#this is my first ask eheh | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sio-writes · 2 years

Text

A Botanist’s Guide - Chapter 7

<< Chapter 6

<<< Chapter 1

Author’s Note: Thank you all so much for your patience! Here’s a little early/bonus posting since you were all such good sports while I was in the hospital. After this, it’s back to our normal every other week schedule, aaaand yeah! My askbox remains open, feel free to come in and say hello. There’s a few tags for this chapter, nothing major, but please take care of yourselves first! I hope you all enjoy :>

Tags (spoiler-free): A character strongarms and minimizes the issues of another; mentions of past abuse; violence through mild self-injury

If you’d like context/spoilers for the tags feel free to message me and I’ll give you the full run-down <3

Cassie

I'm not ready to face the day. I'm ready to crawl back in bed and hide. I can be patient, I can wait it out. It's a coward's move, sure, but it's the safest option. Anything is better than confrontation.

Sleeping last night proved impossible. I was tossing and turning, throwing my sheets aside in favor of staring up at the ceiling, frowning so hard I should probably be worried about wrinkles. My mind wouldn't stop churning out ideas, feelings, it was like an engine with too much fuel. I couldn't turn it off. All night, I worried over today, what would happen, how it would go. Would Kri report me? Would I lose my lab? Or would it be a return to normal?

The brain worm was more optimistic. I tried to ignore it, but closing my eyes and seeing a reunion, a happy ending, dare I think it--a confession? That'd be beyond impossible, but I'd latched onto it and ran.

Kri would say the exact right thing, something like, "You're all I've ever wanted, you're all I think about," and he'd say it so matter-of-factly, like it was obvious from the start, and I'd go, "Why didn't we do this sooner?" And then we'd kiss in the greenhouse and wrap his strong arms around me, keeping me safe and secure before sweeping me off my feet.

My stupid imagination is going to be the death of me.

I'm frowning at my cafeteria coffee as Jillie slides into the bench next to me.

"Okay girl, spill."

I'm too distracted to give her a response, but I'm sure my expression is absolute misery. I pick up my coffee, swirl it in my hand, and sigh through my nose.

"You two fucked, didn't you?"

That snaps me out of it. "Jillie!"

She holds up a placating hand, the other is currently wrapped around a breakfast burrito. "Just tell me where so I can avoid those spots!"

I sputter, "That's not--! We didn't--!"

She gives me a scrutinizing look. I fumble for another moment, then let my cheek fall into my hand. I try not to sound disappointed when I say, "No, we didn't fuck."

"But you wish you did?"

"What--?! No, I--" I wither under her gaze. "I don't know."

Jillie's eyebrows shoot up. "You don't know."

Instead of answering, I look away, chewing on my bottom lip. The thought had crossed my mind, more than once. Part of me was ashamed--but a bigger part of me was intrigued. Four arms can do a lot.

It certainly would've made things easier, more straight-forward. One and done, get it out of my system. It worked back in undergrad when I was crushing on a TA. Then again, we wound up dating for six months afterwards.

I need some clarity. Raising my hand, I hold out my pinky. "No judgment?"

Jillie holds out her hand, pinky extended. "Promise."

It's a back and forth we started at NASA, friendship strengthened by a girly ritual. We ask for total honesty from one another, and in exchange we offer complete acceptance, the benefit of the doubt.

I smile at Jillie's hand, and interlace my pinky with hers. With a sigh, I start.

***

Jillie sits back, letting our hands fall apart. She interlaces her fingers and looks at me over their tented form like a doctor would a patient. "Can I be completely honest?"

I grimace, "Oh god."

"Nut up or shut up."

I open my mouth to respond, excuses rising easily to the surface. But seeing Jillie's hard expression has me thinking better of it, and I close my jaw with a click.

She's got a point, I can't argue that. Even just rehashing what happened, speaking it out loud to a one-woman jury, put things in perspective. I definitely have a big fat crush, but I'm also over-thinking things. What happened yesterday wasn't a huge deal, even if it feels like one. Something definitely shifted between Kri and me, but I don't know in what direction, and not knowing is killing me.

Something must show on my face, because Jillie's expression softens. "I can't tell you what to do hon, god knows I've tried, but this is tearing you up. You should talk to him, at least clear the air."

I chew on my lip again. "But I'm scared."

And that's just it. I'm being a big baby over nothing. Putting on my Capable Scientist Pants should be the name of the game, but I'm hesitant. I hate conflict, as small as this one is. I'd rather call out of work for a day or so and come back to everyone when this all blows over. But that's not an option, not with the Milestone so close.

"How about this," Jillie says. "You see how today goes, try and get a moment to talk to him, and go from there."

That's a solid plan. Open ended. Easy to avoid. I nod, and that seems to settle Jillie.

We finish eating and walk to the greenhouse, Jillie filling the silence with observations, keeping me up to date on everyone in the lab. Diana had a date that's apparently the talk of the office; some beefcake named Harrison from Humanities that asked her out. We both agree he's not up to par.

I haven't been on a date in over two years. I miss it; getting dressed up, going somewhere I've never been before, hell, even the nerves of getting to know someone was fun. Unless the date themself was crappy, and I've had my fair share of those.

The conversation does its job of relaxing me as we switch from subject to subject. I can focus on something else, at least for a little bit. Jillie's always been good at distracting me when I need it, taking my focus away to something else. During training whenever I'd have panic attacks over evaluations, she'd always say something stupid to make me laugh.

But then we turn the corner and my back goes rigid. Kri's waiting for us like always, and I don't know what I expected, but I wasn't prepared. My mind goes into overdrive. I'm not ready for this, I'll never be ready for this. Confrontation is taking me out at the kneecaps one horrible interaction at the time.

"Good morning," I say too loudly, raising a hand in greeting.

Kri responds with a short wave, and I feel heat creeping into my face. I hear Jillie snort next to me and I elbow her in the ribs.

I avoid both their gazes as I scan my hand to open the door. Summanus is in desperate need of a severe, localized earthquake right here in front of the building to swallow me up and keep me in the mantle until I turn into a diamond.

Jillie pats my shoulder and pipes up, "So Ant-Man, Cassie told me you were a little helper while I was gone."

I'm going to kill her. Murder on the Outpost Express. I'd be totally justified. Maybe Kri would help me hide her body. That's what friends do.

In my peripherie, I see Kri straighten, whether from the commentary or her nickname, I'm not sure. "I apologize if I overstepped."

"No! Not at all!" There's so much sugar in her voice it has me rolling my eyes. "Any chance it'll happen again?"

I push past the two of them, through the open door and towards the back table. I have a job to do, damn it, I can't afford to waste any more time.

"Unlikely. You've returned, so my help is…unnecessary."

I try not to feel disappointed. I wasn't expecting any help--he's not wrong, it's not really necessary--but part of me wanted to see what the three of us would be like together. If it would be as smooth as just Kri and me alone.

Jillie blows a raspberry. "Nonsense! We'd love the help, right Cass?"

"Uh-huh," I grunt, still waiting for the ground to swallow me whole.

Everything feels distant, like I'm hearing the conversation from a mile away. I'm too big for my clothes, my steps are too far apart. My fingers tap against the table as I look over the samples, until my gaze lands in the corner and I freeze.

It has to be a trick, my eyes have to be playing tricks on me. I squint at the planter, and my face working through a range of emotions, from suspicion, to disbelief, to shock.

I find my voice and shout, "Holy shit!"

"What?" Jillie says, alarmed. I hear her rush up behind me, peering over my shoulder, but my eyes are glued. Glued to the tiny little sprout of green pushing it's way out of the dark dirt. It's small, so small, with two perfect little leaves reaching towards the sun.

It's not a trick. We have plants.

"Holy shit," Jillie gasps beside me.

A smile stretches across my face and I grab Jillie's hands in mine. "Plants, Jillie! Plants!"

I start bouncing on the balls of my feet, energy thrumming through my veins like electricity. This is huge, this is monumental. We broke the ground! Something actually grew! I throw my arms around Jillie and we both break out into equally girly screams.

I'm so happy I feel like I could fly. I need to do something with my hands, so I untangle myself from Jillie and wrap my arms around the nearest body--it's definitely Kri but I don't care. I'm too elated to think of anything else. I ignore how he tenses under my touch, too high on endorphins to acknowledge it.

"Congratulations," Kri says as I let him go. He's pointing at another planter, and I follow the line of his hand to see that--yep, there's another little sprout in Planter #13-B.

I scream a little, leaning over the table to shove my face towards the dirt. I'm definitely leaning over more of the samples, though, so I quickly slide off the table and back to the floor.

I can grow things! I can grow things and they survive! Not just any old shrub or succulent, but actual, useful plants!

This is big. I'm three feet off the ground with how happy I am. Who cares about interpersonal relationships when there's science to do? Not me!

It takes us a while to calm down but when we do, Jillie and I count thirteen little babies in the dirt. With a sample size of over two-hundred, it's not great, but it's only the first growth. There's more coming, I can feel it. I give them all names, writing them down on sticky notes and pasting them on the side. It's dumb, sure, but I'm a little dumb. Gotta have my fun somehow.

"Hopefully tomorrow there'll be more," I say, marking the planter numbers down on a notepad, next to a new list of tasks now that we've broke ground. I add measuring, new watering and soil parameters, and try not to dread the extra pictures I'll have to take. Well, that Jillie will have to take.

Kri's delicately holding a planter up to his face, eyes narrowed. "Why is this one named after me? Are you going to kill it?" Jillie snorts behind me.

"I named one after all of us!" I point to planter #69-M. "That one's Jillie, and this little bastard is me." I pick up the planter labeled 'Cassie,' #34-F, and hold it to my cheek. "You gotta name 'em, it's good luck."

A voice chimes in from the open door. "Aw, did you name one after me?"

My stomach lurches, and I nearly drop Cassie Jr. on the floor.

Stephen's leaning in the doorway, arms folded, backlit by the sun like an angel. The kind that brings death.

"What do you want?" Jillie snaps.

Stephen tuts, shaking his head. "You're always so testy. Can't I visit my favorite girls?"

"No," Jillie says flatly.

He flips his stupid hair and waltzes in like he owns the place. He's wearing obnoxious blue running shorts and a dry-fit t-shirt. His dark hair is plastered to his forehead and his normally pale skin is flushed. "I was on my morning run and I heard screaming."

Jillie scoffs. "That was half an hour ago."

He shrugs. "I got here as fast as I could."

Jillie replies, voice heavy with sarcasm, "Well, thank god you made it."

I can't move, I can't speak, I can't even process what's happening. Why is he here? Why now?

Stephen turns his attention to me and my blood turns to ice. "How goes your little experiment?"

"Fine," I manage. "It's--"

"God, have you been keeping your hair like that?" He walks up to me and I'm stepping backwards without thinking. My back hits the countertop and he's suddenly a few steps away. It's already too close and yet he continues forward, arm outstretched.

"What's wrong with it?" I say, voice clipped.

"How do you even wash it?" he says, pulling a strand of baby hair between his fingers. I jerk my head away, but his hand follows my movement. "It's gotten nappy. It was so much better when you ironed it." His fingertips are like ice against my temple. For years I'd straightened my hair because he said he liked it that way, regular keratin treatments that fried my follicles but kept it pin straight. Letting it curl back up had been one of the first steps in getting rid of him.

My eyes flick over to Kri, and he's staring at me, expression unreadable. Stephen follows my gaze, blinking like it's the first time he noticed Kri.

"Ah, there he is! The auditor. Stephen Langdon, it's a pleasure." Stephen sticks out his hand. "You're the one keeping an eye on my Cassie, yeah?"

Kri looks down at Stephen's hand, and I wince. We were all told to accommodate the initial Ento greeting of a bow, that it was held in high regard and anything else was seen as a huge insult. Stephen holding out a handshake could prompt Kri to kill him. Which, I have to remind myself, would be bad.

After a long, uncomfortable moment, Kri extends one lower hand and clasps it with Stephen's.

"Khri'asxu. I am the auditor."

Stephen fumbles through Kri's name, laughing nervously. "I'm so bad with your guys' names. Can I call you Kri? Or Axu?"

Kri narrows his eyes. "Pronounce my name or do not address me."

Shrinking away, Stephen mumbles, "Jesus, you're intense," and I see his arm move like he's trying to take it out of Kri's grip, but Kri won't let go. Stephen manages to yank his hand away, expression tight with pain as he subtly flexes his fingers. "So, you're a botanist like my Cass, huh?"

Anger flares, hot and electric underneath the roiling waves of anxiety. Stop calling me that.

"I worked on several seed dispersion and allocation experiments," Kri says plainly.

"What got you into auditing?"

Kri blinks slowly, and I see he's holding his lower hands behind his back, one hand tightly clasped in the other. "Promotion."

Stephen turns back to me, and his gaze feels like slime as it rakes over my body. "You got a real hardass here, Cass."

The tension in the room is so thick I can pour it like gravy. My anxiety is spiking with each frantic beat of my heart, and I want to run out of the greenhouse screaming.

My people-pleasing instincts kick in. Stephen's not responding to our hostility, maybe if we're nice, he'll leave. I offer a nervous smile. "You're telling me."

Stephen smiles back, easy, and it feels like acid down my spine. "He's been like this all month?"

"Yep," I laugh anxiously. "Since day one."

"No kidding," Stephen says, stepping back towards me. No, go away. "I told you about my buddy who had an audit from an ento, right? Worst experience of his life, but it was the kick in the ass he needed."

I laugh, high pitched and tense. My eyes are locked on Stephen, like prey being cornered, and he's all teeth right now.

"Why don't I stick around and help out? You girls have a lot on your plate here."

Jillie pipes up, "No, no, I think we're good."

"Why don't you let the leading woman speak. What do you say, Cass?"

"Oh, I don't know. The greenhouse isn't really built for four--"

"Oh come on! I promise I'll be more helpful than him." He hooks a thumb over to Kri, who narrows his eyes.

"I really don't think--" I glance to the door as he takes another step. My back hits the countertop. My heart is pounding a mile a minute.

"What, you want me to go? I can help!"

"N-no," I say, voice small.

"No?" He says, incredulous. "What do you mean, no? What, you're gonna kick me out?"

Tears well up in my eyes. "No, it's --I--"

Suddenly, Kri is blocking him, his back to me. "I believe Cassie has work to do."

"Stay out of this." Stephen tries to go around, but Kri extends a hand and grabs Stephen's shoulder, and Stephen stops dead. He tries to wrench himself free once, twice, then meets Kri's gaze. There's something in it that gives Stephen pause. In a final movement, Stephen rips his shoulder free, and peers around Kri to look at me. "He calls you Cassie?"

It's like I've been caught; shame wells up inside me, but I'm frozen to the spot. I stare resolutely at the ground.

"If you insist on remaining here, you will need to stay out of their way," Kri says.

I feel like a kid standing between two grown-ups. Unable to speak, unable to move, unable to help.

A heavy moment passes with my heart in my throat. Stephen looks ready to fight, Kri's standing like he's about to throw Stephen through the window.

Stephen finally spits out, "If that'll make you feel better." When he steps to the side, I feel the tension in my shoulders melt.

***

It's quiet the rest of the day, tense enough that every step I take feels like avoiding a landmine. Stephen wanders between posts every handful of minutes, and each time he moves, my heart lurches. He examines Dr. Markesh's hybrids, the seedlings in the opposite corner, and every time he passes my sprouts I want to block him like a linebacker. He tries to strike up conversation with Jillie, who gives him one word replies. He doesn't try to talk to Kri again, and whenever he walks up to me I pretend to look busy and ignore him, but that doesn't stop him from talking. Commentary, snide remarks, pointed witticisms only he thinks are funny. And they're all directed at me.

I want to tear my hair out. I'm reminded of the early days with Kri, the needling, the criticism, and the stress that came with it all. Except I can't bark back. Something deeply ingrained within me is acting as a roadblock, and I clam up whenever I open my mouth. Stephen makes a remark and I shrink down. He comments and I turn away. I don't want him to start yelling, making a scene like he always used to. I don't like to think about the later days of our relationship, where we fought every day, where he tried to keep me from my friends, where he needled at my appearance. But this is bringing it back. It was hell, and leaving felt like cutting off an arm. An infected arm, but still an arm.

I realize part-way through the day that the yelling was never an issue with Kri. Even in our most tense days, he never raised his voice, never once indicated he could overpower me, which he very much can. He's only ever talked to me in that even, accented tone or something gentler and soothing. It gives me a new appreciation for his temperament, and a new annoyance at Stephen's posturing. Kri hasn't said anything since this morning, buried in his clipboard not looking up once.

So the day continues on.

I'm piping water into a test tube when Stephen's condescending voice catches my attention.

"You named them? That's so cute, so you." I turn around to see he's by the samples, and it's like he's picking up my baby. Loosely, between pinched fingers.

"Put that down!" I rush over to the samples, reaching for the single one in Stephen's hand.

"I got it," he laughs, holding it up and out of reach. He'd better put my plant down or so help me--

"Stephen, please." I reach for it again, balancing on my toes.

"I said I got it!"

He takes a step back, his foot catching on the concrete, and I watch in slow-motion as his grip on the planter falls. Laser focused, I reach for it, missing by an inch, helpless to watch as the planter hits the ground upside down, soil flying everywhere.

Anger, white hot, presses against my skin. My hands ball into fists; I want to throw something, but I'm frozen. Frozen and staring at the label on the side of the planter. Her name was Nellie.

There's no way that little sprout made it. It landed directly on top. She was too little, too small.

Above me, Stephen scoffs. "See what happens, Cass?" He raps my head with his knuckles and my anger flares. "You gotta think, silly."

My voice is barely a whisper, "Out."

Stephen leans into my view, and his easy smile has me seeing red. "What was that, Cass?"

"OUT!" I scream, snapping my head to look at him and thrusting my pointed hand in the direction of the door. "Get out!"

His face drops, angry. "What?!"

Jillie speaks up, "You heard her, Ass-Hat. Leave!"

He stomps, like a child. "I have every right to be here!"

As if out of thin air Kri appears behind him, resting a heavy hand on his shoulder. "I believe they spoke very clearly."

Stephen tries to wrench himself free and fails. "You can't make me leave!"

"Yes," Kri says, tone threatening. "I can."

Stephen waffles, looking between Jillie and me like we're going to offer support. "We were getting along so well. All this over one stupid plant?"

I see Kri's hand tighten on his shoulder. "My main objective is assuring this project runs without delay, efficiently and to completion. Your presence here effects this end. Now, before this becomes violent, please exit the facility."

Stephen looks to me, eyes pleading. Some stupid part of me wants to help, diffuse the situation, but it's overpowered by the anger coursing through my veins. If he doesn't get out right now, I'm going to punch him in the face, and probably get fired for it.

Kri lets Stephen go, and we all watch him angrily huff his way to the door. In his haste, he hip-checks the center table and a glass falls off the end, shattering on the floor.

"Oops," Stephen says sarcastically before turning the corner out of the lab. I grit my teeth.

After a moment, I stomp to the door, heading outside. I see Stephen's retreating form, looking every inch a toddler throwing a tantrum, but somehow it doesn't make me feel any better. I'm just…angry. Pissed.

Excess energy is making my hands shake. I need to run, I need to rage, I need to do anything to get rid of this stupid, stupid sitiuation.

I need to punch something.

My eyes land on a tree between greenhouses, and I'm rushing towards it and before I can think my fist makes contact. The impact reverberates up my arm, pain exploding from my knuckles up to my shoulder, but I don't care. Hell, it makes me feel better.

So I do it again.

And again.

Each swing I make only draws more anger out from me. Each hit goes harder, and I can feel my skin splitting on the rough bark but again, I just don't care. The pain is grounding, something to focus on. It’s so much easier than dealing with emotions too big for my stupid head.

Why wasn't I more aggressive? Why didn't I tell him to leave earlier? I shouldn't have folded like a fucking paper napkin. We'd still hve thirteen plants if I had manned up and told him to leave.

I hear a voice behind me, "Cassie?" but I ignore it, fists hitting this defenseless tree, my vision still red.

"Cassie!"

Hands grab both my biceps, pinning them against my torso. At the same time one covers my eyes and another wraps around my waist. I struggle against a tall, solid body, anger making me impatient.

"Let me go!"

Kri's voice is right next to my ear. "Breathe, Cassie," he says, voice pitched down.

I struggle for another second before the fight leaves me and I go quiet. The anger leaves as suddenly as it came, the remnants of it fizzling through my nerves like firecrackers. In it's place comes nothing, a big empty void of feeling that sounds like static in my brain.

"Breathe," Kri repeats, and I take an unsteady inhale. It's not quite as deep as his, and my exhale is even more shaky. Kri makes a subtle clicking noise that I can feel through his chest. "Very good."

Warmth spreads from my chest, and his breathing is easier to match. Breathe in. Then out.

"You're doing well." His voice is like the tide, pulling me in, drawing my mind away from what it wants to do, which is freak out.

After another breath, I'm aware of the blood dripping down my fingers, the excess pain coming from my knuckles. God, what a stupid move.

The hands on me gently lift, as if afraid I'm going to start again. "I'm going to grab the First-Aid. Wait here, please."

In a brain fog, I turn my back to the tree and sit down, exhaustion pulling at my limbs. Kri comes back with a small beaker of water and the First-Aid kit, and I watch from a distance as he washes off my hands. The disinfectant stings, but it's gone in a minute.

I cast around for something to say, the silence eating at me.

"I thought you were going to kill him after that handshake."

Kri shakes his head, hands working to wrap my knuckles in a long bandage, all four moving independently. His fingers are gentle as they move my hand back and forth. "We do not hold humans to our standards. We were briefed on your major greetings after initial contact. They are confusing, but adaptable."

Jillie appears behind him. "Not gonna lie Kri, that was pretty hot--Cass!" She rushes to my side. "What happened?!"

I mutter, barely audible, "Punched a tree."

It takes a second for Jillie to process what I said, looking from Kri wrapping my hand to my miserable face, and then she bursts into giggles. "I thought you punched Ass-Face! Are you alright?"

I nod, and she audibly sighs, clapping me on the shoulder. "You wasted a good punch, girlie."

"Several good punches," Kri adds.

"Next time aim for his huge forehead."

"I agree with Dr. Masters," Kri mumbles, delicately moving my finger to wrap around it. "However, your human noses are much more fragile."

"Call me Jillie, hon," she says with a grin.

"Jillie." The pronunciation sounds closer to 'shilly', but she doesn't say anything, only smiles at him and stands again. "I'm gonna go clean up poor Nellie in there, holler if you need anything."

"You can head on home, Jill," I say.

She turns concerned eyes to me. "You sure?"

"Yeah," I offer a smile. "I got it."

Looking to me, then to Kri, then back to me, Jillie's face dawns in realization the same time it hits me what I've just done. I've isolated the two of us. I've run out of reasons to not have that horrible conversation.

Behind Kri's back, Jillie mouths, Talk to him! And points exaggeratedly before turning around and walking off.

***

I pick up the plant that was Nellie and hold it between my fingers. She was a cherry tomato plant, in a few weeks she'd have been delicious and juicy, and now she's fertilizer. So much potential, wasted. Now there's only twelve sprouts.

I try not to cry over spilled milk, but sometimes that milk meant I got to keep my lab. Now it's all over the floor, or more appropriately, in my hand. And it was knocked over by a stupid, stupid man who screwed me over, acts like nothing happened, then comes by just to cause problems because he thinks he has some moronic claim over me.

Rotating the plant in my fingers, I think that maybe he still does. I froze up like a deer in the road, unable to do anything for myself as he spoke over me, touched my hair, and knocked over my plant. And I did nothing. Jillie and Kri had to do everything. They're the ones that ushered him out, I just tried to play nice. Because I'm a coward. The bandages around my knuckles pull when I rotate my hand. All Stephen's caused me is pain.

I sniff, the sound loud in the small space of the greenhouse.

"Cassie," Kri's hand lands on my shoulder as a tear rolls down my cheek. I turn, because what else is there to do, and Kri makes a distressed noise in the back of his throat when he sees my face.

"Come," he says, pulling me close. I sniff loudly, feeling the tears fall down my cheeks. I rest my forehead on his chest, warm and comforting.

"You hate me," I sob.

Arms come around me and I'm trapped, but that's okay. "Why would I hate you?"

"I said mean things about you today," and now I feel like I'm the toddler. "And now you hate me again."

"I have never hated you," Kri's voice rumbles in his chest.

I sniff loudly. "Liar."

"I have also never lied to you."

"Even before? When you first got here?"

He pauses, thoughtful. "Your work ethic annoyed me at times, but only because I expected you to do things in a manner that was not conducive to your workflow. Although, I will admit," he huffs a laugh, a big hand resting between my shoulder blades. "I do question your taste in music."

My smile is small, but feels huge. "Hey. I have great taste in music."

"Jillie has called it archaic. You've mentioned your grandparents listening to it as adolescents."

I bring up my fist and thump the side of his chest. "No one here appreciates me."

The hand between my shoulder blades rubs up and down in a slow, soothing motion, and Kri chuckles. "I could not hate you even if I tried." He rests his head on top of mine, and I tentatively bring my arms around his middle. They wind up underneath his lower arms, closer to his waist, but that's alright, I just want to feel the warmth. And I do, like a hum underneath my skin.

"So…we're okay?"

"That was never in question."

I swallow hard, and make zero effort to move away, even though this has gone on much longer than necessary. This is so much more soothing than anything I could've done on my own. My heart isn't racing, the tears are drying, I could sink into his embrace that smells of rain and fresh dirt. I feel warm all over, radiating out from his hands on me. I need to bottle up this feeling and sell it to myself.

Kri clears his throat. "You have been stressed, lately."

I scoff. "That's an understatement."

"I've noticed you seem to get--what is the word--in my tongue it means one who does not dislike their current position, but wishes for variety."

My brows draw down. "That sounds like being stir crazy."

"I'm not familiar with that term."

"Same thing. And yes," I exhale a laugh. "I think I'm going a little crazy."

But there's nothing to do that I haven't already done around the Outpost. They have two of what I call Capitalism Districts, full of places to shop, eat, experience things. Last time Jillie and I went, we did the new escape room. But they haven't installed anything new in a year. Obviously that's not the Outpost's fault, it's gotta be expensive as hell getting anything done out here, but I've been through every shop, eaten every menu item imaginable, and experienced everything the districts have to offer.

Leaving on my own isn't an option either. With only two arms, humans can't drive any Summanian vehicles, and the stuff we can drive only goes as far as the magnetic field of the Outpost. The local terrain is rocky and uneven too. We're situated in a valley, surrounded by massive trees taller than the buildings, with a handful of roads in and out that lead into the desert.

So it's a bit of a hassle to leave without help of some sort.

Kri pulls me back to reality by stepping away. I miss the warmth, but he levels me with that intense stare of his. "Would you like a break?"

I grimace. "I mean yeah, but where would I go?"

Kri's wings flutter, and he looks away, his hands coming behind his back. "I have business in Igrien this week-break. Would you like to join me?"

My eyes widen of their own accord. A trip outside? Out of the Outpost? I've never been before. It's easy to leave, just fill out a few forms, but not very many have gotten to do it.

There's new animals to see, I've heard ento cities are gorgeous, and there's so many plants! So many new and alien things to experience, and Kri's offering me a chance!

I narrow my eyes, wary. "You're not inviting me out of pity, are you?"

He tilts his head, making that clicking noise. "I don't know that term, so no."

"Doing it because you feel bad for me."

His brow draws down. "I wouldn't insult you in such a manner."

"I feel bad piggybacking."

"But I've invited you."

"Yeah, but you were gonna go alone."

Kri shifts his weight, and looks away. "If you don't want to go you may say so."

"No--no, I do!"

His gaze snaps back to me, eyes bright. "Then it's settled. We will meet here at ten-hundred."

Chapter 8>>

#A Botanist's Guide #my writing #exophilia #alien x human #teratophillia #alien writing #monster romance #alien boyfriend #well not yet #but we're getting close!#he finally asked her!! I'm so pround of my long son #he's taking ari's advice to heart and teseting the waters #trust me he's as nervous as she is #he's just better at hiding it #ento don't have dates in the traditional sense #but he's definitely been looking up how to have a human relationship and that was the first thing that came up #he's also definitely looking up How to Kiss Your Human in his spare time ehehe

41 notes · View notes