#this was a test and everyone here failed it
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Utgard-Loki's Tale
I finally got to perform this thing tonight, so I guess it has reached its final form.
This poem is inspired by the traditional Icelandic rhyming poem Lokrur. My adaptation uses a bastard Kalevala metre (trochaic tetrameter), with various features of both Finnish poetry (repetition and alliteration) and Icelandic poetry (alliteration and abundant use of kennings and other wordplay), and I developed it specifically for spoken performance, in accordance with the way the story would originally have been passed along. There's some really geeky shit in here.
Also my thanks to @obligate-rebel who gave me a thumbs-up on an earlier iteration of it :D
...
By men I am called Utgard-Loki
Outlands’ trickster, apt in magecraft,
Skilled in spells and in shape-shifting
One who worked his tricks on wanderers
One who wickedly deceived them
When to his threshold gods came calling
You see, all Thor and Loki knew about me was that I throw all the best parties—what else is there to do when you live way out in the Outlands?—but everyone in attendance has to be the best there is at whatever it is they do, so these two gods... they thought they’d crash my party, cause some trouble, start some fights, show me who’s boss in my own house, and I had to figure out a way to get them to head on home without actually starting a war, because, y'know, that would tend to put a crimp on the party scene. So do you want to know how I managed that trick?
Surely you have heard them tell it?
Heard the tale as they recite it
Heard about Thjalfi, swiftest,
Tricked in foot-race versus Hugi
Passed by one who treads so lightly
Or the contest of the mighty
Rymr, he who calls the thunder,
Put his lips upon the vessel
‘Pon the cup all full and frothy
Froth as white as salty sea-foam
And the thirsty draughts he drew then
Drained the horn—of but a mouthful!
So it seemed by liquid’s level
Sore was he, Midgard’s protector
Falling short in simple trial
Surely you have heard them tell it
Heard the tale as they recite it
Heard how Loki, sly and clever
Set his hunger versus Logi
Chowing down along the trencher
Met the two with crumbs between them
Drawing even, feasts devoured
Loki patting bulging belly
Smirking with his smile ‘broidered
Met they then—but skinny Logi
Ravenous as wolf in winter
He had eaten all the meat…
And all the bones… and all the trencher!
Thus was Laufey’s heir defeated!
And you must have heard them tell it
Heard the tale as they recount it
How the grim one’s son continued
Put him forth another challenge
Boasting of his strength of body
Strength indeed of all his sinews
I set before him then the mouser
Tomcat’s father, hearth’s wee tiger
Purring on the floor before him
That he should test his might upon it
Asa-Thor bent low to grasp it
Bent to wrap his grip around it
Struggling with grunts of effort
Grunting as he tried to lift it
But one paw he barely shifted!
One paw raised above the tiles!
Purring still the feline bore it
As Baldr’s brother failed to heft it!
Fury gripped lord of Bilskirnir
And in his anger bade another
Challenger be brought before him
Said I then I thought my mother
In her youth a wrestler had been
But in her dotage still might suit him
Wroth was he with red beard bristling
Stomping on the mat before him
As Elli hobbled to her corner
But soon she did contrive to hold him
Hold him fast with arms around him
Arms like bands of stubborn iron
Till his knee did bend beneath him
Shamed was Grimnir’s lauded kinsman
Beaten so by woman wizened!
Tell me those are not the stories
More or less as you have heard them
But one voice has not been cited
One has not been heard to tell it
That is me. And if you’ll heed
I’ll tell the legend as I lived it
And each contest I’ve recounted
—true it is that I deceived them
Wanderers of Aesir kindred
But look at it from my perspective
Behold for but the briefest moment
Consider how I first had found them
Sheltering in fingers’ caverns
Cowering within the leather
Where the last night I had left it—
I swear I did not mean to wound them
Or to frighten with my snoring
I was merely heedless taken
Heedless of their headstrong journey
Thus I met them in the morning
Waking to their faces frowning
Trying to be most disarming
Not to give them cause for worry
Then they asked ME where the pathway
To the hall of Utgard-Loki!
I saw it full, the very future
Of which I’d had no foretelling
For they queried after speaking
‘Mongst themselves of doom impending
Doom that they would deal that monster
Dwelling in those halls unknowing
Well!
I endeavored to dissuade them
Placing in their path obstructions
Surely less than cruel misfortunes
Set before them my conditions
If they’d travel with my guidance
They would travel by my schedule
I would call the halts and respites
I would carry all provisions
Thus I handed them frustration
Goaded them to resignation
Alas the doggedness of gods
Was not within my calculations
So, if they’d not be dissuaded
Then ‘twas I must scheme before them
How to meet their whim for action
Without inviting my destruction
Thus I pointed them to pathway
To the door of Utgard-Loki
Once apart I shed illusion
Readied all in preparation
Waited till they came a-hailing
Thunder roaring at my doorway
And ‘twas I that granted entry
Though they did not recognize me
As they came to show their mettle
Prove their might in any challenge
Fain was I to meet their boasting
With my own skill in devising
Thus I placed the end of vessel
From which Odin’s son drank freely
Down upon the dolphin’s doorstep
Thirst could never be so mighty!
Not to drain the fishes’ highway
In this way I meant to thwart him
Meant to tactfully confound him
Meant to make him long for Asgard
Not to linger ‘neath these timbers
Then, said I to ember’s elder,
Let me place on you deception
Garb yourself in Aesir aspect
Shape the hungry tongue within you
Solid where your spark did flicker
That Laufey’s son so sly and able
Might not swiftly recognize you
As he sits down at the table
Thus I spake to Munin’s brother
Of the planned dissimilation:
Wrap yourself in men’s attire
From the ash-wood make your raiment
Lace your boots of supple leather
Then set foot upon the pavement
There to meet Toothgnasher’s wounder
There to race against him striving
Round the path of mead’s lacuna
Thus alike I worked enchantments
On the great snake Midgardsormr
On that serpent world-encircling
One that Thor once snared while sailing
Scales reshaped to furry shoulders
Still he hissed alike I tell you
That one trait you might have noted
Naught else of his essence showing
And then came the last contender
Gracious guest of all the prudent,
Spoils of the years’ survivor
By her leave I did conceal her
Veiled her hair in moonlight’s metal
Bent her back like twisted tree-limb
So Harbard’s son would be no wiser
When she set her hold upon him
In the aftermath of trials
Egos soothed with ale aplenty
I revealed to them my secret
That they would not feel too cheated
Nor would they feel too affronted
All I wished was their forbearance
Parting then as friendly rivals
So they would crave not for vengeance
For Jotuns have our share of talents
Our own place on World-Tree’s branches
Spells apart from gallows’ knowing
More are we than Aesir’s foemen
There my tale is near completed
But if my tongue’s allowed to waggle
Somewhat more of gods and giants
And the bitter blood between us
Just a few words I will venture
Fury, I have surely felt it
Anger aching for requital
For accounts all to be settled
Quenched with blood the battle’s metal
But I’ve seen no better ending
Not for bards and not for swordsmen
Than to sit by fire flaming
Telling tales with close companions
Ale in hand and sated, cravings
And all the stars above bright-blazing.
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I want to try streaming drawings on weekends. I'm still not sure what platform to choose, so I plan to test a few of them simultaneously for a few months. This will show me which platform is more convenient for me and where I will have guests (if I have them at all, ahahah xD).
I will try to… speak o_o Though my English is… bad.These weekends, I draw something Sky-related + maybe some sketchy Sky OC-s requests (like one of my Sky sons in the picture).
In case you'd like to visit any of the streams, here is the schedule (time zone is GMT+2):
UPD:
• Saturday:
Boosty: recordings 1 and 2
Trovo: the recording
• Sunday:
YouTube failed to start live, that's why Trovo: the recording
Thank you everyone who came to watch! 😁 I will continue this pic somewhere on the Weekends again.
#art stream#sky cotl#sketches#thatskygame#sky children of the light#skykid#art#clip studio art#sky family#SkySon Jung
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Radio Free Monday
Good morning everyone, and welcome to Radio Free Monday!
Ways to Give:
feralfxckxr is raising funds for an in-clinic abortion procedure after the initial pill failed to work following an assault. They are offering tarot readings and have friends offering art commissions; you can read more, reblog, and find giving/commission information here.
Anon linked to a fundraiser findingfeather is running to help mythopoetry live safely in Ottawa long enough to get her citizenship finalized and her healthcare needs met after her health was neglected for years during an abusive marriage. You can read more, reblog, and find giving information here or give at the fundraiser here.
lexin linked to a fundraiser for Laura, whose lease is up for renewal; she wants to get out but needs to delay, as her physical health is not good and there's a lot of work that needs to be done for her to be able to move house, and some of that work will need to be something they pay others to do. You can read more and give to the fundraiser here.
Anon linked to a fundraiser for a friend, Angel, who is trying to purchase a recumbent bike; Angel has significant physical restrictions and needs exercise to improve health and stave off future health issues. You can read more and support the fundraiser here.
Stevie linked to a fundraiser for friends Caine and Mary, who are trying to restore their small-town farm; they bought the farm attempting to become more self-sufficient as a queer and disabled couple, but the house needs repairs and they've had a few setbacks, and government aid is slow in coming. You can read more and support the fundraiser here.
Recurring Needs:
loversdoom is a college student from the Philippines, studying away from her family, and her parents are unexpectedly unable to support her education; she is dealing with a number of expenses and is now looking at costly medical procedures as well. You can read more and reblog here or give to the fundraiser here.
onedollopofsourcream is raising funds to help with food, transportation, medication for their family, and other expenses after a string of financial issues; you can read more, reblog, and find giving information here.
rilee16 is raising funds to get out of an abusive home situation; with irregular work hours and a tax debt due on top of chronic illness issues, they also need funds to repair their phone, which is dying, and cover utility bills. You can read more, reblog, and find giving information here.
Anon linked to a fundraiser for their friend dyken, who along with their partner has been having trouble covering bills, food, and mental health treatment; their family is abusive and unwilling to help financially. They are accepting donations via paypal and commissions via ko-fi; you can read more, reblog, and find giving information here.
chingaderita's partner recently lost their job due to a house fire that also destroyed the house; they're raising funds to keep food on the table for a family of nine, to try and get a supply of water to keep clean, and for medications and bills until they can find new work. You can read more, reblog, and support the fundraiser here.
karla-hoshi (Hoshi on TikTok) has been raising funds for cancer treatment for her cat Naku, but unfortunately Naku passed last week. Between Naku's treatments and other unexpected financial issues, they are short funds for the last lab tests and for cremation to help make the loss easier; you can read more, reblog, and support the fundraiser here.
And this has been Radio Free Monday! Thank you for your time. You can post items for my attention at the Radio Free Monday submissions form. If you're new to fundraising, you may want to check out my guide to fundraising here.
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Merlin Loregasm Rewatch S1E5
Hi Everyone! Welcome to my rewatch of Merlin focusing on the lore. I am a giant nerd so pretty excited about this. We’re on LANCELOT
Lancelot: It's my life's ambition to join the Knights of Camalot
OKAY let's talk knights! While most knights were nobles. (Especially in the later middle ages) Not all were. In the early middle ages it was not that unusual for a commoner to be knighted for acts of valor in battle, Great service to a much higher lord, or marrying a noble woman. While this got much more rare it did not fully die out.
So Lancelot coming as a commoner and hoping to be a knight is unusual but not unheard of. His way of going ABOUT it is a bit odd.
Arthur: Right you jumped up dung beetle this is it. your final test. Pass this and you are a knight of camalot. Fail and you're no one. You face the most feared of all foes. The ultimate killing machine. You face me. Your challenge is to last one minute in free combat. Grimmond second son of Wessex. Your time starts now.
OKAY lots to talk about here. First of all Knight of Camalot must be a great honnor. This dude is the second son of at LEAST a noble family. That being considered no one is huge. However the second son thing could mean he would not inherit his fathers title and this is what Arthur refers to.
ALSO is Wessex suborninate to Camalot? Or are knights just coming from outside Camelot because being a knight of Xamalot is such a big deal.
Wessex was a anglo-saxon kingdom and as I have said before we are pre saxon take over in Merlin.
HOWEVER the first recorded king of Wessex was named Cedirc and this name is thought to be brittonic rather than saxon giving rise to the theory he was a native of Briton who was later saxonized. Possibly implying a existance of Wessex before the Saxons arrived. It is also implied that for a while he was not a king. SO it's possible Wessex could have been part of Camalot.
Also, the test is interesting. See Kings could knight whoever they wanted. Occasionally they would go on a knighting spree of squires just so they could say they had more knights before a battle. Of course as we know in Camalot squires are not a thing. So the normal path of page to squire to knight goes out the window. MY POINT HERE is this test might serve as a replacement for that. Come up with by either Uther or Arthur. Hey you wanna be a knight for us? Sure, pass this test and BOOM knight. It kinda suggests that a LOT of people wanna come be knights of Camelot. (Which seeing how many die is a good thing)
So my question is WHY. WHY is this such a plum gig that people want it so bad. Is there some level of renown? Uther does not seem to give out bits of land so it can't be that.
Okay I'm kinda loving the fact that the coat of arms for Wessex is similar to but not the same as the one given to Wessex in the 1300s. Same colors no cross (eliminating Christianity) and what looks like different animals. (but its hard to see)
First reference to the First code of Camalot. Only those of noble blood can serve as knights. Will talk about this a bit more later then reasoning is explained a bit I do find it interesting that they use the word code which was also used for the "code of chivalry"
Gaius: The first code of camalot states that only those of noble blood can serve a knight. Uther created the knights to prtect this kingdom from those who wished to destroy it. He knew he would have to trust each of his knights with his life. So he chose them from the families that had sworn allegiance to him. The nobility
Okay first of all considering how he treats commoners and is paranoid fair.
SECOND OF ALL HOLY SHIT UTHER CREATED THE KNIGHTS? What was there before? I mean I know he conquered the kingdom. so choosing them from families sworn to him makes sense in that aspect. BUT DID CAMALOT JUST NOT HAVE KNIGHTS? I mean where were the Knights of Medir sooo. Okay I've got this.
Knights of Camalot were likely disbanded or something following the abuses of the Knights of Medir. Uther however was like Naw fam I'm bringing them back, there is NO WAY that could happen to me. So he re-formed the knights of Camalot.
ALSO does this mean every camalot knight we see comes from Camalot nobility? So Camalot has some part of western illes (Valiants heraldry implied Ireland so Camalot owns part of Ireland?) Or can it be from any nobility? Even if it's not sworn to him? And Northumbria mentioned later is also Camalot but there are still other kingdoms?
Okay okay. so either at first knight they were nobles of Camalot but then things spread to other nobles. That's why Uther doesn't seem to know Valient. (Of freaking Ireland) but still invites him to serve as a knight of Camalot. And has knights coming to try to serve from lots of places.
OR Camalot is bigger than I thought it was despite just being conquered and Includes some of "the western illes" (Almost certainly Ireland) Wessex, and Northumbria. (While Mercia is somehow its own kingdom)
Gonna look for evidence to resolve this as I keep watching the show. because I NEED TO KNOW.
FYI I will not be trying to solve what obscure references like this are about. A LOT ABOUT TOPOGRAPHY CAN CHANGE esp when magic effects things.
Okay LORD of Northumbria. Its looking like Camalot actually does include Northumbria and likley Wessex but not Mercia. (Also thus possibly some least bits of Ireland? Or the other two were from outside Camalot and Northumbria is part of Camalot.
I'M KEEPING AN EYE ON THIS. BECAUSE AGAIN I NEED TO KNOW.
ANYHOW LETS TALK NORTHUMBIA
It was an Anglo Saxon Kingdom consisting of two other lands that united under the Saxons. (Bernica and Deira both of whom likely existed before the saxon invasion.) Now Deira at least it brought up later so it's likely separate from them.
Bernicia is also never mentioned in Merlin SO my thought is Merlin world wise Northumbria is basically the name we are using for Bernicia. Because otherwise it just plain would not exist yet.
Okay in a time before machine made clothing this is a BIG DEAL. See noble did not sew her own clothing. Instead they would hire a tailer who was hired specifically to make custom fitted clothing for the elite. AND if this is true it means Gwen might have been one of them in addition to being a servant. Gwen would likely be far from the only one. But if she was the best that would be noticed.
HOWEVER If a noble family was wealthy enough and had an extensive staff, they might hire a tailor exclusively. I don't think Gwen served this role simply because she would not have the time.
Gwen however CLEARLY knows how to sew clothing for nobles, as she does it for Lancelot.
This implies that she in fact DOES sew clothing for nobles (If not the pendragons themselves) as a side gig. This would likely earn her money. (Further supporting the Gwen's family is more well off than most non nobles theory.) I find it interesting that she keeps being a servant when she has this as a possibility.
Does she need to? Or is her loyalty to Morgana and Later Arthur on display here that she chooses to keep being a servant?
Hahaha Okay this position is pretty unique to the Merlin world. Normally patents of nobility would be used and not really checked. ALSO, nobility would have married other nobility People tended to know each other or of each other. Nobles never really had to prove their status otherwise, because their status is known to everyone at the time of their birth.
Gaius: A griffin is a creature of magic. It is born of Magic, Sire and can only be killed by magic.
Okay what constitutes a creature of magic? Unicorns are not, thats clear, Are Afancs? Since Merlin did use magic there they could be? Cockatrices are not, however. And trolls are not.
In short what counts as a "Creature of magic" Seems to be kinda arbitrary in Merlin. So not much I can extrapolate here.
LIKE I SAID IN PREVIOUS POSTS Gwen's father is not just a typical village blacksmith. And that has implications on the status of Gwens family and their ability to live a higher quality life. (I talked a lot about this in previous episodes)
Okay we have a thank god from Gaius who we KNOW was trained in the old religion. SO either saying god does not mean you are not pagan in Merlin, or he converted or somthing.
Gwen sent at least the helmet off with him. Possibly more. That stuff is not cheap! As in normally only rich nobles could afford it. Also did she send him off with the set that was the best she had? I don't really think Lancelot would accept that. So I think she sent him off with a cheaper suit or helm. UNLESS Lancelot didn't really know how expensive armor was. Which is a big possibility because he didn't know about the code so he might not know about other things in a knights world.
#merlin loregasm rewatch#bbc merlin#merlin lore#lore#merlin rewatch#merlin bbc#merlin lore rewatch#merlin#not as much lore this time#but fun
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[X] had a dream about my city being flooded
This would almost make me a true Dutchie except that I now wrote a post about it which automatically makes me as non-Dutch as possible
(it was a fun dream too, we just sat on a roof in a group of friends and neighbours and played DnD, waiting for the water to go away)
#dutch kids pass exams for swimming and swimming in shoes and clothes at school#and everyone knows where the highest point of the city is#and flood sirens are tested monthly here#which won't amount to much because some parts of the country are 6m under the sea level#so if the dams fail we are massively screwed#it's impolite to talk about it#and the dams won't fail of course#the only town that is really getting flooded sometimes is limburg#which is above sea level by a lot#has a mountain trail#and just gets too much water from the alps thawing in spring
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wild that i can be bleeding internally for six weeks and it's just ... fine?? i just keep working like everything is normal?? that's cool. just like, let me know at what point to be really concerned .. i guess?!
#when you thought the kidney infection went away but somehow you're still bleeding from your kidneys?? or your bladder or ... somewhere?!#what the fUuuUck dude#now i have to go see a urologist and who knows how fcking long i'll have to wait for that#and i am not convinced that my abdominal pain is from the lingering small bleed in my urinary tract#so what the FUCK else is wrong with me???#and why are my doctors still saying shit like 'if it persists into next week follow up with me'#ITS PERSISTED THE LAST SIX WEEKS IF YOU ARE GOING TO DO SOMETHING NOW IS THE TIME NOT NEXT WEEK#god fuck i just#am trying to cope and deal and process this and it's very very hard when i am like begging for help and everyone is just acting#like i saw a fly and screamed my head off#and then finally when someone says oh shit i see the bear too i'm like holy shit you do?!#and then they can't confirm the bear bc all their tests failed so they just go 'ehh we'll try again if the bear's still there next week'#THE BEAR COULD ATTACK AT ANY SECOND AND I AM SUPPOSED TO JUST SIT HERE AND WAIT?!#i just can't dude i just fcking can't#disabled lyfe#hikey
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i actually cant do this
#im literally the dumbest person i know#everyone else works so much harder and they get so much done#even the way they talk is motivated even if they say its not#everyone is so smart and im slow and cant get anything done correctly or on time#i wish i got straight a's i wish i had something to prove myself#all i have to go on is numbers that dont even matter because nobody takes them#im just some lazy piece of shit who happens to be good at test taking#i dont know anything#im failing my clasdes again#i can barely keep myself above a 3.0#how much time will it take to get me fixed ???? everyone says its a slow process and you have to find what works for you#but i dont know what works for me and neither does anybody else#every therapist i talk to is at a loss w wht to do with me#am i trying ??? am i worse off than i thought????#i tell myself i can function like anyone else but i cant even prove that#im undeserving of what i have#i get stressed when anythinf good happens to me whrn other people would kill for this opportunity#God strike me down ive wasted my years here i cant keep this up#i ddont deserve the painful death i want#Haha okay im over it
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song of the week or something like that
#dw i’m actively walking to the bus stop for class i’m not procrastinating just being a weirdo walking with my phone#guys i haven’t even written my new declension chart ONCE. i have never written it on a piece of paper#we get to pick one test per semester that doesn’t count so this will probably be my one#which sucks cause i had a 31/40 that i wanted to use that for. but i think this one is gonna be significantly worse#not my fault that i’m failing my other classes and neglected this one. except for it literally is my fault#anyway growing up was never part of the plan (/ly) what the heck do i do now!!!!#chase petra has been single-handedly pushing me through this week#also — i was supposed to go to the happy fits this week but i said no no no i have to go to school#here i am skipping school anyway!!!! out of town anyway!!!! i could have made a detour on the way#but whatever. they aren’t even the same band anymore. it’s like when casey shea was in tally hall but 2/3 of the band is replaced#so it would be a very strange experience. anyway i’m at the bus stop now and waiting#okay the bus is here. i have to learn my stupid demonstrative pronouns and i just. never got around to it#idk. wish me luck. maybe i’ll ace it or something. at least we’re also conjugating facere….#hope everyone has a good morning and i’ll be back at 12pm central once i’ve safely boarded the bus home#me. my post. mine.#delete later (probably)
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btw please always read my opinions re: public school as the opinions of a music educator aka The One Subject Area Where Teachers Would Just Simply Not Grade Anything Ever If Not For The School Administration
#NOT kidding at our conferences the professional development sessions OFTEN are like:#Btw Heres a way u can make this an Assignment if admin wont get off ur ass#(often with some annoyance that administrations make us grade things)#its also so funny because every single assignment is like. Nothing. yea theres playing tests in bands SOMETIMES but like.#1) there is an entire contingent of band people who are actively AGAINST the playing tests. (and thats not even all band ppl who dont do em#and 2) 95% of the time the assignments are just. NOTHING. (partially bc MOST music classrooms are elementary school.)#you know what we did for grades in high school band??? all u had to do was 1) be at the concert 2) there was a SELF EVALUATION FORM#that u filled out urself and the band director would just enter it into the gradebook verbatim no matter what.#(actually i think once he called someone out during class for giving himself an 18/50 like an idiot. but other than that)#basically what im saying is. i can forget how traumatic the american public school system can be bc im busy doing Not That#ari opinion hour#teaching tag#bc my subject area is 1) i will do anything to get out of grading things 2) no exams 3) biggest concern is how to get kids to STAY IN MUSIC#(aka creating an environment that is safe for everyone and safe to fail in. and also constantly teaching kids how to work together)#aaaand 4) please god please please pblease give me money please pleplease administration please bleaes please dont cut my program pleaseple
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how fucking stupid am I to study and still fail
#like fuck#i can't even rant to anyone ik in irl because they won't respond or it's just upper years that i know and they'll just say shit like#"oh just study more' like I AM IT IJUST ISNT' WORKING CAUSE IM FUCKING STUPID#like its so fucking embarrassing being me everyone else passed and here i am with a 15/40 cause im stupid#its embarrassing#and if i talk to people about it they won't understand cause they are all smart and get good grades#like fucK I understand what we are learning but when I get the test i fucking don't#what the fuck am i even supposed to do if i can't pass my tests#i don't want to fail but my grades arent good#i want to scream and cry but its not like that's going to change anything i#im still going to be fucking stupid
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I walk around a college campus ONCE as a visible non-tourist and all of a sudden people think I go here. I mean I will in like a week but still
#kyne shouts#when I was at Harvard and MIT everyone correctly assumed I didn’t go there#but I just got asked where the gift shop was 😭#at this other school I will go to 😭😭 girl I don’t know I’m here to fail a math test
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no greater heartbreak than changing your answer last minute and realizing you were right the first time
#its 9am and im hours deep into school only 2 and a half more hours till im done#this morning has been just studying for my anatomy test#which is 30min away wish me luck. hope everyone else is having a good day with school or work or whatever you're doing#i know here atleast most people in college are already out for summer however i have summer classes bc im just trying to finish it all asap#no breaks- we grind. mainly bc i dont want to take a break and inevitably forget some stuff over 3ish months & possibly fail the huge test
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raaawwerrrrrr hehehe uwu ::)))) lol teehee!!! weewooweewoo!!!!!!!!!!!!! xD hahaha :P lolzzzzieeee awoooooooga meowmeow woof hahahahahahahahah :D lol lmao :3 8D
#OMGGGGGGGGGHHH IM SO RANDOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH OMG I AM SO SILLY AND ODD!! HASHTAG DORK ALERTTTT LOLLLLLLLLL#yesterday when i woke up my first thought was i don’t want to be here i should really kms and for a moment it was genuine not passive#it struck me at that moment. how Genuine i meant it and wanted to do it#it was only for a few moments until eventually i glanced over and saw my perscription bottles on the bedside table#and i reminded myself that these thoughts are happening because i hadn’t taken my medicine in a few days i don’t know how long but a few#off and on then off for a few days#im so unwell i hate being so pathetic!!!! stupid stupid stupid everyone else from my nursing school either already took the test Or#they’re studying right now preparing to take the test either way everyone’s gonna be a nurse and i’m not at this rate i haven’t done shit#it’s because i feel hopeless again i feel futureless i know i don’t want to live another few more years i know this it’s a core belief#so searching for jobs for a long term future just seems so pointless to me#but i know my family expect me to do it and i’m going to do it don’t worry i know i’m just a chronic procrastinator i’ve been like this#and i know i can’t live at home forever i know if i truly want to not be here anymore then i have to get my own apartment#somewhere i won’t be found and somewhere i’ll be able to die alone without the risk of being found and hospitalized#i won’t fuck up it won’t be an attempt it will be completion and seen through i’ll only have one chance i absolutely cannot fail that#anyways if anyones reading the tags DONT WORRY PLS IM JUST VENTINGGG N BEING DRAMATICCC LOLLLL PLS DONT WASTE UR ENERGY WORRYING!!!!!!!!!!!!#i’m really fine my life is fine i have nothing to complain about i just am an annoying whiny crybaby who can’t suck it up and grow up#everyone has to grow up and be an adult nobody wants to work but we have to#except i don’t jsut not want to work i want to Genuinely not be Alive lollllllllll#darn! how do i get over such a silly little hump! a bump in the road!#i’ve been an adult since i was the age of a child i can’t remember exactly when my role in life switched but i know it was sooner#sooner than a child is supposed to grow up#i’ve been an adult for so long no wonder i’m so tired i already grew up i don’t have the energy to live as an adult anymore#my mind n body are tired. i wish the world would just stop asking anything of me.#i have nothing left to give anyone only rage and sadness so i just want everyone to stay away so i don’t hurt anyone anymore#ramblings#🤣🤣🥸🥸🥸🤓🤓🤪🤪😝😂😂🤣🤣🤩🤩🫢🫢🤭🤭🤔🤔😲😲🥴🥴🤠🤠🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡😺😺😽😽😺😺😼😼😸🙀🙀😹😹😹
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i hope god makes my appendix burst so I don't have to be here anymore
#30 more minutes of agony til i can leave#LIKE they switch to this shitty cable n then like 15 boards i made were all fucky#n the older women who work here were trying to be like ohh maybe you did it wrong-#I HAVE BEEN MAKING THESE NONSTOP SINCE THURSDAY.#they only atarted failing after the cable change. dont TEST ME ****LINDA****#like this stuff is for a $500 product im not gonna send this part through if its obviously not working 100% yk. god.#multimillion dollar company my foot this place sucks ass. i hate everyone here. spending 10mins of my overtime sitting in the bathroom#happy fun time with good ol bob#🤜🤜🤜🤜🤜🤜🤜🤜 violence violence
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oh my god i completely forgot about the stuff that happened to me on friday oh god
#ok so for the whole week last week my physics teacher was reminding us about the quiz we needed to take on friday#perfectly reasonable thing to do imo; he was letting us know so we could study#so friday rolls around#earlier in the day i had taken a messy quiz in my french class (that i hate) so i was tired and irritable and uncomfortably warm#i just wanted the day to end and it's not even after lunch#so lunch ends and i go to my physics class and guess what? he isn't here#which is fine ok sure i'll just go to the auditorium (that's where we go when there's no sub)#i go down there and there are at least five other classes (like 120 people)#still fine! not bad yet#the catch? HE WANTS US TO TAKE THE TEST#IT'S SO LOUD EVERYONE IS CHEATING AND NOW I'M WORRIED HE'LL FAIL THE WHOLE CLASS#i hope he doesn't. sigh#whatevs i'm going to read instead of sleep#jaye's originals ig
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another day of me getting guilty tripped by my chief's husband and feeling like shit about it...
#kelin talks#kelin's ramblings#literally just asked them for a week leave because i want to focus on studying for my driving license#but he came today looking at me like he wanted to beat me up and even rolled his eyes at everything i said#then he proceeded to tell me that i'm inconveniencing everyone and that i'm an indecisive person who at 24 doesn't know what she wants like#do chiefs usually talks to their workers this way all the time or???#he even said that i should know what my priorities are because a driving license will never be as important as work and like–#to me it is because like that my dad can get surgery on his leg and can go back walk normally like every other person tho??????#old geezers like him will never understand how hard is nowadays for young adults to achieve some things when they're put under such stress#i really just want to quit seriously but if i resign on my own i won't get the jobless fee...#it's a thing here in italy. long story... but yeah...#also i'm gonna 98% gonna fail the driving license test this time around too and it'll prove once again that i'm a HUGE. ASS. FAILURE.#:]#will delete later
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