#ty for asking pigeon pie! <3
Note
batman or dc comics for the fandom ask game?
Oh, nice huge cast lmao! Okay.
blorbo (favorite character, character I think about the most)
i think...this is still Batman. Once various Robins were competing but now the Bat reins uncontested. He's got the staying power.
scrunkly (my “baby”, character that gives me cuteness aggression, character that is So Shaped)
I'm. Hm.
...Jericho, maybe? Jaime Reyes Beetle? Iris West II? I get this emotion about a lot of people but I'm not sure who gets it 'most' or 'most consistently' or 'as my majority reaction.' Weirdly this is a feeling I don't get powerfully without feeling like ten other things, yk? Who brings the squee, hm.
scrimblo bimblo (underrated/underappreciated fave)
So many option??? I have to admit I care much less whether a character gets enough attention and more if they are mischaracterized so if I like someone obscure-ish I will for the most part be perfectly happy for them to stay in the background, and not notice it.
Oh I have a funny one--Killer Moth. This character has so much history and you could do such a variety of fun shit with him, but because his name is funny he's barely been touched in decades afaik and hasn't had Events Happen since the storylines in the 90s involving his selling his soul to Neron in order to become the moth demon Charaxes.
Which is a very 90s development I'm sure we'll all agree.
glup shitto (obscure fave, character that can appear in the background for 0.2 seconds and I won’t shut up about it for a week)
Do you one better, guys who haven't shown up since their original storyline, also in the 90s, but I still want them to: Bane's original prison-break squad.
The fruity-looking bird-taming guy who taught him to read, the rail-thin knife-throwing chemist who knew him since he was a baby, and the absurdly hirsute megabuff murderer who accidentally pushed him over a railing and fractured his skull while trying to protect him from a child molester, and also inexplicably turned out later to be a gifted mechanical engineer.
Bane how could you let these guys go. Just because they lost all their IQ points after moving to Gotham. That's your family fool.
poor little meow meow (“problematic”/unpopular/controversial/otherwise pathetic fave)
Hahaha oh I'm so spoiled for choice. Everyone is controversial here and most of them are pathetic. The person I've been yelled at most for liking is Tim Drake? Which like. He's not unpopular exactly even now but man has he got haters.
horse plinko (character I would torment for fun, for whatever reason)
Hahaha um. My record says this is Jason Todd. I created a universe where he has op super-healing and proceeded to fuck him up repeatedly and I enjoyed it. I love him.
eeby deeby (character I would send to superhell)
Uh. Joker.
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Funny Drabble Game
Drabble Prompts; fluff | angst | funny (when requesting PLEASE add which prompt list it is from)
Can have up to 3 prompts per request + can send multiple requests.
They will all be written for fem reader. I’m very sorry about this, it is just because of what I know/have experience in writing.
Please format requests as follows; funny member prompt # or #s.
ex. funny member #12 + #15
ex. funny florist!member x student!reader #14
Send your requests/asks: here
~ prompts under the cut ~
crossed out = don’t request, usually for when I’ve gotten tired of a specific prompt coming up too often or I don’t like it
Drabble Prompts [credit; https://justforshitsandcackles.tumblr.com ]
“You’re such a fun drunk.”
“Since my dog likes you then i guess i like you.”
“Tell them to fuck off.”
“It’s six o’clock in the morning, you’re not having vodka.”
“I want to strangle you 99% of the time.”
“Could you not suck for five minutes?”
“The ladies love a guy who’s good with kids.”
“You can’t banish me! This is my bed/bedroom too!”
“You’re seriously like a man-child.”
“Well thats tragic.”
“I’m too sober for this.”
“You are actually insane!”
“I think you’re actually satan.”
“It’s like -50 degrees in here.”
“Laugh at my jokes! They’re funny and you know it!”
“Sorry isn’t going to help when i kick your ass!”
“Don’t let one of them electrocute themselves or something.”
“Welcome back. Now fucking help me.”
“Do you find this amusing, fuck face?”
“Holy shit! That thing is huge!”
“Don’t kink shame me.”
“I hope i’m never stuck with you on a deserted island.”
“I just cleaned that!”
“Don’t get sassy with me!”
“What do you have behind your back?”
“If you interrupt me one more time, so help me god.”
“Not to toot my own horn or anything, but the dog loves me more.”
“I’m going to put on some clothes before you say anything else.”
“Bite me.” “If you insist.”
“Im not going to stop poking you until you give me some attention.”
“I need you to be my fake girlfriend/boyfriend.”
“Can you stop playing connect the dots with my freckles?”
“You snuck into my room, at 4am..to cuddle?”
“If we get caught i’m blaming you.”
“What? No! I wasn’t staring..i-i was looking at something behind you!”
“I locked the keys in the car.”
“This is why we can’t have nice things.”
“Wait a minute. Are you jealous?”
“Define normal.”
“Do i get bonus points if i act like i care?”
“Just remember if we get caught, you’re deaf and i don’t speak english.”
“Don’t look for any redeeming qualities. I don’t have any.”
“And you wonder why you’re single.”
“Remind me to kill you. Please.”
“I’m listening to you. I’m just not paying attention.”
“She’s crazy. and just when you think you’ve reached the bottom of her craziness, theres a crazy underground garage.”
“Sorry. I don’t speak skank.”
“My middle finger salutes you.”
“I don’t think i could ever stab someone. I mean, lets be honest, i can barely get the straw in the capri sun.”
“I don’t have enough middle fingers to let you know how i feel.”
“Somebodys cranky.” “Somebody needs to shut up.”
“All due respect but thats a bunch of crap.”
“I am one of the few people in the world who can murder you and leave no forensic evidence behind.”
“Excuse me. I have to go make a scene.”
“What did i tell you about calling him/her the devil?” “That it’s offensive to the devil?”
“I heard that!” “You were supposed to!”
“I’m not weird. I’m limited edition.”
“If history repeats itself, i am so getting a dinosaur.”
“You seem somewhat familiar. have i threatened you before?”
“Even when we were kids, i always kicked your ass!”
“Sarcasm is the body’s natural reaction to stupidity.”
“Don’t look in her eyes, she might steal your soul.”
“She’s hot, but she’s evil.”
“Do i regret it? Yes. Would i do it again? Probably.”
“You’re going to burn in a very special level in hell. A level they reserve for child molesters, animal abusers, and people who talk at the theater.”
“I’m not a damsel in distress. i’m a damsel doing damage.”
“Sometimes i question my sanity. Occasionally it replies.”
“Why should we date?” “Because we’re attracted to each other.” “I am attracted to pie, but i do not feel the need to date pie.”
“Why does everyone assume the worst of me.” “It saves time.”
“You’ve successfully cured him/her of anything interesting about his/her personality.”
“Neither one of us is drunk enough for this conversation.”
“Wow somebody needs a happy meal.”
“I didn’t do it!” “Then why are you laughing?” “Because whoever did it is a freaking genius.”
“Idiots. I’m surrounded by idiots.”
“You couldn’t handle me even if i came with instructions.”
“Obviously you have mistaken me for somebody who gives a shit.”
“I’m so glad you could come.” “Cut the crap. give me a drink.”
“Where have you been all my life?” “Hiding from you.”
“I can tell that you think what you’re saying is funny, but…no.”
“If you pull out my earphones, i will pull out your lungs.”
“Ah, he’s playing hard-to-get. thats cute.”
“I feel like a freakin’ soccer mom.”
“My ex? Yeah id still hit that. Except this time it would be with a car or a baseball bat.”
“Such big evil in such a little thing.”
“For the love of fuck.” “Yep, thats me. i love to fuck.”
“Are you ready to go?” “Yeah. let me grab my machete.” “We’re going to sephora. no machetes needed.”
Clears throat seriously, “Yas bitch.”
“No road trip is complete without the snacks. So go in there and buy everything you can fit in a tiny cart.”
“I’m all for making you miserable by being insufferable, but unfortunately i have things to do today.”
“Come on, you can help me make conspiracy theories. If you make an especially good one, ill pay for dinner.”
“You know what? Why not? I haven’t ruined my life yet this week. Lets go.”
“Do these dark circles under my eyes say nothing to you about how i am doing?”
“If i didn’t know you better, id say you were trying to flirt by giving me books.”
“What are you talking about? Im hilarious!”
“Duct tape? Duct tape is not going to fix this!”
“What did you think? That you were going to fight him?”
“You’re blocking the view.” “I am the view.”
“Why are you on the floor?” “Tying my shoe.” “You’re wearing rain-boots.”
“Cant stop me from slaying!”
“Close your eyes and imagine it, all the dogs in the world.”
“Be careful, he’s so sweet you might get diabetes.”
“Would you reconsider if i was sober?”
“Stop running i’m wearing flip flops!”
“Why are you holding your boobs?”
“I wouldn’t call it stalking, more like far distance admiring.”
“You need to stop making her laugh! you’re ruining her makeup!”
“I’m sure i can get some kind of sexual gratification from just staring at him if i try hard enough.”
“I’m not sure if its a sexual thing or not.”
“I’m either in the mood for french fries or to rip someone’s head off. Hmmm. decisions, decisions.”
“If you’re not out of the shower in the next five minutes, i’m going to cut your fucking hair off to make your life quicker.”
“No, i will not dress up as a chicken.”
“I never told my extended family that we broke up, and now they want to know when you’re coming over for dinner again.”
“I need a date to my relatives wedding, and i’ve already asked literally everyone else i know, so i know you probably hate me, but please say yes. Otherwise they’ll try to set me up with someone, and they have awful taste.”
“One more sound and i swear to-”
“Sometimes when (name) texts me, i just pretend they didn’t so i don’t have to respond.”
“You gave our pigeon boyfriend the wrong beans!”
“If i’m like 50 and still single, ill marry you because tax benefits.”
“Please, never have children.”
“I know its like 11pm, but i’m on my way to your house with nacho fries.”
“Sometimes i wish i was gay so i wouldn’t have to deal with all these dumbass boys.
“You know, would’ve been nice if you told me your whole ass family was coming to this dinner! I look like a troll.”
“Im going to the party to pet the dog, no thanks drugs.”
“I hope in college i get some excuse to deck him. Maybe with a bottle or something, ill wing it and be like “oops, sorry shithead, my hand slipped.”
“What is this shit…i’m just trying to graduate.”
“Ooo, i sense attitude in your tone.”
“Guess who only got two hours of sleep? Me, lol, i’m gonna die.“
“I’m gonna strangle you.” “Is that a threat or a promise?”
“Superheroes aren’t allowed in my house, especially after they’ve destroyed my living room. go away.”
“oh you’re coming. even if i have to drag you through the snow in your pajamas.”
“i swear you’re gonna end up getting like botox in your tits or something.” “well i mean-” “whAT DO YOU MEAN?!”
#seventeen scenarios#seventeen imagines#seventeen drabbles#seventeen drabble game#seventeen funny#seventeen fanfic#seventeen#svt#seventeen requests
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Soulless Riffing: Brainless Epilogue
I got a supernatural action/romance book series as a gift that’s just riddled with stuff that I hate….and as a steampunk Victorian London action romance story filled with werewolves and vampires…it’s yeah gonna be easy to poke fun at.
I just want to say, it’s totally cool if you like this story or ones like it! It’s certainly a better caliber than a lot of what I make fun of…however…I can’t help but want to make fun of it.
Over here for the 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7+8, 9, 10+11, 12, 13, and 14.
HERE’S THE FINAL CHAPTER, STRAP IN MY HEARTIES!
Epilogue
So, dang, this epilogue’s pace is the worst. It’s so bad, if I recounted the events in the order they appeared I feel as if this riff would have a bad pace itself.
So there’s this detached, braggadocios tone that describes two separate portions of the wedding in two totally separate parts of chapter. I can boil it down to this actual quote, “The wedding was hailed as a masterpiece of social engineering and physical beauty.”
It starts off with almost an entire page of describing the dress. I mean sure, but fashion isn’t my thing so my eyes glaze over. Also that they had to redesign the dress at the last minute cause Maccon gave her a hickey that needed to be hid. And I mean, isn’t that what we need to educate our young women about?
Man’s every careless sexual impulse needs to be catered to even if it greatly inconveniences everyone else. Why can’t you just cover it up with make-up? Why is this adult novel treating a marriage of adults like a middle-school dance? WHO KNOoooOoOoooOooOOOWS?????
BUT THIS WAS ALL FOR THE BETTER cause the neckline of her dress inspired London’s fashion for a whole 3 weeks.
Here’s an accurate attempt at me trying to understand this, “I guess it’s nice to have rich idiots incinerate and rebuild their wardrobe because of a thing you wore once. But why stop there? I’d create an army of genderqueer flannel-babies out to hate read harmless fiction.” Yes Faps, your interests are clearly superior to those who like to dress feminine. Way to go!
We have a full page on the food which was more interesting but in a limited way because I have not had guinea fowl, aspic jelly, pigeons, sole, woodcock pie, pheasant, or grouse. But like, I’m not uncultured or anything! I’ve had alligator meat before! ….oh damn my American is showing real bad right now. DON’T MIND ME I’M JUST GOING TO HIDE BEHIND A WALL OF IMPERIALISTIC WAR CRIMES! But that’s okay cause the British can relate to that.
Personally I’d much rather the story brag about delicious food it’s likely the audience has had before, than just throwing out stuff that sounds period appropriate. Cause honestly? My imagination does not think any of that would be tasty. My dream wedding is definitely forcing near a thousand people (most of whom I’ve met only once) to pick at gamey meat and envy my dedication to an inconsiderate buffoon.
But before the wedding officially goes down we have the one and only nice scene. Alexia wakes up Akeldama early so he can see the sunset before her wedding. There was no reason for her to do it that day, since it made her late to her own wedding, but dangit it was nice.
However the actual wedding? Phew boy, there is no talk of the actual ceremony. In fact there’s no cute speeches, dancing, bonding moments between friends or family, or even funny drama of the werewolves clashing with the humans. I mean it would have been super annoying to have a scene where Alexia’s sister shrieks at one of the werewolves for drinking punch out of a bowl like a dog, and when she tries to rip it from him it spills all over herself. Cause there’s no reason to cathartically enjoy seeing her sister humiliated but dang…it would have at least been SOMETHING ALMOST FUN!
Three things happened during the reception.
1.) Alexia and Prof. Lyall hook Ivy up with some BARELY named servant to Maccon and Lyall. Like, you realize the trope of shacking up the side characters is supposed to be this cute little tying together of established characters, usually very different ones? Like it’s supposed to kinda help wrap things up by having separate parts of the story literally cum errr I mean come together. Like, the obvious and decent choice, would have been Lyall and Ivy. Hell if you needed Lyall for other nonsense, why not that Haverblink hunk guy Ivy was I THINK drooling over? Took a fun trope and wasted it.
2.) Alexia is ~gifted~ the Vampire hive servant Angelique. Gosh I’m super looking forward to the part where Angelique realizes vampires are chumps and betrays them for the super cool Alexia. I thought since she was named and pleading with Alexia for help earlier, she’d be damsel’d, or comes back later with more secret info, or was the villain mastermind AFTERALL! NOPE! This human person with a name, hopes, fears, goals, thoughts, and emotions of her own is given like a decorative silverware basket as a GOD DAMN WEDDING GIFT! AND ALEXIA THINKS THAT’S FINE CAUSE TO HER HUMAN BEINGS ARE PROPERTY AND SHE’S OUR RACISM FIGHTING HERO! HOORAY!
3.) Sorry to save the most tepid for last but the last thing of note is that Maccon’s werewolf pack, as part of werewolf tradition turn into wolves and just circle around them barking and howling….okay cool cool…but have you considered the more wolf thing to do would totally be for all of them to pee on her. ONE AT A TIME, THEY’RE CIVILIZED! Her new husband gets all offended that she’s upset at this wholesome tradition. Alexia secretly plots to bring supernatural genocide back into vogue again.
So on the carriage ride home they fuck but we have an entire book worth of build up for this scene to last 1 page. Like, I wasn’t even looking forward to it but was still disappointed. And, of course, this is one of those books that can’t directly mention SEX PARTS which SPOILER ALERT usually makes it confusing if you can’t be fucking straightforward. Despite being all coy about it there’s the iffy phrase, “had Alexia squirming in such a way as to force the very tip of him inside her whether she willed it or no.”
Yeesh! As hot as you folks may find ravishment, it feels really out of place with a woman who’s supposed to be super horny and into her husband for it to still be written noncommittally like ravishment.
But with a lurch of the carriage he’s blamo balls deep and she says out loud that it hurts. He DOES look worried and ask her if it still does. So kudos! However there’s this infuriating line
“Something extremely odd and tingly was beginning to occur in her nether regions.”
Okay you weren’t aroused until he was balls deep, and we’re going to describe this as if a 26 year old woman (whom by the way has described being aroused by this man before, and describes being fascinated with her dad’s dirty books) is bamboozled that a dick in her made her horny.
(Man looking confused and a bit suspect as he says okay.)
Also “It culminated in the most intriguing second heartbeat emerging around the area where he had impaled himself.”
WHAT!? YOU CAN’T SAY PUSSY BUT WE’RE GOING TO THROW THE WORD IMPALED IN THERE?
(Brittney Spears looking cringed out.)
That gives me the yikes.
She flops over after what sounds like 2 minutes of porking to remark, “Ooo,” said Alexia, fascinated, “it shrinks back down again. The books didn’t detail that occurrence.”
OKAY 1ST OF ALL YOU LEGIT SAW THIS HAPPEN BEFORE WHEN YOU WERE DRY-HUMPING IN THE DUNGEON, BUT EVEN IF YOU HADN’T, WAS SHE UNDER SOME DELUSION THAT WHEN A DUDE GETS HIS 1ST BONER THAT’S JUST WHAT HIS DICK IS NOW?
YOU’D THINK CODPIECES WOULD STILL BE IN FASHION IF EVERY MAN IS SLINGING AROUND HIS ERECTION 100% OF THE TIME!
WHY ARE YOU SO FUCKING STUPID ALEXIA!?
If you wanted a cute little sexy thing to mention…why not, “Oh my dad’s books never mentioned that it throbbed! Or that it could twitch! Or that it got SO red! Or that it got THAT hard, it’s only full of blood afterall!”
LE SIGH!
So the story ends with the prospect of them gonna fuck sum more.
Say something Nice Faps:
I legit really liked that brief scene where she holds Lord Akeldama’s hand as they watch the sunrise, and he’s crying, and she’s got her head on his shoulder and just PRECIOUS!
Out of the things to brag about at a wedding, food is the top of my list, I can appreciate that she dedicated some time to it.
The sex had a bit of that ravishment flavor but Maccon does check in, and she admits she enjoys it.
IT’S OVER!
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