#u sick fuck (me.. i am the sick fuck)
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there are a lot of posts out there that are positive and healthy coping mechanisms for handling the holidays. this is not one of them :)
i think there's like. going to be times in your life you will be stuck in a social situation that you cannot escape from gracefully. i do not know why the internet doesn't believe these times exist. it's not always just that your physical safety is at risk - sometimes it's legit like "i just don't currently have the energy or time to put in the effort of responding to this." sometimes it's a coworker you hate so much. sometimes it's just like, fine, you know? like you know you can handle your aunt when she's cheerily horrible, but if you actually set a boundary around her, it's going to be weeks of fallout with your father.
i don't know why people think the answer is always just "cut them out!" or "don't let them get away with that!" because ... the real world is tricky and complicated. i think kind of a lot of us have an internal "radiation poisoning" meter for certain people. like - i'm talking about the ones who are absolutely giving you gradual ick damage. like, you can handle them, but you'll be exhausted.
and yes. you absolutely should listen to your therapist and the good posts about handling others and set good boundaries and take care of yourself. prioritize peace.
HOWEVER :) ...... since im often in a situation with a Gradual Sense of Ick person i cannot just "cut out" of my life (without losing someone else precious to me) - i have sort of developed the most. maladaptive form of mischief possible. because like, if i'm going to have to listen to this shit again, i like to have a little bit of private fun with it.
now! again, i am physically safe, just mentally drained by this man. you should only do this with people you are not in danger with. which leads me to my suggestions for when your Unfortunate Acquaintance shows up and says oh everyone pay attention to me.
my favorite word is "maybe!" said as brightly and happily as possible. whenever the Horrible Person starts in on a topic you do not want to go further with, particularly if they make a claim that you know to be inaccurate, do not respond to it. you and i have both tried to actually argue with this person, and it hasn't gone well, because this person just wants the drama of an argument. however, "maybe!" gives them literally nothing to go on. it is incredibly disarming. they are used to people having some response. they know they can't prove what they're saying, and maybe! treats them like the child they are. it dismisses them in the politest way possible.
i like to say maybe! and then, in their stunned silence, immediately change the subject. this is because i have adhd and i will have something unrelated to talk about, but if you can't think of topics fast enough, i recommend just pointing to something and saying, "isn't that lovely?" because fuck you let's bring in some positivity.
by the way. that second trick - of pointing to something and stating an opinion about it? - that just works on its own, like, 70% of the time. i picked it up from teaching preschoolers. it's an intentional "redirect". it stops children crying and it also stops grown adults from finishing their explanation on why women belong in kitchens. dual wielding!
keep it silly for yourself. i absolutely do not care if people think i'm fucking stupid (it's more fun if they do) and as a result i will purposefully misunderstand things just to see how long it takes them to realize i've completely removed them from the subject at hand. when they say "women aren't funny" i get to be like. "which women." "all women." "all women in america?" "no in the world." "like the mole people? the people in the world?" "what? no. like, alive." "oh are we not counting the mole people?" "what the fuck are you talking about." "you don't believe in the mole people?"
similarly, i play a personal game called "one up me." my Evil Acquaintance literally knows this game exists (my family & friends caught onto it and now also play it) and it always fucking gets him. i don't know why. you have to be willing to be a little free-spirited on this one, though. the trick is that when they make one of those horrible little bigoted or annoying comments they are always making, you need to go one unit weirder. not more intense, mind you - just more weird. "you don't look good in that dress." "yeah, actually, my other dress was covered in squid ink due to a mishap at the soup store." "you shouldn't wear such revealing clothes." "wait, what? oh shit. sorry, your son tears off strips when no one is looking and eats them. i swear it was longer before we left the building."
the point of "one up me" is to completely upend this person's narrative. we both know this person likes setting up situations where you cannot "win" and then they really like telling other people how badly you handled it. in a usual situation, if you respond "please don't say something that rude", you're a bitch. but if you let it happen, you're letting yourself be debased. they are not usually expecting door number three: unflappably odd. because what are they going to say when they're telling everyone how badly you behaved? "she said my son eats her dresses" ".... okay?"
if you can, form an allyship with someone whomst you can tagteam with. where they can pick up on your weird "soup store" story and run with it.
the following phrase is amazing and can be deployed for any situation: "oh, be nice :) it's the holidays!" i do not know why this works as often as it does. i'll say it for the most random shit. i think this is bc most of the time these people know they're being impolite, they just like to fight.
godbless. when in doubt, remember that you could always start stealing their pens.
the whole point of this is - if you can't escape. maybe see how long you can just be. like. a horrible little menace.
#this is objectively bad advice#don't listen to it protect yourself and do real work on yourself find one of the good posts i've made about this#but also. u know. if u want to have fun while u do the work of setting boundaries#.... it IS fun#i will say that my fear of him went SO down after i just started. fucking with him.#bc i used to get SO fucking upset#i'd spend WEEKS arguing with him. tearing my hair out. sick with anxiety and dread and anger about all of it#and now i just LITERALLY do not engage#instead i'm like '' haha :) mole people" and get the HELL out of any tense conversation#i kind of think some of these people are literally addicted to drama as a form of connection#they like the rush they get from arguing#but those arguments are incredibly damaging for me#so like..... i am in the process of literally rehabilitating this person to figure out how to find connection thru#NORMAL CONVERSATION#he doesn't get it yet#i also do talk to them like they're preschool kids lmafo . ''are you using a safe and kind voice right now?''#'' do you need a snackie? you sound a little upset. let's have some hummus and come back to playtime when we feel ready''
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i feel like people are sleeping on the occam's razor situation of how buckwild it is to outright accuse a guy of being a clone of your friend even if you DO have a lot of circumstantial evidence. there's other options is what im saying. they could just be like. a guy. that's a sensible deduction. you should explore that deduction. ignore my shirt that reads I <3 RED HERRINGS.
i still think odile has the correct theory on lock but she's smart enough to know it needs like... a real smoking gun to be able to bring it up without sounding insane.
anyway. (mirabelle voice) i know its rude to speculate but has anyone else noticed the grieving? they seem to be grieving. does anyone have any thoughts on the grieving? i have some thoughts on the grieving.
#[isabeau voice] am i insane or does sometimes loop talk like they might have killed their whole family. is that just me? just checking.#nille design highly inspired by @kiwibrain's since its the one that imprinted in my mind. liberties taken since i didnt look @ reference#anyway i have a lot more thoughts on this? i guess ill hide them in the tags...? scroll down i suppose.#isat#in stars and time#isat spoilers#in stars and time spoilers#isat act 6 spoilers#isat loop#isat siffrin#isat bonnie#isat nille#isat fanart#in stars and time fanart#doodlebyte#----------------------------------------------------------------------#anyway the extra thoughts. are literally just my general thoughts on postcanon. (and thus are the context for all of my postcanon doodles!)#which is i think nille joins the party before loop reappears for a start (either from a period of nonexistence or just wandering around)#and that like. i think the party should be able to integrate loop as a completely new person. because they are! the secrecy isn't great but#They and Siffrin shuffle into different ecological niches in the party (eg. i think sif is more squeamish after it all but loop isnt)#and while it's not *exactly* what Loop wanted they get that beggars can't be choosers. and its pretty good#(i am glossing over how i think loop's reappearence drags both them and siffrin into a massive behavioural backslide and is likely a bit#distressing to watch go down. cycle of argument -> lovebombing -> normalcy -> repeat. etc etc. but since they are no longer literally#stewing in the worst pressure cooker of all time they do resolve it via productive conversation on their own time. its fine)#the party well-meaningly tries to deduce things from loop's vagueries and are able to pin down the DEAD FAMILY vibe pretty quickly.#but eventually the question of their prior identity falls by the wayside because well! they're just their friend loop! (also change belief)#as for how The Truth Come Out... this is what i mean by The Isabeau Torment Nexus(tm). which is that i think... isiloop should almost occur#BEFORE isabeau knows who loop is. he's just genuinely charmed by them eventually and tries to close the open end of the polycule#which FREAKS LOOP THE FUCK OUT because thats just too genuinely sick and wrong. and obviously w emotions high its not a great confrontation#ANYWAY told u i had more thoughts. if i were normal itd be a text post but.
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A lil rant about my experience with this god forsaken fandom
I made this blog around 2020 when I was 13 years old. This was my first shot at a dedicated fandom blog and I was pretty excited for it, to make friends, draw fanart, post fun stuff and what not.
All fun right? Right, so tell me why was it that literal 20 years olds felt the need to harass me, a then 13 year old girl with a relatively small blog, for the dumbest reasons possible?
What did I do that subjected me to 2 and a half years worth constant daily threats and harassment? Hmm???
You wanna know my crime? Apparently I showed interest in an antagonist character, which is so awful that grown adults felt the need to bully me. And following those adults came young impressionable people my age, that joined the bandwagon of hate against me.
As if other fandoms don’t have people literally dedicating themselves to a villain, no one bats an eye to that. Why did this fandom have such an issue? I also apparently dared to criticise the main character for a few of his flaws. Such a horrible thing to do right? I need to be burnt at the stake for it right?
I didn’t follow the “fixed” standards of the fandom so I was to be sent de*th/r*pe threats daily?? For not following the “rules” I was to be ostracised?
No please someone explain…I’m but a dumb bitch, I don’t understand what I did so terribly wrong to deserve this? Did I start a war? Did I rip open someone’s plush? Did I bully someone for not having the same ideology as me?
No it was but the fandom itself that for some reason found it so fun to bully a 13 year old, send her de*th and r*pe threats all because of not being of pjo fandom standards…let’s go and bombard her with hate!!
Do you realise how fucking stupid…this all sounds? Do you realise how low this is? Was bullying a child so fun? So trendy at the time?
Then came the victim blaming- I laugh everytime I remember people saying I must have done something really bad to get such harassment, that it’s all for attention. What kid wants to get hate everyday of their life for 2 whole fucking years? Tell me?
You know wanna know what I did wrong? Fight back, call the hate anons out for their bigotry. I was vocal about it, that’s what I did wrong right? Stand my ground? People said to ignore it and I did. But I still got bullied daily even if I didn’t respond. What was all this for?
I can imagine people asking why I didn’t simply leave the fandom? Why the fuck should I? I enjoy the stories, I enjoy the characters, they were my escape from real life struggles. It was the bullying I didn’t enjoy. Everyday I’d log on to enjoy posts and a few minutes later when the bigots found out I was active I was sent an anonymous threat.
Many of my oldest friends had to reduce the amount they interacted with me in fear of receiving harassment themselves. The extent of this is bigotry is beyond my understanding.
I did not deserve this much suffering AND ALL FOR WHAT? A STUPID LITTLE REASON THAT HAS BARELY ANY WEIGHT TO IT. Do people even realise the extent of what happened is beyond me. And Idc if I sound selfish, I want a fucking apology from all those bigots. I want compensation for the 2 and a half years of abuse I endured alone. I just want this bigotry to end, which surprise surprise! Still continues to happen.
Why do I bring this up now that it’s all over you ask? I’ve actually brought it up once before, but it was swept under the rug, (My deepest appreciation to the very few people who supported me when I first talked about it) I’m just finally being more vocal, because this has stuck with me. For all those 4 years this has stuck with me. It doesn’t mean if it’s over for now that all the trauma doesn’t linger. It still affects me to this day.
In fact I’m still being stalked by one of the people who sent me hate anons. One of the hate anons was revealed to be one of my bestest friends, they had admitted this to me and had the nerve to beg me to still remain friends. They were also the person who groomed me. They have left the fandom scene and I’ve rid of them from my life but they still continue to stalk me.
What do I get from ranting about all this? A bit of solace, a bit of weight off my shoulders. But nearly not enough for me to actually fucking heal. I also want people to realise how bigoted some are and how horrible the mentality of “fixed fandom standards/ideologies” is and that we as a fandom need to fucking change. Heck I know this issues in every fandom. But can we at least start with ours for a change for once?
Along side all of this there’s also a lot of racism and trans/homophobia that still actively prevails. Just look at what Leah went through when her casting was announced. Did she deserve all of that?? “Not my annabeth” do you realise how horrible that is to say to a CHILD? She is Annabeth whether you like it or not. And you are very welcome to leave if you wish to stick to your stupid racist nonsense.
I bet there are many others who have probably suffered the same may it not be for the same reasons, but everyone of them deserve their apologies and compensation as well.
Idc if I’ll get hate for this. I said what I said. I’m just so done.
#trigger warning#tw hate#I was also informed I was being mocked in group chats and there were sick rumours about me.#i won’t give a fuck if I get harassed again cux this literally shows how low this fandom will get#there’s so many layers to this I haven’t even gone into detail on#but I just want atleast this off of my chest. I was shaking and short of breath as I wrote this#I wish to thank all my oldest moots and friends that stuck by me despite everything. I cannot express how thankful I am to you guys#love you all tons.#what do u mean by compensation? just an apology from the same people who hurt me. which is nearly impossible. but idc I want to find them#and confront them. I need to bring my 13 year old self justice for what she went through. I pushed her feelings aside when this was over#but she never healed. I’m hoping she gets a bit of peace for now.#pjo fandom#percy jackson fandom#fandom toxicity
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You condone violence against innocent civilians?
i don’t “condone” it but i’m not condemning it in this context because apart from the actual babies and children, there are no “innocent civilians” in israel. the men, the women, the elderly—they’re all settlers and they’re all complicit in the crimes of their government. almost all of them have homes they can flee to outside of israel. they take their sweet time packing up their bags and going to the airport to fly elsewhere. a huge number of the israeli population also holds american citizenship because they are all settlers. they are living on very recently stolen land, in other people’s very recently stolen homes. they have in the past made it a celebration to watch missiles strike palestinian civilians. after facing decades of terror and brutalization, if palestinians are finally striking back violently, i 100% support it. and they have not intentionally targeted civilians i beg u to actually get news from somewhere that isn’t western media twisting the narrative. purposefully killing and torturing civilians is a tactic straight out of israel’s playbook. not palestine’s. everything israel is promising to do in retaliation, it has already done to the people of gaza. it has already killed and abducted women and children on purpose, for years on end. thousands of people jailed indefinitely without cause. countless residents bombed to rubble. where’s the condemnation from everyone for that
and once again, even if a handful of civilians were targeted by hamas, i don’t condemn it. because again: the civilians are fucking settlers. palestinians have been nonviolent in their resistance for a long time and an oppressed group can only be passive for so long before they start to hate their aggressor. all of this is a result of the israeli government terrorizing palestinians for decades and the israeli settlers choosing to be there. who would the israeli government do all this for if there wasn’t a population it was governing? only the children are absolved of that guilt because they haven’t had the choice to be there or move back to wherever the fuck they came from
open up a history book. decolonization is violent. and i will always be on the side of the oppressed, no matter how violently they fight back
#sorry if this makes some of u unfollow me i don’t care i am SICK of compassion everyone seems to suddenly have found#when none of you ever fucking even think about palestine and the horrors its people face every day#palestine#anonymous#answered
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sometimes i feel like i hate everyone
#if i ever say “i hate you” dont take it personally#everyone does stupid shit sometimes n thats fine but its happening sm and im sick of it n i need to speak up#chances are if u see this ur not part of the problem bc ur actually reading the shit i post#the fact that barely anyone realized that i relapsed into sh yesterday is crazy#im not doing this for attention its a fucking cry for help and most of yall are ignoring me#you ignore me when im fine and you ignore me when i need you#what am i supposed to do ffs#do i have to show you my bleeding thighs for you to ask how i am?#do you have to wait until i scream and cry and hurt myself for you to care abt me?#do i not matter unless im hurting? or do i not matter even when i am hurting?#do i have to fucking die for any of yall to realize theres something mentally wrong w me?#fuck you all youre just as bad as my parents#except for the four people who talked me out of spiralling last night#two of which were people i barely/dont know#so yeah maybe try harder n actually ask ur friends how they are#dont push them to the point where they need to be comforted by strangers
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just watched the newest jjk ep and I am physically unwell
#ramblesss#what the fuck was that#that was so sick#fwisted#nobara baby i am so#STOPPPP#MY SCKRUNLIES#IM GONNA CRY#NO FUCK THAT I DID CRY#THE GOJO + ITADORI + MEGS SCENE??????#MAPPA R U TRYING ME RN#DONT PLAY CUZ ILL KMS FR#THIS ISNT A JOKEEEEE#ITS NOT FINNY#is this kind#i swear to god mahito is the root of my problems
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"let the hunter be safe, let them find comfort. and let this dream, their captor... foretell a pleasant awakening. be one day, a fond, distant memory.”
“farewell, good hunter. wake, now.”
sandman x bloodborne rotting my brain-
morpheus feeling deeply for all the tortured souls trapped in this nightmare realm. for the hunters whom he grants waking from their horrific pact to the hunter's dream. for the once-been humans turned beasts whom he gifts a final, peaceful, dreamless sleep.
#i am not done here i have much to say abt this#this started as drawing morpheus as eileen....but then it devolved fr#opening line to bloodborne 'think of it all as a bad dream'#well. homeboy here is going to help u out you tortured unfortunate soul#the hunters dream is bound to you no more#also hi if u like sandman please talk to me about it im dying also bloodborne yes talk to me abt that too if u wish#anyway i WILL continue to be annoying about this just watch me#i need megasized matthew in this bloodborne style#alSO#darkbeast paarl im fuckinnnnnn#hes so cool#that skull????#ITS ACTUALLY HIS SNOUT#SICK AS FUCK#bloodborne#the sandman#morpheus#dream of the endless#darkbeast paarl#eileen the crow#bro i simp so bad for her i love her#need to draw her too tbh#anyway#terra art#cw skull
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oli and 🌸
🌸: draw a character with flowers that match their personality (did i pick good ones let's find out together)
hiii so do you remember in empires s2 when all of the empires all had to bring some artifact/item important to their empire to pix's museum? this is that except instead Pix goes on a road trip with the Historian’s Guild to gather all of them in person and Oli tags along per Gem's request and the real adventure was the queerplatonic relationship we made along the way. have some olipix <3
//
Oli wipes his hands on his pants. "We've got nothin' to do today, yeah?"
Pix nods, "everyone's spending the day in town, and once they're back we'll have to do a headcount and pack up so we can leave first thing tomorrow."
"Okay but like, we're not doing anything 'til they get back, yeah?"
"Er- yes? Oli, what do you have planned?"
//
They end up in a flower field just outside of camp- still accessible, for anyone who needs the leader of the guild, but tucked away behind two caravans in a way that makes it feel as though they're alone.
Oli circles around one caravan with a fist full of flowers and a cream patchwork picnic blanket draped over one arm. Pix scoops up the two books Oli allowed him to bring, and helps spread out the blanket.
"I picked some daisies for you," Oli says as they settle- Pix stacking his books, and Oli spreading out rows of tiny blossoms, "I hope that's alright."
"That's fine."
Pix watches him sort them- length, number of petals, general shape- he smiles to himself and picks up a book and quill.
Oli looks up, "Oi, what are you doing, fella?"
"Sorting out assignments," he scratches jobs beside names, wishing he'd brought a pencil instead when ink drips onto his fingers. "Everyone will need a job when they get back to camp."
"What? No no," Oli reaches for his quill- Pix tilts the book out of his reach, looking up to see Oli's frown. "You're meant to be relaxing. Put that away, sir!"
Pix releases his quill. Oli snatches it by the feather and sets it aside, the black ink leaving stains on the blanket.
"I'll need to do it later," Pix says as Oli takes his book. He blows on the open page to dry the ink a bit faster, then closes it and sets that aside as well, placing the quill on top.
"Yes, later." Oli brushes loose petals off his pants and smiles at him, "now go find some flowers for me! I want an elegant crown, Pixlriffs. Utterly stunning in every way, and I will settle for nothing less than perfection."
Pix chuckles, getting to his feet. His other book sits on the blanket- Oli snatches that too and starts stacking daisies on it. So much for reading on the way. Oli waves him off.
"Go! Flowers don't pick themselves, Pix."
"I'm going, I'm going," he steps carefully off the blanket, already scanning the treeline for patches of flowers. He spots some in the nearby field and starts that way. Azure bluets maybe? Or some poppies?
"Oh, Pix?"
"Hm?"
"Will you get my ribbon box, please, when you come back? I left it in our room."
//
Pixl returns to the blanket with an armful of sunflowers, cornflowers, and a box of decorative ribbons. Oli's tugging the box out of his hand before he's even settled on the blanket, and he scrambles to keep a hold on all the flowers he's gathered.
"Thank you for this," Oli says. He isn't looking at him when he says it, already digging through the bright colored ribbons, pulling out orange, gold, red, pink, setting them all aside. There's a half finished daisy chain laid out over one of his thighs, and a small pile of discarded daisies next to the quill.
"You're welcome," Pix answers, setting out his flowers between them on the blanket. He sorts them simpler than Oli did, sunflowers here, cornflowers there, and soon Oli is putting ribbons in his hands-
"I'd like these ones."
Blue and white, with light lacy trim on the sides. Barely noticeable, but a nice, subtle touch.
"Pretty please," Oli says.
Pix smiles, "I'll do my best."
//
Their meandering conversation cuts off as Oli lifts himself onto his knees and shuffles across the blanket.
He holds out his daisy chain crown, "hold still."
Pix pauses his weaving and bows his head just so, making it easier for Oli to reach. A light weight settles, then pulls away. Oli fluffs up his hair a bit, then the light weight is back, and he's shuffling back.
"There we are!" Oli beams, bright as the sun, as pride and fondness overwhelm his tone. "Beautiful."
Pix laughs, "thank you."
"Anytime." Oli looks down at the mess he's made of the flowers. Pix resumes his weaving as he makes two piles of the flowers- sunflowers here, cornflowers there, this time at the edge of the blanket. Still within reach, but clear enough now for Oli to fully lay down with his head in Pixl's lap.
"Is this alright?" he asks.
Pix brushes his nose with a cornflower as if it's a paintbrush, chuckling at the side eye he gives before swatting the flower away.
"You're fine," Pix tells him.
"Good. I'm going to nap."
Pix picks up another sunflower and starts fitting it onto the crown. "Goodnight."
He wraps the ribbon and other stems around to keep it in place. Oli's eyes are closed. He's frowning. He opens one eye to glare up at Pix.
"What, no sweet wishes? No goodnight kiss?"
Pix pulls off a loose petal and places it in the center of Oli's forehead.
"I'm working on your crown, Oli," he brushes the petal off, runs his fingers through Oli's hair. "Nothing less than perfection, remember?"
Oli pouts, closing his eyes again. "Fine."
Pix chuckles, "sweet dreams."
"Thank you."
//
Oli doesn't end up napping.
He doesn't exactly talk, either- at least not with his usual gusto. He's calm, quiet, handing Pixl whatever flowers he can't reach and complimenting the daisy crown, and correcting any little mistakes Pixl's made with his crown. Guild members come and go, some joining in conversations, others requesting help- when Oli isn't needed he turns to hide his face until Pix can talk to him again. They dance between topics that are easy to pick up and drop off as needed- favorite pattern of horse, how to decorate the caravan, what they'll do with the dragon when it hatches.
Pix requests a final cornflower. Oli passes it over.
"Do you really like me?" Oli asks, soft as petals.
Pix ties off the last ribbon and meets his eye with a smile. "I do."
Oli smiles, blinking sleepily. Pix lifts the crown.
"You ready for your crown?"
Oli brightens. Slowly pushes himself up and turns around so that he's facing Pix- Pix turns the crown around so that the ribbons will trail down his back. Oli bows his head. Pix fluffs up his hair and gently places it atop his head- adjusting until it fits nicely.
When Oli looks up, he's got a crown of sunflowers and cornflowers, with white and blue ribbons peeking through the gaps. The sun and the sky, the brightest days captured in his smile.
Pix reaches out, pulling the ribbons off of Oli's shoulders so that they hang freely down his back. Oli watches the movement, catches Pix's hand as he pulls away.
"Thank you for this," Oli says, holding Pix's hand in both of his. He traces lines between his freckles, as if they're constellations. "I know work is important, but rest is important too, and I thought a break would be nice."
Pix cups Oli's cheek in his hand, gently cutting him off. He kisses his forehead and tucks him into a hug.
"Thank you for this," Pix answers, carefully running a hand up and down his back. Oli holds on tight. "This was nice."
#if actions speak louder than words then making each other flower crowns is like wedding vows. to me. hope this helps /silly#empiresshipping#olipix#asks#ask game#me when i write#sage beloved#sorry if they don't sound like people. and instead sound like robots. i am sick 👍 /lh#the idea was like. pix is just kinda chillin. silly guy. i've listened to him talk a lot he just sounds like a guy#and oli is super showy and kinda uses big/fancy words because he always feels like he has to be performing for these people?#but then when he starts to relax he talks more like a person and he's chillin. he's a bit nervous he's never asked someone to do this#idk. i dont listen to oli talk a lot. slfkjsdl#this probably should have been edited but fuck it we baaaalllll#goodnight gamers hope u enjoy
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mood board from that game
#MORATA AND GRIEZEMANN I WILL CUT OFF UR HEADS FRENCH REVOLUTION STYLE U FUCKING UGLY PIECES OF SHIT#carlo i am in ur walls what the fuck was that shit show#im sick and this is how my team treats me get fucked#real madrid
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guess what I finished watching
#genuinely I am bamboozled#I heard it was bad and I knew it was bad but I didnt realize the scene ITSELF was as horrible as that#its just. genuinely how fucking dare you for doing that#I understand the concept okay#the entire season and show has been foreshadowing eve's own death and I Get the concept of twisting that around#in the sense that her death comes from another's undoing and that her death comes from villanelle's protection#but the execution ????? even putting aside that the ending itself is shit and disingenuous for the characters. the EXECUTION OF IT#thats the part that has Genuinely stumped me#even the reveal at the very end with carolyn- at this point that means nothing#there's no leadup to it happening like I thought there would be it just Happens while theyre being happy and it's all over within 30 second#and then the show Ends#what the fuck#knowing it was coming didnt even help it just makes me more angry than sad#in the last two minutes???????????#goddamn#I am so fucking sorry to u all who watched this season as it aired#that is sick#after all the character development????#okay. I promise I'm done now. what the fuck. I went to bed immediately after watching and woke up ANGRY#sorry for the abundance of tags mygod#killing eve#killing eve spoilers#smokey speaks
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picking colors for art is my worst enemy I CANT DO THIS!!!!
#pleaaaase colors be nice to me. i do not know what im doing here. colors i love you why do u hate me like this#Literally how do u pick colors. how do u do this. i can see what i want the drawing 2 be like in my head but i cant get the colors right#im going crazy. art is my best friend and my worst enemy. JUST LET ME DRAW THE SILLY CHARACTERS HOW I WANT TO YOU SICK FUCK#i know color theory IN THEORY. in practice i am. clueless. Help#cam.txt
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the deweys photos are from this video: https://youtu.be/5xTwJho44ao?si=bPw8MZZ327lCogVZ aren’t they just everything
kissing you and the minnesota wild official media team (with consent) full on the mouth, THANK YOU THIS VIDEO IS EVERYTHING 🥰🥰 i have seen pieces of it before i think (connor petting a shark 🥹) but the entire video start to finish is such a delight, 10/10 would recommend
#i’m so glad i saw this now and not when i was deranged at 2AM last night (i say as if i am not currently deranged)#like i had to physically pause. stop watching the video. to take notes to tell you guys about it i hope you know#holyjost thank u i love u i appreciate u & how u always have the sources 😭#i send out a prayer to the universe (put shit in the tags) & u provide#liv in the replies#holyjost#i love this reaction image btw it is one of my FAVORITES#anyway i was just chilling and then lost it at the ‘brandon just says shit’ part and had to start writing down notes (as follows)#there is SO much. the lore. the fact that brandon lasts two seconds before his shirt comes off everyone else is so bundled#dewey2 immediate “sharks” girl help the two of them on the bean bag together#the boat competition BOLDY’S CONTRACT??? yeah i AM thinking about that in a weird way what kind of contract brandon#also boldy motion sickness girlie he’s so real for that one 😭😭#and brandon talking a big game and then like fuckin. curled into a ball on the beanbag passed out bro i cannot.#LD BONITA? LD BONITA FISH??? So excitedly???? my GOD.#LEAVE THAT POOR FISH ALONE!!!!#oh the shark lore 🥺 dewey baby let me take you to this fantastic thing called an aquarium.#you can pet sharks there!!! i can’t even. i know i’ve seen it and had a breakdown about it before but connor’s hand when he pets the shark#the absolute joy oh my god. connor PLEASE ik u want to touch all the fish… we have sturgeon & sting rays & jellies#brandon praising connor’s attitude 🫡 he is so goal oriented they said the goal is a vibe check and connor studied.#also. save me hot brothers save me#what the fuck is this yeti cup ritual give me a cult au NOW wkdndiwkdi they’re such freaks. i love it. also just drink it bro#VLADDY MENTION THAT’S MY BOY HI BEAUTIFULLLLL#OH THIS WAS THE MIDDSY FIGHT???#awww Freddy (who i never think is a forward??)#connor dewar#brandon duhaime#minnesota wild#for reference!
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[ID: Bruce Wayne having a sword pointed to his neck. He looks ahead impassively as his attacker taunts him, “If I pushed this through your neck, it would mean nothing. Truly nothing. You are dirt, a mote.” A black t-shirt with white text on the front has been hastily edited to be on Bruce. The shirt reads: “I'm very vulnerable rn if any bad bitches want to take advantage of me”. END ID]
#me 🤝 evyn 🤝 having the biggest fucking brains on this site#this is slapped together because i am sick and sleepy but do u see our vision....#anywho he wears this then coincidentally his ex stumbles in bleeding out !! oh no!!! just to warn bruce of incoming danger !!!#then bruce takes his cloak and fights an assassin while thinking about love !!!! <3333333#then they hotwire a car and go on a homoerotic road trip that didnt get publicized because btk perfectly ended on issue 8 ^_^#shit in the crypt#bruce wayne#posts from the crypt#edit: jfc the quality on this is low... click for it to be better i guess?? >:(
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im sorry i have to rant im so fucking pissed
my exams end on 19th and I have to get rid of some books and buy some books which are quite pricy online so I had planned on going to college street on 20th and selling my books and buying the new ones at a cheap price and i was frankly really excited about it because all I get is a one day break to relax bcz i have to start studying for entrances from 21st so all I have is 20th and i wanted to spend it at college street and then get some food and basically have like a solo date kind of thing.
and i was so so excited about it i told my boyfriend about it like 500 times bcz i kept forgetting i've already mentioned it and it was literally on my mind a lott so i kept bringing it up and ik it seems like not a big deal cz i can just sit at home and chill too but i literally do not get to go outside my house. like- the last time i went out was new years eve and after that the only time i've gone out is to school or to give my boards that is it. my mother has some weird like problem wiht me going out like even if i tell her that i just want to go to our terrace for 5 minutes just to get some fresh air she won't even allow that she'll be all suspicious and like sTaNd In ThE bAlCOnY aNd TaKe FrEsH aIr like she herself doesnt leave the house (and blames it on me and my brother ???? when have we ever stopped you bro, she said I HaVe To Be HeRe To KeEp An EyE like im 18 i dont need to be watched 24/7 stop blaming me for choices you put upon yourself) and i just feel so suffocated ALL THE TIME i feel so overstimulated and im so sick of rotting on my bed and i dont want to wait for some birthday party or friends meet up to be able to leave my goddamn house i just wanted to go and have a fun day and get me some books thats it.
anyway so initially the plan was that my mom would go along but something came up so she wanted to postpone it to 21st and i didn't want to bcz i'd already be missing 3 days bcz of my boyfriends birthday, holi and my brothers birthday (all of which are important and i dont want to miss which makes me the villain apparently bcz i should "adjust" and cancel my "parties" instead of trying to stick to my plan bcz that makes me too demanding and selfish apparently) so i suggested that ukw why dont u go do ur thing which came up and i'll go to college street by myself...which is when the solo date idea came which i had really wanted all along but didnt bring up bcz i knew she'd say no but now there's a valid reason for me to go alone so like, its a pretty easy fix i can just go alone but noooo. First of all,
I've been to college street multiple times before so its not like its an unknown area to me
im going by metro which is quite safe
im going when there is stark daylight and i will return home much much before it gets dark and im literally 18
she never lets me go anywhere alone, not even take ubers alone if i want to get back from somewhere my bf has to come drop me everytime and then go backwards to his house which is so so so stupid and i never get to go out alone unless accompanied by family or by a male friend, so obv when i said i'll go to college street alone she refused to let that happen and started screaming about how 'if its so important to go on 20th bcz u dont want to miss a day of studying then cancel ur 'parties' and study then' and i was like no its not about missing a day its just that there's a very easy and logical fix to this problem which is i go alone and its not inconveniencing anyone so why cant i just do that but she will not listen to that bcz im 'adamant' and 'everything has to be according to me' bcz i found a viable solution to the problem. so instead of letting me just go she was literally ready to pay much more money and buy the books online, like.....why cant i just go bro??? (and she keeps telling me im a waste of her money bcz i will amount to nothing in life and my education was a failed investment or wtv so like now why are u wasting more money??? im literally trying to save the money that u 'waste' on me so just let me ???)
anyway i called my dad last night and told him and he was super ok with the idea he said its a good idea that i go alone and that he would speak to her but then today when i asked her if dad spoke to her she said yes, we'll go on 20th and i was like .....we? so apparently she CANCELLED her previously immovable thing for which she wanted me to cancel my 'parties', she cancelled that and agreed to go with me on 20th just so that i dont get to go alone- like ???????????????? what is ur problemmmm
so obv i was super annoyed and i went on a whole ass rant about how i literally struggle to even cross roads bcz i dont know shit about basic travelling bcz all my life ive been in a car and its a running joke with all my guy friends that i 'cannot navigate' and 'dont know any places' and obv??? if im never allowed to go anywhere then how tf will i know the places- the only places i know is bcz recently i've been paying a lot of attention and asking my dad stuff about what roads to take to reach certain places and when i go out with my friends i kind of try and learn a bit but thats it i've only ever gone alone completely alone to two places which is my beauty parlour thats 5 minutes away from my house and one bazaar one time that was 2 bus stops away, thats it. thats my extent of public travelling alone. and now im supposed to go to a whole new STATE for college and i cant even call myself an auto without struggling. and like- is this not a basic life skill??? like ok yeah its not rocket science and i will probably figure it out even if i start later in life but why not now? most of my guy friends literally go everywhere alone, why not me? and my dad agreed with all of this but my mom was just like "you'll be in the hostel only, no need to go out of the campus" like ARE YOU FOR REAL????????? and she's like "if u want to learn skills learn how to cook" like ok yes i will also learn how to cook for sure but i wont have a fucking kitchen in the hostel but somehow cooking is an urgent skill i should learn but going places by myself is unimportant bcz i should just never? leave? the? hostel?
anyway after much screaming and shouting my dad gave up and just cut the call bcz he doesnt want to get into an argument with my mother and my mother was being all suspicious like why do u hAvE tO gO aLoNe AlL oF a SuDdEn even though i literally explained why i want to do this alone but she doesnt think thats valid. so she refuses to let me go and i asked her for one reason why i shouldnt cz usuallt its always "no u have exam what if smthn happens" but now i literally dont even have exam so whats ur excuse now? streets will always be unsafe forever so "what if smthn happens" is not a reason to never let me go out without a man so just gimme one reason and she couldnt give me a single reason she just said "i said no, thats it".
and now she's gone off about how im useless and blah blah and "high maintainance" bcz i want books and "everyone else (some pishi's son) just studies online" and so the whole option of college street is apparently now cancelled and she's trying to set up a whole ass kindle account (half the books i need arent even available as ebooks) just because i wanted to go by myself.
#in our house kids dont stay outside past 6:30pm'' but now all of a sudden its fine for my brother to play#till 10:30 at night#she literally stopped me permanently from going down in the evenings since i was in class 7-8#this is why ive never had any friends outside of school bcz she wouldnt let me leave ths fucking house#and now that my brother is in class 7#he's allowed to be out playing with his friends till 10 freaking 30#he comes home an hour late sometimes...45 minutes and almost always at least 30 minutes late at NIGHT and she says nothing except like#one sentence#yeah im only the villain i only keep u locke#up in the house its all my fault#this is just so damn unfair#like literally insulting#im not a child what is her problem#what sort of fucking solution is 'never leave the hostel' like ok even if i do that what happens then??? after i graduate?#i'll be a 24 year old who doesnt know shit about going from one place to another without a man present]#and then this woman preaches how she 'always raises her son and daughter equally' like srsly shut the fuck up#my whole life i've been told abar late?''#and for me bcz i would come home 5-10 minutes late nd i did it maybe once or twice she made me completely stop going down to play#5-10 minutes late from 6:30 wherein he comes an hour late from 9 fucking 30#and this sounds so stupid bcz im an 18 year old now and i dont give a fuck abt how long i got to play but its just unfair dude#with me it was always smthn or the other either exams or she gets miraculously sick every time i want to go out to play#im not even kidding she did a whole “i have fever and ur going to leave me like this and go play?” on me one time bcz i was adamant abt goi#after months of not being able to go bcz of exam or smthn or the other#she did not have any fever it was fucking bullshit#and how am i supposed to help with ur imaginary fever anyway im literally 12#its so fucking annoying man and then if i say anything at all she'll go on a tirade about how#like YOU DO THOUGH??????? im sorry ur feelings are hurt bcz i said you do smthn that u LITERALLY DO#istg not even 2 days ago she was having a fight with my dad abt how he should teach my brother to learn how to cycle so that he can go buy#groceries#i can cycle
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i know there’s a lot of chronically ill/medically complex people on here so i was wondering, have any of you ever struggled with medical burnout (for lack of better words)?
(also gonna rant real quick under here sorry for the negativity)
i’ve been really struggling lately because it feels like half of my time is spent making phone calls and scheduling appointments and going to get tests and scans and spending months of my life just in limbo on waiting lists. i’m so sick of feeling like my health is a job and constantly being at the hospital for appointments like it’s gotten so bad that i can barely bring myself to take my meds anymore. it’s just so exhausting sometimes and i wish there was a way i could take a break from all of this without potentially making my health worse.
even today i woke up really sick and had to miss out on something i was really looking forward to yet i still feel this responsibility to make all of the medical calls i was planning to make anyway because i’ve been putting everything off for so long. it’s not like making those calls is that much work but it gets so frustrating being bounced around or not getting a straight answer because insurance or referrals or whatever other stupid healthcare system process that makes this all so much more complicated.
i also am still on the waiting list for my new PCP and have no idea when i’ll be able to actually meet her, yet my psychiatrist decided (without consulting me or my therapist) that because my meds haven’t changed recently (they absolutely have), i can just get all of my psych meds (including adderall) through my PCP….which i don’t technically have. i’m so frustrated because my nightmares have been so bad for years and they’re only getting worse and every med i’ve tried for PTSD nightmares is either bad for my physical health or doesn’t work at all and that’s really not something that i necessarily trust a pcp with??? it’s just not necessarily in their scope and i’ve had too many prescribers fuck up my brain and body by recklessly putting me on different psych meds without proper knowledge or research.
i’m just so frustrated and i’m so miserable right now i wish i didn’t have to do this for the rest of my life. and the fact that EDS literally just gets worse with age like? i don’t think i CAN do this for the rest of my life it’s just an endless cycle
sorry for complaining and ranting so much nobody is even gonna read this and that’s okay i just needed to get it off my chest
#i’m so so so so so tired#all i wanted to do today was be productive and go to this thing#and i woke up at 6 am sick#got a cute three hours of sleep and am in too much pain to sleep now#and i have to be at the hospital at 7 am tomorrow#not snz#sorry ignore this just rantinf#cw mental health#cw medical stuff#sorry idk how to tag it#i literally showed up to my last appointment with my psychiatrist and he said “’well i’ll probably never see u again bc this is our last se’#SINCE WHEN#like you could’ve fucking told me so i could make other plans#whatever#i shouldn’t be surprised anymore
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I think we should bring back basic etiquette lessons such as shutting the fuck up when you’re watching a movie in a group that is not exclusively your friend group 🙂
#welcome to another Mick Airs Out Their Grievances and by god is it a VERY long one#prob best if u don't expand the tags#am I being maybe a bit meaner about this than I would be for any other movie? maybe but pac rim is one of my favorite movies of all time#so I think I get a pass on this one.#one of the groups on campus is hosting movie nights & I went to this one bc I've only ever watched pac rim on my laptop and wanted to watch#it on a larger screen. yay yippee I love this movie!#there r maybe 10-ish of us in this room and a three person friend group is sitting on the couch one of whom has seen the movie and two who#have not. okay so far so normal.#and then the movie starts and they won't! stop! fucking! commentating! the whole fucking movie!!! I don't have a problem with doing that#when I'm in just my friend group because I know that I can tell my friend to stop talking or pause the movie or whatnot but not when I'm in#a large group w people I'm not good friends with ffs#and the comments aren't even funny or anything they're all oh this is JUST like in iron widow!! oh they're SO gay and autistic!!! and#they're talking so loud about this that it completely drowns out the movie audio which has already been turned up a few times#like. be considerate!! some of us want to yknow actually listen to what's going on and not whatever bullshit you're saying#I nearly walked out three or four times before I actually wound up doing so#I may have been a bit of a bitch at the end but I don't care. I got up to leave because this was not an enjoyable environment and one of#them offered to turn the movie down if it was too loud. this caught me a bit off guard since I expected them to still be so wrapped up in#their convo and. well. I may have said 'it's not the movie that's too loud' before closing the door#this also reminds me a lot about my issues with online shipping culture and it bleeding through into how we interact with media irl#this is probably heavily influenced by my aromanticism but I'm so sick of people constantly reading romantic relationships into everything#AND placing more importance on those relationships than any other form. I don't mind romance in media. I think if done right it has great#emotional impact on a story but when a movie is running and when other people who may not want to hear it are in the room watching it too#is not the time to be loudly saying 'he's autistic!' 'they're in love!' 'she has a crush on him!'#I have my own interpretations of the movie some of which agree with what they said and some of which don't but that's beside the point of#knowing how to coexist politely in public#anyway. I think they were awful and annoying and they ruined my night out.#I think I'm just so incredibly mad about this because I love the movie and I was looking forward to watching it in a group of people who#found it cool as well while still having some modicum of politeness#I almost wish I had been meaner but that's the extreme annoyance talking I think#hater hour over love u guys bye
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