oh i am going to kill this one particular class.

jessie reyez ‘before love came to kill us’ sentences

feel free to change pronouns & things ! DO YOU LOVE HER

‘ i should’ve fucked your friends ’ ‘ it would’ve been the best revenge ’ ‘ i’m trying to heal but it’s a process ’ ‘ there’s a stranger where my heart is ’ ‘ i’m sick with feeling like i deserved better ’ ‘ you’re sick for everything you did to me ’ ‘ it was a setup ’ ‘ if i blow your brains out, i could guarantee that you’ll forget her ’ ‘ i could kiss it better ’ ‘ kiss me ’ ‘ i’m the monster that you made ’ ‘ kiss me, i’m the monster that you made ’ ‘ you made me ’ ‘ now i’m just like you ’ ‘ don’t complain ’ ‘ i do the things you like hoping you’d stay ’ ‘ you don’t want me unless i’m someone else’s ’ ‘ you don’t even know you’re being selfish ’ ‘ that’s when you get off and you can’t help it ’ ‘ all your bullets, they feel like velvet ’ ‘ i let you do it ’ ‘ i loved you too much ’ ‘ your dead to me ’

DEAF ( who are you )

‘ what the fuck’s a day off? ’ ‘ i don’t love ya ’ ‘ go get your bitch ’ ‘ she’s all on my dick ’ ‘ i am the one that got you in love ’ ‘ i heard you got a lot to say ’ ‘ i ain’t a killer, i’ll let you breathe ’ ‘ oh, now you don’t recognise my face? ’ ‘ i never listen ’ ‘ who are you? ’ ‘ if i’m sipping jameson, i don’t answer ’ ‘ i’m taking everything i came for ’ ‘ i ain’t fucking asking ’ ‘ who are you, bitch? ’

INTRUDERS

‘ this is mine from now on ’ ‘ when i see intruders, i load up my weapons ’ ‘ you’re beautiful ’ ‘ i see them stare ’ ‘ you belong to me ’ ‘ i’d kill all intruders ’ ‘ my love is ruthless ’ ‘ you are my kingdom ’ ' heads on a stake of people that failed ’ ‘ don’t you come in ’ ‘ this is my land ’ ‘ please, no intruders ’

COFFIN

‘ we fought until the sun rose ’ ‘ i still ain’t been to bed ’ ‘ the devil wakes up in my head ’ ‘ he told me that you hate me and you blame me ’ ‘ you hate me and you blame me ’ ‘ you said that you wish that you were dead ’ ‘ you make me wanna jump off a roof ’ ‘ i love you to death ’ ‘ i love you to death, just like a fool ’ ‘ i walk up to the edge and say a prayer before i let go ’ ‘ you get there just in time to save me and apologise ’ ‘ maybe we can go back to bed ’ ‘ i had to watch you jump off the roof ’ ‘ maybe buddha’s got it right? we reincarnate every time ’ ‘ i’ll find you in another life ’ ‘ i don’t really wanna fight ’ ‘ i just wanna spend the night ’ ‘ hit me in the eye, bit me on the thigh, then began to cry ’ ‘ i’m at the end of my wits. let’s end this ’ ‘ pledge your loyalty, treat me like a king ’ ‘ no matter how mad i get, i’m mad about you ’ ‘ i know we’ve had our challenges, still i keep trying to salvage it ’ ‘ bet you think i’m fucking around on you ’ ‘ it never changes, i doubt if it will ’ ‘ cheat on me then say “how does it feel?” ‘ ‘ how could you? ’ ‘ i almost had a child with you ’ ‘ i’ll put you in the ground ’ ‘ you’re just trying to pull me down with you ’ ‘ if you jump, i’m jumping with you ’ ‘ neither one of us having nothing to lose but each other ’

ANKLES

‘ we fight just to fuck just to fight again ’ ‘ i never thought you’d leave me ’ ‘ i doubt you’ll ever find anyone ’ ‘ these bitches can’t measure up ’ ‘ you apologise, but your twitter says ‘no regrets’ ’ ‘ i’d kill for a mute button in my head ’ ‘ i’m tired of pretending like i was the guilty one ’ ‘ you’re shallow ’ ‘ why’s it always me that’s gotta feel bad? ’ ‘ you left me in a heartbeat ’ ‘ it will never go back to the way it was ’ ‘ she’s not on my level, you could’ve done better ’ ‘ you make me sick ’ ‘ i’m back on my shit ’ ‘ she doesn’t ride like i used to ride it ’ ‘ i doubt you’ll find anyone to measure up to me ’

IMPORTED

‘ my bank account is looking mighty fine ’ ‘ we can skip the wine and dine, go straight to the wind and grind ’ ‘ wanna cum? i can make it happen ’ ‘ you can be my biggest secret ’ ‘ you’re gonna have to leave him ’ ‘ you’re in love with somebody else ’ ‘ maybe i could offer some help? ’ ‘ get over them by getting under me ’ ‘ you might o.d if you get too much of me ’ ‘ my name is not important ’ ‘ i’m not from here ’ ‘ i drink liquor like it’s water ’ ‘ what happened here ain’t nothing sacred ’ ‘ that got me fucked up ’ ‘ i know that dude just saw me naked ’ ‘ fake it ‘til you make it ’

SAME SIDE

‘ how come i can’t leave you? ’ ‘ i feel like i am tied down to someone who’s making me cry more than making me smile ’ ‘ i don’t want you. i hate you, i think. but i don’t wanna be alone either ’ ‘ you’re such an asshole, but i see a prince ’ ‘ i’m a good girl, but you see a bitch ’ ‘ i wanna make love, you wanna burn a bridge ’ ‘ i wish i was a bad guy ’ ‘ we could be fighting on the same side ’ ‘ you said you would be out of my life ’ ‘ you used to be paradise ’ ‘ you used to be where i would go to hide from people who treat me how you treated me ’ ‘ i don’t believe you ’ ‘ sorry i’m not your ex ’ ‘ i’m sorry i’m lacking self-respect ’ ‘ should’ve left you when you started hopping beds ’ ‘ i’m sorry, i swear that i tried my best ’ ‘ can’t you be sorry instead? ’

ROOF

‘ it be skinny dudes packing those anacondas ’ ‘ i’m a fucking monster ’ ‘ everything i do hits the roof ’ ‘ i got nothing to lose ’ ‘ you lucky i don’t want your man ’ ‘ never really ever had a high like this ’

DOPE

‘ tell me do you need a teacher? ’ ‘ i know i got what you need ’ ‘ i know what you like ’ ‘ that shit dope ’ ‘ come here hot boy ’ ‘ it’s only bad if you get caught ’ ‘ pull that trigger ’ ‘ put that drink down ’

BEFORE LOVE CAME TO KILL US

‘ i love you in the worst way ’ ‘ you knock me down like a heavyweight ’ ‘ we fell in love ’ ‘ nobody gets out of love alive ’ ‘ we either break up or we say goodbye when we die ’ ‘ for a moment at least, i know you were mine ’ ‘ winter comes and roses don’t survive ’ ‘ it’s getting late and i should go ’ ‘ i wanna hold you ’ ‘ we’re not supposed to but i can’t learn my lesson ’ ‘ i miss when you were my best friend ’ ‘ i think about you everyday ’ ‘ life’s good and i’m getting paid ’ ‘ when i miss you i medicate ’

LOVE IN THE DARK

‘ we’re only humans, floating on a rock ’ ‘ i think you are made of stardust ’ ‘ you put up with so much ’ ‘ the sweetest goodbyes are never with smiles at all ’ ‘ our lives are running out ’ ‘ i’ll be there to pull you back up ’ ‘ i’m nothing without you ’ ‘ i won’t leave you alone ’ ‘ there’s love in the dark ’ ‘ i’d do anything to relive our memories ’ ‘ i thank god for everything that you showed me ’

I DO

‘ we let this castle fall down, what a tragedy ’ ‘ do i still live in your head? ’ ‘ do you still live with regrets? ’ ‘ because i do ’ ‘ i do ’ ‘ do you got something on your chest? ’ ‘ do you wish we weren’t finished yet? ’ ‘ come bring me all your sins ’ ‘ put a band-aid on the scars ’ ‘ would you give me your heart again? ’ ‘ if i could just see you. we don’t even have to talk ’ ‘ i’ll take an argument ’ ‘ all i want is a familiar face ’ ‘ i’d much rather hurt from familiar pain ’

FIGURES

‘ i gave you ride or die and you gave me games ’ ‘ i’m crying ‘cause you just won’t change ’ ‘ i gave it all and you gave me shit ’ ‘ i wish i could hurt you back ’ ‘ what would you do if you couldn’t get me back? ’ ‘ you’re the one who’s gonna lose something so special ’ ‘ tell me boy how in the fuck would you feel? ’ ‘ i’m the bad guy because i can’t learn to trust ’ ‘ you say sorry once and you think it’s enough ’ ‘ i got a lineup of girls and a lineup of guys begging for me just to give them a try ’ ‘ i’m willing to stay because i’m sick for your love ’

FAR AWAY II

‘ i think you’re the love of my life ’ ‘ i feel like i need you tonight beside me ’ ‘ i feel what you feel when you’re far away ’ ‘ i ran out of heart, don’t got feelings ’ ‘ you left your panties and bra right under my pillow ’ ‘ you gonna stay on me until i’m finished ’ ‘ your body won’t say stop ’ ‘ you feel it in your soul ’ ‘ i fuck with your vibe ’ ‘ i never meant to do you dirty or make you cry ’ ‘ you’re just my type ’ ‘ like the love of my life ’ ‘ i care about you so much it’s kinda scary ’ ‘ I’m happy that it’s happening ’ ‘ i just miss you ’

WORTH SAVING

‘ you’re trying to leave while you can ’ ‘ i might be worth saving ’ ‘ when you come back i might not be here waiting ’ ‘ didn’t you say that your mama liked me? ’ ‘ there ain’t gonna be one like me ’ ‘ don’t let me go too easy ’ ‘ i’m not the easiest ’ ‘ to be real i don’t blame you for leaving me ’ ‘ all my friends, they hate your guts ’ ‘ i’m here defending all you’ve done ’ ‘ i’m not the easiest, don’t even blame your dumbass for leaving me ’

SUGAR AT NIGHT

‘ i could blame your parents, but you’re grown now ’ ‘ a couple vodka’s and you lose all control ’ ‘ if it ain’t about you, you just peace and zone out ’ ‘ it’s such a joke to hope that you could just be normal ’ ‘ you’ll never make me a bride ’ ‘ you just give me fight scenes ’ ‘ you always take away my smile ’ ‘ you always fuck up my dreams ’ ‘ sometimes i wish that you’d never entered my life ’ ‘ you had a wild light ’ ‘ embarrassed when i had to call you my guy ’ ‘ you stole my good years ’ ‘ i could’ve dodged your cheating and some bad scars ’

NO ONE’S IN THE ROOM

‘ i’d go to church every sunday ’ ‘ teenage love still took my virgin skin ’ ‘ after my first time i cried ’ ‘ after my first time i cried because i thought heaven wouldn’t let me in ’ ‘ the priest has got a boyfriend ’ ‘ the teachers smoke weed after school ’ ‘ when you’re young they try to keep you in cages ’ ‘ most of them don’t follow their own rules ’ ‘ i need to talk to god there’s just some things that i don’t understand ’ ‘ who am i when no one’s in the room? ’ ‘ does the voice in my head that talks me off a ledge belong to me? ’ ‘ vices only pacify for the moment ’ ‘ vices that they made to hold our pain ’ ‘ spend your whole life being graded ’ ‘ you’re not enough ’

Naruto anime and some general thoughts

well i kept up with the manga back when it was still ongoing, ill admit i never had much interest in pursuing the naruto anime. Partly because of how i tend to consume media, partly because the show was never able to convincingly drag me in. However, ive decided to parse the anime a little recently so i thought id put down some bullet point thoughts from about the first 10 episodes

- the first theme songs weird, i kinda like it as a song in of itself as its very... 80s rock i guess but at the same time it just feels out of place. its not a very iconic first foot as it were i guess, which is fine cause not every anime can have one, but it doesnt help with its sense of misplacement in general tone is all.

- which brings me to how the ost is, cause the ost and first op feel mismatched af. that said the osts pretty solid for the most part, just used haphazardly at times. rising fighting spirit might be the more iconic fighting naruto ost piece, but i honestly feel its kinda bland and bad situation works better at generating tension.

- narutos an annoying shit just as i remember. it certainly works early on where hes suppose to be an annoying shit to some degree or another. it helps that a lot of these early episodes are dedicated to showing how out of his depth naruto currently is, its just bittersweet is all considering how character wise he'll stall out at this point as his weaknesses get gradually eroded over time.

- sasukes a hyper competent mf for the most part, as much as a kid his age and experience can expected to be. hes definitely not broody and emo all things considered, stand offish certainly but the really weird thing is, is that its gone out of the way to emphasize that even as early as now that sasuke could give a rats ass about the attention and thus is stand offish because people wont leave him alone. its somewhat similar to the usual aloof rival behavior in shonen, but in this case it comes off as unusual because sasukes shown to be unusually compassionate in instances. sticking up for naruto in front of sakura when he had no obligation to and just after naruto acted like a little gremlin child and tied sasuke up in a supply closet, among other smaller moments.

- veering back on topic, sasukes easily the most competent of team 7 genin both in terms of strategic thinking and raw combat skill, to the point that it genuinely felt weird for naruto to be the one to come up with the shadow shuriken trick when that feels more like something sasuke would come up with. its a good sequence mind showing naruto and sasuke teaming up to take on a stronger foe in contrast to the bell test and something that probably should have been extended or given more time to breath in order to sell the idea that the two are forming a genuine bond if through adversity.

- moving to the fights themselves they... aren't good? at the moment atleast the pacing of the fights makes something like the kakashi zabuza battle feel slow paced and kids happy slaps in comparison to the demon brothers brief taijutsu and weapons fight which feels more actively dangerous. to compare it to one piece fights around the same time of their production, it lacks snap and impact in the fights so to speak.

- i forgot how fun kakashi actually is, since he spends a lot of the rest of the series as a bit of a wet blanket. hes the man of mysteries wrapped up in the roshi unconventional teacher model 'i taught you by not teaching you' kinda manner. that and his 'im not touching you' method of annoyance in his mannerisms helps contrast and make more impressive his strong insights and the moments in the zabuza fight where hes pissed at the possibility of people dying on his watch. it makes the rest of his series performance feel especially clownish as he increasingly defaults to an empty caricature spouting off state propaganda and generic i love naruto catchphrases... but as it stands by the wave arc hes an interesting and fun guy.

- id be more willing to be lenient to you sakura if you didnt leave such a bad taste in the mouth even now. is she more then a generic fangirl here? in the sense of being very intentionally written as an aggressive bully yes but thats not even the backhanded compliment im making it out to be. shes useless not in the sense of never doing anything in a fight, or being a bad character. Shes useless in the sense that she really does nothing for the actual dynamic of team 7 as a unit of characters. individually sure theres some interesting meat and aspects to them but as a unit team 7 feels more like a duo then a trio and sakuras the quite obvious weak link in it because she might as well not be there in the 'team 7' scenes.

- hunter nin seem to be implied as something every village has in some capacity as opposed to a kiri exclusive thing its more so treated as later on. theres also the implication that anbu look a lot more mundane then they do later on since zabuzas anbu flashbacks just have him in a regular flakjacket setup.

- narutos mixed and confused anger at haku both for taking a life and for showing team 7 up well they tried extra hard is very confused in what it wants to be, but also something i wished the series explored more in naruto. cause like, later on its more so dropped to just have naruto be jealous of other people who are better then him because hes a petty bitch, but here theres very much an air of naruto being uncomfortable even deeply afraid of killing and death, both times he freezes up in the first 10 episodes are when hes presented with the physical possibility of dying, and having the grapple and struggle with that concept given his chosen profession would have been a hell of a lot more interesting.

Campaign Debrief

So for nearly 2 years I ran an Edge of the Empire campaign with 3-4 players, mostly weekly. These last couple of months we’ve been using discord, which has gone great. I want to get down some of my thoughts about what worked and what didn’t. 

This is gonna be a big wall of text and all but two bits are gonna be under the cut: system and play style. 

Fantasy Flight Star Wars game system is legit my favorite system EVER. (Not to dick wave or anything, but that’s including D&Ds 2-5, Gurps, White Wolf, Blades in the Dark, Dungeon World, Deadlands, and a few miscellaneous other short form ones). The system of advantages and disadvantages, and especially triumphs and despairs rather than just straight successes and failures really opens up complex narrative opportunities and gives a chance for wild story beats that just would not have happened otherwise. The fights go fast but feel meaty and there’s a lot of room to pitch advantages to your friends so you’re not just waiting your turn. Character creation is granular enough that your choices always feel meaningful, and points can be spent anywhere, so you can really specialize and shape your character. 

We played very collaboratively and it made things AMAZING. Part of this is that we were all good friends and have played together for a while now. Our taste in what kind of story we want is similar- nuggets of drama scattered throughout, but mostly cutting up. A lot of the best NPCs and story suggestions came from my players rather than from me- our season one boss villain, Imperial spymaster “Uncle” Karston Severax, a pantoran ex-special forces black operative whose current public face was a Mr. Rogers-esque children’s TV presenter, for example, was someone my players started out and all of us collective “yes and” added to around the table, and he was JUST THE BEST. These kind of exchanges also gave us moments like the time our tech tried to blackmail the head of a security corporation with the fact that he was having an affair and he’d written just LOADS of incredibly cringey fanfiction; but the roll was such that the attempt ended with him finally getting the push he needed to quit a job he hated, get out of a marriage that just wasn’t working, and follow his dream of self-publishing. He even dedicated his first book to our slicer. Because it wasn’t a DM vs Players atmosphere, because we were all on the same page, I could ask my players “hey, what do you want for your triumph?” and “all right, so who is the NPC you know?” as well as just “that’s enough to finish this guy, what does this look like?” This campaign was 1000% better for sharing that world building load, and the players were all, I think, more invested. 

more below the cut. 

What Worked

One of the most useful things I ever did was start giving players morality pet NPCs that were their special hench people, and I’m embarrassed that I waited so long to assign one to our droid. 

The zero session was absolutely invaluable in setting the tone of the game and the relationship between characters, and I will bang this drum until I’m fucking blue in the face. Don’t meet in the first session. Sit the players down and say “how do you know each other, why do you stay together, what are some of your past adventures?” It’s just so much better. 

Cameos and ties to our other games, in what we’ve been calling “The Drax Kreiger Expanded Universe” have continued to be welcome pretty much every time. People were delighted to have a moment or two to slip back into old characters. 

I was able to identify what each player wanted and give them that. Brick’s player wanted quiet scenes with big character emotion, like his one on one pit fight the character didn’t want to have, or the letter from his mother telling him how proud she was of him, or the time in training where he tapped into how angry he really was and it spooked the character and everyone on the ship. Nyla’s player wanted a big epic, but also difficult space journey of good vs. evil, and so Nyla got a padawan whose parents she had possibly killed when she fought for the empire, she dug up the grave of her clone teacher’s order 66′d jedi for the crystal for her lightsaber, she got to cleanse a temple that was trapped in a fruitless struggle between light and dark, and a climactic lightsaber battle that was about possibly sacrificing herself for the good of others. TK’s player was deep into star wars trivia and space stuff, so he practically squealed when Verpine shatter weapons showed up, and he seemed to get a kick out of the Evocii, and also that time they put on wing suits and dove the atmosphere of a gas giant. It’s worth noting nobody was actually all that interested in the thing that turns my gears: complex mysteries with a lot of clues and investigation, and once I let that shit drop, things ran a lot smoother. 

Some of our best stuff was non-combat challenges, like climbing the cliffs of Naboo or navigating the deep undercity of Nar Shadaa. The guys reliably failed anything social, but environmental challenges were always appreciated. 

I always tried to make sure there was more than one way to do things. For any given mission, especially early on, I’d try to brainstorm at least three ways something could be accomplished. 

My party split up a LOT, but we found a sort of cinematic cutting back and forth to be really useful. When there was a big crit, or a goal accomplished, or something like that, we’d jump to the other party even if the fight wasn’t over. Sometimes that was only just, like, Brick and the guys doing drunk karaoke and saying to no one in particular “MAN, I hope Nyla’s having as fun a time as we are!” but it kept everyone involved and it wasn’t just people waiting their turn for 20 minutes at a time. Also people chimed in with fun advantages and disadvantages. 

I had everybody write backstories and whenever I could, I incorporated in things from what they’d written. Our second season was basically TK tracking down the guy who’d made him, a Thackwash alien with the same sort of shifting personalities he had. TK’s player hadn’t written much about the guy except that he’d been a salvage mechanic who constructed TK for protection when he got in trouble with the local mafia. Giving that guy complementary personalities for each of TK’s really helped stick the landing on that one, and the player really enjoyed having actually completed his character’s goal. 

It’s worth saying, we took some time at several points during the campaign, either individually or as a group, to talk about what we liked and didn’t, what we wanted more of, where we wanted things to go, possible directions for characters, mechanical issues, how to have a better game, group dynamics, all sorts of stuff. In a way it’s like sex: people have this fucked up expectation that you’ll just be good at it without communicating, and man, fuck that. Talking to my players was ALWAYS worthwhile.

I was always adamant, because it was a thing that bugged me when I was a player, that if a character had spent the points to be good at something, they got to be good at it. That made some things difficult, but I think it was the right decision. It took me a while to tailor fights right, and honestly a lot of times, splitting up the party was the best way to balance fights, but I never said to anyone hey that thing you spent all those points on, could you please not do that?

My players were excellent about encouraging each other to have serious dramatic moments. TK was completely ready to die in a fight, and when he lost a significant chunk of his programming, the way he chose to play it was really heartbreaking. Everyone came inside and had tea with Brick’s mom. No one stepped on anyone else’s fun when it was time to be serious, and everybody was great about cheering each other on, whether they were being funny or being dead serious. 

I FUCKING FINISHED A CAMPAIGN. IT HAD AN END. So much stuff petered out over the years, I was adamant I wasn’t going to do that. 

What Didn’t Work

Boy, my players had pretty much all the trouble trying to remember to use “they/them” pronouns for NPCs with neutral or alien genders. 

No one is interested in falling damage. Sigh. 

I did not keep good track of money or ship fuel or anything. The campaign didn’t end up relying on it too heavily (I was honestly expecting a much more Cowboy Bebop setup than where we drifted), but that was an area I kind of fell down. 

We never really got obligation working correctly and in the end we just ended up abandoning it. We kept doing the force morality because the lone force player was very into it and it was a huge part of that character’s journey, but for the rest having people show up to collect on obligation was sometimes not possible in the story- or if it was possible it was pretty cumbersome. Campaign did obligation by arc, and I think that’s a pretty useful way to do it- roll at the end of the arc for what’s coming next. 

Early on, I made way too many assumptions about what was an adventure hook for my players and what was an annoyance. Honestly, bits of this lasted pretty late. At one point I gave my players a spy for the larger rebellion they could totally talk to- he was even working with their resident bothan spy- but they looked at the senatorial assassination he was doing and literally said at the table “I think it’s best if we just walk away from all this.” And so they did. Which was frustrating, but, you know, it is what it is. They also never much cared about the hutt gang war. 

I let a lot of things drop that I would have liked to bring back before the end, but in all honesty, I think we were all running a bit out of steam. I would have liked to put in Brick’s old mentor, or follow up with the imperial governor that was a falleen in a human skin suit, or see more of the bounty hunter’s guild, or have a nice end thing with our bothan spy, or any of that. But I do think it was time to end it. And we followed the threads people liked. 

I had way too many NPCS.

What sort of worked

I had like 200 npcs and they were not all bangers. In particular, I let the party design their own ship, which I wish had played a bigger role (though it did really set the tone), and I let them design 2 npc crew who would fill in any party roles they didn’t want to play and guard the ship so they could go on adventures without worrying about it. The devaronian scoundrel was with the party to the end though I never really got him to be more than a joke, but the bothan spy kind of fell off, and while she made some appearances, she didn’t really have as big an impact as I would have hoped. She kind of got replaced by Nyla’s padawan, a hench mon calamari called Nezrene, who was a better fit with the party. But, you know, players will do what they like.

Factions. In the first bit of the campaign, my factions were a fucking life saver, because I could design scenarios with a sort of “what is each faction doing/ which faction hurts from this, which benefits?” By the second season we’d kind of abandoned them to go to the core, and by the third my group was solidly rebel, so the hutts and bounty hunters fell a lot by the wayside. I still think having a couple of broad poles of power, and having the players know them and their leaders, is a good call. But they do seem to kind of organically pare down on their own, and it’s easy to get caught up too much in them. Useful sorta?

There was definitely a point where my players just were not challenged by conventional challenges. We ended up doing most of the later fights that involved a lot of minions in montage. I’d have them roll their fight skills unopposed, just to see if they got any interesting advantage/triumph set ups. I still had boss fights that were mostly challenging, but there just was no point in throwing storm troopers or low level gangsters at them. Not when they have soak 8 and autofire, and that one talent that lets you kill every minion in a combat. Designings fight got a bit tricky, and in those big high level combats, despairs and triumphs come up a lot more and really sway the fight, which I like, but also it’s very hard to plan for. 

Mass combat was tricky. I did a lot of it toward the end because my players were generals in a rebellion. I always had them do the rolls and some of the narration, but that wasn’t always enough to make them feel like things weren’t very arbitrary. 

I personally love the rule that if you roll a despair shooting into an engaged combat you shoot your friend. Nyla, who got shot twice this way, does not. 

We started the game with a tech character who dropped out. Toward the end, we picked up another tech character whose player couldn’t do their regular stuff because of covid lock down. Neither of these characters could fight at all, and both were very differently oriented than the rest of the party, and that was tricky to manage. Additionally, the dude coming in at the end had like a year and a half of in jokes he did not get and there were 200 goddamn npcs. I tried to give him the lowdown on what he might have heard about the party, but it was a combination of too much information and not that much player interest. He did get to break a star destroyer though, and I think he liked that. 

I offered players XP to write backstory stuff, and later goodbye notes others could find if they kicked it. Not all of them did. In the end it made a negligible difference, and I still think offering the bounties on this is basically a good idea. 

What I would do different next time.

Three ring binder that opens and closes so I could move fucking NPC stats around. I filled two goddamn school notebooks with notes for this campaign and there were so many goddamn times I was like “I KNOW I wrote this down, but where?!”

Players felt a bit aimless when they didn’t have a specific villain. I’d planted a few in, but they took finding, or they were too easy to avoid. Next time I would have a few more people who were actively on my player’s tails. 

I would keep better campaign notes and/or ask one of the players to do so. I used to do recaps for the games when I played Rek. There’s stuff I KNOW I’ve forgotten, and more I’ll forget as time goes on, which is a shame. It’s a weird, ephemeral medium, but possibly I’m just spoiled by living in an age of easy reproduction and enormous storage where data is concerned. 

Better book keeping in general, really. 

When I did a mystery short, I wrote up a list of all the clues people could find but not where specifically they were, so that I could just jam them anywhere they seemed like they’d make sense whenever a roll called for a player to find something. I think I’d try to do that with player’s personal stories so they could be woven in a little better. I did a lot of flying by the seat of my pants. 

All in all, I’m pretty happy with how it went, and I’m ready to get back to playing for a bit. I loved DMing, and I more or less DMed the game I would have liked to play, but man, doing this all the time, or being the only person who does it? After a while, that’d be a lot, and I’m looking forward to the break. 

18th of March, 2020

"The One with the Family Feud"

First days of school are always a lot, in every regard. It was no different with online school, either. Lemme tell you, the whole thing was a shitshow. But let's review it all from the beginning, shall we?

After that whole thing, I wasn't at all surprised about her showing up in my dreams. What did happen, on the other hand, was rather the more surprising. We were sharing a walk together on the bridge at school, as we have done so many times before (7 since I have this blog, I counted), but something happened, that never has before during these walks. V broke down crying. After long seconds of not knowing if it was appropriate or not, I laid a hand on her shoulder, just very lightly at first not to startle her. The tearful glance I got from her, just checking up on what I was doing, is still burnt into the back of my mind. She didn't say anything, not even when I eased more into it. The second time she cried, we were sitting on the couch just outside the teachers' lounge, me stroking her back. I woke up feeling very confused, seeing my dreams usually connect to things in one way or another. And whatever strange history we may have with comforting each other while crying (1, 2), I knew that this one could never happen. I'm just a student of hers, no colleague or friend. No equal. This is not my job to do.

V popped up — in real life this time — in the general chatroom a little after 10 AM, sending us a pic she probably fished off the internet with tips on how to learn from home. My dearest, ever so caring.

Shit hit the fan sometime around 11 AM, when the other class started spamming the chatroom with how they can't open dips for nachos or how one of them is "going fucking insane", and Pocketwatch Friend had enough. We encouraged her and she told them off for talking about irrelevant things, my cousin immediately taking up arms and saying it's a chatroom, meant for chatting, and how he sees no problem with it. Introvert vs. Extrovert.

Maybe half a minute after I said it's a chatroom, not a spam group, so we don't have to get acclimatised to them, V showed up, telling us to mute the chat, obligatory :) added. The fight didn't stop there, so she went further:

V: "At the same time, yes. There are other social platforms as well: this is technically the digital flooding of the classroom."

I was the last one to comment on the fight, after that, everything went quiet in the general chat. V showed up a couple minutes later in our class chat, still on The Platform That Shall Not Be Named, doing what she does best: consolation.

V: "Calm down, everybody, and turn off the notifications for the general chat. I did the same. 🙂"

V: "And you can freely talk with your classmates here."

Little did I know, that the quiet didn't mean the end yet. My dearly beloved cousin went and added me and Pocketwatch Friend to this group chat we weren't in, only to kick us out half a second later for his own amusement. I was trying to keep my cool — then Bandana Friend sent a screenshot of it into our class chat on The Platform That Shall Not Be Named, saying it was "beyond pathetic". Which, it was. But anyway. Pocketwatch Friend and I weren't the only ones to reply. That very same minute, this message popped up:

V: "oh"

Oh? Oh. Oh what? The actual word used is just as ambiguous in our native tongue as well, and, to this day, I still have trouble figuring out just what the fuck that was. But anyway.

Some two hours after all this, Pocketwatch Friend and another friend I will henceforth call Paris Friend, are freaking out over some kind of magical, amazing computer. I don't understand how this came to them until Pocketwatch Friend informs me of the texts I immediately rush over to the muted general classroom to read. As I mentioned in an earlier post, V sent a photo of her shared desk with someone (we'll return to this person a couple posts later), on which there just so happened to be a fully professional, expensive ass gaming setup, with nerd decoration all around the desk and on the bookshelf next to it.

V: "So this is the classroom (and the office)"

- she writes. Naturally, all the boys were having a proper geek fit as well as my friends, meanwhile I blinked and tried to get a grasp of what was going not, not at all on board the hype train. One of the boys points out V's keyboard, this thing that lights up and all and is probably worth more than my life, and she just responds:

V: "😉"

That's where the fun bit ended. By the time I got to my cousin's comment on how they should stop talking here before the "butthurts send us away", I was too overwhelmed by the sheer amount of things I didn't understand or didn't know how to react to that I promptly broke down crying over it, even a good couple hours later. I essentially lashed out at everything and everyone just because I wasn't feeling well, which was very immature of me. I was cross with my friends, those in the other class, even V at one point.

Successful first day of school, eh? Wouldn't say so. Going online brings out the worst in me. It's much easier to live in a world where I can look people in the eye if I already have to talk to them. But I'm getting myself together... somewhat. Let's just say I'm getting there.

~ S ♡

[Every story I share here, no matter how specific I get with my wording, depicts actual events from my own life.]

You Look Like Trouble (Morning Glory Wine) - Cable/OC

Here’s chapter three! I don’t want to be that person but if you’ve got the time and the inclination, kudos would be great.

Also, here’s a playlist if you’re into that kind of thing. I make them for all my fics. Listen along if you like because the chapter titles correspond to the song.

Taglist: @this-that-and-every-thing-else  @ptite-shit  @lesbianyondu  @chromecutie  @gallifreyangrandtorino  @ra-ra-rasputiin  @akihecko

Mondays suck. The to-do list for the day is always too long, there’s always stuff left over from the weekend, and then there’s the whole week ahead. That's when you've got to go to all of your appointments, deal with life in general. Mondays were just too much.

This Monday, though, was Vivian’s day off. There was work to be done, but not the kind of work where she had to go into the office and hold down small children or bother grown men about taking their medicine properly.

Today, Vivian got to see her kids.

Vivian was in the middle of getting dressed when her doorbell rang. She tumbled out into the hall, tugging her dress down over her head and hopping on one foot to put her shoes on. There was no chance of anything more than a relatively professional dress, ponytail, and a spirited attempt at makeup. She couldn’t remember the last time she made an effort to dress up, but at least the dress was business-y.

The doorbell rang again. When she opened the door, Wade stood on the other side, dressed in the Deadpool suit. Looks like someone else had business to take care of today.

Wade whistled when he saw her. “Look at you! I thought the white coat just came included with the special features! What are you up to today?”

“Parent-teacher conference for Shelly at the middle school today,” Vivian replied, scraping her hair up into a fussy ponytail.

“But I thought you couldn’t - ”

“The ex-husband cannot be in attendance and apparently it’s urgent, so I get to go handle it. Restraining order is against him, not my babies.”

Wade held onto her shoulder so that Vivian could balance long enough to get her other shoe on. “So this is the first time in how long?”

“About a year.”

“Well, I’m sure it’ll be a fun conference. Tell your kids to stop setting off stink bombs or eating Tide pods or whatever it is that kids do for fun these days.”

Vivian was pretty sure that kids didn’t actually do any of those things for fun.

She snorted. “I’m hoping I can take them out for dinner afterward.”

Wade hopped on the couch and stretched out, watching Vivian attempt to finish getting dressed in a timely fashion. “You know where you should go after dinner?”

“Not Sister Margaret’s. It’s my night off.”

He hummed. “I was thinking more about Xavier’s mansion.”

Vivian stopped long enough to stare at him. “Absolutely not.”

“Oh, come on, Colossus wants to talk to you!”

“Yeah, I know,” she replied. “Captain Boy Scout has been trying to sit me down and talk to me about being the school nurse for years. Besides, when did you start rolling out the welcome wagon for the X-Men?”

Wade huffed. “Gimme a break! It’s part of training!”

“What, recruitment?”

“If you come, I don’t have to wear the yellow crop top!”

“Good thing you look good in yellow, because I’m not setting foot in that place,” Vivian replied, grabbing her keys. “Now, let me get out of here, I don’t want to be late.”

Wade opened the door for her, slamming it behind them. “Have fun! Tell the babies that Uncle Wade says hi!”

“They don’t call you Uncle Wade!”

Vivian stood in the school lobby, arms crossed, tapping her foot. She’d been waiting for a solid thirty minutes for Jack to bring the kids, but neither Shelly nor Benji were anywhere in sight. She couldn’t just find the teacher’s room on her own and take care of the problem. She’d never been inside of the middle school, so she didn’t know the whereabouts of the teacher’s classroom.

“Mama!”

A tiny, high-pitched voice preceded the appearance of a tiny blonde girl, like the sound of a bird chirping. Shelly ran towards her, all hundred pounds of middle school girl barreling towards Vivian like a bullet. Benji jogged along behind her, wearing the same grimace that Vivian always gave to Wade when he was overly enthusiastic about something.

She caught Shelly in her arms and gave Benji one of those side-arm hugs teenage boys give when they think they’re too old to hug their moms.

Shelly didn’t stop long enough for greetings. She wouldn’t let go of Vivian’s hand as she pulled her down the hallway. “Lets go get this over with.”

“Hold on, honey, what’s your teacher’s name?”

“Mr. Johnson. He’s kind of a twerp.”

“Why’s he a twerp?”

Benji rolled his eyes. “Shouldn’t you be telling her not to call people twerps?”

“Probably, but I’m your mom and you should be able to express your feelings in a safe, understanding environment. If your sister says the man’s a twerp, he’s a twerp, Benji,” Vivian said. “Why’s he a twerp, Shelly?”

“Well, he called this conference and I don’t think it’s that big of a deal.”

“I don’t even know what happened, Shel Dorado. Your dad didn’t exactly clue me in on that.”

“Dad didn’t even read the letter that got sent home with me?”

“No, Dad just didn’t give me the letter to read. We’re not really allowed to talk, remember?”

“Oh, yeah… Well, I guess Mr. Johnson can tell you,” Shelly said, coming to halt. “This is his room.”

Vivian walked in, Shelly and Benji trailing behind her. The room was the same stringent, basic setup as every other middle school classroom in America, purposefully bland and devoid of hope or fun. Desks were arranged in clinical rows. The teacher’s desk was arranged carefully in the front corner with two chairs across from the teacher’s computer chair.

Benji sat at a desk on the front row while Shelly parked herself in one of the chairs next to the teacher’s desk.

Mr. Johnson stood up and shook Vivian’s hand. “I was under the impression that I would be dealing with Mr. Thorn. We’ve had correspondence about Shelly’s behavior before.”

Vivian sat down in the chair next to Shelly’s. “Well, Mr. Thorn is presently unavailable, as he had something he deemed more important to take care of today. You’ll be dealing with me instead, so why don’t you enlighten me as to Shelly’s behavior.”

The teacher sat down in his chair and scooted it in close to the desk.“She’s been picking a lot of fights lately. I’m just curious as to whether this relating to something that’s happening at home?”

“I wouldn’t know what happens at home, being that Mr. Thorn and I are divorced.”

Mr. Johnson shrugged. “It could be your absence in the home that’s causing this…”

“Well, Mr. Johnson, why don’t you explain to Mr. Thorn that my absence in my children’s life is negatively impacting them so that he’ll authorize visitation,” Vivian replied, liking the teacher less and less with every passing minute. “This, I assume, would only be possible in the event you or the nearest other available pig grows wings and takes flight.”

“Ms. Sharpe-”

“Dr. Sharpe.”

“Dr. Sharpe, I meant no disrespect to you. I wasn’t insinuating anything.”

Yeah, right.

Vivian didn’t have a lot of patience to begin with, but he was testing what little she had. “Why don’t we ask Shelly why she’s acting out? It may be that you’re not addressing her needs as a student. Shelly, what’s going on?”

Shelly looked like she’d rather be anywhere else in the world at that very moment. “Tom and John made it a game to pull every girls’ hair, snap bra straps, pull down our pants. I’ve been telling Mr. Johnson that for months.”

There is a special kind of fury only felt by mothers of girls, because mothers of girls know exactly what kind of pain they’re going through.

“Is this true, Mr. Johnson?”

“She’s the only student who’s complained about this…”

If she didn’t have to set a good example for her kids, Vivian would have definitely punched him by now. “So, what? The testimony of one little girl isn’t enough to make you address this situation?”

“That’s not what I was saying…”

“No, you’re saying that these little boys are touching Shelly and you’re not doing anything about it.”

“She punched Tom Wells in the face and broke his nose.”

“Good,” Vivian snapped. “She did something about it when you wouldn’t. The only thing you’re doing is teaching my child that she won’t be taken seriously.”

“Dr. Sharpe, I have reprimanded them.”

“You gave those boys a slap on the wrist, but you pulled me and both of my children away from our lives to have a conversation about my daughter defending herself?”

“That wasn’t the intention.”

“I know what your intention was, Mr. Johnson,” she said. “I’m a thirty-four year old woman with a medical doctorate. I know exactly what she’s going through and how you’re responding to it because I’ve been dealing with the same thing for thirty-four years myself.”

“Well, if you’re not going to have a conversation with me, Dr. Sharpe, perhaps you should leave.”

“Oh, I think this was a great conversation, Mr. Johnson. And don’t worry, I’ll be pulling her from your class.”

“You can’t do that.”

“Oh, I can’t? Watch me.” She motioned for Shelly and Benji to follow her. “Come on, guys.”

Vivian held open the door so that the kids could walk ahead of her. She slammed the door behind her and stalked down to the lobby to take care of this problem. When you found the business office door, she pulled open the door and looked for the administrative assistant.

She found Lucy, the administrative assistant, waiting for her in her office. “I need you to take care of something for me.”

Lucy looked up at her over the rim over her glasses. “Switch Shelly to a different class? Way ahead of you.”

“How’d you know?”

“I just needed consent from you or Jack to get her out of that class,” Lucy replied, already typing away at her keyboard. “It’s like the more she fights back, the bigger the target on her head.”

“Well, get her off the firing range. She’s got a target on her head because that teacher isn’t doing anything about it.”

Lucy nodded. “I’ll get it taken care of, Viv.”

“Thank you, Lucy. Can you send me updates on things?”

“I will.”

“Thanks again. I’ll see you later.”

Vivian left the office decidedly calmer than she expected to. She motioned for Shelly and Benji to follow her out. The kids followed Vivian out to her car.

Shelly grabbed Vivian’s hand and swung it as they walked. “Can you come to all the teacher conferences from now on?”

Vivian pulled Benji into a one-arm hug as she walked, despite the fact that he looked like he was going to die of embarrassment. “Of course I can. I didn’t even know all of this was going on or I would have been crawling his ass long before now.”

“Language, mom,” Benji said. She was vividly reminded of a smaller, less shiny Colossus as that moment.

“Sorry, honey.”

Vivian climbed into her car and waited for the two of them to climb in behind her. They both slid into the backseat, shoving each other for elbow space. She started the car, put it into gear, and sped off towards the exit.

“Hey, mama?” Benji asked. Vivian’s heart melted a little bit. She hadn’t heard Benji call her that in years . “Can you get me put in a different English class? She gives pop quizzes.”

“No, Benji. Pop quizzes are good for you,” Vivian replied, searching absently for the street she needed to turn onto. “What do you two want for dinner?”

“Pizza,” they said in unison.

Vivian sighed. “How many times have you had pizza this week?”

“Three.”

“Wouldn’t you rather have something healthier?”

“No.”

“What does your father feed you? Jeeze. Pizza it is, I guess.”

Vivian could see why Wade harassed her about getting sleep. If she slumped any lower in her chair she was going to hit the (very bloody) floor.

It was a slow Friday night, which was rare. Friday nights usually meant a steady flow of wounds to stitch up. Thank goodness she’d only had a couple of patients, though. There was no way she would have been able to deal with the Friday night load in her current state of overwhelming exhaustion. Of course, even though it was a slow night, she’d had two difficult patients. Both of them bled everywhere (as is the nature of stab wounds), which only exacerbated her exhaustion. She got both of them stable and stitched up, though.

The time was drawing close to two a.m. She was only sticking around so that she could pay Cable, whenever he decided to show up. Cable didn’t seem like the kind of guy who would skip out on a payment, so Vivian was a little worried that he might have forgotten his deadline, or worse - that he might have had some trouble with his mark.

The mark in this instance was the man Vivian bought all of her medical supplies from. He never stiffed her on numerical counts, but she had long suspected that he was buying the lowest quality items and pocketing the different. Distasteful, unethical - not technically illegal, but none of these practices - his or her own - were legal anyway, so she could do something about his poor business practices. She suspected that it was his doing that all of her supplies had been substituted out and replaced. She wasn’t exactly surprised that he did it - more annoyed than anything. That was fine. She had learned over the years that one must fight back in order to accomplish anything.

She knew how to fight all too well.

Really, she shouldn’t have been worried that Cable forgot his deadline, or failed to meet it. She realized that when the medical room door was thrown open, and in stepped Cable and the mark.

Cable dragged the guy in by his ear and shoved him towards Vivian. “Jimmy here’s got something to say to you, Dr. Sharpe.”

Vivian bit her lip to keep from snorting. She was pretty sure she’d never seen a grown man’s ear twisted like a bad schoolboy’s by another fully grown man. “What on Earth is going on here?”

Cable flicked the man’s ear. There was a little blood. “What do you say, asshole?”

“I’m sorry, Dr. Sharpe!” Jimmy said, grimacing when Cable twisted his ear again. “I’m sorry I switched out your supplies!”

“What else did you want to tell her?”

Jimmy flinched, shying away from Cable as far as he could without running the risk of being flicked on the ear again. “I’ll get you what you paid for, no charge!”

“And?”

“And I’ll buy the placebos back!”

“ And? ”

“And I won’t do it again, I swear!”

Cable slapped him on the back of the head, pushing him towards her. “Now give her the money.”

Jimmy tossed Vivian a hefty roll of cash, which she caught easily. She didn’t bother to count it. Cable would have made sure it was the correct amount.

Cable grabbed Jimmy by the back of his shirt and pulled him towards the door. “Get out of here, and make sure I don’t have to come after you again.”

Jimmy scurried out of the bar, spurred on by bar patrons throwing beer bottles at him. They’d all heard that he’d stiffed their doctor (thanks to Weasel’s loose tongue), and they weren’t happy about it. Who else was going to remove their stitches without pulling and not charge them thousands of dollars like real hospitals do?

Vivian stuck her head out the door to watch him run off, chuckling when she caught sight of the wet spot on Jimmy’s jeans. To be fair, peeing himself was the appropriate response.

Vivian shut the door behind her. “I don’t think I’ve ever had a merc make a mark apologize to me.”

Cable shrugged. “Yeah, well, he was a scumbag. Needed to learn a little humility.”

Vivian couldn’t disagree with that. Most of the people she associated with were scumbags - some more so than others. And yet, some of them weren’t so bad.

Vivian supposed she should pay him for a job well done. She peeled off a section of the roll of cash. “This is what I owe you. Count behind me and make sure it’s right.”

He waved her off. “Keep it.”

What was it with Wade and his weird friends not letting her pay them?

Vivian sighed. “Between you and Wade, I swear… I’ll get a bad reputation if people keep doing work for me for free.”

“I didn’t do it for free,” Cable said, staring at her with those piercing eyes. “You stitched me up the other night. Damn good job, too. The scar’s not even that bad.”

Vivian shook her head. “Wade took care of your bill last week. Next excuse?”

He huffed. “Well, I just…”

Cable didn’t give her an answer, just shuffled from one foot to the other, looking just past her. Vivian suspected that Cable had several reasons for not taking payment from her. Maybe he had some kind of sense of loyalty for Wade, maybe he had some feeling of duty towards her. Damn mercenaries never could talk about their feelings. Whatever the reason, she knew she was going to have to bother him to take her money in the future.

Perhaps in her determination to read his emotions, Vivian stared Cable down too hard. Everything about him was just… entrancing. A little terrifying. Exhilarating. He caught her stare and didn’t look away.

Out of the corner of her eye, Vivian caught blood dripping from his ungloved hand.

“Give me your hand.”

Cable didn’t ask why, he just held out his hand (albeit warily). His knuckles were split and scraped, like he’d tried to swing on someone and hit a wall instead, probably done while dragging Jimmy into her medical room. Vivian took his hand between her own and did her best to look away from his face.

She held his hand for a full minute and let the cold energy emanating from her hands wrap around his. He jumped when his hand got cold, but didn’t pull away.

When she released his hand, he pulled away, hand completely healed. He inspected the fresh pink flesh covering his knuckles. “You’re a healer?”

“Only a little bit. It’s just a secondary ability.”

“Why don’t you use it more often? Seems like it would save some time instead of poking and stabbing all these people.”

“I’m kind of stretching to do it now, honestly. I have the ability to reject events - trees falling over, pianos falling out of windows. It doesn’t work with organic material, for the most part.”

“So how are you doing it now?”

Vivian shrugged. “I don't know. Sometimes it just works. Usually, I have to be pretty stressed, or… really need it to work.”

“Well, I know you’re pretty stressed…”

Ah. So that’s why he wouldn’t accept his payment. She hadn’t pegged Cable for a sentimental type, but that just added a new layer to his otherwise gruff and stoic facade. A shame; it made it that much harder for Vivian not to like him.

Vivian quirked an eyebrow. “Alright, what’s Wade told you?”

Cable grimaced. He must have realized that he’d hit a nerve. “Enough.”

“Explain.”

He explained in that sort of way that Vivian could only describe as infuriatingly stoic. She was beginning to think that this was his own special brand of macho. “Two jobs, two kids, and you never sleep.”

“That it?”

“Isn’t that enough?”

So Wade must have left it at that. Very few people were privy to the full situation. He might have loose lips sometimes, but Wade was unfailingly loyal.

Good boy, Wade.

“And that’s why you won’t let me pay you.”

Cable looked like a man who’d been cornered. Which, he had been. “I didn’t really have to do much. Not like ol’ Jimmy was was hard to bring in or anything. You’ve got other things to worry about that paying me for that.”

Vivian was accustomed to fighting for every good thing in her life. Perhaps she was finally being given something good for once.

“You have a good heart for a mercenary,” she said, folding her arms across her chest. “Wade keeps good friends.”

He gave her the tiniest of smiles - so small that she would have missed it had she not been physically unable to look away from his face. “If you need me to do anything else…”

“You’re first on the list, Cable. Thank you.”

Vivian had met Cable three times now, and in those three times, she’d figured out pretty quickly that she was going to have a tough time keeping her head on straight where he was concerned. She’d been denying herself the prospect of dating or even feeling for so long; denying the desire for emotional or physical care. She had an undeniable attraction to Cable; he was gruff, stoic, intense . It wouldn’t be so bad if he was attracted to her, too…

Vivian had never made a single decision that wasn’t calculated and planned down to the minute. She’d learned the hard way that missteps could be fatal, and she couldn’t afford to lose anything else.

And yet, as Cable turned to leave, Vivian made one of the most impulsive decisions she’d ever made in her entire life.

Vivian called his name and stopped him. “Can I buy you a beer?”

“No…”

Vivian couldn’t pretend that didn’t sting a little bit.

“… but you can let me buy you one.”

He grinned. Not the tiny half-grin from a minute ago, but a real smile. And just like that, Vivian knew she wouldn’t be able to guard her heart from this one, not if he wanted it.

Torchsong:

Clint is sent back to 1938 via an alien device and takes up singing and entertaining to make ends meet while he tries to figure out how to get back home. Despite his efforts to not mess up time he somehow ends up in a relationship with a young Bucky Barnes and he has to make the heartbreaking decision eventually on should he try to change Bucky’s fate or should he return to his own time.

Stand Fusion:

A plague wipes out 99.9% of the population. The survivors feel the pull towards two figureheads - one good and one evil - and attempt to rebuild civilization even as events keep spiraling towards a final confrontation.

Between the Daylight and the Deep Sea:

Clint thought he was done with the PPDC after his brother and drift partner Barney was killed, but that was before Fury came calling with the news that Bucky Barnes, missing since a rogue Jaeger attack, had been found.

Little Pink Houses:

Bucky Barnes wants to retire - unfortunately retiring from being an assassin means faking your death and going on the run and off the grid. When he grows tired of running and decides to take a break he finds himself in a small town in Northern Wisconsin. It’s there that he meets Clint Barton another transplant to the community and sparks fly. Does he dare settle down and allow roots to grow? And what secrets does Clint have in his past?

Hockey AU (Winterhawk NHL):

Bucky is in his third/fourth year in the NHL and his first year with the Avengers. Playing for the Hydras had been a bit of a disaster and he's still trying to find both himself and his game. Playing with Clint Barton, who is comfortable in his skin both as a player and as a gay man, is an eye opening experience.

Presidents Son/Bodyguard AU:

Bucky is the adult son of current president, Winifred Barnes, and is being threatened by an unknown subject. Enter Secret Service Agent Clint Barton who goes undercover as Bucky's boyfriend in the hopes that staying close will help him both protect Bucky and also flush out the enemy.

Nanny AU:

Bucky Barnes is two years out of active combat and struggling to find a job. He’s always been good with kids and hopes to become a teacher some day - he still needs money for bills while he’s in school though and losing his arm has made that difficult. Parents don’t seem to want to trust him with their kids.

Clint Barton aka Hawkeye (tho his real name is not known by the public) is a single father of an adorable little girl. Up until recently they’d been pretty comfortable living in the Tower with the rest of the Avengers - and they’d always figured it was one of the safest places around. A recent attack directly on it changes his mind and relocating to a secret (yet ridiculously large and spacious thanks to Tony) condo means he needs a little help.

Amnesia Fic:

Enchantress/Someone makes Bucky forget about the relationship he and Clint were having. Trouble is only he and Clint knew about it in the first place. Queue Clint's self esteem issues and him thinking that Bucky kept them secret because he was ashamed - and that he forgot because it was the easiest thing to give up. Clint pines and is depressed until Bucky makes a reference/joke about some freckles that only Clint's lovers would make around Natasha...

Library AUs:

Clint works at a library - Bucky is the silent patron that intrigues him. Or...

Clint works at a library - Bucky is the after school teacher there. Or...

Bucky works at a library - Clint is a deaf patron he finds fascinating to watch. Or...

One of them is a Childrens Librarian the other is a single father that comes to storytime. Or...???

Ballet AU:

Every year The Stark Ballet Company travels to a new city to perform the Nutcracker, saving a number of parts for local dancers so they are able to get exposure they might not otherwise be able to. Clint is the adopted father of the Maximoff twins who happen to both be dancers. He is also friend to Natasha - who will be the Sugar Plum Fairy. Wanda and Pietro both end up with parts in the production and Clint ends up with a crush on Bucky Barnes - the Nutcracker Prince.

Hockey AU (College):

Fury and Clint are starting over at a new school - Clint as a student, his foster father Fury as a coach and professor. Can Clint break into the well established hockey program? Can he figure out Bucky Barnes?

Writer AU:

Bucky, normally a prolific author, has been stuck with a case of writer’s block for months since finishing his last novel. On a whim he decides to attend a local writers conference - where he keeps bumping into Clint Barton a popular Children & Teen author.

Post Apocalypse AU:

Aliens invaded killing/kidnapping half the population and decimating several major cities before mysteriously withdrawing. In the wake of this Clint leads what is left of the circus he was in, on a journey to try and find a place to rebuild and call home.

Mars AU:

A mission to Mars goes spectacularly wrong when members of Hydra infiltrate the base and kill everyone but Clint. Clint has to try and take them down and then survive on his own because help, even if launched immediately, is months away. (Bucky was injured as part of the initial plot and is on the rescue mission.)

Zoo Fic:

Post Hydra-gate Clint gets a message from an old friend from the circus asking him to maybe swing by and help out while they get the new zoo/safari setup for all the former performing animals. His life currently being a shit show he wouldn't mind some time away from he agrees...only to find a stranger taking care of the big cats - a stranger that looks a lot like Bucky Barnes who Clint just learned was the Winter Soldier.

Gilmore Girls inspired-AU

Bucky movies back to his childhood hometown to raise his teenage sister Rebecca after their parents pass. Various chars would be sprinkled around as town folk - not as eccentric as Stars Hollow but strange in their own way. Becca is at a nearby school that is cheaper than the one she was at in NYC but just as acclaimed. Bucky would work a lot on the house they live in that was gifted to them by their eccentric Aunt Ida (still alive and at least covering the house cost-wise for them tho she is never seen...or maybe they have Friday dinners with her). And Clint (fostered then adopted by Fury after the Barnes family moved) runs Nick’s Diner - where the best coffee in town can be had.

Sequel to Indelible:

Clint gets to meet and experience Bucky's extended family. Bucky learns more about Clint's blood family and meets more members of his extended found family - including his on-again/off-again ex.

Broken Arms:

Clint breaks both his arms and Bucky offers to move in with him during his recovery to help him out. Cue the mutual pining and ridiculousness.

High School AU:

Clint's father beats him to the point that social services finally step in. In order for him to be able to finish the school year in the same school (keeping the disruption to his life to as much of a minimum as possible) he it sent to live with the Barnes family.

Civil (Not) War/Civil War AU:

Clint was helping Steve and Sam look for Bucky by going undercover in Eastern Europe. He ends up being the one to find him and brings him in before Lagos happens and the Accords come up. In an effort to keep Bucky safe and investigate when the meeting to sign the Accords is still bombed (and Bucky is still framed) Clint and he go to his brother Barney's farm to hideout.

Distant Early Warning:

Thoughts not fleshed out:

Bucky Barnes - owner of a cat cafe

Soulmate AU

Angel AU

Season 7 Retrospective

Well, we’re between highly anticipated movie releases this weekend (for me, anyway), so it’s time for our annual look back over the season!

Good lord, the beginning of Season 7 seemed like so long ago. I could have sworn the Flurry Heart episode was last season. Maybe this has just been a really long year. Well...okay, yeah, I can certainly see why it would feel that way, given the year this has been.

With a rating of 4-9-13 (W-L-T), this season must have been better than the last one, even if it didn’t feel like it. Season 8 is forthcoming, so how long before Hasbro gives up and reboots the series again? Only time will tell.

So, here we are. From best to worst:

#1. “Secrets and Pies”: This episode was...good? Like, really, really good? Why? I don’t get it! I wouldn't be so confused if you guys did this more often! I swear, the next time this happens, I'm going to get whiplash!

#2. “Rock Solid Friendship”: To complement the really good Pinkie Pie episode, here’s an episode that was really good in every way except Pinkie Pie! They’re at exact opposite ends of the season, too. Maybe it’s an equivalent exchange thing.

#3. “Triple Threat”: I thought this episode did a pretty good job of avoiding the “why don’t you just tell them?” problem that virtually every episode of every sitcom runs into. We’ve already established that Thorax is a whiny little milquetoast weenie and that Ember is a heinous prick who doesn’t listen to anybody but herself. Hell, that was the entire reason for the conflict in the first place! Honestly, why would Spike try to reason with either of them?

#4. “To Change a Changeling”: If the monster hadn’t turned out to be a giant mole, the ending battle might have seemed a little more life-threatening. That, Starlight’s very, very stupid plan, and Pharynx’s abusive ass made this episode a little worse than it should have been. Apart from that, though, I liked it!

And now here’s the hardest part of the list: trying to figure out which “tie” episodes were slightly better or worse than all the others.

#5. “Once Upon a Zeppelin”: Yeah, Twilight’s parents were annoying (and idiots), but not to the point that I’m going to dread them ever showing up in any future episodes (unlikely as that is at this point). Plus, bringing back Iron Will actually seemed to have a point, and it helped that he didn’t have to “unlearn” his lesson from his first appearance just to make the current episode make sense.

#6. “Uncommon Bond”: This episode went out of its way to prove that yes, Starlight and Sunburst really do have only one thing in common. I would have expected the resolution to be the realization that the two of them liked more things than just that board game, but nope! Giant version! That’s it!

#7. “Daring Done?”: I was so distracted this episode that I forgot to mention that Pinkie Pie was actually acting like Pinkie Pie and not an annoying little shitbag! It was refreshing! But anyway, you’d think Daring-Do would have written enough books by this point to realize the obvious tropes this episode followed. The real challenge for her is going to be stretching this adventure out to novel-length.

#8. “Discordant Harmony”: I’m still not sure what made Discord think he needed to change a bunch of shit about his house to make Fluttershy happy. It looked the same way he made her house look every time he visited her. What did he think she was expecting?

#9. “A Health of Information”: This is the second episode in a row on this list where Fluttershy acted kind of like a doofus throughout the episode for no discernible reason. It also proved that unicorns are the solution to everything. Need to grab some moss from a swamp without falling in? Unicorn! Need to collect honey from the flash bees without going anywhere near them? Unicorn! Need to destroy an entire planet without breaking a sweat? Unicron!

#10 & #11. “Shadow Play (Parts 1 and 2)”: The first half fools you into thinking this isn’t just going to be a run-of-the-mill finale episode by promising you a halfway interesting quest before immediately giving you all the artifacts within a few minutes. Ha! Gotcha!

#12. “Hard to Say Anything”: I’d kind of hoped we were past the whole “two men competing for the trophy that is the personality-deprived female character” cliché, especially in a show designed for children, but I guess not. I mean, at least Big Mac and Feather do realize that’s what they’re doing by the end, but that doesn’t fix Sugar Belle’s “sexy lamp” issue.

#13. “A Royal Problem”: Has Twilight been of help to any friendship-related issues since she stopped being the main character? I think these episodes must be based on Twilight's memoirs, i.e. this isn't how things actually happened; this is how she remembers them happening. Here's what really happened during "Magical Mystery Cure":

Twilight Sparkle: So...I accidentally totally and completely fucked up my friends’ lives, but then I fixed it! That means I'm good at having friends, right?

Princess Celestia (sarcastically): Oh, yeah, you're a regular princess of friendship.

Twilight Sparkle: *gasp* Really?!

Princess Celestia: Oh, no, I didn't mean– Ah, crap, the music's already started. ♫ You've come such a long, long way... ♫

Princess Celestia (mentally): I've really got to stop using the word “princess” as an insult. This is the third one this week. I'm running out of castles! She'll just have to stay in the library until I can find another one.

#14. “All Bottled Up”: This episode is a perfect example of why the writers typically just don’t include characters in an episode if they have nothing to do in said episode. That escape room nonsense was just stupid. The six of you might be best friends, but you have never gotten along that well!

#15. “Celestial Advice”: Ugh, this one. “As a teacher, I have to send my student away. I don’t know exactly why I have to do that, but I’m sure I’ll figure the reason out later. Oh, wait, you don’t want to leave? Well, that changes everything! You can stay!” I think they were making this one up as they went along.

#16. “The Perfect Pear”: One of the emptiest “love” stories I’ve ever seen. This was an “attraction story”, if you can even call it that. This is another case where I’m positive that at least a hundred better fanfics had been written about this exact story before the episode was released. I get why people have headcanons about things now. Why wouldn’t you have a fanon when the canon is so...weak?

#17. “Honest Apple”: Once again, we have a brand-new writer for this episode. Kevin Lappin was very likely just given a slip of paper with “APPLEJACK = HONEST” written on it, which constituted the entire material he had to work with. That might explain why Applejack was such an unlikable prick for the entire episode.

Whoo... All right. Here we go.

#18. “A Flurry of Emotions”: If you don’t want to watch your kid (because, seriously, you’ve got better things to do), just show up at one of your relatives’ houses one day and dump it on them. They’ll have such a guilt trip that they’ll be glad to accept! But make sure it’s someone who’s completely unqualified for the job and has a mountain of other responsibilities first. That’s the best way!

#19. “Campfire Tales”: The fact that this episode was actually just a clunky setup for the finale might explain why all three stories sucked so hard. It’s this season’s The Mummy!

#20. “Not Asking for Trouble”: Now we’re going to get into the part of the list where I have to figure out which episodes are worse by balancing how much the episode irritated me in general with how toxic the moral is. Trust me, if your children’s show has a moral of “Do what you want to do for other people, regardless of what those people have explicitly told you not to do, because you’ll end up being right in the end. After all, people don’t know what they want!”, you’ve fucked up something awful.

#21. “Fluttershy Leans In”: I said in this review that this felt like the MLP version of The Fountainhead, but I only just recently realized that I also said the same thing about Season 5's "Canterlot Boutique". Given that the episodes were written by different people, this must be a storyline that creative types really like (even if it’s nothing more than a power fantasy).

#22. “It Isn’t the Mane Thing About You”: All right, you actually had a good idea with this one. Despite being the Element of Generosity, one of Rarity's main problems has always been her vanity. That means you pulled off the rare feat of making the moral both 1. something the character hasn't already learned in a previous episode and 2. something that a normal functioning member of society might not automatically possess. (There has been a distressing number of lessons in the past five seasons or so that don't fit one or both of these qualifications.) It's just a shame you crashed and burned so spectacularly by 1. turning the moral from “don't be vain” to “have confidence” (something Rarity has never struggled with AND which you have already had as the moral in MULTIPLE previous episodes) and 2. went about it in the most nonsensical way possible!

#23. “Parental Glideance”: This one was a little sickening. The “my parents are so embarrassing!” trope is bad enough, but you’re an adult, Rainbow Dash! Grow up! If the things your parents are doing embarrass you (or if they’re legitimately dangerous, like SHOOTING FIREWORKS OFF AT AN AIRSHOW), talk to them! You can do that without snapping and acting like a dick!

#24. “Forever Filly”: Holy crap, I have never wanted to punch a fictional cartoon character in the face as badly as I did in this episode. I don’t know what made Sweetie Belle act like such a little shit or why Rarity is so out of touch with her (seeing as Sweetie Belle would have had to have been about four to be into the stuff she was trying to do), but I hated this. Shove your black box experimental theater up your ass.

#25. “Marks and Recreation”: I got the sense from the beginning of the series that cutie marks were originally supposed to be something really deep and meaningful. I mean, they’re your passion. They represent that thing that you love so much and are so good at that you can spend the rest of your life doing it and wearing a permanent symbol of it on your body. Well, not anymore! Now it’s just some obligatory shit that you get because you have to and that doesn’t have any real meaning at all! Fuck you! Just...fuck you!

#26. “Fame and Misfortune”: Yeah, no surprise there. Holy shit, this was a painful experience. Like “Stranger Than Fan Fiction”, this was just embarrassing to watch. To quote somebody else, “...you don't get back at critics by attacking them, you do it by ignoring them and continuing to be awesome.” Hell, this episode's moral is contradicted by its own existence. “You shouldn't be affected by criticism of your work. That’s why I wrote this episode where all my critics are painted as raving lunatics and I am totally the victim!” The fact that this is the SECOND such episode is just pathetic. This one actually manages to be worse, though, because, unlike the earlier episode when it was just Quibble Pants being a dick, this one paints the ENTIRE fandom as either complaining whiners who hate everything or creepy stalkers who follow everywhere you go. Nothing says “we want you to keep watching” like insulting the few fans you have left right to their face!

Remember, next week is the review of the remaining six Equestria Girls: Summertime Shorts. Be there!

Overall thoughts of Arc V

posted on NAC, figured i might as well share it here too. It’s a long one.

Setting Maiami City is great. The first we see of it is a modern and post-contemporary design to the city, there's a lot of commercialism on display taking iconic imagery of YGO and plastering it as billboards. You Show and Yuya's house are shown to be pretty unique in their architecture, but still very grounded in reality. It's a world that's probably not more than ten years ahead of us; it's a mayor city but with a very nice housing region. As the first season goes on, we see more of it, we see how important and varied the schools are, we see the not-so-pretty parts of the city. There's just enough depth to Maiami to feel more alive than even Neo Domino did. Then we leave it. The City is up next, and it's just a more surface level approach to Neo Domino. There's the shit part of the city and floating shit that's fancy. Before we can really dig into the latter, we're stuck in the former, then a prison and the rest of the season is the same hotel, racetrack stadium and a bit of the Duel Lanes before going back to the same shit parts. Oh and the trash mines. While 5D's included early on how the trash stuff works and how it's an insane way to fight your way to the nice part of the city, AV's just has this stark contrast that doesn't feel truly connected. If you walk long enough in a direction, you'll reach a nice part of town apparently. The mines and the prison exist, but you can't really pin their location or anything. They're stark contrasts that do not feel connected beyond lore. Heartland... is just some bits of ZX's heartland, but in ruins. There isn't much to the setting at all. Fusion has that sorta venice place we see for a couple of eps and then we go to Academia, which is just a series of corridors with 4 rooms. It doesn't feel real, there's a courtyard but I have no idea how you reach it beyond "go to a corridor and eventually it'll connect" Yuya going Odd Eyes Raeg happens in a room that I cannot fathom where it is compared to Leo's place because it's so hightech it should either be right next to it or buried underground, but the show just has it nebulously inside of academia.It's disappointing. We start with a strong location, a strong setting, and then we ditch it for the next and the next and the next and each is shallower than the last one. Duels You know me. Y'all know my shallow ass don't really care for the yugiohs. Hand me a Yuma vs Gauche once or twice a cour and i'm good. I'll meme that YGO was better when it was about zombire and paint mazes. Arc V promised me something that made me want to care even in my shallow level: Dynamic Duels. The premise of 5D's bought me over when I saw the first riding duel moving all over the streets into an abandoned factory and maneuvering crazy locations a bike shouldn't be able to do. Arc-V then promised me that mobility would be even more important because it's not rigid bikes, it's fluid monsters, able to chance the monster you're riding on the fly and interact with them. All for a goal that is a buff during the duel. You bet your ass I got hype when Yuya got on a pink hippo in that first PV. ACTION FIELD MAGIC CROSS OVER. FUCK. Dynamic places became less common during the first season, but they were still a thing! There were at least entirely different fields in every duel. Then came in Riding Duels and my god. MY GOD. Yugo suddenly makes me nostalgia hard for 5D's, he goes so many places, the scenery changes so much, the time of day the state of the city, it's so beautiful. Cross Over. Duel on the stadium. crossover accel. cross over cross over cross over. fuck. The duels lose intensity as it goes on, they often become duels of two duelists standing in places as if it was DMGXZX and every now and then Yuya will jump and run to get a card. Cross Over Accel usually involves picking up a card from the floor and every other duel will have a sick bike stunt. But yeah, for the most part, the concept's just burnt and interesting navigation is pretty much gone. Yuya is so tied to this. The ultimate thing of the show, is that entertainment is the greatest power, but Yuya can't muster the confidence to use it. Therefore, his duels are directly tied to his state of mind. Is he egaoing? then maybe there'll be some dynamic movements or, if we're lucky and it's a blue moon, Yuya will setup a big set piece act where the game straight up changes to let a big fun and dynamic moment happen. But if Egao is what solves everything, then your main character can't be holding that power, ergo, Yuya's duels have to be gimped most of the time, so stand over there like it's Gx, Yuya, but with less varied fields.It was just so promising, that duels would be a spectacle. But gameplay wise that deteriorated rather fast, with spectacle it got nearly dropped after year 1 and it's ultimately tied to Yuya believing in himself, which is the thing he struggles with the most. Themes and Message I love egao. The idea that smiles make the world better is great. If you are positive and you can pass that positiveness to others then you are improving the world. To look at all the issues around you and decide you can tackle them while also keeping a smile is a noble thing, I love heroes that can stay positive through adversity. A lot of people take issue with Yuya "forcing this down people's throats", but to me the problem is that Yuya needs it fored down his own throat. He's got some doubts here and there in Standard, then in Synchro it is offered that, much like Kattobing with Yuma early on, Yuya doesn't actually know what it means to bring smiles to people: he's parroting his dad and acting as he did. This breaks Yuya hard and he goes back and forth during the rest of the season until he gets a rematch with Jack and shows his answer... is that he believes in his dad, but will also throw in the dimension dragons. uh. Before that point there's stuff like Kachidoki shaking his resolve, and after that there's stuff like Yuto taking over so he cannot use smiles. There's stuff like getting so pissed he can't even think of using it against BB until JACK points it out. There's the fight against the mind control bugs and facing Yuri. And then the final act is him trusting himself all over again. Yuya Sakaki is smiles. If he is not believing at 100% then that's that. There are only, like, four other characters that implement that mentality into their duels. It sucks because it is explicitly shown time and time again to be the answer to the show's conflicts. A whole city is turned, Kachidoki gets happy and stops punching dicks, Yuya becomes more capable, Heartland is brave and starts dueling again. But it's so strong, Yuya cannot be allowed to use it or else show ends too soon. Other characters can't use it or the show ends too soon. To duel for smiles is to have a golden gun. It becomes more and more insane an OP until it reaches a climax: You Cannot Use Smiles On Zarc Because That Would End The Show Too Early. The dragon king is defeated, but not really because the blatant message wasn't used on him. Individualism beat him, but egao will Really beat him. Egao OP pls nerf so it can be a presence in the show. Then there's individuals vs groups. I also dig this a lot, and we see it far more consistently. Yuya gets laughed at by society itself bc daddy. His first foe is an opinion leader. His dad is looked upon fondly not for being a pro duelist, but for being a pioneer.  A big, strong corporation is trying to take over You Show, the smaller school run by a single guy. Yuzu realizes her dad, a teacher, is not enough for her to learn what she needs so she seeks out a tutor who is shown to be a bit of a rebel. Yuya duels wacky schools. After Yuto becomes egao.wav, Yuya's first foe is a guy who got messed up by the institution he's at. Obelisk Force are goons running the same deck, trained to be little more than soldiers with their individuality stripped away. Yuya's pushed forward to continue being a pioneer even when pendulums become normalized. Synchro Year is all about big capitalistic society fucking over the poor. Prison, the defense force and the government are all evil and abuse their powers. Roger is shown to have power but overestimates his own intelligence. Serena, in this time, gets pointed out that her dueling is too by the books and Yugo's unique style can trample her so she needs to adapt and be herself. Reira gets a donut by Shinji, so she doesn't want to blast him, she's starting to not become a child soldier. Jack's entire thing is that he himself crawled out of his hell life. Academia is up next, and, yeah, more of what you'd expect: school's evil, society supports it, individuals have to escape it and form their own place to survive. BB, much like Kachidoki, is ruined by his own school. Doktor creates parasites that strip people from their free will. And finally, we are told via ham-hands that Zarc was made who he was because Society demanded more violence. oh my god. Oh and Ed and the others also escape the school's mentality. It's a neat message, the bit with Zarc is just. It's thematic, it doesn't substitute showing the character and explaining the escalation. But then in Synchro Year there's that bit where Yuya gets the egao gun and destroys the societal norms of Neo Domino 2 in one blast and now everything's better. Kachidoki is back and saved, but like, what does that mean? did he bail out of the physical abuse school his parents put him in?? The conflict is rich and interesting, and yet the payoff is so sudden, escalated beyond belief and never explored. Another bit is what the show actually tells us "take a step forward with courage" or something. Pioneering goes with that, Yusho and Yuya start something new and it can't end there, those two have to keep evolving and lead the way. That message then ties into the war conflict in a cool way, to keep moving forward and not wallow in the past. Academia may have destroyed Heartland, but Shun and Yuto are objectively in the wrong for trying to use violence to get revenge. Leo is later on shown to be bad, not because he committed war crimes (those are retroactively forgiven) but because he is doing all of this to get his daughter back, when that will only tarnish her efforts and legacy, thus bringing Zarc back. Yugo & Shun Vs The Molesting Bugs From Out Of Gx has Yugo staying in the past and only remembering the Rin he loved while Shun remembered Ruri but then pushed forward and claimed how he's changed since. Yuya keeping with his dad's style and not fighting with his own is also a way of this. Every member of the resistance is shown with this problem, every left-party member of Synchro is also basically mourning themselves instead of trying to push forward if you're viewing the show in right-wing eyes I guess. Yuya being sad for pasts mistakes is shown 100% to be bad and he should continue moving forward to solve the issues. It sometimes feels gross because the groups are evil, but only Roger gets comeuppance. Leo caused war crimes, but he's a tragic hero, Zarc is a demon but he's a tragic figure. Meanwhile Shun and the resistance lost it all, Shinji lives in an unfair world and they are presented much more palpably as in the wrong because they are fighting with violence. The makers of war are never punished.The messages are all very, very interesting... but they tie kinda badly to the plot. It basically turns smiles from a philosophy that empowers Yuya and saves people from spiraling into drones of society or revenge hunters, to a golden gun that kills society and sedates the lust for revenge. Villains Now here's Real Problems. The show mismanages its villain cast. You have Himika, basically leader of LDS and actively running a child soldier program and... eventually she's very sad for Reira and turns into a motherly figure. You have Kachidoki, who is the first to awaken the second level of Zarc in Yuya and... he leaves the story for almost two years, only to get a quick defeat so Yuya can have a win. LDS Trio, rival our main trio and have some deep personal beef with Shun, a new comrade to said trio... they never show up again. Shinji argues with Yuya for a bit and is gone forever. Roger is let to sit far and above everyone else, he gets his butt kicked by Reiji and is gone forever. Barret fleshes out Academia, could possibly be an anti-hero fighting for Serena and then he is gone forever before we knew him. Anyone else from Synchro just doesn't show up for the last third. We are introduced to Grace, Gloria, Ed and Kite and they all turn to Yuya's side at the same time in the one-cour half-arc. We finally reach Academia... there is BB, a one-and-done villain for five eps straight. There's bugs that have a loose thematic connection and are gone forever. There is Doktor who only did that bug shit before being banished. There's Yuri with the better killstreak and then there is Leo who is shown to have only been acting out of love, and has enough honor to remove Doktor's facehole. There are all these villains.. and their role is minimum or they are so far from the heroes they don't get to actually Do much before their upcoming defeats present them as weak-willed all along. Then we have fucking Zarc. Hitotsu Ni and all them memes. Basically He's a dragon dick. All along everything was his plan bwahaha except he couldn't see the individuality theme hitting so hard via Reira and Yuya teaming up with Ray. But who is Zarc? ... anyway, Zarc's duel is the biggest in the show (wait, is it? did it have more eps than BB?) but ho boy ho boy. His duel is shite. He just sits three 2v1s in a row without taking any form of damage, then slowly loses enough composure for an admittedly cool finisher, but, just. Eh. He encompasses the show's themes of individuality vs group via the group forcing him down a path of evil. He wallows in his past and his attempt to move forward via the creation of Pendulum and manipulation of his parts puts him in the same  shoes that society had back when he turned evil. Then he saw the value of true smiles while inside of a baby. The problem here is... we never saw the individual crumble. Zarc's biggest failure as a villain is, well, the duel actually, it's just terrible, but his other failure is that we don't see enough of him. He's a thematic concept, but a linchpin of it is him as an individual losing himself for the sake of entertainment. We never see who he was, which worked when he was in a rampage so we'd see him as a monster, but once Yuya is crying at hsi backstory, well, it just feels trite and lame. We cannot feel bad for Zarc, we never knew him, he might've been a huge asshole and that's why things escalated.A big problem with the show is its use of villains. There's just two types, the ones that get disposed of ridiculously quick and the ones that are master planners so far above the cast that they hardly actually interact (or even act) in the story, and whose defeats just end up as underwhelming. There's outliers here and there, but they're not interesting either and ultimately any payoff from the conflict they bring is either too small or not interesting enough. Zarc, the final villain, suffers from all those issues. Characters Reira is god-tier. She begins shy and meek, we instantly assume she is a Mokuba. She gets a few duels here and there but we don't see them, so she's a dueling Mokuba that's strong bc her bro's the strongest. There's something offputting of her, but we just don't see her enough. Then we enter Synchro and she's away from Reiji, she is panicking, stressed and quiet. Shinji gives her a donut and that seems okay, kids like sweets. Then comes Yuya thinking of defending her and the big stuff drops: a) she's not afraid of dueling, she's afraid of having to harm others with duels and thus doesn't want to decimate Shinji and put him in the apple factory. b) legit child soldier shit. JACK offers her advice because he sees his own sadness from when he was a child, Yuya also saw that in her, but ultimately Reiji is right: it's not pity what she needs, it's a drive to make her own choices. It's why not wanting to fight Shinji is so big. The show keeps going, and next she goes further and acts to Defend Serena, she helps her friends now via dueling, fighting her PTSD and it culminates in the last bit to her wanting to save everyone that she's willing to sacrifice herself to get Ray involved, even when her brother tells her that would not work. And she does, and at that point we get her maximum Individuality moment: she defied Reiji by bringing Ray, and she defies us by defining herself as a woman. "Fuck all of you, even the viewers, this is who I am" and she stands tall, she gives one last sacrifice because not even Ray is good enough and she seals Zarc away herself. Fucking badass. And her reward is just being a baby. It's interesting in that it means she will not have the traumatic past anymore, but it also seemingly means that Zarc will always be with her now and that the Reira we knew simply ceases to exist forever. For the character that I rooted on the most, that sucks, i want the characters I like to be happy and exist! Still, her journey is easily the best in the show. JACK ATLAS fits this show like a glove. "It doesn't matter how bad Arc V or 5D's get, JACK ATLAS will always be a good character." Him as King puts an interesting pressure, he pushes characters in interesting ways and is ultimately just an entertaining and good addition. Hiragi Yuzu, well, she was really good that first year! Her arc was great, how she knew more of Academia leading into her interactions with Serena, which ultimately motivate Serena, are pretty great. Her time with Yugo's fun, her role in the tournament is great. It is gross that she was a flagpole for Yuya to reach and kept being yanked away over and over again. After that beautiful motorcycle parry, she just feels wasted, and before that her interactions with the cast were direly limited. Serena was interesting, she only really existed for One season, but her role and relationship with the Lancers was fun while it lasted. I really wish they'd explored her dueling more. Ruri and Rin were waifus. Welp. Rest of the cast, just likeable, not used well enough, Gongenzaka hilariously has an ED where he is one of 3 characters on screen and during that ED's run he shows up less than ten times to interact with Yuya. Sawatari is my man, but yup, not much for him. Shun has an alright arc, not much feeling for him. His end is bonkers. Kite, Ed and Asuka just feel tacked on. They don't offer stuff that only they could, in fact you can fancast many other characters to fit their roles better, I personally would go with Shark, Misawa and Tyranno (maybe Asuka over Tyranno). Ed's duel with Yuya was pretty amazing, tho and I love it, but again, just feeling like you coulda slapped other characters in to better fit the roles they play out in AV. Yuri, he's a fun villain. I went on about the use of villains and why his Pro MLG Killstreak is kinda bad, but he was fun during it. The structure deck stuff was great. His finality is... "we don't have time, or ideas, to make him turn to good. Uhh, shonen shonen shonen, thematic thematic and shonen tropes." He just happened. Yugo, one of my boys. Love his fun attitude, love his blatant crush, his gags are great, he's just overall fun but it didn't feel like they went deep enough for him, specially with how the bug stuff ended. Yuto. That kid is a mess. There's a fairly easy to follow line for his attitude, but he switches as hard as Yuya does from egao, but whenever he is Actually Showing Up, he instantly does a switch in alignment. He doesn't feel consistent. He's messed up and actively ignores all his relationships except the one time he told Shun to trust Yuya. I feel there's an interesting, cowardly, character in there that we just don't get to see because he's more of a crutch to guide Yuya's hips over how his alignment shoul be in the current part of the story. Sakaki Yuya. Wiat, no, there's others i can talk about. Leo's a dummy. I don't mind him too much, but he is a super dummy. I love seeing Reiji get owned. Uh uhhh. fuck. Okay, so, Yuya. Not a great hero. I tolerate heroes that doubt themselves, I do, but jfc the kid changes minds far too often. And like I said, when he egaos right, it feels like he holds a magic gun. He's OP in dueling, therefore he gets nerfed via self-confidence because that's directly tied to his magic gun. That means he needs the help of others to regain confidence, these others include: Yusho, Yoko, Yuzu, Reiji, Jack Atlas and Reira. All yelling at him into his ear that he should believe in himself. Two of these are basically rivals, who should be sources of conflict, but instead they are major supporters of Yuya. The harshest conflict Yuya gets is himself. That's not that interesting when it's hardly himself who overcomes it, it's his massive support network getting through his thick skull. Over and over again. I like Yuya when he is confident. I don't like him when he's not. I hate him when he is becoming confident all over again since that means it's someone else pushing him.Cast is great. Reira is my favorite for very good storytelling happening with her. A lot feel wasted. The Core Conflict Badly paced, basically. Synchro Year feels wasted in retrospect, 50 eps to tell what 2 cours could, and Yuya isn't allowed to keep his development at all times for it. Leo is built up too much, and Zarc too little. It just feels like not enough build up, too much buildup and the villains getting shafted in both ways. There's a lot of exciting series of fights when years end, but it just doesn't pay off nearly as good as it promises. The Finale Confusing. But not intentionally so. We're not left to wonder what the world is, we are told by Leo what happened and we simply don't get to see it. It's not clear what happened to Zarc besides he smiled. Sad. But not intentionally so. Reira smiled, that means everything's good for her while the audience is sad that she's stuck as a baby. The Yugirls and Yubois are gone forever, but Shun accepted that and anyone that might miss Serena and Rin just aren't there, the people who see them are just shocked but never knew them. Shun is happy. Us, the audience, being sad isn't something being played with here. If Barret looked at an empty dorm room, then this would be a bittersweet ending. If the orphans started reading books Rin had marked, that'd be bittersweet. If Shun Showed Any Emotion That He Should Have Then That'd Be A Sad Ending. But it's not. Everyone accepts what happened with an egao. Us being sad isn't intentional, it is the show misinterpreting how we would react to 6 people fucking dying. Duel was alright kinda. Gates are bad. I love Yuya comboing into summon methods, but the gates don't do that, they just activate, use a monster in the grave and extra deck and summon a hybrid. That's not XYZ, that's not Synchro, that's kinda Fusion I guess. That's just not a combo into summon method,t hat's a cheap way to get any monster out. The final action duel race is a very neat concept. The duelists don't interact for the most part, feels like a waste. The pacing in it is also not great, stops too much. Catapult monsters fireworks is fun, I like that it's a final ATK manipulation because BUT YOU'LL STILL TAKE THE DAMAGE. Already talked about the worlds combining and NAC killing Serena in cold blood. Reiji is a terrible final opponent. Yugi vs Atem: Atem is the best duelist ever and is testing Yugi in a test of skills as those two have never fought and we still don't fully know Yugi's skills. Judai vs Yugi/Atem: Judai still needs to get his fun back, he loves fighting strong people and Yugi is The Strongest. Yusei vs Jack: those two have a lonstanding rivalry and the fight has futures at stake Yuma vs Astral: those two have never fought and relied on each other the whole time. Astral puts everyone's future on the line. These are all great back-and-forths, the opponent has an edge, the characters have chemistry and only Yusei vs Jack features rivals that have faced each other. Yuya vs Reiji... is Reiji sitting on his opening hand and denying Yuya's combos until he gets a big enough one. There's no real back and forth, Reiji is basically a rock. Those two have fought a bit, we return to their first fight place... like how the start of the arc also reused duel fields. Feels lazier than it does bookendy. Atem's goal is to see if Yugi is strong enough, and he's ready to stay with his friend if not. Yugi's goal is to beat down Judai's asshole and have fun. Jack's goal is to shatter Yusei's asshole so everyone can follow their dreams. Astral's goal is to have the greatest fight with Yuma ever. Reiji's goal is for Yuya to make his sister smile. Reiji blatantly and explicitly set this whole thing up for Yuya to win. He's loved Yuya's antics since forever, he supports him and he knows only Yuya can save everyone. While everyone else is like a karate master goign "lets talk with our fists!!", Reiji is more like a dad playing baseball with his kid and hoping loudly that the kid will bat the ball he's about to throw. And in doing so, the kid gets to the major leagues immediately.The duel's just not that interesting in setup, the plays are not well executed, the animation doesn't make the final action duel setpiece any justice, the resolution of conflict is confusing and relies on telling rather than showing and hoping the audience loves the themes enough and the fate of the yugirls and yubois is a grossly miss-communicated message. The Pro Test feels like an early concept since the pun is so good. I legit feel that Reiji's laugh suits Sawatari better. Imagine if his almost-mayor dad actually went "That Yuya duel was amazing!", Sawatari then laughing would be such a good way to end his character arc by accepting all that Yuya is. All in all? Disappointed. I like a lot of things, but the execution is ass. There's good bits, but as a whole the show falls apart. BB and Yuri, and Sergei and Yugo and Yuzu and Masumi and duel schools and fight club class and splatoon. So many good bits, but they do not flow well. They don't link to each other. They do not build up. The show fails to use its 3 year runtime. Disappointed.

I've been following you for a really long time and this is the first time I've ever wanted to ask you a question. But why would you go camping alone without any light? That's just a really dumb thing to do...

(in ref to my tags here im pretty sure)

gather round, dear followers, for a series of anecdotes from Hell Camp, the source of my best and worst stories

when i was twelve my school sent all its year nine students class by class to a five-week camp, which will henceforth be called Hell Camp. here is the setup:

a four-hour drive out of the city into the outback, where there is a farm owned by the school for the express purpose of hosting Hell Camp

28 girls and 28 boys, each in their own dorm houses

no phones. no computers, no ipods, no TV. no internet (within our reach). we cooked our own food on fire stoves and wrote letters by hand to our parents and friends

no lollies, no soft drinks or juice, all our eggs and milk came off the farm

wake up at 5:30am every day to go for a 3km run and then chores on the farm, from milking the cows to chopping our firewood

Bible study every night because this was a Christian private school

“why???” u may ask. “why did your school subject tweens to a month of this???” supposedly to build character and teach u life skills but tbh idk how knowing how to crack a bullwhip is supposed to help me in life

but it wasnt just five weeks straight of same ol farm life there were other activities they had us do!! camp-like activities!! for example:

Pre-Survival

three days to prepare us because we were innocent younglings who barely knew how to start a fire

basically a campsite in the middle of fuckass nowhere? we rode horses there while the counselors (the Hell Camp resident teachers, but ones that deadlift 50kgs and kill spiders without batting an eye) drove with our bags and stuff and laughed as we got inevitably lost

have u ever used a dunny u have to empty urself

it is so gross. there is a field marked out explicitly for burying everyone’s shit, and u have to take turns. so gross. 

there was a shower which was a metal shed with a bucket of water hung up, which u heated over the fire before u went in and prayed it wasn’t too hot

this was like winter time and we slept in swags on the ground and when we woke up there was frost on our swags

i made an iron horseshoe??? the temptation to touch red hot metal is ridiculous tbh it looks so pretty

someone did touch theirs. it was not me. i heard them yell from across the field where i was helping feed horses.

in the middle of the second night the counselors took us to a giant rock in the middle of the bush where u could see the stars and it was amazing you could see the milky way and everything… but the thing was we had to spend the previous 20 minutes in the dark to get our eyes used to it so they had us hold onto each other’s sleeves and walk blindly into this rugged, rock-covered trail through pitch blackness, praying no one in front is going the wrong way

and then. the counselors played a trick on us by getting one of the kids to stay back in the forest and waited to see how long we’d notice. we didn’t notice until it was time to go back im so sorry Kimmy

Survival

ok this the real shit you went with the same group you were with in pre-survival and the counselors drove you out into the depths of the outback and dropped you and your group off with some tools, food, and tarpauline

and then u just lived out there for three days.

we couldn’t start a fire our first night because it’d been raining before??? our dinner was supposed to be rice, potatoes and carrots, and the carrots were the only edible thing bc u cant eat raw rice and raw potatoes.. u just cant.

there were wild dogs around. we never saw them, but we heard them awoo-ing a lot. so whenever someone split off from the main camp to go pee like two other girls would accompany them as an honor guard, singing Kumbaya to keep the hounds away

sometimes people would go alone and then there would be a Sound in the bush and then you’d just hear them screaming “MAMA’S MAKING KAN TONG”

on our last day the counselors set up targets with drawings of kangaroos on them, handed us a bow and 20 arrows, and said “if u can shoot the kangaroo we’ll give u sausages for your last meal”

never in my life will i ever see such ferocity from 12- to 13-year-old hungry girls again

when it was another group’s turn to be on survival, my group was on normal farm duty, and we were out clearing bush scrub when we heard the survival group girls talking and we realised we’d gotten too close.

“hello?? hello??? is anyone out there?” “oh my god someone’s out there oh my god we’re gonna die” “COME OUT, WE HAVE WEAPONS”

THIS WAS A LIE. WE KNEW DAMN WELL THEY HAD THE SAME THINGS AS US AND THOSE THINGS WERE TWO SHOVELS AND A HEAVY DUTY CLIPPER.

and our fucking counselor just went “shhh!!” to us and herded us back like he just straight up left those nine girls thinking there were bush serial killers out for them

also apparently a tree fell on someone’s head at some point in their survival

at night we slept in a row like snuggling each other cause it was So Fracking Cold and lemme tell u it’s an experience being spooned by the girl who used to sigh whenever you raised your hand in class

Four Day Hike

what it says on the label

55km in four days, carrying all your food, sleeping bags, tents, clothes, toilet paper etc. and minimum 2L of water bottles you could refill at big barrels set out at designated stop points

this is, without a doubt, the single worst experience of my life

nothing good happens when u hand a group of kids a map and a compass and tell them “we’ll look for you if you’re not at the campsite by sundown but apart from that you’re on your own”

i was with an athletic group of kids?? they were Walking So Fast and i was just staggering along with my unfit friend like this is how i die on a godforsaken hill on our way to god knows where

actually i had an asthma attack and they left me behind for a bit fun times

the hike went through some willing farmers’ land and one boy who stupidly climbed a fence got chased by a bull

they sent us off group by group so we’d all make our own way, so whenever u bumped into another group you were like. okay one of us was going the wrong way and it better fucking well be you

there weren’t any showers or anything so we basically all wore the same clothes for four disgustingly sweaty days of hiking

someone used an anthill as a toilet bc it had a nice big hole to drop ur toilet paper down

the ants did not appreciate this

when you run out of toilet paper and it’s only 11am

Solo

this was it. the culmination of the camp. the ultimate character building experience.

which was just 24 hours of alternating boredom and sudden visceral terror now that i think about it

u got dropped off (again in the middle of nowhere see a theme yet) with tarp, a lil trowel, and a clipper, and u just set up camp and did whatever u wanted for 24 hours

they let u bring a bible.

i got really into Leviticus and Deutoronomy before it went dark

listen it was really really boring ok

AND HERE IT IS THE BIT WHERE I DIDN’T HAVE LIGHT WHILE CAMPING ALONE

listen when the sun goes down at 5pm, u go down too. there’s nothing else u can do?? u just gotta sleep???

or, like me, lie awake in mortal terror listening to the bush Come Alive

when the wallaby goes THUMP-THUMP-THUMP and you’re like holy shit this is it the abominable loch ness chupycabra has manifested in the australian outback and it’s going to eat me alive jesus christ protect me with the power of this bible

hence the sheer relief when the sun finally comes out and u can walk around without living in fear of accidentally walking face first into a spiderweb or scratchy lantana bushes

also a mini survey went around afterwards and i’m pretty sure a solid 60% of the girls took a shit on solo like… at long last u can take as long in the toilet as u want… without the other 27 girls banging on the door……

other miscellaneous stories that dont fit anywhere else:

one of the boys went missing?? he wandered off and couldn’t remember anything when they found him in the middle of the bush. cryptic

there was this one homesick girl who was REALLY homesick like she cried every day of the five weeks. by the end of the camp she’d approached everyone to talk about her Feelings and you’d just kind of groan softly when u saw her coming towards your bunk bc u knew u were in for a hopeless comforting session

on sundays sometimes we went to the nearby town’s elderly home to talk to the old folks and some of us could play music so we did little performances for them which was rly sweet!

there were lambs on the farm!! we named them Uggboot and i think Fleece Jacket or smth like that

there were cows too!! meat cows!! they were Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner

my first time on cow milking duty i tried to herd the bull towards the milking pens bc i did not realise he was not a cow. i quickly realised when he took very fast steps towards me and i Got The Dodge Out Of There

we spit roasted an entire pig for the final feast before we left and i will never forget it. the first time in my life i had crackling. half the group was weak in the knees cause we saw the pig get slaughtered and the other half was just “sweet, more for me”

whenever the new fruit delivery came in and the hunger games commenced in the kitchen… tween girls are actually ravenous wolves u heard it here first folks

when u going to the bathroom in the bush and u feel something touch your butt… is it a stray hair? is it a piece of grass? is it a bug??? who knows but nothing makes your bowels loosen faster

the unholy horror of finding spiders wherever you least expect it

ANTS IN THE SUGAR

“I saw Goody Proctor with the devil leaving the cupboard open for the ants!!!”

honestly so many things happened at Hell Camp that i can’t remember most of them anymore and it Rankles Me bc i know there were so many wild stories but here you go. some of the wildest ones.

11/10 went back to Hell Camp voluntarily once, would go back again again.