#tumblr decided it would be funny log me out while i was posting it
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marcille rkgk
#dunmeshi#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#marcille donato#rkgk#cw nudity#tumblr decided it would be funny log me out while i was posting it#gee thanks!
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Reasons why I wish I could (or would like to, if they’re out there, though I’m starting to give up on the idea as I’ve looked around a fair bit) listen to full episode of the Robins/James radio show rather than the podcast episodes:
1) When I did my full listen to the Howard/Richardson radio show in 2021, I found a download that contained mainly full episodes, so I listened to those until about episode 70. At that point, those full episodes ran out, so I listened to about five episodes in a row of the podcast version, while posting on here about how I wanted to find more full episodes. Then a very helpful person on Tumblr sent me a link to a folder with full versions of every episode. I decided that the completist in me wouldn’t let me just pick that up from where I’d gotten to with the podcast episodes, I had to go back to where I’d run out of full episodes and listen to the newly acquired full episodes from that point (of course I did – if I weren’t such a compulsive completist about things, I’d have gotten into the Robins/James radio stuff ages ago because I could have just picked it up somewhere in the middle – the reason I took so long is that I know when I get into something, I have to start at the beginning and go through all of it).
So this gave me an opportunity to listen to those five episodes twice – once the podcast version and once the full version – and compare them. And I did find that I’d missed stuff! Stuff in the full version that made me glad I’d gone back to listen to that, because it wasn’t in the podcast and it was worth hearing. I’m trying to think of examples right now, and all I’m remembering is the time when they had a discussion about Mitchell and Webb, which got left in the edit on the podcast, but the podcast version cut out, with weirdly surgical precision, just two lines in which they mentioned that Russell Howard didn’t like David Mitchell “because he bullied Paul Foot”. That’s, obviously, not the most important bit of comedy that got left out in the edit. There were some actual funny exchanges that got cut, I just can’t think of any right now, it was the Paul Foot line that stuck in my mind because that was what led me down a rabbit hole of trying to work out what he was talking about, which led to watching several episodes of an awful 2005 panel show called FAQ U, and I eventually had the answer confirmed by a 2006 Resonance FM episode that showed that Russell Howard had cribbed that opinion, like most of his opinions back then, off Daniel Kitson.
Anyway. The point is that aside from that, I did listen to those full episodes and would laugh at parts that were not in the podcast, and that made me glad I didn’t just have the podcast. It’s the completist in me. If it was ever broadcast anywhere, I want to hear every moment of it, and then to file it in a folder on an external hard drive and copied to a backup external hard drive with clear labeling of episode dates and numbers and titles and preferably further information logged in a spreadsheet.
2) The Robins/James podcast is really awkwardly edited. The weird voice that does their little tag between segments is jarring and annoying – something John and Elis themselves point out and make fun of at times, which is funny, but doesn’t make it less annoying. Also, it often feels like things get clipped too fast and the jokes don’t have room to breathe. One time the podcast cut Elis off in the middle of a sentence. I ran it back just to make sure I’d heard that right, that I hadn’t missed some reason why that made sense, but I’m pretty sure they just made a mistake. The quite large mistake of doing an edit when Elis was still talking. But I see how that mistake got made, since they frequently put edit points just the tiniest fraction of a second after someone finishes saying stuff. I don’t want to move on that fast.
I realize most things I listened to are edited in some way – I’ve never complained about only having edited versions of The Bugle, since it was never broadcast live, so I don’t expect the full discussions to be out there (though of course I’d love it if they did ever put out uncut versions, especially of their live shows, I’d pay if they started letting us have those for a fee). But The Bugle doesn’t feel nearly as choppy as this XFM podcast, it feels like the edits on those let a discussion come to its natural conclusion before moving on. I enjoy the filler bits, the parts where they move from one topic to another.
3) A couple of times an episode, John Robins will say something that’s clearly slightly over the line of what is acceptable to say on morning radio and/or of what Elis James wants to talk about when publicly broadcasting, not enough to get them in actual trouble or genuinely betray someone’s confidence, just enough to make things entertainingly tense. But those are the things that get left in the podcast. The podcast makes it sound like he’s got an expert sense for what is just barely acceptable, but I’m guessing the reality may be that he's no expert, he just throws out lots of stuff around that line, and anything too far over it doesn’t get put in the podcast. I want to know what's getting cut.
My evidence for thinking this is that I’ve just listened to an episode in which someone on Twitter stole one of John Robins’ jokes, so they were talking about other instances of stealing people’s ideas/work, and while discussing that broader subject, John said to Elis, “You steal you’re girlfriend’s…” to which he replied, “No I don’t,” and very quickly moved away from that topic. Normally when John Robins brings up something that Elis James doesn’t want to talk about, there’s a little bit of awkward amusing friction as Elis says “Oh we can’t get into that on air”. So this bit was really weird and jarring, and makes me think they’re taking out other stuff where the answer is “No seriously we’re not discussing that” and then quickly moving on, and they just left in this one instance of it by mistake and/or because it was too hard to remove without taking out the whole conversation. I want to know what stuff they’re taking out. Particularly because I spent some time last year being amazed that Isy Suttie seemed to have got away with stealing stuff from her former partner, and come on Robins, you can’t just give us a little implication that she’s involved in further sharing and then not elaborate. Some of us are trying to get through the weekend without alcohol despite working stressful jobs, and need some comedian gossip to get us through the day, okay?
Obviously, I realize the actual answer to this is that if I want to hear comedy that goes past the boundaries of what you're allowed to say on morning radio, I should listen to comedy that isn't broadcast on morning radio. But I've already listened to all the John Robins stand-up I've been able to find, and no one has paid to publish recordings of him speaking for three hours every weekend besides morning radio. So if I want to listen to what John Robins had to say every weekend for the last eleven years, which I do, then I have to settle for what he can manage within the format (Elis James is also a very nice boy and I enjoy listening to him as well, but I think even he would possibly admit that John Robins is the better comedian).
4) If I had completely uncut versions I’d end up skipping most of the songs, but some might be good, and I wouldn’t mind having the option to hear them. It sounds like the XFM music was better than the stuff 6 Music played, anyway.
5) Seriously, they cut Elis James off in the middle of a sentence once. Let the comedians breathe. I promise things are still funny if you give them a few seconds on either side.
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Sorry I’ve been busy and quite honestly not logging into this account for a long time as I’ve been switching between my RP mains and characters when getting on. But got a few messages and decided another short answering session is in order. forgive any typos I'm on mobile a d don't actually care about it screwing up because i type to fast for it, keep up iphone.
Are they are stalking your social media pages?
Not mine, but the person that no life or lawyer having jadedglory psycho is actively stalking with her pedophile friend. It’s a social media that pedophile found and threatened to blackmail him with if he didn’t smut with her or admit she was the ultimately marvel nerd. From what he tells me, he keeps it up and will randomly change the info with stuff that happened between when he was a teenager til now but make it look recent. since he knows and he is right that she continues to stalk it and share it. Funny the pictures haven’t been updated in a decade though, probably should have been their first clue that account wasn’t really active. Now I know it’s hard for them to read without completely spazzing out like the 4 year old losers they are. But they seem to think I’m like 9 different people and had that other blog ran by that thing which also has no life collect the info and pass it around. However I’ll say it again as I’ve been saying it for years I’VE NEVER GONE BY OTHER ALIASES!! I know it’s hard for them to read as their eyes are old for people pushing mid 40. Their one shred of connecting me with the person who is their victim grooming victim is the fact that at a recent point in time we’ve used the same discord. It’s also known that I have and encourage the making of multiple discord accounts. It’s also well known and documented as early as 2015 that I’ve let multiple people use a specific discord account of mine……. You do the math. Hahaha.
For those that need hand holding, yes, I’ve not been the only one using one discord account since its creation. I originally stated after my second S attempt during the first time I ran my abilities roleplay I had a friend run it for me, this friend even admitted to the members at the time that they were me but would act as ‘Nolan’ so that the troll army hailthehelpful unleashed on me wouldn’t think it won. She saw first hand the disgusting things I was being sent. Then I did jt again to a friend I made though Hollow Grove yes the same man who also helped another friend of ours advertise his Star Wars site a couple of years ago. He also helped the guy find RP buddies by joining servers with his own account as this friend’s pedo stalker was reading everything he posted on the now ‘community’ discord account I guess jt can be called.
Add about three more friends to that then you get to the guy whose personal info was leaked. That’s one of the reason I’ve been active like insanely active on tumblr’s RPC but all these dramatic 40 year olds have only found me on like 2 groups. I’ve been using my other tumblr RP discord account. Now why did I give this guy the discord? Why not, given it to quite a few others. I did it because he said he was going back to jcink and back to the old groups he loved being in, fandoms. His pedophile stalker is ALOT like him they have many of the same likes, dislikes, personal traits, style of writing and coding, and fandom. The only difference is while he keeps it humble, his stalker hunks she’s too ahit and will smite anyone that goes against her since they are a narcissist. So I gave him the log in and told him to have fun. Use it as a shield from his actual account and that he can run to when his stalker goes after him. Not even I predicted it would be his first forum going back, unlucky bastard. but he is bold I'll give him that, id never join that group, The Greed is it? but he apparently wanted to and has gotten onto the group and into speaking with both the stalker and the psycho. funny they cant tell its him, I thought they knew him oh so well.
anyway, right now this guy I met named kev has it under his control. i still sometimes log onto it as its my dumping account now. its where i put my discord layouts, self programmed bots, and dump sone of my links for drama and coding templates.
so have fun psycho stalker @jadedglory cry, scream, rage about this being wrong. the evidence is there and I've said it multiple times years ago. how else does your tiny mind think that your friends victim and myself have been able to join groups and remain so active all this time? because your dumb ass has been single minded focused on one account well now two. don't you have a life? a man? or woman or a hand? Sure don’t got no lawyer. like you need help in many many ways that go beyond psychologically. Some of us over here playing chess while others think it’s checkers and playing themselves hahaha.
anywho, time to get back to baldur's gate that G got me addicted to. But just a few hours, i got a meeting at 11 and admin work to do.
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girl offline
this past new years eve, while many of our peers avowed to avoid alcohol for the next month, my friend delaney and I exchanged our instagram passwords and asked each other to change them and keep them a secret. while the both of us agreed that critically examining one's relationship to alcohol is great, particularly with how casual alcoholism is enabled throughout our culture (looking at you, wine mom tea towels at homes goods). 'dry january' didn't feel like the right fit for either of us. neither of us are huge drinkers.
I didn't drink for most of the pandemic. now, my nights out dancing with friends, hangs at breweries, occasional trail beers (one of life's greatest pleasures), and bottles of wine shared at board game nights fall within the realm of (what i'd categorize) as healthy.
anyway, my 'month off social media' passed with little consequence or fanfare. I didn't yearn to check instagram once. after delaney and I exchanged passwords, I decided that staying off instagram should also mean staying off all other social media. I already don't use snapchat, tiktok (usually), or twitter. I did continue using pinterest, tumblr, and reddit. I decided that the way I used them was non-addictive and thus probably fine. but I did remove the apps from my phone. I did also stayed on BeReal.
throughout january, all the instances in which my new less-online proclivities were points of discomfort were purely external. my internal world went on uninterrupted, but around my peers, I did notice that my ability to participate in our shared culture subsided. a few occasions transpired, for example, where a friend wanted to send me the instagram account of a tattoo artist they liked, or they referenced a TikTok audio in conversation that I didn't get. (I was reminded that the least funny thing someone can do is try to explain a TikTok audio to you. I wish people didn't do this.)
besides secondhand embarassment, these instances didn't really bother me. life moved on. January rolled into February, and it did not occur to me to re-download social media. when I realized this, I texted Delaney, and we shared a short conversation about it:
honestly, thank god for Delaney. it felt so good that I had a confidant in this experiment, but it did get harder as the month went on. during the latter half of February, I had a few compulsions to check instagram, though, notably, they weren't born out of pure, idle boredom. they were for specific reasons: I wanted to look up a podcast host's page after they mentioned something on their show; I met someone cool at a concert and they wanted to exchange handles; I was curious if a local venue I liked had shows coming up, and they update ig more than their website. I resisted these temptations, deciding it would be worthwhile to hold out for the rest of February. though of these instances I took note that, given all the new reasons I craved checking instagram reflected actual intentional thinking and reasoning, it might be worthwhile to consider a use of instagram as a information hub rather that a social channel. this shift would mirror more closely to how I use reddit -- I go on for specific information relating to my interests, like for paramore set lists (lol) or how to hem a pair of pants (i'm short).
as i'm writing this, it's now March 1st, and I caved this morning. I asked Delaney for my ig password back. I felt weirdly anxious logging back in, critical and suspicious of any dopamine-rush adjacent feelings. I logged in, and the algorithm eagerly delivered all the posts I wanted to see on a shiny silver platter: a friend had an anniversary, another posted beautiful photos from a recent trip, another recently got a puppy, an author I like announced a new book, my 10 year high school reunion is this year (lol), and my mom had sent me a cool travel account. cool. things I was genuinely excited to see.
with that settled, the novelty wore off rapidly. good god, there were so many ads! there were literally ads every 3-4 instagram stories: pod shaped toothbrushes (why is everything a god damn pod these days), CBD gummies, running shoes, artisanal coffee, birth control. it seemed like you could get a subscription for everything you could ever need. scrolling through stories felt like I was listening to an endless mid-episode ad reel of a podcast.
i then went to the explore page and encountered a truly horrendous amount of ads: actual humans blending seamlessly into an mirage of makeup tutorials, clay pots, cute cats, and hiking trails. everything there that wasn't an ad was still trying to sell me something: a new recipe to try, a dress I don't need, a planter that looks expensive, a face oil that probably does nothing, a buy-guide on how to recreate a hayley williams makeup look. the entirely of the explore page was coded exactly to my interests and proclivities, and it weirded me out how well these algorithms seemed designed to sell me shit I truly didn't need.
this was about the point where my crisis began. did I want to be here? was staying up to date with hundreds of acquaintances, friends, past lovers, old classmates, brief coworkers, and literally all of my family members from the worth the millions of generated e-billboards designed for other young millennial, white, feminist, childless, tastefully ironic (BUT NOT TOO ONLINE), fiona apple listening, anime watching, west coast-coded, leftist, sophia coppola loving, queer, outdoorsy, well-read college educated girlies just like me? (who are all also extremely individually unique, obviously).
did I need to buy supplements, or did I just like the container they came in? did I actually like the headband, or did a pretty girl get paid to post a picture of herself in it? did I need a new jumpsuit or did the big bud press model look cool in it? do I need a new claw clip or do I just like the font that the advertisers chose?
what could I possible gain by being on instagram? what did it add to my life besides benign inadequacy, inferiority, and an excessively long shopping list?
the truth is boring and painfully obvious, and yet we all continue scrolling. but why? fomo? addiction? anxiety? a mere lack of reflection? shortened attention spans? the fraught hope for an occasional dopamine rush when in reality most of us feel worse after spending time on instagram?
to be frank, I'm of sick of feeling this way. and so: this post officially marks the beginning of my attempt to spend the rest of 2023 off of social media. glory be all. what follows below are the (loose) parameters I am setting for myself for this experiment. i'm using parameters because i'm not setting any official rules. if I mess up, it literally doesn't matter and no one will care. I also don't wait failure to dissuade me from keeping up the effort; say, for instance, in 6 months, I re-download instagram. in my opinion, that would still be a success, because I still stayed off instagram for 6 months. I don't want to put arbitrary rules on myself. this is a lifestyle change. adjustments can be made. and again (this cannot be overstated), literally no one but me cares. thus, starting today, these are the only 'social' things I will still use, as I don't have an unhealthy reliance on them:
spotify, cause I like sharing playlists with friends, and I use it for podcasts.
bandcamp, cause I like following artists.
goodreads. I like sharing what I'm reading and seeing what my friends are reading.
tumblr/reddit/pinterest, as I don't use these websites as social media. (though pinterest is on thin fucking ice cause the bitches on there REALLY want us to all have eating disorders). I am probably going to keep tumblr on my phone, as a treat.
lex, which is like a craigslist for gay people. it's fun and harmless, and I barely check it anyway.
an anonymous instagram account that has no followers, and that I will use to keep up with bands/venues that I like. but this account will only be logged into on my computer and checked for SPECIFIC reasons.
linkedin and facebook, because I will be looking for a full-time job later this year. tragic.
email, unfortunately. see number 8.
when i've told people i'm attempting this experiment, i've been asked the following question a few times: what are you going to do with your free time?
this strikes me as an odd question, and I guess I think it's strange because for most of human history, the internet has not existed. though I suppose that cannot be a reasonable justification for offing the internet because there are plenty of things that we humans used to do that I do not think we should reinstate. (see also: the jungle by upton sinclair). maybe some things have improved as a result of the internet, but i'm not entirely convinced it's a net positive. (it definitely isn't for me.) still, there is a lot of solo free time to be had in adulthood, and it's a valid question, and one I will endeavor to answer:
reading, duh. love audiobooks and my city has great libraries.
I listen to a lot of music, and really enjoy going to shows. they provide a great deal of scope for the imagination. one of my favorite times in the whole world is the time in-between sets at shows. I love to stand in the crowd and watch everyone: couples, friends, other strangers just meeting. if you're a fan of people watching, this (and airport bars) are the true mother loads of people watching. it's a bit too loud in these concert crowds to make out exactly what people are saying, but that's the best part. you have to rely on your storytelling abilities to make sense of the world around you. (sorry to all the people in the seattle area i've stared at unabashedly at shows. it will continue to happen.)
podcasts are what they are. but I like some! my favorites tend to veer towards the theme of history, lolz, and feminism. my favorites right now (that I would recommend to others) are: Who? Weekly, Rehash, Maintenance Phase, You're Wrong About, Not Past It, and It's Been a Minute.
walking, walking, walking.
reading (the sequel): I really enjoy long form journalism. right now, I like The New Inquiry, Long Reads, The New Yorker, Blood Knife, The Baffler, and The Atlantic. I have also been starting to explore the world of Substack, but generally find its formatting extremely dystopian. I can't quite put my finger on it. someone smarter than me please write a thinkpiece about this.
it is honestly weird to be a 27 year old who is trying to live a life off of social media, especially after being someone who's spent so much time online. this is a short life of some things that inspire me to stay offline:
bragging rights. if nothing else, I can feel comforted by a trite sense of superiority.
the luddite community in NYC. literally my idols.
this binchtopia podcast episode.
how good I feel seeing my weekly screen time average go down.
how much I enjoy spending time with my friends, and not looking at my phone once.
reading books and watching movies about people spending time outside and note using technology.
remembering that there are ways to live more slowly, and not always in big, demonstrative, political ways.
Studio Ghibli movies, especially ones like From Up on Poppy Hill and My Neighbor Totoro. they connect me to the idleness of my childhood, especially in the summer, and that I can live without the internet because I already did it for the first 10 years of my life.
'How to Do Nothing' by Jenny Odell
'Trick Mirror' by Jia Tolentino
remembering that after deleting my twitter account in 2021 I have not missed it once.
remembering that I am worth more than just the things I produce.
in conclusion, mostly I am just attempting this to see what it feels like, and to see how I can connect to the world in different ways. I do yearn connection to the larger world around me, but I feel a deep repulsion at the social internet as it exists now. the internet was originally designed to help us build connections to each other and to exercise our free speech rights, and while it does do that, it also means fringe conspiracy groups can gain traction at unparalleled speeds. knowing this, being online stresses me out, on top of all of the zillions of advertisements it forces me to look at (and already discussed above). i've always been a pretty online person. I like staying up to date with the world around me and keeping up with contemporary discourse. but the speed at which news is moving feels unsustainable and frankly dangerous. honestly, the safest thing it feels like I can do, for myself, is step back from it. I want to learn how to form opinions and write them down in a journal, and not espouse them to the world. and, like the singer from my favorite band, "I feel useless behind this computer".
lastly, on a personal note, i've noticed that it's really easy for me to fall into patterns where I am constantly body-checking myself compared to others on social media. I tried to combat this at first by following a bunch of 'body positive' accounts on instagram, and while it was nice to see actual human bodies, it really only compounded the sheer amount of bodies I had to compare my own to.
regardless of how I feel about it, i'm stuck in the body I got. I want to form a healthy opinion and relationship to it without the ever alluring capabilities of the 'gram. no one else gets to live in my flesh prison, ergo, no one else gets a say as to what it looks like. the fact of the whole matter is that the only person who suffers if I don't like the way I look is me, and, advertisers have everything to gain the more unhappy i fare. thus, out of spite, i will fare well.
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TDC-Essay: Intended morality vs written text
During Thra-Halloween, I caught an interview with the Riverhorse RPG staff about their TDC adventure book. Essentially, a Dark Crystal Tabletop RPG.
In it, the authors discussed how you could join the Deterge and treated it as a fun thing to do. They also spoke of skeksis cutting down a forest for logs.
These two things stuck with me because they showed how some writers treat the skeksis vs how they treat the gelfling and podling. One group is seen as a mustache-twirling bad guy and the other as jokes. The third group is just innocent good guys who are just a bit flawed.
Why I find this both interesting and frustrating, is that AOR and the movie both had much more nuanced than that. I have already discussed the gelfling vs skeksis one here, so I'll not repeat it.
Instead, I want to focus on things often left unsaid in both the fandom and the comics/extra material.
Let us look at the situation of the Thra-born species. There is this narrative I often see on Tumblr where the gelfling are the victims and the skeksis aggressors. Which is true. But not once have I seen anyone mention the podlings, the gruenaks or the arathim in these posts. It is only ever gelfling vs skeksis.
If I were cynical, I would assume that the other species are left out due to ruining the pure narrative people want for the gelfling. Because once you include the other species, it gets messy.
While gelfling are absolutely the victims of the skeksis, they are also the ones that benefit from the skeksis the most. Gelfling have seven thriving clans, a massive capital, a lot of autonomy within these clans and a lot of freedoms in general. If Essence was never discovered, they would have lived comfortably with the skeksis until the Darkening took over.
Podlings, though? They are seen as lesser by most gelfling. They are seen as jokes and not mattering much. The Deterge is meant to be a -funny- thing and an undignified punishment, because the podlings are dirty and therefore primitive. But since we have Hup in our cast, we get to see another side of Thra's politics. If you aren't a gelfling, you are disposable, you matter less and you best prepare for the worst because most of these mouse-elves don't even bother to learn your language. Let alone defend your rights.
In podlings, we see some good writing on unconscious discrimination. We are shown that podlings aren't just jokes and dumb, they are very aware of their place in Thra. Yet it takes the outsider Deet to call out something most surface gelfling blindly accept; podlings aren't just servants. It isn't that Rian, Brea, Gurjin or Mira hate podlings, but they just never questioned their own biases.
Arathim are another type of narrative showcase. These spiders have been chased from their homes and treated as outlaws by the empire. Their former homes are now the Grottan territory. Something most Grottan aren't even aware of.
AOR does a herculean task for presenting a group of hive-mind spiders, treating them as villains and then turning around and showing them allying with the gelfling on their terms. But also why they would dislike the gelfling in the first place.
With both the arathim and the gruenak, we get a strong implication that it was not just the skeksis who displaced them. Gelfling after all were in the armies of skekGra, skekVar and skekUng. Given the Grottan got the cave system, the gelfling clearly also enjoyed the spoils of war. Never mind few Sifa deciding to earn a few extra bucks by selling gruenak slaves.
All of this makes the narrative of AOR and TDC much more nuanced and realistic. The matters of the people of Skarith are complex and there is a lot of bad blood between them.
There is this unfortunate Tumblr habit of treating a narrative with opposing forces as oppressor and victim, good or bad, right or wrong. In these narrative limits, it is paramount that the right/good/victim side stay pure and clean of sin. Because if someone does a bad thing, this narrative demands that they then deserve whatever they get.
TDC does not do that, it doesn't let the gelfling be innocent or without sin. It does not let things be simple. Even if there are greater scope villains, you can still have a lot of interesting conflicts between Thraborn species without involving the skeksis.
I fully understand that the Deterge was meant to be a funny scene, and it is. But it also does the double duty as the sign of how the gelfling see the podlings. The purpose is to humiliate the lawbreakers, whether the podlings want to be washed or not does not matter.
AOR, like TDC in general, is not a story of simple good versus bad. Just because the gelfling -now- see the skeksis are trouble, does not mean podlings, arathim or gruenaks won't still hate them. And that is good writing.
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van life
I wasn’t gonna post this because it’s just like an overload of unrealistic softness but now that we know that they’re selling the van I think now is the best time if I’m gonna do it lol.
Also I’m sorry I can’t make this shorter on your dash by putting a ‘keep reading’ break. Tumblr is shitty and permanently fucked on my desktop where it just won’t load the page once I’m logged in so I have to do everything through mobile🙄
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warnings: fluff, smut, kinda unedited
***
MJ sighs as warm morning sunlight kisses her skin through the passenger window of the tiny house van. She and Grayson had decided to have a beach day to themselves — the first one of summer — and she could’t be more excited. Nothing makes MJ Macias more content and at peace with her life than laying under the Pacific sun until her nose freckles and her skin takes on that healthy golden hue. Wrinkles are a risk she’s willing to take as long as she has a nice, long podcast, something to munch on, and, of course, a good view of her boyfriend in the surf.
That view of him rivals the one of the ocean in her opinion, which is just past his window as they cruise down the PCH on their way to Malibu. MJ wiggles her white-painted toes on the dashboard and smiles as she watches him sing along quietly (and off-key) to the Tame Impala song filling the cabin of the van. She loves his profile so much: the perfect slope of his nose; his full lips; the chunk of hair that swoops across his forehead.
She lifts their clasped hands from where they rest on her thigh with their fingers threaded together, and kisses the back of his wide palm.
“You’re so handsome, Bear,” MJ murmurs against his skin.
Grayson stops singing long enough to look over at her and smile brightly, his eyes hidden behind his black Louis Vuitton sunglasses. He pulls their hands towards himself so he can copy her kiss, only to her her own soft skin.
“My pretty Peach,” he returns with a squeeze to her palm, making MJ flush the color of her pet name. “Always so beautiful in the mornings.”
MJ hums and takes her turn returning their hands back to her lap, trailing her long nails up and down his muscular, veiny forearm. Apparently they’re equally as headass for each other today. “Just in the mornings?” she teases, tickling the sensitive patch of skin near the crook of his elbow.
She can’t see his eyes roll, but she imagines they do as his grin turns playful. “Of course not, but especially in the mornings. Your hair is in that cute braid and your skin is all silky soft and your eyes are extra green.” He takes his eyes off the road for a moment to appraise her looking exactly as he described. “And, you know, usually on the weekends you’d still be naked at this time. I like that part about mornings, too.”
“Oh, Lord,” she laughs with a shake of her head. “Grayson!”
She gasps his name and giggles harder as he completely catches her off guard by moving their hands right over his hardening cock. MJ squeezes him reflexively, and Grayson gives a little grunt as he shifts in his seat with a smirk.
“What?” he asks in mock defense, placing both hands back on the steering wheel. “I had to show you how much you affect me! I only have to think about you naked in our bed and it goes up.”
“That’s sweet,” MJ says, stroking his dick one more time before moving her hand further down his thigh, “but if you think I’m giving you road head in this car on this twisty road, you’re very mistaken.”
Grayson makes an obnoxious little whiny noise in defeat, pouting playfully and muttering dejectedly, “I knew we should have taken the Tesla.”
MJ raises an eyebrow. “Well, we wouldn’t have been able to bring your surfboard. Or be the first ones to christen the tiny house.”
“Oh, shit,” Gray says quietly, surprised. MJ smiles at the small victory of teasing him, her eyes diverting back to the beautiful scenery ahead of them as her mind wanders to all the things they can do in that makeshift bed.
“How about road hand, then, to start it off?”
She lets out a frustrated huff, his request interrupting her daydream. If there was ever a scenario where she didn't trust Grayson, it was one in which he was receiving any overt sexual pleasure whilst controlling a giant motor vehicle.
“Gray, I love you, but you’re pushing it.”
“Understood.”
***
It takes about half an hour for them to reach their destination, but MJ knows it was worth the drive as soon as they exit the car and she inhales the clean, salty air. They park at a little camping lot they had reserved a spot in for the day, the glittering ocean a mere few hundred feet away.
“Surf looks good,” MJ remarks, her hand shielding her eyes as she gazes out at the water. It always makes her a little nervous when Gray goes out in big swells, so the mild waves are a happy sight for her. “Nice and small; just how I like ‘em.”
Grayson looks out as well as he climbs on the roof of the van to retrieve the surfboard. “Funny, I happen to know for a fact you like ‘em long and wide,” he jokes. He just couldn’t help himself, apparently, his wide smile looking down at her from the top of the ladder a clear display of how proud of the stupid joke he is.
MJ watches the exposed muscles in his arms and shoulders ripple under his skin as he begins wrestling with the hooks and ties securing the board to the roof racks. The sight combined with his words and thoughts of what transpired earlier in the car makes her center pulse dangerously.
Needless to say, he’s successfully turned her on despite her best efforts.
“You’re insufferable, Dolan,” she says with a shake of her head. Her body feels heated from his innuendo and also the midmorning sun that is steadily raising the outside temperature. She pulls off the hoodie she had thrown on in the chilly early morning and steps into the back seat to haul out the cooler and beach bag.
“Yeah, but you love me,” his voice comes from right behind her. She turns around and yelps in surprise when she sees Grayson peeking his head upside down into the cab from the roof. He’s inches from her and is just dangling there like an overgrown monkey, which makes her fall back in the seat in a fit of giggles. He wags his brows at her playfully. “Ooh! Spider-Man kiss!”
MJ rolls her eyes good-naturedly and happily scoots over to clasp his cheeks in her hands, granting his wish by planting a sweet kiss to his lips. The scruff on his chin tickles her nose peculiarly, but she’s not mad at it. “Too much. I love you too much, you goof.”
Finally, with all their beach supplies in hand, they walk together towards the ocean. The private beach that they can access with their camp site is quiet and secluded. Best of all, it isn't clogged with tourists or people in general, which they both greatly prefer. Less people means they’re less likely to be bombarded by fangirls, or paparazzi, or any other unwanted distractions from what MJ hopes will be a perfect day.
As soon as the texture under her feet changes from firm concrete to sunken sand, MJ is stopping to remove her flip-flops so her toes can dig into the fine powder. This moment of first stepping on the beach is one of her favorite experiences, as minute and insignificant as it seems.
She looks up at Grayson, who glances back down at her questioningly. “Race ya,” she challenges suddenly, hauling ass to a perfect open spot on the wide expanse of beach. If there’s one thing she and her boyfriend have in common, it’s a highly competitive spirit.
“Cheater!” Grayson calls after her. He has the surfboard under one arm and the cooler slung over his shoulder, but everyone knows Grayson Dolan is the last person to turn down a competition. Which is why he does his best to catch up to her even with the obstacles in his arms holding him back.
The finish line is also only in MJ’s head, so she stops when she finds a spot she likes. She drops their bag and turns around with her arms raised like Rocky. Grayson isn’t very far behind her, being as in-shape as he is he’s reached her quickly, but he slows down earlier than he really needs to so he can take her in. Her breasts heave beneath a leopard print bikini top, loose hairs escape from her messy french braid, and her long legs glitter with the sand she had kicked up on her run.
She’s the most beautiful, dorky, amazing woman he’s ever seen and she is his.
MJ watches smugly as her boyfriend stalks over to her. “I wi—“
Grayson releases everything he’s carrying to the sand and grasps her face in both hands, pulling her in for a long, lingering kiss. MJ lets out a little squeak of surprise, but she melts into him half a second later. Nothing warms her soul more than his lips on hers, and she wraps her arms around his middle to bring them as close together as possible.
When he pulls back, Grayson stares at her with complete, obvious adoration. Ethan would have called him a simp if he were there, that’s how sappy his twin looks. Grayson can’t help himself, though; he is a simp for MJ, and, truthfully, he doesn’t give two shits who knows it as long as he makes her smile up at him like she is now, every day.
It’s why yesterday he had casually opened a new browser window, convincing himself he was just curiously window shopping on the ring section of Tiffany’s and the like… even after he got sucked into the customization tool on one website for nearly two hours.
Shaking his head and biting his lip through a grin, he traces the freckles on MJ’s cheek. “I want a rematch later.”
MJ squeezes him and smacks his ass playfully before releasing him and reaching into the bag for the big blanket. “You’re always such a sore loser,” she teases, unfolding the cloth and weighing it down with Grayson’s help. She digs through the bag again and hands him his wetsuit. “Go catch some waves. I have to catch up on this podcast by this really sexy guy and his twin brother.”
If there could be snapshots of the rest of the day, they would have been out of a picturesque rom-com. For a while, MJ rests on her tummy as she watches Grayson glide through the water, his deep voice simultaneously reverberating in her ears through her AirPods.
Eventually, when he’s done surfing — looking like a beach Adonis when he walks up the shore with the top half of his wetsuit folded down at his hips, surfboard under his arm and his wet abs glistening in the sun — he joins her on the blanket.
In the early afternoon MJ props herself up on her elbow, appraising his form with hungry, appreciative eyes as he tans on his back next to her. He has his hands pillowed behind his head, which causes his biceps to bulge and her thighs to clench. MJ is lost in him as she trails her finger over the features of his face — down his button nose, smoothing over his arched brows, across his rosy cheeks, against his pillowy lips. She smiles as he sighs contentedly and drops a peck to the tip of his nose before settling with her cheek on his chest. He smells like tanning oil and ocean and that clean, woody musk that MJ knows as him.
Later, they wade around in the sea between batches of sun bathing. At some points, he’s holding her waist-deep in the water with her legs wrapped around his middle and arms around his neck, lips connecting occasionally amidst easy conversation. Other times they have full-on water fights that have her squealing and him laughing as they splash each other back and forth.
It isn’t until the orange and pink hues of the sunset paint the sky that they’re brought back to the beach for good. Once they rinse off and have all of their things collected, they head back to the van.
MJ removes her bikini inside while Grayson reattaches the surfboard to the roof. She slips on her sweatshirt and a fresh pair of soft shorts just in time for him to carefully crack open the back door to make sure she’s decent.
Grayson smiles widely as he crawls in on the already made bed where she sits and is piling her damp hair into a messy bun. “So fucking beautiful,” he murmurs, giving her a lingering kiss while her hands are still mid-twist in her long hair.
A pleasant warmth swoops through her belly at his compliment; it had taken her a while to get accustomed to not only how often Grayson rains sweet praises like that down on her, but how sincerely he means them, too.
She hums into his mouth right before he pulls away. “I left your shorts there, baby,” she says, gesturing behind her with her head. Gray thanks her and she starts to dig through the cooler as he tugs his swimsuit down his inked legs, following them back up with the clean shorts.
They eat dinner with the back doors wide open, a perfect view of the sun setting below the ocean’s horizon right in front of them. A pleasant breeze floats around them in the van, cool and refreshing from being picked up right off the water. MJ nuzzles her cheek on Grayson’s bare shoulder, and he presses a kiss to the top of her head as she chews her last bite of tofu.
“Thank you for such a perfect day,” MJ says a minute later, gazing up at him while he takes a sip of La Croix. “Seriously, I can’t remember the last time I felt so…carefree. Loved. In love. Not that you don’t make me feel those things every day, but… y’know. Today was just great.”
Her hand reaches to caress his stubbly cheek, a soft smile at the corner of her full lips. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, Gray.”
Grayson looks down at her silently, but his eyes say everything his lips don’t. He tucks his can and their empty tupperware back into the cooler, tossing the bag into one of the back seats behind them so it’s out of the way.
He cups her cheeks in both hands, wasting no more time in bringing their mouths together. MJ sighs and shifts so she’s that much closer to him, just as his tongue prods gently at her pliant lips to coax them open.
They make out like that, slow and deep, with the soundtrack of crashing waves wafting through the open doors. Gray lies her down and supports the back of her head with his forearm, his free hand swooping up and down her side before settling in the dramatic dip of her waist as he pulls away just barely.
Eyes closed, their breaths come heavy and mingle sweetly in the minute space between them. Grayson suddenly lets out a little incredulous huff, shaking his head and diving back in blindly to suck softly on her bottom lip. MJ lets out a little moan and digs her nails gently down his bare back, her eyes fluttering open.
“What?” she asks with a little smile of her own, nuzzling her nose against his in an Eskimo kiss.
Grayson’s hazel orbs meet her green ones, and the hand resting on her waist comes to cup her face once again so he can stroke the new freckles that litter her high cheekbone.
“I’m gonna marry you,” he answers, chuckling at her shocked little gasp. He hurries to clarify himself. “One day, when we’re ready. You’re my world, MJ. Maybe it’s selfish, or self aggrandizing, but hearing you say that makes it so obvious to me that you’re the only person I’d ever want to spend the rest of my life with. Because I feel the same about you. I only ever want to make you feel that way; nothing makes me happier.”
MJ is stunned into silence. Grayson isn’t exactly the most eloquent person, so somehow she reasons that his perfect delivery of such meaningful words means they’re truly heartfelt. Not that she would have doubted him either way, but their relationship has suddenly shifted even deeper in the matter of one day. One simple, amazing day.
She feels the prickle of tears behind her eyes, and bites her lip through a watery smile as she raises her hand to run her fingers through the back of his hair. No matter how happy she is, her instinct for dealing with any emotions is to deflect with humor. “Can’t wait ’til I pop out a few of your babies. From the sounds of it, you’ll be worshipping the ground I walk on.”
That hits him right in the baby fever, his dick hardening even more behind his shorts at the thought of her belly swollen with his child. Joking or not, she’s absolutely right.
“Fuck,” he whispers, grinning as he ducks his head to nibble her favorite spot just behind her jaw and right under her ear. “How many of my babies? Hm?”
“Mmm,” she sighs, scratching lightly at his scalp, considering the question seriously. “Four little Dolan babies, I think. Three boys and a little girl.”
“Yeah,” Grayson agrees easily, making his way across her jaw with soft little suckles. “But make that three girls and a little boy, and you've got a deal.”
MJ giggles and grabs his face so they’re staring each other in the eye again. “No actual baby-making until there’s a ring on this finger.” She wiggles the digits of her left hand, which Grayson grabs and kisses the back of with a smirk. If only she knew just how close that moment might be. “But we can always practice in the meantime.”
Grayson nods and hitches her leg up his hip as he ducks down for a surprisingly chaste kiss considering her invitation a second before. As much as he wants her, he has a need deep in his chest just to be close to her for the moment. To feel her hold him and nuzzle into the warm crook of his neck, sucking gently on that freckle there to make his head swim like after a nice glass of wine.
MJ is just as happy with that arrangement, and she lets her body be still and her breaths tickle the sensitive skin at his collarbone. The ocean breeze billowing through the open doors of the van is cool and salty and comforting.
“It’s crazy,” Grayson whispers after a few peaceful minutes, his fingers starting to trail up and down her covered back slowly. MJ pulls back a little so she can see his face. He isn't looking at her, but rather out the open van doors at the last moments of the sun setting behind the water. “I remember feeling exactly this way the first day we met, only now it’s…more. You felt right then, so right it was scary. And here we are. How did I know that you were my person as soon as you let me walk you back to that tent?”
MJ smiles and her belly swoops. She thinks back to that night, how scared she had been and how instantly — well, as he said — right Grayson had felt the minute they crossed paths.
“I did kind of seduce you,” she chuckles, lifting her head to nibble at the underside of his chin and reveling in the sensation of his deep chuckle vibrating against her lips. “Maybe you’re just under my Black Widow spell. Have I never let it slip I’m only after your money?”
Grayson laughs louder, squeezing her to his body tighter. “Nope. But that’s the MJ I remember falling head over heels for in a matter of hours. Smart and witty and sweet and so fucking pretty with her green eyes and bright smile.”
MJ stares up at him with stars in those emerald eyes he adores so much. He is unreal to both see and hear; his skin has turned olive and his hair has the crisp of the ocean still in it, and the fact that he can still pinpoint the little things he liked about her from so long ago…
“Do you love me?” she asks quietly. It’s so ridiculously unnecessary to ask, he tells her multiple times a day, every day.
“So much, Peach,” he murmurs back predictably, finally swooping down to capture her lips like she wanted earlier, tongues meshing instantly.
He tastes so familiar and sweet. She wants to devour him slowly, intimately, like she has a thousand times before.
“Close the doors?” MJ gasps after the simple swipe of his thumb over her nipple through her sweatshirt makes her thighs tremble and her hips grind onto his half-hard erection. Something about the heartwarming intimacy of the day has translated to her body being physically sensitive beyond belief.
Grayson nods and sits up, reaching for the switch of the fairy lights MJ had hung up a few weeks ago before slamming the doors shut on the nighttime scenery.
While he does as she asked, she scoots up to rest her head on a pillow and watches his bare, chiseled torso glow in the dim, sensual lights. Right as he turns around he catches her struggling to free herself from her hoodie.
“Let me do it, Peach. I wanna do it,” he breathes, dipping down to kiss her soundly before tugging upward on the hem of the soft fabric. MJ drops her head to the pillow to break the seal of their lips, lifting her arms up so he can pull the garment over her head.
Grayson flings it to the front of the van and brings their mouths together so quickly, like he simply can’t be away from her lips for longer than a second. His hands reach up and cup the pliable mounds of her breasts, which are several shades lighter than the rest of her chest. Clearly, he could care less, and MJ sighs softly as he massages them firmly, his calloused palms creating delicious friction on her hypersensitive nipples.
“Still the prettiest tits I’ve ever seen, too,” he smirks, making his way across her jaw. MJ smiles too, eyes closed in bliss as he kisses the familiar trail down her sternum. Predictably, his warm lips suction around the bud of her left breast, and she lets her mind wander through the pleasure to flash back on the first time he did this.
“We’re still kind of in a tent, too, y’know,” she gasps as he switches sides, letting out her first moan of the night when he scrapes his teeth against her. “Just…more bougie.”
Grayson hums, quickly getting lost in the feel of how soft her tits are and how much he loves the sensation of her hard nipples under his tongue. He drops his hips down so he can grind his full erection against her hot center, eliciting wanton gasps from both of them.
MJ groans again, the feminine sound literal music to his ears and the perfect reinforcement to keep going. She hooks her legs around his waist to hold his hips against her, thrusting up against him as he continues to bite and lick and suckle her breasts.
“Holy shit, Gray, right there… I’m gonna cum,” she whimpers, grasping at his hair to hold him down where he was sucking perfectly on her breast, and continues to grind roughly on his dick. Sure enough, a few seconds later she’s shuddering with the most intense orgasm she’s ever had without manual stimulation. Even from Grayson.
Grayson himself can hardly believe it; they have a great sex life, but he can’t remember the last time he had gotten her off just through some intense dry humping.
He isn’t going to question it, though, because it only means one thing: she’s as voracious for him tonight as he is for her. He growls when she starts to come down and surprises her with his mouth planting roughly back on hers. MJ kisses him back lazily as her mind clears some, smiling and fluttering her eyes open to meet his dark gaze when she feels his middle finger replace his tongue in her mouth. She closes her swollen, pouty lips around the digit and sucks, holding onto his hand and maintaining complete eye contact with him when he moans softly. She pulls his hand out of her mouth and pushes it into her shorts.
“Fuck,” he rasps, collecting her slippery cum against his finger, swirling it against his thumb before trailing his middle finger up to her clit. He soaks in her expression as her eyes roll back at the first contact, his favorite reaction she has to his touch. “Fuck, MJ. So fucking wet for me.”
MJ nods quickly, opening her eyes again to watch him watch her. “Lemme taste,” she whimpers.
She pulls his hand back up and doesn’t wait for permission or leave him time to process her demand as she sucks the slick moisture straight off his finger, the taste of herself gracing her tongue causing her pussy to gush even more. When his brain finally catches up, he’s immediately ripping his hand away from her with a harsh groan and hooking it around the back of her neck to kiss her deeply. His tongue plunders her mouth as he searches for traces of that sweet, earthy tang he knows oh-so well. MJ’s hands distractedly push at the waistband of his shorts, desperate for the feel of his dick in her hands.
“Please, baby,” she whines against his lips when they break for air, using the moment of clarity to tug more determinedly at his shorts. “Need you.”
“Need me where?” he teases, backing up so she can’t reach him as he pulls her own shorts down her long, newly tanned legs. Once he flings the scrap of fabric to join her sweater, he ducks down and swipes his tongue quickly over each of her nipples. “Here?”
MJ groans and shakes her head, her brain not operating at enough capacity to tease back, it’s so clouded with desire for him. “Gray…”
Grayson smirks and grabs one of her hands that are coasting down his back and attempting to pull him down against her. He cups her petite palm against his pulsing erection, sighing a little when her fingers wrap around him through his shorts instinctively. He drops his hand and brings it to her pussy, his fingertips dancing delicately against her swollen lower lips. His head swims at how wet she is and how the solid feel of him seems to have brought her mind back to earth, because as soon as he lets go of her hand she delves past his waistband to grip him directly.
“My dick, baby, you need my dick?” he asks softly, his voice a little high and his breath pitchy as she strokes him steadily now.
MJ moans and her pussy throbs simply at his words. She nods hastily. “Need it in me,” she manages, meeting his heated gaze as she gives him a firm squeeze. “Love your dick.”
“Yeah,” he sighs, his touch leaving her as he helps her in getting him completely naked, kicking his shorts off when they reach his ankles.
He takes a moment to gather himself and to slow down, trying to get himself back in that intimate headspace they were so deep in earlier, so that this doesn’t turn into just a hot, hard fuck. They love that, and it’s kind of their bread and butter in the bedroom. But he wants to hold her close and savor her body, to pass that loving energy between them in the most special, physical way.
MJ’s chest heaves as she watches Grayson hover above her, staring at her, and she parts her legs to welcome him back into her space. He looks like a fucking Greek god in the low light, his hair curly from the saltwater and sweat, his skin golden and his muscles bulging. She can’t possibly want him any more than in that moment.
“C’mere,” she whispers, reaching her arms out and making grabby hands at him. She can’t allow another second to go by without the sensation of his smooth skin against hers.
Grayson smiles sweetly at her, eyes sultry as he lowers himself at her request and presses their bodies together from chests to centers. She cups his cheeks and scratches her fingers against his scruff as they kiss slowly, deeply, desire building intensely once again as they grind together at the middle.
“Please, Grayson,” she finally says again.
All thoughts of any more teasing are out the door as Grayson obliges her. He dips his fingers in her pussy, testing her readiness and using her sweet juices to coat his dick.
MJ spreads her legs up and out, bent at the knees, and she throws her head back with a gasp as he enters her in a short thrust; a little more on the second, until he bottoms out with the third.
“Fuck me,” she whimpers, her hands pushing on the firm globes of his ass.
Grayson obeys with a groan, drawing his hips in and out steadily. “Wanna fuck you slow,” he says in her ear, thrusting all the way in and all the way out. The warm clutch of her perfect pussy is so intense at that tempo that he shudders and his eyes roll back. “Slow and deep, Peach.”
“Yes,” MJ agrees, her breaths coming in fast despite the maintained speed of his dick. He’s working her up so good, and she leans forward to bite into the junction of his neck and shoulder out of habit to keep her sounds muffled.
“Yes, baby,” she squeals quietly when her minute adjustment shifts the angle just right for him to hit her spot over and over. Her nails claw at his back, scraping over the work of art that is both his rippling muscles and the picture of the lions inked into them. “Oh my God, keep fucking me like that.. like that…”
The air confined in the van is warm and thick. Sweat drips from the ends of his hair, his hot breaths fan over her forehead, and his chain dangles enticingly across her face as he stares down at her all blissed out beneath him. Nothing turns him on more than her words of encouragement, which are usually muted due to the fact that his omnipresent twin brother lives across the hall. But now that they’re alone, in nature — just like the night they met — all filters are off. It makes him even more determined to get her to cum so hard she forgets any of those sweet praises she’s mumbling other than his name.
It’s already so, so good, but as soon as he gets on his knees just enough to gain more leverage to thrust even harder into her, that knot in MJ’s stomach starts growing in a fantastically unfamiliar way. Her eyes roll back and Grayson reaches a huge hand up to support her head against his shoulder, sensing how perfect the angle is for her and wanting to help her maintain it. She’s getting tighter and wetter around him, so much so that he has to grit his teeth and hiss to avoid having to pull out and stop.
“MJ,” he moans into her ear, tugging on her lobe with his teeth, an unspoken warning that he’s close. He’ll hold on as long as he can, but he absolutely needs to get her there first.
In the back of her mind, she comprehends his cue. But she’s so focused on reaching the bursting point of that expanding ball behind her belly, she can’t help but selfishly draw every ounce of pleasure she can from him. She thinks she knows what’s going to happen, and it will be a first-time experience for both of them.
It’s only going to take a few more deep, hard thrusts, and she’ll be there. Almost there…
“Gray!” she squeaks, squeezing a hand between their bodies to push against his abs, just in time for him to pull out and her to gush all over him and the blankets serving as makeshift sheets beneath them. It’s an indescribable release that washes over her, her own loud, shaky squeals of pleasure distant noises in the back of her head. She can only see colors behind her closed eyelids, greens and blues and lavenders sparkling in her mind’s eye like a mystical fog.
Grayson can’t believe what he’s seeing. His shocked and aroused groan sounds obnoxiously loud and foreign in his own ears; the fact that he doesn’t bust his nut right there on the blanket next to hers is a miracle. Instinctively, he reaches his fingers down to help her through it by rubbing her clit, huffing out an incredulous laugh when her thighs clamp instantly around his hand and a little more of her juices come out, soaking his hand. His name tumbles repeatedly out of her lips, just like he was aiming for and unwittingly exceeding his own expectations.
He’s painfully hard as he leans over her again, kissing her through her mindless whimpers as she starts to slowly come-to, her damp thighs opening once again and allowing him to slip between them. Right where he belongs.
“MJ?” he whispers, stroking her brow softly and watching her face intently. “You okay?”
Eyes still closed and breasts heaving, MJ takes a second to respond, but she moans quietly and nods, puckering her lips in invitation for him to meet with his. He obliges, indulging her for a moment until he can’t wait anymore. “Where do you want me to cum?”
“Inside,” she breathes at once, reaching down to grasp him and bring him to her dripping pussy. Grayson flinches at her sudden grip on him and the overwhelming wetness against the sensitive head of his dick. “Come on, Bear. Want you to cum hard inside me.”
With a groan, he slides back inside her, and a few hard, sloppy thrusts later, he’s shooting deep in her pussy. He’s never cum so hard in his life, and he whines into her mouth with the timing of his spurts. She hums contentedly, obsessed with that feeling of warmth that comes with, well, his cum.
“So good,” he murmurs when he’s finally done, pulling out of her slowly. He grabs a spare towel and cleans up the liquid white that follows him dripping from her center. “That was incredible, MJ. You’re incredible.”
MJ shakes her head in agreement, clapping a hand to her forehead and giggling softly, her knees bent and swaying side to side. “I thought we had done everything to try to get that to happen. Turns out we just had to go back to the beginning.”
Grayson lies down next to her, turning her head with a gentle hand on her cheek so he can press their lips together. “I love you,” he says simply. “My pretty Peach.”
MJ grabs a blanket and tosses it over the both of them, brushing her nose against his once they’re cuddled together. “And I love my Gray Bear. Mine.”
“Yours,” he whispers in affirmation, tucking her head into the crook of his neck until they’re both lulled to sleep in their cozy little bougie tent.
#dolan twins#grayson dolan#grayson dolan smut#dolan twins fic#grayson dolan fic#grayson mj#grayson dolan oc
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Tagged by: @propinqxity and @yeoldontknow, two of the most inspiring and motivating people I've ever had the pleasure of knowing tbh
1. Why did you choose this url?
I've always loved the name/word Aurora, thanks to my love of Sleeping Beauty, the dawn, and words that look like they should be impossible to pronounce. And it just looks lovely with Yoongi's stage name.
2. Any sideblogs? If you have them, name them and why you have them
Just my fic rec blog, storynookofmyheart, though it's not super active since I don't read fics like I used to. All my other interests moved to twitter and reddit. I do have the url "strongpowerwhodis" saved though because I will die thinking about how fucking funny it is.
3. How long have you been on Tumblr?
Since 2013. My original tumblr was a blog about my mental health struggles and ways to cope. It started to morph into more video games and kpop until BTS took over my world and I decided to start fresh with this blog in 2017.
4. Do you have a queue tag?
Nope. But I do tag everything.
5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?
BTS. I've enjoyed kpop for a long time, and getting into the BTS fandom was a great source of fun on tumblr at that time. I also intended to start posting fanfiction and since my other blog was followed by my sister, I needed a new place.
6. Why did you choose your icon?
Yoongi....painting?? He's....gorgeous?????? My whole love???
7. Why did you choose your header
I haven't a drop of design skill and @cyphrgf was kind enough to reach out and make it with my aesthetic.
8. What’s your post with the most notes?
Sadly, a misquote I did of Namjoon's speech at the United Nations. I honestly just typed it excitedly while watching it live so the words aren't accurate. But it has 14k+ notes for some reason anyway, still gets reblogs to this day.
9. How many mutuals do you have?
A few. I don't know if there's an easy way to count them, but mostly it's people I've met through networks or readers who have reached out to me to chat. As someone with non-intuitive communication skills who struggles to make friends, I'm so grateful for them all qq
10. How many followers do you have?
Not many. I've always been a small blog since I have the wonderful gifts of coming across a bit cold/insincere online and being inconsistent with my content updates. But I'm grateful for all the ones who are still around and enjoy having me on their dash.
11. How many people do you follow?
Around 350.
12. Have you ever made a shitpost?
In fact, I have a shitpost tag.
13. How often do you use Tumblr every day?
Until just a few days ago, I only logged in to post content updates. I'm planning to be around more now, but probably still only a couple of times a week. My queue will run every day though.
14. Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? Who won?
Why would I fight with some stranger over the internet? What is there that serious to fight about? With a whole entire block button just sitting right there??? No, no, not me.
15. How do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?
I'll reblog whatever the fuck I feel like, without any outside pressure.
16. Do you like tag games?
I love them and at the same time they can trigger my anxiety. This is not at all the fault of the kind, sweet friends I have who think to add me to things. It's entirely on me. I still try to get to them when I'm having social clarity.
17. Do you like ask games?
It probably depends on the game. I like answering questions, but I'm not super funny or clever online and I'm slow to think of responses, so they probably aren't crazy amounts of fun for people who don't know me very well.
18. Which of your mutuals do you think is Tumblr famous?
All of them. You're all fucking stars.
19. Do you have a crush on a mutual?
No crushes, just adoration. For all of them.
Tagging: @btsaudge @btssmutgalore @jeonsweetpea
@taeken-my-heart @foxybread @idroppedthesope
No pressure of course! And if you'd like to play, please consider yourself tagged!
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Her Heavy Cross
Summary: Three years after tragedy hits, Lana she decides to start dating again. She meets Will through a dating app and they begin an online romance. After months of constant requests, Lana relents and agrees to meet and go on an irl date with Will. But is Will who he says he is? Lana is quickly pulled into an intense relationship forcing her to confront her tragic past. Will Lana face it or will she close her heart forever?
Pairing: OMC x OFC
Word Count: approx 2.5k
Warnings: Smut, swearing
Authors Note: The story started as a Henry Cavill fanfiction but I changed it to be an original character, but shades of Henry are still there. Hope you enjoy the story and thanks for reading.
Part 6 Part 8
Part 7
Liam's phone rang. He ignored it and let it go to voicemail. When it rang again, he made a noise of disgust and took his phone out of his pocket to look at it. "It's my publicist. I had better take this."
Liam answered the phone and went outside to talk. I turned the oven on and started to unpack the groceries. Then I got the roast, put it in a baking tray, poured olive oil over the top and seasoned it with salt and some pepper. I got out some onions and garlic and started to cut them up to place around the roast to give it some added flavour.
"That looks great," Liam said when he came back in.
"Thanks," I said, and I gave him a grin. I took the tray and put it in the oven. I got my phone and put an alarm on, giving myself time to cook the veggies before they finished. A thought came to me, and before I could bite my tongue, I said, "They do say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach."
"Really?" Liam licked his lips, looked down at his pants and said, "I'd say they were aiming too high."
It took me a minute to work out what the joke was. When I finally did, I couldn't help but laugh and hide my face in my hands.
"You've gone so red!" Liam appeared to be having fun with my inability to control my blushes.
"Oh, my God!" I said, still hiding my face and laughing. "Alright, that was funny."
It took me a while to stop laughing. When I did, Liam said sombrely, "Sweetheart, I have to tell you something."
"Uh, oh, it doesn't sound good."
"It's not bad. I don't know how you will feel about it." Liam then told me that his publicist had called to let him know there were pictures put on Instagram and Twitter of the two of us kissing at the pub last night. "Your name hasn't been mentioned, and the photos look to be shot from pretty far away on a mobile, so someone in the pub took the pictures. Sarah says they probably aren't going to tell who you are by the pictures unless someone who knows you well comes forward."
I think if my eyes bulged out of my head any further, they would have fallen out and rolled on the floor. "That quick?" It was all I could think to say.
"Yeah. It's hard to know what will come out and when. A lot of times I go out, and no one notices me, but other times I have paps or members of the public following me for hours."
"Who's Sarah?"
"My publicist." Liam reached across the bench and took my hand in his. "Are you ok?"
"You say they don't know who I am?" Liam nodded, and I breathed a sigh of relief. I wasn't happy but what was I going to do about it? I picked at my nails. I needed to paint them; the pale pink polish was starting to chip.
"You ok?" Liam asked again
I shrugged. "Your life is weird."
Liam chucked. "You keep telling me that."
"So, what happens now?"
"Well, usually Sarah would say to private all social media, but she had a look and said she could only find a Facebook profile for you which was already private. Do you have any others? Instagram? Twitter? Snapchat?"
"No. I have a YouTube account that I use to watch videos, but that isn't linked to my real name or email. Also, a Tumblr account, again not associated with my name. And no pictures of me."
"Tumblr?" He raised an eyebrow. His fucking lip twitched.
"I was a confused 22-year-old ok?" I said a bit defensively. "I haven't used it in years," I remembered then the dating site we met on. I quickly logged on and selected the options to hide the account.
"Ok, well, there's not much else right now. A few rags called Sarah for comment. She said the standard no comment and asked for my privacy to be respected. The rest is up to you."
"Up to me?" I asked, confused. "What's up to me?"
"When you want to confirm the relationship and release your name."
"Liam, I met you less than 24 hours ago and have known you only a few months. I'm not ready for that. I like you a lot, but maybe you pick your nose and eat it, and I'll have to dump your arse tomorrow and then it's been a big song and dance over nothing." I joked. The mood had gotten too heavy for me. I wanted to talk about something else.
"Sweetheart, I'd never do that." He smiled sweetly, "I'd make you eat it."
"Ewww!" I screamed.
"Get over here." He chased me around the bench, and after a few evasions and some more squeals, he caught me. Perrin came in through the doggy door and barked at Liam a few times. Our behaviour obviously scandalised him. "Perrin," I called. "Come here, boy."
"You think your dog can save you?"
"Of course, he's very protective of my honour."
"We will see about that." Liam bent over, and I thought he was going to tackle me. Instead of flying backwards, I was hoisted forward and found myself over his shoulder. I screamed as I heard a loud crack, my hands flying to my bum.
"Did you just smack my arse?" I must admit I was finding all the manhandling arousing. I wasn't going to let him know that, though.
"Yes, I did. Want another?" Liam was heading down the hallway, taking me to the bedroom.
I giggled. "No!"
"The lady doth protest too much, methinks," Liam quoted. Shakespeare sounded good with his accent. I giggled some more, and I got another one. Yes, very arousing.
Liam hummed. "I quite like the view here." He rubbed my bottom and took me into my bedroom.
I was very close to his round bum. "This view is not so bad either," I said and smacked his arse. Unfortunately, it probably hurt me more than it hurt him. His butt was tight!
Liam dropped me onto the bed at that point, and the look on his face was hysterical. I couldn't stop laughing, and tears were rolling down my face. Then I did the most embarrassing thing: I snorted.
That was it. Both of us couldn't stop. Every time I calmed enough to think I could speak, one look at Liam's face, and I'd be off again.
Eventually, we stopped, and I was able to say, "Oh my God, your face! That was so bloody funny." I wiped my eyes.
"I think that may have been the first time someone's done that to me."
"Really? Didn't you go to an all-boys school?"
"Yes, but it wasn't the US." Liam tried suppressing a grin as he said, "we got ball taps."
I tried not to laugh. I really did. "Oh, my God!" I was off again.
We watched the original Mad Max before I had to go and finish dinner. I was horrified when Liam said he hadn't seen it before. I immediately made him watch it. He said it was ok, the concept was great, but he didn't love it. I told him he needed a brain scan.
When I went to make dinner, Liam offered to help, but I told him not to be silly.
Liam sat at the kitchen bench chatting to me while I chopped and blanched the vegetables. After a while, he said he had to call Sarah and his assistant Ryan to make sure he had organised the dog walker to take Cole for a walk and play.
"Any update from Sarah?" I asked Liam when he returned. I feigned disinterest while I finished slicing the roast.
"All the same right now. Some sites have posted the pictures, saying I was spotted drinking with an "unknown female companion." The pictures have circulated a bit on Twitter, but it's mostly just by fans. They haven't hit the mainstream yet. It's all fairly standard, and it will go away by tomorrow by the looks of it."
"Good," I said. A look I couldn't interpret passed over Liam's face. He masked it pretty quickly. I opened my mouth to ask if he was ok but shut it again. I said, instead, "dinner's ready." I passed Liam his plate.
"Thank you," Liam said, leaning over to kiss me before eating. I watched as he cut up some beef and started chewing. "Pretty good. Almost as good as Mum's," he teased with a wink.
I elbowed him, and God bless him; he pretended it hurt.
We ate in silence for a while. I gave a few pieces to Perrin. He was so old, and I couldn't help but spoil him occasionally. He won't be around forever.
After dinner, Liam insisted on helping me clean up, and we stacked the dishwasher. Watching him bend over, his jeans straining as he put the plates in, stirred some feelings. Erotic feelings.
"Want to watch another movie?" He asked.
"Not really," I said. "I'm in the mood for some dessert."
"Ice-cream? I can't have any, but you can."
"Not ice-cream," I said, shaking my head. I looked at him with my very best bedroom eyes.
"What do you want then? Want me to go to the shops?" He said, not catching on. I put my arms around his waist. "If you let me borrow your car, I'll go. I can just go on my own."
"No, you wombat." I met his hips with mine, his eyes widened. "What I want is right here." I wriggled against him. Liam grinned widely, his cheeks creasing in such a sexy way.
"I thought you were shy."
"I am getting used to you," I said. "The real me is coming out." The truth of my words took me by surprise. I looked away, second-guessing myself. Why did I do that?
"I like her," Liam said hoarsely. If he hadn't spoken then, I think I would have stopped. But when his hands went into my hair, and he pulled, stretching my throat, I knew I wasn't going to stop. He kissed me there, and his teeth grazed my skin. My fingers reached under his shirt, and they gripped his back. My nails dug into his skin.
"Bedroom?" I whispered.
"Bedroom," he agreed and walked me backwards to my room.
"You promised me something earlier today," Liam said in between kisses. We were close to my bed.
"What's that?"
He stopped kissing me and cupped my face with his hands. "You said I could undress you."
Liam took hold of my t-shirt and waited. I nodded. He slowly lifted my shirt up and over my head before dropping it to the ground. He tilted his head as if contemplating and gently turned me around.
I felt Liam gather my hair and put it over my shoulder. He caressed my back with his fingertips, making me shiver with pleasure. I heard him give a satisfied hum before undoing my bra. He turned me around again and took hold of my bra straps, pulling them down my arms.
When I dropped my bra beside my shirt, Liam took a step back. He looked me up and down, his eyes hungry. I wanted to cover myself under his intense gaze, my earlier courage wavering under his scrutiny.
My arms started to move, and he gave me a stern look. "You're not thinking of hiding now, are you?"
I shook my head and forced my arms back by my sides. "Good, because I want to look. You're quite the sight." As if to emphasise his point, he adjusted himself through his pants. I felt a thrill of excitement flow through me and felt the familiar throbbing between my legs.
Liam got down on his knees and kissed my belly. His rough stubble tickled. "Your skin is so soft," he said in a low voice. He undid my jeans and kissed a trail down as he unzipped me. His breath was warm, and I felt it through the cotton of my briefs, his last kiss placed just above my slit.
It was almost agony. I moaned at his teasing breath and lips. Then Liam pulled down my underwear and kissed my mound. I felt his tongue part my lips, and when he found what he was looking for, he flattened his tongue and moaned into me.
I didn't know what to do. For a moment, I wanted to stop Liam, but it felt too good. I could feel my resolve waning. I didn't want to wait. Why should we wait? What was I waiting for? I had to stop thinking and go with it, enjoy him, enjoy the experience. I put my fingers in his hair as he licked and sucked at me. He seemed to remember what I liked, and soon I was close to my peak.
One of his fingers played at my entrance. I silently begged for Liam to put it in. My core was desperate to be filled. His finger slowly entered me, and I was lost. I needed him. At that moment, all I wanted was to feel more of him inside me, have him fill me.
I felt like this was the moment. If I don't ask Liam now, I probably never would. If I didn't want him now, why am I even allowing this to happen? I wanted him. He excited me like no one had done since Andy. He had knocked down the defences I'd built to keep myself alone. Keep me in my grief and guilt. I didn't want to be alone anymore. I wanted to feel desired again.
"Fuck me?" I asked. The words just tumbled out. I knew at that moment I would beg if I had to. "Please, Liam, I want you to fuck me."
I wasn't sure if Liam heard me. He increased his attention, and I felt the pressure building. His hand gripped my arse, his fingers digging into my cheeks as he pulled me closer to him. The short rough hair on his cheeks and chin tickled against my thighs. My legs buckled. I couldn't stand up anymore. He held me there while I panted and moaned, seeking release.
I felt my climax arrive like a bolt of lightning. It was sudden and intense. My body contracted as waves of pleasure exploded over me. Short, wordless shouts came from my mouth until it was over. I collapsed onto the bed.
I laid there a while, eyes closed, trying to catch my breath. Liam was shuffling around and heard his belt come undone. I felt the bed dip, and I opened my eyes to find Liam naked, climbing up the bed until his face was above mine.
Liam supported some of his weight with one hand and laid on me, our whole bodies skin to skin. He was warm to touch, and he almost felt hot to my now cooled skin.
"Ask me again," Liam said.
Part 8
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Time for Sam Ramblings! It's been a while since I rambled about something. Also whose ready for some Fandom Whiplash?
Cause I'm rambling about Homestuck.
Homestuck is strange to me cause I was in the PRIME position to absolutely adore it when it premiered, on account of being a huge fan of the series that came before it, Problem Sleuth.
God I loved Problem Sleuth. One of the rare series where from basically page 1 it had me busting my gut with the absurdities.
So I figured I'd love Homestuck too. And while I did dig it for a while, it was always kinda just "Okay" with me going along with the motions. And I DEFINITELY didn't understand the story telling pacing on account of all the time travel shenanigans going on, or the way Hussie decided to EXECUTE those time travel narratives.
I remember dropping out of reading the story around the time of Part 5 airing, you know, when the Trolls REALLY got involved in the story. Which is funny because apparently from what I've seen, this is everyone in the fandom's favorite part of the story.
And I'm rambling about this NOW, because I decided for the kicks to go back and listen to a Youtube Reading of Homestuck, just so I could actually say I'd seen all of Homestuck one day.
And those readings just got to the start of Act 5 now which means I'm all caught up from my past. So I wanted to put my thoughts to paper and then toss them into the void for anyone who cares.
The rest under a Read More!
To start my thoughts, a second read of Homestuck has done a lot for my understanding of Homestuck's story, even if I forgot a LOT of what happened near the end of act 4 on retrospective.
Having even some knowledge of the future meant that when those events occurred in the past, they made INFINITELY more sense than an initial linear timeline viewing of the story.
So in some senses I really was enjoying the story more this time around than I did the first time, though I think I can identify more of what the issue this time around is of why it just feels OKAY in comparison to Problem Sletuh.
Homestuck is basically a game within a game within a Webcomic, narratively speaking. All of that is LITERAL in terms of the story being told, even the 4th Wall is literally part of the story.
And part of the disconnected feeling is that the "Game" of Sburb, the game that starts the story off in Act 1, isn't really used to its full potential.
Like when Act 1 first started, I was FULLY into the idea of this double-layered story telling of kids playing a game and using the game mechanics while they were 'controlled' by a game on the outside.
Like I said, it's LITERALLY a game within a game story telling.
But the Game never really plays out to any meaningful effect. The 'Game' of Sburb is just a plot device that gives the kids, essentially, alchemy super powers.
Sure they can KIND of alter the area they spawn in, but that never really plays any kind of factor in the larger space of the story (at least as far as up to Act 5 is concerned, maybe I'm wrong here, but even if it DOES the feeling of disconnect is still there for all of Acts 1 through 4).
Like. I imagine Problem Sleuth, where the world FUNCTIONALLY is a dream world running on Dream Logic.
One of the first things that happens is the main character pulling a window off of the wall, but still being able to use it as a window to where the window exited out to, like a moving portal.
Imagine THOSE kind of shenanigans but with the game world. Being able to treat reality as if it existed in dream logic.
A story where Rose was able to take the windows on John's house and make duplicates of them around the world, giving John fast access back to his house.
If the new world they were exploring within Sburb was a hostile and dangerous world, and they made themselves safe havens that were essentially copy + pastes of their homes, with door portals that lead them between these havens, and allow them to 'fast travel' between locations.
The Game would be their world world, because the story would be dictated of them essentially living IN the game! And they ESSENTIALLY always have! They just never had direct access to that game until Sburb existed!
But of course this never really happens in the story.
Instead you get drawn into a confusing game within a game within a webcomic story, combined with so much time travel you can't even nervously shift in place without bumping into SOMETHING that was directly involved in time travel.
And that's not even getting into the whole absurdity of the 'Dream' world ALSO being the antagonist world that the kids are fighting against.
Essentially Homestuck gets bogged down REAL quick with all of these other story elements that, at least FEEL, completely separated from the game in the first place.
And sure, I get that part of the problem in the story is essentially that BECAUSE the kids prototyped the kernel sprite with Clowns, cats, pink, and birds that it caused the main villain to be infuriated over having to wear a stupid hat, but it's such a minor detail that it gets entirely lost in the shuffle!
It's not that any of this is necessarily bad, after all Homestuck's fandom was fucking HUGE when it came on the scene (especially with the trolls), but it definitely had always left me with a feeling of "It feels like a lot could be done with this concept, but instead of doing anything with it, we went with a strange time-travel and alien home-worlds warring narrative instead"
But I suppose this is all relative. It's not necessarily a BAD story, it's just one that leaves a lot up to the reader to figure things out and/or wait for them to be figured out on their own, and that can be kind of tough to deal with.
Also some of the language hasn't held up, at all. And I don't think it even held up even back then. 10 years is a long time in terms of cultural shifts, but even still oof.
But that's a minor part at the very least and doesn't come up very often, so I can at least shrug it off for now.
Anyways, that caps off my feelings of the first 4 acts as they exist right now. And I wanted to get them down because one of the most common reading advice for people new to Homestuck is "Skip to Act 3!" and it's like
That's such terrible advice and not a great way to kick off this huge adventure lol
But at least I think I figured out WHY Acts 1 through 4 gave me such a "This is okay" feeling, as said above.
But what kicked me out of reading the rest was Part 5 Act 1 (Seriously why isn't it just Act 5 and 6?? They're long enough to be separate acts, lord).
EVERYONE ELSE seemed to adore the trolls and loved exploring their world and getting to know them more.
They annoyed the Hell out of me originally.
Not only had I been thrown off/hated the whole fact that John made his own family and friends and himself RANDOMLY AND WITHOUT ANY THOUGHT (Like he literally just stumbles into a room and goes ahead and makes the paradoxes and just... Just does things??? UGH I STILL HATE IT), but then these assholes came along and just had COMPLETELY obnoxious personalities and text chats that were a pain in the ass to read and took over the ENTIRE STORY away from the characters I actually cared about.
ALSO PERSTERCHUM LOGS ARE WAY TOO LONG, EVEN FROM THE START OF THE STORY, EVERY TIME IT'S LIKE 10 MINUTES TO READ WHAT'S GOING ON, I SWEAR TO GOD-
So I just wanted to put my thoughts down on what Homestuck had been TO ME so far before I end up dragging myself through the rest of the story that I HAVEN'T seen until now.
I believe I got spoiled on how the story ends from a tumblr post but my memory of it is really vague and I don't remember HOW they get to that conclusion, but it felt very Problem-Sleuthy in how it ended so ya know.
Either way, it will be interesting to see if any of my feelings end up changing here. I doubt I'll ever be officially part of the 'Fandom' like other people were, but hey, if I get to the end of the story and like what I have so far I can at least partake in the fanart and fanfics and finally know what's going on lol
PS. I DO find it funny that "The Midnight Gang" was essentially a commissioned side-story in the Problem Sleuth universe, and one of the on-going 'Gag' commands was "Enter the Main story!", but of course they never did.
I guess Homestuck is what happens when they actually do lol
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The diary of soul who didn’t want to be here in the first place.
Ahh, well. Where to start. There's 22 years, almost 23, of stories untold to the masses of a soul who really didn’t want to be here in the first place.
I was 8 years old the first time I asked God to take me back. Take me back to the home filled with milk and honey. Where they custom built homes for those who were soon to enter. Paving flowers into marble floors, as a book that my mom once read me said. I wanted to go home, I still do. But, while sitting atop a cliff on the coast of oregon, I was told to write. Ghost write more specifically; About my ventures here on this Earth. I didn’t realize it till I was visiting a friend in Vegas, that my stories might hold a sense of uniqueness, that could be appreciated if told on the grand scheme. Between him encouraging me to write and a quite spiritual experience that involved me observing the shadow of a bird (couldn’t tell ya what type) on a cliff side, I have decided to start this blog. Getting back to my roots I suppose. I was a tumblr nerd to the core all through high school. I actually hadn’t visited my old blog for years until logging back on to make this one. In my opinion I was far too angsty with a sadness in my eyes with every picture I posted to ever make a real, wholesome, influence. Although, I guess that’s probably how most of us started out. Young, angsty, wanting to make a difference or catch a laugh. At least that’s how I perceived the old tumblr crowd to be. But, I am heavily aware that perception is everything and just like the sides of tik tok, there are sides of tumblr where the ambition was fueled by some thing much different. Whether it be fame, beauty or wanting to fit in to a crowd; or the 5 million other variations of motivation that got us all on to this god forsaken site. We’re all here now aye?
Back to an explanation of my ghost writing I suppose. Currently, sitting here at an outdoor bar in Portland, I am realizing that this was always meant to be. When I was in highschool I would go to coffee shops and sit at my computer researching dark matter, taking notes. Trying to appear as though I was doing something of substance. It’s funny looking back realizing that I was trying to do what I am currently doing right now. Isn’t it funny how we always know. Deep down what we are supposed to be doing. All I knew was that I was supposed to be sitting somewhere, typing. But typing what? Well now I have lived enough life to realize that I was supposed to be writing. More specifically about my life. If I were to have told my highschool self this, I would have either cackled or given you a hearty eye roll depending on the day. But now, I realize. That I am not ordinary. I am unique. I am person that you would see on the street and wonder about. Well now there's no need to wonder, other than about my identity I suppose. Because I intended to lay it all out here. The dark, the sexy, the weird, the nitty gritty. And it is here that I realize why I was meant to ghost write. Because unfortunately, like far too many in our world. I am afraid to be judged.
You may ask why oh why would I be judged? I seem pretty cool so far right? Well if you have made it this far, you have the lovely privilege of knowing; I am a star child. And not the “ooo i have meditated with enough crystals and found my destiny” star child. While those are valid too. But the type where I communicate more with Divine than I do human’s type star child. The type where the only reason why this blog exists, more so why I even still exist, is because I know I am here for a greater purpose. That of divinity, of healing, of awakening. In this time of society, reading that probably sounds like you’ve found the hippy dippy yogi side of instagram. But, I promise you, if you follow, if you stick around. My life stories will tell you otherwise. I was some lost soul that decided to join the hippy side of life to feel like I belonged. I was instead a lost soul whose life experiences resonated with the hippy crowd more than anything else. But I don’t even feel like I fully fit in with the “love and light” crowd either. I am an odd duck. That has not truly found their tribe yet. But through this blog I hope to reach other odd ducks. Or at least people who find us odd ducks intriguing enough to stick around for. In reality, I couldn’t tell you exactly why I am here. I am just following what the Holy Spirit has lead me to do. And I assume I will see fruition wherever it is meant. All I know is that I shall continue to write.
Until Next time,
Maya
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Apartment - Epilogue
Pairing: Sebastian Stan x Fem!Reader
Warnings: Swearing, a little angst, sarcasm as always
Summary: You just moved from Germany to New York, working as an editor at a newspaper. So what happens when you find out your favourite actor lives in the apartment across from yours? And how will people react when you share your story on your Blog dedicated to him? What will you make of this situation?
A/N: Wow here we are... the last of the last... I can’t believe that after 2 YEARS I managed to finish this series completely... I apologize for the time it took, but I just had no idea how to write it and in retrospect.. I’m glad I waited this long. A HUGE thank you to @buckisthatyou for helping me with this!!! I love you!!!
Anyway... I hope you guys love this as much as I loved writing this and I’ll see you at the end of the chapter :)
MASTERLIST
Apartment – Epilogue
I carried the last of my boxes up the stairs, weighted down a little by the contents of it. This one got lost on its way here and I’ve been desperately trying not to cry over it. It’s been almost three months since Sebastian and I moved in together, but this little fucker had to get lost.
As I pushed the door open with my shoulder the light that flooded into the room filled me with butterflies. Just seeing the living room full of life and personality put the biggest smile on my face. I placed the box next to the bookshelf and started to unpack the books inside. I moved some of the cacti out of the way, they are definitely taking over the place.
I felt a hand on my hip and jumped slightly.
“Hey, how’s it coming along?” I turned to see Sebastian.
“Very nicely, but I do think we need to calm down about the cacti.” I pouted and he kissed my cheek.
“Hm, maybe.” I caught the cheeky smile as he walked away.
The move was easy, finding an apartment wasn’t. We came across a beautiful, two-story apartment in the heart of Manhattan that was pretty close to my new workplace. After my move back to New York, we went straight to looking for a place to share. He said he wanted it to be right in the heart of the city, but close enough to central park so our future kids could enjoy some greenery.
I laughed at him, but the thought still filled me with butterflies. I was excited to share my life with him, even if that came with a price. Some people just didn’t like seeing him with me on his arm and they made a point in showing it. Just a few weeks after I came back, we made an appearance at some award show, the photos I was tagged in on Instagram were mostly nice, but a lot weren’t so. My dress was too tight, my hair done terribly, and I felt worse because I made those choices. It was me to blame.
Despite the weight I felt from those comments, I knew I could step away from it whenever I pleased. I don’t have to put up with it. No one does.
With the shelve decorated to my liking, the apartment was almost finished, there were a few pictures that I wanted to hang on the walls, but that could wait.
Two Years Later
“We’re having spaghetti tonight.” Sebastian called from the kitchen; he knew I’d love it. (The spaghetti, not him calling from the kitchen.)
The chill of the night falling over New York put me in the mood to get comfy. I climbed up the stairs to our shared bedroom, crossing the room to the closet. I decided to change into my pyjamas, a decision I did not regret as I felt the soft fabric on my skin. I investigated the mirror to admire my husky onesie. I look cosy as fuck and I feel cosy as fuck.
The table hasn’t been set when I came down to the dining room and Sebastian noticed my confusion. “We’re having dinner outside if you don’t mind.” He filled to plates with food and gave me a quick kiss as he walked towards the balcony. I followed him out to discover the table beautifully set with flowers and fairy lights.
“Oh wow. This is so fancy.” I said while sitting down opposite Sebastian.
“Thank you, I actually put a lot of effort into this. By the way, cute outfit.” I looked down to the fluffiness that I was wearing and in the reflection of the glass next to me, I could see how weird I looked. “Yeah thanks.”
The husky and the Prince.
We soon devoured our food and just sat and laughed while drinking an alarming amount of wine. New York has never looked so pretty; this might just be because Sebastian is the foreground of the scenery in front of me.
Suddenly, Sebastian stood up from his seat. His face lit up with a smile on his face as he slowly went down on one knee. I was just about to register what was happening, my jaw slightly dropping.
“Y/n.” Sebastian held my hand in his, a red velvet box in the other. “I never knew this day would come so soon. I always thought I’d be fifty years old, still looking for the woman who I’m going to marry. And then you came along. Standing at my door with your ridiculous robe.”
I chucked, tears swelling up in my eyes.
“So, will you, Y/n, do me the honour and marry me?”
I stared at him, the tears now rolling down my face. “Yes.” I breathed out.
He slipped the ring on my finger, a diamond reflecting a million rainbows in the light of the sunset, hovering on the horizon of New York. And it dawned on me.
I just got engaged to Sebastian Stan, and I’m wearing a husky onesie.
-
Sebastian decided it would be good for me and his sanity to hire a wedding planner, even though I told him I could handle it on my own. I hate having someone else step on my toes and interfere with my plans but listened to him anyway and hired someone who could help me organize the day and everything around it.
While I still had a whole month to prepare the final details, I was sure we covered everything necessary that involved the venue, decorations, dress and every other detail I could think of.
I shuffled my shoes from my feet and walked over to the kitchen making myself a nice cup of coffee. I got a text from Sebastian telling me that he’ll be home by eleven, filming dragged on until then unfortunately, but it gave me some quiet time to get back to going through my planner trying to catch any mistakes I made.
I’ve never really been one to dream of the perfect wedding, but since starting this project of mine, I felt my need for perfectionism take over.
I grabbed the little folder, my laptop and my phone walking to the couch. I snuggled into a blanket, putting my mug on the coffee table. After a few hours of flipping through pages and finding no mistakes at all, which was usually the case, I grabbed my phone, my thumb hovering over the Tumblr icon. I hesitantly tapped it logging into my account.
A thing I occasionally did was search my own name. I know I shouldn’t, but something vile within me couldn’t stay away from the opinions of others, strangers, online. I scrolled through endless amounts of posts about myself, cringing and cry laughing at some of the posts. The memes were the best part about it, some people were just too funny. I came across some fanfiction about me… yes fanfiction… about me, skimming over the words. They weren’t bad… it was just a little strange reading it myself, but who am I to judge? I wrote fanfiction about the same man I am engaged to once a few moons ago. Ok more like a year ago, but my point still stands. I can’t judge.
But all fun had to come to an end when I stumbled upon posts about me that just weren’t so nice to look at. Some poking fun at my body, the way it looked in a certain outfit I wore while I was out with Sebastian, some straight up telling me how old I looked and some saying that I’m just not the right fit for him. I couldn’t say they hurt, but a little part of me, the very insecure one, believed them. But something I haven’t come across yet popped up right after all that was a post about me being a fan.
I was slightly intrigued, pondering in my head whether I wanted to read it or not. I could shut my phone off right now, I could step away from this and breathe, but something pulled me in, sucked me right in.
I couldn’t say the post was disgusting nor was it far away from the truth the further I read. The person articulating themselves very well. My stomach turned and twisted.
-I’m just asking myself how she fell in love with Sebastian? How can she know for sure that what she feels for him is actually love? If I got together with him, I would ask myself this. Even if it hurts, I would still question my feelings towards him. Is it actually love, or just the fan inside writing its own fanfiction? And let’s take this even further, they’re getting married… what if she realizes that after all, what she was feeling wasn’t love, it was just the fangirl inside, fulfilling her own fanfiction?-
What if… I’m not in love, but rather satisfying the fangirl within me.
-
I awoke to the soft morning light peeking through the white thin curtains, a weight on my middle pulling me closer to the body laying next to me. Sebastian laid on his stomach, his arm draped over my back, his hand gripping my waist as he exhaled deeply. He was in a deep slumber, but still keeping me at his side which made it impossible to move away from him.
I worked hard on removing his arm from my body to climb off of the bed, looking back at Sebastian as he shifted in the bed, rolling over to his back. I walked over to the bathroom connected to the bedroom to proceed my morning routine. I took off my baggy shirt and underwear, stepping into the shower to wash off the sweat of the night. Sebastian surely knows how to keep me up to a time where I should be sleeping.
I felt my muscles relax under the warm water, my hands gently massaging my body with fruit scented soap.
I left the shower, wrapping a towel around me, to turn my attention to my skincare routine, washing my face, putting on my serum and moisturizing my face. The door opened to Sebastian walking in, hugging me from behind, kissing my shoulder.
“Good morning, love.” He said, sleep sill in his voice. Sebastian stepped into the shower and I changed back into the comfortable shirt.
I made breakfast for the both of us before I had to get to work, Sebastian had a day off and I envied him for it.
We ate breakfast and I headed to work, but not before Sebastian pulled me into his arms, kissing me passionately. He took my left hand admiring the diamond ring on my finger. “I love you.” He said and I was out the door.
I arrived at work, dropping my bag on the desk, since the summer holidays were on their way, so are the people wanting to get away with their children and spouses alike. I turned my computer on preparing myself for the eight hours of recommending hotels, flights and things to do at their destination.
My boss, Linda, walked up to me an apologetic look on her face. I braced myself for what’s to come.
“Good morning, Y/n.” She sat down in front of my desk, a sandwich on a plate on her lap.
“Morning. What’s on the menu for today? Anything special?”
Linda laughed, dropping her head. “Y/n, I have to ask a favour. I know your wedding and honeymoon are on their way, but there was an incident. By the way, how’s the planning and your husband to be?”
“Good… good, I have everything set, nothing seems to be missing but a couple thousand dollars in Sebastian’s wallet.” Linda found this one funnier, throwing her head back, almost dropping her sandwich on the floor. “What’s the incident?”
“You know how Beck has a habit of finding ways to destroy her leg?”
I nodded, calling back to the many times Beck has had issues in keeping her leg in one piece. Not that she’s breaking it, rather bruising the shit out of it.” “Yeah, I do.”
“Well she done did it again.” We laughed in union. It became an inside joke by now. “I need you to fly to London for three weeks to inspect and review this hotel right in the heart of the city. It’s under a new owner and quite a few things have changed, I could ask Annie, but she’ll need to find someone to watch her kid. Don’t worry, you’ll be back in time for your wedding, which by the way, I can’t wait for. I already have my dress!”
I stared at her for a second. A trip to London was the last thing I thought I’d be doing right now, especially with the wedding just four weeks away. I pondered and the idea jumped around in my head. It would be kind of nice, getting out of the city, get my head in the game. Maybe think about my intentions of marrying Sebastian… try to find out if the fangirl inside is responsibe or not.
“Ok, sure, why not.” I smiled, Linda clapping her hands together, her Sandwich threatening to fall once again.
-
I arrived at home, taking my shoes off along with my coat. Linda gave me a folder with all the necessary information about the trip and all the points I needed to check out.
The only person that I now needed to confront was Sebastian.
I walked into the living room, seeing him sprawled across the couch, wrapped in a blanket. “Hey, babe.” I said while approaching him. I sat down and laid his head on my lap. I leaned down, kissing his lips tenderly.
“How was work?” He asked, closing his eyes.
“Good. Y’know, a lot of people preparing for the summer.” I pondered for a moment, trying to find the right words. “Seb? I need to tell you something.”
He sat up immediately, his eyes looking onto mine desperately. He took my hands into his. I knew he was worried.
“I- I accepted a job to go to London for three weeks, to inspect a hotel, I know this is very close to our wedding date, but Linda said I was the only choice next to Annie, and she would have to look for someone to take care of her child.”
“When are you leaving?”
“Tomorrow. First thing.”
Sebastian exhaled deeply, looking away from me. “Feels like running to me.”
“Sebastian…” I squeezed his hands in mine. “I’m not running, nor and I going to stand you up at the altar, I just… have to figure some stuff out.
“So, you are running? What’s there to figure out?” “Did I propose too soon, should we postpone the wedding?”
It was me this time, exhaling, looking away from him. “I’m not sure if the feelings I have for you are my own or just an imagination from the fan I was- still am!” I looked at Sebastian, pleading for him to understand. “I don’t want to leave on bad terms or move the wedding to another day. I just have to figure out if I’m going to hurt you.”
His gaze finally met mine and I knew. I knew he didn’t understand the way I hoped he would.
“Y/n, I know that you love me and There’s nothing that changes that whether you were or still are a fan of me, I don’t give a shit. But if this is what you need to steer your mind into the right direction and lay your worries to rest, then do it.” Sebastian leaned in, kissing me softly. “I’ll be waiting for you, no matter what.”
Tears threated to fall down my cheeks, I didn’t know if this would resolve the storm within me, but I knew this was good, for both me and Sebastian.
We went to bed, holding each other tightly, tangled between the sheets, his hands on my body feverishly roaming every inch.
-
I packed my suitcase with my necessities, suddenly dreading my departure. I got a text telling me that my ride to the airport was downstairs.
As I stood at the door, Sebastian pulled me into a tight hug, whispering in my ear over and over how much he loves me and misses me already. I looked up to him cupping his cheeks with my hands pulling him down for a passionate kiss.
“I love you, Sebastian.” I couldn’t cry right now, but I’m sure he knew I wanted to.
He kissed the back of my left hand, his gaze lingering on the ring. “Come back and marry me, Y/n. I want to be your husband more than I wanted to be anything else.”
“I will.”
“I love you, Y/n.”
With that, I was out of the door, into the elevator. Mentally preparing myself.
London, here I come!
-
A/N pt.2: YES!! THERE WILL BE A SEQUEL TO THIS MASTERPIECE!! I have thought about it, consulted with @buckisthatyou about it and have come to the conclusion that I need to write it. And because we all want to know what it’s called:
House. It will be called house and no one can stop me.
Anyway, since I already wrote a Thank You post I will keep it short and sweet.
Thank you all for waiting for me to write this. If i had written it earlier, I probably would've not come up with a sequel. So everything has a purpose... right?
Thank you for reading and I will see you in
House!
#Sebastian Stan#sebastian stan fluff#sebastian stan fanfiction#sebastian stan x reader#sebastian stan x you#sebastian x reader#sebastian x you#sebastian stan fic#sebastian stan angst#nimi writes
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On August 13th, 2018, at 8:20 PM, TJ Kippen performed a basketball-themed apology rap for Buffy Driscoll and completed his redemption arc. In doing so, he became a full and complete hashtag good boi and fulfilled this blog’s ridiculous destiny.
This post is scheduled to go up on August 13th, 2019, at 8:20 PM. It only feels right that I retire this blog on the one year anniversary of that moment.
Okay. It’s not that dramatic. I’m not deleting my account or logging out forever or anything. I’ll be around. I’ll check in and like some posts and hang out like the kid who graduated high school but won’t leave. He keeps coming back and acting chummy with the teachers and it’s like, doesn’t he have better stuff to do?
The point is, my queue is depleted, my drafts are empty. I don’t have a shift in fandoms planned. I don’t have anything planned. It’s time for me to turn my attention to other things and stop thinking about this show and writing about it and working on this blog.
So that’s basically the tl;dr of this whole deal. I’m going to write some rambling personal stuff so if you don’t care, which most people probably won’t, then thanks for reading and thanks for all the memories. It’s been fun.
Okay, lemme ramble. And if you’ve read this blog for a while, you’ve probably heard some of this already, but whatever, this is my goodbye post.
Way back in October of 2017, I came across a post on a website for TV news that said “Disney Channel to Feature Its First Gay Main Character in Andi Mack Season 2″. I didn’t know what Andi Mack was, and I hadn’t watched Disney Channel in well over a decade. I remembered reading about the two moms on Good Luck Charlie when it happened, but I also remembered that it was, you know, mostly nothing. A lot of controversy for what was just a quick little thing. But this headline noted that it was a Main Character. And I’m reading the article and it’s talking about how he’s going to have this journey in season two and the producers had talked to GLAAD and other groups to get it right, and I’m like, wow, this is pretty cool, this really seems like they’re putting some respect into this. (I’m also thinking about how much young, closeted me would’ve killed for something like this.)
So I set my DVR to record it not knowing what to expect. Mostly thinking it was just going to be your standard Disney Channel show: cheesy and corny and bad jokes, but I’ll catch the coming out scene and it’ll be cool to see how they handle it and that’ll probably be that.
And then I’m watching the episode and I’m like, this is... not bad? In fact, more than not bad, this is way better than it has any right to be. And then I got to the coming out scene, which was so well done, and I’m just... shocked. This is like Pixar. Like, it’s for kids, but I can watch it as an adult and pick up on themes and subtleties. This is not like the shows from my childhood. Where was this show when I was growing up?
Next thing I know I’m watching the next episode. And the next one. And I’m starting to care for these characters. I can forgive a lot of issues with plot if I care about the characters and what this show did, maybe as well as any show on television, is made you care for the characters, from top to bottom.
So now I’m watching the show regularly. At some point, I went back and binged through season one on DisneyNow. I’m in, as a casual viewer at this point at least.
And then I get to 2.11, and the swing scene happens, and I watch it wordlessly, and it ends, and I feel like I’m losing my mind. I could not believe what I just saw. I thought for sure this show was just going to have a couple of coming out scenes and that would be the end of it. Had I really just watched a scene that was hinting at a gay romance?
I wanted so badly to talk about it with someone else to see if they were seeing what I was seeing, but, as you may not be surprised to learn, none of my adult friends were watching Andi Mack. So I started looking around online. And I eventually found my way here, to this site, to the tag. And people were seeing what I was seeing. And people were excited about it, and I was like, okay, cool, I might’ve found my community.
So I started lurking around here. And I would check in after 2.12 and 2.13, and I was really starting to enjoy it. Most of the stuff I watch that I care about I’ll watch with friends or family and talk about it with them, so I never really thought being a part of a fandom would be worthwhile. Plus, I’d hear about shipping wars and other nonsense like that, and I’m like, I’m not going to make an account to argue with people over fictional characters’ relationships.
But what I was finding about this community was that it was more positive than that. There were arguments, sure. You’re going to get them in any group of people. But for the most part, people just seemed happy. They were posting theories and memes and gifs and jokes and fanfics. And they were celebrating the characters and developments. I don’t know if that’s special to the Andi Mack fandom or not, but it seemed special to me.
That’s around when I started thinking about making an account, during that hiatus between 2A and 2B. But I was like, do I want to commit to this? What’s the point of my account? What do I want to say? And at some point in the hiatus, I was checking the tag, and I saw a gifset. It was by an account, since deleted and gone, but who, at the time, was very prominent in the fandom. And the gifset was all about attacking Tyrus. It was trying to take everything nice about what had happened between TJ and Cyrus and stomp on it. Tyrus was like a little baby ship at this point. People were just starting to get into it, the numbers weren’t that big. There wasn’t even really a name for the ship back then. The Tyrus tag was mostly that professional wrestler and the CJ tag was even worse. And this account had decided they were going to use their platform to try and make this small group of people in the fandom feel bad about liking their ship. I just remember thinking, why? Why be like that? It just seemed so unnecessary. And for the briefest of moments, I thought, okay, maybe I’ll make an account to be a troll and argue this stuff. And then I was like, nah, that’s just going to make the tag worse. When you see someone trying to ruin things for other people, you can give them attention and power, or you can just do your own thing.
So what I decided to do instead was to make an account that would add to the positivity I had been seeing. To just be one of the many voices doing fun stuff to drown out the bad. I could put out dumb posts to hopefully make people laugh, or eventually start writing recaps to give people something to do after watching the episode. There wasn’t really any bigger goal than that. Kill some time while celebrating the show and making the tag a more fun place, if only incrementally.
I’d like to think I did that. That I haven’t written or made too many things that have bummed people out and that most of my posts have hopefully made things better for people who wanted to hang out on here and talk about the show.
That’s all. At the end of everything, that was all. Just try to leave a net-positive wherever you go.
So that’s why I joined tumblr. Here’s why I stayed.
I am an unemployed writer. I’m an employed something else, but I would like to be an employed writer and I am currently not. And what that really means is I’m an unread writer. It means I write stuff and I try to convince people to read it and buy it, but most of the time they don’t. Most of the time, my stuff sits around waiting and hoping to be read. And when that’s the case, you can start to feel doubt.
What I didn’t realize when I started this account was that I would also be getting positivity back. I mean, I probably should have. It was the whole reason I started this, because I liked the positivity here. I guess I just didn’t expect it to be returned to me.
But it has. It has tremendously. Just writing this silly stuff that I do and putting it out there and getting feedback on it has meant so much to me. People saying something I’ve written is funny or interesting or just saying that they enjoyed it is such a confidence boost. You feel like, okay, people like my jokes or the way I think or whatever. There’s an audience for me somewhere. People who will get me. I just need to stick with it.
That’s what you all have been for me this last year and a half. More than just making this a fun place to share our love of this show, you’ve made this a place for me to feel seen.
I try not to tie too much of my self-esteem to the amount of interaction my posts get. (Seriously, don’t do that, it can be really unhealthy. I’m like, if a post flops, it flops. No biggie. Move on to the next one.) But every note I do get on something I’ve written lets me know I’ve done something right. The reblogs, the likes, the follows, the nice messages in my inbox, the comments on the posts. Any of it. All of it. It lets me know I’ve been read. It makes me feel like I’ve made a connection. And that means the world to me.
So thank you, to any and all of you who participated in this thing with me. Thank you for reading. Thank you for being a part of my experience on here. Thank you for being so cool that I wanted to join your group in the first place and thank you for being so great afterwards that I’m eternally happy I did.
It’s meant more to me than you could possibly know.
Keep the positivity.
- Jay
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Welcome to the Tumblr-Dome Bitch! Pt 3
Warnings: smut-ish, mostly implied. Fluff with a cute ending. Also, don’t come for me because online friendships are very real.
Okay y’all so I had to break this ish up into three parts, because well.. This idea got away from me. This is the conclusion. I realize that some of this is very out of character for Rami but this idea got away from me and it was making me laugh. So I’m sorry. I hope you can enjoy this ridiculous thing for what it is.
(PART ONE) (PART TWO)
Word Count: 1342
You both decided for your sanity to just avoid Tumblr for the rest of the day/evening.
You showered and got ready for your evening with Rami, while he was texting you on and off the entire rest of the day.
Making dinner turned into something interesting, since you weren’t really sure what to cook.
Settling on one of your faves, you made a pot roast. You already had the roast thawed since you wanted to make it for dinner anyway. The prep went quickly since you just had to pop it in the oven.
He had agreed to come over around four-thirty to five, and you still had a little bit of food to finish.
You let him into your building and told him your door was unlocked.
When he showed up he was holding a bag that sounded like glass bottles clinking together.
“I brought several different kinds of alcohol as an apology for the shit storm I created for you. I really am sorry.”
You just laugh and tell him that it was okay.
He places a small kiss on your temple while you finished working on the potatoes.
“It smells delicious in here, what did you make?”
“Pot roast. It’s a comfort food of mine and one of my favorite meals ever.”
“Smells heavenly, so alcohol, pick your poison. I’m honestly down for some tequila right now.”
“God, me too!” you exclaim as you pull out a couple of glasses and some ice.
Why don’t you take your drink and meet me at the table, I’ll be there in just a few minutes. With dinner.”
You gathered up all of the food and slowly brought everything to the table, while he sat there sipping on his drink.
Once you were both seated you ate and chatted. Mostly about the interesting turn of events of the last eighteen hours, upcoming work projects, and life.
Conversation between you two somehow was easy just like it was when you two met last night.
After you finished eating, clearing the table, and putting the food away you both settled on the couch. You both had, had a few drinks already and you weren’t sure if he was being funny or not but suggested you do something that is really going to set people into a frenzy.
“Why don’t we take a selfie and post it on my Tumblr blog? I don’t know why. I know this is stupid and could cause a frenzy but maybe I should settle something. Maybe I should just let the world know it’s me. You said there is a way to disable messages right?”
“Oh Lord Rami, this is stupid, but yes it is possible. I can show you, but you might have to do it from a laptop.”
“Well good thing yours is right here YN.”
“Most of my followers don’t even know what I look like anyway so I don’t see how this can hurt, unless you tag me in it.”
He brought out his phone and the two of you settled into a comfortable position on the couch before snapping a selfie.
He opened the Tumblr app and posted the photo and he tagged you in it. Shortly after hitting the post button he opened the Twitter app and posted the picture of the two of you with the caption “Dinner, drinks, and snuggle time with my new favorite person. Just posted this on my new Tumblr blog ItsMeRami” Your jaw nearly hit the floor.
You watch as he hits post, and then you open the Tumblr app on your laptop and allow him to log in. You show him how to disable anons, which he does and then closes the laptop.
“Rami, this is going to blow the fuck up and-”
He just smiles at you before capturing your lips in his.
The panic subsided as his lips began to work yours, tasting a mixture of pot roast and tequila.
All the possible Tumblr drama forgotten as his hands slowly work their way from your hair all the way down your body before settling on your waist.
The soft moan that escapes you as your body instinctively moves closer to his.
Your hands end up tangled in his hair, while you straddle his hips, your lips still locked together in a heated kiss.
You feel yourself grinding down on him through his jeans his little hums of pleasure vibrating through his chest and into yours.
You almost laugh as he flips you both over and catches your top with his teeth before pulling.
“In that piece of fan fiction that I read, I must have been strong or the top flimsy because there is no way I am ripping your shirt off with my teeth.”
You laugh for a second, as his hips grind into yours the pressure from his jeans feeling amazing against your center.
“Oh my God. I don’t care what you do just please…”you whine out unable to form any other words.
His hands quickly work his jeans open as he pulls his cock out of his jeans. Your eyes wide at the gloriousness that is his cock.
You had forgotten panties with your skirt and you were glad that you had, as his hand finds your core.
“So wet darling. So wet already.”
“Rami?”
“Yes?”
“Fuck me please?”
And with that he slides himself into you slowly. Your eyes locked as you moan at the sensation of him filling you.
He doesn’t just fuck you, no, he loves you. Several times that night and almost every night after.
This is a night that you both remember forever, and that selfie you took that night now sits on the mantle of your house four years later. It was just after Christmas now, not quite New Year’s Eve, your belly rounded with the evidence of the late stages of your pregnancy.
He comes into the living room, his hair wet from the shower he had just taken as he stops to admire you from afar.
“Who would have thought that would have turned out to be one of the best nights of our lives?”
Your head turning to look at him as you smile, hands unconsciously rubbing your belly.
“Yeah I know. And I can’t believe that we both still have our damn Tumblr accounts. The girls say ‘hi’ by the way. And Peen is glad you gave permission to post that photo that I snapped. Always glad for more content, because your dick is glorious even clothed. Those jeans look so good on you. She really is grateful for the ‘exclusive’ content that we give her.”
He just laughs.” I’ll message her and free-rami later about the baby shower ideas they had, they both said that they will be able to be here for it.”
You laugh again. Who would have ever really thought that a chance encounter in a bar and a random foray into Tumblr, would lead to having the best friends and the best husband ever?
“Yeah it took like six months for the Tumbly drama to die down. Man, some of those people came for you hard babe.Glad you mostly just blocked them or deleted them. My publicist also wasn’t super thrilled that I did what I did, but she did find it hilarious. My fans think that my people run my Tumblr blog, but they don’t realize it’s still just mostly you and I that do all of that. And your fanfiction has definitely gotten better, maybe it’s because you write what you know?” he smiles into your hair, you roll your eyes. Even after four years he is still the same.
“Oh my God! You have no idea how many anons I get asking me what your dick is like, since I never really give full descriptions of it. They all want to know how big it is, and if I could upload any photos. People are weird and so is Tumblr. I think your fans are just glad that you engage on social media now, even if it is still very limited.”
“YN, you first told me that Tumblr is a cesspool of the weird and bizarre. Is it any surprise?”
“No.” you laugh again, settling your body back into your husbands.
@the-real-ramimalekpeen @r-ahh-mi @mrhoemazzello @txmel @xmxisxforxmaybe @ramimedley @free-rami @hissom1933 @spacedustmazzello @ramimedley
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3, 4, 5, 7, 9, 12 and 13 for the End of the year Asks.
3. Favorite musical artist / group you started listening to this year?
I’d have to say either Chris Tomlin or Passion. I really got into Christian music this year and it helped me through some of the tougher moments.
4. Movie of the year?
I basically watched one non-musical movie all year and it was Demolition Man in April. But if I had to pick any “film” that hit me, it’d be the Hamifilm. I’d watched the bootleg a few times before that but seeing it in full HD was glorious.
BTW: WERE THIS YEAR NOT A SHIT SHOW, I CAN GUARENTEE “IN THE HEIGHTS” WOULD BE MY ANSWER HERE! (grumblegrumble2020bullfuckerygrumble)
5. TV show of the year?
Does Smackdown count? LOL! If Smackdown doesn’t count, then I’d have to say Xena. Yes, it’s a really old show, but I’ve been having a hell of a Xena resurgence this year, so that’s my pick.
7. Favorite actor of the year?
Considering his recent stints on NCIS. I am fighting every fiber of my being to NOT put Shane O Mac as my answer here, so outside of him and any other wrestlers I’d have to go with Ethan Slater. The SpongeBob Musical Proshot hit in late 2019 and I rode that high into 2020, with Ethan still being one of my biggest guys right now. Plus, “Life is Weird” hit this year which I absolutely ADORE. Spotify WINS! Oh, and my mom bought me TSBM DVD for Christmas. So that’s pretty cool too,
9. Best month for you this year?
December, by far. We’ve only got a few days left and nothing catastrophic has happened to me thus far. Brodie’s death was horrible, but it’s 2020 and there’s no such thing as a perfect month. But with my getting my Christmas Club payout last month, on top of a big helping of extra money from food stamps and LIHEAP, I had a ton of money for Christmas Presents this year, including a good many for myself! (See the most recent Action Figure Update.) Sure, the slow post office has been annoying, but it’s been an awesome holiday season this year and I’m excited to see what 2021 has to offer.
12. Talk about a new friend you made this year
There’s this one totally sweet lady I met on Tumblr who I nicknamed Zaynee. She’s just the best. She’s kind, thoughtful, funny, positively awesome to chat with, and she introduced me to this whole new ship called Zowens which, prior to this year I wasn’t really that big on, but BOY OH BOY DID THAT EXPLODE! I mean, true, we did become mutuals LAST year (12/27/2019 Happy Anniversary, Darling) but this year she became the best friend I could ever hope for. Every day when I log on to tumblr, I rush to see if she posted anything new and, if she did, I eagerly eat it up. Yummy yummy Zaynee content. And, on the nights when I’m having episodes, I love to search through her blog for happy posts and zowens stuff that always manages to cheer me up. Holy fuckbeans I just love her so much. Bestest Tumblr Friend EVER.
And... possibly a bit self-indulgent, who else did you think I was going to put here, sweetie???
13. How was your birthday this year?
Ok, since this is getting long, I’ll try to make this short.
Last Christmas, my mother (although she’s never admitted this was her intention) decided to teach me a lesson about why we don’t demand gifts. For years I had gotten bitchy and pushy about how “You never get me what I ask for for Christmas” and last year, I actually gave her a physical list – which she made a point of not getting a single thing from. She’s never said why she did it, but the disappointment I had on Christmas day when I got nothing I wanted, in contrast with the JOY my parents displayed over my mostly-dollar-tree gifts went a LONG way for teaching me the spirit of giving.
Perhaps this is why, for Christmas this year, I just dropped casual hints while splurging greatly in my own gift giving. Christmas was very nice this year and, when I didn’t DEMAND stuff, I found I got just what I wanted.
However, this was about my birthday.
My birthday is June 10th. Because I got NOTHING I wanted for Christmas, and one of the big things I wanted was a new computer, my mom told me she’d try to get it for me for my birthday instead.
Well, on June 2nd of this year, there was a storm. A bigun. And in the storm, the power surged not once, not twice, but THREE times.
If I had to guess what happened, the first time shorted out my surge protector. The second one knocked out my electronics while the third positively FRIED them.
When the power came back on, my monitor and my printer were completely bricked, while my computer was on the fritz and TWO of my external hard drives were not responding.
I was crushed. All that hardware fried in 6 seconds.
My mother, bless her, over the course of June, took a large sum of money from her personal savings and replaced my entire set up by herself. New PC, New Monitor, New Printer, New 10TB HD, ALL OF IT. The only thing I was responsible for was the new surge protector (which I did NOT skimp on!)
So, as fate would have it, both my Christmas and Birthdays this year were pretty swell.
And that was not remotely short. Dammit.
Anyway, Thanks @ilovesamizayn for the ask! Love ya, babe.
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Lindsay Ellis Breaks Down Axiom’s End
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This post is sponsored by
Hugo-nominated video essayist Lindsay Ellis has published her first novel, Axiom’s End, a first contact adventure story set in an alternate history 2007. Billed as “Stranger Things meets Arrival” by the publisher and “the Arrival that fucks” by Ellis, Axiom’s End follows Cora Sabino, a young women who wants nothing to do with the alien contact cover-up her father, whistleblower Nils Ortega, has devoted his life to exposing. Of course, then one of the aliens comes to life and decides that Cora is the only human he will communicate with, Cora doesn’t have much of a choice.
Enter our Axiom’s End giveaway here!
Den of Geek had the chance to talk to Ellis about the creation of this speculative fiction world. Check out these choice excerpts, then watch the full interview in the video player below…
On where the idea for Axiom’s end began…
It was definitely a character. I guess it was a combination of this throw away pitch I came up with in grad school, because you have to come up with these log lines for screenplays that never get written. And one of mine was like, “Julian Assange finds out about the aliens.” But really the story proper was just that I was always toying with this. I wanted to write a first contact thing and I vaguely knew I wanted it to be in a beating the beast vein. I joked that I feel like the inspiration, the real one was probably the same as Guillermo del Toro’s for The Shape of Water, which is this promotional still from Creature From the Black Lagoon. It’s a picture of the Gill-man and he’s leading lady in a swimsuit.
I don’t think it’s meant to look a dancing pose. It’s a pretty famous picture. And I just remember scrolling on Tumblr one day and seeing it and just being like, “That’s it.” But it took me a while. And by a while, I mean five years to actually be willing to go there with it. Because at first I was very coy and chicken shit about it. Because the original drafts of this were very different, in terms of the core relationship.
On setting the novel in 2007…
I watched The Big Short 4,000 times while I was writing this version of it. Because the original version was a period piece of the nameless present. And then, after Trump got elected, it had to be a period piece. But I think, when you look at it, it just doesn’t make sense in this America because it relies on there being some level of political decorum left.
I think it’s going to be interesting like what this [2000s] nostalgia cycle looks like because I feel like we’re in this weird position where we can look at that decade and almost everyone in America agrees that it was just fundamentally unjust, and we were in the wrong and we did some war crimes. And most people who are our age are on the same page about that. And you don’t have that. Back in the ’90s, whenever we were having ’70s nostalgia, you could take the good with the bad. Like yeah, sure, Nixon happened, Watergate happened, but we also had bell bottoms and ABBA and The Brady Bunch. And now whenever you look at [the 2000s], it’s like… Well, I guess we had The Sopranos. I think part of the reason why this nostalgia cycle isn’t really picking up is because it’s a hard time to look back on fondly.
On working on the next books in the series…
In some ways, the second one was the one I wanted to write first because the second one, it’s funny in a weird way, was inspired by Transformers 2, the worst movie in arguably all of human history.
I remember, after the first one came out, the Transformers fandom was like, “Okay, well we can work with this.” Maybe very naively. It was like, “Maybe it will get better.” And then the WGA strike happens. And the second movie was just awful. But my feeling about the first movie was like, “This has a lot of interesting setup, particularly with regard to the first contact element.” And then in the second movie, humanity discovers like, “Oh, there are aliens here.” And it is just the stupidest, laziest, like thing … Michael Bay didn’t consider that an interesting premise to build his movie around, which is something that in first contact narratives I hadn’t really seen, which is, the revelation of an alien presence on earth, but life goes on. It’s not a revelation, Contact-style. They don’t show up, impart wisdom, and leave. It’s just like, “We have to live with this now. And what would the societal fallout of that look like?” So that was the one I had in my head first, which is the second book, which is called Truth of the Divine.
Axiom’s End is now available to buy wherever books are sold. Find out more about the book here.
The post Lindsay Ellis Breaks Down Axiom’s End appeared first on Den of Geek.
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So, this is some absolute horse shit I thought I'd left in 2018.
You see, these two (justasimplesecretary/fear-in-psychology and wewhoareflawed) were part of a small group, with A being someone I'm 99% sure has an OC whose first name starts with the same letter, who decided they didn't care for a Grindelwald player who went by Miss T.
I have no dog in this race, I've only spoken to Miss T on a couple of occasions and had one short thread. I do, however, have almost 30 years of group RP experience one way or another under my belt and have absolutely no tolerance for people who act like this toward a player they just happen to personally dislike, nor do I think they ought to be allowed their feeling of safety in being anonymous; people like this bank on the fact that nobody wants to “start drama” so they never get called to task in public for their poor public behavior.
Fortunately for me, I realized long ago that that attitude means they just know they can keep getting away with it
But from what I was able to find out from the involved parties they decided they disliked Miss T for reasons along the lines of:
- Refused to let their character Godmode/be more skilled than Grindelwald.
- Refused to ship with their character.
- Got tired of plots where their character always had to be the center of attention or I'd pitch an OOC fit until they relented.
And Miss T eventually got sick of it and cut them off, which is entirely fair.
And they made a "burn blog" which is still up here https://only-good-somethymes.tumblr.com/ Since I don’t trust them not to delete it (they’ve renamed it at least once), the most recent post on that blog was one I’d written specifically after one of that blog’s owners demanded to know what ‘good callout’ vs. a ‘bad callout’ was: https://shark-eat-you-for-lunch.com/post/177429861259/hey-lets-talk-about-callout-posts#_=_
There’s very little reason for me to post the IM logs in which they’re both all giggly about their involvement in this until they realized I wasn’t laughing with them but, I do have those transcripts.
They also started going around sending anonymous messages to people who wrote with Miss T or who followed Miss T saying things like, "You know Miss T is into clopping right?" in some bizarre effort to discredit or embarrass Miss T.
Eventually Miss T deleted one blog and disappeared from Tumblr for awhile because of the harassment; I think they were back for awhile over the winter, but I forget the URL they had
I found out about it because two of the people involved somehow thought I'd find it hilarious; one hinted that she knew who was behind it and the other eventually told me and both were somehow blindsided by the fact that I read them the fucking riot act for their behavior.
But, silly me, I accepted their apology, their "it won't happen again" and what do I see on my dash this afternoon?
The same three bratty children still making the same jokes and behaving in the same way.
I don't know how any of them could still think this kind of thing is okay or makes them look good, and you can best believe I've filled in people I know are mutuals to warn them about the kind of behavior these people have no problem dishing out toward players they decide they don’t like, because they've proven they'll turn on you if you do something they don't like and have also proven that they may also just try to start a targeted campaign of harassment.
Make no mistake, almost 30 years of dealing with group RP that has included people like this has taught me that they will absolutely be nice to your face until you do something they don’t like, at which point their “friendship” will seem to cool and you’ll eventually find out they’re shit talking you to their newest group of friends. That’s a standard MO with roleplayers who think it’s funny to harass or make fun of other roleplayers they don’t like for whatever reason.
If you ever wonder why some people seem to have entirely new friend groups every 6 months while their old group is still active, it’s usually because they behave like this and eventually get asked to leave.
What those who are mutuals with myself and these two choose to do is ultimately up to them, and I’m certainly not going to tell anyone who they can and can’t roleplay with, but I have exactly zero problems in letting people I consider friends know the kind of behavior I experienced when those people were in my RP circles.
People who want to play with matches better be prepared to have a Fandom Old come in carrying napalm until you sit your asses down and either stick to your own private circles or learn to behave like proper adults.
I do not apologize for any part of what I’ve just said; the three of you have proven over and over again that you’re genuinely catty, two faced, nasty little people and I won’t even say I expected that from people who were 16 and 18 at the time, because I know several people in that age range who would look at this and be just as pissed off that someone would think your behavior is acceptable.
And, frankly, I hope Miss T is still around and writing Grindelwald, because their interpretation was great to read outside the threads that felt forced when you brats wanted all parts of the plot to be all about your characters.
I vaguely remember a name they had about two years ago but can’t find it anymore, and I really hope catty little brats like the above didn’t drive them off from writing entirely.
P.S. Pointing out someone’s objectively terrible behavior is not a “hate post” nor is it “starting drama”. If those three didn’t want drama they would have just taken the L and moved on when they had their falling out with Miss T.
#ooc#and I stand by and mean 100% of that#harassment#hp rpc#justasimplesecretary#wewhoareflawed#grow up#it takes a lot to really piss me off but spending months or in this case years continually harassing a player because that player wasn't#willing to put up with your mediocre ass characters and writing and getting whined at if they weren't always the center of attention#is not an invalid reason for cutting someone off#You know how adults respond to someone not wanting to write with them any longer?#by thanking the other person for their time#respecting their wishes to be left alone#and moving on
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