day 200 of asking misha to put his hands around my neck and choke me lightly

Today I had the spoons to hunt down my neighborhood council's email and send them an email that basically said "I would like to be able to leave my house but my neighborhood is not wheelchair accessible. Who do I talk to in order to get this fixed?" And I am planning on hunting down whoever is in charge of sidewalks in my neighborhood and getting real annoying about it.

My plan is to email them every time I want to go somewhere but can't.

Email 1: hello, please fix sidewalks so I can ride the bus places I am very passionate about public transportation and also being able to leave my house.

Email 200: This morning I woke up and wanted some delicious coffee to start my day, but upon getting out of bed I discovered we were out of coffee. I would've liked to take advantage of the city's public transportation system in order to support a local business like [examples of local coffee shops] but alas I cannot because I am a wheelchair user and my neighborhood is not wheelchair accessible. [Insert rest of arguement RE accessibility]. In conclusion I don't work I can keep these emails coming until I die please just fix my sidewalks.

This is going to be my new spite hobby. I was already mad about the abuse and general shit hand the disabled get dealt in our culture but then I started using a wheelchair and places like doctor's offices have been inaccessible to me so now I am filled with rage. So I am going to take that rage and do something with it. Like emailing my city counsel representatives at 2 am like "I crave a moonlight walk fix my sidewalks please."

Under The Mistletoe

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Hi everyone! I've returned once again. Firstly, I want to say thank you for 200 hundred followers! It's crazy to think that someone as inconsistent as I am could reach 200 followers. So I've decided to do a little two hundred followers special! This is part one (of two lmao) of holiday-winter-themed fics. (The other one I have planned is a Goku x reader btw) 

And thank you so much for your constant love and support. I never would've thought there'd be so many people who would actually enjoy my writing. I've been writing for practically my entire life, and I always get bored of the fandom I'm momentarily obsessed with, but I always seem to come back to this one. And I think it's because of all the kind words and support. And as always, my DM's/comments are always open if you have any comments, questions, or concerns.

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Hey you! Yes you! Check out my Masterlist

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Paring: Vegeta x F Reader

Rating: None

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During this time of year, there's always one thing you know you can look forward to. And that's Bulma's yearly holiday party. You're not sure how she does it, but she seems to outdo herself every year. And even if the party wasn't extravagant, you'd still look forward to it. Because the most important thing to you is being around all of your closest friends, having all the people you love together for at least one day out of the year.

Usually, You'd be skipping, singing carols all the way to Bulma's. Nothing could ruin your good mood. But this year is different. This year you have the Grinch trailing behind you. You and Vegeta have been "together" for a while now. You've never defined your relationship, but you think you're dating? Nothing's ever clear with that man. And if you asked, you know you wouldn't get a clear answer. He'd probably just yell at you, calling you a "foolish woman."

With every step you take, your disdain for Vegeta's grumbling grows. Normally you can deal with his chronic complaining. You even tend to find it amusing, but not today. "Can you at least pretend to be happy?" You snap at him. It was bound to happen. It's a miracle that you lasted as long as you did. 

"That would be a waste of my energy. Besides, my awful mood is your fault." Vegeta scoffs. "Dragging me to the blue-haired woman's absurd gathering.... with your idiotic friends."

"They're your friends too." You roll your eyes. He's sometimes just so infuriating.  

"They are not my friends! I put up with Kakarot and those earthlings for your sake."

"You're such a killjoy." You sigh. You're not even sure why you keep bringing Vegeta to these events. The only thing it seems to do is ruin your day. "If you're going to keep acting like this. You can just hog the buffet table with Goku and then sulk in a corner of the room like you always do." You won't let Vegeta's crummy attitude bring you down any more than it already has. So you do the thing every responsible adult does in a healthy relationship. You ignore Vegeta the rest of the way to Bulma's place.

You finally get to your destination. You walk through the front door with Vegeta only a few steps behind. "You're here!" Bulma shouts, running over to you, throwing her arms around you. When she pulls away, her gaze lands on Vegeta, who is now standing beside you. "Vegeta." She rolls her eyes at him. It's no secret that the pair don't get along. Vegeta grunts, nodding his head. It's clear that's the best response she'll get. "Come on, the others are already here."

Bulma leads you further into her house, but you're stopped when Yamcha enters the hallway. "Bulma, can you tell--- Oh, hey, Y/N.... Vegeta." Before Bulma can scold him for not waiting in the main room like she asked, he speaks again. "Hey, look, Mistletoe." He wiggles his brows at you. You look at the ceiling to find the familiar green plant hovering above your head. You've always found mistletoe to be pretty. It's always perfectly tied together with a bow. "You know what that means."

"What are you going on about, you moron?" Vegeta furrows his brows at the taller man. 

"When someone's standing under the mistletoe, you kiss them. It's just a fun holiday tradition." Bulma tells him.

Vegeta scoffs. "What an idiotic tradition. It's pathetic, even. Do humans really need an excuse to kiss their lovers?"  

"Oh, come on, Vegeta. It's bad luck if you don't kiss her." Vegeta rolls his eyes at Yamcha's explanation. There's no such thing as luck. You work hard to succeed. "Well, fine, I guess I'll have to do it then."

Vegeta's head snaps toward him, his eyes narrowing. "Come near her, and I'll snap you in two!"

Yamcha holds up his hands defensively. "I was joking!" He shifts to move behind Bulma. "I don't have a death wish." He mumbles under his breath.

You turn to Vegeta, crossing your arms at him. "Oh, you can't be serious!" Vegeta shouts. "You'd let that neanderthal put his lips on you because you're standing under a stupid plant?"

"I'd let you kiss me under the mistletoe." You've never really thought about kissing your partner under the mistletoe before. It's not like you've chalked it up to be the most romantic holiday gesture of all time. But just for once, you wish Vegeta would go along with your "silly" human traditions. 

"Well, that's not going to happen." He turns his head away from your gaze. "I'm not going to degrade myself like that."

You huff, puffing out your cheeks. "Fine. Forget it." Your face falls as you push past Yamcha and Bulma, walking away from Vegeta.

"Someone's in the doghouse," Yamcha mutters.  

"Oh, come on, woman!" Vegeta shouts. "You can't seriously be upset over something so trivial?"

As the night goes on, it becomes clear to Vegeta that your annoyance with him wasn't just one of your temporary moods. You'd normally come over to him and pull him out of his solitude at these events. But right now, you refuse to meet his gaze. You won't even look in his general direction. Looks like Yamcha was finally right about something. Because Vegeta is definitely in your doghouse. If he knew something as stupid as refusing a small gesture of affection would upset you so much, he would've just done it before. 

Vegeta huffs, swallowing what's left of his pride. You, a human woman, with your pathetic human emotions, have no right to have this much control over him. Vegeta strolls over to you, grabbing your wrist, pulling you up off the couch. "Vegeta!" You shout as he begins dragging you away. "What the hell? Where are you taking me!" You finally break free of his grip when you enter the hallway. "Why are we out here?"

He ignores you, placing his arms on your shoulders. He moves you a bit forward. "Stay there."

"Stop ordering me around! I'm not doing anything until you explain!"

He sighs. "You daft woman. Look up!" You shift your gaze up at the ceiling only to find the same green plant that was hovering over your head just hours ago. 

"But I thought you think kissing under the mistletoe is stupid?"

"Oh, believe me, I do." He pauses, his cheeks flushing. "But it'll make you happy." 

"Vegeta." Before you can get another word out, he places his lips on yours. His lips feel so warm, as they move softly against your own. This is nothing like your usual kisses. Rather than taking your breath away, he's settled for making your heart swell.

He pulls away, placing his forehead on yours. "Are you pleased?"

"One more." Your voice is barely audible, but Vegeta definitely heard you.

He smirks. "You're getting greedy." But he complies, teasingly brushing his lips against yours. 

"Vegeta." You whine against his lips, causing him to chuckle. He decides to stop teasing you, firmly pressing his lips against yours. Your lips are like a drug to him. Every time he gets a taste, he just wants more. Maybe he's truly the greedy one? He pulls you closer, wanting to feel more of you. But before things can go any further, you pull away from him. "We... We need to stop." You pant, putting some space between you.

"You're usually the one begging me not to stop." He snorts.

"Vegeta!" Your face flushes. "L- Let's go back inside." You grab his hand, pulling him back to the party. Maybe this whole Mistletoe thing isn't so bad after all? In fact, Vegeta can see himself getting used to it. Think of all the opportunities he'll have to fluster you in the future.    

Who deserves their comemmoration more, Cincinattus or Scipio Africanus?

Scipio Africanus. By a Roman mile.

Cincinnatus is famous for being given absolute power to protect Rome as dictator, doing his appointed job, and then setting the power down. Twice. A laudable feat, to be sure, but there's a few things to keep in mind before you idolize him...

Cincinnatus was not Rome's first dictator. The office, and its limits, were (supposedly) well established by his time.

He couldn't have held onto power indefinitely, because the army and government would have refused to recognize his authority beyond his appointed term. In fact, Rome appointed dictators regularly at times of crisis, and prior to Sulla it never actually threatened Roman democracy.

Cincinnatus was not a fan of democracy as we'd know it today. He was a patrician who opposed granting equal rights to plebeians or letting them run for office. His second term as dictator was used to halt a potential popular uprising and he killed a plebeian agitator extrajudicially.

Everything I just said? Might be false! Cincinnatus predates Roman recorded history by about 200 years, and his story may have been distorted and romanticized over time.

Scipio Africanus, on the other hand, is most famous as the defeater of Hannibal and hero of the Second Punic War. What makes him so special?

One of the most capable generals Rome ever produced, and one of very few generals in world history who were never defeated. His innovative tactics, intelligence gathering techniques, strategic designs, logistics, and diplomatic skills with non-Roman allies are studied by officers to this day.

I repeat, this boy defeated Hannibal. While outnumbered. On Hannibal's home turf. With an army that he had to raise and pay for himself because the Senate didn't like him.

A major part of Scipio's success was his ability to ally with and advocate for non-Romans. He took Spain from the Carthaginians as much through diplomacy and fair treatment of the Spaniards as through actual battles; he did so again by turning the Numidians to Rome's side, and even secured Numidian independence after the war.

Scipio was also famous for refusing to enslave or exterminate civilians, to allow his soldiers to harass the locals, or to mistreat prisoners of war. He avoided taking hostages or sacking/burning towns whenever the stiuation allowed. By the standards of his time, Scipio was an exceptionally humane and open-minded man.

Scipio was so goddamn good at war the Romans started thinking he must've been getting messages from the gods. They thought that was more plausible than the truth, which was that...

Scipio's methods were weird by Roman standards. Ambushes, intelligence gathering, generals remaining behind the front lines to observe and direct battle, these were all seen as cowardly and unmanly. That plus his "effeminate" (read: Greek) style of dress and fondness for the arts makes him pretty interesting from a gender studies perspective. Ultimately, both the military and the fashionistas came around to imitating Scipio.

According to Polybius, Scipio was also offered the dictatorship (after the Second Punic War), but declined. He was loyal to Rome's republican system and all his political acts were through traditional legal channels.

Despite all this, the Senate actually treated Scipio pretty badly. Cato the Elder spent much of his career attacking Scipio for being "too Greek," "too kingly," and eventually tried to put Scipio and his brother on trial for some very dubious charges. But unlike some politicians, who would've marched an army on Rome or assassinated their enemies or started a gang war in the streets, Scipio grudgingly left Rome and settled for a quiet retirement in Liternum.

See my Scipio Africanus tag for more!

Anyways. There aren't a lot of Roman politicians I respect, but Scipio Africanus is one of them.

uggghhh today was one of the extremely rare days where i'm not in too much pain to leave the house and can walk on my own, so I went to get the new covid vaccine but medicare's site was down so it would've been $200 because they couldn't use my insurance

Today I remembered Mad Magic, and I made a LONG post about it. MM ran from November 2017 to May 2020 for a total of nearly 200 pages, my longest comic yet, not only in terms of actual continuous posting, but in development, as I have sketches and art dating back from 2011. Almost ten years of planning and drawing resulted in me having a big burnout that lasted a year and a half. It wasn’t MM fault that happened, and this post is sort of me coming to terms with what went wrong.

While the details and the higher concept shifted and changed multiple times, the heart of this comic always remained the same: there’re two girls, they’re roommates, and they live through a series of comedic horror adventures. 

Around early 2017, I combined this first draft with many newer ideas about high concept parody/deconstructions of Harry Potter: “What if a teenage Chosen one enters their adulthood and realizes they can’t top all the stuff they did as a kid?” and “What if one of those wallpaper background bullies that work as henchman for the main rival was the center of the narrative?” To be honest I was never a huge fan of Harry Potter, but still, I was in the right age group to see the movies as a kid, and read a few of the early books, so these concepts intrigued me.

Enter Mad Magic, the story of Joy Kaplan, former Demon Goat (that’s your house Slytherin), who after getting kicked out of school, ends up living a life of expedients, together with sassy Alix Peck, a punk girl that appears normal but has actually a mysterious past.

You know how they tell you “don’t make your first comic your big end all epic magnum opus”? Well, Mad Magic wasn’t technically my first attempt at a webcomic, but it nailed the too big for its own good part. When I finished planning it, it was going to be 17 chapters long (40 to 80 pgs each), with dozens of characters, twists, turns, action scenes, magic, time travel, vampires, elves, doppelgangers, lovecraftian gods, crossovers with other stories of mine, long haul plans a la Once Piece where that one character introduced in one panel in page 4 of chapter 1 was supposed to become the main villain of the story arc of chapter 12…

Considering the series ended after 4 chapters and a quarter, we know something broke down along the way. But what? Well first off MM was a ton of work. I structured the pages in a large euro-comic style, with four rows of panels, that fluctuated between 10 to 20 each, all full color. With a day job, completing a full page could take a couple of days or even a full weekend. So that was tiring, maintaining the schedule ate up a lot of free time, and whenever I missed an update or decided to take a brief hiatus I always regretted it and felt like crap about it.

But the biggest problem was a lack of general fulfillment and this absence was caused by my perceived inability to “find an audience”. There’re plenty of articles online explaining the causes of burnout, and one of the big ones is the problem with “reward”, when you don’t feel like the effort you put into something is worth what you’re getting in return.

There were people reading Mad Magic, there were people that seemed to love Mad Magic, but in my eyes, they were never enough… but what would’ve been “enough” anyway? What magic number would've made it worth it??? Ultimately, this junction between my inability to gather a larger interest, and the presence of this foggy, undescribed “number” of people that would’ve satisfied me caused the wheels to break down. I was letting things like subscriber counts, likes per page, pageviews and reblogs dictate how I perceived my own creation. If a page got fewer likes than average, I started wondering, obsessing what was wrong with it. 

The point is, after nearly three years of working on Mad Magic, doing my damnest to put out pages weekly, I was seeing absolutely no growth in reach or audience and I didn’t really know what I was doing wrong or if I was doing anything right in the first place. This stagnation led to stress, which led to losing pleasure in doing the comic in the first place, so that I was forcing myself to make pages, eventually leading to burnout and the complete loss in my desire to draw again. It took me a year and a half to get back into things, a period so nasty and bleak that even the idea of reading a comic made me queasy. The fact that this coincided with the global covid pandemic exacerbated the problems, but I think that even without that, it would’ve simply taken a bit longer to reach the same point of no return. I realize now this mentality was unfair towards the few readers I had, and to myself too.  I try not to worry about the idea of “finding an audience” anymore. I make the stuff I make because I want to, if I catch myself thinking “people won’t care about this” I nip it in the bud. I’m lucky enough that I don’t need to draw for a living, and considering artist’s spaces on the web seem to be constantly shrinking, the whole endeavor of finding a following online seems just a headache. I also try not to be bothered by the concept of schedules and updates.  I only draw when I want, when I feel like it, and it works. I look at stuff like Toxic Park, one of my current projects: in 2022, I produced around 80 pgs of story in two blocks, when the will and inspiration to do so hit me. That’s roughly the same amount of pages of Mad Magic I made in a similar period 2017/2018, by forcing myself to have at least one page ready every single week. So, the change in schedule or lack thereof, didn’t result in a change in output. Not to mention, that in both cases, I tried to develop other ideas simultaneously, and while with MM coming out that felt like crunching, at my leisure carefree pace I also made a 20 pages historical comic, Theo the Lucky, and nine more shorter comics, which are all around two to three pages worth of story (and you’ve seen posted on this blog). Simply put, I feel like I draw so much more now that I don’t cage myself in a mentality where “I must get this done before this completely imaginary deadline hits”.

I still hold the Mad Magic’s cast dear to my heart, they’re part of a ten year journey. I often try to think of ways of bringing it back, but continuing from the point where I left it off, where things were just starting to get interesting, doesn’t feel right. I may follow Osamu Tezuka’s Star System, where the same characters in personality and design are recontextualized in completely different stories. We’ll see.

Mad Magic is still up on tumblr where it was originally posted! And looking back at it, I think it still holds up relatively well. I lost all passwords and emails relative to that account so I can’t access it, but the entirety of the comic in its uncompleted state (I think some pages might’ve been weirdly flagged during the tumblr porn ban?) can still be read here:

@madmagic-comic

I wanted to scream today I am pretty sure this one lady is most of the reason we closed 8 minutes late.

So I rang her up and her total was nearly $400. She only had $224 and some change on her card. Didn't have any cash. Didn't have another card. And she had like $172 left. And the best part? The card was a debit card, so I couldn't fucking void it. The manager had to help, and we had to tell the machine the 172 was paid in cash, and then return everything.

And she just. Would not understand. The manager and I both tried explaining to her what had happened, and she just kept insisting that she'd already paid 200 and she was getting this stuff and could we hold it for her til tomorrow (after I'd told her about 5 times that we can't hold stuff past the end of the day). She just. Refused to understand. And we had to explain it to her so many times,l before she finally stuck her debit card back in the card reader so the return would process.

And then she wanted to get everything again! Seemingly not understanding AT ALL what the original problem had been. Except this time I knew how much was on her card and I stopped at about $220 and went "aaaand that's it, you can't afford the rest of it."

"Okay, hold it for me and I'll come back tomorrow"

Also, she kept bringing up that she was pregnant and idk why.

Honestly I am surprised I managed not to lose it at her even a little. I think if it hadn't been for her and for the lady who blew up at me for not being able to return a damaged item, we would've been closed by closing time and not nearly ten minutes late.

i’m getting married eight months from today! we are doing a very intimate ceremony in our backyard with just two friends as witnesses plus photographer and another close friend as the officiant. i’m excited but also nervous about offending people by not inviting them. how big was your wedding? any tips or advice just in general?

Congratulations!! 🥳 honestly I wouldn't worry about offending anyone, if you guys just want a small intimate ceremony there's no good reason for them to get offended. You should be able to do what is most comfortable for you.

We had bt 150 and 200 people I think which may not sound huge to some, but personally I would've been happier with way less. At the end of the day I let my family invite whoever they thought should be invited and I wish I would've just gone with my gut. Honestly my wedding day was kind of a blur and I had like, panic attack level anxiety for days before and after.

So yea my best advice is listen to your gut and do exactly what you think will make you and your spouse the happiest!! If people have an issue with that, that's their problem and they're being selfish to make your day about themselves.

Also, make a list of any chores that need done during the day and assign them to those coming, like decorations moved or food brought out, who's opening the champagne and passing out glasses, etc etc,. Especially little things others might not think about, that way you don't have to worry about bossing people around on the day of lol. You can also pick your bossiest friend attending and give them a copy of the list to make sure everything gets done if there's a lot of things on it (if you don't have a planner, otherwise that's they're job).

I hope your day is amazing!! 💕

#26

I took 150 last night and somehow passed out on it so I'm finna take 350 now that I'm awake so that I can get slightly high while being mostly sober by the time my bsf calls me today.

AFTERMATH

I took wayyyy more than 350. I think I took 1.1k overall. Took 200 and let it wear off completely instead of taking the extra 150 after a bit like I planned. Then I started crying.. then I chilled for a bit.. then cried some more. It got badddd I was snotting it up and my arm was genuinely wet wet from all rapidly flowing eye water smh

When I got otp with my best friend I was soberish. I was still crying at that point but I made sure I wasn't sobbing in her ear or anything. She had me spill the beans and by the end of it i was cackling off her mocking my sniffles. She's such a dick i stg 😭

Anyway after she calmed me dowm, she dipped to do some busy work with her mom. I ended up popping another 850 in the meantime. She said she'd be back in 30 mins and I think it was uh.. I think an hour and a half atp so I figured she forgot and I was off the hook for the day. But nah. She texted then called me and I had.. absolutely zero chance of hiding how gone I was.

Mostly I can still hide the junk even when I'm sky high cause with pretty much anyone else im not doing a lot of the talking and my slight chuckles and agreement noises is usually enough. R, however, is fucking hilarious and I'm always laughing at stupid shit she'll say. Which is kinda a problem asss i have a hard time laughing while im that high. My mouth and throat be so dry and to a point where talking in itself is a big task so laughing is pretty much out the question. Plus, kinda weird but i have a hard time finding anything funny in general. Soo when I was sitting there super quiet and not reacting much to stuff she'd say, I ended up fessing up so she wouldn't overthink my silence. Knowing her she probably would've blamed it on herself somehow so it wasn't even worth hiding imo.

It was kinda sad tbh. I'm glad we did get to talk some yesterday but we did way less talking than we'd usually do cause of all of that junk. I went to sleep promptly after we got off the phone as I felt weird. And kinda sad ngl.

When I first woke up I could still feel the remnants of yesterday's dose and I was exhausted but couldn't sleep anymore as I had already slept for I think... 10 hours? Maybe 9 I dunno

Aside from that symptom wise I'm mostly normal. Still feel a little floaty and I'm not 100% for full ass convos rn. I wanna sleep some more but I have a kitchen to clean + I was picking at my skin again so I need to do some aftercare on my skin to minimize scarring as much as I can. I mostly pick at my legs and for that I don't really bother with caring for scars. While I don't really cut myself anymore and I wasn't too too into it before either, my thighs are still covered in scars from them. That plus a few scars that have only recently fully went away made me care a lot less for how my legs look. But nowadays I be forgetting to keep my picking to my legs and started picking at my face again. That I try to hide cause my dad constantly comments on shit like that and I just don't want him to acknowledge it

Lowkey dealing with heartburn and sharp pain in my stomach. Prolly cause I took that much at once and didn't really eat before. I had hella cereal earlier in the day and that was about it

I really gotta start remembering to eat.. I'm fat and all (well. Chubby. Mfs get so confused when I call myself fat 💀) but at the same point I think it'd be kinda sus if I randomly lose weight weight like that. Especially with how shady I've been acting lmao

NOTES/EMOTIONS

Mm. I don't know how to explain my mindset rn. I feel completely useless and I want to just wither away and get forgotten by everyone all at once. I'm sure that's due to the mix of bs I have floating around in my head. I'm tryna keep it together tho. I haven't been drinking enough water as is and I'm sure me crying again is gonna make that worseeee so I'll just try and distract myself for now

I'm so fucking tired of crying. Why can't I just be happy

4

12/22/2023

11:42 PM

Busy night at work. I mean for the first three hours. After that, it pretty much died, but it was enough that my ankle hurts. Or there's snow coming in the near future, and right now the weather is pleasant. In the forties in December. Hell, last year, I was doing HUBER, and the whole town was hit was a massive amount of snow. The jail even lost power for most of the night. And it gets cold fast when you're surrounded by concrete bricks.

Editing the first 200 pages of "How I Spent My Summer Vacation." I have to trim the fat. A lot. And that might be only for the first part. There's so much more to go. I haven't even got past 'the happiest months of my life' yet. I'm actually kind of nervous for that day in March. This has already been really hard to write and push through a lot of the relationship with D. I don't want to relive the moment when I lost her. It's a pivotal moment in my life though, and extremely important. I never would've gotten to where I am now, not that I'm in all that great of a place. But I'm alive. I've survived more of Hell's fires than most people I know. That's not saying I'm stronger than anyone, because I'm not. I just can't die, apparently. Wouldn't that be crazy if that were true? Or that I aged extremely slowly?

D. That's 'her'. She'll always be 'her'.

I have really nothing else to report for today. Or if I do, I'm not thinking of it, so it must not be all that important.

#3 entry

I'm slowly trying to heal. I wonder how long it'll take till my feelings aren't as intense. I'm afraid that I'll lose these feelings for you, but I should, right? It makes me sad that things turned out so sad for us (sort of), you'll make your cake--I'm sure. I worked today, it was a 3 hour morning shift. I pretty much did the same thing I usually do just stock. You were on my mind the whole time. You usually were on my mind the whole time when I worked anyways just in a different context. I didn't talk much today at work; honestly, I just couldn't find the energy to do it. I called my team leader a tyrant and that we should perform a mutiny against him (jokingly). It was funny for me at least. Afterwards I went home and showered, it felt good. a nice steam shower that I thought would supposedly clear my head! It didn't though LOL. Things will change of course, nothing lasts forever! Time will pass. Afterwards I sat down on the couch and my family now knows we are broken up. although it was hard trying to explain it, but I don't feel like explaining it much. They don't need to know, they weren't involved much anyways. Me and my friend then went around to buy our skiing gear. Honestly, his car is dirty LOL. Can't really blame a 19 year old dude with his first car though. The whole time I was aux and I don't think I ever told you but whenever I had aux I would play shit for fun to fuck with people. You wouldn't get it but I played dumb songs like SAO theme, Saiyan walk, and fart noises, (very niche). It made me laugh. We went to the mall, and explored our options. Why is skiing gear so expensive what the fuck? We went to those expensive shops for software engineers who boulder and hike that got money to spend. We were not spending 200+ dollars on some fucking snow pants ! LOL. Well we searched then gave up and went to Walmart. We bought youth (14-16) snow pants for 18 dollars. Fast fashion >>>>. Thank god we have fast fashion! I jokingly told him let's go get pedicures if they were less than 40$ -- I'd pay for both. We laughed. Afterwards we went to get some bourbon st. It's supar good! supar yummy. He had no beverage and I kept talking about how perched he must be (he bought water). Now I'm just at home laying in bed, I texted you about our comp sci grades. maybe I just wanted to talk to you for a bit. I miss the girl I was in love with. I still love her. It's only been two or so days and yet I miss you so much. I didn't cry today but who knows what'll happen tonight. I hope you're doing well recently. Eat good! and treat yourself well or at least how you think I would've treated you when you were down. You talked about how you just want to ignore it but it saddened me hearing that. Ignoring our relationship kind of hurts! Just a little at least. Who knows how's that making you feel though. I wouldn't. We can still talk till you have closure. I'll miss you still. It's like grieving for someone who I've lost! like a passing partner.

On Sunday my partner ran his 3rd marathon. He's spent months training for it. To cheer him on, I walked 9.5 miles. I did not train for it. We are similarly tired 2 days later.

Recounting the weekend at work today, my skinniest coworker who has never talked about working out had to comment, "You're going to feel so good in a couple of days!" In that tone people use on fat people.

I weigh close to 300 pounds, and have been over 200 pounds my entire adult life. I have climbed mountains in this body.

The point of my anecdote was not about fitness. Running a marathon is not about fitness. It was a bad workout for everyone involved. The one mile walk we take many evenings is much better for our fitness.

Anyway, responding to the comment would've been poor timing comedically, so I just gave her a sideways look and continued with my story. But y'all, please, stop with that bullshit as if fat people have never done a hard workout before. Even if they haven't, geez, I am a grown woman!

Not much of an ask, but just so you know. Santiago Posteguillo’s new book (The second book in the Caesar triology) was released TODAY! Me and my dad had it on pre-order like two months before the release and it came to my house on release day!!

I think I mentioned it before, but it’s called “Maldita Roma”, if you’re interested on checking it out after Roma Soy Yo. It’s out there!

Awesome, thank you for letting me know! He's an excellent writer and I'm pleased for his success.

I've been enjoying Roma soy yo. It is not the "true story of Julius Caesar" as the cover claims, but the cover was almost certainly the publisher's decision, not the author's. Posteguillo has deliberately simplified Roman politics, altered facts that wouldn't match his narrative, and occasionally invented others (like portraying Cinna as an abusive father, and downplaying Lucullus' role).

What this book is, though, is a very fun story so far. I believe Posteguillo consciously chose to make the alterations he did to create a tighter narrative with more relatable heroes. If he hadn't, it would've turned into another Masters of Rome with 200+ characters over seven massive books and everybody being morally gray. I like Masters of Rome, a lot! But that isn't the kind of story everyone wants to read, or to write.

I'm also thinking of checking out his Scipio Africanus trilogy that you mentioned. I've heard that one's not always accurate, either, but I can forgive novels for not being 100% historical. (It's blatantly wrong nonfiction books that bug me.)

It will also be very interesting to see what Posteguillo does with Caesar's later career. He's minimized the nasty things Marius did in Roma soy yo, so keeping his protagonists squeaky-clean might just be his writing preference. Valid! But Caesar becomes a much darker figure than Scipio ever was, and many people associate him with dictatorship to this day. I wonder what Posteguillo has planned for that...

japanese update + productivity challenge

italki

had my first Japanese conversation lesson on italki in over a month today! missed talking to my teacher and it was fun as always. we bonded over k-pop which was very sweet and gave me a big boost of serotonin for the day lolol!

we were talking about music and she asked which genres i listen to. as soon as i said kpop she lit up and i asked

「先生もK-popが好きですか？」　

「好きじゃない、大好きです！！！」

ended up booking another lesson for next week to continue our fangirling shenanigans! 楽しみ〜

she also said that she could tell i've been studying since the last time we spoke. which honestly surprised me a bit because i haven't been keeping up with my studying as much as i would've liked to.

it was really nice to hear tho and gave me more motivation to keep going ＜3

wanikani

i managed to get to under 300 reviews by the end of august like i was planning to! i was at ~280 reviews today i think and i managed to get it down to 188 after today's review! (for now lol, tomorrow we're back at 200+)

irodori

havent been able to keep up with irodori because of work + thesis writing, but im hoping to find a way to fit into my schedule somehow, even if its just 10min bit every other day or something

100 days of productivity ?

with everything i've got going on at uni and my language goals im thinking of trying the 100 days of productivity challenge. however, i'll probably end up doing delayed posts if anything (since my little experiment of keeping track of my daily japanese tasks on here failed). im still trying to figure out how to approach it for now. just wanted to mention on here for accountability purposes 😩

⭐ Bitcoin on February 17th 2023 📊✨

The price of bitcoin as I'm writing this is $23,980

Watch today's video (instead of reading): https://youtu.be/C8aW623j9OU

Sun officially crossed Saturn on 2/16 (transit). The buildup to this transit was bearish. As it weakens, and the sun separates from its alignment to Saturn, this could be a bullish factor.

Energy shifts come on March 7th. Saturn transits into Pisces.

The Upcoming New Moon in Pisces effect on BTC, has had a positive effect on bitcoin's price. And bitcoin's Lunar Return is showing Fomo energy. Feb. 20th-22 Actually is seeming like a good period to secure gains. (I'd say we're in thos energies now).

Feb. 22nd Lunar Return Chart 🌠

March 2023

🌎 Regarding world news, the next FOMC meeting is on March 15th. Where the Fed will raise interest rates. By how much will be critical to how the markets react! However raising interest rates is extremely bearish on the long-term (look @ monthly trend below 👇).

We have a bullish economic window until then, I would say. Given the markets have been positive since the last meeting.

-=-=-=-

1: 💹 Trends

Downtrend Monthly 📉

Meaning, we can expect to retest levels lower than $17,000 BTC within the next 12 months.

Uptrend Weekly 📈

Meaning, we can expect prices higher than $26,000 within the next 8 weeks.

Uptrend* Daily 📈

but a Harsh Rejection at $25k~ (on 4h timeframe)!

Meaning, unless the uptrend stops, we can expect higher prices than $25,200 within the next 12 days.

Seemingly pivotal moments are good for de-risking, if you haven't already (imo). We are in a pivot transition at this moment.

Uptrend Hourly 📈

but seeming downtrend forming daily📉.

Until/Unless, we close $25,257 on the lower timeframes (not likely, but anything's possible 🤷🏼‍♂️). I'm making exits today.

Therefore, today day-trading, I am looking for shorts 🩳📉

$24,300 and above, especially. Absolutely placing short at $25,100 (if that price happens). Doesn't matter if I end up getting stopped out. These resistance levels would be a pretty good bet (imo), especially the latter. Due to how harshly we were rejected yesterday at just above $25,000.

1.5: ⚖ Moving Averages

50-day ema is going to cross the 200-day today (as of rn)

will this cross maintain? usually is a good selling signal, given we've already made the gains by the time that such a cross has happened. Helpful to know that the cross is coinciding with a critical resistance level: $25K.

On the other hand, I think when the 9-day ema crosses below the 50-day ema (@ $23,800) that's a good entry level signal. The 100-day ema (@ $23,400) is good too (imo).

2: 💭 Conclusions

- Today is not ideal to buy (imo)!

- Today is ideal to de-risk profits if one hasn't already (imo)!

- Today is a pivotal moment in the daily timeframe from up to a downtrend potentially.

The concluding question that I'm paying attention to is... Will BTC make a lower high than $25,260 in the 4h timeframe, will it Double top, or break higher? The next 24 hours are a pivotal moment.

Yesterday, I would've been looking for longs. Today seems more ambiguous so I'm not rushing to conclusions (or trades). We could be in the midst of a trend shift on the daily timeframe. It seems to me like a time to wait and see what will unfold. And perhaps capitalize on secondary opportunities to take profits - i.e sell (smartest decision imo).

If there is a correction in Bitcoins price it will likely be to at least $23K, or the high $22,000s (i.e $22,800)

3: 💵 Current Portfolio

USDs 10.3%

BTC 21.5%

ETH 36.76% ALTs 31.44% (Total: 69%)

Important Economic Factors -

March 14th; Inflation rate reveal.

March 22nd; the fed increase interest rates..

That's all Folks!

Check out my other posts on patreon.

My Recent Home Network Overhaul: Or, the Perils of Powerline!

Due to a cascading series of home network failures, I recently overhauled my home network. In fact, I just finished today. For anyone who cares, here's the rundown:

The original setup

Originally, my network was set up like this:

ONT (optical network terminal) -----> HomePlug adapter -----> HomePlug adapter -----> Gateway (router/access point)

The main backbone of the network was the HomePlug AV2 connection over the power wires, because this apartment isn't wired for ethernet, which I really wanted for my PC and server in my bedroom, while the ONT is in the living room.

In this original configuration, however, the gateway sat downstream of the powerline connection instead of in front of it, which meant that all network traffic, even that destined for Wi-Fi, passed through it. This was a major throughput limitation, especially for my symmetric 200 Mbps fiber internet connection.

The gateway was my trusty Apple AirPort Time Capsule, also acting as a network drive. The HomePlug adapters were TP-Link AV1000 devices. The ONT was just the standard one from Verizon.

This setup was incredibly stable and reliable! Until one day...

Problems arose

My problems started last month, when the HomePlug connection started dropping randomly but often. I'm really not sure what caused this: power surge damage is my main suspicion (due to the nature of HomePlug, the adapters were intentionally not on surge protectors), but a change in something plugged into the wall in another apartment could also have been responsible.

Taking action

I took action and replaced both of the adapters, upgrading to TP-Link's AV1300 offering. However, the AirPort for some reason wasn't playing nice with these new units, and kept dropping its connection.

The AirPort was near and dear to me, but it as a product turns 10 this year, and its built-in file server was of limited use to me because of a change to the Linux kernel. So I made the difficult decision to replace it with a TP-Link AX1500 router.

I also decided to move the gateway in front of the HomePlug adapters, and immediately got a big Wi-Fi performance boost because of it.

However, the new router posed a problem: its power adapter was electrically noisy, and was causing the HomePlug adapters to slow down and sometimes even drop the connection. At this point, I was in too deep to give up, so a lot of searching led to a very specific product: the Corinex "powerline noise filter", of which I bought the last one in stock from Amazon. I plugged it in and plugged the router's power supply into it, and immediately the issue appeared resolved!

My new, final(?) network setup can be described as:

ONT -----> Gateway (with power filter) -----> HomePlug adapter -----> HomePlug adapter -----> Switch (for my PC and server)

Lessons learned

If I was starting from the beginning, I'm not sure I would still have done HomePlug at all. I probably would've used MoCA, or even gone pure Wi-Fi. However, I'm happy with my setup now, and am probably going to leave it in service for the foreseeable future.

I learned that HomePlug can be finicky and susceptible to noise, although this can be mitigated if you're careful. I also learned the obvious lesson that the most bandwidth-limited component of the network shouldn't go in front of everything else on the stack!

Until the next network meltdown... signing off!