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mattie-bo-baddie · 2 years

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Fuck right off America.

With today’s horrific news, I need to share my story.

I have been open about many of the things that have happened to me; the abuse I suffered, my mental health journey, but there is one part of the story that I haven’t shared publicly.

I have had an abortion.

In 2017, I found out I was pregnant. This was of course during the height of the abuse suffered at my spouse's hands. I missed my period, and while my cycle was never perfect, I never had missed it entirely. I waited until a day he was at work to take the test, and I watched in horror as that second line appeared.

I was scared for so many reasons. I knew that he would first be furious; this was during the time we were in the title circuit, and I would be “ruining” his opportunities, because of course, it would be my fault for getting “knocked up.” I feared for the fetus inside me. This potential child had nothing but a life of abuse ahead of it. After his anger subsided, I would have no doubt that he would’ve ‘loved’ the child, but that would not stop the abuse that child would see and likely be a victim to. His claimed love for me never stopped him from abusing me.

Even if I had found the strength to leave him, I would’ve been forever connected to him if I had had his child. I would be dealing with his anger, abuse, narcissism, and manipulation for the rest of my life. I would not allow myself or another to deal with that.

In a fit of desperation, I googled methods of inducing a miscarriage. I went so far as to attempt an “herbal remedy” used vaginally to no effect. Thankfully, I suffered no medical side-effects, unlike so many that try to induce miscarriage on their own.

I sought out the help of Planned Parenthood. I made my appointment. I went, telling him I had a doctor’s appointment with a dermatologist, cause he cared more about my ‘disgusting’ acne than any other health issues I may have had. I was right at 9 weeks, which is the cut off for a medication abortion. To have an aspiration abortion, I would’ve had to have someone there to take care of me afterwards, and I felt I had no one that I could go to, so I made the decision to go with medication despite the risks.

I will not go into the details, but I will let you know this; it was painful, it was scary, and I bled more in that next week than I have in total in my entire life.

But most importantly, I do not regret that decision at all.

I have no way of knowing how life would have been different now if a child had entered my life at the time, but I do know this, I would not be happy. In addition to all the reasons mentioned above, there is also the glaring fact that I do not want to be a parent. Not since my early childhood playing with dolls, did I ever want to have kids. I was just told that I should, so I thought I did. I barely have my own life in some semblance of order, and you’d have me inflict that on a child?? Fuck right off.

I have been crying today, thinking of the abuse victims like myself, caught in these horrible situations, now without access to facilities that can see to their medical needs. While my situation was horrible, and I hate that I had to sneak and lie, I still had that access, I still had a way. Current and future victims will be forced to deal with abuse and misery because they do not have rights to their own body, they will be further subjugated by abusive partners. I never thought I would see a world in which our rights, which were so valiantly fought for, are being stripped away.

Possessing a uterus does not make me, or anyone else, less. A person’s choice to have an abortion should be made by them and them alone. It is an essential reproductive health care procedure. There should be no special clause, or exceptions, no asterisks on our rights.

#abortion rights #reproductive freedom #abortion is healthcare #domestic violence survivor

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impulsive-astrophile · 3 years

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[image ID:

The first image is an Instagram post of a tweet. The tweet reads “When the penalty for aborting after rape is more severe than the penalty for rape, that’s when you know it’s a war on women.” The post is captioned “a war on women, absolutely.”

The second image is a screenshot of two comments. The first comment reads “What about men though? Men can get pregnant. Don’t get me wrong, I’m against banning abortion.” The second comment, a response to the first comment, reads “no one said men couldn’t get pregnant. But these laws come from sexism against women, even if they have negative consequences against some men as well.”

End ID]

This has to stop.

In the wake of the horrific law that effectively banned abortion in Texas, I’ve seen a lot of stuff like this. Many cis feminists are rightfully defending the right to abortion and calling out hypocrisy (like that tweet did), but too many are doing it like the people in this post - calling this a “war against women”, calling abortion a “women’s issue”, etc. This throws trans men and transmasculine people (and other people who aren’t women but can nonetheless still get pregnant) under the bus.

Don’t get me wrong; I hear y’all, and I understand what you’re saying and why you’re saying it. I agree that anti-abortion laws are typically, primarily based on sexism against women. However, that doesn't change the fact that trans men, transmasculine people, and other people who aren't women but can still get pregnant are affected. That effect is not an accidental byproduct. It's intentional and not secondary to or less important than the fact that cis women are affected.

Continuing to call it a "war against women", or call this issue and issues like gynecological care “women’s issues”, is painfully cissexist and cisnormative. It actively erases the fact that trans men, transmasculine people, and other people who aren't women but can still get pregnant are affected. It actively harms those people, in part by allowing for discrimination against them.

Trans men, for example, are continually erased (both unintentionally and intentionally) and excluded (intentionally) from conversations about these types of issues, because they're men, and these are "women's issues". Trans men are continually and maliciously denied medical treatment and/or insurance coverage for "women's issues" because they’re men. This happens with abortion, "female" cancer treatment, pap smears, gynecological exams, etc. - everything that's branded "women's healthcare" is something that trans men can be, and are, denied treatment and/or insurance coverage for on the basis of being men. This harms and can even kill trans men. It’s due to a complicated mix of cisnormativity/cissexism, transphobia, and, yes, the use of gendered language when it comes to healthcare topics.

I wouldn’t blame you (especially if you’re not a trans man/transmasculine person) if you didn’t know this. Ignorance isn’t evil. But this stuff does happen, and the use of gendered language enables it.

Picture this: a pro-abortion law is written and passed. This pro-abortion law uses exclusively gendered language - guaranteeing "women" and/or "females" the right to abortion. Many people wouldn’t see the problem with this. However, transphobes would absolutely use a law written with such gendered language against trans men (and anyone who isn't a woman and/or whose gender marker is male instead of female) who sought out abortion. Transphobes would use it to deny them access to abortion. However, a bill that used language like "people who can get pregnant" or "people with a uterus" couldn't be used to deny trans men or cis women access to abortions because they're both people.

This kind of shift -- a shift to gender-neutral language in topics that were previously considered “women’s issues” -- can feel threatening to cis women. It can feel like this language is erasing you. If you’re feeling like that, I ask you to keep in mind that cisnormativity is engrained in how many societies think and function. Almost everyone on the planet knows that this issue (and related issues) affects cis women, and I can guarantee that no one will forget that any time soon. The same can't be said, however, about this issue's effect on people who aren’t women who can get pregnant.

This engrained cisnormativity also means that neither cis women’s health (in terms of gynecological/associated health care) nor rights (in terms of abortion/associated issues) will suffer from a change to gender-neutral language regarding these topics. However, the health and rights of trans men, transmasculine people, and anyone who isn’t a woman but who can still get pregnant absolutely do suffer due to gendered language used regarding these topics.

It’s important to note that a shift to gender-neutral language in these conversations about healthcare topics and in the healthcare topics themselves isn't just something people are suggesting to save trans people's feelings (though the toll that being continuously and maliciously misgendered has on trans people shouldn’t be understated). It's a change necessary for the rights, physical health and safety of trans men, transmasculine people, and anyone else who isn't a woman but may still need access to healthcare that was traditionally labeled as "women's healthcare".

Let’s make this change as soon as possible.

A couple of disclaimers: regarding the original tweet, I want to make it clear that I think it’s incredibly fucked up that the penalty for abortion after rape is worse than the penalty for rape. I also want to make it clear that I think a larger change to gender-neutral language is necessary; ALL healthcare topics need to use gender-neutral language, and this shift is equally as necessary for trans women and transfeminine folks. However, this post is very long, and that would need to be a separate post (one I hope to make in the future).

#abortion #rape ment #feminism #gendered language #gender-neutral language #cisnormativity #transphobia #transandrophobia

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terrablaze514 · 5 years

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Musings... Episode 2

So… can't you believe I'm heading back home? My scouts graduate today, and it's beautiful out here. Beautiful enough to wear my hair in a blowout, but…

This shuttle scenario will leave me in a horrific position of sorts. I know people wanna see me, and I wanna see them, but…

Heero: So instead of taking your chances, and instead of communicating with those who need to know what's happening, you turn back. Why?

Because, what's the use?

Heero: Those kids would've loved to see you at their graduation. Even their parents! You know how much people like having you there.

I chose the wrong career, Heero. Unlike you.

Heero: No you didn't. Nothing you chose was the wrong thing.

Quatre: In other words, we get it. The market sucks due to an impending recession and major cuts, depending on how Canada votes in a few months. But you don't give up due to a random mishap.

Pfft.

Heero: "Pfffffft" will not help you.

Shut up!

Trowa: He has a point, you know.

Quatre: Okay, I have a better idea. Since you're not attending graduation anymore, though I strongly prefer you did, get in the house, change clothes and take a stroll in the park.

A stroll in the park? How will that help?

Quatre: It will calm your nerves and mind.

Well, okay. I can always do that. As long as I don't get caught.

Quatre: ???🤔

Trowa: ????🧐

Heero: Who's watching you?

The world. Duh.

Heero: Then go and conquer it! Who cares if you need a breather, or something along those lines? Everyone has their own lives to worry about. You should stay focused on yours.

Nah, I'll hit the bed.

Quatre: You don't need anymore sleep.

I kinda do. That's the only place I can redeem myself.

Quatre: (to the others) We need to do something.

Trowa: Did she just lose her inspiration to live a little?

Quatre: I'm afraid so.

Heero: Let's give her nightmares.

Quatre: But that won't-

Heero: It will work. At least it'll force her to find better ways to spend her day.

Trowa: The past few days have been horrible.

Heero: And today is even better, possibly the best day of the week. No dramatic weather in sight.

Quatre: So how do we get her out of there?

Heero: Nightmares.

Quatre: Really? That's all you can come up with?

Heero: I strongly prefer she enjoys the sunshine, and every other beautiful thing nature has to offer.

Duo: Life sucks, man. Everything sucks.

Wufei: Agreed. Who runs this country anyway?

Zechs: Your parents. Now go outside and play.

*The others glare at Zechs, yet he doesn't flinch.*

Zechs: You know I'm right. Stop worrying about crap and enjoy yourselves.

Duo: ☹️

Wufei: 😣

Trowa: They're not happy either. What's wrong with them?

Heero: They've been TB's leading muses for the past three weeks. Three excruciating weeks, because life changed and all they do *gestures Duo and Wufei* is fight, cry, then revert back to what you're witnessing right now when she's not working on any scenes.

Trowa: Okay so, what should we do?

Heero: You follow my lead.

Zechs: I'll make some lemonade. It's hot enough for one.

Quatre: Wait, that was my job.

Zechs: Not anymore. You go keep the others in check. *Leaves the scene*

Quatre: It's hard enough dealing with unhappy people as it is.

Duo: But, you do realize the world sucks, right? Have you missed the News? I don't know if being called an American is something to be proud of anymore, due to-

Quatre: Yes, the world is going through a lot but there's not much we can do about it. Except start small. We can use the computer inside that room and research charities and organisations that are helping those parts every way possible.

Duo: Okay, so what do you think about those abortion laws? Most women don't know they're pregnant until six weeks. And guess who voted for that bull? Mostly men. Men who don't have a uterus. Though I'd hope they swap one day and live the reality for nine months straight…

Quatre: I get it. Being American is nothing to be ashamed of. It's just, people wanted what they wanted so they voted for whomever represents their views.

Duo: Right… Then what will become of babies and kids who are forced to grow up in the streets, with no access to warmth, like I did?

Wufei: *groans and rolls eyes*

Quatre: What's wrong?

Wufei: I hate this place. Hate the fact that healthcare, education and the job market are falling off-course. If we didn't send our Gundams to the Sun, I would've sent those stupid higher-ups a warning.

Duo: That's not even, Wufei. Not a fair battle if you ask me.

Wufei: There's no fair or unfair in battle! Teach those idiots a lesson! Then the world wouldn't be as messed up as it is right now.

Quatre: I suspect your problem stems from a variety of factors… the political, civil unrest in China. Injustice of all kinds against marginalized groups. And you feel powerless without your Gundam.

Wufei: Pfft.

Quatre: I understand your anger, but the Gundams weren't sent to the sun. We decimated them, remember? Anyways, I don't think it's wise for us to take on too much burden with things we can't control.

Duo: We've saved the world twice before, so what do you suggest?

Heero: Open all windows.

Trowa: Let in some air.

Heero: Make fun of clowns.

Trowa: Like you just don't care.

Heero: Except Trowa and the circus he works at.

Trowa: Thank-you.

*Quatre smiles while the others share a look*

Heero: We're getting you guys out of here, okay?

Duo: But-

Trowa: No buts. We're going to the park.

Wufei: It's a boring park. No place to meditate.

Heero: Never make assumptions.

Duo and Wufei: 😡

Quatre: I have everything packed already. Let's go!

*Duo and Wufei won't budge*

Heero: *tosses car keys to Quatre* We'll catch up. *Picks up Wufei and carries him out the door*

Trowa: *Does the same with Duo*

Zechs: Lemon-

...

Zechs: Hmph. Looks like they're gone for now. *Calls the ladies*

~A few hours later~

Noin: I love this!

Sally: We should have an encore.

Une: Same here.

Zechs: What good dream should we give her next?

Sally: No more. We're running the show now. Let's make her write.

Une: My thoughts exactly.

Noin: I agree. Clear her mind so she can function at the Business Extravaganza tomorrow.

Sally: Let's make a toast to better days ahead.

Relena: Better days.

Dorothy: Better days for all the ladies.

Hilde: Better days!

Zechs: Wait, Dorothy-

Dorothy: *to Zechs* No uterus. No opinion.

Noin: More lemonade, anyone?

Relena: Over here!

Sally: I brought ice cream as well.

*Door bell rings*

Cathy: Chocolates and pineapples coming through!

Zechs: Okay, so can I-

Sally: No uterus, no opinion.

Sylvia: I never knew this place would get lit.

Hilde: Told you so! *Winks*

Relena: We should store them somewhere safe.

Zechs: I'll handle-

Une & Cathy: No uterus, no opinion.

Zechs: 'What did I get myself into?'

Sylvia: I've brought some card games if anyone wants to play.

Hilde: I'm in!

Relena: I'm in!

Dorothy: I'm in!

Cathy: Chick flicks after this!

Zechs: I need the boys to come back so-

Noin: Zechs-y baby... No uterus, no opinion. It's ladies time out here!

Zechs: 🤐

Noin: 🤭

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holographic-feminism-blog · 6 years

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Why you cannot be “pro life” and be a feminist

(TW: mentions of rape, abuse, gore, death and objectification may be mentioned)

Hey, you may yourself be “pro life” and have been sent this because you're a brick wall and/or this person does not have time for you or you could be an actual person with common sense and be pro choice who just wants to help grow your knowledge and understanding of the feminist movement and your debating skills. Ether way welcome, glad to have you.

I think we should disprove some idiotic points “pro life” feminists like to bring up:

“I’m fine with other women getting abortions, i just think its wrong”

*collective eye roll from all pro choicers* Alright there are two reasons i put this point first.

1. because i feel like you wouldn't even read up to this point if it weren't the first point because you're actively too lazy to read up on literally anything and 2. because i myself have had this point so much i lost count. Ill get to why abortion isn't wrong in a bit but just to say YOU’RE NOT “PRO LIFE” YOU’RE PRO CHOICE!!! The reason i said “you're actively too lazy to read up on literally anything” is because the literal definition of pro choice is

pro-choice

prəʊˈtʃɔɪs/

adjective advocating the legal right of a woman to choose whether or not she will have an abortion.

That literally describes exactly what bs has just drivelled out your damn mouth. You're ok with a person having the choice. You seriously go and say you're pro life when you don't even know what it means. For gods sake the safari app is right there, you couldn't look something up before you embarrass yourself on the internet?

But anyway you're pro choice, pro choice means you're ok with others having the choice even if you wouldn't. Have a nice day.

“Most abortions are gender based, meaning more girls get aborted because they're girls”

Sorry but you need to get your priorities straight, there are so many things wrong with what you just said. First off, transphobia much? Second, I along with anyone with morals would place a fully grown pregnant person with responsibilities, relationships and memories over that of something that is about as alive as a blade of grass that has a vagina. Do you think that a person with a uterus is lesser than something that is barely alive? yeah......... yeah thats why you're not a feminist.

But anyway i don't think you know what gender based abortions really happen for. 99% of the time gender based abortions are in places where the parents are desperate for a boy and cannot have more than one or two children. Places such as china with its one child policy. The parents want to continue the family last name and also continue the businesses (because businesses are usually passed down from father to son). China is flooded with parentless girls already because so many parents abandon them because they wanted a boy, we don't need to add that.

Im in no way ok with gender based abortions but because these people are so desperate to have a boy if abortion became illegal in counties like these violence against women and death of women via massive blood loss with increase rapidly due to coat hanger abortions and husbands hitting their wives in hope to kill the foetus. It’s ether you're ok with violence and horrific torture of millions of people world wide or you're gonna let people have abortions when they need ones.

Hey heres an idea, instead of taking away a right to abortion from women, why don't you do what most feminists who aren't lazy do and try to get rid of the patriarchal idealistic surrounding gender based abortions. Thats actually useful and helps us get to equality, while being anti abortion stops that.

“Some abortions harm women!!!”

According the the NHS (the uk healthcare service) 1 in 1000 legal and medical abortions cause damage to the uterus in abortions carried out between 12-24 weeks. Most of these damages are mild infections that can be treated with antibiotics.

Id also like to remind you that illegal abortions cause wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy more damage to someones uterus than a safe and legal one. So your argument is kinda stupid. Like “some women are hurt by legal abortions so lets make it illegal and have EVERY woman be hurt but abortions! I'm fighting for women rights here guys trust me.” Birth is much more dangerous than abortion as well.

Also.... if you're talking about emotional harm...95% of people don't regret their abortion.

“Its against my religion”

Your religion applies to you, not others. NEXT.

“It doesn't say anywhere that I have to be pro choice to be a feminist”

I’m sorry do you have anything in that thick skull of yours?

feminismˈfɛmɪnɪz(ə)m/

noun

the advocacy of women's rights on the ground of the equality of the sexes.

Newsflash, you can’t advocate for equality when you see women as incubators. Also, yes you do see women as incubators. You think that if a person gets pregnant and doesn't want it or finds out that it is horrifically deformed or already dead that they should keep it and have it. You’re kidding me right? That is the most misogynistic and sexist thing I have ever heard and its is 100% what you're ok with.

Let me tell you what you're also ok with that is completely anti feminist:

1. Child abuse

I will get into that next

2. Back ally/coat hanger abortions

You're pro people getting hurt via illegal abortions. You're ok with people killing themselves via mass blood loss all because you're selfish enough ignore their desperation. Have you read the stories of illegal abortions before it was legal? They're horrific. You're no feminist if you're ok with pregnant people killing themselves because a right was taken away from them.

3. Rape

No one consents to rape. Its kinda like someone stabs someone else and you tell the person who was stabbed “Don't go to the hospital! You'll be fine! You can handle it.” No one should be forced to continue a pregnancy if they didn't consent to becoming pregnant. you're no feminist if you think people should suffer like that and drag their trauma out. You're punishing people for being raped. Thats worse than victim blaming. Sick.

4. Self harm

People throw themselves down the stairs, punch themselves and even starve themselves to kill the foetus. Why should they be subjected to that when they could have a safe one? You're evil if you think people should be hurt for accidentally getting themselves pregnant then you're no feminist.

5. Poverty

Do you know how much a child costs? $14,000 per year. If you're working a minimum wage job which pays $15,080 per year, thats not good news for you. The fact you’re fine with single mothers or fathers struggling to feed themselves all because of a mistake they made once is NOT ok in any way.

6. People loosing their right to education

You're ok with people missing valuable education time because they need to look after their child and/or give birth? Resulting in them severely denting their life which links to argument 5. ...You’re getting what i mean now right?

7. CHILDREN.BEING.TRAUMATISED.AND.HURT

A 12 year old being forced to have a child isn't ok sorry. There is no way you're in the right for saying they should. Their body isn't built to have a child yet so they're more likely to die or be in immense pain. The labour will be way way way longer than an adults. If you think a child should be put through that, what is wrong with you? You’re so evil I cannot muster and you're the exact opposite of a feminist.

8. The objectification of women

By forcing people to go through with pregnancies you're feeding the patriarchal idea that women are here to give birth to and look after children. You're saying that women are incubators and exist to be impregnated. You're saying that women are lesser than something that doesn't know it’s alive and that she is a slave to the person who got her pregnant and the thing inside her. Thats like so unfeminist its amazing. Thanks.

“Why can’t they just give it for adoption?”

The percentage of adopted children who are abuse is 25%. 25%!!!!! Children who are adopted are also more likely to have depression and commit suicide. In fact, if you're a foster child you're 4 times more likely to commit suicide than a child with a known birth parent. Gay parents are also allowed to be refused to adopt my some agencies, where are you yelling about that? Why are you telling people not to abort when you should be protesting this abuse and homophobia? You're telling me you'd rather see a child suffer and have their whole life messed up than just let a person have an abortion? You're sick.

“Im only ok with it if it’s rape”

So a person has to have their body violated for them to get the rights to it? Consent to sex is NOT consent to pregnancy. Condom effectiveness have gone down to 85%. Its kinda like saying that you're only ok with STD medication if it was due to rape. You can consent to sex but not being infected, so its not their fault. So thats the same with being pregnant.

“I think people should take responsibility for their actions”

Well, they are. Aborting the foetus is taking responsibility for their action. And its rather anti feminist of you to think people should be punished for life because of a mistake.

“Its my choice to be pro life and feminism gives you the right to chose what you believe”

That sentence was a direct contradiction to what you believe. Feminism gives you the right to choose yes but who are you to feel that you can take away that same right to choose to other women. Are you that entitled that you think your choice to be “pro life” is greater than other peoples right to a choice?

Your choice to be pro life is also not feminist at all. Kinda like me saying I'm pro lgbt but then kicking my child out if they're gay. People choose to be racist, people choose to be homophobes. Your choice is your choice yes but everyone has a right to tell you why that choice is wrong.

“But babies are cute!”

...okay...? First off, that shit isn’t a baby. It’s a cluster of cells or a foetus. Second, what does that matter? Something being cute doesn’t put it on some kinda pedestal. I like boa constrictors are cute, that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t shoot one in the face if it was trying to constrict my friend.

A thing being cute doesn’t make it more important. In fact it’s very ignorant of you to say that something being cute puts it above others.

You're not a feminist. Just say you hate people with uteruses and go

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geekns · 7 years

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womanly troubles that idek what to think about

I’m kind of freaking out. I am already an insomniac (especially during the summer). But every night for the past two months i have not only not able to fall asleep but i can feel my heartbeat in my lower abdomen. It’s driving me crazy, wakes me up if i do manage to fall asleep.

There were a couple of weeks where i was bloated and in constant pain and i read some stuff online that convinced me that i was pregnant and had an entrapped uterus. So i started hanging out inverted for as much time a day as i could stand it. Laying on a bed on my stomach with pillows under my hips or w/my knees bent under me in a kneeling position. Planks off a high bed with my hips in the air or even bracing on my forearms with my head down to the floor for five minutes at a stretch. It hurt horribly for the first two days (there was so much pressure down there and i was hypersensitive) but it gradually got better and i know my uterus went from retrograde to a normal position.

While my uterus was still retrograde i went to an urgent care clinic because i hadn’t even been able to sleep at all one night. The pain wasn’t horrific but it was constant. Taking Advil 24/7 did not help at all. They did some ultrasounds of my ovaries and found one tiny cyst. The ultrasound tech tells me that a burst cyst hurts for 3-4 days. I had already been in pain for longer than that and it was at its worst that day. The pregnancy test they gave me was negative and i don’t think they looked for a baby in the ultrasound.

I had to wait two weeks to see an OBGYN. Who basically treated me like “Why are you even here?” and denied that my pain was caused by my “insignificantly tiny” cyst. That day was the smallest amount of pain i had been in for 3-4 weeks, my bloating had finally gone down but i was still tender.

He did a test to rule out uterine cancer (which of course gave me more pain and new bleeding), told me i have PCOS without doing a single test to confirm (i was guessing this was the case but come on, please confirm this is my actual issue), and pushed me to go on birth control or, barring that, progesterone to get my periods to start. My mother got blood clots from birth control which means that i am at risk for same...and i'm not even sexually active. I'm technically still a virgin and have been intimate once in ten years. So i go on progesterone, to which he says doesn't work as well as BCP and that i'll probably have a horrific first period since i haven't had a normal period in two years and even when i still had a period it was only spotting.

So ~3 weeks later (had to get them to call the pharmacy more than once to even fill my script) i finally start my period (hallelujah!)...which is light-medium flow for a couple of days, light-spotting flow for a week thereafter. Normal length but still incredibly light and not at all horrific. Less cramping and clotting than usual in fact.

And this entire time i feel this gassy/butterfly flutter/tapping/heartrate issue taking up more and more of my lower abdomen and getting stronger/starting to feel like tapping. It started out like halfway between my pubic bone and my bellybutton felt like a harder ball of muscle to me and now it feels hard all the way up to my bellybutton from just above my pubic bone.

The fat on my lower stomach has spread out across my hips, my waist has widened at my waistline, i don't feel fatter but i feel like i lost what little hip i had, like my innards are taking up more space. If i wear a belt there's no hips left to support my shorts, all the pressure is on my lower stomach and it makes me more aware of everything that's going on down there. Pressure does not feel good, especially something like a belt buckle or waist button pressing into me by my belly button.

So i was intimate with my boyfriend once, no actual intercourse, and i do not want to have a baby w/him. My cervix position indicated i had just ovulated (which i didn't realize until after he pressured me into doing this). i've taken 9 negative tests over the past 3-4 months, two tests that were defective and the control line didn't even show up. There is no way i should be pregnant. But i have pregnancy symptoms that i didn't know were pregnancy symptoms until i looked them up to try to figure out wth is going on w/my body.

i am either pregnant or have an aortic aneurysm in my stomach or have the weirdest case of irritable bowl syndrom ever that should only be possible if i had some sort of stomach surgery like appendix removal/c-section/hysterectomy...all of which do not apply.

I don't know why the asshole doctor wasn't concerned about the constant pain i'd been in for a month straight, i finally found a Primary Care Provider and have no idea how long it will be before i can set up an appointment. Oh, and all summer i have had high blood pressure and been a low sodium diet and a month of blood pressure pills that seemed to make my fatigue and nausea worse and didn't really help my blood pressure.

The miracle is that despite my mystery illness and unemployment my spirits have been up and i have not been depressed since my pain improved. The problem is that while i'm not in constant pain anymore i am still too uncomfortable to sleep properly. I have now gotten to the point where i feel this tapping/heartbeat stuff nearly all day long.

#idek #personal #health issues #phantom pregnancy #aortic aneurysm #ibs #what?

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batnsons · 7 years

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PSA

So I felt like I need to put this out there. I’ve been too scared to voice my opinions lately, because I didn’t want to face the hate or lose the followers. But people like @autumnhobbit and @brooklynnbros have inspired me to finally stand up and say what I believe.

I’m a Christian. I’m a born-again, baptist, Child of God. I’ve talked about being a Christian a little in the past but I have new followers and wanted to reiterate this fact. I believe in one all-powerful God that created the universe. I believe in Jesus Christ, I believe he came to this earth as a man and died for my sins so I don’t have to. Does this mean I get to act however I want? Absolutely not. But we’re all sinners, no matter how hard we try. But because of Christ, we don’t have to suffer for our sins. I’ve placed my faith, my heart, and my life in God’s hands, and he has given me new life. I’m told by His Word to walk in His light, to follow His path, and to obey His commandments. And everyday I try, and everyday I fail in some area. But every day God picks me back up, sets me back on my feet, and gives me the strength to try again. Because of my faith, I have a comfort in knowing that everything in this world is fleeting, yet God is eternal and so is His grace and mercy for me. And even though everything in this life comes to an end, I have an eternal life with God waiting for me.

I’m also a conservative Republican. And I know on this site that horrifies people even more than me saying I’m a Christian does. But I’m not done yet.

I’m a woman, but I’m not a feminist. *cue horrified gasping*. If I was alive back when the feminism movement started, maybe I would’ve called myself a feminist. But what feminism is today is simply an excuse for women to be sexist towards men without repercussion, and a fancy name for women to call themselves because they wanna be able to do whatever they want and not face the repercussions. Honestly that’s all feminism has become. These women want to be able to do whatever they want, and then cite that they’re a “feminist” so no one can touch them. I’m sorry, but as a woman growing up in this society, I refuse to associate myself with women that honestly sometimes make me ashamed to even say I’m a woman.

I believe abortion is murder. Another reason I won’t call myself a feminist, because abortion is what it all stems down to. These women want to be able to “have fun” and “enjoy life” and then not be responsible for the consequences. Because “it’s my body!” Well, news flash, when a baby is growing in your uterus, IT’S!! NOT!! YOUR!! BODY!! It is a living, breathing human with a beating heart and hands and feet and skin and eyes and bones and muscles and nerves and a brain and it relies on you, it’s mother, to care for it and give it the nutrients and nourishment it needs as it grows into a beautiful child. I hope you all realize I’m actually shaking as I type this as I think of the millions and millions of children that never got to see their mother’s face, that never got to hear their voice, or see the sun, or live a life because they were brutally murdered before they could even be born. And yes it’s murder, see statement two sentences ago. And please do not give me the “what if it’s from rape” or “what if the mother can’t care for the child” crap. Excuse me? I’m going to address that second one first. If you can’t care for the child, WHY IS YOUR FIRST ANSWER TO KILL IT?!?! And if it’s from rape: look, I’m terribly sorry that happened, and that’s awful. But that’s still another human inside you. I’ve heard many stories about young girls that became pregnant after a situation like that that decided to keep their child, and now say it’s the best thing that happened to them. But my main answer for both arguments: A-DOP-TION. There are thousands and thousands of people that try and try and try to have children and can’t, and here all these women go, literally killing their babies because they don’t want them. Do you know how sick that makes me? I cry, every time I think about all those white crosses that signify not even all the babies aborted in this country. It’s horrific, and it’s disgusting, and it’s monstrous. “Ok but what if the birth of the baby would kill the mother?” This is a question that is a little more difficult to answer. Honestly, I don’t believe you should ever kill an unborn baby. Ever. But this is harder to answer black and white. You have two lives in the balance. Keeping the baby might or will kill the mother, but keeping the mother alive will kill the baby. I personally would never abort the child for the sake of the mother. I just wouldn’t. Because in one instance, you have someone dying from birth complications, and honestly there’s not a lot you can do. Or, you have someone dying because you physically made a conscious decision to end their life. To me it seems clear. But I know to others it doesn’t, and I can’t argue this as strongly as the previous instances.

This is what I believe, and I’m not ashamed of it. In posting this I feel like I’m lifting an enormous weight off my chest. I’ve been scrolling past tons of political posts, aching to state my beliefs but too cowardly to risk losing followers. But I refuse to cower anymore. I’ve been taught to stand up for what I believe in, unapologetically and unashamed. And that’s what I’m doing. If I lose followers, then I guess I never needed them in the first place. But hopefully most people will respect my right to state my beliefs. Also, if I get hate in my inbox for this, I am fully in my rights to never deign to reply to any hateful and hurtful comments. Thank you

#rey rambles #anti feminism #anti abortion #wow #this is a lot longer than I was expecting #it was terrifying to write this #but it feels so good to get it off my chest #bring on the hate people #about me

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shcrtiplier · 4 years

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Okay brace yourself for a long post, because I am very passionate when it comes to things that don’t set right with me. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I usually am very good at trying to control myself with stuff that irritates me and keep my mouth shut since my dad always says to leave it be because stressing about it will only make it worse on you. However, it just seems that I really need to get this off my chest so I can move on.

I’ve been conflicted with abortion skyrocketing the past 3 years but I always saw points on both sides of the stories, yet I never took a side because I believe in hearing people out and try to get a broader perspective in situations and learn from experience.

As many of y’all know, I have a son that is 3 years old and I love him to pieces. He has literally brightened my world and given me a reason to make my life better, not just for me anymore but for him most importantly.

In regards, most recently I had miscarriage back in November at 13 weeks pregnant. Miscarriage is common in 1 in 5 women. I happened to be that 1 woman.

But what I didn’t disclose about my miscarriage in my post back in November was that my baby’s heart stopped beating at 10 weeks but my body didn’t realize the baby had passed until 3 weeks later...

And I didn’t start bleeding until the 25th of November.

I don’t know how many of y’all have experience this same situation but it was a first for me.

My doctor said that it could take me another week to pass the fetus, but I had the two options of either surgery; (which posed several threats to my body and uterus, and could cause complications for future pregnancies) or the pill...yes it’s one you’re thinking of: the abortion pill.

I was stunned when she told me that option, but it was the safest for me and wouldn’t lead to complications for future pregnancies and no infections if you know how to take care of your genitals.

I chose the pill. As horrific as it sounds, and yes I went home and went through the roller coaster of emotions with my son and boyfriend at home with me. God forbid any having to experience what I went through that entire day by themselves without any emotional support because I know for a fact I probably wouldn’t be here today. I know it’s morbid to think that way but it’s true from a different perspective.

Anyhow, I didn’t sleep at all that night and besides the endless tears that were shed; I spent most of that time thinking while in my bathroom. Mostly of the pill. If I didn’t have the option of the pill (scratch out the surgery) to help quicken the pace of things and help my body push everything out - I would’ve had to spent another week (given this was the week of Thanksgiving, gearing up to tell my entire family that I was pregnant) with the thought of a dead fetus still inside me, no heartbeat, and unable to do anything other than to wait for things to take its course.

I don’t know anyone’s else story other than my own great grandmother who gave birth to a stillborn, but to have something like that in your conscious is very unnerving and almost quite frankly, to put it into better words - it feels like you committed murder. Like your body killed a life accidentally, but it sets in your soul and you don’t realize it until everything is gone and you stop bleeding.

That’s when everything came crashing down on me, I had a nervous meltdown the first day I came back to work at Brookshires. I didn’t even know what was happening, it felt so surreal like I was in a nightmare and everything was in slow motion.

However, I kept myself together (sort of) until a lady came to my register who I’ve met before, most recently when I was pregnant. I started with a shaky, ‘Hello, how are you?’

It was like I knew she was gonna asked but I didn’t know how to tell her, and then she did.

“How’s the baby?”

I froze, and ice went through my veins. I didn’t want to say it, well I couldn’t. I was so frozen in fear that I forgot how to speak. My heart was racing, and I forced out “The baby didn’t make it.”

That’s when it hit me. It all started crashing down on me. The baby is gone. I couldn’t help my own baby. Panic mode set in.

I tried desperately to gather what was left of my duties of costumer service with the lady and bid her farewell.

In reality, my world was crashing down on me. The feeling of helplessness, sorrow and excruciating pain in my soul. I was having my very first panic attack. I was shaking, my chest was tight and I couldn’t think clearly for one second. So I was sent home that day and was told to get a doctors note for my absence. For however long that will be.

When I went to the doctor, she said I have early signs of PTSD and social anxiety disorder. Again, stunned. How could that be? PTSD? For those of you that don’t know, it’s Post-Tramatic-Stress Disorder: a mental health condition that's triggered by a terrifying event — either experiencing it or witnessing it.

Guys, everything I had went through was enough for it to give me a mental health disorder, accident or not. It really put everything into perspective for me as a woman and what we’ve had to go through for centuries and so on.

Life happens. Whether we want it to or not. It’ll run it course, some have PG versions and others it’s a Rob Zombie movie on a good day.

My whole point to this long, quite gruesome post to the whole pro-life and pro abortion or whatever you call it. You all are trying to make women pick one side. When in some circumstances, you can only really choose the other side that no one wants to pick but it’s for the better. Whether you really wanted the pill or not, you can always choose. That’s your privilege as human being, to be able to choose. I know in other situations is different when the baby is still alive, and that’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about having different options when the circumstances are substantial to your situation.

Because if further into the future, we stopped having these options for women who are in my situation, especially the pill; I don’t know if I could’ve gone another week with a dead fetus inside me, let alone another woman who might have more severe depression and on the verge of a mental breakdown and could possibly take her life.

I digress. This is a vent post that’s been building up for years now, and I thought I’d get my thoughts out there even if falls upon deaf ears. More so for my wellbeing, to find closure. And again to reiterate, I’m still not on a side to this ongoing situation because I’m on this earth to learn from experience and be open to change.

Thank you for coming to my Ted talk, good day to you.

#ted talk #writing this lifted a huge weight off my shoulder #i just feel like everyone should know these experiences so we can all grow from it

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newzealandabortion · 7 years

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The Villainesse Abortion Series: One woman's story

Over the last few weeks we’ve been talking about pregnancy and abortion. We’ve published two Villainesse Guides: one (in two parts) that gives information about how to get an abortion and another on where to access support if you decide to keep a pregnancy.

We’ve had a huge response from our readers after publishing these guides. Articles like these can provide lots of practical information about the process, but we also realise that some of the most powerful tools in reducing the stigma around abortion are the stories real women have to tell.

Pregnancy is a fact of life. Sometimes a pregnancy comes at exactly the right time, and sometimes girls and women find themselves pregnant when they don’t want to be, when they’re not ready or when it just doesn’t feel right. Whatever the reason for seeking an abortion, girls and women deserve to be respected and supported in their decision.

As we’re all about starting ‘no filter’ conversations… we had a chat with one of our beautiful, brave and generous Villainesse community members. Every woman’s experience of termination is uniquely their own, as every woman’s body, level of pain tolerance and receptiveness to medication is different, and everyone processes the emotional side of the experience in their own individual way.

So with the hope of opening up the conversation, and working to end any shame or stigma that surrounds termination of pregnancy, here is one true abortion story:

Were you planning on getting pregnant?

Not in the slightest. We were in a loving relationship at the time but it was very new. Getting pregnant was actually the last goal I had at the time.

How did you feel when you realised you were pregnant?

Total shock, panic and slight stupidity. It was my partner who suspected it first. I was struggling to eat at a restaurant one night, and I also complained about being tired and irritable. I thought it was just a sensitive tummy. He leaned in and whispered, “you don’t think you could be pregnant do you?” I laughed and then my face dropped. After tests revealed that I was in fact 100 per cent pregnant, a huge rush of helplessness and confusion settled on me for days… I took us two to three days to figure out we should just go to a doctor.

Was termination always going to be your choice?

Nope, we tossed about all types of ideas. I had a horrific experience when I called a helpline (I can’t remember the number, but I want to warn others). I was told that the only options should be “keep it or adoption” – both good options but I was shamed for even asking about abortions with the exact words “we don’t deal with or advise on those practices sorry”. Perhaps I was being super sensitive, but I hung up instantly and cried. We came very close to deciding to go through with the pregnancy but I put my foot down once I didn’t get lots of hard pressure from my partner. He admitted that his opinion and position on such a large decision wasn’t as important as my wishes, as it’s my body, and he felt powerless in contrast.

Did you know how to go about getting an abortion?

I had no idea what I was doing, who to talk to and even how to go about starting the process. I didn’t even know there was a process. Once I surrendered myself to go to a doctor I was better educated. I even booked in with Family Planning just to get another opinion and wanting to know all the facts. That’s where my decision was really made and I started the planning process of termination. The Family Planning clinic was great as they were supportive and informative on every option. They did confront our contraception methods in the process since I admitted this wasn’t planned and was feeling a little bit dumb, but they did this kindly and gently, knowing this wasn’t the most amazing time for me.

Was the father part of the decision-making process to get an abortion?

Yes 100 per cent. I did wish he was a little more aggressive with his opinion and wishes during the decision-making stage but I think he was a bit relieved when the decision was made and put in place. The scans were a small challenge for us as a couple as it was an amazing thing to witness and we almost changed our minds.

Describe the process of arranging the first stage of termination. How did you find out where to go and what to do?

Family Planning made the paperwork and the actual process to get the ball rolling relatively stress-free. They know this is something you don’t do everyday so they take control a bit. What I didn’t like was the feeling of not being control of the situation and my body. It’s the one thing I would warn girls about – just prepare yourself before you walk into a clinic and say, “I want a termination”. The same day I said yes, I had 3-4 appointments instantly set for that day and the day after, so while feeling lousy and emotionally drained, I was made to pee a million times, draw blood and consume way too much water for an impromptu scan, and had someone hurry me into a smear.

I felt like I was being pushed, pulled and prodded. In that moment I learnt that you can’t just get a termination, there are so many tests and things that you have to do before they will even consider saying “yes you can have one”… and nobody really explains anything in great detail to make it feel like you are a person. After the first stage, I lost my cool and reminded a clinic staff member that I’m not a lab rat and I have feelings. I don’t know how people do this without support, but I’m warning those of you supporting women helping a friend or family member through a termination that you should be prepared to field all kinds of emotions. It might be an ugly day in your relationship.

Did you feel that you were supported in your decision to terminate by your medical consultant?

Yes, and I also liked that I wasn’t pressured to come up with decisions instantly. Right up to the day of the procedure he was just checking in on me, and how I was feeling, and how life was. It was a great way to make sure it was what I wanted without being biased. I felt very safe – safe in my decision and safe in the hands of his care.

Were you offered other options?

We were offered other options, which were welcomed and explored. One option that did come to light was my partner’s father decided what we were doing was wrong and told us to go full term, and he and his new wife would take the baby and raise it as theirs. I don’t know if it was the hormones but I set that idea on fire! The idea of having a baby then just giving it away would never be an option for me.

Do you feel that the medical community gave you enough counselling during the decision process?

I think I was fine as I had great support outside of the clinics, but if I were to do this alone then I think women need more in the area of counselling for the psychological side of the procedure and also to vent, as it’s so invasive! You need an outlet to feel heard.

How did you find the actual procedure?

My personal experience was horrible. I think I sat in a waiting room with 20-30 others scheduled for that day and we were almost herded like cows. I was called into a room with a nurse, first by myself and then I was offered to have my partner in there with me. She went through a series of questions and honestly explained what was about to happen to me. I was given a choice between a pill, or the surgical option of termination. As I was further along, she recommended surgical, as essentially the pill forces your body into a miscarriage and the risk of your body needing assistance surgically later can be high. She listed the drugs that they use and filled out my paperwork for the surgeon.

I was called into an examination room and told I could bring my partner. I was starting to feel scared so I made him come with me. The doctor went over the same stuff as the nurse, and checked my medical history. She also went over pain meds and contraception options for after the procedure.

I was then separated from my partner and led into a small room with about ten women from all walks of life. Two in particular looked to be coming down or still high. I felt scared and threatened. The surgeon came to meet us and addressed us as a group, making sure nobody had eaten and minimal water had been consumed. He was cold, very impersonal and somewhat insensitive (just what you want when someone’s about to dive up your vagina!) then we were told to sign a bunch of forms, and we were lead to a ward with a bunch of lazy-boy chairs.

I was given a gown and a giant maxi pad, then they settled me and started with all the drugs and drips. It was a sobering moment when they told me that the drug I was taking was the one that stops the body from producing the hormone to keep you pregnant. I knew then I was ending a life, which was a total guilt trip. Then they gave me drugs that really chilled me out. They let my partner in to sit with me, and I also had the option of having him with me when I went in for the actual procedure, but as I was told it would be quick and easy and New Zealand gives the most pain relief in the world (actually the words the nurse used), I told him to wait for me. I wish I’d asked him to come with me.

I was led down the hall to the surgery room and I lay out on a cold bed in all my glory waiting for the surgeon with the personality of an inanimate object. I had a support nurse who showed me how to use the gas and made sure my pain meds were in check with my drip. I think the procedure took about 5 minutes but it felt longer with being so out of it on meds. I’ll be honest – in my experience, it hurt. I felt a sharp pain way up, which I think was the numbing of the uterus, then there was a loud sounding machine and the surgeon telling me to stay still (I was trying). It felt like the worst period cramps or like the surgeon had his hand up there squeezing my insides really, really hard. I know I yelped and I know I cried a lot. The gas was stupid and did nothing but make my tongue numb. Then I was manoeuvred off the bed really quickly and ushered back to my lazy-boy. My partner was actually scared when I came back. He said I was white as a ghost.

After an hour or so I was given more meds, then I saw the exit doctor who was ready to send me home. But it turns out that one in 1000 people vomit from the meds, and I was that one person, so I had to wait longer to leave.

What happened over the first few weeks afterwards?

I’m happy to report my morning sickness left before I even left the clinic. I had some bleeding and cramping, but bounced back pretty quick. I hung out in bed for a day then I wanted to get up and get moving and I think this helped me. I started walking and doing light exercise, and the bleeding stopped before the first week was out.

One weird thing was I was moody for a few months after and I was told it was my hormones. Then I got this weird rash, and a friend who is an experienced nurse questioned if I had been pregnant. Apparently this rash was the result of my body being allergic to my own hormone levels!

Can you describe how you felt emotionally?

I was a bit sensitive but the decision sat 100 per cent perfectly with me so there weren’t any internal issues for me. But since the procedure, I have been the keeper of my body, and not having control of it has become a fear. I have more empathy with women going through this now.

How did your partner feel afterwards?

It has very much made us closer. He’s protective and agrees this was the best thing for us. Now we’re further down the track we are looking at our future. I’m ready to have kids, even if it’s a surprise, and so is my partner. We’re not trying but we wouldn’t hate it either.

How easy do you think it is to find out information about termination?

Pretty easy if you know where to originally look. Family Planning is such a win for the community and sexual health education.

Is it something you talk about with other women?

Yes and no. I have given my honest rundown of it to a few women struggling with similar situations. At the end of the day, it’s all down to what’s best for you, your body and life.

Author/Source: Jo Raj, Deputy Editor at Villainesse

#storiesweb #abortion #abortion new zealand #pro choice #feminism #feminist

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