me: i'm on hiatus

also me: tempted/nearly dragged back into active status by lynnie @hymnoire and friends' c*ult lore :'DDD jFKLJSDLFJSD

mysticroleplay did a female ban in 2020 //:

hi ! thanks for the info , anon !!! when i first received this message i was big yikes tbh , bc female bans in 2020 ?? who even does that . but . . also admittedly , i know how things and misinformation can be spread thru tumblr discourse , so i actually approached the admins of mysticroleplay myself, to ask them for their side and an Explanation of what the 'female ban' really meant , bc . it doesn't Read Well for Anyone involved dfjkndfjnfjn . ANYWAYS , here was their response : ( under the cut bc it’s long , and then i add More commentary at the bottom ) 

 “ So, there’s a lot to unload here… as what initially was presented as a temporary tool in an attempt manage our influx of female characters, had got out of hand and taken out of context >< We hope our explanation below can gain a better understanding as to where we were coming from when implementing this ban, as we know it can come off quite… old school and not at all encouraging of those who disapprove of a gender ban in general. 

 When we started Mystic, we wanted to be a roleplay that didn’t care about ratios, which is why we categorize our characters by ‘stayed, left, new’ (according to our plot). In the beginning stages, we noticed the reputation roleplays were getting for caring about ratios (and ultimately understanding why it was a bad thing), which is why we made that decision in the first place.

As Mystic was growing, we noticed the influx of female characters joining, and didn’t really think much about it. However, slowly, we noticed that we had a handful of non-female desired wanted connections sitting in our tag, and there’s only so much that we admins can do to encourage gender diversity. We were also aware of the pressure a few members (we included) that had male characters felt when interacting with female characters (shipping, and etc), which was also a mildly growing concern behind the scene. As admins, we want to do our best to cater to our member’s experience and because we have encountered a certain feeling (in our own experience as members or admins, outside of Mystic) whenever there’s a heavy gender presented more than others, we couldn’t help but feel concerned. We’ve seen roleplays die when one gender overpowers the other, so we couldn’t help but wonder… should we do something about this? We’re not supposed to care about gender ratios, but our fear of our roleplaying dying due to past (separate) experiences seemingly overpowered that. (And not only that, but we’ve also been approached individually if we would consider a female ban of sorts, as we know *whether it’s a bad thing or not* that there are some people do care about ratios.)

And so, we came to the decision of implementing a temporary female ban, for various reasons. Yes, to balance our ratio to a degree, but to also encourage our members who were thinking of taking on second characters, to think about taking on a different gender. (We were also heavily wary about the backlash this would cause, but under said pressures, in a misguided attempt, did it anyway.)

 That is not to say, we only encouraged male characters in the slightest. Our ban was to encourage both male and nb characters, however, we will admit, we didn’t encourage nb characters as much as we should’ve. We know now, we probably should’ve sent ourselves some anons to put forth the public desire of having gender diversity, but we’re sad to say, we didn’t. We genuinely didn’t encourage (nor do we desire) one gender over the other, but we understand, that not voicing our desire for nb characters outright, could’ve been the reason why it this female ban we implemented was taken out of context.

Within the week of closing our ban (which was only up for about a week), we received anon asking if we’d do the same for nonbinary characters. We weren’t sure what to make of this ask, because admittingly, we were afraid it was a tool someone was using to try and make us (and Mystic) look bad. We know that might sound a bit dramatic, but the three of us are particularly protective over Mystic (as it has taken over two years for us to finally bring this roleplay to light) and we didn’t want a misunderstanding to have all of our hard work go to waste. (We’re also extremely aware of the rpcs of cancel culture, and wanted to avoid that as much as possible.) So, we made the unfortunate choice of not answering it, not for any other reason than being fearful of the outcome. 

 Within the next day, we received an IM from one of our members that it was them who had sent the anon and have expressed deep disappointment towards us for ignoring their query. It was… shameful, and heartbreaking for us to say the least. We loved that member deeply and have grown extremely embarrassed for not meeting their needs, all out of fear. Although they have expressed that they wish to have approached us off anon (as they were aware it came off hostile), they were still disappointed as a whole and we couldn’t blame them.

We did our best to explain why we didn’t reply, and how we weren’t trying to prioritize male or female characters over nonbinary (which is certainly another story within itself), and while we thought the conversation was going quite well and civil, we were met with them ultimately deactivating and we could no longer talk things through. 

 The incident between the three of us and that member was a lot for us. In fact, it still affects a few of us to this day, as we’re continuously fearful of disappointing our members again. We didn’t expect for Mystic to grow this big, nor did we expect to gain traction from the rpc in general. But, through this experience, we’ve learned that we do hold some sort of responsibility for doing what we can to encourage what is needed in the rpc. (Whether we feel as though it’s our duty or not.) We’ve learned a lot from that member, and although we weren’t able to settle things to their likeness, we decided to move on with the decision of implementing a ban for both male and female characters, in hopes of encouraging trans and nonbinary characters to enter Mystic in the near future. We want to look it as taking it one step at a time to be as inclusive and accepting to all as possible, whether we’re fully capable of taking on that task ourselves.

There is a lot more to say upon the matter, which we would be happy to discuss, as we want to lay things out as transparent as possible, but we hope that all of this explains things, enough for you to form a fair opinion about us. Not once did we ever make a decision to purposefully harm a particular community. Between the three of us, we are fully supportive (as well as a part of) the LGBTQ community and have been distraught knowing we have been misunderstood, due to a misguided decision in order to control our ratios. However, that is not to say, that we didn’t harm anyone (intentional or not), and we hope moving forward, we can right our wrongs. 

 If you have any more concerns or questions regarding the matter, please let us know, we appreciate you approaching us privately. <3 “

i kinda do understand what they're talking abt . if u've been on my blog in the past few weeks , we've been talking heavily abt playing male muses and how they're ship-chased to no ends , and i do recognise that this is what the admins were noticing in their own rp with female muses coming in, and creating a MASS amount of wanted connections just for males , and chasing the males that were already in the rp . this is smth we've all seen time and time again , and it makes rps die , and ppl just . Click right out , bc who wants to come into a rp thats just 'ship ' 'ship' ' ship' 'ship' ??? thats not fun , and not the environment u wanna foster. 

 do i agree with the Actions per se , of a female ban ? no . not at all . it's very demoralizing and derogatory to female muses who AREN'T there for ships and actually for the Real purpose of rping. but i do UNDERSTAND what the admins were trying to accomplish , in order to break up the amount of ship-chasing they were seeing . 

 after scrolling through their blog , i did see that they were trying , somewhat, to encourage more male AND nb fcs . however, again , of course - this didn't really pan out , because . . nb muses are hardly EVER picked up , as we all know  . should they have pushed MORE for nb rep , and maybe picked up a few nb chartacters themselves ? probably . admins should lead by example , a classic g line . 

 so . the action of them removing the female ban when they had more Males , but not really Considering as much abt the nb-representation ? not great either , but they acknowledge that in their response too , and admit they're Ashamed of how they acted . it's not my place to talk on the nb/trans community's end on this topic . simply put , if that side of the community is hurt and Damaged by these actions , then thats understandable too . 

i think it's at least Slightly commendable that when i approached the admins out of the blue - they were completely 1000% transparent and honest with me abt the situation in general and what had seemingly warranted , to them, a 'female ban ' 

 look , overall. mistakes are made . people own up to them . they apologise , and they acknowledge they’ll do better in the future . that’s SOMETHING . overall, they’re Trying to do better , and i think that that’s something important , and i do appreciate them for that . they did the wrong thing . they admitted it and owned up to it . i can understand where they were Coming from , but the execution , admittedly , was not done Great .

New follower here! :D I love your work! As for a request? I was wondering how Zenyatta, McCree, Reaper, Soldier, and Mercy would be with an artist s/o. They're super shy and don't show off their work often but one day s/o decides to show their partner a drawing they did of them? I hope you have a lovely day/night~!

This is me if anyone wants to date

I’m also pretty sure I’ve done a piece like this in the past? If I find it (probably on my Wattpad because that’s easier to maneuver than Tumblr), I’ll link it!

Sorry for the long wait; school and all. Welcome to the blog (sorry again for the inactivity

Like what I do? Leave me a tip!

~~~

Zenyatta

You drew him while he was working in the sanctuary

It’s a picture from your perspective at one of the smaller of the mismatched dining tables

Zen is helping a group of children gather plates of food, either to eat themselves or to carry back to their families

It takes you a while to decide that you’re going to show him the piece, being shy about your work and all

After a long day of work, Zenyatta comes to you with the notion that he sometimes feels like he’s not doing enough

Even some days the brightest light can dim sometimes and Zenyatta is no exception

It’s then that you decide to buck up and show him your work, hoping to prove to him that his notion is wrong

You don’t expect a whole lot in response but are quickly proven wrong

Zenyatta is touched to point where, if he was human, he’d probably tear up

Not only by the meaning of you showing him but by the fact that you care enough about him to show him your work despite your shyness

He’s also greatly impressed by your work, and tells you so

He wants to keep the piece as a keepsake, to remind him that his work matters even during darker days

If you let him take it, he keeps it pinned to his room’s wall, above his personal indoor meditation area

Traveling, he packs the piece up and carries it as a keepsake

McCree

The piece you drew was of Jesse cleaning his Peacekeeper after getting home from a long mission

It was just a soft, quiet moment and the lighting was great; you couldn’t help yourself

He probably noticed you drawing him not long after you started, resulting in him flashing crooked smiles and locking eyes with you whenever you looked over at him

He also probably finished cleaning his gun before you were done drawing but made the executive decision to keep pretending do so, so you didn’t lose your muse

When you’re pleased with the finished product, you relax

Only to see your gentle cowman trying to peek over despite being on the far side of the room

Of course, he always respects your wishes and never presses if you choose not to show your work

That doesn’t mean, however, he won’t give you puppy eyes every time to try and convince you to do so

This time, you just so happen to be in a good enough mood to not mind, not to mention he’s been practically watching you the entire time when not trying to be your muse

When you get up to show him, he’s very excited

He’s your biggest fan, regardless of how often he gets to see your work

He just loves experiencing what makes you happy with you

Loses his damn mind when he sees the work you did

Genuinely impressed with and excited about your work

He’s just Like That

Wants to hang it somewhere in the house if you’re alright with it

Will definitely try to keep it whether you want him to or not

If you try to take it from him, it will probably result in a wild goose chase around the house

Even if you manage to get it back from him, the next day it will probably end up framed in the living room

Reaper

The piece is of Reaper working in his office late at night

He’s still wearing his uniform and hard at work doing paperwork

You’re tired, bored, and, unless you have a tablet or sketchbook on you, are probably doodling said piece on a napkin or the back of scratch paper

You’re sharing his desk and kinda sleepy, so Gabe’s able to catch a glance of what you’re on occasion

During this time, Gabe has probably suggested once or twice you going home instead of staying up until ungodly hours with him, to no avail

Your sleepiness is what gives you the courage to show him your art

Which he is in awe of, but also flustered by

There’s a very clear sentiment to your work, with the fact that you decided to draw him at all and even decided to show him

Considers better than any photo that has been taken of him, especially in his Reaper uniform

He asks if he can keep it, and if you, in your sleep-induced haze, allow him to, he keeps the original piece hidden away in his desk for when he’s having a day that’s rougher than usual

Lowkey wants to pay you for your efforts and thinks it’s not fair that he gets to have your work without you getting anything in return

But that’s something he’ll talk with you about when you’re not half-asleep

If you let him, Gabe will make a blown up copy of it and use it as his official Talon image

Soldier 76

You thought it would be funny to draw the grumpy, hardworking man in a cute, cartoon-y style

In the image, Jack’s in his uniform and poised to fire at an enemy off the page, very serious despite his current cute stature

You think the finished product is amusing enough to show him

You just kind of track him down, push your piece into his face, and ask him what he thinks

Of course, he loves your art and as someone who doesn’t draw immensely well unless it’s battle plans, he’s impressed

However

“Why is my head so large and why are my arms and legs so tiny?”

When you tell him you thought it’d be fun to draw his grumpy self in a contrasting cute state, a teasing argument breaks out on whether or not he’s actually that grumpy

Mister Soldier “I’m not grumpy; everyone’s just stupid” (AKA “I’m an old man” 76 everybody

Once that settles, he asks if you’re giving it to him or not

If so, he’ll take it and keep it on his at-home office desk

If you prefer to keep it, he tells you that’s fine, compliments your work, and then gives you a smooch on the forehead

If neither of you are busy, you’ll probably hang out and snuggle for a bit too, until Jack’s inevitable workaholic tendencies creep up

Then it’s time to do everything in your power to convince him not to do the thing and stay for more cuddles instead

Mercy

You drew her while the two of you were lounging around on one of her few days off

She’s curled up in the cozy armchair next to the couch, wrapped in a blanket and wearing comfy clothes that she doesn’t usually get to wear

Reading one book from the several stacks of miscellaneous reading materials that sit on almost every flat surface in her humble home

If she wasn’t a literal goddess, you’d probably consider her a goblin among her hoard

Although, a dragon would make sense too

Yes, and dragons are prettier too

Angela’s definitely a beautiful, intimidating, take-no-shit, dragon with a book-hoarding problem

After your weird self-debate, you chuckle and make a mental note to draw your girlfriend as a dragon at some point

Your little giggle catches said girlfriend’s attention and she gives you a questioning quirked-brow and small smile look over the brim of her book’s cover

It’s a quiet moment and neither of you really want to break the silence fully, so you just smile back and shake your head a bit before turning your piece to give her a quick peak

To which Angela’s response is to break the silence and tell you that it’s gorgeous

She also adds that you were probably weren’t laughing at that, then asks if she can see the piece properly

You hand it to her after she saves her place in her book

You get to watch her marvel at it a bit, gently running her fingers over the lines, before telling her about your dragon idea

Angela cackles and warns that you better make her a pretty dragon, to which you promise you will

She mentions that she’d love to see that piece when you’re done as well

Now it’s up to you to chase your shyness away for long enough to show her

18

Welcome to my first blog post as an 18 year-old! And yes, I am well aware that I can legally drink and could be sent to jail, thank you very much. (Not that I have any plans to, though.)

I reached this milestone in my life last July 5th. As I mentioned in an earlier entry, I decided to not go the traditional route and instead, opted for a trip to Korea last April and a week’s worth of festivities with family and friends.

I kicked off the celebration with lunch at a Korean barbecue place with my parents, then had a feast with my extended family (mother’s side) in Italianni’s.

I even got my cousin, Miguel, to go on with me on the ferris wheel nearby where I tried my best to admire the beautiful view of Manila Bay before us while screaming my head off.

For my actual birthday, I treated my closest friends from high school at yet another K-BBQ place for lunch, and then went to my favorite buffet place with my family for dinner. My friends Junelle, Danna and I also finally pushed through with our months-old plan of dropping by the karaoke bar relatively near to us, which served as a great release for pent-up emotions and a showcase of our non-existent vocal abilities.

This year, I also decided to go out on a limb and hold a project of my own. I was originally planning on giving away some of the old books I had piled up in my room to nearby orphanages, but with the time constraints I had, I couldn’t really afford to execute something so grand. So, with the help of my mom, I decided that it would be best to start small. We bought these tumblers from the nearby grocery and filled them to the brim with candies and chocolate bars, then gave them to the kids selling sampaguita at our church. I was really iffy about writing this part, because I know it’s easy to misconstrue my intentions for doing so: some people will probably just dismiss this as some put-on act of charity posted for clout. But, the experience was just so rewarding for me I had to. The children were all so appreciative, beaming at me, expressing their gratitude through belated birthday greetings and musings of how they could use my little gift for school – it kind of made me feel like my heart was on fire, but in the best way possible.

Anyway, now on to the standard realizations I make sure to include in nine out of ten posts.

This birthday in particular was a big deal for me, for obvious reasons. I had always regarded 18 as the age of independence and freedom: I equated it to having the liberty to do whatever I wanted, go anywhere I pleased with anyone at all, make the big decisions and know the answers to all the questions I’ve been asking my elders since I was a kid. I guess I forgot that I’m not the protagonist of the coming-of-age films I grew up indulging in, but a sheltered kid who has had most things done for her and thus has yet to acquire the basic life skills needed to survive The Real World. My parents said that I’m this way because they wanted to give me a life of convenience, and thus did anything that required me going out of my comfort zone, for me. All these years, I never found myself complaining about it or demanding that something be changed but for some reason, this stage of supposed adulthood has pressured me into thinking that there’s something terribly wrong with this because now, I have so much growing up to do.

Obviously, the biggest life change that I’ll have to deal with would be college: having to balance academics, extracurricular activities and different people in an entirely foreign environment sounded so terrifying for me. People would always tell me that grades have and could never be an issue for me: I was born the Smart Kid™ with a lot of potential, remember? I was generally a star student in all the schools I had attended, and everyone knew about it: I didn’t have to exert any effort to prove myself to those around me, because my grades did the talking. But, suddenly I’m about to enter this prestigious university with a rigorous screening process that takes in the Smart Kids™ from institutions all around the country. How am I expected to stand out in a place like that and get the Latin honors I can’t help but aim for?

Extracurriculars also have a huge bearing and apparently are an essential part of the whole college experience, which is weird to me since I’ve never really committed to a specific club all throughout my grade school and high school life. It seemed like more of a requirement to me than anything else, so deciding which one to join was like playing pin the tail on the donkey with my friends.

And, while I’m on that note: what about making new friends? I do appear to be outgoing and loud—especially if you’ve heard my piercing shrieks in my old Grade 12 classroom—but I’m only like that around those I’m truly comfortable with, and even that number has dwindled over the years. It’s hard to find people with the same interests as I do, and I’m growing more and more unsure of the fact that there are Ateneans who like K-Pop boy groups and laugh at the jeje memes I have in my camera roll. (I will cry if I don’t find anyone who can watch Japer Sniper videos with me.) I haven’t had to introduce myself to a new person in two years both IRL and online and I let them lead the conversation for a long while before I can think of warming up to them.

I also have to learn how to drive, which can come off as a surprise to anyone who’s known me for a while. I’ve always been the type to let go of the steering wheel and cover my eyes when the situation got out of control at the bumper cars. But, once I found out that ADMU isn’t actually the most commuter-friendly of schools, I didn’t really have a choice. On my first day of lessons, I was scared to my very core: my mind couldn’t stop bombarding me with stories of vehicular accidents and picture slideshows of cats that got run over. Although I did pass all four days and am now eligible to have my own license, I still have much work to do before I can take our Civic for a spin along Katipunan: please pray I learn how to parallel park without crashing into anything. I guess it would also be a bonus if I learned how to commute to and from places. I love going out, and I wish I always knew how to get to where I wanted to go and what mode of transportation to take instead of always relying on trikes and taxis all the time.

Since I’m of legal age, I’m also qualified to register to vote. I’ve started immersing myself in current events and politics a few years back, and I witnessed several people my age get shot down by adults when they did so much as express their opinions. “Masyado kang bata,” they’d argue. “Di nga kayo botante eh, wag na kayong makialam!” (But, the indifference of the youth would still be met with biting remarks like, “Wala na ba kayong ibang gagawin kundi mag-Internet? Magkaroon naman kayo ng pakialam sa nangyayari sa paligid!”) So now, I feel a certain kind of satisfaction in finally getting a say in who runs my country. But, at the same time, there’s also an intense kind of pressure since I am expected to discern which candidate serves the people’s best interests and hopefully lead us out of the downward spiral we’re currently making our way through.

It was only very recently—towards the start of the final month of my vacation—that I realized how stagnant I still was a person. Must be surprising for some of you. I feel like I somewhat project this image of being constantly put together. Very rarely do I let myself be vulnerable around other people. This is probably why every time I turn to someone to talk about my problems, I’m always met with reassurance: I, of all people, would have it under control, they say. I have absolutely nothing to worry about.

But, that’s the thing: when we’re on social media, we have this tendency to present only our best selves, turning our accounts into heavily filtered highlight reels. This is not only pretentious but toxic behavior, because of its failure to put things into perspective and show that everyone has their own fair share of both good and bad days. My Instagram feed may be its busy and color-coordinated self at the moment, but it doesn’t show the many nights I’ve spent crying because of how overwhelmed I was by this sudden surge in responsibilities and my inability to handle all of them. I mean, things can seem way beyond your control when your brain refuses to shut up and calm down.

I guess my failure to prepare for everything could be traced back to the beginning of this summer. In hindsight, the goals I had set for my four-month break were all very short-term and not exactly centered on self-improvement. I looked through the bullet journal I was keeping at the time, and found items like “clean my room”, “delete Facebook friends and Twitter followers I don’t interact with” and “buy a new study table” – one word for April 2018 Angel: why? I easily could have used the time to learn a new language or pledge to write 10 posts, maybe even pick up an instrument so I could have started a career as a Soundcloud artist and gotten myself a record deal instead of going to college (Mom, Dad, I’m kidding.) But for some reason, I didn’t even think of setting my standards that high. I spent a lot of time lying on my back, scrolling through the same old timelines several times a day as if the constant refreshing would bring anything of substance in my life.

It's much easier to let the regret paralyze me, to beat myself up for all the mistakes I’ve made and wonder why I didn’t do better. But, we all know that won’t help me get anywhere. As of now, I’m trying my best to be more vocal about my problems with other people so they don’t build up inside of me until I spontaneously combust. I admit I’m also quite the emotional person, so I really want to work on having a rational approach to whatever I’m going through.

I found this thread of healthy coping mechanisms and emergency plans to use during times of distress floating around. In case you guys are too lazy to click on the link, it basically says that you should first identify the trigger thought or whatever is sparking the negative emotions, identify the unhelpful thinking style that you are subscribing to and counter them through coping thoughts and actions to bring your mood back to the center. Twitter user thecolor_teal also says that one important thing to note is that you should never believe in your thoughts without critiquing them.

I’ve been doubling down on the worrying and channeling all that energy on pursuing other interests and planning my life out. I’m on my fifth book in the span of two weeks (I have a post coming up on this, so watch out!) and I just hit the 2k word mark on this post, so I can pretty much say I’m on a roll.  I also came up with three main goals that I want to prioritize as I venture into this new chapter of my life. I read somewhere that publicizing whatever you want to work on, jinxes them in a way but since there’s no scientific evidence to back it up, I’m taking the risk. It could serve as a constant reminder of what I have to do, or pressure me into following through because I’ve put it up here to everyone to see: either way, I win, I guess.

1. Be more involved – maintain a firm stance of my own in issues concerning the country, give back to my community, continue to take genuine interest in the lives of those around me and do whatever I can to help them

2. Be more sociable – judge people less; get to know and interact with people from as many different social circles as possible; learn how to make the first move, engage in small talk (!!!) and not end the conversation with an awkward laugh

3. Be more street smart – be confident when on my own in public places, distinguish when I’m being fooled by people, learn how to get out of sticky situations without having to ask for help

I don’t exactly have everything down pat yet but at this point, it’s become somewhat comforting for me to think that I’m not expected to, and that no one my age knows exactly what they’re doing. We’re all clueless kids with no idea what the future holds and if we’re truly capable of handling it – we’re all hanging on to our empty attempts at reassuring ourselves. Anyone who denies this is probably just trying to make themselves feel better and I’d like you lot to know that we see through you! Despite the sheer hopelessness of our situations, I hope you all make amends with your right to not know whatever the heck you’re doing with your life right now and learn to trust the process. You’ve probably been through worse in the past, but here you are: beaten and bruised and still dusting yourself off from the last time life let you down but still alive and valid and fighting and that’s all that matters. We got this, fellow adult-er. And that is not to be mistaken for adulterer, by the way. That’s not something we should strive to be.

one - ten !!

welcome to 2k18 rp meme — no longer accepting lmfao

thank u to shannon for being Extra and sending me literally every question in this meme, ily

ten faceclaims i’ve used in the past

ooh boy. this is a hard one. daniel sunjata (as paul briggs), chloe bennet as skye (bc we didn’t know her as daisy johnson then lmfao), and everyone on my (currently) inactive list. EDIT: i forgot, shannon purser!!! god i love her tbh i miss her.

nine faceclaims i want to use in the future

answered here!

eight present/past characters

i’ve had so many characters it’s hard to even remember them BUT I SHALL TRY.

cait scott, a character from a wip of mine who won a contest to appear on a teen television show and was catapulted to fame (i’ve toyed with revamping her and bringing her here also yes her name was a play on ‘great scott!’)

madison caverly, my very very first rp muse. i made her on an oc blog in 2013 and she was my first foray into the rp world. she’s got a few flaws but i have an immense soft spot for her and i brought her over to indie with me.

nadia johnson, my character that i made for my very first d&d campaign. i quickly fell in love with her and even though we’re not playing that campaign rn, i brought her to indie and she’s one of my favorite characters i’ve made for anything. she’s so resilient and brave and has so many layers i have to explore.

owen wheeler, one of my first characters i made on this blog. i had no idea what to do with him until @warmhcney suggested this plot idea and suddenly, owen sprang to life. he’s now a real person in my head and i can never go back. my life has been changed by him, as weird as it is to say. thank you, del, for suggesting owen and molly, because without them i wouldn’t have owen as he is today.

silas trask, another one of my early muses for this. i honestly don’t know where the idea for him came from, really. but he’s honestly a person of his own and a lil shit. every time i write a reply for him the words fly off my fingers, his sassy retorts taking shape on their own. he makes me laugh every time, and i love him so much.

max wheeler, my lost boy. i made him for a group rp and then i realized… dude. what if he’s owen’s younger brother? the rest is history. max is constantly searching, constantly hurting, constantly falling apart. and god, he just needs to be loved. this is just my daily reminder how much max needs love and it’s also an excuse for me to cry about him, thank u.

i also just remembered two old characters from a novel, quinn & nadine. i made them when i was still struggling with accepting my sexuality, and they were an outlet for me to express that. i rly need to do something with them soon bc they were so important to me.

seven characters i want to play

oH BOY OH BOY

ok. so i want to play this cop that’s too soft to actually be a cop, yanno? i think this was inspired by a reddit thread or smth. but i have had this idea for a while, just struggled with the actual execution of it.

i don’t have enough actual bad muses, i rly struggle with playing those, so this is just a general umbrella that i want to do that.

more secret agents & mob bosses in general; i live for that shit.

i rly want this spoiled billionaire daddy’s girl, but i haven’t figured out how to play her w/o me actually hating her guts, so that’s on hold for now.

an actual douche boy that actually fucks a bunch of people, but i have a hard time again figuring out how to play him w/o me actually hating his guts. i have a lot of internal problems can u tell i also keep giving my muses soft sides gdi

one half of a married couple where someone plays one half and i play the other idk just throwin that out there ;) ;) ;)

i rly wanna play bex taylor-klaus as well, plus just add more butch muses to my repertoire in general

six plots of the past/present

well like i mentioned above, owen wheeler was basically spawned from a plot involving a “grumpy secret agent” having to take care of a younger spoiledish girl basically? i think ??? i’D HAVE TO FIND IT but that was a pretty iconic plot omfg (hi del)

i’m a very big hoe for the childhood friends to lovers trope, @hiitchhikers​ and i have riley & lorelai and the og, gianna & leo that fall into this and im in love

idk why i’m suddenly blanking rip

most of the plots i have rn have been super organic from the chemistry that has happened between our muses? that doesnt mean i don’t like doing plots that are in my wishlist tag (bc i LOVE it), but i also like winging it!!!

five plots i want to do in the future

like i said, i would love to do a preestablished-type marriage plot with someone (if we were discussing this already, i’m so sorry, i’m trash. pls nudge me again)

i also was thinking how much i would love to make muses who have siblings with other mun’s muses? @lucywrites​ and i did this with silas and flora trask and it was the best decision of my life

i’ve also rly wanted to do some celebrity plots??? something like this tbh or anything rly

i also was thinking about the cast of tv shows and how they literally are a family and someday i want to do a mumu based on that. imagine all the relationships !!! the drama !!! everything

i also love all those single parent + kindergarten teacher plots — my single parent muses luna & sebastián would be perfect for this, or even joss who takes care of her younger brother

four ships

listen, i tried to pick, but it ended up being IMPOSSIBLE. i love you all so much, thank you for giving me these ships. to everyone who ships with me, you mean the world. 

three friendships

lyra, lorelai, & jack – @hiitchhikers & @niallhcran

wesley, sally, & heather – @peytrps & @warmhcney

nadine & savannah, katy & molly, celine & the wheelers – @warmhcney

p.s. — i want more platonic ships… pls come @ me

two roleplays

i’m going to say @epochhq & @sundridgehq! both have such kind souls and i’ve met so many good people through them. 

one partner

again, picking would be impossible. thank you all for shipping, rping, and interacting with me. i’m sorry for being so slow & sucky at replying to messages & threads, but i love you all so much. it means so much that you’re here, thank you for sticking around. I LOVE YOU!

Bill Gross says this secret condition made him a successful investor — and infamously short-tempered

Bill Gross says this secret condition made him a successful investor — and infamously short-tempered Even after one of the most storied careers in financial markets, Bill Gross has a few surprises left. For one, he’s been diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome, the autism-spectrum disorder. Gross says he lived most of his life unaware of the condition and now believes it helps explain not only why he was such a successful investor for so long but also why he could, by his own admission, rub people the wrong way. Gross, long one of the most vocal critics of post-crisis stimulus, now sounds like a near-convert to modern monetary theory. He says deflation poses a huge challenge for central banks, admires what Japan has done to revive its moribund economy and thinks the U.S. government should consider doubling the size of its deficit. And the billionaire and registered Republican agrees with Democratic Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez that the rich should pay more in taxes — if not quite the 70 per cent she’s proposing at the margin. It’s a “necessary evil” to correct the failings of American capitalism, Gross says, adding that if inequality persists there’ll be a “revolution at the ballot box.” He even muses on who might inherit his onetime title of king of the bond market. Last Day Gross, 74, shared the revelations in a 90-minute interview with Bloomberg Television at his office in Newport Beach, California. He touched on everything from recession risks to a recent round of golf with discount-brokerage pioneer Chuck Schwab as he counted down the hours to his official retirement. Friday will be his last as a portfolio manager with Janus Henderson Group Plc, the firm he joined in 2014. It’s been 48 years since William Hunt Gross, an Ohio native, Duke University graduate, Navy veteran and blackjack whiz, started as an investment analyst at Pacific Mutual Life. He went on to co-found Pacific Investment Management Co. in 1974 and played the starring role as Pimco grew to become one of the world’s largest asset managers, overseeing more than US$2 trillion at its peak. His Pimco Total Return Fund so reliably beat its bond-market rivals that he was dubbed “the bond king.” Bill Gross at Pimco in 2000. Marc Solomon/Bloomberg files More recently, Gross has had less to celebrate. After feuding with his Pimco partners over strategy, succession and managerial control, Gross was ousted in 2014. His second act at Janus was a headline-making dud as poor returns spurred withdrawals. His three-decade marriage fell apart in a split so acrimonious it became fodder for tabloids thousands of miles away. ‘Different Universes’ That’s a lot for anyone to take, let alone a portfolio manager responsible for hundreds of millions of dollars in client money. Yet Gross says he was able to maintain focus and doesn’t blame his personal ordeals for poor investment decisions. “I’m an Asperger, and Aspergers can compartmentalize,” he said, revealing his diagnosis publicly for the first time. “They can operate in different universes without the other universes affecting them as much. Yeah, I had a nasty divorce, and I still had, you know, feelings about Pimco. But I think I did pretty well in compartmentalizing them. Not that I didn’t wake up in the middle of the night and start damning one side or the other. But when I came to work it was all business.” Shared Characteristics The reason he failed to deliver better returns at Janus is much simpler: “I made some bad trades.” Gross learned he has Asperger’s only after reading Michael Lewis’s “The Big Short.” In one passage, Lewis recounts the unusual characteristics of one of the book’s heroes, Michael Burry, a doctor-turned-investor who also was diagnosed with the condition as an adult. Gross recognized that he shared many of the same qualities and had similarly obsessive habits. He went to a psychiatrist, who confirmed the condition.

Bill Gross in 1994. KRT “It’s allowed me to stay at 30,000 feet as opposed to being on the ground,” Gross said, discussing why he thinks Asperger’s probably made him a better investor, if also infamously short-tempered. “That’s not necessarily good in terms of one-to-one. People think you’re angry or an a-hole or whatever. But it helps you to focus on the longer-term things without getting mixed up in the details.” Secret Diagnosis That’s the Bill Gross his former colleagues at Pimco will recognize. For years, they found him aloof, volatile and seemingly lacking in empathy. Symptoms of the disorder range widely, according to the Autistic Self Advocacy Network, and can include degrees of difficulty with social interactions and communication, as well as deeply focused thinking and a preference for consistency and order. Gross kept his diagnosis a secret, sharing it with close friends, and dropping only one hint publicly. In a February 2016 blog post on investing, Gross speculated as to why he wasn’t included as a character in Lewis’s best-seller: “Perhaps I wasn’t addled enough like co-star hedge fund manager Michael Burry, who I share affection for and an affliction (and it’s not a glass eye).” While Gross says he’s “sort of proud” of his condition because “it explains a lot about me,” he no longer believes it’s as much of an advantage professionally. “The markets are substantially different today than they were when I started, more day-to-day, more robotic, more machine-dominated,” he said. “So it’s not a negative, but it’s probably not as much of a positive.” Deficit Critic As a bond-market investor, Gross had to have views on monetary and fiscal policy, and he shared them publicly in the investment outlooks he posted regularly on Pimco’s website and, later, on Janus’s. One consistent thread was a critique of budget deficits, zero percent interest rates and quantitative easing. He wrongly predicted they’d spark runaway inflation and hurt returns on stocks and bonds. Now, Gross appears to be revisiting those views. Although he still believes low-rate policies destroy the risk-reward relationship in a market economy, he recognizes that the government and the Federal Reserve can work together to combat deflationary forces like America’s aging population and Amazon.com. “Why can’t the government have a US$2-trillion deficit if the Fed is simply going to buy it, like they do in Japan?” Gross said. “Well, Jim Grant would say, ‘Mmm, it would be inflationary.’ But it hasn’t been. So, yeah, I would say Trump or the next president, whoever he or she is, could go to US$2 trillion, as long as the Fed was willing to accommodate.” Restoring Balance This clearly isn’t the Bill Gross of 2012, who declared the “cult of equity” dead and predicted an “age of inflation.” He describes his politics as increasingly liberal, and he jokes that he re-registered as a Republican just to pass muster at his country club. Gross believes tax rates on high earners need to be raised to restore balance in American capitalism and fund benefits for the middle class, such as access to affordable health care. That’s why he’s sympathetic to Ocasio-Cortez, the congressional freshman who has energized the left wing of the Democratic Party, even if he doesn’t agree with all her ideas. “Maybe the next time, the next election, there will be a ‘socialist’ in the White House,” he said. “The wealthy have been advantaged for a long time and certainly the past few years with the tax cuts. The middle class hasn’t necessarily suffered, but the gap has increased.” Differing Billionaires The question is how heavy the tax burden should be. Other billionaires, such as Oaktree Capital Group LLC’s Howard Marks, have warned against the consequences of “confiscatory taxes.” Gross says a top marginal rate of 70 per cent — the number floated by Ocasio-Cortez — would be too high. “I just think Trump took it too far,” he said. Gross himself has a fortune the Bloomberg Billionaires Index estimates at US$1.4 billion. He plans to manage that money and the US$500 million in his foundation as a one-man family office. Gross said he’ll do so “conservatively,” investing in closed-end funds and municipal bonds and continuing with one of his favourite trades, selling options on market volatility. New Routine His routine, if all goes according to plan, will have him starting at 6:30 or 7 a.m., keeping at it for two or three hours, and then playing a round of golf. Gross said he wants to be remembered for investing clients’ savings profitably and helping to build a “wealth-creating machine” at Pimco. That leaves only one question: Will there be another bond market king? Probably not, according to Gross. One reason is the proliferation of passive investment vehicles. Anyone who claims to be a king of index funds is “just a puppet because the market is making the decisions.” Gross volunteered that he wouldn’t pick Jeffrey Gundlach, the chief executive officer and co-founder of DoubleLine Capital who’s frequently cited as the new king. If anyone, he said it might be Scott Minerd, the chief investment officer at Guggenheim Partners, in part because of his “great long-term perspective.” “In the right environment, 20 years ago, he could have been a bond king,” Gross said. “But I don’t think he’s got the market or maybe the willingness to be a king. Who would? Well, I guess I did. In retrospect it carries a certain burden. The crown is heavy.” Bloomberg.com Published at Fri, 01 Mar 2019 19:46:01 +0000 Read the full article