#this is how it felt to be assigned my first roommates in college tbh like you really had me fill out the entire survey and you gave me these | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kimjoongs · 4 years

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—ateez college au series [cs]

i imagine san to be a photography major

he has a very creative eye and looks at the world through a different kind of lens than everyone else

he’s been interested in photography ever since he middle school when he went to a photography exhibit on a field trip

san is a very expressive person and he wanted to somehow transfer his emotions into something tangible

and what better way to do that than through photography?

san has two cameras: film and digital

in high school, he didn’t have enough money to buy a professional camera so he just stuck to his phone camera

but when he got a job and collected enough money, he went and bought his first camera, the film one

you best bet san treasured it more than anything

he tried his best not to use it as much because there’s only a limited number of film and buying more was e x p e n s i v e

but when san graduated high school his parents gifted him with a digital camera too

wherever san goes, he’s always taking pictures, whether it’s on his phone or cameras

he usually uses his film camera for more personal things, like pictures of his family, friends, or places that are important to him, and he either hangs them up in his apartment or turn them in for assignments

and he uses his digital camera for editing purposes, like double exposure or halftones

his roommate, wooyoung, serves as his personal model from time to time

“hey wooyoung stand by that tree for a sec, i wanna get a picture” “omg wooyoung wait sit still, the lighting is so good here” “WOOYOUNG GET YOUR ASS OUTSIDE IT’S GOLDEN HOUR”

wooyoung is annoyed bc of this sometimes, but as soon as he takes one look at his roommate eagerly bouncing on the tips of his toes, camera clutched in his hands, he can’t bring himself to be upset about it

also the one time san submitted a photo of wooyoung for an assignment he received a perfect score on it so—

one time wooyoung asked san if he ever modeled for his own photos, and san said he’d much rather be behind the camera than in front of it

except for the photos his parents made him take when he was a kid, san never really liked having his picture taken

he always felt more comfortable taking someone else’s

oh and also because san doesn’t let a n y o n e touch his cameras, not even wooyoung

there was a time where wooyoung offered to take san’s photo for him and he practically leaped away when wooyoung reached for his camera

everyone in the fine arts building knows who san is because he’s always running around taking pictures

their campus always has a bunch of stray cats wandering around, and if photography wasn’t san’s weakness, then it was cats

“omg wooyoung look there’s a cat i need to take a picture of it—” “san you’ve already taken twenty pictures of the same cat, let’s go before we’re late to class”

san is also such a friendly and gentle soul, so it wasn’t hard for him to charm all of his professors

one professor in particular became really fond of san because he reminds him of himself when he was younger

he became sort of a father figure to san and even offered to give san tips on how to take better photos

he also gave san permission to go into the darkroom after class hours or on the weekends should he need them

you can imagine how much san took advantage of that (in a good way ofc)

if san wasn’t running around taking pictures, then he was probably in the darkroom developing them

for a few months, san was pretty much the only person who used the darkroom after hours, so he never really bothered knocking on the door before entering

but the one time he didn’t, he almost ran into someone on the way in

at the sight of someone else in the darkroom, san let out the loudest shriek, jumping backwards and hitting the door

you flinched at san’s shriek and stumbled backwards, catching yourself by grabbing onto the edge of a table

for a minute, the two of you just stared at each other, still in shock

san snapped out of it first

“oh my gosh, i am so sorry. i didn’t mean to scare you. i thought no one else was in here, ahh so sorry i should’ve knocked”

your heart rate finally went down to normal, and you straightened yourself up, giving the sheepish boy in front of you a gentle smile

“no it’s okay, don’t worry about it.”

san practically sighed in relief when he saw that you weren’t mad at him “well, now that we’ve officially scared the crap out of each other—” he stuck his hand out, flashing you a dimpled smile “i’m san, it’s nice to meet you”

your lips quirked up and you took his hand in yours, shaking it firmly “i’m y/n, it’s nice to meet you too”

and that was how san, a photography major, met you, also a photography major

apparently the two of you had managed to charm the same professor, and he gave the both of you access to the darkroom

you found out that san lived in the same apartment building as you, you being on the 3rd floor and him on the 2nd

the two you became fast friends due to your shared love photography

during visitation hours, you’ll either be in his apartment or he’ll be in yours

wooyoung, who isn’t a photography major, sometimes looks at the two you with the most confused expression because you guys will start firing off, using terminology that he doesn’t understand

sometimes if it gets too much, he’ll call yeosang and beg him to get him out of there

one time when you came over, you noticed the wall above san’s desk was practically covered in pictures

most of it was of people whom you assumed were san’s family, but you noticed wooyoung in a few of them, and then there were 6 other boys pictured too whom you weren’t quite familiar with

“hey san, are these friends of yours?” you asked

san looked up to where you were pointing, and his expression immediately softened

“yeah, that’s the gang. i use that wall to hang pictures of the people who are important to me”

your eyes widened, you weren’t expecting san to share that personal piece of info with you, but it made your heart warm nonetheless

“you’re such a sap san,” you teased, poking him in the arm

he rolled his eyes at you playfully, shoving your shoulder gently “shut up and get back to editing your photos”

for the next few months, your friendship with san grew tenfold

the two of you would often meet up after class just to hang out or grab some food

you both began to value the other’s opinion and would sometimes email or show each other photos you each took, asking what the other thought of it

you thought that having another person aside from a professor view your work, especially someone as passionate as san, made you improve

san always gave you his honest opinion, even if it wasn’t what you wanted to hear, but you were grateful nonetheless

one day, san was given a project by one his professors to photograph the same person or object for a whole month

and usually san would go and ask wooyoung, but he decided to change it up this time

so one day when the two of you were having lunch, san turned to look at you, his face set in a serious expression

“y/n, i have a very, very important question to ask you”

you raised your eyebrow at him, not used to seeing san’s face so serious

“what is it?” you asked, sitting up straight

“so i have a major assignment for class where i need to take pictures of the same person or object for an entire month, and i was wondering...if you wouldn’t mind being that person?”

your eyes widened, and san took this as a bad sign because his face immediately went from being serious to panicked “of course i’m not going to force you if you don’t want to!”

san looked up at you, patiently waiting for your response

it’s not that you didn’t want to, it’s just... “why me?” you asked

one corner of san’s lips quirked upwards, making his dimple appear

“why not?” he replied

“i’ve just...i’ve never really modeled for someone else’s pictures before,” you said sheepishly

san waved a hand at you “you don’t have to worry about that. trust me, i’ll make you look absolutely breathtaking” he flashed you a playful wink, and you rolled your eyes

“okay fine, i’ll do it”

and for the next two weeks, san has been snapping pictures of you left and right

most of the pictures he took were candid pictures, which you didn’t mind...until he took a picture of you eating your sandwich mid-bite

“san delete that right now!”

“nah y/n, i’m putting this in the blackmail folder”

“CHOI SAN”

tbh you thought being san’s model would feel awkward, but he actually made you feel super comfortable

he would always tell you that you were doing great, giving you a thumbs up after every picture that was taken

you enjoyed having san be your hype man, he made you feel really confident in yourself

during one of your sessions, san wanted to get a few posed pictures instead of candid, so he took you to one of the open fields on campus

it was the middle of autumn so the trees were a beautiful shade of bright oranges, maroons, and vivid yellows

san told you to stand underneath one of the trees

“okay so for this one, i want you to look away from the camera, and i’ll snap a couple photos, yeah?”

you nodded your head and proceeded to pose against the tree, eyes focusing on anything except the camera

meanwhile, san was moving back and forth and side to side, trying to capture multiple angles, some close up and some farther away

“alright y/n, for these next ones i want you to stare directly in the camera. you can choose whether to smile or not, okay?”

san readied himself, placing the viewfinder over his right eye

through it he could see you, still posing nearby the tree

however, san’s many years of experience with photography wasn’t enough to prepare him for what was to happen next

because as soon as your eyes made contact with the camera, there was a soft gust of wind, soft enough to carry a few fallen leaves and have them float around you

caught off guard by the sudden flurry of leaves, a quiet gasp left your lips, and then your eyes scrunched together as you let out the softest giggle

and then click

san’s finger froze on the shutter button, his mouth gaping slightly

he slowly lowered the camera from his face, eyes glazed over and mouth still open

you hadn’t noticed him take the picture, too focused on playing with the leaves flying around you

san tore his eyes away from you for just a moment, glancing down at his camera to check the picture he just took

what he saw made him choke on his breath

because there you were

he captured the picture at the exact moment you had burst into a bout of giggles, the multi-colored leaves were blurred near the edges, framing your face perfectly

the sun hit the surface of your skin perfectly, highlighting your features

your eyes were scrunched shut and your lips were quirked up, displaying the most perfect smile

for the first time in his, choi san was rendered...speechless

he had never seen something so...so...beautiful

“san?” your voice knocked him out of his stupor, and he whipped his head up to look at you, only to be rendered speechless again

you were staring at him with the softest of gazes, a gentle, serene smile on your lips

“how’d the picture look?” you asked curiously

san didn’t say anything, but his mind was racing with a billion thoughts

his lack of a response made you nervous, and you frowned “did...did it not turn out well? was it because i wasn’t looking? i’m sorry i can take it again if—”

“no!” san interrupted, standing up quickly

“no y/n, it was...it was perfect,” he breathed out

the look on his face and the tone of his voice were enough to make your cheeks flush a deep, deep red

you’ve never seen or heard san sound like that

it almost seemed like he was...he was...

“o-oh, do you mind if i see it then?” you asked, taking a small step towards him

san had allowed you to see the pictures, and you were amazed at how well they turned out

you turned to san and gave him a playful smile��“wow, you were right. you did make me look ‘absolutely breathtaking’”

you were expecting san to scoff or say smth along the lines of “i told you so”

but he didn’t

instead he looked at you with the most sincere expression on his face, and he said “no, you did that on your own”

the sky was beginning to darken, so the two of you decided to head back to your apartments, bidding each other goodbye at the elevator

as soon as san reached his apartment, he practically shoved the door open and ran inside, scaring the shit out of poor wooyoung who was watching a movie in the living room

san didn’t even bother sending his roommate a greeting, opting to flee to his own room instead and slamming the door shut

he immediately whipped out his camera, took out the memory card, and inserted it into his laptop

the pictures he took of you earlier popped up on the screen, and san’s eyes immediately scanned for the one he wanted

once he found it, he enlarged the photo and, for the third time that day, choi san was rendered speechless

his chest began to hurt, and he reached up, clutching at the fabric of his sweater right above his heart

now...san had always had an inkling in his mind that he may have the tiniest crush on you

but he always waved it off, claiming that he just really liked you as a friend

but after what happened today, he can finally confirm it

choi san liked you

and they weren’t the trivial kind, the ones that lasted for only a moment and left soon after

no, these feelings burned with longing

but unlike most people, those who chose to deny their feelings and keep it to themselves, san was the complete opposite

he wasn’t the type to shy away from something, or in this case someone, who made him feel such strong emotions

he was going to do something about it...and he knew exactly how to do it

for the remaining weeks left in the month, san still took pictures of you for the assignment

but it was different this time

instead of his usual loud exclamations he used to hype you up, it was replaced with the fond smiles and eyes practically dripping with adoration

you didn’t know how to feel about this new development, but that didn’t mean you didn’t like it

it was nearing the end of the month, which meant that san’s project was reaching its end too

the two of you were having lunch together, just chatting about random things, when san suddenly pulled out a slip of paper from his pocket, handing it to you

“what’s this?” you asked, taking the slip of paper and reading it

“it’s an invitation. my class is putting on an exhibit to showcase the photos we’ve taken the past month, but it’s a private event so only people who were given invitations are allowed in.” san leaned forward, gazing at you with a soft twinkle in his eye

“will you go?” he asked

you nodded, smiling “of course, i’ve been waiting to see how the pictures turned out!”

san laughed at your enthusiasm, but he could feel the pounding of his heart going a mile a minute

a few days later was when the exhibition took place, and you arrived at the gallery, decked out in the fanciest clothes you could find

after the guard checked over your invitation, you walked inside and was surprised at the sheer number of people who were present

you looked around, searching for the familiar dimpled smile you’ve grown very fond of

“well, well, well look who finally showed up”

your face broke out into a smile when you saw wooyoung walk up to, dressed in a fitted button up with black slacks

“damn woo, first time seeing you in something other than a hoodie and sweats,” you teased,

wooyoung rolled his eyes in response, but he held out his hand for you

“come on, sannie is waiting for you”

you happily placed your hand in his, eager to see san’s display, and wooyoung couldn’t help but chuckle at your enthusiasm

he led you around the exhibit, carefully maneuvering around the large clumps of people until he finally stopped at a door

wooyoung opened it and gently tugged on your arm, moving your body in front of his

you looked over your shoulder at him, confusion written all over your face “wooyoung what are you—”

but before you could finish your sentence, wooyoung shoved you the rest of the way in the room, flashing you a wink before closing the door, leaving you standing in the darkness

“wha—jung wooyoung!” you reached for the doorknob, about to yank the door open

when the lights in the room suddenly switched on

you gasped, stepping back from the door and whipping your body around

what you saw made you freeze

because displayed on the walls of the room were blown up pictures of you

some were candid, and some were posed

it took you a second, but then you realized: these were the pictures san took of your for his project

you carefully walked towards one of the pictures posted on the wall

you remembered when it was taken; it was when you and san went to a cat cafe near the school

you were sitting at one of the tables, playing with a cat that decided to jump up on your lap

san thought it would be the perfect opportunity to snap a picture of that moment, and so he did

as you walked around, the memories of the past month with san started coming back to you

once you reached the middle of the room, you noticed a picture that was significantly larger than the rest

you let out a soft gasp

it was the picture san took of you in front of the tree a few weeks ago

you could hardly believe that the person in the photo was you

“which one’s your favorite?”

jumping at the sound of an oh so familiar voice, you peered over your shoulder only to see san leaning against one of the walls

he was decked out in an outfit similar to wooyoung’s, with his hair slicked back

needless to say...he looked amazing

you breathed out a laugh, fully turning around to look at him “it’s hard to choose. i just look amazing in every single one”

san’s smirk softened into a smile, and he pushed himself off the wall, making his way towards you

“which one’s your favorite sannie?” you asked

san bit his lip, cocking his head to the side

“hmm...i’d have to say all of them”

you giggled “is that so? why do you say that?”

san glanced over at you, and you almost choked on your breath at the look on his face

it was the same look he always gave you from behind the camera: pure, pure, pure adoration

you’d be lying if you said your heart wasn’t racing a mile a minute

san reached over, taking your hand in his and locking your fingers together

your eyes widened

san took a small step towards you, internally sighing with relief when you didn’t back away

you just stood there, waiting to see what he was about to do next

“they’re all my favorite because....” another step closer “...because you’re in them”

and that was the exact moment your heart stopped

san chuckled softly at your frozen state, and he brought your joined hands up to his lips, pressing a soft kiss on the top of yours

you swore your legs were about to give up

“people are about to come in any second now to see my display, but if you’re willing to wait for me until after, then i have something really important to tell you,” san said

you were at a loss for words, your mind stuck trying to process everything that just happened in a span of two minutes

just as san let go of your hand, the door to the room opened and wooyoung’s head popped in

“hey san, are you ready? people are waiting”

flashing you one more smile, san swiftly turned on his heel and nodded, gesturing for wooyoung to let people in

as soon as the crowd started filtering into the room, you were broken out of your frozen state by wooyoung gently pulling you to the other side of the room

and for the rest of the night, you stood in the back corner with wooyoung, quietly watching san walk around and the room and chatting with the people as they observed his work

you admit you were kind of embarrassed at the amount of people who were just staring at your pictures posted on the wall

wooyoung would notice and he’d tease you about it

after a while, the exhibition finally came to an end

wooyoung had left a few minutes earlier, which left only you and san in the room

as san made his way over to you, you averted your eyes to the ground, suddenly feeling awkward

but then you saw san extend his hand out towards you

“let’s talk outside,” he said softly, quietly encouraging you when you were hesitant to take his hand

once the two of you were outside, san led you to a nearby bench

despite his confidence from earlier, you could tell san was nervous now, from the way he was biting his lip and fiddling with your hand, which he was still holding

you waited patiently for him to speak, choosing to ignore the way your heart was about to explode inside your chest

after a few moments, san took a deep breath and looked directly into your eyes

“y/n...you know how much our friendship means to me right? when you and i first became friends, i was so happy to have finally met someone who shares the same love and passion for photography as i do. i truly enjoyed every moment we hung out together, and i especially enjoyed having you as my model for my project...”

he squeezed your hand, and you squeezed his back, urging him to continue

“and during the entire month where we spent every single day together, it made me realize that...i wanted us to be something more than...more than just friends. so what i’m trying to say is, i really really like you y/n, and i was wondering if we could give ‘us’ a try?”

it was completely silent for a few moments, but as san gazed at you with the most hopeful look on his face, and you couldn’t help but let out a breathless laugh

you honestly didn’t know what you were feeling, all you knew was that it was warm and comforting and that the only person who could make you feel that way was...san

“choi san, you are just as expressive with your words as you are with your photos,” you laughed, and you swore you’ve never seen him smile so big

“s-so does that mean...?” he trailed off

you smiled back at him, squeezing his hand once more “yes san, i am willing to give us a try”

now let’s just say, being in a relationship with choi san was so...refreshing

in the beginning of, you were kind of worried that things were going to change between the two of you

but when you saw san the next day, he greeted you with his usual sunshiney smile and that’s when you knew things were only going to get better from that point on

san is normally very touchy, but now that the two of you were dating, he became extra touchy

whenever the two of you are together, he’ll always have an arm around your shoulder or waist, or he’ll be holding your hand

he just feels more at ease if he’s holding onto some part of you

but of course he’d stop if you told him you were uncomfortable

also san would take a picture of you every chance he could get

the camera roll in his phone would just be pictures of you

he even made his own folder with just your pictures but would he ever tell you??? psshh no

one time wooyoung caught a glimpse of it and he snatched the phone out of san’s hand so quick, yelling that he was going to show you

when you came by their apartment that day, you walked in on the two of them in the middle of a wrestling match

wooyoung managed to toss the phone to you, and you caught it, checking to see what the two of them were fighting about

once you saw what it was, you blushed so hard and san groaned in defeat, rolling off of wooyoung and onto the floor

as you scrolled through the folder, you started to pout

“saaaan some of these are so ugly why do you still have them?”

your boyfriend whipped his head up so fast, and he had the most offended look on his face

“excuse me?? are you doubting my photography skills?”

you shoved the phone in his face “san this is literally a blurry picture of me mid-sneeze how could this possibly look good?”

but what he doesnt know is that you also have your own folder on your phone with just pictures of him in it

omg when the professor found out that the two of you were dating, the hugest grin broke out on his face and he was just oh so happy his two favorite students were together

when you and san are in the darkroom together, he’ll sometimes walk up behind you and just wrap his arms around you while you were developing your pictures

you’d always complain, claiming that he was distracting you, but tbh you secretly enjoyed it

you and san haven’t had your first kiss with each other yet, and that was because you were both too hesitant to be the one to make the move first

until one night

san had invited you to his apartment for a movie marathon since wooyoung was spending the night at yeosang’s

whilst san was getting the tv set up, you were sitting on the chair at his desk, mindlessly just looking around

you’ve been in san’s room countless times at this point, and pretty much everything looked the same since the last time you’ve been in there

but when you looked up at the wall above his desk, the same wall where san hung up a bunch of pictures of his friends and family, you noticed that there was an extra picture right in the center

your heart skipped a beat when you realized that it was the same picture san took months ago, the one where you were standing underneath the tree

you remembered what san had told you the first time you asked about the wall: “i use that wall to hang pictures of the people who are important to me”

san was too busy fidgeting with the tv to notice the look of pure joy on your face

“okay everything’s set up,” he turned towards you “y/n what movie do you wanna—mmph!”

san’s question was cut off by you throwing yourself into his arms and slamming your lips into yours

he staggered backwards, caught off guard

san was frozen for a few seconds, but then he relaxed and began to kiss you back

it was your first kiss with him and vice versa, and you could practically feel your heart getting ready to burst

when the two of you pulled away, san leaned his forehead against yours, a smirk tugging at the corner of his lips

“not that i’m complaining, but what was that for?”

you smiled at him “i’m just happy that i’m worthy enough to be put on your wall”

san’s face dawned with realization and he let out a breathy chuckle, tugging you closer to him and wrapping you up in a hug

“you were always worthy enough, it just took me stupidly long to realize it”

oh yeah san loves that picture of you so much that he made it his lockscreen and wooyoung wouldn’t stop teasing him about it for weeks

ofc you made him your lockscreen too

now don’t get me wrong, san is the absolute best hype man you could ever ask for

but sometimes a hype man needs their own hype man

so on days where san isn’t feeling like his usual cheerful self, you step up

now you’re the one feeding him compliments and giving him the warmest hugs

and when that doesn’t work, one of san’s weaknesses is kisses so you’ll cup his face in your hands and just plant the tiniest kisses on his cheeks, nose, chin, forehead, and eyes

it usually gets him in a giddy mood and he’ll eventually start giggling halfway through

when you see him crack that first smile, you get all excited and he just stares at you with the fondest expression on his face

san also likes it when you play with his hair, so he’ll lay his head on your lap and that’s when you know to just weave your fingers through his dark strands, occasionally massaging his scalp

you laugh because san reminds you of a cat whenever he lays on you

speaking of cats, the two of you practically adopted all of the cats that wander around campus

the two of you are honestly just so domestic and soft, everyone at your university practically melts when they see the two of you walking around holding hands

overall just a wholesome wholesome relationship

#ateez #ateez scenarios #ateez headcanons #ateez au #ateez imagines #san #san scenarios #san headcanons #san au #san imagines #san fluff #college au series

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blackcoffeeandblankpagess · 6 years

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It has been a hELL OF A DAY

It all started with waking up to an email about assignments for my econ class this fall and I could feeeeeeeeel the cortisol levels rising as I started to panic about getting shit done even though I still have over a week

1.5 hours into my 3.5 hour drive to raleigh my car broke down :) my car has been on its last leg for well over a year and I’m constantly having to get stuff fixed but I am/was really trying to get through undergrad before getting a new one since I’d rather get one once I move to wherever I plan to be post college but anyway

The engine temp thingy was at the hottest level basically the entire drive (this is a bad thing!) and each time I had to go up (or down tbh) a mountain road (aka the entire road) I was like oh jeez this is noooot good and then eventually my car started sputtering and felt like it was going to just straight up stop so I called my dad in a panic and as I was pulling off a random exit it was getting worse and worse and ugh

I literally KNEW my car was going to break down I stg I half jokingly told so many people that it wasn’t gonna make it and I left extra early just incase and would ya look at that!

Through my frustrated tears I called AAA and they were able to send someone to tow it to a place near the airport which I’m so grateful for but that meant I had to spend the next 2 hours riding in the tow truck with a strange man

And look I legitimately think this guy had nice intentions but if you are an older man in a one on one situation with a young female traveling ALONE you have to understand that she is GOING TO FUCKING BE ON EDGE AND NERVOUS OKAY

I clearly was not trying to make conversation and had a lot on my mind and he was saying things like “you should smile more” and “you don’t talk much” etc. and I just ugh I had a lot of time to think about females in society and I was amped the fuck up (and still am)

Luckily when we got to AAA the guys were so nice and I made it with an hour to spare for my flight

Also spent some time panicking about the fact that I’m dumb as hell and booked my return flight for the day before classes start and that is NOT enough time to move into a new place and get my car etc etc but as I was frantically texting my roommate (aka my best friend) she was being so helpful and I was reminded of how excited I am to live with her (side note it is SO FREAKING EXPENSIVE TO CHANGE FLIGHTS like it is literally cheaper to just buy a new ticket whaaat)

This girl behind me in the security line was hysterical because her flight was leaving in 7 minutes and she asked the security people if she could cut to the front and ok I get that they probably see this stuff like 500 times per day but the security woman was SO INSANELY OVER THE TOP RUDE to her and then literally EVERYONE on the line was like GIRL YOU CAN CUT US GO CATCH YOUR PLANE and half of me was like girl I feel you and the other half was like ugh yes I love human empathy good job people

I’m still buzzing with the stress that was the chaos of today but I’m soooo looking forward to tomorrow which will include an early run and laundry and groceries and productive feelings and lots of thunderstorms and seeing my best friend in the wOoOrld who also gets home tomorrow

Today has left me feeling like my brain is loose inside my skull but I also recognize that most of the problems are things that I could only even have in the first place due to privilege (having a car, affording flights, etc.) and I recognize that in the grand scheme of things it’s really not a big deal and I’m like oh well no use in dwelling on it but I just needed to shout into the void a little bit so thanks for indulging me

#personalposts

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utopianvoices · 6 years

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college au | k.woojin

major: music

minor: fashion design but he dropped it because he didn’t realise that this minor involved actual designing of new type of clothes and he was no designer

clubs: president of the music club. used to do kendo too but dropped it when he became president because it was too much commitment

teacher’s pet #2 after chan

everybody loves this boy because he’s smart, kind, talented, the list goes on tbh

he took music as his major because he has loved music and singing ever since he was young and loved to perform for people,,,,,,, because he knew from experience that music is a big impact in many people’s lives

he is one of the best singers and guitar players in his major and he lowkey gets many envious stares from his fellow majormates

decided to join the music club because he just couldn’t get enough of singing and performing

and soon after was made president by all his club friends because he was their best singer and conveniently one of the most responsible

he’s close friends with 8 other boys who also share the same interest in performing

they called themselves stray kids and performed at the campus cafe every saturday night because that’s when it was pretty packed with students and also because it lets them earn some extra cash

although he puts his best into every assignment he submits and the teachers know this, he goes pretty hard on himself if he ends up getting a grade lower than he expected

going back to the dorm and making a list of things of what went wrong in his assignment and what he can improve on

his roommates chan and minho will notice this and drag him out to the nearest busking event just so that woojin can get his mind off things

talking about busking,,,,,, woojiin loved going to busking events

as much as he loved performing, he loved watching people perform too

he loved listening and watching the different and unique talent each performer possessed, keeping an eye out for the detail that set a performer apart from the other ones,,,,,,, it strangely helped to calm him and forget about his stress for the time being

so this is actually how he met you

he was stressed about his recent assignment in which he had to compose a short track that portrayed love

usually woojin had not much problem in composing and writing lyrics because he was inspired enough and he also had the help of chan, who was practically a producing genius

but this time, he was having a really hard time composing a song

maybe it was because of the theme of the song

he tried getting inspiration from what he felt when he was dating before, but nothing came to him because he knew that what he had with them wasn’t love,,,,,,, it was just mere infatuation

usually when he was stuck with a track, he will ask chan who had a solution for him 99.9% of the time, but even chan couldn’t help him this time,,,,,, so he did the first thing that came to his head

he put away his laptop and notes and left the dorm in search of the nearest busking event taking place to get some peace and hopefully some inspiration

let’s just say woojin was out of luck because the usually bustling streets were pretty empty the day he needed them to be filled

but he was already out and about with nothing else to do so he ventured further than he usually would, finding for something,,,,,, anything that would be able to give him some inspiration when he stumbled across a performer he had never seen before

baDuMtSSS its you

it was the first time you were trying out busking at that area,,,,, usually you preferred to perform at smaller places where there was a smaller audience, but you were feeling exceptionally brave and adventurous that particular day so you decided to perform in the town

you grabbed your guitar and walk up to the middle, the center of attention, and start singing your favourite song

at first it was just a handful of people, but as time went by, there were more and more people

although this was your first time performing in front of such a large crowd, you weren’t gonna lie,,,,,,, it was pretty awesome

you had just finished your fourth and final song, by which there was already a large crowd gathered around you

the crowd slowly dispersed, as you packed your things, ready to head home from your long and tiring day when you notice a boy standing by you and staring at you,,,,,,,,,, well then

you gave him a few side glances, trying to convince yourself that he wasn’t staring at you and was just admiring the,,,,,,,, plant behind you

but as you finished packing up the boy hadn’t moved and you were starting to get creeped out, so you stared straight at the boy, who suddenly looked startled, almost as if he had been caught staring,,,,,, which he had been

you walked over to him, noticing him get more nervous the closer you got

soon you were right in front of him and you threw him a “can i help you with something”

he just chuckled nervously and tried to get some words out but all you hear is “errr,,,,, i wanted to uh,,,,, haha,,,,,”

you raise your brows at him and he finally sighs to himself and seemingly makes his mind up about something, finally asking you if he could ask you a question

you reply with a “sure”, curious as to what this boy was gonna come up with,,,,, but his question catches you off guard and him too apparently because he looks shocked when the question leaves his mouth

“what do you define as love?”

what,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, what kind of question was that

you were expecting him to ask you many things, but this was not one of them

you reply with a “i’m sorry what” and he quickly replies, explaining his situation to you and making sure to emphasise the fact that he was not a creep that went around asking people weird and rather personal questions

“i’m sorry it’s just that i’m a music major and i have to compose something that conveys love, but i can’t seem to get any inspiration because i don’t think i’ve been in love before,,,,, you just seemed so emotional when you were singing and it just makes me think that idk,,,,,, you know what it means or something,,,,,,”

he trailed off halfway, turning red thinking of how stupid he sounded to this cute stranger he just met

you chuckle a bit at how cute he was before shaking your head saying that you’ve never in fact been in a romantic relationship, which surprised the heck out of him because ??!?!?!?! how did you manage to put so much emotion into singing when what you sang were pretty much love songs???? confused woojin is confused

and you shrug and just go “i don’t need to have a partner to be able to convey love. i just convey my love for music into my singing and it turns out that way” and that’s when it hit woojin,,,,,, love didn’t have to be romantic

he could create a track based solely on his love for chicken and it would be a song conveying love,,,,,, you,,,,,,, you literally saved his life and his grades

you watch as a smile slowly grows on his face as he processes what you say and looks at you with the biggest smile once he had realised that it wasn’t all about romantic love

he just kinda jumps around and thanks you like a small kid,,,,, and you just go “he’s really cute” in your head hmMMHMmmM

you give him a smile and wish him luck in getting a high grade on his assignment and start to walk off when you hear him calling out your name

“hey y/n!!!” and you just turn around to see the boy running towards you, panting when he reaches you

you wait for him patiently, as he catches his breath from the sprint and when he’s all fine, he looks at you and asks if you were free saturday night

because he and his group of friends were performing at his college cafe,,,,,,, and he was wondering if you were free to come and watch them

and actually you weren’t free,,,,,,, you had to catch up your show’s new episodes

but this boy was cute and also you wanted to see if he had any talent as a music major,,,,,, so you just coolly give him your number and ask him to text you the details, also learning his name in the process

and you leave the place with a bright red face because you had never ever given a boy your number,,,,,, you were just pretty reserved about these things,,, but there was something about that boy that made you do things you’ve never done before

but because of how quickly you turned away to hide your flaming face, you missed the flush on woojin’s face as well, because the poor boy wasn’t expecting you to be so confident when all he could do was stutter and ask weird questions

you didn’t want to admit it but you were waiting for his text since that day and you were pretty bummed when he didn’t message you for about two days,,,,,,, you just convinced yourself that he probably wasn’t interested and forgot about you

but friday afternoon you get two messages from him,,,,,,,, the first one consisted of about 5000 sorry’s and a explanation about how he was so busy composing for his assignment that he totally forgot about texting you

and the second message contained the details of the cafe he was performing in and surprise,,,,,,, it was your college cafe

so now you knew that you and woojin went to the same college hmMMmm inch resting

you reply with a “hey that’s my college too!” after making sure to let him know that it was totally okay that he didn’t reply and that you hoped his assignment went well

he replied almost immediately, saying something like “yes it went really great!! i’lll have to show it to you sometime soon, now that i know that we go to the same college”

you smile at your phone and that’s when your roommate comes in and asks you who you were talking to you, wiggling her eyebrows and replying with a “sure” when you say that it was no one

you roll your eyes and get back to studying your material because hey your grades were not gonna come by themselves

soon it was saturday night and you made you way to the cafe, making sure to dress civilly and not just throw on some old sweatshirt you saw lying around in your room,,,,,, which is what you usually do

you arrived slightly early than the time stated, so you make your way to the counter and order yourself a cup of hot chocolate to calm your tummy that was currently housing about a thousand butterflies for unknown reasons

although you went to that college, you had never been to the cafe because you preferred staying in your dorms, so you took the opportunity to take in the interior of the cafe,,,,,, and it was pretty nice

you see some boys climbing onto the stage of the cafe but don’t recognise any of them until you see that one particular boy amidst of all the other boys there

woojin was dressed in a grey sweatshirt and black jeans, fitting right in with the other boys who were dressed similarly

he looked around the cafe, seemingly searching for someone, when he caught your eyes, and immediately broke out into a smile which you returned with a small wave

a really pale boy who was slightly shorter than woojin introduced them as stray kids and you had to stop yourself from laughing because stray kids??? seriously???

but it was pretty cute,,,,,

the mic was passed on to woojin who introduced the self-produced songs they were going to sing that night and you caught a few songs like mixtape #1, glow and a few others

they started their performance and you had to admit,,,,, they were really good,,,,, and you couldn’t believe that such young boys could compose such amazing tracks

but when it was woojin’s turn to sing you just fell into a hole and knew that you would never be able to get out of it,,,,,, his voice was the definition of perfect

soon their performance ended and you knew why woojin had decided to pursue music as his major

music and woojin were literally made for each other

once the boys got off the stage, woojin made his way towards you, with the rest of the boys following his trail

he greeted you with a “hey” and pulled you into a hug in the spur of the moment, before letting go as quickly as he hugged you, realising what he did

you both stare at each other, flusters while the boys were just staring at ya’ll like ??? whats going on when woojin snaps out of it and introduces you to the boys, explaining that he met you when he was having his assignment crisis and that you helped him out so he invited you to their performance

and they were like oOoOooh we seeeeee and just introduce themselves to you one by one

the boys leave you to go the counter and order food and you’re left with woojin and chan, who whispers something into woojin’s ears and leaves to join the other boys

so after chan leaves, woojin just looks at you and goes like “uhhhh so the boys and i are gonna get something to eat and i- uhhh we would like if you joined us?? it’s okay if you don’t want to!!!” he quickly added

and you’re just like “sure! your friends seem like really nice people,,,, i hope i’m not intruding though” and he just shouts “NO” really loudly and quickly which startles the both of you

so ya’ll had a pretty great dinner, with the boys goofing around, throwing fries at one another and talking about all the school gossip

ya’ll continue talking even after finishing your dinner, when you realise that it was almost 11pm,,,, and that you had to get back to your dorm because your roommate was expecting you to be back by like 10

so you excuse yourself and tell them that it was really nice meeting them when jeongin just goes “woojin hyung you should walk them back to their dorm!! its so late!!” and you’re just like asdlfjkas what

and woojin is just dead inside because jeongin just made him seem like a creep,,,,,,, so to redeem himself he just coughs out a “if you want me to” to you, hoping that you would say yes

and you reply with a shy “yes” because reminder: this has never happened to you before

so woojin quickly gets up and walks you to your dorm, where ya’ll talked more about yourselves and just random things basically

soon you get to your dorm and you’re both filled with disappointment because neither of you wanted to leave,,,,,, and woojin was about to speak up when your phone ringing cuts him off

you realise that it’s your worried roommate and so you kinda quickly say bye to him and run off into your dorm

and he just leaves, slightly disappointed that he wasn’t able to ask you out because of the phone call

and ya’ll don’t bump into each other again until one day you get a really weird message from woojin out of nowhere which read something like “hi y/n09ae-r92u3r@!34328o185s”

okay,,,,,,,

you reply with a “u okay?” and 3 mins later you get a reply saying “i’m fine sorry the boys took my phone” and you’re just like “haha no problem,,,, oh yea how was your assignment?” and he replies with a “i got an A!” and the conversation just kinda continues from there

and ya’ll end up talking day and night for the next few days, until one day you see woojin waiting outside one of your classes, looking pretty nervous while you were just surprised to see him

so you’re just like “hey,,, what’re you doing here?” and he just shuffles around until he looks up at you and asks you if he could ask you something,,,,,, and you just get reminded of the first time ya’ll met

so you tease him and just go “you’re not gonna ask me what i define paper as right?” and he just laughs, which helps him loosen up

and he just takes in a deep breath and goes “actually i was gonna ask you what you define a date as, so that i can take you out on one,,,,” and you’re just rooted there because that was,,,,,, really smooth

and 4 seconds later woojin is just like “im sOrry that was so straightforward idk what i was thinking it’s totally okay if you don’t want to i was just asking and like-” and you cut his rant with a “i would love to go on a date with you”

and ya’ll just smile goofily at each other,,,,, when you hear someone go “awwww” and a few “shHHHHH”s

so ya’ll look around and spot 8 boys hiding behind the wall, trying to get a glimpse of what was going on and woojin just has to run after them to smack them because peeping is rude kids

a few days later, you and woojin go on your cute little date,,,,,,,,, to the karaoke pffffttt

but it’s really cute because ya’ll have so much fun singing - sometimes screaming out - songs that you both love,,,,,,,,, and in the end he just serenades you with this really slow song and it’s so romantic ahhhhh

ya’ll buy some chicken ((ofc)) and sit near a river and just talk about yourselves, growing more disappointed as your date comes to an end

woojin being the gentleman he is, walks you back to your dorm because its late and its dangerous

and somewhere in between your long walk, your hands just start brushing slightly and soon after your hand is enveloped by his huge hand

and ya’ll don’t acknowledge it, but it’s obvious by the wide smiles you both were sporting on your faces

and soon you had reached your dorm and ya’ll just stand around each other, not sure of what to do now that ya’ll were here,,,,,, and so woojin says bye first, moving in really slowly for a hug so that you had time to reject it if you wanted to,,,,,,, but no one rejects a hug from woojin

so you just accept his hug and melt into his arms, almost as if they were the perfect place for you to be in

you whisper a “thank you for the great date” and courageously press a soft kiss to his cheek,,,,,,,, before letting out a small squeak because even you were surprised at what you just did

woojin just raises a hand to his cheek and caresses the place you kissed him,,,,, before throwing you a small smile, and pulling you in for an actual proper kiss

and it’s all so fricking adorable because you rest your hands on his chest and you can hear how fast his heart was beating, matching your heart’s rhythm, almost as if both of it was making music

he slowly lets you go and mutters a “see you tomorrow” and ya’ll separate, both with goofy smiles because what magic just happened

you’re greeted with your roommate bombarding you with questions, and you just start screaming and spazzing about your date and especially the end of the date and your roommate is just screaming along with you,,,,,,, and woojin is greeted by 8 creepy faces, waiting in his dorm for the details and he just spills everything the moment he sees them and they’re just so happy for their oldest brother

and so ya’ll continue to go on so many dates, with you going to the college cafe every saturday night to see him perform,,,,, and one particular saturday night, woojin is the only one on the stage while the other 8 just stand at the side and watch him with smiles on their faces

and you’re like ???? because don’t they all usually perform together

and then woojin just grabs the mic and speaks into it, shushing the crowd

“so today’s performance will be a bit different,,,,, i’m performing this for a really special person in the crowd who has made my life so much better and happier and i just wanted to say ‘i love you’ to this special person. you know who you are” and he stares straight into your eyes

and you’re shocked because he just said he loved you

and he sings the song staring at you and only you,,,,,,,,, and you can’t react because you’re surprised but your heart was bursting with love for the boy in front you

as soon as he got off the stage, you rush to him and into his arms, unable to stop the tears that escaped your eyes because you didn’t have to date before to know how special this was

you pull away slightly and look at him, as he wipes away your tears, a smile ever present on his handsome face, as you choke out a “i love you too” and crush him in a hug again as he hugs you back as tightly

ya’ll were soon known as the musical couple across college, because of your performances that were put up every saturday night, right after stray kids had performed

and he even convinced you to join the music club, because he knew how talented you were and also because it was the perfect excuse to see you more

one day when you were over at his dorm, he finally decided to show you the assignment he had been having problems with,,,,, the assignment that brought ya’ll together

and you listened to it,,,,, impressed at how good it sounded and how you could feel the love it conveyed

and he shyly admitted that he was thinking of you singing as his inspiration for this piece,,,,,,, which led you to attacking him with kisses because how can one be so cute

and minho decides to walk into woojin’s room right at that moment and he just goes “well well what do we have here,,,,,” while wiggling his eyebrows at the both you when ya’ll fly apart from each other due to the uninvited guest,,,,, and woojin just throws his plushie at minho and and asks him to get out with a really red face

“your friends really need to learn how to knock” you say, still red and woojin just sighs and replies with a “trust me,,,, i’ve tried teaching them,,,,”

so ya’ll learn your lesson and keep your pda to a minimum when the others are around but when ya’ll are alone oh boy,,,,,,, prepare to be attacked with hugs, cuddles and kisses

∞ end ∞

#hidden

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sunlit-helix · 6 years

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Well i’ve been in school every year since i was 3 and next year i dont have to go so wup de fucking do lets figure out how i felt about college. This is very long and very rambly and very personal so don’t read if you’re not dreadfully bored.

Before I got to school I was in a very difficult part of my life. Almost every major relationship in my family ended with divorce, or I learned was abusive, in about the span of a year. I spent a good 8 months throwing a lot of belongings from the house that I lived in since i was 3. I was coping with all the other high school graduation things- worried about not being able to see my friends again when I moved, what was college gunna be like. I was never diagnosed with depression or social anxiety but I still remember being in my senior year and asking my mom to buy something for me because i was too afraid to talk to a cashier. I was a very different person, and things felt surreal because I was going through a lot of life events at once. When I got to college things changed quickly and in a much better way. My freshman year I forced myself to be social and I met a lot of people, and got over my anxiety. I made a lot of good friends. I knew everything my major-related professors were trying to teach me already. Classes didn’t seem much harder than highschool ones. I had a good roommate and the room itself could’ve been much worse. I stopped being afraid of the dark. I stopped being kind of pathetic tbh and started growing as a person. My mom got a home that she loved and was starting to chase her dreams. My first summer 3 hours away from all my friends was lonely but I survived.

Sophomore year was harder. The winters were starting to get to me because the rooms never have any heating, so i was buying and bringing more blankets down and doing homework under 3 or 4 layers. The rooms where garbage. I wore earplugs through the entire year to shut out the sound of snoring from my roommate so that I could sleep, and now I have regular tinnitus. The rooms were small and my desk was literally in the closet because there was no other room for it. I got very sick very frequently throughout most of the school year. The class material was still interesting to me but I was appalled that one of my professors, who worked at dreamworks, decided he wanted to teach us by just using youtube tutorials the entire year. That was and still feels brutally unacceptable when I came to college- in part SPECIFICALLY because I hate fucking following youtube tutorials and had already been doing that to teach myself 3D for 4 years. I learned how to properly animate. I started taking drawing classes because I wanted to learn and was consistently at the bottom of the class. I would continue to be at the bottom for the next couple years. I wasn’t able to hang out with most of the people i met my freshman year because I was sick and working and tired all the time. It was had ups and downs but was overall pretty miserable.

Junior year continued the tradition of being tired all the time but was more manageable. I met more people and had the chance to socialize more. I went to my first and only college party and talked about taco bell for several hours after getting completely fucked. It was the most liberating thing I think I have ever done in my life and I wish I had the time and endurance to go to more of them.

My senior year, man, I don’t fucking know. It was the first dorm that had heating. Really the first dorm with any kind of temperature control. Not having to share a bathroom with 20-30 men is a godsend. All male floors are the fucking worst. The bathrooms always smell like weed, shit, and cigarettes, and someone breaks a toilet once a week. I was rooming with two good friends. We had a lot of fun together. I wanted to put all my effort into my senior project but I ended up feeling drained about it. I was so burnt out. School wasn’t letting me be creative with my artwork, at least it felt so restricting with the requirements for assignments and I just was super dead. My passion for the project ended almost as soon as it began, and I worked very little on it until the last month of my senior year where I had to put it all together as fast as possible, and it shows. Going to school in a major that you think is going to teach you what you really want to know, and then being met with idle work and youtube tutorials for classes was the most frustrating thing. Well except for still having to take mandatory gen eds. I was taking gen eds up until my junior year much more than major related work, and they get in the way so much. I realized I was trans and stopped denying that I was bi right before my last semester started and it made me feel awful through the coming months.

So the overall college experience? Well it had ups and downs, but mostly it did not feel worth it. I didn’t learn nearly as much as I wanted to learn. I wanted to learn texture design and it wasn’t even taught in any class, at all, period, so i’m going to be teaching myself substance painter and designer soon. I didn’t socialize as much as I wanted to.

I sincerely do not understand how people were able to

a) keep friends together through the years

b) get all there work done

c) apply for jobs and get accepted out of school

d) go to clubs.

It was completely impossible for me to do. I was loaded with stress the entire 4 years. I couldn’t reach out to people as much as I wanted to and that’s what really gets me down; that It’s going to be so hard to talk to my friends because I’m out and it’s over. I was never able to balance all of it and that’s just the way it is. It’s ok, school wasn’t made for everyone, and it certainly wasn’t made for me. That said, I made deans list my first semester and my last semester only, and i’m graduating with a good GPA. I would give away all my grades for a better experience, I just didn’t know how. There are definitely more specifics I could get into I think, but after graduating like 3 weeks ago, this is what my thoughts are. I could talk about how much i hate the gen ed or other specifics, but right now all i’m feeling is that I lost a lot of my love for art by having it treated like busywork. Having to put aside work on my modelling and rendering final to prepare for entry level biology class that has 4 exams and 30 pages of notes to review per exam? Having to skip classes to do work on other classes? It’s dumb, it’s awful, and it’s too much, and it’s too much stress considering everything I learned that was major related in my field, I could have EASILY taught myself with no problem outside of college. Except maybe rigging, fuck rigging.

So college? A lot of money spent, a lot of pain, and a lot of people I wanted to talk to but wasn’t able to. I feel like i’ve grown as a person at least. I Think I know what I want more than I did before. I’m going to stop beating myself up about not being totally productive right after graduating considering I have 4 years worth of stress to decompress rn.

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lady-laufey · 7 years

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A recent post inspired me to list some of the weird shit, good and bad, that happened while I was in college. Heads-up for dead animals and unsanitary bullshit.

-My first roommate was that white guy who’s trying to get dreads, but he has no idea what he’s doing so he puts, like, rubber bands and shit in his unwashed hair. He was also that guy who knows like 3 chords on the guitar he prominently displays on his side of the room and constantly judges your taste in music while he’s putting up posters of white ‘‘reggae’‘ musicians -To be totally fair here I had a Beatles poster so he had, at least, 12% of a point there -Anyway he started a club to catch the alligator that lived in the turtle pond, and to throw the authorities off of his cunning plan, he named it the Hair Club. There were two problems with this plan; the alligator didn’t exist, and like half the members of the club were bald -There were two alligators in a drainage pond near a construction site on campus though, I got some good pictures of them -Same guy plastered our bathroom with pages torn from porn magazines. No warning, no questions asked, just bam. He got kinda upset when he found out I’d peeled them off and piled the taped-together mess behind the toilet. -A couple of drunk people rolled down the third-floor hallway in an inflatable hamster ball. -A bunch of drunk people sat in a circle outside of the elevator. Maybe it was a drum circle? They forgot the drums. -I opened my door one evening to find that someone had pulled condoms over all of the door handles on my hallway. Looked like they’d been used, but tbh I didn’t examine them super closely -Met one of my best friends while sitting on a bench and playing a jaw harp. This dude in a t-shirt for some metal band I’d never heard of was walking by, stopped, looked straight at me for a few seconds, then said “I salute you.” -That nerd with no communications skills was who I met pretty much all the rest of my college-era friends through -Every so often, when we had free time, we’d go to this gravel parking lot and look for shark teeth. It was filled with material dredged from Charleston harbor, so I’d usually find 10 or 20, give or take a bit -One of our other friends was a fuckin legend, dude could find upwards of a hundred teeth in a single trip to the lot, and once found a mako tooth that was about two inches long -But on the other hand, he spent more time there filling these plastic bags with tiny black pebbles because he liked how they felt -His handwriting was tiny. Like, legitimately microscopic. He could write an essay on the back of a 3″x5″ -We befriended a feral cat. The pebble friend named her Kitty Kitty Meow Meow -In my second year, someone left a huge fish head on the steps to my apartment. -The Marine Science department left a box of free fossils in the lobby. They did this only once. -My third year apartment had a window that looked straight at a poorly-lit grey wall. It was pretty depressing. Hard to get motivated to do anything when your whole world looks like the inside of a fuckin sardine can -my Ecology professor instructed one student to, at the start of class every day, stand up and flip the bird to the entire class. Same student every day. -my Marine Ecology professor assigned two pieces of homework. Nothing in-class, no exams, just those. -That professor told me to go back to sleep the one time I said something in his class -Told a professor, when asked why I slept in class, that I was up all night watching Netflix, because bringing up depression and insomnia seemed a bit much -We built ROVs in our first year and test-drove them in the turtle pond. One group decided to drive their ROV straight at the turtles, try to spook them -the turtles tore it apart, just straight up demolished it -go turtles

#long post #probably not the most interesting stuff but whatever

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itsjayyyy · 5 years

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January 16, 2019 4:51 pm

So on last thursday after that update, I met up with heather for the first time since October. We met up at starbucks, but neither of us bought a drink. She already knew about my moving out because she saw me posting about it on snapchat. I told her all about how my new roommates don’t really talk to me (or do the dishes, or pay rent on time...) and also how my parents didn’t let me have my own bed (she was really shocked at that, which i didn’t understand like girl ive been homeless because of my parents no shit they won’t let me take a bed they bought themselves). I also told her about the whole rose situation, and ofc anna. I thought it was funny how when i told her about the whole “surgery on a porcupine” she was like “how is that possible? you mean she did surgery on those things that fall off of trees?”

After hanging with her, I went home since I had like 5 hours until my next class. rose kept messaging me like “hey are you ready to meet up?” “i can see you’re home now” etc. I didn’t answer, and honestly i was annoyed that she used my location as a weapon, so i left my phone at home when i went to class. Which was kinda annoying tbh, i felt so disconnected without it. (just got sidetracked, but i think when i get my student refund i’m gonna buy an ipod nano 1st gen, which was the first mp3 player i ever had. prob gonna fill it with the 3 vocaloid cd’s i found). After class i went to get a smoothie, then drove home. rose was waiting outside my door for me to get home, and she started going on about “omg i was so worried you weren’t answering my texts etc” we get into my apartment, and i just kinda unloaded onto her (again). just told her how it’s not even just the whole mom situation, but all of them had piled so much hate onto me since i was a kid that i’m incapable of loving myself, and it only frustrates me when they say “don’t see yourself negatively!” it’s like someone breaking your arm and then saying “just use your hand to grab x” without acknowledging that your arm was broken by them. she starts crying (as she always does tbh), then we go to get sushi.

friday i only had one class (psychology) so i chilled at home most of the day. can’t really remember what i did lol. oh wait i think i hung out with rose, to make up for not hanging out on thursday. yea we chilled at my apartment for a bit, then went to the west side to scoop up peter and get hooter’s. and then i complained about how i started feeling sick, and then called in saturday. i told myself that i would get ahead on my homework and clean my room, but i spent most of the day chilling. the gray cat that hangs around my apartment walked by my window, so i opened it and pet her. She climbed into my room, and i spent a good 3 hours just playing with her. I texted the owner asking if she was pregnant or not (bc she really looked like she was about to give birth) but he texted back saying it was a boy, and neutered. apparently he’s just super cuddly.

i called in sunday too, since it’s like i already lost an attendance point and i didn’t feel like going to work. i actually was productive that day, like i did laundry and cleaned my room. still getting the depressive episode out of my system, though, so i wasn’t running at full capacity.

on monday, i checked anna’s twitter (btw after i soft blocked her i felt that she was still looking at my profile tho, like our tweets would mirror each other in mood a lot), and she tweeted “omg i think my crush is flirting with me” so rip my chances with her. and yea i know it wasn’t about me bc outside of class i heard her talking about how they were talking thru snapchat. :c

i really can’t wait until fall when i get transferred to the downtown campus, though. as i was walking up to msb, i saw someone sitting directly next to the entrance. and you can probably guess who it was. I really thought “new semester, new schedule, no more stalker savon waiting outside my classes” but i guess i was wrong. as i sat in the hall waiting for my class to start, I had a minor anxiety attack that i tried to cover up by talking to my classmates and professor about high school funding. luckily in that conversation, i learned that msb has two side exits, so now i have different paths to take. (honestly this whole time i’ve gone here, i thought the “handicap accessible” sign in front of the side entrance was trying to say that wheelchairs should go down the stairs, but my classmate pointed out that it was supposed to say “handicap accessible, up this path to the right,” not directly forward. I took the side stairs after class and basically ran to the garage in case he was following. At home i still had an assignment for comp, which was “visit a place on campus that you’ve never been to before and draw it in a 4-panel comic” (this class is all about multimodal writing) which, by the way, is really only possible for freshmen. as a spohomore, there isn’t a single place on campus that i haven’t been to. except for that side stairwell. so i drew my experiences taking a new staircase as an exit. let me make this journal entry multimodal by adding my comic:

anyways, that comic was apparently way overdrawn, when all of my classmates did simple stick figures at memory mall. kinda felt like wednesday addams wearing a long black dress at summer camp. it was nice tho, gave me a way to express all of my feelings about the whole thing (since i had nobody to talk to). it was like art therapy.

tuesday we had a quiz at the end of calc. i know hindsight’s 20/20, but seriously how the fuck did i fail this class it’s so damn simple. I finished the quiz in a literal 30 seconds and then sat there because i didn’t want to be the first person to finish. all of my classmates looked really deep in thought too, so i started to wonder if i was maybe not doing it right. but then the professor walked by and saw i wasn’t doing anything, so i was like “is this all that we have to do (setting up an integral but not even solving it)” and he was like yea, ur good. surreal.

then i went home and chilled until my evening class, then after that drove to peter’s bc we were gonna hang. so rose remembered that i was coming over, but peter forgot; while peter remembered they invited paul over, but rose forgot. i know that they’re kinda close with paul and all but tbh i don’t really know him that well, and it feels awkward hanging with him. when i told rose that, she was like “but you guys have hung out together, remember that time you got blackout drunk and slept on his bed, i felt like that was a real bonding moment for yall” um no i actually didn’t remember that, probably because i was BLACKOUT DRUNK. anyways i told all of them about anna (since peter and paul didn’t hear the story), then we smoked a little and played comer. We all won a round except for peter lol. then we watched an episode of marie kondo’s show (i wanted them to see how she lowkey looks like a robot), and then i headed home. i got home at like midnight tho, and since we had a sub today in calc, i figured i could skip it. so today i woke up around 10, got on campus at 2 since i was gonna hang with heather (but her boss didn’t let her have a break since she only worked 5 hours so we’re gonna meet tomorrow instead), went to psychology (and we finished the chapter early so no class friday!!!), and since then i’ve been in the library writing this.

here’s my plan for surviving this semester: i’m gonna act like this is fuckin birdbox, but extreme version. he wants to get a reaction out of me, and he’s not gonna. from now on, any time that i’m outside of a building (and even most times that i’m indoors but not in class) I’m going to have headphones in, and look down at the ground (not like directly at my feet, but like looking forward but at the ground ahead of me) or at my phone. that way if he finds me, he still can’t get a reaction bc i’m visibly distracted in the only two senses that he can reach me through. i don’t think he would go as far as to try to touch me, so i should be safe.

i hate that i feel like i’m always on the defensive at my own damn college. i hate feeling like i can’t even walk around freely without being followed. but hopefully i just need to make it to fall, hopefully ucf doesn’t delay the opening of the downtown campus, hopefully i transfer in a few months and can *really* put this all behind me. then it’s all smooth sailing, just gonna go through my final two years at uni, then graduate, get a job in CPS for a few years, then go back to school for my master’s. from there become a licensed clinical social worker, so that i can maybe work for cps but in a hospital setting where i get paid more, buy a house, have a family. get out of orlando. (but i kinda like orlando...)

anyways it’s 6 o clock now, so in about 15 minutes i’m gonna leave the library, use the guidelines i wrote above, use the side entrance, and get to class.

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sourpatchwatermelon · 4 years

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ASK: all questions (1-25) :)

okay so first off, thank you for the question, I’m sorry I’m getting to it SO LATE. I tried answering it via mobile like a week ago and i got like 3/4 of the way through and then THE APP CRASHED, so this is the first chance I’ve had to use a computer to do it. Without further ado, here ya go:

year end questions!

Song of the year?: Juice - Lizzo (this was TOUGH but this song was really there for me through it all this year)

Album of the year?: Father of the Bride - Vampire Weekend (just gave me such VIBES this year)

Favorite musical artist / group you started listening to this year?: Sammy Rae (I got to see her in concert too!)

Movie of the year?: Either Rocketman or Knives Out (I don’t see a lot of movies but I thought these were both extremely good)

TV show of the year?: Fleabag (but also The Good Place, Killing Eve, Dead to Me, Barry, Black Mirror, idk I just love tv)

Episode of tv or webisode that defined the year for you?: Brooklyn Nine-Nine Season 6 Episode 9 - The Golden Child (not only is it a great ep but I also related to it SO HARD - Amy’s struggle to win approval from her parents and constantly being one-upped by her over-achieving sibling?? I felt that)

Favorite actor of the year?: Andrew Scott (his performances in Fleabag and Black Mirror are unparalleled) - also I noticed there’s no actress question so JODIE COMER (her work in Killing Eve deserves all the awards)

Game of the year?: ultimate goose game (I never played it bc I don’t really do games, but literally how iconic)

Best month for you this year?: probably August (although that’s depressing bc what made it so great was my new relationship, my work friends, and my success at my job - all of which don’t exist for me anymore since it was just a summer job and I got dumped...so yeah)

Something that made you cry this year?: I cry all the time but definitely a lot of tears were shed when I got dumped...rip. It’s sad bc it was only a three-month-long relationship but I genuinely thought we were like soulmates and we had talked about moving to Vermont together after graduation so it really came out of the blue for me and was very depressing.

Something you want to do again next year?: experience love lmao

Talk about a new friend you made this year: she joined concert choir at the start of spring semester and she’s super adorable and funny and stylish and cool. She’s only a sophomore so I feel a bit protective of her in a way lmao but she’s so sweet and always happy to see me so she’s just a really good egg

How was your birthday this year?: one of my better ones tbh! I was super busy that day but I managed to get to all 3 bars on campus and I got to spend time with some good friends (the memories are just slightly tainted bc I spent lots of time talking to my partner but when we broke up I found out that they had wanted to end the relationship for a few weeks but just didn’t want to break up with me on my birthday, so it kind of puts the whole day in a bad light)

Favorite book you read this year?: I don’t read a ton of books for fun anymore bc I read so many for school but some good reads from this summer were Dark Places - Gillian Flynn and Into the Water (and The Girl on the Train, of course) - Paula Hawkins

What’s a bad habit you picked up this year?: idk if this is a new habit or if it just got incredibly pronounced this year but I’ve had a ton of trouble with procrastinating my schoolwork over the past year, to the point of turning assignments in over a week late for no reason other than I just didn’t want to do them so I really gotta fix that

Post a picture from the beginning of the year: will do this in separate post

Post a picture from the end of the year: will do this in separate post

A memorable meal this year?: my first staff night at CCE! I had just raised the most in the office (and the most I ever would again lmao) and we went to this pizza place but I was a rebel and got mozzarella sticks lol. It was just so fun to get to know the people that would end up becoming such huge parts of my summer and also to be praised for my work too lmao

What’re you excited about for next year?: I’m excited (but also nervous) to graduate college!

What’s something you learned this year?: I learned a lot this year, but probably the most important is that I love fast and hard, but that doesn’t mean it’s forced or fake. If people don’t want to accept my feelings or see them as too big or too much (this is very Lorde Melodrama Liability of me lmao) then they aren’t worth my big-hearted feelings

What’s something new about your place of residence (room, home, or general location) now vs the start of the year?: well I moved into my first off-campus apartment this year! It’s just my roommate and I, so that’s been an adjustment from dorm living, especially now that I’m cooking for myself because I don’t have a meal plan or an RA to monitor stuff or a study lounge to go to when my roommate is being loud lmao

Favorite place you visited this year?: I didn’t do a ton of traveling this year, so probably my favorite place that I went this year (that I had never been to before) was when I went to canvasser conference in Kentucky (although that memory is also tainted by ex-partner stuff but oh well it was still a super fun experience)

If you could send a message to yourself back on the first day of the year, what would it be?: hang out with your friends more and don’t let your partner be the only thing you pay attention to!

Did you keep any New Year’s Resolutions?: I didn’t really make any but still no bc I did not keep any of my nebulous goals like ‘eat healthier’ and ‘exercise more’ so rip to that

Did you create any characters (in games, art, or writing) this year? Describe one: I don’t do a lot of character creation but I did create a pretty baller character on MySims kingdom LMAOOOOO

Thank you again for the questions, and sorry again for the massive delay in response :)

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