#this whole thing took like 1 or 2 weeks bc I procrastinated so hard </3 | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

scrambledthoughtz · 5 years

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what i could do better on

1) i could be spending my time better. i feel like, as of late, i’ve been wasting more and more of the time that makes up each of my days. i get distracted so easily. i come home from school or work, and i spend hours and hours on youtube, watching random shit. four out of my five school days, i don’t get home until 5 pm or a little after, and you’d think that this limited amount of time would spur me into productivity. that’s what i thought too, but usually when i get back, i end up laying on my bed and draining my energy even more by spending hours on youtube or facebook. i feel like i’m significantly less motivated than i was last semester, and i’m not sure if this is a sign of burnout, if i’m depressed (lol probably not?), or if my study habits are just spiraling and i’m becoming more lazy. i have this mindset where it’s okay if i don’t start my work until later bc i don’t need to sleep. as long as i get it done before 11:59. as long as i get it done before the deadline, even if that means finishing it in the morning. yesterday, i had a whole collection of assignments due at 11:59 and i actually waited until 11 pm to start one of them. earlier this week, i submitted my essay at 11:57 and i spent until 11:50 typing up the conclusion. it’s crazy, bc “past” me would have finished my essay early to make time for revisions or proofreading. this time, i didn’t even care; i was typing up my conclusion for the first time 10 minutes before the essay was due. it’s weird to think about this comparison, but in my first semester, i literally went to mission coffee after my class ended, and i took out a sticky note and i wrote down EXACTLY how much time i would spend on each assignment to make sure that i was sufficiently alternating between getting things done. i would carve out an hour to type up my english 101c reflection responses, and then i would take a 15 minute break to go on my phone, and then i would start another subject and then i would alternate and it was so freaking efficient. nowadays, i just trust that i will get it done, even if it means putting minimal effort into my work. as long as it’s submitted.

2) going off of that, i could control my impulses better. what do i mean by that? it’s honestly pretty difficult to put into words. this is something i’ve actually never spoken about, which is weird bc most facets of my life i’ve attempted to put into words and talk about at least once. anyways, what i mean by impulses is that i’ve been more frequently getting the urge to watch videos that make me feel a certain type of way. it’s not quite like porn, but these videos are more intimate and raw, and usually when i’m watching them, they evoke a deep aching within me that spreads like a crackling electricity that numbs me in the best way possible. i usually do this before i go to sleep or right after i wake up bc it’s such a pleasant sensation, but as of late, i’ve been more frequently waking up in the middle of the night (i think it’s bc i usually forget to turn the lights off before i go to sleep, or it’s bc i decided to take a nap instead of studying and the anxiety wakes me up or bc i spend an obscene amount of time staring at a bright screen before i go to sleep). but i’ve started watching these videos when i wake up in the middle of the night too, and it’s honestly something that has been taking up so much of my time. i get these urges and they’re hard to resist, so i lay down on my bed and get into the zone and hours can pass by without me caring. i recognize that this is starting to sound erotic lmfao but it’s the best way that i can put it for now. i’m sure i’ll get better at putting this into words later.

i do wonder though: am i getting these urges bc i’m craving physical touch? this is something that’s been on my mind a lot lately. i haven’t really had solid physical touch for a while. the most physical contact i get and receive is an awkward hug or an occasional handshake. i keep telling myself that the last real time was with mom bc she would hug and hold me when i was upset, or she’d gently brush my hair back. honestly, this is probably the main reason i would be okay with having a romantic partner. it’s not bc of pressure from friends or family, but it’s to have that level of physical intimacy.

3) lastly (for now). stop with the self-pity. you need to get yourself together. i got a C on my geography midterm this past week, and the first thing that came to my mind was, “it’s okay, you’re probably going through something bc normally, you wouldn’t get such a bad grade on an exam.” i need to stop thinking like that. when i come home and spend hours on youtube, i tell myself that it might be bc i’m subconsciously going through something. but that might not even be true, and even if it is, it doesn’t make this excusable. i feel bad for myself way too often, and even worse, i expect others to feel the same level of understanding or pity. if only they knew about mom, they would let me off easy. this fact about me has become this type of secret weapon that i’ve told myself that i can wield at any time. but in reality, that doesn’t make it okay for me to fuck around instead of spending time on my classes, and it doesn’t make it okay for me to be getting lower grades on my exams and assignments just bc i procrastinated.

you can’t expect everyone to have sympathy. even if they did know about mom, they might not give a shit. other ppl have gone through worse, but they’re still doing well at school. you’re super privileged, and this one sad fact about you doesn’t change that. at least you get to come home from school every day to food on the table, and you can still ask your dad to pay you back for groceries and gas. you have a job, but you don’t actually need it bc your dad is supporting you with his income. you need to get out of your bubble. you expected your dad to pay for your car accident, and you were shocked when he said, “you were the one who got into the accident, don’t you think you should pay for it?” and he’s right, you know? you can’t be recklessly spending money every time you get stressed. that’s just another part of your self-pity cycle. you tell yourself that it’s okay to spend $2 on a granola bar at the vending machine bc you forgot to pack a snack and you were stressed about the fact that you failed your geography midterm. you expect your dad to pay you back for your purchases, when in reality, you should be taking responsibility and keeping a budget and making sure that you don’t eat out too much with friends or spend too much on coffee every time you can’t focus at home and go out to a coffee shop to study.

you’re being irresponsible, lazy, and your self-pitying is getting out of control. get yourself together.

you know, even as i’m typing this, it’s not hitting me for real. these are just words that are my thoughts, but i’m not actually internalizing them. it’ll probably hit for real when i transfer and move away, but i honestly want to get a grip of these things before then.

#personal

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feadae · 6 years

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Yo so I’m gonna rant a little about the murder mystery dinner theater show I did over the weekend because I’m still in Post-Show Mode, which means that this is all I’ll be talking about for at least a week, if not more, because I miss the show and don’t want it to be over Brace yourself

So the show is called Final Cut and the story is that all the characters are B-list Hollywood stars (3 actors, a director, a casting director, and a makeup artist) and the audience is a bunch of potential backers for the director’s new movie, in which all of the characters are involved. Then murder happens and one of the actors takes it upon himself to solve the case before anyone calls the police, since being witnesses/accessories to a murder would not be good for the careers of anyone present.

It occurs to me that I’m gonna be using names a lot and that you know precisely none of these people and presumably none of these characters so quick key: Me = Cherri Pitt (ba-dum-tss) = Slightly desperate actress new to Hollywood, hellbent on keeping Eddie in line and keeping the lead role, dating Rock because he has connections, pretending to be dumber than she is Nick = Rock Stud = Leading man opposite Cherri, dating Cherri, neither the brightest nor the humblest crayon in the box Jason = Eddie Cheek = Director of the movie, stole the script and claims to have written it himself, Douchebag of the Year (played by the sweetest human being on the planet--gotta love acting), murdered second Faith = Nova DeVoe = Second lead in the movie, One Diva to Rule Them All, known for stealing lead roles from other actresses, murdered first, Rock’s ex-wife and Eddie’s ex-lover, found Eddie and Cherri sealing the movie deal as it were Katherine = Billie Clubb (ba-dum-tss) = Casting director, head of a bankrupt management company, the real author of the script Eddie stole and SPOILER ALERT the killer, the script doesn’t say so but Katherine decided that Billie’s gay--it’ll become relevant later Shannah = Quinnie Winston = Eccentric makeup artist, works on all of Eddie’s movies because Eddie hit her with his car and arranged a deal with her where he’d employ her if she didn’t take him to court, it’s revealed about halfway through that she faked the car accident and that she’s done it before and been arrested for fraud Savannah = director of the show = One of the most amazing people alive

It was a lot of firsts for me, including my first murder mystery dinner theater, and every second of it was So Much Fun

We only had two weeks of rehearsal, and even though there were some bumps along the way (missing people for several rehearsals due to unavoidable schedule schtuff; being told two days before our dress rehearsal that we couldn’t actually pull costumes from the costume closet, etc.), those bumps resulted in really fun things (one night we were missing Faith, Nick, and Jason--half our cast--so Shannah, Katherine, and I did character work with Savannah for nearly three hours, just talking through our characters’ backstories and attitudes toward various things and people and backgrounds with each of the other characters, which was really fun and resulted in us doing the same thing the next day with Faith, Nick, and Jason, which was even more fun, because Faith and Jason did the whole thing in character like they were on a talk show, and their characters are giant divas/asshats, so it was hilarious. Because of the Costume Veto, we had/got to go thrift shopping for our costumes, and Nick, Jason, Shannah, and I all went together, which was super-fun. We talked and joked and it felt really nice to become closer to these people who are all so sweet and so much cooler than me. Jason found a scooter, wheeled around on it like a giant, adorable child, then proceeded to buy it for himself along with the tux he needed for the show. I was looking for a red dress, since my character’s name is Cherri and it Works, and we couldn’t find one that fit that day, so the next day, Jason drove me to another thrift shop and we found a perfect dress nearly straight away and spent the next half-hour or so just browsing the store and chatting and if he weren’t in the most adorable relationship I’ve ever seen with Nick, I’d have the Crush to End All Crushes on him, like the child I am. That being said, I have Friend Crushes on literally this entire cast and just about 90% of the theater department as a whole. Anyway)

Like I said, the show was a lot of firsts for me, and more firsts included the first time I’ve ever worn red lipstick, liquid eyeliner, or fake eyelashes (all very fun to play with but way too much effort to be worth wearing for anything other than theater). I had to have help putting on the eye makeup; otherwise, I would certainly have gone blind. But multiple times, I was told I looked really nice, which you better know I have internalized like there’s no tomorrow (compliment people, folks; you never know, you might just make their day/week/life/etc.). This was also my first role involving sex, bc I am a Smol Bean Child both inside and out. No sex happened during the show (see again the Smol Bean Child point), but it was a big part of my backstory and a big part of why I’m suspicious. It’s established that my character, Cherri, is new to Hollywood and has had so many failed auditions that when she auditioned for Eddie (played by Jason the Adorable) and he proposed a casting-couch deal, she agreed (don’t worry--she got evidence of it so she could blackmail him if he stepped out of line), and now she’s got her first lead role in a movie. Also, Cherri started dating her costar Rock (played by Nick the Tol) at the first readthrough for the movie, and that had really fun implications for our cast because 1) Nick is 6′4″ and I’m 5′2″ and Rock & Cherri were supposed to be all over each other all night and she was supposed to be hanging on his arm a lot of the time so for half the rehearsal process my hands were up by my face, then I got 4-inch heels (which were 3 sizes too big for me--ha!) and during the actual show they were closer to my sternum but it was still funny whenever I cuddled him because it was like “here let me nuzzle your elbow, Rock, dearest” and 2) Remember when I said that Jason and Nick are dating each other? They’re the Cutest Cute to Ever Cute and I will fight you on this I get diabetes every time I see them interact out of character but it was really fun to pretend to have slept with both of them when they’re dating each other irl. I think it was our mutual friend & castmate Jamie (a different Jamie than the one who will turn up later) who called it “living the dream” when I told her, and I was only half-kidding when I agreed (It doesn’t help my juvenile brain that Jason is bi, so me dating him is a “plausible” fantasy--dammit brain knock it off).

I’m really proud of all the character work I did, though, and I loved going really deep into my backstories with everyone and with myself (I have a 12-page Word document of stuff I came up with for Cherri and I could easily have done more if we’d had more than 2 weeks of rehearsal), and I loved the guided-improv style of the show (we had less of a script and more of a sequence of events, with really important Here’s-A-Clue lines being scripted, and in between big important “scenes” we mingled with the guests in character but we had so much character work done that it was less like improv, which terrifies me, and more like a real conversation, which terrifies me slightly less). We’d done so much character work that I felt like Cherri was for the most part a full-fledged human, whom I was temporarily inhabiting, rather than a character I was playing, which I’m told is what acting is supposed to be, and it was a blast. There were hiccups, of course--improv’s not my strong suit, and I did sort of procrastinate on memorizing the scripted lines I did have--but it was all still super fun, and the show went really well!

More miscellaneous memories:

-The time Faith was helping me fix my hair and just looked me in the face and said “Cali, you’re so pretty” and I Melted -The few times people would tell me I looked great in Cherri’s dress (you better know I internalized that shit) -The lift that wasn’t (at the end of the show, after the killer is revealed and apprehended, I’m supposed to leap into Rock’s arms and proclaim him my hero. Remember, Rock is 6′4″, I’m 5′2″, and I’m in a floor-length, close-to-the-legs dress and 4-inch heels that are 3 sizes too big. That ain’t gonna work. So we changed it to a ballroom-dance lift where I’d be on his hip and he’d spin me around then put me back down instead of me being in his arms and kissing him the way the script says (cue sigh of relief because I’ve never kissed anyone before onstage or off and I didn’t want to subject poor Nick to what I’m sure would Not have been a Good Time). Then we tried it in costume and between me not being able to jump in the Hell Heels and Nick not being able to get a steady hold of me, we decided to just cut the lift altogether and just hug each other instead) -The stage fall that wasn’t (nearer the beginning of the show, a kerfuffle is heard offstage: Rock says, “What are you doing? No!” And screams and you hear an explosion and Rock throws himself into the room as though thrown back by the explosion. He pretend-dies and freaks us all out, then reveals that it was a prank and Eddie threatens to fire him for it. When we started rehearsals, poor Nick was understandably apprehensive about throwing himself onto the hard-wood (or whatever the heck that substance is) floor, since he’s so Tol and he says he wasn’t very good at stage falls in Movement (I refuse to believe there is anything this Angel is not good at, but I digress). So we ended up having him crawl onstage as though mortally wounded, which we decided was funnier anyway, since it took so long and was exactly the kind of extra Nick had decided Rock was) -The dumb names that our audience members wrote on the name cards we gave them and with which we had to address them all night (including but not limited to Captain Schmitty Jones, Two-Tap Shakur, Me No, Schnitzel, and Dr. Dixmal--I had fun appealing to “Dr. Dixmal” when Nova died; I looked right at him and said, “You’re a doctor! Do something!” And he Panicked. “Me No” about died laughing.) >“Me No” later told me that his name came from when everyone was mingling around before the plot really started and Eddie had come up to him and said, “I like your shirt; who made it?” He responded, “Me,” because he had in fact made it himself, and Eddie went, “What’s Me’s last name?” Jamie (“Me No’s” real name) just looked at him and went, “No...” Eddie walked away, muttering “Me No...” And Jamie put it on his name card and that was that. -The audience’s investment in the show and in messing with us >They had really vocal reactions to both of the deaths and to everything else. >I was asked point-blank what was in my purse multiple times during the ten-minute window where there was nothing in it but Cherri didn’t know there was nothing in it, so I panicked and said “just lady things,” and that became a meme for the rest of the night, including when we were lined up along the front for questioning and it was brought up again and I kept insisting it was “just lady things” and Jamie (“Me No”) said “It’s okay, honey, we’ve all seen a tampon before” and started a chant of “Lady things! Lady things! Lady things!” Reacting to that in character was an Adventure. >Jason’s sister and cousin gave all the characters nicknames, which we didn’t discover until the killer was revealed and Jason’s sister shouted, “Billy Ray Cyrus, no!” (I asked them later what my nickname was and they admitted to calling me Cherri Armpit--I expect nothing less) >When Eddie died, he had the knife that killed him in his hand (he was stabbed in the back, though; clearly homicide) and Rock took it and later used it to threaten Billie when she was revealed as the killer. He pulled it on her and Jamie shouted “Kill her!” Billie took the knife from Rock and threatened him with it while she monologued and Jamie shouted “Kill him!” >One person called me over while we mingled to ask what my favorite color was (I said red, because my name is Cherri and it Works) and why my dress was red and why I had “lady things” in my purse (“for...I dunno...blood??”). >A few people asked what was on my recorder after I’d semi-privately threatened Eddie with it and after he’d stolen it from my purse but before I was scripted to reveal it to everyone, so I had to dodge the question and when they asked if I could play it for them, I ended up saying it depended on how Eddie behaved and walking away as mysteriously as I could before they could ask any more questions. >There were a few instances during the mingling sessions where Billie called me over to insist that I could do better than Rock and several audience members overheard and agreed with her (it pained both me and Cherri to have to defend Rock). >When Eddie died, he had my recorder in his hand and it was scripted that I go straight for it, and when I did, Jamie yelled at me, “He’s dead, girl!” >He also challenged Rock to spell motive when Rock was saying he was going to figure out everyone’s motives for killing Nova and Eddie, and Rock stood there for a second before starting, “E...” and I ended up having to feed it to him. >During one of the mingling sessions, Rock was talking about how smart he was, and to prove it, he said, “Did you know that there are actually two Himalayas? Yeah. One’s in Africa and one’s in Europe.” Eddie overheard him and mocked him for it, and it came back later and Jamie overheard and yelled, “That’s not even a little bit true!” I ended up having to defend Rock again, leading to me looking Eddie in the eyes and saying, “If there’s only one, why is it called the Himalayas?” Cherri was screaming inside her head; she graduated magna cum laude from Bryn Mawr, and this is what she’s doing? >My friend Gaston came to watch our dress rehearsal, because we needed humans on whom to practice, and I need you to understand before I tell this story that Gaston is Good and Pure and Must Be Protected. When Nova died, it was revealed that she’d prepared an acceptance speech for when Eddie took the lead role from me and gave it to her, and Quinnie had to read it out loud (it was a Cleverly Disguised summary of everyone’s motives to kill her), and it hammered home just how much of a diva she was. So during the subsequent mingling session, I went over to Gaston and said, “I’m surprised she didn’t write anything about how humble she was” (I was supposed to let how smart I really was show upon occasion so that audience members would suspect me). Gaston the Good and Pure responded, “Well, I’m sure she’s humble wherever she is now.” >There’s a scene where I lose my recorder and accuse Eddie of stealing it because he knew it would get him blacklisted if I played it for anyone, and Rock comes up and asks me what’s wrong, and I’m supposed to say, “I’ll tell you what’s wrong, Rock. Eddie promised me the female lead if I, well...if I...you know...well, let’s just say that he’s a strong advocate of the casting couch,” and I keep going. But in those pauses on Saturday, our dear friend Jamie took the opportunity to interject, “It’s okay; you can say blowjob.” This guy made it really hard to stay in character sometimes, let me tell you. >So when Eddie died, he had a blood pack that was supposed to be in his mouth but was too big for him to reasonably conceal it and still be able to bite down on it, so he held it in his hand and broke it with his hand while coughing to make it look like he was coughing up blood. For both the dress rehearsal and the performance, Jason left that blood pack on the floor with the knife that killed him, which he had also been holding, when Nick and Shannah picked him up and carried his “body” offstage. At the dress rehearsal, our test audience was two people and neither of them said anything about the blood pack, but Rock pointed it out and asked, “Is that a used condom? Such a pervert.” (Our blood packs were indeed condoms filled with stage blood and Scotch-taped shut.) For the performance, while Rock and Quinnie were carrying Eddie away, several people asked, “You’re just gonna leave the knife there?” before Rock was supposed to pick it up, and “Captain Schmitty Jones” asked what the blood pack was, to which Rock responded, “It looks like a used condom. Eddie was always a pervert.” The whole room exploded (led by--you guessed it--Jamie), to the point where I almost didn’t hear Billie comment, “Well, I wouldn’t know.” (See it’s funny because she’s gay and therefore doesn’t use condoms--humor) >After the remaining suspects were lined up and questioned, we asked everyone to write down who they thought was the killer and why, and then before revealing who the killer was, we went over the solutions so we could give prizes for the most and least correct ones. Three separate people submitted that Billie killed Nova and Eddie because she was in love with me (Katherine had decided that Billie was gay, but hadn’t outright told anyone, because the show was supposed to take place in the 1950s), so snaps to Katherine for Quality Acting and letting her character work shine through. >One person submitted the solution that I had thought was correct when I first read the play: Quinnie killed Nova because Nova knew about Quinnie’s habit of jumping in front of cars and suing the drivers, and Cherri killed Eddie because he had broken his promise to her and given the lead to Nova and then to a random audience member after Nova’s death (and also I decided that it would have been because she hardcore hates Eddie because he’s a scumbag and she hates that she stooped to the casting-couch level and just Angst) -General fun with my fellow actors >One rehearsal, we didn’t have Katherine, so Jason stood in for her when we had to run over the end of the show, when and after Billie is revealed as the killer. This scene includes Billie being shoved into a chair, forced into handcuffs, and screaming and kicking in frustration after she’s caught. The sounds and facial expressions Jason made were generally adorable and hilarious (he has one sound in particular that can only be written down as “oh!” but is So Much Cuter and that’s the sound he made when Nick shoved him into the chair it was great) >The script says that Cherri and Rock are very lovey-dovey with each other almost at all times, and that was an adventure at first because Nick is really only lovey-dovey with Jason and I’ve never had an opportunity to be lovey-dovey with anyone so I Don’t Know How, but as the rehearsals continued, we got more comfortable with cuddling each other, and it got to the point where he booped my nose of his own accord and it was Great (is this what human affection feels like) >When we entered, we all had a quick introductory spiel to give, and in Rock’s, he mentions that he was the lead on a TV show that was cancelled after 6 episodes. The show was called Sky Fling, Pilot PI, and Nick decided to make it a running gag that Rock could never say it right, even though he was the lead in the damn thing. So I made it a running gag that every time Rock stumbled on it, Cherri would say quietly, “Sky Fling, Pilot PI, dear.” To which Nick/Rock responded by patting me on the head and telling anyone who was listening, “She’s so cute when she tries.” And like it was a dick move for Rock, and Cherri hated it, and I’m not usually a fan of being patted on the head (which has actually happened to me before, very condescendingly, and I hated it), but I kinda liked it when Nick/Rock did it?? >Our introductory spiels weren’t in the script; we had to come up with them, and when I improvised mine the first time we did it, it was a bit of a trainwreck, so that night after rehearsal I wrote a speech up and sent it to the director for editing and she said it was great and didn’t need to be edited, so that was Validating as Heck >Backstory: there’s a scene before Nova’s death when she says one too many rude things about me and I run up and shove her and say, “I heard the horrible things you said about me!” Then she proceeds to continue to be a terrible human being and says loudly enough for the whole room to hear, “We could have even been friends if I hadn’t found you with Eddie in my bed.” I lose it and try to strangle her, shouting, “Take it back!” because this is the first time it’s revealed for the whole audience to hear that I slept with Eddie (this is after I confront him with the recorder, but that’s quiet and only implies that we slept together). So, during one of the last rehearsals, while Rock is monologuing about how Nova’s body had red marks on her neck, so she must have been strangled, I felt someone’s eyes on me and found Billie staring pointedly at me, which was legitimately terrifying, so of course we had to put it into the actual show. >During the dress rehearsal on Friday, I had a real live good improv moment! During one of our mingling sessions, Billie got fed up with me and said that I was nothing special, because there had been a thousand new, desperate actresses to whom Eddie had given the casting-couch deal. She said to me, “There are a thousand Cherri Pitts out there.” Without even thinking, I innocently tilted my head and said, “No, I’m the only one called Cherri Pitt.” Savannah told me afterward that she had had to physically restrain herself from cackling when I’d said that, so that felt really good. >The performance on Saturday night was the first time we’d run the killer reveal with actual (plastic) handcuffs, and it turned out to be an adventure. Quinnie spent at least a whole minute, if not longer, trying to get one of Billie’s hands cuffed, and then was struggling so hard with the other hand that Rock had to help her (I desperately wanted to help, but I was supposed to stay on the other end of the room so I could run to Rock all dramatic-and-romantic-like after Billie was cuffed), and when they finally got her cuffed, there was enough time for the audience to applaud just a little, and then Billie tried resisting and yanked herself right out of the cuffs, so I gave up on my blocking and went over there and ended up just hovering uselessly while Quinnie just held Billie in place while Rock gave his triumphant monologue, ending with “Who’s the moron now, Billie Clubb?” Our dear friend Jamie chimed in with “Still you, dude.” I ended up only crossing a couple of feet to declare Rock my hero instead of the whole room. Dramatic. >So, by now you know that the recorder on which I recorded Eddie’s arrangement with me is pretty dang important to the plot. Well, for the whole rehearsal process, I’d been using my phone as a stand-in for it, assuming we’d have one in the prop closet which we could pull and I would use and it would be great. Not so--the closest thing the prop closet had to a cassette recorder was this big-ass boombox that must have been two feet across and weighed as much as a small dog. For the performance itself, Faith lent me a cassette player she had, and that fit in my purse and it was fine, but for the dress rehearsal, I got to run and get this behemoth for my big reveal for Eddie, and poor Jason had to drag it in with him when he died, and he had to pretend that Eddie hadn’t seen me recording us with it! >In the ending scene, when it’s revealed that Billie is the killer, she takes the knife that she used to kill Eddie back from Rock and holds Rock at knifepoint while she monologues and explains that Nova’s death was an accident but she meant to kill Eddie 100% and why she didn’t care that Nova was dead and why she killed Eddie and yada yada yada. Then at the end of all that, Rock rushes her and forces her to stab him, and he “dies,” and it looks real and I rush to him and cry over his “body” while Quinnie tries to keep Billie from escaping, and it’s revealed that Rock isn’t really dead, there’s a callback to his first fake death, it’s great. But this onstage death-by-stabbing means that we need a retractable knife. The only retractable knife we have is at least a decade old and on its last leg. So in Billie and Rock’s struggle for the knife during the dress rehearsal, it breaks before Billie’s had the chance to stab the blood bag Rock’s got in his shirt pocket. This means that Billie, panicking a little bit, starts trying to punch his blood bag open before giving up and sprinting off and the show continues as normally as it can. During the actual performance, we used another fake knife which wasn’t retractable, since the retractable one broke, and I couldn’t see whether or not Rock’s blood bag had broken properly because of where I was standing, so just to be sure, when I threw myself onto his body, I made sure to hit the blood bag. This was when I discovered that it had in fact broken and sprayed blood all over Rock just like it had been supposed to do. So I had fake blood on my dress and hands and arms and in my hair, and when I threw myself onto Nick, I heard the poor guy go “oof,” because he wasn’t expecting me to hurl myself on him with that much force. Sorry, Nick. >So, it’s been established that Eddie, Douchebag Director of the Year, was played by Jason, the Sweetest and Purest Human Being to Ever Grace the Planet. One of the notes he got from Savannah on Friday after the dress rehearsal was to be even sleazier and grosser than ever before for the performance, because when he died, she hadn’t felt like “Good, Eddie’s dead;” she’d gone “Awh, Jason died.” So on Saturday, while we were waiting for people to show up and starting to get into character and all that, this precious bean came up to me and asked in the politest manner you could possibly ask this question if he could slap my ass just to show how sleazy and gross Eddie is. This precious ray of sunshine and purity couldn’t even say the words “slap your [ass/butt/whatever he says, idk];” he had to mime it and say, “you know...” Now, the most intimate thing I’ve ever done with anyone is a Congratulations-On-Doing-Well-In-Your-Show Hug, so I panicked a little bit on the inside, but what I told him was, “It’ll make both Cherri and me really uncomfortable, but it’s 100% in character for Eddie, so yes. Go for it.” He looked unsure because I’d said that it’d make me uncomfortable (the BEAN), but I reassured him that I’d given him permission, so it was okay, and we agreed that he’d do it. So I was on tenderhooks the whole show waiting for that to happen, and then the grossest thing he did the whole show was get really close to me and tell me I looked “ravishing” (which still had my brain going, “Well, mark me down as scared and horny!”) and hug me mock-protectively when Nova called me “tainted goods” (I wasn’t expecting that, and neither was Cherri, and oh boy was it startling). I asked him about the absent ass-slap after the show, and he told me what had happened: there’s a bit where Eddie’s gone for a few minutes and right when we start to wonder where he is, he comes back in with women’s lingerie on over his shirt and pants, and he explains that he wanted to try it because he saw Ed Wood, Jr. do it and because it helps him relax, but he assures the audience that he’s still “all man, all right.” He had been getting closer and closer to me during this bit, and I had walked away to give him room and because I felt like that’s what Cherri would have done, since, you know, she’s slept with this sleazeball and hardcore regrets it and would rather not be closer to him than necessary. Jason told me that he was getting closer to me so that he could slap my ass on the words “all man, all right,” and I had walked away. So that happened. >Cherri’s supposed to be pretending to be dumb the whole show, with little bits of how smart she really is leaking through at key points, and I was kind of struggling with the dumb act for a while, especially with physicality and voice (bc my voice is v low & I naturally stand up hecka straight, and neither of those things is true for Cherri’s dumb act), but then I talked with the director about just what kind of voice she wanted from me and as she demoed it my brain went MARY KATE WILES AS ANNABEL LEE, so I gave her my Annabel impression and she said it worked great so Cherri’s dumb act was basically Annabel Lee but a little dumber and on the one hand I’m so sorry, MK, that I used Annabel as my basis for a dumb character, but in her defense she’s only pretending to be dumb, and also I got lots of compliments and was told it worked well, so I’m proud of myself and v excited >On a related note, while I was getting the note that I needed to be dumber, the director told me straight to my face that I naturally walk “very strong and tall, leading with [my] chest,” and like, it wasn’t explicitly a compliment, but it still felt really nice to know that this was a thing she’d noticed about me, and I considered it a good thing (ofc when I’m not playing a character who’s not supposed to do that), and it’s really nice when people tell you things they notice/think about you. idk >After the show, it was announced that we’re hoping to make the murder mystery dinner theater an annual thing, which is super-exciting because I freaking adore this and wanna do it more (although at this moment I’m still in post-show mode and specifically want to do this show with this cast and director again) >There was a lot of just chatting with the folks in the cast like actual friends, which was super-fun and still feels really special to me because Socialization Is Not My Strong Suit, nor is Having Real Live Friends With Whom I Interact Face-to-Face, and this entire theater department is filled with people who are all so much cooler than me, so it’s validating as hell when these people actively include me in their conversations and straight-up tell me nice things to my face and it’s clear that they mean it and it feels like they think I’m cool too which just??? Does not compute???? But feels so nice

Sorry about the big ol’ wall of text, but if I hadn’t done this, I would just rant about it for weeks on end and end up telling the same stories a hundred times because I’ve forgotten who’s heard which stories, so here are all of them.

So... yeah.

#cali.txt #theater is fun #i picked a good major #and i'm super glad and grateful i'm friends with these people #but Holy Shit am I gonna miss them when they graduate #murder mystery dinner theater #also known as My Favorite Genre

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sanhatation · 6 years

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ri’s thicc 2017 reflection post !

its still quite a few hours away from 2018 for me but i just wanted to take this time to reflect on my absolutely Lovely 2017!!! yay time 2 get sappy as i word vomit and overshare about my year on tumblr.com !!!!

thank you loads to all of my LOVELY followers !!!!!!!!! yall are the cutest, make my day on the daily ! i wish you the best 2018 that the world can offer !!! stay healthy, take time for yourself, love yourself, love others, and be kind! 💓💓

this Riley Rant here, is gonna be here for me than anything. like a Fat journal entry !! and i am an Oversharer so here she goes [jeopardy music]

to begin, i have met and befriended so many amazing people on here this year and WOW!!!!!! lovely and supportive and talented, beautiful aroha friends??? it doesnt get better than that!!!!! i would attempt to tag all of u but yall know who u are ;)) im endlessly grateful to those of you who have really made being on here worth it. heck ya sometimes im like “why do i even spend time on here” but then!!!! idk sunny comes swingin in with just a heart full of love or sara comes swingin in with her eggs or marian comes swingin in with her rare pairs or j comes swingin in with her baking posts and thats not even HALF of it !!!!! seriously.....love you guys tons.

to my friends who i have had the pleasure of remaining your friend this year and getting closer to u !! i love you. i really dont know how yall handle me especially 2015/2016 me?? a MESS! yall are the REALEST. again, yall know who u are ;)) i hope we can continue to talk and have fun in 2018, i wish yall the best.

and lastly....heres a THICC shoutout to my six shining stars.

as for me as an individual, 2017 was a freaking Whack year. it was incredible....dare i say, iconic. and now its time for.....RILEY’S 2017 HIGHLIGHTS !!!!!! (also includes: the sucky parts bc even those allowed me to grow !)

- man, did 2017 start out pretty rough when my country decided it was a good idea to elect a freakin cheeto for president. however! i had the lovely opportunity to attend the women’s march at my capital the day before inauguration !! and it was powerful!!!! truly an experience ill treasure forever!

- binch....thank u Winter Dream for my whole life. tbh i wont forget sobbing at my best friend’s house when it dropped. thank u Miss Again Dance Practice. thank u Miss You & Me MV. thank u Miss Cotton Candy Choreography. thank u.

- ah.....when some pinhead started that tr*mp chanting at a basketball game lol! so iconic that we made the new york times! gotta love that....

- OMG !!! HOW TO SUCCEED !!!! an absolutely amazing experience. granted, the male lead was a Snake, but i had a blast. Rosemary will forever be close to my heart and ill always cry a little when i hear Brotherhood of Man or Paris Original !! such an awesome opportunity. i learned a frick ton about myself as a performer. i improved a ton in acting and dancing, and also came to learn that i am very good at receiving instructions and memorizing lines quickly. i learned that i need to work on some of my facial expressions and i also learned some of my habits ! i miss u Queenie H2$ :’’)

- had my first tap dance performance ever??? i really enjoyed learning tap, and i hope to pick it back up in the future !!!!

- BIIIIIINCCH i had the opportunity to visit my sister in korea!!!!!!! wow.....truly the BEST week of my entire year, maybe even LIFE! i went to the dog cafe, the sheep cafe, mcountdown, the lunar festival kick off, gwanghwamun palace, dongdaemun, shopped a ton around hongdae, ate food by the han river, visited namsan tower (but not without getting lost), hit the noraebang TWICE, walked into a private Fantagio board meeting, ate delicious chicken on a STIIICK, ran in the rain, ordered delivery mcdonalds, had the BEST fried chicken, met a bunch of monks, was led around dongdaemun by a very old korean man, SAW EUNWOO AND DOYEON AND RECEIVED MUCH LOVE AND NEARLY DIED, hit the convenience store literally every day, snuck out, GOT A WAVE FROM KEY :((( , bought Winter Dream and lots of skin care products and lots of cute clothes, had the clearest skin ive ever had in my life, went to a buddhist temple, witnessed a drunk man fall into the splits inbetween the ground and the subway, ran up and down 1000 subway stairs, fell in love with a man named Peanut, drank too much banana and strawberry milk, sobbed my face off at the festival as korean grandmas bowed to me, tried tons of new foods (including the nastiest bowl of cheese ramyun ive ever had in my life), bought lots of socks, rode an airplane for......like 40 hours in total? literally the best week of my Life

- had my junior vocal recital ! it was a cute girl. i felt my acting had really improved since sophomore voice recital !!

- had prom on my 17th birthday and had a jolly good time !!! my mom made my dress and i felt like a Stunner

- dream pt. 01...she rly is that Bad Bih. best era. miss her loads. none of us ever deserved her.

- les mis !!!!!! two whole weeks.....another Best Time. i learned so much, made so many lifetime friends, had a blast, sang my heart out.....such a freaking good time. i miss her

- got to spend the ENTIRE summer with momo!!!!!!!!!!! literally the ENTIRE!!!!! and what did we do? hit the park, watched lemonade mouth and fantastic beasts and starstruck and that random unicorn movie, made the Best slime, made that ICONIC weki meki video, laughed a ton, cried a ton, stayed up all night for the sunrise, stayed later for the sunset & thunderstorm, walked home in the pouring rain & lightning (IT IS VERY WET), went to the beach, met many dogs, got me hairs cut, befriended that Cat, and went to a painting class

- cabin week !!!!!!!!!!! whatta lovely time

- my brother’s wedding !!!! honestly? my best outfit of the year... had a bangin time. his wife is truly a cutie and i love her tons!

- there was that Mess in august and i still feel sorry to those who felt hurt because of it. i learned a lot about how things especially on the internet can be easily misunderstood and misinterpreted, so u gotta be EXTRA careful with your words !

- through that i also came to accept that u cant get everyone to understand or like u, and tbh that is okay for now. all we can do when we make mistakes is try to understand & learn, apologize, and try to better ourselves. and sometimes even when u do that, u still may not be liked. and thats okay. as long as you are trying your best and recognize mistakes, its all good.

-skinny dipped at girls time wow what a freaking TIME

- woah dude i dropped out of my arts school lmao!!! the BIGGEST change in my life since 2014.;..wow! i dont even have the words to say how much stress was lifted off of me and i love senior yr !!!!

- momo came to CT!!!!!!

- seeing svt live !!!!! but tbh the best part was seeing momo, “I LOVE A MAN WHO CAN SEW”, “I!!!!!!!!!! LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JIHOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”, “IM UNDERAGE”, and when Mo BLASTED to that other line

- LAKE COMPOUNCE LMAOOOOO I LOVE JIHOON PT2!!!!

- my mom, sister, and i took an eight week painting class! i finished two paintings and learned a ton!! honestly a good time

- dream pt. 02.....shes that other Bad Bih....absolutely adore her

- i also learned that its okay to cut people off who are toxic. especially if you have already informed them that they make u feel bad, they are not worth trying to please or keep around. take care of yourself. similarly, its okay to block people, and you dont owe them an explanation

- MADI CAME HOME !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my other half...missed her so much :(((

- riley’s calligraphy christmas !!!!! was so much fun and i loved people’s reactions and i loved learning arohas favorite astro lyrics !!!

- ah...............one of the hardest weeks of my whole life. the pain still lingers, and i know itll hit me again like a boulder the next time we see only four of my angels standing on stage. for four months, i was worried sick about another member, and i even knew he was hurting, that his mental illness was real. my heart aches and there is a piece of it missing, but it will never be replaced. i know you are much happier now, jjong. i love you.

- and also because of that, i have been able to think a lot about how i live my life. thoughts like ‘am i watching out for my family and friends enough?’ ‘am i listening enough?’ ‘is this funny comment worth it?’ ‘am i happy?’ im trying to be better. to not take things for granted, to only be kind, to always be there for those i love, for those who love me. and i will try my hardest to not complain about small or petty inconveniences. to try harder to be optimistic.

- christmas was with my whole family for the first time in five years ;;; she was such a cute girl!

and now on to the next act !!!! its called RILEY’S NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS !!!!!!!!!!

1. lets start with the basic stuff that im 99% not gonna pull through on: keep ur room clean. keep everywhere u go clean, it makes mom upset. eat better, u know there is other foods in this house besides peanut butter and pepperoni and popcorn.

2. send out at least one Lovely Ask per day. i made this goal sometime over the summer, and i did it for a few months until i started to forget ;; its not that hard, u just gotta remember to do it !!

3. sis.....quit Procrastinating.......GET ur FREAKING application done...do ur homework the night before lmao! call who u need to !!! write those thank u cards!!!! go get them scholarships!!!! enter that graphic design contest lmao!!! just DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!! time is wasting

4. just be happy

#hot frick this is four pages on google docs FHFJJDSLASJ #anyway heres a word dump #if u actually read this......ur insane................and i love u #about me !#riley's thicc 2017 post #riley really really rambles

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livingbutamireally · 4 years

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AY2019/2020 Y1S1 Module Review

AY2019/2020 year 1 semester 1 review

Started school around august after orientation camp in july, and had to study after doing nothing for months after a levels and finally had the taste of the rigour of this major.. semester 1 went by too quickly..

Modules taken this semester:

CS1010S

MA1101R

MA1521

BT1101

GER1000

CS1010S Programming Methodology (Python)

Prof: Ben Leong

Exam Dates: 2 Oct (Midterm) / 16 Nov (Practical Exam) / 27 Nov (Finals)

Weightage:

Coursemology – 25% (25%)

Participation – 5% (5%)

Midterm test – 15% (-)

Practical exam – 15% (20%)

Final assessment – 40% (50%)

(those in brackets are for those taking alternative final)

S in CS1010S is for science students, most students are either science students (DSA/ Life Science plenty) or BZA students.

Overall this module easily had the highest workload compared to other modules, having to rush missions every week, complete tutorials (this is pretty standard duh) and lecture trainings before deadlines for bonus points on a gamified platform. One could sit at their table wracking their brains for the whole day and still not be able to come up with a feasible code, or have their codes stuck with some bugs and not knowing how to continue. Really, without the help from fellow friends this module would be hard to get through. Luckily my TA was kind (and patient!) enough to explain such that my brain could get it. Ended up having to IP this module sadly… This module really requires your wholehearted devotion and really tests your patience i must say, especially for people who are not too intellectually inclined (aka me)..

They introduced a new scheme this semester aka Alternative Final, meaning you get to retake your midterm and finals by tabao-ing it into the next sem except you do your finals during the recess week instead of the finals, kinda like a half-retaking a module? Your grades for finals are IP-ed (in progress) rather than letter grades and the finals and midterms will be accounted for in the following half a semester albeit under different weightage components.

They said its a introductory module, but …………..

This year’s practical exam was particularly hard i think i had friends (even the zai ones) getting single digit marks… banked full in on the Method of Life question (Q5) of finals which is a giveaway question asking you how you can apply the concepts to other parts of your life and your main take-aways from taking this module (filled up the whole page and got full marks for it 4m) without this question i would have failed the paper..

Now i have to work hard the next sem… its kinda sad for us BZA students because CS1010S is a prerequisite for those wanting to take BT2101 and CS2030/2040 modules in the following semester (y1s2). Future students (esp BZA) please take the advice to consider this when deciding whether to IP…. because guess who didnt and regretted not thinking deeper…..

Ah one more thing to take note is the weightage is quite different for those IP/ alternative final people, theres higher weightage for the papers :_D

Ben Leong is a pretty good lecturer, hes solid in delivering concepts except my brain may be a little too slow for him.. Theres also lecture videos online that you can refer to and thousands of papers (with solutions!!) waiting for you to do.. something uncommon for many modules i heard? also, you get to see your final (scanned) paper through a website, in ben leong’s words “how cool is that?” he also uploads the mark scheme for your reference which is pretty cool imo. He’s a very interesting lecturer.

MA1521 Calculus for Computing

Prof: Leung Pui Fai

Exams: No midterms, just an online quiz (4 questions, most get full marks for), and the finals

Weightage: cant really rmb the weightage but i think its 40-60? i think tutorial attendance isnt graded..

They said this was just a repeat of H2 maths with more stuffs well boy i must say this wasnt as easy as they said.. okay maybe for me, ive always struggled with maths for a really long time. Surprisingly got a B for H2 Maths, i got a B3 for O levels really the blemish in my results. Got a B- for this module. Many people will say this is an easy module, you can trust them a little different in my shoes i guess. I didnt turn up for lectures for the half part of the semester since he talks a bit too slowly so i just watch the webcast sped up. But being a procrastinator i’m really behind on webcasts by the time the exams came.. i think i spent too much time on CS1010S and its still not enough.. if you dont have the discipline to watch them religiously at home, i would suggest you go for the lecture even though he may talk abit slowly but it forces you to not miss out on them. I dont really had the time (is it i wonder?) to do the tutorials either so i was also behind on them.. most of the time i just sat for tutorials and took the answers down to only work on them many weeks later (much regrets) so i didnt really understood what was going on as the TA went through. please dont be like me… the recess week was for sure not enough to revise/ learn all the content for all your mods for both midterms/finals so please dont be lazy like me…. this is the suffering i brought upon myself TT

Overall i think. it is not that hard a mod if you do your work consistently.. things got a little confusing towards the end i heard they dropped a whole chapter this semester glad they did.

MA1101R Linear Algebra I

Prof: Wang Fei

Weightage:

Finals (28 Nov, 2h)— 60%.

Mid-term test (4 Oct, 2h)— 20%.

3 homework assignments (4% per assignment) — 12%.

An in-class Lab (MATLAB) quiz — 8%.

This was one of my most hardest period in my life and i say this on PERIODT. As if maths wasnt tough enough, this will really declare a survival of the fittest among your remaining brain cells. Friends told me maths came into their dreams… pls extinguish my soul. You must be thinking i am crazy for wanting to take 2 math mods in a sem right? ?

Yeahh no one really does that but it was my idea because i didnt want to do maths together with all the core core mods (BT and CS) next sem so i decided ah i should just get maths over and done with ( hAH real joke bc i couldnt clear CS1010S and i cant take 2k level mods for BT and CS and unlocked clown outfit because theres one more ST2334 core mod that involves probability and stats so much for thinking i will be over and done with for dealing with maths– someone tell me why did i choose this major again?)

Somehow along the way i realised the bell curve for this was surprisingly high i think those who chose this mod intend to delve even deeper in mathematics, mayhaps i joined the wrong major. The R in MA1101R actually stands for rigorous i didnt realise until my friend read the fine prints in the SOC Course Curriculum for BZA or sumn. Pure hell. There are 3 homework assignments (graded mind you) and most of the students get around 50++/60 i think i was the one of the rare few who flunked quite badly and always eyeballed by my TA (who is a prof for some 3k or 4k level maths, not for this mod though). I approached him for consults and for help and he was nice enough to sit me down and explain slowly. He’s pretty good at explaining slowly although he’s pretty fast in class (and most of the semester i had close to ZERO idea what was going on in class for pretty much most of the mods). Shockingly managed to pull out a C from my butt. The intellect of the students are no joke.. Homework assignments are every 3 weeks starting week 6 i think (so week 6, 9, 12) and i think are there to make sure you catch up with the work.

Oh lectures-wise, i sat for ½ of his classes, i really absorb almost nothing.. the rest of the lecture hall seem to get it though or so it seems. so i stopped attending my own lectures to watch the webcast for Prof Victor Tan too. His webcasts/lectures are really popular and it really owe it to his teaching, apparently he taught Wang Fei before and of course had over ten more years of experience. WF’s lecture turn-outs are comparatively less compared to VT. And on panopto (webcast platform) i think it was almost always 360++ views for VT as compared to a 80++/ was it 30++ for WF if i recall correctly. VT slides are also more concise and simple to understand where as WF’s ones are similar to the textbook. You are also required to purchase a textbook for this module costs around $20 from the co-op store in science and i urge you to purchase it asap when the profs announce they are made available bc they run oos quite fast.. the tutorial questions are from the textbook and the textbook is very simple and straightforward and put together by some of the lecturers/profs in school.

BT1101 Introduction to Business Analytics

Prof: Dr Sharon Tan, Desmond Ong

Weightage:

1. Online Quiz & Datacamp Assignments — 7%

Tutorial 1-4 — 8%

Tutorial 5 onwards — 15%

In-class Assessment (Written) — 10%

Practical Assessment — 20%

Final Assessment — 40%

In class assessment is held 2ish weeks after your midterms week so its kinda like your midterms?

Mm i would say this module is the most ?? its hard to put in words but if you read up the confessions page (NUSwhispers) regularly you would see many complaints that the mod is structured not as neatly as CS1010S its quite here and there everywhere and personal opinion, sometimes i dont know what i am supposed to learn but i guess its like that? The profs seem to value not wanting to spoonfeed and us learning on our own and stuff like that. I heard the mod was much harder in previous years and they simplified it a lot compared to in the past (which i really thank god) but its still a bit ?? They split it into two halves, first half of the sem is taught by Dr ST (Descriptive Analytics) and the next half by DO (Prescriptive and Predictive Analytics).

There are online videos to be watched every week even though you get lectures once every 2 weeks when Dr ST teaches and tutorials to be submitted to your TAs that are graded only after about 6/7 weeks. They leave comments (½ sentences someitmes shorter) and your marks received and thats about all so you dont really know where you went wrong since they are not marked paper and pen way. The tutorials are coding exercises for questions using the R language. They also used Datacamp to drill some of the basics of R for a headstart. Her workshop style lectures are a lot of on the spot learning how to code and stuff which i lag behind a bit because she goes a bit fast in order to cover everything. We learn new content via the online videos that we have to watch every week and theres quizzes for them too weekly iirc.

The next half by DO had no online videos (great!! and no quizzes!!) but weekly lectures and graded tutorials are due every 2 weeks(!!). There are still weekly tutorials but its only graded for every 2nd one, wow this saved me a lot of time phew. I didnt get to do the tutorials for those that are not graded but read through the questions so that i get a gist of whats going on, and somehow i really dont have the time to do it? CS1010S really absorbed a large chunk of my time cries. Finals was a oK it was not that bad i think. There are 20 MCQs and then about 4 structured questions? Closed-book with 1 A4 sheet cheatsheet.

Oh and the bad part about the tutorials are the tutors wont provide you with the model answers/codes so you’re really just on your own. You either get it or nah. :_D

GER1000 Quantitative Reasoning

Weightage:

1. Tutorial — 10%

2. 10 Weekly Quizzes — 20%

3. Project —35% (Presentation 10%, Final Report 25%)

4. Finals (28 MCQs, 2h) — 35%

No lectures so no profs, just weekly online videos and quizzes.

Tutorials are every odd/even weeks depending on the slot you chose.

Groups are arranged by the TAs beforehand.

This was pre-allocated for us so (grits teeth). Honestly a waste of time. One of the mods i neglected till the end to focus on other mods (which was worth it). The workload was manageable, of course (if not how to neglect). Every 2 week you meet together wiht your groupmates to discuss tutorial questions (each group will discuss 1 qn) and every tutorial class ended about 30min earlier. Nearing the end theres a group project report and slides to be done. Report is in the form of QnA so you just answer the questions and slides/ presentation is going through an article of a topic you chose (theres about 10) and you analyse the QR part of it what is good what can be better, etc. Theres also a bit of the stats part with probability and stuff but its a OK. Bell curve steep for finals (40 MCQ, 2h) but most finished in 1h and left the hall, i was one of the few who stayed till the end even though i was just staring at the paper into the depths of my soul for reasons unknown) It’s a lot about experiments not really the scientific/ calculations part of it but understanding about coming up with experiments, the pros and cons of carrying things out a certain way in loose terms something like the art of crafting experiments? makes you think a bit deeper how and what people think and not so dry i guess.

Epilogue

i guess thats a wrap–new semester starts soon :( i think this might be the first module/semester review tumblr blog but i hope this can be of help to anyone, to anyone at all. the owner of many of similar review blogs get really stellar results which i may be too out of league from so i hope this brings comforts to those who are doing not so well and encourage them because im not any different we exist, and we’ll survive.

CARPE DIEM 2020 LETS GEDDIT

#y1s1

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swearronchanel · 7 years

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Who let me watch 5.06?

I should be doing an assignment that’s due tomorrow but ya know due tomorrow means do tomorrow. Lol I know I should be ashamed to be a procrastinator but university has ruined me anyway. I’m tired from literally going to one lecture haha, but in any event I’ve been rewatching mad men for the who knows what time but I thought I’d take a break from all that and watch an episode of CtM & @flyingnonny inspired me to do a reaction post so why not? I decided on 5.06 since last Sunday’s episode reminded us of that camping trip 😂😂 here goes nothing..

*skips intro bc I’m impatient*

Cute community moment ☺️

TRIXIE😍 slaying my life

Shelagh looks so good too 😍 and Angela melting my heart!

Why is shelagh forever wearing cardigans? I like cardigans every now and then but all the time, really?

Everyone is sitting outside, Trixie is in a sleeveless dress, as is Barbara, so it has to be warm?? take it off Shelagh

She’s still my bby though even if I don’t always agree with her fashion choices

what gross vejo pinching Trixie’s ass? That’s not ok

And Babs too lmao, creepy old man, die

Shelagh saying “hello dear” aw

But this is like the only interaction between Shelagh and Trixie & that does not suffice !!

ALL I WANT IS FOR THEM TO HAVE AN ACTUAL FRIENDSHIP IDC HOW MANY TIMES IVE SAID IT I REALLY Want it😭😭💕💕 my two fav bbys

I HAVE EVEN GIVEN REASONS WHY & I CAN GIVE THEM AGAIN *** 1) Why not?? Shelagh has like no real friends besides her husband and sort of Sister Julienne?

2) just please, because I’m asking nicely 3) When Shelagh was Sister Bernadette she was often friendly/ in the gossip and conversation with the nurses & remember that one time Trixie grabbed her to come listen to Jenny’s phone conversation?

4) Trixie was the only one besides Sister Julienne to visit her in the sanatorium. That has to count for something! 5) They’ve both been on the show since day 1 & have known each other the longest (besides the nuns) why wouldn’t they be friends or least actually speak to each other?

Aye this is the lady who’s fake pregnant

Shelagh wearing earrings though >> here for it

Sorry there will be a lot of gushing over Shelagh and Trixie

And also I WANT TRIXIE’S HOOP EARRINGS SO BAD, where can I find them??

And how do I get her clothes and figure and her everything lol?

PHYLLIS ! My champion

“Would it have killed you to sit down for five minutes and eat the whole thing!” I LOVE HER, SHE IS A GEM, A HERO, A BADASS & IM NOT READY FOR SUNDAY. IM GOING TO BAWL WITH AND FOR HER

she deserves the best

I think this is the only time I’ve ever heard Trixie address Shelagh by her first name?? a prob.

They need to interact more 😭💔💕😍 I will stop saying it when I’m dead even then I’ll prob say it

Actually when I think of it no one ever calls Shelagh by her first name besides obviously Patrick? And Sister Julienne

#MoreShelaghAndTheOtherNursesInteracting2k17aka1962

And I need at least two seconds of them dotting on pregnant Shelagh

Helen looks so good like goals

“I threatened to put one man over my knee but that only encouraged him” HA IM DEAD NO KINK SHAME

I think there’s been a similar joke before but fuck it it’s still funny to me

But seriously everyone loves Trixie lol how could you not though?

Hey Pats, it’s been a while

Lol omg Tim in that uniform.. Not the best costume 😂😂

Never seen Whistle Down the Wind

But you see, Tom and Babs making out as usual, I’m not knocking it lol but this is why Sister J told her to chill when they went to South Africa😂

also lowkey jealous bc Jack Ashton is handsome af and that could’ve been me but it’s all good. He and Helen are adorable together and I’m here for it x10000

Omg I forgot this lady got assaulted

Oh shit I just remembered this is the episode where sister MC is attacked FUCK WHY DID I WATCH THIS

she can’t report it bc she’d get arrested for soliciting wtf

But remember Shelagh wore the headbands in like series 3 (so glad she stopped I was not here for it)? They must’ve gave them to Babs lol

I forgot Trixie didn’t tell the nurses about AA yet

But she looks gorgeous as ever, even with her mascara running

Lowkey nauseas looking at all that fish ugh. Funny becuase they put a grocery store that has a fish market on the block up from where I live in NYC and I hate it

I forgot about Peter lol and he was in an episode this series whoops

LIKE WHERE’S YOUR WIFE LOL, *I know, too busy for this, I don’t think she’d fit in the series anymore anyway*

Sister Mary Cynthia 😰❣️

Lol she doesn’t sing loud enough ??

Sister Julienne is so cute when she smiles but don’t forget she’s a badass

REMEMBER THE AGGRESSIVE JACKET FLAP BC OF THE IRRITATING SISTER URSULA

How did this girl hide her pregnancy though?

And did her brothers just not realize she was pregnant and the mother wasn’t?

Oh jeez my cousin was a colic-y baby and my parents kept him like 3 days a week when I was in high school & it was a nightmare. I didn’t sleep for so long

Dont get me wrong I love babies. But when they scream when I’m trying to sleep, nope. Return to sender.

Shelagh is so excited about camping it’s the purest and most adorable thing 😭😭And I like her shirt

Shelagh made Tim copy the napkin folding from a magazine, SHE IS A GEM

“We never have serviettes on a weeknight” wtf did they just not use napkins every day? I’m confused Lmaoo. What am I missing here 😂omg that reminds me of one of the times my family and I went on a cruise (2006, hella long time ago already wow?? 11 yrs yikes) and my brother & cousin were late to dinner and lied to my mom & aunt saying they were at a “napkin folding class” & my family deadass believed it up until 2 years ago😂

Shelagh’s accent is so cute. I’ve said that many times but it’s so sweet. But again why do we just have to accept she’s Scottish with no context as to how/why she came to England? Like I’m sure there were convents in Scotland. I dont even care that much I just will forever be curious as to why it seems she had no life before she got married lol? Like they don’t ever bring up the fact she was a nun, but ok maybe she feels awkward talking about it but what about before?

They’re so excited it’s so precious, protect this family 😂😭💕💕

Sister MJ is fasting lol I should try it😂

Omg another dumb story, I didn’t realize today is Ash Wednesday and was hella confused seeing some people with ash on their forehead 😂😂 I should give up something for lent but idk what, we shall see. My mom gave up carbs last year & I died bc I lived at home and ate what she cooked and almost all my fav foods are carbs😂

Shelagh referred to Patsy as Patsy, I’ve only ever heard her say Nurse Mount??

lol Tim you’re what 14? you know damn well those arent* bullet holes

at least he has some of his innocence still. I didn’t @ 14

Sometimes I forget I’m gonna be 19 this year wtf. I’ve accidentally told people I’m 16 before and had to correct myself 😂😂

Patrick is excited about this holiday, boy you don’t know what’s coming 😂

HE’S GONNA ATTACK THE LADY WITH A BABY I FORGOT THAT TOO WTF

I wanna fight him

Diane’s anemic ? Or her mum is just assuming

SHELAGH IN HER CAMPING OUTFIT!! The hair scarf and trousers !! I’m so here for it 😍😭

I want to see her in another pair!! yes lets get it 1962. Probably not likely this series but hopefully next series!! Ah can’t wait

Shit this series is almost over 💔💔 but omg 1963 gonna be lit as well?!

Like the space race started/orbiting the earth, Kennedy’s assassination .. wait never mind lol I’m thinking of American History moments. but still a lot of it was crazy world news so maybe it’s mentioned?? first bond film came out in'63, petition for Tim to go take Susan whatever from around the corner to see it since we know he liked the novels

Lots of famous films came out in ‘63 so there’s gotta be some reference.

Fun fact: I love pop culture references in period drama bc I’m lame jk I’m majoring in education (to teach history)

Old news but still relevant: Phyllis’s turn on: Rolodex systems 📇

“CRANE, as in the wading bird or industry lifting equipment, whichever you prefer” LOVE U PHYLLIS, YOU CORRECT HIM

PHYLLIS’S FACE WHEN GODFREY SUGGESTS SHE CAME OUT OF RETIREMENT, IM DEAD

“I shall consider retirement when I’m at the appropriate age” IM LAUGHING SO HARD, FUCK YEA PHYLLIS. I LOVE HER SO MUCH, LINDA BASSET IS ON THE LIST WITH LAURA AND HELEN OF PEOPLE WHO COULD PUCH ME IN THE FACE AND I’D THANK

LOL SHELAGH JUST STANDING AWKWARDLY LISTENING TO THIS CONVERSATION

“Buenos vacaciones” I NEED MORE PHYLLIS WORKING ON HER SPANISH I LOVE IT, Ella es oro.

lol the roof rack, bet it was Phyllis’s they borrowed when they moved

PHYLLIS’S FACE OF DISGUST WHEN DR GODFREY SMILES AT HER IS ME ALWAYS

LOL THE THE NURSES & SISTER WINIFRED DYING OVER PATRICK’S SHORTS (EVen though sister W “swears she’s not looking”)

I THINK THE SOCKS AND WHITE DAD SANDALS ARE MORE AMUSING 😂😂

Poor Judith💔

It’s a vicious attack Sister J! But you don’t know it yet so I get u

Here comes summer..😂

SETTING UP IN THE POURING RAIN LOL

Shelagh and Angela being adorable !!

Tim and Patrick proud that they set the tents up & boom it falls 😂 which is symbolic for me taking exams, I think I did well or at least decent on them and then I find out I failed by like 5 points

Nonnatus table scenes <3 😭

”I’ve seen more dangerous marshmallow bunnies“ lmao Pats this is a serious moment I shouldn’t laugh

Shelagh took off her glasses 😉😏 but fr how is Laura Main so perfect

Patrick put scotch in its lit, pass it over😏

Lol Shelagh drinking is a strange thought but I’m so here for it. Nuns can’t drink right? Idk. Imagine her drinking alcohol for the first time and just getting drunk 😂 we know Patrick and Tim are lightweights getting drunk off one beer so I assume shelagh would too😂

Damn it Patrick, you spilled your cup. Furthermore proving you’re a disaster 😭

LMAO SHELAGH’s “WTF” FACE WHEN SHE ASKS PATRICK WHAT HE’S THINKING ABOUT AND HE SAID THE ULCER CLINIC

LIKE C'MON PATRICK YOU KNOW WHERE SHELAGH WAS TRYNA GO WITH THAT😂

“And if you don’t mind my saying so, you’re not exactly Cliff Richards yourself” SHELAGH 😂😂 another great line of hers, love it

I love their playful banter lol we need more of that 😂 but lets be real series 6 has had some of the greatest Shelagh and Patrick moments so I can’t complain 😭😍

Peter and Barbara is such a unusual dynamic haha

“How is chummy?” Wait does Babs even know Chummy? I don’t even remember if they met tbh

But for real Shelagh did you really think Patrick would just forget about work completely ??

Lol Angela crying because she is petrified of squirrels😂😂and Shelagh running to her is so cute.

Why didn’t she just get rid of the *creepy* squirrel nutkin book? it seemed like they still had it in series 6 haha

rice pudding is I think the same as aroz con leche, lol it’s gross sorry

Diane’s water broke oh shit

the Turners all in the tent playing I spy bc it’s raining haha

I went camping for the first and last time this past summer w/ my sister in laws & her friends, it was awful 😂😂 I got like 100 mosquito bites that became welts, i literally slept in the car the second night & it was mid July fairly south of east coast aka it was humid and sticky af , there were wild horses that walked around..Thank God they brought alcohol cause it was a nightmare I don’t wanna remember 😂😂

ANGELA IS SO CUTE UGH & ANOTHER GREAT SHELAGH FACE😂

lol yes go to a hotel, should’ve done that from the get

So what exactly does Fred run? some civil defense thing?

She’s in labor and can’t even scream omg, I’m screaming

“They are often incorrect in their opinion” Sister MJ is a gem. I want someone to look at me the way Sister MJ looks at cake and the television

Phyllis yelling at Dr Godfrey😂

PATS’S FACE OF DISGUST IS ALSO ME

HOW DO THESE WOMEN GIVE BIRTH STANDING/SITTING UP?? AHHHH

There you are Beatrix, it’s been a while

Patsy being suspicious with the card game line lol. but when is Trixie going to find out about Patsy and Delia?

SHE RIPPED OUT HER WOMB?! WTF OMG IM SCREAMING

THIS HURTS TO WATCH AHH

Trixie and Sister MC to the rescue but omg this is wild I forgot

Fred wtf you can’t be sneaking up like that

DONT LEAVE SISTER MC ALONE TRIXIE

NOO, IM NOT PREPARED FOR THIS

“There are flowers on the table, and feathers in these pillows, that’s all the nature I need to get back to” I feel you Patrick lol, I like nature but not camping

Lol remember Shelagh’s old nightgown? ah I don’t miss it. The bri nylon is such a look™ & obviously has magically powers i.e this miraculous conception.

“..or they’ve been mulled to death by squirrels” IM DEAD HAHA THAT WAS A GOOD DAD JOKE, NICE ONE PATRICK

aw the baby is so precious

Why is the operating room/being in surgery called theatre in the U.K.?? and why is the doctor’s office/practice called the surgery? so many questions from a confused American..

Sister MC by the docks😭💔 she was just chillin with God and THIS HORRIBLE MAN RUINS EVERYTHING WTF UGH

Oh no

SISTER MC JUST UNCONSCIOUS ON THE DOCKS WTF IM CRYING WHY WOULD HURT HER

Patrick even if you were there she wouldn’t have called you, don’t blame urself

it’s not your arrogance sister MC!!

“don’t you even say the word fault, do you hear me, I won’t allow it” 😭💔 it’s NOT your fault sister MC 😰

I forgot how upset/hurt this episode makes me

“The worst thing is that I actually stopped to pray…” my heart hurts

You can’t even blame her for being angry😪

Judith you’re not a bad mother!! This isn’t your fault either

Sister MJ IN THE BATHROOM WITH HER😢😢💔💔 I’m c r y i n

I SAID PROTECT THEM AT ALL COSTS WHY DID THEY HURT ME LIKE THIS

Everyone so quiet at the table..

ILL FOREVER BE PROUD OF HOW BRAVE SISTER MC IS FOR SPEAKING UP FOR HER AND THE OTHER VICTIMS💖😭💔

Russian prison tats??

“I thought at first it was a test of faith, but it was a test of strength. I can bear more than I ever though I could and I can bear it for others because my strength is a gift, from him..” brb sobbing

I feel so bad for Mrs Hills bc I understand she thought she was doing the right thing and was trying to protect her daughter from the stigma & judgment from having a baby born outta wedlock 😭

But damn she almost killed her & now she can’t have any more kids

“I’m a mum, mum” Aw

lol I want children (obviously not anytime soon) but if I do Ima be shook for the rest of my life. Like my kids will be like grown & I’ll still wake up like wtf I had them? Lmaoo

SHELAGH’S GREY DRESS >>😍

Patrick jumping on the bed was cute lol

The Turners being cute and an unrealistically perfect family together as usual

Trixie 😍off to her AA💕

“I think it’s about time I came clean..”

Im so proud of her omg. She’s come so far in 6 series 😭💖💖😭

And Patsy and Delia are supportive yess👏🏼

“New truths were being spoken at Nonnatus house, but some remained concealed. While one voice rose, striving to erase its agony in song.”

Thanks Vanessa,, The End 😭

#call the midwife #lets get it 1962 #I'm too attached to this beautiful show #like TRASH for this show #my commentaries™

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tawnitravels · 7 years

Text

Teaching in Korea

*hi quick edit to inform you guys that i’m inttentionally messing up the spelling of the capital city of korea with a capital I instead of L bc of a stalker issue sorry to anyone looking for info about the job search process*

So I’m writing this post because as I went through the whole process of finding a job in Korea and getting my visa, I found a lot of conflicting information or gaps. This is my experience with the job search/documents/visa process. I started my process mid 2016 (after I graduated), applied to recruiters December 2016, and found a job and began the visa process a few weeks later. I’m starting my job February 22ndish, 2017 so this information is from this time.

Sections: Hagwons vs public school Recruiters SayKimchi Adventure Teaching SeouIESL Documents *Apostilled FBI background check *Apostilled diploma Visa

Hagwons vs public schools I did a lot of research on these two types of teaching positions. As far as I understand, public schools have fewer hours and slightly lower pay. Hagwons are private academies. Because of this, they’re not as strictly regulated and there are a lot of sketchy ones. However, I wanted to be in SeouI (since I’ve lived there before) and programs that place you with public schools don’t really give you much of a say in where you’re placed. SeouI jobs typically go to experienced teachers, which I am not. I did so much research to ensure I didn’t end up signing a contract with a sketch school (since I’m not there yet I’m still not sure haha fml). Some good resources I used are Dave’s ESL Cafe, hagwon green list, and hagwon black lists [1] [2].

Recruiters So as someone who wasn’t currently in Korea, the simplest(debatable) way to find a hagwon job is to go through a recruiter. Essentially, a recruiter is a middle man that sends your resume to schools that are hiring. They are free for us to use. They make their money from the schools by placing people with these schools, so do your research!!! A good recruiter won’t place teachers with shitty schools, but just check out the schools you schedule interviews with for yourself to be safe. And hope for the best :) There are so many schools, so it can be hard to find info. I took “it’s not on the blacklist” as good enough to schedule an interview even when I couldn’t find info from any previous teachers. Now let me talk about my own experience with recruiters. Different recruiters have relationships with different hagwons, so apply to more than one. I did a lot of research on recruiters and ended up applying to SeouIESL, Adventure Teaching, and SayKimchi. I also thought Dreamworks Recruiting and Park English seemed decent, but I never got around to sending them my applications because I suck haha. Now I’ll talk about my experiences with each recruiter I applied to: SayKimchi: I never heard back from them. Ever. Whatever. Adventure: They seemed friendly when I spoke to them, but they were SO SLOW. I scheduled an interview with them and they canceled day of, so the process got delayed a week. I was aiming for March start dates and, because they took so long (despite them being first to contact me after I applied), they said they wouldn’t be able to place me until April or May. Then, they asked me to send all of my original documents to their office in Korea, which essentially makes it impossible for you to use another recruiter. If you’re 100% set on using just them, I suppose it would just speed up the process, but….. Funny enough, a week-ish after hearing nothing from me after requesting my docs they said they changed their policy and didn’t require docs sent until a contract was signed. I’m still not entirely sure if they really did have a policy change or if they were trying to dupe me into only being able to use them and changed course when I didn’t comply. My friend taught through them and her experience was just okay. One positive(?) is that they are based in Canada so the time difference is less extreme for me and they’re all native English speakers. Their website and emails are also laid out well compared to many others. SeouIESL: This is the recruiter I ended up using. Overall, my experience was positive. I was emailing with someone named Carolyn and she was very quick at responding and friendly. When I was scheduling interviews, if I emailed her during work hours I would often have a response within five minutes. Since I was super free at the time, I would set up interviews at 4:30pm my time (9:30am in SeouI) and do them at 7pm my time. Very fast. Their initial email actually got sorted into my spam(watch out for that, I guess) so I got in touch with them like a week late, but they scheduled my interviews lightening fast. She would send me a list of schools and their info and I could tell her which ones I wanted to apply to, and if they wanted an interview she would set it up quickly. She sent the info about the different stages at they came, so I was a little stressed. (ex: signed my contract and sent my docs, but had no idea how or when my flight would be booked until I knew exactly when my visa would be ready). Based on my experience, I would recommend them. They were fast, efficient, didn’t push me into anything, and were very accommodating of my desire to apply to jobs in SeouI.

I did two interviews. The first school had a very good reputation, but I didn’t get offered a contract. I must have been so awkward because I was so nervous. The second school offered my a contract and I took it. There wasn’t as much info about the school, but I still liked it better than others I sent my resume to. I hope I’m right :)))) I will update on how it goes later!

Documents: So many documents. First off, I’m a US citizen (specifically California) and the document requirements vary slightly by country. After I had signed a contract, my recruited had me send the following documents so the school could apply for my visa:

Apostilled FBI background check

Apostilled diploma

copy of passport

4 passport photos on light background

hard copy of resume

original contract, signed

health statement (a form she sent me)

E2 visa confirmation number application form (also sent to me)

These are mostly easy, but I have a little guidance on two items. Apostilled FBI background check: First off, you need to download the relevant forms. There are other guides on where and what you need exactly so I won’t get into detail :) You also need to be fingerprinted. I did this at one of my local police stations. One thing to keep in mind is that the background checks takes sooooo long. 3-4 months. It really put off my timeline because again, I suck and I procrastinate. Once you get it back, you’re still not done! You need to send it to get apostilled. And this is where I messed up again! There was some conflicting info online about where to send it. I argued with my mom, she won, and we ended up sending it to the California Department of State since I had to send my diploma there as well. WRONG!! IT MUST BE APOSTILLED IN WASHINGTON DC. DC. DC!!!! It’s a federal document, so it needs a federal apostille, not a state one. My recruiter told me that in the past, Korea accepted state apostilles, but not anymore. Don’t be dumb like me! Send it to DC! This takes another few weeks, so be prepared. You can expedite either of these processes by sending them through a legit expediter, but they cost money. If you’re in a hurry, it’s very worth it, but if you plan ahead it’s not necessary. Apostilled diploma: So to apostille a copy of your diploma (because plsss don’t send them your real one you’ll never get it back), you need to first notarize it. I went to my bank for that. The first employee said California notaries can’t notarize documents, only signatures. She also wanted to charge me :’D The second one said no problemo and did it for free! I can’t remember the name of the type of notarization, but it was something like I verify that it’s a real copy and she notarized that. Next, send it in to get apostilled. One important note is that is needs to be apostilled in the same state it was notarized in. There are also other guides for this out there if you’d like more details. :)

After you gather all of these and sign a contract, you send them off to Korea. Your school applies for your visa and you wait for your visa number. This can take around 2 weeks. Mine took a week and a half.

Visa The last thing you need to do is get your visa! I live within driving distance of the Korean consulate, so I went and walked everything in. I’m not sure how you would do it if you can’t take them in yourself, sorry~ After I got my visa number, I took the following forms to the Korean consulate:

visa application form (sent to me by recruiter)

1 passport photo on light background

original passport

copy of passport

visa processing fee (my consulate only accepts cash, so check!)

visa confirmation number

Some consulates may require more documents, such as bank statements, so make sure you check that too! I waited an eternity for my turn, gave all the relevant documents to the employee, waited another eternity for her to check everything, and then was told my visa (and passport) would be ready to be picked up in a week.��

And that’s it! I picked up my visa on the specified day (much quicker than submitting the docs) and I was done!

I’m not sure if this post will help anyone, but I sure hope it does. If anyone has other questions, feel free to ask. I will likely be posting more about the whole experience as I go, so if you’re interested give me a follow ^3^~

#esl #korea #hagwon #epik

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no25 · 5 years

Text

redoing a survey i took 4 years a go!!1! :~)

1: Could you go the rest of your life without smoking a cigarette?

ya because i have asthma so fuck dat // yes

2: Are you single/taken/heartbroken/confused?

all of the above loooooool // taken uwu

3: What if I told you that you were pretty?

i’d say thank you, you are too // same answer!!!!

4: Ever been told “it’s not you, it’s me”?

probably // not that i know of

5: Are you interested in anyone right now?

nah // yes uwu

6: What are you looking forward to in the next week?

nothing. sleeping in on monday pretty much // nothing....

7: Do you want to be single?

i dont mind // not rn bc i am happy in my relationship atm!

8: Did you go out or stay in last night?

i went out and i had jollibee // i stayed in but i wish i went out...!

9: How late did you stay up last night?

til like 1 or 2 i think doing fuckin nothing lol // i dont remember but it was late!!

10: Can you recall the last time you realized you liked someone a lot?

junior year??? and RIGHT NOW ???????? LMAO!!! // yes (: rn!

11: Last three things you had to drink?

breakfast, lunch, and dinner: mocha cappucino, sprite, and water // water, strawberry lemonade, baja blast !

12: Have you pretended to like someone?

ya man i’m fake af lol // yes

13: Have you ever told somebody you loved them and not actually meant it?

ya man i’m fake af lol // not sure, but maybe...

14: Honestly, has anyone seen you in your underwear in the past 3 months?

my mom probably // my bf tony omg the answer difference

15: Is it hard for you to get over someone?

depends but not rly bc i’m fake af lol // idk wtf i was talkin bout but in terms of platonic relationships, it rly depends on my closeness with the person! and i’ve never been thru a breakup so i cant say anything...

16: Think back five months ago, were you single?

ya what was that like august? been single since i was born tbh // no uwu

17: What were you doing at 12:30 this afternoon?

getting ready to shower // i was still in bed lol!!

18: Hold hands with anyone this week?

trisha but she was only holding on to my pinky // tony!

19: Could you go for the rest of your life without drinking alcohol?

no bc it is too late for me // same answer lol

20: What would you name your future daughter?

clara after the singer or adora after that prodigy // who the hell was i talkin about... okay just googled who adora svitak was (the prodigy i was talking about) and sis was born in 97... i too was born in 97....damn i was mute for like half my life and sis was in a TED TALK at 12 so thats cool... anyway i want to name my daughter after my mom!

21: Do you miss anyone?

not really. just one person // yes :(

22: Have you kissed three or more people in one night?

yea but they were just quick pecks on the cheek // yes

23: Did your last kiss take place in/on a bed?

no it took place while i was sitting down in a chair and it was from my pops on my forehead // i do not remember actually LOL

24: Are you good at hiding your feelings?

ya bc i’m fake af lol… just kidding my friends say i make shit hella obvious sometimes guess i’m not as good of an actress as i thought i was // hmm no but i wish i was... but i’m a PISCES i ABSORB EVERY EMOTION AND IT SHOWS

25: Have you ever cried from being so mad?

fffuuuuuuck yyyeeaaaa // yes :(

26: Who did you last see in person?

my parents? what you tryna ask here // i dont rly understand the contxt of this question, im just gona say my roommates bc theyre in the room with me

27: Are you listening to music right now?

yes chandelier by sia // no i’m listening to an asmr video!

28: What is something you currently want right now?

to finish my hw but that’s not happening anytime soon bc f society // i was sooo angsty back then omg lol but i want new makeup, clothes, and accessories!

29: What is the last thing you said out lot?

this question because i read it out loud bc of the typo // hmmm i don’t remember! i think it was... can u wash my fork

30: How is your heart lately?

heavy // empty (: damn i’ve been depressed my whOLE LIFE huh

31: Do you wear the hood on your hoodie?

yes because my head gets cold // sometimes!

32: Are you wearing socks?

yes and they’re grey / not rn

33: What do people call you?

chacha or princess sometimes but not really mostly just charlene // charlene, char! not rly chacha anymore! i miss being called chacha! but ppl who arent that close to me started calling me it so its weird! but it might b my fault for pushing the nickname... but i mean nicknames are only a given IF ur close with that person right... so idk why ppl thought itd b ok right away! like cmon ppl!

34: Will you talk to the person you like tonight?

maybe~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~but if i do i’ll feel like i’m bothering him lol / maybe ! but it’s ok if we dont

35: Are there any stressful situations in your life?

you think this a joke ofc there are wtf!!!! // yes.. same answer LOL

36: Who did you last share a bed with?

my mommy // tony

37: Did you do something bad today?

procrastinate)))))): // same answer, add two shots of ~hate myself~ in there too

38: When was the last time a member of the opposite sex hugged you?

like two days ago? is that sad / today!

39: Do you get stressed out easily?

ya but it’s my own fault i’m hella dumb but in the end i’m just like oh well ALOT which is actually not healthy at all / yes! it fries my brain and i become numb to it lol

40: Will you sing today?

i sing everyday // i hope!

41: Have you ever wanted to tell someone something but didn’t?

yes because i am so bad at talking / same answer!

42: Who do you go to when you need to talk to someone?

kaithleen and i like talking to megs but when i do tell people stuff i feel like i am giving them more stuff to worry about so i usually end up not going to them at all lol / tony or my vocaloid sisters groupchat!

43: Have you ever been taken to the emergency room in an ambulance?

no; thanks jesus / no

44: What are you listening to right now?

we could happen by aj rafael / same asmr video!

45: What is wrong with you right now?

a lot of things / i need to find new ways of unlearning the harmful coping mechanisms and negativity i’ve internalized, but i know it takes a lot of work for self improvement, so i think it’s easier to just be sad :(

46: What is on your wrists right now?

my sleeves and my veins / wtf angsty bitch lmao NOTHING is on my wrist lol chill

47: Where did you get the shirt/sweatshirt you’re wearing?

t’s a house find and it says tiburon and conference center lodge so ig uess it’s from there / it’s a free shirt from a programming company! or gaming i cant remember....

48: What do you like better: hot chocolate or hot apple cider?

hot chocolate wtf is hot apple cider i never tried it / hot chocolate!

49: Do you make wishes at 11:11?

i used to / aww same answer, maybe i should start again! but i always lose track of time...

50: Are you a good artist?

fuck yeah. sike i’m a disgrace / no :(

51: Love really is a beautiful thing huh?

ew / yes!!!!!!

52: Do you miss the way things were six months ago?

who do you think i am do you think people like counting the months backwards? anyway idk i didn;t do shit in july / yes bc i would b at home with my cat!!!!!!!

53: Ever been on a golf cart?

no / not while it was moving!

54: Do you have trust issues?

ya bc i’m fake af lol / yes :(

55: Ever stayed up all night on the phone, with who?

tony or kaithleen kinda but she always falls asleep / tony!

56: Do you own something from Hot Topic?

yea think so from my middle school days but the only thing i can rly think of is this pikachu shirt / yes!!! that pikachu shirt, a goofy movie shirt, and a spirited away shirt!

57: Do you use chap stick?

i used to / not the brand chapstick but yes! i think my lips have become too dependent on it tho bc they dry out or sunburn easily if i dont use it for a while or if its a rly sunny hot day!!

58: Have you ever slapped someone in the face?

yes probably but on accident pretty sure i’d remember it clearly if it was on purpose / not that i know of!

59: Do you have a little sister?

no but if i consider my friends as little sisters i’d have like seven or soemthing / no!

60: Have you ever been to New York?

no but i would love to go / not yet!

61: Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?

yes and i love them too / same answer !!!!

62: Have you hugged someone within the last week?

ya and it was the opposite sex dude you asked about earlier / yes!

63: What were you doing at midnight last night?

talkin to the late night people you asked about earlier / on my laptop watching asmr videos lol!!

64: Have you ever regretted kissing someone?

no / yes 😥

65: Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?

ya like 10 / i cant believe i counted... but yes!

66: Were your last three kisses from the same person?

no / yes, tony!

67: Have you kissed anyone in the last five days?

i actually don;t remember oops sorry mom give me up for adoption / yes, tony!

68: Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone?

i am okay with both but i have to be close to you first to face you if we sleepin on the same bed lol / im fine with either !

69: Will next Friday be a good one?

i dont think so. everyday feels the same and i am bored all the time / im gona speak it into existence, YES!!!!

#personal #survey #enough about me has changed....#nostalgia is a LIAIR

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