistant practically prances to his boss’ side, a goofy smile on his face. Sonic doesn’t understand any of it.

Turns out it doesn’t matter either way, because the hedgehog is suddenly carried above a large metal container with an open top. With another flick of the scientist’s wrist, the robots drop Sonic and he hits the inside of the pen, hissing as all his bruises are aggravated. The ceiling door closes automatically with a whoosh.

The teen makes a few pained noises while he tries to reorient himself. He’s always healed pretty quickly but this hasn’t been nearly enough time since the fight, and his entire body is revolting. He picks himself up into a sitting position as best he can to get a better look at his situation.

He’s in a cage large enough for him to lay down and stretch in any angle, but it’s not much bigger than that. Most of the walls barring one are thick mesh with thick metal reinforcing them from behind, and half the floor is the same. The other half is covered in something that looks suspiciously like a dog bed. The ceiling is just solid metal with no mesh, and it’s roughly the same proportion as the length and width.

Sonic scoots to the front of the cage so he can watch his human captors through the single “open” wall, if bars he can only stick one finger between counts as open. His restraints are weird – they sort of resemble his rings, circled around each individual wrist and ankle and keeping them together in a way he hasn’t quite figured out yet. He tries to pull them apart without much luck.

Robotnik seems to notice the attempt, because he waves a hand in the air without turning towards the hedgehog.

“Don’t bother! Those are highly magnetic and in tune only with each other.”

“….What’s ‘magnetic’?”

“Ugh, never mind.” The scientist does a little whirl to face the cage, holding a microphone connected to the machine behind him. He taps the mic and nods in satisfaction when it echoes. “Agent Stone, start the recording procedure please.”

The assistant gives affirmation as he flips a switch. Mechanical humming fills the air. Robotnik clears his throat.

“Log date: May 14th, 2020, 10:30 am MST. First official verbal interview with extraterrestrial subject, serial designation 06231991. It is unknown whether subject will be verbally hostile, so any redacted statements during this recording will be result of vulgarity and/or dialogue irrelevant to scientific development.”

He steps up to the cage, which sits just below his eyelevel, and observes Sonic a moment. The teen stares warily back.

“Subject, do you have a title you refer to yourself as?”

“Um…”

The man heaves a giant, put-upon sigh. “A name?”

“Oh. S-Sonic. I’m Sonic.” He kicks himself for tripping over his own name. This is just talking, why is it making him nervous?

“Sonic.” Robotnik says the word like he’s about to rip it to shreds. “So, Sonic, what would you say you are?”

“A hedgehog.”

“Did you base that name on the Earth creature sharing similar features?”

“No? I’ve always been a hedgehog.” Sonic lets himself relax a little bit. It really is just talking; he can do that just fine. “S’not my fault you guys named something after me.”

“I see. How long have you been on Earth?”

“Ten years.”

“How old are you?”

“Thirteen, I think.”

The scientist pauses at that, tilting his head down a little bit in a way that’s hard to read. “Really? You’ve been on Earth for most of your life?”

“Yeah…”

“Remarkable. Living here all this time right under our noses.” He strokes his mustache with a glint in his eye. “If only I’d discovered your presence sooner, everything would have been so much cleaner.”

Sonic’s fingers curl together.

“Oh well, no need to dwell on what could’ve been, until I finally unravel the science behind time travel at least.” Robotnik lets out an arrogant laugh. Stone mirrors him from behind. “So my elusive little subject, what’s the maturation rate of your kind?”

“What?”

“Hmm. You really don’t know much of anything, do you?”

It’s said with such a belittling sneer that the teen averts his eyes for a moment, feeling his face flush.

“Least I don’t dress like a bad guy from the Matrix,” he can’t help but mumble. His captor’s eyebrow twitches.

“My aesthetic is downright prodigious, thank you very much. But we’re getting off-topic! I asked about your maturation rate, you’re not smart enough to figure out what that means from the context clues, and frankly I’m getting bored by all this hands-off interaction for the sake of formal procedure. Would you say you’re closer in relative age to a child, adolescent, or adult?”

“I don’t – I don’t know, maybe teenager? Maybe?” Sonic hates that he doesn’t know, that he has no reference for knowing. He doesn’t even have the confidence to pretend that he does.

“Oh, really. That’s very interesting.”

The hedgehog feels every quill stand up on end at Robotnik’s suddenly subdued voice. He watches as the man’s expression morphs into manic contemplation. Agent Stone seems to sense the change, because he turns off the machine that’s recording their conversation.

“You’re an adolescent then. Thirteen years old, hiding here on this planet for whatever reason, honestly I don’t really care what sort of sob story you’re peddling but I have no doubt it exists. It’s no wonder you’re so ignorant.”

“I’m not ignorant!” He raises his voice like that will help prove his point.

“Oh, but you are. An obtuse, uneducated little creature that exists in a place it does not belong. Tell me, how many humans have you made direct contact with? Let someone see the real you, had a two-way conversation on equal footing…given physical contact.”

Robotnik lifts his hand and presses one finger against the bars, as if pretending he’s petting Sonic’s head again. The teen inches away towards the back of the cage, practically baring his teeth.

“Stop it.”

“Answer the question, hedgehog.”

“No! It’s none of your beeswax anyway, so back off!”

The scientist throws back his head and cackles. He comes down from his mirth fairly quickly and wipes a tear from his eye. “Everything about you is my ‘beeswax’, my pokey little fellow. I own you. I own your powers, your thoughts, your feelings, all of it. I’m astounded it hasn’t sunk in yet.”

“Cause it’s not true, Eggman! I’m me, and that’s it!”

The air around Sonic starts crackling. Robotnik places a hand in his pocket.

“Is that what your flatfoot nursemaid told you? Thank god I got you away from such fictitious foolishness, who knows what other absurdities he was filling your spiky little head with.”

“I told you not to talk about him like that!”

Full of angry energy, Sonic launches off of his heel and rams into the front bars in the same moment Robotnik pulls out a remote and presses a single button. Electricity that doesn’t belong to the hedgehog lights up the entire cage, leaving Sonic to experience the full brunt of it with his whole body pressed against metal. He stiffens up with a wordless cry and loses both his momentum and the power coursing through him.

It discharges outward and short-circuits whatever was generating the voltage running through the pen, saving the convulsing teen from further pain. He’s twitching so much that he doesn’t even notice the ceiling door open up again, nor the floating robot that drops inside to pull away several more quills. They’re still pulsing with energy.

Robotnik closes the door behind the robot as it leaves, then turns to regard his subject who’s making little mewling noises as his muscles seize against his will. He rolls his eyes at the display because really, the voltage was not that high. It didn’t even last more than a few seconds because of the creature’s rude outburst creating that blackout in his beautiful container.

He signals to Agent Stone, who is quick to turn on the recorder again.

“Note: next question involved reasons for subject’s existence on Earth and opinion on humans, at which time subject became hostile and attempted assault. No harm came to present researchers due to precautionary measures, and subject has been successfully and safely contained. Verbal interview will be postponed for later date until subject recovers and is more willing to discuss reasons for coming here without becoming violent.”

The man shuts off his mic and passes it to his assistant, yawning with a hand pressed to his mouth.

“Walk with me, Stone. I do believe it’s a fine time for sleep, now that all the immediate excitement is over.”

“Yes, sir!”

They leave the quivering hedgehog alone with the hum of a million machines and state-of-the-art security. Halfway down the hallway, Robotnik stops.

“Oh, just a moment.” He taps his gloves a few times and something whirrs to life back in the room. “There we go!”

“Sir?”

“Almost forgot to set up a sustenance bot for the little thing. I’m so used to wonderful, unfeeling robots with no need for constant nourishment, it’s easy to forgot that these fragile organic bodies require food and water, ha!”

“Uh…but Doctor, you’re also –”

“Don’t remind me of things I don’t like being reminded of, Stone!” The scientist snaps. He runs a careful hand through his hair and straightens his jacket rather prissily. “Anyway, you said something earlier about dinner being Argentina-inspired?”

Stone beams and his shoulders lift with pride. “Yep! Milanesa a la napolitana with a sprinkling of oregano and curry powder. Should be done within an hour.”

“God, that sounds lovely. In the mean time I’ll be setting up some analysis programs for the blood and quill samples and making another written log report. Do not disturb me unless I either call you directly or dinner’s done.”

“Of course, sir.” Stone hustles down the hall and makes a right turn. Robotnik turns left.

“Now then,” he says gleefully to himself, rubbing his hands together as he plops down in his Important Analysis Chair. “Let’s get this spiky ball rolling!”

…….

Additional quill samples taken after verbal interview to compare dormant and active power input of subject. It is predicted that while the active quills contain infinitely higher levels of energy, dormant quills are still capable of significant power.

After full physical recovery is reached, more thorough examinations of anatomy will be administered as well as analysis of speed, endurance, and power production. In the interim, behavioral training will begin in earnest. Subject has demonstrated capability to defer to proper authority with enough prompting.

Goal by end of week is to not need prompting. 

End log

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N: Sorry for the wait, I’ve been SUPER busy this week. Hope the longer chapter made up for it though! As stated above, things are going to get a lot worse before they get better, so just make sure you’re aware of that going in.

Also, originally I was going to have a side-by-side of Tom and Maddie working to find Sonic, but then I realized I have no idea how to make that work. If anyone has suggestions feel free to let me know, otherwise it’s going to be solely Sonic and Robotnik focus until (if) he’s rescued.

Thanks for reading, and have a good one!

Chapter 1

Chapter 3

peace.

i never had the courage of my convictions  as long as danger is near. and it’s just around the corner, darling because it lives in me. “Get me Jace. Find him among the rest. We need him for this mission to succeed. Imogen Herondale would gladly give us whatever we want once she realizes we have her grandson. I’m sure the others won’t mind if the other option is hurting their friends.”

It was a day after Valentine Morgenstern spoke those words, saw his men killed and was arrested by the boy he tried to raise and decided it wasn’t for him. Jace woke up in Lydia Branwell’s bed with sticky eyelashes. The notebook was laying on her nightstand. It had probably been there before, but to Jace it was an answer to the question ‘what doesn’t belong in this room?’ Really, the answer should be him, not the notebook. But he’d never belonged anywhere. Not really. Yet, Lydia’s arms were the safest he felt in years.  He knew what to do. He knew he didn’t want to do it. He knew he had to. He’d wasted too much time not-knowing and now that he knew, he couldn’t let anyone else not know. It was unfair. It was unethical. No matter how much he didn’t want to, it didn’t matter. This wasn’t just about him. He was a better man than Valentine. He needed to tell.

Jace kissed Lydia and smiled weakly at her. “I have to go be a responsible -” adult was the usual end of that sentence, often accompanied with a disgusted face expression because Jace didn’t do responsible even on a good day. But this time it didn’t ring true. “Herondale,” was therefore the end of the sentence, giving Lydia an easy way to figure out what he was about to do. She smiled. She didn’t ask question. He’d never loved her more. “Good luck,” she said. She kissed him again. Jace wanted to stay and never leave. He got his leather jacket from where he left it the day prior, smoothed it over and put it back on. He ran his hands through his hair in hopes of it resembling something of a normal style as opposed to a complete bedhead, but him wishing for miracles had never paid off. Another look at Lydia and he exited her rooms, on his way to the basement where Valentine was locked up.

Unfortunately, the only way to the basement was through the Ops centre. Lydia had left instructions for the normal work to continue, Jace knew, as they cleaned up the mess that Valentine and his followers caused. It was busy, every table taken. People looked at he passed by. He moved ahead stoically. He didn’t one anyone answers. He didn’t owe anyone a second look.  There were two exceptions, and those two approached. Izzy wary, Alec concerned. They stopped in front of him, making sure he couldn’t just walk around them. Alec folded his arms over each other in a convincing impression of Jace on a normal day. Izzy gave him a look that answered one question and asked ten more.  ‘”Where the hell have you been?” Alec was using his matter-of-fact voice, the one he used when he was worried but didn’t want it to be obvious. It was obvious without the undertone. “We were worried about you.“ It had been obvious without him pointing it out, too. “I’m fine,” Jace replied. “I was asleep in a place no one could find me so no one could wake me. You’re one to talk, sleeping at Magnus’ every time that’s more convenient for you as opposed to thinking of others trying to find you.” That shut up Alec, who actually looked offended, but not Izzy. “Were you with the girl?” “What girl? There’s a girl?” 

Jace glared at Izzy for saying it with Alec there. Then he glared at Alec for actually responding to it. “I have much more important matters to tend to than talk about my love life, thanks,” he said. “Yes, I was with the girl. Yes, there’s a girl. No, we’re not discussing it. Frankly, again, the two of you have a lot of nerve complaining to me about keeping my love life from you. One of you almost married a girl in an entire ceremony without actually being into girls and the other is attempting to keep from everyone she’s seeing a Downworlder. Get better at suppressing your shit or talk about your shit, but don’t come at me about my shit when I’m the only one in this goddamn family that has it together.” 

Alec and Izzy exchanged a glance that spoke volumes for the three of them. Neither of them probably expected such a sharp reaction, but Jace wasn’t in the mood. He wasn’t here to be grilled. He was here to go see Valentine, who should be the receiving end up being ripped a new one. They were in the way. “Are you sure you slept enough? You sound very sleep-deprived,“ Izzy commented. Jace glared again. “I don’t have time for this,” he said, sounding suspiciously like Alec when he was in his denial phase with Lydia. Disturbingly similar circumstances, very different outcome. He’d marry her within a heartbeat if he could. “Jace, what is going on with you?” This time, Alec was unable to suppress an undertone, which was part annoyed and part worried.  He looked straight at his parabatai. “Valentine told me who my birth parents are. Now move, because I have to go rip him a new one about the fact. I’ll tell you more once I know more.” Alec was surprised enough to move aside and Jace immediately took the space to move past his siblings. He jogged through the rest of the Ops centre in a louse attempt to create more distance between him and his siblings, well aware they could easily catch up with him if they really wanted to. Thankfully, they didn’t. He could only hope that neither of them would tell Maryse.  all these people think love’s for show but i would die for you in secret. When he got downstairs in the basement and made his way towards the glass cell where Valentine was kept, he was surprisingly let in by the guards without a word of protest. He could use the win, so he kept his commentary about the fact to himself and marched up to the glass with the intention to start yelling at Valentine immediately, who was awake and facing him. But then a voice spoke, disturbing him. “Well, well. Mister Wayland. Miss Branwell told me you’re the one that arrested Valentine. Very well.” He didn’t need to turn around to know who was standing behind him. Who else came to talk to Valentine. The reason he was let in so easily. The guards thought Lydia sent him to talk to Imogen Herondale about how he got Valentine imprisoned. He didn’t intend to do any such thing whether Imogen Herondale wanted to or not. Regardless of not needing to turn around to see, Jace turned around slowly and took in Imogen Herondale. He looked nothing like her. She had dark hair, brown eyes and a none too friendly face expression, even if her words had been. He didn’t want to be in the same room as her, never mind her and Valentine.  Behind him, Valentine laughed. Jace closed his eyes briefly and prayed for patience, well aware that something cruel was about to come out of his father’s mouth. That was how he knew Valentine was Valentine. He couldn’t go a minute without saying something cruel to Jace, his favorite target.  “You’ve taken my light. Your darkness will come.“ That wasn’t cruel, but neither did it make sense. Jace turned back around abruptly and made a beeline for the glass wall of the cell so he was facing Valentine directly. Valentine was, of course, grinning, endlessly amused with the situation despite being the one locked up in a cell.  “I don’t want your riddles, so shut the hell up,” he spat at Valentine.  “But it wasn’t a riddle, Jonathan,“ Valentine replied, grinning still. The undertone of his voice, too, was amused, and he was clearly none too impressed with Jace’s outburst. “Those are the words that the High Inquisitor here sent me through fire-message when I killed her son. I had taken her light. My darkness would come. I suppose she’s right. Of course, she doesn’t know that I took something else from her and you didn’t tell her. Maybe I did raise you right after all.”  Jace’s reply came without thinking about it. “I should have murdered you when I had the chance. Fuck the Clave and their take him alive policy. You’re a parasite, an insect, the sort that itches when it lands on you and that you can still feel hours after the fact. I should have crushed you like the bug you are.” Showing his violent tendencies in front of the High Inquisitor and also his grandmother really wasn’t the way he should have handled the situation. Alas. Imogen Herondale, thankfully, didn’t pay a lot of mind to the outburst. He could hear her approach, but she never came near. In the glass he could see that she was standing a couple of feet behind him and a couple of feet to the right, keeping a careful distance from both him and Valentine but still closer than she had been before.  “What did you take from me, Valentine?” the Inquisitor asked with the kind of icy calm that Jace admired and knew he’d never have.  Valentine’s face expression then, as well as the way he theatrically leaned back on his chair and pretended to have to think about whether he wanted to reply at all, made Jace want to storm in there and stick Valentine’s dagger through his heart. That seemed too kind, though. It made more sense to rip open a few arteries and watch him bleed out very slowly. 

At last, Valentine sighed, smirking still regardless. “You didn’t tell her,” he tormented Jace. “Why not? You’ve always wanted what I finally gave you when you arrested me. Are you afraid? Is the great Jace, the greatest demon killer of the New York Institute, afraid of something? What is it? Failure? Not being good enough? Are you afraid you’ll disappoint? Are you -” Jace was sure Valentine could have gone on a long time if Jace let him. He wasn’t going to listen to it any more. Instead, he turned away from Valentine and towards Imogen. He took a deep breath, folded his arms over each other and spoke. “Valentine took your grandson. He stole him, raised him and eventually, when he turned out to be nice and good instead of cold and ruthless, left him.” your integrity makes me seem small. you paint dreamscapes on the wall. i talk shit with my friends it’s like i’m wasting your honor. Imogen looked like a woman that had seen too much and too little at the same time. Her eyes didn’t leave Jace’s figure, even as she moved backwards to a chair to sit down. Behind them, Valentine also found just enough common sense to shut up for a chance. Jace really didn’t want to do this with Valentine around to comment, but it seemed that they were. 

“You look like your mother.” Jace stared.  and you know that i’d swing with you for the fences. sit with you in the trenches. would i be enough if i could never give you peace?

Scared to Be Lonely – part 4 (Ethan Ramsey X MC)

Note: part 1, part 2, part 3 and part 3.b ||Taylor Westbrook is my MC so I’ll use her this time. || Why am I doing this to us? || Length: 2856 words

Ethan could hardly believe he was actually doing this, but there he was in California, determined to stay until Taylor finally came to her senses and returned to Boston with him. On the way to the hotel he gave a quick call to Brian to find out when her shift ended that day so he could talk to her as soon as possible. It was a smaller miracle they’d let him leave this suddenly. He had patients to take care of. He had to make sure Naveen was okay. He had to keep an eye on the interns. He had serious responsibilities.

Normally he would’ve said he was in a hurry to get back but… not this time. He hadn’t been sleeping well since Taylor left because she was the only person he could think about all day. That night, when he almost kissed her, had been haunting him ever since. A part of him wished he had done it. He wished he knew what her lips tasted like. And this suffocating need to see her again was the only reason he wanted to get the talk over with that night.

Suddenly he let out an irritated groan and threw his head back against the leather seat of the rented car. Reggie had been right; he didn’t care about her this much because she was a very promising intern. No, he cared because he really liked her as a person. And maybe he wanted to be more than just a mentor or a friend. Alright, there was no maybe. He wanted more. A lot more.

But, at the same time, he knew he couldn’t do that. He was–in case she decided to return, that is–her boss and starting a relationship with her would have been completely unethical. So, for now, being a mentor was all he could get from her. Maybe with time they would become friends. And after that? Well, he wanted to focus on one step at the time.

He left the car in the parking lot of the hospital and walked to the main entrance with his hands in the pockets of his jeans. “Just stay calm and patient,” he reminded himself while he waited.

Finally, Taylor walked out the door and the moment his eyes fell on her he felt a wide smile crawl on his face. It had been a while since he last felt like this but it was surprisingly nice. Well, it was until he noticed a young man catching up with her. His jaw clenched as he watched them, walking side by side, deep in conversation.

“–hate about first weeks, I mean, I still have no idea who’s who,” he heard Taylor say with a warm smile on her dark pink lips.

“You’re doing great, don’t worry.” Ethan couldn’t help but roll his eyes at this. He had no idea what she saw in this guy, but he was clearly doing his best–which was still a pathetic attempt–to impress her. Finally, he stepped in front of the pair and the young man almost bumped into him. When he looked up, his mouth fell open from surprise. Good, at least he knew who he was dealing with. “Oh my God, you’re–”

“Dr. Ramsey?” Taylor asked, interrupting him. “What are you doing here?”

“I came to talk to you.”

Letting out a sigh, she shook her head in response. “I’m sorry, but I already have plans and we’re kinda late so–”

“Hey, Taylor,” her boyfriend began kindly, putting a hand on her shoulder, “we can reschedule if you want to talk to him.”

“No, we agreed to hang out and this is what we’re going to do,” she assured him, even flashing an apologetic smile at the young man.

Ethan let out an exasperated sigh as he ran a hand through his hair. “So he’s the personal reason why you came here,” he noted quietly, barely managing to keep his voice neutral. This question alone proved this woman was driving him crazy, after all no adult man would say something like that. What the hell was he doing? They weren’t in high school anymore, there was no need to be this petty.

Her mouth fell open and she was clearly struggling to figure out how to react. In the end she just rolled her eyes and said, “No, he’s not. But even if he was, why would that matter to you?”

“Rookie, please, we need to talk.”

“Okay, it sounds important so go and talk to him,” the young man told her. “We can skip the movie."

"Mike–"

"I know, but it's only one conversation. And unlike him, we're not going anywhere," he added, flashing a wide smile at her.

Taylor let out a sigh of defeat and put up her hands. "Alright, give us a few minutes, okay?"

"We'll need more than that," Ethan told her while also giving a meaningful look to this Mike kid.

"Take it or leave it, Dr. Ramsey."

His eyes fell on her and it immediately became clear she wasn’t kidding. He knew she didn’t mean to be rude, she just didn’t want to cancel her plans. But despite knowing this, he still felt his blood pressure rise. "Fine." They watched as the other man walked away and got out of earshot then he turned back to her with his head tilted to the side. "You don't waste your time."

She raised an eyebrow in question. "Excuse me?"

"It's only your first week here and you already have a boyfriend."

Taylor laughed as she ran a hand through her hair. "Not like it was any of your business, but I know Mike from med school,” she began to explain calmly. “We used to date but we're only friends now."

"Trust me, he wants to be more than that."

He earned a disapproving look for this comment and he couldn’t blame her for this reaction. He was an adult man, not some stupid, hormone-driven teenager who could act like such an idiot. Why the hell was he even doing this? And more importantly, why couldn’t he keep his emotions under control? It was annoying to say the least.

"Why are you here?"

"I need you back in Edenbrook," he said without thinking.

"I won't go back."

"Taylor, you're about to throw away your career before it has even begun."

But she only shrugged in response. "Maybe, but it's better this way,” she added.

"I should have known it wouldn't be easy." When Taylor gave him a questioning look once again, he cleared his throat and quickly thought about what to do. Then he came up with a plan. "Are you working tomorrow?"

"No, why?"

Ethan couldn’t help but smile. "Good. I'll pick you up at 9.30 in the morning. Wear something nice."

"In the morning?" she asked with a frown.

"Yes, in the morning. Something semi-formal will do," he added.

"Why? Where are we going?"

Oh, no, there was no way he would tell her. He wanted this to be a surprise. He wanted her to feel… special. Well, at the moment he could only hope it would work out just fine in the end. “You’ll see,” he replied. “Oh, and don’t have breakfast.” She looked more confused than before but he only flashed a secretive smile at her. “Have fun, Taylor. See you tomorrow.”

“Right… I mean, good night,” she said, watching him walk away.

When he got into his car, he finally let out the breath he’d been holding for a while now. Then he closed his eyes and began to focus on breathing properly, in and out, over and over again. Just seeing her with another man had made his blood boil, and knowing the two of them were spending the evening together only made things worse. As he began to calm down, Ethan thought about his reaction to this situation. He couldn’t recall ever feeling such intense jealousy.

Because this is what it was, there was no reason to deny it.

That night he couldn’t sleep, except this time it wasn’t the paralyzing fear of losing her that kept him awake, but the anticipation before their one-on-one meeting the next morning. This was his chance to change her mind and convince her to go back with him. Everything had to be perfect and he couldn’t let himself lose control again. He was her mentor and he needed his best intern to return. That’s it, that’s the official story. And as much as he hated it, she had to believe it too.

So he planned ahead, and by the time he got into the car and drove to her home to pick her up, he already knew what role he would have to play that morning. Keeping things professional was the key element of his plan because he didn’t want to scare her away. If needed, he could be friendly, of course, but that wasn’t the main goal. He needed an intern, not a friend or a girlfriend.

When he stopped at a red light, Ethan rested his forehead against the steering wheel and let out an almost desperate laugh. Who the hell was he kidding? The night before he had gone to the hospital with everything planned out, promising himself he would stay calm, but he failed. There was no way things would be better this time around. Only being near her was enough to push him over the edge, and he had no idea how this happened in such a short amount of time.

Things got even worse when he arrived and saw Taylor waiting for him on the sidewalk. She wore a gorgeous dark green dress, her red hair pulled up into a messy ponytail, and he couldn’t take his eyes off her. Once she occupied the passenger’s seat next to him, Ethan cleared his throat and looked back at the road as he began to drive again. Beside saying “good morning” to each other, none of them spoke on the way, but he was honestly grateful for that.

“So what are we doing here?” Taylor asked when he parked in front of a fancy restaurant.

Before answering, Ethan quickly got out of the car and walked over to the other side to help her out. “We came for a brunch,” he replied casually as they walked inside. He reached out to put a hand on the small of her back, but luckily, he could stop himself in the last second.

“You know you can’t bribe me with food, right?”

Even though she flashed a sweet smile at him, his body still tensed up. Why did she have to make it so difficult? "Alright, I’ll need a drink for this conversation," he noted quietly.

“Isn’t it a bit early for that?”

“It’s a brunch,” he stated with a shrug as they waited for someone to take them to their table. “No one will think I’m an alcoholic if I drink a few cocktails here. Especially dressed like that.”

“Is that… Is that a sense of humor?” Taylor asked with a cheeky grin, pointing a finger at him. “That’s new. But I like it.”

“I’m glad you do,” he told her, and it wasn’t even a lie. He loved to see her smile. If his usually hidden sense of humor could make her smile, he was more than happy to show her this side of him.

They finally sat down across from each other and exchanged a few sentences about how he found this place so soon and if he had brunch often. Ethan answered every question she asked with a smile, but under the surface he was getting impatient. He was sitting here with such an intelligent, talented and beautiful woman, yet he couldn’t tell her how he truly felt. It was beginning to feel like torture, but he knew he was the one who’d brought it on himself.

“Look, this is nice and all, but before you even begin, let me say that I won’t go back. You can’t change my mind,” she suddenly said, her voice as calm and kind as usual.

He nodded as he tapped his fingertips on the side of his glass. “Then why don’t we start with you telling me why you left in the first place?”

“I’ve already told you: for personal reasons.”

“Personal reasons like what?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Taylor, I need to know,” he said quietly, his blue eyes locked on her.  

But she looked utterly confused. “Why? Why is it so important to you?”

Ethan didn’t reply right away because he needed some time to figure out how to answer her question. He clearly couldn’t say he was crazy for her. If he did, she would be out the door before he could count even to three. No, he had to be clever about this and he had to stick to the plan. He was his mentor and she was an intern. His answer had to be something that could be connected to their jobs.

“Was it something I said or did?” he asked eventually. It wasn’t even a fake question, sometimes–usually in the middle of the night when he couldn’t sleep–he truly believed he was the reason why she’d left.

“Dr. Ramsey, I’ve–”

“Oh, God, don’t call me that,” he quickly interrupted her, “we’re not in the hospital.”

Taylor nodded with an awkward smile then went on, “I’ve already told you back in Boston that it has nothing to do with you.”

“Then why?”

"Because… I don't want to end up like you."

It didn’t make any sense. As far as he knew she had come to Edenbrook because of him, because he was some sort of a medical hero for her. "What does that supposed to mean?" he asked eventually.

"Don't get me wrong, you're a brilliant doctor, but you said it yourself, you don't have many friends. Call me crazy, but I don't want to lose my friends because of this stupid competition. I've had enough of all the snarky little comments, and I can't even remember when was the last time I could talk to Jackie without feeling like she... I don't know, like she hated me."

Letting out a sigh, he moved to the seat next to her. "Then don't rejoin the competition. All I want is you coming back to Boston," he told her softly, trying hard to stop himself from reaching out to touch her.

"Why?" Her green eyes were set on him, eager to hear his answer, but there was nothing he could say. "See? You can't even give me a good reason, something other than ‘you’re wasting your talent.’"

"I could get over that,” he admitted after a short break.

"Then why exactly should I go back?"

This was the moment when he had to decide what he really wanted. Keeping their relationship strictly professional and probably leaving her behind as a result, or giving in to his needs and hoping she wouldn’t push him away? It was a tough choice but he knew he had to decide right here and right now. It was now or never.

So Ethan acted on impulse when he put a hand on the side of her face and pulled her closer so he could finally kiss her. At least he got an answer to his earlier question: her lips tasted like raspberry. Slowly he felt her relax, and after what felt like an eternity, she returned the kiss and even put her hand on his. A part of him expected to be slapped but this was better. Much better.

After he pulled away a little, he smiled at her. "Because I need you. I can't go back to that madhouse without you," he told her.

“We can’t do this,” Taylor whispered, her eyes closed as he kissed the tip of her nose.

“We can. We’ll make it work, okay?”

She let out a sigh and shook her head. “But you’re my boss.”

“I will be if you come back, yes.”

“I thought you weren’t the kind of man who would do this.”

“You’re an exception.” Taylor leaned back and gave him a skeptical look. “Listen, I won’t go back without you so I won’t take ‘no’ for an answer,” he began to explain, his thumb drawing circles on the skin on her face. “I’ll even help you pack your things, no matter how long it takes.”

Despite what he’d just told her, she was still hesitating. “Don’t get me wrong, I really like you, but… I don’t know.”

Ethan let out a long sigh then leaned closer to kiss her again. She liked it, she was yearning for his touch, he could feel it, so she only doubted his plan because her rational side was still in control. He, on the other hand, had certainly left that part of him in the car before they came in. “Taylor, I promise we’ll figure it out,” he whispered, keeping his lips only an inch or two from hers. “Please, just say you’ll come back.”

PS: Sorry for typos and/or other errors. I guess it really showed this time that I’m not a native English speaker. Whoops. 

Taglist: @perriewinklenerdie @tannisismybea @valiantlychaoticbarbarian @sappynurse @loudlewdlyricalmiracle @universallypizzataco @naturalplatinumbktn @ifyouseekheart @boujeechoices @baroness-alison @zeniamiii @hopelessromantic1352 @baroness-alison @radlovedreamer @valiantlychaoticbarbarian @princess-geek @hatlley @fangirlingmum @elainew13 @usuallyamazinglyaverage @andromedasinclaire @drakewalkerfantasy @rhymesmenagerie @confessionsofabrokegirl @claudevonstruke @paisleylovergirl @topsyturvy-dream @cordoniaqueensworld @lilyofchoices @galaxiia-quean @drakesensworld

The Once and Future Queen: Chapter 5 debrief

Hellooooo and welcome to my weekly lesson on the history of science and research ethics as told through fanfiction set in Fantasy Russia! This week we’re getting into Chapter 5: in light, and nothing else, awake, which is the first chapter from David Kostyk’s POV. You can find it on ao3 or on tumblr. 

I’d like to thank all of you for your continued enthusiasm for this story, and especially for all the comments and kudos. It means so much to me. 

Be warned: this debrief discusses highly unethical, non-consensual medical experimentation, both fictional and historical. Please take care of yourself while you read. We’ll get into the chapter title first, as always, discuss David’s role as the J. Robert Oppenheimer allegory, and the ethical dilemmas of WWII-era scientific research in the narrative.

David had a lot to say, so this chapter and its debrief are Extra Long.

This is my favorite chapter thus far in the story. David is one of my favorite characters, and I loved exploring David’s ethical dilemma and his backstory. Being a scientist myself, the thought of being put into David’s situation is absolutely horrifying. Most of this chapter can be summarized as: David is riding the struggle bus as he wrestles with his own morality and research ethics. Sorry, David. I did give you Genya/David content as a consolation prize, though. I’m not a complete monster.

The title of this chapter comes from a poem I read in high school, “At the San Francisco Airport” by Yvor Winters. The narrator is saying goodbye to their child, presumably a daughter, who is grown up and is leaving home for university/a job/etc. Although it is technically a coming-of-age poem, it’s from a POV that we don’t normally hear about in those stories: the parent who watches the child grow into a young adult. I chose it as the title because 1) we’re changing the POV here, much like Winters did in the poem, and 2) I will shoehorn as many references to light and shadow as I can into this story. 

The overall message is that the narrator must learn to let go of their daughter, so that she can grow and become the future. Their time together has passed. In the context of this story, it doesn’t really make much sense, until you look at the last stanza, where the narrator realizes that they are just meant to watch the girl grow. This is the cold, harsh light of reality now. There is no more coddling the girl, hiding the cruelty of the world from her. She will do what she must, and he can only hope that he has given her enough to survive. 

This is the terminal, the break. Beyond this point, on lines of air, You take the way that you must take. And I remain in light and stare— In light, and nothing else, awake. 

Like the narrator in “At the San Francisco Airport,” David must face his reality with the lights on for the first time, and it’s not pretty. The pursuit of science is never enough to justify the violation of anyone’s rights. David learns that lesson the hard way, and it’s going to change him pretty drastically as a character. We saw a little bit of this when he starts talking to Alina, and then again when he uses her first name instead of the more-detached Miss Starkov. 

David is such an interesting character to me, far more than Mal is in the books. (Sorry, Mal. I know a dozen boys like you and I would marry exactly zero of them.) Maybe it’s because I’m a scientist, but David is one of the most complex characters in the Grishaverse, and I don’t think that Leigh Bardugo fully understands him. In canon, we know that he was the one who helped develop both the glass skiffs and the lumiya (the liquid fire that allows the Darkling to cross the Fold in R&R, and I love the implications but we won’t get into it in this fic), and he does not think about the consequences of his research whatsoever. He actively participates in collaring Alina with Morozova’s stag because he is told to and because he wants to understand Morozova as a Grisha, and then regrets it later. He has a mentality that’s very similar to the early days of Facebook: go fast and break things. In David’s head, there will be time to fix everything later. He is focused on the greater good, and it doesn’t occur to him until it’s almost too late that the greater good is not always worth it (which ties directly back into two of the IRB criteria for ethical human research: social/scientific value and favorable risk benefit).

David is both a victim and a perpetrator, which I have said many times in the comments and on Discord. Sentiment early on disagreed with me, but David is human. He’s broken and he makes bad choices and he has to live with them. Sadly, for all the pain that he causes Alina, he’s probably the better bet in terms of researchers when the other option is Ivan. David spends a lot of time rationalizing this to himself, because he knows that he needs to deliver even if he might not want to. Remember: David knows that Aleksander is not only the tsar and could easily have him killed or exiled, but also that Aleksander is the Black Heretic. David has had this mental breakdown by himself. Aleksander is emotionally and mentally abusing David, and Alina (the woman he has been experimenting on) is the only person who’s privy to this knowledge. 

Someone commented on ao3 that David is on the autism spectrum and that it is wrong of Aleksander to use him like this. Yes, it is. It’s been shown that it is a lot easier for neurodivergent people to be manipulated into abusive situations that are out of their control, and David is a victim of that. He’s also the man who is physically responsible for Alina’s pain. Both of these things can be true at the same time, and we can feel pity for both David and Alina. If I did my job right, you should feel pity for both of them. 

David, to me, is the J. Robert Oppenheimer of this story. We’ll explore more of his remorse in Chapter 8, his second POV chapter. I’ll talk more about the history of science (and the physics of it all) re: Oppenheimer in the Chapter 8 debrief, but I would like to talk about David’s place as Oppenheimer in the narrative a bit here.

J. Robert Oppenheimer is known as the father of the atomic bomb. He later regretted his part in creating it and felt that he had the blood of all of those who died because of his creation on his own hands, but when the first test succeeded, he was proud that it worked and that it furthered our understanding of the atom, the building block of the universe. In this story, David experiences the same ethical dilemma that Oppenheimer does: the pursuit of science versus his own morality. David is Oppenheimer and his experiment on Alina is the atomic bomb. Oppenheimer was lured into military service because of the access he would have had to cutting edge technology and near-limitless funding (which, as a public health student currently applying to grad school, is something that a lot of people I know would sell their souls for), and David is much the same. He’s given access to General Kirigan’s personal library and Morozova’s journals, his own laboratory, and everything he could possibly ask for… at the price of his humanity. 

A lot of the ethical dilemmas that David faces in this story are WWII based. Most of you have cottoned onto the Nazi-esque experimentation he conducts on Alina for the supposed “greater good” because she is “disposable;” but the bigger (and in my opinion, more narratively substantial) allegory is his fundamental misunderstanding of the application of his research a la Oppenheimer and the atomic bomb. A lot of the rules we have about scientific research come from the WWII era and the atrocities that were committed: in the Chapter 2 debrief, I talked about the Belmont Report, which established the criteria for ethical human research following the 1932-1972 Tuskegee Syphilis Study. More well known are the Geneva Conventions, which were negotiated following WWII and outlined basic human rights, specifically those afforded to prisoners of war, civilians, and military personnel; the rights of the sick and wounded; and rights and protections for civilians in areas of combat and non-combatants.

Alina’s treatment violates both the Belmont Report criteria (known as the Ethical Requirements for Conduct of Human Subject Research, or IRB criteria) and the Geneva Conventions; for all intents and purposes, she is a prisoner of a war, and if her right to fair treatment were a dove then it would most certainly be dead. Regarding the IRB criteria, Alina does not give informed consent, she is not treated with respect by the researchers, and there is no real scientific proof that the experiment that is being performed has a good risk-benefit ratio. 

David wrestles with these facts for most of the story thus far, and it’s not until Chapter 4 that he finally loses it. My man has been on the edge of ending it all for so long, and it really just took Genya being kind to him on his birthday to remind him that he really isn’t that much different from Alina at all, and Aleksander could easily order someone to do the same to him. Once he understands that, he chooses to save Alina. I know a lot of people wanted to see David suffer at Alina’s hand, but I truly think that nothing she could do to him will ever be worse than what David will do himself. He will have to live with the guilt of what he’s done for the rest of his days, and that hurts much more than anything Alina could do.  

The choice that David makes is not necessarily doing a good thing versus a bad thing (although you could certainly frame it that way), but more so a choice of doing nothing versus doing something. David in Chapters 1-4 chooses to do nothing, to allow the status quo to remain, but his choice to do something (in this case, which is to stop the experiment) changes his motivation. From here on out, David is Team Alina, and he’ll make the choice to do something versus nothing again later. He can learn! Insert Sansa Stark dot gif.

It certainly doesn’t hurt that he got the answers he was looking for when he talked to Alina, but whether or not he’d gotten those answers, he had finally reached his limit. If it’s still unclear to you as to what David found out, I might recommend reading Chapters 3-5 again, and if it’s still muddy after that, fret not. All will be revealed in good time.

Another sxcerpt from my current WIP. This one continues straight on from the last excerpt I posted. I was going to put a break there and cut away to something, but it would have been to some villains talking and we’ve already got three POV characters and had a few asides at this point so I didn’t want to have another one so soon:

The signs took them to a laboratory which at first didn’t seem much more impressive than science labs at school. There were some lockers, computers, sinks, those little racks filled with tubes, and a refrigerator filled with labeled jars that probably you shouldn’t pinch no matter no hungry you were. There were a few other pieces of apparatus but one thing stood out - a console in the middle of the room with a cylinder extending from its top up to the ceiling. Jennifer went straight over to it, taking a moment to scrutinize the controls and read some data off a small monitor.

“What is it?” Kaya asked. Jen’s answer was to turn some switches. The surface of the cylinder peeled away, dropping into the console to reveal a glass water-filled tank. Inside the tank was what at first looked like a tall purple leaf, but looking closer revealed that it was actually of many fronds branching from a central stalk held closely together. “Okay,” said Kaya, “so, what is it?”

“It’s not a plant,” Jennifer told her, “There’s no photosynthesis happening in there. It’s like a Charnia - a fractal life-form from the Pre-Cambrian era.”

“Well it doesn’t look that old,” Kaya pointed out, “so is it like a clone or something?”

“Very, very unlikely. No, I think this is more like a living reproduction created here. The label calls it ‘Syn’.”

“Great name. But this thing doesn’t look all that dangerous. I don’t see what it’s got to do with invisible bark skinned creatures.”

“This might have just been the start,” Jennifer nodded toward a set of doors opposite those they had entered this room from. “We should look deeper.” They headed in that direction, Jen with her wires and tablet ready but then she paused, perplexed.

“What’s wrong now?” Kaya asked.

“I-it’s locked,” Jennifer stammered. “I mean, locked-locked. There’s no panel.”

A glance confirmed that the door was, most simply, locked. Kaya almost laughed, but the truth was she would be ashamed too if this adventure came to naught. There could well be answers in there, and all that was in her way was a few inches of metal. “You spent years studying the security and doing all that fancy computer stuff, but you never thought you might just need a key?”

“I might be able to pick it,” Jen insisted, reaching into her coat for what looked like just some pins and needles. “It’ll just take a while.”

But Kaya already saw it was futile. “You’ll never pick it open with those,” she said. “If I had my tools…” that was on her, of course. She’d left them in the wreck of her car. But there had to be something in this laboratory…

Jen peered at her old friend suspiciously again. “You’re a locksmith?” She asked incredulously.

Kaya crossed her arms and muttered, “sure. Something like that.” It seemed paradoxical to her that Jennifer, who clearly had a low opinion of her anyway, refused to just acknowledge the truth. Maybe she just wanted Kaya to say it - admit out loud what she had become. Although it was an odd circumstance in which to claim any moral high ground… there were footsteps and Kaya glimpsed a shadow moving outside. “Someone’s coming,” she whispered. There was only one option where they could hide and that was the lockers, so she quickly took Jen’s hand and dragged her over. There was a coat or two hanging inside but luckily enough room for them both to fit. Jen seemed surprised and confused, enough that she didn’t resist being stuffed inside before Kaya squeezed in beside her.

Mere seconds later the footsteps were definitely inside the lab. Then they stopped. Kaya wondered why, then… the tank! They’d left it open - a silly oversight. Sure enough they soon heard a low murmur that suggested the cylinder was going back up again. Kaya could only hope that whoever was there would assume they or some other egghead had simply forgotten to raise it earlier. There was another problem - in her haste Kaya had shoved Jennifer’s face against some fur coat and now heard her whisper, “I think I’m going to sneeze…”

“Shhh!” Kaya urged as quietly as she could. “Pinch your nose!”

But it was too late. The locker opened and Kaya found herself blinking at a tall, dark skinned woman with her hair in a bun who did not look too happy. “What are you doing in there?” The woman asked.

The only explanation Kaya could think of was, “we’re agoraphobic?”

“Get out,” the woman was obviously unsympathetic to the condition. “I’m calling security.”

That meant she hadn’t yet… and she might have a key to those doors. The woman was taller and seemed quite fit, but if Kaya got the jump on her…

“Doctor Sarkis!” Jennifer gasped with surprise matched by the woman’s own.

“Jennifer?” The doctor asked. “How… why are you here?”

“That’s,” Jen avoided eye contact but this time out of genuine guilt and fear.

“That’s complicated…”

“Well you had best start explaining,” Doctor Sarkis obliquely eyed Kaya. “Who is this?”

“Cade,” Kaya put on a friendly smile. “Kaya Cade.”

“Sounds familiar,” Doctor Sarkis thought. “Isn’t she the one who used to bully you?”

Jennifer shifted her feet furtively. “N-not the only one,” she admitted. “And it was years ago. We’re adults now.”

“Did she put you up to this?”

“No… coming here was actually my idea.”

“It’s true,” Kaya nodded, “I was ready to turn myself in to the dibbles… the police, but Jen said we’d find answers here.”

Doctor Sarkis screwed her face in confusion. “Police? What for?”

“There was a creature,” Jennifer said. “Or maybe several creatures.”

“I called it a faerie,” Kaya piped in, “but we don’t really know what it was. It was invisible.”

“An invisible creature?” It was plain the doctor was already considering what kind of medication they would need.

“Only at first,” Kaya tried to clarify. “Then it rained and it de-cloaked and was strong as hell and had some kind of bark-like skin.”

“Maybe armor,” Jen suggested. “I was able to analyze a sample of its blood and I believe it was synthetic.”

“So,” Doctor Sarkis repeated it all in head, “you think we created an invisible faerie here at the lab that somehow escaped?”

“Well,” Kaya shrugged sheepishly, “it kind of sounds a bit mad when you say it like that.”

“It’s impossible,” Sarkis said, turning from them. “You’ve already seen Syn, I presume. We’ve had some success reproducing simple organisms but a creature like you’re describing is far beyond what anyone has done.”

“That’s not the same as impossible,” Jennifer gently pointed out.

“No,” Doctor Sarkis conceded, “but this is the most advanced genetic engineering facility in the world and it’s taken us decades to get this far. For anyone to have created an organism capable of acting freely would not only be unethical but they’d have skipped thousands of steps testing and understanding what they were doing. No one would be so reckless.”

Jen answered bitterly, “Alvin Stag would be…”

“Even if that were true, he answers to Meridiem now and I doubt they’d allow him to do anything that could prove costly to them.”

Kaya was missing out on a whole lot here. She knew that Alvin Stag founded this company and that Jennifer never liked him - she perhaps suspected him of having something to do with what happened to her parents. But Kaya still had so many questions, so she decided to start with what was in front of her. “Excuse me,” she said, raising a hand. “What, exactly, is it that you’re doing here? What’s that thing in the jar?”

Doctor Sarkis looked between the two intruders. After a moments consideration she seemed to resign herself. “Synthetic biology,” she said, revealing ‘the jar’ once more. “The next step in genetic engineering. Syn wasn’t modified from an existing organism. We designed and wrote her entire genome on the computers here, then implanted that code into a synthetic cell and allowed it to grow. Simple, really, although the creation of artificial cells capable of self-replication, that can be complicated.”

“But why?” Kaya asked. “What’s it for?”

“Use your imagination,” Jennifer chided, “there’s no end to all the good you could do. Plants that can absorb and recycle greenhouse gases, crops that can grow in any environment, bacteria that can clean up waste. Medicine, biofuel, space travel, terraforming… if perfected, the only limits to this are your imagination.” “Most of our work is with single celled organisms,” Doctor Sarkis nodded, “with focus on bioremediation and medicine.”

“Okay,” Kaya nodded along as well. She actually got it, but it seemed to her they were avoiding something obvious. “So all of that is what good Jen would do. But, what about evil Jen?”

There was a long moment of silence before Jen answered. “You could create a virus…”

“That’s why we’ve kept all this from the public,” Doctor Sarkis tried to assure them. “Yes, in the wrong hands someone could make a devastating weapon, but nothing happens in this lab without the approval of myself and an ethical committee.”

“But this wasn’t always your lab.”

“Before me this was your father’s work. Syn was his creation. He believed he could create a better world, not just for you, but for every human.”

Jennifer never argued with her dad. If he believed in what he was doing then there was no doubt she would as well. But, “what about Stag?” She asked. “He’s an ass,” Doctor Sarkis admitted, “but he doesn’t interfere with us. All he cares about is our progress and patents. This was your father’s work… you should see it all. Come.”

The doctor left them to open the inner doors, leaving Kaya alone with Jennifer for a moment. She slid next to her friend whispering and grinning, “you know her, then?”

“Yes,” Jen nodded. “I’ve known Jana for years.”

“So, we didn’t actually need to break in here at all? You could have just asked her to let us in?”

“Well,” Jennifer puffed indignantly, “I-I didn’t know she would be working now. Besides, I didn’t want to get her into trouble.”

Kaya made a motion as if to strangle her, but Jennifer squeaked and quickly escaped to follow the doctor. Kaya had no choice but to swallow her frustration and follow as well.

The case for captures

Captures, collections, kidnapping, whatever you call them, are one of the most controversial topics about cetaceans in human care. I have been asked about this a lot lately, since with the recent reveal of the nine whales at Ocean Kingdom, people noticed I was far less disgusted by this than almost everyone else. And since it’s a bit too long and complicated to take in one personal message for everyone who asks, I’m making this post.

I don’t expect to persuade or convince anyone by writing this, I’m simply writing it to make my case and because several people asked.

My views on this started out as pretty much everyone else’s. It’s a terrible thing to do to animals we profess to love and care about, and in our modern, enlightened world, we know better. Taking animals away from their pods, subjecting them to the enormous stress of being placed in an alien environment, and risking them becoming stuck in nets during capture and drowning, is indefensible and completely unnecessary, especially since we already have many of them in captivity to begin with.

Since then, over the last couple of years, I have become a bit more nuanced in my view and not quite so black and white, in an issue most people think should be black and white.

First off, the alleged extreme stress the animals suffer during capture. There’s no doubt that being corralled, netted and lifted onto a boat by strange creatures from an alien world must be very stressful.

Some say it is cruel because “it is the first time they feel the weight of their own bodies”, but that isn’t necessarily true. We already know there are populations of at least both killer whales and bottlenose dolphins who hunt by willingly beaching themselves. Although that is still different because then they are taught that by their mothers in untraumatic circumstances, and do it willingly, rather than being lifted out of the ocean under very stressful circumstances.

Anyhow, similar or not, I don’t think the temporary stress of being lifted out of the water for the first time is an argument enough to not do it. We sometimes have to subject any animal to stressful or even traumatic handling, we need something more to argue against the collections of wild cetaceans, especially as a price against the benefits.

Separating animals permanently

So, what about “tearing” the animals away from their families? Surely that is terrible enough to make it inhumane and unethical? Now cetaceans are extremely diverse and not all species and populations have the tight-knit, lifelong bonds of the resident killer whales in the Northeastern Pacific, a very common misunderstanding.

Photo: WinkyintheUK

We know that the Northern and Southern residents of Washington and British Columbia stay with their mothers all their lives, males and females alike, and that is the very specific social structure that they have found works for them. Because they are among the most well-studied populations of marine mammal in the world, and so well-known, people frequently believe ALL cetaceans live like this, or at least all killer whales. This is as far from the truth as them all looking the same or eating the same prey.

For example, Icelandic fish eating (resident) killer whales have the males leave the pod when they grow up. The transient killer whales of the American west coast live in very loose, smaller groups, without the tight family bonds of residents, and adult males sometimes live completely alone. This is not biology as much as taught behavior, “culture”.

Photo: Brian Walter

Bottlenose dolphins too have much looser pod structures than Pacific resident killer whales. Males live alone or in very small groups, apart from the females, who live together in small pods along with their young offspring. Even these associations between adult females are loose however, with individuals going back and forth between groups often, sometimes on a daily basis.

I thus don’t think it is some unforgivable crime to separate some of these animals permanently, since they are unlikely to miss and grieve each other in the way humans would.

Furthermore, we frequently move animals between captive facilities, for breeding, for social cohesion, etcetera. That is naturally less stressful than capture since it is simply an animal or group of animals being moved from one artificial facility with humans to another, but it still means that two animals that knew each other, perhaps grew up together in the same group, will never get to see each other again, which also makes it a weak argument against wild capture.

Mortality rates

But if we’re talking about killer whales specifically, since they’re both the most controversial and at the same time the easiest to get reliable data on, how many died soon after capture? There is no doubt that capture and moving between facilities both put a lot of stress on the animals, and mortality was the highest within twelve months of capture. Note that this was in the 1960s to 1980s, and does not necessarily have to be the same today. We won’t know the mortality rates today until we know what happened to all the Russian whales.

I found before that 25% of killer whales caught from the 1960s to 1990s (only Argentina and Japan in the 90s) died within twelve months of capture, and I think this is an indefensible statistic. But then I checked the rate per facility, which of course makes for very small samples, but it looks like this:

(Facility: Survived/Died = %) SeaWorld: 14/2 = 12.5% (So 14 survived at SeaWorld, 2 died out of 16, 16 / 2 = 8 = 12.5%) Marineland Antibes: 6/1 = 14.2% Marineland Ontario: 5/3 = 37.5% Marineland of the Pacific: 6/1 = 14.2% (That one whale was Wanda, the first killer whale ever caught, who was also very sick when found and died only after two days) Marine World: 4/1 = 20% Sealand of the Pacific: 6/2 = 25% Kamogawa Sea World: 10/0 = 0% Nanki Adventure World: 6/4 = 40% Taiji Whale Museum: 3/2 = 40% Mundo Marino: 3/1 = 25%

As you see, SeaWorld, Marineland Antibes and the defunct Marineland of the Pacific had a lower than average mortality rate for newly caught whales, and Kamogawa had their ten whales (Chappy, Jumbo, Caren, King, Patty, Maggie, Bingo, Stella, Oscar and Bubba) all survive their first year. Meanwhile, at Marineland Ontario, Nanki Adventue World and Taiji Whale Museum, it looks much worse.

These are mostly very small samples, but out of the 75 whales here (I obviously excluded a lot of smaller facilities, this is nowhere near the entire population), a total average of 21.2% died within twelve months.

Again, this is quite terrible and until we know more about the Russian whales captured since 2012, we can only speculate and hope that it is much lower today.

The same goes for the captures themselves. Allegedly, eleven whales died during the captures in the Pacific northwest, when they got entangled in the nets and drowned. This is also unacceptable, but should be able to be eliminated entirely, and I’ve been told (no source on this) that they’ve been working to make captures more humane in Russia, than what was done elsewhere in previous decades.

I believe this, because not just avoiding animals drowning during capture (something that would be very counter-productive to whale hunters who have a strict quota on them), they seem to not be in the business of hauling whales onto boats and letting them lie there, suffocating under their own weight, but instead putting them in stretchers filled with water, something I see as a huge improvement.

Again about stress in general, we shouldn’t generalize between species. Killer whales and bottlenose dolphins for example, seem very adaptable and interactive with humans by nature, as are false killer whales (described in the late 1960s as more adaptable to captivity than the smaller dolphins) and pilot whales. Compare this with Dall’s porpoises and common dolphins for example, which live far more specialized lives and don’t take to captivity as well.

Emptying the oceans

Another objection to taking animals out of the wild, other than the stress it puts on the individual animals themselves, would be that it may deplete the wild populations. If we profess to care about the survival of the species and individual populations as one of our chief concerns for taking them into human care in the first place, we can’t go out emptying the oceans of whales.

There is no doubt that the capture of just over 30 whales from the Southern residents between 1965-1973 was a very hard hit on the population. However, in those days we didn’t know they were endangered, we didn’t even know there were unique populations of killer whales, and there were no quotas; fishermen could take as many whales as they wanted and sell them to anyone.

The Russian population is known to contain between 700 and 800 whales, and the quota in 2017 is set for a capture of a maximum of 10 whales, but in the years of 2012-2016, only 1-6 whales have been taken per year, or 0.125-0.85% of the entire population, per year. They are in no way threatened or endangered, and this commercial capture will not make them so.

Compare this to a quota for 800 beluga whales in the same waters, mainly for food for indigenous people, but also for selling. This is out of a population of only a few thousand whales.

Why?

This might be the biggest question. Why do it? What’s the benefit? If you are under the very common misconception that whales, dolphins and other wild animals are simply kept for human “entertainment”, obviously seeing a top predator taken out of its natural habitat to be put in a pool to balance balls in front of an audience is very upsetting to you. This may have been true in the past, and still is in some parts of the world (see traveling marine mammal circuses in Russia for example - none of those will ever own a killer whale however), but it is a completely different world from a modern zoological facility.

These animals aren’t being captured for “entertainment”, though since the public mostly sees them performing in shows rather than in their off time, that is easy to believe. They are there for (beware, fancy words ahead) captive propagation and display of their species, meaning the breeding and showing to the public of a wild animal species people wouldn’t otherwise ever see, and in our world of increasing disconnect from nature, people need to see the very animals they can help either make extinct or protect for the future, face to face.

Even aside from being viewed by the public and inspiring them to care for these species in the wild and their environment, zoological facilities play an irreplaceable part in research. Without the likes of SeaWorld and their immensely successful breeding program, we wouldn’t know a fraction of what we know about killer whale biology and behavior today, and thus would be unable to protect them in the wild. As a species they aren’t endangered, but several populations are endangered, critically endangered, or even functionally extinct. And a top predator can only function with a healthy ecosystem beneath it.

Protect the top predator, and you save the entire ecosystem.

Photo: Antony Pranata

But I’m not here to sell you on the benefits of keeping cetaceans in human care. I’m assuming you’re already okay with marine mammal aquariums like me, visits marine mammal facilities and are as upset by the ending of breeding programs and anti-animal activists implementing bans as I am.

I am here to argue that it doesn’t make sense to be for the continued propagation of certain species, while still being 100% against the wild capture of healthy animals. The main reason being gene pools.

There are currently over 2000 bottlenose dolphins in human care around the world. Most of them unrelated, only a small number of the 500 in North America and 300 in Europe are closely related. This makes it entirely unnecessary to capture more bottlenose dolphins, as they have been breeding successfully since the 1950s, and the gene pool is huge enough to last indefinitely, if only facilities across the world made it their goal, rather than just catching new dolphins. (This is already the case in North America and western Europe, while the rest of the world is still buying dolphins from Japan and the Black Sea.)

Pacific white-sided dolphins have a population of just over 100 individuals in human care, only 14 of which were captive-bred and still not closely related, which gives them a fairly large gene pool if facilities in Japan (where almost all of them live) actually aimed for breeding them, thus making the capture of lags rather unnecessary as well.

Photo: Oceanogràfic, Valencia

Belugas, the same thing. There are over 200 of them in human care, but they are mostly spread across poorer facilities in Russia, China and eastern Europe. The US has about 30 of them that need new blood in order to continue, but Marineland Ontario has about 25 wild-caught whales and as many captive-bred at the facility, which they could share with the rest of North America, if only they wanted to. In any case, there is no need to let the American beluga population go extinct or become inbred, with the number of whales there are in parks across the world. Captures aren’t really necessary.

Now then, to the big topic... killer whales.

Outside of the Russian whales, there are only nine wild-born killer whales still alive (Corky, Lolita, Katina, Kiska, Kasatka, Ulises, Stella, Kshamenk and Morgan), only 2-4 of which will ever breed again and contribute to the gene pool (Kshamenk, Morgan, Stella and Ulises, though Stella is pretty irrelevant as she has six descendants alive now). I’m assuming now for the sake of argument that SeaWorld’s breeding program will never be reinstated, but that the semen of some males like Ulises may be used in other facilities.

The whales at SeaWorld’s parks now descend from Katina, Kasatka, Gudrun, Kandu 5 (though she was likely never going to get grandchildren anyway), Kenau, Haida 2, Winston, Orky 2, Kanduke, Kotar, Tilikum, Ulises, Kshamenk, Sharkan and Kim 2 (15 whales).

Photo: Loïc Ventre

Loro Parque, Marineland Antibes and Kamogawa Sea World have stated that they have no intention to stop breeding, so the genes of Kim 2, Sharkan, Freya, Ulises, Katina, Winston, Kasatka, Kotar, Gudrun, Kanduke, Tilikum, Bingo, Stella and Oscar are assured, as well as Morgan and Kshamenk. That makes for a gene pool of 16 whales.

There are rumours that there is stored semen around from Splash among others, which would add the genes of Kandu 7 and Nootka 5, but since this isn’t confirmed but only a rumour, I have to ignore it. In any case, it’s less than 20 base individuals, and the loss of SeaWorld’s breeding program means the loss of the genes of only a handful of whales (Haida 2, Kandu 5, Kenau, and Orky 2, the last three of which would probably never leave descendants).

I see many SeaWorld fans that are disgusted by the wild captures saying “this is because of the breeding ban, if SeaWorld was allowed to breed, these facilities could get captive-bred whales instead”. As you can see, the gene pool was never large enough to sustain the zoological population of killer whales indefinitely.

Even if SeaWorld hadn’t ended their breeding program, and even if Marineland Ontario’s killer whale program hadn’t been a total failure (adding only Kandu 7, Nootka 5 and Kiska to the gene pool), it still wouldn’t be enough without adding new blood.

And in any case, it’s not like SeaWorld was going to become the killer whale breeding center of the world, shipping their whales to new parks and aquaria across the world. The Loro Parque situation was unique and I doubt they would ever repeat it, even without the Blackfish debacle.

We can’t rely on occasional unreleasable rescues either, since when Springer was rescued in 2002, she was the first killer whale to be rescued anywhere in the world in 23 years. A young male was rescued by Kamogawa Sea World in 2006 but he died within days, and a baby, newborn Pascuala, was rescued in Mexico in 2007, but she died after Greenpeace blocked her transfer to SeaWorld, where her survival would have been assured.

When Morgan was found three years later, she looked just as bad as the Japanese male but survived of course, and she is the longest-lived rescued whale to date (the others who lived were all in the 1970s however).

Also, since the huge success of Morgan, it has become harder and harder to rescue killer whales (and only killer whales) in Europe, North America and New Zealand, rescue often being stopped or delayed by activists and pseudoscientist researchers who put their anti-captivity agenda before the animal’s well-being and chance of survival.

In any case, these events are so rare they can’t be relied upon as a way to add blood into a tight gene pool.

So there it is. If you want to have killer whales in human care for the indefinite future, if you realize the benefits of keeping them and don’t want to see them going away, it does not make sense to be against humane, sustainable captures of healthy wild animals.

Like I said at the beginning, I don’t expect to be convincing anyone here, but I do hope that wild captures can become less opposed and more accepted, if not supported, in the future. As usual, people oppose humane and ethical things being done to killer whales that we do all the time to other species, even cetaceans, and we don’t blink an eye, or are at least far less outraged. This does not make sense. Killer whales being huge, majestic and beautiful top predators, and a romantic “symbol of the wild” in people’s minds, does not make them worth more than other animals.

I want to see killer whales having a future in human care, and so the addition of twenty-something Russian whales to the gene pool, captured ethically from a non-threatened population, is invaluable. I am not ashamed of this stance in the slightest, and if you agree at all, neither should you.

Spotlight Series: Katie Stem, Peak Extracts

Katie and her business partner Kate started Peak in 2014. Katie had been a medical cannabis user for ten years at that point, using cannabis to make infused chocolate to help her manager her Crohn’s symptoms. She knew that specific cultivars provided the results she was looking for while others didn’t so much, she wanted to create single strain specific products for other patients in the Oregon medical market. They transitioned to the adult use market in 2016 and were one of the first edibles processors licensed in the state.

Katie is also a Chinese herbalist and has developed a formula for a product called Rescue Rub which is said to help with everything from neuropathy to muscle strains to healing tattoos. The Peak Extracts chocolate bars are made with local, pesticide-free cannabis and gourmet 70% dark chocolate couverture. They are vegan, gluten-free and rich in antioxidants. Designed to deliver a unique, full-spectrum cannabis experience, Pure Peak CO2 Oil features Terp-lockTM, a proprietary process, and top-quality ceramic, glass and stainless-steel cartridges.

You can connect with Katie and Kate at Peak Extracts on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook.

How did you get involved in the cannabis industry?

The Oregon medical marijuana community was still pretty small when I got my card in 2005 to manage my Crohn’s disease. It was a tight knit group here in Portland and we did a lot of experimenting and sharing recipes. I began making strain-specific infused chocolates in 2006, and I realized immediately that some strains were fantastic for my pain and nausea but others were not. In 2014, my girlfriend Kate and I decided to start our business in the medical market, and invested in our first CO2 extractor. Our company did well selling chocolates and topicals to the medical dispensaries, and then when it went legal here we decided to expand further. We were the first licensed edibles manufacturer in the recreational market in 2016, and have been very busy ever since.

Tell us a little bit about your product or service

We take in material from local farms selected based on their values, quality product and growing practices, and turn it into a variety of strain-specific products. Our chocolate bars are made from gourmet 70% dark couverture and are divided into a rainbow of effects, color-coded based on whether they are indica or sativa dominant, and “bright” or “heavy.” We also have a line of terpene-rich tinctures and vape cartridges, also strain specific, so people can have the utmost control over their experience. Rescue Rub is our topical, developed during my years as a practicing Chinese herbalist. It contains 12 herbs plus cannabis, and is designed to treat trauma, pain, and inflammation.

What time does your day typically start and what does a normal day look like to you?

We usually start working at 8am, since the factory gets going at 8:30, it’s nice to get a head start. We have 10 employees and make thousands of units of product every week, and service around 150 accounts. That means that my partner and I do a lot of different jobs, so it seems like no two days are the same. My days are usually filled with managing product flow/inventory, sourcing material for extraction, doing design work for our ever-changing packaging and labels, and managing our sales and extraction staff. Kate and I communicate several times a day, as she oversees production on the factory floor, and packing orders for delivery. It’s literally never dull. Although the factory shuts down between 5-6pm, we usually have a few more hours of work to prepare for the next day. We often take a long walk and go over our day, and then do clerical, social media or design work until 9pm or later. Anyone who’s ever run a small business knows that the work is never finished, but having control over such an exciting and dynamic process is a fine reward.

What is your vision for your company going forward?

We are going to continue expanding our product line and reach into other states. We’re about to roll out some exciting hemp-based products, and we’re hoping to expand into Kate’s home state of Michigan later this summer. Our vision is to continue to offer the best quality product with the most customizable effects. As we move beyond Oregon, consumer education is going to be paramount. Not many other states have cannabis as entrenched into their culture, and we are excited to engage with a new wave of consumers that can benefit from all cannabis has to offer.

What would an ideal post prohibition society look like to you?

Cannabis was used for millennia as a medicinal tool, and I would like to see it available in a variety of forms to suit everyone’s unique needs. Much like all mainstream categories of packaged goods, I hope that there will be room for both craft, high end products and cheap, readily available ones. Oregon and Northern California have the perfect natural conditions to supply the world with the finest possible cannabis, and I would love to have that be our niche market, much like Bordeaux with wine. I’m hoping that in the next few years, cannabis will be legal nationwide, allowing our company to expand without having to have a new facility in each state.

What was your first experience with cannabis like?

I was one of the last of my peers in high school to try cannabis. I would hang out with them while they were stoned and act like Lassie— herding them away from danger and towards the snacks. I was 17 when I smoked for the first time, with my drama teacher. We were on this magical stretch of the Snake River Canyon, and we hiked for hours and talked about philosophy, spirituality and nature. It was a high bar to set for all future experiences and I’m grateful I got such a spectacular introduction.

Tell us about some of the challenges you face working in the cannabis industry

The biggest challenges have been around changing for unreasonable regulations. It was very difficult to get a permit to use our extraction system within the Portland city limits, exacerbated by the fact that at the time we had an all-female staff. They assumed that as women, we couldn’t possibly know how to run such a large (and loud!) piece of equipment. Banking has been another giant hurdle. Luckily, we do have a bank account now, but it requires a hefty monthly maintenance fee, quarterly audit and a three hour drive to make a deposit. I’m hoping that soon both banking and the draconian 280E taxation will be resolved.

What are some solutions you've found?

I’ve found it’s best just to channel my inner labrador retriever, and not get flustered by the thrice daily “cannamergencies” — abruptly changing packaging rules, sexist inspectors, etc. We’ve learned to pivot with ease, and to not become discouraged when we hear the word “no,” unless it’s something unethical or illegal, of course. And as for the sexist inspectors, we have male friends that are willing to come in and pretend to work for our company to assuage them. It’s upsetting how often we’ve had to resort to that play.

What is one thing you wish everyone knew about cannabis?

Your response to cannabis will be affected by your own individual endocannabinoid system, which in turn is shaped by genetics, time of day, past illness, and even past antibiotic use. Not only that, but each strain of cannabis has its own unique effects. It’s literally infinitely customizable to the experience you want to create, and we have more control than we think!

What is one thing you wish everyone knew about your product or service?

Our dedication to strain specificity and terpene retention sets us apart in the market as a company that can provide consumers with unparalleled control over their cannabis experience.

If you could go back in time and do it all over again, what (if anything) would you do differently?

There are a couple of our products I wish I had released years before we did, such as our tinctures. I had no idea the demand, or the utility for me personally.

What is your favorite way to consume cannabis?

Ironically, our newest product is the one I use the most, our strain-specific tincture. I love to combine them to achieve different effects. For instance, we have an amazing Bright Sativa 23:1 CBD tincture that I use during the day, and add a couple drops of the heavy indica 2:1 tincture for pain as needed. It’s long lasting, delicious, and as we expand our line there will be even more varieties to experiment with in combination.

Concentrate or flower? Why?

I mostly use our vape pens these days, although I could never give up flower vaporized in my vintage volcano. Our CO2 oil is delicious and as I curate the strain collection, I always have access to my favorites. I also find I have less issue with allergies because any molds or mildew are eliminated by the extraction process. The only disadvantage is that it’s vaporized at a higher temperature, which will damage some of the more delicate compounds that make each strain unique.

Do you think cannabis legalization will change the world for the better? Why?

Carl Sagan characterized cannabis as an introspective drug, and I agree that it has an enormous potential to counteract some of the unsavory aspects in our current social climate. People in pain, emotional and physical, tend to be more selfish and reactive. Cannabis eases so many conditions and brings calm and relief, as well as a shift in perspective. I’m hoping that we will use this powerful tool to fight against suffering and lack of compassion, and cannabis will usher in a kinder, more thoughtful society.

What advice would you offer to another woman who is looking to get into the industry?

Don’t give up when someone says you can’t do something! Find some trusted allies in the industry and have regular meetings with them about what you’re learning. Try not to be too protective or proprietary— I’ve found that the more I share, the more I learn about possible flaws in my thinking or process. It’s a brand new industry, and we’re all going to grow together very fast.

Essential Oils: What You Need to Know

If there’s a “cool kid” in the social-media wellness world, it’s essential oils. In recent years, these plant-derived extracts have been celebrated on Pinterest boards and Instagram feeds for their ability to do just about everything, be it elevating mood, lowering anxiety, easing heartburn, or cleaning grimy floors.

Indeed, essential oils can play a powerful role in promoting wellness. And research suggests that they have some hard-hitting pharmacological functions. But the online fervor raised by enthusiastic advertising campaigns and multilevel marketing strategies has made it more challenging to decipher when essential oils make a great choice for enhanced health and wellness — and when another treatment might make more sense.

Using oils safely and effectively requires basic knowledge about what they are, how they work, and how they can be safely incorporated into daily life. That’s because essential oils can be powerful medicine — and irresponsible use means risking overexposure, toxicity, and allergic reactions. Here’s what you need to know to enjoy the benefits of aromatherapy while sidestepping potential dangers.

How Essential Oils Work

As active botanical compounds that give certain plants their signature aroma, essential oils are substances “that we respond to biologically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually,” writes certified aromatherapist and licensed massage therapist Cher Kaufmann in Nature’s Essential Oils: Aromatic Alchemy for Well-Being. “Essential oils have the power to change our relationship with our environment and ourselves,” Kaufmann explains.

How exactly do essential oils support psychological well-being? It’s likely via your olfactory senses. “We know that smell is connected to the limbic system, which is an area in the brain that deals with emotions and memories,” says Sarah Villafranco, MD, an emergency-medicine doctor originally from Washington, D.C., who left medicine to create the essential-oil-based skincare line Osmia Organics in Carbondale, Colo.

This is the neurological theory behind aromatherapy: Because your sense of smell is so uniquely connected to emotion and memory, aromas have the power to transport you back to a particular moment — and feeling — in time. It’s why the scent of homemade chocolate-chip cookies can make you feel like you’re 8 years old again, licking the wooden spoon in your grandmother’s kitchen.

Or, as Kaufmann sums it up in her book: “Smelling things you like will reduce stress.”

Then there is the pharmacological potential of essential oils. Tea-tree oil, for example, can be used topically to combat the fungus behind athlete’s foot. Other oils have been shown to have anti-inflammatory properties, and a meta-analysis of 16 studies found that peppermint oil — rather than commonly prescribed pharmaceutical drugs — might be “the drug of first choice” in patients with irritable bowel syndrome (IBS). Peppermint oil is believed to work by reducing muscle contractions in the GI tract, which is similar to how IBS pharmaceuticals work to reduce symptoms. A 2010 data review found that lavender-oil capsules taken orally can be as effective as lorazepam (Ativan) in reducing symptoms of anxiety. Essential oils are also being used as low-risk pesticides in some agricultural practices.

But what really excites experts is essential oils’ potential role in combating the antibiotic-resistance epidemic. Experimental research suggests that essential oils may have the power not just to kill otherwise resistant bugs, but to actually reverse resistance to conventional antibiotics. Most of the researchers haven’t delved into the question of howessential oils might reverse resistance, but they have some theories. One is that when essential oils are used in combination with conventional antibiotics, the duo has a synergistic effect that enhances antimicrobial activity. Some suspect that essential oils, either alone or together with conventional antibiotics, may work by a different mechanism all together. Whatever the case, the early research is considered promising and experts are calling for more work to be done in the field.

Essential-Oil Safety

An essential oil’s power to kill germs is a result of its intrinsic toxic potential. “Toxicity in essential oils is an attribute we welcome when we want them to kill viruses, bacteria, fungi, or lice,” writes Robert Tisserand, an aromatherapy educator, and Rodney Young, PhD, a lecturer in plant chemistry and pharmacology at the University of East London in the United Kingdom. “And human cells share some characteristics with these very small organisms.” In other words, essential oils have the power to destroy other organisms, whether they are dangerous pathogens or delicate human skin. The oils don’t discriminate.

So when it comes to essential-oil use, knowledge is key. “Essential oils are complex chemical components that we can use to our benefit, provided we are using proper caution and we know a little bit about what we are doing,” says Kaufmann.

In general, essential-oil use is considered very safe. There hasn’t been a single reported case of poisoning from ingesting one (when administered by a practitioner). But with all the social-media buzz around essential oils, more people are adopting a DIY approach — and practitioners see their share of overexposure, toxicity, and allergic reactions.

“We’re seeing more reports of injuries because more people are using essential oils. Poison centers are reporting an increase in ingestion,” says Carol Scheidel, RN, BSN, CCAP, and CEO of R.J. Buckle Associates, a leading provider of courses in clinical aromatherapy to licensed health professionals in the United States.

Scheidel opposes any internal ingestion without the guidance of a trained aromatic-medicine aromatherapist. That’s because oil and water don’t mix, so adding essential oils to water-based liquid doesn’t dilute them. It simply allows them to come into contact with sensitive internal tissue at their full, undiluted strength. “Adding essential oils to drinking water can be dangerous. Your esophagus is made of very delicate tissue, and essential oils can damage it.”

Essential oils also trigger different responses in different people. A scent that relaxes one person might trigger a migraine in another, which is one reason that following suggestions you read online can backfire. “I don’t recommend using social media to get your recipe,” says Kaufmann. “One scent in that blend might not be a match for you, and it can create more harm than good.”

A similar problem can happen in children, says Amy Kreydin, board-certified reflexologist and certified clinical aromatherapy practitioner in Austin, Texas. Kreydin points out that young children are thought to have overlapping sensory reactions to smells. An adult who is exposed to lavender might feel a sense of calm — and that’s it — but a child might experience a cacophony of overwhelming sensations in response to the same scent, including sounds and swirling colors.

“Someone might think, ‘This lavender will really help calm down my 10-year-old at night,’ but what they’ve really just done is bring the marching band into the room.”

Most overexposure injuries also happen with children, for whom a lower dose can trigger an adverse reaction. Overexposure taxes the liver, which processes all the volatile oils we come in contact with. “The liver doesn’t mature until the teen years,” Kreydin explains. “So you cannot give an adult dose to a child and expect that they can metabolize it in the way an adult could.”

But overexposure can be a problem for adults, too. The olfactory systems get fatigued after about 30 minutes, so we stop smelling even the most obvious aromas around us — risking overexposure and eventually sensitization — the term aromatherapists use to describe essential-oil intolerance.

“In the case of sensitization, the kidneys and liver cannot metabolize that oil anymore,” says Kaufmann. “Before I learned about essential oils . . . I wore this one oil all the time. Now I have this spot on my wrist that will break out even if I just smell it!”

How to Use Essential Oils

To safely incorporate essential oils into your daily life, consider these top tips from the experts:

Dilute, dilute, dilute. Never put undiluted essential oils on your skin. This can set you up for sensitization and allergic reactions. Essential oils should always be diluted with a carrier oil — not with water or a different non-oil-based liquid, because the two won’t mix. When mixing with a carrier oil, opt for jojoba or fractionated coconut oil because of their long shelf life. Avoid sweet-almond oil for long-term use, advises Scheidel, because it goes rancid quickly.

Don’t confuse “more” with “better.” Marketers and lay practitioners often make the case that essential oils are safe because they come from nature. But these compounds are highly concentrated extracts that are far more active (and potentially dangerous) than in their as-it-exists-in-nature counterparts. When using essential oils, says Scheidel, dosage is critical.

It pays to invest. Quality matters, and in the case of essential oils, price almost always reflects quality. “It takes 10,000 pounds of actual rose-petal blossoms to make one pound of rose essential oil,” says Villafranco. That’s expensive from a labor and raw-materials standpoint, and it’s a big incentive for unethical producers who hope to lure in customers with lower price points. “Some producers assume the average consumer won’t know if an oil has been diluted with olive oil or cut with something else,” she continues.

Test your oil’s purity. Paying more helps safeguard against purchasing an oil that’s been cut with cheaper ingredients, but you can also test the quality of an essential oil by placing a drop on a piece of white computer paper, says Villafranco. “If there is a grease stain on the paper after 24 hours, the oil has been cut with a carrier oil. If it is pure, it will evaporate. You might see the faintest ring, but nothing more.”

Don’t buy “absolutes.” If you see “absolute” on a label, it means that it is a petroleum-based byproduct of the essential-oil extraction process. You don’t want this on your skin, says Scheidel.

Choose organic — and look for third-party certification. Organic oils won’t expose you to the pesticides and herbicides used in the conventional growing process. If you still have concerns about the quality of an oil, look for independent lab assessments of the oils as noted on the label. Third parties certify that a specific oil contains the chemical constituents it says it does.

Ignore “grade” scales. If you see the terms “clinical grade” or “medical grade” on labels, it’s easy to think you are getting the highest-quality product. But these are just marketing terms — they’re unregulated, and they don’t have any meaning when it comes to quality assessment.

Pick the right tools. Look for diffusers that are made specifically for essential oils. They are designed to break up the particles in a way that makes the vaporized oils easier for the body to process, says Scheidel. Never diffuse oils in products made of plastic or Styrofoam, which can release plastic particles into the air.

Diffuse smartly. If you want to add essential oils to a humidifier, don’t put drops directly in the water — the oils will break down the internal plastic parts of the humidifier and begin to send vaporized plastic into the air. Instead, put a drop or two on an organic cotton ball and put that cotton ball into the vapor outlet, says Scheidel. And don’t diffuse continuously for more than 30 minutes, adds Kreydin, because you risk overexposure.

Don’t diffuse at work or in schools. Everyone responds to essential oils differently — and children are especially susceptible to the effects. Also, some essential oils are contraindicated with certain medications, causing adverse reactions or preventing the medicine from doing its intended job.

Give pets a chance to get some fresh air. Essential oils can be hard for pets to process. If using a diffuser, always make sure pets can leave the room if they need some fresh air. Pay special attention to cats, who have a particularly hard time processing essential oils. All oils can be hard for cats to process (thanks to a missing liver enzyme that helps metabolize certain types of compounds), but they are specifically sensitive to sweet-birch oil, peppermint oil, cinnamon oil, clove oil, pennyroyal oil, eucalyptus oil, tea-tree oil, and pine and citrus oils.

Don’t use oils that have gone bad. How can you tell? Smell it. “Does it smell like what you anticipated?” says Scheidel. If not, toss it. The oils that go bad the quickest are bergamot, lemon, lime, and sweet orange. Resinous oils — like frankincense, Douglas fir, cedarwood, pine, and the balsams — tend to last longer.

Pay attention to lavender varieties. Lavender is almost always marketed for its relaxing powers — but there are many different varieties of lavender, and not all of them are ideal for bedtime. Certain types, such as spike lavender, are actually stimulating.

Don’t use single oils. As much as possible, create oil blends for personal use rather than using single oils. This helps inoculate against entrainment, when the brain associates a particular smell with a particular time in life. If you diffuse rosemary all the time during a period of illness or grieving, you may not be able to smell it again in the future without being reminded of those times.

Rotate your oils. Give your body a break from specific scents or blends by rotating the oils you use every two to four weeks, says Kaufmann. This helps prevent overexposure and sensitization.

Don’t use essential oils for everything. When another intervention is appropriate, try that first. “If you have a dehydration headache, no essential oils will help you,” Kreydin explains. “You need to drink some water.”

Choose well-researched oils and blends. “If you are going to work with essential oils on your body (diluted in a carrier oil), choose an oil that has been studied extensively, whether for its analgesic, antibacterial, or calming properties,” says Villafranco.

Don’t ingest essential oils without the guidance of a certified practitioner. Ingested oils can do significant harm, so always consult a practitioner who is certified in medical aromatherapy before taking an oil internally. Even adding a drop or two of an essential oil to a glass of water can be dangerous. Oil and water don’t mix, so your esophagus and stomach lining will be exposed to the undiluted oils in the water.

Be careful in the sun. Some essential oils, particularly the citruses, dramatically increase the risk of sunburn, or phytophotodermatitis. So don’t wear these oils when you’re out in the sun, and be cautious on your next tropical vacation — even drinking a margarita rimmed with lime juice can lead to sunburned lips.

Remember that responses are different for different people. A scent that relaxes you and puts you straight to sleep might make another person agitated or restless. This is another reason to treat recipes you find online with caution, and to think small when using essential oils. When in a classroom, meeting room, or other group space like a group fitness class or gym, use a personal inhaler that only you can smell. And resist the urge to turn on your diffuser for your next dinner party; you may unknowingly give half your guests a headache.

Don’t believe everything you read online.“Keep in mind that many Facebook pages and other social media are run by product representatives, which makes them a biased place for safety information and learning,” Kaufmann advises.

Get the full story at https://experiencelife.com/article/essential-oils-what-you-need-to-know/

Let’s Chat: Slow vs. Fast Fashion

On July 31st, Arden Rose, YouTube-veteran, quirky Zooey Deschannel look-a-like and Almost Adulting author, posted a video entitled: “how to NOT destroy the planet while shopping.” Such a confrontational and eco-conscious title from a relatively mainstream Youtube “influencer” (a term that seemed to be forced upon “content creators” in a creepy, new-age way) is all-too-often a rarity, which is what immediately drew me to the video. There should be no misunderstanding here, however; I have long admired and adored the off-kilter and endearing ramblings of Arden and have especially savored her taste for all things unique: her collaboration with Mejuri alone speaks volumes of her appreciation for individuality and one-of-kind pieces. I even discovered my new favorite arts-and-crafts magazine, Frankie Mag, through my following of Arden. But as Arden acknowledges herself in the video, YouTubers often promote the proliferation of fast-fashion by updating their viewers on the newest trends or engaging in sponsorships that offer limited-time discount codes to fans, as well as showcase their own capitalist splurges through “haul” videos, “What I got for [insert generic holiday here]” videos. Part of what makes YouTube work as a place for creatives to support themselves (albeit, barely and only if they are 1. able to captivate a large enough audience and 2. produce content that is wholly non-offensive) are the brand deals, the promotions, and the “plugs.” However, in her video, Arden acknowledges her past hauls of fast-fashion tyrants such as H&M and Forever 21 and notes her disgust for ever having taken part in promoting those brands. Arden identifies the 2015 documentary The True Cost to be her personal turning point - like Earthlings does for newfound vegans, The True Cost caused an awakening in her because of how the film illuminates the unethical and anti-humanitarian externalities of fast-fashion. I took a gander at the film and whole-heartedly agreed. From both the film, Arden’s video and my on-going following of Dearly Bethany, I have acquired a central message: “Buying clothing should be a series of investments, aimed at longevity and quality.” This is something that has been lost in both the fashion industry and on social media platforms. As a whole, we have become obsessed with having the next best thing. This pressure sits disproportionately on the shoulders of women, who are aggressively marketed to on a variety of platforms. Even I have noticed the sly ads (damn algorithms) on Instagram and Facebook that pry at my insecurities (hormonal acne, hydrogen peroxide damaged hair, a distinct lack of tasteful jewelry). 

Overall, a seismic shift has occurred in my brain. I am taking on the old-school mindset that clothing should not last just a season, but should last years. The only items of clothing I’ve ever owned that have lived up to the tune of this song have been my Doc Martens. Inherited from my mother, these Docs have lasted over 25 years. And so, I want to learn how to make my entire closet shift toward this tenant of sustainability. This means no more therapeutic fast-fashion purchases. Even Arden states in her video that this may be a difficult change for women (or men) who see shopping as a kind of therapy. I know I sure do. Even though I have decreased my susceptibility to impulse purchases as I have gotten older (I am obsessed with my credit score, kids), I know that when I was young that shopping at department stores was a way for my mother and I to bond in profound ways. She is a very fashionable woman and fortunately, or unfortunately, I have followed in her footsteps. We were able, even if only for a moment, to escape our day-to-day lives and look through a window of affluence and frivolous spending. If this sounds familiar to you, let it be known that you are not judged at all. However, if you are also like me and feel the need to do what is best for the planet and for people, you might want to tag along on my journey to a sustainable closet. I’ve even made it easy for you and I by doing some research on some great “investment brands” that value sustainability. Obviously there are many brands that are environmentally conscious, ethical and sustainable, but there is also a lot of hogwash out there because these labels have become boxes that brands check to cater to niche markets. I want to work through the smoke-and-mirrors of these labels and give you all some recommendations of companies that I hope walk the walk. 

Your Guide to Sustainable Clothing Brands:

Everlane’s motto is “Radical Transparency,” which is exactly what they bring to the table when it comes to the fast vs. slow fashion discussion. This company focuses on making their factories a great place to work, with frequent compliance audits at each factory to evaluate significant factors such as fair wages, reasonable hours and environmental considerations. You can learn more about Everlane’s factories here.

Everlane gets to our core message by stating out the gate: “At Everlane, we’re not big on trends. We want you to wear our pieces for years, even decades, to come. That’s why we source the finest materials and factories for our timeless products— like our Grade-A cashmere sweaters, Italian shoes, and Peruvian Pima tees.” 

Photo: Everlane

Most importantly Everlane is incredibly transparent about what seems to matter to consumers the most - pricing. Everlane believes that consumers have the right to know how much their clothing costs to make and often reveals the true costs behind all of their products - from materials to labor to transportation - and then sell them without the traditional retail markup. You can look at the cost breakdown for items such as modern loafers, cashmere crews, totes, denim and jackets here.

They even have a super cool feature called “Choose What You Pay” which is like a traditional sale except you choose how much you pay for individual items. Most importantly, their clothing is beautiful and Instagram knows I’ve been doing this research because I get their targeted ads pretty much every time I log into the app. I’ll take it - it’s flattering. 

Next up, Sisterhood. I’ll let them speak first. They write on their vibe page: “We are proud to love Mother Earth. This means that we do our absolute best day to day to reduce our impact on the environment. Against throw away fashion, we aim to create individual pieces that will never go out of style and will stand the test of time.”

Sisterhood’s paper to packaging is all made from 100% recycled material and can be recycled once again when finished with.The company works with a small factory to produce their designs and works to operate with zero waste and no chemicals during the production process. They claim fair wages for all workers and regular inspections of factories. You can “join the Sisterhood” for some pretty reasonable prices. 

I recently discovered this awesome brand. According to the company, “Two Fold stands for two things: environmental and social consciousness.” They are a small batch clothing label made in Charlotte, North Carolina focused on creating made-to-order and capsule collections twice a year rather than a continual release cycle. The rationale behind this is simple: quality over quantity. 

On the environmental front, Two Fold uses organic and sustainable fabrics with fibers such as organic cotton, tencel and raw silk noil which are all biodegradable and have renewable origins. Their packaging is all 100% recyclable as well.

On the social consciousness front, Two Fold works with a company called 410 Bridge, that goes into communities in the developing world, assesses their needs, and implements programs to bring them into economic stability. 

Two Fold’s goal is to uplift women through these two core values. 

Photo: Two Fold Clothing, Spring - Summer 2018 Collection

These are just three brands out of many that value sustainability. However, there are so many more that do not and primarily focus on profit maximization. Even more so, there are so many brands out there like Urban Outfitters and American Apparel (RIP, basically) that have dark pasts and negative core values. Even the brand “& Other Stores,” which I considered highlighting for this post, is owned by H&M Group, which as you know, is an H&M-run consortium of brands. And H&M is pretty much the definition of fast or “throw-away” fashion. 

At the end of the day, how we treat the planet and our fellow humans is up to us. Clothing is one of the many parts of our daily lives (unless it’s not for you, which is cool too) that has significant implications for the two realms (two folds, if you will) of environmentalism and social consciousness. If you want to start to move toward these values, these three brands are great places to start. Furthermore, if you have clothing that you want to get rid of, don’t just let it end up in a landfill. There are lots of great companies and organizations such as Goodwill, Salvation Army and the online thrift store, ThredUp, which are all about recycling, reselling and/or donation of clothing. 

Remember, moving toward a sustainable life is a process and it’s not going to happen overnight. Be gentle to the planet, to people and most importantly, yourself! Look out for the next blog post for more recommendations and to continue on this journey to a zero-waste, environmentally conscious and ethical life with me. 

art credit: Grace Easton of Gracedraws

Trump Sets Off Media Firestorm With Creation of Vaccine Safety Review Panel Dr. Mercola By Dr. Mercola Only nine days away from his swearing-in as president, Donald Trump held his first press conference since the election and announced that the pharmaceutical industry was "getting away with murder" and that during his presidency he would do something about high drug prices with more competitive bidding for federal contracts. His remarks sent drug stocks into a sudden nosedive.1 As noted by Brad Loncar, manager of Loncar Cancer Immunotherapy ETF: "When somebody that high-profile says something that negative, people do not want to invest in it." According to Reuters:2 "Trump's campaign platform included allowing the Medicare healthcare program to negotiate with pharmaceutical companies, which the law currently prohibits. He has also discussed making it easier to import drugs at cheaper prices. 'We are going to start bidding. We are going to save billions of dollars over time,' Trump said." Trump's comments came only one day after Robert F. Kennedy Jr. told reporters that Trump had asked him to "chair a commission on vaccine safety and scientific integrity." Although the Trump transition team quickly denied that any decision had been made on such a commission, shockwaves reverberated throughout the drug industry in speculation as to what impact this commission, if formed, might have on vaccine uptake and sales.3 Robert Kennedy and Media Coverage of a Possible New Vaccine Safety Commission Although Trump himself has not made a public statement, if you had any doubts whatsoever that conventional media is following an industry-created script, look no further than the incredibly biased coverage of Kennedy's reported appointment. A vast majority of the articles written are so blatantly slanted and unbalanced, it is hard to understand why self-respecting professional journalists would ever want their names associated with them. Repeatedly, such articles claim the science on vaccines is settled and vaccines are safe.4 Period. The New York Times — which recently promised to rededicate itself "to the fundamental mission of Times journalism … to report America and the world honestly, without fear or favor, striving always to understand and reflect all political perspectives"5 — wrote a remarkably biased article about Kennedy's appointment, saying:6 "Mr. Trump … asked a prominent anti-vaccine crusader to lead a new government commission on vaccine safety and scientific integrity, ushering debunked conspiracy theories about the dangers of immunization into the White House … Among his many political pursuits, Mr. Trump picked up the anti-vaccine cause a few years back. In 2012, he tweeted … 'A study says @autism is out of control — a 78 percent increase in 10 years. Stop giving monstrous combined vaccinations.' These views, to say the least, are not the scientific consensus …" So, The New York Times, supposedly newly rededicated to impartial reflection on all sides of the issue, simply decides there's a consensus among all scientists and makes no attempt to address a single argument made by those who provide substantial evidence that there are big gaps in vaccine safety science. That's hardly upholding journalistic integrity. Yet, this is what we're seeing everywhere in news reporting by conventional media dominated by corporate interests these days. Is Vaccine Safety as Established a Fact as Gravity? There are no long-term studies comparing differences in health outcomes between vaccinated and unvaccinated populations. The pharmaceutical and medical trade industries claim a vaccine's benefits always outweigh the potential harms, but no solid scientific evidence is provided to back up such claims. It's really little more than opinion. The government and pharmaceutical industries say it would be unethical to study vaccinated versus unvaccinated children, as the unvaccinated children would be put at risk. Yet more and more parents are having first-hand experience with adverse reactions, and choosing to opt-out of the government vaccine schedule. Ask a parent of a child who died or suffered permanent brain damage after vaccination and I'm sure you'll get a very different response. Curiously, anyone who dares to question the quality and quantity of vaccine studies is immediately branded anti-science and a medical heretic. In response to Kennedy's announcement that Trump had asked him to head up a commission on vaccine safety, Dr. David Kimberlin, co-director of the Division of Pediatric Infectious Diseases at the University of Alabama at Birmingham (UAB), said:7 "We don't have to keep asking if gravity is real. We don't have to keep asking if clean water is a good thing. Yes it is. Vaccines are good things. They save lives." According to Kimberlin, "The science proving the safety of vaccination is settled and does not need to be investigated again." But if it's settled, where are the studies? Where's the research showing that 50 doses of 14 vaccines administered to children in combination and repeatedly in the first six years of life equals long-term health and results in few, if any, problems? What are the multi-generational effects to the immune system with so many vaccine doses? The sad fact is the often repeated mantra that vaccines are absolutely safe and that there is nothing to worry about is a case of thinking that if a falsehood is repeated over and over again, and long enough, people will believe it's true. Why are vaccine proponents so terrified of an honest vaccine safety review? This in and of itself raises serious questions. Another fact that should give everyone pause is the witch hunt unleashed on anyone who dares to question the never-proven-hypothesis that vaccines are so unequivocally safe and beneficial for everyone that everyone should be forced, by law, to get vaccinated with every government-recommended vaccine. Cleveland Clinic Doctor Faces Disciplinary Action for Stating the Obvious One of the latest victims of such a witch hunt is Cleveland Clinic physician Daniel Neides, director of the Cleveland Clinic Wellness Institute. Neides writes a monthly column for cleveland.com, a publication that is part of the Sun News organization, which also publishes the Cleveland Plain Dealer. In his January 6 column,8 Neides expressed his concerns about the ever-growing toxic burden humans face and his disappointing experience with the annual flu shot, which left him bedridden for two days. He also touched on the potential vaccine-autism link, saying: "Why do I mention autism now twice in this article. Because we have to wake up out of our trance and stop following bad advice. Does the vaccine burden — as has been debated for years — cause autism? I don't know and will not debate that here. What I will stand up and scream is that newborns without intact immune systems and detoxification systems are being over-burdened with PRESERVATIVES AND ADJUVANTS IN THE VACCINES. The adjuvants, like aluminum — used to stimulate the immune system to create antibodies — can be incredibly harmful to the developing nervous system. Some of the vaccines have helped reduce the incidence of childhood communicable diseases, like meningitis and pneumonia. That is great news. But not at the expense of neurologic diseases like autism and ADHD increasing at alarming rates." His comments ignited a media fire storm and prompted the Cleveland Clinic to issue a statement saying Neides would face disciplinary action for his comments.9 The column was briefly removed from the cleveland.com site, but mysteriously reappeared and became accessible again after Neides retracted his statements and apologized for what his physician colleagues and the media are characterizing as an anti-vaccine "rant." If a prominent, well-respected physician cannot state the obvious without facing potentially career-ending consequences, what hope do we have of ever getting at the truth? WHY is open dialogue about vaccination not permitted? It's simply not reasonable to shut every discussion down with the old "the science is settled" claim, while the scientific literature is still littered with outstanding questions. Coincidence Claims Falter as Vaccine Damage Becomes More Common On January 11, a group of concerned parents rallied at the State Capitol in Mississippi in the hopes of having their voices heard in the vaccine debate.10 One of those parents was Dr. Scott Guidry, whose son developed autism spectrum symptoms following some of his childhood vaccinations. Guidry told WJTV: "My son was vaccine-injured, and we reversed the vaccine injury, and now he's recovered from autism. I'm not against vaccines. I learned the same importance of vaccines like every other physician who went to med school did. I know. But it's never really been studied, the safety of vaccines. There's never been a long-term safety study on vaccines." According to this news report, Mississippi has one of the highest vaccination rates in the U.S. It also has one of the highest autism rates, as well as the highest infant mortality rate in the country.11 Coincidence? No one knows, but in the absence of firm proof either way, many parents are renewing their call for the legal right to make voluntary decisions about which vaccines their child should receive and if or when they should be given. The same scenario is playing out in other states across the nation. The numbers of children suffering with chronic illness and disability, including autism spectrum disorders, are increasing. The numbers of children and adults who have experienced serious vaccine reactions are also increasing. It has become so common that a majority of people now have a family member or know someone who has been adversely affected by one or more vaccines. Eventually, this first-hand experience with vaccine reactions will come to include most physicians and politicians, as well. At a certain point, the coincidence-theory simply cannot hold water any longer, and that's what we're starting to see now. Very often, people don't care enough to get involved in the discussion until it's personal and, in recent years, we've seen a growing number of influential people speaking up and describing their personal experiences with vaccine reactions in the public forum. Robert De Niro is the latest example of a well-known celebrity parent, who has gone on the public record questioning vaccine safety and the reported link between vaccines and autism. Not surprisingly, like everyone who raises questions about vaccine safety, he has been attacked by the media as being uninformed and promoting dangerous ideas. Rick Rollens, former secretary of the California State Senate, and retired Representative Dan Burton (R-Ind.) are two examples of individuals who worked for government and publicly shared their personal experiences with vaccination and autism. They were strongly criticized for speaking out as they attempted to open up discussions about vaccine safety. Absolutely no one is above ridicule should they dare question the safety of vaccines. Paul 'For Profit' Offit's at It Again Wherever discussion about vaccine safety is covered by the media, Dr. Paul Offit is there in the middle of it. A vaccine developer for Merck and author of several books attempting to marginalize vaccine safety critics, Offit has become the "go-to" doctor whenever corporatized conventional media wants a spokesperson to deny vaccine risks and defend "vaccine safety." Rarely, if ever, does media note his deep ties to the vaccine industry, and the fact that he stands to profit personally from maintaining the illusion that vaccines are absolutely safe for everyone all the time, which also protects the status quo for industry profitmaking. The Daily Beast recently ran an article12 penned by Offit, in which he says "Trump needs vaccine experts, not conspiracy theorists." How do you know a propagandist when you see one? For starters, they're extremely fond of throwing around derogatory and humiliating terms like "conspiracy theorists," "hacks" and "quacks," in lieu of making a solid argument. Offit has earned tens of millions of dollars in royalties from the Rotateq vaccine, and has notoriously stated that infants can tolerate 10,000 vaccine doses at once without ill effect. He's also been caught making unsubstantiated and false statements about former CBS News investigative correspondent Sharyl Attkisson, and lying to the OC Register about providing CBS News with the details of his financial relationship with the vaccine maker Merck.13 Barbara Loe Fisher, co-founder and president of the non-profit charity, the National Vaccine Information Center (NVIC), sued Offit for defamation in 2009, along with reporter Amy Wallace and publisher Conde Nast. "She lies," Offit was quoted as stating "flatly" about Fisher in Wired magazine. However, no evidence supporting his accusation was provided and Fisher was never asked by the reporter for a comment on Offit's baseless allegation. Fisher sued in the Fourth Circuit federal court in Virginia for a jury trial and $1 million in damages, but Judge Claude Hilton dismissed the defamation lawsuit. Hilton's primary argument for dismissal was that both Fisher and Offit are public figures and that, in his opinion, Offit's allegation that "she lies" was made in a moment of emotional exasperation and the heat of spirited public debate, which is the hallmark of free speech protected by the First Amendment. It is interesting how the free speech argument was used to dismiss a clear-cut case of defamation. The big question today is: Will the First Amendment protect Neides or anyone else in the U.S. who dares to publicly criticize the safety or effectiveness of vaccines? In Absence of Reliable Injury Reporting, How Can Safety Be Ascertained? In 2015, media reports noted that a "study" by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) had confirmed that vaccines rarely ever cause serious reactions. The study in question used CDC Vaccine Safety Datalink (VSD) data, concluding there were only 33 "confirmed vaccine-triggered anaphylaxis cases" among the 25,173,965 vaccine doses administered between January 2009 and December 2011.14 However, there's a significant problem with using this study to "prove" safety, as there are dozens of serious reactions besides anaphylaxis. To say that vaccines rarely cause serious reactions based on the occurrence of anaphylaxis alone is misleading at best. Moreover, it's reasonable to suspect that the findings rely on incomplete data. The assumption is that the VSD — which collects health data from nine health care partners — actually receives thorough and accurate information about what happens to a patient following vaccination. But the chances of that are actually slim, since studies have shown vaccine reactions are rarely if ever recorded or reported. Providers of vaccines are by law required to report vaccine reactions to the Vaccine Adverse Event Reporting System (VAERS), jointly operated by the CDC and the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA). Despite that, most vaccine providers are unaware of this requirement, are unfamiliar with the reporting process, are confused about who should be doing the reporting, and/or are unwilling to file a report. As noted by The Vaccine Reaction, an online journal newspaper published by NVIC:15 "Although the National Childhood Vaccine Injury Act [NCVIA] of 1986 requires doctors and other health care providers who administer vaccines to make a report to VAERS for 'hospitalizations, injuries, deaths and serious health problems' following vaccination, it is estimated that this happens in only between 1 to 10 percent of the cases. VAERS receives about 30,000 reports annually. Given the extreme under-reporting to the system, it is likely that the true number of vaccine adverse reactions in the United States is closer to at least 300,000 per year, and perhaps as high as 3 million. One can only guess how many of those would be serious reactions. Suddenly, the argument that vaccines are safe because adverse reactions are 'rare' becomes a bogus one." If underreporting to VAERS is that common, chances are, the VSD is no better. Adding to the problem, the VSD data is not openly available to independent researchers, and without replication, the accuracy of the findings must forever remain suspect. The Vaccine Reaction Cover-Up Most pediatricians will tell you they've never seen a vaccine reaction, or that reactions are really rare. However, when a child suffers a vaccine reaction, they typically end up in the emergency room (ER), not the pediatrician's office. In a 2015 article, an ER nurse and former police officer shares his experiences with vaccine reactions, noting he's "seen the cover-up" first hand. He writes, in part:16,17 "I cannot even begin to guess how many times over the years I have seen vaccine reactions come through my E.R. Without any exaggeration, it has to be counted in hundreds … The cases almost always presented similarly, and often no one else connected it. The child comes in with either a fever approaching 105, or seizures, or lethargy/can't wake up, or sudden overwhelming sickness, screaming that won't stop, spasms [or] GI inclusion … And one of the first questions I would ask as triage nurse, was, are they current on their vaccinations? … Parents (and co-workers) usually just think I'm trying to rule out the vaccine preventable diseases, when in fact, I am looking to see how recently they were vaccinated to determine if this is a vaccine reaction. Too often I heard a parent say something akin to 'Yes they are current, the pediatrician caught up their vaccines this morning during their check up, and the pediatrician said they were in perfect health!' … But here's the more disturbing part. [Of] all the cases I've seen, I have never seen any medical provider report them to VAERS. I have filed VAERS reports. But I am the only nurse I have EVER met that files VAERS reports. I have also never met a doctor that filed a VAERS report. Mind you, I have served in multiple hospitals across multiple states, alongside probably well over a hundred doctors and probably 300 [to] 400+ nurses … What does that say about reported numbers? … And the final part of that, is that I have, first hand, seen blatant cover ups from doctors. I have seen falsification of medical records and documentation via intentional omission … I remind them that VAERS is a reporting body for ANY symptoms that are contemporaneous to vaccination, whether causation is believed to be associated or not, and I get the dismissal that they are not filing it because it [the vaccine] has nothing to do with it [the symptom] … This is a systemic suppression of information and statistics." How Vaccine Mandates Are Imposed on Health Care Workers in Absence of Legal Requirements In related news, GoErie.com recently reported18 that six health care workers fired from a hospital in Erie, Pennsylvania, for refusing the annual flu vaccine have been reinstated with back pay. In related commentary, according to Dr. Meryl Nass, a vaccine blogger with special interests in vaccine-induced illnesses, it appears American hospitals do not actually have a legal leg to stand on when firing health care workers over vaccine refusals, because the federal government claims it does not impose vaccine mandates for adults. So why are hospitals firing workers for refusing influenza vaccinations? In large part, it appears to be a strategy designed to receive higher Medicare reimbursements. Organizations co-created by the federal government have created guidelines for improving "quality of care" in hospitals, and Medicare reimbursements are used to forcibly impose certain quality measures over others, such as vaccination. In a nutshell, hospitals that have higher vaccination rates for patients and health care workers get higher Medicare reimbursement rates. But this has little to do with actual federal mandates. In fact, according to the CDC, "there are no legally mandated vaccinations for adults, except for persons entering military service. CDC does recommend certain immunizations for adults, depending on age, occupation and other circumstances, but these immunizations are not required by law." Flu Vaccine Mandate for Hospital Workers Is Financially Driven Employee coverage rates of flu vaccination is a quality measure that is reported to the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services (CMS). As noted by Nass: "The bottom line is that the federal government squeezed hospitals by requiring hospitals to report the rates of yearly influenza vaccinations of both hospital staff and hospital patients, including these two measures in a global calculation of hospital 'quality.' A hospital's 'quality' number determines approximately 3.75 percent of its overall Medicare reimbursements rate in 2017 … In the health care industry, 3.75 percent is enough to make a hospital sink or swim. The hospitals, predictably, acquiesced by demanding their employees be vaccinated or fired. But the federal government insists it imposes no mandates. Yet its actions created a de facto mandate. Where are the lawyers who will litigate this in federal court? I don't understand why cases are going through EEOC [Equal Employment Opportunity Commission], where employees may win, when their wins do not impact the de facto health care worker flu shot mandates that continue to be imposed in most U.S. health care institutions today." Vaccinating Hospital Workers Has No Impact on Patient Safety Interestingly, hospitals began mandating annual flu shots for their workers AFTER meta-analyses by Cochrane (considered the gold standard of meta reviews), the World Health Organization (WHO) and the CDC concluded that health care worker vaccinations do not protect patients from influenza — a finding that raises questions about its validity as a "quality of care" measure in the first place. The first one, published in July 2013, by the Cochrane Database of Systematic Reviews, found "laboratory-proven influenza or its complications (lower respiratory tract infection, or hospitalization or death due to lower respiratory tract illness) did not identify a benefit of health care worker vaccination on these key outcomes … This review does not provide reasonable evidence to support the vaccination of health care workers to prevent influenza in those aged 60 years or older resident in long-term care institutions." The Cochrane Database Systematic Review published an update to this analysis in June, 2016, noting that 5 percent of health care workers who had received the influenza vaccine and 8 percent of workers who were unvaccinated had laboratory-proven influenza each season, and that health care workers may transmit influenza to patients. Still, the conclusions remained the same. "Offering influenza vaccination to health care workers based in long-term care homes may have little or no effect on the number of residents who develop laboratory-proven influenza compared with those living in care homes where no vaccination is offered," the authors write. They did note one study of moderate quality evidence suggests health care vaccinations may reduce lower respiratory tract infections in residents by 2 percent, from 6 to 4 percent. Another 2013 meta-analysis — this one by the CDC — found, "The evidence quality that health care personnel vaccination reduces patient mortality and influenza cases is moderate and low, respectively."19 A third analysis of 20 different studies,20 also published in 2013, found that while influenza vaccination of health care workers is likely to offer some indirect protection to vulnerable patients, the evidence is limited. Science Be Damned As noted by Nass:21 "Each of these three groups examined the world literature on the effects of health care worker vaccinations in 2012 [to 20]13, and each determined that there was no statistically significant evidence that health care worker influenza vaccinations prevented either influenza cases or influenza deaths in their patients. You cannot get better evidence than this. Health care worker flu vaccinations, despite what the public has been told, do not improve patient care. Furthermore, there is no good evidence that flu shots benefit the over-65 Medicare patients who are also being vaccinated to comply with a second 'quality' measure. To my knowledge, no one has looked to see if hospital inpatients have poorer outcomes because of these shots, but they certainly might. The shots cause a generalized inflammatory reaction that might adversely affect patients with, for example, autoimmune diseases, pneumonia or heart attacks." If you ask me, I think it's about time we get a vaccine safety review commission started, and if Kennedy is the one who heads it, I wish him the best in this endeavor and hope he seeks advice from Barbara Loe Fischer, co-founder of NVIC. We must bring back some objective sanity to the discussion about vaccine safety and scientific integrity. It's going to be an uphill battle all the way, but it is encouraging to see the topic being discussed by the new administration and, hopefully, it will result in better science and holding drug companies more accountable for the safety of their products.