#we're almost through the year!
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spacing out, thinking back
#artists on tumblr#glass brick windows are my niche favorite#there's just something about them i love#can't beat the vibes#we're almost through the year!#it's almost over#we made it#i wish i could say i'm looking forward to the new year#but it's more dreading than anything else#but hey!#still made it through this one
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Nico saying that Lewis gives his daughters boxes of presents every Christmas just got caught in my mind.
Imagine you were a mixed race boy born in Hertfordshire, different from everyone else around you. Bullied in school, being raised by your father to compete in a sport where money is very much of essence and you and your family do not have a lot of it. And then you meet this other boy who comes from the kind of life you dream to live one day. You're friends and fierce competitors. You find solace in each other. You visit Monaco for the first time with your friend, dreaming up the life you will have when you make it, when you beat out of the mould that the world thought it could capture you in.
And then you two grow through the ranks and you're at the pinnacle of your sport and you have what it takes to win and the world recognises that you can win. And you win. You win with your friend and fiercest competitor by your side fighting with you for those wins, and this fighting ruins something something that was valuable to both of you when you were still innocent and unsullied by life.
But despite everything that went into the doing and undoing of this relationship, you still realise that this person you once called a friend has a life and family beyond your bitter dynamic. He has children, and children need love and affection and good memories. And you're a better man now so you understand that. So you make sure the kids get gifts on Christmas. And you make sure of it every year. Afterall, if you met someone you loved deeply when you were both kids, wouldn't you feel a pang of nostalgia when they had kids. Wouldn't you try to extend the warmth that you couldn't find for your friend to his children. Afterall, whatever happens during childhood basically remains with you forever.
#and nico's perspective of the same is just#being bullied as a child and being profoundly lonely till you find this friend who is in many ways the yardstick for performance#and even when you go through all this rancidity and the love has almost evaporated down to bare bones politeness#you know there is something that remains deep down#and so he gets your kids Christmas gifts each year#both their childhoods were sites of pain and both of them found something with each other#and lewis honours that by being a positive presence in nico's childrens' lives#albeit from a distance#and of course we're no strangers to how much Nico loves his kids#you can bet if Lewis had kids Nico would do that same#sorry this caught in my heart a little#I knew he had been giving presents for a while and I always thought of that as very beautiful but seeing it on the tl made me remember#man#love haunts you in such peculiar ways forever#brocedes#lewis hamiton#nico rosberg#f1#formula 1
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i think the structural nature of doctor who makes it so i cannot relate to people who are consistently obsessed with it nor can i relate to people who are exclusively casual fans the entire time. Doctor Who is one of the ultimate pieces of media that's like BUILT for having it consume your every thought for like two years and then you forget about it for a decade. And then it comes back around. But that might just be the perspective of someone who like comic book characters lol
#doctor who#idk man there was SEVERAL years where i was like. damn i don't really get why i was SO into doccy whomst#like i had been watching it i've watched almost all of new who#(except the last of jodie's run I've only seen through the flux specials whoops)#but i wasn't like. Invested. it wasn't making an impact.#but then i fuckin watch go season 1#and i was like oh fuck i really like david tennant that's right#and then i rewatched donna's (aka the best) season#and i was like OH RIGHT. I LOVE DOCTOR WHO BECAUSE SOMETIMES IT FUCKIN BAAAANNGGGSSS#and now we're here. congrats to both 2019 and 2008 me <3
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30: Dawn
he'd stayed up all night for this. seeing the sun - the proper sun - crest the horizon again... it had all been worth it.
#miqomarch#miqomarch 2024#ffxiv miqo'te#final fantasy 14#seeker of the sun#shb spoilers in tags... beware#essentially he. was brought in like. a while after alphinaud but before alisaie#and spent a whole year on the first on his own - no selene no sagra#and since selene is his conduit: with none of his healing magic either.#so without any magic or any knowledge of the local plants#it was like he had been stripped of literally all purpose#which as you can imagine for a man who mostly views himself through the lens of 'how can i help others'#was not great for his mental health!#mostly he just became some sort of lydha lran cryptid of sorts#wandering the fog in old tattered voeburt clothes#waving a rusty old sword around to keep people out of the pixies' home#(since his soul is still owned by selene they couldn't really do anything to him)#which eventually ended with him having some sort of Thing with urianger#BUT. once sagra made it back with selene#and once they talked a lot of stuff out - its a long story -#there was definitely something like. oh. fuck. oh fuck yes this is the reason im here. this was worth it.#to see the relief on everyone's face on the crystarium#we're going thru shb again HEHE i have a lot of thoughts about himmm. my little GUY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#miqomarch fans how excited are we to almost be done btw???
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Field!
#okay i did not know what to do with the blue space so we're just erasing it and calling this good!#and bc my landscape art got me an anon once: THIS IS NOT AI. I DREW THIS AND I HAVE THE WRIST PAIN TO PROVE IT#i will take a video of me going through each layer here (there's almost 80) if someone tries me /lh but I will.#we don't like art ai in this house. i'd rather you just accuse me of murder tbh#taylor's tag#art#my art#landscape#digital art#I'd make an art blog if I didn't know damn good and well that it would have maybe 7 posts per year at tops
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hii it's been awhile since i've given any updates about what's going on with me but!!! i think we're moving back to oregon at some point. and i'm gonna make grad school happen. i'm so yhappy
#i'm going to oregon sometime this quarter but it's gonna break my heart because i have to leave again#idk the col is so much higher there than here. you can buy a whole three bedroom house for $200k here#a 3 bed in oregon is at least twice that#and rent is insane. $1100 for a beautiful 3 bed here. or twice that for something less nice in oregon#well. not HERE here jesus the suburbs are expensive. but in central pa where we're thinking of moving#which is like.... the best place to retire in the country? what's with that. low col probably LOL#and lately i've been feeling so..... lost? the ego death i went through in 2023 was incredible#and like. do i NEED to go to grad school to get a well-paying job in my field? no i have almost 7 yoe#but i'm missing feeling good at something. and the networking. and the portfolio work i can do. so it wouldn't be about employablility#though that helps. idk i'm gonna try to get my undergrad loans paid off as much as i can (only 30k left on the ones in my name 🫠) this year#while working on freelance projects and all that. it just feels good having a direction that doesn't feel completely hopeless#because it's been so bleak lately. like. got laid off from an agency i poured my soul into (not doing that again unless it's my own)#experienced something deeply personal and destabilizing i don't feel comfortable sharing#moved across the country while i didn't have a job and was processing that trauma to a place where i know no one#i got so lonely and so alone that i thought i would die. i didn't really have anyone to turn to while i did the work of reliving#started drinking a lot to cope bc i didn't have a medical card. was truly miserable. got a medical card. wasn't miserable anymore#and now i'm working and less anxious and feeling supported and stable in my relationship. and i feel myself coming back to myself.#it's been so hard but i'm so glad to be seeing the end of it. and to see good things and happy things in that
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"Do you not realize it? Do you... truly not see what this means?"
The next Destiny Bond update is in progress! ❄️✨
–> Check out the latest part here 🔷
–> New to the series? Follow from the start! 💜
#we back for the winter season bois :} ☃️#got some Particularly Fun parts I wanna have done before the end of the year--that I'll hopefully have time to do over the term break !!! 💫#it's actually so? insane? how we're nearing the end of the year already??????????????HUH#just a little over a week and some Ridiculous cramming I'll have to pull off (no thanks to past me sdskjfs) before I'm free for the holiday#I mean I'd--still have freelancing to do of course but without the looming dread of actively avoiding college responsibilities at least /lh#it's even more insane somehow looking back on when I actually started this whole comic that spiraled Wildly out of controlSKDJFNSDFS#to think that this all started from a prompt I had a few days after my birthday--into its own whole story I wanna see through is---#honestly something I'm really proud of. something I'm really happy I got to do for myself since it's-above all a passion project if anythin#I'm a lot slower these days what with juggling my own mental crises here and there on top of work for sure#but I get to come back to working on this whenever I find myself feeling down or with some free time to unwind and it's--really nice 💖💕#and we're still in the beginning I swear to god we're still so early I'm so sorry this is gonna take so longSDHFIUSHDNFKJSDHS#but it bears repeating how thankful I am to everyone who's joined along for this ride- who've been so wonderful and patient thus far#to know that even a handful of people out there tune in to this silly ol thing and are genuinely excited for its sporadic updates--#--has been a definite highlight in what's been a- Ridiculously--almost comically cruel year (in ways I can't begin to express skjdfnsdfs)#and what with this holiday season being all about giving and gratitude---I want to emphasize on how thankful I am for all of y'all 💖💖💖#I'll see what surprises I can sneak in to my schedule these coming weeks- the insanity of these following updates included hehee ✨#Destiny Bond comicverse#mystery man eusine#eusine pokemon#pokemon#pokemon fancomic#pokemon gsc#pokemon hgss#comic wip
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talked to school bestie 2 hours on phone god im out of breath with my chest hurting but it so worth the talk
#she was so patient with me listening about bcg#like i do not talk anyone about my relationship because why would i#but i talk to her and everything related to him flows out naturally#because she's know me since i was 9 and we've gone through all these years together knowing each other's personality like no ones#and ofc i didn't start out of nowhere she really wanted to know she said this is serious for us#and i giggled because yes all the times ranting to each other about silly crushes but this is a serious thing#and i could let her know everything and she was so patient so listening towards me#so considerate so tender i almost wanted to say how i miss seeing her face everyday and talking shit until we're both panting with all the#talking#i miss her being in her life actively#god im so grateful for her#she understands me so much not to mention she knows parts of me better than me#i need to let her know next time this everything i mean i have couple of times but yk#im so full of emotions rn
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oh theyre really pushing this princess diana death subplot huh
#shes said ‘well we're just so much alike and are so similar....’ so much#then the actress having to play a scene of being comforted after her death#then paralleling the death in having the woman drive through the same tunnel to escape paparazzi and (almost) dying#two years after her death this is so tacky and funny i wonder how it felt to people who were. y'know. alive when diana died#passions lb
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life is a roguelike. Yes I'm basically gonna have to rebuild my life from square one but I have better equipment now. Its gonna be easier. Its gonna be quicker.
#I got to keep some weapons and companions.#just one hurdle left now#hoenstly the falling apart happened almost a year ago#finally able to move on#I am gonna make it through this year if it kills me has never been truer#mental health#its gonna be okay#we're gonna be okay#hopepunk
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Fucking hell I am going to have A WEEK
#my bff' bd is 29th and i wanna make them a cake myself which means i gotta find all the ingredients on our fucked up little mass market#and then not fuck up the recipe which alright i baked that thing before. ONCE. AND IT ALMOST WAS A DISASTER.#luckily my bff's sister is helping me with that and she's buying the easy to find products so that's nice and appreciated#and i won't have to grate like. seven large carrots all by myself. that would be unfortunate#<- girl who did EXACTLY that last year#i also need to get a boclx for the cake and i wanna decorate it so it isn't just. A Box#and then in the evening me and her sister will go to our mutual friend who's organising all this shit and all three of us are gonna#creepily show up at my bff's window at midnight before her birthday with this cake. we're taking a taxi THANK GOD i hated transporting#a cake through public transport to the other end of the city last time#and then we spend the night at my bff's apartment before going back to oir mutual friend's place spending all day there and potentially ALSO#staying the night and THEN! do you know what happens then? then i go take a PE exam at my uni :)#also before all that i gotta finish some things i have a deadline for at the end of the month. which im supposed to be doing now but#guess what#im typing this instead#because im a whiny bitch okay my social battery is going to be DEAD after this. and i mean completely fucking fried#good luck to me ig#it's all worth it cuz i love my bff#but god am i glad they don't have Tumblr because they aint supposed to know our asses are planning something >:)#cruci shitpost
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The spiders in my bedroom have got me so well-trained. Today I noticed that Harold II had moved from his perch in the corner to sit beside the window again (which he hasn't done since Wednesday evening when the heatwave finally let up), and it struck me as odd.
But lo and behold, it's too warm tonight, so I had to open the window, and he's just sitting there smugly on his second web, like it's his summer home.
The most upsetting part is, there haven't been any flying bugs in my room all summer, so he must be doing something right.
#Harold II#Harold I fucked off earlier this year#hopefully not to have babies bit idek#we had a fruitfly infestation in spring time so i made a pact with the spiders and they've mostly behaved themselves#there's one at the foot of my bed rn and I'm like#Maisie it truly is a sign of the times we're living in that I'm letting you have such a prime piece of real estate#because only 3 months ago I would have been too terrified to sleep with you standing there#but I guess through accidental exposure therapy I'm now more tolerant of spiders?#there was one in the fridge the other day and i almost scooped it up in my hands without hesitation#and then i remembered I had arachnophobia#but the guys in my room are my pals and they pay rent through fruit-fly eating#though i will say things are getting a little too lax around here because they let a fruit fly drown itself in my glass of water last week#and another one earlier today#smh#slackers#spiders tw#arachnophobia#bugs#rambling in the tags#please do rb I wanna know what/if you name your spiders
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the number of times i have cried over an old man in the past twenty four hours is not FAIR (/lighthearted but also this is definitely because i'm so stressed)
#been going through some shit for the past two months#imagine telling april 2023 jessamine ''one year from now not only will you be actual friends with bruce mcculloch#but you'll also be bringing him to a zoom meeting with the department heads at your college who have been gaslighting you for 2 months''#2023 jess would just be like ''yay kith friends WAIT WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN MY COLLEGE IS GASLIGHTING ME''#and then i'd be like ''yeah it's a thing that's happening don't worry about it bc during that time you also got to go on tour with scott''#and 2023 jess would be like ''omg holy shit no way that's incredible!!! but still WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN MY COLLEGE--''#''shhh 2023 jess we're dealing with it. yeah the stress led to an identity crisis and severely disrupted my sleep schedule#but also it led to a very funny bellini email that's now in my screenshot hall of fame!!#tho you also cried over a screenshot of a text conversation with scott last night bc you miss him and he's also been dealing with#your school's bullshit almost as much as you have''#and 2023 jess would be like ''WHAT THE FUCK HOW DID ANY OF THIS HAPPEN'' and i'd just be like that's what i want to know!!!#gripping my desk til my knuckles turn white like ''i only have to be here one more month pls let me make it through april''#anyway this is a vent but also hopefully once all this bullshit is behind us this can me a mini-arc in the documentary#bc oh my god it's so ridiculous. and it's kind of a funny situation when you're not living in the center of it
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slowly but surely i'm catching up to chip in terms of age
#the podcast goes slower than irl time so. eventually it's possible (in fact almost certain) that i will be older than chip#however will this happen before the podcast ends? who can say#also will it happen before he fucking dies early or something#which makes it less likely tbh#we're about halfway through the whole campaign tho i think he will make it to the end#hm#if it takes another two ish years to finish then i might have a shot at out-ageing him#unless he has a birthday soon#anyway this is so unimportant but oh well#albatross rambles#jrwi chip
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.
#actually looking back through my ao3 my real dissatisfaction with my writing really only started in 2021#after a couple of years of almost exclusively co-writing#i always attributed the decline in quality to 2018 when i was so burnt out i lost significant ability to perform IADLs#but it was definitely c. late 2021 and early 2022#when i could sense the decline in my writing skill and enjoyment and so took multiple breaks from co-writing to write solo again#it's weird i co-wrote (and did written roleplays) SO MUCH as a teenager and in my early 20s#and never developed this massive block when i wrote solo back then#maybe it was partially the pandemic#i know my inability to go out in the world has significantly impacted my connection to like... reality and The Real World and Society#i don't talk to people anymore -- everyone's schedules got so messed up that even my friends who i spoke to regularly#when Work Hours were a thing for me all faded a lot#like we're still friends but i don't speak to anyone but my partner regularly#it's so lonely?#anyway i think i made the right choice when i started exclusively writing solo again but i sure miss the excitement and drive of co-writing#idk maybe i just need a boost#mutuals who want to co-write a SDT fic with me hit me up#seriously#disability#liminal scrawlings
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Edward Woodward guest stars as Jack Liskard, Prime Minister of an unspecified African country and the target of multiple assassination attempts, in The Saint: The Persistent Patriots (5.15, ITC, 1967)
#fave spotting#edward woodward#callan#the saint#the persistent patriots#1967#david callan#classic tv#eddy is the named guest star for this episode but actually he wasn't really the household name he would become at this point#in fact this ep was the first Saint episode to air in the uk in 1967 on January 6th‚ setting off a banner year for Woodward that would#be the making of his career. he'd done a few guest spots (Sergeant Cork and Mogul among them) and yes he'd had some stage success#but 67 was his year; around the same time as this Saint appearance he could be seen on the BBC's celebrated drama strand Theatre 625 as the#lead in a multi episode adaptation of Evelyn Waugh's Sword of Honour‚ and almost exactly a month later he'd be making his first screen#appearance as Callan in the Armchair Theatre pilot A Magnum for Schneider‚ the beginning of tv immortality and bigger and better things for#the actor. here he's... well he's serious and he's sullen (two of Ed's strengths as an actor) in a role which.. is FINE on the surface but#absolutely begs some deeper questions. he's the prime minister of an unnamed African country‚ in London to negotiate the independence of#said country from the UK. it's.. a complicated issue (which this single Saint episode absolutely fails to address but I'd have been truly#astonished if it had). i mean yes we're all anti colonialism here of course (even if Simon does seem suspiciously morose about the prospect#of losing another colony in his opening voice over‚ he at least appears to be on Eddy's side through the episode) but there's a kind of#deafening silence throughout this ep: Ed is of course white. his various ministers and other government officials who oppose him are all#also white. the titular 'patriots' who oppose him and make attempts on his life and to prevent the process of independence are all white#the most obvious comparison to be drawn (and presumably the main inspiration for the character) is Rhodesian prime minister Ian Smith#who had led the white minority government of what is now Zimbabwe from 1964 and had been involved in similar negotiations with the british#government (that fell apart in late 65 as Smith's government announced Rhodesia's unilateral independence; the country then became an#unrecognised state subject to economic sanctions that lasted more than a decade). the thing is‚ Smith was a racist piece of shit; the whole#reason those negotiations broke down was because of his refusal to secure black representation in Rhodesia's governance#which makes the complete absence of any black characters in this episode a major red flag. but Ed's character isn't presented as the#villain of the piece; the episode is adamant that the work he's doing is selfless and for the betterment of his country‚ and it isn't as if#Smith was a particularly popular figure in the uk at this point for the ep makers to be painting a positive portrait of him. idk#it's messy. at best tone deaf and at worst.. well. i wish Ed had had a better ep to guest star in that's all im saying
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