#ugh i wish i had the mental capacity to write everything i wanted
Note
Hello there! I hope you're doing good!
19, 21 and 29 for the Fanfic Writers Ask Game!
hii thank you so much for sending me an ask!! i hope you're doing really well yourself. you picked some good ones and this got kinda long, i'm sorry 🙇🏻♀️
19. Give us a small teaser from one of your WIPs.
i'm going to take this opportunity to say that something in me does not allow me to fulfill all the multichapter, long fics of my dreams so i mostly share oneshots. i wish i could be like "this is from my [insert title here] au from chapter 14!!" or something. but alas. anyway, this is from my wip sequel to the sabezra secret relationship i wrote a while back. it's almost done, i'm excited to share the full thing soon!
Maybe the Ezra Bridger who wasn’t in a relationship with Sabine wouldn’t have said that. Maybe he would’ve been a little giddy—like, wow! Sabine is actually touching me! And isn’t completely averse to it! Maybe he should have said something like that. Or just. . .smiled? Or hugged her back?
Sabine still wasn’t letting go. His heart ached a little. He let his arms come around her loosely, his gaze stuck to the floor. “So. . .” he started. But nothing else came out.
21. Have you ever deleted an entire scene after spending hours laboring over it? If so, why?
yes and no. i don't think i've ever had to delete an entire scene--usually i will spend a lot of time writing a scene or two and i hate it a little more than usual so i end up losing motivation for the entire project. this happens often. i don't like it.
however, sometimes i'll write a line i really like but in my heart i know it won't work for the overall goal of the paragraph or scene, so i have to delete it :( i mourn for like three minutes and then move on lol.
29. Share a bit from a fic you’ll never post OR from a scene that was cut from an already posted fic. (If you don’t have either, just share a random fic idea you have that you don’t plan on getting to.)
goodness, the amount of star wars time travel fix-it fics i've written in my mind. that's kind of where they stay. but occasionally i jot down a scene that has a chokehold on me until it goes away. i was going to share an anakin one, but for some reason i can't find my doc with that in it :') so you get this scene from my vostress wip where asajj goes back in time. this is kind of a cheat bc i don't know if it'll NEVER be posted, but as of now too little of it is written to share much more than these snippets. also there's very little interest in a fic like this versus my usual stuff lol.
Her eyes softened. “It is more important to reject that power and preserve those things. Understand me, Vos. Truly. There is no power that can take away the pain you feel. No power that is worth it for a fleeting sense of victory.”
She realized she'd put a hand to his chest, naturally drawn closer as she tried not to plead with him. This was it. If he should ever listen to her, let it be now.
and for a bonus, here's an 'asajj takes omega to meet quinlan' snippet that was just for fun and will never again see the light of day lol!
“Your jedi?” Omega asked, eyes lighting up, glancing from one of them to the other.
Vos flashed a lopsided smile at Ventress. “I love when she calls me that,” he said in that smooth, unserious but oh-so-truthful voice of his.
Ventress's eyes slid to him, then went up to the sky in feigned annoyance as her hand fell to her side and she swiveled to walk away. “Come on.”
Unfortunately, Vos and Omega were making quick friends. He was the type to do so; always had been, and it seemed she, too, was eager to befriend anyone she set her sights on.
A horrifying pair.
#thank you again for the ask!#my writing#ugh i wish i had the mental capacity to write everything i wanted#some of y'all have like superpowers or something creating these entire intricate aus AND writing them#sabezra#vostress#star wars#star wars fanfiction#writing ask#dark disciple#star wars rebels#the bad batch#sorry if this post is actually Unreadable lol it's a mess
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Face up (songfic) - Chapter 1
Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Epilogue
Remember my illustrated fic + comic ‘The listening’?
I started writing this other songfic around that time, since the song is by the same author. This is everything I could finish for Wipril... *sigh*
Inspired by the song ‘Face up’ by Lights. (Lyrics in bold)
Summary:
Marientte is tired. Busy with work, unmotivated and uninspired; her life has become monotonous and lifeless. Regretful for neglecting her friendship with Alya, she finally accepts her invitation to go out one Friday evening to a pirate themed bar called 'Liberty', in which according to Nino, an 'incredible amazing guitarist' was going to play...
AO3
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Chapter 1
' I shouldn't have come '
A mountain of files and clothes are piled on Marinette's desk. Work, work, work and more work. It had been a while now since Marinette's life has been revolving only around her jobs and studies. Days. Weeks. Months. She felt like a robot programmed just for that sole purpose.
Marinette Dupain-Cheng was tired.
And so was also her best friend Alya, fed up of being turned down whenever she asked her to go out somewhere together.
But not that evening: Alya and Nino decided to drag Marinette out of her lonely apartment, to let her enjoy a proper and well deserved break after days without seeing the daylight. 'How can a 21 year old Lady not go out and have fun!? ' Alya had asked her. And she had been forced to accept, out of the regret of constantly failing and neglecting their friendship.
The chosen place for their friendly meeting was a musical bar on a ship called 'Liberty'. Small round tables and some stools were ready to be used for its consumers, 2-4 seats for table. Some wooden benches with comfortable looking cushions at the sides of the bar and some stand-by tables outside were also part of the ship's furniture. Both outside and interior design seemed to be trying to imitate a pirate ship with dark wooden flooring, walls, stage and counter. Some vintage rock music related posters were on the wall, next to treasure maps and, surprisingly, they still managed to keep the pirate theme on point. The counter was just at the entrance and the lights were focused mostly to the stage at the back of the bar, making the lighting quite low for the guests- 'too dark to draw' , Marinette confirmed.
According to Nino, the best thing about this bar was that, on Friday nights, it held multiple artists performances from 8pm to 12pm, an hour each. And according to him, some awesome guitarist was playing at 11pm. His eyes were showing his contagious enthusiasm and Alya soon got excited too.
But Marinette's mind was not focused on the bar or the music. It was 10:25pm, and Alya had dragged Marinette there early- at 8:40- so they could get a table- the limited seat capacity and amount of customers surely proved it was necessary, but she couldn't focus on her surroundings as in her head thousands of work-related thoughts occupied her mind.
To draw, sew, bake, study and to sleep in order to work more, all in an endless loop. That had been Marinette's routine for weeks, and she had no intentions of stopping until she finished all her constantly coming errands- but they were endless. She felt like a robot programmed only to work and she almost forgot what free time was.
'I want to go home', the aspiring fashion designer kept repeating to herself.
But the guests of the bar seemed to favor her best friend's ideas: enjoying the music. Marinette's eyes took a minute to observe her surroundings, noticing how crowded the bar was getting as 11pm approached. At her side, Marinette could see how excited Alya and the recently arrived Nino were, clapping and dancing next to her.
But Marinette was not feeling it. Not at all.
A big sigh left her mouth as she used the table as she played unamused with the melting ice cubes from her drink, trying to ignore the strident rock background music. She was exhausted and not in the mood for 'fun'. She was tired and her eyelids were slowly closing, but just when her mind started to find its way to dreamland, Alya called for her attention.
"Look, Marinette! The guests in the second row middle table are about to leave! It's our chance to get a closer seat to the stage!"
"Ugh…"
The stage was just a few steps away, but it seemed like kilometers to the young woman.
"C'mon, Marinette! Nino secured the seats! Grab your drink and stuff and let's go over here!"
Exhaustion and somnolence confused Marinette's senses while Alya jolted and called her.
"C'mooon… Nino can't keep looking for our seats forever! Not when there are so many people eyeing up those stools!"
Marinette knew Alya was correct. And not only that: she was pretty impatient and intense, too, so she was well aware that refusing her was almost impossible.
Finally, she made it to the closer to the stage table and had a slurp of her drink. 'Maybe Alya is right and I can try to enjoy the live performances?' .
She tried, yes. But nothing. She wasn't feeling the music.
'When will I be able to have fun too? When will I be able to have a rest and forget about work? When will I be able to enjoy life? When will I be able to LIVE my life…? '
I just want to feel alive
She was stressed. No inspiration seemed to strike her lately, and she had been too busy to go look for it. And honestly, she didn't expect to find some in this old-fashioned dark pirate themed bar. With those thoughts, Marinette rested her head on her hands wishing for the time to go faster so she could already go back home.
The bar became more than full when the clock pointed to 11pm.
Marinette frowned her eyebrows. "Can I go home now that the performance is over?" She asked.
Alya directed her a deathly glare and Nino gasped in shock. "No way, dudette! You can't be serious!" The boy then pointed to their surroundings. "See? All these people gathered here to see the musician I told you about! His talent is no joke, just look at that!" An excited Nino commented, showing her how people were even waiting outside of the bar and even outside the ship in order to listen to his music, as she could see through the round fisheye windows. Was it even allowed to have so many guests on the ship? Wasn't it overcrowded? Or going to sink? Marinette worried. 'Why should I worry when I'm already sinking myself, huh? '
"I'm getting all excited already!! Look at that, Marinette" Alya commented. But Marinette was not answering. She was playing with a straw in between her teeth, instead. "Marinette!!" Her friend insisted, but emerging turbulent bubbles on her drink was her only response.
"Oh, look! He's here!" Nino suddenly exclaimed, and both her friends seemed to forget about her to focus on the stage. 'Maybe it's my chance to leave when they aren't looking' , she thought, but she had to wait until Alya's arm stopped being linked with hers to make her move. She hoped for that moment to be soon.
"Wohooo" the crowd became loud immediately after Nino's said guitarist appeared on the stage from the back door.
Marinette didn't even look. She wasn't interested. She just wanted to get home, finish her work, sleep, and get some well deserved hot bath to relax.
"Good evening. My name is Luka. Wow, so crowded today! I can see some new faces... Hi there. Thank you all for coming"
'His voice sounds nice' Marinette thought, taking a quick look at him for the first time: blue hair, tattoos, piercings and an electric guitar on his hands. There was a stool ready for him, but he was not using it. His aura definitely stood out and he was glowing in the stage lights.
Before starting, he played a few random notes, to check the guitar and the volume. The crowd was excited just with that. Not interested in the music, Marinette let her mind travel to her work space again, taking mental notes on how to proceed with her commissions when she made it home.
"Today's first song is an oldie: 'Space show' by CrocoDuo"
It took only an instant for the aura of the bar to change completely. The audience was losing it at the combined sound of his voice and guitar. Some young women were fangirling and squealing. Nino's eyes were sparkling and Alya's body moved, dancing along with the music.
'He's good' Marinette thought, trying to stop her fingers from tapping on her chin at the music's rhythm. As the song was close to its end, during its instrumental part, the blue haired young man took a big look at the audience, grinning at the excited crowd. Marinette closed her eyes and tried to focus again on her mental work, frowning her nose and eyebrows hard, trying hard to concentrate on finding whatever inspiration she could in the music. But she didn't seem to get it right.
As the last notes of the song elongated, the musician spoke again.
"Oooh? What do we have here…? Don't you know the rules, lady? No sad faces allowed on this ship!"
Marinette was unaware the guitarist was talking to her until Alya bumped her elbow to her ribs to catch her attention and pointed to the stage.
"What?"
She was surprised to find the guitarist staring at her eyes. ' He's handsome ' her inner self told her when their eyes locked and she was feeling called by its blueness. Her smile remained unseen, confused and unsure if it was really her the one he was talking to, but her heart skipped at the eye contact.
"Yes, there, the lady on the second row, you… you seem to be feeling like this" he said, and then played some chords that seemed to describe the feelings of her repetitive, uninspired and unmotivated life perfectly.
She felt like her secret had just been exposed to all the customers of the bar. Embarrassment was too much to handle, and she kept her head low. As the famous song says: 'Killing me softly with his song'.
"A beautiful lady like you deserves to feel something like this" he said, and the music this time brought her back to her cheerful and happy childhood memories, something she hadn't felt for years. ' Wow. How can he do it? '
"Let me try to cheer you up". He placed his electric guitar aside and grabbed his acoustic instead. After adjusting it, he sat on the stool and brought the microphone to his mouth. Then, a totally different melancholic sound started filling the bar as he tested the strings. The audience seemed pleased and curious. "That's rare for him" Nino whispered, making Marinette's eyes open even bigger.
Suddenly, accurately and quickly, his eyes darted to meet directly at Marinette's eyes, with a soft but determined gaze that conflicted Marinette's unprepared heart.
The times you don't wanna wake up
'Cause in your sleep it's never over when you give up
'Wow… I surely look depressed, don't I?' Marinette thought, surprised of how the lyrics fit with her daily thoughts.
The sun is always gonna rise up
You need to get up, gotta keep your head up
Look at the people all around you
The way you feel is something everybody goes through
Marinette then looked at Alya and Nino, who were nodding with a sympathetic smile at her. The rest of the people at the bar seemed to agree with the lyrics too, nostalgic smiles on their peaceful faces. ' Is it ok to feel like this? Am I really not alone? ' The song continued.
Dark out, but you still gotta light up
You need to wake up, gotta keep your face up
The lyrics were surely… encouraging. Marinette could feel her heart become lighter and more confident, relaxed too. She then focused again on the guitarist, who had a kind expression on his face that almost made her fall for him. Almost ?
"C'mon, everybody, help me cheer this pretty lady up!" he said, his smile softly widening as he repeated the lyrics of the song. Soon, the audience joined to sing with him and Marinette felt embarrassed but touched at the kindness of all those strangers towards her. Alya put a supportive hand on her shoulder too, encouraging her to join the chorus.
And finally her face lit up and she started singing a little after remembering the lyrics. Her face was not looking down anymore and an honest shy smile was finally on her face.
Alya looked relieved, while Nino had an: ' I told you he was good ' smirk on his face. Meanwhile, the guitarist never stopped smiling at her.
Luka's gaze was dangerous for Marinette's heart, as a pleasant warmth began to occupy it. A feeling she hadn't felt for a long time was now threatening to stay, sinking deeper inside her heart with every syllable he sang.
"See? That's much better. You have a beautiful smile. Don't hide it!" Marinette blushed at his compliment and she couldn't stop smiling like a lovestruck fool.
After winking at her, Luka continued with his performance. "Ready to enjoy some rock and roll now? Next is 'Rock Giant' by Jagged Stone"
Marinette's favorite song. Did he know that too? ' Wow! It sounds even better than the original' . As soon as he started to play and sing Jagged's most iconic melody, Marinette was finally loosened up to enjoy the music. It was the fastest an hour that had passed for her while having fun. Wow . And she was grinning at the excitement, while trying not to freak out at the short glances and smiles the musician directed to her from time to time, or the long stares she pretended to not notice. She could notice her heart beating again after what it seemed like an eternity.
She felt alive. More than she had felt in months, maybe years.
But the performance had a set time to end...
"Thank you for coming. That's all for today. You're the best!" he grinned, while wiping some of the sweat drops that ran down his face. It was obvious he gave it his best and the audience was all in for it. Marinette had never seen anyone able to enthrall the public like this before. He was… absolutely amazing in the crowd's eyes, Marinette's included.
"Noooo!! Encore encore encore!" the bar customers started begging in loud voices, and Luka couldn't keep his gratitude to himself, as his fond smile showed. He looked at his surroundings, slowly, memorizing every face, as if thanking each of them individually. Until his kind yet powerful gaze stopped to focus directly on Marinette's pupils and his smile widened.
"You want an encore, guys? What does the lady on the second row say?" he teased with a smirk that made Marinette's knees weak. She could feel her face flushing red as the people of the bar's eyes focused on her.
"E- Encore!" She shouted in a voice she wasn't aware she owned.
"So you want an encore, right? Very well. Here's the last song for today: ' Liberty ' by Luka".
The energetic and happy cheering for the encore audience lasted only until Luka's guitar strings started to vibrate to form a melody.
"No way, dude!! A Luka inédite original song! Alya, we have to record this!" Nino fuzzed, pulling his phone out from his pocket. "Awesome!"
The song was amazing and had the audience lose it. 'Wow' . Marinette was speechless and she could feel the adrenaline flow through her body like it hadn't for years. Unable to tear her focus from the musician, the young woman could feel her heart beating faster- too fast.
When the song finished Marinette noticed how half the audience was crying in excitement and how the fangirling women from before were close to passing out. It was a very good song with good lyrics about looking for your inner freedom- totally fitting for Marinette. And his final greetings started.
"Thank you. Did you have fun?"
"Yeah!!! Wohoo!!!"
"Great, I'm glad. Thank you so much!" he giggled. "Thanks to you, it seems I have a new song to write" Luka said, with his sharp eyes and slightly curved smile hinting those words were meant for a certain lady seated on the second row. "And remember: the Liberty is a place where you can be free, honest to yourself. Feel free to come here anytime. Everyone is welcome here. Well, except agent Roger, maybe?" Luka said, pointing at the grey haired woman at the counter, who laughed at his comment. "Good night, everyone!"
Before leaving the stage through the back door, Luka exchanged one final look with Marinette and waved at her. Or so she wanted to believe, even if she wasn't sure.
‘ He’s so hot ’. Marinette fanned herself with her hand and drank all the alcohol that remained on her cup. It wasn't cold anymore and she needed to cool down, so she stopped the goth waitress with long purple hair to order a drink, and a minute later the small blond short-haired waitress brought it to her. She drank it in one shot, mouth dry from the shouting and her burning cheeks and quickly beating heart.
"Hot much?" Alya teased her best friend, with a knowing smirk.
"I told you he was lit! Wow! He even played a brand-new original song! You don't know how lucky we are. We have to come back again sometime soon!" Nino enthusiastically exclaimed. "A man like that is going to make it big in no time. We won't get the chance to get to listen to him like this when he becomes internationally famous"
Marinette couldn't help it but to agree. He was amazing… in all aspects. Maybe… it wasn't a bad thing she came…
No. It definitely wasn't.
"Yeah… maybe live performances aren't bad… maybe… we should come again, yes…" Marinette said under her friend's satisfied and knowing smile.
Who would have thought she would find inspiration on a pirate ship themed bar? She had unwillingly come and found something she didn't regret, as she found something even more unexpected: a crush on a talented guitarist.
And even though she was not sure if she was ready to pursue someone or to start a relationship, she knew she didn't want the clock of her life to keep spinning around a monotonous life, and she had just felt the way she had been wishing to feel for years; ALIVE.
'Yes… I'll definitely come back again'
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Own Story
Ok so I finally got the courage to write my story. I was a bit afraid to post it but I still got through with it. I have no idea how to protect my writing so I hope I can figure out where to regularly post it and not be afraid that someone will take it. Although I doubt my story is that great. I just want to protect it because I am like a mother hen.
Here it goes... Please tell me how you like it, leave a comment or a like, I will be forever grateful to you :3 Also please please please don’t pay attention to my bad spelling. It’s a story I wrote by hand in french and translated it here. I am no translator so there will be mistakes. It’s not a final version, it’s an ongoing work. If you feel like stuff is missing that’s normal I am still working on lots of aspects, but don’t hesitate to let me know what you think might be crucial to you to understand the story.
I have a very low self esteem when it comes to my own work. It took me a very long time to get where I am today. I am not trying to get pity or anything, I am just putting you in a context so you understant that all this is historical for me and I hope we can celebrate that historic moment together.
*****************************************************
He should have felt it during the morning, when he woke up. The crispy air from the night still hung in his bedroom, rendering it impossible for him to fall back asleep. Nothing pleased him today. No urgent letters for him. Everything was calm. Although Cynan enjoyed the calm routine that had settled in his life, he could not help to feel as if he should act to prevent what seemed to him an upcoming storm.
After seven years of conquest and negotiation, his friend Meanas could ascend the throne officially. He could finally hold a coronation ceremony without any fear of revolution. Cynan had organized everything with the help of the other members of the counsel. The invitations were sent and had been answered. The preparation had already begun, all was well. After seven years of constant uproar, Cynan almost worshipped the calm and order that had finally settled in and so did Meanas.
As he sat at his desk, basking it this holy stillness, he read utterly slowly the law document he needed to approve. This was part of the many tasks Cynan, advisor of the future king. He should have sensed it in this moment as well, when the sun finally can warm one enough, hinting that the season of spring was approaching. He should have known that as the sweetest and mild season of the year was nearing, his life would enter a season of bitter regret.
***
“If my heart could run, then it would have already passed the coach that was meant to bring me to him.
I am of an impatient nature.
I play the scene out in my mind, like an actress before her performance.
How delectable it is just to imagine their faces when I finally reveal myself in front of them.
I could appear here and there. I could keep him as the last person I meet.
I could hide until the very end and wait until the coronation. Then, I would make the most vibrant of appearances.
Oh no, even better! I could visit him first. That would stir the glowing embers of our past and hint towards a possible story for us. Whatever that story would hold, that I would decide depending on my mood.
So many possibilities lie out there and only a few can be chose as I have only one life.
However, my emotions should not lead me astray and distract me from my true goal.
I did not return to revive past passions. I came here to set this place on fire, to start a new era.
Seven years of preparation and now everything will play out.
But to open the festivities, I must first get my hands on an invitation,”
The coach came to a halt in front of a mansion. Zelina descended and took in the view of the garden before walking towards the entrance, where a quite surprised butler awaited her.
***
Her arrival could not be compared to a thunderstorm. The situation occurred way too fast for Cynan to be overwhelmed. His butler announced her and when she entered his office her aura invaded the room like a rising tide. Cynan had been too dulled out from his peaceful day to prepare himself mentally to face the young woman in front of him.
Two old friends meeting again for the first time.
“You still have an awful taste. Your curtains are a disgrace,” Zelina said as she scanned the room visibly bored.
Silence.
“After all this time, I would have thought you had developed a more luxurious taste,” she added.
Zelina took one step forward and then another. She walked idly in the room with a candid expression.
“What is the reason for your visit... Madam?” Cynan asked.
Zelina suddenly turned her head towards Cynan and her golden eyes squinted with hatred.
“Madam…” she repeated.
Cynan did not react.
“Meanas’ coronation. Would that be a pleasing enough reason for you, Sir?” Zelina finally answered.
“King Meanas,” Cynan corrected.
“My apologies,” Zelina said as she bowed down excessively.
Zelina refused to refer to Meanas as a king.
“Lady Zelina, you are not invited to this joyous event,” Cynan stated.
Zelina smiles causing Cynan to doubt his capacity to stay unfazed for long.
“Oh but I do know that,” she said.
Zelina sat in the chair in front of Cynan’s desk and started playing with her fan. Cynan examined her and slowly he shifted into contemplation. That smile of her, her voice, her gesture, they were all familiar to him. Thousand memories rise again in his mind. He is tempted to dive into them and daydream. As he battled against the temptation of reminiscence, he did not notice Zelina looking at him as well. However, she was not reminiscing, she was waiting for the right timing.
“I simply came as a friend.. An old friend. One cannot forget a friend who did so much,” she added.
Zelina placed her hand on the table in an attempt to draw closer to Cynan. He stared at her hands. She was still wearing her many bracelets.
“And I mean, you know…” Zelina hesitated.
Cynan raised an eyebrow as he noticed her false bashfulness.
“Say, was it intentional to choose only one emissary for the South?” she asked.
Zelina had found the right moment and had struck with her words. She knew his weakness, Cynan was a skilled warrior and noble but not a tactician.
“Lady Zelina, this should not be of concern for you,” Cynan answered.
“Many southern families were quite shocked and felt offended,” Zelina added.
“I thought you came as a friend Zelina,”
“And it is as a friend, Cynan, that I inquire about this issue!”
Cynan sighed and Zelina took it as a sign to continue.
“You know much the merchants' families take pride in their origins. I tried to explain to them that there must have been a reason to send only one emissary. And that you, Cynan, would have chosen the emissary as impartially as possible,”
Cynan remained silent. Her way with words had gotten more skilled after all those years. Sadly for him, there was no impartiality coming from him. Meanas had wished to choose one emissary to demonstrate that under his reign the South was meant to be one unified province. Despite all the tribes in the South, only one person would represent the South. The emissary, chosen from one of the most influential families, would then be promoted to Governor of the South. This would allow Meanas to have one sole correspondent in political and economic matters regarding the South. However, Cynan had no intention in sharing this intention with Zelina, who was herself from an affluent family from the South. However, her family belonged to another tribe. Cynan never investigated further the intrications between the southern tribes. Now that Zelina had returned, he realized how foolish that had been.
Zelina stood up to leave Cynan to his thoughts.
“Why did he not invite me, Cynan?” she asked.
Cynan did not answer nor did he accompany her. The question floated in the air unanswered.
Through his office windows, he caught a glimpse of her crossing the gardens. She passed by a lilac bush. She stopped in her tracks, turned and contemplated the bare branches, noticing the growing flower buds. Cynan continued to observe her as she took off again. His gaze returned towards the lilac bush. With the mild season approaching the bush would bloom again.
***7 years ago***
“Gardening really?” Zelina asked as she had stopped on the path leading towards the mansion. She made her umbrella twirl as she thought about what Cynan had just shared with her.
Cynan carressed the lilacs and smiled lost in his thoughts.
“There is nothing more beautiful than helping mother nature in her creations,” he explained.
Zelina shrugged her shoulders unimpressed by his wise words.
“If I weren’t a noble then I would have become a farmer. However since I am a noble, I have to satisfy myself with mere gardening,” Cynan continued explaining.
Zelina twirled her umbrella once more and peered at him through the laces.
“If I were not a noble, I would not exist as I am before you. I have used over and over again all the privileges that have come with my status to build myself. I clung myself to anything a noble like me could get their hands on. Wishing to escape this world that created me would be idiotic and would turn my life into something insignificant, where I could not be the fully fledge me,”
Cynan listened to her attentively and did not respond immediately.
“I did not know you had such strong opinions about your title. Our aspirations vary a lot,” He finally said.
“And yet we somehow get along,” Zelina added.
A smirk appeared on her face.
“If I ever find myself in dire need of a gardener, I know to whom I can turn to. I’ll make sure to order my lilacs with you,” Zelina said as she made her way back towards the mansion twirling her umbrella.
Cynan bowed excessively. “You are too kind Madam,” he whispered.
***Back to the present. In Zelina’s coach***
“He called me Madam. How monstrous! Poor soul, he does not know what awaits him. Ugh, now I must wait for all of this to stir and boil. Let my words sink in. I must get under his skin. If only Cynan would have more spark then I would not have to wait so much. The day Cynan bursts will be one to remember. I must ensure to be the one to wake the dragon sleeping in him. But that would be only a collateral benefit from what I truly intend to achieve.
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Fear and Loathing (4)
Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3
Read on AO3
Tumblr Masterlist of all fics
Fandom: seaQuest 2032
Summary: (Part 2 of The Right Thing - this will be a chaptered fic) Captain Hudson knows that you and Lucas are more than just friends, and after changing your shift rotations to make sure you’re not on duty together, you take things into your own hands and request a transfer from seaQuest. Before your transfer can be processed, officers and crew begin showing signs of extreme anxiety, anger and paranoia. Some are worse affected than others, you being one of them. Can you fight for not only your relationship with Lucas but your state of mind?
Pairings: Ensign Lucas Wolenczak x FemLieutenant!Reader, Commander Jonathan Ford x Lieutenant Lonnie Henderson (only slight)
Warnings: Language, violence, insecurity, angst, paranoia, anxiety, mental instability, very mild sexual references/smut mention, age difference/gap.
Comments: If you wish to be added to my seaQuest tag list, which will be separate from all my other tags, let me know, and I will only tag you in these if you specifically request to be tagged. This is practically a dead fandom now, but I would still like to share my writings with you. If you would like to ask any questions, then by all means just ask! People are probably wondering why I’m still continuing this fic when it gets so little feedback, but it’s purely because I enjoy writing it. It’d a pleasure to be reminiscing in old times.
That night, while you remained in the Med Bay, the mess hall seemed to begin hosting a midnight coffee refreshment for a handful of crew. Lonnie Henderson wandered into the room, drying the sweat from her brow and neck after waking suddenly from a nightmare of being suffocated by unseen hands. She saw Jim Brody sat with his head in his hands, and one of the engineers was resting with their eyes closed and their feet up on a chair.
“Tough night?” Lonnie asked, approaching Brody.
He gasped suddenly, nearly jolting out of his chair. “Yeah….ugh…..sorry,” he grumbled, and rubbed his face, trying to force himself more fully awake.
“What’s going on tonight?” Lonnie asked. “No one can sleep and everyone is on edge.” She then said your name and her eyes widened. “Do you think it’s got anything to do with her and the virus?”
“I doubt it,” Brody scoffed. “A virus that gives panic attacks and nightmares?”
“Come on, Jim. We’ve seen things more unbelievable than that in the last two years. We’ve contacted aliens and come face to face with Greek gods, yet we can’t believe that a virus may exist which causes panic and fear?”
Lucas remained in the Med Bay that night, falling asleep next to your bed. The gentle beeping of the monitors swept him into a dream. There was water, screams and fear. They were your screams; begging him for help. Lucas only remembered the cold water and your screams as he jerked awake.
Your eyes were open and you were smiling at him. “You okay? Have a bad dream?” you asked, yawning. You felt groggy, but strangely content, especially upon seeing Lucas.
He rushed to you, cupped your cheek and then kissed you softly. But gradually the kiss grew deeper, and hotter, until he pulled away. “How are you feeling?” he asked.
“Just tired,” you replied.
“Do you want me to get you anything?”
“Can I have a cold drink, please? Soda, milk, water. Just something cold.”
Lucas left the room and you pulled yourself up slowly. A thumping headache began in your temples and behind your eyes, a sure sign of tension and stress that you knew all too well.
***
The next two days saw more crew visiting not only the mess hall at night but the Med Bay, asking for advice on nightmares and panic attacks. Even Captain Hudson had noticed that he seemed more on edge of late. There were far too many crew affected now for it not to be noticeable and not be a problem that needed addressing.
Jonathan Ford and Tim O’Neill, along with a couple of the engineers, Dagwood, the chief cook and the doctor himself, were the only people who seemed to be unaffected. Every other person was showing symptoms, to varying degrees, of fear, panic and dread.
On the third day of you being in the Med Bay, a mild sedative still in your system to calm the nightmares you were having a night, you were awoken to Lieutenant Fredricks being pulled into the room by Brody and O’Neill.
“Please, don’t. They’ll run experiments on me,” she wept, pulling against the two men either side of her.
The screams had pulled you out of another beckoning nightmare with the visiting shadow demon, who sometimes came to you at night and stood at the foot of your bed. All of the noise and commotion shook you to the core, causing a shockwave of anxiety to race through you like a power surge. But your concern for your comrade still trumped the fear you felt.
“Freddie?” you called to her. She continued weeping uncontrollably as Brody and the doctor held her down on the bed, ready to administer a sedative. “Freddie? You’ll be okay. I promise. They won’t hurt you.” You slipped out of bed, almost falling in your weakness, and you took her hand in yours. “Shhh, it’ll be okay.”
The feel of your hand in hers, and your kind words, soothed Fredricks as the sedative was administered by the doctor.
“How can she feel so much fear when she has an implant?” Brody asked.
“The virus is somehow overpowering every other emotion in those who are the worst affected,” the doctor replied. “I don’t think the sedatives, long term, will be enough. The UEO still has no idea what’s causing this. They’re requesting blood works be sent of each crew member who is affected, which is over eighty per cent. I don’t know if I can get that many reports sent over all at once in the time frame they’re asking for.”
“How long are they asking for, Doc?”
“A week. I’ve only got the capacity to run five blood samples every twelve hours. That’s ten every twenty-four hours, and there are well over a hundred crew affected by this. If this gets worse, we may have to abandon the tour and return to land to fully hospitalise and test everyone. And we don’t know how contagious this is or where it came from.”
By the end of the week, the Med Bay was full. Most of the crew were utterly exhausted through lack of sleep due to night terrors. Frequent fights were breaking out over mundane issues. The latest fight had been when Tony Piccolo had had the last croissant at breakfast, pissing off an engineer. A broken nose and black eye later, Tony found himself in the Med Bay for a couple of hours.
You still kept dreaming of the shadow demon, and often you huddled under the covers, hiding from him, just in case he appeared at the end of your bed again. The fear seemed to come in waves; you would be peaceful for a few hours and then suddenly feel the panic rise and see the shadow at the end of your bed, set with glowing eyes and saliva dripping from sharp fangs. Nights were horrendous as that’s when the most fear came out to play and it hung over you all like a thick mist. Fredricks often woke screaming in the bed next to you. The engineer in the bed opposite you had had regular seizures. Thankfully, you had only had one.
The milder cases meant that crew had to continue working, despite being exhausted. Jonathan Ford felt as though he had had no sleep in a week. Every waking moment and he was on the bridge, taking the helm for part of it while Hudson tried to ward off the anxiety that was beginning to get the better of him. Tim O’Neill hadn’t seen his quarters in days, and was often found most nights dozing off in his seat on the bridge. Dagwood had even offered to help, but his kind offer was politely rejected.
Captain Hudson had been having regular talks with Secretary McGath, and it was now becoming a viable option to abandon the tour and return to shore. However, this virus was still unknown, and the UEO would have to make sure that strict quarantine procedures were put in place once the seaQuest returned to its berth. Crew would not be able to disembark immediately. McGath reassured Hudson that everything that could be done by the UEO was being done. The blood samples were being tested; each crew member, one by one, even those who were not affected and weren’t showing symptoms. Some were being tested multiple times. Even full genome scanning had now begun to try to pinpoint some kind of link to all those affected. The UEO had already received the sub’s black box recordings, knowing exactly where it was at any given time. No other infections had been reported in the waters recently visited.
Lucas lay in his bunk, listening to Tony’s snores from below. The snores had been louder and more obnoxious since his broken nose. Lucas was scared to sleep. Dark circles were beginning to frame his blue eyes, marring his pale complexion. Every evening and he visited you, sitting with you for a couple of hours. He would read to you, trying to soothe your nerves. But Fredricks’ outbursts would put you on edge and Lucas knew that any kind of relaxation was impossible. Whenever he closed his eyes, Lucas would see the water and hear you calling for him. It all felt so real, maybe too real.
The hallways were quiet, but then he would feel the energy buzzing from the mess hall, which was usually full of half dozing crew. Should he go for a wander tonight? Maybe a swim with Darwin would help. Or would the water only exacerbate the dreams?
He didn’t know how long he lay awake, but Lucas looked up at the pipes which ran above his bunk. He looked at the photo of you both which he had taped to the metal. You had your eyes open wide, shocked, whilst Lucas was gritting his teeth, pretending to be angry. He remembered fondly all the staged photographs that Tony took of you both whenever you were on shore leave back when Captain Bridger was aboard. There was such a happiness and peace amongst the crew. He remembered when Jim Brody had attempted to flirt with you once or twice, for him only to be scoffed at. Flirting had never impressed you. Humour and compassion impressed you.
He missed you so much, and slowly he turned over, pulling a pillow to his chest, trying to imagine it was you. To think that Lucas had been prepared to give up his place on seaQuest when he met Sandra just over a year ago. She had deceived him, pretending to interested in a relationship, when she only wanted the emergency codes to gain access to seaQuest. And now he was with you. It was a much, much deeper connection, that ran right through to his bones. It had become a dependency on you, a need, and considering that you were the one who had taken his virginity, that made everything so much stronger. Even though he had always had a crush on you since your first meeting, his very brief relationship with Sandra helped him forget the unrequited feelings he had for you. But then they came back even stronger. You had been the one to pick up the pieces of his broken trust that she had left behind.
Lucas lay awake, his eyes stinging with fatigue. Until finally he jumped down from his bunk and wondered out into the hallway, venturing towards your quarters. He just wanted to be close to you in some way, even if only sleeping on your bed.
The room smelled of you, sweet and flowery. And as he stepped inside, closing the door behind him, Lucas smiled to himself. There was a small stack of books on your desk with a pot of pens, all alongside your computer. A potted, ornamental plant and two matching china owls decorated the desk.
On your bed was your favourite patchwork quilt and on the wall were photos and little drawings that you had doodled. Lucas looked closer at the photos, recognising a few of you both with other members of the crew on shore leave. Then there were pictures of you with people whom he had never seen before, no doubt old friends or family members.
Lucas lay on your bunk and wrapped himself in your quilt, inhaling. He immediately felt warmth radiate through his chest and stomach, easing the tension. Exhaustion made it impossible for him to stay awake any longer, and gradually he fell into a deep sleep.
The dream changed; it was no longer water, but darkness. A light shone in the distance, a faint candlelight and when he got closer to it, he saw that he was standing in an empty garden. A candle, resting in a glass jar was upon the grass. He picked up the candle and began to walk, following a pathway. The whole place was empty, quiet and dark. The feeling of being so alone made Lucas’ heart speed up, pounding like a drum in his chest. Where was everyone?
He began to call, hoping someone would answer. But nothing. No one was there. Everyone had deserted him.
With a gasp, Lucas woke suddenly. He wiped his cheek, only to feel a tear clinging to it.
***
Captain Hudson reluctantly agreed for UEO officers to come aboard seaQuest in two days’ time to begin the gradual emptying of the sub of all crew. The crew would be taken to a contained quarantine facility in Florida whilst tests were still being carried out and their symptoms could be monitored closer.
Secretary McGath’s image dominated Hudson’s screen in his quarters. “Captain, it’s obvious that the crew aren’t recovering from this virus, whatever it is, and bringing the seaQuest into berth could possibly cause a contamination of the coastlines.
“So you’re saying that the boat has to be left out here in the middle of the Atlantic with no crew aboard?” Hudson asked in disbelief.
“Oliver, what else do you propose we do? The biggest cause for concern is the sub’s bio skin which can quite easily carry viruses and disease. Until we know what this virus is and how it’s affecting the crew, we have no other option. seaQuest will have to remain dead in the water until our chief scientists have figured out what needs to be done. All the sub’s recordings and mission data are still being analysed.”
***
seaQuest tag list: @shrimpsthings
#seaquest#seaquest dsv#seaquest 2032#Lucas wolenczak#captain Oliver hudson#lucas wolenczak x fem!reader#commander Jonathan ford#lieutenant lonnie henderson#lieutenant Tim o'neill#lieutenant James brody#dagwood#lieutenant j j fredricks#Darwin the dolphin#Tony piccolo
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ugh
I do still have regular breaks, but I’m getting through them. It’s like chronic pain. It flares up once in a while and there’s nothing I can really do but ride it out. Self-medicate, sleep a lot, etc. It’s always weird because in the middle of it, I could swear I’ve never felt worse, but then eventually I just snap the fuck out of it. One day everything seems terrible, and the next everything is fine.
I know that’s THE symptom of Depression and I know the self-harm is a symptom of BPD, but fuck I wish I knew how it worked and why.
I do still feel in some ways that I’m too late for a lot of what I wanted to do. Reading accounts from people who are a lot younger than me, and listening to their stories... It makes me realize that if I wanted to achieve the life I wanted, I needed to start when I was like... 15.
I mean I tried? As someone with BPD, getting involved with people and having friendships was impossible. I didn’t know that THEN, but the clingy behavior, the desire to be liked, the constant questioning as to whether or not everything was okay... No one knew how to handle that. My peers--those I wanted to hang out with and draw with--did not like me. And this isn’t me asking for comfort or anything... I know for a fact they didn’t like me. One mod of a game I was on sent me an in-game mail that both gave me a strike and said “thou shalt not be annoying.” It’s one of the clearest memories I have. So... Thanks, Rain.
It’s always the bad stuff I remember, too. The little snippets of "advice” that stick in my head. “Thou shalt not be annoying.” “Stop with the metaphors.” “You’re not a good person and you’re not a good friend.” “Maybe one day when you chill out we can be friends.” That’s the shit that runs through my head all the time. The sharp “fuck you” parts of messages that make your head swim and your heart drop. The real feelings disguised under layers of prose.
Point is, my life really didn’t start until I was diagnosed, and even then, it was an uphill battle to where I am now, and I’m still fucking fighting. I think I still give off a... IDK. An aura? Of having one of the “bad” mental illnesses because I am just starting to learn how to interact with people in a societally-sanctioned way.
The shitty thing is, it’s all pretend, and people see through that shit. Any time you ask a neurodivergent person to pretend to be neurotypical, people know. It’s exactly like someone acting in a movie--you may be invested and believe their role, but at the end of the day, you know they’re playing a part.
I’m not supposed to say “I wish” or “if only.” But I really do wish the earliest symptoms of BPD had been caught and treated when I was a lot younger. But with parents that worked all the time, I had no one around me to see that things were wrong.
I think I’m frustrated not because I can’t succeed, but because I don’t know how. When so much of succeeding is performing a very specific dance that I don’t have the capacity to learn, a lot of what I rely on is luck, and the hope that someone will see not me, but what I have to offer. If they can see my writing and my art and not the underlying frantic desperation, I have a chance. Unfortunately, there’s so much of me in all my art that it’s hard to completely separate myself from it.
I am tired. I’m going to try to move forward as much as I possibly can. I want something I create to matter and make an impact, and I want people to know my name. But it’s like asking a carpenter to build a luxury hotel with six planks and a screwdriver. Put yourself in that position. That’s how I feel.
#borderline personality disorder#bpd#actuallybpd#depression#anxiety#personality disorder#mental illness
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Taylor Swift’s Evermore Review
This evening as I was stuck in traffic, driving back from holiday shopping all day for myself because let me tell you something if I don’t give myself something for Christmas, no one will. Anyway, there was not a lot going on at that moment, so I opened Facebook and was hit with great news: Taylor Swift was releasing YET ANOTHER ALBUM, a sister album to folklore named evermore.
Several hours later, at 11:11pm on December 10th, 2020 – after wrapping up my workout for the day and taking a shower – I’m tucked in bed, with a glass of cold water in hand, AirPods in (the pro ones obvi), about to listen to her newest album. So, let’s review it.
willow
Ok, so the instruments are a little more pronounced right away, I suspected this already because the album artwork was in color instead of black and white.
I really liked this song, I don’t know what it is about alternative music that just hits me where it needs to (unlike any other genre), and Taylor is such a great songwriter that I can always feel the meaning in her words even if I don’t relate.
However, I can relate to this one. My favorite lyric:
The more you say
The less I know
Wherever you stray
I follow
I’ve said this to a guy before lol, he ghosted me after three weeks. But those three weeks were everything. Heaven and hell. If you wanna learn more about him read my past posts, you’ll find them right away.
Anyway, I don’t have a man right now, and I don’t want one, but like I said, I can feel the words.
champagne problems
Sadness.
You know what I’ve realized, and maybe everyone already knew this, but when going through a breakup a lot of the pain comes from the other person doing all the things we did together, but with someone else. Even if you were the one to break up the relationship, it still hurts. And this song is just that.
I cannot relate to this song personally because I’ve never done this to a person, but I do like to think that the shitty guy who obliterated my heart last January (yeah, the one I mentioned above) felt this way. Probs not.
Favorite lyrics:
She’ll patch up your tapestry that I shred
And hold your hand while dancing
Never leave you standing
I really enjoyed the piano on this one.
gold rush
Ok, a poppy beat. I like it.
While folklore was mostly not about her life, so far evermore seems very personal, yet very relatable. Gold rush obviously refers to the California gold rush, and thousands (millions? I don’t know, I was educated in Texas) of people relocating to California so they could dig up some gold. Perceptibly, the gold in this case refers to her man, and how everyone wants him (at least in her head).
Favorite lyrics:
I don’t like slow motion
double vision in rose blush
I just like how she can make any words fit. Like, how does she do it?
What must it be like to grow
up that beautiful?
Something that we all wonder about hot people. This song is about the insecurity that comes with being in a relationship, which is why I don’t like being in relationships.
‘tis the damn season
I like this one because it considers what a lot of us consider as well. The what if?
I don’t know if she wrote this one thinking about herself because as far as we know she is really happy with her man, and I really hope it stays that way. But when she says:
And the road not taken looks
Real good now
Was she maybe wondering what life would’ve been like with her hometown lover? I don’t know. But I mean we all definitely consider things like this at some point in our lives, not necessarily about hometown lovers, but about past ones.
Favorite lyrics:
You could call me “babe” for
the weekend
‘Tis the damn season
Write this down
I assume she means the holiday season because don’t we all wish we had someone during it, but like just for the “weekend”? I know I do, but no.
tolerate it
This song is about that looming feeling that takes over a lot of us after the “honey moon” period at the beginning of a relationship is over. The moments where you start to consider whether something is a red flag or whether you are imagining it. I think it happens to everyone, but I don’t want to generalize.
Favorite lyrics:
If it’s all in my head tell me now
Tell me I’ve got it wrong somehow
_
While you were out building
other worlds, where was I?
_
Now I’m begging for footnotes
in the story of your life
For me, all of these lyrics show the insecurities that are typical in a relationship. It’s actually a little painful when you go through it, and it’s almost like you want your partner to wear a bodycam so that you can see and hear every conversation they have, to listen to the way they say things, their tone of voice, compliments they give and to who, just every detail of their life.
It sucks to feel that way.
no body, no crime (feat. HAIM)
Pop country?
This one is just really, like a lot to take in. Obviously, it’s not about Taylor, but it’s told by a person whose friend Este was “murdered” (cheated on I assume); however, I think Este is singing the song. I don’t know, there are many ways you could interpret this story.
I was really impressed though by how it goes from:
But I ain’t letting up until
the day I die
to:
I wasn’t letting up until the day he
Died
My assumption is that it’s about cheating and seeing all the clues, but not having the evidence to prove it, but still avenging yourself in the end. I liked this song.
happiness
The song is a question, “how does something great end?”
“We were so happy, when did it change?”
You know, these are questions that you will ask yourself at some point in your life.
I’m just now realizing that evermore is about why being in a relationship sucks, maybe we’ll get why being in a relationship is great with the rest of the songs, but so far Taylor is doing a great job at reminding me why I don’t want to be in a relationship, and perfect timing because ‘tis the damn season.
This song is the epitome of “easier said than felt”:
There’ll be happiness after you
But there was happiness because of you
No matter how many times you tell yourself this, when you’re going through a break up, this won’t help because you want them to be your happiness.
There’ll be happiness after me
But there was happiness because of me
This one will hurt when your ex finds someone else because not only do they know that there is happiness after you, but they found the happiness after you.
Leave it all behind
And there is happiness
Like I said, easier said than felt.
dorothea
The words we all wish our high school crush would say to us.
Do you ever stop and think about me?
Yes.
coney island (feat. The National)
I think we are entering the “pondering” songs, the ones where you don’t necessarily feel anything for the person, but you’re just thinking about them, and in the case of this song, all the ways you wronged them.
I have never done this to a person because nobody wants me lol. My favorite lyrics:
Will you forgive my soul
When you’re to wise to trust
me and too old to care?
I don’t know, there’s something honest about the question.
ivy
Are the songs getting more philosophical by now, or am I just dumb?
So far, this has been the song that I just cannot understand. Reading over the lyrics once again, I think this is a song about two separately married people having an affair, but not being able of letting go of each other even though they are “promised” to other people.
I don’t know, somebody enlighten me!
Favorite lyrics:
My pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand
Taking mine, but it’s been promised to another
cowboy like me
Now I’m really doubting my mental capacity. What is a cowboy supposed to be like?
I think, and this might be completely wrong, this song is about being in the entertainment industry. About selling yourself within the industry as the “cream of the crop”, but knowing deep down you are not that, and then recognizing someone in the industry doing the same thing as you. You know, just two people going through life selling themselves as the best of the best, and finding comfort in having someone they can be their true selves with.
Favorite lyrics:
You’re a cowboy like me
Perched in the dark
Telling all the rich folks
anything they wanna hear
long story short
Long story short, this is a song about falling and getting back up again.
While I really like the lyrics in the end, when she says she survived the fall from the precipice, these resonated with me a little more:
I always felt I must look
Better in the rear view
I take this to mean something along the lines of “the idea of who I am looks better than who I actually am.” I really identify with this thought because if you met me you would probably think that I’m just so chill and funny (not to toot my own horn lol), but if you got to know me you’d pretty quickly realize I am anxiety-ridden and dislike people very much.
marjorie
For some reason I feel like this song is about a trans person, is that just me? Like, you were born again as Marjorie, and you have a dead name now, but the essence of who you are is not dead to me.
Maybe not. I don’t know.
This could also be about losing the person you love, and wishing you had appreciated and enjoyed the times you spent with them a little more. This seems more like it.
I love that Taylor’s writings can be interpreted in many ways, and you know it’s all deliberate. Like she planned it like that. Ugh, her mind!
Favorite lyrics:
Never be so kind
You forget to be clever
Never be so clever
You forget to be kind
For me this is a message on how you should keep a good balance in who you are. A reminder to not lose track of yourself.
closure
Well, this song is about closure. The whole first part of the song resonated so much with me because, going back to the guy that broke my heart back in January, well:
It’s been a long time
And seeing the shape of your name
Still spells out pain
It wasn’t right
The way it all went down
While I have gotten over him, the lyrics above mirror how I felt for a really long time even though our “relationship” only lasted three weeks (I’m not exaggerating). By the way, this guy and I were never official or anything.
Favorite lyrics:
It cut deep to know ya
Right to the bone
This is still true. But yeah, I don’t need his closure (not that he would ever reach out), but I got my own closure, and that’s all that matters.
evermore (feat. Bon Iver)
And I couldn’t be sure
I had a feeling so peculiar
This pain wouldn’t be for
Evermore
Coming back to closure and getting over a break up, there’s nothing more painful than the feeling you get when you get broken up with. Every day that you are not with this person, you think of new things you miss about them, and that’s what makes it painful. You keep telling yourself that you’ll get over them, but as the days go by you start doubting whether that is true (btw it’s true), and that’s why those lyrics are so significant.
Thoughts:
Well, I really liked this album just like I did folklore. I think Taylor is entering a new phase in her life. NOT a new era that goes with an album and ends when a new one comes out, but a new phase. That phase when you let go of the immature kid inside of you, and start focusing on yourself instead of others. These past couple of albums have shown that. I’m not saying that Taylor was immature btw, or that she is no longer youthful, but she definitely has a more adult-like air about her.
She also makes it clear why she is the Apple Music’s Songwriter of the Year. Her lyrics are just magnificent, she is able to say so much in a few verses, and she, like, cuts so deep with paper-thin words. It’s impressive, and I definitely see her as poet (since forever).
Anyway, I hope y’all like the album as well, and I hope Taylor keeps making music because I definitely LOVE IT!
Make sure to stream and/or buy her latest album here:
Apple Music
Spotify
YouTube
#taylor swift#evermore#folklore#album#album review#poems#love#relationships#heartbreak#pain#lover#songwriter#review#willow#champagne problems#gold rush#'tis the damn season#tolerate it#no body no crime#happiness#dorothea#coney island#ivy#cowboy like me#long story short#marjorie#closure#bon iver#haim#the national
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Admittedly, I’m Hard to See
Fandom: Beetlejuice the Musical
Chapters: 7/?
Pairing: Beetlejuice x OC (Holidae)
The Players: Beetlejuice, Lydia Deetz, Holidae Bell
Word Count: 1,490
Warnings: M for Language, a little more Violence in this chapter
Notes: DemonPower!Beej needs more attention, I think. Expect him to pop up more often.
Chapter 7: In Which Civility is Attempted
It had been days, and no sign of the resident spectre.
There was still tension between Lydia and Holidae over the whole debacle; spurring random bouts of shouting at one another over the smallest of issues. In all honesty, their anger at each other was beginning to wane, but the lack of Beetlejuice kept Lydia on edge. It was unusual of him to disappear for so long, and there was no sign of him even just… being in the house unseen.
The tension had boiled over at the week-since-the-incident mark, and Lydia decided she needed to get out of the house for a while. She took the car into town, claiming the need for more camera supplies, and left Holidae alone to stew in her own guilt for the afternoon.
Anxiety wormed it’s way into Holidae’s brain; a constant buzzing sensation running through her veins as she paced around the house, looking for any kind of distraction, however inane it might have been. At a loss, she wandered outside onto the garish patio, flopping into one of the lawn chairs set out beside a small table. Thankfully, it was overcast and a cool autumn breeze scattered fallen leaves around the deck. Perfect napping weather, if nothing else.
Holidae had just started to nod off when the chair suddenly dipped down, creaking as it tried to bear the extra weight. Blinking her eyes open, she was nose to nose with the missing ghost, his expression… unreadable from such a close distance. The only clue she had was the purple hue that covered his normally green locks.
“That’s my chair, breather.” Beetlejuice leaned closer, pressing his chest against hers.
Holidae was pinned down in the lawn chair, surprised when it didn’t break under the weight of two full-grown adults. Moving her legs subtly, she realized only half of his weight was balancing on top of her, the rest of him hovering just a few inches above her bottom half. She couldn’t tell if it was more or less intimidating to see him just floating above her.
She poked at his stomach, “Thank you for reminding me I’m an imposition to everyone in this house, but I can’t get up.”
Without a word, he took hold of her by the shoulders, lifting her out of the chair as though she weighed nothing. He carried her up to the top of the full-sized wall facade, keeping her suspended high above the ground. Holidae clutched at his arms for dear life, her nails digging into his sleeves.
“No no no… wait, don’t… don’t….” Holidae’s voice cracked.
“This is the right height to break someone’s neck, right? Or at he very least, break something. I could always just snap it and then drop you just to make sure.” Beetlejuice’s claws ripped into her shirt as he loosened his grip. “Ooooh babydoll it has been a long time since I ended a life. Kinda miss it, you know? Lyds doesn’t really want me to hurt anyone, but since she’s not entirely thrilled about you lately, she won’t mind.”
Holidae was grasping at him, trying to reach around his neck to support herself, “Beetlejuice, please don’t drop me. Just… can’t we just talk? Lydia… she told me everything!”
The ghost casually vanished out of her grip, reappearing on the edge of the wall connected to the decking. Holidae felt herself being suspended in mid-air, invisible hands supporting her as she was caught mid-fall. A wave of nausea made her stomach lurch as she glanced down at the ground below, a soft haze clouding the edges of her vision. One of the transparent limbs was wrapped around her throat, forcing her chin upward to look at him instead of her impending death.
“Everything?” He asked, crossing one leg over the other, “That’s a little vague, isn’t it? Better start clarifying or… I dunno, maybe I’ll just forget to keep you up. Sometimes my attention span isn’t the greatest.”
For emphasis, he snapped his fingers, and Holidae dropped a few inches before being lifted back up. Panting hard, she fought the urge to just faint right then and there, her blood pounding in her ears loud enough to muffle his voice.
It was like the carnival ride from hell.
“She… she told me about the Maitlands.” Holidae was sweating now, the cold air making her shiver. “About how she could see you, a-about her mother, the N-N-Neitherworld… and the marriage that was subsequently followed by your murder.”
Another snap of his fingers and Holidae was perched on the wall next to him. She clutched his arm for fear of falling, pulling it tight against her chest as though she could will him to stay put. The two of them sitting there would have almost painted a rather… romantic picture, if not for the fact he had already made a few attempts on her life in the last five minutes.
Beetlejuice was surprisingly quiet for a long time, absently scratching a spot in the middle of his chest, “...she didn’t have to tell you that.”
“Lyddy just started talking, and I listened.” Holidae could feel her heart rate returning to normal, looking up at him to notice he was still sporting his violet hue. “Speaking of which: please go talk to her when she gets back. She’s miserable and I can’t fix it, but I know you can. Just… anything. Talk about the weather. Or some cool bug you found. Anything.”
“I don’t want to talk to her. She can come talk to me.” His brow was furrowed in frustration, but his hand managed to find its way onto her thigh despite his mood. “Besides, I’m sure you two will patch things up and start gossiping about me during sleepovers or some shit.”
Holidae gave his shin a swift kick, “Asshole. No wonder you two are bestest best friends; you’re both too stubborn for any sane person to tolerate. Suck it up and go make her happy.”
With an annoyed grunt, Beetlejuice dragged the girl up onto his lap, dipping her upper half low as though they were dancing, “Stupid move, kicking someone who is literally holding your life in his hands. Got a death wish or something? Listen, I already went through this suicidal breather routine with Lyds, I really don’t have the capacity to care about anyone else’s problems.”
“Then stop talking about it and just fucking drop me, I’m tired.” She knew it was a risky move, but it he wanted her pulverized on the ground, he wouldn’t have let her keep talking.
At least, she hoped that was the case.
The ghost stared at her for a long time, as if he were trying to see something on her person that would be otherwise hidden from view. She started to blush; but she wasn’t sure if it was from the intense scrutiny, or the blood starting to rush to her head from the angle she was being held. One thing she did note was that his violet coloring was fading away into his normal neon green.
“Alright, alright… dumb humans and your sense of morality.” Beej rolled his eyes, transporting them back to the deck. “Ugh, it gets so old.”
Well, in actuality he was standing on solid ground, but Holidae was being held up in his grasp; just enough to have her feet dangling helplessly in the air. Even though he wasn’t that much taller than she was, it was still enough of a difference to thoroughly annoy the poor woman. To add insult to injury, he started to swing her back and forth like a pendulum, causing her to wrap arms around his neck in reflex.
Her stomach did a little flip; being in such close proximity was making her feel off. It wasn’t the musty smell that hovered around him, as she thought as first. No, that wasn’t entirely unpleasant. And neither was his appearance in general, the longer she stared at him. Even with mold growing in various spots. He was rather attact-
Bad thought train, she mentally scolded herself. Must exit.
“Can you please let me down now? I would really appreciate being able to experience gravity.” Holidae pouted, feeling her cheeks flush hot even though he was noticeably cold to the touch.
He shook his head, sticking out his striped, snake-like tongue, “Pfft, who needs gravity? You’re being held in the arms of the Neitherworld’s number one bachelor. Feel honored, Holly-Berry, do you know how many undead ladies and lads would love to fill those shoes of yours? So many.”
Holidae was about to make a retort, when a suspiciously loud clicking caught both of their attentions at the same time. Lydia was standing in the doorway to the house, camera in one hand as she waved around the newly printed polaroid in the other. Beetlejuice and Holidae glanced at each other, and then back at Lydia as she inspected the photo.
“Damn. That guy at the store lied to me.” Lydia frowned, lining up the picture next to her two still-frozen companions. “Can’t see ghosts with this film.”
Writing Tags: @mr-geuse @paxenera @leiasolo77 @go-commander-kim @ashemspirit
#beetlejuice broadway#beetlejuice fanfiction#beetlejuice musical#beetlejuice the musical#writing time#beetlejuice x oc#beetlejuice x self insert
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End of the old Earth - September 23 - oh yes!
Of other things, there’s actually a good reason why it had been brought lately by some 'Bible followers’* that 09/23/2017 brings the end of the Earth, a catastrophe, Nibiru’s return or whatever. Guess what. Considering another planet’s alignment (with Jupiter and Virgo included) and the fall/spring equinox that day, it will be a (welcome!) ‘catastrophe’, just as 2012 was! >:))
(source: Stellarium software)
It will be the end of their old school control over our minds and bodies, end of pleasing others, end of old teachings, the mental and emotional harassment to lay low and act like a worthless zero, fearful, the end of threatening us with god’s anger, death, and destruction for sins we never made, and the scare against the Red Dragon specifically. I don’t know if the Red Dragon comes soon or in 2036 (the Fire Dragon’s year) or if it’s already here in all abusive countries making people wake up, stand up, look around, speak aloud and take action.
The Red Dragon may appear in the least expected place. The dragon is the wisdom & truth which the Catholic Church had been trying to cover and fears as they’re liars and they made up something to rule over this planet. The Red Dragon is the true Life Force, the Chi energy, independent free-thinker, vital, sexual, fiery, wise, omnipotent, and multi-talented. It depicts everything the Catholic Church (Islam & Judaism too) had been trying to tame, especially in Europe, Africa, Australia and South America between XII-XV centuries.
One religion triggers the birth of another, with more dualities, stirring more conflict and wars, to fight ‘in the name of 1 exclusive god who is best then any other’. The most harmful, forced procedure is a conversion from a pure, happy spirit into a ‘dirty’ sinner, mortal who must pay cash to be ‘purged’. Conversion to any religion from a non-religious state of pure spirit is a rape performed on said spirit.
The coming of the Red Dragon means the ultimate end of lies of the Church and all organized religions in the eyes of billions of people. Not that bishops will shut up. It’s the people who will find a detachment in their hearts, minds and spirits to not give any more energy - attention, thoughts and money to, but also and against religions. Often when we dislike something we nevertheless engage into criticizing which is also giving one’s energy to that negative force which created the topic, and feeds with. Religions will die out without attention. If there’s a venue but nobody wants to perform at and watch, it gets abandoned, it loses sponsors and supporters. The only answer people can give to the Church is ‘No!’, because they should know by now where love and peace can be found - in their own hearts and in activities which make their hearts truly happy. Churches will be abandoned and forgotten. Cardinals and bishops will not be given any more grants, easy money, they will not be invited to bless a new company, street, condo, or a governor. They’ll no more decide if a person can be buried on a cemetery owned by the Church. Or if a woman should undergo abortion or not, or if a pharmacy can sell ‘abortion’ pills, or even condoms to young women and men. All this sexuality makes the Church jealous because they have formally deprived themselves of it, yet their bodies are screaming for sex because it’s a human thing to have and they’re mostly men in this ‘service to humanity’. Sex, when supported with love, trust, connection, stability means pure joy, yet it’s a process of releasing dualities which we humans were pushed into, of harmonization, balancing, and a creation of the most powerful 3rd energy in union (and unison even better!) which makes us closer to angelic beings as we used to be. Instead, priests and cardinals end up shooting movies with abused little boys grabbed from a choir then are forgiven and covered by the Vatican.
I’m foreseeing that churches will be transformed into places for art, dance, music and spirit, ran and owned by non-religious, yet spiritual, artistic people to enjoy their free spirits and co-create, as these places usually have a capacity and architecture prepared to capture a lot of vibration to resonate well. How many priests will leave the Church to pretend they’re different now, to keep the money flow? :] What will the Vatican do? Move out on Mars accompanied by NASA and Elon Musk? Hey, we’ve been there. All they’re looking for are lost, buried weapons and skeletons in corridors below the surface. We’ve lost Venus, we’ve lost Mars and if changes are not made, we may lose Earth too if the oceans pollution continues. So far oceans are treated like a bag for everything, from regular cans to trashed satellites, rockets and nuclear tests. The BP’s oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico is the one to blame for the latest increase of hurricanes in that area, plus weather control which is no more needed as the ozone layer returns to its previous, healthy state but the weather control had done more damage than it was supposed to help.
The Red Dragon is the symbolical sea of living anger of pure spirits, old souls who were suppressed in their natural progression for million years. It is a consciousness of wisdom which not only opens the eyes and hearts but also stirs an angry response towards those who have abused us for so long. Religion, banks, government, husbands, wives, children, parents, employers and employees, social media owners etc etc etc = a total revolution is underway. Angelics cannot develop any further when we still need to beg for money every week, being slaves in companies where we do not do what enjoys us, paid little and demanded much, underestimated when we create art, novels, movies, music, handmade stuff and when consumers demand it almost for free. We cannot move any further in our Ascension if all these limitations, a lack of understanding and empathy exist. The split will occur because it is our wish to move on, to burn bridges while we leave the rest of the population to their own devices.
2012 was also announced as the ‘end’ year and yet it was the end - of the waiting, of old consciousness, of limitation; those who were meant to meet, they have met as promised and wished for. We recognized w/ my twin in 2012. And guess what? 2012 was the year of the Water Dragon. Mayans, Aztects respected a snake. Snake and Dragon, are very meaningful in many ancient cultures, they appear under similar names and may also be depicted alike (the Euro dragon is different to the Eastern dragon, but for instance Wikings’ dragons when used for a boat decoration were similar to snakes). It was in 2012 when it ate its tail = the snake/dragon had learnt about himself and became ready to advance to another level. And so the next cycle started then. Our eyes felt bigger and dry, colors looked more intense and shapes were sharper, reality felt closer, separation was temporarily gone.
I’m not saying that it’s all related to a dragon but myths and legends and also religions always try to slain the dragon/snake, as if symbolically to prevent the advancement of the Earth, the truth for the humans, the change of the linear time into quantum etc, the overall progress and transformation. Myths and legends were mostly made to scare people against monsters - the reason for why the fear of unknown, ugly, non-humanoid, and overall different was created. The ancient reason for racism and hatred towards minorities too. Obviously, there were also nice, and happy legends ;) We’ll welcome the Wood Dragon in 2024 (numerological 44=8) but in 2036 (56=11) we’ll have the year of the Fire Dragon again. It’s another cycle too - Water lets the Wood grow. The Wood lets the Fire burn. We’re 5 & 6 (33) with my twin thus 11 together. I only hope we won’t need to wait that long to start living together as it would make us enjoy only several years together before we die, with over 20 years in LDR. Ugh. I didn’t volunteer for such a drama. I will be 60 years old in 2036 = 60 = 3+3 ;)
When I get ready I’ll write about who Seraphim, Dragons and Draconians are, as I’ve received from my higher self to shed some new light on the topic. I carry the essence of these.
*(Genesis seems to be the only chapter left alone because this Universe was was always about genes, creation, while other chapters were altered for the purpose of the Church’s expansion and killing the remained truth, wisdom, burning wise healers, channelers, free people who only follow their heart and rebel against taking alien’s contradictory ‘rules’ into their pure spirit).
[This post is copyrighted by the author of this blog who prefers to remain anonymous. My posts must not be used for commercial purposes of any kind. Respect my work - ask first before you copy, always include a link back to my site when you quote a part of my writing!]
#bible#seraphim#dragons#red dragon#religions#end of the world#september 23#2309#fall equinox#vatican
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