#unfortunately its the kind of person i am | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

eqt-95 · 1 day

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💖 rough kiss / hot and heavy / making out

please👉👈

oh anon, i am definitely the wrong person for this one, but here goes nothing:

- - - - - -

Lena has a secret.

No, it isn't that she’s doubling as a superhero in her free time. That’s Kara.

And no, it isn't that she has an unquenchable crush on her best friend. They'd solved that eons ago.

And definitely no, it isn’t that her toy collection is extensive and well-stocked. Everyone at game night already knows about that.

The secret went like this:

“What are you doing?”

“Nothing,” Lena replied with the innocence of a Luthor.

“So it just so happens that the bartender who has been making eyes at you all night is now being sized-up by my sister?”

“Correlation without causation. I thought you were a scientist,” Lena shrugged and tried her best to conceal a knowing smile.

“Uh-huh,” Alex replied with an arched eyebrow that said much more. “And that fact he grabbed your ass on the way to the bathroom?”

“Doesn’t ring a bell.”

“Well I for one am not about to do a bunch of paperwork over an NDA because Kara can’t keep it together over this ass-hat groping you, so if you will excuse me-”

- - - -

And this:

“Hey babe?”

“Hm?”

“What’s this?”

Lena looked up from her work and squinted at the letter gripped in Kara’s hand.

“Oh, it’s nothing. Just some administrative stuff,” Lena hummed and returned to her work.

“Doesn’t look like ‘nothing’. It looks like you were served.”

The scowl that followed was one that could be seen from space which meant it was impossible to ignore from across their apartment. Lena rolled her eyes.

“It’s just Morgan Edge playing bully again, darling.”

“Yea but,” Kara continued, eyes skimming the multi-page document that now had a few extra crinkles in it. “He’s suing for patent rights? Who does he think he is-”

“It’s nothing, really. I’ll handle it tomorrow.”

“You shouldn’t have to handle it in the first place.”

“It’s fine. Let’s just-”

But Kara was already gone through the terrace door and halfway across the city.

- - - -

And most of all, this:

“Ms. Luthor, The Sun has accused you of covering up nearly a dozen fatalities since-”

“Lena Luthor, it has been alleged that Obsidian North’s stolen technology was found in L-Corp’s latest-”

“Ms. Luthor, how do you explain the recent deaths associated with-”

“How do you sleep at night when your maniac brother is still on the loose-”

“No comment,” Lena repeated for the eighteenth time. She pushed ahead, trying to find a path between L-Corp’s front door and the waiting car that would take her home. Unfortunately, the best path was also the longest. Worse, when she looked ahead, her car was nowhere to be found. What she did find was wall-to-wall traffic and no chance of freedom.

Great.

More questions were hurled, a flash sent blotches across her vision. Another came an inch away and sent her staggering. It felt like a garbage compactor except worse because garbage compactors weren’t sentient creatures known for shouting lies while doing its job.

She clambered through the crowd and found a gap. She glanced around for her security guard who was lost amidst a second offshoot of angry journalists and misinformed citizens. Now wasn’t the time for manners as three journalists and an oversized camera pivoted toward her, so instead of waiting, she booked it down the sidewalk.

They followed with vigor and ignorance and a stubbornness that would have made Lillian proud, shouting rather uncreative conspiracy theories and growing closer by the second. Lena turned a corner then, in a move she might have patted herself on the back for, slipped into an alley. She breathed a sigh of relief until-

“Ms. Luthor-”

“Lena Luthor-”

“-you can’t hide from the truth.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” Lena heaved, staggering backwards in the kind of stereotypical way she mocked television shows for.

The cameraman was fastest, breaking into her personal space and jamming the lens into her face.

“Ms. Luthor-”

“-is it true Supergirl won’t speak to you?”

“-how does it feel having National City’s Darling reject you?”

What happened next might have been comical if Lena weren’t breathless, irritated, and fuming that her anniversary dinner was being interrupted by a wave of wannabe reporters hanging onto the coattails of the marketing dollars that funded their tabloids.

Be that as it was, she was not in her usual smirky-mood when the burst of air sent all of them turning on heel to find an equally irritated and equally fuming Supergirl towering over them with the kind of anger usually reserved for the extra-bad baddies.

“S-supergirl,” they all seemed to whimper in unison.

The camera was fumbled then dropped. The lens splintered with a deserved crack. A few short seconds later, it was the only evidence anyone with a press badge had been there.

“Where’d you take them?” Lena asked when Kara whooshed down moments later. She pushed off the brick wall and closed the distance, raising her hands to fix Kara’s ruffled cape.

“I considered the middle of the Pacific-” Kara shrugged.

“Oh is that right?” Lena smirked, letting her hands climb to brush an errant strand of hair into place.

“But then I remembered the whole ‘hope, help, and compassion’ thing,” she continued, her own hands finding a home on Lena’s waist. “So I dropped them off just outside the city limits instead.”

And there it was: the secret. Somewhere between Kara, all beet-faced and rage hovering over the cowering reporters and then dragging said group of gaggling reporters to the edges of town, Lena felt it - that tiny pang of warmth and safety and appreciation that always came with her overprotective Kryptonian. It also usually sent a tiny pang of something else through her.

“Well that was very big of you,” Lena replied, the gap between lips narrowing. “But just so you know,” she continued, her breath ghosting across Kara’s lips, “I had it handled-”

Kara skipped her lines and closed the gap, pressing lips, hands, and body against Lena until her back found the brick wall again and nothing but the taste, touch, and smell of Kara consumed her. Lips dragged to Lena’s jawline then neck then exposed shoulder. Hands grabbed against the restrictions of fabric. Lena cursed (again) the constraints of a supersuit.

“I really need to design you a new suit,” Lena huffed.

“Probably for the best.” Kara replied, fingers venturing dangerously close to public indecency. “Alex says we need to leave before someone sees us anyway.”

“Tell Alex to stop committing voyeurism. There are websites for that.”

“Oh, she did not like that,” Kara snickered, lips pressing a final kiss to the crook of Lena’s neck.

“Turn that thing off and take me home, Supergirl.”

“What about our reservations?”

“I have other dinner plans tonight.”

- - - - -

ask game

#I headcanon that Lena secretly likes when Kara gets overprotective of her not because it causes a scene but because it reinforces the feelin #which was like. kind of definitely missing from her childhood #the make-out sessions that follow aren’t too bad either #the dinner that follows the make-out session aren't too bad either either #anon #qs with quinn #ask game

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spicymotte · 3 days

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How fandom culture killed my creativity

hi. I have some thoughts about my time in a huge fandom and how it changed me:

First of all, I would like to say that these are my personal experiences in a large anime fandom. I have made very good friends with whom I am still in contact today - and I was exposed to a kind of brain rot that has changed the way I deal with art forever. However, this does not apply to every fandom/every person.

this - essay? - is way longer than I thought it would be. More under the cut:

In 2020, after a long break, I was able to get excited about One Piece again. Until then, I had always considered art important to me and I had never been able to do it professionally. (maybe someday...!)

The One Piece fandom is huge. There are now over 1000 manga chapters and anime episodes, which is gigantic; and the fandom itself is just as huge: millions of fans love this manga/anime and exchange ideas about it on the internet. I was previously very limited to tumblr, but then I ventured into OPtwt, the One Piece community on Twitter. There is a lot of fan art, fan fiction and small cliques that like the same character. There is something for everyone. It was great! I had a hyperfixation phase on OP before, in 2017. Now it came back - so violently that I realized very quickly that I could hardly think of anything else but One Piece.

Hyperfixations involve two major factors: an intense obsession with a character (or theme/media/whatever), which often brings with it a bottomless well of inspiration and motivation for artists – and a strange influence on brain chemistry. Neurodivergent people are prone to difficulties with the release of happiness and rewarding hormones anyway, and even though I am in no way qualified to make grand statements, as a person living with AuDHD, hyperfixations are both a blessing and a curse.

Often, the neurodivergent niches in the fandom communities are very lively. On extremely interactive social media like Twitter, TikTok and Instagram, you are flooded with posts of fan art, discussions and also escalation. It quickly becomes stressful for the brain to keep up with it - especially if you manage to accumulate a large number of followers. (also a blessing and a curse!)

I started posting fanart and OC x canon in 2020. I spent most of the last three years on Twitter and I have to say that it set me back in some ways. At first, I was slow to get to know people through fanart, but then I got to know people very quickly: fellow artists that I am still good friends with today and, unfortunately, people who have also succumbed to an incredible, destructive brainrot. I had chosen a character (or rather, my brain did) who plays almost no role in One Piece. All the better, so I pretty much had him to myself and I could do whatever I wanted. The OC x canon community is generally very friendly and respectful, so I found quite a few people who liked what I drew. Cool!

And then it started. With fanart and a small fan club for my OCs, I got more followers and more likes. More retweets and comments, more notifications. The algorithm started to like me and the growth increased steadily. My fandom (OP) account grew, as did my reach.

I checked Twitter more and more. Every free second I took my smartphone in my hand and checked my notifications. I reloaded the page until I had a new notification. I repeated this on Instagram and tumblr. Sometimes I catch myself doing it today, even though I haven't been active in this fandom for over a year!

Likes were good, retweets better. Every notification of an interaction with my art was a push on the feel-good button in my brain. It's very addictive, even if I talked myself out of it at first. The pandemic was at its peak and the internet was the only way to meet friends anyway. All this shit was fast food for my brain.

Then I started drawing fanarts, even though I didn't feel like it. But the likes had to come from somewhere, didn't they? I drew favorites from manga, characters that I didn't even like that much myself. But they were popular, so that promised likes and reach! Every single day, really every day, I drew fanarts. I was disappointed with myself if I didn't.

As of today, my two One Piece art folders have 80GB of data in it! what the fuck!! That's not normal!

I learned a lot during that time and was able to develop my art. I was able to participate in projects, to draw for several zines and also had a lot of fun – but I treated it like a job. Making fan art your job is very difficult – and has a lot of consequences. If you run a merch shop (as I did for a short time), you always have to follow the hype and draw what's in style. You switch fandoms because the hype has just burned out and the next new thing is already in style. If you're one of the first to offer keychains and stickers - or plushies - you make the big money. That brings profit, but in my opinion you can very quickly step on the wrong foot in this jumping around and slip into burnout. (Or stagnate to such an extent that you lose all motivation to refine your artistic skills and become better at your craft.)

I see friends of mine, many of them, who are trying to live off of fandom merch. They all have one thing in common: their skills in art have remained absolutely the same over the past few years or have even declined. If you have to churn out a new batch of merchandise every week, you have to cut corners. There is no time for experiments and crazy studies when you can hardly live and have to produce merch/fan art that sells 100% well.

I don't mean to offend anyone - it's just that I've been thinking a lot about my own setbacks as an artist since I've been dealing with them so intimately. And I've definitely made some setbacks!

In 2021-2023, fandom life continued and got worse and worse. Checking my smartphone, drawing something every day to post it - just so that the algorithm doesn't sort me out. Posting daily is the number one rule on all Social Media, unfortunately. But I did it, no matter how burned out I felt.

And then there were the dramas on Twitter: internet puritans, antis and proshippers were screaming at each other and tearing each other to shreds (a trap I almost fell into myself! anti and pro are the biggest bullshit ever and I'm lucky enough to have reached a point where I can say: I don't give a shit lol). Callout posts, vague tweeting and aggression instead of simply blocking and moving on. Harassment that I myself experienced: I blocked a few people because I found them strange and unpleasant. They posted explicit things that I did not want to see on my timeline. This triggered a wave of harassment that was simply disgusting. These are people who hate their own lives so much that they can't do anything but feel miserable and stalk strangers online. Admittedly, this made me paranoid: a group of people had chosen me as a target. They passed around screenshots of many of my tweets and made fun of me, copying and stealing my art 1:1. They lied and cheated to make me look like an asshole – and this went on for years. It made me paranoid and was the first step away from fandoms, as it escalated more and more.

So, I was successfully bullied out of the fandom and my hyperfixation was over. It left a terrible void that I am still trying to fill today. Neurodivergence sucks, I'll tell you.

That's when I honestly asked myself for the first time: What the fuck am I doing here? When did I become a content machine for strangers on the internet? Why the hell do I feel so bad when I don't draw for a day? And why do I care what strangers think about me?!

Then I realized that I can't draw anymore.

Without references or the 3D models from Clip Studio Paint, I'm lost. When I try to draw something without any help, I sit in front of an empty canvas. My hands don't do what they're supposed to do and my brain blocks the thought of how drawing even works. My eyes only see the mistakes I make. Everything I draw looks bad to me.

I realized I have a problem.

So I try again and learn it all again from scratch: Anatomy, perspective, color theory, everything. But every time I sit down and try to put something on paper, there's nothing there. I've been drawing things every day for the last four years. Now my hyperfixation on this character and this manga is over and there's nothing left. I've been burning the candle at both ends and I've broken something in the process. Art is no longer something I enjoy. I need art to live and breathe, no doubt, but… the barrel now has a bottom again and it's empty to the last drop.

The little motivation I can muster goes into my webcomic, which is my everything. It's just mine, not a fandom. I feel honored that so many people read this comic. At the same time, I'm afraid that it's not enough; in my eyes, my art doesn't look good. Being surrounded by perfect illustrations on social media all day long distorts one's own perception of art, like the beauty industry that gives you body dysmorphia. On top of that, I haven't had any financial success with my comics in recent years, none at all. The dream of being an independent comic artist has receded so far into the distance that I can no longer see it. Bummer.

The constant stream of content that I gave during my fandom days has set me back incredibly. I can no longer enjoy the process of art, but my brain constantly pushes me to finish it, to have a finished product - because then I can post the drawing and get the virtual handshake that my weird brain likes so much.

Social media detox, of course, is the first thing that comes to mind. It's actually bullshit that we're all so addicted to these apps, but here we are. It's uncomfortable for me to admit, but I have hardly any friends in real life. I'm very introverted and many people find my autism very unpleasant (I can't blame them, I often come across as rude), so I only have 1-2 friends. I would like to have more friends, but maintaining social contact is terribly exhausting. It's hard enough to reply to my mutuals in the DMs (sorryyyyy if I forget sometimes………).

And what if I just take a break for a while and don't draw so much? Recharge my batteries? Right now I'm taking a 6-week break, partly because my jaw surgery is coming up soon. I'll be sick anyway, so why not put the webcomic on hiatus and take a break for a while? I don't know if it will work out, but I have a hunch that it won't, because I always have the fast-paced internet in the back of my mind. How can I be a freelancer if I don't do fanart? How can I make money with it to help my partner, who is currently financing our lives, financially? How can I, as a disabled person, find a job that I can do and at the same time build my career as an artist? As an independent comic artist, I have to do the job of so many people (artist, author, manager, taxes, work organization), how am I supposed to do that?

I have no answers to these questions. Original works don't go nearly as well as fanart! So you have to work ten times as hard and play by the vague rules of the algorithms, which is exhausting enough. Nowadays, you can only be lucky and ride the viral wave if it falls into your lap.

But reflecting on my time in a huge fandom has made me realize that I was going down a very wrong path and am now experiencing the consequences. I'm completely burnt out and no longer know why I'm even making art anymore. I don't know if I want to make art much longer. (I think shit-life-syndrome plays a big role here, but not exclusively.)

As I said, I don't have any answers - but I would at least like to warn those who are having difficulties with distancing themselves from the internet and are quickly losing themselves in this maelstrom of social media.

I have since deleted Twitter from my smartphone and, fortunately, have hardly ever used TikTok (dodged a bullet there!). I try to get back into traditional art and get away from my computer. I am all the more grateful to the people, my community, so to speak, who do nonsense with me on tumblr. They read my comics and are extremely nice to me, which I really appreciate. Thank you!

I don't know yet if and how it will continue, but I would like to finish Berserkir in the next few years. I'd love to find a way to finish all the short comics I want to make, even though it's just me and not a whole team. Maybe I'll find a way, maybe I don't. Anyways, thanks for sticking around!

#long post #really long.#but uh! yeah! this is just my experience with fandoms and social media as an artist. thanks for reading!#writing this made me very sad about what I have lost BUT I am so glad I wrote this. off my chest and so on #+

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vapolis · 2 days

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listen , , , i never played the old demo but in my heart of hearts i know i would still be obsessed w D nonetheless bc of how u have written them presently. their genuine kindness is sooo unnerving to my merc bc as you've established, the merc isn't really someone who's been treated with kindness and tenderness (QWQ) but . my merc is a simp and alas D's allure and kindness is irresistible. they have had to be at another person's heel and is treated like a feral mutt (which. isn't entirely unwarranted .) but being treated as an equal and as another human being makes them sooooo wistful it makes themself want to bite themself as a way of scolding themselves aihowdfjsdf.

also the nsfw snippet you posted of dante a while back was DIABOLICAL and has been living in my mind rent free. i hope dante haunts u in the most sexy manner possible . because what the actual FUCK compelled u to write that it's been living in my mind rent free and it makes me insane fr.

(also. ik people love jax. and he is sexy . but how could u want him when d and royal are right there. offering kindness and tenderness and show-stopping sex appeal. [tho its a bit unfortunate on royal's part bc as the last chap has shown us he is like a housecat trying to step into the alley in my heart shdfoHSDFO].)

i love ur IF so much u dont understand how much its haunted me (orla is also mother of the year and could order me around like the dog i am but that's neither here or there).

i'm rambling but i really do think d offers a sense of warmth none of the other RO's do (in the sense that the merc is viewed as an equal who is Struggling and in the trenches rather than. the merc. orla's dog. a ticking time bomb.) which again! is valid but also :(((( they are baby. to me . they have done nothing wrong ever <3 i just love d so much bc of the way u convey their genuine kindness and desire to connect with the merc it makes me froth at the mouth and sob fr i hope ur days are kind 2 u and that u experience nothing but contentment in life

I love long rambly asks about D like u get it!! they're nice and kind and (at least seem to) genuinely care like no other right now. I'm very excited to get more into that dynamic bc it's different. It's lighter and they're on equal footing and scenes w D always take a turn even for me lmao also so real abt that nsfw scene... both dante's and delilah's have a different kind of chokehold on me personally.

royal is probably most like D in that sense that they give kindness eaily even if last chapter ended badly w them.

anyways tysm for all that!! this ask will be rent free for a little while as I chip away at the chapter and I'm very happy you enjoy the IF (and D) as much as you do <33

#asks #c: dante/delilah #c: royal #orla mother of the year lmaoooo im cackling

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ieropski · 2 years

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i kinda didnt wanna buy an electric guitar until i was like fairly okay at guitar but guitar center has some big sale going on right now and im like ... 😳

#i guess i just dont wanna be in like the situation where i spend hundreds of dollars on a guitar and then i stop playing it #unfortunately its the kind of person i am #which is why the tag is #wazo guitar journey take 2 #like ive tried to learn guitar before and bailed on it #i also dont wanna like. have guitars for vanity ...??? if that makes sense #i do not know how to explain this #actually i think its fine to be a casual player and have a few because they're nice #you can be the worst player in the world but enjoy playing it. and id be like yes girl (gn) own a billion guitars #no different from like. having a ton of sneakers so long as you wear them every now and then #im a staunch 'if you buy it you should enjoy it' believer #but like i dont want to own guitars and never play them you get me???#i would like this to be a decades-long hobby for me #the problem which ive talked about before. is that i suck at sucking at things #anyways.#all this to say guitars are sexy and cheap right now #when i say sexy i mean like a guitar is a beautiful cool looking object #well. cheaper than usual i mean.#that was a lot of info that made no sense sorry #again. mute wazo guitar journey take 2 if you'd like #i like that most guitar buying guides are like 'start with the shape. you will become biased towards shapes and fall in love with shapes.'#instead of like 'this brand is xyz better in abc ways.'#anyways im thinking that les paul and jazzmaster and jaguar all look nice. sg's are hideous sorry.#edit: im gonna talk some more #i think im like set on this 'i have to be good at acoustic before electric' mindset become it seems more 'correct.' like how youre supposed #to read the book before watching the movie. but idk that that really applies to guitar? like most amazing guitarists today prob cant read #musical notation. which might seem 'correct' but who tf cares. if youre able to learn from tabs and youtube videos and sound amazing #much love to classical guitar (capricho arabe my beloved white whale) but my end goal here is to play the woody the woodpecker laugh LOL #sorry if ive been rude (?) here to acoustic/electric/classical/self-taught/lessons-believers alike. i just think its all pretty sick #also not saying any of those are mutually exclusive.

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bbq-potato-chip · 28 days

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kind of want to rewatch cowboy bebop

#honestly i dont know why i just got this wave of nostalgia for some reason #i watched it in the middle of the pandemic. i distinctly remember binging it and eating icecream sandwiches #ik the pandemic was bad but i. i kind of miss sitting around.........#missing that 3 2 1 lets jam you know.#honestly out of all the watanabe productions its really not my most favorite.#space dandy and samurai champloo are my personal favorites #but i've been in a cowboy bepop mood lately. not sure why #its kind of sad though that its the most popular...WHERE ARE MY SPACE DANDY FANS!! HELLOOO #if cowboy bebop and samurai champloo are like bleach and naruto space dandy is like the gintama #which isnt a great analogy but i think it works.#not to mention the fact that the music SLAPS. honestly all three of them have great soundtracks but #space dandy really is my favorite. it just scratches an itch in my brain idk what to say #if space dandy has 1 million fans i am one of them if space dandy has 100 fans i am one of them if space dandy has #10 fans i am one of them. if space dandy has 1 fan that is me. if space dandy has no fans then i am no longer on this earth. thank you #oh and not to mention that the animation is stunning. they get experimental with it and its really cool #its done by the same people who animated mob pyscho i think. not 100% about that but im p sure #i would rb sooooo many gifs but. no one cares about it unfortunately :\#sorry this totally derailed. uh. now i kind of want to rewatch space dandy instead lol

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ruporas · 2 years

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more sugiO

#sugio #osugi #sugimoto saichi #ogata hyakunosuke #golden kamuy #UWAHGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH #ok #i posted on my other socials so now ill ramble in the tags bc its a little less embarrassing to post on tumblr than it is anywhere else #but these are just the results of waiting a week #thinking endlessly about sugio and then doodling my ass off the moment the weekend came #i cant really verbalize how i think of them. in a modern au sense they're ofc much better off and ill talk about that in the future maybe!!#but canon compliant wise................ :melting-emoji:#i am a multishipper so in another universe sugimoto is much more happier with perhaps. someone superior. someone better than ogata but #unfortunately i rotate sugio in my brain the most often and while i picture sugimoto be both regretful and disdainful of his feelings #i do think he accepted his feelings early on once he recognized it #and well. sugimoto is nice. hes really nice. hes sweet and silly and has a knack for romance even if he never really pursued it himself #but he has a track record for ppl that he has loved. and i think those people shape him into his kindness.#toraji... umeko.... and now the person he's closest to is asirpa who is just. eugh. ill cry if i get into their familial/platonic bond.#But u see what i mean. ogata is like a trapezoid box trying to fit in with circles. and that wouldv jarred sugimoto soooo much and consideri #ng the kind of personality that ogata elicits from sugimoto during their interactions . he's Just immediately like Why. Whyyyyyy HIMMMMMMM #but i think he gets around it. a real internal struggle.#meanwhile ogata -- the absolute legend of denial and repression - denies it vehemently. does not See it. and thinks there must be something #wrong with sugimoto -- which is smth he takes comfort in #but he'd never return those feelings -- only the passive affection that could come along with it bc physical affection =/= internal emotions #and i don't find ogata to recognize it -- only catch glimpses of it through odd feelings of warmth -- dreams -- instinctively following #or looking at sugimoto pre-abashiri. its small things and well. it'll whiplash him in the end.#bc love has been so absent in ogata's life. if familial/platonic love can't reach him #then romantic love could never either. and that makes me shake his shoulders and weep.#ive written too Much in these tags. AND THis is Not worded in the best way ANYWAY. but At the least i got to verbally wordvomit it out. it s #been just stewing in my brain bc i have no idea where else to put it down.

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bluesidedown · 3 months

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hnggghhggg

#just realized a little too hard that im packing my entire life up into a single suitcse and hitting the road for a month. in a month.#im also turning 24 in a month #both of these things perturb me in some direction or another.#its also 1030pm but i am Vibrating unfortunately #also realized vividly today that ill be attending my college graduation less than 48hrs after landing back in canada #and that will be after 30+ hours in transit coming directly from a 12 hour time difference #so that'll be fun #not really how i imagined graduating when i started my freshman year?#actually dear lord i could not have fathomed Being Here when i was 19 and starying college #i remember hearing about the program im currently doing and thinking 'wow that's incredibly cool but im just not the kind of person #who can do that sort of thing'#i still periodically have moments where i just look around and have to be like Yes I Really Am Here #and yeah turning 24. in a month. that's far too grown up of an age for how i feel inside.#and yeah trvaelljng to 5 vountires in a month again? wild.#didnt think anything could top seeing the great pyramids for out of body wild experiences And Yet. we sure are gonna be going some places.#also being in a serious relationship huh. didnt think this was going to happen until i was 35 if ever.#skmeone needs to tell me why my brain decided to watch wedding dress youtube shorts today with a vague expectation that might be relevant #to my life within a decade.#so yeah all that to say my life feels fucking insane to me.#I Am Not Qualified For This Experience Help #(this is not entirely negative im just ??????)

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thatonegeekygirl · 1 month

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it has come to my attention that some of you have become convinced that i am quote unquote "cool". with a heavy heart i must inform you that no, i am in fact not. i have deceived you, my friends, it was all a ruse! a trick! a con! in real life i am a huge nerd, the sort who lugs around 10 pound sci-fi books, spends too much time with headphones in, and memorizes weird al songs. i apologize for giving you all the impression that i am, as the kids say, hip. although really its your fault for falling for it.

#this is all in jest in case that wasn't clear btw #i mean its true that im not cool but im sure you all are aware of that #its an open secret #also all the cool people i know are immensely boring so i think im chill with being not cool #if you identify as a cool person: im sorry to break it to you but if you're on tumblr.com you aren't one #and yes aly this is a nod to you and your lovely kind words #unfortunately i am not as cool as you seem to believe #luckily i am still a delight if i may say so myself #the geek rambles

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munamania · 4 months

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hm feel free to tell me ur thoughts if youd like friends but basically my friends did text abt doing dinner and i was like 'im sorry i cant tn feel free to go w/o me or lmk if you wanna do another day' and ofc i caught stupid messages back just like 'booooooooooo' 'i cant till next week at least' 'what time r u busy til eye roll' and ill be honest here i fucking lied not that i should have to even give some big explanation but i was like 'well i have class till 5 (theoretically i would) and then have a meeting that doesnt have an end time' basically pretended the one from yesterday. and then i even sent a followup like 'if you guys end up just hanging out at someones place or you grab drinks or anything ill try to stop by later on' and the one sends a message back like 'do you think if we planned on a day next week you could commit to that?' fucking condescending as hell and to that i literally said 'Hm well idk' and then they were just like 'No days next week?' 'just wondering i mean bc maybe the three of us can just go and then we can plan on something lower commitment some other time.' fuck you first of all. and then a 'i get it if it's too last minute!' from my one friend um so thanks to her i guess and i sent smth kinda snarky back like 'well it's not like we had an actual commitment for any day but by all means go and ill certainly try to carve time out in my schedule some other time yeah!' and ive had the notifs muted bc i just dont want to deal with it rn. why am i not allowed to not be available why am i automatically some flaky low commitment bitch who has to be constantly berated in the chat while yall also ignore pretty much everything i say. im not doing that. and this just confirms my suspicions that they already see me in a certain way why should i have to bother when i HAVE still tried to see them and at least offer alternatives when i cant make it to things. also the semester just started like

#unfortunately i got a couple notifs when i opened my laptop didnt read all of them but if they backtracked like.#what am i supposed to do. apologize. you guys are being dickheads #like. no one answered when i said i Might key word Might be available tmrw (today) and other than that it was kind of them #going back and forth abt a couple days during the week and then Theoretically thinking abt today #there was no plan. and to be honest yeah i just dont feel great so technically i am flaking i fucking guess #but honestly way to make someone who is borderline suicidal feel like an even more shitty person lmfao #not to be dramatic i would not. do that. and its not on them. but i can tell you i had to try real hard to get a grip last night #abby talks #so basically idk where to go from here i think im just gonna nap rn and then well we'll reassess

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