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beardedjoel · 1 year

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Part Five of the Signs of a Lifetime Series

Pairing: Din Djarin x OC / fem!Reader

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 8.2k

Warnings/Tags: smut!!, language, fluff, hurt/comfort, very quick mention of a needle (no descriptive language surrounding needles)

A/N: i am so proud of this chapter!!! pleaaaase read and enjoy the heck out of it, and show some love on AO3 if you are on there ♡

ALSO I got some art commissioned from super talented TobioFish on twitter of Alya and Mando - scroll to the bottom for the reveal, it’s so good!

Chapter Summary:

Alya’s nightmare prompts her to reach out to Mando via communicator, and they can’t seem to stop calling each other afterwards. Mando invites Alya to meet him for a surprise, where they experience a special celebration and some deeper bonding.

It always went the same way each time - bright lights, voices echoing everywhere, endless confusion and desperation. The familiar voices condemning her, coming from every direction. They needed to cut it out of her, needed to make sure of it, she would become nothing, not even a threat, not even a thought in their mind. The voices said everything she’d ever heard from them all at once, piling on top of each other in this echoing blank void.

Suddenly, she was in her old bedroom, standing directly in the center. A familiar place, but it had been so long since she’s seen this ornate little bed, the window that overlooked the back of the house, so nobody could see her in here from the outside. The room has no personality, nothing truly hers - all selected carefully by someone other than her. She regained her bearings, making her way to the hallway outside the bedroom, and as she passed the mirror hanging on the wall, there’s nobody there to reflect back at her, nothing to see. The house was too quiet, an eerie, heavy feeling hanging in the air, so she called out as she walked along the long hallway which seemed to stretch on endlessly. A figure appeared with a shadowed face but a familiar voice.

“There you are, we’ve been looking for you,” the voice said sweetly, but slightly distorted. Her brother, she realized.

Alya was unsure if she could even speak, her mouth felt stuck shut - she tried to make noise, but nothing came out. She followed the figure, a feeling in her saying they’re to be trusted, they’ve never given her a reason not to trust them. An end to this previously endless hallway that wasn’t there before suddenly appeared, with a glowing doorway. The light from around the doorframe cast long, spindly shadows down the hall, and Alya could feel the fear building inside of her. The figure who seemed to be her brother ushered her into the door hastily, looking around nervously. There were four figures waiting for them, but only two had familiar faces - her father, her mother, and two unknown doctors. The sight of them immediately sent her reeling, deep panic rising up in her chest, her throat, her head, Maker, it’s everywhere. All she knew was to go, go, go, get out of there now. She started to turn, but two more people came from behind her, restraining her. She thrashed, kicked, her body desperate to get away. Alya’s voice came back in a scream that seemed to be able to break glass, even shatter the world around her, but nothing happened. She was being held too tightly and knew there was nothing more she could do, this was going to happen and her stomach felt like it was bottoming out now with the realization.

“You know we need to do this,” her father said, his eyes now black pools of hatred and malice as he turned to her. She tried to scream, to tell him anything, to plead, but her voice was lost again as she saw the needle coming for her neck.

Her own screaming and thrashing woke her.

Alya shot straight up in bed, clutching her chest. She gasped for air for a few moments, getting her bearings and feeling the familiar relief of the nightmare ending as it washed over her. The relief was quickly replaced by a deep sadness and horror at living through that experience again, even if just in her sleep. With a sudden wave of nausea, she quickly ran for her refresher, vomiting up everything she had in her, then was left continuing to heave over the toilet with nothing else able to come up. Alya’s gasping breaths turned into sobs before she even realized it, and she sat slumped on the floor with her head in her hands, feeling the drying sweat coating every bit of her body as tears poured out of her. This nightmare used to be a regular occurrence for her, but it had been changed, replaced over time with different dreams - none that made her feel quite like this one. She felt so broken and alone, unable to calm herself down after being blindsided by this nightmare that hadn’t shown up in over a year. Everything in her was urging her to reach for her communicator, to do the one thing she knew could help her right now. She crawled back over to her bed, where a line for her communicator sat on the wall, and she was barely able to reach up and grab it before falling back onto the ground, propping herself up against the wall of her ship, breathing heavily from the effort in her now frail state.

“M-Mando…” Alya quietly choked out, clutching the communicator with shaking hands like it was her only lifeline. There was silence on the other end - he could be anywhere off ship, asleep, not caring to answer her. The lump in her throat grew with her disappointment. “P-please,” she cried desperately, giving it one last effort.

“Alya? What is it? Are you okay?” Mando’s voice came through the speaker urgently a second later. She could tell she’d worried him, and now felt completely ridiculous for even bothering - what could he possibly do for her in a situation like this?

“No- no I’m o-okay. Sorry it was s-stupid,” She knew her shaking voice gave her away and she silently willed it to stop. It was a spontaneous decision borne out of emotion to reach out to him and she immediately regretted it, but she didn’t know what else to do with the vast loneliness the nightmare had left aching in her.

“You’re not okay,” he replied quickly, “Tell me what’s going on.”

“N-nightmares. I haven’t h-had this one in s-so long…” Alya took a deep, unsteady breath, continuing to try to calm her body and stop the shaking. It gradually started to dissipate knowing someone was on the other end of this communicator - not just anyone, but Mando.

“You’re awake now, you’re with me,” his voice came through, soothing and calm. Alya simply listened to him with her eyes squeezed shut, and took in the familiar voice of one of the only people she cared about, letting it try to settle her frazzled nerves. He spilled soothing platitudes for an amount of time lost on Alya in her currently disoriented state - telling her over and over that she’s alright and that it wasn’t real.

“Fuck,” Alya said with relief as she realized that the shaking and tears had mostly stopped, and she felt in control of her body once again.

“Ah, there she is,” Mando said sarcastically but kindly on the other end. Alya let out a weak chuckle in response, feeling drained. “Feeling any better?” he asked.

“I think so.” She rubbed her eyes and then slid her hands down her face, wiping off the residue of tears that was beginning to dry on her cheeks.

“I’m not going anywhere, so take your time.” Alya could have started crying all over again at his words - how could she deserve this level of care and patience from anyone?

“I don’t want to hold you up,” she said half heartedly. She was letting the worry that she had win over what she really wanted, which was for him to stay with her, to keep whispering his sweet words as she fell back asleep.

“I said what I said. I’m not going anywhere,” he replied, more firm in his tone this time. Alya nodded, still trying to accept his willingness to do this for her. “Do you want to talk about the nightmare or…?”

“No… it’s hard to… I’d rather talk about anything else. Just talk to me about something… tell me about your craziest bounty.”

“Okay,” he chuckled a little bit. “I was on Jakku chasing this quarry, she was getting to be a real pain. She was fast, knew what she was doing, but I had her cornered at this point running up to a cliff. Then she just.. jumped off of the edge. She’d somehow arranged for a… somebody, to pull up under there on their ship and catch her when she jumped. I was… not happy.”

“No fucking way,” Alya laughed a little. “I think ‘not happy’ is probably an understatement?”

“Yes…” Mando trailed off. “Don’t you want to know what happened next?”

“I already do. You caught up with her,” Alya stated like it was the most obvious thing in the galaxy.

“What makes you so sure?“ Mando sounded surprised at her confidence.

“Come on, there’s no way you’d let them get away from you, even if it took you a while to find her again.”

“Hmph,” Mando breathed out through the communicator, seeming impressed by her ability to read him so easily. “Not even a day later, I found the asshole.”

“Nothing gets by you, Mando.” Alya shook her head at the skill of her fellow bounty hunter.

“What about you?” Mando asked her.

Alya searched her scrambled, tired brain for a story - she had plenty of adventures she could recount from her years doing this kind of work, but nothing quite like her quarry jumping off of a cliff right in front of her.

“I’ve got nothing to match that, but getting felt up in an alleyway on the job is up there with my crazy stories.” Alya hoped that her small, tired smirk was being matched by Mando on his end.

“Now that sounds familiar. Must have been someone I knew,” Mando teased.

“Oh, so he has jokes now? I can’t believe it, coming from the mighty Mandalorian warrior.” Alya cracked a much needed smile at his teasing her.

“I’ve always had jokes,” he retorted, sounding mildly offended.

“We both know I’m the funnier one here,” Alya said, to which Mando quickly agreed, replying pragmatically, “That’s true.”

“Thanks for distracting me,” Alya said sincerely into her communicator. She had been holding it tightly the entire time, wishing he were actually here with her - she had an image of him gently stroking her hair as she fell asleep that she couldn’t quite get out of her head. The thought alone put her in ecstasy, leaving her to wonder how she’d even survive the real thing if it was happening.

“I’m glad you reached out to me. I’m sorry you had to go through this…” Mando’s voice was so gentle and caring, making Alya feel an avalanche of her emotions coming back to her. She felt her chest and stomach dropping again with the full weight of her sadness from the nightmare again “Do you want me to stay here with you?” Mando asked after she hadn’t replied to him.

“Y-yes, I’d really like that. At least until I can fall asleep again.” It pained her to even say it, to admit to needing something from him, or anyone, but she knew he hadn’t really been asking a question. He would have stayed on the communicator regardless of her answer - that was just the kind of person Mando was.

“I’ll just talk for a bit more, is that okay?”

Alya nodded while saying a quiet affirmation to Mando. She tucked herself back into bed, listening to Mando recount other stories - while he wasn’t the biggest talker, Alya appreciated the bits and pieces he did share to keep acting as a balm to her weary mind. She didn’t know at what point she drifted off again, but Mando’s voice being the last thing she heard beforehand seemed like the most natural thing in the galaxy.

------------

Two Days Later

Alya sat with her feet propped up on her console, slowly drifting through space. She was killing time on her way from a job, fidgeting with a new panel for her R2 droid in her lap hoping to make some improvements. His beeps were more frequently sputtering out as R2 was seemingly forgetting what he was about to say, so she wanted to try and stop the short circuiting with some much overdue upgrades. This droid had been with Alya through everything, and she wanted to give him the new technology that he deserved.

R2 was in the room, appearing to be looking at her with curiosity, rotating his head slightly. “Don’t worry buddy, you’ll love this once I’m all done with it,” she said, looking up at the droid, who responded with a few excited sounding beeps.

The communicator in Alya’s ship suddenly chimed, and a red light flashed on the console, indicating someone was attempting to make contact with her ship. She pulled her feet off the dashboard and cautiously reached forward, accepting the communication line and hoping it didn’t mean trouble.

“Are you there? I was thinking about you,” a familiar voice rang out through the speaker and filled the room.

“Who is this again?” Alya replied, breaking out in a smile, unable to help herself from teasing him.

“Funny. I must have gotten the wrong ship’s comm signal,” Mando’s deadpan voice came through to her.

“No, right signal, just me being an asshole,” Alya replied.

“Ah, my favorite mood of yours,” he said dryly.

“So, you’re thinking about me over there?” she replied, a hint of flirtation inadvertently infusing itself into her tone. “Where exactly is over there?”

“Outer rim, on a job. And I was. I wanted to see if you’re doing okay after the other day.”

“Yeah, I think I am,” she said. Truthfully, her nightmare had roughed her up quite a bit, as they always did, but she could typically shake it off within a day or so. Mando’s support that night had helped tremendously - she had almost never had anyone there when she was going through the hellish aftermath of those dreams.

“No more nightmares?” he asked, sounding concerned.

“Not yet, no.” Alya was thankful for that fact - at times they came in a series, several nights in a row, and she could barely work, barely function when that happened, left to practically beg with herself to get a peaceful few hours of sleep.

“Good…” Mando trailed off, giving the impression that he had something more to say. “Hey, how close are you to these coordinates?” Mando asked before Alya could wonder any further. He sent over the information a moment later, a red light flashing on the console of Alya’s ship with the message from him.

“Let me see…” Alya said, pulling up the coordinates from Mando and her own star map, tilting her head as she studied the two quickly. “Oh, very, actually. On Saleucami? Wait, why are you asking?”

“Are you able to come here? I want to show you something, I think you’ll like it,” Mando replied, sounding a bit anxious. Alya couldn’t help the smile that continued to grow as he spoke

“Oh, you think I’ll like it, huh?” She cursed the absolutely huge grin that was making its way onto her face now. “I could probably be there in an hour if I make the jump soon.”

“Just come to those coordinates. I’ll be there waiting,” Mando commanded, before cutting off his communication to her ship.

Alya obeyed, sending her ship into hyperspace as soon as she could get to one of the predetermined routes available. It felt like one of the longer hours of her life, waiting anxiously for this cryptic meetup with Mando as her ship flew through space, the stars whizzing by her in the cockpit. She had the sudden urge to head into her refresher and check her reflection, biting her lip nervously as she looked at herself and tried smoothing her hair. She had on a simple cropped black tank top and pants with her favorite vest over it, and while she knew that it was absurd to change her outfit just to see him, the fact that she even considered doing it made her want to blush out of pure embarrassment. She wasn’t supposed to care this much about how Mando saw her looking.

Alya saw a commotion in the town as she came out of hyperspace and flew her ship down towards the surface of Saleucami - a festive looking gathering of people from what she could tell from afar. She knit her brows and thought hard, then turned to R2 with a realization. “Hey buddy, what’s the date?” R2 beeped, then flashed a hologram with the numbers in front of him. Alya thanked her droid and let out a small chuckle, shaking her head.

“It’s Fete Week. Wow, I didn’t even realize,” Alya said out loud as she looked down at the celebration, mostly to herself, but loud enough that R2 also heard her and gave an excited noise in response. That must have been why Mando asked her to come - had he really thought to spend the New Year with her? Or was this about something else entirely, and she was making something out of nothing? Butterflies threatened to flip in her stomach at the myriad of thoughts running through her mind, but she quickly pushed the feeling down, parking her ship in the designated landing area outside of town.

Alya put on her boots and blaster holster before walking out, holding onto a navigation device to lead her to Mando’s coordinates. It was late in the day, closer to sunset than not with the setting sun coloring the dry terrain and surrounding trees and brush in even warmer tones. She could hear the ruckus from the town - distant music and chatter filled the air, and she smiled sadly at all the life happening so close by, just out of reach. New Year’s Fete Week was always well celebrated throughout the galaxy, but she seemed to miss it most years without realizing it, just by happening to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

The navigator took her slightly further out from the town, and she finally saw the Razor Crest in the distance, an obvious sign she was in the right place. As it came clearer into her view, she saw the outline of Mando sitting on top of his ship. She had to practically force herself not to smile so widely when she could make out his features more and more as she approached.

“Up here,” Mando called out, his voice coming out clear and commanding, even through the modulator. Maker, it was like music to her ears, and Alya felt the hairs on her arm threaten to stand up at hearing it despite how warm it was outside. He was standing up on top of the Crest now, looking down on her. She shielded her eyes from the glowing evening sun as she looked up towards him.

“You brought me out here to the middle of nowhere? To… stand on top of your ship?” Alya asked, her head cocked to the side with a raised eyebrow.

“Actually, yes. I wouldn’t complain too soon, if I were you,” he replied with his typical sardonic sass.

“Fine, fine, no more complaints. Let me up there.”

“There’s a hatch, through the hull and up the ladder on the right side,” Mando instructed, and Alya walked up the ramp and into his ship. She had only been inside his ship once before, and fought the urge to look around since Mando wasn’t nearby. She wanted to inspect everything, get more insight into who he was, how he lived, everything and anything about him. She had a deep desire to know him inside and out, she realized, with a small pump of frightened adrenaline coursing through her now.

Alya looked up the ladder Mando had described to her, and saw skylight through it, so she climbed until she emerged, coming face to face with Mando.

“Hi there,” he said, his armored form particularly relaxed in front of her as he stood with a tilted head and knee popped out.

“Hi,” she replied simply, giving him a cheeky raise of the eyebrows, asking him to explain what the hell was going on.

“I was here for work, and found out it was Fete Week,” Mando said, as if that explained everything she had been wondering.

“I saw that… there’s a big festival in town,” she replied, continuing to look at him expectantly, awaiting further answers.

“I overheard that there was going to be fireworks when it’s dark, and thought… you might like that kind of thing.” Mando shifted slightly, rubbing one of his arms, letting the confident facade fall for a moment. Alya’s lips curled into a small smile as she watched him during his nervous explanation.

“I actually… I don’t know if I do. Never seen them. But I’ve heard good things,” Alya said, trying to hide the fact that she had actually lamented this fact since childhood. The amount of times she’d heard fireworks for different events, but was stuck inside the house or her bedroom, unable to see anything but maybe a few flashes of colorful light in the distance, even when she pressed her face as close to the glass of her windows as she could.

Mando’s head moved slightly back in surprise. “Well now you have to stay and watch,” he replied.

“As if me leaving was in question,” she scoffed playfully. “I already came all the way here.”

“Good,” Mando replied. “We can watch from here. I think it’ll be a good view,” he said, turning towards the town in the distance. Alya followed his eyeline and decided he was probably right, and they’d have a great perspective of the show here away from everybody.

“I got you this,” Mando said, reaching down and picking up a small box. Her eyes widened in surprise as she took the box and opened it. It was some kind of treat - a sweet fried dough with powdered sugar on top that smelled heavenly as its scent reached her nose. He had tried to sound nonchalant, but Alya could see Mando weighing her reaction out of the corner of her eye.

“This looks incredible, thank you,” she said, and her smile beamed up at him as she picked up the treat and took the first bite. Maker, it was fucking good, she thought to herself. She never ate things like this, always trying to pinch credits, save up for something for her ship and buy fuel to continue working. “Shit, this is so good,” she said almost involuntarily as the delicious taste filled her mouth and she quickly went in for a second bite.

“I’m glad,” Mando said, his voice filled with amusement at watching her.

“Oh, did you want any? Wait, how many credits do I owe you?” Alya panicked, realizing she’d practically forgotten all semblance of manners as soon as she’d begun devouring the treat.

Mando held up a hand quickly. “None of that. You had a tough time the other night, I thought you should have something,” he said. Alya’s smile softened even further at his kind hearted gesture, the way he’d thought of all of this for her, for inviting her here to do this together. She imagined him scoping out all of the festive foods likely being displayed in the town today and deciding specifically on this one for her - it made her chest tighten and her heart feel like it was soaring. She almost couldn’t breathe, it squeezed so tightly - she had never felt this way before, and didn’t know that she ever could again, not with anyone else.

“Well, thank you. I appreciate it,” she said sincerely and a little shyly, as she began to sit down on the top of the Razor Crest. Mando sat down next to her, close enough to make her heart skip a beat. As she continued eating, she realized the sugar had gotten all over her black shirt. “Are you kidding me…” she mumbled to herself, trying to hastily brush all of it off.

“I wasn’t going to say anything…” Mando said, watching her with an air of enjoyment.

“Why not!” she scolded him, “Jerk.” Alya shoved his arm, and in turn got some of the powdered sugar on his sleeve. He looked down at it, clearly displeased. “Serves you right,” Alya said, tilting her head up smugly and taking another bite of the dessert, only resulting in more powdered sugar drifting onto her clothes. She looked down at herself, and pressed her lips together with irritation before finally bursting out laughing. Mando chuckled next to her, shaking his head.

“Absolutely ridiculous…” Mando said.

“Trying to make me embarrass myself in front of a hardass like you by picking the messiest food possible.” Alya shook her head and looked at Mando with narrowed eyes.

“So you think I’m a hardass?” Mando quipped back.

Alya rolled her eyes dramatically. “That’s kind of the whole Mandalorian thing, isn’t it?”

Mando laughed slightly, tilting his head to the side. “That’s one way to put it.”

“Practically trained from birth, right? That’s a pretty hardass lifestyle, I think.”

“Some are. Others are foundlings, trained later. It’s a vital part of our survival and our religion to bring in and train the next generation of Mandalorians.”

“And… you?” Alya asked tentatively, sensing a more serious shift in the conversation. Mando never seemed averse to asking her about her past, but she’d been nervous to pry into his, as he seemed to like the air of mystery that surrounded him.

Mando paused for a moment longer than usual before responding. “I was a foundling. They took me in when I was in need, after my… family… and I’ve been with them ever since.”

Alya inhaled sharply in a small gasp at his reveal, and grabbed onto his arm supportively without thinking, looking at him with wide, sorrowful eyes. “Oh, Mando, I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize they aren’t Mandalorians too, that they aren’t here.”

“Thank you.” He bowed his head slightly in gratitude before looking back at her. “It was a very long time ago. I’m grateful that my covert devoted themselves to helping me. This is the way.”

“This is the way,” Alya replied, trying to smile for him, although her head was still spinning with this new information. She leaned her head on his shoulder to comfort him, despite the hard paulron of armor there. Alya could sense he didn’t want to get into the topic any further, so she wanted to lighten the mood. “Hard to imagine you being a kid, for some reason. Little Mandalorian armor sounds cute,” she said softly.

“It is…” he replied, more lighthearted now. “I wish you could see it sometime.”

“I’d like that.”

As if with perfect timing, a distant whizzing sound and sudden burst of light and color in the now dark sky signaled the end of their conversation. Alya gasped in delight, quickly picking her head up off of Mando’s shoulder and sitting forward in anticipation for the fireworks.

“Is that it? It’s starting?” she asked enthusiastically, forgetting herself completely - Mando seemed to be the only one she was naturally willing to discard her hard, scornful mask for.

“Looks like it,” Mando drawled, leaning forward slightly along with her. “Enjoy the show, freckles,” he said, peering over at her. She flashed him a quick smile, but turned her attention back into the distant sky as fast as she could, not wanting to miss anything.

Alya’s excitement built with each new firework that dazzled in front of them - they were so colorful, much more so than she’d imagined all these years. The different patterns and designs of each one were unexpected, and she felt her mouth hanging slightly ajar in amazement - she felt completely captivated, and her chest heaved slightly with the emotion of the moment. In her periphery, Alya could see Mando looking in her direction periodically throughout the show, taking in her reactions. She had to fight like hell to resist the urge to look back at him, afraid it would spark something irreversible between them.

With her focus upwards on the sky, she didn’t notice her hand, planted on the metal of the Razor Crest, sliding just enough with all her excitement that her and Mando’s fingertips grazed suddenly. She quickly pulled her hand away a few inches and whipped her head in his direction as if to apologize, but froze when she beheld his helmeted head already staring back at her. She tried to speak, her mouth opening but refusing to make a sound. Alya was completely mesmerized at the fireworks reflecting off of the beskar of his helmet - colorful bursts slightly distorted by the curves in the alloy and his visor - it was possibly the most beautiful thing she’d ever seen, threatening moisture to her eyes that she quickly blinked away. Her hand seemed to move without reason, without thought, back towards his, and she let their fingers touch again, not pulling away this time. A soft smile danced across her face as the noise of the fireworks practically faded out of her world, only left with this feeling of Mando taking over all of her senses as her breath turned shaky. As suddenly as the moment had come, it was gone, as Mando’s helmet and the entire sky turned dark - the fireworks show was over.

Alya felt herself snap back into reality, a nervous chuckle escaping her as her hand pulled back towards her lap. “That was so beautiful,” she announced to Mando, trying to break free from the intense moment that they’d just experienced. Had he felt it too? Alya wondered.

“Glad you liked it,” he replied, his tone leaving the answer to that question unclear to her.

“Glad I came,” she said, laying back onto the ship with a contented sigh. The thrill of finally seeing a fireworks show wore her out more than she’d care to admit, but she wasn’t ready to call it a day just yet. Now that the sky was dark, Alya looked straight up to see how clear the stars were shining tonight, and they didn’t disappoint her. Mando laid down next to her with a small grunt, and they silently observed the sky for a while, pointing things out to each other every so often.

“I wanted to know - how’d the rest of the job go with your… friend? Nobody followed you, you’ve been safe?” Mando said into their silence.

Alya chuckled lightly at the way Mando had referred to Nej so begrudgingly as her friend, but noticed a flutter pass through her at his protective questioning. “It went off without a hitch. I’m not sure how it went after Nej and I parted ways, but hopefully his group got what they needed out of Venka.”

“Doubt that he would crack very easily… Imperial training,” Mando replied.

“Nej did say I should visit to meet his wife and kids sometime, so maybe I could ask him then for the details,” Alya said, now reaching up to prop her hands behind her head.

“Wife and kids?” Mando repeated, surprise filling his voice.

“Mhm, told you there was nothing to be jealous of,” Alya teased.

“I was never worried about that,” Mando growled, a little too defensively for Alya to believe him. She just gave him a smug look, watching how flustered he’d gotten. “What exactly was the history there?” he asked. “It seemed sort of… tense between you two.”

Alya sighed. The way Mando easily asked her questions like that, just curiously wanting to know more about her made her feel so taken aback - he certainly had so much more to him than the initial impression he gave to others. He was caring, kind, and supportive underneath that quite literally hard exterior of his, and it made Alya’s heart sing, the way he’d been showing all of that to her.

“It’s a long story.” She thought for a moment, trying to summarize the long, painful history that was meeting and losing Myra for Mando to hear.

“We’ve got time,” Mando stated like there was nowhere he’d rather be than right here, talking to her. Alya made a noise of protest, but Mando persisted. “Talk to me, c’mon. Isn’t that what friends do?”

“I hate that you’re always right.” Alya sulked for a moment before deciding Mando had a point. She wanted him to know more, but a creeping fear always set in, something so deep in her that didn’t even have reasoning anymore, it just simply was. Something about being under a night sky with Mando seemed to make her more vulnerable, more willing to share with him, though.

“Well,” Alya blew out a breath, “I guess the tension started after Myra died. It was… because of me. She was trying to save my life out on a job, and she… well…” Alya now moved her arms from under her head and wrung her hands over her stomach, feeling a pit in her core growing at the vivid memories coming back to her. They had somehow never stopped being this vivid after all these years.

“I know I wasn’t there, but Alya, I know that it wasn’t your fault,” Mando said sincerely, looking intently at her now, and she almost wanted to believe his words.

“We weren’t even supposed to be there, but I’d wanted us to do the job even though it was dangerous. Beyond our level. I really needed the credits at the time. Didn’t even get the quarry in the end… she died for nothing.” Alya spoke the words with a confident anger towards herself - this was her truth she’d lived with, and nothing had made her question it until now.

“Sometimes… these things just happen. Saying she died for nothing - sometimes a tragedy is just a tragedy, right?” Mando said, now sitting up on his elbows to face her better. Despite his clear effort for eye contact, she refused to look back at him, feeling too open and vulnerable right now to add that level of intimacy to this moment.

Alya let out a small, shaky breath and blinked away the tears that had begun to prick behind her eyes. “I know you’re right, it just doesn’t always feel like that. Nej was completely broken, so he found someone to blame, and that someone was me. If you hear and think something is true long enough then you really start to believe it. So that’s what I’ve believed for a long time, deep down.”

“But you know, right? You know it wasn’t your fault? Something terrible happened, but it doesn’t mean you are the reason.”

“I… don’t -“ Alya stuttered. Nobody had ever spoken to her this way before, pushed her like this, and she was at a complete loss.

“Alya,” Mando cut in. “Tell me you know.”

“I know…” Alya closed her eyes tightly, the pain of it all washing over her.

“You know what?” Mando persisted with that commanding tone that made you want to do anything he said, anything he wanted.

“It wasn’t my fault.”

“That’s right,” Mando said, pride for her filling his voice. “I hope you believe that.”

“I think maybe I could. Someday.”

“I’ve spent a long time blaming myself for things that aren’t my fault. It’s not easy to realize when you need to stop putting that blame on yourself, but once you do…”

“Does it make it hurt any less?” Alya asked.

“No, it doesn’t. But it’s easier to hold this way.”

“I wish you couldn’t relate to this feeling,” Alya replied sympathetically. “It must have been hard to go through what you did as a kid.”

“It was. There are just things we have to live with, though.”

Alya finally returned his gaze and gave Mando a weak smile that didn’t reach her eyes as she nodded in agreement. She realized he didn’t even know the half of the truth of that statement for her, and wondered if she could ever let him. As they laid together like this, feeling like the only two people in the galaxy, seeing the helmeted face she’d grown to trust and care about, she thought for the first time that maybe it was possible.

------------

Six Days Later

“What do you mean you’ve never gone swimming?!” Alya said incredulously into her communicator, sitting up on her bed. Mando had reached out to her again, and this seemed to be quickly becoming a routine for them after their meet up on Saleucami. Whenever one of them was bored traveling between planets in the last few days, they reached out to the other, talking about anything that came to mind, really. Their latest quarries, their favorite places they’d been to, how they generally found other people to be a pain in the ass. Sometimes they’d even just sit quietly for a while, feeling each other’s presence on the other side of the communicator.

“Not recreationally, at least… Mando replied, sounding amused. “It’s hard to swim when you can’t take your armor off in front of other people. I’ve been in the water with my armor on, but mostly by accident or because my life was in danger,” Mando mused.

“That sounds like a nightmare, Mando…” she blinked in disbelief at this absurd man on the other end of the communicator. “All the… wet… inside your armor? What do you even do afterwards?”

“Stay… wet… at least until I can be alone.” Mando chuckled.

Alya shuddered at the thought. “What about if you’ve been in the middle of nowhere on some planet, and nobody else is around, not even then?”

Mando was silent for a few extra seconds before responding. “I just… never considered it before, I guess.” Alya was realizing that Mando didn’t typically make much time for fun in his everyday life, and from everything she knew about him, why would he? Being raised as a warrior, bounty hunting for a living - it didn’t seem like it had ever been much of an option for him. She could certainly relate to that, she thought to herself.

“Alright, that’s it,” she said decisively, “I’m taking you swimming sometime. Somewhere private, with nobody but us around, and I’ll turn my back and let you do your thing.”

“You’re trying to tell me you could resist turning around to sneak a look?”

She gasped dramatically and held a hand to her chest in fake pain. “You wound me, Mando. Of course I could! I don’t want to disrespect you, unless you ask me to.” A sly smile spread across her face as she spoke.

He laughed audibly. “You’re ridiculous.”

“You’re ridiculous.” Alya retorted, laying back down onto her bed, getting comfortable with the communicator perched next to her.

“Mmm… good one,” Mando said, and Alya got an image of him shaking his head at her on the other end in her mind. “Fine then, you can show me the wonders of swimming sometime.”

“It’s a deal. You’ll love it.” Alya wished she didn’t have such a stupid grin on her face right now, but at least Mando couldn’t see it.

“Wait, what are you doing? You sound a bit muffled,” Mando said suddenly.

“Er… I’m laying down,” Alya admitted sheepishly, nervously twirling a lock of her hair in her hand. She had been in her bed when the communicator had beeped suddenly, and she couldn’t resist picking up Mando’s call.

“Oh, I caught you when you were trying to sleep, sorry,” he said softly, sounding concerned.

“No no, it’s okay. I couldn’t really sleep anyways. Just laying here thinking in the dark, willing myself to be tired wasn’t working very well.”

“Thinking about what, hm?” Mando asked.

Alya didn’t answer.

“Alya?”

‘I’m here...” She paused for a moment, debating her next words, which felt like she had been on the edge of a cliff, ready to jump off, and these words would send her careening into the unknown. “Thinking about how I’m wishing you were… here” she added tentatively but flirtatiously, biting her lip.

“I could be, if you send me your coordinates,” he said, his tone changing dramatically at her confession.

“Don’t be unreasonable,” she scoffed at him.

“You won’t tell me because you know I’ll actually do it.”

“No, you would not,” Alya retorted, shaking her head in disbelief.

“Don’t be too sure about that,” he said, then a beat later added more cautiously, “Why don’t you… just pretend I’m there in the meantime…”

Alya’s breath caught in her throat for a moment as she realized what he was implying with those words. “If you were here, what would you do?” A sly smile crept onto her face as she spoke.

“Where to begin…” Mando drawled, clearly enjoying dragging this out. “Your back seems awfully tired and sore, I’d want to rub that for you first, get you nice and relaxed.”

“Mmmm, sounds nice,” Alya mumbled half into her pillow as she shifted under her blanket, relaxing with his words in her ear.

“Your shoulders, your neck, run my hands through your hair. I’d wanna to make you feel so good.” Mando’s voice was sounding increasingly needy with each word, and she could tell that he was getting turned on. If she was being honest with herself, she was beginning to feel the same way..

“Now that I’m all relaxed, what next, hm?” Alya said, tracing her hands distractedly over her blanket, eagerly waiting for his response.

“Start kissing down your neck and your shoulders, maybe further if you’re lucky,” he said with ease, and Alya could practically feel every word as he said it, imagining him right there with her.

“Psh,” she scoffed. “I’d be lucky for sure.”

“Yes, you would,” he replied in a serious tone, and Alya’s body was already responding to his words with a dull ache starting in her core and traveling further down. She wanted him, and that was the only thought that was running through her mind right now.

“Not just stopping at kisses, are we?” Alya said, arching a brow, knowing she was slowly entering even more dangerous territory.

Mando let out a sultry laugh. “Not a chance. Now, I need you to do what I tell you next…” he said, his voice suddenly even more suggestive, “And wish it was me doing it to you.”

Alya felt her heartbeat pick up slightly, and a small, knowing smile crossed her face. “I can manage that,” she replied, feeling a flutter of nerves landing in her stomach as she listened closely for his next words.

“Good girl. Now take your hand and slide it nice and slow, down into your pants -“

“What if I’m not wearing any?” Alya interrupted. She was lying, but wanted to sweeten the deal for Mando and get him a little more riled up.

“Mmm, even better, freckles,” he purred, and Alya smiled at the fact that her fib seemed to be working wonders on him. “Get your hand down there, feel that perfect fucking pussy of yours for me.”

Alya gasped slightly at the sudden coarseness of his words but did as she was told, putting her hand down her pants, focusing her mind on when Mando once did this to her all those months ago. Fuck, she still thought and dreamed of it so often, almost too often. Alya hesitated, waiting with baited breath for Mando’s next command.

“Are you wet for me yet, beautiful girl?” he asked, his voice low, enticing, rumbling through the communicator close to Alya’s ear.

“Maker, yes,” she breathed out in response, unable to do anything else but Mando’s next bidding.

“Mm, perfect. Touch yourself, like I did for you before. Remember that?” Alya obeyed, beginning to rub a finger on her clit as he told her to.

“C-could never forget,” Alya mumbled through the beginning of the pleasure building inside of her, starting to feel her breath come out more heavily with every touch.

“Keep going, make yourself feel good for me. Nice and slow. Are you thinking of me while you do it?” he purred, and Alya felt her desire growing at how much he was enjoying this as well.

“Mhmm,” she purred, “You feel so good. Wish this was you,” Alya said amongst her panting breaths. Mando had said to go slow, but she could feel her need increasing every second as her body writhed more under her own touch. “P-please I need more,” she begged him.

“I would be putting my fingers as deep as they go, feeling every bit of that cunt of yours that I can’t stop thinking about. Do that for me.” With Mando’s new command, she used one hand to continue circling her clit while the other hand slid a finger inside of her. She moaned softly as she added another finger, already ready for it.

“I want to hear every breath, every moan for me,” Mando said, hearing her starting to cry out more and more at the feeling. She could hear the desperation in his voice to be there with her, and that his own breathing had become more ragged. The thought hit her at once: was he touching himself too?

“A-are you touching yourself…? Thinking o-of me?” Alya asked.

“Mmm, I am. Thinking of you always. Nothing could come close to what you did to me, though,” he replied through the comm in between a few pleasured groans.

“Fuck, no it can’t,” she said, thinking on her own experience with Mando pleasuring her.

“You make me crazy, you… feel so amazing,” he said distractedly, clearly getting too caught up in touching himself to keep directing Alya’s movements.

Alya felt her pleasure building dangerously close to climax, picturing Mando in that alleyway on Canto Bright, the way he’d felt underneath her in that inn on Nevarro, knowing he was the only one she could ever want like this. So desperately, so badly, it almost felt like a natural part of her now.

“F-fuck,” she gritted out, her fingers moving more rapidly, plunging them deep inside herself while thinking of Mando being right here with her, doing this to her. It was almost enough, but she needed him, she was so desperate for him to be there with her that she considering taking him up on the offer of sending her coordinates to him and waiting right here for him to fuck her to completion. “I need you,” she cried out in the heat of the moment, not caring one bit what she was admitting to him.

“Mmm, you have me, Alya. You have me, come on, beautiful. Think of me, I’m right there with you,” he rambled, breathless, and she could hear the furious slapping of his own flesh on the other end. She focused her mind on his hands, the quick glimpse she’d gotten of them in the alleyway, the way they’d trailed down her bare flesh and did this same thing to her. The thought of those hands touching himself, thinking of her hands and mouth all over him in that dark room in the inn. She let out low whimpers, close enough to the communicator for Mando to hear.

“Let me hear you cum for me,” Mando demanded, his voice becoming more strained from his own pleasure. His words finally sent Alya into her climax, and she tilted her head towards the communicator, breathy moans coming out as she called his name. She heard several grunting moans from his end as she shuddered and lifted her hips through her climax, and she knew hearing her had put him over the edge into his own orgasm.

Alya laid back into her cot, staring up at the ceiling as she came down from practically seeing stars. She was almost in shock - somehow she and Mando always found themselves back here, crossing the fine, razor thin line they had drawn for themselves to try and be friends.

“Maker, Alya, you - I don’t even have words,” Mando finally spoke, breathless still.

“Me either,” she said honestly. “I…” she trailed off, then sighed, still unsure of how to address what she really wanted to say. How many more times could they do something like this, and claim they could go back to how it was before? Each time they got this intimate it was harder for Alya to forget him, to move on from this sheer torture that was knowing and wanting him, and not letting herself have him fully. She heard Mando’s breaths through the communicator beginning to calm down along with her own, and they were both left with the reality of what they’d just done and having to process how they felt about it. The two of them were silent for an uncomfortable period of time before Mando spoke again.

“I… I don’t think we should be calling each other like this anymore, Alya” he said, trying his best to keep any emotion out of the words. Alya could read the frustration, pain, and hurt behind it, even through the distortion of the communicator. Her heart began to beat wildly in her chest at hearing, not fully understanding his sudden change in perspective. Hadn’t they just been in the throes of passion only minutes ago? She moved to respond through the commlink after the sting of the words faded enough, but Mando had already disconnected them. Alya clutched the device with now trembling hands, her mouth hanging open slightly as if ready to speak words she wasn’t sure she’d ever get the chance to say to him now.

LOOK AT THEMMMMMMMMM!!!!!

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