#this is very rambly but getting into writing isnt the most straightforward thing | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

shivasdarknight · 9 months

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Hi, sorry for this but you are a writer, so umm.. I was hoping you could give me some tips/advice on how to write?

tbh the way I got into writing is a bit insane, but I do have some advice that can help. gonna put it under a cut just because it got kinda long

honest to god, one of the best pieces of advice is something you're already doing because reading can genuinely help you with becoming a better writer. stepping outside of your usual genres or authors can help expand your viewpoint and introduce you to more narrative styles so you can play around and see what works for you. eg. if you mostly read first person, give second person a shot. or if you're an omniscient third person, try limited third person. or even retrospective first person, because i often see people complain about first person pov when it's married with a present tense story. if you have a first person narrator talking about events in the past as if talking to you, or a journal it often takes an entirely different angle and it's something I've played with in Homestuck fics because that fandom tends to be more open to narrative experimentation. Writing is honestly a lot of looking at stuff you like (much like art) and smooshing it all together. Personally, I've gotten a lot of my writing style from stuff like The Locked Tomb, admittedly Lovecraft was foundational (but this is a great example of why to always remain critical considering his bullshit), so was Homestuck and Rick Riordan's stuff. I'm never trying to copy them wholesale, but I am looking at aspects I like - such as Riordan's humor intertwining with the narrative and narration, or the deeply unreliable narrators that Muir writes, or even how Homestuck balances purple prose with gut wrenching conciseness when it counts. A lot of modern day fast food fiction takes out a lot of the stuff that actually builds a story - pacing, playing with narration and technical writing - so you need to be conscious of what you're looking for in things. Often more established authors get to do weirder stuff than new authors, but don't discredit new ones because that would be leaving out folks like Xiran Jay Zhao and their phenomenal prose.

Another thing that helps greatly is reading writing critique. Video essays on books or even more critical thought pieces on writing, tropes, etc. can help you learn more about why something works. Lots of different channels on YouTube dedicated to dissecting media, absolutely recommend stuff like Hello Future Me, Overly Sarcastic Productions (real world ties + mythology, great basis to build things on), Zoe Bee (writer + commentary), Nerdwriter1 (media analysis + commentary), Just Write, and Tale Foundry. For adjacent suggestions that can help build up alternate perspectives that aren't directly about writing but are about critical thinking with stories (which is frankly an important skill to have), I definitely recommend Princess Weekes, Accented Cinema, Now You See It, Dominic Noble, The Storyteller, and Pop Culture Detective. A lot of this is discussing film (save Dominic Noble, who also talks about books a Lot), but the core essence of storytelling is helpful regardless of what angle it comes in - be it video game, movie, tv, or book reviews and analyses.

Actual writing. Varies on the person on if they do outlines or not and how, but I still recommend trying to do an outline when you're first starting out. One habit to immediately knock yourself out of is writing things chronologically. If you're working on a big piece and have more energy to write something in the middle? Put that in a new doc and leave a placeholder for where you're at. Legitimately, getting words on the paper is more important than those words being good. Because you can always come back and edit things to make sense.

Always edit what you write. I hate the "no beta we die like real men" attitude because people will dunk on editing but then praise stories for having "firm and satisfying" connections which can only really be built through editing. Your first draft is your rough idea. Your second one is when you read through and have it make sense. Three is making that make sense, and maybe 4 is more just grammar and spelling errors. Edit as many times necessary to make sure you like it.

Always work in broad strokes, then move in finer like with anything. Do a general idea for a story, then your main story beats, then how you connect them together, and then the nitty gritty of each. Keep lots of notes - do not rely on your head solely for everything - and just also be willing to let things go if they change.

What I tend to do when I write is I want a good flow. I often get that from reading my writing out loud to hear how it sounds, but I'm looking for a good beat to read along. Because even if the sentence is grammatically correct and structurally sound, it may not be very interesting to read. Like you could say someone feigned a polite expression to not let the other person know that they didn't feel comfortable with a topic, or you could go the angle I went with recently of "she painted herself an interested expression to wear as dread began to gnaw at her gut." Sometimes the more colorful or out there the language is, the better it sounds when you read it. Like instead of saying "that's just how things go for them" you could say, "but Fate had a funny way of making her disdain known for (X character)". And this is where reading other peoples' work comes in real handy because you can get a lot of examples of how people write things.

I also try and reflect themes of the story into the writing itself, like this section of a draft:

Still nothing. Seemed he wasn’t going to bother with a glass, instead just ripping the top off of some bottle of gin and tipping it back with little regard for himself. Still that chronometer ticked on; still that taught tension like another arrow had been drawn. A million and more things flooded Ysayle’s mind, itching to loose them at Estinien, yet found herself stuck in indecision as she stared daggers into him - ever her opposite as he just seemed despondent. The gin bottle hit the extended shelf loudly; one hand a fist around the bottle, the other balled up on the surface - knuckles as white as bone. Still, Estinien said naught. Still, the chronometer ticked on. Still, Ysayle’s heart roared in her ears - poisonous words damming up her throat.

The theme of this story is avoiding the mistakes of the past. How things often can wind up cyclical, and the goal is to break from those cycles and repeats. So naturally, several points of the narration itself repeat itself. This isn't standard writing style, but it gets that point across by repeating "Still" as the scene crawls on. I also use a lot of alliteration in my writing because I personally find it fun? So "a maddening matter made most malign", for example.

It also helps to change up how you write or what descriptors you use based on the character whose head you're in, even if it's third person. Third person can have a voice and I often use it to speak aloud a character's thoughts instead of relying on italicized dialogue-thoughts. It makes the dialogue-thoughts appearing hit more when they do instead of just having to be subjected to internal ramblings constantly. Like in this fic I just published:

“...Can we talk about it on the morn?” “What for?” You don’t know what it is you ask of me. “Tired,” Estinien said with a shrug. “We’ve morning patrol, remember?”

Compared to this fic:

“Yes, confusingly.” Her tone was flat as she leaned once again on Surkukteni’s shoulder, thankfully on the uninjured side. “I fear I may have been wrong, though I truly doubt it. To deny me twice, then throw a fit? I wonder — why didn’t you go through with it?” Not even Surkukteni had that answer. For the umpteenth time during that conversation, she refused to look at Her Darkness. That desire — twisted and poisoned as it was — was one that still surfaced from time to time, yet like clockwork made her ill and was banished from her thoughts. Why was that? She felt scorned back then, wishing the universe would correct this error in sparing him but taking Ysayle — but was she not the one who helped save him? Who helped tear those eyes from his armor? She easily could — and had previously — bluffed that it was to destroy the eyes and be rid of the threat, but given her hesitancy now? Why?

All of Surkukteni's thoughts are condensed into the narration so that I can separate out her thought dialogue from idle musings since she - specifically - has a connection with something that can talk telepathically. This thing comments on the literal narration of the story, so when she's directly addressing this thing it's thought-dialogue. But her actual thoughts become narration to avoid spending too much time with that, as I find it's better used sparingly.

Motivation for writing is probably the hardest thing, and best I can advise is to get really into critiquing the stuff you like because you wind up finding a lot of material in fix-it stuff, or just wanting to see more of stuff like you. It's part of what drives my xiv stuff due to how they treat female characters, and I really just wanna see more sapphic bi4bi. So considering it's something I've been stuck in for a very long time now and really like the ambient lore and wish it would do better, it's fueling my desire to write. And from there, there are so many other angles to take - like building ocs, building lore. Finding a sandbox is genuinely one of the best ways to do it. Again, like. You'd be surprised at how much is there because of spite. LOTR has Eowyn because Tolkien didn't like that the "can be killed by no man" thing in Macbeth was resolved with a character born by c-section, so he instead wrote Eowyn, the woman who killed the Witch-King of Angmar. C.S. Lewis didn't like the fact that Tolkien believed that modern technology - or slightly less modern technology - didn't believe in fantasy and he explicitly cited lampposts. And this is why there's just a random light post in the middle of nowhere in the Narnia books.

Critique is good and healthy. I'm critical with the stuff I like and my own things so I can work on them and myself. It's fine to like something that you don't wholly agree with, especially if you're using it to inform how you build on it or build your own things. Like I dunno, I looked at Dante from Devil May Cry and went "what if he was trans" and now I've got Rhombi, a character who has stepped really far away from the OG Dante mould, but you can still see hints of it as I used what I wanted to see out of DMC to build this bisexual disaster of a guy. I was disappointed by Elsword not really committing to some of their character concepts, so I kinda just took Eve (and admittedly Add) and made them into Celes and Neilos and took them to their logical conclusions. All three of them were originally fantrolls at some point, so most of the heavy lifting was done when I was back in Homestuck and all I had to do was scrub the barcodes off of them to build them up in an original verse.

Chemistry is also crucial. If characters aren't vibing, move on. Do not force it. Good chemistry can save a bad story (eg. FFXV) and bad chemistry can ruin a good story. Often it's the characters that drive a story so you need to do a lot of plotting and planning. Most writing is honestly just planning before putting the words down.

And I'm very much so rambling by now but my main points are these (+ others I'm realizing while typing):

Plot a Lot and keep lots of notes, and also organize those notes. The contents don't have to be pretty, but you'll thank yourself in advance if you at least sort them by core idea

Getting words down is more important than getting them down correctly. You can always come back and edit it when you have an idea of how to make it work

You can always place a [insert scene here] tag so you can keep your flow and don't get caught on something.

You also don't have to write chronologically - you wanna write the big confession scene before the intro? do it! just jump right into it!

also don't be afraid to delete stuff or remove it from your draft. save things for later to see if they work elsewhere, because maybe it could be a better spinoff.

dont listen to the advice of "if it really matters, you'll remember it in the morning" that advice was given by neurotypicals who don't have memory issues. make notes of EVERYTHING and then delete the ones that don't work

sometimes writing by hand vs computer can really make a difference in how you think. handwriting is slower and makes you think about stuff, so you may want to keep journals for random snippets or ideas like how doodling is good for building up your habit of drawing

Outlines can help but how you outline is up to you. Try a few styles out and go with what works best.

I cannot stress enough that having something like a marker board to write out your broad stroke story ideas is really really nice

Broad strokes first, then narrow it further and further down. Don't get wrapped up in the nitty gritty details

Chemistry is crucial and can often save a piece you're not fully feeling.

Read your stuff out loud while editing because it can help point out stuff that's not jiving! I find it helps a lot with dialogue

Read a lot. Listen to critique. Be more critical. Also don't limit your idea of stories to just books - expand the media you consume and you'll find really interesting stories that can help with yours

Don't be afraid to use tropes, but also don't super rely on them to where you're just checking off boxes instead of coming up with natural scenarios built on chemistry (eg. having the nerdy goth girl is fine, but the way the trope ends in most media ("fixing" her or just having her be a quirky cynical critic) may not fit with your story and it may be better to see how the story plays out rather than forcing it into something it's not)

Iron Widow is a good example here: the relationship between Zetian and Yizhi is pre-established and comes off as sort of "boy next door" vibes, or at least the very dedicated childhood friend. It quickly becomes apparent that he's as much a co-conspirator in her plans as Shimin is. The guy can be ruthless when given the chance, and that's how Yizhi goes beyond the initial trope and defines himself outside of it. Same with the contextualization of Shimin's seeming "aggression" as the "bad boy" and figuring out where that problem/persona actually stems from, and then the shift of viewing it as less aggression and more retaliation and self preservation.

Find something you do really want to write about, like filling a void in a piece of media you like or doing a take on media that made you mad or disappointed. Jane Eyre is technically fanfiction because the author wanted to see more of Jane and didn't get that. The Divine Comedy is self insert fanfiction of Dante Alighieri as he does worldbuilding with Christian mythos regarding heaven and hell. The Riordan verse is his interest in mythology crossed with a desire to give his son a protag that was like him (specifically ADHD and dyslexic), which then became wanting to let kids see themselves in the different halfbloods in the series.

There's a lot of ways you can get started writing, but the best way is to just write goofy stuff for yourself. Get out stuff that may look bad at first, but you go back and read it and critique it. Just getting yourself into the habit of writing helps a lot, because again: it matters less about the quality, and more getting it on the page and actually having something. You can always fine-tune writing, after all.

My first FFXIV fic isn't actually even published. It was just me writing something rambly about my Warrior of Light when I was starting to figure her character out. It looks nothing like what I'm doing now in part because that fanfiction became a launching point for me to work on others. I've got a lot of drafts that will never see the light of day because these were proto-concepts that became the stuff I wound up publishing. It's fine to have drafts that remain drafts because you can take that as practice, and practice is good. Anything that you write has value because you can use it to let your technical writing skills mature.

Also, don't be afraid to look for help. There are beta services on tumblr (or at least used to be when I was a teenager), plenty of writing guides or places set up to ask questions, plenty of youtubers that give prompts for you to work with. The hardest part is always getting started. But once you get past the awkwardness of the start, everything just falls into place and gets easier the longer you go at it.

You definitely have the desire for it because I've seen your very deep love of literature through the Bi-Library, so you can definitely become a strong writer if you put your mind to it 🫶 Find something to fix or address, and that usually is what gets the ball rolling. Worldbuilding is fun and can lead to something, but you can't have a well built world without a story to explore it.

Characters drive story, story is how you explore themes and the world itself, and the world itself is built on your experiences and interests. Embrace the fact that this is coming from your lens and experiences, because no media is truly void of the author and its other creators. Embrace that fact and use it as an extension of yourself. But really, just write. Literally anything. Just get into the habit of writing, and it'll progress from there!

#original #asks #answered #bisexual-coala #writing tips #long post #this is very rambly but getting into writing isnt the most straightforward thing #a lot of the time it really is just finding something that clicks and not caring about what goes on the page for the first draft #ive been writing fanfiction for...over a decade now? + a lot of rp (also over a decade) and now some p serious original stuff #my fanfiction has also gotten way more involved than it used to be #genuinely i got started writing by keeping a lot of journals and writing every idea i had even if im now embarrassed by it #what matters is just getting into the habit first and then looking at your stuff more critically once the habit is formed #it's hard to build a habit if you're immediately critical #but it's hard to maintain a habit or hobby if you're not - especially if you feel you can build on something #if you do feel it you oughta pursue it and see where it takes you #perfectly fine to not be critical with hobbies but being Constructively critical is how you improve and mature #constructive is key here. because being down on your own writing or being self deprecating is how you lose a hobby #like let's say you don't like your dialogue #go read scripts or books of stuff you like the dialogue from. analyze why they work in contrast to why you feel like yours doesnt work #maybe someone else has a solution for why it feels off #sometimes it's just as simple as taking a step back and looking at it as a whole or even just sleeping on it and coming back w fresh eyes #always approach something you don't like about your work with the attitude of ''how can i improve so i do like it''#like ''i need to be better at fight scenes. ill be sure to include more in my next piece to focus on it and maybe read some action books''#lotta ways to do it!! theres no one right way just a way that fits best for you!!!#just absolutely ignore the ''if it's a good idea you'll remember it in the morning'' stuff.#it doesn't account for people w memory issues and will screw you over #you do not have to wait until you're good at writing to start working on something. you need something to work on to improve #you can always come back to an idea as many times as you need as you grow as a writer #so just write until you build a habit and base style then analyze and move from there #fanfic is honestly really good for practicing style and technique - the characters and world are already ther so why not use em?

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me-evil-never · 5 years

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Starshine!!

Okie so I know this isnt handwritten but I'm lazy and also my writing can be unintelligible so I'll just type smth~

I'm Dawn! I turned 16 on April 21 and I love sweets (especially ice cream, which sucks bc I'm lactose intolerant oof).

I l o v e dancing, and I've been doing it since honestly forever. I've tried a ton of different styles, but I decided I like ballet and hip hop the most. Tap is fun too, but I only did that for a year so I'm meh lol. I'm meh at dancing in general for some reason tho so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I stan A Lot of groups. Like. A lot. Seriously. I think I have a bias list somewhere and it's just like,,, more than 20 groups,,,,,,

I'm a sucker for pet names and compliments and I'm not even ashamed abt it. My (past?) therapist says it's easy to be friends with me bc I'm straightforward and tell ppl exactly what to expect with me so yeah there's that. I'm also very affectionate and kind of clingy so beware! Or I just disappear for a day or 2 bc I dont have real energy for interacting... I always come back tho and I try to check in to make sure things are alright so feel free to rant any anything I cant promise I'll give good advice if you want it tho lol I'm not the best with that (but some ppl think differently so who knows I try my best lolol)

This is getting longer than I thought it would be wow. See I tend to ramble feel free to tell me to be quiet occasionally I dont take it personally promise ^^

ALSO! Random questions! Love those! Let me ask you one right now~ what's your favourite date and why?

Hmmmm there. I think that's enough~~ feel free to ask abt anything else you want I'm really very open abt like,,, everything really!

Lots of love~ I hope we stay friends for a while!!

#starshine ✨🧡#sorry for rambling lol #stray kids anon event #the sun is up

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the-kipsabian · 5 years

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i am, up, for hearing you ramble about some of your ocs??? Maybe just some general things you have planned for some!! i am up for t h i s

ooooooof alRIGHTY YOU ASKED FOR IT

im gonna. go with a group of ocs tied into a story together cause its easier than picking some random ones and also cause i. love this group a whole lot tbh aaaaaAAAAAA

k so theres this group of kids called ‘supernatural nerds’, in a story together titled ‘hunters of fate’, which is basically just a modern supernatural setting with various beings alongside normal humans, like you have demons and witches and people with extraordinary powers and shapeshifters and a vampire. at least in this group so far, theres a whole lot of other beings appearing throughout the story but not really as a regular cast

as for main characters we have ada! shes a witch who owns a little witchy shop in the city, and has her workshop, where she brews her potions and performs other witch things she does, near the outskirts of the city. she also works with a local private detective (and her love interest cause ofc) to help him solve cases related to more supernatural happenings around the city and other places nearby

april is a vampire~ im not 100% sure yet how im gonna exactly fit her into the things, but shes definitely gonna be the spice of the city nightlife, so shes gonna bring up some trouble to the people already having to deal with the rest of the supernatural stuff running about tbh

aurora is a shapeshifter! she can turn into a chipmunk and back to a human at will, and she loves being mischievous and pulling pranks on people a lot tbh. especially since she can get away with it really easily by turning into a chipmunk and just disappearing, and as shes homeless, people dont really know how to locate her very easily

blair is a little of an odd one as im not entirely sure how im going to place him yet either, but he has a superpower of electronic disruption, which allows him to make stuff like machinery and lights go haywire and misfunction at will. which he uses a lot just to cause mayhem and general chaos in public, mostly cause he has a need for attention

blaire is also a witch, def friends with ada, i’d say they work quite a lot together and possibly co-own the witch shop in town too? im not entirely sure as im. also actively trying to sell this girl right now so im trying to not tie her down too much, but if i end up keeping her, that would probably be the plan!

brendan is the previously mentioned local private detective who ada works with, he mostly deals with the realms of the paranormal, in cases that other detectives wont take cause of their nature of being related to something more supernatural that seems to plague the city and its surroundings

brooke is blair’s sister, and a class a hacker. she can basically get into any system, personal or higher grade, if you just give her enough time. mostly she just uses her skill and the things she learns from hacking into people’s stuff, to track down her brother who she lost contact with, but if theres ever a chance to grab a little extra cash on the side selling the info she finds forward or anything like that, shes probably gonna take it. brooke isnt exactly the most morally high character tbh

declan is a soft rich pretty boi, working safely in his father’s company and stuff, tho he does have. a side job as an underground fighter lol. cause he wants to make a name of his own and not just lean on his father’s and whatnot, so he wants to make his own way of things

evan is a young boy, an “adopted” son of hunter. he just pretty much hates everything and everyone and loves to rebel cause “youre not my real dad” and well. hes not wrong (this is a whole big complicated spoiler-y story thing im not gonna get into right here and now but yeah. evan has issues with everything cause people are assholes mmmm)

faine! is a childhood friend of nates! shes an important character tbh, and shes a soft sweetie who will fist fight anyone who talks shit about her friends. shes a babe that loves pink, but also shes. kind of a sad character cause shes way too dedicated to nate and his stuff for her own good, and her backstory includes dead parents so heyyyy

hunter is a demon. and spoilers, responsible for the death of nate’s parents (which was technically ruled just as a car accident but welllllll). really his whole business is to just do demon stuff and make deals with people so he can either get them to do his bidding for him, or so that he can possess them or their souls to get shit he wants done done without having to involve himself in stuff. also yes hes technically evan’s “adoptive dad” cause evan’s parents sold him to hunter for riches

iris! my sweet little witch bean aaaa

kevinnnnnnn, nate’s boyfriend. somewhere down the line in canon, i havent exactly figured out where or when its gonna happen but its somewhere down there lol. i dont. have too much for him yet honestly? highly debating on giving him some sort of a more high profile career like maybe hes. a model or a small time actor or something. something more high key. idk but hes just. yeah he gay thats about it so far lol

narrator is a demon with the ability to see in the future of others. they do a little bit of fortune telling, tho its never straightforward told to people what they see, even if they do see some things in the future happening very clearly. they can only give out cryptic hints, stuff like ‘beware of the red eyes’ or something like that, giving out anything else will have dangerous consequences to the people who’s future he is telling tbh

nate my boi

nicolas is the second shapeshifter of the group! and is friends with aurora cause of that obviously yay ~ another homeless little dumpster diver, pretty much just like aurora, cause they constantly hang together and just enjoy making a mess together. i dont. have too much on him yet or where he fits into the story, but i love him nonetheless aaaaaa hes precious ~

aaaand finally! zakath! the third demon boi of the group! hes tied together with hunter (cough friends with benefits cough), as they work together closely - zakath is referred to as a ‘collector demon’, who takes the tasks of collecting what humans have promised to demons when making deal with them. thats for example how evan was brought into this whole mess, as zakath picked him up from his parents and brought him over to hunter who the humans had made a deal with to give him their first born child for monetary riches. he might have. some ulterior motives with things and hanging out with hunter tho, buuuuut story spoilers yay, so we dont talk about that now

that should be. everyone? this got long hhhhh i just. love my babies so much goshh i really need to write more for this story again at some point soon mmmmm

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15001700tt · 3 years

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Reflections of the Deep Sense of Self

well, i dont really have an audience except for a handful of mutuals and the many porn bots that i cant seem to get rid of no matter how hard i try but i am still gonna use this platform to voice out my thoughts since i have too many of them and i feel like i might drown if i don't talk about them.

i dont necessarily think that i am a person that is easily swayed by men, i was able to emotionally control myself quite effectively in my youth.

my first crush was simply a pick from the crowd to stop my friends nagging about who it was. i just observed the crowd and picked the most likely to not interact with my sort and said "him, he is so cute!" hoping that my friends wouldn't see through my facade. i didn't want to like anyone just because of their looks but I had quite literally not spoken to the male sort in my entire life (not including men I am related to, I was in all girl private school before I moved to America's public system) to develop an interest in them in a romantic or infatuated way even.

now this is just my introduction to my philosophical essay about whether hurt/ mentally ill people are inherently evil but I must admit that this was started because of other reasons. we might not even get to touch on that either, i tend to ramble and not get to the point effectively.

if you followed me long enough you would know that I was talking to a man I might've called Viking. but we do not talk anymore after I made my feelings clear to him.

i feel many things, most of the time, its anger, the other times, confusion, hurt, rejection..etc. but I do not blame him. mostly because, i am quite annoying as a human being.

one of the things i took to as a way to distract me from the pain, was reading. i read so much that it was impossible to feel anything except the emotions that I was told to through a page. but in between books I would have nights where i wouldnt be able to focus on the words, and I would ponder what was it i did wrong, what was it that made him deem me worthless, not worth responding to. and I would come up blank because my self-preservation wont allow me believe that because I made my intentions clear that I was in the wrong to do so when I feIt that our relationship was taking the wrong turn. if I am allowed to call it a relationship, because quite frankly it was a level below a situationship and a level above a friendship. that I was quite sure of.

as I sit here and write after almost two months of silence from his end and mine, because I refuse to be the one to break it. call it pride, call it stubbornness, I was not the one to ghost the other. i refuse to chase after someone who clearly does not want me. but still can't deny that I lay in bed every night at some godforsaken hours of the night wishing, and hoping that he would just take a step towards me. as I had done to him that one Wednesday afternoon in April.

my point is that my interest in men started out of necessity but it has evolved into a yearning of something that seems quite unattainable. i am not attractive by any means, but I am not of the ugliest sort. i have seen people with more weight with worse features than I with partners who could care less about appearances. which to say that my looks shouldn't be any good reason to ghost me. and while I don't necessarily think that my appearance was the reason for the silence I do struggle with the way l look so my insecurities have found a very good home in the found silence from him. i am working on losing weight out of a bet with friends but also out of bitterness but nevertheless, he is a man and if he wont block me than he must see what he is missing out on.

but again, I used to think I would never be that girl. the one who wanted something but she cant have it. which is quite the diabolical because the entirety of the 11 months we talked I had many panic/ anxiety attacks over how our appearances didn't match, our aesthetics weren't compatible, about how I was too ugly for him or too fat for him. but he seemed the sort that was straightforward and didnt waste other peoples times. i guess i was wrong in the sense that he kept me around because he was bored and disposed of me when it got too serious for his liking. i thought i always had the upperhand, that if things ended i wouldnt be too hurt about it and do what i do best, find the next boy to obsess over.

funny enough, he seemed interested. but i cant know for sure. i mightve made it up in my head.

i have a fear, which shouldnt be a fear but it is. remember how i said that my first crush was out of necessity? well that seems to be the case with me from 7th grade to the end of highschool. which is crazy because you would think with all the men i obsess over that i would find men attractive. i think there is a clear line between celebrities and fiction characters from a real person with undeliberate faults and thing you cant control.

i never thought any of my crushes were ugly, they were good looking but they didnt make me feel attracted to them. it didnt help that i was also the type to watch from a far and not the get close and comfortable.

considering this my first person that i liked and held an 11 months conversation/-ship with i think i did very good but that doesnt change that i read too many romantic book and i had a silver of hope.

a silver of hope that maybe i wasnt weird or shitty for not feeling attracted to anyone in my life. that i finally found someone who literally embodied my dream guy and couldnt have been more perfect. if only he was better at communicating.

he says that he is traumatized from long distance relationships, i now understand that it mightve been his fault. he doesnt communicate. in the 11 months we have known each other i know about a handful of things about him while he had me all figured out. except for one thing. he never got my fear of relationships. since i suspect he ghosted me because he thought i would want one. i guess ghosting me seemed like his best option.

i might not be undesireable but i am not anyone's first choice either. usingmedia to distract me from my emotions literally has become my life. i read about 15 hockey romances the weeks after the ghosting. i was already reading regency era adult romances but i couldnt bring myself to finish them because i had spoken to him about them. this decision i will regret because i talked about everything with him. i mentioned this before. quite literally everything reminds me of him. and its quite sad because i cant evn ssay what we had was special. i decided yesterday that he wasnt worth all of this, and i know he isnt. but i am tired. i just want to be dessired and wanted.

i literally stopped reading a book because the male interest did the same thing that he did to me, essentially to the female protag. i cant even pick up the raunchy adult romance.

i didnt let my self feel the extent of my emotions, only in small slivers of despair, or when i am too tired to pretend that his actions didnt affect me.

he was perfect in all ways but one and i was all faults except for one; my immenient need to communicate.

and no one knows, a friend of mine knows, but they dont know everything, i dont want her to get annoyed with me. i was in her place too many times and i refuse to put her through that. and our mutual friends?

hahahahaha the other night i was speaking with S, and he said that the last time he spoke to him, he mentioned me and Viking said 'oh i havent spoken to her in a while' thats it. no explaination no excuse. i dont even know why that infuriated me. i wasnt even worth an explaination in his eyes. S barely found out via vague summary from me. because even though i was/am hurt. i refuse to tarnish his reputation. 'in a while' ????? you mean two months? but then again S couldnt remember the last time he talked to him. but like still?

forget that we were flirting constantly i thought i was friend at least. i deserve more than this. i think. maybe not then.

i want to scream and shout and hit him and cry about why he didnt want me. but i realize thats self depricating. i should never seek validation from a man, i know but it wouldnt fucking hurt fam.

i have so much to say and yet i feel like its already too much. i should keep quiet. thats what people want from me. for someone who is 'boy crazy' i have not stomached going on a dating app, or boy watching in public because it physically hurts. for gods sake i cant even read fanfiction or just READ because of it. any sight of anything merely romantic makes me want to yell. i am tired and i want to turn everything off. including my stupid rat brain that only seems to be attracted to assholes.

but the same fucking stupid brain cant help but hope that is our enemies to lovers story. one day... god i hope one day...

#halie #i...dont even know anymore #thoughts #quite literally all the thing i want to say and i have much more #halie thoughts #i feel like crying #the other mutual friend is my best friend who introduced us in the first place and she was very flip floppy about the whole thing #i dont know whether shell say i told you sso or comfort me #quite frankly i dont know which i want or prefer #both options will make me histerical #i already am #i feel very dumb

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fashionoutfit6 · 6 years

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The post Purchase Entry Essay On the internet. Bypassing Plagiarism with your Made to order Essay Composing Expert services appeared first on Guest Blogging Platform for Jewelry & Fashion.

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ladiesfashion25 · 6 years

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Purchase Entry Essay On the internet. Bypassing Plagiarism with your Made to order Essay Composing Expert services

Produce the entrance table really feel like moving you by will be the most significant oversight with their lifestyles.

That is why Academized.com utilize the top expert authors, from which you should buy admissions essay on line.

Why Invest essay writing organizer in Entry Essays On the net?

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Give An Individual To Write down My Entry Essay To Me

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So what is Plagiarism?

Plagiarism will be the saying used to clarify the entire process of stealing an individual elses cerebral asset and moving it well since the individual.

This might be unintentional around the young people thing. The following could flag as a example of plagiarism:

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Getting an excerpt and simply not citing the origin

Making use of ebooks an internet-based instruments as researching components rather than putting these to the bibliography

Working with someones statistical files with out crediting them to the genuine job

Copying completely from a manuscript or web based posting

As we discussed, its rather easy to accidentally plagiarise. As well as penalties to get a learner is often rather considerable.

For numerous graduate students and undergraduates, the project might be a computerized stop working.

For school young people researching for any experts education or possibly a doctorate extent, they might be pulled from the path.

To obtain a senior high school person, worthwhile markings are generally misplaced, or even the project may need to be re-performed using up important energy and time.

How Does Someone Make essay writing national festivals Sure This Doesnt Eventually Me?

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Or not surprisingly, you would use the worry from the problem entirely and get Academized to publish that you simply qualified unique essay.

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The most convenient was to make sure you do not fit in this snare is usually t.e.e.l essay writing structure by obtaining our unique essay written documents.

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The post Purchase Entry Essay On the internet. Bypassing Plagiarism with your Made to order Essay Composing Expert services appeared first on Guest Blogging Platform for Jewelry & Fashion.

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