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unhealthyfanobsession · 3 years

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Another jealous!Cassian please! 🙏 Modern Au. Nesta is secretly getting sparring lessons to impress a certain Illyrian (maybe from Balthazar?). Cassian owns the gym. This exchange: "Nesta, please tell Cassian not to fire me. He's getting suspicious." --"what makes you think that?". "Ummm maybe because at this morning's meeting he told everyone there's no sex allowed in the training ring???" 🔥🔥🔥

Oh anon this took a truly delicious turn that I personally am obsessed with so I hope you like it too!!!

That stupid, arrogant, prick! It was this monologue that got Nesta out of bed every morning lately. The reminder that her boyfriend was a stupid, arrogant, prick.

Protect her, please! Protect her?! Nesta Archeron? As if she was some little kitten and not a lioness with claws. Long claws. Sharp claws. Claws that she was going to dig into his fucking neck after another few lessons.

Maybe some people would have found it cute. Would have smiled and curled into their boyfriend’s big strong chest when they made the comment Cassian had.

A little over a month ago Nesta had tried to convince Cassian to skip a workout and stay in bed with her all day. And he- the stupid, arrogant, prick- said that he had to stay big and strong so he could protect her.

HAH!

Sure, waking up at 5am to train with Bal every morning so she could sneak out of the Judo gym that Cassian owned before it opened had been tiring, but man would it be worth it the next time he pulled that macho shit on her and she just flipped him right onto his admittedly very muscled back.

“You have to tell Cassian we’re doing this. He’s going to fire me.” Balthazar wasn’t in his gi. He was wearing sweatpants and a too-tight T shirt. Which pissed Nesta off because she assumed it meant they wouldn’t be having a lesson that morning. And here she was, stretched out and suited up at the ass crack of Dawn on a Saturday.

“What? Why would you say that?”

“Oh I don’t know, maybe because at the meeting before the gym closed last night he told everyone that the training ring wasn’t for having sex in before the gym opened. He was fucking pissed and I don’t think he’d be any less pissed if he found out it was his girlfriend I was sneaking in here every morning. It was a fun idea but it has to stop.”

“Ugh,” Nesta grumbled. “I’ll deal with this. Go.”

So she sat down on the middle of the training ring. Stripped off her gi and sat there in bike shorts and a sports bra until her bear of a boyfriend walked in the front door with a stupid, cocky, knowing smile on his face.

“How long have you known?” She glared daggers at him.

Cassian laughed, jumping into the ring with her. “Nesta Archeron wakes up before 10am on a Saturday? Less than a week after I offer to be her big strong protector?”

“You set me up!” She accused.

“I’ve been trying to get you to train with me for a year. Drastic measures had to be taken, my love.”

Nesta rolled her eyes. “You didn’t have to terrify Balthazar like that.”

“No,” Cassian admitted. “I didn’t, but it was just so fun.”

“He thinks you’re in a jealous rage.”

“Maybe I am,” Cassian smirked, moving closer to Nesta, slipping his hands around her waist and running his calloused thumb across the bare strip of skin between the bottom of her sports bra and the top of her shorts. “Maybe I’m so jealous I’m going to challenge him to a duel for your hand.”

Nesta scoffed, grabbing his wrist how Bal showed her and twisting backwards. When that was done, she hooked a heel behind the soft spot at the back of his knees and used her angle to wretch backward. Cassian stumbled and fell to his knees, but it wasn’t the full take down she was hoping for. “I’ll fight for my own hand, thank you very much.”

“Challenge accepted,” Cassian grinned, reaching up to grab her forearm and set his other hand on her thigh, pulling down so that she fell hard on her side.

“Ow! That’s illegal!” Nesta sat back up.

“You aren’t wearing a Judogi. Everything is illegal.”

“Fine.” Nesta talked across the room and grabbed her gi. Muttering and swearing under her breath the whole time she put it on.

They bowed, half mockingly, but even in this petty match, Nesta knew Cassian would never ignore one of the fundamental components of the martial art he loved so much.

Nesta gripped Cassian’s jacket. He gripped hers. The initial struggle lasted long enough, and Nesta held her own well enough, that Cassian gave her an approving nod.

“Good, Nes. He taught you well.”

“Well enough to beat you!” She pulled back hard, attempting a throw that had taken Balthazar down, but Cassian was bigger. Quicker. Steadier.

“He can’t even beat me,” Cassian smirked, easily grappling and kicking one leg out from under her so that she landed flat on her back and was completely pressed under him. “So I don’t see how he could teach you to. You’ll have to train with me if you want to win, love.”

Nesta growled, kicking her leg out. Cassian caught it quickly. “TIMER!” He yelled and a very smug looking Azriel appeared out of absolutely fucking nowhere like the weirdo shadow boy he was.

Nesta knew he was watching the clock until Cassian had held her down for twenty seconds, achieving Ipoon and winning the match.

Nesta flailed and used every move Bal had taught her to slip out of a hold, but it was no use.

“Sorry Nes, I’d normally let you win since you actually are doing really well,” condescending prick. “But the stakes are just too high here.”

Stakes? What stakes?

“Twenty!” Azriel called out. Cassian grinned, pressed a kiss to Nesta’s temple, and let her up.

“Thanks brother.” Cassian walked over and took something small and square out of Azriel’s hand.

“Cassian what are you-“

“Now now Nes, don’t be a sore loser. You agreed to this.”

“Agreed to what?” Nesta turned to glare at Azriel who raised his hands in mock surrender as if to say you’re the one dating the crazy man don’t look at me.

“We were dueling for your hand, remember?” He grinned and Nesta almost fell backwards as he dropped onto one knee and popped open the box he’d taken from Azriel. “And I won.”

Nesta stared. Stared down at the ring. THE ring. The one she’d sent Gwyn months ago. How long had this bastard been planning this!

“I love you,” Cassian said. “Nesta Archeron I love everything about you. I love how pissed off you get when I offer to protect you. I love your glares every bit as much as your smiles. I love that right now I am on one knee, proposing to you, and you’re still just pissed off that I beat you and thinking that you will pin me one day too,” he smirked, “to the Judo mat, but I’m not going to train you unless you marry me so you’ll never get that satisfaction unless you say yes.”

Nesta paused for a minute. A smile tugging on her lips. “Well I guess I don’t have a choice, then.”

“No,” Cassian slipped the ring onto her finger and stood up as quickly as he could to wrap Nesta in his arms and kiss her, “you don’t.”

“Hey Cass?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you,” she murmured against his lips. “And I’m gonna kick your ass.” Nesta grabbed his jacket, pushing on his knee instead of pulling this time, and he went right down. Point to Nesta. Just how she like it.

#nessian #drabbles open #nesta archeron #acosf #nessian fanfiction #cassian #nesta and cassian #a court of thorns and roses #sarah j maas #a court of silver flames #a court of mist and fury #acotar #azriel #balthazar

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learningtocope · 7 years

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MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING

I cannot stress enough that this is a major trigger warning for anyone who may stumble apon my blog and see this.

Today was a horrid day. As I write this my eyes are so swollen, red, and sore from crying all day. My arms are sore, for reason I will explain further on. My head is beginning to hurt from the mulitpul day alcohol binge I have been on, including today where I started drinking as soon as I woke up.

Today I almost killed myself.

I woke up to text messages from my brother and my step father about my cat, claiming that I dont care if her because I have been at friends place. The hook? Ive been there almost everyday and fed her and gave her love. So I snapped, in a horrid way and I know what I said can never be taken back. I dont know what to do about it, I guess there is nothing. I told my little brother go to die, that he was a waste if space and skin, that he was a piece of shit. I can never take those words back. I will live forever knowing that I told my little brother to kill himself. After sending those messages a huge realization hit me and it sent me in a crazier loop, those words werent ment for him. They were ment for me. Its what I was thinking about myself and I tossed it my little brother. What fucking kind of human does that? I opened some alcohol and began drinking it from the bottle and chasing it with coffee. I had decided what I was going to do, I deserved worse.

I packed my stuff up and left a note for ny friend explaining that I had to go home to see the cat and do some office work. I live way out of town, about a 2 and half, 3 hour walk. Duffle bag on my shoulder I began walking, I had gone up a couple blocks when someone called out my name. They offered me a ride home and a coffee, so I took the offer. It would get me home quicker and I could enjoy one last coffee. When we pulled into the driveway I was kind of prolonging getting out of the vehicle with conversation. After a few minutes I hopped out, thanked them and told them Id message them later, a lie. Or what I thought would be.

I went into the house dropping my duffle bag on the floor and reaching into it to remove the bottle of alcohol from my bag. At my home I had pepsi so I added that to the bottle and drank it, crying harder than I have in a long time. I want to the office and grabbed the exacto knife that was left in the office from my step dad, I broke off the first 2 and tossed them before breaking one more. I went into the bathroom and cleaned it with peroxide to make sure it was clean. I grabbed my bottle of sleeping pills and sat with both infront of me, drink in hand. My eyes moved from one to the other. I wanted to die, I really did. I mean I still feel super shitty about my self as is still. But I thought about my baby sister, my baby brother, who I know I hurt more than anyone could imagine. My father, my mother, my step father, my best friend. I picked up the piece of exacto blade and began to cut my arms, no not one. Both. Not very deep but enough to make it bleed quite a bit, its likely to scare. I spent from 10am to 2pm crying, drinking, cutting and holding allof my sleeping pills in my hand. I was torn. I needed help. I knew I needed help. If I didnt do it now I knew what was going to happen.

I clicked emergancy call on my phone screen. I requested the ambulance, bawling beyond understandable english. When the dispatcher picked up, I cried harder. She asked what was wrong and I told her I was scared, I was depressed, and I was close to commiting suicide. They asked what my name and address was, ensuring someone was on their way to help me and should arrice soon. She asked me if I was hurt, what was hurt, how it was hurt and how to tend to it until help arrived I couldnt believe it. I called for help myself. Ive never done that.

Within a few minutes, I was standing outside still on the phone with the dispatcher, crying still, and lighting a cigarette. I had taken one drag when the first cruiser pulled in, Then the ambulance followed by another office and paramedic. One of the two paramedics left when they saw I was being taken care of already by the first. After I was cleaned up and bandaged the officers came inside with me as I went to find my health card.

They found the pills on the counter and asked if I had taked any. I said no, bit I was going to. She took the bottle and brought it with us. The car ride was hell. Being bandaged on my lower arms caused people in the emergancy room to stare, oh! And Im sure the officer escorts didnt help that matter. The nurses were quick, getting me in and looked at. I requested to call my best friend, and to call my mother for me as there was no I could tell her what happened at that time. My friend rushed to the emerg room and ran down to my room, she hugged me bawling. She asked me what happened, why? I told her simply, I beat myself up alot and I took it out on my brother. On top of waking up already angry and being accused of being a bad pet owner, the realization of the words being the ones my brain was screaming at me for weeks now. It wasnt an excuse to do or say the things I did to him. I know what it feels like to be told that by other people, but never family. And I guarantee that would hurt alot more. I love my little brother more than words can describe, I cannot stress that enough. Weve finally started to get along better and now Ive totally ruined it. Ive lost one of my only friends and I know it. I know my mother heard about it before she had gotten the call. I dont understand why I do the things I do, things like what I did today. I hurt one of the people I love most, it seems to be a talent of mine. Hurting those I love to push them away.

I did not tell this to the nurses, doctor, or my new social worker. But I told my best friend as I crumpled infront of her. They made me give them a urine sample and have blood work done. They didnt believe I hadnt done any hard drugs or taken any of the sleeping pills. The emerg doctor came in shortly after and assesed me again to make sure there were no changes in my behaviour or movements that would suggest I was not okay. She booked me an appointment to see the doctor inplace of mine as shes on mat-leave to reasses my medication. My socail worker agreed to have me released today, having to agree to meeting with him again on saturday, following thru with my consling, and a few other things.

My mother had called me back at the hospital as she hadnt picked up when the officer called so was left a message. All she had to say was 3 different things; “You should be admitted” “Why didnt you call me?” “If you had come camping this wouldnt have happened.” I had no words, I started each response and stopped after a few words. I knew it would cause a fight. “You should be admitted” something else you dont want to hear from a family member. She says way more often than one should. “Why didnt you call me?” Please refer to the first sentance spoken to me. Thats why. You tell me Im rediculous, I wont do it, Im over dramatic. Why WOULD I call someone who, when Ive reached out to them before in a time of need, said those things to me every time Ive called them for help. “If you had come camping this wouldnt have happened.” False. Feelings dont just disappear because you camping. Id still feel the same way, still have access to the same medication. The only difference? My only choice would have been the medication.

She asked me to call her and let her know what happens. I told her I was released, she sighed in frustration and asked why they didnt keep me. I told her about the plan that was laid out to help me, help myself. Her and the rest of my imedate family had gone camping for a week. She told me she was coming home early, I was hoping she was gonna say the reason was she wanted to make sure I was okay. My hope was wasted. She was coming home early because it was muddy and that she had other plans now for herself for the week. My heart broke..

So now, Im laying on the pull out couch in my bestfriends living room, eyes swollen, puffy and weak. My arms aching and bandaged, bruised where they took my blood. My brain still running lose on itself, exhausted beyond belief and unable to fall asleep.

I hate my self. I really do.

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