#usually my N7 day things are so sad
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The Ring
“This is hopeless,” Kaidan said, running his hands through his hair for probably the fourth time in as many minutes. “All these rings are wrong. Too big, too gold, too clunky…”
Across the jewellery store, Joker, who had already had to trade out his cybernetics for actual crutches due to the many many laps around the Citadel, threw back his head and heaved an overdramatic sigh.
“Dude. Just buy a ring already.”
Kaidan gritted his teeth, fighting the urge to hit the pilot, or at least knock his stupid hat off his stupid head.
“Well maybe,” he shot back, far more sarcastically than he’d intended. “If someone’s robot girlfriend hadn’t already given her the perfect ring, we wouldn’t still be scouring jewellery stores.”
Damn, it seemed that over four hours of looking at shiny pieces of rock and metal had gotten to him more than he thought. At least Joker had the grace to look properly admonished.
“Okay so… maybe you don’t get her a ring,” he suggested, patiently. “Maybe you do something different like… I don’t know.” Joker paused, his gaze flickering over the various counters. “An engagement bracelet or an engagement tiara or… wait, is that a replica Avenger?”
It was. From the First Contact War too, decommissioned and missing its thermal coil, but dented and beaten in that special way that suggested the piece had seen real action.
“It’s perfect.” Joker hobbled over and scooped up the rifle from the display, where Kaidan had been admiring it with his eyes instead of his hands. “C’mon, can’t you just imagine getting down on one knee and handing her this gorgeous piece of weaponry?”
Was it weird that he could totally imagine that? But was it the result of four hours of shiny rocks and metal, or was legitimately a good idea?
Fuck, he was far too tired to judge.
He couldn’t even decide whether it was a good thing or a bad thing that Joker thought it was a good idea.
A vague memory floated to the surface of his mind.
They were in her cabin, though he couldn’t recall whether it was the SR1 or SR2. Either way, it had been one of those glorious evenings when it was just the two of them having dinner, reading reports and being normal.
“You know,” she’d said, a distinct twinkle of mischief in her eyes, “This. Us. Is probably the most normal thing to happen to me in the last ten years.”
He hadn’t been sure whether she’d meant it as a good thing or a bad thing and he’d been a little too terrified of the answer to straightforwardly ask.
“Oh?”
“Yeah.” She had smiled like she knew what he’d been thinking. “I like it.”
“Me too,” he’d agreed more than a little relieved.
“I’ll stick with the ring,” he decided, pointedly ignoring Joker’s answering groan, because yes, they would be going to another jewellery store and another and another until he found the perfect ring.
And then maybe, maybe, he could start getting his head around the proposal.
Later, he found himself alone in the apartment. Shepard was with Miranda or Tali or… Jack? Possibly all three? Didn’t matter, she was out and would be for a few hours, which meant he was free to closet himself in the study with the extranet and multiple datapads displaying several different brochures.
The problem was that that every single brochure had that ring.
And not just that ring, but little pop ups that said ‘as worn by Commander Shepard’.
If you had told sixteen-year-old Kaidan Alenko that one day he’d be considering dismantling a sexy AI robot lady with murderous intent, he wouldn’t have believed you.
But damn, he could have killed EDI.
Because yes, obviously a ring made from metals of all four council homeworlds bonded together was perfect for her. So perfect that there had even been a slew of ‘Commander Shepard Engaged??!!’ headlines from some of trashier publications, when she’d dared to wear it one day for one stupid swanky charity event.
One singular event. Which, of course, wasn’t putting any extra pressure on his search for an actual ring at all.
Not to mention the practical concerns. At the end of the day she’d still have to wear it under her armour (at least, he hoped she’d want to wear it under her armour) so it had to be small enough to fit and not impede her movement, yet still big enough to be noticeable.
Maybe he was going about this the wrong way. Maybe what he really needed to do was narrow the search.
Okay. It couldn’t be anything too large, so those were out. He didn’t want anything too small, so those were out. More stones were just more things to get lost, broken or chipped as a result of her day-to-day life, so those were out. Which left…
Hundreds. Hundreds of single gem rings; their stones cut in a variety of ways, square, pear and something called ‘princess cut’, that he was almost sure Shepard would shoot him for even considering. And if having innumerable cuts and shapes weren’t enough, there were an almost equal number of metals and alloys to choose from.
Palladium stood out. He was sure that Shepard would appreciate the fact that, if the Normandy were stuck between systems, they could always melt her ring down for that extra tiny bit of fuel.
That said, he’d rather that she didn’t have to sacrifice her ring to keep the Normandy afloat. It was, after all, definitely something she’d do and would land him back in the exact same situation he was in now, trying to find a replacement.
So maybe not palladium.
There was one ring he kept coming back to, and dismissing, because it was too simple, too normal. It was white gold with a single square cut diamond set close to the band. He wasn’t even really sure why he kept looking at it except that… for some reason he could clearly picture it on Shepard’s finger.
Maybe…
Maybe the ring didn’t have to be something grand and filled with symbolism. Maybe it could just be… normal.
Because, by god, something in their lives ought to be.
He had it up on the screen, finger hovering over the ‘order’ button when he heard the door to the apartment swish open.
He clicked order before he could think.
“Hey,” Shepard said, sticking her head into the study.
“Hey,” he replied, scrambling to block the screen as best he could.
“I picked up some grilled cheeses on the way back – you want in?”
“Sure!” He managed to squeak out the word before she mercifully left the room.
When he turned back to the terminal it was to see the words ‘Order confirmed’ flashing on the screen. He bought a ring. An actual engagement ring. A beautiful, small, perfect engagement ring.
Now all he had to do was propose.
Shit.
(part of my ‘Shenko Ever After’ series on Ao3!)
#Happy N7 day everyone!#Just a little bit of fluff#usually my N7 day things are so sad#this was a nice change of pace#mass effect#kaidan alenko#Kaidan Alenko / Femshep#Commander Shepard
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i’m in a mass effect mood so how about a femshep + garrus with “under the skylight and starlight” :) take that any way you wish <3
So, this ended up being way longer than I had originally planned. I'm so sorry it took a while, but I hope you enjoy it!! I personally headcanon that Garrus and Shepard fell for each other back in ME 1 and are just being idiots (affectionately) in love.
Pairing: Garrus Vakarian x Fem!Shepard
Rating: M for a little bit of hurt/comfort. Please remember this is an 18+ blog, so minors DNI
Length: 1.3k
Death had always been inevitable, but now it was fairly certain. Archangel was prepared to go out in a blaze of glory and take as much of Omega’s gang problem with him as possible, but deep down, Garrus Vakarian was honestly just tired. Somehow, this heroic fate seemed kinder than a life alone; one spent without his team, and worst of all, one spent without her.
Shepard had crashed into his life with the sheer force of a falling star. She was beautiful, a fierce warrior unrelentingly dedicated to saving humanity, and the most capable commander he could’ve ever hoped to serve under. How could he not have fallen for her?
Garrus may as well have been found floating in the wreckage of the Normandy because a part of him died the day Shepard was lost. His cracked heart had begun to heal over time with the love and care from his team, but when they were killed, it shattered completely.
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The kickback from his sniper rifle shook Garrus out of his daze. His shoulder throbbed from the repeated force. Across the bridge, a Blue Suns officer crumpled to the ground while the others yelled and dove for any available cover. The ghost of a wry smile formed on his face.
Heh. Still got it.
Suddenly, the tone of the battlefield changed. Three more figures hopped over a barricade close to the entrance, and Garrus snapped his scope in their direction.
Shit.
He focused in on the smaller figure in the lead. They seemed to be one of the outside mercenaries from the look of their armor.
Inhale.
The scope was trained for a clean headshot.
Exhale.
His finger moved to the trigger.
Suddenly, the mercenary on the right stumbled, the unexpected fall catching his eye right before he pulled the trigger.
Before Garrus could even think, the mercenary in the middle -a woman- turned back to grab their arm and pull them aside. He would’ve normally chalked it up to some kind of uncommon honor among criminals, but the red and pearlescent white N7 sigil etched into their breastplate glinted in the light as they turned.
For the first time in years, Garrus felt a sharp pang in the heart he swore he no longer had.
His hands moved before he could even think. The concussive ammo was clipped in, and one round was fired into their shoulder. The woman barely even flinched. Instead, she turned, looked knowingly in his direction, and inclined her head.
It may be a cruel joke, but at least it’s a helpful one.
Garrus sighed. Hope was a funny thing; he’d seen the wreckage of the Normandy himself, and not even Shepard could’ve survived that. Now, he’d get to see the woman humanity chose to try and take her place.
Another bullet, lethal this time, left the chamber and a Blood Pack operative crumpled. The woman led her two friends through the doors and into the first floor of the building. Garrus could hear raucous cheers from the mercenaries and gang members on the other side of the bridge.
If I’m right about this, they won’t be cheering for much longer. If I’m wrong……. I won’t exactly have much time to regret it.
As if on cue, several pairs of footsteps could be heard running up the stairs behind him. They ran through the door behind Garrus as he fired another shot. Yet another gang member fell.
Time to see if my luck has run out.
As he lowered his weapon and turned around, the woman released the latches on her helmet. The sight of fiery red hair peeking out from underneath made his heart stop. Time seemed to slow as she lifted it completely off, and, before he knew it, the face Garrus saw every night in his dreams was looking back at him expectantly.
He nearly dropped the rifle. Garrus slowly reached up to remove his own helmet, afraid she’d somehow disappear if he moved too quickly.
“Shepard….. I thought you were dead.” His normally smooth, purring voice cracked with raw emotion; he couldn’t have kept it out if he’d tried.
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Garrus found Shepard where she always was after a difficult mission, the observation deck. His heart jumped again at the sight of her, a feeling he’d have to get used to again. The starlight from the large viewport was the only source of light in the room; it shone on Shepard as she gazed out into the galaxy, brows furrowed in thought.
He made it all the way over to where she sat before she turned to acknowledge his presence.
“It’s good to see you back on the Normandy,” Shepard rewarded him with a small, relaxed smile, one he only saw given to close friends. She gestured to the spot beside her.
Garrus took the invitation and sat. He had recovered enough to be walking around, but the wounds he suffered were still fresh, and the weariness from the long fight hadn’t fully left him. Shepard noticed the slight wince he tried to hide and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.
“You know you can go rest if you need it.”
The look of genuine concern on her face was touching.
“Shepard, you came back from the dead; my rest can wait.” Garrus paused and gestured around. “The crew, your friends, missed you… I missed you.”
That last bit accidentally slipped out before he could think. Turians didn’t blush like humans, but Garrus was sure his face would be bright red if they did. He was far from shy around women; he was usually quite the charmer, but Shepard was a special case.
For the first time since he had been back on the Normandy, Garrus actually looked closely at her face. Her expression would seem peaceful for anyone who wasn’t close to her, but there was sadness and worry hidden in her eyes. There were new scars on her face still healing from the explosion, and she seemed just as weary as he felt.
“The world wouldn’t end if you got some rest too.” Garrus looked at her pointedly before mirroring Shapard and resting his hand on her shoulder.
They sat in comfortable silence, still in their partial embrace, before she finally responded with a new mischievous glint in her eye. “Since you’re back on the Normandy now, I have your first order. Take the rest of the night off to rest.”
Garrus opened his mouth to protest, but Shepard wagged a finger at him and poked him in the shoulder. “I wasn’t finished yet, but I’m serious. Your calibrations can wait until tomorrow.”
She grinned before continuing, “Besides, I happen to be taking the rest of the night off to make sure you actually follow my order. I know how you are.”
Garrus tilted his head in mock disbelief. “I just got out of the med bay, and you’re already ordering me around?” He feigned a look of hurt, the familiar bantering purr returning to his voice. “Very well, Commander, since you insist.”
Shepard fired back, her tone still light and teasing, “Good to see that all your time as Archangel hasn’t overridden your military training yet.”
This woman is going to be the death of me.
The stars continued to shine through the viewport as they sat in comfortable, friendly silence. There was so much to talk about, so much to discuss, but, for now, there was this moment of peace carved out of a chaotic universe. There was only Garrus and Shepard, and that was more than enough.
Earlier today, life had seemed like a cruel joke, but now Garrus Vakarian would swear to anyone that he was the luckiest Turian in the entire universe. The fight was dicey, they had barely escaped, and he had a few new scars to show for it, but what was new? The most important thing was that Shepard was back in his life. Besides, some women find scars attractive…..
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follows x (sidebar i guess)
The nights before battles are always bad, but this time before the training op is somehow worse. There are a lot of unknowns, a lot Luca feels like he doesn’t understand and can’t predict and his mind won’t settle. He looks around the squad, the N7’s, the phoenix, the Berlin – and wonders what the hell he’s doing here in such esteemed company.
Just some kid from the wards who faked his ID to enlist early and had been scrambling to pay his dues ever since.
“Luca,” Marie had pulled him into a hug when he had finally managed to steal a moment of her time to voice his fears as the Berlin shudders with the unclamping of the space dock. His chance to get away from the ship and its strange contingent is rapidly slipping through his fingers and something that feels like panic claws at his throat. “It’s not a mistake. You bring so much to the table.”
He tries to shrug it off but his eyes sting uncomfortably and he’s so mad at himself for the show of weakness. “I don’t know, Commander, my track rec-“
“No,” Marie cuts him off firmly and there is the steel under her softness she’s so known for. “I trust Captain Malin with my life, he’s kept me alive this long and if he says you need to be here then you need to be here. He sent you to me, Luca and I haven’t had a reason to doubt you yet. Have you ever stopped to consider maybe there’s more in you than you know?”
It’s been twelve hours and Luca still doesn’t know what Marie means by that and he hasn’t had a chance to ask her again. The second the drives engaged, tension settled over everyone and even his tinkering with the projector and vague mumbling about date nights and Blasto movies didn’t go anywhere near far enough to ease the strain. Not when the ship visibly crackled by the hum of biotic energy in the air.
They couldn’t see it, but they could all feel it. A constant reminder that there were big things afoot.
Luca grabs his guitar from his bunk, clambers over a deeply snoring Braun and tries to shake Harris awake, only to receive an aggressive yank of his curls and a snarl for daring to get between her and the sweet oblivion of sleep for his troubles. He leans back, rubbing his head with a wince and glances at Thurman’s bunk. It’s empty, but that wasn’t unusual, although more than a little bit curious.
He wanders through the ship. The lab is empty, the CIC and the bridge are quiet with the B squad (as Davis refereed to them) crew manned the controls. The captain’s quarter’s shine with a big red seal and Luca knows better than to go sniffing around when that’s lit up. He finds himself shuffling through the higher decks where the larger cabins are, only to hear a thunk and something that sounds suspiciously like a moan leak through the heavy bulkheads from the direction of his commander’s quarters.
Luca hurries his step, not wanting to be caught lurking out there when there’s clearly nocturnal activities at play. He heads towards the mess. It’s mostly empty too, except for Yamamoto at the table.
“Aw, gonna play everyone a lullaby?” He sneers at Luca over his MRE.
“Shut up, Yamamoto,” Luca mutters and readjusts his guitar strap self-consciously over his shoulder, hoping the way his cheeks feel hot look like he’s mad and not just embarrassed. He doesn’t like this guy, a comms officer who never knew when to shut up seemed like a bad fit in Luca’s mind.
“What did you say to me, you little punk?”
“Nothing,” Luca grits his teeth. Yamamoto was only being brave because there wasn’t anyone else in the room. He had taken one look at Luca the first day on the ship and disliked him on sight. Luca had decided the feeling was most definitely mutual, even as a small slither of discomfort lingers at the back of his mind as he wonders about the reason why. “Go back to your dehydrated non-sentient varren strips.”
Luca spins on his heel and ignores the shouted retort at his back. A part of him takes a perverse pleasure that at least Yamamoto was eating that, clearly having been asleep when Zeus had cooked up his mountain of pasta for the rest of the crew.
He continues his shuffles down the hallway in the hopes the rec room might have some activity, but it’s empty and the observation lounge has one lone figure nestled by the wide viewport. Luca recognizes the profile instantly when the door opens. Phoenix Knight lounges by the wide expanse of stars, a swirling glass of amber liquid in one hand and an unlit cigarette on the small side table beside him.
Luca hesitates in the doorway, unsure. Mason was the more approachable of them but there’s a heaviness here now that Luca clocks instantly. There only light comes from the stars outside and too late Luca recalls the vague, overheard mutter earlier from Ajax, something about a divorce, and figures the phoenix must be sad and deep into a session of brooding contemplation he has no business being witness to. “Oh, uh… sorry.”
Mason doesn’t answer beyond a slow sip of his drink. Luca can feel the prickle in the air and his jaw aches. The throbs were getting worse. “I’ll… um… I’ll come back,” he says lamely and escapes towards the elevator before the other man can even answer.
He decides then to ride the elevators down to the lower decks, deliberately avoiding the training areas. Marie had taken him through his paces earlier, along with the rest of the squad, drilling them relentlessly until even Harris had wheezed onto the mat we’re not N7’s! and Luca had wanted to vomit except his heart had been beating too hard to manage even that. His ears were still ringing slightly but the dull ache from a particularly rough smack to the head was starting to make the occasional spasms from his implant uncomfortably persistent.
He ends up in the cargo bay, shivering slightly as he walks in. It’s well stocked at this point of their journey, crates piled high and tucked around a shuttle, a Mako and a Hammerhead auxiliary craft Luca instantly hates the look of. It’s always a few degrees colder in the bay and the air stinks a bit like grease and eezo but it’s close to the drive core and empty enough that Luca feels safe slumping down against a pile of crates and deactivating his hearing aids. The urge to play his guitar isn’t there tonight, the usual sanctuary he finds in the strings and the notes of his songs feels too far out of reach when his head aches the way it does. As his implant powers down, the low buzzing in his ears finally settles and the blessed silence creeps in. Luca rests his guitar against the crate, sighing a little in disappointment at his own strange mood. It’s weird to feel antsy and lonely and uneasy all at the same time.
Was it all the energy around them? He doesn’t know.
Luca places one hand against the cold metal floor and closes his eyes, absorbing the vibration of the Berlin’s drive core through his palm and chasing the rhythm in his mind.
He can’t sleep, but he can sit and enjoy the quiet for a while.
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i know I always say this, but, last night REALLY WAS the BUSIEST OF DAYS in the Reaper War
before I get into yesterday’s gameplay, I realized I forgot to react to the fact that Jacob got Brynn pregnant, which -- again, I suppose that wraps up everything about his backstory in a nice little bow, lad of the bad dad gets to be good dad, but like... it still gives like they gave his character incredibly short shrift. so. humbug to that.
but I have bigger fish to fry (ha ha, literally, see what I did there?) because ALL OF THIS HAS HAPPENED BEFORE, AND ALL OF THIS WILL HAPPEN AGAIN. I rescued Ann Bryson, and learned that -- shocker -- she had a bad relationship with her dad. I uh may have condoned her getting a bit of a nasty nose bleed in order to track the Leviathan to Despoina, where as ever I got to read a bunch of people’s weirdly specific sad diaries. my jump into the depths was very cool and scary (does no one get the bends in the future???) and I enjoyed my The First-style body swapping conversation with the Leviathan in which I tried to prove I’m ~special and this time is ~different. on the one hand, I don’t know why I expected the origin of the Reapers to be anything other than yet another story of AI gone wrong, but this whole cinematic parallels thing is starting to edge out of “everything matches up and is of a piece” territory and into the murkier waters of “we kind of only had one idea, actually.” to reveal that the Reapers’ plan is just stray AI code to ‘preserve life’ is at once very chilling and a bit of a let down; when I think back to when I talked to Sovereign for the first time and I had my initial “GOD IS A MACHINE THAT WANTS TO KILL US” freak out, I was in fact very on board for an evil plan too broad and complex for a human mind to fathom. for it to be this feels kind of predictable and pedestrian.
that said, watching the Leviathan take down a huge-ass Reaper capital ship with its pulse signal was very satisfying.
oh no this is going to get very long, now that you’ve had this fun teaser i’m gonna put the rest under a cut
then we kicked it on over to Thessia and I highkey traumatized my girlfriend. I feel like I should have seen the reveal that the asari were more advanced because they were hoarding prothean tech coming, but I didn’t. hearing and seeing all the asari commandos helping me get wiped out was a real gut punch, but didn’t hold a candle to my frustration at the confrontation with Kai Leng. I’m not mad that the game wouldn’t let me beat him, per se (though I still think it’s ridiculous that I’ve taken down a Reaper by myself and I’m supposed to be afraid of a dude with a knife), but I am pissed that it all happened with combat cut scene magic. this game has given me difficult combat before! if, in fighting Kai Leng, I’d genuinely felt outmatched, I think I would have tolerated it better -- or if the combat had been me fighting the Harvesters and then Kai Leng sneaked around me because that’s what he does, he sneaks. but to have such a relatively easy combat sequence with him that felt very much like winning just to have it snatched away from me... maddening. WHY CAN’T I BEAT THIS ONE GUY AND HIS KNIFE? I don’t want to be all “Kai Leng is a Mary Sue” but like... he got to murder Thane and then beat me in overtime, and his entire vibe is I exist to sell action figures even though that’s not, as far as I know, any part of Mass Effect’s profit model. so it’s just frustrating. and for them to then rub salt in the wound and have him EMAIL ME to be like “lol snowflake r u triggered” was just. MY PATIENCE IS THIN, ME3. DON’T PUSH ME.
seeing Shepard have to admit to failure was a gutting scene, though, and a necessary one. and watching Liara fight with Javik was highkey satisfying, too.
so anyway, because i was BIG MAD at Cerberus I tracked them first to that one N7 communications mission--
(Sample dialogue:
Helen: Why aren’t you using cover? You’re going to die! Use cover!
Me, jumping out of cover and rushing Cerberus goons trying to melee them to death: BECAUSE I’M MAD)
-- and then to Sanctuary, and HOO BOY WAS THAT A LOT OR WHAT. from the second I heard Oriana’s voice I had a pretty good idea of what was going on here, but seeing in in practice was still creepy af. and like. i’m just gonna go out on a limb and say INDOCTRINATION BAD. I AM NOT A FAN. shout out to that one capitalist volus on the Citadel who was like “lol sanctuary is a scam don’t waste your money” i guess
additionally, last night was significant because I picked not one but TWO ENTIRE renegade convince options, because I saw no reason to be nice to terrorist daddy the illusive man or actual terrorist daddy Mr. Lawson. after I got through all that, Helen explained to me how difficult it apparently is to keep Miranda alive by the end of that confrontation, so I got to do some WHAT LIKE IT’S HARD? preening at how Nice Sheps Finish First sometimes.
but as usual, the real highlight is getting to know my crew better and talking with them. I finally got some prime flirting in with Liara during Leviathan. it was VERY cute when she was like “man what’s with you rescuing damsels from dig sites? if you end up teaming up with her to save the world and bring down the shadow broker i’ll be very jealous. ... and concerned” and WEIRDLY CUTER when she was like “hey the only tentacled alien who gets to mess with your brain is ME” because Liara is like 115 by now considering how slowly i’m getting through these missions and she still does not know what romance is.
[no but seriously, Liara does not know what romance is. half the time I’m still going WE’RE STILL DATING, RIGHT? every time she refuses to talk to me. and even after Thessia, when everyone was like “go talk to Liara, she needs you” and even JAVIK of all people was like “you’re dating Liara, right? it’s so obvious” our interactions did not feel particularly... romantic? it’s a tricky needle to thread, obviously, I’m not looking for sloppy makeouts right after millions of her people died, but it still reads as very odd to me. anyway.]
Javik’s story about how he once had a ship like the Normandy and a crew of friends like mine and they all ended up indoctrinated and he had to personally slit their throats went way harder than I ever expected it to. even just the IDEA of having to do that as my Shep upsets me. i’m legit enjoying getting to know Javik, even though i’m still GuessWhoJustGotYelledAt.jpg every time I leave his room. I HAD ENOUGH OF THAT FROM KREIA, JAVIK, YOU’LL NEVER PUSH ME AWAY.
I was surprised by how hard Tali took Miranda’s successful challenge of Mr. Lawson, though in hindsight it makes sense -- with the geth war still happening on top of everything else, I don’t think Tali ever did get the chance to process her anger at her dad being a war criminal and all. and her whole “emergency induction port” bit about the straw was cute as hell tbh. her friendship with Garrus over the comms continues to give me life.
(in other quarian news, I AM SAD ABOUT KAL’REEGER.)
and jeff. JEFF. after Thessia i literally ran to the bridge and said aloud “Jeff, make me feel better” as I clicked interact with him, and then he made that dig about asari dancers, and i was like NO NOT LIKE THAT. (I mean, what Shep literally said was “now’s not the time for jokes” which is ironic considering she, unlike me, still calls him JOKER) but then he was all DAD ANDERSON SAID I’M SOLELY RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR MENTAL HEALTH, I’M SORRY, I’M DOING MY BEST and like. what a fucked up little family we are. he feels guilty that I died saving him, still! apparently he asks EDI about my stress levels and they are BAD and he feels BAD! im crey. OH AND ALSO THE FACT THAT PTSD ASARI LAURA BAILEY WAS TALKING ABOUT HIS FAMILY ON TIPTREE AND I CAN NEVER TELL HIM BECAUSE THE GAME DOESN’T LET ME DO THAT???? V UPSETTING.
and then of course EDI had to TRIPLE DOWN on all these feelings i was already having by telling me about human resistance and selflessness on Earth and how she wants to turn off her self-preservation code because she’s not about that. I’M SUCH A TOASTER FUCKER HALP.
Garrus being all “well sometimes your best friend gives you a pep talk” speech was cute as hell, and I was strangely charmed when Kaidan was like YOU CAN TELL I’M EXTRA MAD BECAUSE MY VOICE HAS GOTTEN SO DEEP grumbling.
next up: shore leave, and then going after Cerberus will trigger act 3! i may one day finish mass effect after all!
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N7 Day things
Originally a tag game, but I wanted to do it anyway ^^
Favorite Character: Shep & Reyes Vidal
Paragon or Renegade: Paragade, usually ^^
Favorite Class: Vanguard / Engineer
War Hero, Sole Survivor, or Ruthless? Sole Survivor, always.
Spacer, Colonist, or Earthborn? My canon shepard is a Spacer, but I played the others too.
Favorite Alien: Protheans? I think so. I find them interesting and mysterious.
Favorite Planet/Location: I left my heart and my sins on Kadara....
Favorite DLC: I wanted to say Citadel.. but actually my favorite is Leviathan. I have a thing for dark themes and this all has some lovecraftian vibe to it. Love it.
Favorite Weapon: Black Widow from ME2 to Andromeda.
Favorite Shepard/OC: That would be my Lucy Ryder. I’m not a fan of these typical Ryder and Shep stories so both of them are super different in my hcs. While Lucy is a pure rebel and lives her best life on Kadara, my Shepard is the single dad of a teenage daughter with a lot of issues between them.
Favorite Mission: I can’t remember the name but the very first mission of Me2
Favorite Track: Leaving Earth theme
ME1, ME2, ME3, Andromeda? Unpopular opinion but I have to say Andromeda. I connected a lot better with the Characters and the stories that came from it just felt better. I love the original tiology but Andromeda was just different for me. Sad how it ended tho..
SR-1, SR-2, Tempest? SR-2 ^^ Tempest is a super fancy ship but it’s no Normandy.
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N7 Month, Day 1 - Messiah
Another peek into Allie and Kaidan’s past. This one takes place post-Thessia.
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Thessia was rough – it was the first time since Kaidan had gotten to know Allie that she'd ever lost something besides the occasional poker game. They weren't on great terms now, though that wasn't his choice, so when she shuffled into the observation lounge, he waited to see what she wanted him to do. Usually she avoided being alone with him, so he wondered if she might want him to leave. When she didn't say anything, Kaidan resisted the urge to reach out to her, to offer her comfort, not wanting her to withdraw from him even more. He wanted to tell her things would be ok, but he knew she didn't believe that. Not now, not after Cerberus always seemed to be one step ahead of them.
“Allie, what can I do?” he murmured, stepping closer to her.
She sighed and shook her head. “Maybe send out a press release and remind the galaxy I'm not their fucking Messiah. I'm doing my best...”
“People know that.” Again, he resisted the urge to touch her in some way.
“Do they?” She glanced at him over her shoulder but there was no anger in her voice or her expression, not like there was when they were in the war room hours ago. Instead, she sounded lost, defeated, and it broke his heart. “You didn't hear the asari councilor, Kaidan,” she whispered, turning back to the glass. “She didn't say it, but it was like losing Thessia was somehow my fault. She hung up on me, you know.”
Kaidan pressed his lips together and took a deep breath before reaching out and resting a hand on her shoulder. “Allie, everyone on this ship knows you're doing everything you can. Screw what the rest of the galaxy thinks, we're all behind you. We all have your back.”
He watched her reflection as her eyes flicked to his face. For a brief moment, there was relief and hope instead of anger and loss. When she didn't pull away from his touch, he stepped a little closer and turned her to face him. His eyes grazed over her face, taking in the worry lines that seemed to deepen every day, the bags and circles under her eyes that made her look so much older than her thirty-two years
“You know you have a talented crew, right? This is one of the best groups of people I've ever worked with and we're all worried about you. You don't have to take all of this on yourself.”
Allie tipped her head down and nodded. “But it's me everyone comes to, Kaidan. No one looked for James to save the people on Benning. No one asked Garrus to head to the Traverse to take care of the Rachni. No one asked Tali to get that thermal pipe they needed in engineering. Everyone comes to me. Everyone is expecting ME to save everyone else.”
Kaidan wanted to pull her against him and hold her like he used to, but he didn't. Instead, he gripped her shoulders a little tighter and traced his thumbs along her collarbone. “They might be asking for you, yes, but you don't have to internalize all of this stress. You have friends here who care about you, who want to help you with this.” I care about you and want to help you through this, he thought to himself.
Allie sniffed and cleared her throat. “I know, it's just hard asking for help, especially for something like this.” She covered his hands with her own and gave him a sad smile. “Thanks for being here for me.”
She stepped around him and walked out of the room, a bit more confidence in her step than when she arrived.
“Any time,” he whispered after her.
You can also read it on AO3.
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OCs Waking Up
@jt-boi-n7 Thanks for the tag. hahaha oh my.
Korynn Shepard: Once a soldier, always a soldier. Even after the war ended, she’s an early riser. She’ll give Liara a kiss on her forehead, go check on the kids, and then it’s off to do PT or something while Liara sleeps in.
Alex Ryder: Her sleeping habits when she is alone are similar to Korynn’s, but begrudgingly. When she doesn’t have the weight of Heleus on her shoulders, she’ll be awake and just walk around her cabin naked for a while. She really likes being naked.
If she is with Keri, it’s a thin slice of heaven that she never wants to be parted from. Keri feels this way too. They miss a lot of meetings when they’re together.
Nox Trevelyan: She and Cassandra usually wake up around the same time, but more often than not it devolves and either Josephine or Threnn have to get them by calling up the stairs.
Not OCs, but I’m throwing them in as a bonus:
Sloane Kelly: Sleep is a luxury for her. She is used to being an early riser as a soldier and she sleeps with one eye open. When she has a choice, she likes to sleep in. Bonus if she can be naked in bed. Disturb her from that? The place better be burning down.
With Foster? She is in love with the way Addison feels, and the way she feels when she is with her. Their thing is that they find pockets to hide in where they can be human, to themselves, to each other. It leaves a sadness between them. Sloane will stay in bed as long as she can holding Foster while memorizing everything about her.
Foster Addison: Sleep is also a luxury for her. However, she is a princess, and has been a princess even before her Initiative days. Breakfast in bed is the ideal way to wake up. This is the same if she’s with Sloane. While she loves being held by Sloane, she’ll usually prod her until she gets up and gets them food.
When there isn’t an opportunity for pampering, she’ll get up whenever her Omni-Tool tells her and glare at herself in the mirror until clothes are on her body and she is back in Colonial Affairs to continue the shit show.
I’m bad at tagging people, so tag! You’re it!
#my ocs#and some adopted npcs#Korynn Shepard#Alex Ryder#Nox Trevelyan#Korynn Shepard x Liara#Alex Ryder x Keri T'Vessa#Nox Trevelyan x Cassandra Pentaghast#Sloane Kelly x Foster Addison
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Sunnyside
Fandom: Mass Effect (2)
Pairing: Zaeed Massani/Female Commander Shepard
Rating: Holy shit M.
AN: Thirsty Crew, another branch off from the usual fare! And just in time for N7 Day! I don't know whether anyone among our fine shipmates has played the Mass Effect, but if you have (and enjoy suffering over non-romanceable characters), this one's for you. This installment depicts a period of time between the second and third games, after the last mission in the second but before Shepard is...detained in the third. This also illustrates a slightly different approach to Zaeed's loyalty mission and the Paragon/Renegade options therein. Enjoy!
(I miss Robin Sachs.)
It had been raining for days on end. Weather on Zorya had never been easy to deal with, and that was when Zaeed had all the resources of the Blue Suns at his disposal.
Now he was huddled in a cave next to a smoky, barely-burning fire. With all the vegetation as green and damp as it was on Zorya, the chances of finding nice dry twigs for a fire were slim to none. If the Vorcha ever found his ass scavenging for Boy Scout supplies, he was relatively certain he could kiss it goodbye.
Thirty-three days. He had been stuck here for thirty-three goddamn days. Might be thirty-four at this point. Shepard had blown a proverbial fucking gasket and he had blown a literal fucking gasket and (in retrospect, anyhow) he could maybe see why she might have been irate.
Slightly.
He probably should have let her in on the whole Vido thing. After all, they'd survived the suicide mission, and she wasn't obligated to help him, not by anything but her word. He’d led her into the mission blind and Zaeed knew if there was one thing she hated, it was the way the Illusive Man withheld information. Goddamn girl, goddamn woman.
“I've done something for nearly everyone else. Let me do something for you.” She had said when she came to him with a smile on her face.
That goddamn smile. He would gladly suffer through hours of Nanny Garrus if he could see that smile aimed at him again. Instead, he slept fitfully; waking up sweating from dreams of women with gun muzzles prodding at his skull screaming we're a team Massani!
He wondered if this place and its goddamn spores was getting to him, making him feverish. Sometimes it seemed almost like she was still there. Still standing over him, gloriously tall like a furious deity casting damnation upon some sinner in a lake of fire. Maybe it was the damp, or lack of food and clean drinking water.
Goddamn, but they were a team. Her and him, usually accompanied by the tattooed biotic clusterfuck or the baby Krogan. A damn good team no matter who she picked.
And he had thrown it away. Twenty years of merc experience and then some (much more ‘and then some’), laid at her feet yet she still found him wanting. He had watched her test everyone else. He didn't really know why he had expected something different, something other than him emptying a clip in the direction of Vido's gunship and screaming with years worth of rage as he fucking failed and fucking turned on her like a goddamn rabid dog. The heat sink had been what did him in, ejected in a clumsy rush and clattering onto the ground to ignite a trail of leftover fuel.
He definitely would have left someone like himself under that beam after the explosion. She'd briefly held her pistol to his temple, but he imagined that was more out of fear and shock at the fact that he'd been about to attack her than anything else. The fact that she had pulled the beam off of him before eventually stalking away, her fists balled up so tightly he could hear her gauntlets creak in protest, spoke to the kind of person she was.
In retrospect, he should have known better. He should have told her.
Zaeed pulled his battered body closer to the guttering fire, curling up on his side with the sandy, damp floor for a mattress. He was so goddamn tired of thinking, tired of the circling questions in his mind. He cursed his stubbornness. A normal man would have died by now, instead of struggling on.
Why was she crying? His brain asked, almost in sync with the pounding headache brought on by lack of nourishment. Was she crying for me? Why didn't I listen to her? It's goddamn ludicrous to think that Commander Goddamn Shepard would leave a bunch of innocents to burn.
“We're a team, Massani!”
Goddammit.
“Massani!”
The tears dripping down her cheeks had shone when they fell off her chin, catching the flame's light...
“Massani!”
Zaeed shook his head wearily. “Losing my fucking mind, cherry on goddamn top.” He grumbled to himself, armor scuffing against his skin as he tried to force his fever-achy body into a tighter curl. Anything to try and keep off this goddamn wind and rain...
A hand grabbed his shoulder, roughly shaking him conscious. Zaeed groaned at the dull throb of pain, though it seemed oddly far-off to him. He mostly just felt damp, chilled to the bone. A little confused. Nearly overwhelmed by a quiet sense of disconnect from everything. Her face floated, wavering, in front of his eyes, and he felt a smile pull at the side of his mouth. She looked unbelievably cross, and for some reason that made him happy.
“Figures that I would dream up something like this,” He wheezed, “Sad goddamn old bastard I am, having a pretty girl come comfort me while I fucking die here in the dirt.” Zaeed almost laughed at the expression her face twisted into at that. “I know I'll...fuck it Shepard, I'm never gonna see you again, am I? I deserve this goddamn shit, I know. Dying on the site of what was supposed to be my most fantastic revenge. You weren't ever that big on revenge, were you girl? No, you were about your goddamn 'no man left behind' lifestyle. Figures that I was the one you'd break that rule for. You had to know that goddamn beam fucked me up. Couldn't even lift it off myself.”
“Zaeed, I'm so sorry.”
“Shep, I ain't blaming you. If anything it gave me some goddamn clarity. Maybe...maybe if I had told you from the fucking start what you were in for. You never gave me a goddamn reason not to trust you. You were always good to all your raggedy little misfits, even the Cerberus china doll and the Krogan braintrust.” Zaeed paused. This had been more talking than he’d done for over a month. “But you weren't a fucking pushover Shepard. You knew exactly when to pull goddamn rank. I guess I just never expected you to have to put me in my bloody place. Sorry 'bout that.”
His side fucking hurt. His legs hurt, his head hurt, everything throbbed.
“What sort of garbage hallucination are you, anyway? Shaking me awake like a goddamn bastard.” Zaeed tried to laugh but it was mostly a hacking cough, a wet, spore-filled rattle in his chest. “Everything fucking hurts Shepard. I hate this goddamn planet. I just want to be back on the fucking Normandy. Even with that goddamn AI and your goddamn pilot made of glass.” He groaned, blinking slowly as he felt someone slide an arm around his shoulders. “What kind of goddamn...”
The someone hoisted him onto their shoulders like a human backpack, like he weighed nothing.
“Shep I swear to God, if this is real I'm fucking...I'm eating you out first chance I get as a big goddamn thank you.” Zaeed slurred, fairly certain that he was being dragged to his grave by a bemused Vorcha scavenger. The startled exhale of breath that ghosted across his cheek made him curious though. “You gonna’ kill me? Vido send you?”
“You need to be quiet.”
It was Shepard! Zaeed had thought he was too exhausted and sick to be embarrassed, but his face heated weakly all the same. He lolled his head forward, resting his chin on her (bare?) shoulder and opening his eyes. “Oh...” What the fuck is she wearing?!
There was a velvety chuckle to Shepard's left. Zaeed felt the embarrassment take full hold as he realized that Kasumi had heard his enthusiastic promise of oral thank-yous. “A grungy, half-dead bounty hunter. Sure is a lovely change of scenery from what Hock was promising you, Shep!” The thief quipped.
Zaeed snapped into clarity for a second. “Th' fuck were you doing near Donovan goddamn Hock. I sure as fuck hope you weren't in this, er...garb around that slimy bastard.”
“A favor for Kasumi. I had to look the part.” Shepard replied curtly. “I did not enjoy it. I did not enjoy him. More importantly, he's fucking dead now and can never attempt to touch me again.”
“Can I just say, I fuckin' love your combats with this dress, great goddamn combo. Ten out of ten.”
“I'm not hauling your heavy ass around in the fucking jungle in fucking pumps Massani. Now shut the fuck up. If we're spotted we are fucked.”
“Been a rough night, ey Surimi?” Zaeed asked Kasumi, his head falling off to the side of Shepard's shoulder as he ignored the barrage of f-bombs (just slurred enough for him to guess that the commander may be a bit into her cups).
Kasumi nodded, but what he could see of her hooded eyes looked sympathetic. “Be gentle.” She said quietly. “It has been a trying day, Zaeed. Shepard has been out of her element for the duration. And she might be a little tipsy. Just…just a little.”
“Got that fucking right.” Shepard snarled, coming up over the last hill. Zaeed was more than content to fall silent, propping his cheek up on her shoulder and watching her breasts rub and shift with vague interest. She could be his commander all she wanted, but at the end of the day it was nice to know she was still soft and female in at least a few senses. Hell, was she even his commander anymore?
“Sorry 'bout all the goddamn armor Shep. I'll bandage up your scrapes once we get to the Norm.” He mumbled the apology almost too quietly for her to hear. If we're even going to the Normandy.
Shepard shrugged, and Zaeed watched the side of her mouth curl up briefly in a grin. “I've had worse, old man.”
“Still, you shouldn't have to fucking carry me. I should be able to walk. That goddamn beam.” Zaeed groaned. He felt Shepard wince underneath him. “Hey, not like fucking that. I know why you did it, Shep. I'm no goddamn whiner. I've had plenty of time to yell at myself, I understand.”
“You hurt anywhere else, Massani?”
“My side. My legs are the main goddamn problem. Pretty sure they're fucked.” Zaeed grunted as Shepard carefully set him into a seat in the Kodiak. “Not a lot of food either, or clean water to drink. I thought you were a goddamn hallucination, Shep. I thought I was dead.”
Shepard hushed him as the shuttle took off. Zaeed noticed with tired interest that when she comm'ed Chakwas there was a tremor in her voice. That beautiful goddamn voice...
“We found him. I think he's going to be okay.”
...
Zaeed had never seen Shepard hover this much. Chakwas, the old fussbudget, had him stripped down to his smalls for her exam and Shepard was still in the med bay and in that fucking dress. At least Kasumi had headed back to her room with a view after making sure he was settled.
Zaeed heaved a sigh. “Shepard if you're going t--goddamn--going to stick around you really ought to change out of that number.” He gestured to the doctor with a flash of his old humor. “Pretty sure if Chakwas keeps rummaging around in my goddamn legs and ribs, fluids will splash. Be a shame to ruin--goddamn woman!” The mercenary flinched, clenching his fists reflexively when Chakwas literally scraped into his knee with some odd little instrument.
“Oh please Mr. Massani, you'll have to do better than that.” Chakwas chided, slathering medi-gel across his kneecap. Zaeed grunted, Shepard's nervous laugh washing over him.
“I know, I know. It's weird seeing me in this. I do kind of like it though, wearing the dress.” Shepard admitted, smoothing her hand down the side of the skirt. “It makes me feel pretty.” She continued with the characteristic honesty of a drunk.
“Y' don't need a goddamn hunk of material to make you pretty, Shep.” Zaeed blurted, almost biting his tongue in half as soon as the words escaped. “Guy like me now, you'd have to put me in six goddamn suits to come even close to fucking decent.” He scrambled to add, trying to play off his compliment.
Shepard's eyes widened slightly, her head cocking to the side. Zaeed swallowed hard. “Thanks, Zaeed.” She murmured.
Oh Christ, what fresh goddamn hell have I slammed myself into.
...
Zaeed hated being on bed rest. He had been ordered to stay in his bunk and regain his strength, and Chakwas' orders bore no disobedience. It had been a week of this shit, just letting his immune system work through whatever plant life had taken up valuable real estate in his lung space.
He must have cleaned Jessie six times today, bored to goddamn tears. In the middle of another knife-tossing contest with himself, there was a warning chime from his door. “Who dares disturb my goddamn solitude?” He asked loudly, pulling himself to his feet and keying the door open. Oh. It was Shepard. “You're a sight for sore goddamn eyes, make no mistake about that.” Zaeed grumbled, waving her in. “What brings you down to my humble little abode?”
He noticed after returning sulkily to his bed that she hadn't walked into the room at all. She was just camped out in the doorway. Zaeed took in the way she was wringing her hands, and raised an eyebrow.
“Shep?” She looked like she was about to go to pieces. He'd never seen her so pensive. Well actually, right after that goddamn fruit Alenko spouted his preachy Alliance bullshit at her on Horizon... “You alright? Something on your mind?”
“I uh. I wanted to apologize.” Shepard mumbled. Zaeed was thrown for a loop. Shit, the time on Zorya had been more than sufficient for him to get his fill of eating crow. Shepard rescuing him had been an apology and then some, so why...?
“Get in here.” The grizzled merc ordered, auto-locking the door behind her. Obediently Shepard took a half-step into the room and stood there, staring at the floor like a child in trouble. Zaeed got back to his feet with a strangled swear, making his way to her and grabbing her chin. “How dare you.” He snarled, watching her eyes light angrily. “Who is this, this timid goddamn mouse of a Shepard? You ought to be ripping me a new goddamn asshole, Commander. What's fucking happened to you?”
“I made a mistake!” Shepard exploded, jerking her chin out of his fingers with ease. “I shouldn't have abandoned you! It was wrong! And...And I'm sorry!” She all but yelled her apology in his face, her step forward making him take a wary step back. She seemed to deflate then, returning to staring at the floor. “I couldn't stop thinking about you. I couldn't stop worrying about you. Even when I tried. And I tried so fucking hard Massani. I know that to you, being marooned on a hostile planet by the 'great Commander Shepard' would be the ideal end. And I couldn't...I couldn't do it.” She wiped her eyes and sniffled quietly, surprising the fuck out of Zaeed when she muttered, “I couldn't get you out of my head. I missed your 'goddamns' and your 'fuckalls'. I missed your advice and your expertise. There's been a few situations that I could have used your input on while...while I left you to rot on a tropical rock.”
“Goddamn, Shep.” The mercenary was at a loss for words. “I didn’t know.”
“Of course not. How could you?” Shepard retorted. “I didn’t exactly announce that I appreciated your blood-soaked experience.”
“You goddamn missed me, though?” Zaeed asked incredulously. “I did not expect that.” He sat back down on his bunk, running a hand through his hair. “Not for a goddamn second.”
“Yeah, I missed you. I was at that stupid party with Kasumi and all I could think about was what you might say as far as the stuffy art on the walls, or the shit music and terrible company. I drank more than I should have and after that, well, you know the rest.” Shepard shrugged. “Kasumi didn’t try to stop me though. Also didn’t try to get me back into my armor. I think she just wanted to see if I’d actually do it.”
“Th’ hell would she have done if you were goddamn spotted?” Zaeed questioned, his stomach dropping out unpleasantly at the thought.
“She probably would have sent me out on a rampage. In that dress with my Claymore.” Shepard snorted. “Helluva’ fight, as you would say.”
“That’s goddamn outrageous and you know it. Fucking hell.” Zaeed hated the warm feeling he got in his chest from her using his terminology. “I can hear the headlines now, 'Commander Goddamn Shepard killed in a Blue Suns shootout, found in slinky black number.'”
“I want to be buried in that dress, Massani.” Shepard grinned at him. “Look, do you accept my apology or not?”
“Goddamn it, Shep, you got nothing to apologize for.” Zaeed protested. “If it'll make you stop though, yeah, alright? I accept it.”
“Okay good, because Garrus said if I kept pacing in the mess area he was going to throw me out of an airlock.” Shepard laughed and grabbed the merc's arm, an action that would have resulted in a broken nose for nearly anyone else. “C'mon, I finally got Gardner those new ingredients he's been hounding me for. Let's see how well the evil genius works.”
…
Rupert didn't necessarily outdo himself with higher-grade ingredients, but even Zaeed had to admit that the new fare was a bit better than his usual grub.
He also had to admit that maybe...maybe he saw Shepard a little differently after her apology. A lot differently.
Goddammit.
This whole business had started out harmless enough. Somewhere along the way though, things had gotten goddamn messy in his head. Mass relay. Suicide mission. 'Your Illusive Man can move a lot of credits.'
And then they hadn't died. On the suicide mission. He would be the first person to tell anyone that he specified in impossible operations, but that one had tipped the scales significantly as far as his credibility went.
He told himself that he stuck around afterwards because Shepard goddamn owed him. She had promised that the contract he'd picked up prior to being hired would be seen through. Didn't mean he wasn't surprised all the same when she'd approached him to ask about Zorya. “I've done something for nearly everyone else.”
She would listen to his stories while she compacted the trash, quiet mechanical whirring barely audible over the heavy rasp of his voice. He regaled her with an assortment of his nostalgic tales, his ‘helluva’ fights’ and cautionary warnings about how smoking killed. “Got a minute? You might learn something.”
He couldn’t pinpoint exactly when he’d started looking forward to her visits. He’d rattle on with just about any willing ear, so it was strange when he found himself holding on to better chunks of a story and thinking, ‘Shep will love that’. It was strange when he ended up beside her on more and more of her missions, him and Grunt of all aliens, bless both of that poor, conflicted Krogan’s hearts. Helluva’ alien, that bastard, even with his shiny peach skin. Zaeed was hardly one to talk about appearances though.
It became normal at some junction of their adventures that he would shout at the Commander to get down!, to force her into cover. She didn’t seem to have an ounce of self-preservation in her genetic makeup. He supposed being brought back from the goddamn dead would do that to you but according to Joker, Shepard had always been that way.
“She protects with her whole body, Zaeed. A soldier to the end.” Joker had been uncharacteristically serious when he said that, the pilot’s eyes set straight forward.
Massani had heard mutterings of the fact that Joker was a large part of why Shepard had wound up dead in the first place. He imagined that guilt could weigh heavy on a man, especially if the dead person you had on your conscience was rebuilt from the ground up as a goddamn science-y mishmash of Frankenstein’s Monster proportions.
Goddamn Cerberus.
Her focus was absolute when they were on fieldwork. She would have been a damn good merc back in the Suns, if it wasn’t for that goddamn morality she carried like a backpack full of emotional bricks. Every damn life she could spare, she did. She didn’t even seem to give a shit that it made her look impotent, spineless until she pulled rank.
He still respected her leadership, of course. He knew as well as the next man that they couldn’t just lop the head off of every Batarian slaver. Zaeed’s favorite missions were still the ones where they had no other option but to fight their way out. With a roaring, blood-soaked Krogan on one side and a swearing, shotgun-toting Commander on the other, he felt like they could take on the world. If Jack was with them instead of Grunt, Shep tended to try and be more level-headed. For the sake of the self-proclaimed ‘Psychotic Biotic’.
He’d never had a Krogan fall asleep on his shoulder before he’d met Shepard. Never faced a Thresher Maw, and on foot no less. Certainly never dealt with a goddamn Human-Reaper hybrid, that had been one for the PTSD nightmare library and make no goddamn mistake. Those huge, glowing eyes and massive grasping metal fingers hungrily clawing their way around the platform. The strange part was that the worst bit wasn’t even that giant monster.
It was when he and Jack had already made their jump to the Normandy and that last sketchy platform had plummeted into the darkness, leaving Shepard on the other side of a gap that seemed to yawn wider with every second that passed. And of course she’d jumped, like a goddamn lunatic, and caught the rim of the hull door with her goddamn fingertips.
Jack had frozen, the biotic exhausted and horrified into being paralyzed. They were already crowding Joker in the tiny area as-is, the glass-boned pilot raining bullets down on the Collectors that had followed them. Zaeed did the only thing he could do. What any sane man would do, faced with the notion of someone goddamn important to him dying.
He sacked up and grabbed Shepard’s arm.
For a panicky moment his fingers slid over her smooth hardcase armor, then he found a groove where her elbow joint was and bit down. Shepard clung as high on his own arm as she could, her gauntlet digging into the tattooed skin between his armor plating.
They hung there for a breathless second that seemed to last a goddamn eternity. Zaeed would swear he could feel her pulse thundering even through her armor. She just looked up at him, and it disturbed him on a deep, rarely-visited level to see how peaceful she was. She would die here if she needed to. If it meant saving their lives. You selfless bitch, he remembered thinking in irrational fury, rage giving his weary body the strength it needed to pull her up onto the loading area. “Not goddamn today, you’re not.” Was all he’d grated out, shoving her face against his chest and crushing her to him.
Grunt had given him a light (by Krogan standards, anyway) headbutt in thanks for saving his Battlemaster. “She has no equal.”
“You’re goddamn right about that.”
Twenty-something years of mercenary experience laid at her feet. His revenge plan was shot to pieces and that damn irrational fury of his reared its ugly head. He'd considered her important enough to save, whether she knew that or not was irrelevant and he wasn't about to goddamn tell her. The cold chill that ran down his spine from having the muzzle of her pistol pressed to his forehead had nothing to do with the actual temperature of the weapon. She hadn't even cocked the damn thing. He could have easily torn the gun from her slack grasp, turned it on her.
Cerberus may be damn good at bringing people back from the dead, but Zaeed had the feeling that the Illusive Man wasn't quite so onboard with Shepard once she'd announced she was saving humanity her way. If Massani (or anyone else for that matter) put two in her head, she'd stay goddamn dead.
Yet he didn't, even in a blind, seething rage. He'd ruminated on that a bit during his vacation on Zorya. The fact that he'd even thought that was an option made his guts seize once he'd cooled his heels for a few days. And when it was apparent that he was well and truly alone (or as alone as one could be on a planet populated by a two-bit sham of the hostile force he had started with Vido), the regret had set in goddamn beautifully. He hadn't thought it would end quite like this. After all, that handsome amount of credits from the Illusive Bastard didn't do him any good holed up in a damp, humid cave.
“Got a minute? You might learn something.”
She had missed him. Tense emotions warred in his mind. Just how much had she missed him? Enough that she needed to get goddamn smashed at a party and fly God only knew how far to get back to Zorya, so...how much did that equal out to?
He wasn't about to ask. Better not to press his luck on that one. It was probably a legendary moment in the 'Commander Shepard' book that she admitted to being wrong in the first place. Not that she'd actually been wrong, he had drawn a gun on her with the absolute intent to kill. Old habits died hard, old mercenaries died even harder. She should have abandoned him.
“I don't want you on my ship.” There had been a quaver in her voice. He'd mistaken it for fury back then. “You're a danger to the others, Massani.”
“Goddamn leave then!” He'd screamed at her, all piss and vinegar even as he fought to free himself from beneath the heavy metal. “Go on! Nobody fucking asked you to goddamn stay, Commander!”
“I'm not leaving you to fucking burn Massani, Jesus. Give me your hand.” She'd grappled with him for a moment, Zaeed stubbornly avoiding her grasp until she gave an exasperated huff of breath and just lifted the whole beam off of him like it was made of cardboard. “Give me your fucking hand, old man.”
“Fuck you, you...self-righteous, goddamn mechanical husk of a bitch!” The raw insult had rolled off his tongue and she had the grace to fold her arms across her chest instead of slugging him in the mouth like she should have. She had confided in him a deep fear that she may not even be the real Shepard, but some gruesome approximation of Commander Shepard cooked up by Cerberus to gain the trust of humanity. Zaeed rarely fought fair though. “Standing up there all high and damn mighty like you didn't just cost me twenty years of my goddamn life!” He knew spit was flying at this point but he was too enraged to care, turning onto his back. “Look at my fucking face, Shepard! This goddamn ugly face that I see every goddamn day in the mirror! He took everything from me! My life, my livelihood, my men--everything!” He jabbed a finger at his own face, at the scars and non-functional eye. “You expect me to let a man walk free as a goddamn bird after he mutilated me?!”
“I expect you to understand that I didn't intend to cost you your closure, but I'm not standing by and watching civilians burn to death if I can help it, Massani. If you don't know that by now I guess there's no helping you.” She heaved a heavy sigh. “If you had just been straightforward about this-”
“-I would have gotten some grand speech for my goddamn trouble.” Zaeed had replied bitterly, the pain in his legs and ribs settling into a searing throb. “You and I both know you wouldn't have helped me kill Vido.”
“Never underestimate what I would do to help my friends.” Shepard answered through gritted teeth, extending a hand yet again. “We can drop you off on Omega.”
“Like fuck you will. Get the hell away from me.”
When he refused to take her hand for the second time, she had retracted it and clenched her fists tightly. She had left without another word, marching back to the Kodiak and not sparing him so much as a last glance over her shoulder or her infamous 'I should go'.
He'd figured that was it. Staggering and half-walking away from the area as best as he could, his patchy memory reminded him of one of his old hidey-holes. Upon arrival he'd collapsed, his knee giving out and his side momentarily hurting worse than anything else. Goddamn, he was too old for this shit. Zaeed grimaced when he heard the faint whine of the Kodiak’s engines.
So that was it, then. All because he just had to go in all cloak and goddamn dagger. Nobody could know that he was Zaeed Massani, betrayed co-founder of the Blue Suns. Couldn’t have let her know. Nope. Too risky.
Zaeed thumped his forehead against the cave wall and groaned.
I’m a goddamn fool.
…
Kasumi tipped him off before Shepard actually got to his room and Massani knew he shouldn’t ruin the surprise. He tried to be nonchalant, laying on his back in his bunk and doing his best to seem bored. Not difficult, due to the fact that he was going stir goddamn crazy being a layabout.
Shepard keyed the door open and practically ran across the room to his bunk. “Massani!” She said excitedly, a datapad gripped tightly in her hands. “A contact came through! Guess who we’ve got a bead on?”
Zaeed sat up slowly, took the datapad from her just as slow. Her smile began to fade while he tapped at the screen, the mercenary silently absorbing the new information about his target. “You…” Zaeed was at a loss for words yet again. His palms were sweating, adrenaline spiking because here it was, he hadn’t missed out on his revenge after all. Just delayed it a bit. “I…dammit woman, come here.” He said finally, standing up and pulling her into a tight embrace. “You goddamn clever little bitch.” He muttered affectionately, startled when she relaxed in his arms and made no move to leave. He cleared his throat, then gingerly rested his cheek on the top of her head. “Thank you for not giving up on me. Even when you tried to.” The words felt strange. This whole scenario felt strange.
“Someone has to make sure you’re not left to your own devices. It’s a big galaxy, but I don’t know if it’s big enough to contain you.” Shepard pulled back, smiled up at him and-
Oh no, oh goddamn no. Absolutely not. Zaeed was ashamed of himself for even considering that. What the hell was wrong with him? She’d just given him the keys to the goddamn castle and yet his greedy ass wanted the goddamn impossible. Zaeed stepped back, clearing his throat again. “Am I going alone, Commander?” Something in his chest pulled tight when he saw a bit of the excitement ebb out of her.
“I wanted to go with you, but…I mean, I can understand if you’d like to go in by yourself this time.”
“As if it would be a helluva’ fight without Commander Goddamn Shepard.” Zaeed replied before he could think, a stupid smirk quirking his mouth up. Her smile returned full-force and he decided that no matter what happened, that was important to him. “Any goddamn bleeding-heart collateral I have to worry about this time, Shep?”
…
Never underestimate what I would do for my friends.
They stormed into Vido’s shitty little emergency bunker (these places all looked the goddamn same after a little while) and before he could move, Shepard had her shotgun to his chest. “Remember us, Santiago?” She asked coldly.
Zaeed relished the fear in the other man’s eyes, the terrified confusion that slowly settled into recognition. “Should have known.” Vido snarled. His fingers twitched over the gun on his hip.
“You’re goddamn right you should have.” Spoiling for his revenge after he’d been cheated out of it last time, Zaeed snapped a fresh heat sink into his pistol and leveled the weapon at Vido’s head.
“Killing me isn’t going to fix anything, Zaeed. It’ll just make the Suns turn on each other. You really want to burn down everything that we built together?” Vido sounded incredulous.
“I’ve seen what your leadership made my men into already.” Zaeed prodded the muzzle of the pistol into Vido’s face, pressing it none-too-gently against the socket of his right eye. “They’re little better than goddamn guns for hire, you brainless fuck. Some of ‘em too young and stupid to be in charge of pulling a trigger.”
“I had to take care of the trash. It left our numbers weaker, even with the Batarians.” Vido’s eyes narrowed. “You and your fucking slaver hangups. If you weren’t such a bleeding-heart shitbag, I wouldn’t have had to put you--”
“I’m not ever going to be goddamn willing to deal in slavery, especially entire shipments of little goddamn kids!” Zaeed roared at the younger man, silencing him. “You’re paying for every goddamn shipment you ever sent through, with your life and the lives of the men you had stationed outside. You’re paying for what you did to me. And you’re paying for what you’ve done to the once-proud Suns.” Zaeed smiled then, a nasty, bone-chilling grin. “I’ll see you in hell, Vido.”
Vido had always been the faster gunman of the two of them. The bastard had his pistol raised and pressed point-blank to the Commander’s stomach before Zaeed could finish pulling the trigger on his own gun.
Their almost-synchronized shots rang in Zaeed’s ears and Shepard made a strangled noise. Vido tipped back over the bunk, his eyes rolled up in his head. His pistol dropped from his limp fingers and clattered onto the concrete floor. Shepard fell to one knee.
Never underestimate what I would do for my friends.
Zaeed wanted to scream. His throat went dry as a bone, his brain already calculating how quickly the Kodiak could make the trip. What the hell will Garrus say? He still had some medigel, maybe he could-
Shepard grunted and got back to her feet. “Ugh, knocked the wind out of me for a second. That’s gonna’ leave a bruise.” She grimaced, briskly dusting off the plating over her stomach before turning to the mercenary. “Alright, let’s-”
Zaeed jerked his pistol down into its holster, swept her up in his arms and pressed a kiss to her mouth. Greed be fucked, propriety be fucked. “What the fuck, woman?” He growled, immensely gratified by the way she tucked herself into his chest. “Christ, I was halfway to slinging you over my goddamn shoulder and hightailing it back to the Kodiak. You know damn well your nanny Garrus would tear me six new holes if something happened to you.”
“Didn’t you pay attention to all those upgrades I worked so hard to get?” She asked, lacing her fingers shyly through his own. “Lots of interesting specifications.”
“All I care about is the fact that your insides stayed where they goddamn belong.” Zaeed had never seen her so kittenish, she was practically kneading his armor. “Thought…hell, I thought I’d lost you for a second.”
She made a dismissive gesture. “It’ll take a lot more than that peashooter to stop me.”
“Goddamn right.” Zaeed realized that he’d put them in an incredibly compromising position with his idiotic emotions. “Look, Shep, I’m uh. I’m not exactly sure what you’re looking for in a…partner. I know you and Alenko had something, because I doubt you’d let just any goddamn punk upbraid you. I’m not a young man, not as spry as I used to be.” He shrugged awkwardly. “I’ve still got a few years in the tank, if you’re…er, interested.”
Shepard ducked her face into his chest and Zaeed saw her shoulders shake. His stomach dropped out. Had he disgusted her? Was he taking advantage of her at a moment of weakness? Christ, getting shot in the gut was still bound to bring back some unpleasant memories, better plating or no. But after a second he heard a stifled snort. She was laughing at him, the cheeky little bitch. “I mean, if you think you’ll be able to fend off the Alzheimer’s long enough for me to get some use out of you. I’d hate to have to visit you at the old folks home for date night.” She teased.
Zaeed found himself smiling without meaning to, gently knuckling the side of her head. “Goddamn lucky man, I am. Spending my last fragile years with an exciting young thing like yourself. You’ll have to go easy on me. My hips are a bit frail.” He squinted. “Also who the hell are you? I’ve forgotten my goddamn spectacles.”
Her laugh was delighted and it sent a warm shiver down his spine. Like the first, glorious taste of whiskey after a long tour away from Omega. He could tell he was in for a helluva’ time.
…
She was much younger than him, but it was good to know he still had it. He had promised to eat her out, hadn’t he?
He wasn’t sure what kind of action she’d gotten from Alenko. Kid was a biotic, so he probably had a few tricks up his sleeve. But judging from the way she was whimpering and squirming against his mouth, Zaeed got the feeling he didn’t need to worry too much. Her fingers dug into his short-cropped hair, making him hum softly.
This is goddamn perfect.
Zaeed paused, propping himself up to carefully kiss the bruise on her stomach. “You’re not taking another bullet for me ever again, got it?” He asked seriously, meeting her eyes. “I’m goddamn firm on this one, Shep. I’m not one foot in the grave but I’m sure as hell ahead of you on the list. So please.” He rested his forehead there for a minute, unable to maintain eye contact. “You’d better be goddamn careful from here on out.”
“I will be. I promise.” She said softly, still kitten-kneading on his scalp. Zaeed ducked back down to finish what he’d started, fingers pressing into her beneath his hungry tongue. He loved the way she rolled and bucked her hips like she couldn’t get enough of him. Scarred, grizzled bastard that he was, every twitch and whine was absolutely stroking his ego.
“Goddamn come for me, Shep.” He snarled finally, feeling her quiver. “You’d best goddamn come, hear me? Come on my mouth, because I’m not putting my cock in you until you do. Come for me, come for me-” Shepard sobbed out, working her hips up at him and then going totally still as she came. Zaeed greedily devoured her, the high-pitched noises that she offered him almost as delicious as her taste. Her hands trembled in his hair and he chuckled when she yanked on a handful. “You alright up there, Shep?”
“He asks, like he didn’t just give me the best oral I’ve ever had.” Shepard was still panting for breath, smiling that goddamn smile.
Zaeed was sure his own grin was outright insufferable. “Picked up a few tricks here and there. You still up for round two?”
“Give it your best shot, old man.”
“I goddamn intend to.” Zaeed languidly crawled up over her, pressing kisses here and there on the way to her mouth. “Helluva’ woman, you are.” He said quietly, feeling almost reverent as he kissed the hollow of her throat. “Putting up with an old merc like me. Hell, coming back for an old merc like me. I’m goddamn honored, Shep.”
She cupped his face and pressed their foreheads together, searching his eyes. Zaeed glanced away, clearing his throat, but she just turned his head gently. “Don’t hide from me, Massani.”
“Love it when you’re forceful, Commander.” He teased, getting her to smile again. The first lazy brush of his cock over her cunt had her closing her eyes and relaxing underneath him. Her hands slid to his shoulders, fingers resting on the tattooed skin while he slowly pushed the head of his cock into her. Zaeed meant to hum again but it came out as a growl and she trembled all over at the sound. “Goddamn Christ, Shep, not hurting you right?” He managed to ask.
Her response was a growl of her own, her fingernails raking over his arm. “More.” She demanded and he found himself unable to do anything but obey.
“Yes ma’am.”
He would never forget their first time together. Every touch, every taste was burned into his memory. She kept gently caressing the scarred side of his face, like she was trying to remind him that it didn’t matter, she didn’t care. Zaeed had never really been one for meaningful sex before he’d had half his goddamn face blown off, even less so after he’d healed. For obvious reasons. So it was…odd, to be alright with someone touching that part of him. Especially while they were being intimate.
“It’s not goddamn fair that you’re so good to me.” He grunted, brushing the hair out of her eyes and cupping the back of her neck to press their foreheads together (albeit clumsily, this was new territory). Her eyes were half-lidded, hazy with pleasure that sent a hot wave of satisfaction down his spine. He was doing well, her little sighs and moans of his name (his name!) encouraging him to continue, “That’s right, Shep, that’s right.” He rasped, not sure if he was smiling or smirking and not much caring either way. “I’m goddamn close, so if you’re planning on getting off again you’d better-”
Her teeth sank into the Suns tattoo on his neck, hard enough to break the skin. Zaeed faltered, legitimately embarrassed by the pitch of the noise he made. His hips crushed down to slot with her own and she keened through her teeth, her inner walls gripping his cock.
“You wicked little bitch.” He gasped when he trusted his voice again, resting his forehead against her shoulder as she came with a scream muffled by the skin of his neck. “I love you.”
She responded by digging her fingers into his spine and taking him as deep as she could, biting and licking feverishly at the tattoo on his neck. “Love you--too-” She panted, and Zaeed closed his eyes and surrendered to her.
When he could feel his extremities again, Zaeed rolled onto his back. His arms were absolutely screaming at him and he got the feeling his back would not be far behind. It had been years since he could attribute the soreness to something good, though. She shifted to her side, the two of them laying in companionable breathlessness.
“God damn.” She announced with authority, making him burst out laughing. “Guess you might have a few good years left in you after all.”
“I aim to please, Shep. Afraid my recovery time is going to disappoint.” Zaeed stretched his arms over his head, groaning quietly. “Goddamn worth every ache.” He murmured, more content than he could remember being in ages.
She tucked herself into his side after a moment, tugging her sheet up over the two of them. “Thank you.” The words were mumbled against his chest so softly he almost missed them.
“For goddamn what, Shep?”
“Forgiving me.” She twiddled her fingers and refused to meet his eyes. “I…I know I already apologized, but…”
“It’s a goddamn shit gig, being the savior of humanity. Can’t do hardly anything without some goddamn asshole judging you for it. Can’t maroon some insubordinate, belligerent old fuck on a hostile planet without feeling like a bad person for doing it.” Zaeed tapped the bridge of her nose. “I’ve had much worse done to me by men who I’ve known for goddamn decades longer than you, Shep. You’ll have to try harder the next time you want to get rid of me.” He eased an arm around her shoulders, settling her in comfortably beside him. “So, Big Goddamn Hero, what’s next on your Reaper to-do list?”
#zaeed massani#fem!Shep#female commander shepard#Mass Effect#Mass Effect 2#video games#zaeed massani smut#alternative route#The Price Of Revenge#loyalty mission#mass effect fanfiction#I miss Robin Sachs#goddamns as far as the eye can see#N7 Day#Paragon!Shepard#(mostly)#We're A Team Massani: The Fanfiction#Mass Effect 2 DLC: The Price Of Revenge#thirst party saturday#feels#enjoy!#Zaeed Massani/Fem!Shep#Zaeed x Shepard#Zaeed/Shepard
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Quarantine Q&A
I was tagged by @natsora – Thanks for the tag m’dear!
I’ll tag: - @faith-less-one , @everkings , @eisschirmchen @hawkeykirsah , @poweredbycoffeeandwine, @serioussamiam, @pip-n-flinx, @ljandersen, @alyssalenko and any one else who wants to -No obligation of course!
Are you staying home from work/school?
Yep. Luckily my office job can be done almost entirely from home so that’s what I’m doing. It’s currently pretty hectic trying to figure out how we can keep everything going but hopefully it’ll settle down soon and I can get to more fun things.
If you’re staying home, who’s there with you?
My husband and my cat Clementine. (Pic below because she is adorable, and we all need cat pictures right now)
What movies have you watched recently? What shows are you watching?
My husband and I actually had an old movie day at the weekend so we watched Flubber, Escape to Witch Mountain (original) and Bedknobs and Broomsticks.
As for shows I suppose I’m watching the new season of Outlander and working my way through Star Trek Picard (slowly).
Are you a homebody?
For sure. I generally prefer to have at least one day of the weekend at home on my own anyway so, so far, it’s not been too bad (but this is only week 2)
An event you were looking forward to that got cancelled?
It wasn’t cancelled, just delayed but London MCM May Comic Con. We usually go every year but this year they delayed it to a weekend in June (which we can’t do) and we can’t attend in October either so this year we will be giving it a miss ☹.
(Cancelling/delaying is absolutely the right call and I do agree but I figure I’m allowed to be a little sad that I won’t be going this year)
What music are you listening to?
Mostly at the moment my OTP playlists and writing playlists. Both are a complete mismatch of all sorts of things.
What are you reading?
At the moment (besides fanfic one-shots) I’m reading ‘The Chronicles of St Mary’s’ By Jodi Taylor. They’re really good if you like Time Travel and historical shenanigans.
What are you doing for self-care?
Honestly just the basics. I make sure I have a separate place for work and not-work, go out for a walk occasionally, make sure I wash my face at least once a day (honestly who actually does the whole ‘dress as if you’re going into the office’ thing? That’s a hell no from me I’ll stick to my N7 sweats thanks!)
#ask meme#thanks for the tag#its interesting to see what people are doing during this crazy time#take care of yourselves#love you all
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ME:A Countdown (no spoilers, only guesses and hypotheticals)
On Betje Ryder’s family, past, and life in the Milky Way
15 Days: Delve into the Ryder family background - how is/was their relationship with their father, sibling and mother? Do they get along, hero worship, close twin connection, sibling rivalry, was it strained, was it distant, etc.
I honestly can’t say, because I want more of the canon backstory before I decide on any angsty or fluffy relationships, especially if the writers swoop in and change everything up with a plot twist. As a child, she had mild hero worship for her parents, since they weren’t around as much, but had important and high-profile jobs. Rather than use this as a foundation to connect with her brother, however, they distance themselves a bit because they feel like that is the only way they can individually become great, and the only way they can understand why their parents made the choices that they did.
14 Days: Describe some important or formative events in Ryder’s history. How did these impact and shape them?
Again, I don’t want to come up with these crazy and complex backstory events until I’m a little ways into the game. I don’t want to waste my creative energy on something if it’s only going to get scrapped as soon as I finish the character creator.
But Betje dislikes being intimate or social for most of her life, due to minor incidents where her interests were mocked/teased, and her intelligence usually outpaced her peers. This gave her the time and energy to become a focused soldier and researcher.
13 Days: Why did Ryder join the Alliance military? Later on, what were Ryder’s reasons for signing up to the Andromeda Initiative?
Ryder equated the Alliance to a bright future as a child. As she grew up and travelled the universe, she added the Citadel to her list of options. Andromeda was a natural next step. If we take family and political motivations out of the story, Betje joined the Andromeda Initiative out of pure curiosity. She wants to know more about the universe beyond the Local Cluster, and she doesn’t care if the price is written on a one-way ticket.
12 Days: How will Ryder feel upon waking up from cryo? Relieved, excited, scared, impatient to get going, lost, etc.
A) Nauseous. Cryo won’t be kind on her tummy.
B) She’ll want logistics. Packets of info on what’s been done to prepare, what needs to be done... And sooner or later she’ll find something that she wishes she had been more prepared for. And that will turn into self doubt, which will require her teammates to help her open up and boost her confidence.
11 Days: Once in Andromeda, what are Ryder’s goals? What drives them?
Betje wants to learn. She finds unity in sharing knowledge, and is driven by the need to analyze and collect and study and share. Out of anybody on the Tempest, her codex collection will probably be the biggest.
10 Days: Will Ryder ever miss the Milky Way? What things and places will they miss most?
I don’t know if Andromeda or any of the ships will carry the ingredients for percik chicken, but she’ll miss the heck out of indulgent, zingy fried chicken while in space. She’ll also have a small but sad feeling when she realizes she won’t ever see the human homeworld again after waking from cryo, but she never felt any deep connections or nostalgia for anyplace on Earth.
9 Days: Did Ryder have any notable friends or connections in the Milky Way? How about past relationships? Which friendship or relationship was the most significant to them?
No idea…. This will be another thing that reveals itself when I start playing. Generally, she’s so caught in her own inner monologues that she keeps most connections and relationships professional.
8 Days: How does Ryder feel about aliens? Are they uncomfortable, wary, intrigued, curious, intimidated, not bothered, etc? In the Milky Way, where did they stand on humanity’s place in galactic society - Earth first, Terra Firma, human superiority, peaceful cooperation, pro-galactic integration & unity, etc? How will they feel upon discovering that there are sentient alien races in Andromeda?
Betje sees every sentient being as something to analyze and better understand, whether human or alien. She’s comfortable with almost all alien species (even finding certain ones sexually attractive, ay yoooo), and had an obsession with the mysterious Rachni as a little girl. When it comes to galactic society, Betje sees humanity as a small slice of the big galactic pie. There’s no sense in focusing all of her talents with humanity only, or trying to discredit other races.
She’s an explorer, and though she may not show it very well during the trip through Andromeda, she ecstatic about there being previously undiscovered alien races and can’t wait to meet them. I sense some minor hero-worship and maybe even attraction to Jaal when they team up.
7 Days: Ryder’s father gave the twins informal N7 training in the past. How did Ryder feel about this (pressured, resentful, grateful, motivated, overworked, excited, etc)? What are their feelings on “N7” as a symbol? How do they relate to it, if at all?
I don’t knooooowwwww. This is where I’ve stopped tracking spoilers & in-game content that isn’t covered in the briefings. At this point, I think that the overachieving/ambitious side of Betje will be very grateful for it, but maybe a small part of her will be bitter because she believes that it fed into her distrust of others, and distanced herself from her peers while growing up??? I think that she has an immense amount of respect for N7, no matter what her relationship with her father is. I’m hesitant to assign a specific value because I have a feeling that there will be events in the game that make the N7 status something that it’s not all that it’s cracked up to be? Either way, Betje is grateful that her training gave her the ability to travel the galaxy.
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39 things
Rules: Complete the survey & say who tagged you in the beginning. When you’re finished, tag people to do this survey. Have fun and enjoy!
1. Are you named after someone? Actress Katherine He//pburn. My middle name is Rose after the nurse that helped deliver me. Mom really liked her name.
2. When was the last time you cried? Last night. Emotions are fucking whack, yo.
3. Do you like your handwriting? When I write in all caps, yes. My lower case and cursive are very on par with doctor chicken scratch.
4. What is your favorite lunch meat? Honey roasted or mesquite turkey~
5. Do you have kids? Nah. Gonna have a million cats instead.
6. If you were another person, would you be friends with you? Mm, probably. I’m a decent person at certain lengths.
7. Do you use sarcasm? Too much at times. But I agree, like a second language lmao.
8. Do you still have your tonsils? Yeah.
9. Would you bungee jump? I... have a fear of falling, so no.
10. What is your favorite kind of cereal? Cinnamon Life is the only cereal that matters to me. I’m gonna go have some after I finish this, tbh.
11. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? Not really. My boots are all tied at that comfy slip on but don’t fall off point. Or they unzip, and my Adidas just slip off from how I have them tied too.
12. Do you think you’re a strong person? Physically yeah, I can lift a lot of weight and people always get kinda “OH...” about it, because I know I’m one to complain about my bones and being lazy a lot. But I’m strong -weak flex- Mentally and emotionally... yeah. I tend to bite that stuff back a lot. I laugh shit off and move around it. I’m usually the rock in a situation or the tape keeping things together.
13. What is your favorite ice cream? Snickerdoodle unu or I really like uh... coffee flavors? Cookies and cream is a good one too.
14. What is the first thing you notice about people? Teeth, but it’s because I find crooked and off teeth really endearing?? Like my best friends all have weird teeth they’re self conscious of but I love them so much?? Like it’s THEIR smile and I love it. Otherwise eyes.
15. What is the least favorite physical thing you like about yourself? Stomach and thighs. Stomach I can kinda deal with, but these thighs are driving me nuts anymore.
16. What color pants and shoes are you wearing now? I just rolled out of bed to pay my bills. I’m in my black plaid pants, and my N7 socks because my feet are actually cold.
17. What are you listening to right now? Nothing, my air purifier whistling in the distance. Last thing I listened to was Beloved Freak by Garbage. I was writing something to it last night before giving up.
18. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? All I can think is Cadet Blue. That’s fitting I guess. The color is a blue grey, but it looks bright blue or it use to.
19. Favorite smell? White gardenia...
20. Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone? Becca on my way home through tornado warnings uAu
21. Favorite sport to watch? Hockey~
22. Hair color? Mouse brown dyed deep burgundy.
23. Eye color? Light blue with a green ring around the pupil most days.
24. Do you wear contacts? Nah.
25. Favorite food to eat? Pizza. Hi, I’m Kat and I’m 10 years old. Also crab though. Crab is so satisfying to fight for your meal.
26. Scary movies or comedy? Depends. Scary if it’s not gore. Comedy if it’s not trash humor??
27. Last movie you watched? Wolf Children. Fucking sad shit, man.
28. What color of shirt are you wearing? Light and dark grey striped tank top.
29. Summer or winter? Mild winter. Snow is okay but not a blizzard.
30. Hugs or kisses? Both are lovely, I love hugs though because you can get them more often.
31. What book are you currently reading? Looks around room... I don’t remember the last book I was reading... I keep thinking to look into what people have written lately but????
32. Who do you miss right now? Becca.
33. What is on your mouse pad? Evangelion unit 01 in a yellowed sunset~
34. What is the last TV program you watched? Steven Universe, finally on season 3.
35. What is the best sound? Mm. Laughter.
36. Rolling stones or The Beatles? Can I pick covers of The Beatles? Because that’s the only reason I know their music whoops.
37. What is the furthest you have ever traveled? From Missouri? New York or California. Texas too.
38. Do you have a special talent? Living to spite myself.
39. Where were you born? A little town outside Chicago, Illinois.
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