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#ugh this is gonna give me a panic attack and im literally gonna throw up
be-good-to-bugs · 2 months
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:( the universe hates me or smth
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SEASON FIVE SPOILERS AHEAD
so i wrote down my thoughts/reactions to each episode and here they are
s5 thoughts
ep1
they acknowledged kenji’s beard!
MAE I LOVE YOU
10 minutes in and daniel kon is already such a good villain
am i crazy or is brookenji growing on me
THE SLEEPOVER SCENE OMG IM GONNA CRY
ummm mr kon? hello?
ep2
“bro and girlf” kenji what
already hate mr kon
THAT ENDING UGH I MISSED THEM
ep3
the fighting between kash and me kon is so good.
wait never mind kash is dead. whoop.
biosyn??
YES YOU ARE FAMILY KENJI DONT SAY THAT
also that entire episode was just so great.
ep 4
NUBLAR i missed you
WHITE SHIRT KENJI YESSS
THEYRE GOING TO THE PENTHOUSE?!?
THE FLASHBACKS IM DYING
ben talking about kenji making fun of him in s1
DAVE AND ROXIE AND BRAND AAAA IM GONNA THROW UP THIS IS AMAZING OMG HELP
that episode really just went out of its way to be amazing
ep 5
dave roxie and brand all have such a good dynamic
YES DISTRESS BEACON ANSWERS FUCKING FINALLY
no way they brought back the drone from s3 how was that so well thought out
kenji giving toro a fist bump.
ep 6
tim apple is here everyone
this race idea for s’mores is so cute i’m obsessed
KENJI AND BUMPY
kenji protecting bumpy because she’s ben’s
there are dilophosaurs on nublar??
dodgson gettin a little preview of dilophosaurs attacking i see
i should not be this happy that the compys got to eat someone
NO THE KIDS ALL HAVING FUN WITHOUT KENJI
i did not think we’d be spending this much time on nublar but i love it
ep 7
WATERING HOLE CALLBACK
“MORE THAN BEST FRIENDS?” YAZ??? GAY??
YASAMMY AAAAAAA
BENS SAMMY IMPRESSION
DINOSAURS KEEP SHOWING UP RIGHT BEFORE YAZ IS ABOUT TO SAY SOMETHING GAY UGH
“maybe answering those questions doesn’t matter” no i’m not crying omg
ITS HAPPENING OMG OKAY NO ONE PANIC
literally just the yasammy episode
ep 8
“a camp counselor is basically the same thing as a sibling, except even better.”
NOO BUMPY
KENJI AND MAE
literally mae is such a good character
mae and dave and roxie and brand i will pass away
ep 9
ben is the best wingman ever
YASAMMY KISS OMG AAAAA YASAMMY KISS AAAA HOLY SHIT I CANT BELIEVE IT WHAT THE AAAAAAAA HSKAHSKSNSKASAJIP
ben is literally going to kill kenji
ep 10
YAZ AND SAMMY ARE SO CUTE HELP
the ben/bumpy scene was so saddd
i literally thought bumpy was gonna kill ben for a sec there
KENJI AND BEN i’m freaking out finally some good interactions from them
ep 11
literally forgot i was writing down my reactions because i was having so much fun with this episode. but in short, i cried. a lot.
ep 12
IM FUCKING XRYING SO HARD RIGHT NOW DONT TOUCH ME IM IN ACTUAL PAIN IM CRYING SO HARD
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snow-and-saltea · 1 year
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I posted 8,493 times in 2022
That's 5,858 more posts than 2021! (this is not an improvement!! but its okay!)
25 posts created (0%)
i dont even make original posts bc i am too opinionated and i cant be bothered to say it to people i dont already talk to it about (aka not gonna talk about it to ppl i dont care about sorry FJSKFJS)
8,468 posts reblogged (100%)
Blogs I reblogged the most:
@paleasamoon (🤠🐢!!!!)
@fflewddurfflam7 (🦊🐢!!!!)
@thecookiemonster77 (🍪🐢!!!)
@a-shout-to-the-void
@obert-scobert
I tagged 3,811 of my posts in 2022
#hey cookie - 598 posts (HI COOKIE 💛💛💛💛💛🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢💛💛💛🐢🐢🐢🐢 certified cookieposting on main!!!!!!!!! tagging each other in cats and poetry, so true)
#vid - 388 posts
#cats are valid - 354 posts (real... im kinda embarrassed w my cat tag and i wanna change it to smth else but the archival consequences.... the horrors....)
#arts and smarts - 325 posts (fucken love art babey!!!!!!)
#fave - 157 posts
#vyn richter - 138 posts (cant believe i vynpost so much.... need 2 fix that next year)
#tex - 126 posts (HI TEX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU FOR BEING PATIENT W MY RAMBLING IN THE TAGS ASS JFAKSLJFAKSGJKLASG)
#genshin impact - 117 posts
#i create as i speak - 116 posts
#*bookmark - 106 posts
Longest Tag: 135 characters
#im happy he made it and that everyone was cheering for him and one of them was ready to help him out dghjgjhjhk that's so cute 🤧🤧🤧🤧
from this vid i rb'd!!! it didn't keep the caps though!!!
My Top Posts in 2022:
#5
went a little insane while showering today thinking of miss medea and psyche from hit webtoon series your throne
8 notes - Posted May 11, 2022
#4
for the chara ask.. rosa 👀? and i also cannot resist putting marius in here too
rosa, tot:
who? | only know their name | loathe | ugh | overrated | indifferent | dead | alive | just okay | cute | badass | my baby | hot | want to marry | favorite 
literally where do i even start. i love her so much that she's legit like, one of my fave fictional female charas!!! i love how sensible and logical she is, and how kind and sensitive she is too. those two sounds like opposites of each other but she balances having both traits so well. i just think she is such a great otome protagonist and if any company wants to try and write a good "self insertable" protag who is both convincing and cute they should look to her. loml 🧎
marius von hagen
who? | only know their name | loathe | ugh | overrated | indifferent | dead (his mom) | alive (him) | just okay | cute | badass | my baby | hot | want to marry | favorite 
he's a funny funky guy!!! he's my blorbo in law cus both you and angel (my other friend) like him. so i kind of get appreciation through osmosis. tbh i dont have a lot to say about him bc i think his character as a standalone is simple, but when he's in a group setting? i think that shines the most. i actually talked w angel a bit about this but we were discussing how vyn is afraid of losing rosa emotionally while marius is afraid of losing rosa physically. i read his personal card where he gets a panic attack after rosa gets kidnapped and that ending was literally..... the most poetic shit i've ever read. LIKE. his personal story and card just super appeals to the poet / artist in me bc the twist in words, the symbolism, the rose and the snake that takes turns to guard each other.... im screaming and wailing and throwing up. vyn could NEVER tbh, he's very deliberate and his acts of affection still has an underlying feeling of wanting to impress rosa at all times and to show his heart to her, but w marirosa it literally feels like they're romantic soulmates bc of the writing. does that make sense? like it feels so organic and romantic in a way vyn's measured actions and words can't replicate. i went feral at this part
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9 notes - Posted June 23, 2022
#3
for the character asks vyn diluc lumine and kaeya!!
HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE thank you for giving me the chance to talk about my blorbos!!!
vyn richter:
who? | only know their name | loathe | ugh | overrated | indifferent | dead | alive | just okay | cute | badass | my baby | hot | want to marry | favorite 
yeah i bolded the who? one don't worry about it!! /j anyways yeah i Like this man a normal amount its not like ive written sm threads on him already yeah. i'm completely normal
except i'm NOT
i started out thinking my fave would be artem cus vyn seemed too pretentious for me at first and i still have trauma from the last time i liked a white haired and golden eyed guy in otome cus that bitch disappointed me so much i literally can't even look at him without going >:T
he's such a cool character to me, i love how contradictory he is while being completely consistent characterization wise. by contradictory i don't mean that he doesn't say what he mean or doesn't mean what he says, but the way he views himself vs how he views rosa vs how he views other people (derogatory) is quite ironic. i love how he loves rosa because she's beautiful both inside and out, in the sense that she is straight laced, honest and not mired with existential or moral complexities that stop her from being kind, realistic and faithful to her values. (in fact, when facing those moral complexities, her true character shines more because of the way she isn't stagnated by indecision or analysis-paralysis. but that's another talk for another day i could literally go on and on about her)
i like it a lot because he's both a bit of rosa in him and a bit of the cynical jadedness he dislikes in other people. as a doctor, he wants to cure his patients, and he secretly harbours some hope, at the back of his mind, that people are better than he thinks they are, that when presented the opportunity for change and growth they'll choose it— which is why i think he "tests'" rosa in his stories so much. cus he wants to see a diff outcome come from her!! to him, i feel like there's a bit of him idealism projected onto her, smth like saying: "i tried and failed, but i want to see how you do it, and what new thing you'll show me with your way of doing things." in ideals and visions, he relates to rosa.
however, in many ssr stories, and even one sr (the iconic false tears story) he shows the pettiest and most spiteful parts of himself that he's tried to keep hidden from rosa, where he indulges his egocentric beliefs that makes him feel like the things he's doing are justified, as long as the end goal is a positive net of "justice" in the world. he also sometimes shows how incredibly judgemental and harsh he can be, because he always thinks he knows better and is more objective / morally superior than other people he dislikes. in practice and methodology, he relates to the people he dislikes. it's like a mirror that shows the ugliest parts of himself. if he dislikes them like any other normal person would dislike an asshole and then move on with their life, why would that be such a big psychological trigger for him? it clearly means more to him than he tries to hide, so he tries to make a clear line separating his own "cruelty" and other people's "cruelty" and how he's better than them cus he had the right intentions in mind.
(that's not how it works btw babygirl. but issokay ur kinda fucked up i'd like to put u under a microscope)
i like how he slowly comes to realise that contradiction, too. not verbally said, but i interpret his recent growth in stories as someone who knows he's "ugly" inside and filled contempt for everyone—although sometimes he dresses his actions in a more gentlemanly or "fair" so that it's still TECHNICALLY the right thing to do even if the way he did it was unethical. at first their relationship progression was "i want her to see the most impressive parts of me" > "i want her to rely on and be influenced by me" > "i want her to know my feelings but only the ones that are peer reviewed to be palatable" > "i want her to see me for who i am and accept me, even if i can't accept the entire truth of myself". and i think that fuckign ROCKS
concluding statement: if the road to hell was paved with good intentions vyn is building a freeway. but rosa is changing his lanes!!! she changed my lanes too if u know what i mean wink wink nudge nudge
anyways yeah im mentally sound and in perfect health about vynrosa why do you ask
diluc ragnvindr:
who? | only know their name | loathe | ugh | overrated | indifferent | dead | alive | just okay | cute | badass | my baby | hot | want to marry | favorite 
i like him!!! iirc he was my second 5* after jean? and then i used him as a dps for a while! i wish they gave him fluffier or longer hair. i think in game diluc doesn't really do enough justice to his characterization or lore bc i feel like he looks a bit "bland" in story execution compared to the other charas. oh well, virtues and vices of being an early game chara! i like him best when he's in big brother mode and i cannot thank fanartists enough who portray him being a good big bro to the kids like klee, diona, bennett, fischl and razor. i love it!!!
lumine:
who? | only know their name | loathe | ugh | overrated | indifferent | dead | alive | just okay | cute | badass | my baby | hot | want to marry | favorite 
she's so goddamn FUNNY and cute?????? i like the progression of her character and her growing into her own personality in the recent quests, i think they wrote it really well. have you listened to her voice lines where she talks w paimon? they show sm of her personality and she's just so... witty and dry and sarcastic but her voice is so soft that it makes u double-back and go, "sorry, run that by me again?" i love her sm. although, i don't really interact w the fandom a lot because they're very noisy in hating her for some reason. and it gets tiring to hear TwT i get my lumine food from anng rt'ing stuff on twt or on tumblr! consuming fandom the exact way it was intended: i only see what my friends will share w me!!!
kaeya alberich:
who? | only know their name | loathe | ugh | overrated | indifferent | dead | alive | just okay | cute | badass | my baby | hot | want to marry | favorite 
another case of sadly being an early game chara so his execution was a bit sloppy TwT his lore is so funkin cool and his personal story and how he got his vision was, imo, the coolest and most emotionally impactful out of everyone else? ofc he and shenhe shares similar patterns in their history and how they were treated, but i think it hits harder for me bc like. GOD. overridden by guilt for the death of diluc's dad, he confronts him and tells him the truth of who he is. and at the emotional height of his life where diluc turns to fight him, he's given a vision if only to protect himself and his heart so that he can still go on and fulfill whatever "destiny" his dad had marked out for him, if he chooses that as his right.
i still think its meaningful bc even in game diluc never shows any signs that he genuinely, truthfully, dislikes kaeya. so while they still have this unspoken history between them that neither of them seem willing to talk about, there's a nostalgic and sad feeling of people who drifted apart brushing by each other time and again, and silently forgiving the other but not making it known at all. i can't find it rn but there's sm diluc and kaeya comics where its all about sibling hurt / comfort and reconciliation and making it known that they care about each other verbally, instead of accepting it as is in actions, bc they're hesitant to break the ice. GOD
14 notes - Posted June 22, 2022
#2
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saw this post and immediately my purpose in life for the next 37 minutes was crystal clear to me
couldn't have done this without my fellow vyn and marius dunker, @00uroboros
23 notes - Posted August 17, 2022
My #1 post of 2022
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fuckign losing it rn
38 notes - Posted July 19, 2022
Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →
Yee Haw! thats it babey!!!
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jaideite · 5 years
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Hc of Older Bakugo with baby fever? Just a thought.
B-Baby fever 🥺 yes this will be done !!!
this turned out longer then what it was supposed to be but it’s worth it for the scene at the end hehehe
dead tho I’m so sorry at how long this is I really got into it I—
OLDER!BAKUGOU WITH BABY FEVER
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BAKUGOU KATSUKI
— it was literally the classic “save a baby” situation
— he could hear the kid screaming but where was the damn thing
— you had already left the building so there was no way to ask for some backup so he just went in
— “bRING YOUR ASS BACK HERE!”
— “tHERES A BABY—“
— eventually he finds it and
— uh oh
— its like a four month old baby
— he kind of just :/ because his gauntlet explosion thingies dont really allow him to hold things
— so he just kind of takes them off and leaves them, and picks up the baby and rushes out
— and just then the building explodes and you just see Ground Zero hurtling out the building and rolling on the ground
— he watches as one of his gauntlets flies out damaged and he just
— >:/
— but his main concern is the baby
— which he gently pulls the blanket off to reveal a soft face with pretty eyes staring him happily and tiny hands waving up at him
— he gives a soft smile and gently pokes its cheek and it giggles, gripping his gloved hand hand trying to put it into its mouth
— “Ah, ah, ah, no, that could get you sick.” He speaks softly, pulling his finger away and the baby just
— gummy smiles at him
— he smiles back like >:>
— the media is going nuts and they’re all smart enough to not speak and just take their damn pictures
— you kinda make your way over softly and your heart just clenches at the scene
— eventually he looks up at you from the ground and you crouch down to his level to see the baby too
— “hi baby!” You coo
— And this kid is just loving it man
— y’all are fine giving him the attention too because you’ve never really seen your husband interact with kids and he’s never seen you interact with them either
— it makes him wonder would you be good with his kids
— until you know he just spits on Katsuki
— you expect him to place the baby in your arms but he just sighs and grumbles about “damn stupid babies” and gets up
— the baby just sits on his chest and puts its fingers in its mouth and gurgles
— and your jusr gently take it from him
— “Awe you threw up? That’s okay, you’re probably a little sick, too. Why don’t we go see the good doctor and get you checked up?”
— he watches you in awe as you just work your mommy magic on the baby and walk away
— later on when you guys are home he just
— “You were really good with that baby.”
— you look over from whatever you’re doing on your side of the bed and smile “You too. It seems you have a knack for not making little kids cry.”
— “Hey it was one time!”
— “Katsuki that kid was twelve.”
— “Tch.”
— there’s more silence and then
— “Y’know it would be nice to have one.”
— “Hm?”
— “Litte you’s and me’s runnin’ around. . . heh. . .causing chaos.”
— you gotta pause for a second and look over to him from where he’s laying because are y’all serious having this conversation
— “Katsuki...” you start slowly “Do you...want a baby?”
— Theres silence on his end, and the sheets ruffle. “Yeah...Yeah I do...”
— You blink at him in surprise not because of the baby thing
— It’s because you honestly thought he was going to throw a big fit about denying it
— but here he is, staring you in the eye and saying he wants a baby
— and you just
— “Oh, okay.”
— he kind of just stares at you and you stare back
— and then he kinda whispers
— “Are you serious?”
— “Are you serious?” You retort back softly “This is a big decision, and if we make it we can’t back out on it, you know that right?”
— He takes a long pause and hums, nodding and turning around in the bed saying goodnight and just ending the conversation
— you just ‘Mmm’ and follow, heading to bed and wrapping your arm around him softly
— it’s brought up a few days later when the report of you two holding the little baby is brought on TV
— “You didn’t even get mad like I thought you would you just let it slide and moved on.”
— “Life’s too short to be angry over that.”
— “Hmm. And if your kid puked on you?”
— “Depends on how old they are. If they’re puking on me at 12 their ass is getting grounded.”
— “No butt whoopings?”
— “What the hell would that do? Take away their shit—more effective.”
— “Why no whoopings?”
— “You’ve met my mother, correct?”
— The topic isn’t brought up until it’s mentioned again amongst your classmates a couple weeks later
— “Who knew Bakugou was so good with babies?”
— “Can it, Round Face.”
— “Honestly, despite his shit personality, he’d be a good parent, not gonna lie.”
— “Ugh, stop talking would you?”
— and then he overhears you waking to the girls
— “When do you plan on having kids, y/n?”
— You guys kind of just freeze and you give out a little chuckle and fiddle with your clothes
— “We’ve, talked about it...but haven’t made a decision yet...besides we’re still young, we’ve got some time.”
— “Ain’t no time like the present!”
— “Shut the fuck up, Dunce Face.”
— When you guys get home and cuddle up in bed, you kind of just start talking out of no where
— “Y’know I saw a lady and her baby earlier this week. She was so cute, a little mischievous but still cute. Her mother was just so annoyed but she had a smile on her face. It was so cute.”
— he peeks an eye open and listens to you just talk about all the times you’ve come into contact with kids—some good, making him let out a small laugh, and some bad, making him cringe a little until finally he asks
— “Y/N, do you want to have kids?”
— the room is silent until you speak again
— “Of course I want to have kids,” you speak softly, fiddling with his fingers. “But when I decided I wanted to be a hero...kids just kind of left the picture.”
— “...they could possibly come back into it.” He speaks softly and you stop, going still and closing your eyes
— “Do you really want kids?” You speak ever so softly. He kind of just closes his eyes and rests in the crook of your neck
— to you it seems like the whole world seemed to just stop
— and then
— “Yeah...yeah. I want kids too.”
B O N U S:
— so like after about eight, nine months almost a year of talking about wanting to have kids y’all start trying
— and you’re annoyed because oH mY gOd y/N jUsT gEt pReGnAnT —
— so it’s been like six months since you guys started trying and then one morning just about a few weeks before his birthday
— he makes you your morning tea you catch a wiff of it like you usually do
— and then all of a sudden he’s yelling at you for shoving the cup in his hands that tea was hot and you’re clutching the bathroom door and throwing up on the floor
— you’re pissed cause you didn’t make it and now you’re sick so you can’t go into work
— you just ‘huuuugh’ and move to the toilet as you hear your husband make a comment and move to clean it up
— eventually you feel his fingers combing your hair as you throw up your dinner which you’re pissed cause he made a good ass dinner last night
— “Did you get fucking food poisoning or something?”
— you just reply with a caveman like grunt and he snorts
— “Come on. I’ve got to get ready for work so let me get you fucking situated.”
— so while he’s out you make your way up to get some medicine and schedule a doctors appointment
— and so a couple days goes by and at this point you’re just puking left and right
— now you’ve got a bucket next to you full of puke every five minutes and you just feel ewk
— “I remeber why I married you.”
— “Katsuki if you don’t shut your mouth—“
— eventually your trudge into the doctors office and you get a shock
— “Your pregnant, Mrs. Bakugou. Congratulations.”
— “Oh. Oh okay.”
— It finally hit you in the car and you just
— “OH MY FUCKING GOD IM PREGNANT—“
— you can’t wait to tell Katsuki but then you remember watching those videos
— and as your walking into the house you realize his birthday is in a two weeks
— so you could give it to him as a birthday surprise
— so immediately you start looking for cute ideas to do
— none of them seem to work until one popped up and you just ‘yes’
— so you’re calling all his friends his family and telling them to just all come and help plan this thing (you don’t tell them your pregnant you want that to be a surprise)
— you are so excited and can barely keep yourself from telling him
— he suspects something is up but your a woman he could have hurt your feelings and not told him wow that sounded sexist dont attack me pls
— he’s learned not to dwell too much when you say “nothing it’s fine”
— but anyways the big day comes up and you guys are in a panic because
— the balloons needed to be blown up
— the streamers aren’t staying up
— the cake hasn’t arrived yet
— everything is just a mess
— you just stare at the mess of your apartment in annoyance and anger and frustration and then you just let it all out
— and everyone’s kind of just shocked because your a tough girl you don’t usually cry
— but now your just curled into a ball and you sound like a four year old
— your crying gets only worse when the keys jiggle and in comes your husband
— he kinda just takes in the mess behind him and then realizes someone is crying so he just looks around and sees it’s you
— hes immediately concerned and crouches down to you and you just cry harder
— “What the hell happened?”
— “This! This—all of this! Today just went so wrong!”
— “Hey, we can still fix this shit up—“
— “No, no we can’t! This was supposed to be special we had all your presents and we were supposed to have a cake and we were supposed to say surprise when you came in—“
— “Surprise...” Someone mumbles and you just start sniffing and curl into him
— “It wasn’t supposed to go like this I was going to surprise you and tell you I’m pregnant but everything just turned out so—uuughh.”
— by now your just red faced and tear streaked and a sobbing mess
— but his hearing kinda stopped after you said pregnant
— You, y/n are pregnant
— “Y-Your...w-what—“
— you look up to meet his eyes “I was going to surprise you and tell you that I’m pregnant but now it’s out there so,” you just wave your hands around “yeah. I’m fucking pregnant. Happy 24th Birthday.”
— he just stares and so does everyone else lmfao and you just pull your knees to your chest and hide your face
— it’s silent for a while and you hear shuffling and a door open and look up
— it’s just you and him now
— “H-How long—“
— “Two months, but I found out a few weeks ago. It was supposed to be a surprise—“
— “Hey hey hey,” he starts trying to calm you down. He takes your face into his sweaty hands and kisses you “it’s...it’s fine...it’s alright...this is a better birthday gift anyways.”
— you sniff “I wanted to surprise you.”
— “Our kid is a big enough fucking birthday gift anyways.”
— you choke on a laugh and hug him, mumbling a soft “I love you.”
— he wraps his arms around you too and whispers a soft “I love you too...”
— “...and I love our baby as well.”
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riceccakes · 3 years
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Earth, Wind, and Coffee: Chapter Three Analysis
chapter one analysis | chapter two analysis
back again for another chapter analysis. i think ive been looking forward to this chapter the most, it’s where some big decisions were made!!! this analysis is a long one, i hope that’s all right! i kinda got carried away. so, let’s dive right in, shall we?
some fun stuff before we start!
chapter three was supposed to be the last chapter of the fic
idk if any of you were there when i first started writing this fic, but it was only going to be three chapters with a possible epilogue. however, everything changed when i finished the end of chapter two. (lil atla reference there for ya) (sorry i know that was bad, moving on). like i said in my last analysis, i had an idea of what i wanted to happen (the separation of korrasami) so that they could come back together. it was just a matter of what separates them. so, i’m not sure where i got the panic attack idea but once i did, the rest of the story changed. i realized i couldn’t quite possibly finish the story in one chapter so i split the ideas i had and decided on it being four chapters
now, this being said, maaaaajor changes were made in my story outline. most notably: korrasami was going to be a couple in this chapter
this was originally going to be a full fledged “they meet, they get to know each other, they fall in love, happily every after” but the thing was, i planned on treating their romance as korra’s recovery; that being with asami is what made korra better, that all she needed was a partner, someone to love, and that is not what i wanted to portray with this story. i’ve never been a fan of stories that give a character a love interest and all of sudden their problems are fixed and they’re completely happy, and here i was about to do just that. i knew i’d never respect myself if i continued down this narrative, and when chapter two ended with korra’s panic attack, i realized her growth needed better love and attention. so, i changed what happened and gave her some therapy
this change in the storyline also let me explore more of kuvopal !!! (is that their ship name?)
so, back to LOVE WITCH for a second (because that glorious fic really did steal my heart) not only did it make me love kuvira’s character more, it also got me into the kuvopal relationship! and yet again, i wanted my own go at it. with the original timeline, there was just no space for me to include the lil bread crumbs of their relationship. however, however, however; by splitting the ending between two chapters (and adding some stuff in between) i was able to lay some foundation for them, which im very happy about :)
into the chapter we go:
let’s talk about the meeting! the whole reason this fic came to be! i’ll start by saying i always knew the project was going to get pulled out from under asami. 1) because thats some angsty/hurt shit right there and im a sucker for writing angst 2) i didn’t feel like creating a whole ass presentation because knowing my ass i would’ve made a powerpoint about it so i had every detail down to the font asami used and 3) getting the presentation taken away from asami was a pivotal point in her character arc.
i actually started the chapter in two different ways. at first, i’d written her whole entire morning with there always being one thing that was off. like, instead of a perfect omelette, it was going to split and asami would’ve had a scramble, still good, but not her favorite. instead of going through all green lights on her way to work, asami was gonna meet every. single. red. light. i would’ve gone through with this if it hadn’t felt strange; i wanted to give the impression that something bad was going to happen but i felt like having something go wrong with every thing in her morning was gonna be a dead give away that some even bigger big bad was about to happen, if that makes sense. so instead, i went with the picture perfect scenario, almost too perfect, if you ask me. and indeed, it was too perfect, because hiroshi was too much of a coward to tell his daughter any sooner that his board agreed to get a new presenter
im just gonna cite a bunch of my favorite lines/bits from this chapter because i really enjoyed writing it xD
Iroh has already begun but Asami hears no words, only a blaring ring in her ears. Her face feels hot and she wonders how red she is. She stares at the black binder, notes the natural grooves and curves of the material, the plastic covering over top of it, the metal spine peaking out at the bottom. She’s only brought out of it’s dark trance when she feels a hand be placed on her arm; Kuvira. 
when you’re upset, do you ever just, hyper focus on one thing and its like you’re analyzing it under a microscope for the first time? yes? no? well, i do that, and personally, i do because if i focus on my anger/hurt emotions any more, im going to explode and i dont want to explode. so, this instance about looking at the grooves in the binder and each of the components of it just hits with me, idk if does with you too, but like bruuh.
Asami has her hand over her mouth, silently sobbing, feeling as if she’ll throw up. She leans her head on her wheel, her mind wanders to what could’ve been, what should’ve been. She feels as if her car is closing in on her, that the metal is compacting. The seatbelt keeps her locked down to the driver’s seat and she can’t leave if she wants to. The Satomobile holds her hostage and she lets it. Even while it’s hurting her, even while it’s harshly molding itself onto her, she stays at her father’s heel because, what else is she to do?
this is one of my favorite things ive ever done with asami’s character, is using future industries/satomobiles as a sort of vehicle (heh) for her relationship with her dad. this paragraph just kind of hurts, but the good hurt? but also not good hurt? it’s just, (and not me over here boasting about my writing or anything) it’s so poetic that she has this breakdown and she’s so upset with her dad, i mean “what should’ve been” like, asami KNOWS that the shit that’s just happened is more than wrong, yet asami is still somehow wondering how she can please her dad and it’s in the literal legacy hiroshi built for himself. “she stays at her father’s heel because, what else is she to do?” i remember writing that and being like “shit, am i really gonna do this? yeah” ugh, i could go on forever about how i love this section, but i’ll stop here for now.
Asami begins yelling, screaming at the top of her lungs, letting all the thoughts, all the insecurities her father gave her finally be released into the world. Kuvira lets her, simply nodding and following along on the couch while Asami paces her living room. She spews out word after word, about the work, about the presentation, about Iroh, his position, her position, the company, the CEO, and she only stops when she feels the weight of her father rest on her shoulders.
back with more diction; i really love this paragraph because of how we circle back to hiroshi. note how i first say “the CEO” and then a few words later say “her father” because, in a way, this is asami’s confession that hiroshi is CEO first and father second, if i haven’t already explicitly said so. it’s so heart wrenching and sad but my favorite thing about it is this isn’t even about korra. like THIS right here is a prime example about how i realized this fic became more than just a love story. in the planning stages of this fic, asami was going to go through getting the presentation taken away from her, but what was she going to focus more on? the fact that korra wasn’t around anymore. and yes, asami still does think about korra after this, but so much more happens for her. asami gets to know kuvira more, asami gets to know her lab partners more, (and my personal hc is that they’ve all been lab partners for two years and only NOW asami is getting to be friends with them in their senior year, but hey, better late than never!) and to me, what’s even better, is that a bunch of realizations come to asami w/o korra being there. asami is growing and the idea of being able to grow without needing to have a partner in order to grow is so important to me, not only for the fact that growth should be endless and something you do all the time for yourself, but asami literally wants to share it with korra. not boast about changing and growing and becoming better, but just be better with korra. sdlfakds i swear, im fangirling over my own writing, oops
okay, moving on from The Meeting and onto the rest of the chapter
this dock scene was also another part i wrote beforehand and it had a completely different ending in that asami was going to ask korra out on a date. of course, korra would’ve said yes, and then yay yay happy ending. this didn’t happen and i’m glad it didn’t. in one version of this dock scene, asami was actually going to be upset with korra for disappearing, and even worse, mad that korra wasn’t there to comfort her after the presentation. oof, i know. so so glad i didn’t continue down that line, cause it is toxic, and my girls aren’t like that at all.
Once Korra’s eyes meet hers, Asami says, “That doesn’t mean you always have to be on your own.” She smiles at Korra, at the girl who’s turned her world upside down. Her hand remains on Korra’s cheek and she feels the girl sink into her palm. “I’ll be here for you, and it seems like Tenzin will be too, what with saying he was calling you more. And you have his family, and your own family, even though they’re away, they’re here to support you, we all are. You can still be strong and turn to other people for help. It takes great strength to ask for help and I know for a fact you’re strong enough, those bags of coffee beans were nothing for you.”
i like this line of dialogue here for a few reasons, mostly because asami is so soft and so right and the joke at the really helped lighten the mood but didn’t take away from what she’d just said before. i don’t have too much else about the Reunions section, though if you guys have any questions or anything you wanna point out, please do so! i think what i will say is that i tried to be as real and gentle with korra’s progression. i was so nitpicky about everything i wrote because i didn’t want to get any of it wrong or over dramatized or fake. recovery from anything is so important and it takes time and it’s not a straight line so i hope i did a good job with it the rest of the fic. 
moving on, i love the found family trope and this leads me into the next section, New Friends
when i think about this section, i like how soft it is, and i really enjoy the ending bits: korra recounting memories from the south, asami meeting tenzin. i think what i like about the end of this chapter is that, it kind of leaves the question: what’s next?
asami has grown, she’s changed, she sees the errors of her father’s ways but she’s not excusing them. korra has grown, she’s changing, she’s taken the first step in recovery. now it’s just a matter of, what happens with this growth now. and i really loved how i wrapped up the fic in the next and last chapter, so i hope you enjoy it too :))
honorable mentions:
there were a lot of changes in this chapter and one of them got changed twice! korra was gonna get a therapist but then i was like, we gotta get the krew together, and then i was like supppppoorttttt grouuuppppp, because lets be honest, all the krew has stuff they need to work through, and i know therapy isn’t for everyone, but mental health is so vital and important. asami is an advocate for therapy in the chapter but there are also other means to take care of yourself and your mental health and while i’ve never been to a support group, i understand finding comfort in knowing you’re not alone.
i guess what i’m trying to say is please take care of yourself and dont be afraid to lean on others. i know not everyone has the means to get a therapist/psychiatrist and i know that your friends aren’t made to only be your therapist. buuuut, don’t be afraid to reach out, there’s nothing wrong with needing help and support :)
anything i would’ve wanted to change?
honestly, i think the only thing i would’ve wanted to change was mako’s speech during the support group meeting. for me, it was a lil bit too poetically out of character. not to say i want to change the content, but rather the manner in which it’s presented. other than that though, i really loved writing this chapter :)
so this analysis was reeeaaaalllly long, i understand if not everyone made it to end. anyways, thanks so much for reading this analysis and the fic! once again, i’m very much open to questions and any comments, i love them very much! i’ll see you guys in the next analysis of the final chapter :)
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dreammutual-remade · 6 years
Text
idol!you and lucas
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request: please do a bullet scenario about lucas and his gf both being sm idols - anon
word count: 2.6k 
a/n: first of all,,,, this gif hurts me badly, seCOND OF ALL im so sorry for the inactivity !!  I have finals this week and I graduate really soon n ive just been v busy !!! also I had hella writers block trying to finish this ish up but I hope u like it anon !!!!its a lil hard for me to write as an idol just because thats such a Wildt lifestyle but I did my best ily
warnings: cursing n also some crying because god knows all of our boys prolly have during their idol days :(((((((
what’s up butter cup
let’s dive tf in
as a pre-warning thingy i’m making you a singer so i’m very sorry if you can’t sing i can’t either bby
alright so this story begins when you’re not even 16 years old and you audition for a bunch of companies
tbh you didn’t think you were /that/ good at singing or dancing but ???
all the companies wanted you??? you got offers from JYP and SM and Pledis ????? go off queen
we stan
anyways
you decide to go with SM since they produced leGENDS SHINEE
FUCK I LOVE THOSE GUYS
(binch if u went to JYP u literally could have been in TWICE ?!?/&.&. ABSOLUTE LEGENDS UR LOSS THOT)
also because you just think that’ll be best for you ?? idk we don’t judge here (i already did though i’m So Sorry)
on your first day as a trainee you’re in search of the female dorms and you just can’t find them
eventually you run into this,,,, Gang Of Adolescent Boys
they’re wearing dorky ass muscle tees and keep saying shit about “foreign swaggers”
(.... y’all already know who it is sjdkdkd)
and you’re Meek and New and Small so you’re like um, hellowherearethegirlsdormsplease
okay there’s four of them and they’re all fckin huge except for one
the Biggest One with the american accent points you in the right direction and you try to scurry away but end up smacking into the Second Biggest One’s arm because he moved in your way on accident ouchie
“god lucas why don’t you just run the poor girl over”
“hYUNG PLEASE”
“hehehhehe i’m just kiddin”
and you just kind of mumble that it’s fine and go on your way
okay so you train for three yEARS before your debut
and you def come out of your shell alright like you’re Extroverted and whatnot
you still see those boys and even make friends with mark and donghyuck and the Foreign Members
but the entirety of the group you met has debuted except Lucas
you’re not close but you wave and say hi when you see each other
you turn pink everytime from Emotions and also Holding Your Breathe Due To Anxiety
and he was cute years ago but he’s only gotten prettier with age dude
they recently dyed his hair to give him some Blonde Stuff and he looks reaLLY GOOD
LIKE TO THE POINT WHERE U HAVE TROUBLE LOOKING HIM IN THE EYE
but eventually you’re like hey now i’m a grown woman i can handle this giant childish man !!! quit that @ emotions
alright so you debut like, days before him no lie
you’re a solo artist bc idk
red velvet was full 😔🤟
anyways you’ve been filming the video for the past couple weeks and the concept is sort of filmy and shimmery like old sparkly anime water u kno ?
and you’re wearing similar stuff to what ten was wearing in the new heroes mv (BIG OOF) except less warm toned ?
like swishy sort of see through white shirts and spandex underneath
you’re a Beautiful and Skilled dancer so they have u all over the place with this choreo
on the FLOOR on the WALL in the AIR
no joke they had you in a harness doing cool swirly shit in the air this is the stuff of legends my g
but like the inside of SM ? is very cold
if you’re not filming you’re bundled up in a blanket and trying to rub the goosebumps out of your arms and legs
because you have to look all smooth and flawless for filming and those are two things goosies are not
luckily the song wasn’t a huge ballad because it’s rather hard to belt out long ass notes when you’re upside down lmao
anyways, the song is a bop and the mv is beautiful and you are wearing minimal clothing and although these are all nice things but also
RECIPE FOR DISASTER
the filming is almost done thank GOD
you’re taking a break from filming and you go out in the hall in your costume to go get another water bottle because ain’t nobody around to give a pre debut thot a water bottle 🤧🤧
your arms are wrapped around yourself when lucas jogs up behind you and throws his jacket around you??
literally throws it like you made an oof noise
“um ,? thank you that was aggressive”
“i knOw i’m sorry it’s just you are practically naked and it’s Cold in here and also walking behind you i noticed you were Very Exposed sO”
you turn bright red because that means everyone has seen your ass prolly and you duck your head and pull the jacket tighter around yourself
“oh! i’m sorry i mean you look uhh? really good ?? yeah you look good nOT that i was looking super hard or anything or that i uH saw aNything BUt if i did it would look good i’m sure nOT THAT I thInK about that ?$/&/“
and now you’re both blushing very hard but you feel a little better when you see he’s just as flustered as you
you brush your fingers on his forearm to get him to stop staring at the floor and tell him thanks and ask about when he’s debuting
he tells you the mv filming is done since they had to go Real Far Away to do it and get it done ahead of time and that the teasers will be out in three weeks and then the mv release and then its Show Time Baby
you’re excited for him and he’s excited and you debut really soon as well and he’s excited for you and !!!!!
there’s excitement all over the place
he’s smiling so big and his eyes are cute and crinkly and :(((((
you still got a crush on him /sigh/
one of the staff literally yells your name down the hall and you’re like aw shit that’s my cue lol
you leave him with with a lil squeeze of his bicep and you’re BOTH shook
him because ?? was that fLIRTING
you because ?? THAT WAS FLIRTING
also because his biceps are thicc i’m gonna cry
big baby stands there for like 3 mins just shook and with uwus oozing from his pores
you skrt very quickly to avoid the consequences of your actions and get back to filming
okay TIME SKIP
your mv was released and did GOOD AS FUCK
you didn’t hear it from me but lucas + nct boys were seen on vlive jamming the fuck out to your song
you’re backstage like 10 mins from going on and having an absolute panic attack
what if you trip ??? or your voice breaks !!:&::
what if all the reviews say you’re Trash live and that the mv was better since they edited
what if you FLOP AND HAVE NO FANS
NO ONE DOES THE FANCHANTS
FUCK FUXKFUCKFUXKCUDJ
so you do call the king of debuts
mark lee
and you’re like mARK FUCK IM GOING TO CRASH AND BURN PLEAS LLSSE DHELPD ME
he tells you to Calm The Fuck Down and assures you it’ll be fine but it’s not working and mark is but a young boy he don’t know how to deal with FEMALES
you hear some deep ass voice on the other side ask who’s on the phone and mark says your name and then the voice is closer and deMANDING to be given the phone
u already kno it’s our boy yukhei
he can hear you gasping through the phone and having a mental breakdown and immediately makes his voice all low and soft
wow i’m , affected writing this shit
“hey, y/n, listen to me, you’re okay, you’re fine. i promise it’ll be okay.”
“bUT WHAT IF I-“
“you won’t. you’ve worked too hard and practiced too much. i know you i saw you do it. do NOT let all of that go down the drain. you can do this. now get your cute ass out there and take NO SHIT”
“i know but i am, scared”
“don’t be! this is what you love isnt it?”
“i mean,,,, yeah”
“and you want to do this more than anything don’t you?”
“well , yeah”
“then for gods sake don’t be a wimp and do it”
“hey i miss the part of this conversation where you were being nice to me”
“that part’s over babe you need some TOUGH LOVE now please for me and for yourSELF get out there”
“okay.. thanks lucas”
“anything for you, angel”
yOU HANG UP SO QUICK
how dare he
you were all Comforted but then he went on with that angel bullshit
okay long story short you ended the industry dude
all solo artists BOW BEFORE YOU
VOCAL QUEEN
DANCE QUEEN
lucas: shaking because His Angel did so well and you were wearing white and actually looked like an angel
but you don’t see him for the next like twO MONTHS because he’s promoting boss and you’re promoting your single and neither of you are home ever
when you do get a second to yourself you try to send him an encouraging text but
you seldom get a second to yourself :(((
he does the same thing and they’re so sweet :(
“good morning i hope u slept well !!”
“princess don’t forget 2 hydrate”
“i saw ur mnet performance u looked beautiful <333”
this man is practically begging you to wife him up i mean
he’s cute
he’s BIG and WARM
very sweet to you :(
talented and lovely
absolute dweeb
supportive of you even from great distances
BEST BOY UWU
you try to be just as encouraging back because he deserves it UGH
“bub don’t forget to eat i know ur hungry rn”
“!!!!!! you came foR MY LUNGS WITH THAT CENTER DANCE AT THE END BOI”
“why are u sending me messages u need to rest bby :((“
when things calm down though you,, see each other
he doesn’t formally ask you out and you don’t say anything but, youre dating sort of kind of
as idols you’re both still so so busy and you JUST debuted so neither of you are really allowed to date anyways
you settle for little bits of cuddling and secret touches as you pass each other in the hall
you both stand outside of your respective dorms at night to facetime without waking your dorm mates
he desperately wants to go on dates and do Normal Couple things but there’s no time :(
the most affectionate you’ve ever been is when the girl group who shares a dorm with you was out promoting and you had him over and you took a nap together :((((
he Insisted upon being the big spoon and basically wrapped your whole body up with his limbs
pressed a few lil kisses to the back of your neck and your shoulder when he thought you were asleep
you weren’t though and you turned around to kiss him on the cheek and then tuck your face into his neck and pass tf out
he has to leave though because mark texts him and is like YO I KNO UR WITH Y/N AND HER ROOMMATES ARE ON THE WAY HOME
ABORT MISSION DUDE
and that’s pretty much it :(
months pass without much between you even though you’re trying your best
and even though you live in dorms you’re still so lonely especially when you’re traveling because you don’t have any group members
you don’t want to annoy or worry lucas though so you don’t complain
he notices though and late at night he’ll call you while you’re in bed and talk about his day and how he misses you and wishes you were there
and when you get all emo he says he’ll be waiting for you at the airport
(he really does he goes and hides in the bathroom and texts you so you can go in there and TACKLE HIM)
he still calls you angel all the time :((((
god that’s another weakness of mine ??? IM SUCH A WUSS
but it has specifically changed to “my angel”
uwu
your first kiss and first Real Confession happens on the Worst Day Of Your Life
you’re about to go on stage (you’ve released an album since your debut so this is new stuff) when you get a call from your mom ??
she’s crying and tells you your grandma is sick and in the hospital and it’s really bad
immediately you’re barely holding yourself together because that woman half raised you and was the reason you stayed in dance and worked so hard to become who you are today
there are tears streaming down your face already and the makeup team is fluttering around you trying to fix what you’re messing up and it’s bad
you still have to go on though so you go and perform with tears in your eyes and your manager yells at you after for not pulling it together
you go home in tears and then you’re not looking where you’re going and ran straight into a staff who yells at you some more for being some entitled idol brat
originally you weren’t gonna say anything to lucas but, the staff pushed you over the edge and you call him in tears and are incoherent and can barely tell him where you are before you hang up
our boy BURSTS into your room and sees you sitting on the floor with your face buried in your knees and 🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨 !!
he gathers you in his arms and sits on the bed with you curled up on his lap
he holds you close and rubs a comforting hand up and down your back at the same time as he frantically tries to figure out what’s wrong
“y/n?? baby what’s wrong? angel, please you gotta tell me or i cant help”
“i jjJJUST Got a cALL and my grandMA IS SICK AND THEN I DI D BAD AND DISAPPOINTED EVERYONE AND My mManageR yeYELLED at me and theN I RAN iNtO a staffF meMbEr and he yELled at me too and I JSUT .$:&:&;& i’m sO SORRY u doNT need to deAL WIYH ME you have problems of YouR own and-“
“shhh listen to me i always care about you okay? angel, i want to help you no matter what you know that. also, if you weren’t so distraught i would go beat some SM ass you didn’t deserve to be yelled at :(((( how about we call your mom and check for updates with your grandma and i’ll stay here with you for the night?”
you nod and then reach for your phone while keeping as much physical contact with lucas as possible
he’s the only reason you haven’t reached the Depression Point Of No Return so
we stayin close
you put your mom on speaker and set your phone down before squishing yourself back into his chest and sniffling while the phone rings
your mom answers and you shakily ask for any updates and she tells you not much but your grandma has improved and they think that within a couple weeks she’ll be better
you cry some more and tell her you love them both and you’re so relieved and lucas kisses the crown of your head and is just There For Comforting
once you hang up and you’ve calmed down a little more you back up a little and turn to face him
“hey thank you so much, you didn’t have to come and help me so much but you’ve always been there to make me stop Freaking Out and laugh and i just, love you. yeah that’s what it is. I LOVE YOU I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU, WONG YUKHE-“
he cuts you off by snatching your face in his big warm hands and kissing you right on the lips
he then kisses your nose and your forehead and pulls you back into his lap to tuck you under his chin
“it’s all for you, angel ;)))) i love you more”
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forever-yoongis · 5 years
Text
The Chemistry Of Love
Ships: Yoongi x reader, Namjoon x reader, Jungkook x reader.
Warnings: None.
Genre: Fluff
"WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?" To say I was bewildered and astonished beyond comprehension would be an understatement.
Yoongi seemed unfazed by my outburst, and still stroked his chin, and staring into the walls. I shouldn't ever give him sedatives. I made a mental note to self. This month's gonna be hard for me. Ugh the kind of troubles I get into while treating a patient,guess I'll never get used to it. I sighed.
A nurse came rushing in, looking quite perplexed. "Um...Dr, t-there are fangirls here to see him...." she pointed nervously at the figure sitting on the bed who was probably still contemplating ways to teach me stuff bout BTS and all those shit. Not this again. I mentally slapped myself. Last time I treated a girl (you have to excuse me for forgetting the name) from the Kpop group Momoland and I still had nightmares thinking about the crazy fanboys and fangurls trying to break into the hospital. And Momoland isn't even supposed to be that popular. If the nurse's words are really true and this BTS was practically the most popular boyband in Korea, I could only imagine what horrors awaited me outside. I stared at the white wall in front of me as if the "I LOVE YOU NANCY" (wait I remembered the name lol) in red that some maniac fanboy wrote with God-knows-what might magically reappear somehow. I shuddered at the thought. Fans could get really aggressive if they wanted.
I practically marched upto the front door, suddenly very defensive of my lil kitty-wait no. I just did NOT call him that. Ugh. That's why I hate idols. So as I was saying, I suddenly felt the need to protect my patient from these crazy fangirls and immediately ordered the nurse to go get all the guards. Thankfully though, the fangirls this time were pretty docile ones who had only come to offer gifts and flowers to their idol. Some were even bawling their eyes out asking if he would be okay.
Dude, who dies from a music box attack? I was going to retort, but thought better of it and kept silent. I didn't want things to get ugly, coz I knew of their capabilities of turning from a completely sweet woman to a wild animal in mere seconds. Okay that went overboard lol. But whatever. I accepted the gifts with good grace, trying to write down all the notes they wanted to leave for their idol. It took a while to clear out the crowd and let's just say that my co-workers were never more surprised in their lives to see my hands full of boxes, letters with heart-stickers, flower bouquets, kumamon dolls? and whatnot. I flashed them a quick smile and gave them a look I hoped they interpreted as dealing-with-VIP-patients-duh...
I pushed open the door with my left foot, because my hands were so full and excitedly told, "Mr.Min your fans have left a lot of presents and letters for you!" He merely grunted in response. It was good to see that his eyes had cleared quite a bit and he now looked more like a normal person (or as normal as an idol could get) and less of a kitty. Keeping the gifts on the table, I skipped over to his bed, sat down on a chair beside his bed and checked his vitals. The wound would definitely need a lot of time to heal. I thought as I checked the injury. While changing his bandages, I couldn't help but gawk at his muscles...ahem...but CAN YOU REALLY BLAME ME? I'M YOUNG AND THIS IS LITERALLY THE FIRST FUCKIN TIME I HAVE SEEN SOMEONE SO GOOD-LOOKING UGH. Nope. I ain't accepting your criticisms. No way. No judging me pfft.
Okay focus. Woman you aren't here to stare at a stranger's body no matter how handsome he is....ugh I'm getting carried away again. Stop Ann, stop! I scolded myself. I shook my head trying to shake off all the weird thoughts and as I finished changing his bandages, I looked up to see Yoongi smirk at me. "Like what you see there?" He asked causally, deliberately slurring his voice a bit which certainly would have made most girls go crazy.
"W-what do you m-mean?" I asked blushing furiously. "I was changing bandages and just so you know, I've had to witness many many sights as this. This is nothing" I huffed, turning away my head,my cheeks burning. "Aw really now?" I tried to glance at him from the sides, and gasped to see him pouting in what seemed to be mock disappointment. Oh God, he was now playing the cute card. This boy's gonna be the death of me I swear. I shook my head as I got up, asking one of the nurses to give him his lunch and his vitamins. I almost ran out of the door, slamming the door shut and heard something like a slight chuckle coming from inside from a certain someone who seemed very amused at my state. Ugh that brat! I'll be sure to never ever treat idols again!!! I stomped off painfully aware of the red hue that adorned my cheeks right then passing a nurse who looked genuinely confused at my state.
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It took me roughly around a week to get seriously attached to this man called Min Yoongi. He exuded an aura that was practically impossible to avoid. Guess that's what makes him an idol, not normies like us. He shamelessly flirted with me whenever I changed his bandages, each time succeeding in his motive of making me all flustered and stammering. But his wounds were taking an unbelievably slow time to heal. I kept on assuring my patient that this was normal, as I didn't want him to get worried. But I kinda knew why his wounds took so long to heal. This boy practically seemed to get no nourishment from the foods he seemed to take before he got hurt and after taking a look at his diet chart, I was seriously contemplating if I should murder the dietician. No wonder he was so pale and thin. If I had a boyfriend like him, I would have stuffed his body with food upto the neck--wait. What am I even talking about lol. Well anyways, as long as he stayed here, I would definitely make sure he has a lot to eat everyday...
The fans visited him everyday and it was endearing to see them so well-behaved always. I mean, there were a few instances where a girl would try to sneak past the guards or someone would try to sweet-talk me into letting her in, one even came claiming she was his cousin.....but those could be easily overlooked. They brought in gifts and letters always...and I would always make sure that either the nurses or me (if I had time) would read those notes out to him to make him feel better.
"Mr Min you really need to get up now. You have to take your medicines. " I spoke for the thousandth time probably, but this man didn't seem to wake up. It was already 11 pm. But this was everyday's routine. He wouldn't ever wake up until- "MIN YOONGI I SWEAR I'LL INJECT EVERY SYRINGE I HAVE ON ME RIGHT NOW IF YOU DO NOT WAKE UP. I'LL DRAW EVERY BIT OF YOUR BLOOD I PROMISE YOU-" "NO NO IM GETTING UP" and he'd get out from his cosy blanket cocoon looking alarmed. I would smile sweetly at him and hand him his medicines and he would start kicking at his blankets throwing a tantrum like a child "Nooo you vampire in the guise of a doctor. You don't let a man rest properly. You mean mean woman--" and would utter a string of Korean curses under his breath, would kick at his blankets a little more, pull at his hair and finally stick out his hands to take the medicines without looking at me.
What a child. I would laugh to myself. At times I had surgeries scheduled in the morning and those would obviously be his favourite days because he would then sleep till 1 pm and the nurses dared not wake him up coz of his temper.
It had been almost three weeks since he was at the hospital and I was changing his bandages as usual. He started off with his familiar bantering and flirtatious comments that would still make me blush...like almost everyday he would say something that would make me run off again and he only seemed to get better at this. "Looking great!" he would comment whenever I would enter the room and I would always reply, "it's the same damn lab coat".
So that day was no exception and he started off with "I would get hit by music boxes whenever I could if it meant I would get treated by such a hot doc every time" . "Mr Min I told you not to spend so much time on your phone! It's bad for your eyes and nerves!!" " Where's THAT coming from?" "You don't really expect me to believe that your cheesy words didn't come from Google, do you? You might me clever, but I'm definitely cleverer Mr.Min haha" I rolled my eyes at him. Yoongi made small whimpering sounds expressing his strong disapproval at my choice of words. Then he suddenly stopped.
"When are you going to stop calling me Mr.Min?" He looked straight at me. "so what do you want me to call you? Mr.LazyPotato? Haha" I replied anxiously and cringed inward at the lame nickname I gave him. But Yoongi didn't seem to buy it. "No.Call me Yoongi. I call you Ann, do I not?" "Most of my patients prefer calling me that, and it's my policy to never call a patient by his first name. You'll have to excuse me", I got up, suddenly not feeling good anymore. In my four years of being in the medical profession, I had only once made the mistake of calling someone (with whom I was supposed to maintain a professional relationship) by his real name and letting my guard down, and I was still not over the consequences. A sudden feeling of panic seized me as I thought that I was probably making another mistake and started out the door, when I felt a hand wrap around my wrist forcing me to stand in my place. "Am I really just another patient for you, Ann?" He spoke in an unbelievably soft voice, as if fearing that he probably would not get the answer he wanted to hear.
But I was already consumed by a flood of old painful memories to care about anything else. I shook off his hands and actually ran out of the room, slamming the door shut. For once, I did not hear the light-hearted chuckle of the man sitting on the other side of the door.
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Episode 7 Confessionals
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So we're having a reward challenge so I guess no reward. Are we merging at F9?? Its still 7-3 right now and it can be 7-2 soon. If its 7-2 in the merge then if my alliance of me/Zach/Charlotte/Carson stick together we'd only need one more number and we could get to F4. Thats wishful thinking that we all stay together tho.
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of course i flop the slide puzzle and lose us reward god.. just imagine like.. that scene of michele going out into the ocean and being emo from kaoh rong and earning character development about being competitive and debbie saying she might drown herself . thats me right now. yeah thats all i am angry kinda not rlly
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Ugh I wish I hadn't done the reward challenge because I can't help with immunity. I thought that since 4 people sat from reward and the usual rule is if you sit you have to play in the next one, that the rule would be over since all 4 can't play. But I was wrong so rip, I think I'm pretty good at this one too b/c I used to do fun listing games when I was younger. Here's hoping we can avoid tribal!
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I would've much preferred the live challenge to this one. I'm a mess and will get something for every letter except for like 1 and have a panic attack and freak out. Pissed.
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I'M SO FRUSTRATED BECAUSE WE FINALLY WON REWARD AND I GOT A TASK FROM THE WISHING WELL BUT IT COULDN'T HAVE COME AT A WORSE TIME. There are literally 3 of us left, throwing the immunity and scoring the least points could mean that we lose and I don't want to be the reason we lose when there are three of us left. DID I MENTION THAT THERE ARE 3 OF US LEFT?! I decided to prioritise doing well in immunity over getting the reward from The Wishing Well because I just need to be safe and move on from this round and hopefully get to a merge. 
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Can you believe that Ulta won AGAIN? We keep doing that. Honestly, we're icons. 7-2 going into a potential merge... let's just let that sink in. 
Jordan Pines' ego is so large, it's actually consumed the rest of the Copa tribe. 
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Well fuck me this may be the end of Jordan Pines. I am going to do all I can to stay but there is a high chance i could be going home tonight. Dear god lets see what happens.
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I will make two quick ones since i've been busy the past few days. So going into immunity, i'm nervous. Bryce/Carson/Myself can't play, and originally it was supposed to be a live competition and us 3 are the most active. I literally messaged Carson being like "so who we votin'" DASKF. I think i'm funny idk it's just some quirk oWo Fortunately, the competition changed to list it up. The comp seems fun, and overall I think it'd be easier than the L# type setup competition. It doesn't require much activity or anything, just to be on whenever you are and schedule it! So, i'm hoping for the best ^-^ Zach~post immunity results~ I don't recognize names of our tribes, so I (like Carson) read "Copa, you have tribal tomorrow with me" and my heart dropped. I read the 9:03 to 9:00 and I was like... oh my dog.... are you SERIOUS. HOWEVER, WE WON IMMUNITY! BY THREE FRICKEN SECONDS! THAT IS ICONIC I'm really blessed to have been granted safety till merge (assuming it's merge, something has to happen AJFSKDG they wouldn't do 2v7 into an immunity challenge). That being said, I may potentially be an early merge boot. During merge, I plan on working with returnees and giving Jay/whoever else lives hopefully luke a chance. But, we'll see. If they talk to me, i'm down with it because i'm always open for opportunities. In addition, if I just stuck with OG Ulta......... it'd be boring. I'm not sure, overall though. I really like Willow too, and Chris/Katie are fine. UGH. I like this cast so much it's so stressful even THINKING about voting lowkey. Nonetheless, soon it's gonna be time to play.
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Im really pulling for luke to stay cuz i wanna have that idol connection after the merge but maybe it would put less of a threat on my back for him to be gone :/ idk  ahhhhh. Lets see what they do
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I don't have much to report besides the fact that I'm glad we won and that Carson and Zach are great 
Also Katie and Bryce are cool too 
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OH DEAR GOD I THINK I DID IT. LUKE JUST TOLD ME HE IS VOTING JAY OUT. HOLY SHIT THANK THE LORD IN HEAVEN I MIGHT STILL BE HERE TOMORROW. FUCK YOU RYAN TEDDY PALMER AND YOUR DUMB ASS NO TRIBE SWAP NO MERGE GAME.
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Update: I'm voting out Jay and not Jordan Pines! Jordan is so good at whispering sweet nothings into my ear and making me keep him but I'm still very weary of him. My thought process is that he's a bigger target than me and could act as my meat shield so that I slip by pretty easily. I think that with the current Ulta tribe it's going to be difficult but I think I can work this out. 
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winning immunity challenges from the outside looking in is awesome!! no need to scramble or strategy talk. great, right? yeah, no. i know where NO ONE stands. nobody talks strategy bc we dont have to go to tribal. id prefer this to losing every single one, but id like to lose a BIT. but ill just sit here with my idol and enjoy the immunity while it lasts, bc ik this will get cutthroat at merge
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wow 3 seconds that so cool.
jordan pines will be pre merge boot hahahahha
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Who says you can't get no satisfaction? Whoever it was clearly isn't me in this game. Not only did my tribe win immunity again, I personally beat Jordan pines in a mutual portion of the challenge. Victory really does taste sweet. AND we finally merged. 7-2 numbers advantage. Does that mean that ulta is gonna stay together? I guess we'll see! I may use these two stragglers to get rid of some people that I feel like may not want me around much longer.
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nuttmegg · 7 years
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Conversations with NightHawk.
Made leftover carnitas for NightHawk. Also we went through an entire bowl of guacamole. haha! 
I told her all about my trip to Southern Cal and AZ. About how I refuse to do that drive all in one day every again. How I went to Long Beach pride. I told her how sleeping at the CH house was a HUGE mistake, how the boy acted like an absolute child and was completely disrespectful, (Im actually relieved I haven’t spoken to him since) Some people just don’t know how to act. Like who throws a fit on the floor and begs their old roommate to help them off the floor because they need an adult?! Ugh, so annoying. I told her about taking Sparrow wine tasting with my parents, and then us driving to AZ to spend the week with Minerva. How Minerva has the worst luck when it comes to getting carded. I told her all about my panic attack in Sedona and then swimming in a creek. I told her how on the drive back to Minerva’s house I watched my phone ring as T tried to call me. I just stared at the screen as his facetime request came through and then disappeared when I didn’t answer…thats what you get for not saying bye. He doesn’t get the chance to apologize, I’m not going to let him hurt my feelings again. I told her about how it was totally worth it, floating along a river in an inner-tube with beer, and how I had to eat my words after because I thought it was going to suck. How we had lunch with a sister, and how she looks amazing and happy. I told her about driving back to my parents house with Sparrow in my car and Minerva following us in her car. I told her how I confessed to Sparrow why I shut people out, how my psycho ex conditioned me not to care, and how its something I’ve been working on. I told her how on that drive I realized why I’m never gonna move home. That deep down I’m still afraid of him, and the thought of living in the same city as him terrifies me. This she understands all to well. I told her about my dad cooking for us. How my parents encourage me to prank my friends at 6am, by playing REM’s Losing my Religion in the guest room while they were sleeping. I told her about lunch in Pasadena, which she disapproves of but still listened to. I told her about every verbal stab my ex said, and how I sat there and had to pretend it didn’t bother me…and how after all that I still asked them to visit me.
And then we started talking about people visiting us. (my trip wasn’t too interesting after that….just a 6 hr drive to SF, sleeping in Minerva’s hotel, getting up at 5am and driving across the golden gate bridge at sunrise and then driving about 5hrs up here, nbd) But yes people visiting us! Why wont people do it! She was so pissed because a friend of hers that she has known for years has never visited her, but he meets someone through her and then drives 5 hrs to see the person he just meet. She literally hasn’t spoken to this friend since this happened. I told her how it is really starting to bug me how much people give me a hard time for not visiting when I’m home in southern cal, and these people would literally not bat a lash if I asked them to come and see me. I get it, its hard to get here from Socal, a 12hr drive or a $300 plane ticket. But come on, its breath taking up here. Oh well, I just get to be more selective about who I do see when Im home. Because it sucks being isolated and then none of your friends caring enough to visit you. 
btw, my skin is still super dry from the trip, I should really be drinking water instead of wine. Its raining up here too….I went from 95-100 degrees and sunny to 50 degrees and rain. Also that Afrojack song I posted a couple days ago is still stuck in my head. 
Goodnight
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