as much as i love the vashwood trope of vash not understanding as ww secretly simps for him in spanish, vash is canonically a polygot and i propose to you:

ww uses spanish to call vash terms of endearment and practically confesses to him thinking vash has no clue

and while vash is a bit rusty in spanish and doesnt understand everything ww says, he does remember "i love you" and he almost chokes on his drink the first time he hears it - they both play it off and come out of it thinking the other one is oblivious but vash pays attention more whenever ww speaks spanish from then on

bonus angst: vash feels guilty about it, like hes violating ww's privacy (and he doesnt deserve it anyway) but he cant bring himself to tell ww because then the endearments would stop and he hasnt been at the recieving end of something so full of love and freely given in ages - he cant stand losing it

opinions on jaykyle ?

GASP. love love love. but disclaimer before i say anything,,, i have not read the one (1) comic they are in together, everything i know about them is completely Dashboard Osmosis xoxo

first of all. love the Disaster energy of jaykyle,,, both of them being like "i dont care! *proceeds to care a lot*" bc they Do Not Want to be interested in each other but alas. they are

i love the hc of neither of them realizing that they are into each other but donna knowing and being so fucking tired of them all the time. kyle goes "jason is soooo annoying 🙄 hes not even that hot. no one thinks hes hot. i dont know why anyone would think that hes hot. who would even be into him. everyone thinks hes sooooo cool and sexy and everyone wants to fuck him. not me though." while donna sits there like "sure, talk more about how much you don’t think or care about him 🙂"

meanwhile jason is actually chill about it. hes like "yeah kyle gets on my nerves but like in a hot way" while kyle is fuming in a corner. boyfriends <3

and hhhmmhhhsmshsmhhhm characters that pretend not to care about each other but then are super protective and would kill and die for each other??? oh my god i am crying. jason sees kyle in danger and he immediately runs in and tries to protect him despite the fact that kyle is a lot more powerful than him fjfjdjsmdn

but ohh my god. italicized oh moment for realizing they actually DO like each other??? fuck! both of them are fucking dumb and emotionally repressed so that they wouldnt even realize it until something major happens. like one of them is in danger and the other is Panicking and doesnt realize why theyre so worried until theyre like "hold on. hold on. i am in love. okay."

and LISTEN. both of them are scared of bringing people into their lives and caring for another person :(

after what happened to alex (🧊💔) kyle is wary of bringing people into his life because he is afraid that it will only end badly for them :( he doesnt want to see the people he cares about get hurt so he tries to keep Emotional Distance so nothing can happen

and jason has felt constantly hurt and left behind by the people that are supposed to care about him :( his dad left, his mom died (which obviously is not her fault bc she was an addict but from a 10-year-old jason's perspective it def gave him some abandonment issues from seeing his mothers dead body then needing to live on the streets), then sheila betrayed him, then he felt betrayed by bruce, then he felt left behind by his whole family. so that tends to affect a persons relationships

so both of them are extremely hesitant to be in a relationship, i feel like jason would be the one to end up making the first move but for a while they would both have a “one foot out the door” attitude but they would have to slowly accept that they trust each other and care about each other :(

because FUCK it’s about learning to accept that they can’t always be there when the person they care about is in danger! and overcoming insecurities about the danger of opening your life for another person!!! aaaaaah!!!!!!!!!

that’s all i’m going to say for now because i am going to go into cardiac arrest but i just…. care deeply about them. anyways while i’m talking about jaykyle i implore everyone to read violet tendencies by elixir because it’s my fav jaykyle fic and i think about it constantly

a doodle to succinctly illustrate ilex’s personality

(Lavender)

aww your tags are so nice 😊 Chiaki and Gundham and Sonia always live in my brain tent free actually so I will

- All these guys so emotionally constipated it’s ridiculous. Like OBVS Sonia has issues with her emotions as a princess and Gundham is repressed in all manner of weirdly specific ways but like. Can we talk about Chiaki a bit?? Girl is so bad at expressing feelings. If you just look at her sprite lineup, you can’t tell me she doesn’t try and project that Chill all the time on purpose yo. Get these guys some therapy.

- I think Sonia’s the type who names pets and such after fictional characters or celebrities, with like. The full names, first and last, honorifics and titles and all. Gundham ofc also named his hamsters after media he enjoys in some way but like. “Subtle”. In quotes. Can’t have people thinking he’s some kind of nerd lol. Chiaki’s the kind who names pets dumb things like Spatula or full movie/game titles. [Chiaki Voice] These are my beloved cats, Ace Attorney Investigations 2 Prosecutors Path and Cheese Grater.

- I know you don’t know dnd but listen. Sonia would play a Barbarian, Gundham would multiclass into like. 3 different spellcasters. And Chiaki would minmax whatever she plays but prefers artificer. Just trust me I’m a scientist.

- Gundham is the only one here who knows how to cook. He is maybe one of the best cooks in the cast is the thing. Like, top 5 at least, sdr2 has a lot of good cooks I think. He’s very attentive to others needs in general, his animals mostly ofc, but could rival Mahiru and Imposter for how good he is at taking care of others if he really dedicated himself to it. He’s born for that kind of thing really. Meanwhile Chiaki has a similar diet to me(bad) and forgets all her allergies as soon as she’s not dying from them, and Sonia can’t step foot in a kitchen without lighting something on fire.

- If we’re talkin specific relationship hcs, I’m generally in the Soniaki camp ofc romantically but also qpr Gundham/Sonia. They all love each other in different ways.

- In addition. Sonia is very much affectionate casually with everyone always. though it takes a sec for others to get used to it and she def has some troubles with boundaries. I definitely see her having issues with others asserting their boundaries in the first place for a bit. As a princess I don’t imagine many would’ve tried before Hopes Peak, and as much as she wishes it weren’t so she def needs to check her own ego and how she sees others on occasion, at the beginning at least.

- Chiaki does casual affection too but never initiates it unless she’s Real Sleepy. Real Tired Chiaki gets super clingy. She will drape herself over you at most and hold your hand forever at least.

- Gundham ain’t into it generally. Even further into friendships I just don’t see him as a touchy person and that’s fine, though it’s something to work through with his more affectionate classmates like Sonia and Ibuki. Hand Touching in any capacity is like Friendship 6th Base for Gundham if the free time events are any indication, though he’s definitely willing to give hugs if someone needs it. I imagine he runs cold generally, but in a comforting way. Like the cold side of a pillow

AHHEYYYYY I LOVE THEMMMM

oh these three are not great with emotions at all but i love to imagine them showing their affection in unique ways like,, sonia will let them borrow her favorite murder mystery novels, gundham will them feed his devas, and chiaki will let them win a round in a game just to see them smile aksjdhdhfj

AAAA omg i love them naming animals the dumbest things without a shred of irony akjsfgsj

awhh gundham cooking for chiaki and sonia is so cute (also i concur with the hc that chiaki and sonia cant cook for shit)

i love the way these three love each otherrr its so sweettt

sonia likes to link her arms with gumdham and chiaki when theyre strolling around the island <3 chiaki will unconsciously nuzzle her head into gundham or sonia's shoulder when she's falling asleep <33 and gundham with OCCASIONALLY gently place his hand on sonia or chiaki's shoulder when he's talking w them <3

★

alright i have to admit, this one is a toughie. so lets just dive into it

despite literally everything about dave as a person seeming like he'd be completely incompatible with someone like amanda, through dumb luck, bad jokes, and sheer force of will hes accidentally created one of the closest friendships hes ever had, and that alone is enough to wig him out of thinking about their relationship too much. but when he does, it usually breaks down like this:

talking to strange people on the internet seems to break good once in a while, since he definitely started talking to her out of boredom and curiosity. who is this y2k-era edgelord? why is she on tumblr? what's the deal with the pig thing? it was curiosity at first, a form of escapism from his increasingly upsetting life, that spiraled into something way more. turns out the funny edgelord is actually packing a huge tragic backstory, a good sense of humor, and an existentially horrifying circumstance with an elder god. that was enough to turn this from joke to real. and then when it got real, it got real in a hurry

so, dave is an incredibly emotionally repressed person, in the same way any person that thinks "vulnerability = getting your ass kicked" tends to be. there are people thatve known dave for years that know less about him than amanda has learned in a few months, and honestly? its entirely because shes 10x worse at emotions than he is. the easiest way for him to bond with someone is through banter and, by extension, him fucking with them, and seeing someone seem so avoidant of getting vulnerable like that meant that he felt pretty comfortable doing it for the bit. plus, there was something extremely relatable about it, since he also had to be "socialized" like this once he moved out of the system. sure, he isnt the best at taking his own advice, but he's heard all of this stuff from his friends. about trusting people, and understanding that not everyone wants to hurt you, and knowing how to put yourself out there. all of that stuff

the fact that it was mixed with jokes made it way easier for both of them, he figures, since thats really all he knows how to do when it comes to socializing anyway. the fact that she was receptive to him fucking with her in the first place was surprising, when she started doing it back it was downright delightful, and somehow it was much easier to transition from jokey banter to serious conversations. felt decently natural, honestly, and thats what weirds himself out the most about it. no matter how weird and different their circumstances are, theyre on a very similar wavelength with discussing and contextualizing their problems, which is to say that they either avoid it until it kills them or turns it into some dumb overwrought joke. and the tendency for them to call each other out on doing both of those things turned it into a system of mutual responsibility, instead of like, living with a therapist that psychoanalyzes you every morning.

eventually though, the whole amanda thing started getting him in his feelings in a way he didnt really know how to handle. heres someone with a way rougher life than him, screwed over by people over and over again, and he feels this deep existential dread realizing that an incredibly fun and pleasant person can be used like that! and hurt like that! and killed like that! honestly he can't even wrap his head around the idea of her being party to murder because he can't see her as anything but a horrifying sample case of "the universe is a shitty place that screws people over with forces outside their control," and he really doesn't know how to handle it. the addiction/self-destructive tendency thing really hits him in the sister issues, too, and he cant really figure out what to do to help, yet he still gets an overwhelming need to help. so he keeps up with the jokes and the bullshit and asks her to hang and tries to introduce her to shit that makes him happy in the hopes that itll make her happy

and it isnt entirely pity, and it isnt entirely charity, because he really does enjoy her company. shes like, his current closest friend (not counting rose), and all of the "helping" at some point became mutually beneficial in the sense that he has a friend that he can hang around with and enjoy life with through a new pair of eyes. one of his favorite things to do is to show her dumb shit that happened after she died, because she'll either hate it or love it, and both are great for him. its that sort of stuff that makes him feel, even if he'd never say it to her face, that hes actually extremely grateful that she got nabbed by an evil spider god. he doesnt know what he'd be doing without her and he has to imagine that her life is similarly improved by her cosmic murder jail.

so its a lot of good vibes, mixed with a decent amount of existential dread from her circumstances. the idea of an unstoppable deity being whats stopping your friend from just living in your apartment is one of those things that makes him want to tear his hair out, but it does feel pretty good to know that someone out there understands his current war against the cosmos and destiny and gods or whatever. and honestly? hes at the point where he feels like she gets him so much that hes worried about being too overwhelming. asking to hang out too much or getting too affectionate which are issues he almost never gets. so he gives her space and tries not to scare her off and instead does dumb shit like giving her house keys and becoming sworn brothers or whatever. hed pretty much die or kill for her and the fact that she refuses to ask him for anything makes him feel like a huge loser for even thinking that.

odfidk: 140818 - 1

ok so i really want to talk to a therapist but i wont be comfortable explaining my life story if theyre white. i just want help cus im always so tired but no one helps. ive been angry, fighting my whole life but no one cares. i came as an angry anxious baby. i was furious when i was adopted. i was screaming all the time,  abandoned multiple times just to be bought by these white foreigners i didnt even understand. but no one cared. no one knew how to handle my loss and pain, and my dad’s emotionally abusive as it is, making me grow up, feeling like theres smth wrong with me. that im just an annoying angry kid by default or smth, while my sister was the perfect one. thats why i always protected her. thats why i always stood up against his accusations,  guilt tripping and anger. because my little sister was too afraid and i was already labelled as the problematic kid. but im tired. she’s fkn 15. after all the things ive done for her the least she gan do is ask me how im feeling fromt time to time. my whole family knows ive been depressed for like 2 years and the only one who cares is my mom who just survived a 7 year old long ptsd. i hear from her that my sister appreciates it but i never get anything from her. i dont feel appreciated in this family at all. im still the angry annoying sjw and nothing i say will ever be taken seriously by our dad cus hes a master of making both me, my sister and mom (probably brothers too but they fkn abandoned us a long time ago those pussies, leaving 10 year old me to fend for me and lil sis all on my own while our parents were divorcing, mom was suicidal, dad abusive and economy crashing) feel like shit. their divorce was probably my first trigger factor. it took me 2,5 years, i was 4 the first time i dared to let go of my parents. first time they could leave me out of sight without me being ”annoying and screaming” aka having a fucking panic attack. their divorce was another abandonment, another trauma and i never learnt how to get over that either.

yesterday i was crying in the bathroom for 2 hours straight bc my family doesnt love me, i get out and no one cares. i literally told my dad he wouldnt care if i died yesterday and he didnt react. he fkn closed the balcony door bc he didnt want the neighbors to hear me ”so angry and upset”. i yelled at him that when i commit suicide its going to be his fault but hes so narcissist and dumb he doesnt understand. so i threw smth and destroyed smth and tHEN he reacted. i love having to use unhealthy techniques like suicide threats and murdering threats to get a reaction. i once did that and this ex friend threatened to report me to the police for murder threat. her mom even called my boyfriends mom to warn them of me but she didnt even call my mom??? she didnt care abt the fact that next to my ”i want to kill everyone. dream of murdering my family” i also wrote ”i want to kill myself”. dont remind me of this though. im not proud of it. i know its weong to manipuqlte like this but no one teached me how to deal with my feelings and avandonemnt issues in a healthy way. and so i’ve took after my dad and turned into this controlling emtoionally abuser, all bottled up, constantly angry and sad, guilt tripping and manipulating the people im supposed to love in fear of them abandoning me. and i will always hate the world for making me suffer like this. 

i just want to rest. im tired of always fighting for something as basic as love and safety. i never got over the loss of mom and culture and people. and i lost every sense of safety i had built up during my adoptive parents divorce and older brothers leaving. and im unhappy, im always unhappy because i miss my mom and culture and people so much. i feel misplaced and lost. the only thing keeping me alive being the thought of one day going back to china. the only thing keeping me alive is the thought of being able to actually help people with my experiences and knowledge, to help other international transracial adoptees or maybe fight for chinese womens rights or smth. thats the only thing. if my life turns out like.... nothing i’ve been suffering in vain. if im never going to be happy ive been suffering for nothing. ive tried so hard in my life but nothing works. im cursed. i really am cursed but not only do people leave me im also incapable of feeling other peoples love. i cant feel other peoples love because the only love i want is my mothers. my REAL mother, my ACTUAL mother, the chinese mother society loves to shame and make me forget because you all see her as a threat to my white parents claim over me.

the only difference between me and all those other ”normal” adoptees (aka my little sister) is that they’re whitewashed to death by their family, probably even more emotionally abused than i was and also they’ve repressed their feelings and trauma and I AM THE VERY REASON ADOPTEES DO THAT. ME AND ADOPTEES OVERREPRESENTATION IN SUICIDE STATISTICS ARE THE REASONS BECAUSE ITS GOING TO KILL YOU. my abortion and friend-break up was the last trigger before i exploded but believe me, it would have happened sooner or later anyways. my whole life has been a trigger. however many adoptees live their whole lives without ever waking up from this pretty little perfect sunshine story their parents and society had told them. there’s a reason so many adoptees are whitewashed to death and hates your disrespectful nosy questions. its a survival technique. we know that if we want to survive a life with our background conditions, then we have to repress our feelings concerning our adoption and everything associated with it. its not conciously, ITS A DEFENSE MECHANISM. and we get so much shit for it, which is understandable because many adoptees are fucking racist asshats. but you need to fucking understand that its because they’ve learnt to hate themselves and their own people. they’re TERRIFIED of being associated with immigrants and people of color because they know their white racist parents secretely hate them and actually secretely hate them too. all they want is love, they dont know anything else. it sucks to argue with a 40 year old adoptee of color though who’s still racist and whitewashed af, thats just sad and i would love to focus more on younger adoptees and help and support them through their ”awakening”. the awakening is much like learning about sexism or racism and how its ingrained in everything and practiced by your family and friends. just 100x worse cus you realize your family isnt even your family and you’re all alone in your thoughts, feelings, experiences and eventual search.

and adoptive parents and adoption organisations need to take fucking respnsobility for once without blaming everything on our traumatic past. you’re not ready to adopt non-white kids with trauma. you’re not educated enough and you placing us in all-white countries and neighborhoods, with problematic and abusive parents will not help. and im not speaking for myself, im speaking for ALL international transracial adoptees. im tired of hearing ”but your sister”, ”but my daughter is not”, ”my son doesnt care” WELL AS I SAID THEY DONT CARE BECAUSE YOU’VE NEVER GIVEN THEM THE CHANCE OR REASON TO CARE. IVE SACRIFICED MYSELF FOR MY SISTER. IVE FOUGHT OUR PARENTS, IVE TOLD THEM I HATE THEM, IVE DONE EVERYTHING I COULD TO TEST THEM, MY MOM WAS SUFFERING FROM PTSD AND I WAS THE MOST ANNOYING PROBLEMATIC KID EVER BECAUSE 1. I DIDNT KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH MY PAIN AND 2. TO SEE IF THEY WOULD FINALLY HAVE ENOUGH AND LEAVE ME. I DID THAT BECAUSE I COULDNT LIVE WITH THE CONSTANT FEAR OF ONE DAY HAVING THEM GROW TIRED OF ME AND ABANDON ME. I WANTED THEM TO BECAUSE THEIR DIVORCE WAS AVANDOBMENT ENOUGH. I DID THAT BECAUSE MY KIND LITTLE QUIET SISTER WOULD NEVER HAVE THE COURAGE TO. SHE WOULD NEVER DARE TO STAND UP AGAINST OUR DAD OR QUESTION THEIR BAD PARENTING AND UNDEDUCATION WHEN IT COMES TO RACISM/ADOPTION INDUSTRY BECAUSE SHES SCARED. SHE HATES CONFLICTS AND FIGHTS BECAUSE THOSE ARE THINGS THAT TRIGGERS HER. SHE GETS TRIGGERED BY FIGHTS AND I GET TEIGGERED WHEN PEOPLE IGNORE ME BECAUSE SHES AVOIDANT AND IM ATTACKING. I WANT TO FIGHT BC THATS HOW I FEEL PPL CARE. WHEN MY DAD WALKS OUT ON ME WHEN I TRY TO FIGHT OR SAY SOMETHING THATS MY BIGGEST TRIGGER. WHEN I FIGHT WITH MT BF AND HE DOESNT ANSWER MY TEXTS OR HE SUDDENLY HUNGS UP ON ME THATS THE BIGGEST TRIGGER. MY SISTER WOULD HUNG UP BC SHE WOULD FIND SOMEONE LIKE ME SCARY BUT WE ALL GET TRIGGERED BY DIFFERENT THINGS. WHAT WE HAVE IN COMMON THOUGH IS OUR TRUSMA AND OUR ABANDOMENT ISSUES. SHES ALSO AFRAID OF BEING ABANDONED, WE ALL FUCKING ARE, MANY OF US JUST DONT KNOW IT YET BECAUSE OUR PARENTS ARENT EQUIPPED TO HANDLE KIDS WITH TRAUMA. I KNOW BECAUSE I LOVE POLITICS AND SOCIAL JUSTICE SO I EDUCATED MY OWN GOD DAMN SELF. MY SISTER LOVES NATURAL SCIENCE SO SHE DOESNT KNOW A SHIT SHE DOESNT EVEN KNOW WHAT A BISEXUAL IS AND SHES FKN 15, SHES AWESOME AT NATURAL SHIT AND THATS IT. I KNOW BECAUSE IVE ACTIVELY SOUGHT INFORMATION ABOUT IT BUT NOT EVERYONE DOES. NO ONE HELPED ME. EVERYTHING IVE LEARNT AND EVERYTHING I KNOW IS THANKS TO MY OWN GOD DAMN SELF. ADOPTIVE PARENTS DONT KNOW SHIT ABOUT RACISM OR TRAUMAS. MY MOM UNDERSTANDS BECAUSE SHES A FUCKING PSYCHOLOGIST, BUT IF I DIDNT COME UP WITH THESE THEORIES ON MY OWN SHE NEVER WOULD. SHE TELLS ME NOW AT AGE 19 THAT ADOPTING ME, SEEING ME SCREAMING FOR DEAR LIFE AS I WAS HANDED OVER FELT WRONG. SHE FELT LIE SHE WAS TAKING ME, THAT IT WAS INHUMANE. AND NOW SHE KNEW WHY. BECAUSE IT WAS FUCKING WRONG AND INHUMANE. SHE WOULD NEVER HAVE COME TO THAT CONCLUSION IF I DIDNT PUSH HER WITH MY KNOWLEGE. IM THE ONE EDUCATING MY PARENTS AND ITS ONLY MY MOM LISTENING AND SINCE SHES WHITE AND NOT ADOPTED HERSELF SHES STILL ONLY ABLE TO UNDERSTAND LIKE 50% OF IT

i honestly dont get enough appreciation in this family. the only thinkers in this family is me, my mom and one of my brothers. but fuck him as i said, he abandoned us during their divorce and he’s been absent all my teenage years. we could have been close, he could have helped me bc he also suffered from depression. he gould have protected me like i proteced my little sister but he didnt. maybe it was the age gap or the fact that me and my sister are adopted while he and our other brother isnt, we’ll never know. all i know is that unlike my other brother and our dad he’s not completely unfamiliar with what racism, sexism and capitalism is. he’s not dumb and empty. he got a brain and he would be capable of understanding these things just like mom if he wanted to. but its been so many years, he’s fucking 28 and he betrayed me that bitch.

i really dont get enough appreciation. no one ever tells me they love me or appreciate my brain since im the only one analyzing shit. my mom does too but only personal and psycholgy shit never society or groups like oppression and structures and systems. im the only one doing that and im good at it. i always see patterns and i know my politics very well so i can easily see what kind of ideology people have. but i never get credit for it. im still just the lazy kid while my sister get cred for..... idk studying and working our and being didciplined. also ive been through mich more than anyone in this family. my mom and brother has also been through shit, i mean okay ALL OF them have because all people go through shit, but ive LEARNT things and they havent. they’ve repressed it or ignored it. only my mom and brother have also learnt but they never talk. my brother is avodiant like my sister. he never talks. hes quiet to himself and thinks. my mom talks but shes still a pussy