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Hey bestyyyyyy, so remember that sagau moments thing everyone did, and their submissions of self aware moments, well 😭😭😭😭

it’s been more than a month now since i last played genshin, which was around december 16, and due to that couldn’t do my weekly(like once a week-whole day playing) genshin playing, and why i couldn’t get my itto guarantee💀💀💀 even though i am guarantEED, but i guess my primos weren’t enough for this man huh😔, he was the first character i ever wanted to willingly roll on too, after all those months(i started playing by the start of the first lantern rite) i just fell in love with the man for what they were, his dorkiness, that bday song🤬🤬🤬😭😭😭😭 man he has high standards, even after i gushed on his abs in the trial and literally admired that btch right infront of my camera, even took me quite a while to exit the trial too dmskdkdkdkdkdkdk

🥰 anywayyy yeahh after that my country was struck with a super thypoon, thypoon rai internationally, thypoon odette nationally, and there was no electricity for 3 weeks, but on two of those days only, we got lent a generator and connected our wifi to it, which worked, and i was able to do my daily claim in hoyolab so i finally got my daily mail starting, or so i thought— because and when our part got fixed, that’s when the wifi line got cut or smthg, because ours didn’t work no more😔😔, so i was pretty depressed ig, even started to live in my delu- i mean fantasies quite deeply, and nowadays writing a whole business enterprise in teyvat in my head along with calculating time conversions in game and irl, because it is necessary for the worldbuilding in my head, well due to that my head kinda hurted bahaahaha, i used my wasted potential finally lol

and one of my friends, which lives in the neighborhood, plays genshin, and we actually formed a newbond over that shared interests and more over the ’no-electricity-period’ accepted my request for her to login my account and to get those stuff waiting my mail(mind you i fought for my little sister to tell her friend that because she could play genshin in mobile— my sister initially said ‘no’ because her stupid reasoning was ‘bc i dun wanna’ honestly she was being such a bitch then, thank goodness i wokeup today in good spirits because she asked my account’s password🥰) and now we are arriving at the point

which is well, uhm, how would my beloved characters in game waiting for all that time like, react or sum, because when i didn’t get itto r8 away i fr showed my disappointment quite clearly, even as far as too change my signature to ‘sad itto wanter’ or smthg like that, and even loudly said ‘if i don’t get itto i’m not gonna play anymore’ out of spite, honestly i was just trying out reverse psychology just to see if he was gonna come home😭😭😭 and during them dark days after that, i kinda feel really bad because i’ve had my share of more frequent ‘prolly-not-self-aware-moments-but-im-gonna-say-it-is-bc-they-were-too-weird-not-to-be-one’ moments, and after the electricity came back, we just borrowed the ones next door’s wifi(we share a wall, and their wifi wouldn’t reach the computer😭) and i’ve been like having my musical moments each night and i cried on one of em bc i miss playing, and wow genshin yt channel really added more salt to the wound by posting that lantern rite cutscene for 2.4, which i just viewed an hour it was uploaded, and i saw everyone and man, i just felt quite melancholicj jcjdjdjej.

And i just started to try out bennett too right before i logged off for that day in watatsumi doing that stupid spectre commission again, along with his new team, with xingqiu, kaeya and diluc— bennett’s spot was initially for itto but i put him there out of spite, and yes diluc is the first 5 star i got from gacha :D, i been wanting that man ever since i saw that cutscene in the wolf temple dkeekkkd. *sigh* i literally left them right aftera week i got diluc, then i got sara, bennett & xiangling, and since i always never am screaming out of happiness when i do get a character, it was really a shock, because man i feel like an orphanage hahaha, but i try my best to love all that i have, even if i seem quite cold bc i am the literal personification of diluc when i play the game bc i didn’t wanna look weird fangirling ahahahaha

so how would they deal with this, my 19 children, (btw i use lumine) my lovely characters: the amazing free 6 characters(w aloy, and i literally always played w my starter lol, just started using kaeya again too bc i kinda neglected him in favor of the girls, and he was kinda useless in dragonspine for the *real*best boi’s team, f u itto, u lost ur best boi status— i’m dreading his hangout too & m8 fall inlove again and i havent even completed the inazuma archon quest lol), diona(i was abt to do finally do her hangout the next time i played but odette happened), yanfei(i think she in my teapot— no w8 i benched her for now bc i got an influx of characters), xingqiu(literally when i got him he became the new lumine, he’s in the new team maksks man i rlly do favor him huh, i mean it’s a given bc i fell in love with him too), rosaria(best dps of mine, was my fave too bc i love that polearm gameplay ever since i tried out xiangling lol, still never did spirals abyss ahaha) FishcL(she gets to live in my teapot now with my library), beidou(i love her man, she was literally a suprise- like my existence and man i love her counter ability dmdmdk), then sucrose, noelle & ningguang(placed them in teapot bc they deserve their own spaces, and i need noelle to take a fricken break, and i’m planning her to be my budget itto now too and neglected her far too long), diluc(gave him the fish, man he is now the new xingqiu too, but xingqiu supremacy still tho), then bennett and xiangling(xiangling fr couldn’t wait for me to get to the spiral abyss and just came home instead), initally i was gonna farm good artefacts for all of them but 3 children got left on the doorstep, and now they’re all sharing artefacts, but i’m still gonna farm at the same time tho-

too bad they’re alone now, i wonder how they reacted when i actually unintentionally followed through my statement of not playing bc of itto, and the hope they might have had when the mail finally had smthg in it then not again, and then again for an everyday to an entire month now, but not playing?? which they might know i wouldn’t do bc i wouldn’t willingly miss an event especially a free ningguang skin?! And a potential yunjin?! Shenhe too man 😭 and enkanomiya— pls- I’m practically dyingggg, this is fr the second time i ever missed an event now wth, first every lantern rite 🥲, now windtrace☹️ Dmckjjkdjcdckjd

So like have fun brainrotting over this, and to anyone who reads this cry w me, and help me add more havria to the wound bc this lantern rite is a funeral now huhuhuhu and stay safe uwu also have u seen encanto?

...what was the ask about again?

ngc ramblings part 3- chapter 5

here we are at part 3!!! sorry this one took so long, i originally was gonna make this post include entropy and extus (along with finally talking about face in depth) but it was so fuckin long that im splitting it into 2 different posts! the next part isnt done yet but im like almost halfway done so it shouldnt be too much longer until its out! also before we get into this one:

tw for: death, animal death, and suicide. pls take care of urself and don't read this if those things are triggering for u <3

ok lets get on with the post

at the start of entropy zach doesnt waste any time getting right to the point. this place is bigger than the other planets so far, and zach says the music this time around is a melody that “started out normal but then got distorted” played by a violin sounding instrument. even tho i do sometimes forget that this is supposed to be a creepypasta im not surprised that he said it made him feel depressed and unnerved lmao. anyways, this planet has all new level types in it!! no reused ones!! ok now this is epic. the bosses this time around are megalon, battra, and mechagodzilla, but itll be a good while before we get to those guys because this chapter is long as hell holy shit?? buckle up babez <33 now, before i get into the meat of things as usual im gonna talk abt the planet name! entropy basically means “a lack of order/predictability or a gradual decline into disorder” and that's very accurate to this part of the story. at this point, red is pissed off and is getting desperate, which means from here on out things are going to be getting more intense and more unstable. this world is the turning point in the overall story, basically.

now with that out of the way, zach first goes to the worlds quiz level as usual! this time something was different. usually, in the quiz levels there would be goofy ass music playin in the bg (specifically the GH1D0RA cheat music, if you wanna like listen to it ig?) but from here on out its been replaced by the music from the games password screen, which zach called creepy earlier on in the pasta. im gonna glaze over the quiz again this time, but when we get to the next planet ill talk about all of the quizzes in depth all at once. basically all you need to know for now abt what happens here is face asks “do you like mothra?” and when zach picks no (after going on a tangent abt how mothra sucks lmao,, bro i swear im good at the game my controllers just messed up /s), face enters bastard mode and goes “TOO BAD!” and boom now zach cant play as anyone but mothra. zach is pissed for now but little does he know this is just going to become an even more epic gamer bc of this,, youll never get better at something if you never try and all that.

after that, zach moves on to the first level type- the forest. immediately zach gets an eerie feeling from this level bc he has some kinda fear involving forests at night (i can think of a reason why but ill have to talk abt that later just to be sure). hes also not feelin great about being forced to play as mothra, so the pressure of it all is def starting to get to him by now. the music in the forest is woodwinds followed by slow, rhythmic drums and chiming bells. must have been some ominous woodwinds and bells bc it made him feel like he was intruding somewhere he shouldnt be (oh rlly?? u dont say,, everything up until now has been fine /s). getting into the level itself, eventually zach comes across some weird deer-like monsters just vibing and scares them away when he gets close. later in the level he finds more of these weird deer along with a sloth-like creature on some of the trees and some raptor dudes killing some of the deer. zach shoots one of the raptors but thats about it. nothing really happened in this level but zach noted that he didnt feel like he was playing a video game, but instead it felt more like he was exploring a forest in another dimension. thats interesting for reasons ill ~get to later~ (yall must be so tired of hearing that by now omg,, i know im tired of saying it at least. i was gonna wait until after replay to talk about things but i severely underestimated how long this whole project would be, so i might make a post for the “more on that later” stuff before i get into replay. let me know what u think i should do).

anyways, the next thing zach checks out is the first tv screen level so far. these levels just play an animation with some music in the background, and theres a different animation per level. this time around the animation is of a kid with a beaver(?) head licking a lollipop and the music is the GH1D0RA music that the quiz levels used to use. the only thing of note here is that zach says he had a shirt that looked just like that when he was a kid. after that, were off to some of the weirdest fuckin levels in this whole thing imo- the hourglass levels. these levels have an entirely brown color palette, with grandfather clocks standing in the background (the level appears to be in like a hallway or something) and various time measuring things floating in the air. the music is the same as the board (ig cosby just didnt feel like thinking of what theme this place would have lol). after a little bit zach was rlly happy to see actual enemies from the normal game show up! these are basically like aircraft, tanks, etc. thats not the main attraction here tho, bc this level has its own unique mechanic! this mechanic is the colored hourglass items you can pick up. there are three of them, a blue one that slows time down and makes enemies from the past appear, a red one that speeds up time and makes enemies from the future appear, and a green one that made the time flow normally and spawned enemies from the normal game. zach found the blue one first, which caused a bunch of prehistoric enemies based on real animals to show up. after that he found a green one and fought normal enemies again, and then he found a red hourglass. the future enemies here look like aliens to me, and zach says that one enemy reminds him of something he saw in a book once. eventually, a special future creature showed up and zach was suddenly in a boss battle! or a mini boss battle? that description is probably more accurate. this guy doesnt have a face, and he can only attack by shooting a beam from his face, it sure does look cool! after zach beat it tho, he was off to the next level type, which is basically a toxic waste dump.

zach called it grungy and inhospitable, with the music being a synth ambient loop that made him feel dizzy while he listened to it. this is important because this is the first instance of the game making zach feel something *physically*, not just psychologically. all of the enemies here are mutated to some degree, with him first seeing green mummies with bird skulls coming out from vats of toxic slutch and a brownish cow skeleton monster with spider legs. later zach comes across a deer from the woods, drinking some toxic slutch (delinchous). zach got close to it to try making it stopped but suddenly some enemies came out of nowhere and scared it into running right off a ledge and into the slutch. rip :pensive:. after that zach found more mutated enemies (i.e some things with tentacles and some other deformed thing with human teeth) before he finally gets to the end of the level, where theres another miniboss waiting for him!! this ones a toxic sludge monster with a whale skull who attacks with a mouth projectile and by charging into you. the monster sank into the slutch and thats all for this level babeyy!

the next level is another forest, but this time its winter! its still at night, but this time zach doesnt feel off put, which he mostly attributes to the music. he describes it as a gentle, calm song that almost sounded romantic. the entire first segment of this level had no enemies in it, but dw this level is interesting i swear. the next segment starts out just as empty as the last one, but this time its silent. that is, until the music from “unforgiving cold” starts playing. yaa you remember that place!! i think i said it was less interesting than i remembered but its interesting again now bc it was foreshadowing these levels!! anyways soon after the music started up, zach started to come across tons of frozen bodies of the deer from earlier. some were mutilated, some werent, but they were all frozen and covered in snow. eventually zach does come across something living though, a sloth creature from earlier! its just vibing when suddenly the winter versions of the raptors from earlier rush in and fuckin obliterate the sloth thing. those things just blindly try killing everything in sight, and even start fighting themselves before zach finally gets to the last part of the level.

now this is where shit starts to get crayzay. this part opens up to a big empty field with a full moon and the nice music from earlier back. despite the nice music tho, zach immediately starts feeling dread and eventually he finds a lake. the lake comes down from the sky and starts to crack like an egg, a humanoid figure curled up in the fetus position dropping into the lake below and the moon halves disintegrated. this spawned the moon beast, the hardest challenge zachs had to deal with so far. after he finally defeats it, the screen goes to black and the name “melissa” is on screen, written in red. after that, the screen then says kys. the word kill then fills up the screen, layering over itself until it forms a picture of reds face. its now that we finally get to hear abt the whole melissa thing (which makes it sound like shes been mentioned in the pasta before this but thats not what i mean lmao). to summarize, zach had a middle school gf named melissa (also bro middle school?? wadda hell) who often went into “episodes” where she would stare off, expressionless, before trembling and putting her face in her hands. she and zach hung out in a field at night a lot but one night she just stared at the moon the whole time before running into traffic and dying.

NOW its finally later!!! were not done with entropy yet, but this is the end of part one of entropy so i wanna just take a little break to talk about things so far. this planet is FULL of symbolism and foreshadowing. to start off, i think a lot of the questions face asks at the beginning foreshadow things that happen. some examples are “is time slipping though your fingers?” which could allude to the time levels, “do you have any regrets?” which i think obviously foreshadows the whole melissa thing, “is it safe to go out at night?” and “do you find it hard to sleep at night?” both follow the same kinda theme, which i think relates to how the melissa incident happened at night, specifically out at night. i dont think the forest levels have anything too important in them, other than to introduce the presence of an innocent, harmless creature that doesnt deserve what happens to it later (aka the deer things) which might symbolize melissa. more evidence for this symbolizing melissa comes from the encounter with the deer in the toxic dump and the winter forest, where in the former zach tries to stop it from hurting itself but is too late, being forced to watch it die, and in the latter the same innocent thing from earlier is found dead close to where the real incident took place. the two big themes to keep in mind here are death and time, more specifically the past. most of the enemies here are either made from bones or kill other enemies, there's a dedicated time level referencing things that zach remembers seeing at one point (aka that one alien zach recognized), the beaver head had the same shirt as child zach did, it all connects to zachs past and the death of melissa. as for the moon beast, its the most obvious reference for reasons ive already explained. i dont really know what the moon cracking open and dropping a curled up human into the lake could mean other than some other thing melissa related, but i *do* think that the fact that the moon beast is the most difficult thing zach has faced so far is symbolic of the fact that the trauma from this event has followed him throughout his entire life, and its something he struggles with daily. it could even be the reason why he said no when face asked if he could sleep easily at night. the moon beast also has some black fur around its neck, which i think is meant to represent a tire track, referencing and/or mocking the way melissa died.

its so cool how this entire part of the story builds up to and foreshadows the bomb it drops at the end of the part, giving people something to look back on. a lot of ppl say that as soon as the melissa stuff gets introduced the story goes down in quality, and i do somewhat agree with that sentiment, especially if they want the story to actually be scary, but i think the direction the story goes from this point on is so unique and cool. it does follow the whole “theres a ghost in the game” troupe (even tho it was probably seen as a spin on that originally) but it doesnt do the same cliches as so many other gaming creepypastas do and it really takes the concept and makes it its own. i just think its neat,,,

anyways im done gushing abt this story, lets get on with part 2 of extus!! basically zach has a fuckin panic attack and, after taking a few minutes to calm himself down when its over, he decides that he has to finish the game now because if he doesnt its just going to haunt him for the rest of his life. zach has now realized that the game is “alive” and can somehow see his thoughts and memories, so understandably hes pretty freaked out by it at this point. when he keeps playing, the first thing he does is check out another tv screen level. this time, the animation is of a fish dude just kinda standing there with his mouth flapping open and closed and the music is the neptune board music from the original game. the only reason i can think of for why this is here is maybe the game is mocking zach for the panic attack he just had (bc when u have a panic attack you feel like you can barely breathe, if ur lucky enough to have never had one before and u dont know) but thats abt it. its probably just a random goofy thing cosby threw in there.

anyways, the next actual level is the first labyrinth level. this time around, its a gold labyrinth specifically. the music in these levels is a slow, ominous drum beat with female vocals occasionally coming in and (basically from here on out) the monster zach plays as is now half the size it used to be. i think this shows how zachs feeling at this point, like this whole thing isnt just being a big strong monster and beating up enemies any more, he feels small and scared and helpless in the face of something potentially dangerous that he doesnt understand maybe his confusion about the game is the reason *why* theres so many labyrinth levels here in the first place. anyways im getting ahead of myself. personally, i think the aesthetic of the gold labyrinth is very similar to the green temples back on trance. while trance had a more circular and soft theme to it's architecture and sculpture, entropys is much more square or rectangle oriented. despite this, i think that the golden mazes at least are another religious kind of building, and the architecture is just different because theyre two different cultures who just happen to worship the same spiritual figure (aka melissa. did i say that earlier? i think i did,, if i didnt well the religions worship melissa, not knowing she's a dead human or anything. probably).

moving on, zach notes how the gold labyrinth would probably have been impossible to navigate as any of the other monsters, so turns out face being an asshole was a blessing in disguise after all huh? anyways this place is full of weird gold monsters, lava/fire traps, and stone faces (both in more of an easter island head style and in the regular feminine headshot weve seen so far). zach comes across two feminine heads, one that is more adult looking and pure gold, and another one that looks much younger and whos eyes have red irises and blue scleras. this statue apparently looks a lot like melissa did on the night she died, so zach leaves it pretty quickly. i *think* this is the first time we see the color blue associated with melissa? if it isnt sorry abt that, its been a couple days since i worked on ngcr so ive forgotten some of the smaller or more subtle things by now. GOD i keep getting side tracked ANYWAYS eventually zach finds a non-gold enemy and sees it get picked up by like an arcade crane claw. hes curious so he follows the claw, only to see the monster be put in a big gold cauldron and walk out the side of it as a gold monster.

gonna be honest, no idea what the hell this could mean. like? theres been no themes of corruption or good things becoming evil so far so this just kinda. exists,, yea idk lol. im not part of like any discord servers or anything so all this theorizing and analysis has just been me, maybe getting some small ideas from like random youtube comments or something, so if something ive said so far has been unanimously disagreed with somewhere i dont know about it. thats also why this isnt really a definitive or comprehensive analysis (even tho im trying to be as comprehensive as i can).

anyways zach finds the exit soon after and hes on to the next level type (there's so fucking many of them ik dont worry weve almost gotten to all of them now), the indigo cliffs. the background of these levels is similar to the blue mountains from trance, but now the moon and clouds from the toxic dump background is also here (and colored indigo to match). the music here is just a deep rumbling noise. the first “enemies” he sees here are just a bunch of multicolored little guys coming out of a hole in the ground and jumping off a cliff. were continuing the death theme yall!! anyways zach continues, flying over some more weird creatures (tho some of them just look like dinosaurs lol) before he sees a bunch more of the multicolored guys out and about but this time theyre getting grabbed by birds!! wadda heel!!! zach comments on how the multicolored dudes seem eager to die and thinks maybe the moon has something to do with it (like melissa dude wat!!!! that's crazy /s). at the end of the level there were some more multicolored dudes just walking into a creatures mouth so zach attacked the thing and killed it and the levels over yay!

now its time for the bosses babeyy!!! first zach fights battra (basically an evil moth kaiju), the music is varans theme. battra starts off in his larvae form, where he basically just fought by running into you and shooting stuff at you. while fighting this form, zach noticed that the game buffed mothra because his gamer skillz were too cringe lmaoo. he beats the larvae form and battra goes into his second form, where hes basically a stronger clone of mothra (misogyny). zach fights battra and has fun doing it (for once,, good for him) and he wins yay! next hes fighting megalon (a big beetle/bug kaiju), whos music was gigans theme. im tired when im writing this so ill just give you zachs description of how he fought: “strong, persistent, but dumb”. after this, zach checks out the last tv screen of entropy. this time, it shows a big buff guy with a sack over his head hit a womans head with a sledgehammer while shes tied to a table or something. the music for it was the password theme. i think this is probably here because red is getting angrier? like this guy is still here after i triggered his ptsd?? what the hell!!!

anyways before we get to the last boss we have one last level type to get through- the shadow labyrinth. at this point, zach starts to feel drained because no shit sherlock you just had a panic attack and youve been playing this game for fuckin several hours at this point of course youre fuckin drained. anyways zach enters the shadow labyrinth, which is a black recolor of the gold labyrinth. the music is “evil ambience” similar to unforgiving colds music but distinctly different apparently. there werent any enemies so zach just kinda wandered for a while until the lights turned off, darkening the whole screen and (secretly) spawning tons of spooky enemies thatll chase and hit mothra in the dark. eventually the lights came back on and zach started scrambling to the exit. when the lights turned back off, zach was able to find one of the melissa looking statues and stood next to it. it warded off the monsters while the lights were off, so zach was safe. i think this shows 2 things: 1) its a little more validation for my “religion in this world worships melissa” theory and 2) it foreshadows the way melissa wants to protect zach at the end of the game. zach beat the shadow labyrinth a lot faster than the gold one so were done with all the stages now!! now theres only the last boss and red and were done with entropy!

the last boss is mechagodzilla, but when zach starts the level, normal godzilla is there instead!! its whatever tho bc soon the disguise is gone and its just pretty much the normal mechagodzilla fight (but now hes got a gay beam). at about half health tho, mechagodzillas sprite breaks into pieces like gezoras did way back on earth and reforms into not-mechagodzilla. even tho it looks uncanny (and the usage of the face statue on the front is probably there to further mock zach bc melissa) zach beats it p easily and now its time for the chase. ba dum ba dum thats the sound of a chase.

as usual tho, before i get to the red chase its time to talk about entropy as a planet!! i think the best way to describe the layout is “a big forest with a toxic waste dump in it takes up half the planet while the other half is a large religious temple/labyrinth with a dangerous underbelly”. there doesnt seem to be any intelligent life there now (its all dead by now probably) but there was at some point at least because imean the huge labyrinth is there dude!!! i dont have much to say for this section tbh bc i feel like i've already said everything i wanted to, so its time for the chase ig!!

basically the chase with red here takes place in a labyrinth level bc of course it does. this labyrinth, however, seems to be made of some kind of organic matter. is it flesh? organs? nondescript viscera? idk but it's pulsating and bloody. also this time red has wings too!! anyways, basically zach avoids red throughout the maze, red breaks through one of the walls with his big alien tongue, and zach gets to the end of the maze. nothing crazy happens at the end of this chapter (i think it was crazy enough as is) so thats the end of that and now its time for the penultimate planet- extus.

╰☆╮MUSE 46 — wait, is that cerise “reese” du pont? is it just me or does the twenty-one year-old look exactly like abigail cowen? last i heard, they still weren’t over being exposed by the sentinel. according to the app, they can be credulous & turbulent, but i’ve also heard they're intrepid & audacious. can’t be too sure, people have a way of surprising you. all i know is that they remind me of vape scented smoke appearing in the middle of lecture , filming viral tik tok’s in public , the brushing down of a horse , forgetting a pencil but remembering to bring the juul to class & drinking homemade moonshine for barbie movie drinking games. honestly, the broadcast communications major should try to keep their head down. after the events of last semester, i wouldn’t want to be in their shoes. ╰☆╮

wow hey hi hello!! i’m kaya and this is my lil crackhead, reese!! this got really long because i never know when to shut up but if you want to plot pls hit me up here on tumblr or on discord at medieval 4loko gang#5402

P A R A L L E L S

gigi ( booksmart ) , keanu reeves ( always be my maybe ) , serena van der woodsen ( gossip girl ) , kirby anders ( dynasty )

T R O P E S

hard-drinking party girl , cloudcuckoolander , the trickster , upper-class equestrian , fleeting passionate hobbies , naive animal lover , fearless fool , playing with fire , parental neglect , fantasy-forbidding father

S U M M A R Y

born and raised in wilmington, delaware on the du pont family ranch, reese learned how to ride and compete on her family’s thoroughbreds. she’s a seasoned equestrian who typically competed in eventing and throughout the years had accumulated a series of ribbons and trophies between dressage, cross-country, and show jumping. definitely was a horse girl growing up and tbh still is???? definitely not the type to eat grass anymore BUT if given the chance she will not shut up about them.

a veterinarian before marrying into the du pont family, reese’s mother had their ranch doubling as both a home and veterinary clinic where the kids would help with the animals and keep them company. this caused reese to develop a soft spot for them, one that contributed to her going vegetarian at the age of 12 and eventually vegan at 15. it was also this love of animals that led her to wanting to help the environment they lived in and so her parents put her in girl scouts and eventually her love for the outdoors would cause her to join steinhardt’s outing club.

while her mother, eleanor, also helps out with the du pont family business of breeding thoroughbreds as well as run her clinic, her father, pierre, is a chairman of dupont, a conglomerate who got its start in the black powder market before expanding into chemicals for agriculture, materials science, and specialty products.

he was the type to have HIGH expectations for his family, expectations that reese never met. not that she cared to. definitely not a daddy’s girl, she’ll be the first one to call her father out for being a pompous douche straight to his face. probably quoted this to her father during a thanksgiving toast of “what are we thankful for this year”.

the black sheep of her family, even at a young age she could be found stirring up some trouble and almost always dragging one of her siblings or cousins along with her. a rebellious child who didn’t like being put into a box, she lived in a fantasy world of whimsy, often playing make-believe much to her father’s chagrin. she believed in all things fantastical from fairies to mermaids and while pierre tried to stifle those thoughts, they stubbornly remained.

even through her teenage years she’s held onto the firm belief that barbie lore is real. no one knows if she actually believes that or if it’s all of the drugs and her love for the movies getting to her head, but when confronted about it she will always be adamant that it’s a legitimate form of history.

speaking of history, her concept of it is slightly skewed?? def has weird beliefs of what communists are?? like you’re an android user??? suddenly she thinks you’re a communist????

tbh you could probably tell her something about anything and she’ll believe you without a hint of doubt. research?? she dunno her!! you could say the moon is a government con-job and she’d think it’s a fact??? super gullible and it’s a mess

i guess now would be a good time to preface that she’s dumb. stupid. an idiot. the list goes on but when i say she’s lacking brain cells… i mean it. the definition of head empty, she probably has a bunch of rocks where her brain should be sdfgh. but really, she can be innovative when she wants to be but academically she just doesn’t care to do well. in high school she ditched classes more often than not and was probably the kid smoking under the bleachers.

but where she lacks in intelligence she makes up for in brawn??? def the brawn over brains type who was a jock in high school. competed for her school’s equestrian team but also was on the fencing and archery teams. she once begged to be put into archery lessons after seeing the princess diaries 2 and fencing just came along not too soon after. she also used to run track and play soccer but those two sports ended after her senior year of high school although she probably still plays for the steinhardt’s intermurral league as well as any athletic competitions her sorority, tri-zeta ( zeta zeta zeta ) enters.

definitely the jack of all trades type except she’s passable at a whole bunch of things but good at none of them. probably can change a tire but it’ll need to be changed again soon. can bake a cake but it’ll be a little dry. the list goes on. she’s just very curious and picks up a lot of things but gets bored of them easily so she changes to the next thing.

okay i know i said she could bake a cake but she really…can’t. like with supervision she probably could but she’s impulsive and following directions for that many ingredients??? impossible. she just gets tempted to toss everything into a bowl and wing it and she does that every time. she can however make rice krispy treats. especially if they’re suppose to be edibles dfghj. but ya, don’t ask her to cook bc she can. not.

a stoner and overall drug connoisseur, she’s probably most known for being that kid who forgets to bring their backpack to class but don’t worry!! she remembered her juul!! has a collection of juuls on her person at all times. definitely that party girl who shows up hungover to class whenever she did bother to show up.

calls herself an entrepreneur because she used to sell edibles and other drug-related things and definitely was that tweet where she would give discounts if you signed an environmental petition or went to a protest.

has never said no to a dare EVER. you name it and she’ll do it. and if you dare her to drink cow titty milk or eat a piece of meat she’ll do it but it just makes you a dick dfghj

gets bored easily and tends to lash out and do something chaotic because of it?? the type to spontaneously light a couch on fire because she felt like it. a mild pyromaniac who once learned how to make a molotov cocktail. she can’t do it well. at all. but the one time she did try was also the same day she realized what a dumpster fire looked like.

i’m also not saying she’s out here to ruin your life for her own whims but like home girl has ZERO boundaries for anything. if you want to say she was a homewrecker in a past relationship??? honestly full send because it probably was her. morally she’s chaotic neutral and doesn’t care to be good or evil, she just wants to live her life of chaos and whatever happens happens. it should also be noted that she’s selfish. she puts herself first and others second always.

god someone pls try to start a fight with her. she’d either pat you on the head and ignore you OR go feral and just…foam at the mouth and bite you. probably claims to have gingervitis which is where she like…sprays vegan whip cream into her mouth and just… attacks you. for fun.

WOW ALMOST FORGOT but she’s a big larper!!! loves to go to the ones that are historical-esque where she can be an elf ( because she has a collection of elf ear tips dfghjk ) and acts as a knight/ranger by using her ACTUAL fencing, archery, and equestrian skills. she learned sindarin ( elvish ) for this but also she’s a big lord of the rings fan in general so it just worked out. her character’s storyline is her acting as her cousin, taay’s, protector but she has been known to enroll in a few competitions regarding any of her three skills.

currently selling moonshine alongside her roommates of trap zeta ( also known as the residents of the moonshine & roses subplot ) and so if you saw her running around with stolen pressure cookers, that is why !! making your own alcohol is illegal, but selling it??? even worse so they only sell it to trusted customers and anyone vetted by their usual customers. they probably have secret passwords and shit just like the prohibition period.

speaking of trap zeta, with the exception of fraternities on greek row, they throw the biggest parties. their jungle juice??? fire AND strong but also, they keep it in like....these dispensing chugs with a key so the only ones with access to fill them up or trap zeta themselves. they also have a stripper pole ( or two ) around their living room so like...ya get lit, get twisted, go off ig.

let it be known that their sorority, tri-zeta, is actually known for their stellar amount of community service but after the residents of trap zeta moved in together their sophomore year, the rep for partying started to increase and that’s why the home of muse 46-50 is nicknamed trap zeta. reese has probably been sent to standards way too many times and only got in and is still in bc her mother is a very generous alumni of steinhardt’s chapter of tri-zeta. 

a broadcast communications major, she’s a social media intern for steinhardt’s barstool page but most importantly has a whole tik tok account alongside her roommates dedicated to their college antics. think the hype house except it’s not pg-13 dancing and rly just their crackhead, drunk antics. might eventually make a playlist of tik tok’s that are probably posted on their account, we’ll see.

okay so you know the whole exposing of secrets from last semester??? reese doesn’t usually get mad but rn she Big Mad. like not only are they be scrutinized by the dean but their sorority is too and suddenly tensions are high between tri-zeta bc if trap zeta gets caught they all suffer and their chapter will be shut down and it’ll be a whole ass mess. atm she suspects their customers and even their somewhat rivals, the drug dealers of the ludes plot, but does she suspect anyone from the house??? no not rly

you can find her  stats page here and a wc page here

you can also find her pinterest board here

i also have a reese playlist here and a trap zeta playlist here

How do you analyze Ji's behavior (his clothes, his Instagram posts and what he says) after enlisting Ks. What if ks has to do with it.

The only things worth discussing here are his behavior and maybe his clothes.

1) First His beahviour is also connected with his IG. After ksoo's enlisment annoucement he suddenly stopped posting on IG for two months. Then close to when exo were about to have their first concerts in July he said he sent word through ra*vi to say he forgot his password. That was in itself odd since why would he do that people would be more vocal about his lack of posting than if he stayed quiet. Also didn't he know there's a way to recuperate your pw especially if you're a verified acc?? That was fishy

Then right on the first days of EXO's concerts and baek and sc had music out he went live on IG from another phone and then a few days later found his pw by the same method he didn't know existed when he made ra*vi post. Seems he found out about it, why make such a fuss a few days prior if you were already looking for ways to recuperate the acc?? Maybe actually he didn't really felt like posting ever since 30/05. He started doing lives listening to all the other member's music but no word about ksoo's song. Then he stopped posting for a while again....until sperm promo was on its way. Now he posts regularly while sperm promo is underway. And jd also has music out. It seems to me he only posts when he HAS to when something is happening that he has to promote related to him or exo. Before ksoo's enlistment annoucement he used to post regularly even when there was nothing going on.

This time he also did a live where he listened to members songs but this time he mentioned ksoo's name and you could tell he was nervous about it. He was scraching his eyebrow while saying it meaning he wasn't really comfortable or sure about doing it. There is a analysis of this moment made by another kd shipper here on tumblr which is amazing and explains it better.

In my opinion sm made ji distance as much from ksoo as possible shortly before and after ksoo left. He actually hadn't mentioned ksoo since their bdays in January. The separation was needed because there couldn't be a case where ji posted smth for ksoo like he did for xiu*min. But that was even more obvious for kd shippers since it was really telling why ji posted smth so beautiful and full of love for xm but stayed quiet for his fav hyung. It's obvious he was told not to associate himself with ksoo in any way. Until recently when he said 'i love you and i miss you' and did a salute in concert and mentioned him on IG. At this point idt it is that much of a problem for sm. They're more lax cuz some time has passed, people made up peace more or less about ksoo leaving, ji is with sperm. Nobody paid that much attention to kd. If he were to say smth right after ksoo left it would have attracted more unnecessary attention.

2) Now about his clothes...tbh I don't want to put much importance on this since clothes are clothes. They are bound to be similarities between how people wear them. Plus most of idols clothes are chosen by their stylist or sponsors most of the time and they don't have any say in it. But it is worthy of note that Ji and Ksoo have had similar fashion styles for the past 2 years or so thus it may not be a concidence that Ji is dressing in the way he remembers he used to do when ksoo was around. This is smth you either want to consider or not. *shrug*

3) His IG posts have nothing to do with ksoo in my opinion. Wearing a shirt with lips on them is common and that level of proof some people are doing with his ig photos is some chan*baek level of proof, in other words cringy as hell. Or even worse jk lovestragram cringeness where you take random pics and say there's a connenction between them.

The conclusion is that I do think he misses ksoo in the way that he seems lonely in concerts, he doesn't really engage in social media anymore except when there's smth to promote, also CONFESSION, and its lyrics who where written by him and pcy...that is also a red flag. The fact he could mention anyone but ksoo for a long time is also very telling. About the clothes theory...maybe he looked up pics of ksoo and tried to imitate his iconic garbage bag look lol.

But yeah Idt his IG posts mean anything (the pics). We may find more proof about their rlship in the things ji doesn't say or post, or the subtle things. That is very important.

Dedicated to @thadelightfulone . 🏈 This will have five parts. Disclaimer: Okay there was a big mistake in Cali geography from the last part but I'm getting it together.. 😂 Word Count: 3,388

Cute and chubby reader lives her life through books. Erik lives his life on the field. Can they meet in the middle to make it work?

Part 2: Training Season

“HUT.. HUT.. HUT!” Erik grunted loudly, his cheeks puffing as he squatted low before standing with the 80lb Eleiko weighted spiderbar rested on his broad shoulders over and over in a consistent motion using pure quad and core strength.

“You got it. Right there! Right there! Come on,” Travis guided as Erik fought vigilantly through the burn in his muscles.

“AN-,” he panted coming up again with all his might, “ANSWER THAT,” he barked, breathless. His phone was ringing from next to his yellow Gatorade bottle. “Before it goes to voicemail,” he grunted almost to the end of his spider bar squats. He’d already run four miles. His phone was laying right there on top of his gym bag. Travis, his trainer, just had to move his ass and run to it instead of speed walking. “FASTER nigga,” Erik yelled, resting in a standing position with his squat reps completed. “If I’m working this hard, you can run for five seconds.” He almost missed the call, but Travis picked it up in time.

“He’s training. Who is this?… Who?… It’s a Y/N,” he yelled.

“Tell her to hold on while you take these weights down,” Erik grunted allowing Travis to properly remove the weights as requested. He’d dropped the bar with a loud thud once and Travis ain’t appreciate that, angrily telling him how much the equipment cost. Since then, Erik made it a point to respect the property of the training center. Just because he could afford to replace the bars many times over didn't mean he planned to waste his money like that.

“Hand me the phone,” Erik waved, swallowing the gulp of his Gatorade before putting the phone to his ear. “Y/N… Y/N,” he turned the name over as if he were trying to recall where he’d heard it. “Doesn’t ring a bell. Jog my memory.” Travis threw him a towel to wipe his face and neck with. Sweat was collecting on his brow. Of course he knew who she was. The number on the iPhone screen was the number he’d studied to the point of memorization after Savrina wrote it down for him.

“You early coming on this side, bro. You heading on over to Napa or flying back to LA,” Erik asked Sean, who’d made himself at home and was playing Dead or Alive 6 on the xbox. Sean had popped up on him accompanied by one of his favorite bitches, without warning. They both almost got shot at the door. “Fuck is yo problem,” Erik snapped at Savrina. She’d been looking at him all stupid since she walked in. He thought they were cool.

“You ain’t that cute,” she frowned rolling her neck seemingly unprovoked, looking him up and down. Sean snickered with a wide grin enjoying the drama and Erik kissed his teeth, his lip curling in irritation.

“Like I give a damn. Let me be ugly ‘cause you ain’t my type either.”

“What IS your type? No really, enlighten me because I thought you were a man of substance? You think you just about to ghost my friend like nothing?”

“Well maybe she was ugly. My man, Erik, picky ‘bout bitches,” Sean yelled out. Savrina ignored him with a deep eyeroll. She ain't really like Sean, Erik could tell.

“You can’t even respond to a fucking DM to say you aren’t interested. Five seconds from your day. Five. Fuck you. She don’t need this shit, she better than you. And here I thought you’d be the one to have some sense but–”

“DM.. what DM,” he waved cutting her off. He had to stop her because her finger was going crazy and she was about to go a mile per minute, he could feel her words rushing to spill out together all at once.

“The DM she sent you, don’t fucking… act like… Wait. Did you really not get it?” He shrugged as she cocked her head to the side in thought. “This changes everything. Check your DM’s real quick. Check it!”

“Okay, shit.. No DM. I don’t know who she think she messaged, it wasn’t me.”

“You got two IG pages,” Sean reminded Erik. He hadn’t even been thinking about that.

“I got the password to that shit somewhere.. If it wasn’t a fan page, she must’ve DM’d the page ran by my publicist. I don’t even use it that’s why it only follows three people.”

“Aww.. I’m sorry I called you unattractive, boo. You’re really cute! I was just mad. I get overprotective,” Savrina grinned causing him to stare through lowered brows, unconvinced. “Since this whole thing was a big misunderstanding, can I give you her number and have you call her to let her know what’s what?” She wrote it as she spoke on the corner of a page she ripped from the sports magazine on his end table, before he could answer. Typically, he’d raise hell but since she was writing digits, he let it slide.

“Does your friend know you be giving out her number? Last I checked, she wasn’t checking for a nigga.. at all.”

“You know how it is with the real ones, Erik, it takes some vigilance. Some time. She’s cautious. She’s not going to jump and bussit for the first rich prettyboy who gives her attention or flashes a card.” He narrowed his eyes looking back and forth from her to Sean who was still engulfed in the game and she rolled her eyes, a cue for him to keep his mouth shut and mind his business. “Give her another chance. If she shits on it this time, I’ll kick her ass myself.”

“You tell her scary ass to call ME. Otherwise, I’m busy,” he said typing his number in her phone and balling up the paper number to throw in the wastebasket across the room. Savrina twisted her nose in an irritated frown. “She'll call and we'll go from there.. or she won't and we'll move on,” he nodded firmly. That was his final word. He hopped on the game with Sean and the couple spent the night in his spare room having loud sex through the night. It was around 4 AM when Erik crept silently back to the wastebasket to retrieve that wrinkled triangle of paper. He looked at it, reciting the number in his head over and over before shoving it in the pocket of his joggers.

“Y/N from the pool party in LA a while back? We hung out for a bit.. I got your number from Savrina?” The fact that she really thought he didn't remember tickled him. What kind of life did she think he lived to forget shit like that? He was a pro athlete not a xanax rapper.

“I remember,” he said throwing her a bone.

“Hey look, um,” she paused as if she still wasn't sure in her mind what she wanted. Spit it out, he thought. “I don’t know if you’re still interested or–” Or? Sitting down on the weight bench, he waited patiently for her to speak. “Basically, I was wondering if you wanted to meet and hang out or something. I think.. no, I know that I judged you too soon and I want to apologize formally for that.” He waited to see if she was done, listening to the silence over the line and pinching his nasal bridge.

“You just apologized. What you need to meet me for, to do it again?” He scoffed rubbing the lines smooth and flat on his forehead. “Hang out. You wanna hang out with me? Are we fifteen? I’m looking for something real, something permanent. I need to be able to call on you 2 AM. Ain’t no casual hanging out for me.” He waited listening for what she had to say. Nothing. “If you in, you all the way or don’t waste my time.” The silence stretched on further on her end. “Call me back when you figure yourself out,” he said hanging up.

Travis smirked playfully. “You done with The Young and the Restless?”

“Why you up on my dick? Get the weights on, nigga,” Erik chuckled. Travis put the weights on the bar and positioned himself to spot, signaling for Erik to lay back into position and begin lifting.

—

Did he just call me out for being a fuckboy? Incredulous, you stare at the phone in your hand. 2 AM? Nigga. I’ve got a job and a life with no one to step in and live it for me. I’m not picking up at 2 AM to fly to your city at the drop of a hat on ANY day. I don’t care how fine you are. You push the trolly of books down an aisle to organize them on the shelves in their proper places based on the decimal numbers on their spines.

You’re both two busy people in different cities and both of your lives and careers are important.  In fact, you're in the process of picking up a second job in editing. You're already dabbling and you don't plan to stop any of what you're doing to set yourself back in any way. What type of Ja Rule 'Always On Time’ relationship does he expect? It gets you thinking. Could you really go all in for a man who you barely even know? Should you? Your full attention, access to your every hour (waking and non), and all of your energy. Can you afford to give that up? Nah. No. Your free time, you can give. Sacrificing, however? Tuh. In the memory of the late great Eartha Kitt, you whisper, “Compromise? What is compromising? Compromising for what? Compromising for what reason? To compromise? FOR WHAT?” Snickering in your own world, you push the trolly to the next aisle to reshelf a few more. Law books and code books. “Stupid.. A man comes into MY life and I have to compromise? You must think about that one again,” you mumble trying not to make too much sound. Eartha had it right. When the books are reshelved, you return to the circulation desk. No one seems to need assistance at the moment so you type out a series of messages in the group chat detailing what happened with the phone call.

Max: Well that's one way to lose a guy. Kate Hudson should've called you.

Danica: No comment

Danica: Actually, I do have a comment. You're weighing the cons with no consideration of the pros. Think on that.

Max: No, no, let her date Brock the Princeton jock with no cultural integrity. Maybe she'll be happy.

Y/N: Oh no, I don't do white boys. No matter how nice a white boy seems, he's always an argument or three words away from calling you a nigger. I refuse.

Savrina: I will wring your thick ass neck if you don't call him back. What more do you want? Are you dumb?

Max: *eats popcorn*

Y/N: Suck a dick and get off mine. I'm trying to think this through instead of investing myself into a relationship that's a waste of time.

Danica: Just think about it. That's all we're saying.

Leaving the chat, you grab your bottle of water and take a long swig looking up to see people walking to and fro. Sometimes the library is extremely busy and other times it's pretty much dead. You decide to use the break to reconsider and think about the pros. What were the pros of dating an NFL player? Money? Clout? That's about it. That's all you could think of, a sugar daddy situation only Erik is young and cute.. and he smells good.. surprisingly. You reopen the chat briefly ignoring the string of choice words from Savrina.

Danica: No one's asking you to give up yourself or your life, just live a little. You're too safe.

Too safe? Is there really a such thing? The idea sends you down a spiral of thoughts. What makes a thing or a person worth the risk of losing your time and energy, both things you cannot get back? When you Google the question, a quote pops up and arrests you. “‘It’s impossible’, said pride. ‘It’s risky’, said experience. ‘It’s pointless’, said reason. ‘Give it a try’, whispered the heart.”

You pull up Erik's number, your finger hovering over the call button. If you're honest, you do want to know him. You want to sit and talk with him and figure out what you have in common. You're interested and you can't lie about that, but you have to be sure. You don't want to waste your time or his.

With a deep sigh, you determine in your mind that this is worth the risk of it not working out. You call the number back and it rings going to voicemail, but then he calls back almost immediately.

“I’m still training,” he blurts and you can hear the clinking of what sounds like weights in the background.

“I’ll make this brief. I’m interested in you. What now?”

“What’s your cashapp?” Just like that. You tell him and he goes silent for a few seconds. “Sent. Come to Oakland. I’ll text you the address.”

Hanging up, you check your cashapp. $200 added. You decide on Saturday. You’ll leave from Inglewood on a 1 hour 20 minute flight to Oakland and come back the next day, Sunday. It works for your schedule. It’s gonna have to work for his. You send a text letting him know when you’ll be there before messaging the group chat to let them know you booked the date. Like a game of telephone, it’s minutes before your entire circle knows and the chat is blinging.

Saturday is the day where you go through airport security and board the plane to Oakland, unsure of what awaits you. You're happy to fly because you surely weren't driving. Looking at the clouds through the window and reading through the book in document form you've been trusted to proof and edit occupies you until the plane lands and you head to the airport exit to find a taxi, almost missing the big sign with your name on it. A black boy who looks like he just graduated high school is holding it high and tossing it, making it dance in the air. He makes eye contact, walking hesitantly toward you. "Ms. Y/N," he asks leaning forward and when you confirm, he looks so happy. "Erik gave me a description and I was hoping I didn't miss you. I'm Devon," he smiles shaking your hand. "This it?" He grabs your shoulder bag from your arm. "Aw man, you must not plan on staying. That's too bad, training season is lit! How was your flight? Where are you coming from?" He continues with the small talk as he leads you to a shiny black range rover, opening the passenger door for you and putting your bag in the back. He turns the key in the ignition and some lively song you've never heard plays over the speaker. "I don't think he knows you're leaving so soon. He said bring you to his place and then you'll head to the training center."

"How far is his house from the training center?"

"Oh don't worry, it's like 30 minutes," he says catching the concern in your tone. It's still very early, only 7:45 AM, but still you plan to leave on time tomorrow to make your 6 AM flight back to Inglewood.

Erik's house is fairly large. When he opens the door, he's just as fine as you remember and even taller it seems. "Oh, ok..," you smile, eyes widening anxiously as he wraps his muscular arms firmly around your thick waist, his face grazing your hair. He's shirtless and barefoot in grey sweatpants, scarred and defined abs and chest out and proud. He smells like soap and you know he's fresh out the shower.

"What you mean oh, ok," he smiles pulling back.

"I mean oh, ok... You have a nice place," you say nodding casually as you look around at everything but him. You feel anything but casual.

"But you said it when I hugged you, not when you made your arrival. Don't tell me you shy! You bitchin up on me?" Your eyes dart to his and he smirks. "Bruh we gone stand out here or you coming inside?" Kissing your teeth you push past him.

"You have a maid?" You inquire because the place is far too neat for a single young male athlete. The interior is nice with white walls and contemporary decor.

"Nope.. Against popular belief, we aren't all dirty animals living waist deep in our own filth."

You grimace. "I stuck my foot in my mouth again." Turning to look Erik in the eye, you try your best to communicate nonverbally that you had no malicious intent.

"You alright? ...Or you still under the spell of my good looks," he teases and you roll your eyes. He's just fine.

"You're not that cute," you lie with a teasing smile that betrays your actual thoughts. He nods.

"That seems to be the popular opinion nowadays. Your friend said the same thing. Fuck you, she don't need this shit," He mocks playfully in a high voice copying her gestures and you laugh because that's Savrina. He's got her down perfectly with the finger pointing all crazy. "This is you," he says catching your attention with a small gesture like he's about to act a scene. "Um.. Hi? Um.. D-Do you remember me? From, um, LA?" His immitation is quiet and meek and he shrinks his massive body hunching over to look small. You walk up to slap his arm.

"I do not sound like that!"

"Not now," his chest bounces, "But on the phone.. like I wouldn't remember you. How could I forget you? You told me off, almost made me kill my teammate, and turned me down all in the same day. You dangerous as hell. Then you got me cussed out like I ain't a child of God." That makes you weak and you fall over yourself giggling, your finger in the air begging for a moment to recover.

"In Savrina's defense, she does get protective and she's very stubborn, but it comes from a good place.. speaking of, do you have any food because I'm famished. I haven't eaten breakfast yet."

"You ain't e- DEVON," Erik calls, "Why you ain't feed my woman?" The boy pops up from a different room and you realize you didn't even feel him pass you to enter the house.

"My bad E, I ain't know she was hungry," he calls back and Erik folds a bill in his hand before he's out the door. "Bye Ms. Y/N," he grins passing you and the door closes behind him.

"Mhm," Erik hums like he's watching Devon. "Good kid. He's finna start college in a bit, but until then..," Erik shrugs.

"You pay him to do odd jobs, help him earn a little money," you smile putting two and two together. He nods and you can tell he's not comfortable with elaborating so you drop it. "I'm hungry," you remind him to change the subject and he jumps to lead you into the kitchen.

"Have a seat and watch ya boy work," he points to a tall chair at the kitchen island. You're about to get the inside scoop on what I eat on a training day."

He goes to work cooking a high protein meal while his body moves and flexes filling you with a completely different type of hunger. He whips out the turkey bacon and eggs and you watch, thoroughly entertained by his off the wall commentary and artistic flare. He's definitely trying to impress you with his cooking techniques and it gives you a genuine smile. In a moment when he's just cooking and things are quiet, it's not awkward. It's just peaceful. You chuckle and he looks back at you to read your expression. "Nothing," you smile in answer to his unvoiced question. He raises a brow but lets it go. You'd tell him the truth, that you're just really happy you came and glad you took a chance but you don't want to sound corny so you just rest your hand over your mouth to cover the smile that won't be smothered and you continue watching his back as he cooks the both of you breakfast.

@muse-of-mbaku @imaginewhoever @whoramilaje @panthergoddessbast @thadelightfulone @misspooh @inlovewithmakeupcomicsanimelove @marvelpotterlove @youreadthatright @forbeautyandlife @theunsweetenedtruth @bidibidibombaclaat @myboyfriendgiriboy @dameshaemonique @blackpantherimagines   @vikkidc @hidden-treasures21 @mysidefanting @hold-me-like-a-heart-beat @syndrlla97 @winteroflife @thotyana-in-this-hoe   @texasbama @gingerylimonte @princessstevens   @magic-madness-heavensin @wawakanda-btch @scrumptiouslytenaciouscrusade @wakanda-inspired @blackgirloneshots @thegucciwaffle @thiccdaddy-mbaku   @monogamous-nympho @drsunshine97 @purplehairgawdess @trevantesbrat @indigoxsummers @cccccx1   @dynastylnoire @iamrheaspeaks @blowmymbackout @fonville-designs @they-call-me-le @theblulife @raysunshine78 @sheisexcellent

So like... it’s been a really weird fucking couple of days.

I thought about password protecting this, ‘cause not everybody needs to know everybody else’s shit, but I’ll try to summarize in a way that doesn’t incriminate anyone.  Not that I think anybody cares.  This is gonna be super fucking long, so hold onto your butts.

Husband and I belong to a smallish but close circle of friends.  We all largely met one another through one another, if that makes sense.  Like, Person A and Person B meet Persons C and D, then A and B meet E, who has a lot in common with D, and they become friends, and then C’s roommate F starts tagging along to stuff, and now we’re all bowling together or some shit like that.  So when someone in the group meets someone new, and gets along with them, it’s a pretty sure thing that sooner or later they’re just going to be part of the group eventually.

This has worked out really well for us. But... there have been some exceptions.

Case in point, Husband and I met and became friends with a local dude who we thought would integrate well with the group, invited him to our local NYE party, and it seemed like he was starting to blend with everyone.  But then the dude started flaking out, and the fact that at 30-something years old he was still floating from retail job to retail job, didn’t really bathe or keep himself groomed very well, was telling weird, vague lies about completely unnecessary stuff, and we were kinda like... yeah... maybe we don’t want him super involved after all.

But like, you don’t know until you try, right?

A few years ago Husband and I were tabling a local geeky convention of some kind, and we ran into this chick -- we’ll call her Selina -- who was cosplaying there with her best friend -- we’ll call him Logan.  Logan and Selina, with me so far?  They seemed nice enough, typically geeky folks that we had a good deal in common with.  We became Facebook friends with them both.

Something to note about Selina: She was married.  She was also an avid cosplayer and pretty talented makeup artist.  She posted lots of pics of herself in costume on her IG.

Something to note about Logan: In spite of the fact that Selina was married, it was painfully, excruciatingly obvious that Logan was in love Selina.  Like head-over-heels, constantly making “vaguebook” posts pining away for someone nameless who he yearned for deeply, etc.  Like... nobody ever acknowledged that it was Selina that he was in love with, because she was married and she clearly had no feelings for him, but e v e r y b o d y knew.  You couldn’t NOT know.

Not too long after we met them and connected with them on social media, one of our good, dear friends (let’s call him Jay) messaged me privately and said, “Hey, what do you know about Selina?”

Long story short, Selina was really into roleplaying.  Jay mentioned he wanted to give it a shot, and wanted to check to make sure she wasn’t, like, crazypants.  We still didn’t really know Selina all that well, but we told Jay that she seemed cool, and there was no reason to think she was crazypants.

Jay was like, “Cool,” and so Jay and Selina began roleplaying together.

Now, I myself am an avid roleplayer.  I actually offered to roleplay with Selina, but Selina kind of... blew me off?  It turned out I’m a much more long-form narrative roleplayer than she is, and -- if we’re being honest -- probably a better writer than her overall, and I think she wasn’t into that.

Since I’m being so honest, I think she also turned her nose up at the fact that I had a vagina.

Something we came to learn about Selina, the longer we knew her: She loooooooved attention from dudes.  She was a not-particularly-fit-or-attractive chick who used cosplay as a means of surrounding herself with praise and male attention. Which, good for you, you do you, but that’s kind of a thing I don’t care to associate with.

So as time went on, Marc and I kind of... not distanced ourselves from her, but sort of side-stepped away from her into the “Nah, we’re cool” camp, if you know what I mean.  Marc wasn’t one of her drooling admirers, so Selina kind of didn’t give a fuck about him.

In 2016, Marc and I announced that we wanted to do a group cosplay for Baltimore ComiCon.  We wanted to do steampunk Marvel characters.  I was going to be Scarlet Witch, Marc was going to be Colossus.  Our friend Jay was going to be Cyclops, and his wife Julie (our other very good friend) was going to be Psylocke.  Selina and Logan decided they wanted to join in as well, and we met them there in Baltimore, but we weren’t really there with them.  We walked around with them in costume for part of the con, then we all went our separate ways.

Shortly before the convention, Jay’s wife Julie brought to our attention the fact that she and Jay were having some problems, and that Selina was at the center of them.  Jay’s roleplaying with Selina, and the amount of time they spent talking one-on-one with one another, had become problematic.

I’m going to leave it at that, because I’m sure you can kinda suss out what was happening.  Suffice it to say that although it took Jay awhile to realize how his actions were hurting Julie, eventually he realized that he needed to distance himself from Selina for the good of his marriage.  Jay and Julie worked this all out between themselves and all was well again.  There was a bit of awkwardness at the convention, but then we all went our separate ways again and things seemed like they were normalized.

However, the whole thing made us side-eye Selina even harder.

A short while later, Selina divorced her husband.

Now I’m going to introduce you to Karl.

Karl was long-time best friends with Jay, and was good friends with all of us, being part of “the group”.  Karl was in a committed monogamous relationship with Karol, and had been for some time.  We were all really glad about this, because we liked Karol a ton, and frankly Karl was kind of an awkward man-child with a lot of issues, and we all felt that Karol was good for him, and helping him mature.

Throughout all of this Karl had also become friendly with Selina.

One day Karl announces to all of us that he has broken up with Karol for reasons that made no sense to any of us.  We were all very confused and upset, but tried to be supportive of both of them.

Yeah, well, it turned out that Karl had been fucking around with Selina behind Karol’s back.  He broke up with Karol, blaming it all on her, because he wanted to fuck Selina full time, and didn’t want to look like the bad guy.

When “the group” found out we all turned on Karl and were like, “NOPE,” and basically everybody stopped talking to him.  Selina eventually broke up with him, claiming that she had no idea he was in a committed relationship during this time (which is bullshit, because she could clearly see on social media that HE WAS, but whatever), but of course in cutting Karl out we all cut Selina out as well.

Some time passed.  For reasons none of us really understood, in spite of everything he’d done Karol was still in love with Karl, and they continued to live together: initially just as roommates, but apparently rekindling some kind of relationship with one another as well.

Earlier this year, very suddenly and unexpectedly, Jay died.

This came as an absolutely gutting blow to the entire group.  In the wake of his death, we all sort of let Karl back into the fold.  He seemed incredibly repentful, and he knew it was going to be a long road to regain our trust and respect, but he was contrite.

It has been a very hard year for everyone involved, for reasons that I may get into another time.

At the time that Jay died, Selina -- on her cosplaying Instagram account -- posted a budoir-style T&A pic of herself in costume, and at the bottom added, “RIP Jay”.

I’m going to say this again, as judiciously as I can: If this is your thing, good for you, you do you, but in my opinion that was beyond fucking tasteless, and fuck her.

Well.  Earlier this week, Selina killed herself.

This sent a small shockwave back through the immediate group, although it settled again quickly.  Karl is the only one left who had any even remotely positive feelings about Selina, and I’m not 100% sure how he’s taking it. He seems OK, and until he says otherwise we kinda’ have to just accept that.  If he’s mourning her, he’s fortunately got sense enough not to do it where Jay’s widow Julie can see it, so... thank goodness for that, at least.

You may remember Selina’s BFF and unrequited love, Logan.  Let’s get back to him.

Well, Logan has spent the past week melting the fuck down.  I don’t even follow the dude anymore, myself, but out of morbid curiosity I’ve checked his FB page.

Holy shit.

This is not just... mourning.  He has gone way off the deep end, calling he and Selina soulmates, as if -- in spite of the fact that she never reciprocated his feelings (publicly, anyway) -- she was as madly, head-over-heels in love with him as he was with her.  He’s also doing this in full view of Selina’s recent ex-husband, with whom Selina was still friendly, and with whom he is supposedly friends.  God bless her ex-husband for watching this unfold and not driving over and stabbing this guy to death.

Logan even went so far as to talk about the cast of characters from a roleplay he and Selina had been doing together, which included a number of “in character” children born of their two characters, and saying they were AS REAL TO THEM as real live biological children are to actual flesh-and-blood parents.

To note: HE ALREADY HAS ACTUAL REAL-LIFE BIOLOGICAL CHILDREN.

Can you fucking imagine being one of his actual kids and watching him mourn these fictional children who did not actually exist, who your Dad concocted with some chick he was obsessed with, and basically saying that these FAKE KIDS mean as much to him as you do?

Like, he actually concluded the post saying (to Selina), “Please watch over our babies until Papa can come home.” Watching this unfold has been COOCOO-NUTS BANANAS.  I have never wanted to say, “DUDE,” so much to someone before.

I don’t know why I’m writing all this, except to say I really wanted to get it all off my chest.  Part of me subscribes to the whole “don’t speak ill of the dead” thing, and like... look.  I feel for Selina’s friends and family.  I feel for her, because clearly she was troubled, and I’m sorry that she felt this was the only way out of a dark place.  But also, killing yourself doesn’t retroactively erase the shitty things you did when you were alive.  And she did a bunch of shitty things. And yeah, I know I’m probably a shittier person for saying that, but whatever.

Anyway. Like I said.  It’s been a wild fucking year. :|

all of the signs

crystal clear. right there. lies. uses me. selfish.

they were together when we first had sex. he denies it. the proof lies in her ig. they went to wingstop. why lie? her lipgloss kiss on his mirror. she had been in his new room. lies. no wonder pinocchio and aladdin are his favorite disney movies. fucking liars. how do i know he still loves her? it’s so obvious he is not over her and that she is the one who broke his heart. but he refuses to tell me the whole story. I know she cheated on him with his friend danny. they lost their friendship over her. danny still loves her but she doesn’t love him. she loves stephen. a married man with 2 kids. has issues but that’s her type. ugly with issues. she wants to take care of everybody. she gets pregnant by stephen and derrick starts doing heroin because he knows he’s lost her for good now because there’s no way he can afford to raise and take care of some other man’s baby. anyone’s baby for that matter. derrick wanted a family with her at one time. he envisioned himself having kids with her and taking them on their own trip to disney world. he never talks like that with me. he tells me he never wants kids. he will never love me as much as he loved her. i will always be second best to him. back to how i know he doesn’t love me and still not over her. he calls her baby ugly. he hasn’t made our relationship visible on fb. it’s set so only he and i can see that we are in a relationship. we are going on 2 years this november. he clearly still cares about her feelings because he doesn’t want to hurt her if she sees he has moved on. despite the fact that she clearly moved on. he doesn’t care how this hurts my feelings. i want to be with someone who wants the world to know he is with me. not hiding me. he says it is enough that his closest friends who he actually interacts with in real life all know about me because they have met me. that is enough. i need his ex to know that he moved on and is now with me. even if she knows, i want him to declare it on fb. he can’t talk about her without getting mad and refuses to talk about her like an adult. he cannot have a conversation about her period without getting mad and making me feel bad. i think he feels bad that he knows i know he has used me to rebound. he denies it but it is so obvious and he has to be retarded for me to not know. he’s hurt that she left him. she probably said some mean things to him that he can’t get over. how can you love someone new if you are still in love with the past. i am not saying he still entertains her, but his actions of keeping his phone locked, not giving me any passwords, acting really weird about me going through his phone, getting violently angry, is a definite red flag that something is still not resolved with her and he doesn’t want me to know about it. he told me he was going to change his number so he wouldn’t have to hear from her but that never happened and she still texts him once in a blue moon. the anger is still white hot. i honestly still want to blast a hole through her skull and leave that child an orphan. her baby dad don’t want nothing to do with it. i just need solid proof that he is not talking to her. because he acts like he clearly still has shit to hide and i’m tired of it. i wanted to cry earlier when we tried to settle down for the night and watch secret life of pets but he got mad and went to bed because he sensed i was still irritated and he refused to talk it out like a grown adult couple. now imma be up all night and still waiting when he wakes up to hash this shit out because i’m not done. i hate his gay friend who always texts him constantly. like leave my man alone already he don’t want your skinny ass little dick already. i feel like he’d go back to his ex in a heartbeat if we were to take a break. for sure. and amber, annalisa’s sister he used to fuck. yeah he has her on snapchat and ig but it’s ok and i’m not supposed to be mad about that. i don’t even like that he’s friends with annalisa because of her and i used to swear they had something too or that she had a thing for him, he swears up and down they didn’t they were just friends, only amber but that was over and done with.. whatever. i’m supposed to be ok with all this. i mention my previous guy friends and all a sudden i’m a tramp whore bitch. derrick is the only man i been with. so i don’t know why he trippen about anybody else before him. idk. i’m just being moody n really need to take my ass to bed but my stomach hurts for like the 3rd day in the row now and i’m feeling fed up sad and stupid. it’s all probably nothing but he did lie in the beginning and now for denying he remembers. he said he can’t remember anything that wasn’t important. funny how guys act that way. selective amnesia. think i’m really that stupid. i wish i could just forget this mess. i hate his stepmom for instigating this whole damn mess. she is to blame for this shitty ass night. fucking cunt. wish i could read or enjoy this movie but i can’t. he sound asleep in the bedroom and i’m up stressing. not fair. hate my life. everything sucks. feeling stuck. do i stay? do i trust? do i want a relationship living with him and his dad? hell no. i don’t wnna take care of his dad. we are not married. i have things i need to get together in my life. i ruined my car taking him to the dr. drove him to work every single day since we been together. 11/25/2015

6pm-430am. faithfully. religiously. lost sleep for him. lost years of my life for him. for what. selfishness. to be used. to be second best. never enough. never good enough to want to marry me or have my kids. no. second best to that ugly ass ex of his. fuck that hoe. i will kill her one day. i mean that.