Because of what’s happening with Reddit rn, i got this idea in my brain and it would not leave until I sent my cringe (complimentary) out into the internet, so, here y’all go

179 of 2023

Created by carwii

you are a female. you are not a virgin. you have had a threesome. you are terrible at drawing. you are talented with languages. you have an iphone. you like puzzle games. you live with a roommate. you are in college. you have dropped out of a college before. you have tried hard drugs. you take anti-depressants. you watch top gear uk. you love harry potter. you love pokemon. you like hiking. you work in a cubicle. you have worked at starbucks. your best friend is of the opposite sex. you watch ufc. you have trained in martial arts. your hair is not it's natural color. you don't like dark meat. your favorite food is spaghetti. you prefer to sleep in. you stay up past 3am almost every night. you are over 21. you spend many nights at bars. you have blacked out from drinking. you love hookah. you have only had 1 boyfriend. you are in love with your best friend. (and we’re married lol) your room is full of stuffed animals. you are a studio ghibli fan. you live in california. you are from the east coast. you are a japantic. you are obsessed with tumblr. you are constantly trying to lose weight. you are trying to quit cigarettes. you trust people too easily. you are not a raver. you are not a hipster. you have a family member who is an artist. you were b'nei mitzvahed. you are agnostic. you are pro-choice. you support gay marriage. you have shot a gun. you love laser tag. you prefer cheese pizza. you like folding laundry. you love sparkling water. you never eat breakfast. you eat bagels daily. your favorite jamba juice is acai super antioxidant. you don't like tap water. you are always broke. you hate twilight. you used to collect pokemon cards. you used to be obsessed with nintendo 64. you type fast. you play on omgpop. you hate the word "swag". you hate those marilyn monroe quotes that annoying girls always post. you shower in the afternoon. you are only taking online classes. you have failed an entire quarter of classes. your eyes change color. you like to get gel tips. you spend way too much money on makeup. you only wear eye makeup. your lips are chapped. you are a moderate nymphomaniac. you are lonely. you watch porn. you wouldn't mind being a nude model. all of your facebook photos are too similar. you always wear jeans. you sleep with just your underwear on. you drive a honda civic. you want a nissan gt-r. you don't like tomatoes. you love cheese. you know how to bake. you don't know how to cook. you love ramen. you don't like where america is going. you voted for obama. (European here) you love public transportation. you want to live in southern california. you don't do well in cold weather. you don't get sick very often. you are a bad runner. you have had braces.

Tips for the Secret Witch

For all the witches who need to keep their Craft under wraps. Whether it is because of a lack of space, sharing your space with religious roommates (or simply people who don’t “get” witchcraft), or if you just would like your privacy, this list can help you out.

Altars

- Keep all your ritual tools in a plain box (like a shoe box) that can be easily tucked under your bed or in your closet and away from prying eyes.

- You can draw out an altar in a sketchbook. You can also add pictures printed from online or from magazines.

- Using glass jar candles can help make any magical space look mundane, and they come in a large variety of scents too (and people will always know what to get you when holidays roll around!).

- If you want to make an altar for a deity, but can’t make it too obvious, put a jar candle next to a trinket or picture associated with that deity. For example, a rose candle next to a sea shell for Aphrodite.

Magick

- Use colors matching your intent. This can mean you wear a red shirt, or carry a blue pen, or carry a green handbag. 

- Enchant your jewelry. You can make a bracelet for protection, earrings for love, a necklace for luck, etc.

- Enchant your makeup, lotion or hair products. You can also use your face cleanser as a magical cleanser as well.

- Sigils. Sigils are simple symbols with intent put into them. They can be easily mistaken for simple doodles or intricate designs.

Crystals, Herbs and Incense

- If you are planning on having herbs in your room/space, you may wish to keep them in mason jars rather than plastic baggies. Many ignorant people assume that any herb in a baggy is marijuana. I’ve had someone mistake chamomile for marijuana before...

- Drinking tea is an innocent way to incorporate herbs into any practice. Teas come in all sorts of blends and flavors (they also usually come in fancy tins that you can save!). If you have a well known fondness for tea, if you start to buy herbs to mix your own blends, most wouldn’t blink an eye.

- Gardening or house plants. This is an easy way to incorporate herbs and plants without drawing attention.

- Crystals are very pretty. Crystal and rock collecting is also a very common hobby. 

- If you don’t have access to incense, use jar candles, wax melts (with the warmers) or any type of open-and-leave-it air fresheners.

Witchy Tools 

- To make an easy pendulum, loop a piece of cord or string through a ring. The weight of the ring will act just like a pendulum. You can also use an old necklace or bracelet depending on the length of the chain.

- Playing cards instead of Tarot cards. If you have trouble remembering the cards, doodle little symbols on each card that help you remember. You can also use trading game cards (like Pokemon or Yu-Gi-Oh!) if the pictures help you more.

Grimoires and Witchy Books

- Depending on your living situation, a plain notebook may not deter nosey people from snooping. If you need an alternative, pick up an old book from a thrift shop to write notes in. You can add notes in the margins, write over the print with markers, or glue in your own pages. This way your grimoire can sit on your bookshelf and look completely innocent.

- Note taking apps. I recommend Tumblr for a secret witch, mainly because you can have a witchy side blog to hold all your notes and no one will know. However, there are also a lot of note-taking apps (like OneNote) that let you create various “notebooks” and sections.

- Planner notebooks or binders. Most planners have some sort of personal inserts that can be made that you can write witchy notes. It’s also a super easy way to keep track of moon cycles and sabbats. This also allows you to get super creative.