sara loses a card game and fucking dies

An unfiltered reaction to Jigen Daisuke the live action movie, which I call Jigen Daisuke, A Very Nice Man Who Kills People And Cries A Lot

I didn't read any other reviews/reactions yet because I want this to be PURE. lol. Also only watched once and I often change my mind on some points when I rewatch

Not sure whether I like this movie. I enjoyed it! But did I enjoy it as a movie, or as a Lupin fan?

It's not a movie that can stand alone outside the Lupin fandom. Like, if this was some random gunslinger movie, I would not have watched it in the first place. That would mean it loses points, except this is Lupin III, everyone knows it is, and it's openly relying on that clout. In this case, it's probably silly to consider it as a "movie" rather than a "Lupin movie." So that doesn't bother me.

On the flip side... the movie has nothing to do with Lupin III, so it could be about some rando and nothing would have to change. At all. That bugs me because if you're gonna give Jigen his own live action and not include the rest of the gang in any way (except for a three second appearance of the Fiat and Lupin's red jacket through the windshield), then you've got to go to lengths to make me believe it is in fact Jigen. I don't mean I want a "Meet Jigen Daisuke" montage - we're working under the assumption that most everyone watching already knows his character bio. In the script and acting, I need something that means he couldn't be switched out with any other Cool Guy (TM) character and read exactly the same way.

Nice things:

I like Tamayama's Jigen. He's cool but subdued, although you do get hints that he's not always so mellow, which I really appreciated. Like when he almost shouts at Oto and then purposefully lowers his voice. "Oh, I'm not yelling at Lupin, this is an actual child," lol. One of my favorite scenes was when he reads Oto's tragic backstory in the notebook, and wants to hide that he's tearing up, so he desperately fumbles for a cigarette, only to be thwarted haha. That, and him telling spectators "Don't look," seemed really Jigen to me.

A fun cast of original characters. I enjoyed Chiharu a lot. I think it's rather funny that Tamayama is playing the Cool Guy Main Character, who spends almost all of his on screen time talking to an elderly woman lol. But she was tough and kind and honestly I'm just glad she wasn't a sexy young lady lol. The people in her town, the florist, the guy who was kicked out of the Go club for gambling - all a lot of fun too.

Special mention: Ruri! I adored her the minute she appeared and I really expected she'd have more of a role than she did. I was back and forth whether she'd be a help or a hindrance, especially after it turned out she was Shadow Guy's (forgot his name sorry) lover. Usually I don't like the Love Interest Who Appears For One Movie Then Never Again, but in this case I was actually cheering fo Jigen/Ruri. Of course, the one time I like a ship, the rug is immediately pulled out from under me hahaha.

Found family dynamic I mean what can I say, you hit my weak point. Grandma Chiharu (the gun forger), her nephew Jigen (the hired gun), and his daughter Oto (the tortured child). Checks out. Also Jigen's desperation to make Oto happy was adorable.

Really cool disabled villain?! Adele's opening scene was awesome. Honestly, when I saw she was in a wheel chair and had a fancy prosthetic leg, all I was expecting was that she'd open her knee cap and surprise! there'd be a gun inside. But not only did she get to pop some wheelies, she also took advantage of her lower vantage point to maneuver the gunmen into shooting each other. It was a strong opener and, personally, my favorite action sequence in the movie.

The lighting and atmosphere were pretty great throughout. I especially enjoyed Shadow Guy's uhh shadowy-ess. (Not so much his questionable CG faces.) The use of colored lighting, the showdown between Jigen and Shadow Guy that was all in blue etc, gave the film an artistic tone which kinda helped cover up stuff that was otherwise rather bland.

The concept of "drugs made from children" - at first I was just laughing, like what the heck? I thought they meant smuggling drugs inside the children's bodies or something. But I changed my mind. However sci-fi it is, I think it's kind of neat that they basically taught the audience the effect of constant stress on a young child's psyche, and how it keeps them in a constant state of fight or flight. Yeah, all the details were super iffy (why would drinking their blood send any of that to the recipient, and why would it result in eternal young? lol), but hey, it's Lupin *shrug* At the time, I was hoping there would be further messages about ways adults, even those who are well-meaning, overlook the impact our actions have on children, or ignore their feelings. Because Oto's feelings were very much ignored before Jigen. The movie seemed to be going out of its way to show us how much Jigen was trying to get Oto to speak for herself, even through writing, and have an opinion of her own. So I was intrigued, but it didn't really go anywhere. It's nice that Jigen's goal was Oto learning to laugh, but since Oto is pretty much just a victim after getting kidnapped again, we lose touch with her character and it doesn't hit the same for me. Which leads me to...

Meh things:

The first half of the movie is kinda low energy. While I wasn't exactly expecting typical Lupin shenanigans, so much of the first half is just Jigen talking to people without learning much. I like Chiharu, sure, but she's not like a scintillating conversationalist. (Although she is better than Jigen lol)

And while as expected the energy picked up with the action scenes in the second half, they were almost without speech - which is a point for realism, but minus a point for Entertaining Fizz *shrug* If only Lupin were there to provide a partner for some witty banter. I'm kinda joking, with Jigen alone the silence is fitting and supports the clean and speedy way he shoots. But it just went on so long. And you know there's not much very Lupin-y about this movie, except the ridiculous stunts and sheer number of people Jigen defeats all by his lonesome self... so that's a thing.

The whole "your gun talks to you" thing gets a big What from me. If was Goemon I'd understand, at least in the sense that it would be Goemon and I don't understand him anyway. :P Jigen's relationship with his gun is weirdly intimate true. And I really enjoyed Chiharu pointing out that considering how many parts he's had to replace over the years, no part of his magnum is actually the same one he started out with. When Jigen got a present of magnum bullets from the florist, I knew he'd get his revolver back soon (I mean we all would have known it anyway, it's Jigen), and the moment he ran out of bullets for his replacement gun, I was like, shit Chiharu's coming NOW?? And not only does she come, she careens into the hyper security building in a big ol' bus. Which... is a good choice I guess, good protection. But the timing, THE TIMING. There are some coincidences I can forgive and some I can't lol. All I'll say saves this scene is that Chiharu doesn't die in it.

Re: the talking gun: for this movie to impress me, it needed to tell me something about Jigen. It didn't need to earth-shattering news. I wasn't hoping for a bunch of flashbacks about his youth on the streets or anything. Just something about his heart, his values, his weaknesses... Anything. What we get is obvious: The first scene is Jigen shooting a man in a gun fight. A child is there, although they're taken away before it starts, so I guess the man is the kid's father. Then the movie itself is about protecting a child's happiness. I suppose there's a message there. Still I don't think, in the end, we learned anything about Jigen at all. He's cool. He's brusque. He likes to say he doesn't like things he does in fact like very much. He's sentimental. I guess we learned Jigen cries easily because he was like crying aaaaall the time. Okay okay, that's exaggerating. But still. The cigarette cry was a good cry. Loved the acting. But when he tears up around Chiharu later, it was too much for me. Like he's trying to convince her that she shouldn't rely on the police, she should rely on him instead, because he'll definitely be able to shoot straight through those tears. *shrug*

Another complaint about Jigen: is he a guy who's worked as a bodyguard, a merc, a hired gun? Because ya definitely don't see it in this movie! He's pretty much a superhero. Rescuing Oto, protecting Chiharu, fighting through his own injuries, defeating legions of enemies, and keeping the moral high ground. As much as I don't think a Jigen movie has any need to explain it's a Jigen movie, it's weird to me that he's so much a good guy in it - yeah, I know a lot of Lupin movies are like that, so this kind of a pointless complaint... But it still bugs me.

Back to the OCs. Adele, who was so awesome at first, is totally uninteresting the rest of the time. I expected some commentary on her using a mechanical voice while Oto tries to recover her real one. It's probably good they didn't do that, because it's pretty insensitive to real people with vocal problems. But because they still gave Adele that voice and made it part of her tragic backstory, your mind goes there anyway. The real bummer of Adele is that we never really know what she wants. She says it's power, and we're meant to understands that because she had so much of her power taken away as a child, this is how she gains it back as an adult. But she's soft and heartbroken at the end, pretty much telling us she wishes Jigen had been there for her the way he's there for Oto. That's not a new idea, but it sucks when the only build up to it is Adele saying it out loud and then, instead of using her amazing fighting prowess, she challenges him to a quick draw duel. You could argue that since they're both quick draws, this was an interesting fight... But what was memorable about Adele's fighting was how intricate and showy it was. Jigen did that took in his way, but what he's known for are those cowboy stand-offs. So this was Jigen's duel from the outset and from the audience's perspective Adele had already lost simply because of that. Yes she's happy Jigen's released her from her miserable life I guess. Who she is, what drives her, how she really feels about Oto and the other children, is all kinda just bits of information which come out piecemeal in the rather anticlimactic finale.

The movie is live action, and generally benefits from it. But with Adele, for some reason it went super anime IMO. I don't just mean her character design. It's definitely different, but not too far off from the rest of the characters. The way she cradles Oto, dressing her in the white gown, keeping her on her lap like a doll, made me think of gothic novels, and def shojo manga. The way Adele dramatically falls out the window with a smile in slow motion as well seemed right out of anime storyboard. Not a big deal in the scheme of things, but it stuck out to me like a sore thumb. Obvs Shadow Guy is a pretty anime-style henchman too, but not as extreme as Adele.

Shadow Guy and Ruri: Just didn't get enough development. I really wish Ruri and Jigen had met again in the end. I was half expecting her to show up and try to get revenge on Jigen, or kill herself... I mean I'm definitely glad she didn't, because we hardly needed more tragedy to balance out Oto's rescue. But I liked Ruri, I'm sorry her lover was killed even if it was his own doing, and they definitely seem to have been in tough strait themselves, so. And Ruri knows Chiharu. Everything seemed prime for her to have some role in the finale, but nope. Honestly, much as I like Chiharu, I might have enjoyed Ruri taking in Oto? Okay, Ruri's lifestyle isn't conducive to raising a kid at all :P But it would have tied her in, maybe, if she moved in with Chiharu so an old retired lady didn't have sole responsibility of a traumatized young girl. And Ruri could have learned watch-making, along with being a sex worker, hopefully encouraging her to be more choosy with her clients so she doesn't get hurt so much. Idk I just felt Ruri was left out to dry in the end, her romance existing just to make the movie sadder.

Last, Oto: Cute actress. Very good at behaving terrified. And adorable when she was finally allowed to smile. But like I mentioned earlier, I wish she had found more agency in the end. Of all the tropes they avoided, one I wish they'd kept was Oto finding her voice in the final battle scene. I know she says "I'm sorry." But I'm picturing like, Adele has Jigen at her mercy, and at the moment Adele begins to shoot Oto just shrieks with everything in her and it distracts Adele enough that Jigen finds an opening... Her getting miraculously cured in an instant would be overkill for sure, and I appreciate that she's doing some self-therapy through writing in the notebook as she recovers and heads towards speech one day. What I really just wanted was for Oto to have some say/something to do in her own rescue.

Speaking of which, it seems children have replaced women in the action movie "damsel in distress" role. In Lupin it's everywhere. I'm a bit tired of it. I miss scrappy, precocious kids.

Tl;dr: I enjoyed the movie as a Jigen fan. It's not bad! It's better than expected really. I have a couple :) issues, that's all. Lol

I'm glad you reactivated the questions, here are some flowers for you: 💐 Seriously speaking I'm sorry that because of a question I asked you a few weeks ago you watched a series of videos of psychopaths 🥲It made me laugh at first but then I felt guilty 💔 it's all Muzan's fault for leaving us all with curiosity (imagine his parents' reaction once they realized there was something wrong with him even as a human)

Yay, flowers (which I shall kill with my black thumb)! And no, no, it’s fine, I had hoped it came off funny! I like listening to stuff like that while I draw anyway because I’m a nerd anyway and I found it very interesting.

Speaking of being a nerd, you have innocuously unlocked the following essay about Heian period nobility and wisteria flowers: There is nothing to state so in canon, but I find it highly reasonable to say Muzan might had been of the very powerful Fujiwara clan. Step inside my office, Anon.

Okay. So. The Heian period, simply put, was a time of cultural flourishing and beautiful pastimes, the origins of a lot of Japanese style aesthetics, and a romantic courtly like of romancing everybody else in the court. This is assuming, of course, that you were at the very, very, very, very top of society. Otherwise, the vast majority of people were poor and sick and starving and ew, in young Muzan’s world, we do not wish to associate with that. In the Heian court, Kyoto basically is the whole cultural world. Even though there were other cities that could rival Kyoto, the emperor was there, so it was essentially the cultural center of the country. The nobles who lived there got money from owning land in far-flung provinces, but actually having to live in those provinces? What a drag! Having to live away from Kyoto for work, even if it wasn’t an official banishment, often felt like a punishment to the nobles and their families who were used to the social scene at court. And, like affluent courts around the world throughout history, understanding all the intricacies of style and “Heian Rumors” was key to having social clout, and popularity was power. And yeah, nobles would be vicious to each other. While clan dynamics and history are complex and not something I’m getting into here (I don’t consider myself well-versed in it enough), the Fujiwara clan is a BIG DEAL.  Basically, in Heian times, children were typically raised in their mother’s home, thereby heavily influenced by their mother’s clan, so besides a young man’s parents, his in-laws also would had been hugely influential in his life, as they will have a long-felt influence on his progeny. The Emperors typically married Fujiwara daughters. This, in addition to other positions of influence of the Fujiwara clan members usually held with influence over the Emperor, means that politically, there was no messing with them. Now, just because I say Muzan might had been a Fujiwara clan member, I don’t necessarily mean a member of the main branch of the family. Often, due to inheritance management, different branches of various noble clans might be given different surnames. The Fujiwara clan does have different branches, some of which did go one to have close ties with the imperial family even after the fall of their power at the end of the Heian period and all the way through the Taisho, and some branches carry some impressive family legacies but otherwise live like normal or high-class common folk in modern-day. (I know one such Ojousama from a renamed Fujiwara branch; she’s a sweetheart and never brings it up herself but every time I hear other people say things about her family, I’m like, dang.) We can venture from Muzan’s likely expensive medical treatment, multiple marriages (meaning other clans sought to be connected with his family even by marrying their daughters to a sick man), and even preparation for cremation as a baby that he was of a very, very high status. 

Being the sick son of a prominent family may have warped his personality in multiple ways: first, he was probably already used to a culture of popularity equated political power. We see in Muzan’s dealings with humans in the Taisho period that he can be exceedingly charming to get what he wants (a psychopath trait, haha), so he was probably pretty aware of the complex ways of socialites in the court. But, even being aware of that, it probably frustrated him to no end that he was too sick to take part in the social pastimes where he’d gain clout. It’s also possible that he was a bit of a bargain husband for his wives’ families who were seeking to a make ties with his family, as they must not had been politically useful enough to be married off to other powerful matches. This may be some of why he was so ruthless to them, for he never saw them as useful to him in the first place. This probably got a bit worse once he became a demon. Now to be lewd, but he probably got more vigorous in his pursuit of more powerful lovers, and knew how to slay the women’s hearts as he liked (you know, popular Heian pastime, everybody had lots of lovers, it was the norm, though political marriages and legitimate children were still important). That new sense of power probably went to his head. But, ultimately, he must had been limited in clout since he couldn’t take part in any daytime activities, thereby limiting his access to more powerful spheres of influence. His reputation from having grown up sickly must had followed him too. It’s anyone’s guess how much affection his parents had for him and how happy they were about his health at first, and if and when they might had noticed his changes. He was a full-fledged adult by the time he turned into a demon, so who knows how closely they even associated with him. They likely had healthier children who they devoted more care and attention to, and invested more family resources in while assuming Muzan would probably die young.

Who knows what the final straw was in Muzan leaving court? Was it frustration at not being able to walk in daylight that made him flee to the Kanto area in pursuit of the blue spider lily (from near where the doctor lived) long before Kanto became politically affluent? Or was it the rumors at court about how he didn’t age, and that he was eating people?

Of note, a lot of the early legends of demons in Japanese culture take place in the Heian period.

In his book “Japanese History of Demon Slayers,” retired Shizuoka University professor Tetsuo Owada capitalized on the success of Kimetsu no Yaiba to dive into a lot of ties between the series and what it may pay homage to throughout Japanese history and culture. While this was published last September and a handful of his theories have been disproven by the second fanbook published last February, and while I think a lot of his theories are stretching a little too far to make strong connections, it’s still deeply, deeply interesting stuff. He goes into some specific comparisons of demons, like Minamoto-no-Raiko and his posse of four big bad warriors taking on the Tsuchigumo (giant spider demon) terrorizing the mountains north of Kyoto harkening to the case of Rui’s family (and, ding ding ding, this was the primary focus of the official Kabuki/Kimetsu crossover last November), as well as takes little questions left in canon and dives into them a bit deeper. One such question is, why were wisteria lethal to demons? According to Prof. Owada’s research, there is no historical basis for this. Some of the talk online is that: 1. Wisteria are in fact poisonous, and consuming too much of them would cause vomiting and diarrhea (though I’ve also seen people make jam out of them because of the fragrance, so, like???) 2. Beans are thrown around at Setsubun to ward off demons (like so, Feat. Muzan and Kimetsu Beans), and wisteria are of the bean family 3. Wisteria like sunlight, so perhaps like Nichirin, they soak up some of the sun’s properties that are lethal to demons 4. In the language of flowers (Hanakotoba), wisteria symbolize kindness, welcomeness, refusing to leave someone’s side, being drunk with love, being straightforward and truthful, not losing the humanity in one’s heart, thereby containing a lot of meaning contrary to the conduct of demons Interesting, but some of its kind of a stretch. While still finding it a stretch to apply it to wisteria being poisonous to demons, Prof. Owada goes on to say that since ancient times, while the wisteria has some negative connotations of how it was sometimes written with characters meaning “doesn’t heal” (不治) and growing downward with smaller and smaller flowers like symbolize the slow downfall of a family line, it conversely also carries positive connotations of longevity and flourishing family due to the fact that its vines grow upward.

Now, you might picked up at some point that the Japanese word for wisteria is “fuji.” Not to be confused with Mt. Fuji (that’s written differently), it IS the same fuji as in “Fujiwara”: 藤.

Prof. Owada goes on to explore the association with the use of Wisteria crests in Kimetsu no Yaiba, especially on the houses of supporters of the Demon Slayer Corp. His recurring thesis is that the pandemic is partly responsible for Kimetsu no Yaiba’s popularity since demon legends have long since had origins in epidemics, and he supposes the Wisteria crest has a protective effect on the houses, similar to a talisman used in a lot of real life rituals for warding off illness and then often displays in or on the entries of houses to protect the family every year (I have one such item gifted to me, it stays by my doorway, along with a couple sticks of charcoal (but the culture of charcoal is a post for some other day)). The talisman is in reference to a god of Hindu/Chinese origins being treated with hospitality by the So clan, so although other families perished in disaster/disease, he promised to always protect the So clan descendants, so the talisman says “Descendants of the So Clan” so that any household may try to claim that divine protection. The gratitude-exchange of hospitality and protection and sure sounds familiar! Prof. Owada isn’t done yet. While the crest design used in Kimetsu no Yaiba isn’t an actual family crest in in real life, there are lots and lots and lots of family crests that use a wisteria design and have the character for “wisteria” in the name. Any time you hear “—tou”, like Satou, Saitou, or even Gotou, you can typically assume it’s 藤. It’s very common nowadays, but the first family to be granted the use of this name was the Fujiwara clan, when one of the pre-Heian and very powerful emperors granted their clan head this surname, which was a major honor, and it marked the start of the Fujiwara clan’s political dominance (there was already influence leading up to this, but meh, we like clear-cut stuff to simply centuries of history, don’t we?). Furthermore, although we often think of the Fujiwara clan for their influence at court, and we might think of the Minamoto clan for warrior heroes who fought demons, Prof. Owada concludes his argument of wisteria’s protective influence by pointed out a long list of Heian period Fujiwara warriors who also were the heroes of demon slaying legends, stating that their name has also long been tied with demon slayer culture. SO!!! Let me go on with my theory here. Muzan is from the same family line as Ubuyashiki. At some point (I assume after Muzan is long gone from Kyoto), the family is told while their children keep dying, and they accept their mission to bring an end to Kibutsuji Muzan and clear this curse on their family line. My thought is that their ancestor was a full blood sibling of Muzan, one whom was more invested in than sickly Muzan. While perhaps already an off-shoot of the Fujiwara Clan and thereby not entitled to the same sorts of inheritance, they probably maintained close ties with them. But, as it was already not direct by that time, the other Fujiwara clan branches were not affected by this curse. To further spare the clan the effects of this curse, this was probably when that sickly branch took the name Ubuyashiki. (And yes, I have things to say about this name and its possible mythological origins which I find a highly, highly interesting connection. Prof. Owada supposes it is tied with Izumo Taisha Grand Shrine and that is why there are nine pillars, but as much as I love Izumo Taisha and its giant pillars I base my argument in separate Shinto (but also Izumo!) mythology and accept that there are not always supposed to be nine Pillars specifically and Gotouge simply chose that number based on the number of strokes in the kanji for ‘Hashira’ (柱) BUT I DIGRESS). So, the Ubuyashiki Clan is it’s own thing, but is sort of like a cousin to the other Fujiwara branches and thereby continues to enjoy Fujiwara support throughout the Heian period, like some of the Fujiwara warriors going out there and slaying some of Muzan’s early demon experiments, and using their influence to bring in other warriors to the demon slaying cause (pet

theory: Genpei War warrior Kumagai Naozane was a member of the proto-Corp and using Kasugai-garasu was in practice since at least late Heian period). While the Ubuyashiki Clan probably already their own inherited land (and funds that came from it), throughout their history, their cousin clans might also have provided financial support to the Ubuyashiki Clan. But, they probably distanced themselves from the clan due to the curse and not wanting to be tainted. When you bring back in the wisteria associations this puts the contrary associations with a flourishing and dying family line in a new light. Furthermore, the “not healing” way of writing “fuji” also means a lot more in the context of Muzan’s, and later the Ubuyashiki clan’s illness.

Summary:

- Says a guy named Jeff has been emailing him updates on “what y’all have been up to.” He goes through the emails.

- Says in the list he sees people he’s never dated and people he’s kicked out of his life. He says they’re all just pissed off. He’s confused, why would he care? - Starts talking about his ex sister-in-law. Says she’s losing her mind on twitter. He emphases she was from 9 years ago, “what the fuck?” (lol he literally made a video about her nipples a couple years ago?? And brought her up in videos for years saying he wish he married her instead of Skye? And sent her emails all these years?) - Says she says there’s a collection of photos of her on his computer. He says she’s actually a porn star and they’re online. “You can’t make this shit up.” (she did some nude photos for SG, I don’t think that qualifies her as a “porn star”?) Says this is one of many things people try to pin on him that’s irrelevant. - He says he wasn’t the one who made fun of her nipples, that was his ex, he just “passed it on”. (aka made a video about it 6 years later) Says if your nipple if misshapen you’re still “just as good” and it “builds character”.

- He says he can’t talk about certain people because of legal arrangements they have to maintain friendships. This is to prevent him from talking about them and destroying the friendship. Says most celebrities do that (sign NDA’s?) so it makes sense. - Says it’s weird some people don’t respect those legal agreements. If they can’t respect legal agreements that were signed, how could you respect anything they say? They publicly admitted it as agreed it to. Says if you watch Judge Judy, all you have to do is agree to something and it becomes valid.

[Next email scrolls, it says Edwin is talking about him and is planning on making a video about Kai.]

- Says it’s a shame people are going after Kai and it shows they never cared about him. “such a malicious and horrible thing to such an awesome person. That’s why Kai is done with y’all. Y’all are insane.” He says Kai can’t trust anybody anymore people people pretended to be his "BFF” for years “only to totally do the worst things to them.” - Says if the things people said about Kai were true, he’d be in jail. Says it’s so easy to just walk into a police station if you have something that’s so open and close.

- He says Kai’s been proven innocent, but no one cares. He says the proof is someone said a horrible crime occurred and their friend said they went to court and yet Kai is still free. - Says Kai is the center of this controversy, yet his (Greg’s) name is brought up more because his name gives people attention. This is the biggest clout campaign he’s ever seen in his life. Says if he was making video after video or tweet after tweet about any ex, people would call him a psychopath or a stalker. (but he’s done that for years??) - Says one person was dumped for lying and doing illegal drugs and another was dumped for cheating on him and taking money from him. A bunch of emails scroll on screen. (I guess as receipts, but they’re old? We already know about these, he’s shown them a million times. One was from someone informing him Shiloh cheated, and the others are just conversations between him and Shiloh when she was in Canada.) - He says he can’t talk about why another ex was dumped because they have a legal agreement. He says he actually respects legal agreements. No one respects the fact he obeys the law. People break the law and are still seen as heroes and that is mind boggling to him.

- He says he doesn’t have the pictures. If you google “suicide girl [blank]”, everyone has those pictures. A note on screen says he removed the name she used. He says if you are an adult and someone pays you to pose for photos and they’re released, the whole internet has them. Asks if that’s what she’s complaining about. - He says everyone is saying his exes have the same story, yet his ex sister-in-law’s main complaint is he has photos from her shoot. (That’s not her main complaint but sure buddy.) He says there’s another girl who is saying something about “someone else and photos” (aka Kai exchanging nudes with minors), not him and photos “and this is supposed to be the same story?” Text on screen says people mix up people in his life with him. (Lol this is one of the worst defenses/arguments I’ve ever heard from him.) - Says something people are consistent about is saying he’s a manipulator. Says he only knows this because he asked his discord because he doesn’t what to watch people’s videos or read tweets. While he’s talking Shiloh’s old, still public “I’m Sorry” blog post scrolls on the screen. After the blog it says this:

- Says discord says the consistent story is he’s controlling.

(A couple years ago he admitted to having a hentai addiction and says it’s so bad it takes time away from his family and work. You can’t keep using the same old arguments to make people look bad after you already gave more context that makes their position look more sympathetic. 🙄) - Says he’s not controlling because he doesn’t like controlling people’s lives. He doesn’t tell people what to wear, what to eat. Text on screen says he told an ex not to do illegal drugs. (LMao There’s SO much evidence out there of him telling people to dress certain ways to prevent being assaulted, dye their hair, get tattoos, and to eat vegetarian. He even got into that twitter fight with Kai because Kai ate fish and he didn’t approve.)

(Wow this video has so many eye opening receipts it rivals James Charles’ receipt video. Maybe even Pro Jared’s! Jk this is all old info.) - Goes on and on about how not-controlling he is. - Says everyone is manipulative, but people don’t realize it. Says if you support Trump, you view facts differently from everyone else. 

(Holy shot these bombshell receipts keep coming! Just another old email we have seen 100 times. This email was from only about 5 months after they broke up. He and Kai didn’t go public with their relationship until months later, so idk how she would have “dang well” knew, not that it seems like she’s trying to get in his pants or anything. If that’s bad maybe he should show the emails he’s been sending Billie and his ex sister-in-law lol.) - Says people want to see him fail so they’re not going to listen to him. They’ll hear him say “everyone is manipulative” and say he admitted to being manipulative. (this video is so painful. send help) It’s not a human conversation. It’s reaction, cancel culture, blah blah.

- Talks about the Madame situation - was copyright claimed for using his music, took viewers money to sue him, used the money to go on a trip instead. He says this is how serious people that talk about copyright claim are. Says she committed literal fraud. Cancel culture, don’t drink the kool-aid. (Ignoring the almost decade of false copyright claims he’s been issuing.)

- Said the list of things Shiloh did was huge, like cheat on him, got pregnant with another guy, and lied about sepsis. Says she took someone else’s premature baby photo and posted it online like the baby died because she’s a pathological liar. Text on screen says it’s an unimaginable thing to do for most people. (lol I love how he’s acting like this is such a horrible act, yet he made this video about it back then.) He says we’re biased so we ignore the fact that she’s a pathological liar. - Says Shiloh is allegedly calling Kai a predator and a liar yet she emailed Kai “a little while ago” saying they need to leave Greg because Kai’s in trouble. (This email was during the time Kai and Greg broke up after cuddlegate. In 2016.) He says it’s confusing that people said Kai was the victim, but since people couldn’t get Kai to come to their side, the villainized him (omfg lol)

(This email was debunked years ago. The writer of the email wiped their involvement and denied writing the email once Greg made it public. I believe they wrote it to get close to Kai and Greg and once Greg made it public, they panicked. I don’t think we’ve ever seen the email Shiloh allegedly sent to Kai.) - Says because people are rejected, they have to make people seem evil. He says this happens with every person he kicks out of his life. - Text on screen says part 2 is coming. 

Thanks for the update to TEF! Love ALL your fics! I'm wondering if you think there would even be any attraction between Urayoru if they never grew up together? Would he even have made it to Captain? Would they have been friends, anyway? Thanks and looking forward to your answer :)

Tyyyy!

And I love your question, because one of the things that makes the UraYoru relationship so special has always been their connection since childhood.  So what happens when you take that away?

For starters, I believe we’d be looking at two different people.  Not radically so, but to put it in the words of one of my favorite quotes about relationships:

“The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.” – Carl. G. Jung  

(THE AU I DIDN’T KNOW I NEEDED UNDER THE CUT)

If TBTP is any indication, Kisuke in his youth was a far more reserved person than the behatted trickster Ichigo first meets.  And bear in mind that this is a Kisuke already influenced by Yoruichi, so I can only imagine how much shier he must’ve been as a young boy.  What’s interesting, however, is the slow reveal that Kisuke in TBTP was still the same deep down, he simply lacked some of the confidence that was most likely the product of his tenure as a Captain.

I don’t believe Kisuke’s playful (and darker) side was the result of his association with Yoruichi; I believe that she drew out what was already there, lying dormant.  Kisuke and Yoruichi are kindred spirits in many ways, but differ in the way they express themselves: where she will make no apologies about her brazen nature and openly tease someone, Kisuke is a manipulator who employs subterfuge to produce the same result, and not only enjoys it, but also feigns innocence –however poorly- after the fact.  

One of the aspects of Kisuke’s personality I enjoy the most is the occasional peek into his more sinister side.  And as much as Yoruichi seems to encourage it and even share it at times, I think that with Kisuke, it goes much deeper.  In fact, I firmly believe that a friendless Kisuke could have easily become someone dangerously close to Aizen.  It’s not that Kisuke doesn’t have a moral compass, or that his friends and loved ones act like it, but rather Kisuke strives to be better because of them (see: his completely new attitude toward Ichigo once he starts to truly care about him). 

There’s also the matter of motivation to consider.  Fun though the anime version of TBTP was, we have no idea how Kisuke and Yoruichi came to the decision to nominate him for Captaincy.  Our only clue comes from Kisuke’s reflection after his first day, where he muses out loud that Yoruichi was right:

This implies that Kisuke did need a bit of convincing, but the quote he repeats explicitly states that Yoruichi’s main argument was that becoming a Captain would be ‘interesting.’  At no point does Kisuke say anything to the effect of: “Yoruichi-san was right; it’s high time I stop messing around.” What this tells me is that Kisuke, like many a genius before him, was bored.  As averse as he seems to be to assuming responsibility, he’s a natural leader when he’s confident, and I’m willing to bet Yoruichi, who knew him so well, also knew that this was the kind of challenge he needed to truly shine.  

Even more tellingly, Kisuke wastes no time in going forward with his plan to create the SRDI, which tells me it must’ve been on his mind for a while.  But a Third Seat simply doesn’t have the necessary clout to get an organization like the SRDI approved by the Powers That Be, which leads me to believe that this was yet another reason Yoruichi wanted him to get the promotion.  I can easily picture Kisuke talking her ear off for years beforehand about his sole ambition.

What I’m getting to with all this prologue is that a mind like Kisuke’s would not have been content to remain idle for long, with or without Yoruichi’s intervention.  Sooner or later, one of his superiors would have taken notice, so I think he would’ve made Captain anyway, even without Yoruichi there to give him a swift kick up the ass nudge.  Personally, I would love to picture him as a dark horse of sorts from the Fourth Division.  Y’all know how I feel about Kisuke’s bloodlust, and the idea that Unohana could have discovered him, so to speak, as a Kidō genius and a secret zanjutsu badass (now even more so because of her tutoring) makes me beyond giddy.  Just try and picture him as the deceptively meek underling from the healer squad who suddenly shows up for the Captain Exam and jaws start dropping all around when he whips out Benihime.

On the friendship front, since Yoruichi is out, this means that Kisuke didn’t grow up in the Shihōin estate and thus never met Tessai, either.  So I see him as a pretty withdrawn kid who only barely socialized during his Academy years, got a little better at it as an active Shinigami, and just because their friendship gives me life, I like to picture a possible scenario in which he struck a friendship with Shinji before he made Captain.  Which would’ve helped bring him out of his shell a bit.

As for Yoruichi… I think that Kisuke’s absence from her life would have marked her in deep, but not easily noticeable ways.  I’ve spoken before about my headcanons re: the Shihōin Clan and how the pressure to live up to their expectations affected Yoruichi’s life.  Personality-wise, I don’t think Kisuke was as big an influence to Yoruichi as she was to him, in the sense that I think she was already a spunky, outspoken kid.  If anything, perhaps she learned to exert a small measure of control over herself earlier on than she would have without him.

I do, however, believe that Kisuke was a massive catalyst in the way Yoruichi balanced duty and personal desires, because I think that the Training Grounds he built for them was the first true taste of freedom Yoruichi ever had.  And without it, I can picture her having a much more tumultuous relationship with her family, and a far rockier path to becoming the head of her clan.  And given how both Kisuke and Yoruichi do not trust easily, their absence from each other’s lives would’ve made them even less likely to open up, in the sense that their relationships (both platonic and romantic) would’ve been far more superficial.  For Yoruichi, I believe the exceptions were Kūkaku and Tessai (and perhaps Kaien, to a lesser extent), which would’ve made her a significantly less lonely child than Kisuke, but still without someone who understood her intimately.

So basically, I believe that without Kisuke, Yoruichi would still strive for the same excellence in her career and reach Captaincy before he did, though perhaps later than she did in canon, since they both also lacked a good sparring partner.  Yoruichi’s proficiency with Kidō would not be quite at the same level, and similarly, Kisuke’s hand-to-hand combat and Shunpō prowess would’ve suffered as well.  Not to a terrible degree, since I think both were talented enough to excel even on their own, but they wouldn’t have become the legends they were until after they met in this ‘universe.’

On a personal level, Yoruichi would, as mentioned above, appear more or less the same person to the unknowing eye, but would have an even harder time opening up to anyone.

So what would happen when a meeker Captain Urahara met this version of Captain Shihōin?  Well… sparks for one thing ;)  Chemistry is something you either have or you don’t.  It can’t be forced, and those two have it in spades, so there’s no reason to think they wouldn’t in this universe as well. 

I don’t think Yoruichi would have been very impressed with Kisuke upon first glance.  That is beyond finding him cute, because c’mon:       

In order for her to actually take notice, she would have to be afforded a peek into his darker side, and the way I can see it happening is either during a joint mission, of sorts, or better yet, during his Captain’s exam.  Cute little woobie shuffling into the exam room all smiley and puppy-like, then he pulls out Kannonbiraki and Yoruichi is all: “HOLD THE FUCK UP.”

Which, of course, piques her curiosity and leads her to try to get to know him a bit.  Perhaps by getting him to talk about the SRDI, and talking about the inventor side of her own family. And by the time they’re done talking, she’s more stunned and impressed by his genius than she’d like to admit.  Kisuke, in comparison, is a goner the second he hears her laugh, this is not even up for debate.

The way I see romance blossoming in this scenario is a little ass-backwards, to be honest xD As in Yoruichi finds him interesting enough to take him to bed and sees it as a completely casual affair, whereas Kisuke is 1000% smitten and tries to win her over bit by bit.  Which he does, of course, but it takes a while, because Yoruichi is a stubborn, stubborn woman.

I can even picture them being non-exclusive at first (mostly on her side) and then her slowly coming to the realization that she’s only really interested in him, so the prospect of seeing other people gradually loses its appeal until it vanishes altogether.

…………………..

……………

……You realize, of course, that now I must write this AU.

…………..Dammit.