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nerdgirlnarrates · 28 days

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Sometimes it’s hard being the only one with medical training in my family. My mother and I are visiting my grandfather this weekend. He lives out of state, so I haven’t seen him in several months. Immediately I could tell he was cachectic—the temporal wasting stood out before he mentioned losing almost 70 lbs in six months. He says he doesn’t have much appetite anymore. He also can’t cook for himself though and says he doesn’t like the food he’s served. I tried to bring up his weight loss, and it kinda got waved off—it’s too hard to coordinate a meal plan with his rotating caregivers, he’s just old, etc. I don’t necessarily wanna raise hell about this, cause if it’s an underlying medical problem I don’t think he’d opt for treatment—he doesn’t enjoy his life much anymore. It’s hard to say for sure what’s going on especially when I can’t get a good medical history; I’ve asked for access to his MyChart portal a few times, and people agree, but then I never actually get the password. I think my asking is viewed as encroachment since I’m out of state and probably wouldn’t be the one to personally help out, even if I identified a problem. There’s already a lot of resentment between my mom and her sister over who’s supposedly helping or not helping, and I don’t want to inflame tensions further. So I never really know what his medical team already knows, if an intervention is already in place, etc. Still, every time I visit he has noticeably deteriorated. It’s really hard to be so aware of how bad his clinical picture is without being able to address it. And I am really worried about the wasting.

One good thing I’ve noticed though is that PT has improved his life enormously. He lost a lot of mobility last summer after a stroke, and now he’s doing much better using his walker and maintaining his posture. He’s quite proud of his progress. So at least that’s really nice to see.

#i’m struggling to decide what to do about this #I don’t wanna raise hell because I can’t take him to appointments and I worry it will just make people mad #I don’t think they’ll follow up #but I feel like they get worked up about all the wrong stuff #and I can’t course correct #idk it just sucks

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osoreruna · 3 months

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threads where the ua teachers are fighting each other as a demonstration for class = good shit. 👌🏽

#𝗦𝗠𝗔𝗟𝗟 𝗠𝗜𝗚𝗛𝗧 + [ OOC ]#is this just because i wanna see toshi get his ass beat and i know some of the ua teachers would be able to do it ?#possibly.#but also fight threads are fun.#i don't get to indulge in them often enough to justify the hours i put into studying how to fight write.#there's also some students that i KNOW would be able to kick his ass if they had the same level of battle sense as toshi does.#but unfortunately for them he's been doing this shit for 40 years...#he's definitely what we would call old #i mean — experienced.#and until they get a little more of that i don't think there's many that'd be able to take him down. not alone anyway.#if they all collectively jumped him....then maybe.#wait that'd be kinda funny actually —#anyway in case you couldn't tell i'm sorta around today.#tomorrow is the cardio appt at 2.#tbh i am struggling. i'm constantly in pain and no sleep is good sleep.#so even though i just slept for like...14 hours #ate breakfast #and then took a 4 hour nap #i am still exhausted.#BUT I'M GONNA MAKE AN ATTEMPT TO POST SOMETHING TODAY. hopefully multiple somethings.#maybe....small things.....we'll see.#tbd

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alchemania · 6 months

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Be At Rest (Both Soul and Body)

Furina barely, if ever, caught Wanderer sleeping. He was always on the move, often whizzing by in a blue and white blur - or simply blending in with the crowds in Sumeru, allowing himself to sink into the sea of people around him.

So when she found him resting in the forest with a rather rotund bird on his head, the sight had her speechless for a good few moments. Not wanting to disturb his peace, Furina tiptoed closer and sat next to him as quietly as possible, folding her hands over her lap as she observed the sky- the clouds drifted lazily overhead, and she found herself relaxing, the air calm and warm. Looking back over to her companion, Furina wondered if he was truly sleeping, or just resting. Curious, she lifted a finger and gently poked his cheek, and an indigo eye opened instantly.

"What," he said, voice heavy with weariness.

"Were you sleeping?"

And just like that, the slight irritation she'd come to know shone through in his gaze. "I was TRYING to. Before somebody decided to bother me."

"..ah, sorry. I can lea-"

"I didn't ask you to go," he went on, closing his eye again and shifting so he was on his back. "As long as you stay quiet, it's fine." He folded his hands over his belly then, sighing, and Furina couldn't help but giggle - he looked like a little tired old man, and he acted about as crabby as one sometimes too, honestly. "The hell is so funny?"

"You look like a little old man," the white haired girl grinned, more giggles bubbling out of her, and the offense on Wanderer's face was palpable.

"I do not."

"You act like one, too. Crabby little guy who pretends he doesn't like anyone -"

"I don't pretend not to like people," he countered.

"..okay, but you do care a lot more than you let on."

".. I didn't know this was a character evaluation," Wanderer deadpanned, but the way his voice softened let Furina know she wasn't far off track.

"S'not a bad thing to care, you know."

A pause.

".. I know. A heart is a very heavy burden to carry though, sometimes. Almost too heavy."

"I think that's what makes us human though," the girl replied gently, also shifting so she was laying a few feet away from the young man. "The weight of - feeling, of loving, and holding things dear to us, and hurting when they're gone- that's a part of living."

"..hm."

"And yeah, hearts are a very heavy burden. But you don't have to carry it alone, either. Remember that." Furina looked up to the sky again, folding her hands over her breast, and Wanderer looked to her briefly with an unreadable (but visibly softer) expression before closing his eyes once more. A comfortable silence fell, and the warmth of the sun had Furina taken by slumber before she knew it.

When she woke up, the stars had already started to twinkle in the sky, and the girl sat up, slightly discombobulated. Sniffling, she rubbed at her eyes to wipe away her weariness, and then froze in her tracks when something akin to a sob broke the silence. For a moment, she thought she had imagined it, but then it came again, louder, and she turned to her companion, crawling over on her hands and knees. "Wanderer...?"

He didn't answer, but the tears rolling down his cheeks told her everything she needed to know. "Oh..." Furina's heart clenched, and she gently placed a hand to his back. "Hey ..hey, it's okay, it's just a dream, you're alright." Carefully, she reached out her free hand and patted him gently on the cheek, hoping to rouse him- if he was crying, his nightmare must be something awful. "Come on. Wake up."

Wanderer stirred, but did not wake, and to her shock, he began to mumble in his slumber:

"Please don't leave...don't leave me behind...."

"I'm not going anywhere," Furina assured.

"Mother," Wanderer begged, tears falling faster. "I'll do anything, just don't leave me here alone -"

Oh.

"Wake up," Furina pleaded, shaking him harder, and he did, taking a sharp gasp and settling into raggedly breathing. Wanderer looked around frantically, not quite awake yet, and she took his hand, to ground him. "You're okay. It was just a dream, it's alright -" the young man stiffened once he seemed to realize she was there, freezing up like a startled cat who had just been cornered.

"What - what are you doing here?" he breathed, chest heaving, and she frowned.

"We were just hanging out and I fell asleep and I guess you did too, and when I woke up, you were crying...are you going to be okay?"

"I have no choice," he mumbled, placing an arm over his face, and Furina shook her head, slowly.

"That's not true. It's okay to not be okay."

"Not for me."

"Why not?"

"Because -" he trailed off then, pulling his hand away from the girl, and she let him. ".. because I just - I just have to be. Okay?"

"It doesn't make you weak, you know. Do you think I would be weak if I wasn't okay?"

"..that's different -"

"Why?"

"Because you're human-"

"So what? You think beings that aren't human just have to be these immovable pillars of stability? You feel, just like I do. You have hopes and dreams, and fears, just like I do. You've experienced so many different aspects of life. Maybe- maybe people treated you like you weren't human, but that doesn't mean you aren't, you know. I mean, weren't you saying earlier a heart's a heavy burden? That's part of being human. Sometimes we feel weak and like we're all alone, but - even when we do feel that way, people care."

".. I don't know why they do."

"Do they need a reason to?" Furina challenged gently, tilting her head. "Love never needs a reason. It's just there, regardless of who you are, where you've been, where you're going, what you have done and what you will do. That's what makes it so beautiful. It's always there."

"..then why-"

"??"

"...no, forget about it. I don't want to talk about it."

"Alright. I won't push you."

"Even if you did, I wouldn't talk."

"I know, I just -"

"I understand what you're trying to say," he mumbled, sniffling. "...thanks."

"Is there anything I can do? Do you want me to leave?"

"I- I don't know. I don't know," Wanderer replied, almost inaudibly, and she nodded. And then, all of a sudden, he got up and made his way over to the lake nearby, sitting in the water so he was waist deep. He looked awfully small without his hat, Furina realized. Maybe that was why he wore it all the time.

"Come here," he beckoned, and she stared, in confusion.

"Huh?"

"Come here," he repeated, stronger this time. "You wanted to know how you can help me, right? Come sit. Just- I don't know. I don't want to be alone right now, weird as that is."

"Okay," she nodded, making herself comfortable in the water next to him. Minutes passed with Wanderer sitting rigidly, and then suddenly he hissed, clenching at his chest so hard his hands made wrinkles in the fabric.

"Wh- what's the matter?" Furina cried, eyes wide with alarm, and Wanderer shook his head, eyes glossy.

"Hurts. But it shouldn't, I -"

"Look, I don't know what you saw in your dream, but it's clear it's hurting you more than you want to admit. . will ..will the pain pass?"

"It usually does."

"...is it okay if I hold your hand until then?"

For a long moment, he did not speak, and Furina half expected him to say no. But then he shakily removed one of his hands from his chest and linked it with Furina's gloved one, and she paused. "..wait a moment." The ivory haired girl removed her glove then, holding Wanderer's hand with her bare one. His was cool and very smooth, like porcelain, and hers was warm and soft. The contrast was nice, she mused, noting sadly how her friend's hands trembled.

".. please don't tell anyone about this."

"I won't," Furina smiled. "I got 500 years worth of experience in keeping secrets, so no need to worry~" Wanderer sent her the most withering gaze at that, and she startled. "..what?"

"That's not funny," he mumbled, expression sullen. "Your pain, and everything you went through - you shouldn't make fun of it like that."

"Oh," she replied, heart dropping to her feet in shock. "I was just trying to -"

"I know what you were trying to do. Please don't do it at your expense. It isn't helping anyone feel better."

"..okay."

"Good."

A pause.

".. did I say anything weird? When I was sleeping?"

"..you were calling for your mother."

Wanderer stiffened, pain streaking across his face. ".. I see. Ridiculous of me." Furina did not push, but he looked to her, reading the question in her eyes. "..she hasn't been a part of my life for years now, so there's no reason to feel like this."

"..isn't that all the more reason to miss her? If she hasn't been there?"

"Not if she wasn't a good mother," he muttered, eyes dark. "I don't need her anymore."

"People can hurt you and you can still miss them, Wanderer. Those things don't have to be mutually exclusive. I don't - know what all happened so I'm not saying you need to forgive her or let her back in your life, but it's okay to miss her. It's ..okay to mourn what could have been," Furina ventured, looking to the water. "We were meant to be loved and cared for and when we're not, it- it hurts a lot, and it's not weak to be hurt. It's not weak to feel that hole in your heart."

"..it feels that way."

"..yeah. I understand. But I promise you're not weak."

The moon hung high in the sky before he spoke again. "..if nothing else, my life is my own now."

"That it is. You can do whatever you want with it."

"How do you just - seem to know what to say all the time?"

"I don't always, but... I often just speak from my heart. It's hardly led me astray."

"Hm. ...you should get some sleep."

"Will you be okay?"

".. I don't know," he admitted. "I'm.. getting there, though."

"That's good, that's good."

"I don't think I'll be going back to sleep, so just. Don't bother waiting up for me. I may go for a walk to clear my head."

".. alright. Please be safe."

"There isn't much that can hurt me, but I appreciate the concern."

"I know, but-"

"But you still worry."

"Because I care."

"..mhm."

"That's what friends do."

Wanderer turned his head, almost owlishly. "..what?"

"Am I wrong?"

"Well, no, but- you said -"

"That you're my friend, yes," Furina asserted, and he stared, bewildered. "You're nice to me, and you don't mind- well, who I am, yanno? You gotta keep those people close to you."

".. I guess so. I don't think I'm a very good choice, but- if that's what you want."

"It is."

".... okay."

She wasn't sure, but Furina could have sworn Wanderer was smiling a little when she fell asleep.

..of course, he vehemently denied it the next morning.

#furina #wanderer #oh lord the blorbos are going through it #i was like how can i make wanderer sad and then i went nightmare nightmare nightmare NIGHTMARE #i intended for this to be soft and then i was like oh oops! hurt/comfort!#he's a bit less uh. . talkative here than other drabbles im thinking this is earlier on in their friendship #so it will take him a while to fully open up #but he does at least touch on ei and her not being there and gets some comfort so wooo #i may make a continuation of this because i was struggling a little to wrap it up... might mean part 2! wahoo!!!#wanderer uh. he needs a lot of support #i wanna talk more about just. them idk. how they care about each other in my head.

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daily-hanamura · 8 months

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#persona 4 golden #p4g #hanamura yosuke #yosuke hanamura #i think a lot about the depth of yosuke's loneliness - away from th distractions of the city and losing even the superficial r/s that he ha #of course he would hate inaba #the moment he arrived in the town he was treated as an enemy for reasons he couldn't control #junes did destroy local businesses and the townspeople's fear of big chain capitalism is justified #BUT their treatment of him was not. i wanna say that the people in inaba were awful but actually theyre just... people.#they couldnt fight Junes or engender systemic change so they take it out on him instead and ostracize him with names and tacks in his shoes #and to add to that all of his already existing self doubt and identity issues #and the problems of growing up as a teenage boy in the early 2010s figuring out his place in society #i think yosuke is very similar to kanji in that both of them have that same struggle of their self being misaligned with social expectation #so they play up this exaggerated caricature or image based on who they think they are supposed to be #in kanji's case it's an image that lets him control his rejection - he looks like a scary gang member so ofc no one wants to be near him #in yosuke's case he goes in the opposite direction of desperately wanting to fit the mould or image of a typical teenage boy #except there isnt such a thing as an “average” teenage boy so hes just such a mess sometimes #but masking so that hes accepted by others as just a teenage boy and not the prince of junes or anything? yeah.#haha my heart #he's good with his queue

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danidoesathing · 6 months

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am i the only one who feels like alex(the world ender guy) was kind of a missed oportunity in vide noir? like, he was set up by johnnie to be a badass gang leader just for him to never even appear in the end, we just got a close up to his face scar

i feel like buck's encounter with the psychic would've been way more powerful if it was alex instead. its implied that johnnie and moonbeam had a relationship ig, but its barely even hinted at, and he never even mentions her. but with johnnie and alex, johnnie actually mentions him and speaks highly of his brother, and says alex will help buck if he sees the red cloth that belonged to johnnie

the fact that all that build up led to buck not even TALKING to alex kinda irks me. imagine how much better the payoff would be if alex had received the cloth instead of moonbeam? if we had seen his reaction to johnnie's death? if he would've helped buck like johnnie said he would? if we saw what johnnie implied alex would do to the guys who black brained his brother? idk man i think we were robbed

im new to the fanbase, so im gonna be very embarassed if this is a topic that already came up here LOLL but i still wanted to get it off my chest💀sry if this ask is messy, i suck at writing down my thoughts lmao

No I gotta agree on that. Like I LOVED seeing Moonbeam and getting know her as her and having all this new information about her (her being part of the World Enders is still wild to me and I love it) and it’s a good scene and all, but I’m still confused as to why they built up Alex so much, especially since this is the first time we’re hearing about him, and he never even got the chance to speak. If it were Dale I’d be a bit more understanding as we know him already (tho not by much cause I would have loved to see more of Dale). But it’s Alex, whose not only the leader of the World Enders but also Johnnie’s (and Dale’s) brother. I would’ve have loved to, you know, actually meet the guy. Especially with how much build up he got. And I GET IT Lord Huron’s lore is meant to be weird and vague and hard to pin down but like. Didn’t need to tease me like that come on

The only reason I could think of was maybe they needed to get Buck on his own again? Like having this the beginning of a war between the World Enders and Z’Oieasu shown or having Buck work with them consistently might have thrown off the tone. It is supposed to be Buck’s story and his own descent into madness. The whole album has this isolated vibe to me, like being alone in a city of people Hard to get that when there’s other people around, especially a group as lively as the world enders. Or maybe they just wanted to include Moonbeam back into the story again lol

GOD I would have loved to see Moonbeam’s scene with Buck done with Alex. I can only imagine how that scene would’ve played out and his reaction to Johnnie’s death. Contrasting Buck’s scene with Johnnie with Alex’s own personality, the possible dynamics, the anger and grief that could arise…..ough

#thanks anon now you’ve given me the urge to write that scene. how am I supposed to do a character that doesn’t even have A SINGLE LINE /lh #I’m already struggling to characterize Dale how am I supposed to do Alex. why would you do this to me /lh #seriously tho I wish we got more of Alex. or anything or Alex tbh #I wanna know more about him #Alex Redmayne who are you…..#it’s also possible they were originally going to include a scene with him but it got cut/changed for whatever reason #tho honestly I think moonbeam was always gonna come back into the story in some sense due to the song #my own personal theory (thanks to the clip in POTU) is that Buck and Moonbeam were supposed to have something going on but it got cut #mostly cause the dynamic in the clip is way different from the one they’ve got in the movie #but idk I’m glad they didn’t force a romance at least. imo they didn’t really have romantic chemistry in that second scene. at all #whether that’s due to rewrites or just a decision to cut it I don’t know. I don’t think it would’ve fit the story anyway #i could be wrong tho so take my theorizing with a grain of salt #however it is very funny that one character with a love song that has all the hallmark’s of Buck’s writing isn’t probably done by him lol #esp since he’s got chemistry with the other characters. women hate him ghosts want him /j #dani speaks #ask #asks #lord huron

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