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wasabito · 4 years

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home feels like you | naruto x fem!reader

here’s my entry for the konoha simps server collab with @bakubabes-hatake; prompts are roommate au and “i was so stupid to make the mistake of falling in love with my best friend.” (i will be making edits to this later lmao)

wordcount: 3.0k

tags: fluff, angst, modern au, healing after a breakup

synopsis: it’s a little hard for him to describe the way he feels these days, but if anyone asked, he’d say that home feels a lot like you.

Naruto didn’t wake up that morning to the sound of his alarm blaring through the stillness, or even to streams of early morning sunlight filtering in through his curtains. Yet, he sat up in bed, shirtless, hair askew, with a dry streak of saliva at the corner of his mouth.

Even though he searched for what had woken him up so abruptly, Naruto found nothing.

Blinking back at him in bright neon green, his alarm clock read 5:23 am, approximately thirty-seven minutes until it was time for his morning run. Not one to miss out on the chance to get more sleep, Naruto was just about to turn over in bed, stuff his head back under his pillow and be dead to the world once more—then he heard it.

Harsh whispers and...sniffling.

The Uzumaki remained silent, sleep suddenly gone from his eyes. His gaze was trained onto his bedroom door, knowing that you, his roommate, were probably just a few feet beyond it. You’d been an early riser for as long as he’d known you and Naruto imagined you were shuffling into the kitchen to make yourself some coffee before heading to work for the day.

This time, however, it seemed your peaceful morning routine had been interrupted by an unexpected and seemingly unpleasant phone call.

Naruto listened close while you spoke hurriedly into the receiver, a rush of words garbled together and unintelligible due your shaky voice that pierced through paper thin walls. Even from where he laid, Naruto could tell that you were just barely holding it together; it sounded like you were a moment away from crying.

Unable to sit still, he pulled off the covers and followed after your voice. The entire apartment beyond his bedroom was cloaked in darkness, so much so that he could barely see his own two feet. The only source of light came from your cell phone that illuminated a single corner of the room where you sat.

“Hey...you uh, you doin’ okay—” Truly he hadn’t meant to be so loud, but his voice boomed regardless, causing you to flinch. Not to mention, it sounded like he’d gargled nails just five minutes prior with how gravely his voice was. Great going, Naruto, he thought to himself.

He cleared his throat, whispering, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you, heh.”

You sat curled up on the sofa, with your phone wedged between your shoulder and ear, but it didn’t seem like anyone was talking anymore. With a sigh, you hung up the phone, plunging the room in muted darkness.

“I’m fine,” you muttered. “...don’t worry about it.”

Bypassing his curious look, you trudged back into your bedroom. It seemed he would not be getting an answer anytime soon. Naruto blinked slowly, scrubbing a hand through his hair as he reentered his room as well. But the more he thought about you, the more unsettled he became.

You had moved in with him six months ago after Sasuke left for business overseas. But even since then, Naruto still only knew as much about you as he had when he first met you, which was literally next to nothing. He could respect that you were a private person, but he still felt it was a little ridiculous that you both shared a refrigerator and he’d had to stalk your Facebook page just to find out your birthday.

The two of you had lived as nothing more than strangers for an entire six months, but in all that time, he had never heard you sound like that...

His curiosity had gotten the better of him. Normally he wouldn't be so bothered, but with Sasuke away and Sakura busy with her own life, he was beginning to feel as if he had nothing else to steal his attention. Naruto was only now realizing how invested he was in the lives of his friends, more so than his own even. Being involved was second nature.

Two and a half weeks later, the reason behind your odd behavior made itself known. In fact, it quite literally stood at your shared doorstep.

It was a normal Saturday night, and for once he was home instead of gaming the entire night away over at Kiba’s place. Naruto had been in the kitchen making himself yet another cup of instant ramen when a knock came at the door, shattering the evening stillness. Before he could even set down his chopsticks, you had bounded down the hall with a duffel bag slung over your shoulder. He had never seen you so upset, but your anger was unmistakable as you wrenched the door open with enough force to rattle it on its hinges.

“Here’s your shit.”

“Can we at least talk abou—”

“No!” You slammed the door shut in the face of… whoever that was.

Naruto came around the counter to stand in the hall. He didn’t bother hiding the fact that he was so blatantly eavesdropping on you. Was there really a point in hiding?

You turned in time to catch him out of your peripheral, frown still set on your lips, though it softened a bit when you caught sight of him watching you. “You’re pretty nosy.” Was your only remark, but despite the edge in your words, it didn’t sound like you were annoyed at him, almost like you had expected it.

“Well, can you blame me?” Naruto scratched his neck sheepishly, “You were actin’ pretty weird, so of course I got curious, what did ya expect?”

You snorted. “So, that’s your perfect defense?”

Naruto gave you the goofiest smile in response. “Gimme a minute and I’ll think of a better one!”

With a laugh you slumped into one of the bar stools near the counter. You hadn’t stopped laughing at him for another minute, but then… your teetering laughter slowly turned into sobs. You shoved your face behind the palms of your hands, but Naruto could see the way your entire body shook. The sound of your crying startled him so bad, he nearly choked on his own spit. Every thought running through his mind came to a screeching halt. It was as if the sounds that escaped your mouth was set to a frequency that would break his heart to pieces over and over again.

“H-Hey,” Naruto reached over, placing a heavy arm over your shoulder and pulling you into his chest. “It’s...gonna be okay, okay? Whatever it is, it’ll work itself out. Please, don’t cry...”

After another moment, your sobs quieted down to a whimper, your cheeks were still wet and Naruto was about seventy percent sure there was a little snot on his tee shirt. Nevertheless, he remained still until you were ready to pull away.

“Um, thanks…” you whispered, lips accidentally grazing his collarbone. Not a second later, you released him, and wiped at your eyes with your shirt sleeve.

“Wanna talk about it?”

“I—um...I guess I owe you some sort of explanation, considering I just used you a human tissue.”

Using humor to cope, that was familiar.

You were trying to lighten the mood, Naruto could tell, so he went along with your joke and laughed. “Yeah, I guess havin’ you tell me is better than me playin’ spy, huh?”

He reached for his forgotten cup of noodles. They were a little soggy after being neglected for so long, but that didn’t stop him from slurping up the entire thing in record time.

“Ah! That hit the spot!”

You laughed again, sniffling as you did so and for a moment he was captured.

That watery smile, the wrinkle in your eyelids, the upward curve of your lips, even the very sound you made, all of it caught him by the throat. It was almost like he was just now realizing that you were a girl. And a really pretty one, at that. Naruto gulped and looked away. He wasn’t sure what was happening to him or why he was just noticing how cute you were, but he shook his head as if to dispel some of the mental fog.

“That was my boyfriend—ex boyfriend, I mean.”

“Ex boyfriend?” he repeated.

“Yeah, um, we kind of do—er—did the long distance thing...he lives a few cities away, goes to a completely different university so um…anyway I was just uh, returning his clothes....”

You seemed to be struggling to find the right words, likely still processing everything that had happened. At times like this, Naruto was thankful that he and Hinata had ended things so amicably. Not everyone had the luxury. Relationships were hard as it is, and when it was over, picking back up like nothing happened was nigh impossible. There was always something left behind as a reminder, be it scars, old wounds in the form of memories. Sakura had once dubbed it ‘relationship residue’.

“Hey, don’t push yourself!” Naruto offered a grin and a thumbs up. “C’mon, let’s get your mind off it. We can watch a movie, or play some music, or…” he looked around the apartment in search of something you both could do but came up short.

“I appreciate the gesture, Naruto, but I think I’m just going to head to bed early. I’m a little tired.”

You gave a small smile, and though it didn’t reach your eyes, Naruto could do nothing but watch after your retreating back yet again.

He didn’t like the helpless feeling that latched onto him. He would always and forever be doer. He couldn't just sit idly by while you went through this hard time alone. Though he kept quiet, he was determined to make you feel better somehow. He never wanted to see you cry like that ever again.

Following that night, the dynamic between the two of you had changed. Naruto, naturally friendly as he was, made it his first priority to check up on you and see how you were doing. And instead of heading straight to your bedroom upon returning from class or work, nowadays, you spent your free time in Naruto’s company. Whether it be just by watching the evening news together or doing homework in the same area. For the first time in months, you two were acting more and more like roommates—maybe even friends. You still hadn't opened up much about your ex boyfriend, but that was okay. Naruto knew that as long as you understood he was there to support you, that you were not alone, one day you’d be able to speak about it with him.

A change in weather seemed to follow the change in pace. Winter was fast approaching and with it came colder mornings, frosted leaves that crunched under foot, and a need to remain bundled up lest one catch a cold. Naruto had just returned home to find that you had made a hot pot. The entire apartment was filled with such a delicious smell that had his mouth watering and stomach grumbling in askance.

“Hey there!” you called from the kitchen. “I just finished up, grab a bowl and get some.”

He didn’t need to be told twice. Naruto quickly shrugged out of his coat and scarf, doing a little shimmy, then grabbed a bowl from the cabinet. “It smells sooo good~”

His eagerness managed to pull a laugh out of you. You quickly handed him the ladle. “Go nuts...well...not too crazy.” Knowing Naruto, it was safe to say he would inhale the entire pot if left up to his own devices, you’d come to learn this the hard way.

“Yeah, yeah.” he said, scooping himself a hefty serving. He wasted no time at all, digging in with much gusto. “Damn!! This is hella good! You’re such a great cook, roomie.”

You were unsure whether he was merely flattering you for that sake of flattery or if he truly enjoyed the meal, but you accepted his compliments as gracefully as you could manage.

Eating dinner like this was nice. Naruto made for good company. For the time being, you let yourself enjoy the simplicity of the moment, the utter lack of expectation, the vibrant energy that came with mutual understanding, all of it made you feel much warmer inside. You knew it wasn’t just the hot pot.

Several more nights were spent just like this, relishing the friendly companionship that was slowly being fostered between you two. It wasn’t like you had very many friends to begin with, but you could admit that Naruto was a breath of fresh air. His sunny persona and steadfast disposition always managed to brighten up your day. Most nights, he talked enough for the both of you and was a pleasant distraction from less than savory thoughts regarding your ex. It was safe to say that you rather liked being his roommate. Naruto made you feel safe in your own skin again.

You had just returned from class when you heard Naruto fumbling around in the bathroom. He wasn’t a quiet roommate by any means, but he usually never made this much noise in the mornings. From the looks of things, he had just returned from a run, and was now showering away the sweat and grime.

“You okay in there?” you called. There was no answer.

Instead, the restroom door was thrust open and your roommate burst through, darting down the hall at breakneck speed, naked as the day he was born. You blinked rapidly, mouth hanging open. What...the actual hell?

“My bad!! I forgot my towel!” His awkward laugh echoed from somewhere in his bedroom.

“You could’ve just asked me to bring you one.”

“I kinda panicked a little.”

You snorted behind your hand. “A little?”

“Okay, maybe a lot.”

Naruto returned to where you stood, thankfully he was fully dressed, although his wet hair hung low around his face, wispy tendrils clinging to his cheeks. The water droplets were left to be caught by the towel around his neck.

“Dude, you’re gonna get sick,” you grabbed the towel and draped it over his head. Naruto was just a few inches taller, but you still managed, even if you had to get on your toes a bit, while he bent to accommodate the height difference.

You carefully towel dried his hair as best as you could. Naruto kept his eyes solely on you. It was a little unnerving, but you did your best to ignore it, until he finally spoke up.

“How are you feeling?”

Due to proximity, you could feel his puffs of breath fanning against your cheek.

“I’m good now, Naruto. Great, actually.”

He smiled at that. “I’m glad.”

You chewed your lip to stop yourself from smiling back but it was too late, he’d already caught a glimpse of it.

“There you go,” you returned the towel to his open hands. “All done.”

“Thanks a bunch! I don’t think anyone’s ever done that for me before.”

You found that a little hard to believe. But Naruto was walking away before you could question him about it. You thought about the way he looked at you, how his eyes seemed to gleam as he did. It made your cheeks feel like they were on fire.

Days later, you still thought about it even as you stretched yourself across the carpeted floors of your apartment living room in an attempt to gather your thoughts. It was a feeble attempt, and you weren’t really a yoga person, but you were insistent on doing something that didn’t fall into the category of wondering what your roommate was currently doing. And it worked for all of five minutes before you simply laid on your back and stared up at the ceiling.

That was the exact image of you Naruto walked in on. He tossed his keys on the table, left his backpack by the door, and toed off his shoes like normal, it was a routine ingrained in him by now.

“Uhh, what are you doing on the floor?” Naruto stood over your figure with a quirky grin. He was wearing a turtleneck… which was a little odd, you’d only ever seen him tee shirts and sweatpants. But it was nice. He looked nice. Wait, no—

“Why are you wearing…?” You trailed off as Naruto laid himself by your side, wedging himself between you and the coffee table.

“Nope! I asked first!” He shuffled a bit to make himself comfortable. “So, what are we doing on the floor?”

Keeping your eyes glued to the ceiling and not on the man who was getting a view of your side profile, you replied simply. “I was doing yoga at first.”

Naruto was silent. Did he know what yoga was? You were going to ask, but he beat you to it, humming an ‘oh cool’, and accepting your lukewarm response easily.

“You know...these past few months have been kinda like a dream.”

“What do you mean by that, Naruto?”

Finally craning your neck to the side, you were greeted with the full view of him. Soft blonde hair, ocean-blue eyes, and the kind of smile that made you want to smile too. It was so hard to be sad or down in his presence, it was like he vanquished darkness with his light. God, you were sounding so shakespearean.

Unaware of your inner battle, Naruto continued. “I grew up in an orphanage, so the thought of having a home was...a bit like a fairytale. But then I learned that people can be just as much a home as any random building, ya know?”

You did know. You knew it too well, in fact. Once you had made the mistake of falling in love with your best friend. He had become your home, only to leave you broken and abandoned.

“Yeah...I get that.”

“And you,” Naruto continued. “You feel a lot like what I think home feels like.”

You blinked at him, stunned, heart stuttering because you could tell he meant what he’d said. Goddamn him for being this way. For being so good.

Naruto sat up and you followed suit. “I just wanted to say thank you, Y/n.”

And with that, he leaned forward and pecked your cheek.

#naruto #naruto uzumaki x reader #naruto uzumaki x y/n #naruto uzumaki x you #naruto x reader #naruto x y/n #naruto x you #naruto uzumaki #naruto fanfiction #sabi.writes

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oookaline · 4 years

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Miss You - Lyric Analysis

by me because im bored.

yet again because whats more fun than going over lyrics for the 2736843th time? Absolutely nothing! and if you thought of something, you're lying to youself

So, miss you was a song released in the 8th of December 2017.

Some backstory before.

ObViOusLy, the whole babygate thing, add a lil cherry on top with the Elk split up (23rd march 2015 - 2 weeks prior) and them getting back toguether in 2017 (17 Feb). All of this aswell as Danielle and Brenda in the middle of it.

K with all the smol context under us we can already look around and see that just by the title 'Miss You' people had speculated it was for Eleanor, and since Louis said :

I wrote this song about a time in my life when I was going out partying every night. In hindsight throughout that time I was pretty numb and just going through the motions. Deep down it was always in the back of my mind that what I really missed was the girl that I loved

which obviously links the song to two occurences:

Babygate: 'was going out partying every night' (since we know for a fact he literally went partying every week)

The split up from Elk

but the thing is right- lmao Danielle just danielled away. No mention whatsoever.

This, all of this, and JUsT that quote that Louis gave us already destroyed like- half the narrative of 'Really good friends w an oops baby' and (obviously) just tarnishes yet again the 'engagement' route they were going to take. BUT IT ALSO leaves Danielle behind as if she didn't even exist!!

Which by the way things look, she might not've anygays.

The music video was made in LA

which again (If I could I would literally kiss louis brain) links it to Babygate.

Now the lyrics

verse 1:

"Is it my imagination?

Is it something that I’m taking?

All the smiles that I’m faking

“Everything is great

Everything is fucking great”"

Obviously we can literally hear the sarcasm on the last two lines. 'All the fake smiles' reffering to all the pap pics he did while the lead up to the Holy Conception. Aswell that him reffering to the scene as 'imagination' or 'something that he's taking' could emphasize that its so bad, so unreal that he thinks its a joke and that he's either too drunk or thinking it.

Going out every weekend

Staring at the stars on the ceiling

Hollywood friends, gotta see them

Such a good time

I believe it this time

Again, him reffering to him being papped every week on a club with the first line, the 'stars on the' ceiling reffering to the lights in night clubs, 'Holywood Friends' reffering to Annas, and specially reffering to Snoop Dog and his launch party, which was when this picture happened:

pre chorus:

Tuesday night

Glazed over eyes

Just one more pint or five

Does it even matter anyway?

One of the fucking smartest lines in my opinion, him reffering to tuesday. Which is him reffering to the day the first article of him being out partying came out:

The next are him reffering to what always happened; drinking and feeling shit. 'does it even matter anyways' is his subcontious trying to tell him to give in and just do what they wanted him to do, saying that it doesn't even matter because either way the end will be shit (and bla bla bla, but again, its his subcontious. not him.)

chorus:

We’re dancing on tables

And I’m off my face

With all of my people

And it couldn’t get better they say

the first two lines are ofc reffering to the feeling of being drunk, 'dancing on tables' and 'of your face' are ohrases people use to refer to drunken states. The 'people' Louis is reffering to is his escorts; people paayed to carry out what is supposed to happen that night (bodyguards, pr managers, paps, in cases the girls aswell he appears papped with), and the line 'couldn't get better they say' has both the connotation of this being the LA dream, of always partying, knocking chicks up, drinking to your hearts desire- aswell as having the connotation of 'his people' telling him it will not get better, so don't try to oppose it. (which links back to the previous verse 'does it even matter anyway')

We’re singing 'til last call

And it’s all out of tune

Should be laughing, but there’s something wrong

And it hits me when the lights go on

Shit, maybe I miss you

'singing til last call' refers to how late he spent in the clubs and 'out of tune' suggest again the drunk state. 'Should be laughing but there's something wrong' is again, elluding to that LA dream partying state that should've been what he was feeling, since that's what the media said. The 'lights go on' is reffering to the paps, when they take pictures (and obviously the miss you is talking about eleanor because he'd much rather stunt with her than be here lmao ) And yes, the miss you is reffering to Harry.

There doesn't have to be a reason and obviously it could also be a stunt line in the song- but let me explain what I think: We can see Louis' state by the end of the paps shoots, how he slowly just becomes VERY tired towards the last few ones. And keep in mind he was also touring with 1D WHILE HE PARTIED. Which meant it was Show-Party-Show-Party with things thrown between it aswell. Giving close to little time to spend w Harry.

(Pretty sure that's not at all what happened, its just what I think- it was such a fucking busy thing, I'd not be surprised if they both were stressed and not having enough 1-1 time)

Verse 2:

Just like that and I’m sober

I’m asking myself, “Is it over?”

Maybe I was lying when I told you

“Everything is great

Everything is fucking great”

First line reffering to how in the morning, next day of partying, he was again sober- for the shows- and him asking 'is it over' refers to how he just wanted it to be over with, all the patying and paps.

The two last lines could signify him talking to someone about his life- I'd say that the 'you' here does not mean Harry- but someone else- them asking "How's your life going" and then him going "Great Great, yeah- fookin great ykwim"

something along the lines of that you get me.

And all of these thoughts and the feelings

Chase you down if you don’t need them

I’ve been checking my phone all evening

Such a good time

I believe it this time

the first and second lines here are again, Louis talking about his subcontious; that 'this will turn on us' reffering to him and Harry. About a (probable) fear that this will make a strain in their relationship and stuff.

(a/n: kind of like how a lot of shippers unlarried while babygate was happening because 'louis couldn't cheat' or how a lot of shippers say they broke up during that time because 'Harry couldn't take the stress' and stuff)

Im not saying they broke up not that he cheated. What I'm saying is that there was a fear that this would make them break up- he says 'chase you down' which has the animalification of the wolves chasing down the pray to kill them etc.

Bridge:

Now I’m asking my friends how to say “I’m sorry”

They say “Lad, give it time, there’s no need to worry”

And we can’t even be on the phone now

And I can’t even be with you alone now

the first line links to what I said about Louis' subconcious; this would be that constant need to say 'I am sorry' for something that isn't his fault or something that he can't control, and then the second line goes on to say that he doesn't have to worry because, again, its not his fault and Harry undertands that.

Now the 'We can't even be on the phone now, I can't even be with you alone now' refers to their public appearance, on how other than that Paris interview there are no other interviews with just them two, on how we didn't get a Larry hour on 1Dday... It refers to them literally being unable to say anything to each other because of management.

Oh, how shit changes

We were in love, now we’re strangers

I WANT TO ALIENATE THESE TWO LINES BECAUSE OF HOW FUCKING LOUT IT IS.

this one links ti the last two of the previous, again on their public image (His and Harry's) about how they were once in love (fetus) but now they're strangers (the mortal enemies narrative)

When I feel it coming up, I just throw it all away

Get another two shots 'cause it doesn’t matter anyway

And to top off these last two lines of the bridge is him linking all of this back to the start of the song: 'is it my imagination, is it something that I'm taking' with 'when I feel it coming up, I just throw it all away'; when the thoughts that this is all fake and once he wakes up or stop imagining its all going to be better (aswell as with the connotation of over partying and vomiting) but at the same time him making himself stop those thoughts because he knows this is reality. And then round back again with the repetition of 'doesn't matter anyways' with it feeling like a dead end to him.

#Spotify #I swear I could do a full on essay on this song #Larry Stylinson #Louis Tomlinson #Miss You #Louis #One of my favourite songs tbfh #of forgot to add that by louis not singing this song #is basically him saying that he is not hopeless and that he knows what he is doing #also #makes you wonder why the label didn't give the song proper advertising right #along with other stuff #I just wanna kiss Louis' brain #Louis songs #Song Analysis

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lawdtl · 4 years

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Two Ghosts

AO3 Link

summary:

5 years after pushing Chloe away, Beca tries to gain Chloe's trust back at a Bella's reunion.

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It’s been five years since they were all together in the same room, five years since all of them were complete and in short, five years since beca actually agreed to see them. Chloe didn’t really know anything about beca anymore, after Europe they tried to keep in touch with each other but somewhere along the way beca started to drift further and further away from her. She wasn’t sure what happened between them, she remembers the feeling she had when she realized that things with beca aren’t the same anymore and it hurt her a lot.

Chloe didn’t stop reaching out to beca but when the time came where beca’s voicemail or beca’s assistant was the only one answering her, she got the message; she wasn’t dense. That was 3 years ago when she decided to stop trying, she almost called her again a year after that when her engagement with chicago was called off, she needed beca with her, to hear her voice or maybe just have her beside her but she figured nothing would happen out of it, so she stopped herself, she didn’t need another rejection from beca.

Aubrey told her it was going to be a big bella reunion set up and funded by the bellas before them but when she walked inside the venue, she was still caught off guard by how huge of a party it was, she felt sort of nervous but at the same time excited. She needed this, her life was stuck on replay, work, eat, sleep then repeat. She wanted to have fun for a change and even though this night can go about in many ways, she's still happy she gets to see her old friends and have a good time with them.

She was ushered to the table that had her name on it, to the right of it was Aubrey's and to the left, was beca's. Her name card also had "co-captain" printed on it, so is the years that she was in barden. She looked down the long table and saw the names of the bellas she shared many years with.

"I had them put me in the same table as you"

She knew that voice from anywhere, she turned around to see aubrey, with a big smile on her face "well i would've dragged you back here either way"

The two friends hugged tightly and before she knew it, a couple of girls were running towards their way to join them. Unlike with beca, she remained close with the others, sure they didn't see each other quite often but there were always video calls and group chats that kept them updated with each other and she's thankful for that.

"Damn red, looking good tonight" amy tells her

"Yeah well, i don't go out too often nowadays so this was a perfect excuse to finally dress up"

"Oh i know that, having a kid is great and all but bella is really handful these days, i needed this" stacie interjects

They took their designated seats to wait for the program to start and when the lights dimmed, two bellas appeared on stage to say a couple of words, she turned to look at amy to ask her if beca was still going to attend like she said but before she could speak up the name beca mitchell was said aloud and there she was, on stage with a mic on her hand wearing a suit that was clearly tailored only for her.

"I didn't know she was one of the people who funded this" chloe hears aubrey whisper. Her mind was going all over the place, she knew beca would be there and she planned everything, just say hi and that's it but right now as beca gives the mic back to the older bellas and starts to walk towards their table she feels unable to speak or move, she looks down to her hands that had somehow gripped the tablecloth "chloe you okay?" She hears stacie asked who is in front of her, she's frozen in her place and jumps when she hears amy shout "stranger danger!"

Beca's hands were sweaty, even before she left the car, her nerves were in turmoil and her heart was beating too loud and too fast. A small voice in her head was shouting "5 years" to her, reminding her of how awful of a friend she has been to every single one of them.

She didn't want things to turn like this, never did she wish for her and chloe to go back to being strangers. She doesn't remember when exactly she started to avoid chloe, she has no clear idea why either. Maybe because chloe meant a great deal to her, something along the lines of more than just a friend, and being away from each other, beca knew they were bound to go their separate lives and that thought scared her. To her it was better to end it earlier than wait longer and have it hurt even more, maybe it's that, and if it is that, then she knows how selfish of a jerk she is because of it.

She arrives at the place early, as she enters she sees the people who have reached out to her, asking if she could attend and say a few words to start the evening, she approaches them walking ever so slowly and when they saw her, she was engulfed in a hug, the next thing she knew she was being brought backstage

She uses the free time to prepare her speech and while reading it aloud, she can't help but feel guilty, it kicks her inside and out. She never would've been in the bellas without chloe and yet, the person she pushed away the most was her. She imagines what chloe looks like now, she imagines the blue eyes that always kept her grounded.

She felt like shit and she felt like throwing up. However this night may end, she hopes that she can apologize to chloe. A couple of months ago while she was about to move into her new place she saw a dusty old box that had "bellas" written on it, allowing herself to be emotional for once - she opened the box and saw so much of her memories.

Pictures of her with the bellas, every performance they did, the scarf and letters that were left unopened. Most of them were from chloe, she picks one that was sent years ago, she couldn't stop herself from opening it and when she read the letter, tears began to leave her eyes.

"I'm not sure if you're even going to read this, but I just want you to know that I'm so proud of you beca. You're finally out there showing people your amazing talent and when I see you on the news I can't help but smile. I'm always going to be thankful that I met you and that I had you in my life……..."

That day, where she cried on the floor of her old apartment she decided to do some changes in her life, she decided to own up to her mistakes and finally talk to chloe, she has no idea how and when and as if the aca-gods were hearing her, on that same week the older bellas reached out to her about the reunion.

She decided to take a break from her work- to relax, she also needed time to think through some things and to be able to reflect on all the stuff that is happening around her. She's been planning everything she'll say to the bellas when she sees them again, throw a couple of sarcastic remarks here and there, then apologize for being a dick, yup it's a solid plan she thinks - very old beca.

But the thing is she knows she's changed a lot ever since they were all together, she wonders if chole has too, she wonders if they would still accept her apologies even if she pushed them away. She hopes they do but in case they don't, she promises herself to try again and again until she proves to them that she really is sorry - very new beca.

After a couple of minutes the venue started to fill with more people, she can hear it, she didn't want to see it though because she's scared to see some of the old people she spent her bella days with

Delivering the speech was easy, walking towards the table filled with people she betrayed was hard. Her eyes immediately went to chloe, who wasn't moving, she sees her stare at her though and it made her nervous because Chloe's eyes never looked at her that way before, eyes that looked at her with questioning and disappointment. In just a few more steps she'll be able to reach the table with chloe still looking straight at her. She is pretty sure chloe knows about her attending, she messaged amy last week and she's certain amy told everyone about it too so it makes her wonder why it still feels like chloe has no clue about her being there.

The shout amy did startled her back to life, it was a joke. A joke that made everyone look very uncomfortable. Before sitting down, she decided to go for it, all or nothing right? She takes a deep breath and prepares herself for whatever may happen

"Before anything else, I want to say something, to all of you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for pushing all of you away, for avoiding the calls and texts. I'm sorry for not being a good friend. It could take forever for you guys to forgive me but i can wait because you guys mean a lot to me and when i realized that all over again, i know now that i can't go on with life without having you guys with me along the way...so uhm yeah, that's all"

There was just pure silence, the venue was loud but it's as if they have created a little bubble in their area and it cancelled all the other noise from outside. "Look beca we get it, it's hard to keep things balanced especially with your life now. But just so you know we were really hurt by you. I can't speak for everyone but i forgive you, because like my father always said "forgive others, or else you wouldn't be able to sleep at night" beca feels a smile creep into her face, of all the people to talk first, aubrey posen does "thank you aubrey, thank you". Cynthia rose stands up and looks at her with stern eyes for a few seconds, then proceeds to hug her tight, beca sinks in into the hug, wrapping her arms around CR "we missed you beca" she feels tears building in her eyes as other bellas stood up to give her a hug as well and when she had a chance to hug them all back she take a moment to smile at them and say thank you once again

"go on then, sit down shawshank" she hears amy tell her, eyes pointing to the seat beside chloe who remained seated through it all, she sees amy give her a little nod heading towards chloe, giving her the saddest frown and apologetic smile

She goes to take her seat beside chloe, her heart beats fast and breathing suddenly feels like a difficult job to do. She turns to look at chloe who was avoiding her eyes while taking a sip of water "hi chlo" beca says in the softest way possible, "hi beca" chloe replies dryly with a forced smile as she turns to finally face her and in a few awkward seconds the whole table began to laugh, quietly giggling amongst themselves. Beca felt her face boil in embarrassment and judging by the color red on Chloe's face, she felt the same thing

Thankfully it wasn't as awkward as she thought it would be, the girls asks her how she's been so she tells them some of the good stuff she did the past years but mostly she's been very interested in hearing how everyone's been, to just keep up with their lives now, she listens to them as they tell her about their jobs and families. "You do know that you're going to have to do better than a speech for chloe right?" Aubrey tells her when chloe went to the toilet "i know and I'm going to do everything i can to get her to forgive me" beca replies to her, eyes filled with determination

"you better, you really hurt her you know"

"Yeah..i just... she's important to me bree, I'll do whatever it takes"

The food was served, and everyone kept quiet for a little while but once food was finished there were programs lined up, one of the performing groups were Emily's generation of bellas, she waved hi to beca before taking the stage, beca mouths the words "I'm sorry" to her and emily looks at her with sad eyes mouthing "i know"

Chloe has been through many things in her life, she had the nodes things, her engagement being called off, her problems with school and many other things, so she knows her heart is strong but right now, being seated next to beca felt like a weird movie scene that will make her cry anytime soon. She can feel beca looking at her often, thinking twice in starting a conversation with her and as much as chloe hates that beca pushed her away she can't help but feel bad because it's beca, and somehow no matter how long they haven't seen each other, beca still has a hold on her like no one else.

All of a sudden she feels a hand on her shoulder, a feeling that has been lost for so long, suddenly creeping its way back "chloe, I'm.. I'm sorry" she turns to look at beca

"it's all good, i get it and it's nothing"

"It's not nothing chloe, not to me"

"It sure seemed like nothing for the past five year’s beca, now if you excuse me i will try to enjoy this night"

She was walking towards the bar when she sees beca follow her, in all honesty, she wants to talk to beca, she just doesn't know what to say, she's also scared that when they finally talk, her emotions will burst out to flames and it will just turn things into a mess

"Chloe, I don't exactly know what to tell you but I know that I've disappointed you, that I've hurt you. I will understand if you never want to see me again but please hear me out"

"Dance with me"

"What?"

"Now, let's dance"

"Like right now?" Beca hears slow music playing and it seems slow dance is what Chloe's asking her to join with

"Yes, you wanna talk? Fine dance with me"

"Okay"

Chloe goes to the dance floor and waits for beca, she has no idea what came out of her mouth when she suggested dancing but there's nowhere else to go now except here. She feels beca's hand hold her as they sway slowly with the music, she sees the bellas look at them with curiosity but leaves them be

"Chloe"

"I hate you"

"That's a strong word"

"It is, i hated the way you made me feel beca, you acted as if i never mattered to you and it was torture. You made me doubt all our years together"

"I'm sorry chloe"

"Is that all you have to say?, You wanted to talk, then talk"

"I got scared, that us, that you and I will eventually grow apart, so I did what I thought was best, thinking that it would've hurt less if I just pushed you away"

"Do you know how selfish that is? Just because of that? You threw me away"

"I know chlo, and there are no words, no sentences strong enough to tell you how sorry i am but believe me when i say that i regret it all, that i missed you, that every day for the past five years i wished i tried harder"

"Then why didn't you?"

"Because i was a coward"

“you meant so much to me, and as those years passed, as those rejected calls, as those messages, those moments that i needed you, as they all pass by…i felt so small as you drifted away"

"There's no excuse for what I did chloe, I hate myself for it too. You were my best friend and you...you didn't deserve any of that"

Chloe started crying, tears were beginning to fall down from her face, feeling heavy after the both of them throw words at each other, she backed away to look at beca's eyes and when she sees it also filled with tears, she did something unexpected. She ran to the door, wiping the tears from her face and stopping at the parking lot, she sees beca running towards her and she knew if she gets in a taxi now she can avoid beca but instead she's standing still, as if waiting for beca to actually catch up to her

"Chloe please don't go" beca says, breathing out the words and panting from the run she did

"Beca what is it? Why do you want to fix this?"

"You know why chlo, you have every idea why"

"I.. I'm"

"Engaged? I know, but i want you to know how i really feel about you, at least before you go"

"I wasn't...going to say. I'm not engaged beca, but you couldn't have known that since, you didn't answer to anything"

"What about chicago?"

"What about him? You know what, I'm leaving"

"Chloe i love you"

"No beca, you don't get to say that"

"I can, because it's true Chlo. I love you"

Chloe can't really move anymore, she doesn't know exactly how to react with beca telling her she loves her, she's waited for it for so long, too long. It became clear to her that she needs to move on from beca when chicago broke off their wedding, it became clear to her that her feelings for beca was keeping her from falling for anyone else completely. So hearing beca tell her this now, it cuts her deep, she always thought that her and beca we're inevitable, but reality denied them of this inevitability because beca had jesse then she had chicago then beca pushed her away, and now? She asks herself what will she do now, will she push beca away or will she stay

"Chloe? Say something please"

"Beca, you don't even know me anymore, you only love the memory of me"

"Chloe, i can love you all over again, i know we're not who we used to be but we're here now. Don’t you feel the same way?"

"Beca, i have loved you for years but right now i have no idea who you are, how your life is and"

"Chloe I'm still me, sure i changed, and hey i got a couple more tattoos and i wear contact lenses now but underneath all that crap is me"

"Don't you think we're making a mistake?"

"If it's the both of us, then how can it be a mistake?"

"I'm scared"

"I am too"

"My heart's been through enough, I'm not sure if it still even knows how to love"

"Mine does, whenever it remembers you"

There was silence, noise only from the beatings of their hearts that were too loud, too powerful. It's as if the hourglass that has been going on for years has finally been turned around in favor to them.

"Come with me" she hears beca calling out to her, her hand stretched out for her to take

Chloe takes her hand with no hesitation. She leads them to a car which she assumes is beca's "Becs what are we doing?" the nickname slips out of her unexpectedly

"Come on, i know a diner somewhere near here"

"We're leaving?"

"Yeah, I'll text amy and besides, i know you're hungry"

She really is, all this back and forth was exhausting and the whole night was draining her, not focusing on the fact that beca knew that, she nods and goes in the car. She watches beca start the engine and back away from the lot "i wear glasses now"

"What?" Beca asks her, Wondering what she meant

"You said you wear contacts now, i wear glasses..well i mean not now of course but yeah.."

"I'm sure you look ridiculous in them" beca says, laughing at her and chloe can't help but smile as well, it was stupid but if they were gonna do the whole getting to know each other again then she'll try "shut up, at least i call my friends" her eyes widens, not really meaning to say that "okay i deserved that" beca replies while smiling and looking down the road.

They arrive at the diner faster than what she was expecting, it was already 11 pm and the diner had no customers other than some truck drivers and a couple of kids who recognized beca right away, asking for a picture with her, they take a seat at the back corner and ordered some burgers and fries

"Sorry about that"

"its fine, I mean it's something to get used to but I'm happy for you, with your fame and fans and all that"

"At least someone's happy about that"

"You're not?"

"It was never my goal chlo, all i wanted was to make music but when people keep telling me how releasing three albums in 5 years will be one of my biggest achievements and don't get me wrong I'm proud of the albums, it's just that sometimes i feel like I'm not actually doing what i dreamt of"

"Producing music"

"Yeah…"

"This pop star thing isn't really suiting me well"

"I mean you can't basically just quit"

"I'm taking a little break from it all now"

"Oh, well that.. that's good"

"What about you, how's everything been going?"

"Well..you already know about the engagement so there's that and besides that was years ago but anything else has been really boring"

"It's not, I'd love to catch up on everything"

"Fine but remember you asked for it so don't go snoring" chloe tells beca, it's a lighter exchange of words and it's also a breather to have someone else listen to her again other than aubrey. The food arrives and they eat as she continues to tell stories about her work and how her parents keep asking her to visit them every single week, she tells how one of her co-workers keep hitting on her and when she gave him a chance the dude literally was a creep so she left him at the restaurant after saying she was only going to the bathroom, she tells her about the fling she had with a woman named sally who was a music teacher at a school near her workplace, not mentioning how sally looked a whole lot like beca, she mentions Chicago's name and focuses on the cringe on beca's face when she hears his name, she never really did like the guy.

Chloe hadn't felt like this for a long time, excited and yet a little nervous, hesitant and yet full of hope. It was like high school crushes and slushies on a summer day by the lake but this was getting to know someone all over again, someone she admired before. It all feels very nostalgic especially when they reminisce about their days in the bellas, it was a night of endless coffee and endless conversations about everything they've been through the last five years

It was 30 minutes to 4 am when they decided to order some snacks since the conversation wasn't clearly coming to an end anytime soon. It was amazing, chloe thinks. Five years all laid out messily in just a matter of hours, it was surreal to her how they were tossing stories to each other with ease, the good and the bad and it wasn't going to erase what happened between them but right now as she laughs at a story beca was telling her about a paparazzi tripping while following her she wonders how is it possible that even after everything she still has this connection with beca

"Hey chlo, you okay?" Beca asks her, waving her hand in front of Chloe's face

"Yeah, I am. I was just thinking how weird this is"

"Oh..uhm, i mean i can take you to your place now if you feel uncomfortable, i didn't mean to like, keep you here this long, I'm sorry"

"No dummy, i was thinking about how just a few hours ago i was so mad at you and now we're here, as if nothing's wrong"

"Is there..something wrong?"

"There is"

"Oh" there's the beca she knew, the shy and timid beca that somehow carried the bellas to all its greatness, she's not going to complain about this "new" beca though, the confidence looks good on her

"The wrong thing is that, this isn't weird"

"What do you mean?"

"Well i was thinking about how a few hours ago i was ready to ignore you the whole evening and yet here i am, talking at a diner with you as if you never left"

Chloe didn't mean to hurt beca with those words, she thinks that maybe it was a way to let beca know that she still needs a little more time to get used to this again, she was about to say something but beca, who was now looking at the table, inhales as if her life depended on it, looks at chloe straight in the eyes

"Isn't that crazy though? we spend five years apart and yet in just one night we find a way to fix.."

"Well it's not fully fixed yet" chloe cuts beca off

"Progress is progress, and I'll understand if you decide to go, I know I'm pushing my luck on this but being with you here now it..it makes me really happy chlo, so thank you..for giving me this chance to explain everything and just..thank you for everything chloe.."

"You're an idiot, you know that. I just...i don't understand why you had to push me away, I would've never given up on our friendship, I would've done everything to actually prevent us from drifting apart, how come you didn't beca?"

"Well it's no excuse but..i was stupid, and scared and i mean, you had chicago and your whole life ahead of you, i would've just held you back, your life was set and perfect"

"Nothing's perfect beca, what hurt me was, you didn't even try, you keep telling me that i mean a lot to you, that wasn't how i felt when i keep getting my calls rejected and messages ignored"

"I'm sorry. I can't change what i did in the past but i can promise that if you let me, i will do my best to never disappoint you again"

"All those years, back in barden...do you even have any idea how much I loved you?"

"I..i don't know. I wanna say i knew but i always told myself that it was all in my head, that you would never like me"

"See it's funny because that's what I used to tell myself too"

"Victims of circumstances...”

"Hmm, we really are quite a pair huh?" chloe replies, she's feeling so much lighter now than she did when they were entering the diner. This wasn’t what she thought would happen when she decided to step inside beca's car, the next moments that followed were all just unplanned and spontaneous, it was all a blur to her ever since beca told her that she loves her "i missed you becs" she tells her wholeheartedly

"I missed you too chlo, a lot... I'm sorry i didn't do anything sooner"

"Well for future purposes just tell me how you feel so i can tell you that you're being crazy"

"So there's a future?"

"Maybe…"

"That's all i need, a maybe..i mean I've waited this long"

She looks at beca who's wearing a sincere smile on her face, it was a smile she really missed, she missed everything with beca and she feels a little sadness in admitting that. She has no idea what will happen to them now, she only hopes that maybe all this will make their friendship a little more solid in the future, she knows she has feelings for beca but now isn't really the right time to act on it, she needs time to be sure and not just let her heart act on impulse.

She asks beca if she had any clothes in her car because as much as she wants this moment with beca to last longer, she can't take her dress anymore, it was four am in a diner and they've been sitting there for hours

"Yeah i have a duffle bag in the back of the car with my clothes, do you want me to get it?"

"No it's okay, I'll check it out" beca nods to her as she gives her the keys to the car

She looks through the bag, wondering why beca has a duffle bag filled with clothes in the first place. As she searches for something to wear she sees a familiar shirt, a white shirt that she had back in barden, it looks overused now though, she takes it out and finds a letter, addressed from her to beca. It was the letter she sent when she saw beca in the news, she felt so proud that day, seeing her friend get the recognition she deserves, she wonders why beca still has it and why she keeps it around. She keeps the thought for another time, she grabs a hoodie and sweatpants heading towards the toilet in the diner to change.

When she got back to their table beca was looking at a big map on the table, with multiple crosses on it "hey, what's that?" chloe asks

"Oh it's uhm…I'm on this road trip, since i left work i kinda wanted a little adventure, a change i guess"

"That's nice, I've always wanted to go on a road trip"

"Maybe you should join me" beca says as she laughs at the thought

"Maybe i should"

"Wait what?.."

"Yeah, i don't know..it seems exciting..i mean only if you're okay with it.."

"No I mean, I would love to have you with me chlo, but are you sure?"

"Yes. For a long time now my life's been quite stuck, i need a little breather, to have a time for myself"

"Except you'll be with me, your former best friend, who you formerly like and who has now admitted to her feelings for you"

"See? Who else better to be with?"

"Okay, I did not expect..Wait what about your job, your apartment back in?"

"I can handle all that" chloe cuts her

"Chloe.. please think about it, I don't want you regretting this decision"

"I'm a big girl beca, I'm old enough to know what I'm doing, and if it's a mistake then at least"

"At least what?"

"Whatever happens, I'll be able to get myself back up, i know that"

"Well…okay then, tell me where you wanna go?"

They spend a couple more hours inside the diner, just discussing about this whole impromptu of a situation, when beca sees a hint of sunlight on Chloe's face from the sun that's starting to come out, she sees the blue eyes that keeps her going every time she's feeling down, she sees chloe look up to her, with furrowed brows

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Nothing weirdo"

"You're the weirdo"

Chloe's happy, like genuinely happy. It's beyond her wildest imagination on how one night can change so much but also bring them back to what once was. She relishes how they opened up to each other, how they were honest, how they remembered all the memories they had and it all felt so normal, like no time and pain had come in between them. It will be a journey for her before she can forgive beca with everything but there's no more waiting, no more wondering, no more what ifs. There's no need to forget what happened because it still brought them back here together and she'd be lying if that wasn't what she always hoped for to happen.

"Hey becs, i think we should go... it's sunrise and I'm a little tired"

"Yeah same, i asked the girls last night if we could all have lunch together, they all agreed, are you going?"

"I would love to"

"Let's go?"

They pay their bill and head out to the parking lot, the sky was beautiful, darkness from the night being filled with orange streaks "so where do you want me to drop you off?" Beca asks her

"I'm staying at the hamilton hotel"

"Okay then, let's go get you some rest"

Chloe looks at the rear view mirror as they drive away from the diner and sees the letter and shirt she brought out while looking for clothes and felt the need to ask beca about it

"Becs, just wondering.. Why do you have my white barden shirt and letter tucked in your duffle?"

"Oh uhm..well, they're important to me. Can't leave them behind. You know what? i got something in the glove compartment, take a look"

Chloe opens it and sees three notebooks placed neatly "what are these?"

"Open the red one" beca tells her as she continues to drive

Chloe opens the notebook, it was like a diary, except every page started with "dear chloe,"

"Yeah... I know I didn't reply to those letters you sent but every time i felt like sending you one, i wrote them in a notebook. Those are all of them, words left unsaid i guess..you can have them if you..if you want"

Chloe thinks she's too sleep deprived for this. She can't wait to read all of them though, to read what beca was thinking about then, they are the filler episodes in their series

"Nah, keep them here... something to read on that road trip"

Beca smiles at the thought, they stay quiet for the remaining drive, she glances at chloe from time to time and sees her looking at the window, definitely feeling sleepy, beca on the other hand feels giddy, feels very optimistic. Everything was better than what she hoped for and she's grateful for it. She thinks she doesn't really deserve their forgiveness, especially chloe's but they're giving her another chance, Chloe's giving her another chance. Positivity fills her up and life has never felt so much fuller than now. She parks at the front of the hotel to drop chloe off but before chloe opens the door she feels Chloe's hands intertwining with hers

"Beca….i just want you to know.. i want you to know that my feelings for you never left, but i also don't want to promise you anything yet because that wouldn't be fair to either of us"

"I know chlo" beca replies to her, looking at her with those dark blue eyes and soft smile

"Thank you, for tonight. It means a lot"

"No chloe, Thank you….so can I pick you up later for lunch? If you want we can go straight ahead on the trip after it"

"Yeah, definitely"

"Okay then, go get some rest beale"

"You too Mitchell, you'll need it, we're headed for a lot of roads"

"Can't wait"

She exits the car after kissing beca on the cheeks, feeling her face go red as the butterflies in her stomach go alive after a very long time. She waves goodbye to beca before she enters the hotel, heading back to her room to have the best sleep in her life because of all the worries that left her mind, it all seems very euphoric and scary at the same time and she loves it.

Beca watches chloe until she's out of her sight, the kiss on her cheek still lingering, she feels herself smile widely as she imagines how she's on top of the world right now. It's like they were teenagers who were starting to fall in love, and no one else ever made her feel like this, it was only chloe. It was and will always be chloe.

#bechloe #fanfic #angst #a little bit of fluff #i had fun with this and i have no idea why

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