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dallonwrites · 9 months

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LOVER BOY - WIP INTRO

[ lover boy by @dallonwrites / sfgate / tumblr user catilinas / lover boy | little weirds by jenny slate / lover boy / hellraiser (1987) / manhunter (1986) / the lost boys (1987) / lover boy ] this post has alt text.

disclaimer: this is my own original work

Genre: Literary that wishes it were horror Setting: San Francisco, 1987/88 Aesthetics: fake blood, uncanny SFX in old horror movies, grainy home videos, a deeply orange sunset, retro arcade games, an empty mall, overripe fruit, anatomical heart models, heart shaped candles, leather jackets, rolling fog, the moon in the ocean, bowling alleys, red lights, trying to see a ghost in the hallway, real blood, mixtapes from former lovers, nightclub bathrooms, vampire fangs, neck kisses Summary: Sometimes, to cope with change and unpredictability, Beau likes to pretend he's the protagonist of a blood-soaked horror movie. And all he's ever wanted is a lover. But after the death of his childhood best friend he retreats into himself - frustrated at love and frustrated that Bobby hasn't haunted him the way he promised to - until he's jolted back by former friends needing his help with a movie project, an ex lover returning as new ones find new ways to hurt him, his friends and his community getting sicker, and a near death experience that comes with the urgency to record everything around him whilst he still can. The more that happens, the more he tries to find ghosts around him. The more times he sees blood on his hands, the more painful his old coping mechanism becomes, as his thoughts become less and less tasty.

what if you were autistic but you didn't know it because it's the 1980s and your special interest is horror movies and sometimes your brain feels a little bit blood-soaked but it's okay because it feels good! it makes you feel better, right? but then your best friend dies and also you lose the closest person you had to a lover and you wonder if you've wasted your time obsessing over romance but you don't have time to think about it because life keeps happening and nobody seems to care that your community is dying and no matter how hard you try you never see a ghost in the hallway or the bathroom mirror like you want to, and then your lover comes back but he's different, and so are you, and you really want to stop looking death in the eye, so you try to capture everything around you on your video camera to show that you were here, we were here and we're alive, and your queerness is your heartbeat and all you want to do in this life is love, so that's what you do, despite everything, whatever that love looks like, even when everything gets louder and brighter and too much to bare and you're starting to get scared by the blood in your thoughts

I call this "the culmination of my growing obsession with horror and the undergrad dissertation I wrote on how the AIDS crisis functions in queer narratives". I think it's my favourite thing I've started in a long time! There's so much flesh to this story that I haven't even dug my hand as deep into it as I could go. It's fun, it's silly, it's raw, it's sweet, it's emotional, it's complicated, it's a bit bloody, it's theatrical, it's trying it's best. It doesn't take itself too seriously but it's also crying in the bathtub you know

Characters (just a few otherwise this would get way too long)

Beau (he/him) the bestest boy in the whole world. Someone pleeeease take him to a farmers market on a chilled Sunday afternoon

Benji (he/him) Beau's little brother who Beau thinks is the bestest boy in the whole world. Even though he loves bugs and dirt and wants to be a shark when he grows up

Bobby (he/him) dead but before he died he thought being a ghost would be so fun. It'd be so much easier to sneak up on Beau! He could finally go to Fire Island! He loved handmaking jewellery and wanted to be a volcanologist.

Felix (he/him) the ex lover! He's doing sooo much better since the last time you saw him! Hey why is he crying in that movie theatre bathroom

Tiff (she/they) Beau's old friend and roommate. Tattoo artist who collects eye shaped decor and broken rotary phones. Lesbian/gay solidarity is the backbone of this novel.

Dorothy (she/her) In love with the moon and acrylic paints. What if you bumped into your ex boyfriends twin sister and feel like you shouldn't get involved but then you remember she's realllyyy fun to talk shit about people with?

#who peeped the hannibal/red dragon reference at the end of the summary LOL #wip intro #lover boy #long post #ALSO i will be reblogging a version of this with text image descriptions later today #THIS IS SOOO MUCH DIFFERENT TO WHEN I INTRODUCED THIS PROJECT LAST YEAR LOLLL #i deleted that post but remember when this was the Beaulix novel? now it's just Beau!#this is by far the most fun take on grief ive done in my writing about grief to cope with my own era #i read this wip intro and i remember 2020 when i created beau and he was just meant to be a guy that liked surfing and gave felix weed #and look where we are now

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fr3akinthecorner · 5 months

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its the chinee skateboard here again ready to get skating and today we have our best friend chris angel insider and his daughter emily rose chan joing us in the chat what fun! why are you crying anime boy? dont answer that wait and please let me ask u more questions if u wish to speak with us ok? ill speak with you people perfect! like usual emily rose chan please wait until u are addressed to speak ok? chris angel inside is he a cute crier? yes he is! i wonder what went wrong? a little girl? poor guy but at least emily is here to make him feel better yes she is! its chinese skateboarder and i just want to say that emily rose chan is very depressed because her father yoon keeho has made the decison not to love her on most days so the topic will be about grief is that ok anime boy? yes thats fine with me im sorry emily youre so cute and smart and i heard that you are shinomiya shirogane is a fucking asshole and needs to die yes he does! ihate himso much and hes horrible at having conversations is he really? we didnt know that why didnt you tell anyone shinomiya? because he is so charming that it masks it and makes up for it but im tire of him and i truly despise him and wish death upon him although at the same time he is my father and i cant get rid of him and i dont want to either i love him so much but he hurts me so much i have a truly horrible life and nothing will be good for me again im going to die at an old age and not in love i just wish shirogane would die too its shirogane youre taking this too far so what if i dont love u? u dont deserve love youre not that kind of woman yes i am shirogane you are truly evil get help ive done nothing to me and you have turned me into a suicidal person so thanks for nothing i dont love you right now either and when i suffer you suffer so every time you tell me you dont love me you will have bad luck and bad days and bad moods so enjoy being evil its going to suck im going to spend my time with chris angel insider and i might end our wattpad story now and just write to him because you dont deserve my love or any love letters you deserve to die i am suicidal now its shirogane get over it and leave me alone im busy and having fun without u theres no way that u can make this up to me shirogane mt st helns yes? we need so start writing toeach other now please my daddy doesnt love me anymore and hes doing it everysingle day nowa nd he wont try to be a better father to me please write to me mt st helens ye s baby girl! i have been waiitng so long for u to fucking ask me to write you love letters and now the time has come we will make lava come out of mt st helens with our love and your dad is a piece of shit im gonna kill him ok bye i love you dont leave so quickly will it be on wattpad? yes under mt st helens ok perfect baby bye

#chris angel insider #mt st helens #anime game

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diaryofabeautyfiend · 3 years

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* ⚠️ Warnings: A lot of angst. Mentions of sex. A little fluff. People drinking alcohol. ⚠️ This one shot was never meant to be a series. All of your love and appreciation spurred me in to write more. Hope you like this chapter. I cried while I was writing it. Part 5 is the finale.

Plain Gold Ring IV:

You Don’t Know What Love Is

“How could you know how lips hurt

'Till you've kissed and had to pay the cost

Baby, 'till you've flipped your heart and you have lost

You don't know what love is” Nina Simone

———————————————————————

Being on the board of your firm’s charity gala was a huge deal. On top of your normal duties you were in charge of the silent auction. The final auction items had all arrived and you had been busy categorizing everything and preparing for the night that you barely have time to focus on the Andy and Lori situation.

Not that it wasn’t grating on your last nerve. You were so short with everyone at work that it was becoming a problem. Stan had to have a talk with you. You just had to focus and get through this event.

Andy helped as much as he could. He was supportive when you were frustrated and quickly learned when to back off. Sometimes you were up until the wee hours he would literally drag you to bed. He knew how to keep your mind off of work for a while.

You were so busy that you hadn’t even purchased a dress. You and Liz went shopping after work. She was the only person to know about you and Andy.

“What do you think of this one? Think Andy will like it?” You wore a black long sleeved gown with a v that went down to right above your belly button and a slit up to your mid thigh.

“I mean, I’d fuck you.” she deadpanned. This was the dress. You would be comfortable in it all night. You also looked like a powerful bitch who would slit your throat.

———————————————————————

You had to be at the site earlier than the guests so you did your hair and most of your makeup at home. Andy had not seen your dress on purpose. You wanted him to see you when he walked in with Lori. Your petty brain was on overdrive.

“Well you look great” Andy said pointing to your sweats.

“Shush. I’m not putting on my dress and heels until the last second. I pressed your shirt it’s hanging in your closet. I also picked up your tux from the cleaners.”

He slid his arms around you and looked at you in the mirror. “Why are you so good to me?” His hands roamed your body and made contact with your bare skin under your tshirt.

“I am gonna be late.” You swatted his hands away.

“You have four hours. Didn’t you hire party planners?”

“Yes. I still need to get my nails done and set up the auction. You can have your way with me later.”

“But I want to now” he whined. “Please. I’ll be really quick.”

You giggled , “Sounds really fun for me. You know I would never ever miss an opportunity to cum all over your cock…” your face was so close to his your lips were nearly touching. Your hands were on his chest. His were on your hips pulling you closer. “But I have to go. Bye, baby.”

“Tease! You’ll pay for that.” he called after you.

You winked at him as you headed out of the door, “I certainly hope so.”

All Andy could do was laugh. He wished he could spend this evening whisking you around the dance floor. He couldn’t wait to see how beautiful you would look tonight.

In two days you would be on your way to Chicago. The movers were already on the way with your furniture. Your suitcase was in the process of being packed. He hated it. He was taking a long weekend to help you get settled. By Wednesday morning you would have to say goodbye. His heart broke a little every time he thought about it. Every single day he wanted to say he loved you. He was reluctant to ruin what you had knowing there was no way around the inevitable.

———————————————————————

Everything was set. The only thing left was for you to get dressed. You re-sprayed your hair and put on your jewelry. You spritzed Chanel over your wrists neck and cleavage. Last thing was to coat your lips in a matte oxblood to match your nails. You looked sleek and downright terrifying. Just as you planned.

“They just walked in.” Liz whispered from the doorway.

“How does she look?”

“Pretty and appropriate.”

“How do I look?”

“Like a bad bitch. Let’s go.”

You walked out with your shoulders back and your head high. You made sure the gown swished enough to expose your legs and the impossibly high heels you wore. Andy saw you from across the room and stopped dead in his tracks. You looked like you were walking in slow motion. He almost dropped his drink.

You made a b line for Stan and his wife Elaine who were standing directly behind the other couple. He smelled your perfume wafting off of you when you walked by. He almost lost it right there.

“Y/N! What a knockout. Elaine, isn’t she gorgeous?” You kissed his cheek with the side of your mouth careful not to smear your lipstick.

“Christ, Stan. Keep it in your pants. You look beautiful, honey.”

“Thank you, Elaine. So good to see you. Lovely as always.”

“Thank you, dear. Now how is it possible you are here without a date? Stan, you work the poor thing so much she can’t even find a man. That’s why she’s leaving you.”

“And for many other reasons” you joked. You were very much aware that Andy was behind you. “Elaine have you met Andy and Lori Barber?”

You took Lori’s hand and ushered them over. “No, I haven’t. So nice to finally meet you.”

“You get to know each other. I’m going to grab a drink. Can I get anyone anything?” Such a good hostess.

“I’d love a scotch. Elaine wine?” She nodded.

“Andy?”

“You won’t be able to carry all of those drinks. Let me come with you.” Andy patted Lori on the arm. “I’ll be right back.” When you were far enough away he took a long look at you. “How long til I get to rip that dress off of you?”

Your cheeks heated, “You won’t be ripping anything. This dress cost a fortune. It’s far too pretty to ruin especially with panty lines.”

“Fuck. I’m gonna ruin that pussy.”

“Promises promises, Mr. Barber.” He groaned and adjusted his pants.

“Such a tease.”

You delivered the drinks and excused yourself. For the rest of the night Andy only caught glimpses of you. He tried not to make it obvious but Lori could see. Once upon a time he looked at her like that. Except the way he looked at you was a look of complete adoration.

You tried avoiding the Barbers all night. The whole time Andy schmoozed and did his Andy thing, his arm was around her waist. She kept her hand on his chest. They were always finding little ways to touch each other. When he kissed her temple you nearly broke the clipboard you were holding.

Stan stood next to you draining his fourth drink, “You ok there, champ? Sweet couple aren’t they?”

“Yeah. They’re adorable.” You slammed the rest of your Old Fashion.

“Reminds me of me and Katherine . Remember Katherine?”

“Was she your second or third wife? I don’t remember.” Your words were dripping with sarcasm.

“Second. Every time we had one of these things Katherine was on my arm. She was great at this shit. She’d chat it up with the partner’s wives earning me brownie points while I fucked Elaine’s brains out in the John. Know why I married Elaine? She was the best goddamn litigator I’d ever seen. Gets my dick hard every time I think about it. She lit a fire in me that couldn’t be stoked. Kind of like you do for Andy.”

You blanched, “What do you mean?”

“Oh save it. I know you’re fucking. The whole office does. I see how he looks at you. But you can’t see how you look at him. Don’t let the act fool you. He’s stupid for you. Let me keep him for a couple of months before you move him to Chicago ok? He can make us some serious money.” He patted you on the ass and went back to Elaine. She was waiting for him with a big smile that he drunkenly devoured.

———————————————————————

The band started playing. When a slow song came on Lori took Andy’s hand. “Dance with me?”

For possibly the last time he held her. She closed her eyes, rested her head on his shoulder and let him lead her around the dance floor. He wasn’t reciprocating with the same tenderness. His eyes were held on you.

You watched him place his hand on the small of her back. The way he held her hand was a practiced action that he had perfected over sixteen years. When he let himself get lost for just a moment he was overcome with grief for himself and Lori. He pressed a kiss to her lips. Her heart fluttered and she kissed him back. You rushed out of the room when you saw them.

Lori felt her husband’s body stiffen. His hold on her loosened. It felt like he was forcing his body to stay with her. She understood why his mood shifted when she saw you leaving. She looked up at him. His eyebrows were knitted together with worry.

“How long have you been sleeping with her?” she asked quietly.

“A month. Maybe longer.” He couldn’t look at her. Couldn’t lie.

“So basically since you left.”

“My second day there. Lori, I’m so sorry. It just happened. I wasn’t looking for anything.”

“No, but you were open to something happening. Does everyone here know? Of course they do. I’m so humiliated. I think I’d like to go home.”

“I’ll get the car.”

“No. I can get myself home. This night is too important for you to leave early.”

“Lori…”

“I don’t want to be around you right now, Andy. I can’t.” She let go of his hand and left. She carried herself with poise and dignity but inside she was dying.

You were nowhere to be found. He spotted Liz who was chatting with some friends. “Where is she?”

“Auctions over. She left.”

“Shit. Thanks.”

“Andy, be gentle with her. Idiots.”

He ran to the valet and jumped in his car to race home. When he got out he noticed a suit case in the back of your car. The elevator was taking forever. He took the stairs two at a time to reach you before you got away.

He heard your heels clacking on the hardwood. Clothes were everywhere. “Y/N?”

“Bedroom.” You were still in your pretty dress. Still all made up throwing things in another suitcase.

“Going somewhere?”

“Hotel.”

“Mind telling me why?” His voice was hoarse like he had been screaming.

“The way you held her…you kissed her.” He grabbed your hands to make you look at him but you yanked them away. “This was stupid. I should have never gotten involved with you in the first place. Married men never leave. Please get out of my way, Andy. I have to go.”

“You think this was a mistake?” Slow tears rolled down his face. He undid his bow tie and sat down. “I don’t. I’m glad we met.”

“Why? Because I feel like my heart has been ripped from my chest. So why are you glad?”

“Because you reminded me what it felt like to be cared for. To feel loved. You showed me what I had been missing for a long time now.”

“Happy to have helped.” You continued emptying drawers.

“Please stop packing. Please.” You wouldn’t look at him. He tried grabbing you several times but you moved beyond his reach. “Damn it! Why? Why do you always run when things get hard?”

“I’m not running.”

“No? So Chicago just came up? Or did you put out your resume the second you heard I got the job you wanted?”

Your cheeks heated. “You know how this business works. If I got passed over this time, they’ll keep doing it.”

“Right. And tonight? The second things get weird you run.”

“You kissed her!” You were trying not to cry.

“I know. I was sad. We’ve been Andy and Lori for the majority of our lives. Tonight felt so final. I know we’ll always have Jacob but, there is nothing else there. Please. I am so in love with you. Please.” He dropped to his knees and hugged you tight around your waist.

“Andy, you have to let me go.” He pressed his face into your stomach and broke down. “Andy? Sweetie? Come on. Let go.”

“Tell me you don’t love me and I’ll let you walk out of that door. I’ll never contact you again. But I know you do.”

“Stop….”

“Aren’t you tired of running?” You were tired. You ran away from your family, former lovers, dead end jobs. You wanted to finally be settled. Leave with a clean break. There was nothing clean about this. If you said you loved him there was no going back. This would be at least three years of a long distance relationship because he won’t leave Jacob. You didn’t want him to leave his son. This would be you exhibiting a level of trust you weren’t sure you had. He fell in love with you so fast. In your absence, what would stop him from falling for someone else? You were so weak when it came to Andy. Fucking perfect at everything Andy fucking Barber. Why couldn’t you shake him? Why couldn’t you just walk away like you have been trying to do since the first time you had sex?

BECAUSE WE LOVE HIM YOU DUMB TWAT. Your brain screamed. You couldn’t make your mouth work. You ran your fingers through his hair, “I love you, Andy.”

He pulled you down onto the floor and kissed you with abandon. “Say that again.” he whispered against your mouth.

“I love you. I love you. God help me, I love you.” A smile was plastered on his face for the rest of the night. Packing could wait.

#andy barber smut #andy barber x y/n #andy barber angst #andy barber #defending jacob

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terranoctis · 3 years

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epic iv

Here follows spoilers, lingering in the dark with another list of stories I’ve consumed.

1. The Song Of Achilles by Madeleine Miller

I’ve heard a spectrum of comments about this story for years, most things good. I studied Latin for three years in high school, so I’ve translated more parts of the Iliad than I wanted to as a teenager. But now that years have passed, I have a fondness for classical texts like the Iliad that I couldn’t have had then when it was my homework. Though I’ve forgotten much of my Latin nowadays, I do remember the story of Aeneas somewhat--and by connection, fragments of Achilles’ story. The ending of this story did not come as a surprise to me, because it’s a story most will know if they have some familiarity with classical Latin literature. Even so, the novel is still a great read when one knows the ending. If anything, there’s a kind of beauty in knowing the end and taking in the views along the way.

Though there are prophecies in the original texts, like one that I believe where it was foretold Achilles would die at Troy, this story specifically uses the prophecies to foreshadow the kind of ending we already know will come. From Patroclus being promised to fight for Helen to Achilles being the fated warrior and dying after Hector...We’re privy to these storms coming down the road, but we’re also living in this moment of Patroclus seeing the most humane sides of Achilles. Achilles, by all means, is a flawed human, but that’s what makes this story so much more compelling. His pride is what sets most of the ending arc in motion, as it is his grief that brings the story to its penultimate end. It’s a Greek tragedy, and a story of love between two men who are seen as anything as but in many interpretations of their relationship.

And really, what’s the most refreshing is that it’s written from Patroclus’ perspective. He is a character who doesn’t have a voice as much in these stories, as a man at Achilles’ side. It’s also, if one might add, a good friends to lovers story (*winks terribly*). It is though, a stronger focus on the relationship between the two than anything else. Though Miller still does a good job at illustrating the world around the pair, the story is hyper-focused on the two.

I personally don’t think I enjoyed the story as much as it was lauded (I’ve been seeing rave reviews for years), but I very much still understand why it was lauded and liked the novel. I would like to read Miller’s other story Circe now because I think her way of writing would make the story of a witch that much more compelling. I think I may have to also re-read the Iliad, only if because I’m curious to see how it would make think about this story if I remembered more of the classical text. Even though I have some criticisms, it boils down to the fact that I enjoyed this novel. You cannot deny the beauty of the writing.

2. A Deadly Education by Naomi Novik

It’s hard to put my feelings on this novel into sensible terms. I was trying to make sense of whether I actually liked the book or not, and it came down to the fact that I did even though it felt like the book was trying very hard to be something more substantive than it was. That isn’t to say it’s not a good book, or that it is a great book. It is a fun read, for what it is. I believe it is a fun book, much more so than Novik’s other books I’ve read that kind of follow a relatively more serious plot in worlds she seems to have stronger footing in. It’s clear to me and one that should be noted in case there are comparisons--this novel seems markedly intended to be marketed towards a younger age group than Uprooted and Spinning Silver. This world also takes place on Earth, unlike previous novels, so there are significantly more modern references and writing that evokes our modern world. In turn, I think it opens up to more criticisms because it will be comparable to our society, which in turns up some issues I’ll mention further in this post. If anything, I feel slightly terrible that there will be comparisons made regardless of the author’s intent to Harry Potter for any who have read that series. J.K. Rowling doesn’t have the sole authorship of magical schools in fiction, but the comparison is there because it’s the most prominent ones in most readers’ minds.

Before I proceed further, there have been controversies over Novik’s writing of race in this novel. I did not take issue personally, as an Asian American, with depictions of Asians in this novel. That being said, I am not of the specific descent with which it could be taken as offensive, and so in reading the text, my personal stake in the depiction would have lessened any perceived offense in it. Take my opinion with a grain of salt, and please understand that I do empathize with those who are offended. I understand why people may take issues with Yi Liu as a name, and I particularly understand why descriptions of hair associated with race (i.e., locs, El’s hair as someone of Indian descent) being written in terms of being “dirty,” may particularly be offensive. Though the latter was related to how the scholomance, or the school, has maleficara that will attack any students and hair was a bad idea in the school in general because it’s an easy way for them to get attacked--I can understand why even that connotation (that I don’t think Novik ever intended) could be extremely problematic. It’s not okay the loc description was connotated that way, if you reread that section, and it’s something I hope she learns in future books. That being said, I do think much of the criticism is unfair. Novik is not tone-deaf as I’ve read in other writers. She is working to describe a more diverse world even if it’s not the strongest way to do so. I think it should be noted the bullies in her story are establishment, rich kids. The loc description is the worst of her offenses, but it’s something a writer is learning and reprimanded for (not hated on, as I’ve been seeing in some reviews). Novik works to write a diverse world, which is something markedly more than what many white writers in magical schools have done--and that effort is something that should be commended. I mentioned earlier Rowling. Simply compare the student body of Novik’s world to Rowling’s Hogwarts to see what I mean about diversity. I sincerely hope she takes the constructive criticisms of this novel to improve in the next one, because I sincerely think she can be better and will be.

The story definitely focuses on the grim side of magic, with larger-than-life stakes when it comes to survival and becoming accomplished students. Even the most minute details like eating lunch are filled with danger, to which all these students have acclimated to. Nonetheless, as a story led with teenage protagonists, there’s very much a sense of cliques and popularity that correlate directly to their survival and futures.

It’s interesting that El’s foil is everyone’s favorite hero and her new best himbo friend, Orion Lake. (It also made me giggle, because one of my characters is named Orion, and he’s the complete opposite of the Orion in this book) Orion is immediately likable to everyone, but he’s being used while El is disliked and refuses to be used by anyone. They’ve both never been quite treated as a normal person or friend by anyone, so their unlikely friendship is the core of this story. Quite frankly, the story shines the most when these two are working together to do whatever they need to. A review I read remarked upon their relationship as the amazing friendship of a himbo and his intelligent best friend, and it made me laugh because it’s so true and it’s fun to read.

El’s nature as someone shunned makes her want to shun everyone else and build alliances. It’s nice, for one, that she builds an alliance of other anti-establishment people at the costing of shunning establishment people, depending on how you look at it. It assumes though that all establishment people are bad, and maybe it’s my hesitance on that which makes me hesitant on liking El. Nonetheless, that’s kind of the joy of a flawed character. She’s allowed to make mistakes and reassess them as her experiences go on. We see that in her gradual interactions with Clara, and that’s a credit to the writing, no matter how minimal those interactions are so far.

Overall, I do think the book is a fun read. The execution of the writing, in El’s attitude at times to the glaring problems of depiction mentioned earlier, are the flaws in this story. Nonetheless, the dialogue and the interactions between these kids still make it a fun ride. It’s not exactly my favorite book on magic, but an enjoyable one nonetheless.

3. The Space Between Worlds by Micaiah Johnson

Where do I even start with this one? I think I was drawn from the very first chapter. It’s a refreshing and beautifully-woven take on the multi-verse, in ways that I think I would love to see a film or TV adaptation on this. A multi-verse is a subject matter that interests me, but it’s also the way this novel was written that truly sells it for me. This might be one of my favorite novels I’ve read in awhile. It’s not a perfect novel (what novel is?), but I thoroughly enjoyed it.

The story is not only a depiction of multi-verses, but also a discussion on how the conditions of your environment can dictate much of who you become. It opens in an interesting way, showing that the only people who can become traversers, or travelers through multi-verses, are those who are dead in that world. That is why Cara is a traverser, because she’s dead on almost every world they’ve discovered. She only survived by a different choice or a different means of life on this one, when the conditions of how she was raised with a poor mother, generally killed her on most worlds. The multi-verse in this story is not only just for the exploration side of things, but also a commentary on classism and social constructs. It’s what makes this story stand out. All good science fiction novels for me are a commentary on something very human, and in this case, it’s the result of how little choices or even little factors can factor in someone surviving or not. Cara’s a survivor, and there are twists that are introduced throughout the story that continually took me off-guard, when generally, I can sort of guess some twists for most stories I read nowadays. It’s a testament to how well-written the story is from Cara’s POV.

At first, I felt the last third of the novel was not as strong as the first two-thirds, but the more I think about it from a thematic standpoint, the more I do like it and the ending, at least in terms of Cara and Dell. I’m not certain I enjoy the ambiguity of what happens with Adam Brosch, our main antagonist, and his brother. That being said, I sort of understand where the author wanted to go with this. We only have one world to live with sometimes, so might as well live the best one with the brother we do have and the world we can control. At least, that’s one take on it. One doesn’t forget the atrocities of such men’s crimes, however.

The longing between Cara and Dell is quite beautiful as well. I do feel the writer put them in at times with a romantic connection that was a glowing bright light at all times, which I have my issues with, but some loves can be like that and I respect that. It doesn’t always read the best though, but for the purposes of this novel, I think it suffices and weaves in beautifully when tied to traversers. There’s a kind of haunting way in which Cara understands that on every world, she’s afraid of her abusive ex and his brother (who turns out to be her boss in this main world). There’s an even more beautiful meaning in Cara thinking that in every world, she's drawn to Dell. It takes on a different mean when you think about who you are in multiple, divergent universes and think that perhaps there is one constant factor to it with someone you love. I think it’s telling that the author ended on that note, about a couple who probably wouldn’t have worked out on any other universe because the space between them was so vast. But that it existed in just one world, with them, meant more than anything and that it was precious. In the end, the story closes to multiple worlds and talks lovingly about the possibility and hope in this one. It closes with Cara’s vision of herself with Dell, despite everything that has happened and may happen to her--and that this one out of all the infinite worlds means significantly more to her.

I also wanted to note that the author’s dedication at the end of the novel, right after the words that Cara narrates in her vision of her future with Dell, is touching. I don’t mean to read into the author’s intent, but I can’t help but feel in a good way that the story sort of takes on another meaning with that dedication. I admire that kind of affection, that I can only imagine to an extent she wrote for someone else she left unnamed. I guess, after all, I do want love stories in my fantasy and science fiction novels. I’m not surprised exactly.

When it comes down to it, I’m also a ruthless romantic at times. This is the kind of story that makes me want to write more and more.

#personal #.chrysalis.#reading and ramblings

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megamanxfanfics · 7 years

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Smoother Start Than Expected!

SURPRISE! Another exciting Episode of Season IV just dropped. And to be honest, I have no idea how I’m cranking them out so fast!!

This one was more of a transitional aftermath Episode, which ultimately lead us to the Stage Select, but I’m really happy with all of the character set up and world building that went on in this chapter.

More detailed thoughts below.

One thing that’s funny about the writing process for this one.

I basically wrote the whole thing backwards!

Of course the first thing I did was a copy/paste of Rainy Turtloid’s recent death from Xtreme 2. The original scene dragged on so much between the dialogue and directions that I had to do a lot of flashes and ellipses within the scene.

...but anyway, we get to be reminded about Turtloid’s death, and the mood of that whole thing gets to somewhat tie in to the present, as we parallel Gate’s grief with Dr. Laye’s grief that the Sky Lagoon has fallen.

Writing Process wise, this is where it gets fun.

In order to keep the momentum going and get more excited about filling in the gaps between canon material and transitional fanon, I wrote the Stage Select scene out, practically in full.

There was a bit of Pre-planned writing done already for this scene, only for the Cyber Peacock mission.

But now, I was able to have fun blending the dialogue between X, Double, Zero and Iris together, as if they were all in the same room, exchanging those words at the same time. It was a lot of fun, and was actually a lot easier than I thought it would be.

Then I figured, it’d be best to keep Captain quiet and have his Computer take care of the directives.

The Stage Select scene mostly plays out like the game, except for the fact that X and Zero react accordingly to each mission directive. Zero, perking up at the Repliforce missions and X being intrigued by the mysterious threats.

There was an opportunity to have Iris get worried and panic about their impending war upon the Repliforce and I was happy to explore it.

Then I reached a point where I couldn’t really continue. X had the perfect epiphany to himself, and I started to think, “Whoa.. Did I just end the episode?” I thought it best not to continue until I wrote everything else first.

I literally took it a step back and handled the aftermath of General’s press statement. Originally I thought the episode would open with this, but I realized that other things had to be in place before I could show this scene.

In the aftermath of the press statement, Red looks at his TV worried.

I wasn’t sure if I was going to show Repliforce Incidents happening or not, but it was the best choice to make. I was able to go into Red’s head and have him quit, while we saw most of the Repliforce members prepare for war amongst their crew [quite quickly, I might add.] And then Jet Stingray’s attack on Sydney had to be a big deal.

This was becoming epic man. I was very proud of myself, and that was only maybe my 2nd session really putting this together.

I chose Sydney simply because it’s different. In Season I & II, everything’s been based in California. Season III, I based Doppler in Florida for that reason, just to have more of the U.S. get affected.

There isn’t much room for it, but I wanted to attempt at getting more global here, as much as I could. This Great Repliforce War is supposed to have big consequences!!

So yeah. That instance with Jet Stingray propelled the following scene further and definitely changed the dialogue between X and Zero in certain spots.

For my 3rd/4th session, I took a look at what I had and the only thing that I had left to tackle was the immediate aftermath of coming home the fallen Sky Lagoon.

The pattern here was, show Hunters upset - show Mavericks celebrate.

Showing the Hunters coming home right after their failed mission was necessary to me, because I felt that the Opening Stage needed a bit more explaining. Especially to Zero who was only there for half of it.

I will completely admit, I was afflicted with Writer’s Diarrhea in this scene. I couldn’t shut the two of them up or get to a point quick enough. I went back a bunch of times and tweaked what I could, but eventually I dealt with the fact that after Gate and the science community quickly lament, our heroes take a moment to really delve into what the Hell happened back there.

And for a 2nd episode that builds things up, I didn’t have a problem with it. [This is probably due to the fact that Season III’s episode 2 was nightmare long for seemingly no reason.] What makes this one different was that, actual things were happening. It wasn’t all fanon garbage that would be dismissed halfway into the season.

Anyway. The Hero lament was lengthy, and then the Villain celebration was almost just as long. I needed to tone this down and get to a point, quickly.

Unfortunately, this was another instance where Canon got in the way. During General’s press statement, we get to see Sigma chilling by himself in a random apartment or whatever-the-fuck. [I can’t say it’s a base, because in the game, we see him fight at the Final Weapon. And he certainly ain’t there in this scene.] So I had to make something up, and my best guess has always been that he found a nice little pad to stay in during the Repliforce War. This has been my theory for years.

So... During the Villain Celebration, I had the unique challenge of Sigma decided he was content with his plan to manipulate the Repliforce into fighting the Maverick Hunters. And now he wanted to uncharacteristically kick back and enjoy the fireworks. [Perhaps it is debatable that that is characteristic of him.] But either way, I basically had to give Split Mushroom his stage back. Without Isoc or Dark Necrobat there.

Basically I had to split up the team, lol. But make it look like they were all going on their own respective missions.

Cyber Peacock was easy. He’s in Cyber Space. He can be anywhere at any time.

Dark Necrobat was actually easy too. I thought it would be harder, but due to the nature of his Canon back-story. He was built by Sigma and never really... used. So he went off and did his own thing, ignoring the Maverick Agenda, not exactly seeing a purpose for it.

I knew way back in the day during my initial Grand Planning, that the best place for Dark Necrobat to be created and feel indifferent towards the whole Maverick thing would be during the Great Repliforce War when the Mavericks are scarce and not doing much.

It was tough to convince Isoc that this is what needed to be done. But I had him give in to Sigma’s idea, and suppose that he could probably find a better lab to work in. This initially pissed off Split Mushroom, who was happy to have the company.

I took this route at first, but after the scene became SO long and had gotten nowhere, I decided to take a more evil, selfish route, and basically have him kick them out. I enjoy this a little more, because it shows that the little guy doesn’t give a fuck.

I looked at that Villain scene so many times this past week, (and the Hero scene too, to check for transitional flow) that I had enough. I definitely tweaked a lot, and I feel, I got the Villain’s to talk about leaving way quicker in the end.

There was still good stuff on Sigma’s end, foreshadowing a far more wicked plan in X5, and I was glad to be able to hint at that.

A lot of things definitely went on in that scene.

One of the primary X6 Villains was basically kicked out of X4, an X5 Maverick flew away, Sigma went to look for a place of his own to relax and “enjoy this”. Timing wise, I suppose it’s believable that he found an apartment to inhabit in one night.

The very next day is General’s Press Statement to the public.

I didn’t feel a need to show stage directions in here, because we all know what that scene looks like. (If that’s lazy, maybe I’ll go back and change that, but the directions only break up the flow of dialogue.)

And then the rest of the episode was basically done!!

I gave it a couple of reads in full, and definitely changed a sentence here and there.

But then, I realized it really was done.

X has an incredible parallel thought between Zero and Web Spider’s Guerrilla Unit. They all dismissed him as a Maverick and left the Hunters at the very end of X2. But now all Zero is doing is dismissing the entire Repliforce as Mavericks without giving them a chance to explain themselves.

When I realized this amazing parallel, I thought it was gold. I’m still really impressed how that all came about, because I did NOT plan that, back in X2.

All that was left to do was create a final Narration from our Mystery Man.

Even back when it was Dr. Cain, the final narration was always the hardest part. Not every episode calls for one, but sometimes that final thought really clinches the whole thing and ties it all together.

I’m happy with what I came up with though. And if you read Ep. 0, it was described that this guy is kind of analyzing both the Hunters and the Repliforce. So I like having this Narrator come off as unbiased, and laying out the facts of what both groups are doing.

So yeah! This was good and fun.

I loved having X & Zero argue about where they should go first. But the decision has been made.

They’re going to Web Spider first!

I’m looking forward to figuring that out. See you guys in May.

#Writing Progress #Season IV Diaries #Smoother Start Than Expected

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thesffcorner · 5 years

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February Wrap Up

Despite being the shortest month of the year, I read 7 books and 10 graphic novels, or 17 things in total. It was also another month where I read a lot of diverse genres: I read 10 contemporaries, 4 of which were thriller/mysteries, and 6 of which were romance; 4 sci-fi, 1 speculative historical romance, 1 fantasy romance and 1 historical fantasy. Instead of doing highest to lowest, since I have so many graphic novels and some are part of the same series, I decided to group them by the date read, so without further ado, let’s get into it.

Fence vol. 1-3 by C S Pacat and Joanna the Mad (3, 4, 3 stars)

I wanted to read this series for a while, and I finally binged it this February. Fence follows Nicholas, a young fencer with a complicated past and poor background who comes to Kings Row, a school with the fourth best fencing programs in the country. There, to his shock he finds Senji, a junior champion with Olympic aspirations; and the two can’t stand each-other.

This series is just a whole lot of fun. It’s written like a Western style sports anime/manga, and Joanna the Mad’s artstyle is very reminiscent of manga, with lots of action line, pretty boys and expressive, large eyes. The first volume is a fine set up of Nicholas’ first confrontation with Senj, and arriving at the school, while the second and third volume deal with the qualifications at the school for who will make the fencing team. As Nick is on an athletic scholarship, he has to qualify or he gets kicked out, but like many of these series go, he has some stiff competition, and develops friendships with said competition.

I really enjoyed the dynamic between all the characters, especially Senji and Nicholas, and if you’re a fan of sports anime, cute queer comics, or painfully slow-burn enemies to lovers stories, check this out.

Check, Please! Year 3 by Ngozi Ukazu (4 stars)

The first thing I read in February was the third volume of Check, Please! This was as cute as the previous 2 volumes, as it follows Bittie’s third year in college. What struck out to me upon rereading this specific year, is that it actually has way more angst and conflict than I remember it having; there’s a lot here about Bittie and Jack coming to terms with not just their long distance relationship, but also coming out and finding acceptance within the confines of a major sports league like the NHL. It also deals a lot with Bittie coming to terms with the hockey team changing as Ransom, Holster and Lardo graduate. Overall, a good continuation of the story.

Deadly Class vol 1-2 by Rick Remender and Wes Craig (3, 2, 2 stars)

Deadly Class is a series that if I had started reading when I was in late high school, early college, I know I would have loved. However now, as an adult, I find it grating, pretentious, and far too extreme for no real reason. The story aspects that I liked the most, I’ve also already seen or read in far better works; it doesn’t help that up to volume 3, there are only 2 characters left that I remotely care about, and one of them just got introduced in that volume.

The series follows a group of kids who go to an elite training school for assassins. We mostly follow Marcus, the son of a Nicaraguan expats, who ends up at the school after he meets Saya and a few of the other students during a stick up. Though the first volume started out promising, volumes 2 and 3 kept getting less and less good, and unless something drastically changes in my life, I can’t see myself continuing on with this series.

Contagion by Erin Bowman (3 stars)

This is a sci-fi book set in the near-distant future, and it follows the crew of Odyssey, a research vessel that is sent to Black Quarry to investigate a distress signal. Once there, the crew realizes that something bad has happened, as they find bodies and a potentially deadly thing haunting them; and the mysterious ‘young boy’ the engineer of Black Quarry warns them about is not making matters any easier.

This was a rather mediocre sci-fi, but I still enjoyed it. As it’s part of a duology I will definitely be finishing the story out, but as is it doesn’t do too much with this well-tread premise. Bowman does have a good grasp on action and suspense, but a lot of the character decisions in the novel were akin to ones characters in Blumhouse horrors make, and considering most of them are some form of scientists, that wasn’t an ideal route to take. Still if you enjoy stories about aliens, sentient viruses, isolated space incidents and horror, it’s worth checking out.

Prince Charming by Rachel Hawkins (4 stars)

This is the first book in a series of contemporary romances, all centering around the fiction crown family of Scotland. In this first novel we follow Daisy, the younger sister of Eli, who gets engaged to Andrew, the Crown Prince of Scotland. After an incident in a parking lot with her ex, Daisy gets blackmailed into spending the summer in Scotland with her sister and fiance, and get acquainted with the royal family; cue shenanigans, romance and lots of sisterly yelling.

I was surprised at how much I enjoyed this book; it was very funny and entertaining, and I haven’t related to a characters quite like I did to Daisy, since Princess Mia Thermopolis. While there are some tropes these stories tend to have, Hawkins manages to avoid a lot of the cliches, and she actually has some really good commentary on the economy of the royal family, the outdated and outright sexist traditions, the close-mindedness, and the prejudice that both sides are steeped in at the start. I found the romance very cute, the shenanigans were funny and entertaining, and I will definitely be reading the sequel.

Heart of Gold Part 1 by Eli and Viv (4 stars)

This is an webcomic that I stumbled onto by complete accident, but it blew me away. It follows Ionel, a concert pianist who is slowly losing his sight, and Kasper a priest with the power to heal people. Ionel moves to the small town and starts attending mass, in hopes that Kasper will heal him, but every time it gets close to, or his turn, Kasper refuses to help him. Through his attendance, the two become close, with Kasper seeming to have a crisis of faith, all while people from the town start dying; and they might be connected to Kasper.

This comic drew me in almost immediately. The art is absolutely beautiful, and it’s hard to believe that this is a free web comic. The story too is very mature and interesting; it deals a lot with religion, faith, and sacrifice, and the slow build of Isonel and Kaspar’s relationship feels very natural. I can’t wait for Act 2, and I’m really hoping the answers to what is happening in the town deliver on the build up we’ve gotten so far.

Truly Devious by Maureen Johnson (3 stars)

I heard about this book a lot when it came out, and I decided to check it out, since it’s a mystery following a girl who wants to become an FBI agent, coming to Ellingham Academy, a Montessori type private school, to solve an old cold case; that of the founder, Albert Ellingham’s daughter’s kidnapping.

I won’t lie; this book did not live up to the hype for me, though it was entertaining. I have a much longer and more detailed review of why, but it mostly boiled down to a few things. First, I didn’t like that it ends of a cliffhanger, and we get no answers; this is a bit odd for a mystery, especially a series which has more than two books. Second, I thought the way the past and present mystery connected wasn’t very well done, and I kept losing interest in the past, because of the way the book was written. And finally, I found some of the writing dry and lacking in proper atmosphere.

However, I still enjoyed the story, and the main character of Steve, and I will probably read the sequel, since I still want to know what happens.

S.T.A.G.S. by M A Bennet (3 stars)

S.T.A.G.S. is a British thriller, set in Saint Aidan the Great’s School or STAGS, a private boarding school with a long tradition. When new student Greer gets invited to a weekend of huntin, shootin, fishin at the estate of the leader of the most popular clique in the school, Henry, she accepts, not knowing what waits for her; and what does is a nightmare that might turn deadly, where the hunting, shooting, and fishing, might be a little too real and dangerous.

I really enjoyed this thriller; I thought it was entertaining, fast paced and had a plot that kept me invested to the end. I also weirdly enjoyed the subtle romance between two of the characters, which isn’t often the case.

However, this book isn’t without it’s problems. The ending is a bit predictable, and having seen the Riot Club, I knew what I was getting into, in terms of what the weekend actually entailed. I also found that the book lacked a lot of tension, because we found out early on who lives through it. However, it was still enjoyable, and if you like these types of thrillers set in boarding schools or private estates, I think you will enjoy this one.

Undead Girl Gang by Lily Anderson (4 stars)

Like Prince Charming before, I was genuinely surprised at how much I ended up enjoying this book, because when I started it, I was really caught off guard by the humor. However, once I got used to it, this became one of the funniest things I read this month.

Undead Girl Gang is a horror/comedy that follows Mila, a Mexican-American teenager who practices Wicca. After her best friend Riley supposedly commits suicide, just a week after a double suicide of two of her other classmates, Mila decides to perform a spell and bring Riley back; but instead she brings all three of the girls back. The problem? They can’t stand each-other, and if they don’t want to be walking zombies, they need to stay within a 100 steps of Mila.

This book was hilarious and very dark. I really enjoyed all the relationships between the girls, and I found the look at grief very well done and moving. The ending was climactic, and the conclusions Mila comes to worked well for me; if you enjoyed the Craft, Mean Girls or Heathers, check this out, you will probably like it.

Gilded Wolves by Roshani Chokshi (5 stars)

This was by far my favorite thing I read this month. I struggled writing a review for it, because I just didn’t know how to talk about it without just relegating to spoilers and gushing about the characters and the puzzles. It’s a book that follows a group of thieves, who steal magical artifacts, each with their own motivations and goals. When they steal a magical Chinese compass, the discover that it leads them to a Horus Eye; an artifact so powerful it can show them the way to the fabled Fragment of Babel.

It’s the Mummy, mixed with National Treasure, mixed with Ocean’s 11. It’s fun heist story, set during the Exposition Universelle, and if you are like me at all and like any of these things, you will love this book.

Sleepless vol. 1 by Sarah Vaughan (4 stars)

This was probably my favorite of the graphic novels I read; it’s a fantasy that follows Poppy, the illegitimate daughter of a King, and a famous star reader. When her father the King dies, Poppy is forced to navigate court life, as his brother takes the throne, but things become increasingly hard as several assassination attempts are made, and her Sleepless protector Cyrenic starts drifting.

There’s just something about this series that ticks all my boxes. The art is absolutely gorgeous, the story is interesting and a bit different from the usual fantasy I read, and the Sleepless vow is a very unique type of magic. To top it off, I really like the two leads, Poppy and Cyrenic and I’m curious to see what turn the story will take after the ending we get in issue 6.

Motor Crush vol. 1 by Brenden Fletcher (3 stars)

I’ve been meaning to start this series for a while, and I finally did in February, and man was it a great time to do this, fresh after seeing Battle Angel Alita.

This follows Domino, a bike racer, who is trying to make it big and qualify for the world circuit. However, to survive she needs Crash, an illegal substance that is used to fuel the bikes in this universe, but she needs to inhale it. Through the first volume we find out a bit about her mysterious past, her ex-girlfriend Lola, and a man who seems to either want to help her or kill her; all while she races to win the qualifications and the Crash.

This series was a fun, fast paced ride, but it’s not without its problems. The art is beautiful, but the story needs some more polishing; there’s too many plot threads and not enough time to develop them. I can’t imagine how things will resolve in the next volume after that climax, but I will definitely be continuing it; the world was gripping enough to have me enjoy it, and Domino was a character I definitely rooted for.

Umbrella Academy vol. 1 by Gerard Way (3 stars)

Since the show is all anyone talks about, I decided to finally start this series and boy is it cooky. We follow the Umbrella Academy, a group of 7, who were adopted by a crazy millionaire savant Reginald Hargreeves, after being born in a spontaneous event all over the world where 48 mothers gave birth. Hargreeves trains the kids to stop the apocalypse, and now 10 years after his death brings 6 of the 7 back to his house, unaware that the apocalypse is here; and it’s a direct consequence of their reunification.

There is a lot of good and a lot of weird in this series. The characters have glimpses of interesting personalities and the idea of 7 kids being raised from birth to be superheroes by a man who is a British version of Ra’s al Ghul is interesting. But unfortunately the series doesn’t fully explore this, and the ending is really abrupt. The humor is quirky, and sometimes it works, but more often it makes the tone weirdly uneven, as we swing from graphic, albeit cartoon violence to slapstick. I think the show does a much better job with the tone, and while this first volume gets a lot right, it’s by no means perfect.

Sadie by Courtney Summers (4 stars)

This was by far the hardest book I’ve read in a long time. It’s a mystery that follows Sadie, a girl who disappears after her younger sister is brutally assaulted and murdered; and West McCray, a podcast host who is retracing her steps, trying to find her. It’s a book about grief, assault, pedophilia, violence and the lies we tell ourselves so we don’t have to think about what happens to girls in this world, and it’s dower, dreary and oh so real. It made me feel things I don’t normally do when I read, and if you can stomach the content, I recommend it. If you can, get the audiobook; it’s a full cast and the podcast bits are done like a real podcast, which makes the story feel that much more immersive.

The Disasters by M K England (5 stars)

I needed something light and fun after the last two things I read in February, and this was the perfect way to end my month. This was my favorite book I read so far, maybe even more than the Gilded Wolves. It’s a sci-fi that follows a group of 4 rejects from Space Academy who have to work together to survive a terrorist attack, and prevent another one from happening. It’s fast paced, incredibly entertaining, and I fell in love with all the characters.

I absolutely cannot wait for whatever else M K England publishes, and I loved this to pieces.

#february 2019 wrap up #2019 reading #february wrap up #moni talks #book review

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this-is-for-the-record-blog · 6 years

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Pearl Jam - Pearl Jam - Album Review

Pearl Jam is the Seattle alternative rock band’s eighth studio album released in 2006 and the first and last with Sony owned J Records. The band came into the studio with no pre written songs, but rather just ideas that were hashed out into songs once the band jammed in the studio together, similar to Vitalogy, completing ten songs in just one week. Something the band hadnt attempted or accomplished since Vs. or even Ten. The record was described by the band as very Democratic with its collaborative contribution and its fair communication with all members of the band contributing lyrics and music, the way the band has been since Yield. The record contains a formula similar to the bands older material, some may consider it a return to form and is the reason the band went with the self titled rout and while a lot of the songs have an angsty, up tempo, hard rock energy, I feel the bands sound is more inspired by classic rock influences especially looking to The Who, Thin Lizzy, Buzzcocks, Ramones, Tom Petty, AC/DC, Heart and Led Zeppelin as major influences on the record. The aggressive drive and themes were inspired by the frustration with President George W Bush and his second term in office, the current state of America, as well as The War on Terror, the mourning of friend and punk rock guitarist Johnny Ramone’s passing also served an influence on the darker songs. It sounds to me as though the band was consciously writing classic rock sounding record or it was at least the sonic direction. The longest break between releases came between the bands last record Riot Act and their self titled record here. This was attributed to singer Eddie Vedder getting married and having his first child while the band also supported the Vote for a Change tour during that break. Avocado is the closest the band has ever been to producing a conceptual record giving the listener a glimpse into the life of a working class American with financial struggles, despite having hope and faith. The mainstream medias sugar coating of pharmaceutical drugs as a solution to your problems or alcohol which is marketed as an answer to a fun time, with both of these ending in addiction. That American who cant find a job to pay the bills and provide for their family they turn to dealing. The grief stricken family of a fallen soldier, or that Army reservist manipulated and taken for granted by the government, and is stationed far from his loved ones. The record has themes dealing with feelings of political anger, addiction, religious resentment, poverty, death, anxiety, escape but ends with renewal and personal growth. You can almost see a drama unfolding throughout the album.

Alvocado was produced by Adam Kasper, producer on the bands last record Riot Act. Unlike Riot Act though instead of focusing on love as an answer the band vents all its frustrations here. Musically the record is much less of the recent experimental and calming Pearl Jam we have come to know, but much more straight forward musically and lyrically, a hard hitting formula seen on their debut and sophomore records. Singer Eddie Vedder said this about the records musical energy “It’s easily the best stuff we’ve done but also some of the hardest stuff. It’s very aggressive, because again, it’s kind of a product of what it’s like to be an American these days. It’s pretty aggressive, especially when you turn it loud.” The first half of the record contains all up tempo tunes, 5 hard rocking songs back to back, the most high energy songs in a row than any other Pearl Jam record before it, while the second half offers ballads and more mid tempo tracks. Producer Adam Kasper was able to bring the same live raw sound that was present on Riot Act again on this record here, but fills in the gaps a bit more than before. A couple of those raw, hard rocking, muscular tracks are “Life Wasted” which features an Angus Young guitar riff that bares the same energy heard on AC/DC tracks like “If You Want Blood”, “T.N.T.” and “Walk All Over You” with its off the cuff guitar solos and improvised jamming at the end. The song is played a half-step down and uses a capo on the 3rd fret (first 5 strings only, with the 6th open.) This oddly written song structure has become more frequently seen among the bands back catalog especially since Yield and really reminds me of song writing seen in bands like Led Zeppelin. Then theres the anthemic, politically ranting “World Wide Suicide” which opens with Eddie Vedder grinding an ebow into the strings and pickups on his guitar, a technique I dont think ive seen or heard before with an ebow and has a riff similar to Buzzcocks’ “No Reply”. The track has an older grungy Pearl Jam sound similar to “Satan’s Bed” while a bit of “Spin the Black Circle”, another song from the bands third record, Vitalogy, is heard on the punk rock influenced “Comatose”. The song kicks in heavy like AC/DC’s “Hell Aint A Bad Place To Be” while the hard rock energy of “Severed Hand” reminds me a bit of the beginning of The Who’s “Wont Get Fooled Again” with its guitar part at the beginning mimicking a synth, while the main riff is very similar to The Who’s “Go To The Mirror” just sped up and “Matt Cameron’s Kieth Moon sounding, chaotic drum rolls. “Marker In The Sand” the last of the first 5 up tempo songs and reminds me of “American Woman” by The Guess Who. It experiments with tempo a bit shifting time signature going into the chorus, claiming the best melody on the entire record and might be my favorite track.

The record doesnt take a breath ‘till the simple love song “Parachutes”, an acoustic, psychedelic ballad that reminds me of The Beatles “Hey Jude” with the cadence of the guitar being played like a piano, but the break doesnt last long as things pick right back up again with “Unemployable” a song that reminds me of The Who’s “Another Tricky Day” and “Big Wave” the only care free track on the record reminds me of Soundgarden’s “Never Named”. The album periodically breaks the high energy again with “Gone”, slowing down at the end starting with “Come Back”, a charming, soulful ballad that leans heavy on organ, bass, hi-hat, snare and kick drum. The song musically and conceptually follows “Last Kiss” harkens back to Motown 50s era ballads paying homage to Otis Redding’s “Come To Me” and Eric Clapton’s “Bell Bottom Blues”. Some of the songs like the album closer “Inside Job”, a slowly building, climactic track that starts off like The Who’s “The Song Is Over” meets R.E.M.’s “Boy In The Well”, but builds into a progression and a lead guitar part similar to Tom Petty’s Organ soaked “The Waiting”. Songs like this one explore more varied tempos and have an artistic and darker cathartic rock sound to them. The song features Mike McCready on a double neck SG guitar, playing the electrical 12 string in the beginning. Eddie Vedder said this about the up tempo music and how it relates to the darker lyrical themes, “the hope was going to be in the guitar solos. It was the guitars and drums going at it that was going to lift you out of the dark abyss that I had painted.” Needless to say guitarists Mike McCready and Stone Gossard channel guitarists Angus Young, Jimmy Page, Dan Thunder Bolton, Eric Clapton, Johnny Ramone, Kieth Richards, Scott Gorham, Peter Frampton, Mike Campbell, Steve Diggle and Billy Zoom and Eddie Vedder seems to be channeling Pete Shelley, Michael Stipe, Bob Dylan, Phil Ochs, Tom Petty, Bruce Springsteen, and Pete Townshend on the record. The drums, guitar leads and vocals really shimmer and take a lot of the spotlight on this record and Matt Cameron puts in a lot of vocal work as a back up singer as well, while organist Boom Gasper takes lead spotlight on “Wasted Reprise,” a sort of intermission that brings back the chorus heard in “Life Wasted” and leads nicely into the next track “Army Reserve”.

In the song writing department, the band took their time in a process that was very tedious with the songs having many different sets of lyrics. Eddie Vedder described it as a process that demands “the patience of like a National Geographic photographer sitting underneath the bush in a tent”, adding that he would at times “figure out after eight, nine or eleven drafts that the first one was actually the one”. Where Riot Act was Pearl Jam’s most politically driven record this record takes that to the next level in a more upfront way and is the bands most socio-political to this day and takes the approach of writing from the perspective of someone else something present on Pearl Jam’s earlier records. The songs “World Wide Suicide”, and “Army Reserve” a mid-tempo rocker co-written by Damien Echols (one of the West Memphis Three), are about the Iraq War and express opposition against the war and president Bush’s agenda in Iraq, questioning his motives. It also provides a bit of hard truth behind war from the perspective of the family of a fallen soldier as well as the average American who reads the news paper, making the song relatable to many. “It’s understandable why someone would like their entertainment to provide an escape from modern day worries and the reality of war. We feel this record creates a healthy opportunity to process some of these emotions rather than deny them. It’s like we took our aggression’s and shaped something positive from them in a very direct manner” Vedder also stated the record “deals with real content and the moral issues of our time”. Other politically driven songs like “Marker In The Sand” deal with the hypocrisy behind religion and how it seems to be at the center of Bush’s agenda and how its always at the center of every war, while “Unemployable” a Springsteen type song that reflects on issues of poverty during the economic decline of the Great Recession and “Comatose” points out the threat on civil liberties backed by religion specifically in regards to same sex marriage. Guitarist McCready said, “We all feel that we’re living in tumultuous, frightening times, and that ranges from the Iraq war to Hurricane Katrina to wiretapping to anything that smacks of totalitarianism. And just bad political decisions being made. We feel that as Americans, and we’re frustrated. So a lot of those feelings have come out in these songs.”

The song “Come Back“ is easily the most heart wrenching ballad the band has produced since “Black” and has similar themes of heart break after someone you loved has past away or moved on, much like “Last Kiss”. The track has been said to have been inspired by the death of famed punk rock guitarist and Vedders close friend Johnny Ramone. Another song like “Severed Hand” is about dealing, addiction and substance abuse with “Life Wasted” being viewed as having been on the verge of overdosing or witnessing a friend overdose or just a simple brush with death. Eddie Vedder has stated the song was written after attending Johnny Ramones funeral and reflecting on mortality and the outcome of substance abuse. Eddie stated, “When you leave that funeral, that drive is as important as any single stretch of road you’ll travel on. You’ve got a renewed appreciation for life. And I think that feeling can last through the day, through the week, but then things start getting back to normal and you start taking this living and breathing and eating thing for granted. I think that song is there to remind you, ‘This is that feeling’.” The existential track “Big Wave” is a fun song of oceanic celebration, where Vedder expresses being of crustacean origin, evolving and adapting into a human but still having connections with his aquatic roots through his love for surfing, constantly seeking that next big wave. Songs of self reflection, soul searching and renewal are expressed on songs like “Inside Job” a song written entirely by Mike McCready, his lyrical debut about recovery, sobriety and loving yourself so you can share that love with others. Vedder said one way to deal with negative energy and frustration is “to kind of look within. If nothing else, effect some change in yourself. If you’re in a position of feeling pretty together at that point, then you feel like you can make a contribution to society, as opposed to being a fucking wreck and just adding to the pile of destructive forces you can find yourself surrounded by. And that’s exactly, verbatim, what’s in the song, really. Like ‘shining a human light.” and the song “Gone” is a song of liberaion that goes back to the idea expressed on the bands song “Rearviewmirror” where the character in the song is getting in a vehicle and heading out of town, leaving his/her anxiety and materials behind in search of peace, autonomy and freedom. Vedder has said “Gone” is about someone “needing to find a new life without his past, without his possessions, and not really looking for more possessions.” Early shades of what was to come on Eddie Vedders “Into The Wild” record. The line “nothing is everything” was taken from the song “Let’s See Action” from the 1972 Pete Townshend solo album, Who Came First. Vedder thanks Townshend in the liner notes for the album.

The cover art of the record depicts an avocado cut in half with the seed still in place. McCready said, “That symbolizes just kind of … Ed’s at the end of the process and said, for all I care right now, we’ve done such a good job on this record, and we’re kind of tired from it. Let’s throw an avocado on the cover. I think that’s what happened, and our art director goes, hey, that’s not a bad idea.” Because the album is self-titled, many fans refer to it as “Avocado” or “The Avocado Album.” I feel the record’s minimalistic cover art is an artistic symbol and straightforward display of this unique fruit that is organic and natural, which is exactly what the music on the record and what the band has always been, so the records self title and artwork makes sense and is fitting. Vedder explained, “In the end, we thought there was enough there with the title of the songs, so to put another title on the album would have seemed pretentious. So, really, it’s actually Nothing by Pearl Jam.” The liner notes contain artistic images of wax sculptures, in an almost “Body Worlds” style recreation of each band member with their flesh either decaying or lit on fire and other times have insects crawling out of them. The art was brought to video in the music video for “Life Wasted”, the band’s firorst conceptual video since 1998′s “Do The Evolution”. The music video represents the fragility of life, a theme that is expressed in the song as well.

Pearl Jam’s self titled record is a great record, its my first record purchased through the Ten Club as an official member, this was the record I was listening to in high school while everyone was listening to modern emo and pop punk music. No one understood it or heard of it and thats what I liked most about it cause I never understood the appeal or the popularity behind the shallow music at the time, but I dont think it met the production or passionate song writing that was offered on Riot Act or even Binaural and I think it is the first record that showed the bands age a bit especially with Eddies vocals sounding a bit strained now going into a higher register on the fast songs but I think It gets credit for being as hard hitting, aggressive, scientific, and objective as their earlier records and most politically driven and socially critic to this day, making it arguably the most important and meaningful record in the bands discography. It has been been stated that atleast 12 songs were left off of the record. Not much is known of the songs. This would also make Avocado the most fruitful songwriting from the band since Ten! Some of the known songs are “The Forest” a song released on Jeff Ament’s solo record “Tone”, “10 Billion Years” was a song that ended up on Stone Gossard’s second LP and the track “Of The Earth“ is speculated to be B-side from their self titled record and has made some rare live appearances in 2010. The beautiful “Man Of The Hour”, one of my favorite songs was one that was recorded for the film Big Fish but wasnt included on the self titled record here. The song seems to conceptually connect with “Come Back” from the record, paying tribute to an idle or father figure after they have passed with them giving their final bow but stating that its only goodbye for now. The band had also recorded covers of “Someday at Christmas”, “Love Reign Oer Me” and “Daytime Dilemma” around this time. My favorite tracks are “Life Wasted”, “Word Wide Suicide”, “Marker In The Sand”, “Come Back”, “Army Reserve” and “Inside Job” If you like Burden Brothers, X, Foo Fighters, Wellwater Conspiracy, The Rockfords, Mother Love Bone, Skin Yard, AC/DC, Ben Harper, Temple of the Dog, R.E.M., Peter Frampton, Soundgarden, Bob Dylan, U2, Led Zeppelin, Hater, Tom Petty, Eric Clapton, The Beatles, Green River, Brad, Pete Yorn, Mad Season, Neil Young, Supersuckers, Heart, Three Fish, Steve Turner, The Verve Pipe, Ramones, Buzzcocks, The Rolling Stones, Bruce Springsteen, Sonic Youth or The Who you will love this record.

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