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chelsfic · 4 years

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The Hot List, in which the NYC Familiar Discord Ranks their Masters - Nandor x Guillermo Fanfic (one-shot, crack!)

Summary: The familiars of New York City use Discord to connect and blow off steam...and also to rank their masters’ hotness. Nandor discovers this impertinence and throws an internet fit.

Tags: Crack with a touch of angst

A/N: I don’t know.

---

NYC Familiar Chat #thirsty

Celeste-is-Best: nngh, have you guys seen Mr. 50ss’s’s’ss instagram story????

Celeste-is-Best: He’s so pretty! it’s like turn me, already!

Imurdad | colby: I know, right? I can’t believe he’s only 7 on the hot list…

[Gigi the great and sam teh pretty like this]

Gigi the great: Don’t forget to vote on this month’s poll!!

Best Hair!

We’re the ones who make them look pretty--but who’s the prettiest one of all? This month we’re voting on the NYC vampire with the best hair. Cast your vote!

A. Simon the Devious

B. Nandor the Relentless

C. Tilda

D. Evan

E. Houston

F. Nancy the Relentless

---

Guillermo locked his phone with a little smile. If he could he’d vote a hundred times for Nandor’s hair. It was unlikely that his master would win against the likes of Evan, Tilda and Nancy. He’d thrown Simon on there as a joke and was kind of horrified by how many familiars seemed to be into the limp mullet look. To each their own, he guessed.

On that note, it was almost nightfall and Nandor’s hair wasn’t going to brush itself. Guillermo made his way into the crypt, lighting candles and gathering the soft brush, comb, detangler spray and hair oils. Nandor was what he lovingly referred to as “high maintenance.” He was also surprisingly pitiful for a 750-year old warlord. It took Guillermo ages every night to carefully tease out and brush the knots from his hair without hurting him. It should’ve been annoying after so many years, but the chore remained one of the highlights of Guillermo’s day.

For one thing, he got to touch his master without being scolded or hissed at. So that was nice. For another thing, Nandor’s hair was as soft as his personality was prickly. Guillermo would often drag out the task, running his fingers through the silky strands and lightly touching Nandor’s jaw to get him to tilt his head this way or that.

He was doing just that, as well as admiring the expanse of cream and bronze skin revealed by the open collar of Nandor’s loose shirt, when the vampire opened his mouth.

“Guillermooo...Did you happen to get any virgins for tonight?”

Guillermo’s fingers momentarily tightened around a hank of his master’s hair. He imagined giving it a sharp tug. He forced himself to loosen his grip and replied, “No, master, I’m sorry. Virgins are getting pretty thin on the ground lately. I managed to pick up a couple people from a bible study class, though. They should taste pretty innocent, right?”

Nandor made a disgusted sound in the back of his throat before answering, “You’d be surprised.”

---

NYC Familiar Chat #the-struggle

Gigi the great: I know we all jealously guard our sources, but I’ve been in a dry spell for a few weeks and my master is going to lose it and drink me one of these nights. Anyone have any new leads on virgins in the area?

Gigi the great: I’ve tried the usual stuff...LARPers, church socials, chastity clubs (surprisingly unhelpful…). I’m kinda desperate!

Direct Messages

Celeste-is-Best: only because you had my back last month when I ran out of burial sites…

Gigi the great: OMG! Celeste, please!! 🙏 🥺

Celeste-is-Best: there’s a magic the gathering tournament in brighton heights this weekend...😈

Gigi the great: You are like the virgin whisperer, Celeste. Thank you!

Celeste-is-Best: np

Celeste-is-Best: hey! Are you posting the poll results soon? I voted for Tilda--don’t tell Houston!! LOL

#main

Gigi the great: The results are in! The vampire with the best hair in NYC is……..EVAN!

Check out the Google Form for the full results...

docs.google.com...best_hair

Evan (26%)

Tilda (22%)

Nancy the Relentless (17%)

Simon the Devious (16%)

Nandor the Relentless (13%)

Houston (6%)

---

“What are you typing over there on your intelligent phone?”

Guillermo hurriedly tucked his phone away and looked up to find his master mopping blood from his mouth with a lace-trimmed handkerchief. They were in an alleyway a few buildings down from the comic shop. The limp body of Nandor’s victim lay discarded on the dirty ground. Guillermo smiled affectionately at Nandor trying and failing to clean himself. He took the hanky from him and set about doing the job himself. The snow white fabric was quickly drenched in dark red arterial blood.

“I was just, um...checking on another potential virgin source,” he lied.

The familiar Discord was strictly secret. If any of their masters ever found it and saw their human servants’ uncensored discussions... The thought sent a panicked tremor down Guillermo’s spine and he thought--for the thousandth time--that he should delete the app and not look back. But the idea of continuing with this emotionally draining, thankless job without his little support system was just as disturbing. Besides, the server had really come through for him tonight.

“Well done, Guillermo!” Nandor praised him and Guillermo’s heart swelled pathetically. A small, shameful part of him imagined Nandor patting him on the head and he didn’t hate it. “That was the most delicious virgin I’ve had in months!”

“Thank you, master,” Guillermo smiled sweetly, his cheeks dimpling. Nandor watched him for a long moment and he could swear he saw his master’s eyes linger on his mouth. He shut that thought down before it could bloom into a hope that was only doomed for disappointment.

“Well…I’ll see you back at the house.” Nandor vanished before his eyes, taking his bat form and darting out of the alley with a high-pitched squeak and a furious flap of his leathery wings.

Guillermo sighed, looked at the broken body and wondered if he’d be able to fit his car down the narrow alley or if he’d have to drag the corpse to the opening. He fished out his keys and started the short walk back to his parking spot. All the while thinking, with distracted horror, Simon the Devious beat out Nandor for best hair?!? Really?

---

Direct Messages

Gigi the great: Hey, thanks! The Magic tournament was a hit!

Celeste-is-Best: i do live to serve…

Gigi the great: Har har.

#bitch-session

mish-bish: Ugh!!! Pretty sure my asshole master is hypnotizing me again.

call-me-karen: That’s rough, Misha! You wanna talk about it? My master lets me take the car whenever I want. I can come pick you up…

mish-bish: Yeah, like...I definitely have a huge black hole in my memories from last night. Fuck.

mish-bish: Oh, that’s ok Karen. Thanks.

Gigi the great: Hey @mish-bish. Sorry you’re having a hard time. If you feel up to it, check out the #support channel. A lot of other familiars have gone through this and talked about it there. Sometimes it helps to hear how others cope!

---

“Guillermo! Guillermoooo!”

Nandor’s panicked bellow reached him all the way in the basement where he was checking his lye supply. Guillermo huffed it up the stairs and raced into the fancy room where he found his master staring aghast at his laptop.

“Wh-what is it, master?” he asked, bent over and catching his breath.

“Someone named...Rap4Unlyfe has sent me a fake news!” Nandor wailed, gesturing to the laptop as if the device was personally responsible.

Guillermo suppressed an eyeroll and walked over to sit beside his master. He watched in dismay as Nandor scooched farther down the couch but he tried not to let it sting too much.

The browser was open to Nandor’s Hotmail account. He leaned forward to read the open message, unsure what to expect. The blood drained from his face as he read.

from: [email protected]

cc: [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected] ...

subject: rofl bahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahah

yooooooooooooooooOO!

Has ne1 else seen there familiars on this site??? I hypnotized mine last nite to give me his phone password and...👀

Mierda. There were two screenshots attached. One was the survey results page from the “best hair” poll. The other was an excerpt from the chat, specifically Guillermo posting the winner of the poll and the link to the results.

Guillermo’s face fell into an adorably distressed frown. He darted a glance at Nandor but the vampire just looked confused. It wasn’t clear if he yet suspected that his own familiar might be “Gigi the great.”

“Huh…” Guillermo leaned back and smoothed his expression into one of untroubled amusement. “You’re right, looks like fake news. You should probably just ignore it.”

Nandor punched his fist into his thigh and snapped, “But Guillermo! I cannot let this go unanswered! This...this...ludicrous insult! Imagine...me losing a hair contest. Everyone knows I have the most beautiful hair!”

Guillermo blushed magnificently, “Of course, master! This is just...a prank. Someone playing a mean trick on you. You shouldn’t give them the satisfaction--”

The laptop chimed. Guillermo dove to prevent Nandor from reaching it but the vampire simply slapped him away with a petulant whine, “Give me that! Fucking guy…”

Nandor’s lips curled into a snarl as his eyes scanned over the screen.

“Oh, no! Now they are making a mockery of me on the ether net!”

from: [email protected]

cc: [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]…

subject: RE: rofl bahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahah

Oh! That is too delicious! Suck it, Houston and Nandor!

It gets even better. Have you seen this, yet?

vamp_hot_list.doc

“Guillermo, what is a hot list?” Nandor asked with a worried frown, clicking on the attachment.

“No, master! Don’t--”

It was too late. He watched as his master’s eyes lit with understanding and then intrigue and finally outrage.

“29?! I am number 29 on your dirty hot vampire list!? What is the meaning of this?” Nandor bristled like an angry porcupine, his eyes shooting metaphorical quills into Guillermo’s soft flesh.

“It’s not my list, master!” he insisted and then, guiltily, “Not only mine…”

“Guillermo!” Nandor gasped, his eyes returning to the screen for a moment before pinning him with outraged accusation. “So, it is you!? You are...Gigi the great? Well, I do not think you are so great, little guy! In fact I think you’re pretty un-great right now! And disrespectful!”

Guillermo sank into the couch cushions, melting under his master’s ire and replying miserably, “It’s not as bad as it looks!”

Nandor turned back to the screen and began reading off names from the top of the list, “Viago! Nancy the Relentless! Evan! I suppose these are all vampires you’ve been dreaming of doing the hanky panky with! Putting them on the top of your list above your own master! That’s two demerits, Guillermo!”

“What!? No! Master, I didn’t make the list! We vote on it! Everyone gets a say. If I made the list of course you’d be at the top--”

Guillermo snapped his mouth shut. His face was on fire and he felt like crying. Nandor must have some inkling of his crush, right? After ten years of service? This couldn’t really be the life-ending mortification that it felt like. He waited, wide-eyed, for his master’s reaction. Nandor stared at him, his huge, dark eyes filled with shock and anger. After a long minute he turned back to the laptop, waving a hand dismissively in Guillermo’s face.

“Go to your room now, Guillermo! I need to think of how to punish this impertinence!”

Guillermo stood, barely holding in humiliated tears. He gestured to the device in Nandor’s lap, “My laptop…”

Nandor held it out of Guillermo’s reach and hissed, “No! Vampire only computer time, Guillermo!”

Guillermo left, trudging out of the room with a sinking feeling in his stomach as the sound of Nandor’s flop-wristed typing followed him out the door.

---

#main

Gigi the great: Is everyone okay?

call-me-karen: not fukcing great!

Imurdad | colby: Seriously! WTF!!?

Gigi the great is typing…

Guillermo lay on his little cot with the crocheted blanket his amá made for him pulled up to his chin. Tears streaked down his cheeks and the phone’s glare reflected in his glasses. He thought back to every off handed complaint, every silly photo turned into a “master-shaming” meme, every confession, every joke. All of them laid bare to the world. The Discord server started out as goofy, harmless fun. The hot list was the perfect embodiment of that. But it became so much more. Being a familiar could be lonely. You were isolated from other humans and surrounded by cold, uncaring monsters all the time. Guillermo loved Nandor. Everyone knew this...there were even memes about it on the server! But sometimes his master’s aloofness got to be too much and he needed to reach out to other humans who understood him!

He threw his phone down onto the mattress, angrily pawing at his teary eyes and wondering if this was it. Not just the end of NYC Familiar Chat, but the end of Guillermo the Great, his long-dreamed-of vampire alias. There was no way Nandor would keep him as a familiar after this…

---

Direct Messages

Celeste-is-Best: OMG! Guillermo, have you seen this?

Celeste-is-Best: http://familiar-hot-list.colinrobinson.net

Celeste-is-Best: hey, if this is Nandor’s big revenge scheme I think you’re going to be ok

Celeste-is-Best: we miss you!

---

Guillermo heard his master calling him and cringed. It had been a week since the hot list incident and Nandor had spent every waking moment making little jabs at his familiar and grousing about how he’d been betrayed on the internet. But to Guillermo’s surprisingly intense relief, he hadn’t been fired. After ten years of disappointment and hopeless pining, Guillermo half-expected to welcome the prospect of finally being put out of his misery, so to speak. He was kind of shocked, therefore, to feel happiness and gratitude that his master had decided to keep him around, even if only as a verbal punching bag.

He found Nandor in the library, smugly brandishing the purloined laptop.

“Come have a look at your punishment, Guillermo,” Nandor patted the couch beside him. “This is what happens when you disrespect vampires on the ether net.”

Guillermo swallowed the lump in his throat and collapsed beside Nandor feeling like a man condemned. Their thighs pressed together but for once Nandor didn’t move away. He shoved the laptop at Guillermo and handed him a yellow sticky note with Colin Robinson’s handwriting on it.

“Colin Robinson has assisted in creating a webpage for your disgrace. We have done our own hot list! A familiar hot list. All of the New York vampires voted. So, now you can see how not nice it feels to have your hotness besmirched for all the world to see.”

Guillermo typed in the URL and blinked as the neon green background scorched his retinas. The page was a hideous callback to the internet of the late 1990s right down to the hit counter at the bottom. There was a border of pixelated dancing Draculas surrounding bright orange text.

NYC Familiar Hotness Ranking

1. Guillermo (Nandor the Relentless) - 19%

Guillermo looked at the screen, then over at Nandor, then back to the screen again.

“Master? Have you looked at the results yet?”

Nandor’s brow knit with confusion, “No, why? What does it say?”

He grabbed the laptop and squinted against the garish colors. Guillermo watched Nandor’s face carefully as he read the results. He looked surprised and almost...pleased at first, before giving in to his patented aggravation.

“Fucking Colin Robinson!”

---

New NYC Familiars Group! #welcome

Imurdad | colby: Hey @everyone! Welcome to the new Discord server. Guillermo has stepped down as a mod but he’ll still be around. We don’t have a perfect solution for the security problems we had with the last server. We’re asking everyone to be vigilant about hypnosis and if you feel like you’re losing time, please be sure to secure your phones/computers away from your masters….

---

to: [email protected]

from: [email protected]

subject: Something you might want to see…

Hey Nandoorman! How’s it hangin’?

Listen, I’m sorry that your revenge didn’t go as planned. I noticed you’ve been a little short with Gizmo ever since this whole thing started. As someone who cares about my roomie, I want to advise you to knock it the hell off. Also, I don’t relish the thought of returning to the days before Gizmo came along. Do you even remember what the house used to look like? Pools of blood everywhere. Dead bodies. Melted candles all over the place...

I digress… I managed to snag this screenshot from Count Rapula. I think you may find it interesting.

Your pal,

Colin Robinson

discord_gizmo.jpg

#confessions

Gigithegreat: Hey guys. This isn’t easy for me to share but I know I’m not the only one who’s dealt with this and if I can help one of you feel less alone then I’ll be glad. As most of you know, I recently “celebrated” my 10th anniversary as Nandor’s familiar. I was convinced, absolutely convinced, that my master was going to make me into a vampire. Well, once again it didn’t happen. He made me this weird portrait out of glitter instead. And the thing is...like, I should leave, right? He’s never going to turn me and that’s the basis for our whole arrangement. I serve him faithfully, he turns me into a vampire. It’s simple, right? So why am I still here? Why am I still burying bodies for him and making human sacrifices? Dressing and feeding him? Treating him like he’s some kind of god and not an ancient cranky baby? It’s because I’m in love with him. Hopelessly, stupidly, self-destructively in love with my vampire master who thinks of me as nothing more than a really well-trained poodle who can talk. Why? WHY? Because he makes me laugh. Because he’s fiercely protective of his vampire family and (sometimes) that includes me. Because when we’re alone he can be so adorably, painfully vulnerable and it feels like a privilege that I get to witness that side of him. Because he does ridiculously stupid but considerate things like spending hours making me a glitter portrait. When he’s happy with me I feel like I could float and when he’s disappointed I feel like being swallowed up by a sinkhole. And, yeah, he’s also man-of-my-dreams outrageously hot and I cannot believe you cretins have him ranked #29 on the hot list. It’s a crime.

Gigithegreat: So, yeah. That’s why I stay. I’m no longer hoping for a bite that will never happen. Now it’s a kiss, a hug, a touch, a look. Anything he’s willing to give me I’ll gladly hoard in my little closet-room along with my glitter portrait. Because I’m pathetic. That’s it. That’s the confession.

Imurdad | colby: Brave words, Guillermo. Hang in there, friend.

blood_princess: this is a mood

sam teh pretty: Sending you healing head scritches ❤️

Celeste-is-Best: look, i think i speak for us all when i say we need to see this glitter portrait!!!

[You’re Viewing Older Messages … Jump To Present? ￬]

---

Nandor looked uncharacteristically thoughtful while Guillermo readied him for sleep. The familiar guessed he was still angry that his little revenge plot had backfired. He couldn’t help but feel a little smug about his position as the hottest NYC familiar. Even if he was pretty sure it was mostly due to the other vampires messing with Nandor. Guillermo couldn’t really enjoy his victory, though, not with Nandor’s feelings of betrayal still weighing on his heart.

Nandor’s face was a stoic mask as Guillermo helped him undress. He cooperated listlessly, picking up his feet for Guillermo to remove his heavy boots, lifting his arms up over his head as Guillermo took off his brocade tunic. Finally, he placed his giant hand in Guillermo’s soft, small one and stepped up into his coffin. Guillermo stood by the side of the coffin as he always did, watching over Nandor with affection choking his throat. Nandor smoothed his hair down and crossed his arms over his chest.

“Sweet dreams, master,” Guillermo whispered, leaning across him to catch the lid of the coffin.

“Wait, Guillermo,” Nandor spoke without looking at him, his eyes fixed on the ceiling. “I wish to say something to you.”

Guillermo’s heart sank in his chest. Oh no...his stupid middle schooler revenge didn’t work and now he’s going to send me away… Tears pricked his eyes and he choked, “C-can’t it wait until tomorrow, master?”

“No. I must say this now,” Nandor responded, oblivious to his familiar’s internal drama. “I want to say to you that--and I think I’m being extremely gracious and lenient here--it is fine for you to have your little, pathetic familiar group on the dark internet.”

“O-oh,” Guillermo quickly swiped the tears from his eyes, “thank you, master…”

“But no more mee-mees, Guillermo! Master-shaming...very disrespectful!”

“Of course!” Guillermo laughed, delirious with relief.

Nandor looked up at him with a final warning glance before softening, “Alright, then. As long as we are clear on that…”

There was a long beat of silence during which Guillermo found himself locked inside his master’s gaze. Nandor’s eyes were like pools of rich, melted chocolate. Guillermo imagined himself as the German kid from Willy Wonka and for a second he was in danger of breaking down into giggles. But then his master spoke in that soft, uncertain tone he only used when they were alone and he was feeling fragile.

“Guillermo...did you really vote for me to be the number one hottest vampire?” Nandor toyed with the buttons on his shirt and looked up at his familiar with a shy, open expression.

Guillermo’s cheeks burned and he wanted to laugh and hide and kiss his master on the mouth all at once.

“Yes, master, I did. You’re…” he cleared his throat and tightened his grip on the lip of the coffin, “so handsome, master. So beautiful...”

He watched his master’s chest expand with pride and his lips twitch into a haughty smirk.

“That’s true, Guillermo. Good job for noticing,” Nandor praised him in a voice that was a little too loud. It rang with a false sense of self-assurance. After a few seconds he went on in a quieter tone, “Do you know, I--this is very silly, Guillermo, you mustn't tell anyone this--I voted for you, too. As the hottest familiar…”

Guillermo’s stomach did a little swoop and his lips curved into a blinding smile. His dumb, beautiful master thought he was attractive? Guillermo tried to reel himself in; he tried to remind himself that Nandor probably only voted for him to boost his own reputation. But--wait?--hadn’t the list been meant as a revenge against Guillermo? God, what a handsome idiot.

“Thank you, master,” Guillermo gushed and now he was certain that Nandor’s eyes strayed too long on his smiling lips and red, dimpled cheeks.

“Alright then!” Nandor pulled the emergency break on the moment. “Time for my evil slumber. Night night, Guillermo!”

And in a slow motion moment that would feature in Guillermo’s dreams that night, Nandor reached up and put his hand over his. Nandor’s cool, smooth palm rubbed over the back of Guillermo’s warm hand and his fingers squeezed slightly. The breath rushed from Guillermo’s lungs and he could only squeak in reply, shutting his master into his coffin and moving away with a dazed smile on his face.

A muffled sound came from the coffin just as Guillermo reached the door to the crypt.

“...And I don’t think of you as a poodle…”

“What was that, master?” Guillermo called.

“Nothing, Guillermo!”

Guillermo shuffled off to his little room feeling like he was carrying a happy little flame inside his chest. For once he gave himself permission to hope without fearing disappointment.

---

New NYC Familiars Group! #thirsty

Celest-is-Best: SORRY NOT SORRY!!!! Simon can get it…

blood_princess: ummmm thirst after your own master, Celeste. Oops sorry she’s 12.

mish-bish: Lmaooo. Gross Celeste!

Celeste-is-Best: listen.

Celeste-is-Best: ...i got nothin. I want his evil dick.

…

Gigi the great: Please look respectfully at this photo I snuck of my master the other night. Do I really need to explain myself further???

Celeste-is-Best: that’s it. guillermo, ask nandor if he needs another familiar. my body is ready!

Gigi the great: Back off, bitch!!!!

Gigi the great: jk love u

Gigi the great: but srsly back off

#master-shaming

mish-bish: submitted without comment

[Imurdad | colby, Gigi the great, Sam teh Cat, and 6 others like this]

...

Gigi the great: 🙄🙄🙄

Gigi the great: I hate him I love him

#main

black-peterrr: ohohoho, has anyone talked to Guillermo lately…..?

black-peterrr: a little raven told me he and Nandor were seen HOLDING HANDS in the park the other night…

call-me-karen: WHATTTTTTTT

Celeste-is-Best: @Gigi the great, CONFIRM OR DENY!! GIIIIIGIIII!

Gigi the great: ……...I don’t kiss and tell 😉

Imurdad | colby pinned a post

Imurdad | colby: This is momentous.

#memes

Gigi the great: hot take…

Imurdad | colby: bahahaha, okay…

Imurdad | colby:

Gigi the great: But have you considered…

Imurdad | colby: lol compelling

Call-me-karen: I mean…..👀

Celeste-is-Best: Ha...ha...ha…*sob*

Direct Messages

Celeste-is-Best: Gigi! we miss you! ur never online lately...

Celeste-is-Best: too busy getting that ottoman empire dick, huhhh??

Gigi the great: OMG Celeste! You’re out of control!

Celeste-is-Best: that wasn’t a denial…

#main

Gigi the great: Hey guys...sorry I haven’t been active lately

Gigi the great: Quick update though....

GIgi the great:

blood_princess: OSDFJweoiflkdfaf omgggggg gggggiiiiiiigiigigig!!!!!!

Jameson: Holy shit, man. Congrats.

Celeste-is-Best: GuillerrrrrrrrrrrmmmmmmooooooOooooO!O my baby! you look amazing!

call-me-karen: DO YOU NEED A FAMILIAR!!?!?!?!?

Celeste-is-Best: jesus, karen lol

blood_princess: my master is having an orgy right now. I just locked myself in the bathroom--I’M FREAKING OUT!! What is it like? IS that blood on your collar??? OMG how was ur first feeding?

Imurdad | colby: FAMILIARS ONLY, GUILLERMO!!

Imurdad | colby: I’m kidding. OMG I’m so happy for you! (And burning with jealous rage)

Celeste-is-Best: look how fucking happy Nandor is

Celeste-is-Best: i’ve been shipping you two from the beginning, Gigi!

Celeste-is-Best: …..hope you’re not going to forget who helped you out with those virgins last month…

---

“Guillermo!” Nandor’s voice was half whine, half growl. “It’s very difficult to sleep with that light filling the coffin! What are you doing anyway?”

The screen illuminated Guillermo’s grin as he answered, “Just posted that selfie we took to the familiar chat. They’re freaking out.”

Nandor turned onto his side, nuzzling his face into Guillermo’s neck and tickling him with his beard, “That’s nice. Sleepy time now, Guillermo.”

“Yes, master,” Guillermo breathed and Nandor purred low in his chest. Some things had changed since becoming a vampire and others had stayed the same. Calling Nandor “master” had taken on a new, thrilling subtext.

Nandor’s arms snaked around Guillermo, tugging the smaller vampire into his chest. He let out a contented sigh and his body went still as he began to fall asleep.

“I guess I should probably leave the group,” Guillermo yawned--force of habit. “Since I’m not a familiar anymore.”

Nandor wrenched himself from sleep with the power of his own petulance, “Hey! What do you mean ‘not a familiar anymore’? Just because a guy gives his boyfriend the gift of eternal life he thinks he can quit being his familiar!? Who’s going to brush my hair?! ‘Not a familiar anymore’...fucking guy…”

#nandor x guillermo #guillermo x nandor #nandermo #wwdits #wwdits fanfic #nandor the relentless #guillermo de la cruz

39 notes · View notes

thatadorkablegirl · 4 years

Text

Since 2019 is coming to an end, I wanted to say a couple things:

So I made this tumblr account wayyy back in 2014 (holy shit that was 5 years ago wtf acndksm)

I actually wanted to delete this account this year since I wasn’t using it anymore. When tumblr added group chats, I wanted to see what the hype was all about.

Who knew that in the gcs I’m in I would’ve never guessed that I would meet such amazing people and that I’m happy to call my friends 🥺 Also going from 3 followers to 63 followers... holy shit (wtf y’all actually like my reposts jkjk anfndjdj)

Beware: I may or may not get sappy with these paragraphs so bear with me 😳👈🏽👉🏽

Here are a few people I wanna shout out:

@sweetchaos-yk NANA I LOVE YOUUU SOOO MUCH LIKE YOU DONT EVEN UNDERSTAND AKFNDNDND you are one of the sweetest people I’ve met in the gcs and I’m so so happy to call you my friend 💕 You’re funny, caring pretty, and you’re always the first one to send an infinite amount of hearts, love to everyone! Plus, your super supportive! I love talking to you and I hope we can talk more and I hope we’ll be friends for a long time. I hope to get to know you more too 💕❤️✨💖💜💗❤️💕💟✨✨💝💖💘💕💞💝✨✨💜💗🥺💖

@chippychee @defsigh FIRST OF ALL, YALL ARE ONE OF THE FUNNIEST PEOPLE I KNOW LIKE HOLY HELL okay so literally I love all of your crackhead nature to the point where I’m literally in tears at home reading messages 😂 also I love the fact that each and both of you guys have such a chill vibe to you that you’re both just loveable people from the get go. Everyone gravitates towards you both because you both have such a positive energy. Also I love how y’all can switch from being ultimate crackheads to being mature individuals too! ily my crazy,lovable boons! Hopefully I’ll get to know both of you a lil bit better in the future and I hope we stay friends too 👁👅👁🤟🏽❤️💛💚💙💓💞🤍💞💘✨💖💝💟❣️💜🤍✨💛❤️🖤

@lucyhasproblems @ethereal-bean MY SMARTY FARTY PANTS BOONS I love how you both are always there to help people who need advice.Like you both are so knowledgeable about almost everything and I’m always in awe when I read through your intellectual convos.I wish I can be like you guys akdnfjd Both of you are such wise individuals with bright futures ahead of you! I know it’s gonna be a long road ahead for you both but I wish nothing but the best in your career paths. I love you both with all my heart and I hope I can get to know you both better and stay friends too 💖💕💜✨💗🤧✨💜💕💚💜💖💜💚💚🤧

@sanownsmyheart BISH YOU ALREADY HEARD WHAT I HAD TO SAY BUT IMMA SAY IT AGAIN AKDNFJDJ Soo first of all I would’ve never guessed that we would be friends the first time we talked tbh but I’m super happy that I got to know you more and I just wanna say that I love you girl and you know if you wanna talk I’m here for you no matter what. Also don’t bring yourself down when things get tough, I know me saying that doesn’t really help much but just remember there’s always someone out there who’ll listen to you 🥺🤧❤️

@hell0stupid @dondielonie1 @wikihoeofgot7 @smoltrashcanfuk MY AHGASE BABES 🤧💚 First I just wanna say I love each and every single one of you even if we don’t know each other that well (feel free to message me or send gifs 🗿 to start a convo with me I don’t mind!) y’all make me soo happy when we’re talking or thirsting over the boys Who knows maybe one day we’ll all go to their concert together 🥺🤟🏽💚✨

And to all my new friends/mutuals I don’t know too well @honeymoon-changb @homeiswhereyoustoreyourlove @qtsoftie @henloimawierdobye @incoherent-piece-of-trash @fandom-queen-aka-trash @yeomjoo @nakamowoto @yeetyouhoes @sakurasangcl @bubbleskwan @chanswish @atinywoozi @aceforeverz @applejwoos @candle-lit-stars @stars-of-the-rainbow @cartier-co @forcing--happiness @gay4nct @iiasha @junhui @jihoonspout @kpopshennanigans @mindofthescattered @nubluko @veckvontour @fandomshavecollided @bbinie (and everyone else that I may have forgotten) I LOVE AND APPRECIATE EACH AND EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU AND I HOPE I GET TO KNOW YOU GUYS/GALS BETTER 🥺🥺✨❤️💜💚✨💕💗💜✨💕💖✨❤️💜 Even though I may not be as close to any of you yet, I hope I could change that! I’m always open to have a convo so please feel free to dm me, text me, message me, etc. because I want to get to know you better. Don’t feel pressured that you have to message me or anything, do whatever you are the most comfortable with! Also if you need someone to rant/vent to I’m always here for you 😊✨💕💞💕💖✨💜💞💚❤️💘💝💚❤️❤️💖✨✨💞❤️

This year was absolute s h i t especially since this year was the year my depression was getting the best of me and I was very close to not being alive and typing this rn.

But with the help of all of you (both close or not) I want to say I thank each and every single one of you for just being you and being accepting of lil ol me! I appreciate the love and support you all have given me and I’m being serious 🥺🥺🤧🤧

If you think that you can’t help out or support anyone in life think about this you helped one person think about everything else except dying...this gal 🤧❣️ I know 2019 was a hard year for most of us but I hope that 2020 is a better year for not only our mental health but I hope it’s filled with love, positivity, opportunities, good vibes, and also seeing through the negative energy and bullshit that people may say or do as well.

I LOVE YOU ALL AND I HOPE EVERYBODY HAS AN AMAZING AND PROSPEROUS 2020 💙💗💚💓🧡💞💘💛💕❣️💓💗💝💟💕💝💞❣️💟💟💛💘💘💚💙💗💜❣️💕💕💟💗💓💕🤍🖤💟❤️💛💝💙💗💛💗🖤🤍💝💖💕💓❤️💛💚💚🤍💜💜💕💓💓💕💕❣️💜🖤🧡💚💚🤍💓💞💝💖❣️💞🖤🤍🤍🖤🤍💞💚💚🖤🖤💛💝❣️💓💞🧡💟💟✨✨💟💘🧡💓💓❣️✨💓💞💜💓✨💟💟💞❤️💖💜✨💜💓❣️✨💟💟✨✨✨💖💖❤️💝💕💟🖤🤍💙🤍💓🖤💕❣️💘✨💖❤️💝💚💜❤️💖❣️💘💓🤍💛💙✨💜💜💝💝💕❣️💘💛💓🖤🤍💛💟💞💝💘❣️✨💖❤️💜💞💚💞💝💞❤️💞❣️❣️✨💟💟💟✨💜💖💗💗

#my thoughts #2019 #it me uwu #yes i was jcrying in the jclub while i was typing this cnxndnznsn

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riathenowheregirl · 5 years

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Gold Dust Women: My Favorite Witchy Singers

Okay, before you burn me alive with “Where’s this certain artist?!” or “Why is this certain artist not here?!” or “Who even uses Tumblr these days?”, uhmmm me bish?? It’s my safe zone. Okay, the last question was a joke.

Can I just say that the amazing women on this list are artists I listen to all the time. They’re my favorites, so chill (I’m open for suggestions tho). This is not Rolling Stone or Billboard magazine, it’s just ya girl’s good ol’ tumblr blog. Also, I’m not saying that all of them are literal w i t c h e s, it’s just that they portray the same aesthetic through their art and music.

Alright, now that’s settled, let’s start.

1. STEVIE NICKS

Do I even need to explain this? Stevie is undoubtedly the Etheral Queen of them all, the Pioneer, the O.G. Supreme whose lyrical soul and spellbinding voice echoes from the distant past to the inevitable future. Everything about her oozes with witchcraft and magic starting from her iconic top hat, to her millions of intricately made shawls, down to her platform boots. Only Stevie Nicks could pull off such Not-of-this-Era outfits and she has been doing it CONSISTENTLY. She’s in a timeline of her OWN. If you listen to her music, you would notice that every song of hers is poetry, like she’s telling a story or conjuring the unknown. She’s every witchy woman’s icon and that’s a fact.

Stevie is an untouchable yet gracious legend, we’ll always be a part of her sisterhood until the day of earth’s decay. Forever the Queen of Rock N’ Roll.

Current Favorite Stevie Lyrics: “ You can fly swinging from your trapeze, scaring all the people...but you'll never scare me.” | “Once in a million years a lady like her rises. Oh no, Rhiannon, you cry, but she's gone and your life knows no answer.”

Notice how I used the word “current”? Because it always changes depending on the state my life. Here’s a more detailed post on why I love her.

2. KATE BUSH

“Heathcliff, it's me, I'm Cathy, I've come home, I'm so cold! Let me in through your window!”

The eccentric beauty, Kate Bush made a genius, artistic move by writing a song about the book, Wuthering Heights, written by Emily Brontë in the 1800′s. Mind you, she was only 18 when she wrote and was the first song written by a female artist that landed on top the charts. Her voice is almost as distinctive as Stevie Nicks. While Stevie’s more nasal, commanding, wailing rock n’ roll goddess, Kate’s voice was high-pitched, alarming, ghostly, queer, and fairy-like. Everything about her is Performance Art. This is a woman who is not afraid to express herself.

For starters, you might think her music is strange and weird. Trust me, I felt the same way when I first heard her songs. But then, it began to grow on me leaving floral patterns on its path.

Favorite Kate Bush Lyrics: “Do you want to feel how it feels? Do you want to know that it doesn't hurt me? Do you want to hear about the deal that I'm making? You, it's you and me.”

3. FLORENCE WELCH

This one is as obvious as Stevie Nicks. Florence Welch from the band, Florence + the Machine, is a poetess, a screaming banshee, and a full-pledged Sister of the Moon. She even started a witch coven during middle school. From her red carpet looks to her everyday outfits on Instagram, Florence vibrates powerful witch energy. Not to mention she has a song called “Which Witch” and that haunting music video for Big God with levitating women. Flo is not a woman to trifle with, I’ll tell you that.

Photos courtesy of @lillieeiger

In all her songs, Florence will bind you with magic and it’ll leave you breathless. If Stevie’s songs are poetry, hers are spells you could sing out loud. Also, if you haven’t seen her house tour, go check it now!

Favorite Florence Welch Lyrics: “'Cause I am done with my graceless heart so tonight I'm gonna cut it out and then restart.” | “And in a moment of joy and fury I threw myself in the balcony like my grandmother so many years before me.”

4. LANA DEL REY

Remember when Lana used witchcraft to hex Donald Trump? It was all over the news and Twitter went wild. She was later quoted saying, “I really do believe that words are one of the last forms of magic and I’m a bit of a mystic at heart.” Oh, and she also did a collab with Stevie.

We. Stan. Forever.

There was even a time that I MEMORIZED the monologue in the music video for Ride. ALL OF IT, HUNNY.

Lana’s hypnotizing vocals together with her sixties baby doll dresses and Priscilla Presley hair is enough to convince me that she’s not of this era. She has a deep understanding of the beauty of past generation and the looming sadness and nostalgia that comes with it. Whenever I listen to her music, I imagine myself as a rockstar’s muse who is involved with the mafia but then I decided to leave him while taking his gun and convertible. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Favorite Lana Del Rey Lyrics: “Well, my boyfriend's in the band. He plays guitar while I sing Lou Reed. I've got feathers in my hair, I get down to Beat poetry. And my jazz collection's rare, I can play most anything.”

5. LORDE

David Bowie didn’t call her the “future of music” for nothing. Just two albums under her belt, Lorde already proved that she will one day become a legend herself. Her music narrates an unparalleled interpretation of the anguish and fleeting charm of our youth. She knows what we’re feeling because she’s been there herself and is on the road to healing just like us.

I think the message she’s trying to say is that we’re constantly losing grip on our innocence, and that life is often wicked so we need to accept that, grit our teeth, get on with it, and make art. She can also see color when she hears music.

In my opinion, Lorde is one of the greatest artists of my generation.

Favorite Lorde Lyrics: “The truth is I am a toy that people enjoy till all of the tricks don't work anymore, and then they are bored of me.” | “That slow burn wait while it gets dark, bruising the sun, I feel grown up with you in your car. I know it's dumb.”

6. FKA TWIGS

Honestly, FKA Twigs is literally art in living form, a celestial angel that nobody can easily decipher. This woman has more talent in her fingertips than I could ever have in a lifetime. She somehow reminds me of a young Kate Bush; fearless, experimental, with an intoxicating voice. She never stops reinventing herself and it’s beautiful.

In FKA Twigs’ world, there are no limits, just endless galaxies. She pours her whole being in all of her songs and it shows. She’s not for the faint of heart, let me tell you that.

Favorite FKA Twigs Lyrics: “And I don't want to have to share our love. I try but I get overwhelmed. All wrapped in cellophane, the feelings that we had.”

7. SKOTT

I say this all the time, but I cannot write without Skott’s music blasting on my earphones. She grew up in a “forest commune run by outcast folk musicians” and was not exposed to contemporary music until her teen years. You would notice it in her songs.

It’s hard to explain why, but listen to Skott’s music when there’s thunder and rain outside, then you’ll know why this woman is witchy. I kind of want her to be more popular and known, but then again, I also want to keep her to myself. Scratch that, LISTEN TO SKOTT’S MUSIC NOW.

Start with Glitter & Gloss.

Favorite Skott Lyrics: “Like an empty canvas, hear me cry. Like a masterpiece, I'm in your eyes. Now your colors are in front of me, we're a picture-perfect oddity.”

8. FIRST AID KIT

I fell in love with this sister duo when I first heard their song, Emmylou, while browsing YouTube. It’s one of those moments of instant magic. Klara and Johanna Söderberg are a coven of their own. I would describe their music as “Woodland Folk laced with runes and wild flowers”.

Their voices compliment each other so much that it reminded me of Simon & Garfunkel (they even performed their own version of America in front of Paul Simon!!!). First Aid Kit has this Woodstock seventies vibe, and you know me, I live for that sh*t.

Favorite First Aid Kit Lyrics: “ When I run through the deep dark forest long, after this begun, where the sun would set, the trees were dead and the rivers were none. And I hope for a trace to lead me back home from this place, but there was no sound there was only me, and my disgrace.”

9. ZOLA JESUS

Zola Jesus’ music deserves to be played with an orchestra inside an abandoned castle in Transylvania while it gently rains and you’re wearing a white nightgown as you roam its empty halls. Is that too much?

Not at all.

Like Skott, I listen to Zola whenever I’m having writer’s block. If I ever finish my book, I’m gonna have to thank them.

Favorite Zola Jesus Lyrics: “I'm on my bed, my bed of stones, but in the end of the night we'll rest our bones, so don't you worry. Just rest your head cause in the end of the night we'll be together again.”

10. ZELLA DAY

Photo Credits to Harper Smith

I LOVE ZELLA DAY’S MUSIC OH MY GOODNESS. My favorite songs of her are Sweet Ophelia, Hypnotic, Man on the Moon, and Hunnie Pie. ESPECIALLY HUNNIE PIE. I cry whenever I hear that song. It’s just so pure, calming, and beautiful.

Her music belong in the psychedelic era.

People labeled her as the “happier version of Lana Del Rey” but I think she’s in a league of her own. She deserves more recognition, honestly!

Favorite Zella Day Lyrics: “The older we get there's an ocean of people in places we've chosen and you know how mama keeps saying “we've gotta stop the games we're playing””.

Hope you guys approve of my list! I really like sharing stuff that I love! Feel free to message me for more suggestions, I’d really appreciate to know more witchy artists out there. We’re all in a huge coven of sisterhood.

Thanks for reading!

Love,

Ria 🌙

P.S.

Please follow my blog!!! THANK YOU 🔮

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lesbians-love-samwilson · 4 years

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about taylor not saying anything about blm. you guys have to think from her persepective. she said she would speak out more but she also knows the media will make it all about her, as they done before and she doesnt want to take away from what matters. i think she is still trying to find the line between helping out and taking attention away from the situation so yall just give her some time. and its ok to tweet her/tree pain asking that she speaks out more. stop the judgemental/critical posts.

Time!?!?!? Bish by the time she actually speak up the revolution will be over. You ether speak up now or mover out the way

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shownusmilitarymilf · 5 years

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So here’s the run down:

-I get in the building, couldn’t find the merch (it was on he other side so I missed it and when the concert was over the line was mad long so I knew it wasn’t worth it)

-so concert started a bit late cause smart financial does not know how to handle large crowds

-since we were waiting we didn’t know exactly when it would start and at some point an mnet comercial played but we thought it was the concert starting so we then all collectively Lost. Our. Shit.

-couple min later concert does start

-I’m screaming like my damn life depends on it

-when the screen finally starts to rise once again, we mcfreakin loose

-they wore the Versace fits and did shoot out first (I don’t remember the exact order of all the songs played cause I was lit af so my memories jumbled)

-at some point something malfunctioned w kihyuns jacket so he threw it away to the side

-evetually they started getting hot and only im, hyungwon, and Wonho had their jackets

-shownus shirt was so tight you could see the button fighting keep that mf closed

-actually I’m pretty sure that bitch popped by the next song

-also he was so sweaty the fabric of his shirt stuck to his skin so u could see EVERYTHING

-they all sound SO GOOD LIVE

-especially kihyun like—dude can wail!

-hyungwon is a thousand percent more handsome in person especially w the longer hair like...WOW

-Jooheon is the ultimate hype man

-also I’m mad jealous of mbb who sat in the first row cause Jooheon stayed interacting w them

-after today I dgaf what ANYWONES gotta say about who’s the best kpop rapper—it’s Lee Jooheon and I’m Changkyun. Recognize talent

-Minhyuk IS a bby

-oh gahd their solo stages I—

-KiHyunMin stage was a LOT sexier than I anticipated

-JooKyun stage..........all I can say is the dragon sho as hell entered THIS night

-like seriously Jooheon is so damn talented like homeboy can LIT RUT LEE do it all

-tbh they could do a concert by themselves and id still be as hyped

-they didn’t make the flip trick 🤣🤣🤣 (still played the hype music tho)

-WonSho stage was ethereal and luxurious

-Wonho wore his Thotfit

-Shownus tiddies were barely concealed by a see through shirt w only one button

-also I loved the dance for it!?!!!??!!? So much emotion!

-when wonsho left kihyungmin came back out to entertain us for a while

-hyungwon did a sexy dance while ki sang

-I forgot when play it cool was but—WAIT IT WAS DURING VERSACE TIME cause I remember Changkyun sang during the chorus of who do you love

-or maybe it wasn’t

-this whole thing is jumbled

-but WOW what a singer Jooheon is

-IM SANG CENTER FOR WHO DO U LOVE

-Anyways back to kihyungmin

-so they’re goofin while the others get ready

-then jookyun comes out

-more goofin

-then i don’t remember why but Im showed off his thigh (he pulled his shorts leg up) AND WHEN I SAY THIS BOY IS RIPPED!?!!??!

-LIKE DUDE HAS SLIGHTLY LESS BULKY WONHO THIGHS

-than hyungmin did it and they’re so tiny lmao

-also yes kihyun IS the smallest member

-by my side was soooooo sweeeet like my lil Monbebe heart burst🥺

-Im pretending to me a drunk bish during party time SENT me

-the end to party time when they go “we be like dalalalala” SENT US

-so many sweet moments of them expressing their love to us

-we died SEVERAL times during the first vcr it was so cute🥺

-which was a stark contrast to how FUCKED up the second one was

-we got MAD lit for oh my

-when Jooheon did the whisper rap we mcfreakin LOST. IT.

-seriously mbbs were singing the WHOLE damn time

-me include

-my voice is gone. Finished. Finite.

-so they ‘end’ w I think it was alligator?

-so they’re waving like bye this is the last song, we outcha!

-which made me low key sad cause I’m like ahhh no rodeo:(

-so naturally some ppl start to leave but the majority of us stayed

-like lit rut Lee just 5-10 minutes of us occasionally screaming and then chanting mx

-then...outta no where...we see a dim set of lights on stage

-so naturally we go NUTS

-then like magic....h.one appears

-even w no music were going O.F.F.

-so then the other memebers start to come out again and they’re dancing and stuff, just boolin

-Jooheon starts to hype Shownu and he did a lil dance but then got embarrassed by Jooheon and us cheering so he stopped

-Jooheon then hit the woah several times

-if I get around to posting the endment I must cause it’s so sweet and sad:(

-I think Wonho was getting emotional that it was the end of the concert so he kept his head down w his hat covering his eyes while he went

-hyungwon said he felt like Houston made him comfortable like being back in Korea

-Minhyuk said he feels bad cause we were giving 100% but he felt like he only gave 50% which—BOY! IF THATS YOU AT 50% IM ALMSOT SCARED TO SEE 100%

-we also hardcore disagreed cause homeboy was putting in W.O.R.K!

-Kihyun said sometimes after concerts the members feel empty (DAMN MY FEELS) so it was nice to have our support

-Jooheon basically became a preacher for a couple minutes and told us to be happy and follow our dreams

-jooheons fam was there!

-they sang I do love you to end and WOW was I made soft af

-which is funny cause I never particularly cared for the song, but guess who’s changed her mind about that🤪🤪🤪

-then so now it’s over they’re walking to stand on the platform and Wonho OUT OF FUCKING NO WHERE—decides he’s just gonna....TAKE HIS SHIRT OFF!!!!!

-THEN FUCKING MINHYUK THREW IT INTO THE AUDIENCE

-then that was it and I left to wait outside for my cousins to pick me up which took forever cause traffic was awful

-also a fire truck showed up????? This ain’t nct?????

Final Tots:

-Lee Jooheon and Im Changkyun are the G.O.A.T.’s of korean rappers, idol or otherwise

-hyungwon and Minhyuk both sing excellently(so starship give them more damn lines)

-Kihyun and fucking Jooheon were BELTING them lines (especially Kihyun like lil homie did NOT come to play games)

-Wonho is basically if you got a ziplock bag, stuffed it w marshmallow fluff till its maxed, then drew abs on it dudes just MAD cuddly

-Shownu.......he really is a whole ass man

-I loved every minute of this I wasn’t disappointed at all I enjoyed myself immensely and I hope I get to see them again in the future (hopefully vip!)

#tbh im extremly jooheon biased after this #a lil hyungwon too that hair just DOES things for him #monsta x

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cockslutpadalecki · 5 years

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Waking the Demon

Summary: Before Sam, John had Ruby first. Trying to summon her to satisfy his urges, he gets the incantation slightly wrong and Y/N appears and offers her “services.”

Characters: John Winchester x Demon!Reader.

Words: 1479.

Warnings: rough sex, unprotected sex, fingering, a dash of daddy kink.

A/N: sort of written for the lovely @shadesofarrogance who sent me this ask and I didn’t think I’d ever be able to write any other of JDM’s characters... until @footballffbarbiex decided to ruin my life and put this idea into my head. Thanks bish, this is all your fault. Not beta’ed so all errors, spelling mistakes and general bullshit are entirely mine. While likes are gold, feedback is golden. Masterlists/taglists can be found in my bio.

John threw the last of the ingredients of the summoning spell into the bowl and started the incantation, each Latin word rolling off his tongue hurriedly. The desperation in his voice makes him cringe but at this point he doesn’t care. He just needs her to come to him, his cock straining against its denim prison as it aches to be set free.

A flash explodes inside the room and John turns at the sound waiting for her to appear through the blanket of white. But it’s not her. She’s shorter, her blonde hair cascading down her back but she’s just as beautiful. Almost ethereally so despite where she’s obviously been summoned from.

A smirk plays across your lips, hands clasped in front of you innocently as you clock the giant stood in front of you, the hungriest of looks in his eyes. “You rang?”

“Where’s Ruby?” He asks annoyed as he strides towards you.

“Ruby?” You scrunch up your face in confusion before realisation hits, “Oh— Johnny, you messed up the spell. In your haste you called for me instead.”

“I need her.”

“Sorry no can do, she’s kinda got her hands full right now with Sammy. Need mine instead?”

“What—“

“You mean you didn’t know?” You chuckle, “That she got your beloved baby boy hooked on demon blood too?”

John looks like he’s going to vomit and you almost take pride in it. You always were jealous of Ruby taking two Winchester’s under her spell, wishing you’d had the ingenious idea to exploit them first. With Sam, it was different - a chance to exacerbate the powers Azazel had bestowed upon him but with John, it was merely to sate his blood lust. You knew all about them, Ruby gloating about it whenever she had a moment to open her goddamn mouth.

She’d come across him in a bar, John drowning his sorrows in the bottom of a whiskey glass whilst searching for something stronger. He didn’t realise what she was until it was too late, until he was deep inside her, drinking down her blood like a hungry kitten.

“You’re lying. He would never—“

“You forgot he was one of Azazel’s chosen? He holds the power to destroy Lilith,” You take a small step towards him, your lips grazing at the apple of his stubbled cheek, “I mean, if you actually kept in contact with your sons then maybe you’d know that already.”

John closes the gap between you and you can practically smell the arousal leaking from his pores mingled with the slight hint of whiskey and leather. “Shut your damn mouth demon whore.” His large hand curls round your throat and pushes you forcefully back against the wall.

“That what you say to Ruby when you’re fucking her?” You taunt, spitting her name with a wry smile. He roughly shoves his body against yours, the hardness of his cock pressing against your thigh. “Oh Daddy, does the truth hurt? Y’know you’re nothing right? Just something she can fuck around with when Sammy’s not in the mood to play.”

John slides his other hand up your dress to cup your sex, feeling the heat of your meat-suit dripping wet for him. You roll your hips against his palm, the ball of muscle just below his thumb grazing your clit. You cry out at the contact, John’s face screwing up into a wicked smile.

“Not so damn talkative now are ya slut?” He presses his lips tight against yours muffling your reply. His left hand joins his right, smoothing his callous fingers over the naked skin across your thighs. You melt into him, your hands gripping at his hips desperately as a warmth grows in your belly.

As soon as you heard him uttering the spell, your whole being had set alight with excitement, rushing to find a meat-suit. You were almost giddy when you found the blonde reminiscent of his late wife knowing the sight of her would send him spiralling even without the knowledge of his son fucking the same hole he had.

His fingers curl around the frilly underwear your meat puppet had obviously picked out for a date she was getting ready for, ripping them away causing a mewl to fall from your mouth into his. Cool air kisses at your thighs, John’s warm hands edging their way back towards your core before pressing two thick fingers against your hole. You bite down on his lip as they drill inside you, your slick easily swallowing them right up to the knuckles of his fist.

You eagerly let him finger fuck you till you’re moments from pleading with him to stop, hands fisting the shoulders of his old denim shirt as he almost scissors you open up the damn wall. He relents and you fall back onto your heels, unaware that you had even been on tiptoes in the first place. Slick runs down your thighs as he pulls his fingers free, the look of sheer delight smothered across his face gazing at the wetness literally soaking his entire hand.

“Been a while since you got a lady this wet huh?” You taunt, your lips twisting up into a wicked smile. Despite the fact John had almost obliterated your pussy just from his fingers alone, your whole body aches to feel him rip you open with his lengthy cock.

“Y’know you’re a lot prettier when your damn mouth is shut darlin’, not t’mention while you’re writhin’ like a whore on my fingers.” He mutters deeply, lips pressed firm against yours.

Pulling you away from the wall with a sharp tug around your wrists, the dampness of your cunt still moist on his fingertips, John forces you over the table where his summoning spell now lay dormant. He swipes them off with a quick brush of the back of his hand, the bowl clattering loudly as the contents splatter across the floor.

His dick is between his palms before you can blink, all eight swollen inches of it and you find yourself almost salivating at the sight of it. John pulls your legs open, the rough material of his jeans scratching at your thighs as you wrap them around his hips. Savagely he drags you across the wood, the roughness of his fingertips bruising painfully into the flesh of your ass as he slowly but forcefully sinks into your slick heat.

The both of you groan deeply, not realising how tight your little puppet’s cunt still is despite John’s wicked way with his fingers. Grabbing hold of his biceps you tug him forward so he fills you completely, the warmth of his balls against your butt strangely comforting. You press your mouth against his, sucking and nibbling on his bottom lip as he growls into your mouth like a man possessed.

You’d laugh if you weren’t in the middle of being so violently but wonderfully defiled, instead the laugh comes out as a strangled whimper stifled by the pressure of John’s heavy kisses. He picks up the pace, each thick drag of his cock coaxing your climax to the point of no return, where you’re almost begging him to finish you off.

You’re there sooner than you thought, panting and wheezing between thrusts, his name rolling over your lips as you repeat “right there” over and over again until it blurs across your tongue. Gripping tightly against the edge of the table, your whole body seizes and succumbs to the soaring high, falling deathly silent as you try to retain some semblance of control over your meat-suit but it’s no use. You let it ride the wave of your climax, finally sagging back against the wood in a post-orgasmic daze.

John pumps hard, his hips snapping back and forth at a pace you can barely keep up with in your almost catatonic state as he grunts deeply before coating your insides thickly with his release. As his thrusts slow until they’re nothing more than shallow jabs, he pulls out, his seed dribbling from your hole and pools onto the table beneath you.

You make no attempt to clean yourself up or move from the spot you’re left in, merely taking the opportunity to watch John redress and compose himself. It doesn’t take five minutes for his face to fall back into the weathered hardness you’ve seen him wear before and you can tell from the pissed off look in his eyes, he’s gonna exorcise you at any minute unless you move your ass. You slid off the table, smoothing down your dress as you slowly glide across the room until you reach him.

“See ya next time Johnny boy.”

“Next time? Who says there’s gonna be a next time?” John all but scoffs.

“Oh honey, trust me. We both know you’re gonna summon me again but next time it won’t be by mistake.”

***

* those in bold and struck through, I couldn’t tag. If you’d like to be added to any of my tag lists (Negan/Supernatural/Forever), don’t hesitate to drop me an ask x

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