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dexrlybel0ved · 3 years

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for parents with mentally ill children, written by a mentally ill girl :

these r some things (not everything; pls ask ur own child for anything else if they r comfortable and/or do ur own research) that i think r important for parents to kno :

although u may not understand ur child’s symptoms, pls try to make an effort to. it’s something that i appreciate quite a lot. this also goes for symptoms that u may find do not make sense to u, or u find irritating. remember: this is not abt u, n if u want ur child to possibly learn to manage their symptoms, u have to get over urself n b understanding.

if ur child opens up to u abt smth, pls, pls, pls try to not get defensive or invalidate them. i cannot emphasize the importance of this one enough. even if what they r saying seems odd to u, or scary, implies that u have done smth wrong (which u very well may have), or u for some reason don't believe them (this is another thing that is super shitty of a parent to do), pls listen and ask encouraging and thoughtful questions. pls refrain from getting angry, being dismissive, playing the victim, or overall just being u supportive. even if u have done smth wrong, pls try to b open minded and a good listener. chances r if ur child has decided to come to u, they r rly struggling, n opening up abt mental health is super, super difficult. pls respect n consider that as u formulate some kind of response.

it may b extremely appreciated by ur child if u do research in terms of mental health as well as symptoms of whatever disorder they may have so u may understand them better. it may also help to do so even if they have not opened up to u so u may spot warning signs of an issue going on. this way, u could have the opportunity to ask ur child if they r okay n if they need anything.

don't expect ur child to tell u everything. some stuff can b super hard to tell ppl abt, especially if it is smth that they fear will make ppl-including u-look at them differently. many may also fear that smth bad will happen or become true if they speak whatever it is aloud. in addition, if they r in some kind of therapy, do not demand information from either ur child or their therapist. it's hard enough to tell a therapist smth, nevermind ppl a child is quite close to, n thus ppl whose opinion matters to them immensely (most of the time). if u r curious (which is not a crime, btw!), u can gently ask for anything they'd like to share, all the while ensuring they r aware that they r by no means obligated to tell u things they may not want to share.

if u r worried that ur child is at risk of causing any harm to themselves, whether it b some kind of self harm, remember:

this is most likely outside the realm of things u can adequately n properly deal with. since u will b alarmed n afraid, u may react in an unhelpful way, i.e. becoming angry, yelling, etc. not only this, however; u will b quite biased as this is ur own child. pls consider reaching out to professionals so that ur child will get the proper care they need. even tho this will b hard for both parties, it is most likely the best course of action.

in cases of self harm, if u feel that this is smth u can deal w at home/by urselves, pls reconsider doing the thing that most parents do: removing all items used to harm oneself. it may b helpful to think of sh as being akin to a drug addiction (which it is); quitting cold turkey does not often do the trick, n often leads to a relapse or use of unsafe materials. therefore, harm reduction is much more important: ensuring the materials ur child uses r safe/clean, providing bandages n disinfectants, encouraging ur child to talk to u abt this, n providing them the opportunity to come to u for a ride to the hospital for further treatment should it b necessary.

be mindful of the way u speak abt mental health issues, n just the things u say in general. if u r speaking abt someone else's mental health in a way that stigmatizes it further, or portray mental illness as shameful/demonize it, doing so may b the difference between ur child asking for help or spiraling further on their own. in addition, if u r aware of ur child's triggers, pls remember to attempt to avoid triggering them. even tho we all make mistakes, n we r bound to mess up at times, if u do so too much, not only r u not acting as a parent should, u r also indirectly communicating to ur child that u do not care, or do not feel they r valid.

n last but certainly not least: love them. b there for them. n make sure they kno just how much u care. once again, this is most definitely not everything, but these r just some things that i personally feel r a good way to make us children feel safe around parents <3

#a bit of a vent #actuallyocd #actuallymentallyill #mental illness #mental health #parenting #parents #teenagers #vent #tw sh #tw suicide #tw drug mention #EXTREMELY long post so sry abt that #hopefully someone sees this #bc more parents need to kno how b helpful

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