Some of my Icemav headcanons frfr

Every friday they cook together and they choose which kind of cuisine they wanna eat every monday, they listen to music on an old vinyl player that they got from mavs parents and they got the vinyls from ice's parents as an anniversary present. All the vinyls are old cheesy 60s

love songs and they like to dance while cooking whenever one of their favourite songs comes on no matter what theyre doing. It doesnt matter if the foods about to burn if be my baby comes on theyre are grooving to it while singing off key.

Along with the songs, they memorized eachothers favourite songs just by observing how the other acts depending on what song comes on. Mav could tell that ice always liked slow songs more because whenever they came on ice would hum and bop his head more than the other songs (he also loves Frank Sinatra and The Ronettes)

Ice could tell Mav was more into bittersweet love songs that sounded more upbeat although it was harder for ice to figure that out since Mav seemed to sing along with his whole heart to every single song they ever listened to, but whenever his favourites came on Mav would move a lot more and genuinely just smile a lot mroe while singing.

The day that the ban on gay people in the navy was lifted (December 21, 1993) they slow danced in Ice's office while kinda just crying in eachothers arms because they were so happy that they didnt have to hide how much they loved eachother anymore (ofc they didnt immediately announce it infront of everyone but they def had to hide less and got to be more open about it even though everyone already had an idea)

Mav's ringtone for ice is literally the song "ice ice baby" and it has been since the song was released.

Sarah was Tom's lesbian friend and they would rant to eachother about the ppl they had crushes on bc they were the only queer ppl they were aware existed around them. (they were actually surrounded by gay ppl they just didnt know)

Mav and Ice used to try to make eachother listen to new artists atleast every month and in that tradition they discovered Joe Dassin which ended up being their favourite artist to listen to together and they always sing his songs in a really bad french. Their first dance at their marriage ended up even being to "Et si tu n'existais pas".

Ice tried to learn guitar with Goose (goose side headcanon: he plays almost every instrument in existence, like if he wasnt in the navy he would be a music teacher in highschool) but Nick didn't tell him that Mav already knew how to play after having played in a band with him and slider in highschool all together. Mav (voc. and guit.) Goose (bass and backup voc.) Slider (drums) and Ice learnt through Slider that Mav knew how to play guitar infinitely better than him after slider caught him trying to learn a love song he was gonna play when he wanted to ask Mav to officially be his boyfriend.

Every. single. time. one of them got deployed the night before they would ALWAYS spend the night together listening to music and dancing the whole time, they always made their last dance "Till Then" by The Mills Brothers and they always cried no matter what.

Mav is an ugly fucking crier and gets snot everywhere but since Ice started being there where ever he was he would always use his shirt as a kleenex so when Ice isnt around when Mav cries he is completely lost and just slimes everywhere.

Before they were official Mav caught Ice singing "If I Loved You" by Dick Haymes in his office once and when he heard him singing he literally felt his heart skip a beat and now he asks Ice to sing for him a lot more than Ice would like. (He likes the way Mav's eyes light up every time he sings for Mav) and before Ice lost his voice he recorded himself singing for Mav and it made Mav ugly cry when he found out abt it

Ice has a journal and he writes about Mav and Mav only in it. Mav found it and cried again.

Ice and Mav keep matching pictures of eachother in their helmets bc Ice refused to get those necklaces that can have pictures inside with Mav so they settled on that bc it was still risky to get caught. They eventually evolved to them just bringing a full sized picture of eachother in the plane anytime they went flying. They also keep pictures of eachother in their wallets and while he doesn't admit it Ice was the happiest he ever was when he could finally stop hiding the picture of them he kept in his office and being able to grow his collection of pictures of them as his office also got bigger was his biggest accomplishment in his own eyes

Wehenever they would fight or something, Mav did the cliche of showing up infront of ices house with a boombox to sing as an apology for Ice, Carol and Goose went with him as his backup vocalists and it always worked.

Once while Mav was on a mission, he got hit (he was fine in the end and someone called his parachute) and Ice was listening to the comms on the ship and as soon as he heard that Mav was hit he had to leave the room bc he had to throw up because his mind of course went to the worst possible conclusion. They both had to be in the hospital in the end bc Ice was breaking down (NOT. breakdancing) and couldnt move bc he was shaking so bad. While they were in the hospital, even though Mav was the one who got hit, he was the one taking care of Ice.

The first song they danced to was Be My Baby by The Ronettes and they both started singing to it at the same time when it came on and had a moment where they looked at eachother like "how tf do u know this song" but turns out its bc they're both hopeless romantics.

They lived together and said they had separate rooms so ppl wouldn't be suspicious, one time Nick and Carol needed them to babysit Bradley and Bradley slept in the room that they said was Ice's, and when he went to bed he asked "Why does Ice have his own bedrooms if he always sleeps with uncle Mav?" Of course they just avoided the question but he ended up asking Goose the same question and he just burst out laughing.

Ice and Mav are the reason that Bradley had a relatively easy time accepting he was bi, he attended their "wedding" when he was like 10 so he never thought bad of gay ppl. (I put wedding in quotes bc in 1992 gay marriage wasn't legalized so they technically only held a ceremony in secret and said they were married, but when gay marriage WAS legalized they immediately made it official)

@disneyanddisneyships HAHAHHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHA

Trauma recap ig?

Tw: SA

So- i was born at a very young age

Jkjk ok so..

Once upon a time~

....

I was born with a congenital heart and ig one day my mom thought i was gonna die bc they said i did not cry when I came out of the womb.

Ha. Look who's surviving now.

Anywhoooo my parents separated (i live in the philippines divorce is not an option so they separated instead but still married on paper. Just an important note for an extremely important part.) Before I could comprehend what even a sun is.

So the couple therapist era began.

Peer pressure to get them back together was an understatement. I was FIVE when they told me I was the "key" for them to reconcile. So I tried so hard to make my mother tell me why exactly they separated. Dad said she fell out of love so I tried so hard to make mom love him again. I guess we don't always get what we want.

I was so confused because things wouldn't go my way. I thought happy endings existed. Guess not.

So I start to grow up and go to grade school.

That was the trigger.

I was apparently the ugliest creature they've ever seen. Like, kids my age would run away from me when they see me wanting to play with them on the street. They would call me "ugly duckling" or something whenever I have to go up front.

And then, the real trigger was this.

Apparently my father also works on the school I was in, and these girls pulled up to me thinking I was rich, then started STEALING MY WALLET. How do six year olds know how to blackmail now?

When I don't give them what they want, they "punish" me by making me carry books on both of my hands and get me on my knees. Mind you, I cannot carry heavy things back then because *cough* inborn heart condition *cough*

S O

I cried the first time after it was done to me.

That's what started my people-pleasing personality.

So long story short, I switch schools because it was fucked up.

AND THEEEEEEN 😍😍

The first few years were fine, the only issue that I was smart in the english subject.. and people only used me and pushed me around. They ignore me up until they need answers for english class. Stupid little me gave them what they wanted.

Haha.

Then another year. THE FUCKING BOMB.

I sit next to this girl in class.

We became bestfriends.

And then valentines day happened.

My very first kiss.

Was with her.

On valentines day because she thought it was funny.

But god-fucking-dammit.

It made me realize something about myself.

But I was still attracted to guys, so I thought I was straight. (Idk what bisexual was)

Then when I finally told them..

Remember the list of guys they made to "make me normal"?

..yeah.

They made a list of guys my age and wondered which one would make me stop liking girls.

My brain erased that memory for a while.. probably for a good reason.

OH! YOU THOUGHT IT WAS OVER??

BOOM.

Found out dad had a girlfriend. Didn't accept it at first, but she grew on me.

I WISHED SHE DIDNT!!

Because a month after my father died she called my mom a whore for having male friends. While SHE is the one moving on after five months to another guy with a lotta cash and stuff.

What's more effed up is that dad's siblings sided with her.

Also mind you, my biological parents are stil married on paper. So according to the law, she gets portion of dad's properties. The rest of em is mine and my brother's.

But NOOOOOO SHE STILL CALLED MY MOM A WHORE FOR STATING FACTS AND WANTED 500K FROM MY NOW DECEASED DAD

So long story short my broken family got a lot more broken. Yay!

Oh- this isn't over yet.

It keeps

Getting

Worse

As I grew up.. men started eyeing me which was never a problem to comprehend by younger me.

I turn eleven.

I was actually ELEVEN when my second father-figure by the name of fucking Ian Cruz, SA'D me. I lied about the thirteen.

To make it more mild I told you i was thirteen when it happened.

But no.

Eleven.

Two days after my 11th birthday.. I saw him sa'ing his wife while she was asleep and he started acting weird ever since.. to me.

I slept so late because I thought he might come and get me. Because he almost did. He almost pulled down my pants if I hadn't stopped pretending I was asleep. It could've almost been my first.

Then he starts watching explicit videos whenever he comes into my room. And he forces me to watch them.

Then he starts making eyes at me.. saying I've got a nice tiny little waist and everything..

Whenever I call him out on his shit he gaslights me. Every. Damn. Time.

He apologized to me by hugging me when I confronted him.. and while he was hugging me he.. he kissed my back? Without my consent?

I think.

I hyperventilated when he left after I pushed him off.

I started hinting at his wife about how he has the keys and she had NO idea.

So he finds the keys.

So me locking the doors..

It was all for nothing.

He did some more fucked up things but.. I'll leave it here.

So I told my mom..

And I thought she was gonna comfort me.

But she made it about herself.

She made it about how she was so hurt thet I lied to her. To everyone.

The worst part is that after I spoke up nothing happened.

I was still silent.

No one knew.

Just like how no one also knew back then.

It just repeated itself.

One of these days I just wanna scream..

But no.

Not anymore.

The age of thirteen i mentioned? That was the time I told her.

It's been years but holy shit

I still can't erase it.

He took my fucking girlhood. My innocence.

And the worst part is that he had no remorse and is still living his best life..

But not anymore. I'm not going through bullshit anymore.

Now I just.. I just figured out I had mother issues..

It kept

Getting

Worse

With the peer pressure and everything happening.. It's so hard. I wonder if I'm ever gonna make it past this year.

I wonder how long I can take before I finally shut down.

But.. the bright side of it all? I found people.

Can I also tell you the good side of my life? Not just the recap of bad things?

Well.. there was this jelsa meme account on instagram I found really funny.. so I liked their posts.

Then this said account messaged me.. saying she appreciates it.

Then we just.. talked.

The trigger was that someone had been flirting with her? And I stepped in and just..

It just happened. Few days she started calling me her girl..

And boy, oh boy.. was this a dream?

I was a mad woman. I couldn't sleep at night. I just needed to talk to her.. and everyday it kept getting better.

Even now.

After two years of it.

AND IM CONVINCING HER TO GET A TUMBLR!

God, I fucking love this girl.

Okay.. I'm name-dropping.

Her name is Kiara. Her ig acc is official__jelsa (up until now)

I hope she says yes hehe

Speaking of tumblr tho.

Weeeeell a certain SOMEONEEEE started liking and reblogging my jelsa incorrect quotes!

Hm I wonder who could that beeeeee

Dyk, Liana?

Someone by the tumblr user named disneyanddisneyships...

Hmmmmmmm

I think you know the rest...

Liana.

You know what happened.

I was there when you gave elsa a miscarriage.

I remember it all too well.

“Come with me. I know how I feel, I’m not afraid. You make me feel alive.“

I’m thinking that in modern AU Mia is first like “dating” Isabela until Isabela and Fenris hook up

And like at first Mia is very cautious around Anders and Karl bc she doesn’t wanna be a bother being the new housemate and all but Anders finds her crying her eyes out and she just. Pours it all outand they end up getting super drunk together 

Im going to write down my second experience seeing Day6 live mostly for me, but feel free to read it after the break if you want (please do not reblog it tho) ✨ a little warning i’ll probably get very emotional and personal and this is going to be Very long and probably will get incoherent at some point!!!!!

I saw Day6 yesterday in Madrid for the second time, and not to be dramatic but it was probably one of the best experiences of my life 😭💕 I already had lots of fun last year but this year’s concert was not only fun but very meaningful for me.

As some of you may know I finally finally finished this week my architecture studies after 6 and a half very long and tough years. The last two have been especially hard, aproximately the same ammount of time I’ve been following Day6 closely. When I first discovered their music I immediately fell in love with it, and I fell in love again when i got to know them. I can positively say they’re the closest artists to my heart, my soulmate band. I do love and appreciate a lot of other artists but the way I love day6 it’s.... unparalled. I’m gonna stop being cheesy now hfjjsjka but knowing that I was going to see them again and meet them after all the constant exhaustion that my master’s has been has given me so much strenght during those all nighters and endless days working on my project kjfdkjjks 

I’m privileged enough to have been able to get vvips tickets this time but tbh that’s not important, the whole experience of the concert it’s what makes it worth it. Me and my friends decided not to go queueing very early bc we wanted to be well rested and we knew we were going to have a good spot in any case. We were so lucky yesterday’s weather was sort of warm, considering our awful awful experience from last year jkdjkskj. I’m so happy we were so prepared this time, we brought lots of snacks and blankets for the queue. We also prepared some fanart freebies to share and trade and it was the nicest experience, everyone there was so so lovely!!! I had such a great time only waiting in line and chatting with myday ^^ After we got out numbered wristbands we picked up our signed entropy copies. I got the “Sweet” version which is my fave!!! I traded around the pcs so i ended up with all Sungjin and Dowoon jhjfhjsdj (and the loveliest Dopil pc 😭❤) I was so happy we didnt have any trouble with queueing or numbering this time!!!!! Then we went for lunch and almost didn’t make it back on time bc it took us ages to get out meals n we wanted to leave all the heavy stuff and coats at the car jdfjkdkjskk but!!! we made it thanks to the lovely people next to us in the queue!!!

We finally got into the venue (which is so big!!! and we filled it!! im so PROUD) and my friends were headed to the left side where Jae is but I noticed the middle section was also kind of empty so we ran there kjkjfd and ended up in 2nd-3rd row!!! so we were in the middle and had a great view of everyone ^^ i felt kind of bad bc the people around us had been queueing from 3am and we’d arrived at 8:30 :P also next to us there was this korean girl who runs a Dowoon fansite and she was very nice and polite and she must kind of hate now me a bit bc I didn’t stop moving and jumping  i hope her pics came out nicely anyway!!! we only had to wait for an hour inside n we had lots of sweets to keep our energy up so it was quite alright :)

when they boys came out i noticed i had the clearest Sungjin visual so I ended up looking at him most of the time kjfjdkkkdksd i just couldn’t help it like the pics don’t do him justice he’s just so cute and expressive and makes the funniest faces when playing!!! and sort of bounces when playing which is the Cutest thing!!!!  there was some sort of problem with his guitars at first n seemed a bit annoyed but it turned out alright!! I also paid lots of attention to Jae bc he has Such Energy performing, the truest hype man!!! when he plays you can see he’s genuinely enjoying himself and loves myday so so much :(((( he interacted a lot with us!! 

Dowoon was also in front of me but he was covered most of the time by his drumset :(( I could see him making all these baby bird pouty faces or mouthing the lyrics and it was.... so CUTE :((((( he’s so cute i 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 also i was in awe at his drumming technique like he’s so so so talented and you can clearly see how much he loves it!!! He’s the best boy!!!

I had to move my head a bit to see YoungK and Wonpil and I tried my best looking at everyone when they were singing, but my eyes would automatically go back to Sungjin jfdjskjkaskj I can tell you Young K is very VERY Atractive when performing, he has a sort of magnetism!! He also seemed soooo happy and would jump around non stop and smile at the fans and just Bless us in general!!! Wonpil was sort of serious when playing but you could tell he was concentrated !!! Also his piano and dj skills im!!!!!! like when he plays the Time of Our Life intro so easily!!! i play piano and let me tell you it is difficult as Fuck!!! he truly is so talented!! plus when he was talking with us he was so playful and cute :(((((

Some concert Highlights for me: hearing Best Part live, also So Cool, TOOL, Headache, wanna go back!!! how to love!!! SWEET CHAOS!!!! also hearing WARNING again which may easily be my fave song of them now (well no...we all know it’s impossible to pick just one but yeah jkdfjskkç) also Colors!! when the first chords started playing i started tearing up n then the chorus came n i just broke down crying jsdsk I also cried during I Need Somebody and that bit when we sang back to them and we sang I Smile :((( also the fucking SOLOS hello most talented band in the universe????!!! but like for real they all sound so good live!!! i love that you can clearly hear the drums and keys and all the instruments, plus their vocals are just!! so!! good!!!!!! Jae and Young K went Mad with the adlibs I was living my best life!!!!! 

at some point i locked eyes with Sungjin n my potato brain decided the best thing i could do was to send a flying kiss his way so i did n he got so SHY!!!! and made a 😳😳😳😳 face jkdfjkjkjks i felt v awkward afterwards like i didnt know he was going to react that way jfdkjksa 

Also hearing them speaking spanish...fucking surreal...but when they did their ments in English!!! wow!!! they’ve gotten so good!!!! they kept saying they were so happy and this was the best way to end the tour and they’d grown so much, and reminding us to always be happy i :((((( Wonpil’s ment was the sweetest thing and he sent such an important message and I started crying again (and i made eye contact with Jae while ugly crying so i had to hid behind my banner jkdskjjkjdskks) and couldn’t stop through the whole length of their ments :(( i barely remember anything from young k’s bc i was trying to compose myself a bit jkfkjkjd Dowoon’s was so cute!!! He’d wait for the translator and make such funny faces i :((( Sungjin’s English and like Everything about him im so gone kjfkjjkds and then JAE’S...........

that was truly the Highlight of the night, what truly truly made everything special and what i hope will make them cherish and remember this night forever. So a bit of context: we had prepared a project where during For Me we would take out some prints of some of Jae’s encouraging and inspirational tweets and held them up. So at first Jae was surprised but I guess he didn’t have the time to read which specific tweets we were holing. Then during like the second half of the song he realised n got like v serious like he was trying not to cry...I remember Sungjin also realised bc he was looking at Jae just Knowing.... When we took the concert pics Jae asked us to take an extra one with the tweets bc he wanted it for himself....and then his MENT he thanked us for listening to him and letting him know we hear his words and basically acknowledge and validate him when he passes those life lessons to us and that it meant more than we could imagine....and he was getting more n more emotional n trying not to cry but im p sure he did...and then Sungjin and Wonpil came to his side n started doing this weird dance around him hdjfjjkskjsdkjskkkladsslk n cheered Jae up THEY’RE SO PRECIOUS :((((  but like moments prior u could see Sungjin just Waiting for it n smirking jkjkfdsjkjkkjs also the fact he immediately tweeted about it after the concert 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

the whole hi touch thing was such a fiasco but tbh i didnt have much hope to begin with jkfdjkdkjs they made us wear face masks as a prevention for the coronavirus break.........but it didnt really matter bc there was an insane number of vips so we were a LOT of pple for the hi touch...we were rushed n pushed n screamed at by both security n mmt staff....i was laughing at the whole absurdity of the situation n wonpil saw me hjdfkjksjks...we barely had time to say something and high five them but i did manage to say thank u to each of them n look them in the eyes at least!!! (they’re so beautiful from upclose!! and GIANTS! and sungjins eyes.........otherwordly) i felt so bad for the fans that were looking forward to it and for them as well bc you could see their apologetic faces....but anyways everything else went so well im not going to dwell on that!! so yeah i’ve met day6 but i barely remember anything kjjkdsjkd it feels like a fever dream :((((

but tbh considering everything it was the nicest experience!!! im so happy i had the chance to see them again n i hope they come back again!!! also i really wish they’d tour more cities, like there are so many mydays that deserve to see them too :((( 

ok im done with this whole essay like i could keep rambling and rambling but this is the most essential of it!!! if you also read this thank you!!!! please be happy and trust and listen to day6!!!❤💖💕✨🌟

2019

a whole summary of this difficult year

2019 was full of unexpected good and bad surprises along with lessons and experiences.

january

spent good time with mocha, wayo and brian

had such a good time with guildies from our game

met up with some other ppl from the same game and didnt feel too good bc i was never good with crowds and/or groups that were already well established

tried tinder for the first time because i thought it would be nice to put myself out there for once

feburary

continued my tinder journey and actually had fun with it. it was pretty scary at the same time because it was such a new experience talking to other people and to have them notice you? because i always knew and felt that i wasnt really the desirable one.

actually hooked up with a guy from last months meetup and hung out twice. thought it was going somewhere because he, too, showed signs to progress further ((was wrong because he lied and showed red flags later))

one major red sign to me: no response after genuinely saying thank you for rides and dinner. im the type of person who always says thank you because im honestly grateful for the little and big things. he basically shrugged it off.

also, a huge liar. yah, big no

i brought him to my friends birthday bc they and himself wanted to meet each other, it was fun while it lasted but stuff happened

towards the end of the month, i cut my ties off with him for being awfully mean to me and also cut ties with my “friends” for having really bad assumptions of me.

i was frustrated with myself at that time bc his cats gave me a bad breakout and i felt super ugly. also i wasnt sad over him, but over the fact that i let myself be treated like a second option. eventually i learned that it was good that i didnt let things go further and that i only deserve the very best.

even though i was hurt, i thought it was a good experience, esp since i havent really been in the “dating game” for years. like it was a just a small step to putting myself out there once again

a week later after that a classmate asked me out and got tons of compliments from him and wondered “the universe really works in crazy ways”

march

met some cool people through the same mobile game on a discord server and they were much better than the first group.

also met this really funny dude in the same group. like he was so fun to talk to and he understood my dumb lingo

remember when my classmate asked me out on a date? it turned out a bit weird. but considering this was my first date in YEARS i thought it was a cool experience. got some carne asada fries outta him

i had the dude i was talking to call me so i could leave the date tho LOL ((he helped me lots, esp how to deal with awkward situations with my classmate. also at this point, i really liked talking to him but i wasnt rly sure if i wanted to date other guys bc i had been hurt previously)

this month was pretty much dedicating most of my time talking to him and i enjoyed it alot

also went to pubs for the first time to hangout with my coworkers. such an interesting place

april

tried rollerskating for the first time ever, ended up with a bunch of bruises but it was cool!

also tried 7leaves for the first time and instantly fell in love with mungbean

also went clubbing in sf with my friends and it was such a fun time like i had SO much fun

i got auctioned off of SAD! that phase was just a crazy ride. while there was many that dm’d me, there was only one special person that i only replied to and continued to talk to him on a daily basis

((honestly, i was scared that i was taking things a bit further with him because a part of me was like “are you ready for this?” and “have you really recovered from that guy?” or “can you give this guy your all?” just alot of overthinking))

spent 4/20 at sf with my friends, and overall had a GREAT time. took too many hits and drank so ya gorl was crossfaded. not sure if i wanna do tht again tho

unfortunately woke up with a swollen face and it lasted for a LONG time.

may

so my face is still swollen, still bad, red as a tomato and at this point i was really hesitant to meet up with the guy ive been talking to. i mean!! my skin was SO bad. i felt like i was gonna make a fool out of myself by scaring him away

but,,,, he was still willing to see me despite my appearance and : ( he was so accepting and typing this makes my heart ache bc he is SUCH a good man : (

i met up with the guy towards the end of the month in sj and first thing he does when i walk up to him is give me this great warm hug and so many smooches !!!!!!! like my heart is melting

eventually we became official !!! he got us an airbnb for the night and we jus spent time cuddling on the bed and honestly i : ( i like him so much

june

my birthday wasnt rly that like “wow” it was actually kinda annoying

my bf flew up to sf where we met up, explored the city and slept the night in at an airbnb. next day went to oakland where i introduced my friends to him!

went to my first festival with several with my friends, including ppl from our same guild from our game and it was SO fun

rolled for the first time and it was SUCH an experience. redosed like twice and ended up hallucinating which is something ill def not do again

also i really wished my bf was with me at that time : ( while i had an extremely fun time, i wish i shared that moment with him : (

july

went to vegas for my cousins 22nd bday. shit was wild

also rolled there.

also threw up for the very first time

a fight broke out at the club and that shit was fuckgin CRAZY and it was RIGHT next to our table

also used alot of my money for the whole trip in which nobody really told me about so …. i was like ok.. fuck …

also my skin was still bad during these past months so it was pretty hard masking it

like really hard. with someone with terrible eczema, its just extremely hard to hide it

august

bf flew to sac!!! he met my mom for the first time and we explored the city and stuff

and went on an ikea date! and! honestly i just really loved spending time with him :c

we also spent time with my friends! they came over also! and ate some fuckgin bomb ass waffles

and then took bus down to la to meetup with some friends from our guild towards the end of the month!

it was pretty nice to be able to stay with my bf in his apartment !!!!!

also some scalding tea but thats rly for another time

to make it super short tho: our friend that we’ve known much longer than the girl he met (less than 3 months) dropped our friendship SO quick lol

september

cousin bonding @ beach, too cold for tht doe

towards the end of the month, my bf flew me down!!! so i spent the weekend with him and like always, only had a good time with him!

AND ALWAYS EATING GOOD FOOD!

october

during this fall semester, i took online classes and one of them was a 8week class. there was a topic about mental health and how we can take care of ourselves better and i just thought it was such an important thing to cover. i feel like its not talked about enough

november

spent thanksgiving with my family down in morgan hill and ate good food! honey ham has a special place in my heart.

went black friday shopping first at walmart, lowkey disappointed in myself because i was bummed out the apple watches were sold out. the materialistic part of me jumped out oof

slept at my cousins then went to the mall! didnt get anything besides really good bulgogi fries. i hated going into stores tho cuz everything was literally crowded. hated it !!!!!!!

went to a small festival in sacramento with my friends at the end of the month and this time is 7 of us (than the usual 5)! it was sososo fun.

also took my coworker with me, it was actually amusing to see bc our group were all asian and he’s the only tall white guy

made hotpot at home and we also went out for milktea and waffles again! sooo good.

december

flew down to see my bf again and only had a good time! went to this garden with beautiful lights and ! ugh! SO pretty!

cried in his bed before my flight back, cried on the plane, cried at home and cried before i slept. i miss him

also racked up alot of hours so i could pay for my tuition and my family’s bills. kinda sucks bc im pretty tired but i gotta do what do i gotta do.

christmas was a bit lonely bc my mom went to the philippines and i dont rly talk to my brother but my kuya came the next day and we ate n watched stuff

overall, it was a whacky year. but im so glad to have met ed. he means SO much to me. a part of me was so hesitant to date him because i mean, he’s man with his life set. i dont have a car, im still in school, i have this part time job where im giving my mom all my paychecks and which the only money im keeping is just my tips (not much), i still have issues with myself and other conflicts and honestly theres much to do, learn and grow from. but he’s so supportive, understanding and loving and i love and appreciate him from the bottom of my heart. most of the time i wonder if im doing and if im being enough for him. i worry about that alot but he’s so patient with me. i laugh alot when im with him and i feel so happy.

did i mention that we are long distance? him being in la and me in sacramento. so the only thing thats connecting us is facetime. maybe once every two months will i see him in person but yep. when i had my first panic attack, i really wanted him right next to me. at that moment i felt even more sad because of course you’re gonna want you’re significant other during a moment like that. but anyways, i always miss him and i always want him next to me and i always love him. i want to hurry up and get my education done with so i can be with him. not to sound like omg im so madly infatuated with him type of thing tho. he’s someone who understands me and knows how to love me.

i hope 2020 treats me well despite all the challenges ahead of me.

i guess just because ive been on a roll lately and also oversharing is my lifelong passion i want to verbal diarrhea a lil bit about my own experience of coming to the conclusion that im a lesbian so pls feel free to ignore if u want or whatever i just have Lots Of Thoughts and i just want to get them out. this gets sort of weirdly long winded and shouty and ranty so im sorry. catharsis!

even now i still feel some level of .... idk? shame? regret? i dunno. about the fact that i didnt come to the conclusion that i was a lesbian until i was 25 bc that feels so late to me even though i know for a fact that there are countless other people who came to similar realizations about themselves when they were much older than me.

and ngl there is even a little bit of envy that there are so many kids so much younger than me who seem so sure of their identities (even though i know there are loads of kids who arent sure!!!) and there are moments where i catch myself thinking of myself as “less of a lesbian” because i didnt allow myself to face the fact that i was one until fairly recently ..... and i am still learning so much and trying to cultivate my own identity and just all around see myself as “less experienced” (whatever the fuck thats supposed to mean) than others which undoubtedly is a part of the massive chasm that all my self confidence gets sucked into daily.

but like obviously its not like just BOOM one day i was like “from here on out i am a lesbian now!!!!!!! :)” bc even from a very young age i was always more drawn to women and could not wrap my head around the idea that someday i would have to marry a man and completely idealized my mom’s best friend who was a big burly woman who drove a truck and wore flannels and knew that i wanted to be just like her when i grew up and never ever marry a dude (which in retrospect was sort of weird because my mom usually hates women like that and i grew up with her periodically warning me to “stay away from fucking dykes theyre mean awful ugly women”)

and then the always confusing for everyone period of middle school where i dated a boy for three days before breaking it off because the whole situation gave me more anxiety than i could deal with but i just chalked it up to me being an emotionally immature teen but also being completely obsessed with my best girl friend and wanting to impress her and have her attention all the time and being unable to understand why i was so upset when she started dating some  guy and me just assuming that i was upset because i had a crush on him that id never realized i had before

and then id go home and spend hours online looking up content for my favorite shoujo-ai anime ships and talking with other wlw on the gaiaonline guild forums and asking them questions about how you knew if you were gay or not and if liking almost exclusively girl/girl ships meant you were gay and only being told in response “plenty of heterosexual girls like girl/girl ships!! youre the only one who can tell if youre gay or not!! :)” and just feeling completely confused and alone and having no idea what to think!!!! and then having one day that i remember very specifically where i had a shining moment of clarity for all of half an hour where i thought “i AM a lesbian!!!” and feeling so happy in that moment before my brain took over with the thoughts of “but what if you come across one particular guy sometime...... can’t rule out that possibility” but i knew i really wanted to be a lesbian but just could not allow myself to think i was one

and then fast forwarding up to undergrad where i briefly dated an online guy friend (hi) for like. a month? and then abruptly breaking that off in the worst way possible because i had no fucking clue what i was doing and once again chalked it all up to being emotionally immature and from that moment out identified as aromantic because i figured there was something fucking wrong with me and romance was just not something i could do!!!!! and thinking there was absolutely no fucking way i could be a lesbian and it was completely not even remotely an option because there were certain aesthetic things about men that i appreciated and also never once having had a “proper crush” on anyone or at least not one that i could identify because everyone always talked about love feeling like fireworks and something big and id never felt that for anyone ever so obviously that meant i was incapable of love!!!! so i shoved the whole notion of trying to figure myself out way way way down and didnt look at it for years afterwards 

until i got into graduate school and for some fucking reason my brain decided it was time to dig all that old shit back up and i SUDDENLY COULD NOT STOP THINKING ABOUT IT AGAIN SCREAMS. and feeling more attracted to women than ever even though i always knew that i liked women 

and i still couldnt entertain the idea that i might be a lesbian because even though id been in a very happy relationship with beansly for a few years at that point and knew for a fact i was not aromantic there was still that thought of “Ok But What If You Meet One Guy Sometime”

and this sounds dumb as fuck but it wasnt until beansly straight up told me “if i had to label you id think you were a lesbian” that my brain went “what if theyre right” (TO WHICH I IMMEDIATELY WENT NOPE but acknowledged that the fact that they called me that made me feel really really good) (but kept thinking about that and kept bringing it back up to myself and ruminating over and over and over it) and then even more dumb as fuck i couldnt admit it to myself until i saw a fucking tumblr post that had something to the effect of “a common thing for lesbians who dont know theyre lesbians yet is that they really want to be a lesbian. its ok to be a lesbian” AND THEN I FUCKING CRIED LIKE A LITTLE FUCKING BABY AND HID UNDER MY BLANKIES but the fucking relief and validation my dude but then being presented with a whole new heap of Problems such as “how the fuck do i come out to people. everyone will think i am faking and Not Enough” and just having to deal with the struggle of owning that label and allowing myself to feel good about it and not let my brain convince me that i am somehow unworthy. and i am completely worthy because i love women and not men and thats the one fucking qualification i need to meet so my brain can go fuck itself into oblivion. ive spent so much time worrying over how much of myself i owe to men and holding myself back for a man that does not exist and will never exist and part of why i keep excitedly bringing up the fact that im a huge fucking lesbian is because in my mind its a huge testament to my personal progress and taking ownership over myself and no longer holding myself back over hypotheticals

so yeah anyway at the end of the day i still have so much more growing i need to do and i still see myself as a small shakey little chihuahua with a big mouth but i am a damn stronger person than i was even a year ago!!!! and learning that your attraction and what label you identify with is supposed to make you feel good was one of the best things i ever learned. i just really wish i could have had the self awareness or at least resources that i have now when i was younger and could have figured it out a little sooner. i know it doesnt make me “lesser” and technically i am still a very young person and have my whole life ahead of me but. idk i just wish id had it in me to be more honest with myself sooner. idk how other people can be so sure of themselves when they are so much younger. that just wasnt me i guess

(aww what a lovely weekend! 💕 ) Oh boy so many clips, so many emotions, so little time!! So, about Skam fr and that dish: I think it was supposed to be a full meal on a single plate? I know some countries do that, instead of having more courses, so it was pasta (a bad attempt to it), ham and vegetables (I saw some carrots too in it) but honestly, it took me back to my time in France, bc we had this meal voucher to spend on lunch and it was a self service thingy, (1/6)

(2/6) and you usually had to choose amongst meat or vegetables or fish and then you could choose a side dish and the pasta was there! Like, a side dish! And you had this overcooked conglomerate without any sauce or condiments. I mean, it was disgusting and almost offensive ahahh I felt robbed and I don't even like pasta! About samedi and the lundi trifecta: after all those clips I have to say that they are smart af, bc at first I didn't really like Lucille's speech, or at least part of it

(3/6) (but I loved that she admitted to her wrongs and apologized) but now we had: her perspective, the one of a loved one whose actions steams from love but are not always the right ones (we know Eliott feels smothered by her, finds her controlling), Basile's perspective, someone who "normalize" it, bc he knows nothing else, that's his mother and it's always been like that for him, so he can undestate it a bit but he also has great advice about it, and then finally we had Eliott's perspective.

(4/6) I loved how they did it, bc honestly the only way to find their balance is talking about it, being in it together, communication is key and that's one of the most important messages they can send via the show. Maxence killed me with his trembling chin when Eliott was about to break down and cry but wanted to stay strong, I loved everything about that clip, how Lucas was ready to fight E (C'est-à-dire? / So, what do you mean about it?), how in the end he was so relieved to hug him again.

(5/6) 💖 I loved it 💖 and ofc the morning clip was pivotal to then show this one, I think it was great storytelling in general, And finally, this morning clip, fierce Daphy ftw! I know that they're setting them up, I'm out of delusion juice today but I have to say something: they're clearly trying to give B a redemption arc, and I'm all about it, but now I want to see fact, I odn't care for words only. I liked that he admitted to his flaws and I'm happy that he's willing to change and improve.

(6/6) You shouldn't do it for a girl but for yourself, but still it's ok that the catalysis is Daphné. If they're gonna be together I want him to really be a better person and for them to actually spend time together and realizing that they actually like each other, not just bc he likes her and she is grateful for his support. pls skamfr. omg I'm so sorry this is so long apparently I had a lot of opinions lmao I'm gonna go bye ahah

hahaha HI!! ok lets do this 

1. - what do you mean? full meal on a plate? ive been to italy yall use plates dont you? but god yes those beans ugh 

2. - skjdskdjskdj wtf ok now i think i get what you mean but uhm i mean yeah you can use it as .......well i wouldnt say side dish but instead of rice in some meals? i guess? (lets also unpack you not liking pasta pasta is LIFE) 

3. - yeah true! i loved the three perspectives too here!!! (im still meh about liking what barfile said i dont want to like him ok) 

4. - *ugly cries* YES!!!!! his wobbly chin!!! how lulu was like is this happening again!? are you about to go?? for a sec but then they communicated and aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah bLESS

5. - yeah i loved that they showed it!! its important!! to this mornings clip: i love daphy sm she deserves the world (im kinda sad we didnt see eliott but it makes sense - im just greedy) and yes hard same to barfile he needs more time to show hes changed 

6. - YES! 

i completely forgot @anothersuperstition tagged me in this yesterday and i have been an absolute slut for these things since the days of myspace surveys (which reminds me fun fact my scene name on myspace was katy killjoy and this was like 4 years before danger days so jot that down) ANYWAYS here we go!!!

1. are you named after anyone?

- my mom literally heard the name kaitlyn like a week before giving birth and she thought it was SO unique i had fucking 5 kaitlyns in my very small graduating class alone like thanks for naming me after some random mom

2. when was the last time you cried?

- like literally an hour ago reading uhv do NOT @ me

3. do you have any kids?

- i have a doggie and thats uh as close as im gonna get to being a mom of any kind lmao

4. do you use sarcasm a lot?

- i wouldnt say i really use sarcasm a lot really? i am rly snarky and a lil surly irl but idk if thats the same thing lmao

5. what’s the first thing you notice about people?

- probably their overall sense of style and like Look tbh???

6. eye color

- kind of a boring green-leaning hazel

7. scary movie or happy ending?

- historically gonna have to go with happy ending bc nobody wants to watch scary movies w me but im too scared to watch them alone :-(

8. do you have any special talents?

- i can learn instruments p easily? like my dads side of the family (who i never see and didnt grow up with) are all rly musically inclined so i think its a genetic thing? and i can sing like a motherfucker i just wish i had an outlet other than like. screaming it out in my car lmao. im allowed to say that bc its the only thing im remotely good at

9. where were you born?

- indianapolis

10. hobbies?

- i literally spend my life on the internet absorbing useless information that doesnt stay in my brain for very long?? but it makes me rly good at jeopardy and like. trivia games. for a while i was into embroidery but i accidentally broke the tool i used so now i like. dont do that lmao

11. do you have any pets?

- just my doggie bean dip she is a terrorist and i love her

12. what sports do you play/have played?

- my parents signed me up for a bit of everything as a kid but i would try to sit out as much as i could. i played soccer in elementary school and my dad was the coach and i would like. run up to him out of breath like “i need to sit down” and hed be like “katy u were the goalie u literally werent even doing anything” what can u do

13. how tall are you?

- 5′6″ franks height allegedly 

14. favorite school subject?

- probably art even though i was absolutely no good at it?? i liked learning abt it tho

15. dream job?

- i was literally put on this earth to be a rockstar but god nerfed me by making me kinda ugli and unable to write music or lyrics or even have creative thought so i guess i have to settle for having like. a real job. just not yet lmao

i think im supposed to tag 10 ppl but i aint have the energy if u see this and wanna do it just say im making u do it!!!!

RIAN... im not 100 percent if you'll care for this but something tells me maybe you'd like to know. anyways oh man because of your recs via that culture vulture thing i bought call me by your name late october last year and only got around to reading it now, 10 months later ... that book is so incredible i cant even begin to tell, it got progressively more indulging, shit made me part of its actual WORLD and now im facing a crises of some sort of having to face that ending- (1)

- like i genuinely just feel like crying at everything :( i really didnt expect it to take as big as a toll on me oh my god they call me loser. and i dont know i dont have anyone else to tell and i just thought of you and wanted to say that i think so highly of you i dont know how else to put it despite what you might say i really think of you as a star and youve taken me back to a lot of things i thought i wouldnt enjoy as much anymore and i just want to thank you for having been such a wonderful influence on me and you wow me so much at times, i wish i were a little more like you. i always feel like im being creepy lurking around but thats probably just because im a creep. okay shutting up id finally like to ask how you feel about call me by your name, id love to hear everything you can think of but honestly anythingll do, im just seriously curious. okay i hope youre living well and being happy bye!

first off, you’re right in thinking this is something i would care to hear! i’ve actually had a pretty emotional and trying week, and seeing this after i got home today was really lovely and brightened my mood so thank you ): i remembered that list out of nowhere the other day, too. i’m glad you found something on there you like! (also buying books you read months or even uh years later... big mood). i’m really happy to hear all of this honestly, i’ve been kind of on a journey of reconnecting with things these past few months and tbh getting a lot out of it, so it’s for real nice to know it’s benefitting someone else, too. i’m just out here trying my best, and i’m always glad to be smth positive for others if i at all can!! i’m really kind of a dumb nerd so it’s definitely not creepy, it’s really flattering!

that book has a lot of nice memories attached to it because i read it at a time where i needed the reminder to go back to the basics on what type of story i love, and more importantly what sorts of stories i want to tell myself. i bought it on a whim while trying to clam down from a panic attack, and i think i ugly cried through almost all of it haha. it’s portrait of longing manages to be both soft and sharp, like a fox in the arms of sufjan stevens... but for real, i appreciate how it describes a sort of raw, uncertain intimacy that has always been so resonate to me as a queer person. it captures the immediacy of that tension as well as nostalgia for the initial sexual awakening, which is a solid one-two punch as they say. i’ve read a fair amount of Discourse (TM) on this novel (not the age difference discourse tho lmao bc frankly... idc) and i don’t think it captures a universally relatable queer experience by any means esp bc it’s technically written from an outsider perspective, but it speaks very well to a certain experience of emotional intimacy that’s rooted in instantaneous, and often inexplicable, similarity and understanding. the ending is like, crushing, i feel you on that. part of me can’t help but feel it’s fitting for the tone, though, and i almost wish they’d kept it in the movie bc i saw a few too many bad takes about the ambiguity of it. i always read the book ending as oliver being clearly closeted in some capacity. (i did like the movie overall, i was also Incredibly Determined to hype it). i was thinking about re-reading it one of these days, so i might just soon...

for the ask meme: all of them, but if thats too much maybe just the last 10?

Sorry for the long post aaaa1: Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now? [I bought lottery tickets bc I was in texas and they’re not legal where I live and the cashier at the gas station didn’t even ask for my id. I tried to show him and he just shook his head and let me go???? He didnt even care wtf]2: Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone? [Nah]3: If your significant other smoked pot, would you care? [Yea a little bit. I mean if it was just occasionally that’s probably fine? But a lot of my family has fucked up their entire lives with drugs so anything like that is iffy for me. It depends on how often they smoke ultimately]4: Do you find it easy to trust others? [I’d say yeah, probably. As long as you don’t fuck me over or guilt me within the first few weeks of knowing me id probably feel comfortable messaging you if I needed someone to talk to]5: What were you doing at 11PM last night? [Scrolling Tumblr]6: You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you? [Probably my irl bffs lindy and raven!]7: What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on? [Dump them. Adios fucker. I hope they’re happy with whoever they cheated on me with]8: Are you close with your dad? [Yeah I’d say so? I love him and he usually let’s me do my thing]9: I bet you kissed someone last night, right? [Nah]10: What are you listening to? [Run by hozier]11: You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it? [Sweet tea!!!! I’m from the south baby]12: Do you like hickeys? [Never has one so I don’t know!]13: What time do you go to bed? [Uhhhhhh 5am?]14: Is there someone who continuously lets you down? [My siblings.]15: Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both? [Nope I fuck up spelling a lot and have to go back and fix it no matter how many hands I’m typing with]16: Do you always answer your texts? [I try!! Unless I’m emotionally tired or forget]17: Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for? [No. She’s my best friend now, actually]18: When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends? [LIKE 3 MINUTES AGO I was complaining about how long it car ride home is]19: Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them? [My irlbest friends, the cars discord chat I’m in, and a lot of my wk friends]20: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night? [I was writing ducktales fanfiction in my head]21: Is anyone else in the room with you? [I’m in a car with my mom for the next uhhh 7 hours?]22: Do you believe what goes around comes around? [Karmas a bitch]23: Were you happier four months ago than you are now? [I was visiting family in Indiana, so yea probably? Tho I am pretty happy now too]24: Is there someone you wish you could fix things with? [Sometimes, with my old pal cat. She did some bad things so I stopped talking to her, but sometimes I want to catch up and see how she’s doing.]25: In the past week, have you cried? [YEAH over a darkwing duck episode]26: What colour is the shirt you are wearing? [Grey. It has Mickey mouse on it!]27: Do people ever call you by your last name? [Noooope]28: Is anyone ignoring you right now? [I wouldn’t know]29: Do you have a best friend? [YEAH everyone in the cars discord and raven and lindy]30: Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed? [No it was my great grandma lol]31: Who was your last call/text message from? [Call: red cross asking for my blood. Text: raven saying “dang”]32: Are you mad at anyone? [Not really? I don’t get angry very easily at all]33: Have you ever kissed someone older than you? [When I was a freshman I was dating a junior]34: How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday? [My great grandma! 88 I think]35: How many more days until your birthday? [LIKE a whole entire year. August 2nd]36: Do you have any summer plans yet? [Help my friend after her spine surgery p much. Visit family around the 4th of july]37: Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex? [I have tons of girl friends!! All my best friends are girls (except em but they’re a good friend still!!!)]38: Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now? [Lindy doesn’t know I’m trans]39: Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone? [Uhhhhhhhhhhh next question]40: Have you ever regretted kissing someone? [I try not to regret things like that]41: Do you think age matters in relationships? [UH YEAH?? An adult dating a minor ain’t my deallll]42: Are you available? [Lmfao yeah but don’t hold your breath I’m awful at relationships]43: How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended? [My ex and bff dksdkdiajsai kill Me. I’ve had small crushes but I don’t rly let them grow too much if I realize they’re poppin up]44: If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get? [Septum]45: Do you believe exes can be friends? [Yeah!!!!! I just reconnected with my ex from freshmen year and he’s cool]46: Do you regret anything? [Times where my mouth moved before my head could think and I hurt someone I cared about. Times where I didn’t listen. Times where I hesitated. But the past is a different country, and I try not to waste the present lamenting what I could’ve done.]47: Honestly, what’s on your mind right now? [Home. And the mistakes I’ve made.]48: Did you ever lose a best friend? [Yeah. She moved away and we just… talked less, and less, and less.]49: Was your last kiss a mistake? [Nah it was my great grandma]50: Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like? [They have a bf and also dont like me plus im unlovable and bad at relationships and feelings *shrug emoji* the other person I’m interested in lives too far away and also doesn’t like me like that]51: Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry? [Twas my gg and probably when I was a baby]52: Do you still talk with the person you LAST kissed? [All these last kiss ones are so angsty and sad and it was literally my grandma 5 hours ago I’m laughing]53: What was the last thing you ate? [McDonald’s French fries!!!!!]54: Did you get any compliments today? [Nah I’m in my road trip attire so I look like a mess]55: Where are you going on your next vacation? [New Orleans in October for voodoo fest!! Gonna see the foo fighters B)]56: Do you own anything from other countries?[I think I have Canadian money somewhere…]57: Are most of your friend guys or girls?[girls!!]58: Where have you lived most of your life?[Sweet Home Alabama]59: When was the last time you took a long drive?[DOING IT RN!!!!! 13 HOURS]60: Have you ever played Spin the Bottle?[yea but it was like, mashed up with truth or dare. Instead of kissing we asked them truth or dare]61: Have you ever TPd someone’s house?[nah I’m pretty mild]62: Who do you text the most?[raven probably? Or max]63: What was the last movie you saw?[spirited away I think??? First time I ever saw it]64: What’s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex?[I’m single, don’t remind me :P]65: How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2011?[I was 12 and right smack dab in the middle of my ugly awkward phase (thays still going on today!) So I had none lmao]66: Is the last person you kissed younger than you?[nah]67: Do you curse around your parents?[GOOD LORD NO]68: Are you happy with where you live?[I? Hate Alabama. My city is okay but I want to move somewhere nicer]69: Picture of yourself? [I have a selfie tag. I would upload but I’m lazy. Maybe if I find a pic I like later I will]70: Are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open-ended relationships?[polyamory All the wayy!!!!! But monogamy is cool too]71: Have you ever been dumped?[probably in elementary school but I don’t remember? I usually am the one to end it bc I get freaked out and skittish around people genuinely caring about me so I break it up before they’re disappointed]72: What do you most like about making out?[being comfortable and close enough with someone to do it.]73: Have you ever casually made out with someone who you weren’t seriously involved with?[yup!]74: When you kiss someone for the first time, is it usually you who initiates it or the other?[depends? I’ve asked to kiss someone and I’ve been asked equal amounts.]75: What part of a person’s body do you find most attractive?[eyes? Idk there’s a lot that goes into finding someone attractive it’s hard to narrow it down]76: Who was the last person you talked to last night before you went to bed?[my mom]77: Had sex with someone you knew less than an hour?[virgin]78: Had sex with someone you didn’t know their name?[virgin]79: What makes your heart flutter and brings a big cheesy smile to your face?[Any cartoon character I’m currently hyperfixated on]80: Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already?[yes. But i would go slow and I wouldn’t want to meet their child until we were both sure this was something we wanted long term.]81: Has someone who had a crush on you ever confessed to you?[no its usually me? Wait i take that back!! One girl did while I was in hs but I’m pretty sure she only did it bc she just figured out her sexuality and I was queer and there.]82: Do you tell a lot of people when you have a crush?[nope I bottle that shit up!!!! But if it’s a long standing crush I’ll tell a few people eventually]83: Do you miss your last sweetie?[No.]84: Last time you slow danced with someone?[my friend Franklin at prom. We pretended to be spies on a mission forced to act casual as we scoped out potential enemies]85: Have you ever ‘dated’ someone you’ve never met?[??? Don’t like the skeptical quote marks. I’ve been in long distance relationships before, yes.]86: How can I win your heart?[just like…… be nice to me, ever, and I’m into it. Talk about things you like, ask me about things I like, try and get into/understand my interests and I’ll do the same?? Don’t make fun of me and don’t belittle my interests. The bar is low]87: What is your astrological sign?[leo]88: What were you doing last night at 12 AM?[sleeping]89: Do you cook?[pasta!!!!!!!]90: Have you ever gotten back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than 3 months of no communication?[yeah!!! 3 years of no talking and I reconnected with max recently]91: If you’re single right now, do you wish you were in a relationship?[uh it’s complicated. Yes but idk if I’m in a good place for a relationship. I haven’t even begun to transition at all.]92: Do you prefer to date various people or do you pretty much fall into monogamous relationships quickly?[you say that like I could get multiple people to date me]93: What physical traits do you look for in a potential interest?[nice dress style?? Glasses are good too. Idk questions like this are hard augh]94: Name four things that you wish you had![money, a job, plush darkwing duck toy, a car]95: Are you a player?[no]96: Have you ever kissed 2 people in one day?[nooooope]97: Are you a tease?[hahahahaha no]98: Ever meet anyone you met on Tumblr?[nope!!! Not yet]99: Have you ever been deeply in love with someone?[maybe. But I don’t think you can love someone too deeply who doesn’t love you back]100: Anybody on Tumblr that you’d go on a date with?[sure, plenty]101: Hugs or Kisses?[both??? Both is good]102: Are you too shy to ask someone out?[It’s Not shyness, it’s rejection I have a problem with]103: The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?[girls are pretty]104: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you babe?[Yeah I guess]105: If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was in relationship, would you go for it?[If it was an open relationship and everyone knew the situation, then yea prob?? If not, then no.]106: Do you flirt a lot?[not really]107: Your last kiss?[my grandmaaaaa]108: Have you kissed more than 5 people since the start of 2012?[not in a romantic way]109: Have you kissed anyone in the past month?[not in a romantic way]110: If you could kiss anyone who would it be?[next question]111: Do you know who you’ll kiss next?[nope!! It’s a hopefully nice surprise for future me]112: Does someone like you currently?[probably not lol but ive got no idea!!]113: Do you currently have feelings for anyone?[sure]114: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings?[I want to fall in love.]115: Ever made out with just a friend?[yeah]116: Are you happier single or in a relationship?[in a relationship I think?]117: Your own question that you want me to answer. Just write it.[just send me an ask and ill answer it]

This got a bit of self hatred dashed in there whoops sorry!!!

all odd numbers !!!

1: Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now? How do Gorillaz make so much bomb ass music

3: If your significant other smoked pot, would you care? No, as long as it didnt completely take over their life. Like if they need it every day to be happy then i’d be worried, otherwise its totally cool

5: What were you doing at 11PM last night? I was on the internet, most likely tumblr and hunting down the songs used on sense8

7: What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on? Most likely feel incredibly hurt and break up w that person. I could stay and try to work it out but i would have to care about that person way too much and i’d have to see that they were willing to make it work too and never do it again

9: I bet you kissed someone last night, right? my dogs tbh

11 answered already!

13: What time do you go to bed? really late, earliest i can go is probably around 1am unless i am extremely tired 

15: Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both? nope

17: Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for? I dont know who i fell hardest for, but one of the people who i really loved hurt me a lot and i hated them for a while. Now i just dont care about them at all

19: Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them? It’s not seeing, but every time i talk to sam @speedydanvers and aya @moonbow99 i get incredibly happy 

21: Is anyone else in the room with you? my mom and dogs

23: Were you happier four months ago than you are now? I can definitely say i’ve been getting happier with time, so no

25: In the past week, have you cried? yes, so many times cause im an emotional bitch (most of those times were while watching sense8 tbh)

27: Do people ever call you by your last name? no, unless its in like a professional setting or whatever

29: Do you have a best friend? i have many best friends, some of which include @speedydanvers @i-sometimes-say-stupid-things and my 2 friends maria and ivanna who dont have tumblr

31: Who was your last call/text message from? call was my mom, text was sam

33: Have you ever kissed someone older than you? I think everyone i’ve kissed was either my same age or older

35: How many more days until your birthday? my birthday was like a week ago so like almost an entire year til my next

37: Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex? yeah ben and one of my friend’s brother david

39: Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone? probably

41: Do you think age matters in relationships? it definitely matters when one person is underage and there’s a vast difference between the adult person (i.e. someone is 14 and the other is 18+) but if it’s a smaller difference like 17 and 18 then i think its cool (especially if theyve been dating since they were both underage). When it comes to more adult people, I dont think it matters as long as they respect and love each other. Although I hate the tv trend of ugly old men having like really young and pretty women, like im tired of that trope and those girls deserve better

43: How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended? im still in hs so i dont think this applies to me

45: Do you believe exes can be friends? if both people end the relationship in mutual respect and there’s not too many conflicting feelings then yeah

47: Honestly, what’s on your mind right now? I’m thinking about the old guy with younger woman trope and how much it sucks because although some of those relationships are great, most of the times it patronizes a lot of the young women, and it makes it seem like once women hit a certain age they are useless bcs theyre undesirable to men

49: Was your last kiss a mistake? I dont know if it was a mistake but i wouldnt do it again

51: Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry? yeah unfortunately 

53: What was the last thing you ate? i ate some sausages earlier

55: Where are you going on your next vacation? Hopefully mexico

57: Are most of your friend guys or girls? girls. most of the men i’ve had in my life are useless so i’ve distanced myself from them and now i only interact with like 3 and the rest are girls 

59: When was the last time you took a long drive? i dont know what counts as long, but recently i went to my friends house and shes like 25 mins away

61: Have you ever TPd someone’s house? nope but i probably would if they deserved it

63: What was the last movie you saw? Batman Vs Superman

65: How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2011? Yo i think this is when i had my 3rd-4th grade bf. it was so cute and innocent, like i think he kissed me on the cheek once but mostly we played video games or hung out at each other’s houses

67: Do you curse around your parents? Yeah but i only started doing so recently 

69: Picture of yourself? just go to my face tag cause im too lazy

71: Have you ever been dumped? yep

73: Have you ever casually made out with someone who you weren’t seriously involved with? not made out but definitely kissed

75 already answered!

77: Had sex with someone you knew less than an hour? nope

79 already answered!

81: Has someone who had a crush on you ever confessed to you? yeah a few times

83: Do you miss your last sweetie? not at all

85: Have you ever ‘dated’ someone you’ve never met? @moonbow99 i guess this counts as us? so yeah definitely 

87: What is your astrological sign? Leo hell yea

89: Do you cook? pffft no

91: If you’re single right now, do you wish you were in a relationship? im in a relationship rn and i love being in one 

93: What physical traits do you look for in a potential interest? being a girl

95: Are you a player? nah, if i ever were to be with someone else it would have to be something agreed on

97 already answered!

99: Have you ever been deeply in love with someone? yeahh

101: Hugs or Kisses? depends on the person, but if it comes to SO then kisses

103: The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? ew men

105: If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was in relationship, would you go for it? only if we cared for each other and i knew they werent happy w their current partner, or if they were really really really sexy

107: Your last kiss? this guy that i dated for less than a month before i left him for my current gf

109: Have you kissed anyone in the past month? nah besides like my mom on the cheek and dogs

111: Do you know who you’ll kiss next? hopefully my lovely girlfriend 

113: Do you currently have feelings for anyone? indeed

115: Ever made out with just a friend? not made out but kissed

117: Your own question that you want me to answer. Just write it. I’ll skip this one since you didnt send any

answer them all idk how many there are but do 1-the end

hey now u can all blame david for this not me theres fuckin 100 of them fhjfghfgds

1-20: done!!

21. Are you in a good mood?nooo todays been a fuckin time i am STRESSED22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks?honestly? yeah id love this

23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s?nah mine are blue his r green or hazel idr24. What do you want right this second?sleep im a sleepy bab25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?this is already a thing that happens n im 200% ok w it26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color?sorta!!! i dyed my natural colour over some pink bits so its like 4-5 inches of roots and then 2-3 inches this weird red brown thats actually super ugly but im too lazy to fix it27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?honestly i think everyone makes me laugh so if someone doesnt make me laugh thats fuckin impressive28. What was the last thing that made you laugh?idk!!!29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now?yah30. Does everyone deserve a second chance?nah31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to?probably idk who it was but i hate boys in general32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do?i have feelings for like 5 people but yeah one of them knows33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda?i love soda but i dont drink it 2 often bc its sooo sweet34. Listening to?kesha :^)35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore?tbh no i hate writing in pencil a lot BUT i do like drawing in it36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is?yeah!37. Do you believe in love at first sight?not really38. Who did you last call?the lost dogs home lol39. Who was the last person you danced with?probably em? idk40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed?bc i was saying goodbye and we wanted 2 kiss each other41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake?god this had to have been years ago i hate cake esdfghfd42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today?nope43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?uhhh im never not embarrassing44. Do you tan in the nude?;)

45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss?god no46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night?i dont think so bc i remember saying goodnight to people47. Who was the last person to call you?the lost dogs home48. Do you sing in the shower?yes49. Do you dance in the car?yes50. Ever used a bow and arrow?at every primary school camp ever51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?god like 6 years ago maybe??52. Do you think musicals are cheesy?no i love them sdfgh53. Is Christmas stressful?yes but i love it

54. Ever eat a pierogi?dont even know what it is!!55. Favorite type of fruit pie?apple and rhubarb!!!56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?director or actor lmao57. Do you believe in ghosts?ghjgfdsfghjfgd idk leav me alone58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?god always59. Take a vitamin daily?listen i should but i dont60. Wear slippers?i hate slippers idk why61. Wear a bath robe?yes i love them theyre a blankety alternative to clothes62. What do you wear to bed?uhhh it varies but usually nothing63. First concert?dsfghjgfdsfgh cute is what we aim for lol64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?listen i dont have walmart and targets expensive also i spent $40 at kmart today i think that sums it up65. Nike or Adidas?i literally dont care ngl66. Cheetos Or Fritos?ive never had cheetos and i dont even know what fritos are wertghjgfd67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?peanuts but i do love sunflower seeds68. Favorite Taylor Swift song?dear john is a guilty pleasure when im sad69. Ever take dance lessons?yeah!!70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?fucked if i know71. Can you curl your tongue?yeah i can do the three curl too72. Ever won a spelling bee?yeah lol73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?dsfghfd it always turns into breakdowns does that count74. What is your favorite book?the his dark material series :^)75. Do you study better with or without music?depends on my mood!!!76. Regularly burn incense?i HATE the smell of incense fuck77. Ever been in love?yes!!!78. Who would you like to see in concert?lorde tbh79. What was the last concert you saw?i think it was the wombats??? i dont think ive been to any shows since then idk80. Hot tea or cold tea?i love them both81. Tea or coffee?i love them both but coffee82. Favorite type of cookie?a classic choc ripple or teddy bear83. Can you swim well?god no i have almost drowned like...three or four times its bad84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?yeah !! i didnt know this was a thing that ppl couldnt do tbh85. Are you patient?idk it depends on my mood i can wait for things sometimes but i also get real anzious86. DJ or band, at a wedding?sadfghjgfds i like bands at weddings idk why 87. Ever won a contest?yeah i won a competition to see josh thomas bc of an assholish thing i did once which i overexaggurated a lot lol88. Ever have plastic surgery?no but honestly its something im probably gonna do if i have money89. Which are better black or green olives?i hate them both my answer is olive oil90. Opinions on sex before marriage?fuckin go for it idgaf91. Best room for a fireplace?every room ever. bedroom? yes. kitchen? fuck yes. bathroom? why the fuck WOULDNT you92. Do you want to get married?nope dsfghdsfgh

A VERY CRAPPY BUT EXCITED SHINEE WORLD V IN DALLAS FAN ACCOUNT

honestly i dont even really know how to begin this like??? i feel like i have so much to say it was just the best day of my Entire Ugly Life. im so honored i really am it was just the most beautiful experience ever nd also so funny lkafsfsa i can’t wait to share with you !! 

so first off: the Boys 

onew: i,,, i honestly cant believe such a human exists he was so beautiful i really couldnt take my eyes off of him (duh) and surprise surprise i cried so much seeing him. i was seeing my 1of1 in the Flesh yet again but this time i was much closer!! he came to my side a lot nd thank u @ god for this smiling tofu. he really just made me smile so much my face started to hurt. I LOVE HIM WITH EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING I WAS A MESS THE ENTIRE EVENING 

jonghyun: yall his pictures dont do him justice he is STUNNING in person and i really mean that. it was so amazing to be able to witness him up close this time. when i was at the fanmeet i was in p2 but this time i was p1!! he no joke is such a smol bub its so cute kafdsafsa. THE BIGGEST CUTIE 

minho: tol. tol. tol. tol. sO TOL. i mean holy moly those legs went on for DAYS my friends. he never stopped smiling the entire show i just,,, he loves us so much and it shows! he made so many cute gestures nd teased key all night i Lov it

key: THE MOST BEAUTIFUL. THE MOST STUNNING. THE MOST ETHEREAL. but ofc thats to be expected by my mom. honestly he was serving so many looks and to see his cute dimples up close was such a treat. ALSO HIS ENGLISH MAKES MY HEART FUZZY EVERY TIME 

taemin: the most handsome meme to ever walk the earth! he’s actually shorter in person which was interesting to me but boi he has Long Legs. when he came back out in the 2nd to last segment with those black pants i was Shook. he didnt talk too much bc he was SO shy but i found it very endearing. jong kept poking at him like “we should make taemin say ___” aljlfkdsafda he looked like he was ready to Pounce him 

so they started with hitchhiking nd we were Ready ok like im not even sure you could hear the bg music bc of all the screaming it was insane. right when i saw taemin waltzing out i was at my feet screaming at my favorite meme !! god, their live voices are just too hard to explain. it feels like a warm hug if that makes sense 

JULIETTE GUYS J.U.L.I.E.T.T.E  JFDAS aka shinee’s top bop. i was banging so hard and key’s solo break dance was iconic. @ sm ent when will you stop sleeping on key’s talent???? it was incredible you could really tell they enjoyed performing that song 

when prism started playing my lungs were set on fire. i was ready for key’s ass shake nd my phone was out but the security chic was so annoying about it and right when his move was about to come up she was like “you cant have that out” ….. i WAS TWO SECONDS AWAY FROM RECORDING IT. lmao whatever she didnt catch me recording sherlock (—: 

REPLAY MADE ME SOB END OF STORY 

as youve guys have probably already seen because its EVERYWHERE key’s gucci clothes got burned nd i was laughing so hard i was choking. he was just like “funny story right? ////:” HOW DOES THAT EVEN HAPPEN TO A PERSON but tbh his new outfit was a+++ king of wearing good clothes

i mean look @ it he was wearing a shawol colored suit Amazing. nd those heals… just kick me in the head??? 

yall knew i was gonna talk about sherlock. me: cried the entire song ((((: i was waiting for it tbh like i knew the line up of the songs so i was Ready when i heard that BRRrrRrRRRRRrrrr. i felt like i was the only one doing the chant it made me sad but im sure lots of others did it i just didnt hear!! i was yelling so much ik those girls next to me were annoyed. when onew did That Thing where he body rolls ajlfdsafdsa saved my entire 2017. 

hi this ended me: 

I DIDNT GET TO HEAR WHAT HE WAS SAYING BC THERE WERE SO MANY PEOPLE SCREAMING (relatable) buT ISNT THIS JUST THE CUTEST THING LAFDSA HE MAKES ME SO HAPPY I LOVE HIM MORE THAN ANYBODY. this was jongyu’s talking segment when the others got changed!! jong lovs onew so much he just smiled at him the entire time 

taemin’s goodbye stage i…i dont even know how to say this bc there are no words to described how i feel. like i was so immersed in his performance that i forgot to wave my lightstick. i just couldnt stop staring at him??? some people were born to perform nd that person was lee taemin. that high note took me There 

minho is the new dancing machine taemin is Cancelled (no jk aljfsda) but for real his dance break in lucifer was so hype! i wish i could have gotten a video of it but that security lady was out to get me istg. if you see it watch it !! 

ALSO WHEN MINHO WAS ON MY SIDE HE WAVED AT ME AND MY SECTION I AJLFDS HIS SMILE CURED MY ACNE IT WAS INCREDIBLE. I WAS TOO SLOW GETTING MY PHONE OUT HE WAS ALREADY GONE BUT IT HAPPENED OK 

jong was v close too hes so beautiful and has crisp golden skin i…

omg jongyu’s duet… to hear it in the flesh… it was like their voices were made for one another. they both had their eyes closed and were so into it like that was more beautiful than a new born puppy. god i just want to keep hearing it over and over again

MY FAVORITE PART OF THE WHOLE ENTIRE SHOW WAS taemin was talking about, you know, how he was feeling about the show and being in dallas again nD KEY BROUGHT BACK UP THE DAMN GUCCI CLOSES BURNING nd taemin went “we aren’t talking about that” I LAUGHED SO HARD I SNORTED AND OFC TAEMIN WAS TOO. he’s such a little shit jklafsda

ONEW FELL DURING READY OR NOT HE WAS SO EXCITED AND HYPED ND HE FELL I WAS LIKE !!!!! I WAS ABOUT TO PRESS LIFE ALERT. my sweet babu he was just having the time of his Life. lajkfsa i was scared when he was on top of the metal stand spinning i was just asking god to protect his Clumsy Ass  

key tried to trick me with that “i know my english is…” YOU JUST WANT TO BE PRAISED HUSH ALFSLJ I WILL PRAISE YOU 

taemin’s little shimmy butt shake in 1of1 is so cute i cant believe i witnessed that in person. also onew smiled so much too i kljfdsafda !!! 

SELENE 6.23 WAS SO POWERFUL I FELT MY SOUL BEING RENEWED. JONGHYUN’S VOICE IS NOT A LIE TALK ABOUT A POWERFUL MAN 

now you KNOW my ass caught on camera onew spinning his microphone stand during dream girl. i never whipped out my phone faster. HIS ARMS WERE SO TONED I WANT HIM TO WHACK ME IN THE HEAD WITH IT

youre probably asking yourself “did mich Die during sherlock” nd the answer to that kids is yes… yes i did 

also jongkey is Confirmed. literally every single time key opened his mouth jonghyun just laughed his head off and slapped his knee. hes such a good bf!! 

the most visual bfs 

jonghyun said that he loved our energy!! he said that the reason they were trying so hard for us was because of it and he wanted us to have a good show. well jong congrats i had the best evening of my entire 19 years of living on this god forsaken planet

TAEMIN STRUGGLED SO MUCH TRYING TO INTRODUCE THE NEW SONG AND HE GOT SO FLUSTERED IT WAS SO ADORABLE IM PROUD OF HIM

no shocker here but i cried my eyes out during an encore. all the boys lit up when they saw the banners and onew closed his eyes and swayed back and forth smiling. it just makes me happy bc shinee really loves us so much 

i have like 1905233 pics of onew doing his windmill but look at him Go!! he’s doing That 

at the end they were all saying their goodbyes and telling us how much they enjoyed us and dallas! i think it was either jong or key but they said they definitely want to come back so you know my annoying ass will be there again to see shining shinee. ALSO THEY SAID TO EXPECT GREAT MUSIC SOON SO YALL KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS. they bowed to us and thats when the tears started happening again. it truly was such a magical evening and im so sad that it has already ended. i cant wait to see you boys again! please stay safe and healthy for the rest of 2017 and on!! 

The 100 4x04 summary

The 100 4x04 *camp jaha* *Jasper pranked Jaha* *People laughed* Clarke: "I feel useless, bc Bellamy, Raven and my mom went somewhere with Luna and I didn't"" Monty:"Clarke shut the hell up, u not useless, u awesome" *clouds appears* Clarke: "Shit! People go and hide or we may die!" Jasper: "Nah" Jasper: *drinks rain* Jasper: *didnt die* Jasper: "hahaha, lol, i didnt die! im so smart! I knew its a real rain all along! Im a definition of what YOLO should mean!" Clarke: *sigh* ****** *Cut to Kane talking to Abby through walkie talkie* Kane: "Dont die on dangerous mision, Lova ya babe" Abby: "Yeah, and you dont die there too. Bai" *Octavia comes in* O:"Hay, whats up?" Kane:" I heard u starting fights and shit" O :"Well, yeah. im badass. Have you met me?" Kane: "Well, I find it disturbing now, so u know. U fired" O: "Im what?!" O:*shows range and almost flips the table* O:*too badass 4 your shit* ****** *Cut to Luna and the others* Nyko: "They're good people" Luna: "Yeah I know, but im not feeling like giving them my blood - aka only hope for humanity! - because nah" Nyko: "Yeah, they gonna be sooooo pissed off when they find out" *some shit happens* *Nyko dies*"*Luna cries* "where is Luna?!" "Not here!" *everyone goes looking for Luna* Raven: "imma just stay there and wait" Murphy's gf: "here is dangerous" Murphy: "Well, no shit. Everywhere is" ******* *Cut to Roan* Kane: "Hay, new king! Whats up?" Roan: "I found those humans" Roan: *points at Bellamy and some nameless guy* Roan: "They did sneaky shit and told me that you know something and didnt tell" Kane: "I can explain-" Roan: "dont bother. we are enemies now" Kane: "What? No, we are not!" Roan: *sigh* *kills nameless guy* Kane: "WHat have you done?! We have to be enemies now!" Roan: "Yeah well... you and bellamy are my prisoners. find Indra and Octavia to join them." ROan: *dramatic pause* Roan: "Aliance with Ski-kru and Tri-kru is over" ****** *cuts to Monty and Jasper* Jasper: *finds the list* Jasper: "What?! Why im not on that list?!" Monty: "..." Monty: "Because you're planning to die anyway...?" Jasper: "Well, yeah but thats my choice! Not Clarke's! Now im gonna live just to make her angry" Monty: "Cool, just shut the hell up and dont talk about the list" Jasper: "U know you are not here either?" Monty "... well, Clarke has a plan and-" Clarke: *walks in and gets something -white cream? - on her face* Clarke: "WTH was that?!" JAsper: "Oh I found your list! Im gonna tell everyone about it! List, list, list, list, list!" Clarke: *paralyse him* Clarke: "Take him and lock him up, so he stop being enoying as fuck" Clarke: *Sees Monty and knows that he knows that he is not on the list* Clarke: "Oh, Monty" Monty: "Just dont okay?" Monty: *walks out* ****** *and we go to Octavia* O: *walks into literal bloodbath while looking for Indra* O: *finds one alive dude* Guy: "Alliance is broken. Indra went to warn our people. You go warn yours. They gonna attact tonight at night" Guy: *dies* O: *sigh* O: "Now I have to deal with this shit" O: "Thank you random guy, btw" O: "Well, time to go and kickstart the plot even more" ****** *and we back in camp Jaha* Clarke: "Monty can u not be pissed off on not being on the list" Monty: "Clarke, Im pissed of at you, because u changed and u play God and decide who lives and dies* Clarke: "SHIT HAPPENS WHEN YOU ARE THE LEADER WHO HAS TO MAKE ALL DECISIONS!" Monty: *decides to do something stupid* Monty: *reads fucking list out loud because why the fuck no, right?!" *people starring angrily at Clarke* ******* *cut to Luna and RAven* RAven: "I found Luna!" Raven: "Luna we need your help" Luna: "NOpe" Raven: "Luna u not a prisoner" Luna: "Still nope" Raven: "Luna remember the kid that died?" Luna: "Oh yeah... Okay I halp" *Luna and RAven deal with shit* ****** *and we back in camp Jaha because its the most important story this week -,-* Riley (aka random guy that noone trully cares about): "Im not on the list?!" Clarke: "No u r in training soldier, and we have already soldiers that are better than u" Random: "So why u picked a girl?!" Clarke: "Because we need girls so they can - oh I dunno - give birth and reproduce?!" *Jaha comes in* Jaha: "I got better idea than this list! We made a lottery! Its all gonna be random!" Clarke: "But its not logically good and we need more women and experienced people, why am I the only one here that actually uses brain *sigh*" Jaha: "Lottery it is!" People: *agree* ******** *We cut to Octavia being chased* O: *is chased* O: *ends up at some clif or something* O: *kills 2 guys* Random: "It doesnt have to be this way" O: "Well shit" *keeps fighting* O: getS STABED WITH A MOTHERFUCKING SPEAR AND FALLS DOWN FROM THE CLIFF AND LIKE WHAT THE HELL MY BABY, IF YOU ARE DEAD IM GONNA CRY SO HARD, YOU CANNOT BE DEAD, I DISSAGREE, FUCK THAT!* ******** *back to Clarke* Clarke: *tries to reason with Jasper* Clarke: *fails* ********* *back to Luna and the rest* *just quick reminder that we are still on the mission* group: *walks into... laboratory? yep* Raven: *is impressed* ********* *cut to Bellamy and Kane in cell* people: "we will kill your people today* Bellamy: "Well, octavia will fuck u up and go there first" Random: "Im pretty sure i killed her" Bellamy: *starts angry-ugly-crying* ******** *cut to the horse and OCTAVIA MY BABY U ALIVE IM SO HAPPY!* Octavia: *is alive and still badass* THE END

[2/28/2017 11:31:04 PM] empanada. 🌵: I'm eternally fuckin ruined abt the futility of prompto and noctis's friendship. LIKE. prompto ended up being lucky enough 2 train his way in2 the crownsguard bc otherwise they'd probably end up being separated or estranged ( see: Regis & weskham ) just based on CLASS. and prompto's painfully aware of that fact throughout hs n he gets depressed about it A LOT ( secretly ). The road trip is nice bc he gets 2 spend at least a little bit more time w noctis n company, but there's always the impending threat of The End™ loomin' over his head like. hes gettin married n that's it I'm done for or hes king now that's it I'm done for or he has to sacrifice himself to save the world that's it I'm done for,,,, BUT THE WORLD KEEPS PUSHIN OFF THAT EXPIRATION DATE n he starts feelin this spark of hope like yeah! this shits forever! despite the better part of his logic yellin NO, U FOOL!!! even when noct is sucked into the crystal prompto is the Most optimistic, bc he's ABSOLUTELY sure noct's gonna come back. He never loses faith in him and hes always looking forward to it, he takes pictures and makes vlogs 2 show him when he wakes up. BUT WHEN HE DOES COME BACK IT'S.... not on a happy note and. That existential dread comes back n hangs heavy over him, tho he doesn't rly have time 2 mope about it until. They have to go and collect noct's body. And all the secret anxieties he's been holding about inevitably losing his favorite person swell up so fast that he's totally overwhelmed, physically and mentally. just the sight of him, sitting limp with a sword through his chest on what SHOULD HAVE BEEN a place of hope and miracles and happiness just fucken destroys him. He gets dizzy, lightheaded, shaky. His stomach does backflips and adrenaline starts pumping like nobody's business. It's like one monumental panic attack fueled by this sudden onslaught of grief and loneliness like. That's his BEST FRIEND. That's his EVERYTHING. that's the REASON HE'S KEPT GOIN, THE REASON HE'S ALIVE AND DOIN ALRIGHT, THE REASON HE EXISTS!!! AND HE'S DEAD. Hell never see him smile or hear him laugh or hug him ever again and that realization thrusts him into this awful existential crisis. When gladio or someone pulls him 2 his feet he's shaking like a leaf and is completely silent for the rest of the day. For days. For weeks. He cries every time the sun rises and he can't muster the energy to smile or joke or eat or get out of bed anymore because if not for NOCTIS then what the FUCK is he fighting for anymore? [2/28/2017 11:32:11 PM] empanada. 🌵: I hate that his whole world revolves around noctis but it does and borderline suicidal about it [2/28/2017 11:48:49 PM] empanada. 🌵: HONESTLY I JUST. I think so much about how fucking empty prompto would be afterwards and it's like. Idk. He has no DRIVE? FOR ANYTHING? esp if ignis and gladio go off to do their own things, so there's no one to snap him out of this ugly trance of despair. He'd be so horribly depressed and psychologically malfunctioning I genuinely think he'd embrace death. Hes not afraid of daemons anymore, he's not afraid of getting hurt bc What Could Possibly Hurt More Than This? If he didnt end up getting killed in some ambiguously suicidal fashion hed probably end up dying of a broken heart tbf. Just.