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octothorpetopus · 5 years

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I Forgot That You Existed (Part 2)

Link to part 1

"Wow, Eds, you've really come a long way from wine coolers in high school." Eddie cracked a smile and looked down into his glass.

"Rich, can I ask you a... weird question?"

"Shoot."

"I mean, I guess I just... like..." Eddie trailed off, looking for the words. "I didn't know you liked guys."

"Is that a question, or...?"

"Come on, Rich." Eddie sighed exasperatedly. "You know what I mean."

"Well, I didn't know you were gay either, Eds. That is, if you are gay, 'cause..." They both took a long, long sip of their drinks in awkward silence.

"I am. Gay." Eddie nodded with an odd half-smile.

"Oh. Me too."

"It's a hell of a funny coincidence, you know?"

"How's that?" Eddie laughed brightly.

"On the one day I happen to be in LA, we get matched on the one dating app I have, and you just happen to be one of my best friends from high school. How's that for batshit?"

"I'd say we're three for three on the batshit scale." Eddie held up his glass, and Richie knocked his against it. "Cheers, to a night of crazy coincidences."

"Cheers."

"Hey, uh, Eds?"

"Yeah?" Richie bounced his leg on the leg of his stool.

"Is this a date? I mean, it's cool if you just want to catch up, but-"

"It's like I said, Rich. It's a hell of a coincidence, and I think it'd be a shame to pass that up, don't you?" There was a twinkle in Eddie's eyes that Richie wasn't sure he'd ever seen before. He quite liked it.

"Agreed."

The rest of the night passed in a curious sort of way. In some ways, it didn't feel any different than when they'd used their fake IDs to sneak into a college bar in Bangor in their junior year of high school. But in other ways, in all the important ways, it was different. Because this time, there was a chance of something. What, exactly, neither of them could have said. But it was something.

”Shit,” Eddie muttered as he checked his watch. It was quiet, but Richie still turned to look at him.

”What?”

”Nothing, just...” Eddie rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. “I have a meeting in the morning. And it’s getting kind of late.”

”Say no more, Eds.” Richie set a thin stack of bills down on the bar and tossed back the last of his drink (he had switched to club soda an hour ago when Eddie reminded him he had to drive.) “I’ll walk you back.”

”What about your car?”

”Eh.” Richie waved a hand. “It’ll still be here when I come back.”

They walked along the busy sidewalk shoulder-to-shoulder, Richie’s hands shoved in his pockets, his shoulders hunched in a familiar posture. Eddie studied him carefully ask they walked, wondering how it was possible that up until tonight, he had forgotten Richie. Forgotten how wonderful he was, how he could make you laugh with just a twitch of his voice.

At the same time, Richie was wondering how it was possible to have forgotten Eddie. The way he ran his hands through his hair when he was on a roll. The way he laughed when Richie interrupted with a stupid joke. In all his years without him, he’d never met anyone quite like Eds.

”Penny for your thoughts?” Eddie asked, his voice rough and clear and deeper than it had been the last time they had seen each other, but still somehow the same.

“Nothing. Just... I missed you, Eds.”

”Yeah. I missed you too, Rich.” Richie let his hands fall out of his pockets and swing by his sides. They were walking shoulder-to-shoulder, and they were so close that their knuckles brushed every time Richie took a step. His face grew hot and he worried he was blushing, but when he looked over, Eddie was blushing too.

”Isn’t this you?” Richie stopped suddenly and pointed at the building in front of them. Eddie shook himself, as if in a stupor, and nodded.

”Thanks for coming with me, Richie. It was... it was nice to see you again.”

“You’re welcome.” Eddie slipped into Richie’s arms for a last hug (he was surprised at how well they fit together) and stepped back. “I should go.” Richie took two steps backward and smiled. “Take care, Eddie Spaghetti.” Eddie didn’t know if it was the childhood nickname that convinced him to do what he did next, or the coolly smoky Los Angeles air, or the hand of god himself, but whatever it was, Eddie was swept away by his feelings for Richie, letting the warmth and excitement overtake the nervous electricity running through him.

”Richie, wait.”

“Hm?” Richie hummed, and before he had even turned all the way back around to face Eddie, Eddie had his hands wrapped around the collar of Richie’s shirt. He had to stand on his tiptoes in order to reach, but he tugged Richie down just far enough that he could meet Richie’s lips in a kiss, their first kiss since a brief and forgotten moment in a game of truth or dare when they were twelve.

Richie, quite frankly, was not expecting the kiss, but didn’t stumble back or push Eddie away in a moment of panic. Instead, something in him steeled him, and he leaned into Eddie until he was almost falling into him.

”Holy shit,” Eddie said for the second time that night.

”Holy shit,” Richie replied.

“I can’t believe I just did that.”

”I can’t believe you didn’t do it earlier.” Eddie looked deep into Richie’s eyes... and then burst out laughing.

“You’re something else, Trashmouth.”

”I could say the same for you, Eds.” Eddie mellowed and took one of Richie’s hands.

”Hey, if... if you’re not too worried about your car... do you want to come upstairs?” Richie arched his eyebrows, but nodded.

”Yeah. I do.” And he did.

Eddie woke up to the sound of his alarm (the first of many to keep him on his strict schedule) and found himself unable to sit up. For a moment, he found himself thinking of sleep paralysis and the horrific nightmares that plagued him throughout his college years. And then he realized that there was just a heavy, hairy arm draped over him, the attached hand just barely brushing one of the two star tattoos Eddie had gotten during his very brief rebellious phase.

"Would you shut that shit off?" Richie's voice came from behind Eddie, clouded with sleep and a hangover. Eddie reached over and hit the snooze button before rolling onto his other side so he was facing Richie, bare chest to bare chest.

"Good morning."

"What time is it?"

"Seven." Richie groaned. "What? I have meetings today."

"Right." Richie rolled his half-open eyes and flopped onto his back. "Or... you could play hooky with me." Eddie smiled and nudged Richie's side with his knee.

"I wish I could, but if I ever want this company off the ground, I need investors. And in order to get investors, I have to go to meetings." Smiling, Richie considered.

"Eh, I don't know. I mean, a limo company? Eds, I get that you've always been practical, but it's just not... sexy." Eddie laughed. "I'm serious." And when Eddie turned to look at him, he was. "Look, you could do anything you wanted. Anything at all. And yet, you chose to start a business you're not passionate about in the dirtiest city in America. That's not the Eddie I know."

"And who's the Eddie you know?"

"The Eddie I know wanted to pick up and move to Italy after high school. And he wanted to be an interior designer, or maybe a city planner. New York's not your home, Eddie, and neither is Royal Crest Limos."

"So what do you think I should do?"

"Move here. To LA." Eddie laughed again, more out of shock than humor.

"Yeah, right. Beep-beep, Richie."

"I'm serious." Richie propped himself up on his elbows and looked into Eddie's eyes. Or maybe his forehead. To be fair, he didn't have his glasses on so he couldn't really see. "What's stopping you? You told me last night you don't have time for friends because you're too busy trying to start a business that you're not even excited about. If you came out here, you could do what you want to do. And..." Richie sat up now and looked at Eddie in a way Eddie hadn't been looked at since they were just two kids in an underground clubhouse. "And then we could be together. All the time." Almost unconsciously, Eddie took his hand and squeezed it.

"Okay."

"Eddie, really, I- wait, what?"

"Okay. I'll move."

"Wait, you're serious?"

"Yeah, were you not?"

"No, I was, I just-" Richie seized Eddie's face in his hands and kissed him, long and hard. "I didn't think you'd actually say yes."

"Think again, then. I'd hate to be predictable."

Six years later, Richie Tozier wakes up in the bedroom of his Santa Monica condo to the mid-morning sun streaming in through the window. He sits up and rolls his shoulders, wincing at the sharp cracking of his spine. He fumbles blindly for the bedside table, puts on his glasses, and looks at the empty left side of the bed. He yawns and then goes quiet, hearing the soft sprinkle of the shower coming from the bathroom.

"Morning!" He calls through a yawn. He is still not a morning person, even after living with one for the last six years (Eddie stayed with him during the move from New York, and never moved out).

"Morning, Rich," Eddie responds over the water. Richie feels as though his heart is going to explode. He is, for the first time in his forty-year existence on this earth, totally and completely happy. And then the phone lying facedown on the left nightstand starts ringing.

"It's yours, babe!" Richie reaches over and checks the screen. "Someone from... holy shit, it's someone from Derry!"

"Can you get it?" Feeling unsettled, somehow, Richie hits the Accept Call button and holds the phone to his ear.

"Hello?"

"Hi, is this Eddie Kaspbrak?"

"No, he's, uh... indisposed at the moment." From behind him, Richie hears the water shut off and the shower curtain slide aside. "Can I get your name so he knows who to call back?"

"Yeah, I guess. Tell him Mike Hanlon called, from Derry. He'll know-" But Mike doesn't have the chance to finish. Richie feels a wave of nausea slide over him.

"Mike?" There is a pause on the other end of the line. Then:

"...Richie?"

"Holy shit, Mike."

"Who is it?" Richie jumps and turns around to see Eddie, who has come up behind him. Richie swallows hard and covers the receiver with one hand.

"It's Mike. Hanlon." Eddie looks confused for a moment, and then shock and horror register on his face.

"Holy- Mike?" Richie holds the phone up to his ear.

"Uh, Mike, Eddie's back, I'm gonna put you on speaker." He does, and holds the phone out between them. Eddie sits on the edge of the bed, water still dripping out of his hair and landing in dark dots on the bedspread.

"Hey, Mike." Eddie's voice is startled, but not scared. Not yet.

"Hi, Eddie. I'm glad to see that some of us stayed friends after we left." Richie and Eddie look knowingly at one another.

"Yeah, something like that."

"Anyway, I bet you're wondering why I'm calling."

"Yeah," Eddie responded. He does sound scared now. In fact, he sounds exactly like he had 27 years ago. And that's when Richie remembers. 27 years.

"It's back, isn't It?" He asks, interrupting whatever Mike had been saying.

"...yeah. It is." Eddie makes a strangled noise and lunges for the nightstand drawer, where he keeps his inhaler. He hasn't used it in 21 years, but he still keeps it there in case of emergency. He takes two quick gasps off of it and exhales slowly. Richie reaches over and slips his hand into Eddie's.

"And we need to come back."

"Yeah."

"Fuck," Richie mutters under his breath. "How soon?" He asks, wishing he had just hung up the phone when he heard who it was.

"Tomorrow. Everyone needs to come back, guys. Everyone." Richie rubbs the bridge of his nose and looks over at Eddie, who is staring, wide-eyed, right back at him. They both nod and look back at the phone.

"We'll be there," Eddie says, sounding only a little less muffled than before. Before Mike can get another word in, Richie hangs up the phone and stands, pacing the room, his hair standing up in frantic spikes.

"This is stupid. We shouldn't go. We should just take off, go to Buenos Aires or Madagascar or Iceland- Iceland's nice this time of year, right?"

"Richie." Eddie's voice is even now, and calm. "We have to go." He speaks haltingly as he rises to his feet and takes both of Richie's hands in his.

"I know." Richie smiles bitterly. "I know." He laughs, a caustic, harsh sound. "I guess I'll cancel our dinner reservations, then."

"I'll start packing."

"Don't worry about that. I've got it. Get dressed and then we'll make a plan. Okay?" Eddie smiles gratefully at him and kisses him gently before standing up and returning to the bathroom. Richie is hit with the same wave of vertigo and barely manages to stumble out onto the terrace before vomiting over the railing. He wipes his mouth and stares out at the crashing ocean in front of him. They will go to Derry and their life together will never be the same. Of that, he's sure. But he's also sure of one other thing, and that's that he loves Eddie Kaspbrak like he's never loved anyone else ever before. He goes back inside and pulls two suitcases out of the closet. He begins packing, and when Eddie comes out of the bathroom, he joins him.

They load the suitcases into Richie's Mustang and get in the car, not looking at each other. Then Richie gasps and opens the door. "I forgot my, uh, my toothbrush. Give me just a minute." Eddie smiles and nods, but it's a sad smile. Richie races back inside and up the stairs, not bothering with the elevator. He digs through the nightstand, still open from Eddie's mad scramble for his inhaler, and finds what he's looking for under a stack of self-help books (a sarcastic Christmas gift). He slips the tiny wooden box into his pocket and silently thanks God that Eddie didn't see it.

"Did you get it?"

"Yeah," Richie says, and smiles. He leans across the console to kiss Eddie again, then starts the car. "Let's go home." Eddie looks out the window thoughtfully as the city fades into wilderness and back again a dozen times. Derry isn't their home anymore, he thinks. But neither is Los Angeles or New York. Their home is with each other now. And it always will be.

Hey guys! Thank you so much for reading. I’ll be posting the sequel to this, probably in three parts, pretty soon, but both are also posted on my AO3, minnesotamemelord, along with all of my other reddie fics, and I’d be super appreciative if you guys checked it out! Thanks!

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strangesmallbard · 4 years

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Would you mind doing the fic commentary on "all my children can become me"? Thank you!

thank you, anon! this was fun!

fic link

Lyra was perfect when she was born. A prone creature no harder to control than her own arm; move her little hand that way and it goes there, turn her on her side and she looks at the new world in wonder.

Then she cried. A baby’s first cry is a sacred thing of course of course. Lyra tucked her little arms safely away from comfort and Marisa ached for any maternal instinct to snap on, if only to shut her up.

Wow, Yikes Marisa! those sure are some healthy thoughts. i wrote this one because i was thinking about mrs. c and the particular qualities to her love for lyra. i rail against the concept that her maternal love is inherently redeeming as it inspires some of her more heinous acts - drugging/kidnapping her (to save her life, but Uh), the implication that she wanted to use lyra to kidnap more kids for her child murdering experiments (again, to save her life, But Uh.)

but she does love lyra; this growing affection arguably drives her arc in both the book (particularly ASG, you could make several different arguments for TGC/NL) and the show. however, i don’t think her first emotions towards lyra involved love and affection--i’d say curiosity, wonder, like staring at the aurora and contemplating how it works. if it is love, it is possessive. mrs. c lives in a world devoid of agency, particularly as a woman. she’s been taught how to act and be her entire life, and suddenly she has a Thing All Her Own. until lyra cries, and she realizes that lyra’s a small person with needs, and she wants no part of it. (until she does!) i wasn’t thinking of it while writing this, but you could also read mrs. c’s reaction to lyra crying as a reaction to shame she feels about lyra’s birth--and she really hates feeling shame.

But Lyra is hers now. Hers. Everything slips away, even the world from one to the next, but Lyra is her own thing to shape. Her dæmon will prove an issue, just like how Ozymandias clung to her shoulder in his lemur form until she tossed him out a window with a shriek, her own shoulder stinging at the marrow from the effort. Marisa made him stay there all night long, watching her from the trees.

And Lyra would learn, as she did. Small attachments mean nothing when the world is as large as it is, when men are stupid as they are. Marisa enjoys God’s world, and her top floor apartment just a bit more.

more narration on mrs. c’s possessiveness. after 12 years, lyra is Hers once again--no longer a very small baby, but a willful person with agency who likes to climb on rooftops and swear. and who, perhaps, isn’t dissimilar to mrs. c. that’s a problem for marisa, who wants zero problems.

here, i delve into my headcanon for Why the Monkey is Like That. as a kid, i think the monkey was very clingy. he preferred monkey shapes to cling more strongly; to mrs. c, this reflects insecurity and fear that she really wants to repress. ozy can leave her side because of a deliberate effort to separate herself from him. since mrs. c was able to repress herself for the needs of her society, she believes she can train lyra in a similar vein, but mostly to be an obedient, loving daughter who only makes the fusses mrs. c wants her to make. also a weird contradiction, because mrs. c doesn’t view herself as a detrimental attachment for lyra to have.

also! i wrote this early on in my reread so i forgot that they call god “the authority” in lyra’s world. oops! i’ll fix that at some point. anyway, i think mrs. c ultimately uses religion to further her own personal quests. (ruth wilson discusses this in her podcast episode!)

(Paste on a smile. Wait for everything to fall into place. Everything would.)

i tried like, four times to delete this line. it doesn’t fit this fic perfectly, but it aided the rhythm enough that leaving it out felt wrong. it’s very inspired by the way ruth wilson smiles as mrs. c - faux sweet, calculating, a bit menacing.

Lyra dives onto her shiny new bed with a delighted yell and Ozymandias looks on with a carefully tepid curiosity. Marisa can read him, of course she can. Her hand curls by her side and he stills. A smile curls on her lips before she can notice. Or no, it doesn’t curl. It settles. It creeps. She remembers the crying. She will always remember the crying.

whenever mrs. c realized she had affection for lyra and tried her best to Not (until she stopped trying), it’s such a Moment to explore. here, i wanted to highlight that realization through the monkey. i chose “tepid” as a word to illustrate that the monkey is also trying to pretend it isn’t happening. he’s just worse at hiding than marisa. i also brought back the crying motif - i think mrs. forgot about lyra, like genuinely didn’t care for all 12/13 years, but was never able to repress that first outburst of emotion & need. especially as someone who represses those things within herself. it Stuck.

She wipes it away. Lyra is a wild thing, but Marisa—smarter than her father, smarter than anyone she will ever meet—can see the edge of a forest, want to look beyond, and know the right moment to pull back. The many worlds will cower and bend to God when she is done, and the men who love to smile will stare in awe.

i know we find out more about mrs. c’s family in the book of dust, but i went off my own headcanons. i think her dad is probably just like. look up the definition of Patriarchy and there he is. she loves the notion that she’s smarter than her father; than any man who’s ever looked down on her. she’s fixated on power - some paralleling to asriel’s motivations can be read in here. i’m gonna leave the rest alone; i’d rather it be up for interpretation!

The children are hardly a sacrifice, but Lyra—Lyra who’s safe, no not safe, settled and growing (at home) now. Lyra who will never leave again, who’s hers hers hers (until she won’t be until Marisa must push her from—)

here, i want to talk specifically about narration & voice. up until this point in the fic, mrs. c’s narration is collected and calculated. she wants to keep her work and keep lyra, and hasn’t figured out yet that keeping both will be impossible. (keeping lyra will also be impossible as lyra is, once again, her own human person with agency.) she fears that choice too, that she’ll lose lyra because of her own work. in this context, i wanted this fic to somewhat foreshadow her choice at bolvangar.

Well. A sacrifice is what a prophecy gnaws to the bone. And Marisa remembers the crying.

what prophecy, marisa? what do you know? what do you think you know? i was originally alluding to lyra’s prophecy, but managed to completely forget that canonically she only finds out during the events of tsk. i’ve decided to keep it because we only get marisa’s pov in asg--pullman intentionally keeps her true intentions & knowledge of things hidden. i can also believe mrs. c would frame her own actions in terms of prophecy.

#anonymous #ask #fics #marisa coulter

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parchmints · 6 years

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JuLance Day 29 - Compliments

Check out my thread on twitter to see all the prompts at once (the tumblr app messes with formatting so I recommend twitter if you’re using mobile)! All prompts connect together to form one overarching story!

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day 29/31 - Compliments

Lance’s Little Book of Good Things

Day 29: Compliments

Lance’s Little Book of Good Things

Day 33 of Space Roadtrip, Red Lion

Okay!! So here’s the deal. Shiro told all of us that we should keep a journal to “ground ourselves” while we make the looong journey back to Earth, so that’s what I’m doing! I didn’t do it for the first month or so cuz I wanted to actually write ya know? Everyone else is just using their tablets but, I don’t know...I wasn’t really feeling it. I think it’ll just feel better to do it by hand. Red didn’t have any pen and paper tho, so I had to wait until we landed on a planet that had some.

It took a month to find one. Ugh, it was so long. Being in the Lions for a week is gross and I’m not gonna get into it, but just know it’s gross. BUT ANYWAY. We landed on a planet called Hovenduhl and there was a super nice prince there who watched the Voltron show and let us stay at his castle for a few days! I asked him about writing supplies and he gave me a bunch! The notebooks he gave me are pretty similar to the ones we have on Earth, but the pens are so cool! They have different ink colors and some of them are shiny, some of them are matte, and some of them glitter! They’re actually a lot like glitter pens but they don’t give out after like five seconds and they write really well.

So my plan with this bad boy is to write the good things that happen on the space roadtrip! With everything that happened with Shiro and Lotor (hate him), it’s been...hard. And the roadtrip is hard. So, I’m gonna write about good things to keep my spirits up! That way I can look at it when I need cheering up! I probably won’t write every day, but I still think it’ll be nice.

P.S. I’m counting a “day” as the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep. Time in space is...weird.

Day 35 of Space Roadtrip, Some Asteroid

I had sword training with Keith today! He’s kind of a lousy teacher and he constantly sends me flying (mainly cuz I let him--wouldn’t want him to feel threatened by what a natural I am), but he told me that as long as I keep practicing, I could be really good! Which, I mean, obviously…

Day 42 of Space Roadtrip, Red Lion

Yorak hung out in Red with me today! He put his head on my lap!

Day 54 of Space Roadtrip, Jungle Planet

We found a planet with lots of hanging fruit, so I was shooting them down and Krolia said I had “impressive aim”! It was really nice. I like Krolia a lot. She’s so cool, I kinda can’t believe Keith is her son...but then she’ll make a broody face and I’m like “oh, yeah”.

Day 60 of Space Roadtrip, Red Lion

Been kind of a rough week. We’ve been flying in the Lions for a long time and no one’s really up for talking. We’re running out of things to say, I think. I’m not a big fan of that if I’m honest. It gives me too much time to think. BUT ANYWAY! Pidge says we’re near an inhabited planet so I’m excited for that!

Day 61 of Space Roadtrip, Baskval

WE LANDED ON A PLANET AAAAAAA!!! It’s been a while! The locals kinda look like cockroaches but they have beds (actual beds!) so I’m in no way complaining.

Day 67 of Space Roadtrip, Some Asteroid

Today was...something. I talked with Shiro today and he said...a lot of really nice stuff. I actually kind of ran here after so I could write it all down because I want to remember this for the rest of my life so here goes…

I’ve been feeling...really bad about how I couldn’t really help Shiro when he was stuck in the Black Lion. He tried to tell me what was happening, but I didn’t listen couldn’t hear him. At least not all the way. And we finally talked about it today. I think it was a long time coming. I thought about that moment a lot, especially when we’re just traveling in the Lions. Anyway, he told me that I shouldn’t feel bad since I didn’t have a direct link to the Black Lion like he and Keith did and the fact that I heard him at all gave him hope.

He also told me that I stepped up and was always thinking about the team and that I’m gonna be a great leader and that he’s proud of me! Okay, I think that’s all he said…

I mean, he also said I was a hero which...man.

It’s crazy. I looked up to Shiro even before the Garrison--the guy’s a legend! When I saw that he was gonna be one of our instructors, I nearly lost my mind, but I could never really get his attention. I mean, it was hard to get any of the instructors to pay attention to you when Keith was around. Probably why I didn’t really like him at first...BUT WHATEVER!! Shiro called me a hero and that’s gonna fuel me for WEEKS!!!

Day 82 of Space Roadtrip, Some Asteroid

PIDGE GOT KILLBOT PHANTASM IV WORKING IN GREEN!!! We played for hours today and it was the best!!

Day 91 of Space Roadtrip, Dead Planet

I finally was able to knock Keith down in training today!! He was a little annoyed but he said good job and that I was really improving. I’m really happy because we’ve been working hard at it. Keith is a much better teacher now too!

Day 102 of Space Roadtrip, Auria

I want to start this off by saying I’M GOING TO KILL KEITH!!! He made me go sprinting after a little alien girl when I didn’t have to! He’s such a jerk…

BUT ANYWAY!! THE GOOD STUFF: We were on this planet called Auria (it was really pretty!) and there was this little alien girl named Aefee who said I was her favorite Paladin!! We talked a little bit and she was really sweet :)

Kinda made me miss Hilario and Ana, but it’s okay! I’m on my way to see them!

Day 115 of Space Roadtrip, Planet With Food We Could Cook

helped Hunk make dinner out of some weird veggies we found on the planet we landed on and he said I had excellent chopping technique! Mamá used to say the same thing when I helped her cook!

P.S. I’m starting to realize a lot of these entries are just me saying when I get compliments...WHAT CAN I SAY I like it when Lancey Lance gets the appreciation he deserves!

Day 134 of Space Roadtrip, Some Asteroid

More training with Keith today! Our fights are starting to feel a lot more even now! And by even, I mean Keith’s almost as good as me! Might even surpass me one day...but oh well, he still can’t shoot for beans.

Day 152 of Space Roadtrip, Red Lion

I don’t talk much about this here cuz it’s not really happy and I try to keep things positive when I’m journaling, but I talked to Allura today and for the first time in a long time, I felt okay? Like...I’ve been really sad about how we weren’t ever gonna be a thing and I still really liked her, but I think it’s starting to be okay. We just talked and it was kind of the first time I was like “okay we’re friends and I’m not wishing for something more” since I decided I needed to give it up. I don’t know, it just felt good. I’m moving on and I still get to hang out with Allura and have fun with her so can’t complain!

Day 171 of Space Roadtrip, Some Asteroid

I FINALLY WON A ROUND OF KP4 AGAINST PIDGE!!! She was really mad at first but then she was like “good game”. Think she’s kind of excited she has competition, actually...

Day 180 of Space Roadtrip, Hybitius

Uh, okay wow. Lot happened today. Like a lot...not all good either, but okay.

So we went to this planet called Hybitius and they have this craaazy carnival with all these thrill rides that make Hunk puke just looking at them and it’s AWESOME!! Keith and I were the only ones with the guts to actually go on them so we spent like, the whole day together and it was...really nice.

We ended the night on this ferris wheel and Keith started talking and he kept saying really nice things like I was there for him and I’m an amazing person and stuff like that and I...ugh this is even hard to write out...but I almost kissed him? And for a second I thought he kinda wanted me to too but the ride was over before I got a chance, which was probably good. Keith probably didn’t want me to kiss him and…

GOD!!! I like Keith!! I like him!! This is so stupid!! When did this even happen?! I mean, I guess we’ve been getting closer because of training...and I guess I’ve always kind of thought he was cute since the Garrison BUT I NEVER LIKED HIM!

I don’t know, I think I’m sad. I know Keith won’t like me back, so I guess I just gotta get over it. Good thing is that I have experience with that so…

Day 215 of Space Roadtrip, Uninhabited Planet

I keep staring at Keith, according to Hunk, but apparently, Keith keeps staring at me too. I don’t know what that means.

Day 220 of Space Roadtrip, Some Asteroid

I think Keith almost kissed me. I’m not sure. We were training and things got a little carried away and...I don’t know. I think...maybe he does like me? I guess I think it’s possible now and that...makes me really, really happy.

Day 222 of Space Roadtrip, Some Asteroid

Keith doesn’t like me. He likes someone else. Pidge told me.

Good thing is that I’ve started “Operation: Get Over Keith” immediately.

Day 223 of Space Roadtrip, Some Asteroid

Operation: Get Over Keith is not going well.

Day 234 of Space Roadtrip, Red Lion

Hunk said something that made Keith laugh over comms today and it was so cute I thought I was gonna have a heart attack.

Day 255 of Space Roadtrip, Some Asteroid

Sorry, it’s been a while. I think the trip’s kind of getting to me. It’s been so long. I’m trying to keep my spirits up for everyone, so I don’t have the energy for lots of journaling...especially about good things.

Sorry, that sounded really negative. I just...want to get home.

Day 269 of Space Roadtrip, Uninhabited Planet

Whenever we land, Keith and I always train and lately, he always come to sit and talk with me. We’re talking a lot, actually. He’s so cool. I mean, I always knew that, but he’s not just cool in an “awesome-pilot-crazy-samurai” way but in a “you make me feel better when I’m sad about something” way too.

We talk about a bunch of stuff, but it usually ends up being about our families.

Suffice to say, Operation: Get Over Keith is still not going well.

Day 283 of Space Roadtrip, Red Lion

Pidge says we’re not close to Earth, but we’re close to being close to Earth. I don’t really get it, but I’ll take it. Pidge thinks we’re close to making a breakthrough and once we do, the rest of the trip will be easy!

Day 298 of Space Roadtrip, Some Asteroid

Keith smiled at me today and it was an attack on my person. Personally.

O:GOK still not going well.

Day 306 of Space Roadtrip, Red Lion

PIDGE DID IT!! SHE KNOWS HOW TO GET US BACK TO EARTH!! IT’S ONLY GOING TO TAKE US LIKE A MONTH TO GET HOME!! EAAAARTH!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

Day 312 of Space Roadtrip, Red Lion

We’re trying to limit our time on the ground as much as possible so we can get home sooner, which is hard, but I’m not complaining! LET’S GET THERE!!!

Day 325 of Space Roadtrip, Desert Planet

Had to take a break finally. We had a good run for a while but it was time.

Keith and I talked about everything we wanted to do once we got home and at some point I just kinda hugged him. He didn’t seem to mind, though.

As always, O:GOK is not going well. Kind of just failing miserably at this point.

Day 340 of Space Roadtrip, THE MILKY WAY GALAXY

YOU READ THAT RIGHT JOURNAL!!! THE MILKY WAY!! WHICH MEANS WE’RE MINUTES FROM HOME!!! I’M GONNA SEE MY FAMILY! I’M GONNA SEE THE OCEAN! I’M GONNA EAT PIZZA AND GARLIC KNOTS AND ICE CREAM AND MAMÁ’S EMPANADAS AND I HAVEN’T STOPPED SCREAMING!! I’M SCREAMING RIGHT NOW!! THEY’RE TELLING ME TO STOP BUT I WON’T!

I think this is gonna be my last entry, at least for now! I’m gonna be too busy on Earth to be able to write, but thanks for being there for me buddy! Writing in you really helped, actually.

EARTH!! WOOHOO!!

Love,

Lance

#JuLance #klance #vld #voltron #vld lance #lance mcclain #vld keith #keith kogane #voltron fic #klance fic #my writing #writing challenge #drabble #ficlet #my post

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assbuttyourlife · 6 years

Text

When We Were Young - Chapter Fifteen

Pairing : Misha/OFC

Warnings : Language, Fire, trauma, PTSD, family members’ death (including child), therapy, flashbacks (not in every chapter), injuries, cheating. Long fic. Angst, fluff, Smut. Mention of suicide.

Words : 4895

Summary : After her grandmother’s funeral, Lily must return to the place she lived in when she was young and has to confront the ghosts of her past. She will run into an old friend that she thought was lost forever.

WWWY Masterlist

AO3 link

CHAPTER 15 - SKIN TO SKIN

After they entered the hotel room, still without a word, Lily fell down on her bed, feeling exhausted. It wasn't late, but all those emotions drained her, and she still felt extremely guilty to see Misha so upset. The atmosphere in the room was heavy and cold, but Misha broke the silence with his low voice.

"I'll be back soon." She looked up to see him leave the room, probably to go get something to eat. She Just hated everything about herself right now... But she had to do it... right? She didn't even know exactly how she really felt about him. They were in love when they were young, that's for sure, but now? Everything had changed. Nothing could be the same anymore, and obviously he didn't want to face it.

She did what she always did when she wasn't feeling good: Call Katie. She just hoped she wasn't too busy rehearsing.

"Heyyy! what's up Lily-bee?" She picked up right away and just hearing her high and raspy voice made Lily feel better. "Hey Kat! You seem good! Where are you?" "In the cafeteria at work, with David who says hi! Are you with Misha?" "Not right now, he uuh... He went to get some food."

Even through the phone, she couldn't fool Katie who immediately heard something was wrong.

"Is everything okay? You sound weird." "Yeah don't worry, we just kinda had what you could call a... disagreement?" "Again? Let me guess: He doesn't want you to sell the estates." Lily cleared her throat. “He actually doesn't. You're good!”

That happened yesterday, but she actually were glad that she had an excuse not to talk about what really happened. At that moment, she thought about something else that changed between her and Misha: they were fighting a lot more. Of course they had fights too when they were teens, but it was rare, and pretty much everytime about something really stupid. But now, they seem to disagree about everything, and it just proved how much they've changed and nothing could be the same.

“Ah ah, I knew it! He's a sentimental and he keeps tearing up when he talks about his childhood, I knew he would try to make you change your mind about selling. Did he actually succeed?” “No, he didn't. I will definitely sell whether he likes it or not. It's not his decision. It won't be easy for me either, but I have to.” “Lily... Do you realize how much money those properties must be worth?”

Katie had a point... The Litchfield mansion was huge and well preserved even if it needed to be freshen up a little, and the farm was even bigger and still workable despite the half burnt residence that should be fixed. “Probably a few... millions...” Lily pointed out.

Money had never been a problem for her, as far as she could remember, her grandfather and father did such a great job with the farm that they had more than enough and they were privileged enough to help other people, but hearing herself saying “millions” was kind of a shock for her anyway, so she just decided to laugh about it for now.

“I'll buy you a boat.” She chuckled. Katie scoffed. “God... I won't even start to tell you how much you'll be able to do with that kind of money, I guess you already know.” “Yeah, don't bother. So... Can we please change the subject for something... lighter?” She was beginning to feel really uncomfortable and that was not why she called Katie in the first place, she needed to be cheered up.

“Alright, alright. Hey umm... Have you checked Twitter since the convention?” Okay... Twitter was definitely a lighter subject, but she had a very bad feeling when she heard the tone in Katie's voice. “No. Should I?” “You know, you should uuh... you should probably change it and make it more... private.” “Why? What's going on?” “Well... you know how Supernatural fans are about girls and everything...”

Couldn't she be more specific? No, she didn't know anything about those stuffs! “Just... Trust me and change it okay? You don't need to waste your time reading everything. It's worthless.” “Thank you! Now I'm freaking out! I'll check it later.” “I need to go, Lily. David's eyes are getting scary, he's been waiting for me long enough. Call me if you need to talk alright? Love ya!” “Wait! What-” Great... she hung up.

Since Misha was still out, she opened the Twitter app on her phone and checked her timeline. It didn't look that bad, some people wanted to know if it was really her they saw at the convention, some others sent her nice tweets saying they were happy Misha found her back, that they were cute together on stage, that they wanted more stories, and then some... oh...

Some people thought she was lying about her identity just to be close to the cast, she saw someone tweeting that she was just Vicki's girlfriend, but Misha wanted to hide it so he made this old friend/girlfriend story up, others simply sent insults thinking she pretended to be his friend just for his money or fame... and she also saw a tweet saying she just wanted to end his marriage because she was jealous. They sure had a lot of imagination!

Their words were very hurtful though... Attention whore... freak... gold digger...jealous bitch...

She jumped when she heard the lock on the door clicking. Misha walked inside the room, put the food on the table and saw her standing in front of the window like a statue, her phone in her hand and a very annoyed look on her face. “Wow, relax. I took something for you too!”

She opened her mouth like she wanted to say something, but no sound got out. She just stayed here with her mouth open, breathing heavily.

“Lily? Don't be so dramatic, I'll get over it. I'm sorry if I reacted so-” She raised her phone and slid her finger on the screen to show him all those tweets about her. He wasn't even surprised.

“Oh... Yeah I could've warned you that could eventually happen.” She felt a wave of wrath growing inside of her. “That's all you have to say???”

He threw the phone down on her bed. “Well, it's unfortunate, but it's part of my life. Some people are just really, really stupid and do that for... I don't even know what for to be honest. I just don't pay attention to them. I'd rather focus on the positive aspect of this fandom to do good things.”

Unbelievable... He talked about it like it was the most normal thing in the world. Was she overreacting? Was she just a drama queen or something?

“Oh, so I am just supposed to shut up and let people insult me in public?” “Well, first you're supposed to make your Twitter more secure, but yeah, just ignore them. Don't let them get to you. You have no idea how many horrors I've read about me, and even about my family, kids included.”

She sat back on her bed and rubbed her face, sighing deeply in defeat. “That a lot of crap for a couple of days.” Misha frowned. “Hey! I don't want you to feel bad about our trip here!”

She stared at him with wide eyes. “Look at us, Misha! We can't stop fighting! We disagree on everything, this is ridiculous! And now this? This whole thing is a complete disaster!”

He sat on his bed, facing her, a bit disappointed she felt that way. “I don't think it is.” “See? Again, we disagree!”

His face fell at her hurtful sarcastic tone and his voice started to raise. “Don't ruin this for me! I enjoy being here with you!” “Naturally, it's my fault again. It was a fucking bad idea in the first place and you know it! We have nothing to do here anymore, among ashes and ghosts of the past! We're not the same persons anymore, we have nothing in common, just face it Misha, and then you'll be able to move on like I did!” She almost screamed.

She sighed heavily, got up of the bed and went to the bathroom, not bothering closing the door behind her as she was just getting her stuff back to put them on her suitcase.

“What are you doing?” Misha followed her. “I'm going back home, where I belong. We've wasted enough time. I should be rehearsing for next weekend's concert and you should be with your family while you're free.” She spat harshly. “Oh, so this is your solution to every problem in your life, uh? Running away? Just like you ran to Europe? That's the only thing you can do? Very brave, Lily!” They were both screaming at each other now, Misha following her every move, ready to jump if she tried to escape.

She opened the dresser and picked her clothes, throwing them angrily in her suitcase without even folding them properly. “Shut up! Don't pretend you know me! You don't! You did, but it's over. It's fucking over, Misha, do you understand that?” Her voice was shaky as she started crying, not because she was sad, but because she was full of rage, trying to make him understand that all of this was useless. She had a hard time closing her suitcase, as it was a big mess inside and she was shaking from anger.

“Do what you want here, take whatever you want, I don't even care. I'll call the agency to sell the houses next week, so you better hurry.” She put her suitcase down and started walking toward the door, taking her jacket and phone on her way. Misha followed her, feeling everything around him crumbling.

“Lily, stop!! Wait!!” He ran to the door so he could reach it before her and stood on the way so she couldn't get out. “Get out of my way!” He didn't move. His jaw clenched and his nostrils flared as he stared at her angrily. “Make me.” His voice was dangerously calm and low now.

In her rage, Lily threw her jacket in his face but he caught it. “Get... the fuck... OUT... OF MY SIGHT!” She yelled, catching every object she could put her hand on and throwing them at him between her words.

Tired of her little scene, Misha stepped forward and caught her right wrist so she would stop throwing things at him. She gasped. “Let me go!” He caught her other wrist, roughly pulled her towards him, spun around and pinned both of her wrists above her head against the front door. She struggled, panting, so he stepped closer to press her whole body between him and the door to keep her from moving and hurt herself.

“You fucking bastard! Get the fuck away from me! Let me go, damn it!!” She screamed, feeling trapped. He got even closer and looked down at her, his face only a few inches from hers, her wrists still pinned above her head. “I can't...” He whispered between clenched teeth. She panted and tried to struggle even more, but he was definitely stronger so she could only writhe a little under his weight, driving him crazy.

He leaned closer and crashed his lips on hers, sucking on them before biting her lower lip, which startled her so she made a strangled noise. He took both of her wrists in his right hand as he needed the left one to grip firmly on her chin and tilted it up so she would look at him in the eyes.

“I just can't let you go, don't you understand that?” He growled before roughly kissing her once more, this time pushing his tongue inside of her mouth.

She was still panting and writhing between him and the door, but she kissed him back, biting his lower lip too. Misha slid his leg between hers and raised his knee up a little so his thigh was now pushing up right between hers, and she completely lost it when she felt the pressure between her legs. Her eyes shut down and her legs almost gave up so he had to let go of her wrists to support her, but he didn't stop. He grabbed her chin once more and tilted her head up.

“Look at me.” She heard the dominance in his voice and felt the wetness between her thighs spreading, as he laid his hand on her hips and slid it under her shirt, now biting on her neck. She gave in, unable to resist him any longer, raising her arms so he could take her shirt off completely, and she went wild when he licked on her neck, right on the spot that he knew made her weak, soon sliding his tongue lower to her chest. She moaned loudly and grinded against his thigh while she touched him everywhere, finally free from his grip. She almost ripped his shirt open, eager to feel the warmth of his skin against her chest after so long.

She couldn't stop touching him, his large shoulders, his firm chest, then she reached further and scratched his back until her hand finally reach his jean's bandwaist, and she plunged under his boxer to squeeze his ass. He groaned and reached for her jeans too, unzipping them quickly. He pulled his leg back from between hers and she whined at the loss. He stopped kissing her and stared hungrily in her eyes while he pulled her jeans down roughly. She helped him by stepping on it and freeing her legs. She was now only in her underwear and this vision made Misha even more eager. He pressed his body to hers and cupped her ass, raising her from the ground, and she instinctively locked her legs around his waist, her head falling back against the door in a thud when she felt his rock hard erection through his jeans. She gripped on his shoulders when he kissed her once more. The kiss was wet and full of tongues, they were just devouring each other. She rolled her hips against his jeans and they both whined at the sensation.

Misha turned around with her still hooked around him, walked to his bed and threw her on it before pulling his pants off while she was laying on her back biting her lower lip. He climbed on the bed, put his hands on her knees and spread her legs before laying down on top of her and leaving open wet kisses on her neck. He reached behind her back to unclasp her bra and she arched to help him. She let out a long and obscene moan when he closed his mouth around her right nipple and sucked hard. She scratched his back one more time and shoved her hand between their bodies, gripping his hard clothed cock to stroke it.

“Ahh!” He grunted and threw his face in the crook of her neck, biting harder, kneading one of her breast in his hand. She pulled down on his boxer, unable to wait any longer. He knelt back on the bed between her thighs to help her, and she licked and bit her lower lip, humming when she saw his thick cock finally free. Of course, Misha did the same and quickly pulled her black panties down too, before observing her body with darkening eyes. His hands caressed up her legs and he bent down to kiss her on the lips. He laid down on top of her and when he felt their naked bodies fully connected, as she wrapped her arms tight around his chest and her legs around his waist, his cock rubbing on her lower stomach, his mood changed, and he kissed her slower and slower, deeper and deeper, realizing he was making love to the woman he missed so much.

He could've kissed her like that forever. It was worth a million words, and he put everything he felt for her in that kiss, sucking on her soft and luscious lower lip, tasting her over and over again. He held her face in his hands and broke the kiss to stare into her green gaze. She stared back at him with shiny eyes and smiled, sliding her hands down to his lower back. She pushed a little and felt the tip of his cock on her now soaking entrance, which caused her head to fall back and her mouth to open without making a sound.

Misha sucked on her neck one more time while thrusting his hips further and entered her slowly until he was fully inside of her, causing her to dig her fingers on his back and moan. He didn't move. He just stopped everything to look at her and appreciate the exquisite feeling of her around him.

“I missed you so damn much.” He whispered. Her eyes reddened and she ran her fingers through his hair. She gently pushed his head down and kissed him slowly. “I missed you too.” She replied softly against his lips. Misha wiped a tear that fell from her eyes with his thumb and stroked her hair back. He gently pressed his lips to hers again and started to thrust slowly. They both stopped kissing to moan in each others mouth, as good as it felt for both of them despite the torturous slow pace of his hips. They stayed with their mouths open, breathing each other's air, while Misha sped up his pace a little and thrust harder, needing more. She moaned at every move.

“Oh... Misha... fuck!” The sounds she made were driving him crazy, so he sped up even more, knowing he wouldn't last long after twenty two years of missing her perfect body. She grabbed his hair with a hand, wrapping her other arm around his chest. The feeling of him inside of her was pure ecstasy. She forgot how good he felt, how thick he was, how perfectly their bodies matched. She whined and swayed her hips under him, her breasts rubbing against his chest. He could feel her hard nipples against him, her arms shaking around his neck, her warm stomach under his, her legs hooked around his waist, her walls twitching around his cock, and the feeling was almost unbearable.

“Come with me.” He purred in her ear and thrust his hips frantically, sucking her neck one more time. “Oohhh god... Misha... Oh fuck... yeah!” She bit her lower lip hard and held onto him even tighter, squeezing her eyes shut.

“Open your eyes, Lily...” He wanted to sink into her gaze while she came, he needed her to see him loving her. The feeling of him thrusting fast and hard inside of her while she was wrapped around his warm and firm body was so unbelievably good that she just wanted to close her eyes to melt in the sensation, but she fought to keep them open and look into his piercing eyes, now almost black from lust, with a hint of blue sparkling emotion.

They both dissolved into pleasure at the same time, staring at each other and screaming each other's names. She felt her walls clenching around his hard cock as his pace became unsteady and he came inside of her, and her eyes rolled back as she cried out his name one more time. He grunted and thrust a few more time, guiding her through her orgasm, and when her moans got lower, he collapsed on top of her, laying his head on her chest to catch his breath. She didn't roll to move him away from her. She needed to melt under his weight and warmth just like she used to do when they were young.

Misha had always been a cuddler, he liked to stay and lay on top of her to cuddle after sex, and apparently it didn't change. He pulled up a little, supported by his elbows on each side of her face, and he looked at her for a while without saying anything.

She opened her eyes and saw him staring at her with awe.

"What?” She whispered. A tender smile slowly grew on his face. “This is no PTSD... This is not because we're here... This is not nostalgia or any other crap. I love you, Lily, and I mean it. I know you're scared, but I'm not. Something... or someone, took us apart for twenty two years while we could've been happy together, and I'm done wasting time.”

She shook her head, closed her eyes and clenched her jaw. “Oh Misha...” she caressed his cheek and traveled to his hair. God how she loved his soft hair!

“The only thing I'm asking you right now, is to not regret this. We'll figure the rest later. Can you do that?”

Her right hand traveled softly from his shoulder to his lower back as she sank into his gaze. She knew she would regret this the second she would be away from him. She would feel terribly guilty and she would probably never be able to look at Vicki in the eyes, but right now... she was happy and complete... She felt like she was sixteen again, and she only wanted to keep him forever.

“I don't know.” She replied honestly.

And this was the exact time Vicki chose to call her husband... Misha's phone rang on the nightstand so he picked up, moving away from Lily in the process, and she sighed, feeling empty again. “Hey Vic, what's up?” Misha answered casually.

Of course, Lily's brain started to work... too much. She was currently naked in the bed of a married man and a father, who was also naked, talking to his wife on the phone right after they had unprotected sex... Nice one, Lily! And she was supposed to not regret it and not think she was a reckless slut after that? She just did what Peter did to her a few weeks ago, except it was even worse for her because she was destroying a whole family... Oh god if Rebecca knew about that... She would hate her for devastating her family. And if her mom could see her right now, she would be so ashamed of her own daughter!

She felt terrible, unable to keep listening to him being all cute while West took the phone because he was missing his daddy, so she got up, picked clean clothes in her super messy suitcase, and went to clean up in the bathroom, avoiding looking at herself in the mirror. He was still on the phone, naked in his bed, when she got out, fresh and dressed.

“I don't know yet, we'll probably go to see our old school or something.” She heard him say to Vicki. He looked at her and winked. She went to check her phone on the armchair near the window.

“I gotta go, Vic. Kiss Maison for me. I'll call when she wakes up.” He hung up and went to the bathroom to clean up too. While she waited for him, Lily tried to eat a bit of the chicken salad Misha brought earlier, but all she could hear were the words whore and home wrecker, resonating again and again in her mind, so she gave up eating, feeling nauseous.

When he got out of the bathroom all dressed and ready to go, she observed him, and something bothered her.

“You look like you don't feel an ounce of guilt...” It startled him so he leaned on the table right next to her. “That was fast... I thought you'd reject your guilt a little longer.” She sighed and closed her eyes. “You just fucked another woman and talked to your wife and kid right after and you act like this is totally normal when it's definitely not.”

He crossed his arms. How could he be so insouciant? “That's how you see it?” “That's exactly what it was, Misha! How blind are you?” “I just made love to the woman I was supposed to marry but lost tragically twenty years ago. We are lucky enough to have a second chance, Lily... I won't let that slip away from me without fighting. I tried to stop missing you, to stop loving you, to stop wanting you, but I can't, you hear me? I can't lose you twice.”

Damn it! He knew perfectly how to make her feel like jelly!

“I don't feel guilty because I know what I'm doing. I know Vicki, I'll talk to her. Then I'll figure something out depending on her reaction.” “Depending on her reaction??? She will fly to Seattle with her crying kids who lost their daddy, and she'll get to me and slit my throat while I sleep and expose my head to the world! And she will be RIGHT about it!"

He didn't want to, but he slammed his hand on his mouth and laughed uncontrollably. “Are you fucking laughing? Is this funny to you?” “Your reaction kinda is, yeah! Do you hear yourself? You should avoid anticipating reactions of people you don't know. I'm pretty sure I know what Vicki will do or say, and I can only tell you you're far from the truth.” "No. You will shut up about it and preserve what you have. She doesn't have to know does she?" "Yes, she has to know, first because we are honest with each other about everything, and then because it will happen again."

As appealing and exciting as it sounded in his mouth, she couldn't imagine herself being that kind of woman. "No, Misha. It won't happen again. Consider this a... I don't know... a closure fuck."

He grabbed her arm and forced her to stand facing him. He was still leaning on the table, so he spread his legs and pulled her towards him, then took her chin in his hand and kissed her. Oh god that mouth... She couldn't help but kiss him back, feeling her legs getting weaker and weaker. He left her mouth to look intensely into her eyes.

"It will..." He leaned to suck on her neck. "happen..." He traveled to her ear and tugged on her earlobe with his teeth and her eyes rolled. "again." He pressed her hips to his crotch and she tried to suppress a moan but failed miserably.

"That's it...I'm going to hell." She had a second of lucidity and drew back from him, sitting back on her chair. "Okay, you have a point, I'm weak and you and your fucking perfect body are devilish. That doesn't mean I want that." "Seriously? You're still gonna pretend you don't want us to be together after that? Bullshit!" "I don't know what I want, Misha! Actually yeah... I want us to go back in time and get out of the hospital after the fire with everyone still alive, and we would go to college and get married and be happy like we planned. Can we do that? NO! Every other scenario where I would have to share you or destroy your family is unacceptable."

"Are you done? Who said you would have to share? You're just scared, I understand that, and it's normal. I won't force you to anything, and I won't do anything before talking to Vicki. But unlike you, I know exactly what I want, I will give up only if I know for sure that you don't want it too. But for now... We should go out of this room and have some fresh air to clear our minds. How about we go to the park, then we can go have dinner somewhere, and you know what I would love to do?" Her face turned into a puzzled expression as she squinted her eyes. "I would love to check out of here and spend our last night at the farm."

She almost gasped. "What? There's nothing there! No water, no power... No beds!" "Like I care. I lived like that before, remember?"

Oh snap... Of course she remembered but she hadn't thought about it and now she felt slightly embarrassed and guilty. "Yeah you did but... This is different... I mean... It's wild and full of... Insects and who knows what else and..." He chuckled. "When did you become so townie? You're a countryside girl! Where did your adventurous spirit go?" "It burnt away."

That harsh comment hit Misha like an ice cold shower. "I refuse to let you become that kind of person. We're going, period."

He stood up, put his jacket on, took his suitcase and left the room to go check out at the front desk, taking her with him by the hand. Lily sighed but had no other choice but to follow him... It's gonna be a damn long night.

#misha collins #fanfiction #long fic #slow built #when we were young #young!misha

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